Speaker 1: I really really need to tell people to tune this
Speaker 1: noise out and live lives for themselves, because that's finally
Speaker 1: where a place of peace that I've come to and
Speaker 1: I've worked really hard for, and people are trying to
Speaker 1: take that piece away from me.
Speaker 2: There are no girls on the Internet.
Speaker 3: As a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative, I'm brigitad
Speaker 3: and this is there are no girls on the Internet.
Speaker 3: If you don't get married and have kids, you're going
Speaker 3: to wind up old, sad and alone, surrounded by nothing
Speaker 3: but cats. It sounds like an attitude right out of
Speaker 3: the nineteen fifties, right, But lately I've noticed an uptick
Speaker 3: in social media content pretty much telling young women that
Speaker 3: if you're not on your way to marriage and parenthood
Speaker 3: in your twenties, you're doing life wrong and you're going
Speaker 3: to regret it.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: Not only is this attitude completely heteronormative, but it's incredibly
Speaker 3: limiting in so many other ways too.
Speaker 2: The truth is, people live.
Speaker 3: All kinds of dynamic, full, interesting lives, with partners without partners,
Speaker 3: between partners with multiple partners, with kids without kids, and
Speaker 3: when the host of the Pretty Much Done podcast, Julia
Speaker 3: Maser took to TikTok to share a wholesome recap of
Speaker 3: her weekend as a single woman without kids. Right wing
Speaker 3: extremists viciously attacked her online for it, But Julia is
Speaker 3: not living her life for the Matt Walshes of the world.
Speaker 3: She's living her life for her.
Speaker 4: So.
Speaker 1: My name is Julia Maser. I am the host of
Speaker 1: pretty Much Done podcast.
Speaker 3: So first of all, I really have to start with
Speaker 3: just you. You know, you went through something that I thought
Speaker 3: was pretty intense.
Speaker 2: How are you doing?
Speaker 3: How have you been taking care of yourself in this
Speaker 3: time of intensity online?
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely a unique experience. Never experienced anything like it.
Speaker 1: I think the one thing that I would say that
Speaker 1: it lash for me is being bullied in like elementary
Speaker 1: and middle school for my weight. So it definitely brought
Speaker 1: up feelings of that bullying. I didn't know that we
Speaker 1: still do that at thirty, but apparently we do. I'm
Speaker 1: doing well all things considered. I feel really lucky that
Speaker 1: the past three years for me have been like years
Speaker 1: of you know, working on my self worth in therapy
Speaker 1: and figuring out who I am. And I feel like
Speaker 1: this happened at a place where I was able to
Speaker 1: handle it as best as I could ever handle it,
Speaker 1: so doing well all things considered.
Speaker 2: I am so thrilled to hear that.
Speaker 3: And that's such a good point that whenever I think
Speaker 3: about people who are you know, being harassed or facing like,
Speaker 3: you know, a torrent of negativity online, I you know,
Speaker 3: I'm I don't wish it on anybody. However, if it
Speaker 3: happened to somebody who hadn't done that self work, hadn't
Speaker 3: been a therapy, didn't feel so solid, didn't have a
Speaker 3: community of folks around them, didn't have all of those things,
Speaker 3: it might the story might be very different.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, totally.
Speaker 1: I almost felt like I'm like spiritual, So I almost
Speaker 1: felt like this happened to me for us single girls,
Speaker 1: like it had to be Julia who could tackle this,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I was able to and I like had
Speaker 1: this amazing support system around me, and then a support
Speaker 1: system rallied around me as a result. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: like I almost think like it had to be me
Speaker 1: who had done the work for so long.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy that you that you were in a
Speaker 3: place to do that work so that this didn't happen
Speaker 3: at a time and you didn't feel so solid, you know,
Speaker 3: I know that you're someone who really shares a lot
Speaker 3: of yourself digitally with the world through your amazing podcast
Speaker 3: pretty much done through social media. What drives you to
Speaker 3: do that? Like, like, why is that something that's part
Speaker 3: of how you show up to the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think some context into me and how I
Speaker 1: grew up would be helpful here. So I grew up
Speaker 1: in a Russian Jewish household, and growing up, a lot
Speaker 1: of the emphasis placed on me was get married, have kids,
Speaker 1: and you know, that's kind of the goal to try
Speaker 1: and achieve. And so for so long of my life,
Speaker 1: I found myself trying to achieve that goal, trying to
Speaker 1: date people in order to feel valued by not only
Speaker 1: like my cultural society, but like society in general. And
Speaker 1: I thought that that only existed in the Russian Jewish society,
Speaker 1: and I knew that there are other cultures who experience
Speaker 1: those same things. But now realizing the rhetoric that was
Speaker 1: kind of echoed through the online bullying that happens in
Speaker 1: society in general, like the emphasis was placed on women
Speaker 1: getting married and having kids, and so I found myself
Speaker 1: in kind of these like, you know, not so great relationships.
Speaker 1: They were kind of lackluster and feeling like unfulfilled and
Speaker 1: realizing that I was settling in order to appease other
Speaker 1: people and prove my value. And so I've really felt
Speaker 1: passionate about starting my podcast because I realized that the
Speaker 1: only way that we're going to feel fulfilled and find
Speaker 1: the right partner for ourselves is to feel fulfilled within
Speaker 1: ourselves and feel whole within ourselves. And so that's kind
Speaker 1: of what took me on my self love journey, my
Speaker 1: spirituality journey, my journey with therapy and self love. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to tell people about this
Speaker 1: because so many people around me are settling for these
Speaker 1: whatever relationships, because society is telling us that we need
Speaker 1: to get married and have kids before thirty. And if
Speaker 1: you're still single, you're a spinster at thirty and you
Speaker 1: love cats, and you know you're going to live with
Speaker 1: a bunch of cats. So I just really wanted people
Speaker 1: to feel like they were less alone with me sharing
Speaker 1: those same vulnerabilities.
