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Speaker 1: My boyfriend asked me not to wear white to a wedding,

2
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Speaker 1: but it's our wedding. Well have you ever seen I

3
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Speaker 1: love a mama's boy? Well that's my life. Basically, I

4
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Speaker 1: twenty seven female, have been with my fiancee, John twenty

5
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Speaker 1: eight female.

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Speaker 2: What's the deals?

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Speaker 1: High school? So we dated and broke up because his mother,

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Speaker 1: Debbie fifty three female, convinced him we were too young

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Speaker 1: to be in love. We broke up and went to college.

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Speaker 1: During my sophomore year, we started talking on socials again.

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Speaker 1: He apologized and said he missed me. We got back together.

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Speaker 1: Love can't quench these two love birds. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Past professional three four on the r

14
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Speaker 1: slash Okay Storytime suburb, So cue the waterworks. Debbie literally

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Speaker 1: cried the first time she saw we were back together

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Speaker 1: and told John that I have done witchcraft on him.

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Speaker 1: Oh dude, she's African dabbering that ding dong alive, raising

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Speaker 1: it from death. More like, Uh frick, what's that one?

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Speaker 1: What's that one? What's that one where it goes where

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Speaker 1: hermioney goes? Uh something? Totalis what is it? Yeah? Perfect?

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Speaker 1: Totalis the one where he makes Deville as a as

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Speaker 1: a there, yep, there we go, there we go. So

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Speaker 1: Wie literally cried, said a witchcraft. I've always respected Debbie

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Speaker 1: out of respect for my mother and upbringing. I was

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Speaker 1: not raised to go back and forth with my elders.

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Speaker 1: But she definitely abused that. Since John and I decided

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Speaker 1: to get back together, she has tried to hook him

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Speaker 1: up with women from her church, her job, and even

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Speaker 1: ask her friends for their daughters to give it a shot.

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Speaker 1: John denies all of them, and Debbie says that I'm controlling.

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Speaker 1: John has told her to stop, but not in a

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Speaker 1: way I feel she gets the point. Anyway, three months

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Speaker 1: ago John proposed deb didn't come to the engagement party,

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Speaker 1: So deb is being a Debbie downer for sure. Also,

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Speaker 1: my mom thinks I'm gonna move to New York if

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Speaker 1: she doesn't find me a girlfriend, and so she's going

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Speaker 1: into overdrive right now. She's like sending me pictures of

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Speaker 1: eligible women within her her mom network, her freaking that

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Speaker 1: would be a.

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Speaker 3: Pretty fire Facebook group, like a bunch of moms trying

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Speaker 3: to set up their kids to Geeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, dude, that's what. What's the matchmaker? The Indian show

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Speaker 1: that you want?

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Speaker 2: Indian matchmaker.

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Speaker 1: Buyer is trying to do that right now. For me,

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Speaker 1: that is some baddies.

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Speaker 2: That is so funny. You say matchmaker because I kind

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Speaker 2: of want to get into the game. Not gonna lie,

49
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Speaker 2: I have a game. Yeah, I have a guinea pig

50
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Speaker 2: working right now.

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Speaker 1: Oh with uh yep, yep. I honestly wait was that

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Speaker 1: your pick?

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Speaker 2: That was my pick choose? Huh oh yeah, yes.

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Speaker 1: No, wow, yeah, dude yeah. Man is like, dude, he's

55
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Speaker 1: like eight feet tall, freaking huge.

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Speaker 2: She's gonna be my ball team. I have a dude,

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Speaker 2: you play against him.

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Speaker 1: Man, He's great.

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Speaker 2: That's how we met.

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Speaker 1: Really, He's huge. He's huge, dude, all right, I think

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Speaker 1: I have big feet. His feet are twice the size

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Speaker 1: of my yo.

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Speaker 2: Yo.

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Speaker 1: Massive. We won't tell you who anyway. And then Cool

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Speaker 1: she didn't come to the family dinner we had so

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Speaker 1: both sides could meet. Cool John's dad came and apologized

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Speaker 1: for his ex's behavior. He left her when John graduated

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Speaker 1: high school. I told him, don't worry about it. The

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Speaker 1: problems really began when John decided to confront his mother

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Speaker 1: about how she's behaving towards our whole engagement. This turned

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Speaker 1: on the light bulb in his brain, and he's always

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Speaker 1: tried to ignore it and tell me to ignore her. Sure,

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Speaker 1: she gave him a sob story about how she got

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Speaker 1: pregnant with him before marriage and never really got to

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Speaker 1: have a wedding, and this is triggering her. She had

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Speaker 1: a shotgun wedding at the courthouse. He asked her what

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Speaker 1: she needed to feel comfortable, and she responded that if

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Speaker 1: she wore white and I wore soft pink or lavender,

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Speaker 1: she would feel comfortable. To be clear, to be clear, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: his mother, Ye, His mother is saying, Hey, I want

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Speaker 1: to come to your wedding, But you know it's just

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Speaker 1: so triggering because I didn't have my own. So if

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Speaker 1: your to be wife wears pink and I wear white,

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Speaker 1: I'll be fine. You know. In fact, it would just

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Speaker 1: be triggering to see her walk down the aisle, how

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Speaker 1: I walked down the aisle.

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Speaker 2: Not another one of these stories, another one that folders

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Speaker 2: two thousand and nine.

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Speaker 1: AD really set us up well for this.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no.

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Speaker 1: They stay keep it in the family. But this is

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Speaker 1: going do far far, so far, not too far too.

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Speaker 1: Who's choosing these stories? My fiance, for some reason, thought

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Speaker 1: this was a fair compromise. He also said, not asked

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Speaker 1: that his mom could walk me down the aisle so

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Speaker 1: she can get her moment in her dress.

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Speaker 2: I was joking. I was joking.

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Speaker 1: She wants a freaking walk down the aisle in a

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Speaker 1: white dress.

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Speaker 2: She is crazy. She is crazy.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm you know, I just came off my

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Speaker 1: meditation retreat. I'm trying to be calm.

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Speaker 2: But what and then I only have one more request.

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Speaker 2: Just build a cute, tiny little trap door right on

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Speaker 2: the pedestal, so in little opie wife, he goes, oops,

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Speaker 2: Then Mama takes it.

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Speaker 1: Now it takes over. So I told her, absolutely not,

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Speaker 1: and we got into an argument about it. I told

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Speaker 1: him that it's insane that he would argue with me

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Speaker 1: to defend his mom's honor but wouldn't do the same

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Speaker 1: the other way around. He accused me of big, petty

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Speaker 1: and selfish chat.

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Speaker 4: Dad tell me, I'm not the only one that sees

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Speaker 4: that this is whack as heck. Mowguri says, Sam's flabbers

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Speaker 4: are gasted.

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Speaker 1: Da true girl, Oh oh my god, it was bad.

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Speaker 1: We both have agreed to cool off, but by how

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Speaker 1: heated it got I could tell we both almost agreed

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Speaker 1: to call it off.

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Speaker 2: Woo.

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Speaker 1: Now we're in a weird space and I love John,

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Speaker 1: but now see how much he let her impact our life.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, I just imagine her sitting at home with

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Speaker 1: this evil grin, knowing she he's ruining my relationship with

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Speaker 1: John and he's just putty in her hands. I think

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Speaker 1: I should just call off the wedding. Am I the

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Speaker 1: a hole or is it just a color? And there's

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Speaker 1: comments by op and there's an update, But is o

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Speaker 1: b the ale by putting her foot down? Click God.

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Speaker 2: As much as I love a John twenty eight male man,

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Speaker 2: this is it's an exact match. It's exactly. It's not

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Speaker 2: even without an h it's John with an age, is it?

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Speaker 2: Debbie no okay decided to make sure.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, Bud Bud. Carol Castle is saying, prevores Britney

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Speaker 1: icu Lynn his calls and call it off. Elliet is saying,

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Speaker 1: this is how the entire marriage will go. I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you don't start putting some freaking boundaries down, we're

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Speaker 1: going into the com comments for Opie. But this is

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Speaker 1: wag noodle. Opie says, I wish this was fiction. My

140
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Speaker 1: life feels like a joke Right now, I'm embarrassed to

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Speaker 1: even tell my best friend because it sounds crazy, and

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Speaker 1: I guess I thought posting it here would get a

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Speaker 1: different type of response, but everyone is just telling me

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Speaker 1: to run, So I think it's time to tell my

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Speaker 1: friends and family what's going on. Everyone is screaming leave him,

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Speaker 1: and I would be two if I was just a

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Speaker 1: third party observer reading this, so I don't follow them,

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Speaker 1: but we live together and have been planning a wedding.

