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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. I'm welcome to Stephane

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Speaker 1: never told you protection of I Heeart Radio, And this

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Speaker 1: time for another happy hour. Cheers. It is Fridays, it

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Speaker 1: does record this. Is this a happy hour or an

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Speaker 1: unhappy hour? It's a happy hour. The title might be confusing,

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Speaker 1: and it's a happy hour. I did tell Samantha beforehand.

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Speaker 1: I have like three happy hours ready to go, and

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Speaker 1: the other two are so nerd heavy and so sad.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna put a space where we're

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Speaker 1: not going to talk about that before I get into those.

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Speaker 1: But get ready, Okay, I need to prepare. Oh probably not.

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Speaker 1: It's just really nerdy, sad stuff. But um, as always

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Speaker 1: with these episodes, inc responsibly if you choose to do so. Uh, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: what are you sipping on? Well? As I have asked

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Speaker 1: about this happy unhappy hour with the world feeling like

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Speaker 1: it's exploding with some splash of good news happening, I

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Speaker 1: still am a very uh, feely person in general. So

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Speaker 1: when I feel overwhelmed, which I do feel right now

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Speaker 1: because things are happening and it affects me greatly, I

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Speaker 1: decided I need to stick with my bubble water, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm doing some pineapple bubble water, and but it

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Speaker 1: is very refreshing and delightful. Nice. Nice. It's always good

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Speaker 1: to be able to recognize in yourself what you need

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Speaker 1: take care of yourself. Um, I'm having a sassiac meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: because Marty Girl that Tuesday is this coming Tuesday, March one,

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Speaker 1: And we just did an episode on the sazerac on

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Speaker 1: the other podcast, I do what is the a sasirak

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Speaker 1: is either kanyak ry whiskey, and she's one of those,

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Speaker 1: and then bitters, usually patial, and then a twist. People

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Speaker 1: fight over that. But like a twist of lemon or

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Speaker 1: the hint of lemon or something uh yeah, yeah, would

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Speaker 1: be something else. I've already like jettison that information from

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Speaker 1: my mind. I recorded it yesterday, so it was out.

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Speaker 1: It was a very confusing episode. It's been a while

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Speaker 1: since I've gotten that angry trying to nail down the

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Speaker 1: timeline of a food. But I was mad. When you

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Speaker 1: don't have all the information or it's jumping everywhere and

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Speaker 1: you quick can't quite grasp what is the history or

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Speaker 1: context of this, It is frustrating. It is and we

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Speaker 1: get those like sources that don't match up. Right, I

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Speaker 1: was very frustrated. Right, but now I'm drinking sass accident.

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Speaker 1: But now you're enjoying it, so hey, Yes, Also I

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Speaker 1: forgot sugar. The sugar in there, all right. So today

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Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about something that I has been

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Speaker 1: on my mind because there was a recent article. I

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Speaker 1: believe it was about euphoria to show euphoria, but I

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Speaker 1: could be wrong, but it was about I have not

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Speaker 1: seen it. I won't put that out there, but I

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Speaker 1: think it was about like a character wakes up at

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Speaker 1: four am to put on all this makeup and looks

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Speaker 1: a certain way, which is something else we've seen in

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Speaker 1: other shows of women like Marvelous Mismasal she would wake

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Speaker 1: up and do all our makeup so when she woke up,

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Speaker 1: her husband would see her and she would look this way.

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Speaker 1: And I recently, as I said, I've been fortunate enough

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Speaker 1: to go on a trip with my mom and then

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Speaker 1: trip with some friends before, and I was thinking about

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Speaker 1: that whole idea of you know, I woke up like

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Speaker 1: this and how for me, I've never I've never had

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Speaker 1: a confidence around that. And I was thinking about it

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Speaker 1: because also passed host to the show Kristen Conger. She

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Speaker 1: did a whole thing about one of the hardest things

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Speaker 1: about moving in when somebody was accepting that they're going

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Speaker 1: to see you in all of your states. And so

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Speaker 1: I don't know about you, Samantha, but when I wake up,

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Speaker 1: I look like I've been hit by a car, like

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Speaker 1: for some reason, my hair is like poofing up like this.

