WEBVTT - Getting The HONEST Truth From Brian Austin Green

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, I Do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kathy

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<v Speaker 1>Schwartz and one of our newest mentors here on the pod,

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<v Speaker 1>Brian Austin Green and a new friend to me. So

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<v Speaker 1>glad to have met you. And we're here in beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>solving together.

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<v Speaker 2>This is unbelievable. This is really it's hot outside, but

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<v Speaker 2>it is gorgeous.

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<v Speaker 1>It's gorgeous. Right, yeah, I was about a new friendship.

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<v Speaker 1>How about our new friendship?

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<v Speaker 2>What if I was saying before and then you cut

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<v Speaker 2>me off and you told me to shut up? What

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<v Speaker 2>a great day today has been. It's been so incredible

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<v Speaker 2>spending time with you, getting to know you.

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<v Speaker 1>Doing this here. You're gonna make me cry now, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>well yeah, soak those up, so soak those up, those chairs, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>Brian cheers. One of the best things about you joining

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<v Speaker 1>the I Do Part two crew is that you get

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<v Speaker 1>to really bring our listeners inside the mind of a man,

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<v Speaker 1>and I, for one, absolutely love this. So today I'm

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<v Speaker 1>putting you on the spot here. I loved your podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to grill you on some things, Okay, but

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<v Speaker 1>you go, You're gonna give me your brutally honest answer.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all.

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<v Speaker 2>I know.

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<v Speaker 1>There's nothing like preform or prefab.

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<v Speaker 2>About okay, because you know I'm going to know the

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<v Speaker 2>questions before you get okay, well I.

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<v Speaker 1>Didn't share them with you, but we're going to go

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<v Speaker 1>right into this, and these are like rapid fire.

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<v Speaker 2>Just help me out. Okay, I don't I'm not rapid,

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<v Speaker 2>Just so you just say.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what I heard? Okay? Do men find these

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<v Speaker 1>things attractive or a turn off? If a woman does

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<v Speaker 1>them quickly change at tire? Turn off or attractive?

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<v Speaker 2>Unnecessary? It's it's fine, It's fine. How about double text care?

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<v Speaker 2>How about double texting? Oh yeah, you're you're pressuring somebody

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<v Speaker 2>to respond.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, when I text you and don't answer and I

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<v Speaker 1>text you again, how are you going to feel about that?

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<v Speaker 2>I will erase our conversation completely and I'll get a

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<v Speaker 2>divorce ring made that day, just so you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think I slipt through the marriage. But okay,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, hanging a curtain rod, you find it attractive

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<v Speaker 1>or awesome if I hang the chart and rod?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I like somebody that that just sort of gets in,

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<v Speaker 2>whether they know how to do it or not, and

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<v Speaker 2>just does it and at least tries it.

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<v Speaker 1>Love it having an Instagram or TikTok for their dog

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<v Speaker 1>or my case cat, you have one for your cat? No,

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<v Speaker 1>but I have two cats. Okay, but you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>an Instagram for your cat. Well I did, but just

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<v Speaker 1>for about ten seconds. Divorce ring here it comes. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I was so in love with you.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I think that is ridiculous to have an

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<v Speaker 2>Instagram or a social media page four your.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually agree with you. I agree with you. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>bench press? Now you know I lift weights. Bench pressing

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<v Speaker 1>their body weight attractive or a turn off depends on

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<v Speaker 1>what they're doing it for.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, let me start over. I bench press. Wait, what

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<v Speaker 2>do you do it for? Do you do it for

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<v Speaker 2>fitness or do you do it for the way you

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<v Speaker 2>are seen by other people?

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<v Speaker 1>Fitness?

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<v Speaker 2>Totally fitness, totally fitness. Then that's awesome. If you can

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<v Speaker 2>binge press your own weight.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, thank you, I'll continue it. How about this one

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<v Speaker 1>wearing makeup to the gym?

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<v Speaker 2>Uh? It doesn't And I answer this one sure stupidest

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<v Speaker 2>thing ever. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like you're gonna sweat, Like the idea is that

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to go there and you're going to work out.

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<v Speaker 2>I you're not wearing makeup for anybody for yourself. You're

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<v Speaker 2>wearing it for everybody else. That's right, and you shouldn't

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<v Speaker 2>give it. And you're there to work out, so leave

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<v Speaker 2>the making. I think you're going for the wrong reason.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the same way I feel when I go to

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<v Speaker 2>like a hike and there's somebody walking in nice shoes.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, what are you doing? Well, that's just stupid,

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<v Speaker 1>that's super problems with your ankles.

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<v Speaker 2>It's asking for like multiple trips to the shoe store

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<v Speaker 2>to buy new shoes.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree, total one. I have Miking boots. I

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<v Speaker 1>wear mine. Okay, talking about this one blows my mind.