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Speaker 1: It hurts. I think this is my last straw, though,

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Speaker 1: so I appreciate your advice. I'm going to get father

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Speaker 1: in law to gather everyone on his side and talk

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Speaker 1: about this. If that doesn't work, the wedding is off.

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Speaker 1: My dad hasn't paid any deposits yet since it's still

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Speaker 1: early on in the engagement, so whoo. I've also decided

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Speaker 1: to show John this thread. I'll post an update after

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Speaker 1: I meet with him later. Hopefully. You know, every once

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Speaker 1: in a while this happens. This does happen where someone

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Speaker 1: will post Reddit the entire internet will be like John's

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Speaker 1: an a hole, and then this will be shown to

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Speaker 1: John and John will be like, oh, I guess like

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Speaker 1: I have some sense knocked to me by thousands or

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Speaker 1: or tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of people

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Speaker 1: being like, yo, dude, you're kind of whack.

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Speaker 2: One can hope, one canna, one can pray, one can pray,

165
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Speaker 2: but will today be the day we'll see?

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Speaker 1: So Obi says, I honestly love him. It feels like

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Speaker 1: we're soulmates. But everyone is right. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I can put up with Debbie forever. I thought I

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Speaker 1: could if he was going to have my back, but

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Speaker 1: he has lost all his marbles apparently. I honestly think

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Speaker 1: that's what it is. He really believes she'll let up.

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Speaker 1: She hasn't the whole time we've been together. So I'm

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Speaker 1: adding that to one of my talking points later. The

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Speaker 1: second part that is also going to be a talking

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Speaker 1: point is does he think his mom would not look

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Speaker 1: insane and that wouldn't make people talk with not everyone

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Speaker 1: at the wedding be like what the hepp is going on? Uh?

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Speaker 2: What's the deal here? Who's marrying?

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Speaker 1: There is an update? There is an update, but like.

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Speaker 2: Also just think about this too, Like it would already

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Speaker 2: of course be crazy if the mom was like, oh

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Speaker 2: let me wear white, right, But walked down the aisle,

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Speaker 2: Let me walk down the aisle, and but the double

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Speaker 2: like it's just so crazy, it's almost like it doesn't

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Speaker 2: hit you right away. But it's like not only that

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Speaker 2: she wears white, but also that uh, oh P has

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Speaker 2: to wear pink, like like the fact that like oh

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Speaker 2: P can't even have a white dress, like both does

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Speaker 2: OP have a kid? I don't think, because it's kind

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Speaker 2: of a purity thing to people, like you can't wear

191
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Speaker 2: white if you're not up here, but she can't. I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't even realize that was like a religious

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Speaker 1: thing or but I don't think that's at all the context.

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Speaker 1: Like what what I mentioned I would have been mentioned.

196
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Speaker 1: What the mom is saying is she doesn't she never

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Speaker 1: had her perfect wedding because she had to have a

198
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Speaker 1: shotgun wedding. And so you know, let me take your like,

199
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Speaker 1: let me take the place of the bride in your wedding,

200
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,480
Speaker 1: and then when you have a child of your own,

201
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Speaker 1: you can kick them out of their own wedding and

202
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Speaker 1: take their place. You know, we kick the can down

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Speaker 1: the road.

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Speaker 2: We need we need one eight hundred find a husband

205
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Speaker 2: to get mommy deb her own husband to then do

206
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Speaker 2: a new wedding. That's what needs to happen. I'm just this.

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Speaker 1: I think I think the solve is just like throw

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Speaker 1: a fake wedding for the mom and then maybe that

209
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Speaker 1: will quench her thirst to ruin your own wedding.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because it seems like the mom when her wedding

211
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Speaker 3: didn't get a lot of good wedding photos, so she's

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Speaker 3: going to use your wedding to get those photos.

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Speaker 1: But there is an update. Oh, one day later December twelfth,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 2: Six days ago.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is having in real time. Boys.

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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, not sure if this is the update everyone wanted,

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00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,079
Speaker 1: but this is what happened since my last post. This

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Speaker 1: is one day later. I lated a couple of talking

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Speaker 1: points that I couldn't articulate over the rage. I met

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Speaker 1: it with John after work at home. I was at

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Speaker 1: the gym letting off steam. We spoke on everything and

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Speaker 1: made plans to speak to his mother. John came home remorseful.

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Speaker 1: He told me he was anxious about it and brought

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Speaker 1: it up to a coworker slash friend about how I

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Speaker 1: don't want to compromise. Apparently his friend God bless his

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Speaker 1: soul went off on him about him being cringey let's go.

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Speaker 1: This angered me.

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Speaker 2: Because I want to do it first.

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Speaker 1: So when I say it's a problem, but another man

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Speaker 1: tells you, and now you see the other side, I

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Speaker 1: brought up my talking points him being easily being manipulated.

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Speaker 1: This was also proved when I said he would listen

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Speaker 1: to whatever another man said before his partner. Even though

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Speaker 1: his friend agreed with me, it hurt that he didn't

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Speaker 1: listen to me. The one thing I will be it

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Speaker 1: could totally be a sexist thing. But this is something

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Speaker 1: my mom always says to me, where it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you'll listen to one of your friends, but when I

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Speaker 1: tell you, like, you won't listen to me, like I think.

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Speaker 2: But Mom to son is.

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Speaker 1: No, one hundred percent, But I do think. Like what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying is, sometimes there's a level of closeness to

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Speaker 1: a person that sometimes you just need an outside perspective. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not saying that Opie's fiance should I mean OPI's fiance.

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Speaker 1: I should have listened to her, for sure, But I

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Speaker 1: do understand that sometimes you need a perspective outside of

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Speaker 1: the relationship to realize that you are being crazy in

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Speaker 1: the same way that when we've talked about abusive relationships,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you need someone outside of the relationship to say

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Speaker 1: that's not normal for you to realize it's not normal.

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Speaker 2: Outside the vortex.

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Speaker 1: Definitely not the same thing, but just yeah, I just.

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Speaker 2: One one could even argue that he should have, upon

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Speaker 2: hearing his mom's idea, told her it was a bad

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Speaker 2: idea to begin with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think. Yeah, I mean, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: OPI has to deal with this. I feel so bad.

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Speaker 1: And also it just seems yeah, it seems like he

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Speaker 1: is like incapable of thinking for himself too. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: also incapable of listening to OPI, which is a terrible combination. Like, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you're gonna be incapable of thinking to you for yourself,

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Speaker 1: at least listen to your.

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Speaker 2: Partner, right, You can't be gullible from other people, but

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Speaker 2: not your own partner at least.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Dutch Casanda says, I mean that happens a lot

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Speaker 1: in a relationship where you listen to other people and

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Speaker 1: not hear your partner because you're too close to it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, And that's all I was saying. So it's

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Speaker 1: not necessarily always a red flag this day.

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Speaker 2: That's kind of a red flat pole. Walk away one

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Speaker 2: two work it out voting the pole.

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Speaker 1: So his mom going out of her way to break

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Speaker 1: us up with this silly request, he has way more open.

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Speaker 1: He's way more open to this theory now, knowing how

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Speaker 1: cringe he looks even telling the situation someone else. I

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Speaker 1: compared it to a father removing a bride's wedding garter,

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Speaker 1: and then he got the play sucks him agreeing to

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Speaker 1: his mom's crazy request before even talking to me. He

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Speaker 1: claimed he didn't that he told her he'll see how

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Speaker 1: I feel about it, and just brought it up to me.

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Speaker 1: I asked, why did he not see that his mother

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Speaker 1: walking down the aisle on his wedding day was extremely creepy.

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Speaker 1: He says, it's just a dress in his eyes. He

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Speaker 1: just didn't want his mom to miss the wedding. I

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Speaker 1: told him there will be no wedding if he doesn't

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Speaker 1: straight on up. He said he misunderstood me, showing him

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Speaker 1: how blatantly obvious it was. She hates me, shouldn't even

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Speaker 1: ask to wear white alongside me, which is still weird,

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Speaker 1: but that I don't wear white at all, as if

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Speaker 1: I'm some impure or which shout out Riley for pointing

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00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,640
Speaker 1: that out. I didn't even think that was me a thing.