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Speaker 1: It looks greasy, even if I've washed it. My eyes

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Speaker 1: are just drooping and baggy, and I just like stumble

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Speaker 1: out and it's not good. Uh. Yeah. I also am

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Speaker 1: finding that I have slowly turned into what I would

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Speaker 1: imagine as the haggard witch any fairy kill. And it's

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Speaker 1: not the pretty one. It's not the one that you

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Speaker 1: come to, which did they try to deceive you, But

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Speaker 1: it's that when they look into the mirror and you

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Speaker 1: see the real cells and things a little off and

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Speaker 1: kind of evil and definitely puffy mm hmm, that's where

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Speaker 1: I am. Yeah, I get that chap to lift like

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Speaker 1: they're all like cracked. My hair is a little bit

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Speaker 1: of everywhere. It's long now, so I tried to have

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Speaker 1: to put it in a braid because I can't stand

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Speaker 1: it wrapped around me like it keeps me awake, so

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Speaker 1: now I have to braid it. And so not only

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Speaker 1: is my hair all over the place so like it

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Speaker 1: looks extra clunchy, And then my under eyes have been like, hey, yes,

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Speaker 1: obviously you pretended to sleep, but good try and because

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Speaker 1: I am trying my best to figure out what's happening.

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Speaker 1: And I'm Asian, so therefore my eyes are a little smaller,

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Speaker 1: it is extra puffy, so it just looks like I'm

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Speaker 1: eternally squinting and or have had allergic reaction. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think allergic reaction is a good description for how my

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Speaker 1: face looks in the morning too. I always am like

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Speaker 1: what happened to me in the night? And I turned about,

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Speaker 1: I twist and turn, and I just feel like I

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Speaker 1: must have a very active for the hours I'm asleep.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of movement. Well, you vividly dreamed too,

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Speaker 1: I do in my dreams have gotten a wilder and wilder.

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Speaker 1: I gotta say I hadn't a doozy last night, but

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about that in the context of yes,

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Speaker 1: kind of these in this in this specific case, very

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Speaker 1: heteronormative relationship, but I think it goes for any relationship.

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Speaker 1: But when I was thinking back to my last long

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Speaker 1: term relationship, he never ever woke up before I did.

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Speaker 1: And a part of that I think was my I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm an early riser, but I think part of it

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Speaker 1: was I wanted to get up and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: I would go run, and I would take a shower,

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Speaker 1: and I'd get ready all this stuff before he would

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Speaker 1: even wake up. And he set to me once. I

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Speaker 1: loved that about you. I love that you're by the

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Speaker 1: time I wake up, you're ready to go. And I

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Speaker 1: was kind of like, yeah, I don't know if that's

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Speaker 1: because you're an early riser, because you're always up before me.

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Speaker 1: If we're hanging out, you're definitely up before me. I

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Speaker 1: had to set an alarm to make sure before for

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Speaker 1: a certain time. So at least I can uh act

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Speaker 1: like yeah, definitely an adult and wake up at a

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Speaker 1: reasonable time. But my partner does sleep later than I do. Typically.

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Speaker 1: There are some days that when he's up before me,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, what. But the one thing that he's

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Speaker 1: always done, and I don't know if it's because he

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Speaker 1: is very conscientious of it or what, but it's like

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Speaker 1: immediately if he doesn't even brush, his teeth is use

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Speaker 1: mouth wash, so his breath isn't bad, I guess. So

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Speaker 1: I found that interesting as that was his routine and

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Speaker 1: I could care less, to be honest, even before I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't care. I do want to not look crusty.

