Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club Morning,
Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ n V.
Speaker 2: Charlamagne the Guy. We are the Breakfast Club. We got
Speaker 2: a special guest.
Speaker 1: In the building, my guy.
Speaker 2: He's an author, New York Time best selling author. He's
Speaker 2: an entrepreneur, he is a podcast host.
Speaker 1: And now he is a model as well. Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 3: Jay Sheddy, By the way, Jay Sheddy is more than
Speaker 3: the podcast hosts. He has one of the top ten
Speaker 3: biggest podcasts in the World's right, Okay, I think that's
Speaker 3: a very important to.
Speaker 4: Note because everybody got a podcast. Okay.
Speaker 3: Jay said he has one of the top ten biggest
Speaker 3: podcasts in the world. Is the number five, I think.
Speaker 5: I think so that's on Spotify. I think that's what
Speaker 5: it came out as. But no, thank you for having me, guys.
Speaker 5: I had a lot to be in here with you.
Speaker 4: Guys.
Speaker 5: I'm so grateful to be back to you. Congrats on
Speaker 5: the new studio. And that's not new for you for
Speaker 5: your viewers, it's new for me being in in with you.
Speaker 5: But thank you, Thank you guys.
Speaker 3: You're one of the people always use as a model
Speaker 3: man when people tell me, like, you know, how do
Speaker 3: I get started in podcasting or broadcasting, always say you
Speaker 3: got to be your true, authentic self and you got
Speaker 3: to provide something that you know maybe missing. And you
Speaker 3: came with healing, you know, conversations about mental health, love,
Speaker 3: and you filled the very big void in the marketplace,
Speaker 3: a void did didn't even think people knew it was missing.
Speaker 5: Wow, that means a lot coming from you. I think
Speaker 5: whenever you're starting anything right, it's about finding the space
Speaker 5: in the market and then figuring out what you just said,
Speaker 5: that authentic part that you can match with that space.
Speaker 5: And I think for me, I love all the podcasts
Speaker 5: that exists in the world, and they serve so many
Speaker 5: different purposes. There's so many that I listened to, But
Speaker 5: for me, I was I remember I was at this
Speaker 5: event and the event was called Building Meaningful Lives, and
Speaker 5: Tom Brady was speaking at the event, and then they
Speaker 5: were asking questions. And I don't know Tom Brady, and
Speaker 5: you know, we don't know each other, we've never connected.
Speaker 5: But I saw a lot of questions being asked to him,
Speaker 5: and all the questions were about the rings and the
Speaker 5: games and the sports, and I could tell that he
Speaker 5: was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference
Speaker 5: was building meaningful. And again I don't know him, so
Speaker 5: I've never checked this with him, but from my perspective,
Speaker 5: I could. I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted
Speaker 5: to go in a direction that he couldn't go in
Speaker 5: because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports. And
Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I want to build the platform
Speaker 5: where someone like him could go in the direction they
Speaker 5: want to go in. That's like when you came on
Speaker 5: the show and you need to come back, we need
Speaker 5: to have you back on. You know, when you came on,
Speaker 5: it was like, we could go in the direction that
Speaker 5: you want to talk about that. Some people don't have
Speaker 5: the platform to do that for, you know. So that's
Speaker 5: where it came from.
Speaker 3: You know, we had a Kevin Gates up here. He's
Speaker 3: a rapper and he has a song called I Thing.
Speaker 3: It's called I Can Heal You, you know, and he's
Speaker 3: talking about, you know the fact that he feels like
Speaker 3: he can heal women.
Speaker 4: Right, but just in general, do you think you can
Speaker 4: heal people?
Speaker 5: I can't heal people. I'm not that powerful. I don't
Speaker 5: think I have the power or the capacity to heal people.
Speaker 5: But I believe the universe does. I believe energy does.
Speaker 5: I believe frequency does. And I think that all we're
Speaker 5: trying to do is introduce people to all of these ideas, concepts, practices, habits,
Speaker 5: mindsets that they can then implement. I think people taking
Speaker 5: on that power is too much pressure. I think taking
Speaker 5: on that pressure of I'm gonna heal you, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: heal people. Wow, I think I would crumble if I
Speaker 5: felt that way, I would I would not last two seconds.
Speaker 6: And so I have never felt that.
Speaker 5: And I've always felt that I've been a vessel for
Speaker 5: my teachers and mentors and guides. I feel that I've
Speaker 5: been so invested in a lot of people say to me, like, Jay,
Speaker 5: you're so young, how did you learn this? And I'll say,
Speaker 5: I just got lucky. I had great mentors, great teachers,
Speaker 5: great guides, and I'm just trying to share what I've
Speaker 5: learned through me. And yeah, I don't want I don't
Speaker 5: want the pressure of trying to be a savior, messiah
Speaker 5: or a leacher.
Speaker 2: You can heal people do your experience though, because people,
Speaker 2: you know, I think a lot of times they feel
Speaker 2: like they're alone. And if you explain your story and
Speaker 2: tell them how you got through your tough times or
Speaker 2: whatever that you've been through. It can, like you said,
Speaker 2: give somebody a roadmap of.
Speaker 1: What they can do.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you know, for every situation that you try might
Speaker 2: not work for somebody, you know, but it'd give them
Speaker 2: a guide to maybe something that can put them on
Speaker 2: their healings.
Speaker 5: Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that,
Speaker 5: but I feel like that is still so much on
Speaker 5: that person. And I feel like that's what we've seen,
Speaker 5: whether it's mental health, whether it's growth, whether it's personal development,
Speaker 5: so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the
Speaker 5: receiver of knowledge. My teacher would always give this beautiful example.
Speaker 5: They'd say, because sometimes right I go to listen to
Speaker 5: a talk, or you go listen to a podcast, and
Speaker 5: the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator,
Speaker 5: they're not the best communicator, they're not the person who's
Speaker 5: coming at it with all the you know, gems and
Speaker 5: everything else. And my teachers would say to me, if
Speaker 5: you're sitting in a class like that, you may think
Speaker 5: the speakers at a zero, but that means you need
Speaker 5: to rise to a ten to extract greatness from them.
Speaker 6: Whereas if your.
Speaker 5: Speakers at a ten, you get to coast at a zero,
Speaker 5: and you may extract nothing from them because they just
Speaker 5: entertained your mind. And so I think as a listener,
Speaker 5: as a practitioner, we've got a is our game to
Speaker 5: extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement in
Speaker 5: our lives.
Speaker 3: If that makes sense, does everybody no? I feel like
Speaker 3: everybody deserves healing. But does everybody deserve healing?