Speaker 2: That's what really drives me.
Speaker 3: But that's why I love your podcast is that you
Speaker 3: know when I was single, I my story is very
Speaker 3: similar to yours. I really got caught up in relationships
Speaker 3: that looked good on paper or that like checked a box.
Speaker 3: And eventually I had just step back and realized that
Speaker 3: I was sort of terrified of being alone and that
Speaker 3: it didn't matter who I was with. If I wasn't
Speaker 3: kind of with myself right with myself, that nothing would
Speaker 3: ever really feel right. And so I had to go
Speaker 3: through a process of getting to know myself and being
Speaker 3: alone and being okay with that and really getting to
Speaker 3: know myself. And I just don't think that we are
Speaker 3: taught to do that. You know, nobody gets a big
Speaker 3: party or like a bunch of gifts for not marrying
Speaker 3: the wrong person or for like kicking ass at therapy
Speaker 3: or whatever.
Speaker 2: We get. We get big gifts for like getting engaged.
Speaker 3: Right, And so I just don't think we live in
Speaker 3: a culture that tells people that you're enough, and you know,
Speaker 3: the the milestones on that journey to getting to know
Speaker 3: who you are though, should be celebrated too, because those
Speaker 3: are really important.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I always remember like, if I had a plus one
Speaker 1: at a wedding, I felt like, oh, thank god, this
Speaker 1: like sigh of relief because I was you know, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to face the chorus of people being like
Speaker 1: you're next, or when are you gonna find someone? Or
Speaker 1: something like that, and so so I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1: And something that's been top of mind for me is
Speaker 1: that I'm getting called a spinster through these online trolls
Speaker 1: and these bullies, but a man at thirty is getting
Speaker 1: called a bachelor, Like why is that happening? So that's
Speaker 1: just something that's been crossing my mind.
Speaker 3: Oh, there are all kinds of like I would argue
Speaker 3: deeply gendered double standards about being single as a young person,
Speaker 3: Like there's nobody who sees a guy at his thirties
Speaker 3: making a If a guy at his thirties made a
Speaker 3: TikTok about his life as a single guy like going,
Speaker 3: I don't know whatever single guys do, you know, going
Speaker 3: to the big game, whatever, whatever, no one will be like,
Speaker 3: oh that's so depressing.
Speaker 2: He doesn't realize how empty his life is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. It's terrible.
Speaker 2: I said.
Speaker 1: Some of the people that came to my defense were
Speaker 1: making that point of they would be telling a guy
Speaker 1: at thirty, who is you know, going to play golf first,
Speaker 1: having a lazy saturday, like you rock, you go, And
Speaker 1: for me, it's like your eggs are sand and You're
Speaker 1: gonna live alone for.
Speaker 5: The rest of your life.
Speaker 3: Last month, Julia posted a video to TikTok just describing
Speaker 3: her weekend. This is how I spent my Saturday as
Speaker 3: a twenty nine year old single woman who doesn't have
Speaker 3: kids running around. She said she had gone out for
Speaker 3: a fun night seeing Beyonce the night before, and was
Speaker 3: describing spending a quiet, pleasant day catching up on sleep,
Speaker 3: watching her favorite shows, and trying out a new recipe.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I feel like I'm behind in life, but days
Speaker 3: like this make me appreciate my situation, she muses. So,
Speaker 3: when you posted that TikTok about your weekend, that sounded awesome.
Speaker 3: By the way, you had gone to Beyonce, you were
Speaker 3: sleeping in, you were making shakhshuka when you posted it.
Speaker 3: What did you think the reaction was going to be?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I like the intent behind posting it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll wake up in the mornings and you know, like,
Speaker 1: as a single girl, my sister, like sometimes I can't
Speaker 1: FaceTime her because at ten, she's at like soccer practice.
Speaker 1: She has two kids, so she's at like soccer practice
Speaker 1: and doing all these things. And sometimes I guilt myself
Speaker 1: by like Juliet, You're like, you're still in bed at
Speaker 1: nine thirty. You haven't gone out of bed yet. And
Speaker 1: I do this self inflicted guilt, and so what I
Speaker 1: wanted to tell people is like, listen, when you guilt
Speaker 1: yourself for not being where society wants you to be,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing with my day. I went
Speaker 1: to Beyonce last night, I dance, I was with friends.
Speaker 1: I'm going to make a new recipe schactuka, Like how
Speaker 1: lucky and privileged am I that I get to do
Speaker 1: that instead of the you know, self loathing talk of
Speaker 1: like why aren't you at soccer practice and why haven't
Speaker 1: you found your partner? So that was my intent and
Speaker 1: I just wanted to make people feel less alone in that.
Speaker 1: And at first I was getting a lot of positive
Speaker 1: feedback and people saying like, yes, thank you, I feel
Speaker 1: seen this. This is my weekend too. I am thirty
Speaker 1: and single and I feel seen by this.
Speaker 4: Let's take a quick break ed her back.
Speaker 3: Julia's TikTok was getting lots of love for just being
Speaker 3: a wholesome appreciation of her life as a single woman.
Speaker 3: That is until Matt Walsh reposted it to his over
Speaker 3: two million Twitter followers, saying that Julia was quote too
Speaker 3: stupid to realize how depressing this is. Chaia Reischik, creator
Speaker 3: of the LGBTQ hate and harassment account Libs of TikTok,
Speaker 3: joined in saying this video reeks of desperate cope. Enemy
Speaker 3: of the show Candice Owen said this is what future depression,
Speaker 3: Xanax and wine Combo Nights alone look like. But hey,
Speaker 3: the shak shuka. When Mark Cuban defended Julia, former Trump
Speaker 3: White House advisor Stephen Miller hit back, saying, people, listen
Speaker 3: to your advice. What would you say is a more
Speaker 3: fulfilling path for adults starting a family or sleeping late
Speaker 3: and watching TV?
