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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club Morning,

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Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ n V.

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Speaker 2: Charlamagne the Guy. We are the Breakfast Club. We got

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Speaker 2: a special guest.

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Speaker 1: In the building, my guy.

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Speaker 2: He's an author, New York Time best selling author. He's

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Speaker 2: an entrepreneur, he is a podcast host.

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Speaker 1: And now he is a model as well. Ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 3: Jay Sheddy, By the way, Jay Sheddy is more than

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Speaker 3: the podcast hosts. He has one of the top ten

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Speaker 3: biggest podcasts in the World's right, Okay, I think that's

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Speaker 3: a very important to.

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Speaker 4: Note because everybody got a podcast. Okay.

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Speaker 3: Jay said he has one of the top ten biggest

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Speaker 3: podcasts in the world. Is the number five, I think.

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Speaker 5: I think so that's on Spotify. I think that's what

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Speaker 5: it came out as. But no, thank you for having me, guys.

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Speaker 5: I had a lot to be in here with you.

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Speaker 4: Guys.

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Speaker 5: I'm so grateful to be back to you. Congrats on

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Speaker 5: the new studio. And that's not new for you for

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Speaker 5: your viewers, it's new for me being in in with you.

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Speaker 5: But thank you, Thank you guys.

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Speaker 3: You're one of the people always use as a model

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Speaker 3: man when people tell me, like, you know, how do

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Speaker 3: I get started in podcasting or broadcasting, always say you

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Speaker 3: got to be your true, authentic self and you got

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Speaker 3: to provide something that you know maybe missing. And you

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Speaker 3: came with healing, you know, conversations about mental health, love,

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Speaker 3: and you filled the very big void in the marketplace,

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Speaker 3: a void did didn't even think people knew it was missing.

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Speaker 5: Wow, that means a lot coming from you. I think

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Speaker 5: whenever you're starting anything right, it's about finding the space

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Speaker 5: in the market and then figuring out what you just said,

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Speaker 5: that authentic part that you can match with that space.

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Speaker 5: And I think for me, I love all the podcasts

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Speaker 5: that exists in the world, and they serve so many

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Speaker 5: different purposes. There's so many that I listened to, But

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Speaker 5: for me, I was I remember I was at this

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Speaker 5: event and the event was called Building Meaningful Lives, and

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Speaker 5: Tom Brady was speaking at the event, and then they

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Speaker 5: were asking questions. And I don't know Tom Brady, and

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Speaker 5: you know, we don't know each other, we've never connected.

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Speaker 5: But I saw a lot of questions being asked to him,

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Speaker 5: and all the questions were about the rings and the

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Speaker 5: games and the sports, and I could tell that he

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Speaker 5: was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference

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Speaker 5: was building meaningful. And again I don't know him, so

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Speaker 5: I've never checked this with him, but from my perspective,

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Speaker 5: I could. I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted

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Speaker 5: to go in a direction that he couldn't go in

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Speaker 5: because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports. And

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Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I want to build the platform

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Speaker 5: where someone like him could go in the direction they

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Speaker 5: want to go in. That's like when you came on

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Speaker 5: the show and you need to come back, we need

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Speaker 5: to have you back on. You know, when you came on,

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Speaker 5: it was like, we could go in the direction that

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Speaker 5: you want to talk about that. Some people don't have

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Speaker 5: the platform to do that for, you know. So that's

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Speaker 5: where it came from.

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Speaker 3: You know, we had a Kevin Gates up here. He's

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Speaker 3: a rapper and he has a song called I Thing.

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Speaker 3: It's called I Can Heal You, you know, and he's

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Speaker 3: talking about, you know the fact that he feels like

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Speaker 3: he can heal women.

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Speaker 4: Right, but just in general, do you think you can

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Speaker 4: heal people?

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Speaker 5: I can't heal people. I'm not that powerful. I don't

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Speaker 5: think I have the power or the capacity to heal people.

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Speaker 5: But I believe the universe does. I believe energy does.

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Speaker 5: I believe frequency does. And I think that all we're

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Speaker 5: trying to do is introduce people to all of these ideas, concepts, practices, habits,

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Speaker 5: mindsets that they can then implement. I think people taking

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Speaker 5: on that power is too much pressure. I think taking

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Speaker 5: on that pressure of I'm gonna heal you, I'm gonna

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Speaker 5: heal people. Wow, I think I would crumble if I

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Speaker 5: felt that way, I would I would not last two seconds.

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Speaker 6: And so I have never felt that.

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Speaker 5: And I've always felt that I've been a vessel for

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Speaker 5: my teachers and mentors and guides. I feel that I've

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Speaker 5: been so invested in a lot of people say to me, like, Jay,

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Speaker 5: you're so young, how did you learn this? And I'll say,

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Speaker 5: I just got lucky. I had great mentors, great teachers,

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Speaker 5: great guides, and I'm just trying to share what I've

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Speaker 5: learned through me. And yeah, I don't want I don't

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Speaker 5: want the pressure of trying to be a savior, messiah

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Speaker 5: or a leacher.

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Speaker 2: You can heal people do your experience though, because people,

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Speaker 2: you know, I think a lot of times they feel

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Speaker 2: like they're alone. And if you explain your story and

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Speaker 2: tell them how you got through your tough times or

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Speaker 2: whatever that you've been through. It can, like you said,

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Speaker 2: give somebody a roadmap of.

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Speaker 1: What they can do.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, you know, for every situation that you try might

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Speaker 2: not work for somebody, you know, but it'd give them

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Speaker 2: a guide to maybe something that can put them on

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Speaker 2: their healings.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that,

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Speaker 5: but I feel like that is still so much on

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Speaker 5: that person. And I feel like that's what we've seen,

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Speaker 5: whether it's mental health, whether it's growth, whether it's personal development,

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Speaker 5: so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the

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Speaker 5: receiver of knowledge. My teacher would always give this beautiful example.

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Speaker 5: They'd say, because sometimes right I go to listen to

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Speaker 5: a talk, or you go listen to a podcast, and

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Speaker 5: the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator,

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Speaker 5: they're not the best communicator, they're not the person who's

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Speaker 5: coming at it with all the you know, gems and

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Speaker 5: everything else. And my teachers would say to me, if

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Speaker 5: you're sitting in a class like that, you may think

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Speaker 5: the speakers at a zero, but that means you need

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Speaker 5: to rise to a ten to extract greatness from them.

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Speaker 6: Whereas if your.

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Speaker 5: Speakers at a ten, you get to coast at a zero,

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Speaker 5: and you may extract nothing from them because they just

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Speaker 5: entertained your mind. And so I think as a listener,

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Speaker 5: as a practitioner, we've got a is our game to

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Speaker 5: extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement in

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Speaker 5: our lives.

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Speaker 3: If that makes sense, does everybody no? I feel like

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Speaker 3: everybody deserves healing. But does everybody deserve healing?

