1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: What Epics Lift Service, and you know we're starting every 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,720 Speaker 1: episode with a woman on top courtesy a Delhian. And 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: today we are giving a toast to Kimberly Godwin. She's 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: a veteran of local and national TV news operations, and 5 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: he is the next president of ABC News and the 6 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: first black executive to run a broadcast network news operation. Right, yes, yeah, now. 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: Kimberly god When actually is a graduate of Florida A 8 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: and M University, the School of Journalism and Graphic Communication, 9 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: and she's also a veteran award winning broadcast news executive. 10 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: She'll be overseeing Good Morning America, World News, tonight, Nightline 11 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: eight of You and this week, which is huge, So congratulations. 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: She is joining ABC News in May. At CBS. Prior 13 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: to this, she supervised four hundred domestic and foreign affiliates, 14 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: the units, national News Deck and its bureaus and standards 15 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: and ethics, among other duties. So congratulations to Kimberly god When. 16 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: She is our woman on top of seek Women's Old Top. 17 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: And yeah, Gloria, we are drinking and Friday, I got 18 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: that rapper on it and everything. I felt bad drinking 19 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: in front of you like this, but I'm gonna have 20 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:15,040 Speaker 1: to do it you. It's all loved. But Divine Franklin 21 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: is here and he has no expectations for you, guys, 22 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: Just damn quite that he loves us to stop it 23 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: and he loves you guys. It's just but he has 24 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: no expectations. I just want to have. So let's talk 25 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: about this because Divine you have a new book that's 26 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: coming out made for it, So can you tell us 27 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: a little bit about it. Yeah, it's called Live Free 28 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: Exceeds Your Highest Expectations, And it's all about how to 29 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 1: set expectations. You know, in my experience, so often everyone 30 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: is living by the expectations of others, their friends, their family, 31 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: their upbringing, their partners, but not really living by their 32 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: own expectations. And so as a result, they're not living free. 33 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: When you and I don't live free, we under the 34 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,919 Speaker 1: control mostally specially monicely, by someone else or something else. 35 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,679 Speaker 1: And so this is all about the our learning to 36 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: set expectations for yourself. You I can life created to 37 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: live and that's what the book's about. It's all about expectations. 38 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: Are you by are they You're choosing in the area 39 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: of personal expectations, cultural expectations, relationship expectations, and professional expectations. 40 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: And this book gives you the tips and tools on 41 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: how to set expectations in every area of your life. Navin, 42 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: thank you for writing this book for me because I 43 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: definitely need it. Okay, you heard it comes out me 44 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 1: for I think you had me and mind while you 45 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: was writing this book, because I definitely can use this 46 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: type of motivation and push to um realign myself into 47 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: where I need to be. You know, we got a 48 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 1: little preview of it, right because they did send us 49 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: something right before we actually are recording this. And one 50 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: thing that I want to bring up is, you know 51 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: how people always say, okay, it's not you as me 52 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,639 Speaker 1: in relationships when there when it's time to break up. 53 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 1: But according to you, if you have a problem with 54 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: your spouse, the problem isn't your spouse, The problem is you. 55 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: So can you explain that? Yeah, because so so often 56 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: my experience, this is the easiest thing to do. I'm 57 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: in a relationship, I'm having a problem, and I do 58 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: this a point the finger. That's easy, so easy, and 59 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: most of the times in my experience, it's not this, 60 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: it's this, It's like, okay, is how I'm looking at it. 61 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 1: Is this here? Because if this, if this is coming 62 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 1: up of my relationship, is their work that I need 63 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: to do on myself that I hadn't done in the past. 64 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: I was in the past, I got the note I 65 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: needed to work, I didn't want to do it. I 66 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: broke up with that person, and now I'm in a 67 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: situation when the new person work comes up again. Right? 68 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: So am I just gonna keep pointing the thing or say, okay, wait, 69 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: maybe it's me. Maybe I got to do the work 70 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: on me. But I gotta look at my perspective. Maybe 71 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: I am actually contributing to the situation I really don't like, 72 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: and maybe I got to communicate more. Maybe I have 73 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: to set my expectations clearer. Uh so, yeah, I don't 74 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: believe that it's them, it's actually us when there are 75 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: relationship problems, because so many of the problems in my 76 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: experience we can resolve. Now, it doesn't mean that that 77 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: person or that situation. Maybe it's incompatible. But before jumping 78 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 1: to that place and say, oh, you know what, this 79 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: person will treat me this way, well, do you treat 80 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: yourself that way? You know this person doesn't do what 81 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: I want? Well, have you ever asked them? Have you 82 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: ever here's what I expect? Can you meet the expectation? 83 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 1: So often we, especially in a relationship, we act like 84 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: just because the person loves us that they know. It's 85 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: not true. They don't know. Just because they love you 86 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,239 Speaker 1: doesn't mean they can read our minds. So I wrote 87 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: that in the book to give the reader really a 88 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: clear view to say, wait, maybe I gotta look in 89 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 1: the mirror. How to think about me and what problem 90 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: I'm actually contributing to instead of just being so easy 91 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: to point the finger, and here's the reality. We point 92 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: and we get out of something. What we take, who 93 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: we are, where we go, and whatever work we didn't do, 94 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: it's gonna be there whenever we get to the news 95 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 1: that it's always so why not do the hard work 96 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: of getting the work done in the situation? Even if 97 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: you I'm not talking about anything abusive, but if you're 98 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: a situation you don't like, the relationship isn't great, I 99 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: would challenge you to do the work that you need 100 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: to do on yourself, get that work done, and then 101 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: you move on from a place A piece Why this 102 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: relation was a great teacher I would have never dump 103 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: deep into my trauma if I wasn't forced with particular individuals. 104 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: So instead of leaving an anger and frustration, I leave 105 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: in a blessing. Thank you. Doesn't mean we're compatible, but 106 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: I'm so glad that we had this moment because I 107 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 1: would have never figured out who I was. Well, what 108 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: if the issue is that, like you keep picking the 109 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: same type of person and in a sense where it's 110 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: like not working for you, because maybe maybe it's not 111 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: really you, you know what I mean as far as 112 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: when it comes to having to effects inner issues, but 113 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: maybe you just fell like, all right, let me give 114 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: this person a chance. Now that's still like do you 115 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: feel like that's still like an inner issue within someone 116 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: where they keep picking somebody that may needs to be 117 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: like helped a little bit along the way. I just 118 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 1: found this out, which was kind of shocking to me 119 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: in that, you know, I'm the middle child of three boys, 120 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 1: and my father was an alcoholic and he ended up 121 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: passing away when I was nine years old, when he 122 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 1: was thirty six, And I recently found out that a 123 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 1: lot of children of alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics, one 124 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: of the defining traits is finding people that you can 125 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: save because you couldn't save your your your your your parents. 