Speaker 2: What advice would you give.
Speaker 3: To someone who suggests they wish to be childless they
Speaker 3: can stream more shows. Now, keep in mind, Julia never
Speaker 3: said any of this. How any of these people who
Speaker 3: don't even know her and have never spoken to her
Speaker 3: would have any idea what kind of life she has
Speaker 3: or wants for herself is beyond me. But Wash clearly
Speaker 3: unleashed something ugly, and the hate kept rolling in. People
Speaker 3: were even telling Julia that the only way that she
Speaker 3: would ever have kids is if she were sexually assaulted.
Speaker 3: In our current social media landscape, it could be anything
Speaker 3: that gets someone, especially someone from a traditionally marginalized background
Speaker 3: or identity, piled on online with hates, threats, and harassment.
Speaker 3: This is something I hear a lot from people who
Speaker 3: have gone through this kind of harassment that it's easy
Speaker 3: to think the targets must have done something to deserve it.
Speaker 3: But you really don't have to do anything wrong for
Speaker 3: somebody like Matt Walsh to decide to send two million
Speaker 3: people your way to pile on with hate.
Speaker 2: And that's exactly what happened to Julian.
Speaker 1: I can't like speak for these people on their mentality
Speaker 1: because I don't know what it was really that irked them,
Speaker 1: But I all I know is like I don't want
Speaker 1: to wallow and self pity because I have been that
Speaker 1: girl dating from that kind of like desperation of police
Speaker 1: come save me. And so if that if if they
Speaker 1: want me to be miserable, let me tell you, like
Speaker 1: that was a really miserable existence. So like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what they wanted from me and what riled them
Speaker 1: up so much. I almost think that they got riled
Speaker 1: up by Matt Walsh. Like I think that they were
Speaker 1: like he says that this is you know, she's stupid
Speaker 1: and depressed, so we're gonna go along with that. I
Speaker 1: almost think that that's what it took for them to
Speaker 1: be so angry.
Speaker 3: I feel like I saw the comments and the reaction
Speaker 3: to the video in real time go from like supportive,
Speaker 3: like thank you for making me feel so seen, thank
Speaker 3: you for reminding me to be gentle with myself and
Speaker 3: reminding me to be appreciative with my with like what
Speaker 3: I have to Matt Walsh and folks on Twitter posting
Speaker 3: about it, and then they're this being this like very
Speaker 3: clear shift. Did you see the same thing where like
Speaker 3: it was like it made it to the wrong side
Speaker 3: of the internet, and then the reaction completely changed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah for sure. So Saturday I posted it and
Speaker 1: then all of Saturday positivity great and it was a
Speaker 1: wonderful day. And then Sunday I woke up and people
Speaker 1: started to attack and it almost felt like this wave.
Speaker 1: I kind of tell people like it feels like a
Speaker 1: like five hundred people came into your house and started
Speaker 1: punching you.
Speaker 5: Like it was very scary.
Speaker 1: And someone commented saying, you know, like Matt Walsh posted
Speaker 1: this on his Twitter and I had seven thousand TikTok
Speaker 1: followers at the time. This man has two point four
Speaker 1: million followers on Twitter. So the playing field was vastly
Speaker 1: different and it was really really scary, And when it happened,
Speaker 1: I got scared and I deleted TikTok, like not my
Speaker 1: profile but just the app from my phone because I
Speaker 1: had never experienced anything like it. Feeling like a bunch
Speaker 1: of people are just like punching you over and over
Speaker 1: again and attacking you is really scary. And I kind
Speaker 1: of just went like dark, and I had plans with
Speaker 1: my cousin and a friend to go to the beach.
Speaker 1: We went to the beach. You know, I've done my
Speaker 1: like I know my rituals of now, like I meditate
Speaker 1: a journal, I like go places that make me happy.
Speaker 1: I was like trying to really hone in on those things.
Speaker 1: But it was really scary, and I was having friends
Speaker 1: texts who have Twitter I didn't have Twitter at the time,
Speaker 1: who have Twitter followings and are on Twitter and said like,
Speaker 1: don't stay off, don't look at the comments.
Speaker 5: Are you okay? And checking in?
Speaker 3: I am glad that you're somebody who has like a
Speaker 3: good support system and that people like billionaire Mark Cuban
Speaker 3: were sticking up for you. I'm glad that you are
Speaker 3: seem to be pretty in touch with having a practice
Speaker 3: of how to get back centered when you're going through
Speaker 3: something so tough and so.
Speaker 2: Scary, even though to be clear, you should.
Speaker 3: Not have to have like a toolkit to deal with
Speaker 3: that kind of completely unacceptable behavior from strangers online who
Speaker 3: attack you because they have been sent there by somebody
Speaker 3: like Matt Walsh with this huge, massive online platform that
Speaker 3: he is using to harass somebody who didn't do anything
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 1: I agree, I totally agree, And thank god I'm someone
Speaker 1: who had done the work, because there aren't a lot
Speaker 1: of people who even have access to doing the same
Speaker 1: works that I was able to do, and that you know,
Speaker 1: I handled it as best as I could with grace.
Speaker 1: I had this community, but I was still on my
Speaker 1: couch crying, like there are some really awful things that
Speaker 1: people had said there. There were talks about how like
Speaker 1: the only way I'd have a kid is if I
Speaker 1: was sexually assaulted by someone you know calling me that
Speaker 1: I said that I look forty.
Speaker 5: Now I'm like, do I need like filler?
