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Speaker 1: Love.

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Speaker 2: Today on Wide Open, I'm sitting down with someone who's

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Speaker 2: built an empire out of hustle, heart and unapologetic honesty.

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Speaker 2: You know him as Gary Vee, entrepreneur, investor, best selling author,

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Speaker 2: and one of the loudest champions for betting on yourself.

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Speaker 2: He's turned his love of sports, culture and community into

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Speaker 2: a global platform, from growing businesses to dreaming about owning

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Speaker 2: the New York Jets one day, We're going wide open

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Speaker 2: on what drives him, what grounds him, and what's next

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Speaker 2: for one of the most unfiltered voices of our time.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the show. Gary, How are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm super well. It's so nice to be with you.

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Speaker 3: Have you been at I'm good, I'm good.

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Speaker 2: This is just so exciting for me because, as you know,

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Speaker 2: I adore you and I've been able to follow you

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Speaker 2: for a really long time and I love the way

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Speaker 2: you show up in the world and it inspires me

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Speaker 2: and definitely I always keep it in my back pocket

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Speaker 2: and the way I move in the world. So You've

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Speaker 2: had a tremendous influence on me and I don't get

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Speaker 2: to tell you it enough, So I'm telling you at

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Speaker 2: the top of the show.

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Speaker 1: Very sweet. Thank you. I'm excited. Let's let's let's win

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Speaker 1: for your audience. What you mean, jamb On, let's go.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think so much of what you've done on

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Speaker 2: social media, you've you've really laid out, you know, groundbreaking

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Speaker 2: things on what drives you and grounds you and what's

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Speaker 2: next for you. And you're so unfiltered about the way

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Speaker 2: you see the world. And I would love to start

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Speaker 2: there because I genuinely think you see what people can't.

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Speaker 2: I find that a superpower. And I'm curious because you

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Speaker 2: you know, you came to this country very young, you

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Speaker 2: were an immigrant. You know, your family had a wine business.

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Speaker 2: Did a lot of those beginnings shape the way you

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Speaker 2: see the world differently because you had.

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Speaker 3: To at an early age? Or where does this drive

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Speaker 3: come from?

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Speaker 1: I think there's a lot to it. Look, I think

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Speaker 1: long before I walked Earth, we figured out there's a

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Speaker 1: nature nurture thing, right, And so you know this about me,

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Speaker 1: and it's just you know, even I actually try to

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Speaker 1: limit how much I publicly give my mom over the

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Speaker 1: top credit because I think it's you know, for people

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Speaker 1: that follow me carefully, it's like truly a broken record.

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Speaker 1: But I would say it starts with I took a

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Speaker 1: lot of really special DNA traits for my mom. I

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Speaker 1: think many people grow up with little. You know, many

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Speaker 1: of us grew up with little. I don't think that drives. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's a driver, but I believe a lot of us

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Speaker 1: grew up with little, and we then become insecure and

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Speaker 1: our driving fuel is actually not healthy and not sustainable.

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Speaker 1: I grew up with little, but had the reverse element,

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Speaker 1: which was I was mothered so well that my self

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Speaker 1: esteem was pure and not a facade, which allows me

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Speaker 1: to both be hungry and ambitious, because obviously I was

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Speaker 1: taught that if I'm hungry, I have to go hunt

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Speaker 1: to eat. It's very hard to be hungry when you're

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Speaker 1: being fed, right, Yeah, and so yes, of course, coming

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Speaker 1: from the Soviet Union, understanding how bad it was there

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Speaker 1: coming to American in the eighties, a golden era of

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Speaker 1: the American dream, having parents that not only did not overcddle,

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Speaker 1: it was almost a sacred sin to complain in my household.

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Speaker 1: Probably in hindsight too far, like there probably could have

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Speaker 1: been a little bit more vulnerability and communication. But what

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Speaker 1: I definitely have is the combination whatever learning disability, dyslex it,

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Speaker 1: whatever it was that I had, which I've never been diagnosed.

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Speaker 1: But whatever I had that didn't know allow me to

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Speaker 1: be a good student definitely did the cliche thing that

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Speaker 1: many of us talk about with bad students, which is

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Speaker 1: it enabled me to learn differently. I wasn't interested in

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Speaker 1: memorizing facts for tests, nor did I. What's very clear

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Speaker 1: to me is I had such poor reading comprehension that

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Speaker 1: the way I learned was not by reading, but it

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Speaker 1: was by a different kind of reading, which was reading

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Speaker 1: people right. Yes, And my audio skills and my visual

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Speaker 1: skills are through the roof. I'm that guy who if

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Speaker 1: you and I took a road trip right now for

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Speaker 1: an hour and forty five minutes with many different turns right,

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Speaker 1: many different turns, I'd be able to redrive that drive

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Speaker 1: six months later easily because I'm so visual in how

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Speaker 1: I learn, and then audio ash it's crazy, like if

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Speaker 1: I hear it, it's locked. So I think whatever I

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Speaker 1: had struggles with reading comprehension, which hurt me in grades,

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Speaker 1: created these other superpowers. But I would tell you above

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Speaker 1: that because that's also cliche. I think the one unique

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Speaker 1: thing is that me with me, meaning my relationship with

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Speaker 1: my intuition with my gut M is so strong. I

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Speaker 1: trust it so blindly, and I think that has a

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Speaker 1: lot to do with a complete lack of fear of

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Speaker 1: the judgment of fellow human beings when I'm wrong.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that is powerful, and I do think that that's

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Speaker 2: what holds a lot of people back. Is that fear,

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Speaker 2: that fear of failing, the fear of the insecurities that

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Speaker 2: come with it. And I think, you know, you and

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Speaker 2: I tick so similarly similarly, and I love that, like,

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Speaker 2: because I you're speaking to my soul right now.

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Speaker 3: I went through the same issues.

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Speaker 2: I was in learning disability classes when I was younger,

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Speaker 2: but I saw the world differently and I would shamed

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Speaker 2: for it as a child, but it became my superpower

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Speaker 2: because I bet all myself and I was like, watch,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to get out of here.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to figure it out.

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Speaker 2: And this sports and you know, my hunger and my

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Speaker 2: competition and my my work ethic and drive will always

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Speaker 2: be there when everything else fails.