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Speaker 5: I would say that let's go around down this thought

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Speaker 5: experiment to answer that question. So I've been thinking a

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Speaker 5: lot about this. If we could simplify the purpose of

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Speaker 5: life to be to love and be loved, if we

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Speaker 5: could agree that we think that loving others and being

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Speaker 5: loved by others feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 5: What's really interesting about that is that because of how

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Speaker 5: we've been loved growing up, we chase to do things

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Speaker 5: in order to be loved. So we start thinking, well,

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Speaker 5: in order for me to be loved, I need to

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Speaker 5: build a big business. I need to look a certain way.

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Speaker 5: I need to have a certain amount of followers. I

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Speaker 5: need to build a podcast, whatever it may be. So

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Speaker 5: we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved,

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Speaker 5: because we think to love and be loved we need

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Speaker 5: to do big things. Then what ends up happening is

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Speaker 5: we end up in a space where we realize that

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Speaker 5: doesn't lead to love. I'm not loved more because I

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Speaker 5: have more followers. I'm not loved more because I have

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Speaker 5: more money. I'm not loved more because I have more,

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Speaker 5: which then begs the question going to your earlier question.

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Speaker 6: We need to heal that idea.

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Speaker 5: So I think everyone deserves healing because everyone's been misled,

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Speaker 5: whether it's by the system, whether it's by society, whether

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Speaker 5: it's about conditioning. So if you look at the journey

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Speaker 5: as to why everyone deserves healing, it's because everyone started

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Speaker 5: from a purer place, where everyone started from a more

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Speaker 5: naive place but got led down a certain path that

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Speaker 5: then requires them to have healing. So I think everyone

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Speaker 5: deserves healing. What do you think, Sheleman?

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Speaker 6: No, no, no, no thinking about it deeply I do.

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Speaker 3: I just hear people say that, you know, and I

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Speaker 3: think what I what I would tell folks is you know,

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Speaker 3: that's like you said, that's really not a to you

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Speaker 3: to decide. You know, if a person, regardless of what

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Speaker 3: they've been through. If they decide to go on their

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Speaker 3: healing journey, that's between them and their creator, and that's

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Speaker 3: between them and their their trauma.

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Speaker 4: Who am I to say that person doesn't deserve Yeah, yeah, I.

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Speaker 3: Guess the other question too, would be does everybody deserve

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Speaker 3: forgiveness and grace?

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Speaker 5: I mean, here's here how I like to look at it.

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Speaker 5: Let's let's pretend that we lived in a world. Actually,

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Speaker 5: we don't need to pretend that is the world. Let's

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Speaker 5: let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness

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Speaker 5: and grace. Lord have mercy, right exactly. Let's let's see

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Speaker 5: what what would that look like like. Let's do a

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Speaker 5: thought experiment. You have a planet, there's no forgiveness, there's

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Speaker 5: no grace. I would struggle to live in that world

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Speaker 5: because I know I need forgiveness and grace not only

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Speaker 5: from myself but from the people around me. If my

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Speaker 5: wife wasn't forgiving and getting give me grace, that would

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Speaker 5: be a really tough relationship. If my mom didn't forgive

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Speaker 5: me and give me grace, that would be a tough relationship.

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Speaker 5: If my boss, if you know, whatever else in my life,

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Speaker 5: I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety,

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Speaker 5: more stress, and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and

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Speaker 5: projected back onto ourselves, and that would pervent you a cycle.

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Speaker 5: By the way, that's kind of where we're at right now.

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Speaker 5: And I think a lot of our lack of capacity

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Speaker 5: for forgiveness and grace for others actually comes because we

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Speaker 5: don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, right, like

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Speaker 5: you know, amazing things going to happen, whereby we literally

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Speaker 5: will you know, I think I'm sure you've heard this too,

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Speaker 5: where it's like I loved you until you did this,

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Speaker 5: I believed in you until you did this, And it's

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Speaker 5: almost like we don't give ourself a second chance. And

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Speaker 5: because we don't give ourselves a second chance, we don't

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Speaker 5: give others a second chance. And I believe that everyone

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Speaker 5: deserves forgiveness and grace if they are willing to choose

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Speaker 5: the path of reformation, if they're willing to go on

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Speaker 5: the path and do the work of saying I have

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Speaker 5: had some challenges, I've made some mistakes. I'm willing to grow.

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Speaker 5: That's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because

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Speaker 5: sometimes for someone to have that reaction, they need to

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Speaker 5: feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and grace.

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Speaker 5: So often people are so scared that people won't forgive

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Speaker 5: them that they don't want to admit it. Right, let's

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Speaker 5: take the very basic example, like you know someone's let's

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Speaker 5: let's take something that I think, you know, someone's cheated

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Speaker 5: on their partner. Not not an ideal situation, not a

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Speaker 5: great thing. Do we just let that person get away

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Speaker 5: with it? Of course not. But partly that person may

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Speaker 5: be scared of sharing it because they're scared they won't

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Speaker 5: be forgiveness and grace that's true now, or scared to

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Speaker 5: lose or scared to lose now they've made a mistake

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Speaker 5: and they should be held accountable regardless because if they

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Speaker 5: were in a committed relationship. But it's this chicken and

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Speaker 5: egg situation of like what comes first? And I don't

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Speaker 5: know the answer to that because it requires so much

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Speaker 5: from the person who's been hurt, and it's sad because

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Speaker 5: you've already been hurt and now more is required of you.

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Speaker 5: And I think a lot of people feel that way,

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Speaker 5: that they're the one who's been high, but they've going

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Speaker 5: to be the bigger person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a lot of times with forgiveness. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's why the person asks for forgiveness, so why the

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Speaker 2: person is sorry.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: So, like you said in the cheating situation, right, it's

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Speaker 2: quick and easy for a person to say, okay, I'm

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Speaker 2: sorry because they got caught.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: Same thing with somebody when they say something wild online. Right,

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Speaker 2: the first reason they want to apologize really is they

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Speaker 2: want things to get back to normal or are they

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Speaker 2: really sorry? Did they really understand what they did? It

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Speaker 2: hurts somebody? And I think that's the problem when it

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Speaker 2: comes to forgiving somebody. Right, it's easy to say I

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Speaker 2: forgive you. You slap me in my face, and I say, okay,

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Speaker 2: I forgive you, But no, I don't, not until we

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Speaker 2: have the conversation and why you slapped me in the face,

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Speaker 2: why you said what you said, how did you affect me,

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Speaker 2: and then we can get to that path. But I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of times it's easy for people to

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Speaker 2: say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I

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Speaker 2: went to rehabits over right, and the world is supposed

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Speaker 2: to open back up. But if you can't explain to

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Speaker 2: me why you did what you did and assure me why,

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Speaker 2: it can't happen again, I can ever forgive you people

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Speaker 2: be well, forgive you means this that and you other know.

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Speaker 2: I don't think about you, but that's that's my reason

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Speaker 2: of feeling that way.