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<v Speaker 1>Talking about astrology and taking it seriously and like, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know what sign you are? What sign are you cancer?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a What do you think I am? A Taurus?

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<v Speaker 1>I am? Because you just almost said it, Oh damn.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, but I'm just gonna psychic and your psychic.

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<v Speaker 1>So do you think it's attractive or turn off the

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<v Speaker 1>woman sitting there talking about her astrology sign? I think.

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<v Speaker 2>Again, I think it depends. I it's I don't I

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<v Speaker 2>don't generalize those answers. I think astrology is fun if

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<v Speaker 2>it's part of somebody, if it's your.

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<v Speaker 1>Only thing, that cancer or always well.

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<v Speaker 2>That and then like all they want to do is

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<v Speaker 2>sit and talk about astrology. You're like, can we talk

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<v Speaker 2>about like in the moon of the seventh Sun? I'm

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<v Speaker 2>over at Yeah, totally. I don't care what you're like

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<v Speaker 2>your rising sign is it's too much.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't care. Okay, this one turn off or attractive

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<v Speaker 1>to drink beer if a woman drinks a beer, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't even we can't even do this one, Like, who

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<v Speaker 1>cares if you want to drink drink? Okay? Pick up lines?

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<v Speaker 1>A woman's got some pickup lines. I got some good

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<v Speaker 1>pickup lines. Is it attractive if I come up to

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<v Speaker 1>you and say hi, Joe? Oh wait and you go

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<v Speaker 1>on money, it's not joannacho. Oh, I have a friend

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<v Speaker 1>that looks just like you was saying Joe. By the way,

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<v Speaker 1>what's your name? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>That's so cheesy. Yeah, that's I'm not a fan of

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<v Speaker 2>pickup lines. You that was that was nice. I'm and

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<v Speaker 2>you've never used that one before. This is the first

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<v Speaker 2>first time I actually stole it from someone else, and

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<v Speaker 2>I would never do it so it's a it's a

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<v Speaker 2>six shooter.

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<v Speaker 1>I would.

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<v Speaker 2>You were here on a ranch, so I figured I

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<v Speaker 2>would tie it all in together. Yeah, I don't to

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<v Speaker 2>me pick up lines like you're starting off the wrong way.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. On the other hand, the hell are you supposed

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<v Speaker 1>to meet somebody? If you you got to say something? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you walk up and you say hello, and you say

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<v Speaker 1>your name, and you ask what their name is, and

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<v Speaker 1>then you start a conversation and you see if you

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<v Speaker 1>guys have anything in common. That's the way. Don't that's

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<v Speaker 1>way too all right? All right? What about wearing at

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<v Speaker 1>leisure wear when not working now, which is how I live?

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<v Speaker 2>So be careful what you said. Yeah, I don't. I

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<v Speaker 2>look at me like I'm not. I just got my first,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, country cowboy hat today.

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<v Speaker 1>First, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I wear leisure comfortable stuff all the time. The only

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<v Speaker 2>time I don't. But when there's a dress code.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, But what about a woman. Do you want a

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<v Speaker 1>woman in an evening gown as a measure?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I know, I want somebody to be comfortable. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to be able to enjoy our day.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, all right, I like it.

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<v Speaker 2>All right.

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<v Speaker 1>Now we're going to move into some questioner. Well, these

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<v Speaker 1>are tougher, but they're specific for me because I am single.

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<v Speaker 1>I was married for many many moons and my husband

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<v Speaker 1>passed away, and so I'm in the dating market. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not engaged like you are. But you know, if there

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<v Speaker 1>is a god this time next year, I'll be right there.

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<v Speaker 2>If there is a god, he's got you on the

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<v Speaker 2>path that you're supposed to be.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually agree with.

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<v Speaker 2>That, and you will meet someone and you'll be in

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<v Speaker 2>something if and when you're supposed to be. But if

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<v Speaker 2>you're searching for it, you could sidetrack yourself from what

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<v Speaker 2>path you're actually supposed to be on.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely agree with you. You're such a wise man. I

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<v Speaker 1>actually agree with you. Okay. So I'm of a certain

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<v Speaker 1>age and I am very fit, and I love to

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<v Speaker 1>work out and I have a lot of energy. So

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<v Speaker 1>I tend to look to date guys younger. So how

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<v Speaker 1>should I dress, because you know, do I want to

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<v Speaker 1>look my age or I want to look younger? You know, sexy,

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<v Speaker 1>short skirt? How do I look sexy? But also, and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't even like the word sexy. How do I

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<v Speaker 1>look that I'm interested and I'm approachable, but also appropriate

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<v Speaker 1>approachable but appropriate. I could have give me these questions earlier,