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Speaker 1: We were literally the same except our vehicles yours with

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Speaker 1: sports mind was entrepreneurship and business, but literally all the

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Speaker 1: same stuff. And this is why I speak so much

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Speaker 1: about do not take competitive DNA out of your children

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Speaker 1: by giving them eighth place trophies and saying what I

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Speaker 1: believe is one of the worst things you can tell

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Speaker 1: a competitive child, which is, it's just a game. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's literally actually the reverse. Everything is a game. I

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Speaker 1: would actually say that telling a child that is competitive

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Speaker 1: because you feel bad that they're crying because their team

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Speaker 1: just homes. Telling that child, but buckle up, up, it's

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Speaker 1: just a game. It doesn't matter. It's just a game,

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Speaker 1: is actually teaching a child the worst possible thing, which

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Speaker 1: is you're teaching your child in difference, I believe grown

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Speaker 1: ups that are indifferent go to very unhappy places, and

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Speaker 1: that is fucking with society. That is fucking with nature,

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Speaker 1: That is fucking with the human spirit, and it is

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Speaker 1: hurting people. This And just so you know, everybody who

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Speaker 1: doesn't know me, who's listening to this right now, yes,

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Speaker 1: this is a PSA to stop doing this, because I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you for the people that don't know. I have

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Speaker 1: fifty plus million followers in social I've been very in

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Speaker 1: social for a very long time, and I over index

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Speaker 1: with youth culture, so I've been on the receiving end.

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Speaker 1: And this is the real number. For about the last

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Speaker 1: seven to eight years, I'm on the receiving end of

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Speaker 1: over ten thousand direct messages a week and sometimes a day,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of it is fifteen to thirty five

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Speaker 1: and an extraordinary amount of research that I've done over

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Speaker 1: the last decade, and I'm telling you it is very

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Speaker 1: clear that the eighth Place Trophy thing has been very

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Speaker 1: detrimental to mental health. And it was well intended. I'm

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Speaker 1: not mad at why it happened. I know why it happened.

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Speaker 1: It didn't come from a bad place, it really didn't.

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Speaker 1: But many things are well intended that are go awry.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, yes, that's just my little rant on eighth

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Speaker 1: place troop.

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Speaker 2: No, I do, because you know, I feel the same

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Speaker 2: way you feel, because like sports have been so pivotal

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Speaker 2: and the way I see the world and the way

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Speaker 2: I show up, And I do think you know, you

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Speaker 2: grew up playing.

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Speaker 3: Sports, you love sports.

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Speaker 2: You've been very open about, you know, speaking your goals

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Speaker 2: into existence. You're like, yeah, I want to fucking own

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Speaker 2: the Jets one day period, and well, I.

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Speaker 1: Love there's also there's there's also something that comes along

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Speaker 1: with that, me chasing. Yeah, the new York jets is

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Speaker 1: actually more excited and intoxicating than buying the jets for me,

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Speaker 1: Like I realized this about me as an adolescent, when

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Speaker 1: I was a cute little fifth grader and all the

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Speaker 1: girls like me. Getting the girls to like me was

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Speaker 1: way more fun. I was scared of girls once they

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Speaker 1: were like really in pocket, like really like me. I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm scared. I'm scared to kiss a

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Speaker 1: girl right now. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not there yet.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't mature enough yet, but like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: love process over was you know, if I was gifted

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Speaker 1: athletically the way you were, and we had the great

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Speaker 1: luxury of being teammates and we knew each other, and

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Speaker 1: somebody said, what about Gary B you would have said, Man,

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Speaker 1: nobody fucking loves practice more than that, dude. He loved

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Speaker 1: the game more, but his love for the practice like

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Speaker 1: my my love for eating shit. For the pain. I

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Speaker 1: would have been a great fighter. I would have been

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Speaker 1: a great fighter. I love the pain. I love getting yesterday.

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Speaker 1: In my many companies, I have probably three thousand employees

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Speaker 1: maybe even more now across all my companies. Every day

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Speaker 1: I'm dealing with pain. Mm Hmm, there's this legal you know,

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Speaker 1: we got sued for this bullshit. H This person's mother

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Speaker 1: is diagnosed with cancer and she has to fly immediately

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Speaker 1: and she'll be gone for two weeks. Uh. This person

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Speaker 1: got hurt. This person's house burnt down. This like, this

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Speaker 1: person said the wrong send the text to the client,

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Speaker 1: making fun of the client when they thought they were

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Speaker 1: texting their coworker, like my entire do you know, Ash,

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Speaker 1: You'll find this amazing when I go when I travel

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Speaker 1: and I put occupation, like when you step to do that,

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Speaker 1: you know, like one occupation you remember when you would

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Speaker 1: do like the filling out the form and an immigration.

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Speaker 1: When I used to put occupation years ago, before we've

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Speaker 1: gone to this full digital world, I would literally put firefighter.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, because.

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Speaker 1: Really, if you ask me what do I do for

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Speaker 1: a living, I'm a firefighter. I fight fires all day,

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Speaker 1: all day, and I'm but even different. And this is

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Speaker 1: the key to why I say it. I'm always prepared

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Speaker 1: for the alarm to go off when I wake up

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Speaker 1: in the morning, I immediately grab my phone and read

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Speaker 1: all the texts from London, from Singapore, from all my offices,

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Speaker 1: from Los Angeles, like I'm always prepared for the problem,

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Speaker 1: and so I think that level of grit, having that

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Speaker 1: stomach for adversity, my comfort in the challenges is what

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Speaker 1: actually makes me happy, and everyone's trying to avoid it.

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Speaker 1: Our biggest issue in life right now, in societal life,

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Speaker 1: is our complete lack especially under forty years old. Because

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Speaker 1: I don't think this is just an I think we're

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Speaker 1: very unfair to gen z. I think this is a

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Speaker 1: millennial issue. And by the way, I want to give

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Speaker 1: a big shout out to our boomers. Half the boomers

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Speaker 1: were this way. They just like all like to make

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Speaker 1: pretend they weren't. Yeah, we are not comfortable with a

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Speaker 1: little discomfort.