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Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's the best. I fully agree with everything

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Speaker 5: you just said. That's that's that's what's missing is you

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Speaker 5: just you said something so subtle and so passively. I

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Speaker 5: want to highlight for everyone because I'm like, that is

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Speaker 5: it's like we want to say sorry often because we

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Speaker 5: want things to go back to normal correct and that

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Speaker 5: that is the mistake, Like that isn't worthy of forgiveness,

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Speaker 5: and we need to go deeper than that.

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Speaker 3: You just sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama. Conversation

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Speaker 3: was everywhere right and she expressed how terrified she was

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Speaker 3: about this election year.

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Speaker 4: What was it like hearing that from her? And how

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Speaker 4: do you process that? Did that give you anxiety when

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Speaker 4: you hear it?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote

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Speaker 5: in this country. I moved here eight years ago. I

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Speaker 5: have a green card, but I don't you know, I

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Speaker 5: don't have voting rights, and I moved here the Trump

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Speaker 5: became president in twenty six and so I've had an

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Speaker 5: interesting education in the United States, and I haven't. You know,

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Speaker 5: I didn't grow up learning American history or American politics,

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Speaker 5: so I'm also very uneducated in that space. Specifically, I

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Speaker 5: think for me, I look at most things as things

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Speaker 5: I can and can't control. And when I think about

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Speaker 5: things that make me anxious on a global scale, I

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Speaker 5: often ask myself what is the root of that anxiety

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Speaker 5: in my community? So if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance,

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Speaker 5: whether it's a lack of understanding, whether it's a lack

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Speaker 5: of curiosity, openness, compassion on a global scale, I'm asking myself,

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Speaker 5: where does that exist within me and my friends and

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Speaker 5: my society, and how do I start impacting that? Because

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Speaker 5: that I can control. And so I've been practicing that

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Speaker 5: for a long time because I feel that there's a

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Speaker 5: lot of things that give me anxiety, Like there's a

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Speaker 5: lot of things that can stress me out. There's something

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Speaker 5: new in the news every day that can do that.

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Speaker 5: But for me, what's really interesting is saying, okay, where

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Speaker 5: is Like I read this beautiful quote from f Scott

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Speaker 5: Fitzgerald a few years back, and it's beautiful, and he

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Speaker 5: said that I don't have my phone other.

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Speaker 6: I'd read it right, but type in type in.

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Speaker 5: The type in two opposites and f Scott Fitzgerald orposing

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Speaker 5: idea correct, but look for the full quote because they

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Speaker 5: only quote half of it sometimes and it's so, and

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Speaker 5: read a longer version of that question.

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Speaker 4: See the test of a first rate.

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Speaker 3: Yes, bloody the whole too, opposing sides in mind at

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Speaker 3: the same time and still retain the ability to function.

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Speaker 3: One should, for example, be able to see that things

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Speaker 3: are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.

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Speaker 5: That I love that right, like to be able to

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Speaker 5: hold to this is I think the biggest challenge we're

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Speaker 5: facing in the human mind is that we're not able

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Speaker 5: in our micro world and in a macro world to

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Speaker 5: be able to hold two opposing ideas at the same

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Speaker 5: time still retain the ability to function.

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Speaker 4: So, as f.

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Speaker 5: Scott Fitzgerald said, I should be able to see that

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Speaker 5: everything seems hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise.

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Speaker 5: That to me is where I like to live and

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Speaker 5: where I like to function. Is that how can I

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Speaker 5: accept that things are beyond my control? I'm not powerful

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Speaker 5: enough yet control what I can try to do, And

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Speaker 5: so I kind of look at ignorance in my own

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Speaker 5: community and my own friends group, in our WhatsApp chats,

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Speaker 5: in our tech threads, like where is that ignorance? Where

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Speaker 5: is that you know? Where are the missing links? And

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Speaker 5: how can I start to impact and influence my friends

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Speaker 5: to be more open minded, to be more curious, to

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Speaker 5: be better learners. And myself, by the way too, to

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Speaker 5: question where I'm easy quick to shut people down, Like

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Speaker 5: I've noticed that so much in me recently, Like if

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Speaker 5: I'm judging someone, I've really been asking myself, can I

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Speaker 5: look for that quality in me? Because I really believe

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Speaker 5: that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered

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Speaker 5: by it is because I know it's inside myself, and

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Speaker 5: my judgment is just a reflexion of me not introspecting enough.

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Speaker 5: So to me, I try and bring down global events

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Speaker 5: into the personal and intimate, because otherwise it's so chaotic

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Speaker 5: and so hard to deal with.

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Speaker 2: I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of the masses, right,

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Speaker 2: And that's my biggest thing I have with social media,

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Speaker 2: And sometimes when people talk about their healing journey or

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Speaker 2: some of the things that they do, I think they

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Speaker 2: look for out actually without actually doing the necessary work right,

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Speaker 2: So somebody might see Charlemagne and he's evolved, and he'll

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Speaker 2: explain the ways that he evolved, and somebody might jump

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Speaker 2: on it because they've seen it work for Charlemagne, but

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Speaker 2: it won't work for them.

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Speaker 1: Because it's not in their heart, you know.

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Speaker 2: I mean I think a lot of times, with social

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Speaker 2: media and what you said about the masses, I think

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Speaker 2: people follow a fake way of doing it to pray

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Speaker 2: for healing instead of trying to find their own journey.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's the difficult part. And I try

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Speaker 2: to tell people and I think, you know, with some

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Speaker 2: of the things that you're doing, you trying to find

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Speaker 2: your own healing journey.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you know.

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Speaker 2: You give him example with George, Charlemagne gives an example

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Speaker 2: of his. I give an example of mine. But a

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Speaker 2: lot of times people will try to followed that and

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Speaker 2: it doesn't open up their own mind to some of

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Speaker 2: their other thoughts.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's so powerful.

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Speaker 5: And I think the beautiful thing about anyone who has

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Speaker 5: gone on a healing journey realizes how unique yet similar

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Speaker 5: it is. Like if we sat down and we talked

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Speaker 5: about healing journeys, all three of us, we'd find so

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Speaker 5: many similarities yet so many differences. And that's the beauty

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Speaker 5: of it that when you go down that path. And yeah,

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Speaker 5: I would encourage everyone to not try and imitate. It's

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Speaker 5: almost like, you know, a few years ago, people's morning

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Speaker 5: routines became really popular, and all of a sudden, everyone's

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Speaker 5: trying to do the Einstein morning routine or whatever it

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Speaker 5: may be. And it's like, you're not going to become

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Speaker 5: that person by doing their morning routine. That's a part

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Speaker 5: of who they are. But what you're saying is that

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Speaker 5: there's an essence, there's a heart there that you're totally

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Speaker 5: missing out on. So yeah, I fully agree you can't.

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Speaker 5: You can't imitate someone's morning routine and suddenly become them.