126 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 1: You you took that in and now you find now 127 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: you find projects people that save right. So so in 128 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 1: the question, it makes me think of that because so often, 129 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: if there's that pattern that's repeating itself, it maybe because 130 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: you got to go back and look at your upbringing, 131 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: look at what was the trauma that you may have experienced, 132 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: and how come you're seeing these patterns. Maybe there's some 133 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: unresolved issues or maybe there's a revelation about your upbringing 134 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: that you got to come into alignment and agreement with 135 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: that then will help you break the cycle, you know. 136 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: And then also look at what if I'm finding the 137 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: same person and that person is someone exactly want, then 138 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: I have asked the questions and I who I want be? Am? 139 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 1: I am I actually who I want to be? Because 140 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: maybe I'm attracting those that are being attracted to my presentation. 141 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: But I was gonna say, that's interesting because we're always 142 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: told to have expectations, right, aren't we always told to 143 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: be like, Okay, you gotta make sure that people are 144 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: at a certain level. You gotta have these expectations and 145 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: people should live up to that. And we also have 146 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: a lot of expectations placed on us. And I know 147 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: you discussed that in the book, because it just feels 148 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: like people will always tell you, Okay, well you know 149 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: you gotta stop settling. Well, well, you know it's it's 150 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: it's settled by whose definition? You know. Too often, especially 151 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 1: when the competing everybody got an opinion, got something they 152 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: don't know nothing about. What's right for you? Is what's 153 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: right for you? And and just because someone especially when 154 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 1: it comes to day, there's so much pressure. You know, 155 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: you gotta get in this type of relationship, and you 156 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 1: gotta do that, and then now you're now you gotta 157 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: get married. And then once you're married, now you gotta 158 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: have kids. And if you don't do what's expected at 159 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: every turn, there's a temptation to internalize that, what's wrong 160 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: with me? Then I get in a relationship, what's wrong 161 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: with me? They haven't asked to marry. What's wrong with me? 162 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: I don't don't have kids yet? Then you get kids, 163 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? I don't have the right cred 164 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,600 Speaker 1: you get You see how crazy it is because we 165 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,839 Speaker 1: keep living for everyone else's expectations. That's what I wrote 166 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: this book. It's all about living for it. You gotta 167 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 1: set expectations for yourself. You decide who am I, how 168 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: do I want to live, where do I want to go? 169 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 1: And guess what. I'm gonna take control over my life 170 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: because I am tired of living for everybody else and 171 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: not live for myself. And there's a difference. This is 172 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: really important. I don't ask people to be selfish. I 173 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: ask people to self prioritize. And there's a big difference 174 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: when you and are selfish and we want what we 175 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: want and we don't care how we get it and 176 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: who we hurt along the way. What myself prioritized it 177 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,840 Speaker 1: means I take care of my well being before I 178 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 1: can help enhance your well being. Now, Divine, you know 179 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: this is lip service. And now we've got to take 180 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: it to the bedroom as we're having these conversations about 181 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: expectations and about prioritizing yourself. So how does that translate 182 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: into the bedroom with a partner. Look, don't get the 183 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:49,079 Speaker 1: scratching now you hell, hello, I wasn't scratching. This is 184 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: this is great, This is so important. So a couple 185 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,599 Speaker 1: of we talk about setting expectations. It's comes down to 186 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: two questions. One is a realistic or unrealistic. How do 187 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: you know is it in or control to do? If 188 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: it's control, I argue that realistic for you to expect 189 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: Number two is it's spoken or unspoken. If you have 190 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: an uncommunicated request or expectation, it's an unset expectation. So 191 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 1: in order to set expectations in the bedroom, you gotta 192 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: look at both of those things. What's in your control 193 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:23,199 Speaker 1: and what is what needs to be communicated. In my experience, 194 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 1: too often you come to the bedroom and you one 195 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: try to control what's it what's not in your control, 196 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: which is how the other person performs. Two an expectation 197 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 1: of what they're supposed to do that you never even communicated. Hey, 198 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: you know, let's talk about this. Here's what I like, 199 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: Here's what I don't like. What do you like? What 200 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: don't you like? Too often we just you just get 201 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: in the room and expect Oh, magic just happens, right, 202 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,319 Speaker 1: and they don't reduce the magic. That wasn't good. So no, 203 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: if you really want your sex life to go to 204 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: the next level, you gotta set expectations. You know, I say, okay, well, 205 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: what's in my control? And maybe when you want someone 206 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: to please you or us, it's like, okay, well, what 207 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: are the things that I like to begin with? And 208 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: how do I start to communicate those things instead of 209 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: just expecting that somebody who does not even know me 210 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: as well as I know me is gonna know how 211 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: to please me. And then here's the other thing. When 212 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: we talk about living free, this is where the issue 213 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: of sex, especially when you're single, and and this is 214 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: where sex completely imprisoned so many people. How because when I, 215 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,079 Speaker 1: when we talk about living free, living free means I 216 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: am not under the mental, physical, or emotional control of 217 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,439 Speaker 1: anyone or anything. So now let's apply that to sex. 218 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: You you in them or wherever you choose to do it. 219 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: And it's mind blowing, right. But the person they don't 220 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,359 Speaker 1: know you, but they have spent thousands of hours perfecting 221 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: their ability to blow a one or man's mind in 222 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: the bedroom. Right, So now they got you. So they 223 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 1: may not even be right for you, but it felt 224 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 1: so good, right, it sounds amazing mind blowing. Right. You 225 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: don't live free because you need it, you know. And 226 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: then what happens is that is the sex begins to 227 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: then cloud the judgment, in cloud the perspective. And then 228 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: let's do the opposite, right, the opposite is what if 229 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: you're in a situation and it's not meeting your expectation 230 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:40,080 Speaker 1: and it's less than what you want, it's less than one. 231 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: You know, it's not blowing your mind, you know, not 232 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: even uh, it's stimulating you anyway, because maybe there's a 233 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: comparison to what was before, having an expectation that somebody 234 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: that you're sleeping with now is supposed to perform like 235 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: someone you slept with them it m hm, And that 236 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 1: expectation could be that expectation could actually be destroyed a 237 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: good thing, Davion, You've said so much, just now hold them. 238 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 1: We gotta gotta some of these things. Can you give 239 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:23,280 Speaker 1: me going that slow down? Have you ever have you 240 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: ever had a conversation about things like before the first 241 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: time you have sex, things you don't like and you know, like, 242 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: please go to that. I haven't, so what are those things? 