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Speaker 3: I agree.

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Speaker 1: It's just bananas to me, Like people yelling, like have

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Speaker 1: you been to an airport? People yelling at the fucking airport,

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Speaker 1: Like these poor airport employees, like the plane they're not

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Speaker 1: letting you board it because they don't want you to

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Speaker 1: fucking die. Yeah, Like they're literally making sure the plane's

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Speaker 1: okay so you don't die. And you're gonna literally yell

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Speaker 1: yeah at the person at the gate for the two

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Speaker 1: hour delay because remind me, you can't wait to get

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Speaker 1: to Disney World and lay by the pool and drink

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Speaker 1: a margarita and go see fucking goofy. What the fuck's

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Speaker 1: the matter with you? I like, we are complete. Well,

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Speaker 1: you're mad at the barista because you put in the

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Speaker 1: wrong milk. This is worth a brating of a human being.

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Speaker 1: What the fuck is the matter with people?

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Speaker 3: M I totally agree. I've been saying this for a

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Speaker 3: really long time.

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Speaker 2: You know. I'll give you another example, Gary, I went

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Speaker 2: to the gym what was it yesterday and every person

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Speaker 2: in the gym is on their phone, working out, scrolling

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Speaker 2: on Instagram, listening to a podcast. And I don't have

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Speaker 2: anything in my ears. For a reason, it should be uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: I won't. I don't. I don't go into those space spaces.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, hmm, this is my.

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Speaker 2: Chance to lay on the floor and just put a

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Speaker 2: podcast in, and like might No, you go to work,

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Speaker 2: You go to fucking yeah.

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Speaker 1: Look, look, you're in a stratistyre by yourself. You are

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Speaker 1: part of a very rare group of humans on earth

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Speaker 1: that were physically and emotionally talented and put in the

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Speaker 1: work to be actually not only a professional athlete, but

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Speaker 1: incredible at it. So that makes sense to me. Yeah, what,

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Speaker 1: but it's funny. I, on the other hand, only started

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Speaker 1: getting serious about physical health at thirty eight, so about

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Speaker 1: eleven years ago, right, My first workout with Mike Vicanti

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Speaker 1: years ago in hindsight is wildly laughable. I have so

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Speaker 1: I have so few muscles in my body and so

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Speaker 1: much fat in hindsight. But what I think is really interesting.

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Speaker 1: My version of what you're saying is Mike and then

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Speaker 1: Jordan and then Mike my full time. They live with me,

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Speaker 1: they travel with me trainers. What they did well is

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Speaker 1: they taught me for They're like, look, if you're gonna

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Speaker 1: do it, do it right, so you actually build muscle.

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Speaker 1: You're not here to impress the other bros. The thing

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Speaker 1: that I always pay attention to in the gym is

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Speaker 1: the guys and gals. But you know, boys are good

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Speaker 1: at this game. The guys that take on ten extra

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Speaker 1: pounds then they need to when they do arm curls,

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Speaker 1: but their entire fucking back is swinging swing to get

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Speaker 1: it up and this goes back. And when I see

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Speaker 1: them do that, and then when I go and do it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing five or ten pounds less than I

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Speaker 1: can probably with a little bit of extra because I'm

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Speaker 1: so obsessed with just just doing the form properly. That

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Speaker 1: to me also speaks about confidence and insecurity. Any dude

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Speaker 1: that's just swinging that way either a just doesn't understand

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Speaker 1: proper form, and I'll give people grace and say they don't.

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Speaker 1: But much more likely, especially because a lot of these

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Speaker 1: people are actually jacked to begin with, Like they're looking good,

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Speaker 1: they're doing it out of pure insecurity. They want all

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Speaker 1: of us to see they're doing sixty fives, not fifty fives.

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Speaker 1: And my mission in life is to get people to

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Speaker 1: live their life for themselves. Yeah, because I believe we've

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Speaker 1: The greatest pandemic that I've ever seen is not COVID.

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Speaker 1: It is people literally making every decision in their life

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Speaker 1: based on the subjective opinion of people around them. It's

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Speaker 1: one thing for that to be your loved ones, we're

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Speaker 1: now doing it for strangers.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's what social media also has really you know,

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Speaker 2: scaled scaled.

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Speaker 1: It's scaled it, but I would argue that it exposed it.

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Speaker 1: To remind everybody, keeping up with the Joneses was a

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Speaker 1: term coined long before Twitter came along. Yeah, so you know,

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Speaker 1: lifestyles are the rich and famous, you know MTV crib cribs.

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Speaker 1: We have seen wealth prior to social and people were

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Speaker 1: buying Mercedes Benzes when they couldn't afford it. They were

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Speaker 1: buying houses that were too big for them, they were

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Speaker 1: buying clothes that they didn't need to have long before this.

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Speaker 1: But no question, it's been an exploding pandemic. But I

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Speaker 1: argue it is not social. It is parenting has gone awry,

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Speaker 1: and we are just not as disciplined, we are not

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Speaker 1: as humble. We are using more and more, we are

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Speaker 1: taking the ultimate drug that's a bad drug, which is

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Speaker 1: called using money and debt to disguise. Are hurt and

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Speaker 1: we need to stop.

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Speaker 3: But stay tuned.

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Speaker 2: I'll be back in just a moment after this brief

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Speaker 2: message from our sponsors. That's a really good point and

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Speaker 2: I completely see that and so much. You know now

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Speaker 2: as a new mom, this snowplow effect of everyone just

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Speaker 2: moving things to the side so your children don't have

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Speaker 2: to be uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 2: I completely agree with you, and that's why I do

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Speaker 2: think sports are so important, and competition is so important,

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Speaker 2: and losing and learning how to lose gracefully, and learning

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Speaker 2: to build the tools to work with other people and

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Speaker 2: see eat other people and get the best out of

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Speaker 2: other people and yourself.

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Speaker 3: Like there's so many benefits.