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Speaker 3: I like what you said too, can you can you

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Speaker 3: really find truth in this world of extremes because it

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Speaker 3: feels like everybody got to pick a side. Yeah, And

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Speaker 3: like we talked about it before you came in, Like

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Speaker 3: I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody

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Speaker 3: and people will look at that as an endorsement. No,

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Speaker 3: we're just having a conversation because there's got to be

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Speaker 3: some nuance in all of this, right that I got

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Speaker 3: a spiritual you know, the leader, one of my spiritual

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Speaker 3: teachers of Lutha Yadas, she always says, she says, there's

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Speaker 3: no such thing as right and wrong in humans.

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Speaker 4: Do you do you believe.

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Speaker 5: That there's no such thing as right and wrong? I

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Speaker 5: mean you could see that from the I guess it

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Speaker 5: depends what level of I guess it depends on what

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Speaker 5: level of humanity you're talking about.

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Speaker 4: Right, they're legal, there's right and wrong.

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Speaker 5: I guess morally there's right and wrong, and then I

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Speaker 5: guess thought wise or perception wise. Then you get into

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Speaker 5: muddy a territory because then what is right and wrong?

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Speaker 5: Because everyone's looking at everything. If you just think about

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Speaker 5: the multiple lenses that we've had, it's like if you

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Speaker 5: imagine that every life experience you've had is a crack

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Speaker 5: in the mirror. Right the parents you had, the town

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Speaker 5: you grew up in, the friends you had growing up,

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Speaker 5: the school you went to, your first job, your first love,

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Speaker 5: your first heartbreak. Imagine all of those are cracks in

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Speaker 5: a mirror. Now every time you're looking in that mirror,

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Speaker 5: imagine how many different reflections and distorted reflections you're seeing.

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Speaker 5: We're basically dealing with that with eight billion people. So

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Speaker 5: the amount of distortion in perception, reflection, perspective is so

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Speaker 5: variegated that how can any one of us know what

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Speaker 5: the truth is or what right and wrong is? Because

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Speaker 5: it's there's the options are unlimited, like you would need

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Speaker 5: an algorithm, and even an algorithm couldn't compute the depths

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Speaker 5: of the trauma, the impact the experience like it would

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Speaker 5: require it would require a God's brain in order to

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Speaker 5: formulate and contextualize all of those experiences. So I do

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Speaker 5: think there was this I don't know where it's from,

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Speaker 5: but I remember seeing it in Cobra Kai, of all places.

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Speaker 5: But there was this great line that said, there's there's

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Speaker 5: always three sides to every story, yours mind and the truth.

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Speaker 5: But I think the challenge is that the truth part

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Speaker 5: is not We're not even subjective, it's objective. But I

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Speaker 5: don't even think what you just said rightly is in order.

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Speaker 5: Then if we're saying there's three sides to every story,

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Speaker 5: but we're only living on one side, the only way

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Speaker 5: to get to the middle ground. And by the way,

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Speaker 5: the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint. The Buddho

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Speaker 5: talked about the middle path. We talk about living a

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Speaker 5: balanced life. We talk about finding the core, the heart,

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Speaker 5: the center. If you look at all philosophical, spiritual well

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Speaker 5: being traditions, it's always about the middle, the heart, the center,

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Speaker 5: the core. Yet the only way to get to the

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Speaker 5: middle is by looking at both extremes. You're not going

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Speaker 5: to get to the middle by being on any of

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Speaker 5: one side of any thought. And so I think, what

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Speaker 5: you just said, Charlamagne, and what you do here so

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Speaker 5: beautifully is I love. And I try and do this too,

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Speaker 5: to have conversations that people don't expect me to have

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Speaker 5: with people that people may be confused as to why

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Speaker 5: I'm sitting down with them, in order to understand the

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Speaker 5: cracks of the mirror. That's what I'm fascinated by. I'm

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Speaker 5: fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because how they

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Speaker 5: got to how they think is even more important to

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Speaker 5: me than how they think. Because if we understand how

436
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,680
Speaker 5: someone got to how they think, we can help save

437
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 5: the future, because we can make sure that their experiences

438
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 5: are slightly more variegated, diverse, supported, in order to have

439
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 5: healthier ideas in the future.

440
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 4: Do you do you feel like most people are just performing?

441
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?

442
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 3: Because when sometimes when you sit down with these people,

443
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 3: you realize like, oh, this is this is just an act,

444
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, You're just doing this

445
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 3: because of what can what can come come from it.

446
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 3: So it's like when I'm having a conversation with somebody,

447
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 3: I try to remove all of that and get to

448
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 3: what you just said, and you usually get to that

449
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 3: by seeing how a person got to where they are.

450
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 4: And then when you that's when you realize like, oh, this.

451
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 5: Isn't Yeah, I think it's hard right now, Like there's

452
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 5: this meme on social media that I love and it's

453
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 5: all text and it says society says, be yourself and

454
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:08,360
Speaker 5: then society says, no, not like that, and it's brilliant, right,

455
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 5: And so what I've realized is society says, I want

456
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 5: to know what you feel, and then it goes but

457
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,159
Speaker 5: if you let me tell you that again, society says,

458
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 5: I want to know what you feel. But then if

459
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 5: what you feel doesn't make me feel good, then I

460
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 5: don't know what you want to feel. And so I

461
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 5: think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because

462
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 5: they're so scared of being judged for every word they say.

463
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 5: And then there's the side of people performing because they

464
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 5: think that they have to abide by certain rules, or

465
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 5: they have to sit with a particular thought process, or

466
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 5: whatever it may be. But I think in our attempt

467
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 5: to be more authentic as a society, we've actually started

468
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 5: blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make me feel good,

469
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,639
Speaker 5: then I'm rejecting it. And that doesn't actually make make sense,

470
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 5: but you know it doesn't. You can't if you say

471
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 5: something that I don't like, I can say I don't

472
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 5: like it, but I can't tell you that that's wrong.

473
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't say I'm real until I say something that

474
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 4: you don't agree with. Yeah, exactly, But it can't be

475
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 4: that way. I should still be real, Like, come on.

476
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: But is it all an interpretation?

477
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 4: Right?

478
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: Like you've been married eight years.

479
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 2: Sometimes when you get into an argument or you know,

480
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 2: a disagreement with your wife, it might not be right

481
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: or wrong.

482
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 1: It might be how you interpret things right.

483
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 2: So you know, if your wife says something, you'd be

484
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 2: like you had an attitude and it makes you upset,

485
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 2: But really she didn't have an attitude. So I think

486
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 2: a lot of what we see in this world is interpretation.

487
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 6: Absolutely.

488
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 5: I try and and That's why I think the self

489
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 5: interpretation point is so much more important. I think we

490
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 5: get so lost in social media. We've mentioned it here,

491
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 5: and by the way, obviously I love social media. Without it,

492
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 5: I wouldn't even have had a career. I wouldn't be

493
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 5: here today. So I'm very grateful to social media. But

494
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 5: the point is that I think we get so lost

495
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 5: in other people's marriages, other people's careers, other people's failures,

496
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 5: that we don't make the time to reflect on our own.