243 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: G One thing that I don't particularly care for is 244 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: when receiving oral being fingered at the same time, like 245 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 1: I don't really need your fingers, you know, your mouth 246 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: is just good enough. So um, if in fact that 247 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 1: comes up in conversation, that's something that I'll definitely will 248 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: let how does that come up in conversation because I 249 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 1: just look at it like this, if we're going to 250 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: dinner and we're like jilling and we're like vibing, and 251 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: it's just like, you know, just to let you know, 252 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,959 Speaker 1: ever had that yet? But if you do eat my pussy, 253 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 1: please don't check your motherfuck finger off. One of those type. 254 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: I'm one of those type of women that I will 255 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: ask a man if he if he does it, like you, 256 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 1: are you eating pussy or no? Because a lot of 257 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 1: men say they don't do it. So if they do, 258 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,080 Speaker 1: if the buffalo wings you like, you ain't gonna put 259 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: that finger in me? I don't know. Yeah, So that's 260 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: how it will come up because I would really ask 261 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: a man if I plan on having sex with him, Um, 262 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: are you a pussy eater? Is this is something that 263 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: you enjoy? Is this something that you like to do? 264 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: Because and then when I enjoy and once he says yes, yeah, 265 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: like okay, by the way, when you're don't put that 266 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: finger there. So I'm not. But y'all know, I'm very 267 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: blunt and open, so I think more so in the 268 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: moment I would do it, and I would be like no, 269 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: like I would stop you. I wouldn't just be like, 270 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: let's talk about this. I'm more of a like in 271 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: the moment kind of person that's like no, no, no no, 272 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: Like I don't like that, Like if a guy, if 273 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: I tried to stick my finger up a guy, if 274 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, if you tried to, I 275 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: wouldn't talk about it beforehand because I feel like that's 276 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: not so sexy, you know what I mean, Like that's 277 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,480 Speaker 1: not in the moment thing. And I'm like more of 278 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: an in the moment type of person. So I feel 279 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: like if we're discussing everything, like listen, when we do 280 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: have our first kids, don't da da dada. I don't 281 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: feel like I want to give an instruction guy, because 282 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 1: I feel like and not to say that that's what 283 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: you were doing, because obviously you were saying what you like. 284 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: But in my mind, when I say it or lay 285 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: it out to me, it would be like an instruction guy, 286 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: And I'd rather be like, oh, I don't like when 287 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: he did that, and kind of like either explain to 288 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: him at that time or cut him off. But I 289 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: can't me personally, I can't see myself being like, all right, 290 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: before we have sex, don't put here, don't do this, 291 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: don't do that, and I like this, and don't use 292 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: loud because I'm wed enough, like I don't you know 293 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like I don't. I wouldn't understand how 294 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: to do that personally. But you're already identifying what's important 295 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: to you what isn't. So you're organizing exploration. You have 296 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 1: expectation of exploration where you just want to initially explore 297 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: and then you can sort off the finer points. You know, 298 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that. The expectation is like, hey, 299 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,600 Speaker 1: I like to explore. If this goes down, let's just 300 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: see where it goes and we can talk about it 301 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: after you it's clear. Okay, great, bet. Now if there's 302 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: certain things you know, like the deal breakers, and he say, hey, 303 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: just goes down, we are going to future. So I 304 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: need to let you know if it's that important to you. Okay, cool. 305 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: You know, it really comes down to what works for you. 306 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: You stick that finger up there, You're done. Now you 307 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: come in. You should communicate that. And then also what 308 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: expectations do you have of your partner, Like do you 309 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: have things that you're like, he better make sure that 310 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: I blah blah blah you know, because think about it sometimes, 311 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 1: as we all know, the first time you're with somebody, 312 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: it might not live up to what you want, but 313 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: it also is a period of time where you have 314 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 1: to figure each other out and be able to, Like 315 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 1: you said, after you explore talking sometimes like Tobama saying 316 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: those expectations are so how you wanted to be mind blowing, 317 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: and then it's not, and maybe you just give up 318 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,199 Speaker 1: instead of saying, let's try to you know a few times. 319 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: Not compatibility, because maybe that's where I mess up on 320 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 1: things because I look at it like, all right, let's 321 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: see what's gonna happen, and if it works out, then 322 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 1: this is meant to be. And if it's not, then 323 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: maybe it's just not because we're not compatible, maybe our 324 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 1: parts don't fit right, or because you know, like some 325 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,360 Speaker 1: people could be like, oh my god, this sex us 326 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: so crazy, and God forbid. You might know that same 327 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: guy or a woman that had sex with them. You're 328 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: like it was like it wasn't terrible to me, you 329 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: know what I mean? So I just feel like some 330 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: people are compatible and some are not. So I feel 331 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 1: like even if you break down the rules, it's like 332 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 1: it's not gonna work because that's just not your fit, 333 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And that's how I usually 334 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: move and live and maybe that's why I'm not married 335 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: in a relations But honestly, in that that it's like, yeah, okay, 336 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,880 Speaker 1: you could live that way. Maybe it's like gambling like roulette, 337 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: but maybe but maybe because there isn't enough communication about 338 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:21,120 Speaker 1: what is expected and that it's just like you get 339 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: to the point where you get frustrated because you're like, yo, 340 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: you need to know if you know about not everybody 341 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 1: knows you know. And then also not only people can 342 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,479 Speaker 1: be teachable, but also sometimes it takes time to say, oh, 343 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,879 Speaker 1: got it, this is how this is and this is 344 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 1: how the rhythm goes. And then also if it's somebody 345 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: you really care and love, as you all growing in love, 346 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 1: it becomes a greater capacity to give them the opportunity 347 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: to learn how to please you, and then also for 348 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,719 Speaker 1: you to be willing to learn how to place Then 349 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 1: you just in this area you can't communicate enough, and 350 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: when it comes, if everything else is going really well 351 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,880 Speaker 1: and the sex isn't quite there, you know, maybe that's 352 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 1: the area where you gotta set the expectations most And 353 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: also give the most prete for growth and to learn 354 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 1: because you can listen, you have known you for as 355 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: long as you've been on this earth, right, it maybe 356 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 1: maybe the only couple of months, maybe a year, right, 357 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,120 Speaker 1: So it's like you know, and again it's like, yeah, 358 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: sure somebody can hit the mark immediately sexually, but then 359 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 1: you gotta look at like what else is going on 360 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: and how happy are you in other areas? You know, 361 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,120 Speaker 1: you gotta find the balance to right, It's like, all right, 362 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: I'm happy in this area. The sex still needs work. 363 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna do the work on the sex 364 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: because I want to be with this person. I see 365 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 1: a future. You know what, I don't see a future, 366 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: So all I want is this sex. All right, Well 367 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 1: my expectation. If the sex ain't good, I'm about you 368 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 1: gotta then determine how you see this person, what you 369 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: really want from the situation, to then know how to 370 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: navigate the right expectations. Now, I want to ask you 371 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 1: this divine about something at the game put on social media, 372 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: and I want to get your thoughts. Okay, he said, 373 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,400 Speaker 1: everybody different, but