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<v Speaker 1>but you told me not to.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, you know, I think, I think honestly, you

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<v Speaker 2>should dress the way you dress like it is. It's

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<v Speaker 2>it again. It's going to depend on what it is

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<v Speaker 2>you're doing. If you're meeting somebody for the first time,

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to a nice restaurant, you're going to have dinner,

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<v Speaker 2>you dress appropriately for that, but you still dress the

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<v Speaker 2>way you would dress. Don't dress pretending to be somebody

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<v Speaker 2>else or something else, because I think you're setting yourself

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<v Speaker 2>up for disappointment and failure. You are creating a version

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<v Speaker 2>of yourself that doesn't actually exist. So you're only going

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<v Speaker 2>to be able to maintain that for so long.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So mostly you're telling me to dress how I

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<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable. So this means to wear with cowboy boots.

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<v Speaker 1>It means how you would normally dress. Again appropriate to

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<v Speaker 1>the situation. All right, what are younger men attracted to? Like?

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<v Speaker 1>How do I make myself attractive to younger men? Another

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<v Speaker 1>way of saying it, Oh my god, Well, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>you have to decide what you are really looking for

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<v Speaker 1>and if you want to be attracting younger men or not.

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<v Speaker 2>The reality is the younger men tend to be much

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<v Speaker 2>more immature than women do.

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<v Speaker 1>That's true. But here's the thing men my age, you

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<v Speaker 1>know I talk about on my podcast. They're used to guys.

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<v Speaker 1>They used to ski, they used to ride bicycles, they

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<v Speaker 1>used to golf. You were saying that, I said, And

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<v Speaker 1>now they sit on the sofa with the beer and

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and and a big gut and watch, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>watch the march madness. I mean, it's like finding guys

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<v Speaker 1>who share the same energy that I have.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, I think being one hundred percent true to

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<v Speaker 2>your energy is the best thing that you can do. Again,

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<v Speaker 2>because you're going to be you daily. So you can

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<v Speaker 2>show up trying to pretend to be something else, but

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<v Speaker 2>that's not going to last long and you're gonna end

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<v Speaker 2>up going from a relationship to relationship trying to you

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<v Speaker 2>fit some sort of a mold that you don't that

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<v Speaker 2>isn't you. Yeah, And you want to find somebody to

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<v Speaker 2>share your life with, yes, And I also want somebody

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<v Speaker 2>who accepts me for me. Yes, Okay this you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I have a lot of questions to you, so this one, no.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna keep pummeling you. Yeah, but I do.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you are why I mean this truthfully, I

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<v Speaker 1>think you're a smart guy with a lot you have

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<v Speaker 1>sage advice, So I'm going to continue on here. There's

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<v Speaker 1>no surprise to you even though we just met. I

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<v Speaker 1>do have a strong personality, no two ways about it.

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<v Speaker 1>You do. But I also have a soft side. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>the thing about me. You have to get to know

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<v Speaker 1>me before I'm going to show you my soft side.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's just why I'm built. I can't change who

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<v Speaker 1>I am. How do I not intimidate men so that

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<v Speaker 1>they're willing to get to know me.

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<v Speaker 2>I think if you represent yourself in a way where

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<v Speaker 2>you make it obvious that you're closed off to really

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<v Speaker 2>connecting with someone, then it becomes intimidating for people to

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<v Speaker 2>be around you because they feel like, what's it going

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<v Speaker 2>to take for me to like get past the hard

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<v Speaker 2>candy fell and get to the guy center?

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<v Speaker 1>You know?

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<v Speaker 2>I think you need to. I think there's a certain

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<v Speaker 2>point where you maybe just in being honest in a

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<v Speaker 2>situation and going listen, I am not someone that opens

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<v Speaker 2>up right away. Then somebody knows that, so then they

0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:32.760
<v Speaker 2>don't take it personal that you're not opening up. Yeah,

0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:35.040
<v Speaker 2>but I think if you don't say that and you

0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.560
<v Speaker 2>just are, you have these walls up and you you're

0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:42.160
<v Speaker 2>a bit distant, people start taking it personally because that's

0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:45.520
<v Speaker 2>we're human beings, and that's that's kind of the first

0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.360
<v Speaker 2>place we go to. It's like, oh, they must not

0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 2>like me because they don't want to talk about anything

0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:50.640
<v Speaker 2>beyond this.

0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:57.080
<v Speaker 1>So so I often men have said to me, Wow, Cathy,

0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:01.360
<v Speaker 1>you're beautiful, you're smart, but damn you're a lot and

0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:04.400
<v Speaker 1>I and that hurts my feelings, and so I'll say

0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:10.520
<v Speaker 1>something like I'll say something like I'm I'm too much.

