1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to coast am on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 2: So I want to ask you about the end of 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,719 Speaker 2: passion you were talking about, you know, with the artificial reality. 4 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 3: Now, the end of passion, that's so sad, it is 5 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 3: it's androgyny. 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,479 Speaker 2: What we're seeing is men are becoming more feminized and 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,439 Speaker 2: women are becoming more masculine. And in order to have 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 2: the attraction, for women to be attractive to a man 9 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 2: and be sustained, and for man for man to be 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 2: attracted to her her to be attracted and be sustained, 11 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 2: their ways of communicating have to be such that it 12 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 2: will stimulate higher estrogen in her and higher testosterone in him. 13 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,599 Speaker 2: That's the only thing that will allow you, as far 14 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,560 Speaker 2: as I know, that will allow you to keep that polarity, 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,559 Speaker 2: is how a man and a woman will respond to 16 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,919 Speaker 2: each other. You know, you'll see if I can, I'm 17 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 2: going to copy a joke. I have my own way 18 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 2: of saying it, but this is. 19 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 3: A very comedian say this. 20 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 2: He said, did you know that the number one group 21 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 2: of people that have the highest level of divorce are 22 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 2: gay women? 23 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 3: And you probably didn't know that, did you? No? No, 24 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 3: look it up. On Ai. I believe you all these things. 25 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 2: That's what I love about this new book with what 26 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 2: AI has done for me is oh, every page has 27 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 2: got three references. I just love having references studies that 28 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 2: prove everything I say is right. 29 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 3: This is pure masculine thing, wanting to be right. 30 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 2: But what the what. 31 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 3: Are the three words every man wants to hear? You 32 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 3: were right? Well, that's men. 33 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 2: Women need to hear the words. I understand. I will, yes, 34 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 2: I'd be happy to do that. Let's get into that 35 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 2: in a minute. But let me just study my joke 36 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 2: because I think it's funny. We all during up late 37 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 2: at night. So this is a comedian I'm doing my 38 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 2: version of it. But it's he says that. So we 39 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 2: look at divorce statistics. It turns out that lesbians have 40 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 2: the highest rate of divorce. It's two women, that's one 41 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 2: woman another woman. They have the highest rate of divorce. 42 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 2: And you wouldn't think that because they think the same 43 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 2: and so why would how could that disagreements? Well, then 44 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 2: the second group of divorce is heterosexual couples kind of 45 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 2: understand that, but then you look at more of the 46 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 2: details of heterosexuals and then you'll see that eighty to 47 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 2: ninety percent of all divorces are initiated by women. 48 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 3: So let's look at the gay couples two women. 49 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 2: The heterosexual couples is one woman, and the third categories 50 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,239 Speaker 2: gay men, and they have the lowest rate of divorce. 51 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 3: What's missing there. 52 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: Is so bad? 53 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 3: I think it's bad, but it's funny. 54 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 2: Good, Oh right, good, So but see there's truth to this. 55 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 3: Wrong you told that, And. 56 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,640 Speaker 2: Eighty percent of all divorces are initiated by women, So 57 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 2: we did have. 58 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 3: The picture is not going to happen that often anyway. 59 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 3: That's a that's okay, and it's not a slight against women. 60 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: What we have to realize if women were not on 61 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 2: this planet, nobody would. 62 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,519 Speaker 3: Ever make things better. 63 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 2: Men live by the rule if it's not broken, don't 64 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 2: fix it, and men just don't know how to fix 65 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 2: what's going on today. 66 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 3: They just think, well, why are you making a big 67 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 3: deal out of this? What are you worried about? 68 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 2: Here? Is that they'll understand what women are going through. 69 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: What women are going through today is they're on their 70 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 2: male side. They're independent. When you're really independent, you don't 71 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 2: make a lot of estrogen and you feel very strong 72 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 2: in yourself, and you don't ask for help. 73 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: If you don't ask for help, you don't make estrogen. 74 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 1: One. 75 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 2: It's the most powerful thing. And asking for someone to 76 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 2: listen to is one form of asking for help. Here's 77 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 2: another one. I want to make sure I throw in 78 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 2: some things. Couples can couples who are listening can start 79 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: right now. Okay, this is a couple's thing right now, 80 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: and that is say to your husband. Look, I'm feeling 81 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 2: overwhelmed and stressed, and it's because I'm not grounded in 82 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 2: my female side. I get too much into doing, doing, doing, 83 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 2: and not enough into just receiving your love and support. 