497
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 5: So when I find myself being agitated with my wife

498
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 5: or being irritated with my wife, I look back as

499
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 5: to why did I behave that way, And nineteen percent

500
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 5: of the time, it's because I have a certain fear.

501
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 5: I have a certain insecurity. Sometimes my fear is actually

502
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 5: a positive fear of Let's say my wife asks me

503
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 5: a really important question, but I'm about to walk into

504
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 5: this interview. My agitated, non mindful response is going to

505
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 5: be I've got time for this right now, talk to

506
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 5: you later, right, which is the worst thing to say.

507
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 5: But I've been there. I'm just gonna put my hand down.

508
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 5: I've done that right, Like I've said, Hey, i'n't got

509
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 5: time for this right now talk.

510
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: I would never say that, boy, you got more. I

511
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 1: ain't got time for this.

512
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 5: I said that in the past, right, I've said that before,

513
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 5: and I feel terrible for saying that now when I

514
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 5: look back at that, and I've reflected on that, and

515
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 5: my wife's very forgiving and kind, and so she tolerates

516
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 5: me deeply.

517
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 6: And I appreciate her for that.

518
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 5: But when I reflect on having made that mistake, the

519
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 5: real reason is twofold one is it's not that I

520
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 5: haven't got time for it. I actually really care about

521
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 5: and I want to give her a really good answer.

522
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 5: I just am scared that I won't be able to

523
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 5: do that in thirty seconds, and so now I'm just

524
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 5: trying to pass it off because I don't want to take.

525
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 6: On the fear.

526
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 5: So there's actually a well intentioned thing there. It's not

527
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 5: that I actually think I'm too busy. And then sometimes

528
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 5: I'm like, well, my life's more important. Like I remember

529
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 5: this time, my wife would come up to me and

530
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 5: say I've had a really bad day, and I'd say,

531
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 5: tell me about it. I've had a really bad week,

532
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 5: and I was using her pain.

533
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: You're trumping her pain exactly.

534
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 5: I was using her pain to validate my pain because

535
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 5: I haven't spent time validating my pain in private, because

536
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,239
Speaker 5: I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that

537
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 5: I'm having a challenging week. I'm now using and taking

538
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 5: her moment of connecting with her partner to make it

539
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 5: about me. And so again, when I reflect on that,

540
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 5: why am I doing that? It's because I haven't taken

541
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 5: time for myself. And I think that's where I want

542
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 5: people to live more, because we could actually heal so

543
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 5: many of our daily irritations and agitations simply by going

544
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 5: god it. I'm scared, I'm being insecure and I'm not

545
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 5: validating my own pain.

546
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 3: How many times do you? I mean, how often have

547
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: you broken your own eight rules of love?

548
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 6: Oh? Every day?

549
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 4: Every day, man, every day.

550
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 5: I don't think it's you know, it goes back to

551
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 5: that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself.

552
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,120
Speaker 5: And it goes to the reality of and I think

553
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 5: we all know this at this table. Everything in life

554
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 5: is a process, right, Like even if you took something

555
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 5: really tangible, like we say this person is rich, we

556
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 5: talk about them as if they can never lose it,

557
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 5: and that will always be theirs. That's actually not true.

558
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 5: People could lose all their money. We talk about someone

559
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 5: being famous, you could lose that. So in the same

560
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 5: way healing progress development, you can lose it. And I

561
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 5: think we've got so lost in that destination addiction, the

562
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 5: belief that you get to a point from which there

563
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,719
Speaker 5: is no return. And I think that destination addiction is

564
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 5: really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like, oh,

565
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 5: now I'm healed. And I think it comes from this

566
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 5: idea of if you think about it right, Social media

567
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 5: is full of before and off the pictures, this where

568
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 5: I used to be, look at where I am now, right,

569
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 5: And it's always like saying I used to be in

570
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 5: a bad place, now I'm in a great place. No process,

571
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 5: no process, and linear when the real life life is

572
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 5: this every day. Sure, it's just cyclical. And I think

573
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 5: we've made our minds feel that journey's are linear. It's

574
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 5: like A to B, like going from LA to New

575
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,919
Speaker 5: York or New York to LA. It's linear. But we

576
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 5: know that life is so much more cyclical. And so yes,

577
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 5: I've broken the eight Rules of Love every day, every

578
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 5: week of my life.

579
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 3: One of the things you said, man that I think

580
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 3: is so important that I want people to really get

581
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 3: from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation.

582
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 4: Is like, there's no manual for any of this.

583
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 3: You're not going to be the perfect husband, You're not

584
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 3: going to be the perfect father. I spend so much

585
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,479
Speaker 3: time simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my

586
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 3: kids because I don't ever want them to think that

587
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 3: I'm trying to come off with some perfect human who

588
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 3: never gets anything wrong right.

589
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 4: And I think that is that's very important to do.

590
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 4: And just being present, like.

591
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 3: When you're when you're when your wife calls you, your

592
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: child calls you, even if you in that moment you

593
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: weren't present.

594
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 4: As soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing, I'm so

595
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 4: sorry that you know I had to do that, but

596
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 4: I had to go do X, Y and Z in

597
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 4: that moment. Yeah.

598
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And I think I think the thing about the

599
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 5: point you just made, and I hope this is what

600
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 5: someone takes away from this as well, is I think

601
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 5: a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect,

602
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 5: we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves. I think a

603
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 5: lot of people are walking around with a internal in

604
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 5: a critical voice that is completely making them feel terrible.

605
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 5: And so when anyone says something externally, it's worse. And

606
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 5: I just want to remind people that you can't hate

607
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 5: yourself into change, Like you can't guilt yourself into growth.

608
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 5: You can't blame yourself into a breakthrough. When was the

609
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 5: last time you changed who you were because someone hated you?

610
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 5: Never when was the last time you poorted someone you

611
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 5: hate deeply? So if you're hating, blaming, guilty yourself, it

612
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 5: may get you started, but it won't get you there.

613
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 5: And so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time, I'm

614
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 5: not saying to give yourself an easy time, but that

615
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 5: inner grace that in a forgiveness is such an important

616
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 5: part of you actually becoming better. So you're not doing

617
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 5: it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself.

618
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 5: You're doing it because it's gonna let you get through

619
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 5: the hard times.

620
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: The most important thing I think for a lot of

621
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 2: people is back to what you said with forgiveness and

622
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 2: grace right. A lot of things that we do is

623
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 2: learn behavior.

624
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 6: Right.