0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:12.360
<v Speaker 1>They'll say you're too much, and I'll say I'm too

0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.320
<v Speaker 1>much or maybe you're just not enough because to me,

0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:17.640
<v Speaker 1>if they can't do.

0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.120
<v Speaker 2>You say that though as like a defense mechanism to

0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:22.320
<v Speaker 2>feel better for yourself.

0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.760
<v Speaker 1>Well, probably because I'm irritated that they don't want to

0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:27.480
<v Speaker 1>take the time or don't have the ability or whatever

0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:30.240
<v Speaker 1>it is, especially if I'm attracted. So you take it

0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:32.679
<v Speaker 1>as an insult right away when you Yeah, I think

0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.680
<v Speaker 1>I do, but it's mostly because come on, you're you're

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.960
<v Speaker 1>not you, Brian. But a guy that I meet that

0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm interested in. Come on, you're a smart guy. Surely

0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.120
<v Speaker 1>you see that there's more to me that I can

0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.440
<v Speaker 1>have a vulnerable side. Are you just are you not

0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:50.040
<v Speaker 1>willing to do the work? Like I don't want to

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.480
<v Speaker 1>say that, but it's like you got to put some

0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.920
<v Speaker 1>energy into this. What because I'm not a sweet, bless

0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:59.960
<v Speaker 1>your little soul kind of girl. But are you are?

0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Are you not as a defense mechanism or are you not?

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:09.839
<v Speaker 2>Because you just honestly aren't.

0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:09.120
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying?

0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:14.160
<v Speaker 2>No, Like, is it something that you have built in

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:18.720
<v Speaker 2>a lifetime of disappointments and things where you're like, I'm

0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.720
<v Speaker 2>not going to share and connect right away.

0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.840
<v Speaker 1>Instead, I'm going to put this for no I can

0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.880
<v Speaker 1>I can tell you honestly, for me, and I've just

0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:33.960
<v Speaker 1>actually put this together recently for me to put myself

0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:38.800
<v Speaker 1>out there and be really be vulnerable and really tell

0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 1>someone that I want them in my life. I'm afraid

0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.679
<v Speaker 1>of being abandoned again. And you know, my husband died

0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.360
<v Speaker 1>by suicide and to me, call it whatever you want,

0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 1>it feels like you know he left me. I wasn't

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:55.880
<v Speaker 1>good enough. There was a reason he left, right, even

0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:57.640
<v Speaker 1>though it's not my fault. I know that, so I

0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:59.959
<v Speaker 1>don't want to be left again. So it's it's you're now,

0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.160
<v Speaker 1>you're right. It's sort of a defense mechanism. I'm not

0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:05.640
<v Speaker 1>going to put a lot of energy into this because

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't want you leaving me. If I decide I

0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.000
<v Speaker 1>want you, and then down the road you say, hey,

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.520
<v Speaker 1>you know what do you want? I mean, what kind

0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:14.720
<v Speaker 1>of a relationship do you want? Are you looking just

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.120
<v Speaker 1>to date? No, I'm looking for a permanent I'm looking

0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.800
<v Speaker 1>this is I do Part two. I'm looking for my

0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:25.240
<v Speaker 1>part two. I say it many times, this is the

0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:28.600
<v Speaker 1>last great chapter of my life. I want it to

0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.080
<v Speaker 1>be the best chapter. I want it to be the

0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:33.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, the longest it can be, but I want

0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.600
<v Speaker 1>it to be the best and greatest chapter of my life,

0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.280
<v Speaker 1>notwithstanding the great marriage I had with my husband and

0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:43.360
<v Speaker 1>my three kids. I want to I look to the future.

0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.560
<v Speaker 1>I try to look in the rearview mirror. So you know,

0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:47.880
<v Speaker 1>that's kind of what I'm after.

0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.560
<v Speaker 2>I think though, So it's interesting that you said that

0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:52.440
<v Speaker 2>that you look to the future instead.

0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:53.040
<v Speaker 1>Of in the rearview mirror.

0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.480
<v Speaker 2>But a lot of your actions are looking in the

0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:57.080
<v Speaker 2>rear view mirror.

0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh, man, this is tough.

0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Why do you say, because you have these red flags

0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.680
<v Speaker 2>and these things where you're like, Okay, I got to

0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:09.680
<v Speaker 2>make them prove too much. I've experienced this before, so

0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:11.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to make sure that this hurdle is cleared

0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.840
<v Speaker 2>before I jump in. But then when you look back,

0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:17.480
<v Speaker 2>or to me at least, when I look back on

0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:21.840
<v Speaker 2>my life and I think of my best relationships, my

0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.240
<v Speaker 2>best relationship up until the one I'm in now, because

0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:27.760
<v Speaker 2>this one we went into in a new way, which

0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:32.760
<v Speaker 2>was incredibly refreshing, was my first because I went in wholeheartedly.

