1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: Hi Catherine. Hi everybody. It's Chelsea and this is dear Chelsea. 2 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: How are you doing, Catherine? I'm doing well. Um, a 3 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: little bit stressed, like pre stressed having to do a 4 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: lot in a short amount of time because I'm going 5 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: on a little trip to the British Vision Islands, which 6 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: I'm very excited. Where are you going? Which one we 7 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: are going? So my mom's having a significant birthday. So 8 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: my sister got a yacht for everyone, well for her 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 1: and my mom, and then invited me and my other 10 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: sisters in law and we're all going to go just 11 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 1: have a girl's trip in the British Virgin Islands and 12 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 1: like hop from place to place, hop from island to island. 13 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: It seems truly crazy, but I'm so excited about it. 14 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome. That's a good shrip. So there's a 15 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: lot of work that has to get done before that happens. 16 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 1: You know. It's sort of like before you take a trip, 17 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: there's twice the work, and after you get back there's 18 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: twice the work. But like it's worth it, so you 19 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,320 Speaker 1: can get away and took up some sun and and 20 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: focus on being on a yacht more importantly, exactly we are. 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 1: I wanted to say that I just recently got my 22 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: clean bill of health from my doctor after my after 23 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: my episode, which actually I've never even talked about. I 24 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,559 Speaker 1: don't think have we talked about it yet? No, we haven't. 25 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: I was like, should I ask, because I didn't know 26 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,679 Speaker 1: if you wanted to talk about it, Like, oh, yeah, yeah, 27 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: I'll talk about of course, to keep any information to myself, 28 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: I was in Yeah. I was doing one of my 29 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 1: shows in Seattle, which were awesome. By the way, I 30 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: love Seattle's crowds. Thank you guys for coming, and anyone 31 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: who wants tickets to any of my shows. The tour 32 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: is continuing. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. You can get 33 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: all your tickets to Chelsea Handler dot com and I'm 34 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: coming to a city near you. We added a lot 35 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: of second shows. We have a late show with Will 36 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: Churn in Los Angeles, hunting to New York, Santa Rosa, California, 37 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: San Francisco, d C. All of the places. Anyway, I 38 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: walked on stage. It was my second night in Seattle. 39 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: I walked on stage in front of my four thousand 40 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: fans that were there in the audience, and I was 41 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: like it's like my chest was really tight. And I 42 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: was like, I don't suffer from indigestion or anything like that, 43 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: Like I've never had a heartburn or anything. So I 44 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I must have because I had a 45 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 1: really heavy French meal for lunch. Okay, And and then 46 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this must be nerves. I don't know, 47 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,520 Speaker 1: like sometimes you get nervous and sometimes you don't. And 48 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: I was on stage and I was like, okay, well 49 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 1: it's not going away. But it wasn't so bad that 50 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: I had to like stop performing. I was like, okay, 51 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: well this is just uncomfortable slightly. So I get off stage. 52 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: And I had a bunch of friends there, and my 53 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: sister was there, Simone, my agent was there, Nick and 54 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: my girlfriend Jamie, a bunch of people and we were 55 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: all going to the restaurant or bar and my hotel 56 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: for an after party. And I I couldn't. I was like, 57 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: and if I can't go to a party, obviously something 58 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: that and I, especially when it's about me and I U. 59 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, this doesn't feel right. I 60 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,079 Speaker 1: kept taking toms and whatever, and then in the morning 61 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: we were headed to Portland, where I was supposed to 62 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: perform that night, and I talked to the hotel doctor 63 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: and I talked to my own doctor from l A 64 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: and they were like, oh, with your history of your father. 65 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: My dad had a heart attack when he was fifty. 66 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 1: He had quintumble bypass surgery when he was sixty something, 67 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 1: so they were like, with your history, you have got 68 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: to go straight and get an e k G and 69 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: find out if everything's okay with your heart. So I 70 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: went to this hospital in Seattle and they did an 71 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: e KG and they tested my tremonal levels, which is 72 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: an indicator of whether or not something happened with your heart, 73 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: and my tremonian levels were slightly elevated, which you know, said, oh, 74 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: something happened. Then irving A's off. My manager got involved 75 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 1: and he's like, you have to go to the heart 76 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: cardiology unit, and you have to go to different hospitals. 