Speaker 5: I would say that let's go around down this thought
Speaker 5: experiment to answer that question. So I've been thinking a
Speaker 5: lot about this. If we could simplify the purpose of
Speaker 5: life to be to love and be loved, if we
Speaker 5: could agree that we think that loving others and being
Speaker 5: loved by others feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: What's really interesting about that is that because of how
Speaker 5: we've been loved growing up, we chase to do things
Speaker 5: in order to be loved. So we start thinking, well,
Speaker 5: in order for me to be loved, I need to
Speaker 5: build a big business. I need to look a certain way.
Speaker 5: I need to have a certain amount of followers. I
Speaker 5: need to build a podcast, whatever it may be. So
Speaker 5: we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved,
Speaker 5: because we think to love and be loved we need
Speaker 5: to do big things. Then what ends up happening is
Speaker 5: we end up in a space where we realize that
Speaker 5: doesn't lead to love. I'm not loved more because I
Speaker 5: have more followers. I'm not loved more because I have
Speaker 5: more money. I'm not loved more because I have more,
Speaker 5: which then begs the question going to your earlier question.
Speaker 6: We need to heal that idea.
Speaker 5: So I think everyone deserves healing because everyone's been misled,
Speaker 5: whether it's by the system, whether it's by society, whether
Speaker 5: it's about conditioning. So if you look at the journey
Speaker 5: as to why everyone deserves healing, it's because everyone started
Speaker 5: from a purer place, where everyone started from a more
Speaker 5: naive place but got led down a certain path that
Speaker 5: then requires them to have healing. So I think everyone
Speaker 5: deserves healing. What do you think, Sheleman?
Speaker 6: No, no, no, no thinking about it deeply I do.
Speaker 3: I just hear people say that, you know, and I
Speaker 3: think what I what I would tell folks is you know,
Speaker 3: that's like you said, that's really not a to you
Speaker 3: to decide. You know, if a person, regardless of what
Speaker 3: they've been through. If they decide to go on their
Speaker 3: healing journey, that's between them and their creator, and that's
Speaker 3: between them and their their trauma.
Speaker 4: Who am I to say that person doesn't deserve Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Guess the other question too, would be does everybody deserve
Speaker 3: forgiveness and grace?
Speaker 5: I mean, here's here how I like to look at it.
Speaker 5: Let's let's pretend that we lived in a world. Actually,
Speaker 5: we don't need to pretend that is the world. Let's
Speaker 5: let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness
Speaker 5: and grace. Lord have mercy, right exactly. Let's let's see
Speaker 5: what what would that look like like. Let's do a
Speaker 5: thought experiment. You have a planet, there's no forgiveness, there's
Speaker 5: no grace. I would struggle to live in that world
Speaker 5: because I know I need forgiveness and grace not only
Speaker 5: from myself but from the people around me. If my
Speaker 5: wife wasn't forgiving and getting give me grace, that would
Speaker 5: be a really tough relationship. If my mom didn't forgive
Speaker 5: me and give me grace, that would be a tough relationship.
Speaker 5: If my boss, if you know, whatever else in my life,
Speaker 5: I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety,
Speaker 5: more stress, and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and
Speaker 5: projected back onto ourselves, and that would pervent you a cycle.
Speaker 5: By the way, that's kind of where we're at right now.
Speaker 5: And I think a lot of our lack of capacity
Speaker 5: for forgiveness and grace for others actually comes because we
Speaker 5: don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, right, like
Speaker 5: you know, amazing things going to happen, whereby we literally
Speaker 5: will you know, I think I'm sure you've heard this too,
Speaker 5: where it's like I loved you until you did this,
Speaker 5: I believed in you until you did this, And it's
Speaker 5: almost like we don't give ourself a second chance. And
Speaker 5: because we don't give ourselves a second chance, we don't
Speaker 5: give others a second chance. And I believe that everyone
Speaker 5: deserves forgiveness and grace if they are willing to choose
Speaker 5: the path of reformation, if they're willing to go on
Speaker 5: the path and do the work of saying I have
Speaker 5: had some challenges, I've made some mistakes. I'm willing to grow.
Speaker 5: That's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because
Speaker 5: sometimes for someone to have that reaction, they need to
Speaker 5: feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and grace.
Speaker 5: So often people are so scared that people won't forgive
Speaker 5: them that they don't want to admit it. Right, let's
Speaker 5: take the very basic example, like you know someone's let's
Speaker 5: let's take something that I think, you know, someone's cheated
Speaker 5: on their partner. Not not an ideal situation, not a
Speaker 5: great thing. Do we just let that person get away
Speaker 5: with it? Of course not. But partly that person may
Speaker 5: be scared of sharing it because they're scared they won't
Speaker 5: be forgiveness and grace that's true now, or scared to
Speaker 5: lose or scared to lose now they've made a mistake
Speaker 5: and they should be held accountable regardless because if they
Speaker 5: were in a committed relationship. But it's this chicken and
Speaker 5: egg situation of like what comes first? And I don't
Speaker 5: know the answer to that because it requires so much
Speaker 5: from the person who's been hurt, and it's sad because
Speaker 5: you've already been hurt and now more is required of you.
Speaker 5: And I think a lot of people feel that way,
Speaker 5: that they're the one who's been high, but they've going
Speaker 5: to be the bigger person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a lot of times with forgiveness. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it's why the person asks for forgiveness, so why the
Speaker 2: person is sorry.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: So, like you said in the cheating situation, right, it's
Speaker 2: quick and easy for a person to say, okay, I'm
Speaker 2: sorry because they got caught.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: Same thing with somebody when they say something wild online. Right,
Speaker 2: the first reason they want to apologize really is they
Speaker 2: want things to get back to normal or are they
Speaker 2: really sorry? Did they really understand what they did? It
Speaker 2: hurts somebody? And I think that's the problem when it
Speaker 2: comes to forgiving somebody. Right, it's easy to say I
Speaker 2: forgive you. You slap me in my face, and I say, okay,
Speaker 2: I forgive you, But no, I don't, not until we
Speaker 2: have the conversation and why you slapped me in the face,
Speaker 2: why you said what you said, how did you affect me,
Speaker 2: and then we can get to that path. But I
Speaker 2: think a lot of times it's easy for people to
Speaker 2: say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I
Speaker 2: went to rehabits over right, and the world is supposed
Speaker 2: to open back up. But if you can't explain to
Speaker 2: me why you did what you did and assure me why,
Speaker 2: it can't happen again, I can ever forgive you people
Speaker 2: be well, forgive you means this that and you other know.
Speaker 2: I don't think about you, but that's that's my reason
Speaker 2: of feeling that way.
Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's the best. I fully agree with everything
Speaker 5: you just said. That's that's that's what's missing is you
Speaker 5: just you said something so subtle and so passively. I
Speaker 5: want to highlight for everyone because I'm like, that is
Speaker 5: it's like we want to say sorry often because we
Speaker 5: want things to go back to normal correct and that
Speaker 5: that is the mistake, Like that isn't worthy of forgiveness,
Speaker 5: and we need to go deeper than that.