625
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 2: Why do people pop their children usually because they got

626
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,880
Speaker 2: popped as a child, you know, why do people talk

627
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: the way that they talk, usually because their parents talk

628
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 2: to them, or their parents are the same thing, or

629
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: they do that. But a lot of times when you're

630
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 2: in the moment, you don't see that. Right when my

631
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: dad told me, don't go out, don't do this, don't

632
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 2: do that, my first reaction was like, I hate them.

633
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: My other friends can do it and I can't.

634
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 2: But now as a parent, it's the same thing. Now

635
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: I understand why he said what he said. But you

636
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 2: always pray that you get it before that family members

637
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 2: this earth, you know what I mean. And I thank

638
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: God every day that my dad is still here, that

639
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 2: I didn't leave being mad at him. And you know,

640
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 2: I try to explain more to my kids because I

641
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 2: never want them to feel that way, but I know

642
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: they must feel the same way when they be like

643
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 2: I can't go to my friend's house or sleep over.

644
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 4: Why?

645
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 2: And I know they might be mad because their friends

646
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 2: do it. But that grace and forgiveness. We have to

647
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 2: understand that a lot of the stuff that we do

648
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 2: is learned behavior, even if it's not right.

649
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: We have to realize that a lot of the things

650
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: that we learned and we were taught were fucked up.

651
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's that famous quote you just reminded me of

652
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 5: that says, by the time you realize that your parents

653
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 5: are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.

654
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 5: And it's that awkward position that we end up in.

655
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 5: But you know what's really interesting about that. I was

656
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 5: talking to someone about this at dinner last night, and

657
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 5: there's this old story that I heard a while ago,

658
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 5: and it's always resonated with me, even with my own childhood,

659
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 5: not in particular, but in essence. So the story goes

660
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 5: that these two men were interviewed and one was an alcoholic,

661
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 5: the other one and never drunk alcohol, and they were brothers,

662
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 5: and they interviewed them and then they asked the one

663
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 5: who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic, he said, why

664
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 5: are you an alcoholic? He said, my dad was an alcoholic.

665
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 5: And then they asked the other brother, why don't you drink?

666
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 5: And he said, my dad was an alcoholic. And so

667
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 5: I think a lot of us got an education and

668
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 5: what not to do, but we ended up repeating it

669
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 5: instead of breaking the cycle. And I feel like in

670
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 5: my life I had to I got a great education

671
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 5: in a lot of my areas of life in what

672
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: not to do and who not to be, and I

673
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 5: took all those little notes down, and I think that's

674
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 5: what's improved my life. So I think if we're constantly

675
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 5: waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and

676
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 5: the perfect surroundings and the perfect aren't and uncle and

677
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 5: the perfect parent, it's like we may be waiting forever

678
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 5: because no one's perfect. So we almost have to make

679
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 5: a list of what not to do, but what not

680
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 5: to do, but.

681
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 4: Also how to.

682
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 3: That's why that's why podcasts like On Purpose is so important.

683
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 3: That's why podcasts like you know, Debbie Brown deeply Well

684
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 3: is so important because we learn how to you know,

685
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 3: break break a lot cycle.

686
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

687
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 4: Are you wearing gap right now?

688
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 5: No?

689
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 6: Not right now?

690
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm just happy because you saw that you saw

691
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 4: a gap.

692
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 6: That's why.

693
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 4: That's just thought you was handsome.

694
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, DJM, you know, you know,

695
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting that from you, But thank you, man.

696
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 3: I appreciate you and your wife do the holiday holiday

697
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 3: gap campaign.

698
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we we were just you know, when we

699
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 5: got asked to do that, it was like we couldn't

700
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 5: believe it.

701
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 6: We're like, what is this?

702
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 5: You know, like we grew up watching the Gap campaigns

703
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 5: like the holiday campaigns especially, and any I've said to

704
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 5: my wife, any time I get to do any work

705
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 5: with her is my favorite thing because I get to

706
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 5: hang with her all day. And so that shoot was fun.

707
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 5: They made it fun. The creative team was fantastic, Like

708
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 5: it was a good time. We walked out of there

709
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 5: having having had a great day. So it was a

710
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 5: lot of fun. And then it was it was surreal

711
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 5: because you know, yeah, definitely never been a model.

712
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 3: So do you have a question yourself when you get

713
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 3: approached to do things like that, because you know, people think, for.

714
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,959
Speaker 4: Whatever, for whatever reason, what it is you do, Oh,

715
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 4: you shouldn't have a campaign to be a guru? You know?

716
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 5: Do you ever question yourself about Yeah, absolutely, I've I've

717
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 5: had the challenges. I've had to sit with that question

718
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 5: so much. And here's what I've come out with. One

719
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 5: of the reasons I do it is because I don't want.

720
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 4: To be the guru.

721
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 5: I don't want to be that. I'm a normal guy

722
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 5: who likes nice things, who is married, who's happily married,

723
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 5: who who's living in the normal world, who has businesses

724
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 5: like everything. It's like, I just I want to be

725
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 5: that because I think that the you know, the putting

726
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 5: anyone up on a pedestal, that person will always let

727
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 5: you down because it's it's hard for anyone to live

728
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 5: up to that, and so I would rather take myself

729
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 5: off of it and normalize it and be good with that.

730
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 5: And at the same time, I think, I look at

731
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 5: it and I go, in my opinion, I'm hoping that

732
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 5: someone's going to see that and be reminded of wellness

733
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 5: and be reminded of well being from the perspective of like,

734
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 5: oh yeah, generally they do that thing. So I'm hoping

735
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 5: that it's actually helping us get the message out there more.

736
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 5: And maybe I'm wrong, but I also look at it

737
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 5: as things I enjoy doing and things I love doing

738
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 5: with my wife, and I live life in that way

739
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 5: and a lot of the opportunities come my way. One

740
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 5: of the things that I've really been working on, and

741
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 5: this is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give

742
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 5: to this, is I've realized that a lot of opportunities

743
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 5: I give today, a lot of opportunities I get today, they.

744
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 6: Feel like a high five.

745
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 5: To my sixteen year old self and my twelve year

746
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 5: old self, and even my five year old self, and

747
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 5: then there's the more evolved me of today. And so

748
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 5: I'm living these two lives, and I think we all

749
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 5: are living the life of what are inner child desired

750
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 5: and then are evolved today's self desires. And I've just

751
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 5: found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill it for

752
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 5: that inner child that I don't want to abandon, because

753
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 5: what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it,

754
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 5: there'll be some more biddenness, some more resentment that will develop,

755
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 5: that will grow in the future. And so I want

756
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 5: to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that

757
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 5: in a child that maybe weren't met at that age

758
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 5: or that stage in my life. And so that's kind

759
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 5: of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying

760
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 5: to make these decisions.

761
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 3: I don't have a problem with it, because you know,

762
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 3: we always say stop making stupid people famous, So so

763
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 3: why not make the small ones if the small ones

764
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 3: can get the light on them?

765
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: Why not? Because when the amplifies, I appreciate that more

766
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 4: people you know, come in and pay attention.