77 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: So they moved me out of that hospital. I went 78 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: to another hospital where I had the best doctor. He 79 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: was awesome, so great, and they did my e k G. 80 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: But e KG is a snapshot of what's happening, so 81 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: if you had a heart injury, it won't show up. 82 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: So then they did an echo cardiogram and on the 83 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 1: echo cardiogram, they could see that there was something wasn't 84 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: working in my heart, like it wasn't pumping all out. 85 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: It was pumping, but there was like a little area 86 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: that wasn't going in and out with your breath and 87 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: your heart. So then they did a catharitization to go 88 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: in to see if there's blockages to see because I 89 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: have high cholesterol, which is genetic, so you know, you 90 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: could have plaque and that there could have been like 91 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: a plaque that's a piece of plaque that chipped, or 92 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: there could have been a blockage. And so they went 93 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 1: and gave me a catholization, which of course I was 94 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 1: excited about because you know, they give you morphine for that. 95 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, your heart is so healthy. 96 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: He's like everything's pumping, you have no blockages, you have nothing. 97 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, So what happened? And then 98 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, did I have a 99 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: panic attack? Like that's even more unlike me. You know, 100 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,119 Speaker 1: I went from going, wait, did I have a heart attack, 101 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,359 Speaker 1: which would be so scary too, Did I have a 102 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: panic attack? But no, I had neither. What happened was 103 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 1: it's called a cardio myopathy, which means that there was 104 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: an adrenaline shot and which I think was me actually 105 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: walking out on stage that night for whatever reason. And well, 106 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: there's a build up, an accumulation of stress. I think 107 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: I'm not stressed out, but I learned that apparently I am, 108 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,679 Speaker 1: and then I internalize it all, which I blame therapy 109 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: on because before I used to just go off on people. 110 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: Now I keep it to myself. But now I'm fucking suffering, 111 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 1: so I may have to just go back to my 112 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: old ways. But it's called cardiomyopathy, and it's rising in women, 113 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: like in the last couple of years. I've been sent 114 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: a couple of articles to say, in the last couple 115 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,040 Speaker 1: of years, women between the ages of forty and fifty 116 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: are they're identifying this more and more. And I don't 117 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: know if it's a product of our hearts fighting COVID 118 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 1: because of the immunity that we're fighting constantly being exposed 119 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 1: to COVID, or if there's a relationship to the COVID 120 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: right or just the stress all of our bodies have 121 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: been under for the last two years and the toll 122 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 1: that takes on our immune systems and our hearts it's 123 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: definitely something that's happening. So it's like it mimics what 124 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: would be a minor heart attack, but it's not an attack. 125 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,280 Speaker 1: It's like your heart was bruised. So basically there was 126 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: a section of my heart that wasn't pulsating and contracting 127 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: with along with the rest of it that was. And 128 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 1: you know, you wouldn't be able to even notice that 129 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: if I was looking at it, but my doctor walked 130 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,119 Speaker 1: me through and we were all looking at my sister. 131 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: Joe was there. He had flown in, so it was scary, 132 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: but then I was very relieved to find out that 133 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: I'm just stressed out and I couldn't exercise for a week, 134 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: which was music to my ears, I mean, minus the 135 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: skiing part, and to take it easy and to really 136 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: identify the things that stress you out that you think 137 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: are not stressing you out. But I just went and 138 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 1: saw him from my follow up visit and I have 139 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: a clean bill of health and I healed and my 140 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,359 Speaker 1: heart was no longer bruised. Excellent. I'm so glad to 141 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: hear that, Yeah, because I knew something was going on 142 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: before you post it, and I was like, if she's awake, 143 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: she's going to post. Of course. You know, when I 144 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: heard that you had a medical emergency, I was like 145 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: terrified that there was a skiing accident or something like that. 146 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: So I'm I was glad that you posted, but like 147 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: I could see you were kind of shaken. You know. 148 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: I think it's really cool that you're that open with Hey, 149 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: here is like the not as exciting parts of life. 150 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,559 Speaker 1: Things are gonna keep going and everything's gond me. Okay, 151 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 1: you should have seen my sister Simone. She's like, wait 152 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: a second, because at first we thought maybe I had 153 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: had a heart attack, like a heart attack, and I 154 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: was like what I was like, and Sman goes, oh 155 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: my god, you're she's the healthiest one in our family. 156 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: We all need to get echo cardiograms. We're all fat 157 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: and out of shape. And she's, you know, she's like, 158 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: if she's sick, then the rest of us are screwed. 