Speaker 3: You just sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama. Conversation
Speaker 3: was everywhere right and she expressed how terrified she was
Speaker 3: about this election year.
Speaker 4: What was it like hearing that from her? And how
Speaker 4: do you process that? Did that give you anxiety when
Speaker 4: you hear it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote
Speaker 5: in this country. I moved here eight years ago. I
Speaker 5: have a green card, but I don't you know, I
Speaker 5: don't have voting rights, and I moved here the Trump
Speaker 5: became president in twenty six and so I've had an
Speaker 5: interesting education in the United States, and I haven't. You know,
Speaker 5: I didn't grow up learning American history or American politics,
Speaker 5: so I'm also very uneducated in that space. Specifically, I
Speaker 5: think for me, I look at most things as things
Speaker 5: I can and can't control. And when I think about
Speaker 5: things that make me anxious on a global scale, I
Speaker 5: often ask myself what is the root of that anxiety
Speaker 5: in my community? So if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance,
Speaker 5: whether it's a lack of understanding, whether it's a lack
Speaker 5: of curiosity, openness, compassion on a global scale, I'm asking myself,
Speaker 5: where does that exist within me and my friends and
Speaker 5: my society, and how do I start impacting that? Because
Speaker 5: that I can control. And so I've been practicing that
Speaker 5: for a long time because I feel that there's a
Speaker 5: lot of things that give me anxiety, Like there's a
Speaker 5: lot of things that can stress me out. There's something
Speaker 5: new in the news every day that can do that.
Speaker 5: But for me, what's really interesting is saying, okay, where
Speaker 5: is Like I read this beautiful quote from f Scott
Speaker 5: Fitzgerald a few years back, and it's beautiful, and he
Speaker 5: said that I don't have my phone other.
Speaker 6: I'd read it right, but type in type in.
Speaker 5: The type in two opposites and f Scott Fitzgerald orposing
Speaker 5: idea correct, but look for the full quote because they
Speaker 5: only quote half of it sometimes and it's so, and
Speaker 5: read a longer version of that question.
Speaker 4: See the test of a first rate.
Speaker 3: Yes, bloody the whole too, opposing sides in mind at
Speaker 3: the same time and still retain the ability to function.
Speaker 3: One should, for example, be able to see that things
Speaker 3: are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.
Speaker 5: That I love that right, like to be able to
Speaker 5: hold to this is I think the biggest challenge we're
Speaker 5: facing in the human mind is that we're not able
Speaker 5: in our micro world and in a macro world to
Speaker 5: be able to hold two opposing ideas at the same
Speaker 5: time still retain the ability to function.
Speaker 4: So, as f.
Speaker 5: Scott Fitzgerald said, I should be able to see that
Speaker 5: everything seems hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise.
Speaker 5: That to me is where I like to live and
Speaker 5: where I like to function. Is that how can I
Speaker 5: accept that things are beyond my control? I'm not powerful
Speaker 5: enough yet control what I can try to do, And
Speaker 5: so I kind of look at ignorance in my own
Speaker 5: community and my own friends group, in our WhatsApp chats,
Speaker 5: in our tech threads, like where is that ignorance? Where
Speaker 5: is that you know? Where are the missing links? And
Speaker 5: how can I start to impact and influence my friends
Speaker 5: to be more open minded, to be more curious, to
Speaker 5: be better learners. And myself, by the way too, to
Speaker 5: question where I'm easy quick to shut people down, Like
Speaker 5: I've noticed that so much in me recently, Like if
Speaker 5: I'm judging someone, I've really been asking myself, can I
Speaker 5: look for that quality in me? Because I really believe
Speaker 5: that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered
Speaker 5: by it is because I know it's inside myself, and
Speaker 5: my judgment is just a reflexion of me not introspecting enough.
Speaker 5: So to me, I try and bring down global events
Speaker 5: into the personal and intimate, because otherwise it's so chaotic
Speaker 5: and so hard to deal with.
Speaker 2: I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of the masses, right,
Speaker 2: And that's my biggest thing I have with social media,
Speaker 2: And sometimes when people talk about their healing journey or
Speaker 2: some of the things that they do, I think they
Speaker 2: look for out actually without actually doing the necessary work right,
Speaker 2: So somebody might see Charlemagne and he's evolved, and he'll
Speaker 2: explain the ways that he evolved, and somebody might jump
Speaker 2: on it because they've seen it work for Charlemagne, but
Speaker 2: it won't work for them.
Speaker 1: Because it's not in their heart, you know.
Speaker 2: I mean I think a lot of times, with social
Speaker 2: media and what you said about the masses, I think
Speaker 2: people follow a fake way of doing it to pray
Speaker 2: for healing instead of trying to find their own journey.
Speaker 2: And I think that's the difficult part. And I try
Speaker 2: to tell people and I think, you know, with some
Speaker 2: of the things that you're doing, you trying to find
Speaker 2: your own healing journey.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
Speaker 2: You give him example with George, Charlemagne gives an example
Speaker 2: of his. I give an example of mine. But a
Speaker 2: lot of times people will try to followed that and
Speaker 2: it doesn't open up their own mind to some of
Speaker 2: their other thoughts.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's so powerful.
Speaker 5: And I think the beautiful thing about anyone who has
Speaker 5: gone on a healing journey realizes how unique yet similar
Speaker 5: it is. Like if we sat down and we talked
Speaker 5: about healing journeys, all three of us, we'd find so
Speaker 5: many similarities yet so many differences. And that's the beauty
Speaker 5: of it that when you go down that path. And yeah,
Speaker 5: I would encourage everyone to not try and imitate. It's
Speaker 5: almost like, you know, a few years ago, people's morning
Speaker 5: routines became really popular, and all of a sudden, everyone's
Speaker 5: trying to do the Einstein morning routine or whatever it
Speaker 5: may be. And it's like, you're not going to become
Speaker 5: that person by doing their morning routine. That's a part
Speaker 5: of who they are. But what you're saying is that
Speaker 5: there's an essence, there's a heart there that you're totally
Speaker 5: missing out on. So yeah, I fully agree you can't.
Speaker 5: You can't imitate someone's morning routine and suddenly become them.
Speaker 3: I like what you said too, can you can you
Speaker 3: really find truth in this world of extremes because it
Speaker 3: feels like everybody got to pick a side. Yeah, And
Speaker 3: like we talked about it before you came in, Like
Speaker 3: I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody
Speaker 3: and people will look at that as an endorsement. No,
Speaker 3: we're just having a conversation because there's got to be
Speaker 3: some nuance in all of this, right that I got
Speaker 3: a spiritual you know, the leader, one of my spiritual
Speaker 3: teachers of Lutha Yadas, she always says, she says, there's
Speaker 3: no such thing as right and wrong in humans.
Speaker 4: Do you do you believe.