Speaker 1: In under my eyes, Like I am kind of spiraling
Speaker 1: in certain ways, and it's really scary to see how
Speaker 1: hateful people can be on the internet. I don't know
Speaker 1: about you, but I've ever been someone who stops to
Speaker 1: say something mean to someone.
Speaker 5: I just I think.
Speaker 1: That that social media allows people the ability to act
Speaker 1: like these, that people aren't humans who put themselves out
Speaker 1: there and say like people are talking about me as
Speaker 1: if I'm not reading it, They're like, she looks like
Speaker 1: this or she's this, and I'm like, this is my
Speaker 1: profile that you're commenting on. I see this, and it's
Speaker 1: it's awful. It's it's really awful.
Speaker 3: I don't know if this is weird to say, Like
Speaker 3: the thing about people being like, oh, like she's this,
Speaker 3: she's that you have a like dope life, Like you
Speaker 3: seem like somebody who has a life that is very
Speaker 3: full of a lot of good things. You have the
Speaker 3: kind of life that people wish for, the kind of
Speaker 3: life that people like are manifesting for themselves. And it
Speaker 3: is truly watching people try to make you think that
Speaker 3: your life is worthless and has no value because you
Speaker 3: don't have a husband and don't have kids is truly
Speaker 3: the gymnastics involved, because it's like, yeah, you actually are
Speaker 3: out here living a pretty full, lovely life, and then
Speaker 3: people trying to like gaslight you into like questioning whether
Speaker 3: or not that's the case.
Speaker 2: But you know that your life feels good for you.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's like it's like, how has Matt washed somebody who's
Speaker 3: never even met you going to try to convince you
Speaker 3: that your life is less than when you this is
Speaker 3: a life that you've manifested for yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it almost makes me feel so much more
Speaker 1: certain of the message that I'm trying to have come
Speaker 1: across with my social media and on my podcast, because
Speaker 1: I'm like I spent you know, my twenties kind of
Speaker 1: telling people around me, like my parents, my grandparents, like
Speaker 1: I don't want to settle in relationships, and like I
Speaker 1: really want to figure myself out before I find that
Speaker 1: person and have that family. And then two point fourmally
Speaker 1: and people start attacking me, and I'm like, God, this
Speaker 1: so exists that I really really need to tell people
Speaker 1: to tune this noise out and live lives for themselves,
Speaker 1: because that's finally where a place of peace that I've
Speaker 1: come to and I've worked really hard for and people are.
Speaker 5: Trying to take that piece away from me.
Speaker 3: I have to say, like, just this idea that if
Speaker 3: you are in your twenties and you're not married and
Speaker 3: you don't have kids, that like you're so behind, that
Speaker 3: is so fucking crazy, Like I can't even like there's
Speaker 3: no other way to even really put it. Like when
Speaker 3: you're in your twenties, you're so young, you have so
Speaker 3: much of your life ahead of you, You have so
Speaker 3: much getting to know yourself and getting to know what
Speaker 3: you want, what you don't want, like do you want
Speaker 3: to be in a relationship, what kind of relationship do
Speaker 3: you want?
Speaker 2: Like had I.
Speaker 3: Gotten married when I was in my twenties, for sure,
Speaker 3: I would be divorced, no question about it, because I just.
Speaker 2: Didn't know who I was.
Speaker 3: I wasn't, I wasn't like I didn't know myself enough.
Speaker 3: And so I almost feel like we're pushing young people
Speaker 3: into this box. This is like, oh, well, you need
Speaker 3: to be married with kids because society says so, or
Speaker 3: Matt w Wash sayso, or whoever says so. Not because
Speaker 3: it's something that's going to be good for you or
Speaker 3: something that you want, or even gonna be something that
Speaker 3: endures because I don't know. I just think that coming
Speaker 3: to think, like, what's the rush to force people into
Speaker 3: this life that might not even be right for them yet.
Speaker 3: Candace Owen did an entire segment about Julia on the
Speaker 3: podcast Whatever. We actually talked about that specific podcast and
Speaker 3: our episode breaking down the network of Manosphere podcasts. Candace
Speaker 3: said that nobody should ever marry Julia because she's so
Speaker 3: selfish and doesn't do anything for her community. Never mind
Speaker 3: the fact that how would Candace Owen know what Julia
Speaker 3: does with and for her community from one ninety second
Speaker 3: TikTok about how she spent one weekend. But something about
Speaker 3: that word that Candace used, selfish really struck me. Why
Speaker 3: is Julia selfish because she happens to not have children
Speaker 3: and spent a weekend cooking and resting. Who do we
Speaker 3: deem selfish just for living their lives?
Speaker 1: Candace Owen started to speak about it, and she's posted
Speaker 1: about me a lot. She's started to call me selfish.
Speaker 1: She called me a selfish bitch. She's called me selfish
Speaker 1: for not having kids and not giving back to my community.
Speaker 1: She doesn't know what I do for my community. But
Speaker 1: she started to selfish. And what I think is selfish
Speaker 1: is like not knowing yourself and potentially having children at
Speaker 1: that point, so you can tell Matt Walsh that you're
Speaker 1: more valuable in society. I think that would be selfish.
Speaker 2: That's such a good point, and that like also selfish.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I really have a when you said that word, I
Speaker 3: really like, I almost a bristle, because I just think
Speaker 3: that we tell women that if you're living for yourself,
Speaker 3: if you are any kind of exploration is self exploration
Speaker 3: is like narcissistic or navel gazing. If you are living
Speaker 3: for yourself, centering yourself automatically, you are selfish.
Speaker 2: You're not like what you like. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I guess I feel like the existence of being a
Speaker 3: woman sometimes is this expectation that we will always be
Speaker 3: living for someone that is not ourselves, and if we
Speaker 3: live for ourselves, then we're automatically doing something wrong that
Speaker 3: is selfish.
Speaker 2: Do you ever feel that.
