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Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Hey, we're back.

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Speaker 2: We're black, We're brown. Ambition ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition.

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Speaker 1: Hey Mannger, how are you good morning?

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Speaker 3: I'm sure we have in there. How are you good?

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Speaker 1: We have some extra black in black and black. I'm

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Speaker 1: brown ambition.

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Speaker 4: Today, I mean Claudruple the Chocolate today, Cuaudruple the Yes.

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Speaker 4: I'm so excited to have these guests on, y'all. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: these are old friends of yours. I feel like, but

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Speaker 4: this is my first time meaning them. But it's yeah,

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 2: Well, honestly, if you are listening, I can almost guarantee

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Speaker 2: that you know Duvaul and conteen.

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Speaker 1: Elis. They've millennial married couple.

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Speaker 2: First of all, they're both I feel like it's not

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Speaker 2: fair for the gene pool that both y' all beautiful

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Speaker 2: and just want to both married somebody ugly so that

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Speaker 2: way we can spread the well. But now they were like, no,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna keep it on.

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Speaker 1: The kids are absolutely beautiful.

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Speaker 2: They have a podcast themselves called Dead Ass with K

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Speaker 2: and D that have been on several times, and they

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Speaker 2: have a new book called We Over Me, The Counterintuitive

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Speaker 2: Approach to Getting Everything you want from your relationship.

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Speaker 1: And as of last week.

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Speaker 2: They are New York Times best selling authors.

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Speaker 3: Yes, welcome to the club.

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Speaker 1: It's cute over here.

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Speaker 5: Thank you, we can finally join you in some aspect

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Speaker 5: of what.

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Speaker 2: No, I just I'm just like really proud of you.

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Speaker 2: I'm just so excited for you to be on here

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Speaker 2: with us. Yes, Andy, well you know you don't know

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Speaker 2: them any question.

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Speaker 4: In person, but of course I know y'all like, of

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Speaker 4: course I listen to dead ass and wait, remind me,

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Speaker 4: y'all got your start of the YouTube channel, right.

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Speaker 5: Actually we started with Instagram, Instagram stology.

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Speaker 4: So for the people who haven't had the pleasure of

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Speaker 4: meeting the LSS yet, tell us a little bit about

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Speaker 4: how you got your start and how you came to

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Speaker 4: the point where you were, like, let's put this into

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Speaker 4: a book. Our marriage, our relationship. These skills are so magic.

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Speaker 4: Everyone needs to know these.

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Speaker 5: Well. The funny thing is, if you read the book,

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Speaker 5: you realize that we're not even talking about how magical

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Speaker 5: our skills are. We talked about how messed up we

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Speaker 5: were when we first got We kind of figured things

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Speaker 5: out that work for us. But it actually started on

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Speaker 5: social media. As many people know, Kadeen is a host

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Speaker 5: of TV hosts and I'm an actor. And since the

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Speaker 5: first day we met in college and we talked about

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Speaker 5: what our dreams were. Our dreams were to be in

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Speaker 5: front of the camera. Fast forward about ten years. I

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Speaker 5: had retired from the NFL and I was doing on auditions.

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Speaker 5: I had booked a bunch of national commercials and Kadeen

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Speaker 5: was doing some hosting and I was Power, which is

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Speaker 5: my third time on prime time television. And I was

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Speaker 5: with my son, Jackson at the time, who was I

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Speaker 5: think four, and he said, I come on TV and

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Speaker 5: we were all excited. My family's watching and he goes, Daddy,

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Speaker 5: you always have on that outfit when you were on TV.

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Speaker 5: And I had on an orange jumpsuit because that was

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Speaker 5: my third time criminal on television. And it hurt because

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Speaker 5: I was like, I was like, man, like here I

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Speaker 5: am perpetualating the same stereotypes that I'm trying to eliminate

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Speaker 5: with all of the work I do. I had a

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Speaker 5: non for profit organization in Brooklyn who are helping young

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Speaker 5: men get into college. So the very next day I

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Speaker 5: had an audition for Blue Bloods and I'm going the

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Speaker 5: audition and there are two lines. There's a line for

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Speaker 5: an attorney and a doctor, and there's a line for

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Speaker 5: inmate one and two. Of course, I'm in there to

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Speaker 5: audition for inmate one and two. And I look on

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Speaker 5: the line and there's nothing but black and brown men.

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Speaker 5: So then I asked a question. I'm like, this is

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Speaker 5: a co starring role. I said, maybe if I just

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Speaker 5: asked to let me go into the other line. So

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Speaker 5: why can audition as an attorney or a doctor? And

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Speaker 5: the lady was just like, no, you know, we have

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Speaker 5: specific audition times for specific people on that line. We're

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Speaker 5: all white and Asian men. And I walked out and

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Speaker 5: Kadin was like, man, that was a fast audition. And

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Speaker 5: I was just like, I didn't do it. I'm not

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Speaker 5: I can't do this anymore. And she was like duvow.

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Speaker 5: She just walked out of the audition. I said, I

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Speaker 5: can't continue to perpetuate the same stereotype. So she was like, well,

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Speaker 5: what's your plan? I said, Instagram has just instituted fifteen

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Speaker 5: second videos. I'm going to write little fifteen second like

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Speaker 5: scenes for you and I and we're going to map

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Speaker 5: it out and have our own little social sitcom called

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Speaker 5: the Elysis.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, why do you want to

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Speaker 3: do that?

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Speaker 5: Just think about it. If we can show people that

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Speaker 5: the black family exists, because at the time, it was

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Speaker 5: just me, her and Jackson, and we can show them

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Speaker 5: what our love looked like, and it's just a regular

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Speaker 5: black family from Brooklyn, just grinding to make it through gentrification.

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Speaker 5: And we had so many things that we could allu

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Speaker 5: you and debate about because we were coming from a

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Speaker 5: man's standpoint and a woman's standpoint, and we were using

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Speaker 5: relationships as our basis. And she was like, all right,

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Speaker 5: if you see it, I'm with it. Started to do

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Speaker 5: these little skits. Then Instagram turned into sixty second videos

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Speaker 5: and I was like, wow, I got sixty second instead

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Speaker 5: of fact, let's go. It started to blow up, and

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Speaker 5: as it started to blow up, the comment section started

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Speaker 5: to be, you know, men and women starting to debate,

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Speaker 5: like I understand d vous perspective, I understand these perspective.

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Speaker 5: And then that transitioned into the podcast, and then the

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Speaker 5: podcast transitioned into the YouTube series of Elysis, where we

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Speaker 5: did fifteen minute videos which was a sitcom of our family.

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Speaker 5: And then the next natural step was a book where

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Speaker 5: we can actually write down all our thoughts and tell

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Speaker 5: our story, which we call the Brooklyn Love Story and

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Speaker 5: its totality without being shortened by you know, Twitter limits

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Speaker 5: or small Instagram limits. So it just transitioned into a

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Speaker 5: book and we wanted to tell our story in our narrative,

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Speaker 5: our way.

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Speaker 1: Did you see this? So the one I there was

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Speaker 1: one that was like you guys went viral for it

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Speaker 1: was like this really cute picture, like.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe a series of pictures I remember he had,

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Speaker 2: so that picture went viral.

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Speaker 1: But then the I didn't realize now the vall that

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Speaker 1: it was you.

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Speaker 2: But it was this hilarious skit many I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you ever saw it that, Like Kadeen was like

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Speaker 2: not there and the vall had to like take the

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Speaker 2: kids like grocery shopping or something, and he was like,

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Speaker 2: how how your mother gets you out of the house?

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Speaker 3: Your pants? Your paint again?

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Speaker 2: It was huh freaking I mean the way I watched

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Speaker 2: that like a hundred times to watch like this dad

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Speaker 2: struggle with like taking the kids outside the house taked

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Speaker 2: like he would always be like, kade what takes you

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Speaker 2: so long to get the kids ready? And when he

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Speaker 2: had to do it himself, he could not believe that

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Speaker 2: somehow she managed to do all of.

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Speaker 1: This, and he was like, I'm tired. I'm not to

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Speaker 1: go back.

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Speaker 2: And they hadn't even gone food shopping to where were

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Speaker 2: you supposed to be going? But that was the skit

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Speaker 2: that like put me on to be like wow, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I love that that it was real and

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Speaker 2: you know that this is what it looks like there. Sometimes,

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Speaker 2: you know, moms make these miracles happen. They make them

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Speaker 2: seem so effortless that like Dad's like, it can't be

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Speaker 2: that hard until it's not for you to.

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Speaker 6: Do that, right, Yeah, he definitely understood after that.

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Speaker 5: I get it.

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Speaker 3: How many kids do y'all have today?

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Speaker 6: So we have four total now, our youngest year and

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Speaker 6: about fifteen months now, and Jackson, the oldest, is eleven

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Speaker 6: to twelve. And then we have six.