767
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 3: I want to ask you to do you get pushed

768
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 3: back from people who will watch you sit down with

769
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 3: a Michelle Obama or a Jada Pinket smith Man.

770
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 4: Why didn't you challenge them on this? Why didn't you

771
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 4: challenge them on that?

772
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't get pushed back for not challenging people

773
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 5: because I think the questions I ask are challenging in

774
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 5: a different way. But I think I'll get pushed back

775
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 5: because someone doesn't like that person. Yeah, but what I've

776
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 5: found every single time is that when someone actually listens

777
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 5: to the episode or watches it on YouTube, if you

778
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 5: look at that common section, it is spectacular, like when

779
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 5: someone's actually taking out time out of the day to

780
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 5: listen for an hour or watch for an hour, and

781
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 5: then you see the comment section, you'll see people having

782
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 5: complete I had people reaching out about both those episodes,

783
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 5: the President Biden interview as well that we did earlier

784
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 5: last year, and the comments of people who actually listened

785
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 5: to it. And by the way, a lot of people

786
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 5: were like, Hey, I don't agree with this person's politics.

787
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 5: I'm actually on completely on the other side. But I

788
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 5: just want you to know that listening to this interview

789
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 5: was so enlightening from a human perspective. Thank you for

790
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 5: putting it out there. And I respect that approach because

791
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 5: I think that's why I do the interview. I don't

792
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 5: do the interview for any other reason apart from us

793
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 5: looking at the broken mirror and looking back and saying, Okay,

794
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 5: where can I resonate with the humanity of this individual

795
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,879
Speaker 5: or where can I relate to this person? So yeah,

796
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 5: I think that's generally the pushback. But the comment section.

797
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 5: I encourage you on those episodes to go look at

798
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 5: the YouTube comment section. It's phenomenal to read what people

799
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 5: are getting.

800
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think your conversation with Jada pit and

801
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 3: gets Smith. The clips is what's set off the Jada

802
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 3: pink and hate tred not because of you.

803
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.

804
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:11,240
Speaker 3: But if you didn't watch the whole conversation and context

805
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 3: and you just saw clips.

806
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, she got a tech Yeah Yeah.

807
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 5: And Jada's a dear friend for me, So it's yeah,

808
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 5: it's it's a tough one because I think any clip

809
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 5: about anyone.

810
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:22,959
Speaker 6: I said, someone say this to me today.

811
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 5: Yesterday they said to me Jay, they meant me for

812
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 5: the first time and they were like, Jay, you're so

813
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 5: much nicer in person. I didn't like you off a

814
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 5: few Instagram and I was like, fair enough, that's cool.

815
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 5: But it's it's so hard for me to be all

816
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 5: of myself in thirty seconds. And I'm trying my best.

817
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 5: You're trying your best. You'll try your best, but it's

818
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 5: hard for any of us.

819
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 4: Like they did nothing like about you on Instagram. You're

820
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 4: with your wife. No, yeah, puppy's looking your face.

821
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 5: No, in the sense of I think he was just

822
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,359
Speaker 5: like you know, I feel like you feel a bit

823
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 5: like whatever it was, like whatever.

824
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 6: I don't even know what it was.

825
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,839
Speaker 5: But I think all of us, if you judged any

826
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 5: of ourselves at thirty second real, oh, I'm sure all

827
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 5: of us would agree, it's not who we are, you know. So,

828
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 5: and that's why I've started I do stuff with my

829
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 5: wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with

830
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 5: my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the

831
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 5: most time with. And so, but even even with all

832
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 5: of us, like, I've got to meet you guys in

833
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 5: person a few times now. We were in Canned with

834
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 5: iHeart on, you know, for the festival last year together,

835
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 5: and I think when you've met people in person, that's

836
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 5: the only time you're going to feel like you've got

837
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 5: to know them. I don't think anyone under I feel

838
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 5: like if someone if someone okay, if someone follows me

839
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,399
Speaker 5: on Instagram, they understand maybe ten percent of who I am.

840
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 6: If they listen to my podcast.

841
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 5: They probably understand seventy five percent of who I am

842
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 5: because they're really dialing into who I am. If they've

843
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 5: read my books and my podcast, they're probably like, at

844
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 5: that eighty nine percent. If they've seen me live, there

845
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 5: at that ninety five percent, and then when someone's met

846
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 5: me in person, it's one hundred percent. And so I

847
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 5: think it's all percentages. And I you know, I hope

848
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 5: that we all again going back to forgiveness and grace.

849
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 5: I hope that we can all give each other a

850
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 5: bit more benefit of the doubt because I think it

851
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:58,760
Speaker 5: will go a long way for people.

852
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 4: And you officiated been in j Lowe's wedding, Yeah.

853
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 6: That was a year and a half ago.

854
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 4: Were you to do that?

855
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 6: I had to do the online kind of you know.

856
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 4: Why they I mean, why did they?

857
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 5: But I don't think you have to be in Georgia.

858
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 5: I don't think you need to be licensed, so I

859
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 5: don't know the rules of that. I can't remember why

860
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 5: did they pick you? Though? So i'd collaborated with Jen

861
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 5: for a while, like we've done a bunch of stuff together.

862
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 5: Okase she came on the show a few years ago,

863
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 5: we'd had a few great offline conversations. I went and

864
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 5: officiated weddings as part of the launch of her last

865
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 5: movie on her special and it was just, you know,

866
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 5: it just I was really grateful for the opportunity. I was,

867
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 5: you know, pinching myself as well. And you know, for me,

868
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 5: I love love, like I'm a massive lover of love.

869
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 5: And I'd sent her the book as well, and I

870
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 5: think that kind of made it happen to I'd sent

871
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 5: the book and when it was being written, and she

872
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 5: appreciated it and she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it,

873
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 5: and that kind of led to the wedding as well.

874
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 6: And it was like I felt like I.

875
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 5: Was just trying to make sure I didn't cry, Like

876
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 5: I'm that kind of guy who like ugly cries during

877
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 5: a wedding and like gets really soppy, and like, you know,

878
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 5: she's walking down the aisle, bend's there, he's tearing up.

879
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 5: I'm like, don't cry, dude, you're going to ruin this.

880
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 5: Do not cry. And I just had to hold it together.

881
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 5: Just to get through because I was like, I'm about

882
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,240
Speaker 5: the ball. So yeah, it was specially it's an amazing experience.

883
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 4: I know you probably got a runch. I got like

884
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 4: one more question for you.

885
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 3: You say, language has created the word loneliness. They expressed

886
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 3: the pain of being alone, and it has created the

887
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 3: word solitude, express the glory of being alone.

888
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 4: Could you could expound on that?