it just ain't in me to let 374 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: my woman share the worry of paying for anything I 375 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: feel good carrying that load. And I'm not changing. If 376 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: you're lucky enough to land an independent woman who works 377 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 1: her ass off and still come some to cut clean, 378 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: take care of kids, and go crazy sexually, let her 379 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: stack what she makes in case y'all need it one 380 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: day and still handle everything as a man. Why she 381 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: got to pay half the rent? She had given you 382 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: half the pussy And then he said, m wire's killed me. 383 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,440 Speaker 1: Since the beginning of time, real men have always taken 384 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: care of shelter, providing and protecting. And if you ain't 385 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 1: got it, go get it. Because that is some high 386 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,159 Speaker 1: expectations to place on a man, that he's got to 387 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,880 Speaker 1: take care of everything, even as you stack your own 388 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: money as a woman. So what are your thoughts about 389 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: something like that? You know again, I think you gotta 390 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: live free. You can't, as even as a man, be 391 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 1: under mental, emotional or physical control of the humanity or 392 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:54,479 Speaker 1: the idea. And and too often you know that works 393 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: for a man and a woman in their relationship, and 394 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: that works for them. I think it's dangerous when you 395 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: to take ideas and apply it across the board, because 396 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: you know there are some women that you know are 397 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: saying Hey, look, I make a certain amount of money 398 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: and I actually want to contribute, you know, like that 399 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,680 Speaker 1: actually briefs joy, you know, and and I don't want 400 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 1: to who just wants to do everything because then what happens. 401 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: Come on, let's just be honest about us as men. 402 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 1: Not every man is doing their work. So when a 403 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 1: man pays, there's an expectation with what comes with that payment. Control. Yeah, 404 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 1: I'm ringing Mario's bell because I've been there, scation, because 405 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: the man was taking care of everything and he held 406 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,360 Speaker 1: it over my head and where he got and and 407 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,000 Speaker 1: at this point in my life, I am not in 408 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: that situation any longer. It feels so much better to 409 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,440 Speaker 1: be able to still maintain my same lifestyle and provide 410 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: these things for myself without a man, you know, like 411 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 1: I'll take gifts and I'll take help, but the fact 412 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: that I can do these things on my only, it 413 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: just feels so much better to know a doct it 414 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: on my own. So absolutely. And also I think there's 415 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: a there's a thing you know that this is why 416 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,640 Speaker 1: I wrote my last book, Truth about Men. And also 417 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:14,119 Speaker 1: when I'm writing this book is that but oh, thank you, 418 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: thank you. I had three copies and two of them 419 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 1: are missing, which means people, well, I love it, I 420 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: love it he as men. To me, part of where 421 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 1: we are right now is not falling into the traps 422 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: in the tropes of what it needs to be a 423 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: man and and defining a lot of that with money 424 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: and dominance. You know, No, to me, manhood is communication, care, consideration, 425 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 1: of course, lead, but leadership through about what works for 426 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: you. You You know, if you're in a situation where that's 427 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,120 Speaker 1: what the woman wants. But let's say, as the man, 428 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 1: you are not able to do that, not because you 429 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: have the passage, You're just not there on your journey. 430 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 1: So then you then try to live up to that 431 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 1: expectation and you feel less than I don't think that's 432 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: very healthy at all, you know, I mean at all. 433 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: I mean when Megan and I got married, you know, 434 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: she way, she made way more money than me at time. 435 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: You know, now we've been married nine years, and you 436 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,199 Speaker 1: know it's about even if not me making more Like 437 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: if her expectation was, man, I gotta marry a dude 438 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: who's making as much as me, we would be married. Sorry, 439 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: I have capacity to make that amount of money. It 440 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: just takes time. You know, and so I understand you 441 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: know where my brother is coming from. I would just 442 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: challenge any person, any man, any woman, it's not fall 443 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: into these these different uh roles without identifying if they 444 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 1: If that's really what you want to do, don't just 445 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,880 Speaker 1: go into it because what society wants or you saw 446 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: some post on Instagram got a lot of trash. That's 447 00:23:55,760 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: the worst reasons to say that. But because then that 448 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: makes me think of guys like Derek Jackson or whatever 449 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,920 Speaker 1: that actually come out and say like they like they 450 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: have these certain values and people follow behind them thinking like, Okay, 451 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: well this man is married, he's been in a relationship 452 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,440 Speaker 1: for eight years, that's relationship goals. You know. So what 453 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 1: you even saying that, like just because it's on the 454 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 1: internet or whatever the case, don't you shouldn't necessarily follow it. 455 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: But this is what you you're bringing up a really 456 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: great point. And I just I want to say this 457 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: the whole thing with Derrick Jackson. You know, I don't 458 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 1: know the brother. I didn't even get into the new 459 00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: show watching all the videos, but of course I understand 460 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: what happens right here. Here's here's one thing, one observation 461 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: that I took away as a man who's in the 462 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,119 Speaker 1: public eye, who obviously has written books and has a 463 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 1: lot to say about relations my affect to what men 464 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: women should and shouldn't do. I looked at the situation 465 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,720 Speaker 1: and said, first of all, we as men have to 466 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 1: do everything we can and are to make ourselves uncomfortable 467 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: to tell the truth. And what I mean by the 468 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: truth is that it's very easy for me as a 469 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: man to come on show like this and advise and 470 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,919 Speaker 1: give great wisdom. That's easy. The truth of the matter 471 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: is every man is an imperfect messenger because I'm still 472 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 1: a man, and so yes, I have ideas and thoughts 473 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: and I live by those as best I can. But 474 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: I also understand the internal struggle of being a man, 475 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: and it's not easy. And so when I saw with 476 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 1: that Derrick Jackson thing, Mike was like, whoa unto any 477 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: man that just takes a position about this is what 478 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,479 Speaker 1: women should do without any understanding of saying, yeah, I 479 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: think that this is what women should do. This what 480 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,919 Speaker 1: men should do. But like, I'll be honest, world, can 481 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 1: I figured this day out? We are now, we are human, 482 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: We all human, and none of us have this figured 483 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: out perfectly. We're all learning, We're on a journey, and 484 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,360 Speaker 1: so it just it just was a word of caution, 485 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 1: even to me to say, I'm not trying to put 486 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 1: myself in a position where I know everything. I don't. 487 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: You know, I want this book, I say, hey, man, 488 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: I had to. There was a part of me, uh, 489 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: growing up what people called me Mr Perfect because I 490 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,400 Speaker 1: did everything right. And I of course I said, oh 491 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,439 Speaker 1: this is great. I'm missed a Perfect. As I got older, 492 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I had the perfect. I work 493 00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: on killing Mr Perfect because it's just not true. It's 494 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: a facade, it's a persona, it's not reality. And so 495 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 1: again I don't know the brother. I don't I'm not 496 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: hating on that brother or any other brother. But as 497 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: as men, we have to be cautious the tone in 498 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,920 Speaker 1: which we give advice to win them. And we had 499 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 1: every man knows the struggle. It is hard, it's difficult. 