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Speaker 1: And definitely when I used to date or like sleep

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Speaker 1: over with other guys, I would make sure my makeup

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Speaker 1: wasn't everywhere, because you know, if you fall asleep, I

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Speaker 1: haven't done the facial routine, and if you have mascara

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Speaker 1: and her eyeliner and it's all over your face, you

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Speaker 1: look like the evil dead. You literally look like so

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Speaker 1: like I was like, okay, okay, that those are the

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Speaker 1: only things I'd get up to make sure that that

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Speaker 1: wasn't there. But that's not like I I never really

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Speaker 1: worried too much, and I don't know if it's because

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Speaker 1: it was hasn't been so until reason that I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh this is I am scary. I just finally noticed it, right,

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Speaker 1: And that's that's an interesting point, because I feel I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about all of my most of my coast

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Speaker 1: friends who are women have expressed this to me where

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Speaker 1: they feel like they have to wake up first and

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Speaker 1: they have to kind of make sure everything's okay first,

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Speaker 1: and for me, I think, I just I think that

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Speaker 1: was a part of what I was waking up first,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't something I necessarily thought of. But I

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Speaker 1: have had like the comment my ex made, and then

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Speaker 1: another X told me once, don't worry. I like the

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Speaker 1: tired look, and I still am like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: that deserves a slap. I don't know what that means,

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Speaker 1: but I don't like it. That deserves either a slap

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Speaker 1: or a dick punch, if whoever it is. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know what, though, I just realized what I was very

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Speaker 1: self conscious about when I was waking up with a

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Speaker 1: partner or a person in bed. It's making sure I

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Speaker 1: didn't look too fat. H That had been making sure

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Speaker 1: I had the right amount of clothes, finding my broad

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Speaker 1: to put my brawl and immediately because I didn't want

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Speaker 1: anything to sag, making sure my shirt was covering everything,

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Speaker 1: that my stomach wasn't showing that my very self conscious

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Speaker 1: of my thighs or have been a little less now

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Speaker 1: that that's appropriately covered, Like I am perfectly covered, that

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Speaker 1: my arm fat isn't like pushed out too much, whereas

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Speaker 1: obvious or that my chin fat wasn't pushed out too much,

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Speaker 1: which is like I never really worried about makeups or

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Speaker 1: skin per se or like facial because but the fat,

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Speaker 1: like I wanted to hide anything that might made me

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Speaker 1: or made me feel or look fat like that was immediate,

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Speaker 1: So I must get dressed before they saw me. I

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Speaker 1: would go out of bed until I could clothe myself

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Speaker 1: so they couldn't see my nakedbye and or uh, if

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Speaker 1: we were having sexy times, we would make sure that

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Speaker 1: the lights were out like that was very self conscious.

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Speaker 1: My positioning that my fat wasn't jiggling like all of

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Speaker 1: those was something that I was very conscious about. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I know that's the sentiment that a lot of

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Speaker 1: women have shared and there's been studdies about, like during sex,

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Speaker 1: women are thinking about how ugly they look, which is heartbreaking, right. I.

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Speaker 1: I did have some situations where I think we discussed this.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's come out yet. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it has, but I think we discussed this in

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Speaker 1: a Sex in the City rewatch episode about that kind

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Speaker 1: of sleeping in sex close because we talked about it

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Speaker 1: and just like that, No, we talked about it but

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Speaker 1: I think we go on more depth about it. But

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Speaker 1: I did do that a couple of times, but it

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Speaker 1: was so like it was not for me. And I

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Speaker 1: have said before I occasionally will dress sexy to bed

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Speaker 1: just for me. It's not super comfortable, but I will

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Speaker 1: do it. But the times I did it with the

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Speaker 1: dude specifically, it was it felt like I was faking sleeping. Right. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then another thing I constantly see in stories, movies

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Speaker 1: and books and fan fiction of the like romantic tripe

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Speaker 1: of watching somebody sleep, And I remember thinking about that

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Speaker 1: and thinking, I bet I'm the uglier sleeper that is known.