Speaker 5: That there's no such thing as right and wrong? I
Speaker 5: mean you could see that from the I guess it
Speaker 5: depends what level of I guess it depends on what
Speaker 5: level of humanity you're talking about.
Speaker 4: Right, they're legal, there's right and wrong.
Speaker 5: I guess morally there's right and wrong, and then I
Speaker 5: guess thought wise or perception wise. Then you get into
Speaker 5: muddy a territory because then what is right and wrong?
Speaker 5: Because everyone's looking at everything. If you just think about
Speaker 5: the multiple lenses that we've had, it's like if you
Speaker 5: imagine that every life experience you've had is a crack
Speaker 5: in the mirror. Right the parents you had, the town
Speaker 5: you grew up in, the friends you had growing up,
Speaker 5: the school you went to, your first job, your first love,
Speaker 5: your first heartbreak. Imagine all of those are cracks in
Speaker 5: a mirror. Now every time you're looking in that mirror,
Speaker 5: imagine how many different reflections and distorted reflections you're seeing.
Speaker 5: We're basically dealing with that with eight billion people. So
Speaker 5: the amount of distortion in perception, reflection, perspective is so
Speaker 5: variegated that how can any one of us know what
Speaker 5: the truth is or what right and wrong is? Because
Speaker 5: it's there's the options are unlimited, like you would need
Speaker 5: an algorithm, and even an algorithm couldn't compute the depths
Speaker 5: of the trauma, the impact the experience like it would
Speaker 5: require it would require a God's brain in order to
Speaker 5: formulate and contextualize all of those experiences. So I do
Speaker 5: think there was this I don't know where it's from,
Speaker 5: but I remember seeing it in Cobra Kai, of all places.
Speaker 5: But there was this great line that said, there's there's
Speaker 5: always three sides to every story, yours mind and the truth.
Speaker 5: But I think the challenge is that the truth part
Speaker 5: is not We're not even subjective, it's objective. But I
Speaker 5: don't even think what you just said rightly is in order.
Speaker 5: Then if we're saying there's three sides to every story,
Speaker 5: but we're only living on one side, the only way
Speaker 5: to get to the middle ground. And by the way,
Speaker 5: the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint. The Buddho
Speaker 5: talked about the middle path. We talk about living a
Speaker 5: balanced life. We talk about finding the core, the heart,
Speaker 5: the center. If you look at all philosophical, spiritual well
Speaker 5: being traditions, it's always about the middle, the heart, the center,
Speaker 5: the core. Yet the only way to get to the
Speaker 5: middle is by looking at both extremes. You're not going
Speaker 5: to get to the middle by being on any of
Speaker 5: one side of any thought. And so I think, what
Speaker 5: you just said, Charlamagne, and what you do here so
Speaker 5: beautifully is I love. And I try and do this too,
Speaker 5: to have conversations that people don't expect me to have
Speaker 5: with people that people may be confused as to why
Speaker 5: I'm sitting down with them, in order to understand the
Speaker 5: cracks of the mirror. That's what I'm fascinated by. I'm
Speaker 5: fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because how they
Speaker 5: got to how they think is even more important to
Speaker 5: me than how they think. Because if we understand how
Speaker 5: someone got to how they think, we can help save
Speaker 5: the future, because we can make sure that their experiences
Speaker 5: are slightly more variegated, diverse, supported, in order to have
Speaker 5: healthier ideas in the future.
Speaker 4: Do you do you feel like most people are just performing?
Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?
Speaker 3: Because when sometimes when you sit down with these people,
Speaker 3: you realize like, oh, this is this is just an act,
Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, You're just doing this
Speaker 3: because of what can what can come come from it.
Speaker 3: So it's like when I'm having a conversation with somebody,
Speaker 3: I try to remove all of that and get to
Speaker 3: what you just said, and you usually get to that
Speaker 3: by seeing how a person got to where they are.
Speaker 4: And then when you that's when you realize like, oh, this.
Speaker 5: Isn't Yeah, I think it's hard right now, Like there's
Speaker 5: this meme on social media that I love and it's
Speaker 5: all text and it says society says, be yourself and
Speaker 5: then society says, no, not like that, and it's brilliant, right,
Speaker 5: And so what I've realized is society says, I want
Speaker 5: to know what you feel, and then it goes but
Speaker 5: if you let me tell you that again, society says,
Speaker 5: I want to know what you feel. But then if
Speaker 5: what you feel doesn't make me feel good, then I
Speaker 5: don't know what you want to feel. And so I
Speaker 5: think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because
Speaker 5: they're so scared of being judged for every word they say.
Speaker 5: And then there's the side of people performing because they
Speaker 5: think that they have to abide by certain rules, or
Speaker 5: they have to sit with a particular thought process, or
Speaker 5: whatever it may be. But I think in our attempt
Speaker 5: to be more authentic as a society, we've actually started
Speaker 5: blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make me feel good,
Speaker 5: then I'm rejecting it. And that doesn't actually make make sense,
Speaker 5: but you know it doesn't. You can't if you say
Speaker 5: something that I don't like, I can say I don't
Speaker 5: like it, but I can't tell you that that's wrong.
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't say I'm real until I say something that
Speaker 4: you don't agree with. Yeah, exactly, But it can't be
Speaker 4: that way. I should still be real, Like, come on.
Speaker 1: But is it all an interpretation?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: Like you've been married eight years.
Speaker 2: Sometimes when you get into an argument or you know,
Speaker 2: a disagreement with your wife, it might not be right
Speaker 2: or wrong.
Speaker 1: It might be how you interpret things right.
Speaker 2: So you know, if your wife says something, you'd be
Speaker 2: like you had an attitude and it makes you upset,
Speaker 2: But really she didn't have an attitude. So I think
Speaker 2: a lot of what we see in this world is interpretation.
Speaker 6: Absolutely.
Speaker 5: I try and and That's why I think the self
Speaker 5: interpretation point is so much more important. I think we
Speaker 5: get so lost in social media. We've mentioned it here,
Speaker 5: and by the way, obviously I love social media. Without it,
Speaker 5: I wouldn't even have had a career. I wouldn't be
Speaker 5: here today. So I'm very grateful to social media. But
Speaker 5: the point is that I think we get so lost
Speaker 5: in other people's marriages, other people's careers, other people's failures,
Speaker 5: that we don't make the time to reflect on our own.
Speaker 5: So when I find myself being agitated with my wife
Speaker 5: or being irritated with my wife, I look back as
Speaker 5: to why did I behave that way, And nineteen percent
Speaker 5: of the time, it's because I have a certain fear.
Speaker 5: I have a certain insecurity. Sometimes my fear is actually
Speaker 5: a positive fear of Let's say my wife asks me
Speaker 5: a really important question, but I'm about to walk into
Speaker 5: this interview. My agitated, non mindful response is going to
Speaker 5: be I've got time for this right now, talk to
Speaker 5: you later, right, which is the worst thing to say.