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Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, yeah, I think of it. I have one

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Speaker 3: and a half.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I have a three year old and I have

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Speaker 4: a I have another one on the way in a

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Speaker 4: couple of months. Thank you, thank you so much. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And honestly, I'm like, oh, sorry, what'd you say?

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Speaker 6: I said we won't be adding anyone to anything over here.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm one of four, so I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 4: part of me is like, I mean, I was number three,

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Speaker 4: so I'm not sure trying to go all.

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Speaker 3: The way to four.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, maybe the third got but no. On my

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Speaker 4: my husband and I are relationship. It's and plus the

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Speaker 4: pandemic and you guys have you know, lived through that

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Speaker 4: as a couple as well. I mean, how do y'all

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Speaker 4: see the dynamic of your marriage sort of changing from

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Speaker 4: one to two to three to four kids?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 6: I feel like after after after three, I was after two,

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Speaker 6: after two.

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Speaker 5: Whatever.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just like add another one and another one

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Speaker 6: and another one. They'll figure it out. We'll see kind

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Speaker 6: of like yeah, in the same direction after a while,

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Speaker 6: and then you hope for the best.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 6: The nice thing we have, the age difference that we

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Speaker 6: have is that Jackson, who's now almost twelve, he's literally

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Speaker 6: conducting himself.

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Speaker 5: Like a grown man.

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Speaker 6: It's insane to see how responsible and how mature he is.

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Speaker 6: And we're both the oldest of three, and we can

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Speaker 6: see a lot of those similar qualities in him where

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Speaker 6: we're like, oh, he's definitely a leader, he's a nurturer.

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Speaker 6: So it's nice sometimes to kind of be like, hey,

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Speaker 6: look out for your brother. So since we travel a

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Speaker 6: lot for work, you know a lot of times we

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Speaker 6: have parent guilt leaving because we're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 6: we feakin and you know, Jackson literally like holds it down.

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Speaker 6: It's so funny. We was having a conversation with Val

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Speaker 6: and I I'm like, you know, text the driver and

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Speaker 6: let him know that we don't need him anymore against

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Speaker 6: to come later to pick up someone else. And Jackson's like,

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Speaker 6: literally over here like texting between us the driver, I

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Speaker 6: got you to worry about it.

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Speaker 5: We can text because it didn't have an Apple phone.

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Speaker 5: So we were like, then we need somebody to get contact,

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Speaker 5: and we hit our eleven year old send him the number,

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Speaker 5: and then he sends us the screenshot that he sent

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Speaker 5: the driver. He yo, black, my dad said, don't worry

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Speaker 5: about coming. But it's funny.

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Speaker 4: He's so on it and the picture he's got like

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Speaker 4: a like an airpiece on Lord grown up by now

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Speaker 4: while he's changing a diaper background.

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Speaker 6: Like making grilled cheese at the same time. It's so funny,

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Speaker 6: but it's really dope to watch.

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Speaker 4: And when you had that idea to start insta videos,

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Speaker 4: like financially, I mean, what was the conversation like, you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to stop taking on these roles, which I

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Speaker 4: know we're not the best, and obviously we're super you

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Speaker 4: know you're a pigeonholed, which is awful, But as a couple,

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Speaker 4: how did y'all handle that?

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Speaker 3: Financially?

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Speaker 4: We have so many listeners who are constantly asking us

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Speaker 4: right to like.

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Speaker 3: How do y'all manage your finances? And like how do

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Speaker 3: you you know, get on the same page.

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Speaker 4: And it's one thing to manage it when you're both

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Speaker 4: got like nine to five jobs. It's another thing when

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Speaker 4: one of y'all is like, I'm going to leap off

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Speaker 4: this cliff.

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Speaker 3: You don't, let's go.

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Speaker 6: Oh for sure. One thing did all knew that we

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Speaker 6: could not be was no starving artist's family. That's the

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Speaker 6: fact that she wanted to be an actor. That's amazing.

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Speaker 6: I'm go go about it, But how are you going

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Speaker 6: to make this happen financially? Because at that point, what

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Speaker 6: year was it, we moved the NFL, you retired, and

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Speaker 6: then we moved back to New York and Brooklyn, and

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Speaker 6: that's when we kind of had to start over again.

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Speaker 6: So our story is a little interesting because it went

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Speaker 6: from being broken college, to the about getting money in

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Speaker 6: the NFL, to us losing everything in the recession back

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Speaker 6: in two thousand and eight and then having to rebuild again.

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Speaker 5: And the biggest thing is I've always had plans, and

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Speaker 5: I've always included Kadeen in my plans. On our very

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Speaker 5: first date, Kadeen said to me, what do you want

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Speaker 5: to do with your life? We were eighteen years old,

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Speaker 5: sitting in my dorm room, my very first date, and

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Speaker 5: Martin was on television and I said I want to

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Speaker 5: do that and she was like, what's that? And I said,

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Speaker 5: I'm going to act. And this is the moment, realistically,

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Speaker 5: when I knew I had a partner or somewhe different.

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Speaker 5: She didn't laugh, she didn't get how are you gonna

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Speaker 5: da da da? She said, okay, how are we going

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Speaker 5: to get there? And it was the how are we

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Speaker 5: going to get there? To me that was kind of intriguing,

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Speaker 5: like wow, First of all, she didn't laugh. Second of all,

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Speaker 5: she included herself in my dream, which made me in

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Speaker 5: that moment, feel like she believes in my dream as well,

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Speaker 5: which made me feel good. So then I told her,

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Speaker 5: I said, well, if I make it to the NFL,

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Speaker 5: and I make a practice squad. I can make this

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Speaker 5: is at eighteen. Now, I said, I can make one

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Speaker 5: hundred thousand dollars in four months. We can put a

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Speaker 5: down payment in the Brownstone in Brooklyn, we can run

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Speaker 5: out the upstairs two floors, we can live in the

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Speaker 5: basement part and we could We don't have to be

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Speaker 5: starving artists because the rent will cover the mortgage.

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Speaker 4: And she was like, wow, eighteen at eighteen, and I

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Speaker 4: was like, what, you had a good one.

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Speaker 3: I was not talking about down payments at eighteen.

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Speaker 5: The funny thing is that's the way my brain always worked.

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Speaker 5: So as I got to the NFL, of course I

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Speaker 5: bought property, I did all the right things. The recession hits,

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Speaker 5: and I get cut in the same three months. Like

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Speaker 5: the recession hit that summer of two thousand and eight,

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Speaker 5: I get cut in September two thousand and eight. So

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Speaker 5: then for the next four months we were trying to

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Speaker 5: figure out which this income going to come in, because

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Speaker 5: I had bought multiple properties and now I have no

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Speaker 5: income coming in.

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Speaker 6: Her full part about that, too, is just like we

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Speaker 6: did all of the right things, Like he's so dealing,

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Speaker 6: like his business acumen and his financial acumen was so

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Speaker 6: far beyond anything I had experienced, so I knew he

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Speaker 6: was doing the right things. I was like, he's not

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Speaker 6: throwing bands in the strip club. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 6: he thought we were doing all the right things, but

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Speaker 6: his money. And then here we are back one.

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Speaker 5: So when I decided to retire, I had told kay

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Speaker 5: I said, listen, give me some time. I will get

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Speaker 5: us back to where we were when I was playing ball.

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Speaker 5: And this is where the partnership comes in. And we

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Speaker 5: worried about this in the book. I said to Kadeen,

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Speaker 5: I'm cut. We don't have insurance. All I need is

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Speaker 5: for someone to have insurance. You're pregnant, so to make

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Speaker 5: sure that we can cover the baby. Stuff like that.

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Speaker 5: Kadeen took off her engagement ring and put it in

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Speaker 5: her jewelry box, got on that B forty four bus

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Speaker 5: and went to the mall and said, I need a job,

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Speaker 5: and she her biggest focus was getting a full time

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Speaker 5: job so that we can get insurance. So my answer

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Speaker 5: to that question was, anytime there was a financial issue,

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Speaker 5: I never hit it. We talked about how we were

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Speaker 5: going to get ourselves out of that financial situation together.

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Speaker 5: She was never too you too stuck up to pull

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Speaker 5: up our bootstraps and say I'm gonna go work. I

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Speaker 5: worked as a substitute teacher. I worked as a color

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Speaker 5: commentary on mc varsity. I did personal training. There was

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Speaker 5: no job that was beneath me in order to provide

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Speaker 5: for my family, and my wife felt the same way.

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Speaker 5: So during those times, you just worked harder. We did

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Speaker 5: multiple jobs, multiple tasks, until we got to the point

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Speaker 5: where we could say, you know what, i want autonomy

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Speaker 5: over my time. Now, I'm going to quit this aspect

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Speaker 5: and just focus on this. And Instagram was able to

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Speaker 5: provide that for us when the brand partnership deals started

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Speaker 5: to come up.

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Speaker 1: So what are the conversations like now about money?