889
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a Paul Tillich quote. The writer Paul Tillich

890
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 5: said that, and to me, I extrapolated from his work

891
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 5: for my book because I was realizing that language and

892
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 5: the way we use words completely defines how we think

893
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 5: about things. So when you hear the word loneliness, you

894
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 5: think sadness, you think potentially depression, you think negativity. Of course,

895
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 5: solitude is spending time alone with yourself, but with strength,

896
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 5: with courage, as Paul Tillett says, glory. So what I've

897
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,320
Speaker 5: realized is we've got to be so careful with the

898
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 5: language we use in our minds. Every single word is

899
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 5: a seed for either a weed or a flower, right,

900
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 5: and so every single word that you say is defining.

901
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 5: So if I keep saying I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely,

902
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 5: that's going to impact how I feel. But if I

903
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 5: say I'm in solitude all of a sudden, there's a

904
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 5: strength that comes with that. And so I just want

905
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 5: to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have

906
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 5: to be a weakness. It can be a time of

907
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 5: strength and self awareness and personal growth. But it is

908
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 5: about the language that we use with ourselves. And so

909
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 5: I would ask everyone to this one activity. Think about

910
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 5: the one word that comes to your mind the moment

911
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 5: you wake up or the moment you go to sleep.

912
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 5: Make that word a word that you want it to be.

913
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 5: Don't let the word you go to sleep with, and

914
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 5: don't let the word you wake up with be a

915
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 5: word that makes you feel negative, unhealthy, or weak. Because

916
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,320
Speaker 5: those studies show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts

917
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 5: per day, and eighty percent of them are negative, and

918
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 5: eighty percent of them are repetitive, which means you're having

919
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 5: the same negative word or thought repeating. It's not like

920
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 5: we're having lots of different thoughts, it's the same thought. Now,

921
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 5: you can't control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, but you

922
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 5: can control two thoughts of the day. So just master

923
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 5: the first thought of the day and the last thought

924
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 5: of the day, and make it a thought and a

925
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 5: word that you want it to be.

926
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 4: I wonder when that study was done.

927
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 3: I wonder was it before social media after because I

928
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 3: feel like with social media is probably trippled.

929
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 5: At Yeah, I probably read it that. That's that probably

930
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 5: I've read in the last three to four years. So

931
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 5: I guess while social media is around. But yeah, I

932
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 5: mean now it could have totally tripled. But it's interesting

933
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 5: because it's the same thought often.

934
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

935
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 5: Right, It's a lot of time we keep saying the

936
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 5: same thing. I'm so tired, I'm so tired that thought

937
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 5: could life last a year? Or like, oh god, I'm

938
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 5: so scared at work, I'm so anxious, that could last

939
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 5: a year?

940
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 4: So h one more thing, Yeah, man, is there anything

941
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 4: Jay Shady hates?

942
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 6: Ooh ooh, that is that's a great question. I need

943
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 6: to give a good answer for that.

944
00:41:55,160 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 5: You think about that. By then, of the answer I

945
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 5: was going to give, I have to I can't. So

946
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 5: the answer is I don't because I think hate personally,

947
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 5: collectively individually doesn't lead to greatness. I've never seen hate

948
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 5: lead to greatness. I've never seen hate lead to purpose.

949
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 5: I've never seen hate lead to a positive outcome, and

950
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 5: so I think hating anything is setting yourself up to

951
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 5: never see the greatness to goodness in it, and so

952
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 5: I'd prefer not to hate anything.

953
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 4: What about the Notebook.

954
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 5: I don't hate the notebook, but I have heard I

955
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 5: have thoughts about the notebook Charlamayne, I don't hate the number.

956
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 5: I find it hilarious as to how many. And I was,

957
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 5: like I said, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been like

958
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 5: that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood

959
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 5: movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall

960
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 5: in love. I was that person who felt for that.

961
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 5: And now I've read about something that they call Disney

962
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 5: Princess syndrome, where people walk around like feeling like they're

963
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 5: going to be saved by their partner, like you're gonna

964
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 5: have a night in shining armor, Who's gonna come in

965
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 5: and rescue you? And I think there's Disney Prince syndrome

966
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 5: as well, where we want to go and save someone

967
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 5: and we want to be the be all and end

968
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,240
Speaker 5: all of everything. So the Notebook just has some really

969
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 5: questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Rachel

970
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 5: mcadam's character, he'll say things like, oh, you know, I

971
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 5: could be anything you want me to be. I'll be anything. Right,

972
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 5: we've heard that. But then the other thing is, she's

973
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 5: on a ferrist wheel. Is thatways called ferrist wheel? Right,

974
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 5: that's what you call it, ferrist wheel. I have to

975
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 5: check my British and American, but yeah, she's on the

976
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 5: Ferrist wheel. He's hanging off the Ferrist wheel. And he goes,

977
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 5: if you don't go on a date with me, I

978
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:51,760
Speaker 5: will fall like I'll let go. That's really unhealthy.

979
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 4: That is.

980
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 6: Like saying to.

981
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 5: Someone I am I'm going to commit if you don't

982
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 5: go out with me and those and we may thinks

983
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 5: a movie, it doesn't matter. I know people who've heard

984
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 5: that from people. I've had people who've stalk I know

985
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 5: people who've stalked people who've had people chase them down,

986
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,400
Speaker 5: who've said things like that to people. So I didn't

987
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 5: kill myself, you leave me exactly. So I think we've

988
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 5: got to be careful about these ideas. If you're watching

989
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 5: his entertainment, it was really funny. I was talking to

990
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 5: someone the other day and they were like, they're like,

991
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:19,839
Speaker 5: I didn't sleep so well, and I was like, what

992
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 5: did you watch last night? And they went an American nightmare?

993
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,760
Speaker 6: And I was like, yeah, obviously, what do you expect?

994
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 5: So whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety,

995
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 5: the first question I says, what did you watch last night?

996
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 5: Because that is going to tell me what was in

997
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 5: your brain? So yeah, I don't hate the number.

998
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 4: You think it's a horror movie though basically.

999
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 6: It will make your life into a horror movie for sure.

1000
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: Well, J Sheddy ladies and gentlemen, when can they follow you?

1001
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 4: Jay?

1002
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 5: Come and check out the podcast On Purpose. It's where

1003
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 5: I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know, excited

1004
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 5: to share so many more amazing, maybe thought provoking, maybe

1005
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 5: even pushing you slightly conversations to come and join us

1006
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 5: at On Purpose.

1007
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 3: And his latest book was Eight Rules of Love that

1008
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 3: came out last year, how to Find It, Keep It,

1009
00:44:59,320 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 3: and Let It Go.

1010
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,800
Speaker 4: You got any a new book coming.

1011
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 5: Or no, no, no, this was just I was just

1012
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 5: excited to be back with you and hanging and actually,

1013
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 5: do you know what, sometimes I love these conversations because

1014
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 5: I came here not knowing where it was going to

1015
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 5: go and then you guys just guide it beautifully.

1016
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 6: So this was wonderful man, Thank you guys.

1017
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: Jay Shatty, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that

1018
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: ass up in the morning.

1019
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 4: The Breakfast Club