Speaker 5: But I've been there. I'm just gonna put my hand down.
Speaker 5: I've done that right, Like I've said, Hey, i'n't got
Speaker 5: time for this right now talk.
Speaker 1: I would never say that, boy, you got more. I
Speaker 1: ain't got time for this.
Speaker 5: I said that in the past, right, I've said that before,
Speaker 5: and I feel terrible for saying that now when I
Speaker 5: look back at that, and I've reflected on that, and
Speaker 5: my wife's very forgiving and kind, and so she tolerates
Speaker 5: me deeply.
Speaker 6: And I appreciate her for that.
Speaker 5: But when I reflect on having made that mistake, the
Speaker 5: real reason is twofold one is it's not that I
Speaker 5: haven't got time for it. I actually really care about
Speaker 5: and I want to give her a really good answer.
Speaker 5: I just am scared that I won't be able to
Speaker 5: do that in thirty seconds, and so now I'm just
Speaker 5: trying to pass it off because I don't want to take.
Speaker 6: On the fear.
Speaker 5: So there's actually a well intentioned thing there. It's not
Speaker 5: that I actually think I'm too busy. And then sometimes
Speaker 5: I'm like, well, my life's more important. Like I remember
Speaker 5: this time, my wife would come up to me and
Speaker 5: say I've had a really bad day, and I'd say,
Speaker 5: tell me about it. I've had a really bad week,
Speaker 5: and I was using her pain.
Speaker 1: You're trumping her pain exactly.
Speaker 5: I was using her pain to validate my pain because
Speaker 5: I haven't spent time validating my pain in private, because
Speaker 5: I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that
Speaker 5: I'm having a challenging week. I'm now using and taking
Speaker 5: her moment of connecting with her partner to make it
Speaker 5: about me. And so again, when I reflect on that,
Speaker 5: why am I doing that? It's because I haven't taken
Speaker 5: time for myself. And I think that's where I want
Speaker 5: people to live more, because we could actually heal so
Speaker 5: many of our daily irritations and agitations simply by going
Speaker 5: god it. I'm scared, I'm being insecure and I'm not
Speaker 5: validating my own pain.
Speaker 3: How many times do you? I mean, how often have
Speaker 3: you broken your own eight rules of love?
Speaker 6: Oh? Every day?
Speaker 4: Every day, man, every day.
Speaker 5: I don't think it's you know, it goes back to
Speaker 5: that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself.
Speaker 5: And it goes to the reality of and I think
Speaker 5: we all know this at this table. Everything in life
Speaker 5: is a process, right, Like even if you took something
Speaker 5: really tangible, like we say this person is rich, we
Speaker 5: talk about them as if they can never lose it,
Speaker 5: and that will always be theirs. That's actually not true.
Speaker 5: People could lose all their money. We talk about someone
Speaker 5: being famous, you could lose that. So in the same
Speaker 5: way healing progress development, you can lose it. And I
Speaker 5: think we've got so lost in that destination addiction, the
Speaker 5: belief that you get to a point from which there
Speaker 5: is no return. And I think that destination addiction is
Speaker 5: really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like, oh,
Speaker 5: now I'm healed. And I think it comes from this
Speaker 5: idea of if you think about it right, Social media
Speaker 5: is full of before and off the pictures, this where
Speaker 5: I used to be, look at where I am now, right,
Speaker 5: And it's always like saying I used to be in
Speaker 5: a bad place, now I'm in a great place. No process,
Speaker 5: no process, and linear when the real life life is
Speaker 5: this every day. Sure, it's just cyclical. And I think
Speaker 5: we've made our minds feel that journey's are linear. It's
Speaker 5: like A to B, like going from LA to New
Speaker 5: York or New York to LA. It's linear. But we
Speaker 5: know that life is so much more cyclical. And so yes,
Speaker 5: I've broken the eight Rules of Love every day, every
Speaker 5: week of my life.
Speaker 3: One of the things you said, man that I think
Speaker 3: is so important that I want people to really get
Speaker 3: from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation.
Speaker 4: Is like, there's no manual for any of this.
Speaker 3: You're not going to be the perfect husband, You're not
Speaker 3: going to be the perfect father. I spend so much
Speaker 3: time simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my
Speaker 3: kids because I don't ever want them to think that
Speaker 3: I'm trying to come off with some perfect human who
Speaker 3: never gets anything wrong right.
Speaker 4: And I think that is that's very important to do.
Speaker 4: And just being present, like.
Speaker 3: When you're when you're when your wife calls you, your
Speaker 3: child calls you, even if you in that moment you
Speaker 3: weren't present.
Speaker 4: As soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing, I'm so
Speaker 4: sorry that you know I had to do that, but
Speaker 4: I had to go do X, Y and Z in
Speaker 4: that moment. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And I think I think the thing about the
Speaker 5: point you just made, and I hope this is what
Speaker 5: someone takes away from this as well, is I think
Speaker 5: a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect,
Speaker 5: we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves. I think a
Speaker 5: lot of people are walking around with a internal in
Speaker 5: a critical voice that is completely making them feel terrible.
Speaker 5: And so when anyone says something externally, it's worse. And
Speaker 5: I just want to remind people that you can't hate
Speaker 5: yourself into change, Like you can't guilt yourself into growth.
Speaker 5: You can't blame yourself into a breakthrough. When was the
Speaker 5: last time you changed who you were because someone hated you?
Speaker 5: Never when was the last time you poorted someone you
Speaker 5: hate deeply? So if you're hating, blaming, guilty yourself, it
Speaker 5: may get you started, but it won't get you there.
Speaker 5: And so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time, I'm
Speaker 5: not saying to give yourself an easy time, but that
Speaker 5: inner grace that in a forgiveness is such an important
Speaker 5: part of you actually becoming better. So you're not doing
Speaker 5: it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself.
Speaker 5: You're doing it because it's gonna let you get through
Speaker 5: the hard times.
Speaker 2: The most important thing I think for a lot of
Speaker 2: people is back to what you said with forgiveness and
Speaker 2: grace right. A lot of things that we do is
Speaker 2: learn behavior.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 2: Why do people pop their children usually because they got
Speaker 2: popped as a child, you know, why do people talk
Speaker 2: the way that they talk, usually because their parents talk
Speaker 2: to them, or their parents are the same thing, or
Speaker 2: they do that. But a lot of times when you're
Speaker 2: in the moment, you don't see that. Right when my
Speaker 2: dad told me, don't go out, don't do this, don't
Speaker 2: do that, my first reaction was like, I hate them.
Speaker 1: My other friends can do it and I can't.