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Speaker 2: Now that like you're off the struggle bus, you know,

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Speaker 2: and you're like, so I'm curious, like where are you?

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Speaker 2: So it's like, you know, in the beginning, like so

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Speaker 2: many new entrepreneurs, there's this struggle, and then there's a

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Speaker 2: space where it's like I'm kind of okay, and then

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Speaker 2: there's a space where it's like no, I'm solidly okay,

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Speaker 2: and then hopefully there's a space where it's like I'm

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Speaker 2: beyond okay. I'm actually doing really well, so where are

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Speaker 2: you in that space? And then how have the conversation shifted?

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Speaker 5: Well, right now we're beyond okay, we're doing extremely row.

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Speaker 5: I like to say, we live in abundance. And the

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Speaker 5: first thing we do is we have a fiduciary responsibility

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Speaker 5: to pay forward. You know. I feel like no one

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Speaker 5: should live in a bonus without being a gift to

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Speaker 5: other people, because this is a gift to well. So

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Speaker 5: that's the first thing. The second thing is all about

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Speaker 5: about wealth building. Now, how can we prepare our children

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Speaker 5: to be in this space regardless of what happens to

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Speaker 5: them in life. It doesn't matter if I mean, of

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Speaker 5: course we want through the graduate in high school and

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Speaker 5: go to college or learn the trade or do something.

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Speaker 5: But I want to be able to have my children

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Speaker 5: live freely on this planet. And that's what the goal is. Now.

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Speaker 5: What things can be put in place to make sure

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Speaker 5: our children are okay?

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Speaker 6: And it's funny, Tiffany and Mandy because the Deval for

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Speaker 6: a long time had to school me on the financial

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Speaker 6: world and how things work. I was not good with money,

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Speaker 6: and not to say that I was a frivolous spender,

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Speaker 6: but for example, Deval gave me or put me on

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Speaker 6: his credit card a little bit after what was it

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Speaker 6: the NFL?

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Speaker 5: This was thousand, So it's two thousand and six six.

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Speaker 5: I was a rookie the NFL, and I was trying

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Speaker 5: to help with build a.

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Speaker 6: Credit, right because at this point my parents hadn't really

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Speaker 6: explained anything to me about credit or anything. So he

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Speaker 6: added me on in his credit card. So I'm thinking, oh,

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Speaker 6: I got like money percent and I can just pay

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Speaker 6: it back at my leisure. And I didn't realize at

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Speaker 6: the time, I you know, put the card. I think

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Speaker 6: it was like fifteen thousands, just like the with the

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Speaker 6: MAX and I was just making like small payments like

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Speaker 6: oh twenty five thousan a month, you know, not knowing

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Speaker 6: anything about adults. Right, So there's that things that we

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Speaker 6: were in being broken and going back to Brooklyn having

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Speaker 6: to rebuild. Even in the space that we're in now,

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Speaker 6: I still sometimes move with caution, like I don't want

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Speaker 6: to buy this, or oh what's the budget for that?

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Speaker 6: And that was like my my, my look at person

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Speaker 6: that just used to be like I don't know if

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Speaker 6: you guys have seen this like a video going around

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Speaker 6: a viral where someone has their Apple Panent.

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Speaker 5: They're like.

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Speaker 6: Charging everything everywhere, and I just can't get used to

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Speaker 6: that now because I'm still living in this sense of

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Speaker 6: fear sometimes like what if it all get snatched away?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 6: But Devell has helped kind of ease that anxiety meet

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Speaker 6: and then you know, like, Okay, now we have certain

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Speaker 6: things allotted, like the children will be okay, we will

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Speaker 6: be okay, like these people and things that we have

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Speaker 6: in place will make it so that we're okay, Like

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Speaker 6: you don't have to live like that. But also too,

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Speaker 6: us feel like it's a more stressful environment like that

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Speaker 6: whole more money, more problem situation because now we are

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Speaker 6: technically employing a large group of people to work for us,

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Speaker 6: to help us create the content that we have. So

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Speaker 6: now I'm thinking about how many people's livelihoods we're responsible for,

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Speaker 6: and that's a different kind of pressure. When you think

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Speaker 6: about it, it's like it's not just about us. It's

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Speaker 6: trying to help make sure that our people around us

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Speaker 6: are also staying afloat. So that's an added layer of stress.

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Speaker 6: Like back in November, Devell had this breakdown unlike anything

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Speaker 6: I've seen before. I know he doesn't mind sharing it

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Speaker 6: because he's spoken about it, but he was filming his

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Speaker 6: I think it was six season Insisters or STEMA, and

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Speaker 6: I'm pretty much passed out on set. And when I

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Speaker 6: spoke to him and I'm like, hey, you know, I'm

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Speaker 6: a Jamaica at a wedding and I'm like, you know

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Speaker 6: what's going on? And He's just like, Oh, I'm you know, dehydrated.

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Speaker 6: I'm really stressed out and whatnot. And I said to

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Speaker 6: him toout, like, if you don't feel well this weekend,

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Speaker 6: maybe you can't make it to work on Monday, Like

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Speaker 6: they're going to have to understand your health comes first.

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Speaker 6: And he literally was like no, like I have to

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Speaker 6: go to work because I have to make this money

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Speaker 6: because I have people.

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Speaker 2: I have to pay.

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Speaker 6: And that was the main reason why he couldn't even

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Speaker 6: take the time to get one hundred percent back to

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Speaker 6: himself health wise, because he had the stress of thinking

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Speaker 6: about how many people we had that were depending on us.

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Speaker 6: That's another level of stress that you deal with in

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Speaker 6: the financial space.

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Speaker 5: No, yeah, I mean Tiviany and you you understand this.

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Speaker 5: When you become your own company, you sort of become

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Speaker 5: an economy for so many people, and when you become

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Speaker 5: that economy. It only works as you work. And when

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Speaker 5: you've when you've n trusted people, you put it on

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Speaker 5: them like, hey, I need you to help me, help

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Speaker 5: me make this happen. But also they've entrusted you, so

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Speaker 5: it's like now they put their livelihoods and their dreams

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Speaker 5: and stuff in your pretty much in your lap and say, hey,

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Speaker 5: as long as you work, I'm here to help facilitate that.

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Speaker 5: But during that time, I didn't realize how much financially,

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Speaker 5: how much pressure that would be on us financially. And

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Speaker 5: we're at that point now, like I said, when we

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Speaker 5: live in abundance, so we always want to pay forward

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Speaker 5: and help people, but it is like a huge responsibility

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Speaker 5: to make sure that we always bring in enough to

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Speaker 5: make sure that we can put it back out there too.

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Speaker 1: You can I give you some advice and feedback.

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Speaker 5: Of course you can, because you already know how well

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Speaker 5: I was saying. I was there.

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Speaker 1: Lookdin was like growl, let me get my notebook right.

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Speaker 2: So this is for So this is that's a stage

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Speaker 2: in entrepreneurship that you know, many of us reach, especially

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Speaker 2: if we are the face of our brand. Like Mandy

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Speaker 2: has her own business. She teaches career negotiating, especially the women,

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Speaker 2: and so in the beginning, yes, you are the face first,

438
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 2: just you, you know, because you're like, I ain't got

439
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,200
Speaker 2: money to pay nobody, So you do all the things,

440
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 2: and then if your fortunate business grows, you bring on

441
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 2: help and then they're working side by side. And then

442
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,199
Speaker 2: you get to a point where it's like you literally

443
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 2: for many people. You have to work in order to

444
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 2: provide for not just your family, but your business family.

445
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 2: And that's where it gets tricky because same I had

446
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 2: like my blood pressure was.

447
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: Through the roof.

448
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:25,920
Speaker 2: I mean it was to the point where was like

449
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 2: you been have a heart attack, tivity, because you can't

450
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 2: be No. One sixty one seventy over one hundred.

451
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 7: I mean it was.

452
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 2: I stopped taking my blood pressure like I didn't have

453
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 2: I wasn't on medication, but the doctor was like, if

454
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 2: you come back with this blood pressure like this again,

455
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put you on medication. I gained like thirty

456
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 2: pounds the level I was so stressed. I didn't know

457
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 2: what it felt like not to be stressed. Yeah, you know,

458
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 2: I used to tell myself I'm a morning person because

459
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 2: I woke up every morning at four or five am,

460
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 2: until I realized I'm not necessarily a morning person. It

461
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 2: was anxiety. I could not sleep, even in my dreams.

462
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 2: I was working in my dream I remember literally in

463
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 2: my dreams on a computer. But you know so, and

464
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 2: it doesn't it shouldn't have to take tragedy. But I knew,

465
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 2: like a year or so before my husband passed away,

466
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 2: I knew that something had to shift because I was

467
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 2: declining and I was trying to make these small little

468
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,120
Speaker 2: shifts and small little shifts, and it wasn't really enough.