500 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 1: And so if I stand up on this platform and say, oh, 501 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 1: you know, that's why I wrote truth about men. Yo, 502 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,679 Speaker 1: we got this dog in us, it's in us, it's 503 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 1: in me. Right, I got master that. I work on 504 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: mastering it every day. I gotta do my work I 505 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 1: can't come out here and say, oh, I've got it mastered, 506 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 1: everything's great. No, I don't. I work on it. I 507 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: deal with it. It ain't easy some days or easy 508 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 1: than others. But to not try to get on a 509 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 1: pedestal for a profit and act like we got it 510 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:14,280 Speaker 1: all when we know we don't. That was my takeaway 511 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,440 Speaker 1: from that situation. And any brother that I can talk 512 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,480 Speaker 1: to who's giving advice, I try to share with, like, yo, 513 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with the advice, but take the edge off 514 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,919 Speaker 1: of you know it all. Take the edge off of 515 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: that and offer it with some humility, with some grace 516 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 1: and saying, hey, I'm still working through this too, right. 517 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: What were some expectations on you that you feel were 518 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 1: unrealistic because you had them coming from everywhere, like from 519 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: the church, from people who are paying attention to your marriage, 520 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,159 Speaker 1: from the community, social media. What about you, like, what 521 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,880 Speaker 1: are some things you're like, Okay, this is impossible, And 522 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,880 Speaker 1: what did you have to change about yourself and your 523 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 1: own expectations? Yeah, you know, I mean, I I was 524 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: raising the church, you know, been Christian all my life, 525 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 1: and so you know, just the idea of my reason 526 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: my initial goal growing up was I want to go 527 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: to Hollywood. I want to become, you know, a producer. 528 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 1: And so coming from a religious background, that was from 529 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: you like, you can't Hollywood and Solomon Gomorra, it's the 530 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: devil's playground. You're gonna lose your faith, You're gonna have 531 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: to compromise. And so that was one of the first 532 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: expectations that I had to say, guess what, y'all I 533 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: live with in my heart. Hey, if you don't agree, 534 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: pray for me, because I gotta go, you know. And 535 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,440 Speaker 1: I went, came to the entertainment business, you know, became successful, 536 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,919 Speaker 1: worked at Sony Pictures for ten years, and now we're 537 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: in my own production company. So I had succeeded in 538 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 1: that way. But one of the other expectations is this, yes, 539 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: the journey right. One of the other expectations was with 540 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 1: success if you're not careful, comes a chat of like, oh, 541 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 1: finding too much of my identity in the success and 542 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 1: the expectation that if I'm not producing a hit movie 543 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: or got a successful book or you know, on television, 544 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: then I'm not making it. What's wrong with you, divine man? Dude? 545 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 1: What's with you? Man? You just did this thing on 546 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,880 Speaker 1: social media? And like that, what's wrong with you? Like internalizing? 547 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,320 Speaker 1: So the expectation is like, oh, I have to be 548 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 1: this all the time. No, I had to learn one 549 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 1: thing I should expect it myself is to be who 550 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: I am. I really keep working on who I am. 551 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: And when I say, well, on who I am, like 552 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,880 Speaker 1: work on you know, times when I'm angry and frustrated 553 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 1: and you know, deal with my issues and being an 554 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,719 Speaker 1: adult child of alcoholic and deal with my perfectionism issues. 555 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: The more I do that, the more it has allowed 556 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: me to resist the temptation to live up anybody else's expectation, 557 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: you know. And so it's been a process because we 558 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,960 Speaker 1: all listen, I'm I'm. I don't know if you'all have 559 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: this that I like to be like, because you know, 560 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 1: I like people's approval. I liked it um but at 561 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 1: times I liked it too much. I liked it so 562 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: much that I keep my value in it. And when 563 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: they like me, I feel fantastic. But when they don't, 564 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,680 Speaker 1: I feel devastated. And that was an expectation that I 565 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 1: had to remove of like I can't live for anybody else. 566 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,520 Speaker 1: I can't live for my wife. I love her, I 567 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,680 Speaker 1: can't live for her. At the end of the day, 568 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 1: I only life that I'm responsible to live is the 569 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 1: life that I have been given, and I have to 570 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: make sure at every turn that I'm living based upon 571 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: the expectations that I choose. Others can have expectations of me, 572 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: and if I choose those expectations, great. It doesn't mean 573 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 1: that someone having an expectation of me is wrong. It 574 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 1: just means if I do it without them, without me 575 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,840 Speaker 1: and thinking about it. My religious you know, from the church. 576 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 1: You know I have gotten to the place where I 577 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 1: love the Lord. I'm completely you know, a follower of Christ. 578 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: Have no problem with that. But I don't do anything 579 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 1: to live up to someone's religious expectation of who I 580 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: should be and what I should do. I don't do it. 581 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 1: They say that, and I'm about to switch gears a 582 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: little bit, and you know I was. You see it 583 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: in my face, So dude. They say that people that's 584 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: in the church sometimes to be a little bit more 585 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: freaking than the regular people. Now have you come across 586 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 1: that where it's been like women in the church and 587 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 1: stuff like that, I kind of throw them pennies at you, 588 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 1: even though you're married, or even maybe before you get 589 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: what I'm saying that you like hold on because we 590 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 1: see a lot of preachers and pastors that get caught 591 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 1: up and caught out there. So did you ever have 592 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,560 Speaker 1: to be like I know I talked about relationships and 593 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: all that, but like find yourself since I'm not here, 594 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: and find yourself in God, not in me? Right, right? 595 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 1: I have not had that experience so much being married. Um, 596 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: you know, but you know, prior to marriage and going 597 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 1: to your question about you know uh by you know 598 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,600 Speaker 1: our women or men in the church, you know he 599 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: and not one of the reasons why that idea persist. 600 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: And there is truth. There's truth in every stereotype and 601 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 1: and usually truth in every rumor. Uh is that suppression? Right? 602 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: So what happens in in religious communities? You know there's 603 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 1: no healthy outlet to do what you won't do on 604 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,040 Speaker 1: this podcast you talk more things in sex, but you 605 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: talk about sex, right, That's like it's like an outlet 606 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 1: to talk about sex and talk about every aspect of 607 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 1: it and in a non turtamental manner where where they 608 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: are space, there's a safe space to talk about sex. Uh. 609 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,640 Speaker 1: The church is not to say it's the most unsafe 610 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,840 Speaker 1: space to talk about sex. Now, God made us all sexual, right, 611 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,440 Speaker 1: and and in in a church community, most of the 612 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: time people are being taught to repress an aspect of 613 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: their creation, and so in order to fit in and 614 00:32:55,840 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 1: everyone's expectation, you go along with the presentation, I'm not 615 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: gonna talk about it. Hey, it doesn't exist. Oh, I 616 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 1: give God the glory. You know, everything's good. God is 617 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:16,040 Speaker 1: good all the time. I'm good. Why are you doing? You? 618 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 1: You and the your horny has ever nobody? No, no, no, 619 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: no, no no no no no, don't don't know you sposed 620 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,800 Speaker 1: be holy over horning? Okay. The reality is, without an 621 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 1: outlet to talk about these feelings doesn't mean you have 622 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: to act on the feeling. Just talking about it, it's 623 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,200 Speaker 1: cathartic enough to be able to deal with it in 624 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 1: a healthy way. Because the church seems to repress, those 625 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: feelings get suppressed. And so when someone has been suppressing 626 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 1: those sexual feelings and they get into an environment where 627 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 1: they can let it out, a lot of times it 628 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 1: goes to the extreme. You know, because again going back 629 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: to what we talked about earlier, no one perfect person 630 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: I believe to walk this earth was Jesus Christ himself. 