Speaker 5: Way all the time?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, Cannice Owns is calling me selfish, and
Speaker 1: all of our followers are every day for sure. I
Speaker 1: definitely think so. And I mean, listen, when you make
Speaker 1: the choice to have kids, I think that that you
Speaker 1: can no longer be as selfish. I'm not speaking from experience.
Speaker 1: I'm not a mom, but I would imagine logically you
Speaker 1: just can't be as selfish. But in this period of
Speaker 1: time where you don't have that, you don't have those
Speaker 1: same responsibilities of having kids or having a partner, what
Speaker 1: else would you do but focus on yourself? If you're
Speaker 1: I want tone in on the relationship with myself, love
Speaker 1: myself to a point where nobody can kind of take
Speaker 1: that away from me. What I don't know what else
Speaker 1: I should be doing. There are things that I enjoy doing,
Speaker 1: and I do give back to my community, I do
Speaker 1: spend time with my family, but I don't I want
Speaker 1: to prioritize myself as well.
Speaker 3: Well, that's the like, like most long term relationship you're
Speaker 3: gonna have in life is the one like you can't like.
Speaker 2: Like, who else would you be prioritizing?
Speaker 3: And I think that, Like, yeah, we just tell women
Speaker 3: that most your validation needs to come from someone externally, right,
Speaker 3: Like it can't come from within. And I think you're
Speaker 3: someone for whom I think that your validation is self validation,
Speaker 3: like it comes from within, And like Matt wash or
Speaker 3: candae Owen can't take that away, and I think that's
Speaker 3: part of what freaks them out, is that your when
Speaker 3: you have validation that is motivated from within, nobody can
Speaker 3: disturb that because it's something that you that you bring
Speaker 3: to yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm so like my therapist would be so
Speaker 1: proud because I've worked three years to get to that point.
Speaker 1: You know, I was someone who struggled with my weight
Speaker 1: growing up. At my heaviest weight, I was over two
Speaker 1: hundred pounds, and I needed so much constant validation from
Speaker 1: other people. I found myself dating to validate myself. So finally,
Speaker 1: I've worked so freaking hard to get to this point,
Speaker 1: and it was a hard journey, but like, loving yourself
Speaker 1: is so much easier than hating yourself. And you can't
Speaker 1: control how other people are going to react to you,
Speaker 1: and I learned in this process, says, but you can
Speaker 1: control how you react to yourself. That's the only person's
Speaker 1: you know, actions that you can control.
Speaker 3: Loving yourself is so much easier than hating yourself. There
Speaker 3: are so many times I have needed to hear that reminder,
Speaker 3: and I just really want to change the narrative around
Speaker 3: what we tell people especially young women, because it is
Speaker 3: a good thing to be gentle with yourself and love
Speaker 3: yourself and be curious about yourself. The relationship that you
Speaker 3: have with yourself should be one that is loving and complex,
Speaker 3: not one where you have your own bully as a
Speaker 3: running monologue in your head.
Speaker 2: I'm just really.
Speaker 3: Sick of this idea that we tell folks that hating
Speaker 3: yourself and putting yourself down by default is a normal
Speaker 3: part of being a woman, because it's not, and we
Speaker 3: should be getting our validation from within, you know, certainly
Speaker 3: not from strangers on the internet.
Speaker 1: No, I'm tired of it. I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but I'm tired of it. And I hope that all
Speaker 1: of us take our power back from having external influences
Speaker 1: influence the way that we see ourselves.
Speaker 2: Hell, yes, I'm so tired of it.
Speaker 3: More after a quick break, let's get right back into
Speaker 3: it completely. Anecdotally, I've seen a lot of social media
Speaker 3: content that seems geared towards scaring young people, especially women,
Speaker 3: into marriage and even beyond social media. Tim Scott, Republican
Speaker 3: senator from South Carolina who is currently running for president,
Speaker 3: just told a church full of people during a campaign
Speaker 3: stop that the best way to escape poverty was to
Speaker 3: get married and have kids.
Speaker 2: He's single with no kids.
Speaker 3: By the way, Julia hasn't seen that same wave of
Speaker 3: content aimed at scaring people into marriage that I've seen,
Speaker 3: but she says, you don't even really need to see
Speaker 3: it on social media specifically to see the ways that
Speaker 3: we're all immersed in that attitude. Have you noticed this
Speaker 3: uptick and content like that on social media.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting because I got this same question when
Speaker 1: I was doing the Rolling Stone interview, and I I haven't.
Speaker 1: Maybe my algorithm knows like she's she's endured enough in
Speaker 1: her life that we're gonna spare her from this content. However,
Speaker 1: I did just get berated in my comments, so I
Speaker 1: didn't see the content, but I did see the content
Speaker 1: via comment. I haven't personally, but you know, I grew
Speaker 1: up with it, so I have seen that. And like listen,
Speaker 1: we all grew up on Disney movies that said that
Speaker 1: if you find your prince charming.
Speaker 5: You will live happily.
Speaker 1: Ever after that content was ingrained in me, you know,
Speaker 1: early on. I haven't seen that content, but I'm sure
Speaker 1: it exists.
Speaker 3: And if it's how if it's like if you you
Speaker 3: don't need to see the content, if you like grew
Speaker 3: up immersed in it, you know, like it's everywhere, it's
Speaker 3: in all the media.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I also had kind of a traditional upbringing and the
Speaker 3: same kind of vibe of yeah, like this is this
Speaker 3: is the old this is the end of your chapter.
Speaker 2: Is getting married?
Speaker 3: Like how many of those Disney movies end with there's
Speaker 3: a wedding and happily ever after, and like that's the
Speaker 3: end of her story.
Speaker 2: Her story ends there when she gets the prince. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I talked about this with someone on my podcast. I
Speaker 1: was like, we need like a sequel of like what
Speaker 1: happened to her after?