469
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,120
Speaker 2: And it wasn't until Jarrell passed away that I realized

470
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 2: I have to make a huge, sweeping change because you

471
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 2: got to choose, Tiffany, You're either gonna grieve over your

472
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 2: health or grieve over your husband, because I just didn't

473
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 2: have the capacity to do both. And so I said,

474
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 2: I need to get my health together. And one of

475
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 2: the ways is I had to revamp the way I

476
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 2: did business that it doesn't like now. The way the

477
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 2: business runs largely it doesn't have to fully depend on

478
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 2: me hitting the track, because at one point it was

479
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,160
Speaker 2: like yo if because I could not work for six

480
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: months after he passed away, and I saw like a

481
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: whole new side of people who I thought were down

482
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,119
Speaker 2: for whatever. When I could no longer dance, you know,

483
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 2: dance to dance to make sure everybody ate, And so

484
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 2: slowly but surely I started to shift my business.

485
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 1: I had to reduce some staff.

486
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 2: You know, it wasn't pleasant, but I had to and

487
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 2: to shift the way, like I pivoted from the money

488
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 2: has to come from Tiffany being there to what are

489
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 2: other ways? So I'm in the budgeties is in the

490
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 2: business of community and content. That's what I told my team.

491
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 2: So how do we monetize the community? How do we

492
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: monetize the content where it doesn't depend on me going

493
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 2: out to speak? So even now we are in the

494
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 2: middle of like this huge shift and pivot because right

495
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,199
Speaker 2: now it used to be one hundred percent Tiffany. Now

496
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,479
Speaker 2: it's about seventy sixty seventy percent Tiffany. By the end

497
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 2: of the year, my AAM is fifty percent, by next

498
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 2: year thirty percent. But it has to be intentional or

499
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,880
Speaker 2: you will work yourself to the ground. So the key

500
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 2: in all things when it comes to business in particular,

501
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 2: I've been talking to a lot of people this week,

502
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: is that I call it you want to start to

503
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 2: pre pivot, meaning you should be able to end your business,

504
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 2: look into the future and say this is where this

505
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 2: is headed sick, overwhelmed overwork that so before we get

506
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 2: there three years from now, what do I need to

507
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 2: do now? Because you will have to pivot because your

508
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 2: body is going to force you. But if I can

509
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 2: pre pivot, do it willingly. I can take my time

510
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 2: and I can do so. And although it's hard and

511
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 2: not everyone's going to be happy about it, but I

512
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 2: can do so. So in three years, when the event

513
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 2: happens or whatever, then I've already done the work or

514
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 2: or the foundation or whatever it is that I'm needing

515
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 2: to do. And so that's just for all business owners.

516
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 2: For YouTube Mandy, is that ideally, what you hope is

517
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: that you bake this in to your business model, that

518
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 2: you don't go so far that it's just like you

519
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 2: you you you, And if you haven't, you know, you

520
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: start you have to ask yourself like, well, how do

521
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 2: I want what am I in the business of, How

522
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 2: do I want my business to make money outside of me?

523
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: What do I need to start doing to start to

524
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 2: integrate that into the business now? Because I promise you

525
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 2: like a reckoning is coming if you don't, because if

526
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 2: you pass that on set, the body keeps the score.

527
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't care what you're talking.

528
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 2: About that you find I say, you're not lay down,

529
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: you know, and so like I don't want that for

530
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 2: anyone listening, and so yeah, I just it's not likely

531
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 2: we could talk offline about like some ideas, like you know,

532
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 2: cause I literally just meeting with my friend love yesterday.

533
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 2: My friend bos was like, can't we talk? Everyone is

534
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 2: just like, can't we talk? Because I'm the queen of

535
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 2: the pre pivot, like to get ahead of this thing

536
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: before it takes me out.

537
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: Wait, the conversation is getting so juicy, but we got

538
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: to take a break pay mills, you know. So we

539
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: will be right back with Kadeen and Duval stay put

540
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 1: and we're back in black.

541
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean as a couple, like I listen, I

542
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 4: mean we were at my husband and I were at

543
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 4: a friend's friend, a couple friend's house yesterday and they

544
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 4: were making pizzas and like, it's really hard to not

545
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 4: compare yourself to other couples, right, I don't know, for me, anyway,

546
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 4: I try not to. I've gotten there about not comparing

547
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 4: my son to other kids. But I'm just like, Wow,

548
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 4: they've been making these pizzas and I haven't heard either

549
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 4: of them like snap or like, you know, like there's

550
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 4: enough space in the kitchen for them like with us.

551
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,920
Speaker 4: But can y'all talk about like I mean, and I'm

552
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 4: sure in the book you know you talk about this too,

553
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 4: how there are imperfect not imperfections, but just the reality

554
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 4: of being you know, too strong independent minded people in

555
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 4: a relationship. Have there been moments where like one of

556
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 4: y'all have wanted to go one way and the other

557
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 4: the other direction, and you were just like doing this

558
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 4: tug of war and how you maybe navigated that.

559
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 6: I think either of us are so strong in our

560
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 6: thoughts that we're not willing to bend. It's really like

561
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 6: there's no power struggle here, nor is there, uh like

562
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 6: forcing of one to be the leader and be right

563
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 6: in that moment. I feel like whoever is better equipped

564
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 6: in a certain moment to do whatever the task is,

565
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 6: we do it. And if we feel strongly about something,

566
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 6: we voice that and then we find a way to

567
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 6: work around it. Because usually, for the most part, I

568
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 6: feel like we usually land in the space where dvas

569
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 6: like Coadin, I really don't care about this particular thing.

570
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 6: If you hear that much about it, God make a

571
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 6: decision and I'm un rock with you. I think we

572
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 6: both respect each other not to know that we're never

573
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 6: going to lead each other too far straight and if

574
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 6: we see it happen and we know how to read

575
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 6: each other back in. But have you really struggled with

576
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 6: anything much?

577
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 2: No?

578
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 5: I think I think part of this kind of goes

579
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 5: back to what Tiffany was saying. But I love the

580
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 5: pre pivot, so I'm good at foreseeing when things I'm

581
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 5: like something something ain't like. That's why last year to

582
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 5: me was an anomaly. But when it comes to us

583
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 5: making decisions, there's no wrong decision. So if Kadeen is

584
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 5: strong minded about something, and say, for example, it goes

585
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 5: in the direction that I don't foresee it being being

586
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 5: positive or successful, I'm like, babe, how about we tried

587
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 5: this a week? We make move this way like I don't.

588
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,160
Speaker 5: It's no blame game. It doesn't matter who made the decision.

589
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 5: This is the decision we're going because one of us

590
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 5: is strong minded about it, and it works out perfectly

591
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 5: badly celebrated if it don't. Let's pivot before it gets

592
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 5: too bad and move on. And I think that type

593
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 5: of idea, that there's no wrong decision or no bad decision,

594
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 5: allows us to not argue about what we're going to do,

595
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 5: because most of those arguments tend to be, well, you

596
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 5: made the mistake, you made the decision if we would

597
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 5: have did it my way, and in my mind, there

598
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 5: is no my way. You know, We've been doing this

599
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 5: together since eighteen and when I say together, I mean

600
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 5: right now, maybe de Vos season, because I'm on television

601
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 5: and I'm the one who came up with Instagram and

602
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 5: all this other stuff. But there was a point when

603
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 5: it was Kadeen's season and I had to just be

604
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 5: the person to just rock with her. I was an

605
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 5: All American in college and she needed help with her

606
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 5: white balance filming for her while she was working for

607
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 5: New twelve. I got the camera on my shoulder, I

608
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 5: got the paper out, and I'm trying to do this

609
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 5: because I have to play my part in her dream

610
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 5: as well. So since we've been used to for twenty years,

611
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 5: always playing our role in the other person's ideas of success,

612
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 5: it's like, all right, well, what do you want to

613
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,680
Speaker 5: do how are we going to do it together?

614
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 6: And that's essentially how we came up with the title

615
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 6: of the book, about to say, dating camera on his shoulder, Okay,

616
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 6: you are aging us my good man.

617
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 7: Es.

618
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 5: Okay, so we over me.

619
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 2: If anyone's listening, whether they're single, partner and married or whatever,

620
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 2: what do you hope like, what's like one of some

621
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 2: key lessons that you hope people take away, you know,

622
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 2: for their own lives, whether they're partners or not.

623
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 6: Well, the first thing is we over me. We hope

624
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 6: that folks know that this is not like a relationship

625
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 6: how to book. I know it kind of gets put

626
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 6: under those categories, but we really didn't want it to

627
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 6: be a book that people went to thinking like we're

628
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 6: going to give them some outline of what made the

629
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 6: perfect marriage or the best relationship, because we don't profess

630
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 6: to have all the answers. What we were hoping to

631
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 6: do in the book is to just share a little

632
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 6: bit about our love story, our journey, because a lot

633
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 6: of times people will see and then'd be like, oh

634
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 6: my god, Kadin, what was your prayer?