Speaker 2: But now as a parent, it's the same thing. Now
Speaker 2: I understand why he said what he said. But you
Speaker 2: always pray that you get it before that family members
Speaker 2: this earth, you know what I mean. And I thank
Speaker 2: God every day that my dad is still here, that
Speaker 2: I didn't leave being mad at him. And you know,
Speaker 2: I try to explain more to my kids because I
Speaker 2: never want them to feel that way, but I know
Speaker 2: they must feel the same way when they be like
Speaker 2: I can't go to my friend's house or sleep over.
Speaker 4: Why?
Speaker 2: And I know they might be mad because their friends
Speaker 2: do it. But that grace and forgiveness. We have to
Speaker 2: understand that a lot of the stuff that we do
Speaker 2: is learned behavior, even if it's not right.
Speaker 1: We have to realize that a lot of the things
Speaker 1: that we learned and we were taught were fucked up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's that famous quote you just reminded me of
Speaker 5: that says, by the time you realize that your parents
Speaker 5: are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.
Speaker 5: And it's that awkward position that we end up in.
Speaker 5: But you know what's really interesting about that. I was
Speaker 5: talking to someone about this at dinner last night, and
Speaker 5: there's this old story that I heard a while ago,
Speaker 5: and it's always resonated with me, even with my own childhood,
Speaker 5: not in particular, but in essence. So the story goes
Speaker 5: that these two men were interviewed and one was an alcoholic,
Speaker 5: the other one and never drunk alcohol, and they were brothers,
Speaker 5: and they interviewed them and then they asked the one
Speaker 5: who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic, he said, why
Speaker 5: are you an alcoholic? He said, my dad was an alcoholic.
Speaker 5: And then they asked the other brother, why don't you drink?
Speaker 5: And he said, my dad was an alcoholic. And so
Speaker 5: I think a lot of us got an education and
Speaker 5: what not to do, but we ended up repeating it
Speaker 5: instead of breaking the cycle. And I feel like in
Speaker 5: my life I had to I got a great education
Speaker 5: in a lot of my areas of life in what
Speaker 5: not to do and who not to be, and I
Speaker 5: took all those little notes down, and I think that's
Speaker 5: what's improved my life. So I think if we're constantly
Speaker 5: waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and
Speaker 5: the perfect surroundings and the perfect aren't and uncle and
Speaker 5: the perfect parent, it's like we may be waiting forever
Speaker 5: because no one's perfect. So we almost have to make
Speaker 5: a list of what not to do, but what not
Speaker 5: to do, but.
Speaker 4: Also how to.
Speaker 3: That's why that's why podcasts like On Purpose is so important.
Speaker 3: That's why podcasts like you know, Debbie Brown deeply Well
Speaker 3: is so important because we learn how to you know,
Speaker 3: break break a lot cycle.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: Are you wearing gap right now?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: Not right now?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm just happy because you saw that you saw
Speaker 4: a gap.
Speaker 6: That's why.
Speaker 4: That's just thought you was handsome.
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, DJM, you know, you know,
Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting that from you, But thank you, man.
Speaker 3: I appreciate you and your wife do the holiday holiday
Speaker 3: gap campaign.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we we were just you know, when we
Speaker 5: got asked to do that, it was like we couldn't
Speaker 5: believe it.
Speaker 6: We're like, what is this?
Speaker 5: You know, like we grew up watching the Gap campaigns
Speaker 5: like the holiday campaigns especially, and any I've said to
Speaker 5: my wife, any time I get to do any work
Speaker 5: with her is my favorite thing because I get to
Speaker 5: hang with her all day. And so that shoot was fun.
Speaker 5: They made it fun. The creative team was fantastic, Like
Speaker 5: it was a good time. We walked out of there
Speaker 5: having having had a great day. So it was a
Speaker 5: lot of fun. And then it was it was surreal
Speaker 5: because you know, yeah, definitely never been a model.
Speaker 3: So do you have a question yourself when you get
Speaker 3: approached to do things like that, because you know, people think, for.
Speaker 4: Whatever, for whatever reason, what it is you do, Oh,
Speaker 4: you shouldn't have a campaign to be a guru? You know?
Speaker 5: Do you ever question yourself about Yeah, absolutely, I've I've
Speaker 5: had the challenges. I've had to sit with that question
Speaker 5: so much. And here's what I've come out with. One
Speaker 5: of the reasons I do it is because I don't want.
Speaker 4: To be the guru.
Speaker 5: I don't want to be that. I'm a normal guy
Speaker 5: who likes nice things, who is married, who's happily married,
Speaker 5: who who's living in the normal world, who has businesses
Speaker 5: like everything. It's like, I just I want to be
Speaker 5: that because I think that the you know, the putting
Speaker 5: anyone up on a pedestal, that person will always let
Speaker 5: you down because it's it's hard for anyone to live
Speaker 5: up to that, and so I would rather take myself
Speaker 5: off of it and normalize it and be good with that.
Speaker 5: And at the same time, I think, I look at
Speaker 5: it and I go, in my opinion, I'm hoping that
Speaker 5: someone's going to see that and be reminded of wellness
Speaker 5: and be reminded of well being from the perspective of like,
Speaker 5: oh yeah, generally they do that thing. So I'm hoping
Speaker 5: that it's actually helping us get the message out there more.
Speaker 5: And maybe I'm wrong, but I also look at it
Speaker 5: as things I enjoy doing and things I love doing
Speaker 5: with my wife, and I live life in that way
Speaker 5: and a lot of the opportunities come my way. One
Speaker 5: of the things that I've really been working on, and
Speaker 5: this is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give
Speaker 5: to this, is I've realized that a lot of opportunities
Speaker 5: I give today, a lot of opportunities I get today, they.
Speaker 6: Feel like a high five.
Speaker 5: To my sixteen year old self and my twelve year
Speaker 5: old self, and even my five year old self, and
Speaker 5: then there's the more evolved me of today. And so
Speaker 5: I'm living these two lives, and I think we all
Speaker 5: are living the life of what are inner child desired
Speaker 5: and then are evolved today's self desires. And I've just
Speaker 5: found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill it for
Speaker 5: that inner child that I don't want to abandon, because
Speaker 5: what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it,
Speaker 5: there'll be some more biddenness, some more resentment that will develop,
Speaker 5: that will grow in the future. And so I want
Speaker 5: to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that
Speaker 5: in a child that maybe weren't met at that age
Speaker 5: or that stage in my life. And so that's kind
Speaker 5: of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying
Speaker 5: to make these decisions.
Speaker 3: I don't have a problem with it, because you know,
Speaker 3: we always say stop making stupid people famous, So so
Speaker 3: why not make the small ones if the small ones
Speaker 3: can get the light on them?
Speaker 4: Why not? Because when the amplifies, I appreciate that more
Speaker 4: people you know, come in and pay attention.
Speaker 3: I want to ask you to do you get pushed
Speaker 3: back from people who will watch you sit down with
Speaker 3: a Michelle Obama or a Jada Pinket smith Man.