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Speaker 1: Thanks Reddit, because I wasn't even thinking of that one.

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00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,600
Speaker 1: Shout out Reddit and Riley. He said he didn't see

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Speaker 1: it that way. He just knew she hasn't been showing

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Speaker 1: up because she said seeing me in white hurts her.

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Speaker 1: So I said, do you not hear your own mom

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Speaker 1: saying she wants to be the bride herself, that she

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00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,680
Speaker 1: can't stand it being me? It finally looked like a

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Speaker 1: ding went off in his head. Earth the freakin' oh

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Speaker 1: piece fyance man as the thickest skull in existence, the

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Speaker 1: thickest skull.

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Speaker 2: Can we marry an idiot idiot as John? That is

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00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 2: the question I am currently asking right now.

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00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 1: Me asking him what role she would play in our wedding,

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Speaker 1: childbirth mother's day, and everything to come. Would I always

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00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,680
Speaker 1: come second place? He assured me I wouldn't, and he

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00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,480
Speaker 1: realizes how bad he up. He was just trying to

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Speaker 1: keep the peace, I asked, by always making her happy

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Speaker 1: and making me miserable, I refuse to live my life

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Speaker 1: that way. He agreed and said he was sorry and

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Speaker 1: that he wouldn't want me to be miserable. We have

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Speaker 1: no children yet, but we created a plan in how

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Speaker 1: to deal with any big milestone. She won't be there

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Speaker 1: for anything unless I'm comfortable with it, and I won't

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Speaker 1: be unless she does a one to eighty bbe. I

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Speaker 1: asked what did his mom say to change his mind?

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Speaker 1: And you guessed it. She cried. She cried about her

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Speaker 1: baby getting taken away from her, how she never got

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Speaker 1: her wedding, how his dad left her and she was

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Speaker 1: alone and had no one else, that she felt sick

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Speaker 1: and just wanted to experience a real wedding before she dies.

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Speaker 1: She's perfectly healthy, unless there's something she hasn't told us.

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Speaker 1: I just told him. If that was enough to manipulate him,

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Speaker 1: what's to say he won't turn on me again? He

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Speaker 1: said this friend and dad talks sense to him about

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Speaker 1: how he was going to lose me. I told him

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Speaker 1: today that was the last straw for me. He had

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Speaker 1: to do four things to keep me engaged to him

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Speaker 1: if he even cared too. So we got we got

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Speaker 1: some stipulations, we got some barriers.

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Speaker 2: It's about to get really real. You guys vote. We

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Speaker 2: have a standoff here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Walker say fifty to fifty. Right now, fifty fifty

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Speaker 1: fifty percent of people are saying, op he should stay

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Speaker 1: in the relationship. Fifty percent of people are saying, oh,

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00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 1: he should walk. One or two's put in your votes.

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00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,680
Speaker 2: His poll is polating.

340
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 1: So Opie requests go low contact with his mom and

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Speaker 1: do not let her make any decisions on our wedding,

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00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 1: which will be postponed another year to see if he

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00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 1: actually sticks to his word. Good, I need to postpone

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00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,359
Speaker 1: the wedding about something like that, agreed mart Two, he

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00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 1: has to go to counseling individually and couple's counseling. Three,

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Speaker 1: he has to speak to his mom with me present

347
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Speaker 1: about her behavior towards me, because every time he goes

348
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,639
Speaker 1: by himself he comes back with a reason why he

349
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 1: left it alone. Next, he must create strong boundaries and

350
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 1: learn to uphold them. He agreed, But then came the

351
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 1: bad part. Ooh I showed him the post.

352
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Speaker 2: Okay.

353
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Speaker 1: Also, let's take a look at the poll. So sixty

354
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,399
Speaker 1: eight percent of you are saying seventy percent of you

355
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 1: are saying walk, thirty percent are saying stay. So but

356
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 1: obviously stay, I imagine with postponing the wedding and seeing

357
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:35,879
Speaker 1: if he adheres to this. I think the other party

358
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 1: people are like, leave right now, you have enough.

359
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, yep.

360
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 1: So as he read everyone rip him to shreds in

361
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,200
Speaker 1: the comments, I could see how uncomfortable he was as

362
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,199
Speaker 1: he read how much of a mama's boy he was

363
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 1: and other things about his mom. He was hurt that

364
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: I agreed that I should leave him in some comments.

365
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,160
Speaker 1: He read for a few minutes until he saw someone

366
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 1: call him a spineless see you next time, come on,

367
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: and then gave my phone back. He said it was

368
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 1: really harsh, but I had shown him how crazy the

369
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 1: situation sounded, even if it was just to keep the

370
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 1: peace on a surface level, him reading the post was

371
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 1: the icing on the cake. He said. He saw everyone

372
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: telling me to leave, and his heart physically started hurting,

373
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 1: knowing that he deserved it. We then called his dad,

374
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 1: who am no longer calling future father in law, because

375
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 1: I will call this wedding off tomorrow if he doesn't

376
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: have my back when we speak to his mom. Oh Man,

377
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 1: John's dad Dan, who i'll name since he's a big

378
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 1: part of this update. Dan also read John the Riot

379
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 1: Act again. The Riot Act what's that. He was relieved,

380
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,359
Speaker 1: John decided to get his act together. We agreed to

381
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: go to Dev's house tomorrow with Dan and John's aunt.

382
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 1: My dad is tagging along. Is a full family affair.

383
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 2: Here we go.

384
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 3: The Riot Act a British law that allowed local officials

385
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 3: to disperse groups of twelve or more who were unlawfully.

386
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,479
Speaker 1: So I guess we're going to disperse this.

387
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:09,400
Speaker 2: Debbie yead.

388
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: So. John has said he will tell his mother that

389
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 1: she can't, under any circumstances, make our wedding about her.

390
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 1: He also said if she does cry or try to

391
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: guilt trip him, he will tell her he's going no contact.

392
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,640
Speaker 1: I feel terrible, as getting a man to stop talking

393
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 1: to his mother isn't something I ever thought I wanted.

394
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 1: I doubt Debbie will come around, especially not tomorrow with

395
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 1: all of us against her. I don't know if John

396
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 1: will backtrack as soon as he gets there. I have

397
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 1: explained if he doesn't grow a spine, I'm leaving. He

398
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 1: either can marry me or marry his mom. But that's

399
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: my ultimatum. He said, he chooses me, we'll see. I

400
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: guess this all should make me happy, but I still

401
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: feel icky. I'll update tomorrow after we all talk to

402
00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 1: Debbie Dear just Sathan says, riot act is just stray

403
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 1: means to yell all the crap you did that sucks.

404
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: This is a nakey situation.

405
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 2: Yeah.

406
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: Something that I worry though, and something that is icky

407
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 1: about ultimatums in general, is are you changing because of

408
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: the stick or are you changing because you really want

409
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: to change? I think changing behavior because like I'll break

410
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 1: up with you, I'll do it is never going to

411
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: be true change, right, That is change because of an outcome,

412
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: not change because of an intern like because of internal growth.

413
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're doing it for yourself, You're doing for your partner.

414
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And I think although maybe change can start

415
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: this way, it's I don't know if it's like healthy.

416
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 2: I feel it's got to come for you.

417
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,959
Speaker 1: It's for you, And I almost want to like I

418
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 1: almost like Carol Castle, yeah, go force numbers. I just

419
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: feel like you know, now, it's just it's everyone else

420
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 1: doing this thing that he needs to do for him.

421
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: Like I don't think it's actually exhibiting the change that

422
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: OP needs to understand whether she's safe in this relationship.

423
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: And so like I really think the and this is harder,

424
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: but the best option feels like they need space and

425
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 1: op he needs to like observe how this guy acts

426
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 1: in the absence of the relationship, Like, like I feel

427
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: like they need like a like a like a break.

428
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 4: Well.

429
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 2: I think it would have been interesting in earlier once

430
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 2: so there was that point where like he finally like

431
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 2: got it, and then like right after that point she

432
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 2: came up with like the the the like ultimatum agenda.

433
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 2: Right after that point, I feel like it would have

434
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 2: been interesting if she said, now, what do you now

435
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 2: that you understand, what do you think we should do

436
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 2: about this? And what do you think kind of needs

437
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 2: to happen for us to have they happy and successful

438
00:23:56,200 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 2: marriage away from the you know, terror that is your

439
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: mom And I'm curious what he would have answered. I'm

440
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 2: not saying that he would have given all the right answers,

441
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 2: but I am curious terror, and it makes me think

442
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,360
Speaker 2: we don't negotiate with terror. Yeah, dude though.