635
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 5: Devo?

636
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 6: What was your prayer? Or how did I get this? Devo?

637
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 6: How do I get Kadeen and it's like Kadina de value.

638
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 6: See today is twenty years in the making. We didn't

639
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 6: just wake up like this.

640
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 3: You've been reminding myself that. I'm like, m hm, they

641
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 3: said twenty years.

642
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 5: It's been less than how long how long you been

643
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 5: with your husband?

644
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 3: About twenty twelve, like eleven years together and married five.

645
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 5: So I'll give you some insight real quick to the book. Okay,

646
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 5: our first five years of marriage was terrible, like Soto back.

647
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 3: After and you didn't have to deal with a pandemic.

648
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 5: This was no pandemic and this was NFL. So it

649
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 5: was like everything was blissed, free, free college education, everything.

650
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 5: And we had been together eight years before then. So

651
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 5: we're telling you that for the first thirteen years of

652
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 5: our friendship slash courtship slash marriage, we were at each

653
00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 5: other not knowing how to do this thing. We like

654
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 5: to tell people that because people will get into a

655
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 5: relationship and after six months like ah, I shouldn't be

656
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 5: this hard.

657
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 8: This supposed to be blissed, and it's like thirteen years

658
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 8: it took for us to be like, wait a minute,

659
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 8: I got to change my mindset if I want to

660
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 8: be successful moving forward, and for Kadeen and I, we

661
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,479
Speaker 8: want people to understand that it's about choices, right.

662
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 5: The first thing we say in the book is that

663
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 5: you don't have to stay where you're not wanted or

664
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 5: where you don't want to be, and it's okay to

665
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 5: move forward. The biggest thing is we work because I

666
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 5: make a choice to be here, and she makes a

667
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 5: choice to be here. The obligation to be there because

668
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 5: of a title or because of children will put you

669
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 5: in a trap where you feel like your back's against

670
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 5: the wall and creates more issues than anything else. The

671
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 5: first step that I want to say to anybody is

672
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 5: choose yourself. Make that choice to be like I want

673
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 5: to be in this situation, whether it's monogamous, polygamists, like,

674
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 5: there's so many different lifestyles, choose whicheveryone works for you

675
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 5: for us, monogamy work for somebody else, it may not work.

676
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 5: And it's okay to choose what you like. And once

677
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 5: you make that choice, be ready to be a service

678
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 5: to whoever you're in a relationship with. And that's really

679
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 5: what we want people to understand. Make a choice to

680
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 5: choose yourself, and if you want to be in a relationship,

681
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 5: be of service to that person. Don't go to that

682
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 5: relationship thinking this person better check all these boxes that

683
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 5: I've created for this super imaginary person. And the first

684
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 5: box they don't check, I'm out of here. How can

685
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 5: you be a service to someone else in a relationship?

686
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 5: That's what we really want, right.

687
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 6: That's why the subtitle is the counter intuitive approach to

688
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 6: getting everything you want out of your relationship, because, like

689
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 6: dev I said, typically you think about getting into a

690
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 6: relationship and things, think about what you can gain from

691
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 6: a person, right, this person has to have all these

692
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 6: things in order for us to be in a relationship.

693
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 6: Where our approach, which we've learned over the years that

694
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 6: makes more sense and leaves us feeling like things are reciprocated,

695
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 6: is where we really tap into how we can be

696
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 6: of service. So in the mornings, for example, I've learned to,

697
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 6: you know, wake up, you know, think about my day,

698
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 6: look over devout and be like, hey, you know, what

699
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 6: can I do today to make your.

700
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: Day that much brighter? How can I.

701
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 6: Alleviate something off of your plate so that your stress

702
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 6: level is a little bit reduced today? And just by

703
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 6: doing that alone, I've realized that Wow, like fring something

704
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 6: up for him in turn lets him know that I

705
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 6: care A B makes you stay that much lighter, and

706
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 6: then C He's probably more inclined to say, damn, Kay

707
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 6: really thought about me this morning. What can I do

708
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 6: to reciprocate that?

709
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 4: Well?

710
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 5: Can you tell him how we got there? Because it

711
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 5: wasn't like.

712
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 7: Loving.

713
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 4: This is like Michelle Obama when she came out talking

714
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 4: about ten years. I forget if it was the first

715
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 4: ten years or there was a ten year period of

716
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 4: her in Barock's marriage. It's so important and I wonder

717
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 4: if this is like something to note to because I

718
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 4: mean black love, you know, hashtag black love. There's now

719
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 4: a series called black Love.

720
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: And have you guys been on that?

721
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 3: You should be on that you were on?

722
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 4: There?

723
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 5: We want season two?

724
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 3: Oh amazing?

725
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm like duh, because y'all are like the Randall

726
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 4: and Beth in real life from like real life Randal

727
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 4: and Beth, But even they had their challenges, and I

728
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 4: feel like it's important because yes, we need more imagery

729
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 4: of black love and like beautiful reciprocated relationships and full

730
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 4: and complete relationships. We just don't to your point about

731
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 4: you know, Hollywood and entertainment. We don't really see that

732
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 4: so often. At the same time, I don't know if

733
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 4: we do ourselves at disservice if we don't also show

734
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 4: the struggle and show the work you know, that goes

735
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 4: into that. So it's really great that you guys are

736
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 4: sharing that. I'll stop now because I'm I'm being poured

737
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 4: into so you can continue.

738
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna yeah about how did you get what

739
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: was that? Five years in? And then there was a

740
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:31,719
Speaker 1: switch like what happened?

741
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 5: So there was a moment five years and this is

742
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 5: twenty and sixteen. Twenty sixteen, Kadeen and I had already

743
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 5: decided that we were going to you know, this year

744
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 5: was going to be a year we're going to have

745
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 5: another child, because we almost lost Kadeen having Jackson. She

746
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 5: had a cervical tear get a cervical teer having Jackson.

747
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 5: She was bleeding out. She had an emergency surgery. I

748
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 5: had made a promise to God. I said, you know,

749
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 5: if you get my wife through this, I would not

750
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 5: have another child and I would cherish this woman and

751
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 5: this child for the rest of my life. That was

752
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 5: my promise to God. And I was just like, I

753
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 5: just want my wife to be okay, and Kadeen made

754
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 5: it through and I was like, I don't want any

755
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 5: more kids. Five years later, Kadeen and I both decided like,

756
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 5: you know what, if you feel comfortable, let's try to

757
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 5: have another child. So in that moment that was twenty fifteen,

758
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,879
Speaker 5: actually we were trying to get pregnant and Kadeen wasn't

759
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 5: getting pregnant. So we had both made it were like, hey, listen,

760
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 5: we're getting older. We should be in the best shape

761
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 5: of our life. You almost die having the first child.

762
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 5: You have to be in better shape. We got to

763
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 5: work out together, we got to eat better, we got

764
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 5: to get more sleep. Like we had pretty much said

765
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 5: to each other these promises that we were going to

766
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,399
Speaker 5: do to make sure this pregnancy was going to be better.

767
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 5: And coming off of Christmas time, there was another financial issue.

768
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 5: The American Express bill was run up. Me and Kadeen

769
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 5: had an argument about the American Express. Build walk into

770
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 5: the gym the next day. This is the right after

771
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,719
Speaker 5: the American Express argument, and she was like, she's going

772
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 5: to go work out. I go to work, I'm training clients,

773
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,839
Speaker 5: I'm doing everything. At this point, KaDee wasn't working full

774
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 5: time because I had took on all that loads so

775
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 5: that she can relax. I'm getting ready to leave the gym.

776
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 5: She still hadn't worked out. I snapped. Now we've talked

777
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,800
Speaker 5: about snapping. I snapped. You know what the problem is,

778
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 5: You procrastinate too much. Every time I'm trying to get

779
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 5: something done, it's always like I gotta wait for you

780
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 5: and wait for you and wait for you. I'm tired

781
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 5: of waiting for you. You run up the American Express bill.

782
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 5: You're not working anymore. It's like you just it was

783
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 5: just everything was just unloading, unloading, unloading. So now, if

784
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 5: you know my wife, my wife is a very passionate

785
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 5: Jamaican in vincention woman from Brooklyn, and she's coming back

786
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 5: at me. We're going back and forth, and this is

787
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 5: how bad I talk to. You were screaming at each

788
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 5: other in the gym, in my office, screaming and cursing,

789
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 5: screaming and cursing. And I said her, you know what,

790
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 5: I think we need to get a divorce. And she's like,

791
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 5: are you serious? I'bod yes, because you're fing lazy, right,

792
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 5: this is I screaming my wife. She goes, I'm not

793
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 5: fing lazy deval, I'm efing pregnant, and I go.

794
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 3: Damn, you had a Trump card in your back part.

795
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 5: Trash, Why don't you? I said, why didn't you believe

796
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 5: with at? Like?