159 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, So luckily it wasn't a major deal. Wasn't 160 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: a big deal, but I did have to cancel a 161 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: lot of shows. Well those shows that weekend, and which 162 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: are you know, obviously we're rescheduled, but so yes, to 163 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: let everybody know that's what that's the story. Well, and 164 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: I think it's really important to be an advocate for 165 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 1: your health. Like if you have stuff going on, get 166 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: it checked out. So great that you had people in 167 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: your life that were like, no, no, go to the doctor. 168 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: Talk to the doctor, get it dealt with, because that's 169 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: so so important. Yeah right, I know, because I was like, 170 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm fine. But then I just thought, you 171 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: know what, with my history, my father's history, I should 172 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 1: listen to the doctors. Us I'm not. I kept saying, 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: I'm forty two and forty two, and I'm like, you're 174 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: not forty two, And I was like, oh, ship, well, 175 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: I'm really really glad you're on the mend. We have 176 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: a very excited guest today, Pretty Funny. You know him 177 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: as the season eight winner of RuPaul's Drag Race and 178 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,239 Speaker 1: from the hit show We're Here on HBO. He's currently 179 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: headlining a comedy club tour and he also has a 180 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: podcast called Sibling Rivalry with Mona Exchange, and they will 181 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: be on tour together this summer. Please welcome Bob the 182 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: Drag Queen. Oh yeah, hi Bob. Hi there, Hi Bob, 183 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,319 Speaker 1: how are you. I'm well. Good morning to you, miss Handler, 184 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: Good morning to you. Where are you. I'm in Hollywood, 185 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: California in my apartment. Oh my goodness, you are clearly 186 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 1: not in Hollywood. Where are you? Well with climate change, 187 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: you'll never know. This could be Hollywood, You're like, I'm 188 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: fully in like and this is you in South Africa 189 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: right now. I'm in actually Whistler, Canada, where it is 190 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: pissing rain. Yeah. I saw the video of you with 191 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: the Canadian American flag over your boobs. My nipples. Yes, 192 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: I had to cover up my nipples because I'm a 193 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: decent person. Don't you think it's a bunch of horseship 194 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: that men can walk around with their nipples out, yet 195 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: women have to cover them up and we provide food. 196 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,560 Speaker 1: I agree, I'm fully for the nipple. You know New 197 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: York State, it's one of those places where anyone can 198 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: be topless anywhere in public. There's no laws regarding toplessness 199 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 1: in New York City. It's a really interesting decommended called 200 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,679 Speaker 1: topless shock syndrome. There's this photographer that used to go 201 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 1: around New York City and she would just photograph people 202 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: with her shirt off, and she got arrested like four times, 203 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: but then sued the city in a one well, good 204 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: for her exactly. That's how that's time well spent suing 205 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 1: the city to show your nipples. I like that, Bob. 206 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: First of all, congratulations on winning season eight of RuPaul's 207 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 1: Drag Race A big feet right, that must have been 208 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:02,839 Speaker 1: really really exciting feet on, I got dragged me. I 209 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: never getting personal today. And I know you grew up 210 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 1: in the South, right, Yeah. I grew up in Georgia, Alabama, 211 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: and Mississippi, mostly Georgia, but I was born in Columbus, Georgia, 212 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 1: and then I later moved to Alabama, Misissippi, where I 213 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,559 Speaker 1: ended up nestling down in Atlanta, Georgia before going to 214 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: New York City for about twelve years. And uh, what 215 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:28,559 Speaker 1: was that experience like for somebody like you who identifies 216 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: as non binary? Who is? Were you a drag queen 217 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: when you were? I mean, when did you start doing that? No? 218 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: I didn't get infected with drag until I moved to 219 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 1: New York City much later in life, which was really 220 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: I was actually surrounded by drag way before I ever 221 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: moved to New York City. My mom used to run 222 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,080 Speaker 1: a drag bar called Sensations in Columbus, Georgia, and I 223 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: have a queer uncle who I used to hang out with. 224 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,719 Speaker 1: I would hang out in his apartment and watch Too 225 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: Wong food while he cooked me food. He's made these 226 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: great baked apples. I need to get their recipe from him. 227 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 1: But then something about you know, mood New York City. 228 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: I saw drag on TV again and I was an 229 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 1: adult now, and I was like, I'm gonna give it 230 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: a shot. But as far as growing up in the 231 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: South being non binary, you know, I hadn't really discovered 232 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: the the notion of exploring your gender until I moved 233 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 1: to New York City and started working in the New 234 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,079 Speaker 1: York City night life scene, and I was like, oh, wow, 235 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: you can. Actually I didn't realize you could. You you 236 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 1: didn't have to be what you were, you know, given 237 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: at birth. What was attractive to you about drag? What 238 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 1: drew you into that? What do you love about it? 239 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: And what made you want to be a part of 240 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: that world? Well it's so glamorous, right, It's like it's glamor. 