0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:36.520
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have any of the red flags. I loved

0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.000
<v Speaker 2>her and I was in it, and I had never

0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.840
<v Speaker 2>had my heart broken before and I never had no

0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:46.600
<v Speaker 2>That was my first real relationship. Was the first time

0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.000
<v Speaker 2>I really went into something and went, Okay, I'm like,

0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:52.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do a relationship. But I think that you

0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:56.360
<v Speaker 2>have to sort of go into all of the relationships

0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 2>in that fresh way. You have to be willing to

0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 2>possibly get hurt, to be loved fully, and to be

0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:08.760
<v Speaker 2>in it fully and really really appreciate it and have it.

0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:13.200
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's the hardest things in life, can be

0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.200
<v Speaker 2>the most painful sometimes, but you have to be willing to.

0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.600
<v Speaker 1>So you're saying the risk is worth the reward, or

0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:23.480
<v Speaker 1>can be. It can be Absolutely, that's great about it.

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean I feel like I it's not easy. It's

0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:27.040
<v Speaker 1>not easy, and you're right.

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:29.640
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I you think the road less traveled is

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:31.920
<v Speaker 2>called the road less traveled for a reason because it's

0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:33.080
<v Speaker 2>the harder road to take.

0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:35.760
<v Speaker 1>Damn, how did you get to be so smart? I

0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.480
<v Speaker 1>year's a failure. Yeah, well, you know, I'm not afraid

0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.320
<v Speaker 1>to fail at this point in my life. I don't

0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:46.960
<v Speaker 1>think I'm afraid to fail. I think I'm afraid. I

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 1>think I'm afraid to be accepted for who I am.

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 1>Not afraid that it can't that that's going to be

0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:55.080
<v Speaker 1>really hard because I'm not your typical woman. I know that,

0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:58.359
<v Speaker 1>and that's why, that's why all the that's the genesis

0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:02.239
<v Speaker 1>of all these questions. I think I didn't I was special.

0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm just different from a lot of my single friends.

0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:08.639
<v Speaker 1>But you are. But don't say that you're not special. Like, no,

0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying I'm not. I'm not. You know, it's a

0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:15.520
<v Speaker 1>loaded term. I'm saying I know who I am. I've

0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:17.879
<v Speaker 1>done a lot of therapy. I am so clear about

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.160
<v Speaker 1>who I am and what I want. But I think

0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.240
<v Speaker 1>sometimes that gets lost in the translation.

0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, and I'm sure a lot of times too, that

0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:29.880
<v Speaker 2>will sort of cloud situations where you meet with somebody

0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:33.720
<v Speaker 2>because you're so set on I am not going to

0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:35.800
<v Speaker 2>be who I don't want to be and this is

0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.119
<v Speaker 2>about me now and I'm going to you know, this

0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.840
<v Speaker 2>is my power and I'm going to take and you

0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:44.760
<v Speaker 2>can almost It's like putting a big log on a

0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:45.399
<v Speaker 2>tiny fire.

0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Wow, you know. I mean, I should be paying for

0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:54.000
<v Speaker 1>this therapy session, right, but I charge so much money.

0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:55.199
<v Speaker 1>I'm worth it. I'm worth it.

0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.679
<v Speaker 2>But I think it's I think it's really important to

0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:02.680
<v Speaker 2>identify what you really want.

0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:04.320
<v Speaker 1>I know exactly what.

0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:11.000
<v Speaker 2>It's a real honest, loving relationship. You need to be

0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:13.359
<v Speaker 2>willing to put yourself out for it. You need to

0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:15.920
<v Speaker 2>be willing to take risks for it, and you need

0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.919
<v Speaker 2>to be willing to listen. I'm just heartedly jump in

0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.120
<v Speaker 2>and go Okay, like this could hurt at the end,

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:24.760
<v Speaker 2>but this could be amazing.

0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.360
<v Speaker 1>But I'm also to remember I was married very young.

0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:31.119
<v Speaker 1>I was twenty, so I'm just learning now. I mean,

0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.960
<v Speaker 1>I've got a bunch of other questions that sound so

0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>inane given what we're talking about. No, but, but, but

0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.320
<v Speaker 1>and yet and yet there are questions that are real

0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:46.760
<v Speaker 1>ways to approach the whole idea of dating, if that

0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 1>makes sense. And so like, I'm not going to a bar.

0:18:51.400 --> 0:18:53.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I go to lots of bars. I get it.

0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:55.560
<v Speaker 1>I totally get it. I go to lots of bars.

0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:59.560
<v Speaker 1>But to meet a guy. I hate dating apps. I

0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:05.439
<v Speaker 1>don't want them. You know, I've met a few guys that.