84 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 2: And you're doing a great job, and you do so 85 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 2: much for me, but there's a part of me that 86 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 2: just doesn't receive it. It's hard for me to come 87 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 2: back to my female side. I'm just giving you words 88 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 2: how you somebody might communicate this to a man. Every 89 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,480 Speaker 2: husband's gonna be a little different. But what you say, basically, 90 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 2: this is a game I learned that helps me. Being 91 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 2: the woman talking helps me to relax and cope with 92 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: life stress. And it will take I need your help 93 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 2: to do it, and it will take less than five 94 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 2: minutes a day. Would you be willing to do that? Okay, 95 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 2: so we'll get some callers to see if anybody has 96 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 2: a problem with that. 97 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,599 Speaker 3: I'd like to see men who call. 98 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: In who say, I'd be willing to do that if 99 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 2: it was just five minutes, and it's going to make 100 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 2: my wife love me more and also be happier and 101 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 2: we have a better relationship just five minutes, what would 102 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,239 Speaker 2: that be. Well, it turns out here's one of the games. 103 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,919 Speaker 2: I have lots of them in this new book, but 104 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 2: this is one called the five minute Ask, and I'm 105 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 2: so happy about it. 106 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 3: I enjoy it so much with my wife. So at 107 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 3: random times. 108 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 2: During when you're together, in the evening and during the 109 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 2: day whatever, she puts up her five fingers, which says, 110 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: I'm about to ask you to do something, and it 111 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 2: will take less than five minutes to do even two minutes, 112 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 2: and your response in this game will be like as 113 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 2: you wish, absolutely right away, just like you're the most 114 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 2: important person in the world. He's going to jump to it. 115 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 2: Just jump to it, just like on your first date 116 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 2: or something. And you know, people all say what I 117 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 2: feel like we felt in the first date. Well, in 118 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 2: the first date, women feel safe to be themselves and 119 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 2: the first date, men like want to impress you and 120 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 2: do things for you. And if you do this, the 121 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 2: reason it works. Men need logic and thinking to figure 122 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 2: out why this works. Men's brains can turn off. Now, 123 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 2: not all men have learned to do that because we'se 124 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 2: feminize men. But we have the ability if somebody teaches 125 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,280 Speaker 2: us how to do it, to forget our problems temporarily. 126 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 2: That's like watching a football game, hoot and hollering in 127 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 2: not talking to each other. 128 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 3: That's forgetting the problems of the day. For me, it 129 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 3: was a path of meditation. 130 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,479 Speaker 2: All everything in meditation, Buddha taught all that it was 131 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 2: all about forget your problems, forget everything, go into state 132 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,040 Speaker 2: of forgetfulness. Men can do that, we're designed to do that. Now, 133 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,479 Speaker 2: some women can do that, but basically most can't. And 134 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 2: what they're designed to do is talk about their problems, 135 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 2: to remember their problems. So when women finish their work day, 136 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 2: they can't forget. They got everything, they got everything, they 137 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 2: got to do here, they got things at work. 138 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 3: Their mind doesn't stop. 139 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 2: It's called automatic negative thinking, worrying, and it's this is 140 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 2: again a proven fact. You know, a man can be 141 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 2: upset and he can be fine within an hour. 142 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 3: All the women don't think he is because he's just 143 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 3: sitting there watching TV. 144 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: But the women, they will think about stuff for days. 145 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 2: I've got the research backing up called rumination. If she's stressed, 146 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 2: she'll just go over and over and over. 147 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 3: It's a momentum even in weeks and years. 148 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 2: Okay, it is a lifetime take up, but think of that. 149 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 2: That's called the momentum of negative thinking. After you have 150 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 2: one mega thought, another one comes. 151 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 3: It comes. 152 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 2: It builds like a snowball going down a hill. Now, 153 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 2: how do you stop the momentum? If it's a snowball, 154 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 2: you just put your hands in front of it and say, 155 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 2: don't do anything for one minute. 