241 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: Is is humor, is camp, it is prestige. You get 242 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: to be powerful when you don't actually have a position 243 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: of power. But in this bar, in this place, you're 244 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: a queen. You walk into it. You know, on the outside, 245 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: you feel like you're nothing. You took the train to 246 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,079 Speaker 1: get to work today, you know, you're you're snowing outside, 247 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: and and you worked a job as a waiter all 248 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: days at the Jekylin High club in Midtown Manhattan. And 249 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: then you get to this place and you're met your royalty. 250 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: Everyone's offering them bout you drinks, And I mean, what 251 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: could be more appealing than that? You get to literally 252 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 1: be roalthy for for a moment, and you well, I 253 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: mean obviously that your mom running a club like that 254 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: in Georgia must have had a big impact for you, right, 255 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 1: I mean that must have been part of the equation. Yeah, 256 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: I reckon, maybe it must have had some impact. I mean, 257 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: I'm not a queer trailways in my family. I'm not 258 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: the first queer in my family. I probably won't be 259 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: the last. My mom was queer, my uncle's queer. I 260 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 1: have a queer cousin who older than I am. So 261 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: I was just one of many. So it wasn't like 262 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 1: I was one of those folks like you guys don't 263 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: get me. It was like they get me. Theyfully understand 264 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: because they were very much like me. But you know, 265 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: I'm sure that my mom had some sort of impact 266 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,800 Speaker 1: of school. But I was very afraid of drag queens 267 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: when I was younger. My mom had a frien named 268 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: Sidney who told me never to trust drag queens and 269 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 1: told me that they were dangerous and told me that 270 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 1: they would he got He got shot by a drag 271 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: queen one time. It was like, drag queens are dangerous, 272 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: don't trust them. And I was like, well, I believe 273 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: you. You You got shot. You have the wounds to prove it. Yeah. 274 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: I think I was probably felt that way when I 275 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,719 Speaker 1: was younger too, and wasn't as warms. You know, I 276 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: think anything that's so different from what what the norm is. 277 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: You know, we're just raised to identify with and be 278 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 1: comfortable with what we know. So unless you're exposed to that, 279 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,839 Speaker 1: it would be like, oh, oh, this is something new, 280 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 1: and you have to be very open minded to be 281 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: interested in something new. Yeah. I would go as far 282 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: as to say most drag queens have not shot someone. 283 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 1: I don't have the National Bureau Statistics information on my side, 284 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: but I'm willing to bet the whole farm. I can't 285 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: speak for myself. No, you can't. You certainly cannot speak 286 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,680 Speaker 1: for yourself. It's definitely not. Also, your show on HBO 287 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: We're Here is awesome. Congratulations on that too. What was 288 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: your experience like on RuPaul's Drag Race though, I mean, 289 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: was that a long time dream for you to be 290 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: on that show in the first place? I would imagine, 291 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: so yeah, I mean I would say definitely, um, a 292 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: seven year dream at a time. You know, I started 293 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 1: doing drag because I saw it on Repaul's Drag Race, 294 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 1: and I remember being like, this looks like so much fun, 295 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: Like I want to do this, this seems amazing, and 296 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: then I really immerged myself in the scene. But I 297 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: didn't really think about getting on Drag Race right away. 298 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 1: At first. It was just me in nightlife, just like 299 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: doing drag and having fun. It wasn't really centered around 300 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: trying to get on Drag Race until I can't remember. 301 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,480 Speaker 1: I think season four was the first time I auditioned. 302 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: My friend was like, you got audition for this show, 303 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I'll do it. And 304 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 1: I auditioned four times before getting cast, and I would 305 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: say it didn't feel like I could actually get cast 306 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: on the show until like my third time audition. The 307 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 1: first two times I was like, I'm just doing this 308 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: for fun, why not? But by the third time I 309 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: was like, they would be lucky to have me on 310 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: their show. Quite frankly, yeah, I think that's a good 311 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: attitude for us all to take into whatever endeavor we're 312 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: about to dive into, is that people are lucky to 313 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: have us, because the attitude does sail you a long way. 314 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 1: It really does. Actually, posted in my in my audition tape, 315 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: I said, you know, just you guys know, if you 316 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: cast me, I will win, but also winning drag Race 317 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: won't be the biggest thing I do. And then they 318 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: must have been like, this bit really thinks she is 319 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: some fucking body. I was like, I'm gonna win this show. 320 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do