443
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: But I think even if he said all the right

444
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: things there, he could just be saying all the right

445
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 1: things there.

446
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 2: That's true. That's true.

447
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 3: He's going to have a new mommy now, and that's

448
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 3: gonna be op because he's doing it for op and

449
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 3: that he's not doing it.

450
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: I think he might keep his old mommy though, I

451
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: mean old mommy's hard, and I just feel like, I

452
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: just feel like Opie doesn't know whether he's actually changed.

453
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: I actually remember we read a story a bit ago

454
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: where this guy was like it was this guy, it

455
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: was from the perspective of the wife, and this guy

456
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 1: was super down in the dumps. He wasn't taking care

457
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 1: of himself and just like was just being a really

458
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: bad partner. And so was like, hey, like this relationship

459
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: isn't working. We need to separate, right, And so they

460
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 1: actually still lived together, but like we're proceeding, like we're

461
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: going to go proceed towards divorce, and they weren't staying

462
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: in the same room, and like they kind of were

463
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: having separate lives. And then over the course of that year,

464
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: even though she was firm on on like you know,

465
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: separating a divorce, she saw that he was changing. He

466
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: started working out, he started taking care of himself, he

467
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,159
Speaker 1: started like being the man that she knew that he

468
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: was in the past and becoming that person again. And

469
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: what was great about that that relationship is she didn't

470
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: put an ultimatum and said, I'm going to divorce you

471
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,239
Speaker 1: if you don't change. She said, no, I'm divorcing you

472
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: and was like sturtying that And they did stay separated.

473
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: But what brought them back together is that she saw

474
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 1: change in him, not because of her, but because he

475
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: wanted to change, because like he didn't even think that

476
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,120
Speaker 1: was on the table, right. And I think when you're

477
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: holding a relationationship over someone saying like, hey, if you

478
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: don't change, you're not gonna get this little treat. You're

479
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,719
Speaker 1: not gonna get this relationship, You're not gonna get this

480
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: thing that you really like, You're not going to actually

481
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: see change. You're gonna see You're gonna see like false

482
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 1: promises and false actions that don't signify the internal change

483
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 1: that you need. So I think zombie love has it right.

484
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: Hold off on wedding, go to counseling, go to counseling,

485
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 1: get I would say, at least take a break, try separation.

486
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: You need to see who this guy is in the

487
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: absence of this relationship.

488
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, and even to like I think separation

489
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 2: is probably better, but even to just like calling off

490
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 2: the wedding plus engagement, even could you know still because

491
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 2: also to I could see I could see him interpreting

492
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: that as a sign of like, Okay, she is like,

493
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 2: you know, losing the will for this relationship, and I

494
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 2: don't want to like pressure, force or try to like

495
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 2: do something to you know, put push her into something

496
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 2: she doesn't want. I could see also just like, hey,

497
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 2: let's remove all the pressure of like barreling towards the

498
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 2: actual wedding and just like putting that to the side

499
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: for now, but then also like just giving it a

500
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 2: beat as a couple too, to see if that would

501
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: if that would work. But yeah, I think you have

502
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 2: generally see if he could do that and change himself.

503
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 2: That is, that is ultimately what we want to see.

504
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: That's the key. But we got comments from op, so

505
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: I won't bash him anymore since we've spoken, but I

506
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 1: will say I'm not speaking tomorrow, and I've asked everyone

507
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: else to just come for support. He has to speak,

508
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: and if it's not assertive or it's half bootied, I'm

509
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: out of here. Thank you. I feel really bad about this,

510
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: but this is my first time having to put my

511
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: foot down, and I think even he's shocked seeing it.

512
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: I usually I usually just let her talk and get

513
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 1: her way because she's his mom. Yes, I didn't think

514
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: that it was weird. My cousin told me she has

515
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 1: a throwaway to vent about her mom. She gave me

516
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: the login to be able to do the same without

517
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: family watching. But this is the last comment I'm going

518
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: to make about this. I wasn't going to make a

519
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: new email and account, and I also didn't know this

520
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: was going to blow up. And as you can see

521
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: from me responding, I'm not a bot. And we got

522
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: an update two days later.

523
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: We are getting dangerously close to the day than it

524
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 2: is today.

525
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, I'm back with a last update. Will it

526
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: be the last? We'll see? This is a bit long,

527
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: so buckle up. Some people reached out to disrespect me.

528
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 1: I honestly don't care if you don't believe my story

529
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 1: or find me annoying, but messaging me calling me names,

530
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: being disrespectful and are saying I shouldn't wear white to

531
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: my own wedding is classless. I won't respond, and I

532
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: genuinely hope you all get the help you need for

533
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 1: whatever trauma makes you that much of an angry person.

534
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: To all people who've reached out with positive vibes and advice.

535
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, you cutty pa duties. Anyway, John

536
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: and I met up after work and we headed to

537
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: pick up Dan. John's on couldn't make it. My dad

538
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: was meeting us there, and I had a really bad anxiety.

539
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: I told Dan and Dad that they shouldn't give us

540
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: a few hours before knocking so she doesn't feel ambushed,

541
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: and they agreed. Here's the part everyone is waiting for.

542
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: Here we go. We get to Debbie's and my heart

543
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: feels like I'm going up the world's tallest roller coaster slowly.

544
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: John is quiet like a finapple. We get back and

545
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: he gives her a firm but respectful hey mom. No,

546
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 1: it's probably more like hey mom, hey mom. We sit

547
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: down and John tells her we come. Uh, we came

548
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: to talk to her. She asked, what's wrong. John got

549
00:29:56,520 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: right into it. He bluntly said to her that her

550
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: actions towards me for years have been petty. Her not

551
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 1: showing up for any of her wedding events was unacceptable

552
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: to him. He flat out asked her, why does she

553
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: have a problem with me? I genuinely thought he was

554
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: going to start with a dress situation. He went for

555
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: the root of it all.

556
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 2: Good job, John, Yeah.

557
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: Debbie acted like she had no idea what he was

558
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: talking about. She has actively tried to get him to

559
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: cheat slash leave me for other women, but in that moment,

560
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: was shocked and doesn't know where this was coming from.

561
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: She said, she has no problems with me and loves

562
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: me like a daughter. She looked at me like she

563
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: expected me to talk, But like I said to you all,

564
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: I wanted to see what John had to say. He

565
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: asked her to be honest and name all the times

566
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: he's recalled that she insulted me to my face and

567
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: behind my back. He mentioned she had also told him

568
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: he could do better every time I'm not around. This

569
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: was news to me, but I but am I shocked

570
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: to know? Ooh that was livin. She genuinely couldn't believe

571
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: he outed her like that. She starts going off on him,

572
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: calling him disrespectful and saying he was disrespecting his own

573
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: mother for an outsider, Who.

574
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 2: Are you out family? Outside of family? No outsider is

575
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 2: so what's such a weird way to describe?

576
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: She kept saying, I know she made you do this.

577
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: I know she's the one making you disrespect me. Like this.

578
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,719
Speaker 1: John was trying to reason with her and get her

579
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: to calm down. Come on, mama, I text Dan and

580
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 1: my dad comes in. Once they were inside, Dev Dev

581
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: became a different person. She was startled as she wasn't

582
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: expecting them, and then all the things she was saying

583
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: went out the window. She turned to Dan and my

584
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: dad and said John walked in and just started yelling

585
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: at her because of me. My dad looked at me

586
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: and I shook my head no. Once Dan and Dad

587
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: got in, everything was calmer for a little while. She

588
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: went back to denying she didn't like me. They all

589
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: told her it was obvious that the dress request was

590
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: shameful of her. She immediately replied, it's shameful that I

591
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 1: won't let her son spend time with her. John said

592
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: that's not true. At this point, I'm burning inside. I

593
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: wanted to correct all of her inaccuracies, but I stood quiet.

594
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: John asked her, what's the real issue with op?

595
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 2: What's the real issue?

596
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: John asked her what's the real issue with op? Dev

597
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: starts saying how she knew I was going to be

598
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: an issue since we were in high school. She said

599
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: that she said that once John got with me his

600
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 1: grade started dropping, which wasn't true that he stopped making

601
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: time for family. Also not true that he once didn't

602
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 1: show up to celebrate Mother's Day with her a few

603
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: times because of my birthday. My birthday is in April.