797
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 3: Why does it have more satisfying that way?

798
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 6: Clearly tell because we were trying for this baby part

799
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 6: like what are we going to do to make it

800
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 6: that much more special? And then I just couldn't hold it.

801
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 5: In that moment, I was like And in that moment

802
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 5: when I had agg on my face, I realized that,

803
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 5: you know, I claimed to be a provider and a

804
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 5: protector because I made enough money to make sure my

805
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,399
Speaker 5: wife could be at home. If anybody got my wife face,

806
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 5: I'm willing to do whatever. That's what I thought my

807
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 5: version of providing and protecting. In that moment, I realized

808
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 5: I wasn't providing and protecting anything. I wasn't there emotionally,

809
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 5: I wasn't there spiritually. How did I not realize that

810
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 5: my wife was going through a physiological change that she

811
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 5: couldn't work out because she was having morning sickness? And

812
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 5: I said to myself, how am I going to be

813
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 5: there to advocate for my wife in the in the

814
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 5: in the opportunity that something happens to her again during

815
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 5: her pregnancy if I'm not paying attention. So I said

816
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 5: to her in that moment, I said, Kadeen, from this

817
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 5: point on, while you're pregnant, whatever you say, I got you.

818
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 5: The answer is going to be yes. I'm going to

819
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 5: be in service to make sure we get through this.

820
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 5: Because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I

821
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 5: have to be aware of what my wife is going

822
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 5: through in her tired body. I almost lost her once

823
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 5: and here I am only focused on what I think

824
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 5: I need to do as a man, that I'm not

825
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 5: paying attention to the person that's most important to me.

826
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 5: And then through that pregnancy, our relationship change because I

827
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 5: was so focused on being of service, being on service,

828
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 5: being of service that Kadean started to reciprocate in a

829
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 5: way that had never happened in our relationship. And then

830
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 5: the light bulb paid me, boom, why didn't I do

831
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 5: this one? She's not pregnant, you let me do this,

832
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 5: Let me do this. But then there was another shift,

833
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 5: and this is important. Kadeen had got so used to

834
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 5: me being in service because she had got pregnant and

835
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 5: then got pregnant again. It was always about Kadeen, about Kadem,

836
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 5: about Kadema and Ifou always saying to Kadeen, I'm fine,

837
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 5: I got it, and I wasn't okay. And during the

838
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 5: pandemic December twenty twenty, we're getting ready to go into

839
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 5: twenty twenty one. I looked at Kadeen and I said,

840
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:20,760
Speaker 5: you know, it's been four years since we've had Cairo,

841
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 5: and when you wake up in the morning, what's your

842
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 5: first thing you think about. We have three kids now.

843
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 5: She said, well, I gotta make sure the kids get ready.

844
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 5: I gotta make sure I work out. I got to

845
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 5: make sure I do this. I got to make sure

846
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 5: there's a tv ou Da da da da da. I said,

847
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 5: do you realize that you mentioned everybody except me? And

848
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 5: for the first time, I was honest with her about

849
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 5: how that made me feel. I didn't just sit back

850
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 5: on it and get resentful. I didn't do what men

851
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 5: typically do, which is I'll eat it. I'll deal with

852
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 5: it on my own. I'm not going to say nothing.

853
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,320
Speaker 5: She better figure it out. I didn't do that. I

854
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 5: told her exactly how it made me feel, and I

855
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 5: told her what I wanted and what I needed, and

856
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 5: I watched to go, wow, I'm so sorry, Like, I

857
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 5: didn't realize that I always put you on the back

858
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 5: burner because you always say you're okay. Yeah, And I

859
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 5: realized when I told her, like, how could I expect

860
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 5: her to know that if I always say I'm fine,

861
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 5: I'm good when I'm not. And in that moment, our

862
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 5: relationship changed again. It went from me servicing her to

863
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 5: us always serving each other. And I got to be honest.

864
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 5: There was a meme that I saw yesterday and it

865
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 5: was a woman who said, when's the last time? It

866
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 5: was like a bunch of this, when's the last time

867
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 5: you said to your man, I'm proud of you, baby,

868
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 5: I love you, baby, thank you baby? Are you hungry? Baby?

869
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 5: And I looked at all these things and I say,

870
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 5: you know, my wife says those things to me a lot,

871
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,360
Speaker 5: but it wasn't happening until I told her how it

872
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 5: made me feel. And then she realized what I need

873
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:51,879
Speaker 5: because I told her what I need. And I think

874
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 5: that's when our relationship changed.

875
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, for sure, because I just expected him to understand.

876
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:57,760
Speaker 6: You know, I'm like, I'm an adult, you're an adult.

877
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 6: We have two point five three kids at this time

878
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 6: you know, we're not the one.

879
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 5: On the plane.

880
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:04,320
Speaker 6: So I'm just just like, yo, we're all we're in

881
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 6: the mud, like you know, you and I and I

882
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 6: just expected to vow to just be okay because he

883
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 6: always said he was okay. And now I'm literally looking

884
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 6: this man in his eyes, especially after his episode in November,

885
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 6: I'm like, again, you're saying you're okay, and you're not okay.

886
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 6: So we've practiced that a lot more now, and I

887
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 6: can see how this has been a big shift in

888
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 6: our dynamic and our relationship, even as recently as like

889
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 6: the past three four months, you know, because I had Dakota,

890
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 6: our last son, the year before that. So back into

891
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 6: the pick of being pregnancy.

892
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 4: So hard when you are, yeah, this has been a

893
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 4: really tough pregnancy for me, and I'm so sorry that

894
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 4: what you went through with your pregnancy, and also you're

895
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 4: a badass for doing it three more times after that.

896
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 4: Women are phenomenal, But it is, you know, a lot

897
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 4: of the attention is on us and our feelings, and

898
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 4: my attention is on me and my business and my son,

899
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And it's almost like it's

900
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: it becomes at least challenging to have another to to

901
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 4: and especially when you have a partner who is quite

902
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 4: independent and has their own thing going on, you sometimes

903
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 4: can feel like, wait, we're parallel, Like we're in that

904
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:16,840
Speaker 4: you said, the ud, we're in the mud together, but

905
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 4: like this is your mud lane and this is my

906
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 4: mud lane, and it's.

907
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 3: Like did you survive today? Yeah, did you survive?

908
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 4: Yeah? Good night, and like the team huddle, like that

909
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 4: connection the bridge and the mud. That's what we are

910
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 4: working on, I think, because I mean not that it's bad,

911
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 4: but it's just like what we need right now, I

912
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 4: feel like, is just to do what we can to

913
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 4: just own what we have going on. And I think, yeah,

914
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 4: I'm hoping that we could have a similar moment like that,

915
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 4: because to it matters, you know, it matters to have

916
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 4: that time and to look into another person's eyes, even

917
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 4: if they are strong and we are the strongest of

918
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 4: the strong, right.

919
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 3: And remind them that they got them.

920
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 5: Are pregnant, right, Kadeen was just pregnant. Kadeen was pregnant

921
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 5: last year. Kadean didn't want to be nowhere near me

922
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 5: or anybody in this house. Like women understand what women

923
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 5: have to understand that like your body goes through physiological

924
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 5: changes and you're not going to feel like yourself. And

925
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 5: I wish there were more more educational resources for both

926
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 5: men and women how to deal with pregnancy right because

927
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 5: I and this is this is Kadeen and I who

928
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 5: just wrote a book New York Times bestseller. They must

929
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 5: communicate great. While she was pregnant, I used to be like, yo,

930
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 5: I have not You haven't hugged me or kissed me

931
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 5: in three days. Do you realize you've been in that

932
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 5: bedroom by yourself? And She's just like, I know, I

933
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 5: just I just don't feel like being around people. But

934
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 5: I miss you and I'm just like I did it

935
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 5: they and I understand where you're coming from, and I'm

936
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 5: just letting you know how it's making me feel. But

937
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 5: that was twenty years in the making getting to that point.

938
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 5: When she had those moments before, of course I felt bad,

939
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 5: but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know

940
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 5: how to articulate it. So give yourself grace and give

941
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 5: your husband grace and not knowing and understanding it's only

942
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 5: been ten years. And I know to people it's south crazy.

943
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 5: It's only been ten years. It should know each other

944
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 5: by ten years. No, like we take time to constantly

945
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 5: you know, readjust yourself to see what your partner is

946
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 5: going through. It takes time, and there's never a point

947
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 5: in a marriage because I can tell you right now,

948
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,479
Speaker 5: as great as we think our marriage is now, five

949
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 5: years from now, when it gets even better, we're going

950
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 5: to talk about this time and say, can you believe

951
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 5: that's how we communicate it then? Like it's just that

952
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 5: it's an ongoing conversation of trying to be better for

953
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 5: each other. So give yourself grace and understand this. Whenever

954
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 5: we do a live show, I talk about pregnancy for

955
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 5: women and postpartum pregnancy because this is the truth. The

956
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 5: most disciplined human beings in the world, and all of

957
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 5: the armed forces, the Navy, seals, the Army rangers, the

958
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 5: Marine Corps, you know what, they train the hardest to

959
00:43:54,719 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 5: deal with sleep deprivation. Can you imagine that those discipline

960
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 5: people in the world have to train to deal with

961
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 5: sleep deprivation. But we expect mothers and expecting mothers to

962
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,800
Speaker 5: know how to deal with this in real time with

963
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 5: no training and balance being a new mom and a

964
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 5: wife or a girlfriend and a career and a house.