156 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 3: Okay, So you're going to ask the man to do. 157 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 2: Something that you were going to do, or that you 158 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 2: could do for yourself, and you would never ask for that. 159 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 2: Women don't ask for things you can do for yourself, 160 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 2: or you don't want to bother him or whatever. 161 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 3: But this is something you can surprise him with. 162 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 2: It gives you the feeling that there's always help available. 163 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 3: It's just it's to be able to stop that mind 164 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 3: by knowing it's not all up to me. 165 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: I'm not alone. That's the big issue for women. It 166 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 2: also makes you feel. It also helps me too. I 167 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 2: love it when my wife does it. Once I started 168 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 2: experiencing it, okay, but you have to experience it first. 169 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 2: And you know, did you ever see Peter Seller show 170 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 2: the Pink Panther. 171 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 3: No, I'm much younger than you, doctor John Gray. No, No, 172 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 3: I did, I did? 173 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: I did? 174 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 3: All right, good good, all right, pink panther. 175 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 2: So in a pink Panther, you know, the inspector Clousseau 176 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 2: would have Kato, who was his karate master guy, and 177 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 2: whenever he would come home. 178 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 3: Cato would attack him. 179 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 2: And it was kind of like it was I could 180 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 2: never figure it out as the young person, but why 181 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 2: is he doing this? It was to sharpen his skills, 182 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 2: it was, you know, so he was always ready to 183 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,079 Speaker 2: to be you know, he's ready for any attack. 184 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 3: He's ready. 185 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 2: But what that did is that produces a moment of adrenaline, 186 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 2: which is all it takes for men to prove a 187 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 2: huge burst of testosterone. See, anytime men you're not energize, 188 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 2: your testosterone is low, and if you have just one 189 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 2: little emergency happen, it's just a quick little thing, and 190 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: you resolve it quickly, your testosterone shoots up and stays 191 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 2: up for quite a while. 192 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 3: For a woman, if. 193 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 2: She can ask for help and get an immediate response, 194 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 2: her estrogen levels will shoot up. And these are the 195 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,239 Speaker 2: kind of things that actually, even for women who beyond menopause, 196 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 2: they will start making estra dial because when something produces 197 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: an acute stress like I did not want this to happen, 198 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 2: or for a man, and for women, it's the acute 199 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,199 Speaker 2: stress of doing something vulnerable, you know, because anybody could 200 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: look at you and go, why. 201 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 3: Are you asking me to do that? 202 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 2: You could do that for yourself. And don't you think 203 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 2: I'm doing enough for you? Why are you asking for more? 204 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 2: And oh, he's in a bad mood. 205 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 3: I don't want to bother him. So it's a moment 206 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 3: of a little bit of danger. 207 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 2: That's all it takes, is a moment of a little 208 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 2: bit of danger to ask for this thing, like would 209 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 2: you make me a cup of tea? Would you give 210 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 2: me a foot massage? Would you run upstairs and pick 211 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 2: this up for me? Would you call so and so 212 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 2: when you make reservations at that place? 213 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 3: Just these things that women. 214 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,439 Speaker 2: Often do for themselves without asking. They don't want to 215 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,440 Speaker 2: be a burden, they don't ask too much. They don't 216 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: want to sound selfish. But you've agreed, it's not being selfish. 217 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: This is like medicine to help a woman's brain fully relax, 218 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 2: and it will do it. 219 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 3: It will stop that momentum. And it's so powerful and 220 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 3: it's so wonderful. And there's another movie. 221 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 2: I think you've seen most women listening when you're younger, 222 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 2: you saw it, and that was Princess Bride. 223 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 3: Did you see that? I don't think I saw that one. 224 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 2: All my daughters, okay, this is too young, but all 225 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 2: my daughters know the words to it. Okay, this is 226 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 2: like a cult cult movie. But in the movie, the 227 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 2: you know, the the beautiful girl. The prince wants her, 228 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 2: the King wants her, everybody wants her. But she with 229 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 2: the country boy, you know, the guy who takes care 230 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 2: of her horses, and all he ever talks, all he 231 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 2: ever says, is as you wish, as you wish, perfect perfect. 232 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at 233 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 1: one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to coastam 234 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: dot com for more