631 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 1: None of us are perfect. And so if I try 632 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: to present, even as a minister, even as a person 633 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 1: in the public, that hey, I've got it all together 634 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 1: and no, no, no, I work on it, right, but 635 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,080 Speaker 1: I know who God created, and I got to do 636 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: my work so I can be the best of the 637 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,480 Speaker 1: creation because if I don't do my work, this other 638 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 1: thing and me is gonna gonna come out. And so yes, 639 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,799 Speaker 1: you're yes, there is some truth to that idea that 640 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 1: you know, when you have repression, especially in religious communities, 641 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,719 Speaker 1: that that can come out and what we call man 642 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,239 Speaker 1: being real freaky certain situations because there has never been 643 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 1: a healthy outlet, like a lip service, to talk about 644 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,399 Speaker 1: these things and to know how to deal with them. 645 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,959 Speaker 1: You can God create ahead too, so you can't act 646 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 1: like it. There's everything too, and that's how we got here. Okay, 647 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,560 Speaker 1: but you know you you have that in the book. 648 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,319 Speaker 1: Anything that you suppress, you in power, right, and so 649 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,759 Speaker 1: it's kind of it's kind of like a damn bursting 650 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: literally literally, and that's why work. Now. I want that 651 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,439 Speaker 1: damn you know what I mean? Like I want people 652 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 1: unless Megan's okay, you're talking about the damn of spression. 653 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,800 Speaker 1: What is the difference between stage expectations and wow, where's 654 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:35,120 Speaker 1: your mind expect expectations, expectations and standards. What's the difference? 655 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 1: So so so? An expectation is a strong belief that 656 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:42,880 Speaker 1: something will happen in the future. To me, standard is 657 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,439 Speaker 1: a is a commitment to how you want to live 658 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,360 Speaker 1: your life. Here is the danger when these two get mixed. 659 00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: Here's what I mean by that. I have certain ways 660 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 1: that I have committed to living my life, certain disciplines, 661 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 1: certain way I like to work out, what I like 662 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,919 Speaker 1: to eat. Those are how I like to work Those 663 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:06,239 Speaker 1: are my personal standards. It's dangerous when I treat my 664 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 1: personal standard as an expectation for everybody else should operate, 665 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,840 Speaker 1: and then I judge them when they don't meet my 666 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 1: standard the way that I do. It's okay for me 667 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 1: to have standards and this because this works for me. 668 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 1: But I talk about this in the book. Be careful 669 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,440 Speaker 1: when you project your standards onto others and then you 670 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,719 Speaker 1: judge them or vilify them because they don't meet them 671 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,000 Speaker 1: the same way. I don't want anybody else to make 672 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,399 Speaker 1: their standard. My standard is the same way. We should 673 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,759 Speaker 1: resist the temptation and do the same. So that's the 674 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,920 Speaker 1: real difference and expectation is a belief. It's a hope. 675 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 1: It's an idea of like, Okay, here's what's within my 676 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 1: control that I'm hoping for, that I'm working towards. That 677 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:48,360 Speaker 1: I am working towards right, And if I want to 678 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,800 Speaker 1: find out if somebody else will agree to that expectation, 679 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,239 Speaker 1: I have to communicate that to them. So let's say 680 00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 1: I have a standard. Let's go back to what the 681 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 1: game posted. Let's say, as a woman, you have a standard. 682 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 1: I want every and I go out wait to pay 683 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 1: for me. Okay, that could be your standard? How you 684 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 1: set that expectation through communication? Hey, before we're on the date, 685 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 1: here's my expectation. Do you agree to that? Or no, 686 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: oh you don't agree that, Okay, no problem. I don't 687 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,440 Speaker 1: want to take guys that don't pay or that's what 688 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 1: I have. Here's my standard. I don't let any guy 689 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 1: pay for me, period. Are you cool with that expectation? 690 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,399 Speaker 1: Because I don't want to get to dinner and then 691 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 1: you come in there and you secretly pay the bill 692 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: because I'm gonna leave because I don't like that stuff. 693 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,719 Speaker 1: Now that sounds crazy. I've never I'm gonna tell you why. 694 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why. I think it sounds crazy 695 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,120 Speaker 1: because I'm thinking on the man's side, right, So say 696 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: he already knows he's gonna pay or whatever the case. 697 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,719 Speaker 1: So he calls you up like, hey, you know today 698 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: we're gonna ask t K right, We're going in a 699 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,959 Speaker 1: nice day. I'm gonna pick you up. Everything's gonna be great. 700 00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 1: You can order the lobster and get the shrimp skin, 701 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,719 Speaker 1: whatever you want to get. Lamb says, do what you 702 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,799 Speaker 1: wanna do. But at the end of the night, you're 703 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 1: gonna suck this. Dick likes because I look at it 704 00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,719 Speaker 1: like this, and I'm gonna tell you why. I'm gonna 705 00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 1: tell you why because as now, it might be one 706 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,640 Speaker 1: man that I go out, say it's two guys, right, 707 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,680 Speaker 1: and we do the same date, same thing, we're vibing 708 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,040 Speaker 1: with one of them. I might just want to feel 709 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,839 Speaker 1: like that. At the end of the night, it might 710 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:13,839 Speaker 1: be the other guy that I feel like I don't 711 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,360 Speaker 1: feel the connection there. So even if we have that conversation, 712 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: to me personally, I'm a vide person. I'm a you know, 713 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,239 Speaker 1: or a person like when we get around each other, 714 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 1: how are we laughing? Do we feel that? So just 715 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,120 Speaker 1: you chemistry, just you telling me or we talking, and 716 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,000 Speaker 1: even though we might be like, Okay, I get what 717 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: you're saying, and I get what I'm saying, but when 718 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,759 Speaker 1: we get in at the table, it's awkward. And now 719 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 1: we're not talking. So now you think I'm gonna suck 720 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,200 Speaker 1: your dick just because you told me at the beginning 721 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,840 Speaker 1: of this conversation after dinner. This is what you're used to, 722 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,439 Speaker 1: you know, And you can also always change your mind, 723 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: and you can again because if not, that's rape and 724 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call the police. You But this is so good. 725 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,239 Speaker 1: This is so good again. We're talking about expectations and 726 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,399 Speaker 1: setting our expectations and and getting the power back right 727 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,959 Speaker 1: when you when you when you talk about nothing wrong 728 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,760 Speaker 1: with it. Everyone can live their life. What I would 729 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 1: say is, has that way of operating producing the result 730 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 1: you like, as far as working on based on like 731 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,239 Speaker 1: how my failings are working for me, only living in 732 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,839 Speaker 1: the vibe. I want to get a vibe. I don't 733 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,319 Speaker 1: want to over communicate. I just want to feel it out. 734 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,319 Speaker 1: If it has wonderful, but if it hasn't, maybe it's like, 735 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,799 Speaker 1: all right, are there some adjustments? I can make that 736 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,720 Speaker 1: I can communicate a little more clearly to just create 737 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,520 Speaker 1: a little bit more structure around what I want, because 738 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:49,120 Speaker 