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Speaker 1: You said something so powerful there, you said, learning how

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Speaker 1: to lose gracefully. If you and I were hanging out right,

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Speaker 1: Like let's say six or ten of us got together

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Speaker 1: on a Friday night and we all just decided to

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Speaker 1: play Monopoly, right, and we're playing, and I lose, right

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Speaker 1: at some point, it is scary to me. What's actually

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Speaker 1: running through my mind? Yep? What's just to give you context,

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Speaker 1: what's running through my mind? Let's say you one, what's

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Speaker 1: running through my mind is like I am so upset

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Speaker 1: right now? Should I smash this wineglass and cut ash?

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Speaker 1: Like it's so dark?

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Speaker 3: Ash, it's so dark yeap.

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Speaker 1: The fact that I've been able to over the last

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Speaker 1: forty call it forty three years, because I can understand

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Speaker 1: myself at six on this issue, get to a place

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Speaker 1: where not I don't cry, I don't have a temper tantrum,

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Speaker 1: I don't sulk. I did all those things from six

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Speaker 1: to fucking I don't know yesterday, Like like, like I

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Speaker 1: so struggle with losing. I love competition so much. But

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Speaker 1: to your point, if nobody even let me, you know,

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Speaker 1: if everyone let me win as a kid. Or more importantly,

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Speaker 1: here's a big insight for parents. If your child doesn't

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Speaker 1: even want to play, it's your first indication to their insecurity. First, right,

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Speaker 1: they're nervous about losing in front of you. I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you you have to pay attention to these things. The

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Speaker 1: learning how to lose gracefully has been the great lesson

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Speaker 1: of my life. It has taught me how to control

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Speaker 1: my natural instincts and feelings. There are so many people

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Speaker 1: out of control in our society because they say whatever

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Speaker 1: the fuck they want in the comments and social there's

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Speaker 1: no consequences, there's no ramifications. And when you look at

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Speaker 1: modern parenting, we definitely don't spank or wit anymore, but

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Speaker 1: we don't even punish. We are teaching children, you did

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Speaker 1: this horrible thing or a bad thing, you eleven year old,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk to you about it, and

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Speaker 1: then and then you're gonna go have your phone and

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Speaker 1: hang out with your friends and like it's it's wrong,

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Speaker 1: they're neat. You must teach human beings. There are consequences

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Speaker 1: to actions.

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Speaker 3: Correct.

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Speaker 1: You know, somebody being on me yesterday or actually also

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Speaker 1: or the day before and was like, hey, Gary, recently,

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Speaker 1: I feel like you got a little too hard and

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Speaker 1: like a little too tough, and like I think you're

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Speaker 1: promoting toxic parenting. Like the kid was basically saying, like

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Speaker 1: you're promoting parents like whipping their kids, like like physically

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Speaker 1: abusing their kids, and like, Yo, you're taking this naughty

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Speaker 1: out of content. I am not on this podcast saying hey,

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Speaker 1: parents need to like fucking take a switch from the

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Speaker 1: fuck it, like, like you need to like what I

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Speaker 1: grew up with. There was a belt in my house

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Speaker 1: when I was a kid.

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Speaker 3: The paddle and the belt was hanging.

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Speaker 1: Oh look, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying, like,

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Speaker 1: your kid steals some bubble gum from the store, And

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Speaker 1: the answer to that is they come home, they're seven

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Speaker 1: years old, and you take your belt off and you

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Speaker 1: whip their fucking ass. But what I am telling you

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Speaker 1: is your little story about like stealing is bad. It's

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Speaker 1: not the punch line either. You need to take the iPad,

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Speaker 1: the fucking video games and all the after school fund

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Speaker 1: leisure and all the fun away for a week or

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Speaker 1: two something. Let them taste that something happened. In fact,

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Speaker 1: back to my beloved New York Jets. Something very profound

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Speaker 1: happened today. Aaron Glenn our new head coach who comes

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Speaker 1: from a more disciplinarian coaching background. He was coached by

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Speaker 1: Bill Parcells, who's a legendary disciplinarian. The Jets lost on

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Speaker 1: Sunday to the Steelers. I was devastated. They lost because

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Speaker 1: a young player fumbled on a kickoff and set up

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Speaker 1: another easy touchdown for the Steelers. That was the difference

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Speaker 1: in the game. The Jets cut him today. Now for

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Speaker 1: context for everyone, this kid, he's a great kid, by

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Speaker 1: the way, as a human, the kid is unfortunately fumbled

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Speaker 1: a lot in his career. Last year in the NFL,

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Speaker 1: he fumbled more than any other player. Fumbles are devastating

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Speaker 1: if you don't know football, because it turned off the

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Speaker 1: over the ball. It usually is a big katter who's

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Speaker 1: going to win the football game because in the NFL

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Speaker 1: the teams are so close. Anyway, this used to happen

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Speaker 1: all the time nationally, all the time, this exact situation.

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Speaker 1: You have a fumbled kind of DNA, you fumbled in

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Speaker 1: a big spot. A new coach wants to set the

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Speaker 1: tone and they cut the player and you know this

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Speaker 1: cutting the financially impactfully, this real stuff. But it's a

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Speaker 1: lost art in today's even in the NFL, the coaches

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Speaker 1: are a little more softy softy. It is very clear

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Speaker 1: to me that players number forty five and to fifty

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Speaker 1: three on the Jets roster this morning. You know the

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Speaker 1: players at the bottom roster, yeah, are going to walk

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Speaker 1: into film today. And you know this, You know this

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Speaker 1: better than I do. I mean, I rep athletes, and

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Speaker 1: I know they're going to pay much more attention. I

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Speaker 1: have a very funny feeling, and it's and I'm saying

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Speaker 1: something important. I'm saying something that is fundamentally affected the

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Speaker 1: livelihood of a young man that I know. I don't

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Speaker 1: know him personally very well, but I know so many

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Speaker 1: of the Jets players, wonderful kid. Mm hmm. I don't

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Speaker 1: sit here happy today. I'm sad for him. This business,

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Speaker 1: it's business. Somebody got fired today, a mad or media

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Speaker 1: like it happens.

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Speaker 3: Business.