Speaker 4: Why didn't you challenge them on this? Why didn't you
Speaker 4: challenge them on that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't get pushed back for not challenging people
Speaker 5: because I think the questions I ask are challenging in
Speaker 5: a different way. But I think I'll get pushed back
Speaker 5: because someone doesn't like that person. Yeah, but what I've
Speaker 5: found every single time is that when someone actually listens
Speaker 5: to the episode or watches it on YouTube, if you
Speaker 5: look at that common section, it is spectacular, like when
Speaker 5: someone's actually taking out time out of the day to
Speaker 5: listen for an hour or watch for an hour, and
Speaker 5: then you see the comment section, you'll see people having
Speaker 5: complete I had people reaching out about both those episodes,
Speaker 5: the President Biden interview as well that we did earlier
Speaker 5: last year, and the comments of people who actually listened
Speaker 5: to it. And by the way, a lot of people
Speaker 5: were like, Hey, I don't agree with this person's politics.
Speaker 5: I'm actually on completely on the other side. But I
Speaker 5: just want you to know that listening to this interview
Speaker 5: was so enlightening from a human perspective. Thank you for
Speaker 5: putting it out there. And I respect that approach because
Speaker 5: I think that's why I do the interview. I don't
Speaker 5: do the interview for any other reason apart from us
Speaker 5: looking at the broken mirror and looking back and saying, Okay,
Speaker 5: where can I resonate with the humanity of this individual
Speaker 5: or where can I relate to this person? So yeah,
Speaker 5: I think that's generally the pushback. But the comment section.
Speaker 5: I encourage you on those episodes to go look at
Speaker 5: the YouTube comment section. It's phenomenal to read what people
Speaker 5: are getting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think your conversation with Jada pit and
Speaker 3: gets Smith. The clips is what's set off the Jada
Speaker 3: pink and hate tred not because of you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: But if you didn't watch the whole conversation and context
Speaker 3: and you just saw clips.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she got a tech Yeah Yeah.
Speaker 5: And Jada's a dear friend for me, So it's yeah,
Speaker 5: it's it's a tough one because I think any clip
Speaker 5: about anyone.
Speaker 6: I said, someone say this to me today.
Speaker 5: Yesterday they said to me Jay, they meant me for
Speaker 5: the first time and they were like, Jay, you're so
Speaker 5: much nicer in person. I didn't like you off a
Speaker 5: few Instagram and I was like, fair enough, that's cool.
Speaker 5: But it's it's so hard for me to be all
Speaker 5: of myself in thirty seconds. And I'm trying my best.
Speaker 5: You're trying your best. You'll try your best, but it's
Speaker 5: hard for any of us.
Speaker 4: Like they did nothing like about you on Instagram. You're
Speaker 4: with your wife. No, yeah, puppy's looking your face.
Speaker 5: No, in the sense of I think he was just
Speaker 5: like you know, I feel like you feel a bit
Speaker 5: like whatever it was, like whatever.
Speaker 6: I don't even know what it was.
Speaker 5: But I think all of us, if you judged any
Speaker 5: of ourselves at thirty second real, oh, I'm sure all
Speaker 5: of us would agree, it's not who we are, you know. So,
Speaker 5: and that's why I've started I do stuff with my
Speaker 5: wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with
Speaker 5: my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the
Speaker 5: most time with. And so, but even even with all
Speaker 5: of us, like, I've got to meet you guys in
Speaker 5: person a few times now. We were in Canned with
Speaker 5: iHeart on, you know, for the festival last year together,
Speaker 5: and I think when you've met people in person, that's
Speaker 5: the only time you're going to feel like you've got
Speaker 5: to know them. I don't think anyone under I feel
Speaker 5: like if someone if someone okay, if someone follows me
Speaker 5: on Instagram, they understand maybe ten percent of who I am.
Speaker 6: If they listen to my podcast.
Speaker 5: They probably understand seventy five percent of who I am
Speaker 5: because they're really dialing into who I am. If they've
Speaker 5: read my books and my podcast, they're probably like, at
Speaker 5: that eighty nine percent. If they've seen me live, there
Speaker 5: at that ninety five percent, and then when someone's met
Speaker 5: me in person, it's one hundred percent. And so I
Speaker 5: think it's all percentages. And I you know, I hope
Speaker 5: that we all again going back to forgiveness and grace.
Speaker 5: I hope that we can all give each other a
Speaker 5: bit more benefit of the doubt because I think it
Speaker 5: will go a long way for people.
Speaker 4: And you officiated been in j Lowe's wedding, Yeah.
Speaker 6: That was a year and a half ago.
Speaker 4: Were you to do that?
Speaker 6: I had to do the online kind of you know.
Speaker 4: Why they I mean, why did they?
Speaker 5: But I don't think you have to be in Georgia.
Speaker 5: I don't think you need to be licensed, so I
Speaker 5: don't know the rules of that. I can't remember why
Speaker 5: did they pick you? Though? So i'd collaborated with Jen
Speaker 5: for a while, like we've done a bunch of stuff together.
Speaker 5: Okase she came on the show a few years ago,
Speaker 5: we'd had a few great offline conversations. I went and
Speaker 5: officiated weddings as part of the launch of her last
Speaker 5: movie on her special and it was just, you know,
Speaker 5: it just I was really grateful for the opportunity. I was,
Speaker 5: you know, pinching myself as well. And you know, for me,
Speaker 5: I love love, like I'm a massive lover of love.
Speaker 5: And I'd sent her the book as well, and I
Speaker 5: think that kind of made it happen to I'd sent
Speaker 5: the book and when it was being written, and she
Speaker 5: appreciated it and she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it,
Speaker 5: and that kind of led to the wedding as well.
Speaker 6: And it was like I felt like I.
Speaker 5: Was just trying to make sure I didn't cry, Like
Speaker 5: I'm that kind of guy who like ugly cries during
Speaker 5: a wedding and like gets really soppy, and like, you know,
Speaker 5: she's walking down the aisle, bend's there, he's tearing up.
Speaker 5: I'm like, don't cry, dude, you're going to ruin this.
Speaker 5: Do not cry. And I just had to hold it together.
Speaker 5: Just to get through because I was like, I'm about
Speaker 5: the ball. So yeah, it was specially it's an amazing experience.
Speaker 4: I know you probably got a runch. I got like
Speaker 4: one more question for you.
Speaker 3: You say, language has created the word loneliness. They expressed
Speaker 3: the pain of being alone, and it has created the
Speaker 3: word solitude, express the glory of being alone.
Speaker 4: Could you could expound on that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a Paul Tillich quote. The writer Paul Tillich
Speaker 5: said that, and to me, I extrapolated from his work
Speaker 5: for my book because I was realizing that language and
Speaker 5: the way we use words completely defines how we think
Speaker 5: about things. So when you hear the word loneliness, you
Speaker 5: think sadness, you think potentially depression, you think negativity. Of course,
Speaker 5: solitude is spending time alone with yourself, but with strength,
Speaker 5: with courage, as Paul Tillett says, glory. So what I've
Speaker 5: realized is we've got to be so careful with the
Speaker 5: language we use in our minds. Every single word is
Speaker 5: a seed for either a weed or a flower, right,
Speaker 5: and so every single word that you say is defining.