604
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: Mother's Day is in Make that once we got back together,

605
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: he forgot about her completely because I made him abandon her.

606
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 1: He goes to her house a minimum of three times

607
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: a week. She said the fact that we had the

608
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: engagement party without checking in how she felt about it

609
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: was wrong and all the evidence she needed to see

610
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: what kind of woman I am. My dad pointed out

611
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 1: that she didn't pay for the engagement dinner to have

612
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 1: any input on it. Dan asked her what was she

613
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: thinking asking to wear white at her wedding? Why is

614
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: she so hungry for attention? Her face got red and

615
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: she went off. She told Dan maybe if he would

616
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: have properly married her and gave her the real wedding,

617
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: she wouldn't feel left out.

618
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 2: Ooh, I called that. I freaking called that.

619
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: You call it? Dan straight up called bs and said

620
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: that she didn't want to have a real wedding, even

621
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,239
Speaker 1: though he tried to convince her, the reason being that

622
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: her mother told her pregnant brides are tacky. She started crying.

623
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: I honestly felt bad for Debbie here. Mothers, be nice

624
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: to your daughters or you'll create debies.

625
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sorry, real quick notice how her mother was

626
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 2: a maniac about her wedding, and look where we are.

627
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: Hurt people, hurt people.

628
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 2: Hurt people, hurt people.

629
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: My dad got everyone to calm down. John finally spoke

630
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: again and told his mom that he can't keep defending

631
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 1: her when she won't even try to respect me. That

632
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 1: for his that for his sanity in our relationship, He's

633
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 1: going low contact. Dad kept crying and said that John

634
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,959
Speaker 1: can't leave her.

635
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 2: For Dird, for herd, for herd? What is that for dead?

636
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: Oh? For deurd?

637
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: I thought you were trying to find a funny way

638
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: of just saying the word. I'm so now that's funny.

639
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,720
Speaker 1: He can't leave her for nerd. She's the only mother

640
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 1: he'll ever had. Mothers are forever, wives are not y.

641
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 2: That's crazy, although it is kind of a bar though.

642
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 2: I can't even lie, Debbie, Debbie, I'll give you that one.

643
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 2: I'll give you that one.

644
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: Dev I'm not even his wife yet, and I'm already

645
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:29,560
Speaker 1: tearing apart the family. He kept going. He told her

646
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 1: that we are going to get married. He told her

647
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: that we are going to get married. She can't respect,

648
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:43,280
Speaker 1: she can't respect me, or stop crossing boundaries. She'll cut off.

649
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 1: She'll get cut off completely, that his visits, that his

650
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: visits are dropping down to one every two weeks, and

651
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: that she needs to call less. She started going on.

652
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: She knew also, this is so visual humor for the

653
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: podcast listeners. John his mouthing every word I said.

654
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 2: But you're still getting the story.

655
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just an extra, come on, join the lives.

656
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 1: She knew it. I'm doing something to him. What did

657
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,320
Speaker 1: I do to her son? I'm a manipulator and a problem,

658
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 1: she told my dad. He raised a damon. Oh my god,

659
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: my dad shot back at her to watch her. Mouth's right.

660
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:30,760
Speaker 1: John kept shouting, mom stop, mom stop.

661
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 2: Don't want to watch these back because I can't see

662
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 2: it because I'm looking at the camera.

663
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: But she kept screaming, and then she started hyperventling. Whoever

664
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 1: called it, you might be able to see the future.

665
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: She was gripping Job's arms, saying she can't.

666
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 2: Breathe left her for Nan, Remember right.

667
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: This was when I said to myself, oh, no, he's

668
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 1: about the flip flop. He looked at me, and I

669
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: know he knew what I was thinking. John got a

670
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: cup of water, then asked his dad if he could

671
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 1: make sure his mom was okay and asked my dad

672
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: to take Dan home. Dan and dad agreed, and his

673
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: mom started crying louder. She literally screamed, I can't breathe.

674
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: As we walked out so he could hear. I felt

675
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 1: very terrible, and I finally spoke. I told John I'm sorry,

676
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: and I understand if you felt bad. He said he

677
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 1: knew she was. He said he knew he was faking it,

678
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: but his instincts wanted to run over and make sure

679
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 1: she was okay. I asked, are you and he said no,

680
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: but he looked really sad about it. My dad walked

681
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,879
Speaker 1: out behind us. My dad has never seen this side

682
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,760
Speaker 1: of deb and neither of I. She's always been caddy

683
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: or shading towards me, but this was insane.

684
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 2: It is exposed.

685
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:59,720
Speaker 1: My dad straight up told John that his mom needed

686
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 1: help with her mental health. John said he's going to

687
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 1: talk to his aunt about getting her help. We went

688
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: home and John cried. He said He cried because he

689
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: watched his mom villainize him and tell others that he

690
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 1: just walked in inverbally obver. He said it reminded him

691
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: of the times he would fight with his dad because

692
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: his mom would say Dan would just come from work

693
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: and yell at her for no reason. I guess it

694
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: was deja vu for him. He was silent after she

695
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: said that, so I do believe it struck a nerve

696
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: with him. He decided to go no contact WHOA. I

697
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: did ask if he was okay with me posting this part,

698
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: and he said yes. Before we went to Dev's house,

699
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 1: I called a couple of counselors in our area to

700
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: check for availability, and our first couple's therapy session is

701
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: next month. It's a little while away. He called his

702
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 1: provider today to check for a therapist within his insurance

703
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: and got an appointment for himself for the twenty third.

704
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: The ball is rolling and John seems like he's on

705
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: the same page as me. I know this is currying him, though.

706
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 1: Dan called us and let us know that he got

707
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: deb to calm down. He said he spoke to her

708
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,919
Speaker 1: as best as he could about her harming her own

709
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: relationship with John. But she didn't want to hear it.

710
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: But you know what you always want to hear is

711
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,279
Speaker 1: us going live on Facebook and YouTube every weekday at

712
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,799
Speaker 1: three pm PSD. Just tap our profile, get in here.

713
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: There's another relevant update. But man, did.

714
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 4: They lay down the law with deb And you know what,

715
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 4: while it wasn't the way that we suggested, it.

716
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,760
Speaker 2: Kind of panned out in the same place.

717
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 1: I mean, it feels and it felt okay, it felt

718
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: pretty real. Okay, it felt pretty real. I do feel

719
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,240
Speaker 1: like we're getting some We're getting some answer.

720
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 2: John is laying down the law. And also at first

721
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 2: I was like, man, all the family, but now I'm like,

722
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 2: you know, that's so important because united front united front,

723
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:15,760
Speaker 2: and it truly exposed her and everyone got to see

724
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: exactly what was happening, and and it like again just

725
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 2: really really pushed her into that mode of showing like,

726
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 2: oh wow, she is she is not not.

727
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: Vain, yeah, not sane and I'm curious from chat. So

728
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: now seeing that this person is not sane and also

729
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: seeing what O P and fiance have done and have

730
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 1: spoken their truth, have we changed our mind about to

731
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: stay or leave? Because before we were like sixty forty

732
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: on stay person on leaving. I want another vote to

733
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: stay or to leave, chat out recount us. Now we're

734
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: recounting the vote, so vote right now. Thank you read it.

735
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: I really did expect this to blow up like this.

736
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: The advice and well wishes I got from this was

737
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 1: so overwhelming in a great way. While I should be happy,

738
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 1: something about it all just makes me feel down. I

739
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 1: hope that Debbie gets better and we can one day

740
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,479
Speaker 1: have her in our lives. Something about that comment about

741
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,720
Speaker 1: her mother made me hurt a little for Debbie. Hopefully

742
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: one day I'll get to hear her stories. Now I'm

743
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: going back to my regular life and hopefully I won't

744
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: ever have a dramatic update for you guys again. And

745
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: that is where that story ends. And you, guys have

746
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: over turned your last vote. Eighty eight percent of you

747
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 1: right now, eighty nine percent of you a vote still

748
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: coming in are saying to stay. So I guess this

749
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 1: impassioned response from OPI's fiance has turned the tide. But

750
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: I really do believe only time will tell.

751
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: Yeah this is but I will say step four as

752
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 2: much of an India cater as one moment can give us.

753
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 2: I think this one moment you know as much as Yeah,

754
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 2: one instance can't convince us. I think it did that job.