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Speaker 1: It speaks about consequences and what it means. In fact,

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Speaker 1: I hope he goes and signs with another team, and

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Speaker 1: I hope this moment makes him hole like put in

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Speaker 1: the work or whatever he has to do to not

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Speaker 1: fumble as much. And I hope he has a wonderful

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Speaker 1: career as long as it's not in the AFC. I

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Speaker 1: don't want him to bite us back in the ass,

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Speaker 1: so go to the NFC. But the punchline of that

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Speaker 1: story is if you're a parent, if you're a boss,

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Speaker 1: if you're a manager. And by the way, I have

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Speaker 1: made this mistake because I love a good culture in

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Speaker 1: my company. I have struggled with firing because I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm directly affecting someone's livelihood mm hm. And I'm

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Speaker 1: so passionate about eliminating fear. I'm actually filming this right

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Speaker 1: now with two new employees that are in my inner circle,

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Speaker 1: and their first couple of days here, their behaviors were

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Speaker 1: so clearly grounded in fear of wanting to show me

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Speaker 1: that they were up for the task. You know, they

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Speaker 1: were capable. They wanted to impress me. And I'm such

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Speaker 1: a public figure, like even just like what do they

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Speaker 1: know about me? Like how can I show garret? You know?

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Speaker 1: And in different ways I told both of them like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, I

434
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 1: know you've probably been fucked before, or things of that nature,

435
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: you've got time. Yeah, I think we're a month in.

436
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: I haven't even this is true, by the way, and

437
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 1: I'm obviously doing two things at once right now. I

438
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 1: haven't even begun to judge if I think they're good

439
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,400
Speaker 1: or bad. I have too much grace to allow them

440
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 1: that they have to contextually learn. In fact, most of

441
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 1: the things so far in the first thirty days that

442
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 1: I've observed, and I'm like m have been grounded in

443
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 1: over compensation around with fear, being too frantic. I like

444
00:24:55,440 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 1: com in my obsession of eliminating fear as a leader

445
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: of three thousand men and women at my worst in

446
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: many pockets over the last fifteen years, I've created entitlement.

447
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 1: It's one thing for these two young gentlemen who I'm

448
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: gonna give time. It's another thing when they're now here

449
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 1: for two years. And I struggled with sitting down and

450
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 1: being like, hey, Danny, now it's December twenty twenty six.

451
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: I can't have you doing what you were doing in

452
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: August of twenty five because it's just bothering me. It's like,

453
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: not the right way. It creates fear for everyone else.

454
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: And so the first part, I'm very proud of. This

455
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: is second part I've not because I would believe and

456
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: I want everyone to hear this is for parenting and leaders,

457
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 1: coaches and business leaders. My December twenty twenty six conversation

458
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 1: with Danny that direct I would leave that meeting thinking, fuck,

459
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: now he's scared. He's gonna get fired in thirty days.

460
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 1: He's probably on LinkedIn right now looking for another job,

461
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: and basically it's over anyway because now he shook and

462
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: there's no way for him. Right That's how I looked

463
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: at it, and I looked at it wrong. I want

464
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 1: everyone to hear this, and I want this is where

465
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: this is where I was going. I looked at it wrong.

466
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,440
Speaker 1: When I finally had a revelation that that was my kryptonite,

467
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: the lack of candor at a certain point in the

468
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 1: life cycle of a relationship or of an employer employment

469
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: here in my companies, that my lack of candor was

470
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 1: actually creating fear because let me tell you what would

471
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: happened to actually because I wasn't because I believed what

472
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: I just told you. I believed what would end up

473
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: happening is people would just eventually get fired and didn't

474
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: get the grace for me of that conversation, and what

475
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 1: ended up happening over time is my reputation would have

476
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: became it's all smiles and it's all pats on the back,

477
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: and then there's just a random day you're fired. Now

478
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: I have a much better mechanism. In fact, just two

479
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: days ago, I sat down with the young lady who

480
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,959
Speaker 1: was let go Friday last week and she's been here

481
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,159
Speaker 1: two three years. I adore her and she thanks me

482
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: to the high heavens because I've implemented the last five years.

483
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: She was so over communicated with that she was able

484
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: to get self awareness from it. And though she's devastating

485
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: because this is her dream, it was devastating. It was

486
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: like my central casting moment. She's wonderful. I like want

487
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 1: to be her best friend forever. This is her dream job.

488
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: I'm her hero in advertising. It's she's the breadwinner of

489
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: her family. She had a very senior role, and yet

490
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: we are in the most devastating thing that I could

491
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: think of, which is the firing of her. And she

492
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: was in an incredibly grateful, wonderful place, and that would

493
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 1: have not been achievable five years ago and is only

494
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 1: now because me and the organization have a level of

495
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: empathetic kind candor, and that's where parents are missing the boat.

496
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 1: They can't tell their kid that they suck at something.

497
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 1: You know, well, they don't give them the candor, they

498
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 1: give them the kindness, They give them the delusion, which

499
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: leads to the entitlement, which leads to twenty five year

500
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: olds still being on their parents' payroll. And that's a problem.

501
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And it's a trickle effect at this point

502
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 2: because now they're walking out into the real world and

503
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 2: are we fucking preparing them.

504
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 3: No, we're not preparing them.

505
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: But wait on the record, because I want to put

506
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: this caveat many parents are not doing this. I'm talking

507
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: in generalizations, and I want to say this nice and slow.

508
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 1: We've been doing it for way longer than we think. Millennials,

509
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: gen xers and boomers love to think this is some

510
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: new Gen Z phenomenon. It is not true. I am

511
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: square in Gen X. I have unlimited loser friends that

512
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 1: were overcoddled by their moms and dads that I grew

513
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 1: up with.

514
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,959
Speaker 2: This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.

515
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening.

516
00:28:59,080 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 3: We'll be right back.

517
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about this, because you

518
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 2: and I always talk about the opinions on social media.

519
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 2: And I said this on a podcast not too long ago,

520
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 2: because I know what it was like when I was

521
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 2: younger and I was stealing, and I was doing drugs,

522
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 2: and I was in sixth.

523
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 3: Grade and I was just.

524
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 2: Hanging out with the absolute fucking worst people. And I

525
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: don't know if it was for attention. I don't know

526
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 2: what the freedom of like being bad and getting in trouble.