0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:08.800
<v Speaker 1>But but to meet the kind of guy I want

0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:11.480
<v Speaker 1>my it's not the same that you want to share

0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:13.320
<v Speaker 1>your life that you want it's not the same as

0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:15.760
<v Speaker 1>a So when I think about, you know, do I

0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.720
<v Speaker 1>want to go into a bar and say, hey, Brian,

0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:20.800
<v Speaker 1>can I buy you? Know, what's your name, whatever it is,

0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:23.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, can I buy you a drink? Like? I'm

0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:25.720
<v Speaker 1>not that kind of and I'm not. I'm from New England.

0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:28.919
<v Speaker 1>I'm a Boston girl. I'm a Yankee girl, which means

0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:32.000
<v Speaker 1>I say what I think, I mean what I say,

0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:34.960
<v Speaker 1>and I come off. Some people will tell me I'm rude.

0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:38.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm just direct. I don't play games, so you can

0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:40.919
<v Speaker 1>see that doesn't know what's play well, so walking up

0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:42.919
<v Speaker 1>to some guy and say, hey, you know it's your

0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:45.840
<v Speaker 1>name Joe or whatever, like that's really playing games to me.

0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.400
<v Speaker 1>And so I want your opinion. How do I How

0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:53.960
<v Speaker 1>do I tweak that? How do I I? So it's

0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:57.320
<v Speaker 1>funny that you said that, because I've had this conversation

0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:01.239
<v Speaker 1>with people before. I'm from Los Angeles and I've had

0:20:01.240 --> 0:20:04.119
<v Speaker 1>a conversation with people before about Oh, I love New

0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:06.560
<v Speaker 1>York because they're just they're honest there and they just

0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:09.439
<v Speaker 1>tell it like it is. And I always have that

0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:13.160
<v Speaker 1>question comes into my mind of are they being honest

0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:19.480
<v Speaker 1>or are they just being rude to because it's easier

0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:20.000
<v Speaker 1>for them.

0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:22.560
<v Speaker 2>It's easier to just be kind of blunt and whatever

0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:24.880
<v Speaker 2>and act like you don't care what anybody.

0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:27.520
<v Speaker 1>But I don't think I'm ever rude. I take it.

0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:31.320
<v Speaker 1>I am. I try to always be kind of people,

0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:33.680
<v Speaker 1>and that's not if you say, what do you think?

0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:37.719
<v Speaker 1>Or I'm joking I'm a joke. But I don't tolerate rudeness.

0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:41.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm I would never describe myself as right.

0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:46.199
<v Speaker 2>I agree like I don't tolerate rudeness either. I I

0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:51.080
<v Speaker 2>work really hard, I live consciously every day to make

0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:55.679
<v Speaker 2>sure that I am kind to everybody that I'm around,

0:20:55.800 --> 0:20:57.360
<v Speaker 2>even if I'm having a bad day.

0:20:57.480 --> 0:20:59.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, me too, because you don't know what kind of

0:20:59.400 --> 0:20:59.920
<v Speaker 1>day they're having.

0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:02.800
<v Speaker 2>I always say to people like, the only control that

0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:06.439
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I have in life is the person

0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:07.240
<v Speaker 2>I choose.

0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:10.280
<v Speaker 1>To be when you're living it. Yep, I agree. And

0:21:11.560 --> 0:21:13.639
<v Speaker 1>all the time, right, I do all those things. I

0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:16.360
<v Speaker 1>wake up grateful for life. I thank God every day

0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.920
<v Speaker 1>I find something to be grateful about. But here's what

0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:23.159
<v Speaker 1>I get a lot of. I live in Texas, you know,

0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:28.320
<v Speaker 1>and Southern. I'll meet Southern men and they'll say, you know,

0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:31.320
<v Speaker 1>I recently met a guy who said, you're so refreshing

0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:35.120
<v Speaker 1>because you know, I was married to a Southern bell

0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.120
<v Speaker 1>and I'm done with Southern bells. I don't want someone

0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.520
<v Speaker 1>to want me because I'm the opposite of what they had, right.

0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:44.280
<v Speaker 1>I want somebody wants me for me being me. But

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:47.359
<v Speaker 1>it's at my age it's really hard. I don't It's like,

0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:50.240
<v Speaker 1>as you get older, you don't have all the tools,

0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:53.960
<v Speaker 1>all the not tools. I don't even know how to

0:21:54.000 --> 0:22:00.679
<v Speaker 1>say it. You don't have access to the game changes.