755
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 2: I think it did accomplish that, but truly time will tell.

756
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, time will, time will tell. But that is where

757
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 1: that story ends. But now where this stream ends, because

758
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 1: we got one more story to finish up this episode,

759
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: we sure do. Let's hit it.

760
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 2: Trigger warning. The story discusses eating disorders. If you want

761
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 2: to skip that, just a heads up. My mother in

762
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 2: law made hurtful comments about me. Now I don't want

763
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 2: to host Thanksgiving. Fuck a book. My partner and I

764
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 2: have dated four years, lived together for two. When I

765
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 2: first met his mom, I was very nervous and I

766
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 2: wanted her to like me. I learned some customs that

767
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 2: show respect, and I did them. By the way, this

768
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 2: comes from a few do DEDI woods on the our size. Okay,

769
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 2: story time subprendit. So oh I cooked meals from scratch

770
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 2: for her that she loved. Holidays were hosted in her home.

771
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 2: I would cook for days wow, and serve the whole family,

772
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 2: making sure every single detail is perfect. Oh opie, really,

773
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 2: I mean a day of cooking is already crazy, but

774
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,720
Speaker 2: days days is nuts. That is pretty nuts.

775
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm Alwa gets it all done pretty quick, but

776
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 3: she does make pies and stuff before.

777
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 2: It's a lot. Holidays were lovely. I never had times

778
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 2: like that with my own family. I was grateful to

779
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 2: the point of tearing up many times, not in front

780
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 2: of my partner's family. My partner and I have a

781
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 2: business that takes up much of our time and haven't

782
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 2: seen his mother much lately, so I planned to pick

783
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 2: her up, take her to a local coffee shop she enjoys,

784
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 2: and to lunch. How sweet. As soon as she saw me,

785
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 2: she immediately commented that I had lost weight and complimented

786
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 2: me multiple times, then asking to take selfies with me

787
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,760
Speaker 2: so she could post them on Facebook because I looked

788
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 2: so pretty. I've had issues with the eating disorders in

789
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 2: the past, so the comments did make me feel weird,

790
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 2: but I knew she was trying to compliment me, so

791
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 2: I didn't say anything. We went to lunch and she

792
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 2: wanted to take more selfies and again was complimenting my looks.

793
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: She said, you were okay before, but to overweight. Oh, oh, mammy, Oh,

794
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 2: that's not a great thing. Be three things. Never tell

795
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: a woman yeah from another woman, you look overweight. Number

796
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 2: two what's in your purse? Number three? How old are you?

797
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: You can't ask what's in your purse?

798
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 2: Or you can't look in the purse. But I think

799
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 2: that's both.

800
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: You can't ask what's in your purse.

801
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 3: I think you're can ask, hey, do you have blank

802
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 3: in your purse? But you can't say what do you

803
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 3: have in your purse?

804
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: Really, I think I can see that, Oh, chat, what

805
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: do they have in their purse?

806
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 2: You can't ask that, dude, Stop, let me know what's

807
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 2: in your purse. No, no, dude, you dude, you just

808
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 2: made the mistake times three hundred times three hundred, you fool.

809
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 5: I accept whatever punishment I get. I want to know

810
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 5: the truth. Three hundred per strap lashings. So she said

811
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 5: you were okay before, but to overweight. I don't know

812
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 5: why this hurt me, but it did. I you don't

813
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 5: know why, I see why. I blinked back tears. And

814
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,959
Speaker 5: then the food came. I couldn't eat it. I found

815
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 5: myself pushing food around and only taking.

816
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: Some bites of dry salad.

817
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: My partner and mom ate either not noticing that I

818
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 2: wasn't really eating or not commenting on it. I did

819
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 2: not want to cause a scene because again I knew

820
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 2: she was trying to say something nice, but she is

821
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 2: very blund.

822
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 3: Okay, the fact that your mom and sister do not

823
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 3: care about your protein intake red flag.

824
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,879
Speaker 2: What the heck is I? Are they even like real

825
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: fam members?

826
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: Dude? Are they even doing big proteins?

827
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 2: Yeah?

828
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 3: You know the second John walked to the house and

829
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 3: I said, Bro, did you get your protein in today?

830
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 3: He said no, and I said, I got you.

831
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: That's true. And Riley has been replacing peanut butter with

832
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 1: peanut butter flavored protein, so you know he's getting the

833
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 1: free it's protein to the mat.

834
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 3: It's it's it's way protein and then a peanut butter

835
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 3: powder so instead of actual peanut butter.

836
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 1: Peanut butter powder protein. No, three times no.

837
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 2: But she is not aware that I used to starve myself.

838
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 2: She probably wouldn't have said that if she did. After lunch,

839
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 2: she needed to go to the restroom, so I helped her.

840
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 2: She's in her eighties and uses the cane but needs

841
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 2: to be steadied. Oh man, so she's old. She is

842
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: old as crap. While she knew she was washing her hands,

843
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 2: she told me, you know, I never liked you, but

844
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 2: you're okaye. Now that did it. I couldn't hide the

845
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,399
Speaker 2: hert anymore. I teared up and stammered awkwardly that her

846
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 2: son would be right back to help her walk to

847
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 2: the table. I went to the table and quietly told

848
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 2: my partner I would take an uber home that I

849
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 2: was upset about something his mom said, and I would

850
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 2: see him at home. His mom tried to call me,

851
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,439
Speaker 2: but I decided not to answer. I guess the reason

852
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 2: I'm feeling so upset is that I think like I'm

853
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: only worth something if I'm thinner. I also thought that

854
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: she always liked me, she acted like she did. Now

855
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 2: it all feels fake. I don't want to host Thanksgiving anymore.

856
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: Why should I overwork myself cooking for days for someone

857
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,800
Speaker 2: who only liked me when I lost a few pounds.

858
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 2: My partner thinks I'm overreacting and misunderstood her. He said

859
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 2: it's normal for mother and lass and not like their

860
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 2: daughter in laws at first, because we take away their sons.

861
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: Why are we normalizing that behavior?

862
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 2: WHOA, I don't know.

863
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: I mean like it is a trope, but like we

864
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 1: should normalize that behavior.

865
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: It literally makes just zero sensity. What did you do

866
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: when you got together with the person that birthed the

867
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 2: kid that you're not.

868
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, what happened eatly whack, completely whack. It might

869
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: happen doesn't mean that you have to accept it and

870
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 1: roll over.

871
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 2: Makes no sense. But I didn't take him away. He's

872
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 2: the one who hasn't made an effort to spend much

873
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: time with her. Every time we see her is because

874
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,959
Speaker 2: I organized it. But she's old, she's a blunt Asian mom,

875
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,919
Speaker 2: and she doesn't know I had eating disorders. So I'm

876
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 2: the ahole for wanting to cancel Thanksgiving? Should I just

877
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 2: forgive her and suck it up so the family has

878
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 2: a nice Thanksgiving together? Am I being a huge baby?

879
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 2: We have an update, but before we get into it,

880
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 2: my thought here is that it is not OP, but

881
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 2: Op's partner that should be standing up to his mind.

882
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah. I think like our general philosophy

883
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: here is that the person who has the closer relationship

884
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 1: should usually be the one who steps in and sets boundaries. Right,

885
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: So if it's like, if it's your mom that is

886
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 1: being cruel to your significant other, it's your responsibility to

887
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: be like, hey mom, that's okay. It's not like like yes,

888
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: your partner could also do that, but ideally, if we're

889
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 1: trying to smooth things over, it should come from you. Yeah,

890
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 1: and if you're not doing that, you're not really being

891
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: a good partner.

892
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,879
Speaker 2: And just read flag about that he's like, oh well,

893
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 2: mother in law, Yeah, as normal that he's not like

894
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 2: saying like oh my gosh, like what she said to me,

895
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 2: eating and everything. It's like it should be very abundantly

896
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 2: clear to you to your partner that this is bad,

897
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 2: and that he that he should be the one to

898
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 2: talk to her and tell her, no, this is bad.

899
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: I think he's like he's absolving his like the role

900
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 1: that he needs to play in this dynamic, you know,

901
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:32,840
Speaker 1: and like he needs to do something.

902
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, but we have an update, Opie says,

903
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,280
Speaker 2: after speaking to a Filipina friend of mine, reading everyone's

904
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,439
Speaker 2: comments and calming down, I decided to talk to mother

905
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 2: in law. She indeed did not mean to hurt my

906
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 2: feelings or say anything with bad intentions. She really thought

907
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 2: she was just complimenting me. She was very sorry for

908
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 2: hurting me and wants to move on. She says she

909
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 2: accepts me and loves me. Honestly, I've had a cup.