965
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 5: It's damn there impossible. So you have to give yourself grace.

966
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 5: And I think more men should be educated on giving

967
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 5: women grace because I was the same imbecile that told

968
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 5: my wife six months, six weeks after having our first child,

969
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 5: you acting like you the first baby, first woman to

970
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 5: have a baby, for breastfeeding, breastfeed threat, the three babies,

971
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 5: still a lot of time. This is this is why

972
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 5: we tell you.

973
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 3: You're still just a real man inside. Okay, got it,

974
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 3: got a regular degular man.

975
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 5: I'm a regular degular man who doesn't know and understand. Like,

976
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,439
Speaker 5: that's why I like telling the stories because it took

977
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 5: me four pregnancies to be like you.

978
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,760
Speaker 4: I wish I was a And it's probably because mothers

979
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 4: do the same thing. It's like we're super people. We

980
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 4: don't want to admit that we're hurting. We don't tell

981
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,879
Speaker 4: that story. It's become really hard for him. It's hard

982
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 4: when and it's also hard to see your partner who

983
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 4: you know, we met when I was twenty five, he

984
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 4: was in his mid twenties two change, and I'm not

985
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 4: physically the person I was even a year ago.

986
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 3: I can't keep up when we're walking.

987
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, you know, and I, you know, running around

988
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 4: after a toddler and all that, but it's it's I

989
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 4: can see him being like, Okay, she's different now and

990
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 4: almost a little bit like fearful or anxious, like is

991
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 4: this going to be forever?

992
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 5: You know?

993
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 3: And I feel like yeah, but that really resonates with me,

994
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 3: and I hope he gets there too.

995
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: And to practice was what we call radical transparency, that if.

996
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,240
Speaker 2: It comes up, it comes out yep ya no, because

997
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 2: I just I was I was a terrible communicator and

998
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 2: like he just was always like he was really good

999
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 2: at saying how he felt, but he was also some

1000
00:45:58,760 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 2: of the hoods.

1001
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,399
Speaker 1: So sometimes I'm like, not with that tone, sir girl,

1002
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 1: this is not this is not three B in the projects, like.

1003
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 4: What you know.

1004
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 6: I'm like, oh my god, like that transparency.

1005
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 1: Yes, So it was like if it comes up, it

1006
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: comes out, yes, just rest.

1007
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 2: But I learned, I mean, I'm so much better at

1008
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 2: it now that if something is wrong because I was

1009
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 2: the queen of holding it and then three months later,

1010
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 2: because that time's like from three months ago, why did

1011
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 2: you say something?

1012
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 1: And then you build it.

1013
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 2: It's like you're dragging it around, is gathering dust and dirt,

1014
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,399
Speaker 2: and debris and then you throw it in their face

1015
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 2: and you're like you should have known.

1016
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 1: It's like, how could I have known that?

1017
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 7: You know?

1018
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: How could I have known that? And so now with everyone,

1019
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 1: therapy has helped tremendously.

1020
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 2: I practiced radical transparency, which is if it comes up,

1021
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,359
Speaker 2: you know, I would say ninety percent of the time,

1022
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 2: it comes out, because if that's the lightest time you'll

1023
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 2: ever have, like hey babe, you know when.

1024
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: You said that thing that actually hurt my feelings?

1025
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 2: Yep, you know, like or you know, I don't like

1026
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,880
Speaker 2: when you say that when my friends are around, you know,

1027
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 2: And learning to like receive it without the initial because

1028
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 2: I'm very defensive.

1029
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 1: I have four sisters, so you know, we can scrap.

1030
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, first of all, well we can't, you know.

1031
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 2: So I learned to be like receive it because what

1032
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 2: I'm really feeling is not it's not really anger, it's

1033
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 2: shame because I know I'm wrong.

1034
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 1: Instead of fighting toward that, it's like, okay, I could

1035
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: see that, Okay, and I.

1036
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:26,800
Speaker 4: Get I get the I call it the post socialization debrief.

1037
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 4: I'm the chatty one in the relationship, so I I

1038
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 4: he can he gets the way with a lot because

1039
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 4: he doesn't say that much, so I can get myself

1040
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 4: in trouble. And then after we hang out with other people,

1041
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 4: all get in the car and you get in the

1042
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 4: car and you have that moment and I'm just like,

1043
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 4: what did.

1044
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 3: I say that? You know that hurt her feelings.

1045
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 1: To tell me?

1046
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 4: And he's like, good, I was so defensive, yes, but

1047
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 4: now I've just gotten better saying I really didn't mean to.

1048
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 3: And it's just I'm like, damn it, why can't Why

1049
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 3: do I do this?

1050
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 4: You know? But you know, I don't want to be

1051
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 4: that way, but it's yeah, but it's definitely helps to

1052
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 4: get over things. And I will say that's growth for

1053
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 4: us too, that he's even communicating that kind of stuff.

1054
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 2: And creating a safe space that people can tell you

1055
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 2: about yourself, you know, and even maybe in the moment,

1056
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 2: like me and Gerol after a walk came up with

1057
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,320
Speaker 2: like signals if I was doing too much, you know,

1058
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 2: it would just be like.

1059
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 3: Like, oh my business, thank you.

1060
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 1: It's like and wrapping it up.

1061
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 2: So you know that way because sometimes you know, you

1062
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 2: don't realize and I'm like, oh, okay, you know, and

1063
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 2: so like creating these kind of like tools. We had

1064
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 2: like a safe word when we were if we were

1065
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 2: going to be in an argument when it went from

1066
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 2: helpful to hurtful, because you know you've got like ooh, child,

1067
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 2: let me gear up. And so our safe word was pineapples.

1068
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 2: So it'd be like and another thing. He'd be like pineapples.

1069
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm sorry, what the rule of pineapples is?

1070
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 2: Like all speaking ceases. You go to your corner, I

1071
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 2: go to mind, you go to the man cave, I

1072
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 2: go see it wherever. And it's like, you said, what

1073
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:08,320
Speaker 2: now pine naples, which I'd like, yes, yes, but it

1074
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 2: gave me a moment to relax and usan say, you

1075
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 2: were about to say something really hurtful tivity to your teammate.

1076
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 1: Y'all got the same jersey on. If he lose, I lose.

1077
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 2: And so pineapples was like a saving grace to the

1078
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 2: point where we got so good at it we were

1079
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: internally pineapples ourselves, because I'd be like in my head,

1080
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: I'd be like, tifany pineapples to myself, pineapples, girl, you

1081
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 2: about to take it too far. And so but these

1082
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: are the things like like over time, you know that

1083
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 2: like you just practice and you work on if you're

1084
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 2: wanting to go from like an okay marriage to good,

1085
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 2: yess great, exceptional you know every year, I mean to

1086
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 2: your point, Like the first five years for us, it

1087
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: was like dating.

1088
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:46,919
Speaker 1: It was a hot mess.

1089
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 2: And then we got better and better, and once we

1090
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 2: got really good at communicating, it was like we had

1091
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 2: like such an awesome and even still he was still here,

1092
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 2: we were still growing.

1093
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 1: I was still like, oh this, I could do this

1094
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: even better because I worked so much. He is really

1095
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: the type to be like when I come home, I

1096
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 1: would love for my wife to be home and be like.

1097
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 2: Daddy's home, you know, just to pause for a moment,

1098
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,439
Speaker 2: cause I'd be like, uh, okay, foods and the friends.

1099
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1100
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much it meant.

1101
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 2: For him for me to pause, yeah and just come

1102
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 2: and greet him and how is your day? Twenty thirty

1103
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:18,239
Speaker 2: minutes and I could get back to whatever. And so like,

1104
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 2: learning those little nuances made all this. It's like there

1105
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 2: was nothing he wouldn't do because I made.

1106
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: Those you know, those those spaces for.

1107
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 5: Him and so and the thing is, it sounds it

1108
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 5: sounds clichetive, but it's true, right, Like one thing I

1109
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 5: we talk about in the book is you have to

1110
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 5: stop comparing yourself to other people's relationships, because the minute

1111
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 5: you try to tell and make your relationship to other

1112
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 5: people's expectations, you're gonna fail. Like you can't be the

1113
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 5: greatest version of somebody else, They're already being the greatest

1114
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 5: version of themselves. And what works for you may not

1115
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,280
Speaker 5: work for other people. So seeking validation from other people

1116
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 5: about what you should do and your relationship is also

1117
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 5: a recipe for failure. For example, Kadeen and I have

1118
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 5: been on social media and on television talking about our life.