1: I vibed out a lot in the vibe without the communication. Okay, 739 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,080 Speaker 1: you know, my best cancel, there's no more vibe bag 740 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 1: because there's these expectations, you know, to come up, and 741 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:06,000 Speaker 1: we didn't actually set a lay foundation of communication. When 742 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 1: things start to get a little weird, I want to 743 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,920 Speaker 1: rely on the vibe. But the vibe has no structure, 744 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,520 Speaker 1: you know, and so our foundation has no structure. So 745 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,760 Speaker 1: when things get tough, we don't have the foundation to 746 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,040 Speaker 1: to dit to to get to talk about it. So 747 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,320 Speaker 1: again I understand the act. The idea that I'm presenting 748 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,000 Speaker 1: sounds completely before and I get it, and of course 749 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:31,600 Speaker 1: i'm painting in the most extreme example, but communicating what 750 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,920 Speaker 1: you want and being clear about it. I'm a firm 751 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 1: believer in that, even if it's uncomfortable, because you know, 752 00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,359 Speaker 1: what's more incomfortable investing time of your heart and your 753 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:45,759 Speaker 1: body and somebody that you thought was gonna give you 754 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: something you may have wanted and then you realize didn't. 755 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,799 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. Starting for Lobster, I mean I bought my 756 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 1: whole list. But I do feel like sometimes when you're 757 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: talking to somebody and you're just meeting them in the beginning, 758 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: and we say this all the time, it's like you 759 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,919 Speaker 1: meet a representative. So sometimes a person, Yeah, they'll paint 760 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,480 Speaker 1: out a picture of somebody that they claim they are 761 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:15,120 Speaker 1: or they seem like they are. Even their expectations like oh, 762 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,200 Speaker 1: I want this and this is down in the thirty 763 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,440 Speaker 1: You may feel like you're on the same page, but 764 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,719 Speaker 1: once you really get to sit down, it's like, I 765 00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,160 Speaker 1: thought you said this is you know, this is what 766 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:27,600 Speaker 1: you want it, and it's like not that at all, 767 00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,799 Speaker 1: you know. But but what the beauty of that is 768 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,839 Speaker 1: when we set expectations and we communicate them, we then 769 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 1: can have accountability. That's true, somebody accountable said you weren't, 770 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:46,759 Speaker 1: then why are you doing this this that I like, 771 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:54,160 Speaker 1: I said that you did, I got the messages here it. 772 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,919 Speaker 1: We want to say, okay, divine, but what's your tough 773 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,719 Speaker 1: couples And I've heard people talk about this a lot, 774 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,200 Speaker 1: where they're the amount of times that they have sex 775 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,680 Speaker 1: doesn't match up, Like sometimes one person wants to have 776 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,799 Speaker 1: sex three times a week, the other person is like, 777 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,439 Speaker 1: I'm good every other week, So what do you say? 778 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: And that, like, how do you compromise? I'm in like 779 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:20,200 Speaker 1: every other week once. Now we gotta get a divorced. 780 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you didn't tell me that in the first day. 781 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 1: I would tell couples, especially when it comes to sex 782 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,200 Speaker 1: and you are getting married first and foremost, one, you 783 00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:35,680 Speaker 1: need to set expectations. But two, I would take every 784 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,400 Speaker 1: expectation off because here's what happens. And I talked about 785 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,920 Speaker 1: this in the book. When we're single, the issue of 786 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: sex is not nearly a problem because there's there's less expectations. 787 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,000 Speaker 1: You don't even know this person, You're not where it's 788 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,600 Speaker 1: gonna go. No problem, right given sex, no problem. It 789 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,239 Speaker 1: is what it is. It see me, Shane's part of 790 00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:58,040 Speaker 1: the process or whatever. When you get married, it's totally 791 00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:01,040 Speaker 1: get involved in because now is the expectation. What does 792 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:04,560 Speaker 1: that mean? Okay, wait, now you're my husband, you're my wife. 793 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 1: Oh I've been thinking about this my whole life. Now 794 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,640 Speaker 1: it's here. What does it mean? What am I supposed 795 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:16,160 Speaker 1: to do? And as a result, sex becomes much more 796 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: complicated because there's so many more expectations to play. So 797 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:23,239 Speaker 1: I would really encourage a couple, Hey, go easy on 798 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,239 Speaker 1: each other, take the expectation off, and work to communicate 799 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,959 Speaker 1: and find the compromise. Everyone has a different sex drive, 800 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,120 Speaker 1: you know, and unless you happen to marry the person 801 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,759 Speaker 1: with the perfect sex drive, there's always going to be 802 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,319 Speaker 1: a compromise, you know. So it's like, all right, you know, 803 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,680 Speaker 1: he may want to do it twice a week and 804 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,400 Speaker 1: she's like I needed every day. Okay, great, let's just 805 00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:42,840 Speaker 1: try to find the happy meaning we do it a 806 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,520 Speaker 1: couple of times a week. Okay, Right, you gotta just 807 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:49,520 Speaker 1: find the happy medium and compromise because if you don't 808 00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:52,080 Speaker 1: do what, you're gonna drive each other crazy. And uh 809 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:56,359 Speaker 1: and also mind are is when, especially in marriage, if 810 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:59,160 Speaker 1: the sex isn't happening at the frequency that you want. 811 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:00,960 Speaker 1: A lot of it has to do with everything is 812 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:05,560 Speaker 1: half but outside the bedroom, you know, if there's some issues, resentments, 813 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 1: things that didn't get discussed, the quality of your marriage 814 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 1: usually is revealed and what does or doesn't happen in 815 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,560 Speaker 1: the bedroom. So if you're good at compromising, good at communication, 816 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 1: then you can bring that into the bedroom and you 817 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,399 Speaker 1: can find the right communication. But if outside you feel 818 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:22,480 Speaker 1: like you know one spouse feels like they're giving more 819 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,920 Speaker 1: than the other, and then in the bedroom that spouse 820 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,760 Speaker 1: that keeps receiving and never giving, wants to keep receiving. 821 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:29,680 Speaker 1: One who's given say no, I don't know, I don't 822 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:31,960 Speaker 1: feel like doing that. I ain't in the move for that. No, no, no. 823 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 1: When when you give me some equity out there, I 824 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,800 Speaker 1: think it's equition here. So I just to go easy 825 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,719 Speaker 1: and take the expectation off the bedroom and build it 826 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,120 Speaker 1: together so you can find what works for both of you. 827 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 1: What about cheating in a relationship, Like, say you're in 828 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:52,839 Speaker 1: a committed relationship and somebody steps out, do you feel 829 00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:56,480 Speaker 1: like that should be a deal breaker because maybe y'all 830 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,680 Speaker 1: spoke about things or whatever and they knew how you 831 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,759 Speaker 1: it's about that or whatever the case is. Or do 832 00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,399 Speaker 1: you think that maybe that person made a mistake and 833 00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,400 Speaker 1: it is that you can give them a chance, You 834 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,919 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, what what do you feel 835 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,640 Speaker 1: about that? You know? My feeling is that in any 836 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:16,000 Speaker 1: situation where trust has been breached, first and foremost, there's 837 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,040 Speaker 1: no rule book. Every person in every relationship has to 838 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,319 Speaker 1: do what works best for them. What I would say is, 839 00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,799 Speaker 1: if trust has been breached. You gotta get to the 840 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,200 Speaker 1: root of where is the cheating come from and why? 841 00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,759 Speaker 1: And my experience, people sometimes stay in a relationship with 842 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,240 Speaker 1: us has been violated, not because it's what they want, 843 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,560 Speaker 1: because they feel expected to do it. And so for 844 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,600 Speaker 1: me personally, UM, I don't know what I would do, 845 00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,640 Speaker 1: you know, if megan cheating on me, I don't know. 846 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:50,480 Speaker 1: I that's not even put that out there. That's not 847 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:56,479 Speaker 1: question like how do you deal with you? Right? Got 848 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,279 Speaker 1: to decide, you know, what works best for them. But 849 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,279 Speaker 1: you gotta get to the root of it. You know. 850 00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:05,280 Speaker 1: I don't believe that it's it's unsalvageable if somebody cheats, 851 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,080 Speaker 1: you know, but it's a personal decision. You got to 852 00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:10,080 Speaker 1: really do the work to say, Okay, well why did 853 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:14,040 Speaker 1: that happen, where did it come from? And can I 854 00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,600 Speaker 1: get over it? If you're the person that was cheated on, 855 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,960 Speaker 1: and if you did the cheating, the one thing I 856 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,680 Speaker 1: would say is you don't get to set the terms 857 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:27,480 Speaker 1: for the for kiding. I feel like the cheating always 858 00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,640 Speaker 1: wanted trying to set the terms. You like, I don't 859 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,920 Speaker 1: want to talk about this anymore. You gotta get over it. 860 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,960 Speaker 1: But let me after this as a man, because I 861 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,360 Speaker 1: feel like this right. I feel like as women, we 862 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 1: always want to know all the details, like what happened? 