Speaker 2: Like is she divorced?
Speaker 1: Is she an alcoholic? Like what's going on with the princess?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like she got divorced and then like started a
Speaker 3: business and now she's Yeah. It's like like that's not
Speaker 3: the end. But I grew up thinking that like, once
Speaker 3: you got married, that was it. And again, if you're
Speaker 3: telling young women who were in their twenties that they
Speaker 3: need to be getting married and that's the end of
Speaker 3: their story, there is so much left to be written
Speaker 3: in their story. And I don't want people to to
Speaker 3: think that like the end all be all is a marriage,
Speaker 3: because there's just so much more to life, you know,
Speaker 3: even if you don't get married, Like I don't know
Speaker 3: if I don't know if you want to be married
Speaker 3: or want to have kids, but like, even if you
Speaker 3: decide that's not for you, that doesn't mean that you
Speaker 3: don't get to have a life that is full of
Speaker 3: joy and experiences and like, yeah, there's just so many
Speaker 3: different ways to live life. I hate that we're selling
Speaker 3: this very narrow understanding of what makes a life to
Speaker 3: a generation of young women.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think like a message a through line of my podcast,
Speaker 1: and like a lot of my content is like you
Speaker 1: know what's right for you, It's in your gut. Like
Speaker 1: if you've ever been in a relationship that's not right
Speaker 1: for you, you know your gut like comes knocking and
Speaker 1: you're feeling anxious, or like you read your journal entries
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, that wasn't right for me, Or
Speaker 1: like if you're thinking about a move and you feel
Speaker 1: really passionate about that place you want to move to,
Speaker 1: your gut knows. So I think that we see so
Speaker 1: many of these archetypes of lives that we should be
Speaker 1: living but if you think about it, like fifteen years ago,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have assumed that we could be podcasters, right,
Speaker 1: but we realized that that's something that we're passionate about
Speaker 1: and we both have podcasts. Like, you really know what's
Speaker 1: right for you, and my through line is like, just
Speaker 1: drown out the noise and figure that out, and that's
Speaker 1: your journey to figure out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I oh, that's whatever younger people ask me for advice.
Speaker 2: That's it's some vers of that that I say.
Speaker 3: It's like, really try to hone in on is that
Speaker 3: you got to live your life for you, and your
Speaker 3: life's work is figuring out what that is. It's going
Speaker 3: to make you happy, not your parents, not society, not
Speaker 3: Matt fucking Walsh, of all people, like for you, because
Speaker 3: you're the one who has to live it right. Like
Speaker 3: I cannot tell you the laundry list of things I
Speaker 3: tried to make work for me because I wanted to
Speaker 3: impress my parents or make them proud. And it's like,
Speaker 3: I know they're going to be disappointed if I drop
Speaker 3: out of grad school, but like they're not the ones
Speaker 3: who have to be in the classes miserable day in
Speaker 3: and day out.
Speaker 2: That's me, so I'm like, what am I doing? You know, Like,
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 3: Do you have any advice for people who are want
Speaker 3: to like figure out what they want their life to
Speaker 3: be like and how they get to a life.
Speaker 2: That is a little bit more aligned with what they
Speaker 2: actually want?
Speaker 1: Yeah, this one is like a little bit more granular.
Speaker 1: But I this is my first advice that I tell
Speaker 1: people that is so accessible, and it's to start journaling
Speaker 1: because your subconscious knows all the truths and when you
Speaker 1: put it out pen to paper, it's telling you where
Speaker 1: you want to go and what you want to be.
Speaker 1: And like I think it's you know, whenever my friends
Speaker 1: tell me, like they want a career change, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, like what do you want to change it to?
Speaker 1: They're like, I don't know, And I'm like, write down
Speaker 1: what your perfect day looks like, like when you wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning, what are you doing? And if
Speaker 1: you spit it out pen to paper, usually you're gonna
Speaker 1: get there. And it almost the dreams like almost scare
Speaker 1: you so much, but let them scare you.
Speaker 2: Go do it. This is my favorite advice. You have
Speaker 2: no idea.
Speaker 3: People who listen to the show might not know how
Speaker 3: much into like woo woo manifesting spirituality.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 3: But I start every day with journaling, and you really
Speaker 3: you'll look back and be like, like what you want
Speaker 3: becomes clear, like it's in you, and then you see
Speaker 3: it on the page and you're like, oh, it's really
Speaker 3: clear to me that I don't like this or that
Speaker 3: I do want this.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's also helped me just be more like navigate the
Speaker 3: world with more confidence. Like if I if somebody, if
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what's that really so bad what that
Speaker 3: person said to me?
Speaker 2: I go back and read it, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I was correct.
Speaker 3: In my and the way that I felt like it
Speaker 3: almost is like it really allows you to just show
Speaker 3: up to your life with a lot more insight into
Speaker 3: what's going on with you. That is it's so powerful.
Speaker 3: So journaling, I think is a really really good tip.
Speaker 3: It doesn't cost any money. You can start it today,
Speaker 3: start it where you are, could just start you will
Speaker 3: you will definitely see a change.
Speaker 2: Like that's such a good good tip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And don't you love looking back at your old
Speaker 1: journal entries and like you're like, oh, I'm so confused
Speaker 1: about this and then you're like, oh, my God, what
Speaker 1: was I confused about? Or like, look how much I've improved,
Speaker 1: Like I love looking at it as a timeline of
Speaker 1: like you were worried about that, Wait until you see
Speaker 1: the new problems, Like I'm sure that you know two
Speaker 1: years ago me who was worried about like breaking up
Speaker 1: with her boyfriend would be like, wait, now you're worried
Speaker 1: about like Matt Walsh and Mark Cuban came to your defense.
Speaker 2: Why I know.