0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:03.280
<v Speaker 1>It's you know, the board, the game, the board of

0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:05.879
<v Speaker 1>the game changes. It's like that instead of I mean,

0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:08.000
<v Speaker 1>I got all these metaphors. Instead of fifty two cards

0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:09.920
<v Speaker 1>in the deck, let's cut it down to about ten

0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.440
<v Speaker 1>cards in the deck because we're not wasting time with

0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:14.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, hi, my name is. You look like Joe.

0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:20.280
<v Speaker 1>So I struggle with being who I am and hoping

0:22:20.280 --> 0:22:21.399
<v Speaker 1>that a guy sees through it.

0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:25.280
<v Speaker 2>Why don't you try making a choice, because that's all,

0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:27.719
<v Speaker 2>that's all it is. I learned in therapy, like the

0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:32.560
<v Speaker 2>things that I wasn't that I wasn't good at, that

0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:35.800
<v Speaker 2>was that was who I was. I try now to

0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 2>be the person I want to be compared to the

0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:42.960
<v Speaker 2>person that I am. So I would suggest maybe just

0:22:43.160 --> 0:22:54.640
<v Speaker 2>really making a very poignant choice to be emotionally honest

0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:57.679
<v Speaker 2>with people and sit and go you know this, like

0:22:57.840 --> 0:23:01.080
<v Speaker 2>I normally don't connect this way. I normally don't talk.

0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:04.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't want you to feel put out or or

0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:09.000
<v Speaker 2>feel like or feel like I don't genuinely like you

0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:11.600
<v Speaker 2>and want to try this, But I'm very I've been

0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:12.480
<v Speaker 2>through a lot of my life.

0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:15.280
<v Speaker 1>So what's too soon? What's too soon to say those things?

0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:18.120
<v Speaker 2>Because I say that from the very beginning, I say,

0:23:18.119 --> 0:23:21.280
<v Speaker 2>you start that way, and and then and then if

0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:23.160
<v Speaker 2>I get your too much, they don't. If you get

0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:25.200
<v Speaker 2>your too much, that is not somebody you want to

0:23:25.240 --> 0:23:29.480
<v Speaker 2>be with anyway. But you you, you act that way

0:23:29.880 --> 0:23:32.440
<v Speaker 2>and you speak that way in the hopes that somebody

0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:38.720
<v Speaker 2>really genuinely appreciates who you are and the person you're

0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:41.840
<v Speaker 2>trying to be. And they go, oh, I like that,

0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:44.000
<v Speaker 2>you said that, and thank you for telling me that.

0:23:44.080 --> 0:23:47.120
<v Speaker 2>And so now they've got that in their back pockets,

0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:51.600
<v Speaker 2>so they they don't take things personally, which again, like

0:23:51.640 --> 0:24:03.760
<v Speaker 2>we said before, we tend to do as human beings.

0:24:04.359 --> 0:24:07.400
<v Speaker 1>Your advice, I wish you could be inside my head

0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:11.359
<v Speaker 1>because a lot of what you're saying, like even this

0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:14.280
<v Speaker 1>conversation's hard for me to be honest because you've seen me.

0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:17.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm a joke a minute, I'm sure, just because that's

0:24:17.320 --> 0:24:20.320
<v Speaker 1>easy for me, It's totally I've been this way in

0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:24.040
<v Speaker 1>my whole life. And so but I do let people in.

0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:27.159
<v Speaker 1>I do let people in. But you know the guys

0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:29.159
<v Speaker 1>that say to me, oh, you're so funny, it's like

0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:33.480
<v Speaker 1>make me laugh, you know, it's sometimes I let a

0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 1>man in too soon. That's what I struggle with when

0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:39.120
<v Speaker 1>and you just answered the question when is it too soon?

0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 1>I guess the answer is it's never too sin, never

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:42.440
<v Speaker 1>too soon. It's never too sin.

0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:46.080
<v Speaker 2>It's it's better to jump right into it and then

0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:48.639
<v Speaker 2>know right away. Okay, I'm not going to waste time

0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:52.120
<v Speaker 2>on this anymore then to sit and to try and

0:24:52.160 --> 0:24:54.360
<v Speaker 2>like put on a happy face and drag it out

0:24:54.400 --> 0:24:56.159
<v Speaker 2>for three weeks and then all of a sudden be

0:24:56.320 --> 0:24:59.160
<v Speaker 2>kind of emotionally connected to it and then be heartbroken

0:24:59.200 --> 0:24:59.880
<v Speaker 2>if things don't work.

0:25:00.000 --> 0:25:03.280
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So, knowing me as you do, because now we're

0:25:03.400 --> 0:25:06.960
<v Speaker 1>fast friends, what knowing my person, what's the biggest red

0:25:06.960 --> 0:25:08.840
<v Speaker 1>flag I should look up for that's not going to

0:25:08.920 --> 0:25:11.760
<v Speaker 1>serve me well? For you?