863 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,440 Speaker 1: This is and that we want to talk to the 864 00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,560 Speaker 1: other one, like all that stuff. Would you want to 865 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:45,399 Speaker 1: know all the details? You think it's better to not 866 00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:49,520 Speaker 1: have those moments in your head forever. Here's what I 867 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:55,360 Speaker 1: would say. I would say that, did you look like 868 00:46:55,440 --> 00:47:01,680 Speaker 1: you just got cheated on? I don't like space mentally 869 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:12,560 Speaker 1: face like, no, ain't no cheap that going on over 870 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:17,120 Speaker 1: here on either. But But the reason why I pause 871 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,319 Speaker 1: and really got pensive is because this is an issue 872 00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,200 Speaker 1: so many people deal with. You know and and and 873 00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,000 Speaker 1: how much facts? How many of the facts do you 874 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,239 Speaker 1: need to know? And what don't you need to know? 875 00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: You know? Because what happens is what you don't know 876 00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:35,320 Speaker 1: can drive you crazy. M h. But if you know, 877 00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:48,640 Speaker 1: you go so so. I think that some details are important. 878 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,680 Speaker 1: Detail you know? Um, But I would I would resist 879 00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:57,160 Speaker 1: temptation ask so many things that then you're just it 880 00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,759 Speaker 1: drives you crazy, asking enough so you can get a 881 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,480 Speaker 1: clear picture of why it happened. But I would exist 882 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,520 Speaker 1: the temptation that has so much that you could never 883 00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,360 Speaker 1: repair it, because you're you're replaying all the details in 884 00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,799 Speaker 1: your head, right. And I also felt like, and I 885 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,400 Speaker 1: know this might sounds sick as fuck, but I also 886 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,239 Speaker 1: felt like that's what makes the person believe that they 887 00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:19,759 Speaker 1: can get away with those things. Like if they tell you, like, 888 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,359 Speaker 1: you know what, we had sex without a condom and 889 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:27,200 Speaker 1: you ultimately forgive them and they do it again, that 890 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,719 Speaker 1: was like, well, you know, last time. I feel like, 891 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:31,600 Speaker 1: I know I made a mistake, but you forgave me 892 00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,799 Speaker 1: last time. Like literally, I was in a relationship and 893 00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,840 Speaker 1: the guy said to me, we broke up obviously, but 894 00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,000 Speaker 1: he said to me like, well, in the beginning, like 895 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,600 Speaker 1: you dealt with this. So when it was when we 896 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:46,800 Speaker 1: started transitioning into like a real serious relationship, I didn't 897 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,120 Speaker 1: think that it was that serious of a deal because 898 00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:52,200 Speaker 1: I felt like, you got over it, you know the 899 00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,279 Speaker 1: vibes girl, the vibes came back, Well that that wasn't 900 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,080 Speaker 1: a vibe situation. That was my friend. He was a 901 00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,080 Speaker 1: friend that turned into somebody. I said, the dating eventually 902 00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,040 Speaker 1: and that was a mistake too. But like he would 903 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:05,880 Speaker 1: say that, he would be like, well, you dealt with 904 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,200 Speaker 1: it before, so what what doesn't matter now? And it's like, 905 00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,440 Speaker 1: because I grew up and it's been mad years and 906 00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:15,719 Speaker 1: we're tighter now, everything is different, and I I communicated 907 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:19,120 Speaker 1: with him, but he still used it as an excuse. Right. 908 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,319 Speaker 1: But because early in the in the dynamic, sounds like 909 00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:26,920 Speaker 1: expectation was said that maybe you know it was was incorrect, 910 00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,200 Speaker 1: you know, the expectation of like, oh, she'll ride with 911 00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,200 Speaker 1: me through whatever. That's not what you were actually saying. 912 00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,200 Speaker 1: It's like, no, I'm gonna give you a moment of grace, 913 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,040 Speaker 1: but don't mistake my kindness for weakness, right, I know, 914 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:43,320 Speaker 1: to die, I would tell you I am not a rider. Die. Okay, 915 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,719 Speaker 1: you could die if you decide to let somebody else 916 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,320 Speaker 1: ride on you, if you know, let me out. I 917 00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,920 Speaker 1: like to ride, but I don't want to die, baby, Okay, 918 00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,040 Speaker 1: she wrote you. Now it's not for you to die. 919 00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,600 Speaker 1: All right, Well, look, Divine has to go. But I 920 00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:00,480 Speaker 1: do appreciate the fact that you took good time. I 921 00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 1: have to talk with us, and we're so excited. I 922 00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,600 Speaker 1: got a chance to read part of the book already, 923 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:08,080 Speaker 1: so I'm already read thinking some of the ways that 924 00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,000 Speaker 1: I act in life. And I've also been paying attention 925 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:14,040 Speaker 1: to your singles conversations that you've been having on Instagram 926 00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,440 Speaker 1: as well. So that's what I need to tune into. 927 00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:18,960 Speaker 1: So put me on because I wasn't tell me about 928 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,879 Speaker 1: the singles conversations, so other people like me can join 929 00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,359 Speaker 1: and you have a single. I mean I've been doing 930 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:29,160 Speaker 1: singles zooms, zooms for singles and it's been amazing. I mean, 931 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,600 Speaker 1: people from all over the world, all races, all ages, 932 00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,359 Speaker 1: you know, coming into the zoom. We've spend a little 933 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:39,600 Speaker 1: bit more than hour. It's amazing because you know, singleness 934 00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:42,640 Speaker 1: is a hard walk. I remember how difficult it was 935 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,960 Speaker 1: before I got married, and you always feel there's a 936 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,400 Speaker 1: community around singles. You know, there's a community around relationships 937 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:51,319 Speaker 1: and marriage, but not communities around singles. So you know, 938 00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,960 Speaker 1: we're going to do to help promote free but also 939 00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,120 Speaker 1: to really encourage singles in their walk, give them information, 940 00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,480 Speaker 1: give them tips and tools and most encouragement. You know 941 00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:04,200 Speaker 1: it's gonna be all right, You're gonna make it through. 942 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,880 Speaker 1: And uh, it's been amazing. So we've been doing the 943 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,520 Speaker 1: very week leading up to the bull and he seen 944 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,560 Speaker 1: during this pandemic because it's been tough, even tougher being 945 00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,640 Speaker 1: for people who are single during the gonna pull out, right, yeah, 946 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:21,080 Speaker 1: we pull it out. I think I'm almost over being single. 947 00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,080 Speaker 1: It's fun, but I'm bored now. I worked too much. 948 00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:27,319 Speaker 1: I'm married to my job. I like money. So if 949 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,920 Speaker 1: somebody could fit into the end between, then that schools. 950 00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:39,600 Speaker 1: But otherwise, yeah, I don't have no time. Mama tid Well. 951 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,160 Speaker 1: Divine as always be really appreciate. People always are like, 952 00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:46,000 Speaker 1: Divine's gonna do lip service. I'm like, yes, yeah, it's 953 00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:49,000 Speaker 1: not a problem. He doesn't mind discussing anything. And he 954 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,680 Speaker 1: was just talking about getting heads. So we'll make sure 955 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:57,480 Speaker 1: we make that the headline the headline. But you know, listen, 956 00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,920 Speaker 1: people have these expectations of Divine that he won't do 957 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,880 Speaker 1: lift service, and look at him breaking that. Hey, that's it. 958 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,160 Speaker 1: You live in free, You live in free, free, free drinking. 959 00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:13,200 Speaker 1: Helly on y'all for having me appreciate. Thank you so 960 00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,840 Speaker 1: much for coming. Let's service