Speaker 3: I Julia a few years ago probably could not even
Speaker 3: imagine what Julia today in twenty twenty three is going
Speaker 3: through when dealing with like.
Speaker 2: Life is just so interesting. So for sure, something that I.
Speaker 3: Love about your work is how you really do a
Speaker 3: good job of celebrating kind of like where you are
Speaker 3: and what your life is like.
Speaker 2: And I think that is so important.
Speaker 3: I think it is important for especially single women to
Speaker 3: make content that really takes away that stigma that's like
Speaker 3: you're meant to be surrounded by cats, even though I'm
Speaker 3: surrounded by cats by choice, but like really just like
Speaker 3: appreciating your life. And so one of my favorite things
Speaker 3: when I was single was having a ton of time
Speaker 3: to myself to pour into my creative work, like I
Speaker 3: was never more you know, creative, and never more accomplished,
Speaker 3: and like all of that, I just had so much
Speaker 3: time to focus toward my own projects. So that was
Speaker 3: something I loved being about single. What is your favorite
Speaker 3: part of your life as a single girl.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that you can do with your time
Speaker 1: what you want to do. And I think it's like
Speaker 1: similar to what you're saying, you know, usually when you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship. I was just in a long distance
Speaker 1: relationship not too long ago. I kind of had to
Speaker 1: consider our schedules and figure that out. Now it's like,
Speaker 1: my schedule is mine and so if I want to,
Speaker 1: I don't know, go to like pick up and I'm
Speaker 1: moving to Austin next month. If I want to pick
Speaker 1: up and move to Austin, I can do that because really,
Speaker 1: like this is the time where I'm able to take
Speaker 1: risks and I don't have those same attachments and I
Speaker 1: can grow as a person. I love single dumb for
Speaker 1: that reason, Like you grow the most in a as
Speaker 1: a single person then in a relationship. I've found, and
Speaker 1: so I really enjoy getting to do what I want
Speaker 1: with my time and make time for the things that
Speaker 1: are important to me and spend time with the people
Speaker 1: who are important to me and really like hone in
Speaker 1: on those relationships.
Speaker 3: I feel like you can appreciate your relationships differently. I
Speaker 3: have my brother just had his first child, So I'm.
Speaker 2: An auntie, thank you.
Speaker 3: But I feel like if I had children, I would
Speaker 3: be a less good aunt to my niece. Right, Like,
Speaker 3: because I don't have kids, I can like drop everything
Speaker 3: and go see her. Right because I don't have kids.
Speaker 3: When I see her, it is not just like I'm
Speaker 3: exhausted from raising my own kids. Like I almost feel
Speaker 3: like it allows for me to be appreciate what the
Speaker 3: other people who are in my life in a different way.
Speaker 3: And so that's something else that's like I find kind
Speaker 3: of nice about, you know, not having children.
Speaker 1: I agree. I know I'm an aunt as well, and
Speaker 1: it's the best. I mean, I my sister won't enjoy this,
Speaker 1: but I say, like, is it best because like I
Speaker 1: can just like give the hard parts. It's like my
Speaker 1: sister takes it on, but I get to do all
Speaker 1: the fun stuff.
Speaker 3: So I read an interesting piece in The National Review,
Speaker 3: which is a pretty conservative outlet, about how what happened
Speaker 3: to you really made conservatives and like extremist folks look
Speaker 3: bad because it was just gang up on somebody who
Speaker 3: didn't do anything wrong. They do sort of imply in
Speaker 3: the piece that like it sounds like Julia knows that
Speaker 3: being single with no kids is not ideal, which obviously
Speaker 3: I do not agree with. But do you think the
Speaker 3: tide is sort of turning on this kind of you know,
Speaker 3: harassment and like ganging up on people that people are
Speaker 3: going to realize that like this is not a way
Speaker 3: to one just change hearts and minds, if that's what
Speaker 3: you're trying to do, but to just not a good
Speaker 3: way to relate to the world. That if somebody isn't
Speaker 3: bothering you, they're just living their life. Ganging up on them,
Speaker 3: especially when you have lots and lots of followers, is
Speaker 3: not a good way.
Speaker 5: To live, I hope.
Speaker 1: So, but I saw this video that someone made. He
Speaker 1: was like a right wing political guy, and he said, listen, like,
Speaker 1: if you if the right is trying to get people
Speaker 1: to come to our side and we're trying to get
Speaker 1: younger voters to come to our side, this is not.
Speaker 5: The way to do it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, totally, Like he was like
Speaker 1: berating her and calling her stupid and depressed is like
Speaker 1: not the way we're going to get voters to turn
Speaker 1: to turn to the right. And so I realized, like
Speaker 1: throughout this whole ordeal, how divided both sides are. And
Speaker 1: I think that just like what I learned is listen,
Speaker 1: I know I'm putting myself on the Internet. I understand
Speaker 1: what comes with it. You get, you get mean comments,
Speaker 1: but the hate and like vitriol that was like happening
Speaker 1: saying I should be sexually assaulted, like you know, threatening
Speaker 1: me like that, I can't. I can't understand. I I
Speaker 1: just will never understand it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I I I am with you one
Speaker 3: hundred percent about that. Like, like even if you were
Speaker 3: someone who was like making like trollish videos, hateful videos,
Speaker 3: which obviously you weren't, I would still say, like, well,
Speaker 3: you don't need to like threatening someone and bringing up,
Speaker 3: you know, sexual assault. That's there's never there's like, that's
Speaker 3: never okay, there's never. There's never a reason for that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, like if if truly somebody thought that you
Speaker 3: were really making a like grave mistake with your life
Speaker 3: or something like that, the way to get you to
Speaker 3: reconsider would not be to call you stupid would not
Speaker 3: be to gang up and you would not be to
Speaker 3: be so horrible, and so yeah, all of that is
Speaker 3: to say, like, I think your situation really shows how
Speaker 3: intense and how like insidiary conversations online have gotten that
Speaker 3: someone can just wake up and be like, oh, enjoying
Speaker 3: my lovely day, and that the reaction can be so
Speaker 3: intensely hateful. Thanks to the way social media platforms like
Speaker 3: Twitter are currently run, Matt Walsh potentially made a lot
Speaker 3: of money from calling Julia stupid and depressed. And it's
Speaker 3: far from the first time that Matt and people like
Speaker 3: him have done this.