527
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 2: But I have said this, and I've said this, and

528
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: I've said this, you are a product of the people

529
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: you choose to surround yourself with. And every time I

530
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 2: say because this is a lived experience as someone who

531
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: was stealing, doing drugs, doing things I'm not proud of

532
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 2: because of the people I was around, because I wanted

533
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: to impress them.

534
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 3: I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be in

535
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 3: bad boys club.

536
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now I'm in this understanding of I want

537
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: to learn. I want to, you know, not be the

538
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 2: smartest one in the group. I want to be challenged

539
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 2: at every fucking turn. I want to be curious, like

540
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: I want all these things, so I don't want to

541
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: surround myself with people who aren't gonna move me selfishly forward.

542
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 3: And have a good impact on me.

543
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: And it's because it's because you love yourself more. Now, Yeah,

544
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: I mean right, let's get to the fucking let's get

545
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 1: to the fucking fucking point. Yeah right, And this is

546
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: what I desperately want. Like I was getting goosebumps as

547
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: you were talking, because like my heart was bleeding because

548
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I'm like, man, she was

549
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: just in a fucking bad place. When you're in a

550
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: bad place, you hang out with bad people because it's

551
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: your only safe place. You're thank God, And I'm so

552
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 1: proud of you. You've put it and you've had all

553
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 1: the challenges, many more than I've had per Se, or

554
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: different ones than I've had per Se, because I think

555
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: everyone's got their own version of challenges. You are in

556
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: a place where you love yourself enough to do what

557
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: you're doing. And that's what I'm trying to say to

558
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: all of you, my friends. Listen to me carefully on

559
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: the other side of this podcast. When you're on a treadmill,

560
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: bullshitting your workout, or walking your dog, or you're in

561
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: the car and traffic, everything is about you versus you

562
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: everything in your life is based on where you're at

563
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: with yourself one hundred percent. You here's my fee. You know,

564
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: you know this probably about me given our friendship, even

565
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 1: though like we're both so busy. But like, I've always

566
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: had a lot of girl friends like friends, and everyone's

567
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,719
Speaker 1: like girls and guys can't be friends. Like on the record,

568
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: I have had many girlfriend I hope some of my

569
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: girlfriends don't get offended by this. I've had many girlfriends

570
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: that I have had no interest in sleeping with or

571
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 1: hooking up with. I just like people. Right. Growing up,

572
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: I always had a lot of girlfriends, first tomboys, right,

573
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: because a lot of sports, and especially in college. Is

574
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: when I think I woke up to this when my

575
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: girlfriends were like, man, and I've been always on this

576
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence shit, long before I understood what the word

577
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: meant or even had heard the word. When all my

578
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: girlfriends were like man, I just like, I just always

579
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: end up with the wrong guys. What's my luck? I

580
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: just get all these bad guys and Ash, I'm telling you,

581
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: nineteen fucking ninety four, I was like, sister, it's fucking you.

582
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: You end up with bad guys because you like you

583
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: don't feel great about you, right, you know, like like,

584
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: you know, I get the like in a girl's early years,

585
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: like the bad boy that's got a pretty face, I

586
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: get it, right. But I grew up with so many

587
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:56,479
Speaker 1: other girl friends who never had bad relationships. And the

588
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 1: one thing that was obvious to me as early as

589
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: twenty one, twenty nineteen years old, was like, ah, these

590
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: girls are like me. They're confident, and these girls are

591
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 1: not the end, right and so, and everybody gets twisted.

592
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: Everybody thinks that if you're a pretty girl, you're confident,

593
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: and what we all learn as we get older, in fact,

594
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: oftentimes you're very much not confident because the only validation

595
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: you've been getting from the world is your looks. And

596
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: that is fine and good and like, I'm a fan

597
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: of beauty, both men and women, but I find many

598
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: of my most attractive friends are deeply insecure because they

599
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: wanted validation for their brains or for their personality. Rightfully,

600
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: So it's a human flight and so yeah, I just

601
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: I self esteem is true self esteem. You know, people

602
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: get the word self esteem an ego, very confused ego

603
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: is actually insecurity with makeup on, and self esteem is

604
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: the most intoxicating, powerful superpower on Earth.

605
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 3: M Yeah, and I think you nail it there, right.

606
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 2: I think also being a woman and a woman saying

607
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,320
Speaker 2: like it is my choice not to fuck with average

608
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 2: people because it affects the way I see myself in

609
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 2: the world and how I move in it. Instead of

610
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 2: that being like a holy shit comment coming from a woman,

611
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 2: a man says that there's no fucking issue.

612
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 3: There's no issue.

613
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the thing I always tell my girlfriends is

614
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 1: you'd be surprised though, Like you know, I always say

615
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: this the girl house. I'm like, and obviously I have

616
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: no naivete. Don't forget. My mom is my hero. So

617
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: that made me very aware early on, like, yes, the

618
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,479
Speaker 1: world is different to men and women, and by the way,

619
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 1: it cuts both ways. Like I say this all the time,

620
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 1: like when I come back in my next life, I

621
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 1: want to be a ten out of ten women, Like

622
00:34:51,600 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: there is incredible, undeniable, extraordinary life opportunities. God forbid, if

623
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: I'm smart, it's fucking over it. I'll take not being smart.

624
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: I want to be confident. I want to be confident.

625
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 1: But nonetheless I always say this to girl pals, especially

626
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: as we got into this last decade. One of the

627
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: sad things that's happening in society is as if we

628
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 1: weren't against each other on religion and country of origin,

629
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: as if we needed other things to separate us. We

630
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: got into you know this, we didn't. I didn't even

631
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,000
Speaker 1: know that I was part of gen X until I

632
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: was twenty five years old. M So now we have

633
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: generational divide, like, hey, boomers, you have to hate gen

634
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 1: Z and gen Z has to hate boomers. In the

635
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: last ten years, the gen Z versus boomers thing and

636
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 1: the men versus women thing has been devastating to me.

637
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: It's two new things. As if race wasn't enough and religion,

638
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: now let's throw two more things at the world to

639
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: divide us. Spy, which I hate, but I tell my

640
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: girl pals all the time, like, if you know, especially

641
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: in business world, this will make a lot of sense

642
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: to you, Gary, if boys are assertive like they're fucking geez,

643
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: If I'm sort of, I'm a bitch And there's incredible

644
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: historical truth to that. What I would tell the women

645
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 1: listening to this right now, especially the moms of sons.