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Speaker 1: I actually taken a selfie of myself to see what

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Speaker 1: it would look like to look at me if I

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Speaker 1: was sleep and how best I can look. But Indiana's

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Speaker 1: just a wide eyed, wide mouth gaping jeol look like.

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Speaker 1: Again I've accepted it. But yes, yes, yes, yes, So

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Speaker 1: I think that was one of the reasons why I

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Speaker 1: get in my head like I gotta be the last

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Speaker 1: to fall asleep in the first to rake, and I

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Speaker 1: get so worried about snoring and like sleep art, I

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Speaker 1: don't need this. Uh, the amount of space I took

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Speaker 1: up in bed once again, This is my own projection

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Speaker 1: of my insecurity about weight. And I know, like I

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Speaker 1: hope y'all, I don't all understand this is my insecurity.

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Speaker 1: I'm not calling it what it is. I'm not calling

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Speaker 1: anybody else that they should be. They shouldn't, It shouldn't happen,

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Speaker 1: it shouldn't be a thing. But for me, growing up

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Speaker 1: feeling this way and still feeling this way, I was

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Speaker 1: trying to prove that I'm not as big as I

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Speaker 1: felt in my head by taking up a little amount

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Speaker 1: of space in bed as I possibly could. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: that would keep me awake. Yeah, yeah, I would do

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Speaker 1: that too. I do. You'll do that even with friends.

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Speaker 1: And it's not that I don't trust them or anything.

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Speaker 1: I'll just sleep, like in the smallest position possible. There's

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Speaker 1: just all these considerations that go into this. I mean,

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Speaker 1: sleep is very vulnerable. It's a very vulnerable position and

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Speaker 1: state to be in. I mean I've definitely like I'm

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Speaker 1: married and X murderer, and I've said it to my

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Speaker 1: own partner man like man. That takes a lot of

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Speaker 1: trust because in the end, one of us could kill

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Speaker 1: each other. Yes, it's like, well, yeah, I'm honestly in awe, Like,

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Speaker 1: if someone who struggles to sleep anyway, I've got a

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Speaker 1: real like trigger to sleep. I'm so in awe of

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Speaker 1: people who can just do it. And I think for me,

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Speaker 1: it felt so whenever I slept in the same bed

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Speaker 1: as a part her, it felt so like I had

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Speaker 1: to perform this thing in a way that was attractive.

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Speaker 1: And we're kind of seeing that through these shows where

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Speaker 1: they wake up. The women wake up and they do

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Speaker 1: their makeup and they do their hair and then lay

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Speaker 1: back in bed as if they woke up like this,

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Speaker 1: which is a lot of work and it's very exhausting.

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Speaker 1: It was interesting on my trip with my mom and

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Speaker 1: then my friends, we were all women. We were kind

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Speaker 1: of like, I don't care, um, so I'm gonna tell

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Speaker 1: you right now, I'm gonna wear the same shirt for

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Speaker 1: two days. I'm not gonna put on a bra. I

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Speaker 1: don't care anymore. And we were all on the same page.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, okay, oh yeah. I think it's funny

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Speaker 1: because you and I record typically it's changed a little bit,

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Speaker 1: but twice a week and essentially you and I come

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Speaker 1: back in the same shirt every day. We're like, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is about right. I think that's what's what's been

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Speaker 1: great about my partnership is from early on. Maybe it's

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Speaker 1: because we've been neighbors, so therefore you really can't hide much.

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Speaker 1: Not that that come out like all kinds of ways,

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Speaker 1: but you know, like it's a little more accessible to

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Speaker 1: see each other as often, And then like being in

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Speaker 1: this relationship for a while that we got very comfortable

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Speaker 1: around each other very quickly, so it no longer mattered. Eventually,

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, fine, I don't care. I'm wearing.

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Speaker 1: Don't talk to me. He's the one that bought me

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Speaker 1: my giant comfy so he needs Yeah, he knew. I

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Speaker 1: love it. Oh, I love being That's the thing is

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Speaker 1: that when you're that comfortable around someone, it's such a

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Speaker 1: lovely feeling. But it is hard. It's hard to obtain.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to let go of these kind of standards,

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Speaker 1: beauty standards we put on women where you can't even

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Speaker 1: just like sleep without it being do I look pretty? Though?