910
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:01,800
Speaker 2: I've had a rough cup of months with unrelated issues,

911
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 2: and I think her comments yesterday were the straw that

912
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 2: broke the cable's back.

913
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,760
Speaker 1: Nick says, Asian makes sense. Mother in law is probably

914
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 1: an immigrant as well. Nicole h says it's a culture

915
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 1: thing that Asians have normalized for generations. She was raised

916
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 1: in an Asian culture, says Sophia Callan, I do remember

917
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 1: hearing a little bit about this where it's like more

918
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 1: normal to say.

919
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 2: This, and it's and it's and it's tough if you

920
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 2: find yourself in a cultural situation where it's like maybe

921
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 2: in that uh again, in that specific culture, everyone's just

922
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 2: like so so blunt, and especially if you're unaware of it,

923
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 2: you're like, whoa, why did you just like say that

924
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 2: to me? Not that it does not justifight at all,

925
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 2: by the way, to.

926
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: Be clear, but it does. Like like so when I

927
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: was teaching English in China, the parents would just like

928
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: call out who was fat and who was not, like

929
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,880
Speaker 1: very like very like it's like, oh, like you've gotten

930
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 1: like really fat, you need to work on that, like

931
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 1: but it was like it was just very blunt, and

932
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: so I think it could be like a like a

933
00:50:59,120 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: cultural thing.

934
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 2: Well, Opie said, My boyfriend did get defensive when we

935
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 2: talked about what happened, but he agreed to back me

936
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 2: up if it happens again, and to talk to her

937
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:11,280
Speaker 2: about not mentioning my weight. He also supports me correcting

938
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 2: her or letting her know if she's being rude in

939
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 2: the future.

940
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 1: Hmm.

941
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 2: As far as Thanksgiving, I decided that the family being

942
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 2: together is more important than my hurt feelings. I do

943
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 2: enjoy making it nice for everyone. We don't know how

944
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: many years she may have left, and I think I

945
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 2: can let this incident go for now. I'm not confident

946
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 2: that she will change, but I can probably handle anything

947
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 2: for a couple days a year. We're heading into update

948
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:41,759
Speaker 2: number two. I do like what the mom said. It

949
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 2: does seem like she's even if not at one hundred

950
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 2: percent comprehension, like definitely.

951
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:54,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like, you know, I think intention does

952
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 1: mean a lot, and maybe she actually really didn't mean

953
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 1: to hurt op and it was more a yes, not

954
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: necessarily excusing that being yeah. I think like giving a

955
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 1: little bit more grace for someone who wasn't raised in

956
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 1: like the same culture.

957
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 2: For sure, that the context should understand. I don't think

958
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 2: that intention should be used to let her off the hook,

959
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 2: which is not what you're saying, of course. But the

960
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 2: thing that makes me really hopeful here is the fact

961
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 2: that she didn't just like stay staunching her status. That

962
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 2: she was like, oh sorry, I apologize and you know

963
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: you mean a lot to me, And that tells me

964
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:38,880
Speaker 2: that there is definitely room for her to continue to

965
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 2: understand from op.

966
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:45,280
Speaker 1: And you know, I would actually like love to hear

967
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 1: from chat and in the comments like anyone that was

968
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 1: raised in like an Asian household or is like a

969
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 1: child of immigrants, whether it be from China or like Filipino,

970
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 1: Like what what you're experience of this? Yes, because obviously

971
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 1: we don't really know that would love to hear how

972
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:09,800
Speaker 1: this comes off from your perspective.

973
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 2: Yes, educate us please and thank you. We're looking forward

974
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 2: to it in the comments. But let's get into update

975
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 2: number two. I'm now realizing that all the compliments my

976
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 2: mother in law was giving was her trying to make

977
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 2: up with me. Before this lunch, we didn't see each

978
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 2: other for three months. Yes, we have been very busy

979
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 2: with work, but honestly I stopped messaging her weekly and

980
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 2: making plans because she had texted me in all caps

981
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 2: after I had an argument with her son. I was

982
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,800
Speaker 2: mad at him for telling his mom about an argument.

983
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 2: I'm mad at his mom for getting involved and essentially

984
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 2: yelling at me over text. I didn't say much back

985
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 2: to his mom and just stopped.

986
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: Responding to her.

987
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:52,200
Speaker 2: Someone explained to me the concept of tampo and Filipino culture.

988
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 2: To me, when you're upset, you distance yourself from the

989
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 2: person who upset you, basically until they grovel or make

990
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 2: it up to you somehow without realizing it. This is

991
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,399
Speaker 2: what I was doing to her. So when she saw us,

992
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 2: she gave me a bracelet and was giving me a

993
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 2: bunch of compliments. She was trying to make up with me,

994
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,239
Speaker 2: except I didn't see them as compliments because I'm a

995
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 2: white American who was taught that commenting on weight at

996
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 2: all is inappropriate. Throw in prior eating disorders, and yes,

997
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 2: of course I was sensitive to the remarks and how

998
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 2: to melt down what I have preferred an apology and

999
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 2: for her to not get too involved, of course, but

1000
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 2: she grew up in the Philippines. It's a whole other culture,

1001
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 2: and I can't be so close minded to think that

1002
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:38,879
Speaker 2: other people don't have different ways of thinking. And by

1003
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 2: the way, if you want to expand your ways of thinking,

1004
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 2: you can always tap the profile to join us live.

1005
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 2: We're probably live right now, so get on in here.

1006
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 2: But mister Samuel, we are not one hundred percent done

1007
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,279
Speaker 2: with the story. Quick check how are we?

1008
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: How are we feeling at this point? I'm feeling better.

1009
00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: I mean Wingles in the chat says little it's normal

1010
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: Asian here, so we Wiggles also says moms and titas

1011
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:07,879
Speaker 1: and Obachan's will say you lost weight, slash gained weight,

1012
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:11,759
Speaker 1: but then stuff you with food. All so we got

1013
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 1: we got some cultural contacts here from Wingles, appreciate you.

1014
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 1: Nick says it's very Filipino to comment on weight. They

1015
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 1: will also tell you diet but then gives you thirds

1016
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: and fourths. I think I'm on the side of forgiving

1017
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 1: the mother. I don't think this was super intentional.

1018
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 2: It seems like we're on the on the path.

1019
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, we love being on the path.

1020
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 2: Now she knows it's not appropriate to bring up weight.

1021
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 2: She was so upset for hurting me. When we talked

1022
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 2: to her, she was crying, Oh, I've never seen her cry.

1023
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 2: I know you guys don't think I was the a hole,

1024
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,719
Speaker 2: but I'm thinking I was a bit of an a hole.

1025
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: I'm not too pleased with my boyfriend for getting so

1026
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 2: defensive about his mom. He has agreed to start couples

1027
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 2: counseling because clearly there are some issues there. In just

1028
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 2: a few short sentences, I think we went even further

1029
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 2: down the path. We're in couples counseling. The mom cried.

1030
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 2: She felt so overcome with emotion, of of of of

1031
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 2: being sorry.

1032
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: We are ending on a good note. Here we go,

1033
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 1: Here we go, keep going. Let's freaking do it. Yeah,

1034
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 1: And with that, that is where that story ends, This

1035
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 1: episode ends, and this stream ends. Oh mile at the

1036
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 1: end here, y'all.

1037
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 2: That's true.

1038
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 1: Final countdown. But lovely, lovely to be here, guys, What

1039
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 1: a joy, what a day?

1040
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:35,759
Speaker 2: Uh?

1041
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 1: It was lovely to spend time with you, guys. I

1042
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: feel like I learned. I learned a lot this session.

1043
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 1: Same and shout out to the stories for not being

1044
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 1: as dark as sometimes they can be. There we go.

1045
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:48,439
Speaker 2: We had fun.

1046
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 1: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1047
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 2: We love you and see it a borrow.

1048
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 1: This is an episode from Deep Within the Archives.

1049
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 2: Time for okop re Lam. Would I be to a

1050
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,799
Speaker 2: hole if I said my daughter to fat camp? Hey,

1051
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 2: little fatso you're too fat, So I'm sending you to

1052
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 2: fat camp.