646
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 1: I said it earlier of how much interaction I've had

647
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,760
Speaker 1: with fifteen to twenty five. Over the last fifteen years,

648
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: there is no separation between men and women on how

649
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: insecure they are. Men. Actually, I'll say nice and slow women.

650
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 1: If you're in a place where you're judging quote unquote

651
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: men every single like, let's think about it. I like

652
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: razzing on men too. Think about everything you raz on

653
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: men for right now. Just think I'm gonna go nice

654
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 1: and slow. Just give it real thought, especially if you

655
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: just had a breakup, like I'm sure you're rattling the

656
00:36:56,040 --> 00:37:00,240
Speaker 1: many things. Okay, let's do another minute or two. Okay, done.

657
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: Every single thing that man does that you think is

658
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: horseshit talking down to you, not listening, you know, not

659
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: not respecting your opinion. Every whatever you're gonna bring up

660
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: right now, one hundred thousand percent of it comes from insecurity. Yep.

661
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: Men are uncomfortably insecure. In fact, the rise of like

662
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 1: this man self esteem movement, which is like so sadly

663
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: like anti woman, is just exposing even more men that

664
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: are deeply insecure and they need some aggressive man to

665
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 1: make them feel more comfortable.

666
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 2: Can't ye can't regulate emotion because they were never taught.

667
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: To and and just so I would just say, you

668
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 1: know what my great dream is for society that man, woman, black, white, Chinese, American,

669
00:37:55,120 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: all those sub factors became wildly churtuary in the eyes

670
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:04,840
Speaker 1: of people, and we could just get to some weird

671
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: we're all humans like, I'm kind of like, I don't

672
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 1: I'm about to lose a lot of the Anybody who

673
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 1: just started to like me is about to hate me.

674
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 1: So I'm just prefacing this. Ash. Do you know that

675
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,240
Speaker 1: I have a weird relationship with animals.

676
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 3: I did not know that.

677
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what it's based on where I

678
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: was going. I wish that humans could blindly love each

679
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: other the way we blindly love dogs.

680
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 3: Oh that's so arh. I feel that.

681
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: I really struggle watching people I know in my life

682
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: who are just not great to other people and then

683
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: a fucking puppy comes along and they're like like, and

684
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 1: I'm just in. It frustrates the living shit out of me.

685
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: And it's how I learned early in my life that

686
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: people were scared of other people, that they were insecure

687
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 1: the reason. And you know, I hate to do this

688
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 1: because she's passed, And actually I'm gonna say it as

689
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: a implement because I love her deeply, But my grandmother

690
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: was a big factor in my life. My grandmother, my

691
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 1: dad's mom, would come to our house and live with

692
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: us between my mom's birthday and my dad's birthday. So

693
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: she lived in Queens while we lived in Jersey, but

694
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: she would come on May third and she would stay

695
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 1: until September tenth every year of my life. So I

696
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 1: really lived with my grandma in a lot of ways.

697
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,839
Speaker 1: If you think about that half the year my whole life. Yeah,

698
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: she was so negative. She had not one nice thing

699
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 1: to say about anyone, and she spent all her time

700
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: trying to put that in me. Like she would actively

701
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: go out of her way, like my aunt would visit

702
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 1: her sister in law, and then like the next morning

703
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 1: she would like like I would watch her like a

704
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 1: dog and a bone come to me and like sit

705
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: down next to me on breakfast and just talk shit

706
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,720
Speaker 1: and about my dad and about my mom and about

707
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: you know, those kind of people not to me, about me,

708
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: but me to my sister, and my sister to me.

709
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: And and then I had my mother, who was literally

710
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: the opposite. So I lived this whole life where I

711
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is the world, and like this

712
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: is way better than this. And obviously I shared my

713
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 1: mom's DNA, so it made it natural for me. But

714
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 1: my sister shared my grandma and dad's DNA and it

715
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 1: made it harder for her m. So obviously I had

716
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,280
Speaker 1: that framework. So I saw the world that way. Everybody

717
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 1: I met was either my grandma or my mom and

718
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: my grandma's crew. Oh, they love a good dog, m

719
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: h always. Because a dog doesn't talk back to you, period, yep.

720
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,280
Speaker 1: But a human can call you out on your insecurities.

721
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: And if you're deeply struggling with narcissism or insecurity, well

722
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: you don't want people poking.

723
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:59,280
Speaker 2: Yours and you don't receive it period. That is life,

724
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 2: and it's beautifully put. And I'm curious, Gary, for someone

725
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 2: who's lived so loud publicly.

726
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 3: What do you? What do you keep for yourself? Like,

727
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 3: what do you what anchors you?

728
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: That's good? My family, you know this. I'm uncomfortably private

729
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 1: mm hmm, deeply private. Nobody knows shit about my personal life.

730
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: The end.

731
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 3: I love that because you give so much.

732
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 2: You give so much to everyone and the way you

733
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 2: show up and you're such an impath and like, I

734
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 2: just imagine absorbing that all fucking day. I know this

735
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 2: is your vessel and your gift which has made you

736
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 2: incredibly a good human and family man. But I'm just like,

737
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:45,800
Speaker 2: how the fuck do you keep going?

738
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 3: Gary?

739
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 2: How do you keep waking up and choosing it over

740
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,320
Speaker 2: and over and over again.

741
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: It's like profound, It's it's no different than all the

742
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: skills we all have, Like this is who I am.

743
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: I have so much to get ash. I've been full

744
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 1: from the get, you know, like I've been this. You know.

745
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: I always love when people like okay, Gary, but that's

746
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,439
Speaker 1: because now rich or famous, whatever they want to throw

747
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 1: at it. And I love with my ogs, like literally

748
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 1: people that I knew in third grade, ninth grade. Sometimes

749
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 1: people haven't talked to in twenty years. I've seen in

750
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: the comments being like, nah, this motherfucker like was breaking

751
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: up fights in fourth grade, stuck up for the nerd

752
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: like like he just like, I've been full from the get.