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Speaker 1: But I also find it interesting because I think you

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Speaker 1: and I are the same in this that I am

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Speaker 1: very light sleeper essentially, um so if he moves, I moved,

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Speaker 1: he is too. But it also takes me a minute

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Speaker 1: to sleep. So I find it amazing because my partner

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Speaker 1: can't be in bed. We're having a full on conversation.

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Speaker 1: Two seconds later snoring, I'm like, wow, what And I

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Speaker 1: started laughing because I'm like, this is incredible. What is happening?

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Speaker 1: How do you do this? Because it takes me so

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Speaker 1: long to actually fall asleep that I had to give

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Speaker 1: myself an hour ahead, like go go lay down in

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Speaker 1: my bed an hour before I actually want to sleep

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Speaker 1: in order to sleep. But because of all of that,

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Speaker 1: if having someone else in my bed is an automatic

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Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, I mean that's part of the thing

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Speaker 1: where you've got to at least two sides to this,

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Speaker 1: where people have told me, like I've had excess, tell

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Speaker 1: me I don't care what you look like when you sleep.

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Speaker 1: I think you know, I'm just going to sleep, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you at all. And so that

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Speaker 1: makes me feel like I'm into my head or they're

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Speaker 1: thinking too much about myself. But as I said, there

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Speaker 1: is all this entertainment we consume that talks about like

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Speaker 1: watching women's sleep and it being the sexy thing. So

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Speaker 1: I was always have two minds about that, and I

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Speaker 1: certainly have woken up with someone. It sounds so creepy

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Speaker 1: to say, but watching sleep and I felt immediately like,

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Speaker 1: oh god, what do I look like? Oh no, how

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Speaker 1: do I slowly shift and make this sec right? I

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Speaker 1: actually had friends when we would do slum parties, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know why. They just figured out that the

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Speaker 1: minute they stare at me, I wake up and it

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Speaker 1: would shreak them out. That that became a thing like

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Speaker 1: to see if I would. Every time I would, they

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Speaker 1: would scream and I'm like, why are you looking like?

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Speaker 1: Because I would get so mad because it would wake

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Speaker 1: me up because I could fill them staring at me

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, why are you doing this? But on

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Speaker 1: that level, I think it's also as you're talking about,

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Speaker 1: like trying to not look weird, I think for us too.

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Speaker 1: For me specifically, I know, being an orphanage, being in

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Speaker 1: a very unstable area, being an open area, I'm very

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Speaker 1: traumatized about sleeping because again vulnerability, but again yeah, you

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Speaker 1: never know what's what is that and then waking up

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Speaker 1: and then making fun of you. Yes, I think again

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Speaker 1: somber parties have had a traumatic effect on people as well.

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Speaker 1: The things that people do if you're the first to

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Speaker 1: fall asleep. That's real. It is rude that that's always

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Speaker 1: bothered me, like the pranks will play on people when

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Speaker 1: they're sleeping because it's so hard to sleep and to

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Speaker 1: let yourself relax and to trust people. And then it's

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Speaker 1: about trust. It is about trust. Well, cheers to you, Samantha. Cheers.

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Speaker 1: You can come over and I'll let you sleep freely. Yes,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, and cheers to you listeners as

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Speaker 1: well as always you would love to hear from you.

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Speaker 1: You'd like to contact us, you can email us at

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Speaker 1: our email address, which is Stuff Medium Mom Stuff at

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Speaker 1: i heeart media dot com. You can find us on

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Speaker 1: Twitter at moms for podcast or Instagram and Stuff I've

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Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks. It's always to our super producer Christina,

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Speaker 1: thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've

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Speaker 1: Never told you. This protection of I Heart Radio for

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Speaker 1: more podcast from my Heart Radio. This is the heart

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