1119
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 5: Right of course, people have commentary I would never put

1120
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:06,319
Speaker 5: up with that, I would never do this. I would

1121
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 5: never do that. Most people get defensive and be like,

1122
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 5: I'm just sharing, how could you have these opinions about

1123
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 5: my marriage. I don't get offended about opinions about our

1124
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 5: marriage because people are entitled to have their opinions about

1125
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 5: what we do. But if it works for us, I'm

1126
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:25,760
Speaker 5: not concerned about Taylor making my marriage to other people's opinions.

1127
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 5: For example, Tiffany just said she wants her husband wanted

1128
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 5: her to be like, hey, Daddy's home. You know how

1129
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:32,839
Speaker 5: many women would have been like, I ain't never calling

1130
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 5: a man daddy. No no, no, no, no no no,

1131
00:51:34,719 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 5: you don't have to. That's not your husband. I want

1132
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 5: to call my husband daddy. That's what it is. It's

1133
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 5: the same thing for me. I talk about traveling. Kay

1134
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 5: wants to travel. We talked about our sex life. She

1135
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 5: loves to travel. We have better sex with we travel.

1136
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 5: You know how many guys like I ain't buying no

1137
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,480
Speaker 5: plane ticket just to have sex with a woman who

1138
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 5: wants to be with her. You know exactly. You don't

1139
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 5: have to. I'm not asking you to do that for

1140
00:51:56,440 --> 00:52:03,320
Speaker 5: your girl. I'm telling you what works for me. But

1141
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 5: for us, it's like, we do what works for us.

1142
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 5: We're unapologetic about it. I got some backglass because I said, listen,

1143
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:11,840
Speaker 5: when I come home tonight, I want my wife to

1144
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 5: some poom poom shorts and a crop top, and I

1145
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 5: want my food made so that I can be the

1146
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 5: best parader I can be. Of course, women will be

1147
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 5: like this ain't the fifties, Da da da da. I'm

1148
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 5: not telling you that you have to do that for

1149
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 5: your man. What I'm saying is this is what we

1150
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 5: work for us. She enjoys dressing up. I enjoy looking

1151
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 5: at it, I enjoying her. All the stuff y'all saying

1152
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 5: y'all would never do is not going to change the

1153
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 5: fact that we do this for each other. So when

1154
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 5: we talk about that in the book, it's like, stop

1155
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 5: the whole couple's goals. People ask me all the time,

1156
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,919
Speaker 5: who is your favorite couple goal of lineals? I don't

1157
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 5: have one. I want to be the best version of

1158
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 5: the Violenkadeen. I could be like I don't look at

1159
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 5: anybody in this generation or even before and say I

1160
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 5: aspire because I don't want to fall short. Like there

1161
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,400
Speaker 5: as certain things, for example, Barack may do for Michelle,

1162
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 5: and I know this. For example, I know this for

1163
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 5: a fact. When we first got married, I used to

1164
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 5: look at couples and be like, then he do that

1165
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 5: for his wife and she gets excited about it, So

1166
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do it for my wife. And I would

1167
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 5: do it and can even just be looking at me.

1168
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 5: I'd be like, you know what your problem is? You

1169
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 5: weren't grateful wife, and they was excited, and she was

1170
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 5: just like, I didn't ask you to do none of this,

1171
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 5: and I was just like, what do you mean to

1172
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 5: ask I was being thoughtful when I did it, and

1173
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 5: then I realized, like, why am I? Why am I

1174
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 5: going outward to find out what my wife wants? And

1175
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 5: why am I getting offended because my wife doesn't want

1176
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 5: what another woman wants? Why do I just ask my

1177
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 5: wife what she wants and do my best to provide it.

1178
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 5: The more I started to look inward and right here

1179
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 5: and be like, baby, what you need, what you need,

1180
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 5: what you want, the easier it became as opposed to

1181
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 5: guessing by looking at other people. So I just want

1182
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 5: people when they read the book and when they think

1183
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:03,920
Speaker 5: about relationship, stop thinking about everybody else. Focus here, Just

1184
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,759
Speaker 5: focus here on what you got and do your best

1185
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 5: to be that version for that person, because that's the

1186
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 5: person you chose.

1187
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:10,839
Speaker 4: Well.

1188
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,279
Speaker 2: On that note, we really want to thank Caden and

1189
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 2: daval Ellis for coming on the show. If you do

1190
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:20,320
Speaker 2: not have it already, we over me the counter intuitive

1191
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 2: approach to getting everything you want from your relationship.

1192
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: It is a New York Times bestseller, which is rare, rare.

1193
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 2: Don't know what to do, especially black people to comment,

1194
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 2: look at this, I wouldn't say, I would say more peanut.

1195
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 1: Butter can.

1196
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 6: That means I have to get traveled soon.

1197
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,759
Speaker 2: So where can they if they want to purchase this book?

1198
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 2: Where can they purchase it? And then where can they

1199
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 2: find y'all to continue the conversation for sure?

1200
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 6: Well, the best place to get the book we realized

1201
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 6: so far has been bookshop dot org because is a

1202
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 6: great way to support a local bookstore independent stores in

1203
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 6: your areas. So bookshop dot org, Amazon, of course, Barnes

1204
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 6: and Nobles. Wherever you get your books, you can find me.

1205
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 6: I'm Kadeen. I am on Instagram and I just started

1206
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 6: tiktoking my big age y'all, so be with me trying

1207
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 6: to figure it out. And then our podcast page dead.

1208
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 6: Ask the podcast on Instagram.

1209
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 5: Listen, I am devout and I'm used to doing this

1210
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 5: for the podcast. If you're listening with Apple.

1211
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:28,800
Speaker 6: Music Channel too. Now you can subscribe to Patreon for

1212
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:36,879
Speaker 6: more long content from us. So okay, dope conversation, dope

1213
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,879
Speaker 6: conversation all day, always good time.

1214
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 5: If we miss you, yo, Mat.

1215
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 7: You used to be on the show all the time,

1216
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 7: that lady again. You know you've always been one of

1217
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 7: our highest rated your shows.

1218
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 5: Every every time you're on, people be like I got

1219
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 5: because you always drop so many gems and like people,

1220
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 5: especially black and brown people, need to understand how important

1221
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 5: financial security is and how they can gain access to it.

1222
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 5: Like people just think I got to be an athlete

1223
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 5: and entertainer to make money and build wealth. Know you

1224
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 5: don't know, you don't Typically has dropped so many gems

1225
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 5: on us that we've applied to our life and been like,

1226
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 5: oh shit, you see that work, and I'm telling you

1227
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:22,360
Speaker 5: typically what you do is amazing. We appreciate you, Mandy.

1228
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 5: It's good to get to know you. I'm pretty sure

1229
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 5: we can build our relationship and congratulations to you. I

1230
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:30,759
Speaker 5: can tell your part that you're an amazing woman and

1231
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 5: you want to be an even more amazing woman for

1232
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 5: your family and especially your husband, So keep working at

1233
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 5: it and hopefully he's doing the same on his end.

1234
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 4: Listen, these hormones will make me start crying, so let

1235
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 4: me say I can feel that, I can feel the prickles.

1236
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:50,399
Speaker 4: Thank y'all so much.

1237
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 1: We hope that you love the show. Be a listeners.

1238
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,880
Speaker 1: You know we'd be having that beast people on here,

1239
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: so go ahead and support we over me.

1240
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,319
Speaker 2: You know, if I condemed to fall on social listen

1241
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 2: to the podcast dead Ass and we're gonna see you

1242
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:02,720
Speaker 2: next week.

1243
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 3: Hi baham, Hey, hey ba fan, We're on YouTube.

1244
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for watching. Please like this video

1245
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 1: and subscribe to the channel.

1246
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 4: And while you're at it, why don't you go over

1247
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 4: to that little bell icon and just tap that for us,

1248
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,800
Speaker 4: show the da fam how much you love us, and

1249
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 4: that way you'll also get notifications when new videos drop.

1250
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 4: Also share the channel with a friend. We're always like

1251
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 4: telephone to tele a friend, tele a friend. And thank

1252
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 4: y'all so much again for all the support.

1253
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 3: Hey ba fam, we could not do this show without

1254
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,920
Speaker 3: your support or the support of our team behind the scenes.

1255
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:41,840
Speaker 3: The Brown Emission podcast is produced by Cumulus Podcast Network.

1256
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 3: It's edited by the wonderful Emani Crosby and produced by

1257
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 3: Tanya Bustos. Dennis Stimplinsky is our in house tech guru,

1258
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 3: and I am Bandy Woodrid Santos your co host, and

1259
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 3: I will see y'all next week.