Speaker 5: So if I keep saying I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely,
Speaker 5: that's going to impact how I feel. But if I
Speaker 5: say I'm in solitude all of a sudden, there's a
Speaker 5: strength that comes with that. And so I just want
Speaker 5: to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have
Speaker 5: to be a weakness. It can be a time of
Speaker 5: strength and self awareness and personal growth. But it is
Speaker 5: about the language that we use with ourselves. And so
Speaker 5: I would ask everyone to this one activity. Think about
Speaker 5: the one word that comes to your mind the moment
Speaker 5: you wake up or the moment you go to sleep.
Speaker 5: Make that word a word that you want it to be.
Speaker 5: Don't let the word you go to sleep with, and
Speaker 5: don't let the word you wake up with be a
Speaker 5: word that makes you feel negative, unhealthy, or weak. Because
Speaker 5: those studies show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts
Speaker 5: per day, and eighty percent of them are negative, and
Speaker 5: eighty percent of them are repetitive, which means you're having
Speaker 5: the same negative word or thought repeating. It's not like
Speaker 5: we're having lots of different thoughts, it's the same thought. Now,
Speaker 5: you can't control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, but you
Speaker 5: can control two thoughts of the day. So just master
Speaker 5: the first thought of the day and the last thought
Speaker 5: of the day, and make it a thought and a
Speaker 5: word that you want it to be.
Speaker 4: I wonder when that study was done.
Speaker 3: I wonder was it before social media after because I
Speaker 3: feel like with social media is probably trippled.
Speaker 5: At Yeah, I probably read it that. That's that probably
Speaker 5: I've read in the last three to four years. So
Speaker 5: I guess while social media is around. But yeah, I
Speaker 5: mean now it could have totally tripled. But it's interesting
Speaker 5: because it's the same thought often.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Right, It's a lot of time we keep saying the
Speaker 5: same thing. I'm so tired, I'm so tired that thought
Speaker 5: could life last a year? Or like, oh god, I'm
Speaker 5: so scared at work, I'm so anxious, that could last
Speaker 5: a year?
Speaker 4: So h one more thing, Yeah, man, is there anything
Speaker 4: Jay Shady hates?
Speaker 6: Ooh ooh, that is that's a great question. I need
Speaker 6: to give a good answer for that.
Speaker 5: You think about that. By then, of the answer I
Speaker 5: was going to give, I have to I can't. So
Speaker 5: the answer is I don't because I think hate personally,
Speaker 5: collectively individually doesn't lead to greatness. I've never seen hate
Speaker 5: lead to greatness. I've never seen hate lead to purpose.
Speaker 5: I've never seen hate lead to a positive outcome, and
Speaker 5: so I think hating anything is setting yourself up to
Speaker 5: never see the greatness to goodness in it, and so
Speaker 5: I'd prefer not to hate anything.
Speaker 4: What about the Notebook.
Speaker 5: I don't hate the notebook, but I have heard I
Speaker 5: have thoughts about the notebook Charlamayne, I don't hate the number.
Speaker 5: I find it hilarious as to how many. And I was,
Speaker 5: like I said, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been like
Speaker 5: that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood
Speaker 5: movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall
Speaker 5: in love. I was that person who felt for that.
Speaker 5: And now I've read about something that they call Disney
Speaker 5: Princess syndrome, where people walk around like feeling like they're
Speaker 5: going to be saved by their partner, like you're gonna
Speaker 5: have a night in shining armor, Who's gonna come in
Speaker 5: and rescue you? And I think there's Disney Prince syndrome
Speaker 5: as well, where we want to go and save someone
Speaker 5: and we want to be the be all and end
Speaker 5: all of everything. So the Notebook just has some really
Speaker 5: questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Rachel
Speaker 5: mcadam's character, he'll say things like, oh, you know, I
Speaker 5: could be anything you want me to be. I'll be anything. Right,
Speaker 5: we've heard that. But then the other thing is, she's
Speaker 5: on a ferrist wheel. Is thatways called ferrist wheel? Right,
Speaker 5: that's what you call it, ferrist wheel. I have to
Speaker 5: check my British and American, but yeah, she's on the
Speaker 5: Ferrist wheel. He's hanging off the Ferrist wheel. And he goes,
Speaker 5: if you don't go on a date with me, I
Speaker 5: will fall like I'll let go. That's really unhealthy.
Speaker 4: That is.
Speaker 6: Like saying to.
Speaker 5: Someone I am I'm going to commit if you don't
Speaker 5: go out with me and those and we may thinks
Speaker 5: a movie, it doesn't matter. I know people who've heard
Speaker 5: that from people. I've had people who've stalk I know
Speaker 5: people who've stalked people who've had people chase them down,
Speaker 5: who've said things like that to people. So I didn't
Speaker 5: kill myself, you leave me exactly. So I think we've
Speaker 5: got to be careful about these ideas. If you're watching
Speaker 5: his entertainment, it was really funny. I was talking to
Speaker 5: someone the other day and they were like, they're like,
Speaker 5: I didn't sleep so well, and I was like, what
Speaker 5: did you watch last night? And they went an American nightmare?
Speaker 6: And I was like, yeah, obviously, what do you expect?
Speaker 5: So whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety,
Speaker 5: the first question I says, what did you watch last night?
Speaker 5: Because that is going to tell me what was in
Speaker 5: your brain? So yeah, I don't hate the number.
Speaker 4: You think it's a horror movie though basically.
Speaker 6: It will make your life into a horror movie for sure.
Speaker 1: Well, J Sheddy ladies and gentlemen, when can they follow you?
Speaker 4: Jay?
Speaker 5: Come and check out the podcast On Purpose. It's where
Speaker 5: I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know, excited
Speaker 5: to share so many more amazing, maybe thought provoking, maybe
Speaker 5: even pushing you slightly conversations to come and join us
Speaker 5: at On Purpose.
Speaker 3: And his latest book was Eight Rules of Love that
Speaker 3: came out last year, how to Find It, Keep It,
Speaker 3: and Let It Go.
Speaker 4: You got any a new book coming.
Speaker 5: Or no, no, no, this was just I was just
Speaker 5: excited to be back with you and hanging and actually,
Speaker 5: do you know what, sometimes I love these conversations because
Speaker 5: I came here not knowing where it was going to
Speaker 5: go and then you guys just guide it beautifully.
Speaker 6: So this was wonderful man, Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: Jay Shatty, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that
Speaker 1: ass up in the morning.
Speaker 4: The Breakfast Club