Speaker 2: They do it to trans and queer.
Speaker 3: Youth, a lot people who might not have the same
Speaker 3: kind of support system that Julia has. Do we really
Speaker 3: want a social media landscape where people are incentivized to
Speaker 3: engage in this kind of pointless cruelty because it makes
Speaker 3: them money.
Speaker 1: I think something that's interesting that I don't know that
Speaker 1: Matt Walsh's followers are fully aware of, but like my
Speaker 1: tweek got thirty million impressions, Matt's getting a payout on
Speaker 1: X So, like, I understand that this has become the
Speaker 1: way that he, you know, makes his income. I can't
Speaker 1: relate to tearing people down as making your income, but
Speaker 1: like you guys are only filling his pockets. And like
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, when you're threatening me
Speaker 1: with sexual assault.
Speaker 5: Like what are you doing it for?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is what is your you know, kind of impetus
Speaker 1: for doing this.
Speaker 2: That's such a good point.
Speaker 3: And I think with Matt Walsh, I worry that the
Speaker 3: way that social media algorithms work is that it's going
Speaker 3: to incentivize other people to be like, well, who else
Speaker 3: can I find who's just like mining their business and
Speaker 3: living their lives? Who I can you know, target to
Speaker 3: make money? Like I firmly believe that like these people
Speaker 3: are grifters who are lining their pockets through spreading harm
Speaker 3: to others. I see why they do it. I don't
Speaker 3: really get why other people like help them and pilon,
Speaker 3: I don't know what they're getting out of it. But
Speaker 3: yeah's that's such a good point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it was like two days later that Emily
Speaker 1: Radikowski was his new victim, who is like beautiful and
Speaker 1: wonderful and like well spoken. I'm like he knows he
Speaker 1: placed his audience.
Speaker 2: I mean it almost sounds like he just really hates women.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's really what it comes down to, Like
Speaker 2: who's gonna be my.
Speaker 3: Next like pretty woman to take down a peg for
Speaker 3: no reason?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he also hates trans people. He really like he's
Speaker 1: it's it's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it makes me sad that we have amplified people
Speaker 3: who their whole thing is hate, Like just who do
Speaker 3: you hate?
Speaker 2: Who's you know?
Speaker 3: And I guess it's so funny because you said, like
Speaker 3: I can't relate to somebody who makes money this way because.
Speaker 2: You have a real job.
Speaker 3: You are someone who has like a good career and
Speaker 3: like good creative projects. It's like, that's what I'm saying,
Speaker 3: is like you're you're You're you're fine, You're like living
Speaker 3: your best life. And the kind of person who behaves
Speaker 3: in this way, obviously this person is not happy. If
Speaker 3: I if I had to choose whose life, I'd rather
Speaker 3: have somebody who went to Beyonce and then made shock
Speaker 3: shuka and had a great day or somebody who spent
Speaker 3: their day brated a stranger.
Speaker 2: I think it's clear which one I'd rather choose.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you if you're ever in La or if
Speaker 1: you're in Austin, will make shak chuku together.
Speaker 2: How was the shak shuka?
Speaker 1: It was delicious, it was amazing. I fully enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: But honestly, it's been hard to eat shak schuka since
Speaker 1: I can't lie.
Speaker 2: Oh, I it's funny, I was. This is such an aside.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: If you're watching the new Real Housewives. One of the women, Aaron,
Speaker 3: she made shak shuka and I was like, oh, shak
Speaker 3: shuka kind of had it on the brain.
Speaker 5: That's why it was on my brain too.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I said in the video that I was
Speaker 1: gonna watch Real Housewives of New York And that's what
Speaker 1: Matt said that I was stupid that my life revolves
Speaker 1: around celebrities and pop stars.
Speaker 3: Also, it could be argued that his life revolves around
Speaker 3: pop stars and celebrities because he brings them up every
Speaker 3: goddamn day. You're just like watching the show. He's creating
Speaker 3: entire campaigns around celebrities and pop stars. So whose life
Speaker 3: really revolves around it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't know where can.
Speaker 3: Folks hear the podcast? It's one of my favorite podcasts.
Speaker 3: If you're not listening to it, you should be. But
Speaker 3: for folks who are not listening, where can they find
Speaker 3: it tell us about it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much, Bridget. I'm so glad you listened.
Speaker 1: So my podcast pretty Much Done is everywhere. Podcasts can
Speaker 1: be found Spotify, Apple, Stitcher, on social, I'm pmd pod
Speaker 1: on TikTok and Instagram. My personal account is jayama Z
Speaker 1: you are, and I'm post content there as well, So
Speaker 1: check it out.
Speaker 3: Got a story about an interesting thing in tech, or
Speaker 3: just want to say hi? You can reach us at
Speaker 3: Hello at tangodi dot com. You can also find transcripts
Speaker 3: for today's episode at tengodi dot com. There Are No
Speaker 3: Girls on the Internet was created by me bridget Toad.
Speaker 3: It's a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed creative Jonathan Strickland
Speaker 3: as our executive producer. Tari Harrison is our producer and
Speaker 3: sound engineer. Michael Almato is our contributing producer. I'm your host,
Speaker 3: bridget Toad. If you want to help us grow, rate
Speaker 3: and review.
Speaker 2: Us on Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 3: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, check out the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.