753
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 1: This is why I give so many flowers to my

754
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 1: mother I was and my father. You know, it's actually fuck,

755
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 1: it's my dad's birthday today, Happy seventy second birthday to

756
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:38,280
Speaker 1: Sasha Vaynerchuff.

757
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 3: My father birthday.

758
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 1: In fact, in fact, the lesson. In fact, actually, let

759
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: me give him a huge flower as a parting shot.

760
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: In fact, my mother is also so not candorous. My

761
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:59,240
Speaker 1: father is incredibly candorous, very honest, And because I started

762
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: working with him at fourteen and worked with him full

763
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,720
Speaker 1: time from twenty two to thirty four, I would argue,

764
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:09,479
Speaker 1: I'm a much better version of candor than my mother

765
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: my father. In fact, let me say something even more profound,

766
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 1: I believe if I had a different father who was

767
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:21,319
Speaker 1: not such an honest man and who hated bullshit, who

768
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 1: hated exaggeration, let alone lying that ash. It is not

769
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: lost on me that sometimes when people see me for

770
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 1: the first time, they're like, wait a minute, who's this slickster? Yea?

771
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,879
Speaker 1: And I would argue that if I did not have

772
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 1: the father that I had, I might have been the

773
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 1: bad version of who People who want to think I'm

774
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 1: bad like think like I think, my I think at fourteen,

775
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 1: I was so scared of my dad because he's a

776
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 1: scary fucking individual in a lot of ways. I think

777
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,399
Speaker 1: he fucking scared the bullshit out of my body. I'm

778
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 1: being dead serious, And what I was left with was

779
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: all the charisma, like it's real, I really think about this.

780
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, h because you know this, like anyone who

781
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 1: is overtly charismatic gifted verbally like you can get into

782
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: a very dark place.

783
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

784
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And there's levels to it, right, and I would

785
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: say that it is Actually I'm going to be very

786
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: real about this. It is very clear to me that

787
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm a much better man because of my father than

788
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: what I would have been without him, and it and

789
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 1: it might have been that final piece of the puzzle

790
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 1: that m It's almost like my mom built the Sunday,

791
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 1: but my dad put that cherry on top that I

792
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: think has led to all of my happiness and success.

793
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 1: And I'm incredibly grateful for my parents. And how do

794
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: I get up in the morning.

795
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,919
Speaker 3: I'm built for this, fucking built for it.

796
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 1: You know I can handle it because to your point,

797
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: when you're strong, you can deal with the bad. I

798
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 1: can with the judgment, I can deal with the cynicism.

799
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: I can deal with people spreading when when your public

800
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 1: figure people just make I mean, you're you've you know

801
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: one thing that I think has helped me that has

802
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: not been your path is because I've always kept all

803
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 1: of my personal life private. When people make up stories

804
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: about me in my professional life. It stings, but it

805
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 1: doesn't mean anything. The reason I'm empathetic to you and

806
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: other people who do have their relationships and their life

807
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: much more public. When people make up shit about you

808
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 1: and your partners and your children. Fuck man, that's hard. Deep. Yeah,

809
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 1: it's deep. And so I think both I was built

810
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: for it and two and my ex wife because there's

811
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: a lot of credit for this because we were very

812
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 1: aligned to this. I think the strategy of like my

813
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 1: personal life is going to be for me forever and never,

814
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: no matter if I'm the most known person on earth,

815
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 1: which I continue to be and aspire to be, because

816
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: I think I can leave a positive impact, I still

817
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 1: will not give the world my personal life. Mm hmmm.

818
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 2: I love that and I respect that about you and

819
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. And Gary, thank you for showing up

820
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 2: the way you do with fucking fire and honesty and

821
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,320
Speaker 2: just the constant reminder that dreaming big.

822
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 3: Isn't just allowed, it's it's necessary, and I think.

823
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 1: And it's hard, and it's hard. I want I want

824
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: to leave with this, If you have big dreams, back

825
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 1: to something you touched on here, If you have big dreams,

826
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: you need to go to the gym without your podcast,

827
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: without your cute little outfit, without it being for anybody

828
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: but yourself, and you need to fucking work in there.

829
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 2: Be comfortable with being uncomfortable, is what you said. Be

830
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 2: fucking comfortable with being uncomfortable, and you want.

831
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 3: It if you want it.

832
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 2: But I think that's the takeaway here from you is that,

833
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 2: like success isn't just about business wins, it's really about

834
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 2: how you live, how you give, how you show up

835
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 2: even when it's fucking hard.

836
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: Just like you said, I would actually tell you, Ash

837
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: as you continue to get to know me better than

838
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 1: you might have started to already sniff this out. This

839
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 1: is the wildest fucking thing about me. I'm overtly passionate

840
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 1: about my career, about what I do, about how I

841
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 1: try to show up in the world. Everything we just

842
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: talked about for the last hour, and none of my

843
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: validation comes from it. It's not what I strive for.

844
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: I strive for waking up in the morning and not

845
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 1: having pressure on my chest piece peace of mind, and

846
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: I have it so.

847
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 3: Heavy, ah, I love that.

848
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: So heavy, and that's what I want for everyone else

849
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: because it's so much better than the alternative.

850
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it really is. And I'm just getting

851
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 2: a sniff at that at thirty nine.

852
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:53,320
Speaker 1: Good for you. Well, listen that you're a fucking baby, honestly, honestly,

853
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: you're gonna live for another sixty fucking years. Thirty nine

854
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: is an incredibly good age to get a sniff, and

855
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 1: I want you to keep fucking going down that path.

856
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 1: It's better than all of the empire building you can do.

857
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 1: The Empire of peace of mind is better than the

858
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: Empire of bank account.

859
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 3: Couldn't agree more.

860
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: All right, Thanks, love you, Gary, thanks for coming on,

861
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:13,959
Speaker 2: Love you so much.

862
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 3: Okay, Bye.

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00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 2: Wide Open with Ashlin Harris is an iHeart women's sports production.

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Speaker 3: You can find us on.

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Speaker 2: The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 2: Our producers are Carmen Borca Correo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones.

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Speaker 2: Production assistants from Malia Aguidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz,

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Speaker 2: Jenny Kaplan and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan

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Speaker 2: and Emily Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlin Harris