0:25:11.960 --> 0:25:15.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, somebody, that's somebody that is not going to appreciate

0:25:15.800 --> 0:25:20.960
<v Speaker 2>your honesty. That to me, you are who you are

0:25:21.000 --> 0:25:24.720
<v Speaker 2>and you are special because of that. So you want

0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:29.280
<v Speaker 2>to make sure that you find someone that appreciates and

0:25:29.400 --> 0:25:32.720
<v Speaker 2>loves that and and gets that sense of like, God,

0:25:32.840 --> 0:25:34.760
<v Speaker 2>I know I can I know I can trust you

0:25:35.560 --> 0:25:38.879
<v Speaker 2>because you're not going to bullshit me. And now that

0:25:38.960 --> 0:25:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I know you and I have had this conversation and

0:25:41.040 --> 0:25:44.080
<v Speaker 2>we've really connected, like I know and.

0:25:44.119 --> 0:25:45.879
<v Speaker 1>I have your fiancee's phone number I have to have

0:25:45.920 --> 0:25:46.359
<v Speaker 1>a look over.

0:25:46.560 --> 0:25:49.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I know that like you and I could

0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:51.320
<v Speaker 2>talk at any point no matter what is going on

0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:52.800
<v Speaker 2>in your life or what life is going on in

0:25:52.840 --> 0:25:54.679
<v Speaker 2>my life, that will have this.

0:25:55.320 --> 0:25:58.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Do you think people Do you think people appreciate

0:25:58.359 --> 0:25:59.840
<v Speaker 1>the honesty for sure?

0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:05.119
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I think I think people appreciate, uh, anything that

0:26:05.200 --> 0:26:08.760
<v Speaker 2>normalizes and makes them feel like they're not so alone.

0:26:09.080 --> 0:26:12.960
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I didn't expect to get this. I mean, I

0:26:13.000 --> 0:26:15.560
<v Speaker 1>don't think anyone's gonna be listening to this podcast. But

0:26:15.560 --> 0:26:18.359
<v Speaker 1>but you know what, maybe someone will listen to it

0:26:19.280 --> 0:26:22.159
<v Speaker 1>who I care about or who cares about me and

0:26:22.200 --> 0:26:24.800
<v Speaker 1>will say, wow, now I get it. That is my hope.

0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:26.800
<v Speaker 1>That's not that one person heres.

0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:31.439
<v Speaker 2>So because none of what I'm saying is anything that

0:26:31.480 --> 0:26:34.280
<v Speaker 2>I found on that I came up with on my own.

0:26:34.320 --> 0:26:34.840
<v Speaker 1>This is all.

0:26:34.880 --> 0:26:37.720
<v Speaker 2>These are all things that I've heard and little things

0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:39.760
<v Speaker 2>that people have said that have become light bulb moments

0:26:39.800 --> 0:26:42.240
<v Speaker 2>where I go, it's not nearly as hard.

0:26:42.440 --> 0:26:46.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah it should it shouldn't be. Okay, Well, I there

0:26:46.280 --> 0:26:49.080
<v Speaker 1>are I probably have another one hundred questions that I

0:26:49.080 --> 0:26:51.159
<v Speaker 1>could ask you. And I mean that, like I've I

0:26:51.200 --> 0:26:54.600
<v Speaker 1>wrote a bunch of questions because I just you know,

0:26:54.680 --> 0:26:57.639
<v Speaker 1>you're you're not a twenty year old and and and

0:26:57.680 --> 0:26:59.960
<v Speaker 1>you've been through life, You've had children, you've had divorce.

0:27:00.040 --> 0:27:02.880
<v Speaker 1>Say is you have a lot of wisdom that comes

0:27:02.920 --> 0:27:06.199
<v Speaker 1>with age. So will you maybe come back and do

0:27:06.240 --> 0:27:09.600
<v Speaker 1>another podcast with me? Okay, I'm gonna save my question. Absolutely,

0:27:10.080 --> 0:27:10.600
<v Speaker 1>thank you, I.

0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:12.840
<v Speaker 2>Really thank you, or you'll come up with new ones

0:27:12.880 --> 0:27:14.960
<v Speaker 2>now that we have the friendship that we do.

0:27:15.119 --> 0:27:17.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I really appreciate you sitting down and talking with me,

0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:20.479
<v Speaker 1>and I mean that, Brian, Thanks, thanks so much. Do

0:27:20.560 --> 0:27:23.919
<v Speaker 1>you need some advice straight from a man? Call us

0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:26.760
<v Speaker 1>or email us. All the infos in the show notes.

0:27:27.359 --> 0:27:30.160
<v Speaker 1>Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review

0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:34.359
<v Speaker 1>the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where

0:27:34.440 --> 0:27:36.840
<v Speaker 1>falling in love is the main objective.