1053
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 1: Okay, actually all right, but if you get sent to

1054
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 1: fat camp, aren't you just with a bunch of other

1055
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 1: fat people? And also, I think it's all about branding,

1056
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:21,360
Speaker 1: but like your.

1057
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 2: Community becomes like like you are the five people that

1058
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 2: you associate with, right, and so the five people you

1059
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 2: associate with all that fat camp, the probability of you

1060
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 2: being fat.

1061
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, we'll continue.

1062
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 2: I thought, I thought you're you're The angle you were

1063
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 2: taking is like, uh, the dad is just giving her

1064
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 2: her community.

1065
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:45,840
Speaker 1: Exactly, Like yeah, hey, also that it's gonna be with

1066
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: my people, my.

1067
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 2: Fellow fatsos oh man. All right, So I just got

1068
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,520
Speaker 2: into a huge argument with my ex husband about this.

1069
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 2: My fourteen year old daughter Abby just hit two hundred

1070
00:57:59,120 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 2: and ten pounds.

1071
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 1: How tall is she doesn't matter, but I mean she's

1072
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: like six eight.

1073
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 2: That's pretty rough, and at fourteen, I think that's like,

1074
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 2: I think it's one thing if you're an adult and

1075
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 2: you're like, okay, whatever you're on, you're kind of an

1076
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 2: adult and you're off, you're doing your own thing. But

1077
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 2: like the kid being too ten man, that that that Yeah,

1078
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 2: that's unfortunate.

1079
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: That's big. It's big. Uh.

1080
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 2: This started about one point five years ago when me

1081
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 2: and my ex's divorce was finalized.

1082
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,040
Speaker 1: Yo. In one and a half years, she gained like

1083
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: one hundred pounds.

1084
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 2: That's I mean, yeah, fourteen year old? Yeah probably, I

1085
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 2: mean how much? How much? How much does a fourteen

1086
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 2: year old girl?

1087
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: Way?

1088
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 2: I probably like seventy pounds, like definitely below one hundred,

1089
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 2: one hundred and five, but still, I mean that's that's over.

1090
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,040
Speaker 2: That's over one hundred pounds gained. If she was at

1091
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 2: a normal weight, that is fourteen year old joints she

1092
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 2: weighs to fourteen, you're gravy, Okay, So growing up Abby

1093
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,440
Speaker 2: was always an average weight. So yeah, she's probably one

1094
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 2: five until we got fifty to fifty custody. When we

1095
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,920
Speaker 2: were together, I would do the cooking and the shopping,

1096
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,160
Speaker 2: and we ate a pretty good diet with some junk

1097
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 2: food thrown in here there, which is fine. Yeah, the

1098
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 2: divorce was kind of messy, but we sent the kids

1099
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:23,400
Speaker 2: to therapy and it was doable. Abby started gaining weight

1100
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 2: when we went fifty to fifty co parenting. So basically,

1101
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:31,479
Speaker 2: the mom's probably like feeding her twinkies and like ice

1102
00:59:31,520 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 2: cream and oh yeah, oh he's a wife. So the dad, oh,

1103
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,480
Speaker 2: the dad, dad would be yeah, the dad. The dad

1104
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 2: got her fat at the beginning. I just thought it

1105
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 2: was gaining weight before a growth spurt. But this was

1106
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,440
Speaker 2: not the case. It does not seem like I.

1107
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:49,320
Speaker 1: Could not grow either. Yeah.

1108
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 2: Oh well, I think like when she when she started

1109
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:54,919
Speaker 2: getting weight, she was like, oh, it's probably just like yeah,

1110
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 2: maybe the change will even out, it'll even out. But

1111
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 2: it didn't. At my house she was eating okay, but

1112
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 2: at her father's it was all junk food. He doesn't cook,

1113
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 2: and he makes it worse because he lives by if

1114
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 2: it's on your plate, you eat it. So in short,

1115
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,440
Speaker 2: he is giving her way too big proportions of crap

1116
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 2: and she basically has to eat it. Oh that is terribly,

1117
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,360
Speaker 2: so stupid. He did not realize that he's like inflating

1118
01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 2: his daughter.

1119
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 1: Literally.

1120
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 2: I've talked to him so many times. I've tried to

1121
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 2: let her serve her own food amount instead of him

1122
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,160
Speaker 2: loading up her plate, but he won't budge. So he's

1123
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 2: he's literally like.

1124
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 1: He's the problem.

1125
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 2: Bro, Just just have the food, like, okay, whatever you're

1126
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 2: you you.

1127
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: Just like crying on the table. It's like what.

1128
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:45,959
Speaker 2: Literally, just like here's the food, add it to your plate. Yeah,

1129
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 2: it's simple, my god.

1130
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 1: To be fair.

1131
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 2: My parents also kind of had that rule where it's like,

1132
01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 2: you know, don't waste food. Ah, it's different, it's it's different.

1133
01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 2: It sounds like, yeah, the dad is like giving her

1134
01:00:59,720 --> 01:01:01,600
Speaker 2: like huge portions and then like forcing her to get

1135
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 2: it too much. They're giving it like he's like he's

1136
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 2: giving her equal portions to him, and he's probably wait,

1137
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 2: that's probably right. I got Abby into sports, which she

1138
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 2: enjoys for the most part, but it's not enough to

1139
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 2: stop the weight gain. I went to the doctor a nutritionists,

1140
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 2: and it comes down to her basically eating three times

1141
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 2: the calories at her father's place.

1142
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:21,920
Speaker 1: Three times.

1143
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 2: If you think about it, that's like eating nine normal

1144
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 2: meals a day.

1145
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 4: Nine.

1146
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 1: That's insane.

1147
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So, since Abby likes soccer, I found an

1148
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 2: overnight camp from Friday to Sunday night, the days that

1149
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 2: he usually has Abby. Okay, I can see where that

1150
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 2: could garners of friction. I be seemed on board with

1151
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 2: the idea, and this way her dad will not be

1152
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 2: feeding her or even really seeing her for the next

1153
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 2: couple of months. Okay, that's well yeah, borderline Dvius right there. Yeah,

1154
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 2: I would at least, I mean, you can't really control it,

1155
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 2: probably with the timing of it, but like ideally it's

1156
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 2: split it like you know, or you know what. They

1157
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:06,200
Speaker 2: changed the co parenting schedule so that way, like half

1158
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 2: of that top half of the camp she's would have

1159
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 2: been her mom's time, and then the other half is

1160
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 2: like the dad's. Yeah, but I guess like the other

1161
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 2: you know that that means she's still eating badly at

1162
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 2: her dad's some yeah, but it's less half of the time. Yeah.

1163
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:22,960
Speaker 2: I informed him of the camp and that Abby wants

1164
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 2: to do it. It was a big argument that he

1165
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:29,440
Speaker 2: circled around to her weight. He accused me of sending

1166
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:33,640
Speaker 2: her to fat camp. So am I the a hole?

1167
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 2: And edit, I am currently talking to a lawyer to

1168
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 2: try to get custody changed or at least a food

1169
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 2: clause in the agreement.

1170
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 1: There's food clauses. That's crazy.

1171
01:02:43,160 --> 01:02:46,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess it makes sense, like at the

1172
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 2: end of it, like think about our contract. It's like

1173
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, it's a very specific

1174
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:53,120
Speaker 2: thing to like what we do with a brand or whatever.

1175
01:02:53,160 --> 01:02:55,440
Speaker 2: So it's like, all right with the children. It's whatever

1176
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 2: you do with the children. They have to agree on

1177
01:02:58,360 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 2: that thing. Bizarre, it is crazy.

1178
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 1: I don't think the mall like it sounds like it's

1179
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 1: something that the kid wants to do. So it's like

1180
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:08,760
Speaker 1: not like bad for the kid. It is devious to

1181
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,960
Speaker 1: put on them. Then it's like the dad's not seeing

1182
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 1: his kids, but the dad needs to, Like I think

1183
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: the food clause thing is a good idea because it's

1184
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,880
Speaker 1: obviously affecting her child in a negative way.

1185
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,560
Speaker 2: I think if she like she's working with the lawyer

1186
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,800
Speaker 2: and if they brought the case of like, look, it

1187
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,439
Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be like during the dad's time,

1188
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:29,560
Speaker 2: but like some action needs to be taken where it's

1189
01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 2: like he's not he's basically forcing her to overeat like

1190
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 2: which when you think about it that way, like really

1191
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 2: fucked insanity. What's you gonna do