even bigger things. Heney, this is a 321 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: stepping stone for me, darling, And they were probably like, Wow, 322 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: this bitch is really either completely out of her mind 323 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: or completely right. And it turns out I was right 324 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: and maybe a little bit out of my mind too, 325 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: maybe maybe a little bit of both. Okay, we'll be 326 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: right back. What do you think Because I know a 327 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: lot of people like me who don't have a ton 328 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: of experience other than watching it on television with drag Personally, 329 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: what do you think some of people's kind of uneducated 330 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 1: misconceptions are. So I live in this really liberal bubble, right, 331 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: Like I forget that most of the world is not 332 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: really up to speed with or most of America because 333 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to the rest of the world. 334 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 1: It's not up to speed with queer culture the way 335 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: that I am. And it honestly kind of blows my mind. Like, so, 336 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: I just did this ad for Verizon and I also 337 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: didn't and of course I'm on a show on HBO, 338 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: And when HBO posted our trailer the the comments, it 339 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: blew my mind. I was like, are there people are 340 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: really out here like this? It was like gross, get 341 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: the fag off my screen, mental illness, sick, gross, disgusting, nasty, 342 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, is that really? Is it really 343 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: how a lot of the world is a lot of 344 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: America is or also know they're just a really vocal minority, 345 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: and that's also a possibility as well. It really like 346 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: blew my mind. People were like saying this stuff. So 347 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: then I was like, I don't know, I need to 348 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: post this on my page so that people can like, 349 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: we can get some positive affirmation. So I don't want 350 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: some young queer seeing that and being like, oh, this 351 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: is what the world thinks of me. Can I remember 352 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: having that thought for a long time, thinking to myself, 353 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: this is what the world thinks of me. Okay, nice 354 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: to know where I stand. So you just kind of 355 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: walking too world with a shitty attitude all the time 356 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: because you just think everyone's against you. Yeah, and that 357 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: this is definitely a self defeating prophecy, right, which can 358 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: become a self fulfilling prophecy when you have that defeatist 359 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: attitude and you think that that small group's opinion embody 360 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: a large your opinion of you exactly exactly, So luckily 361 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: I was. I mean, but I've also been able to 362 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: travel to these towns and people think that when you're 363 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: in small town America, it's just going to be a 364 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 1: bunch of like Clue Klux Klan members coming to your 365 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 1: hotel to throw you out. But in actuality, very few 366 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: almost no clan members. Um, I can't confirm who is 367 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: you know. They don't wear their hoods and out in 368 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 1: public anymore these days. They're really not so proud of 369 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: themselves anymore, which I love that we've shamed clans members 370 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 1: into like not being proud of their silly little dresses. Like, 371 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 1: isn't the point that I get to go out of 372 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,680 Speaker 1: my dress and be like yes, but the clan members 373 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: have to hide their dresses. I've never even thought about that, 374 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,360 Speaker 1: but like clad members have to hide there there. It's 375 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,160 Speaker 1: like they're they're going back to what I was doing. 376 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 1: Now they're hiding their dresses in their closets so no 377 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 1: one knows they're nasty, racist biggest I love that. Yeah, 378 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: we'll think about how pissed off they are. They're like great, 379 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: all these drag queens get to go out and dress 380 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: off like and RuPaul's Drag Race is one of the 381 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: most popular shows on television. And we're not allowed to 382 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 1: wear our white hoods out when we want to go 383 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 1: show people what we're made of. This is bull I 384 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: imagine they're still their own dread like. I think he's 385 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,920 Speaker 1: so the stressed to the fucking nie. Look at the 386 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 1: craftsmanship on this goddamn garment, and I put sequels on 387 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 1: my hood. Now I can't show anyone it is camp clans. 388 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,400 Speaker 1: You look at the clans member outfit they're just it's 389 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 1: so campy. It's so campy. It's like, you guys could 390 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: if you could have put this craftsmanship in artistry into 391 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: something positive, you could have really been big. It's also 392 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 1: that outfit. It's really taking yourself too seriously, you know 393 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,360 Speaker 1: what I mean. They're not having fun with that at all. 394 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: I mean, there's nothing creative, there's nothing. It's just like 395 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: it's It's another example of why those people are so 396 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 1: out to lunch because they think that that's a good look, 397 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and that they go for 398 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,440 Speaker 1: a rebranding. They can go for a rebranding, maybe bringing 399 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,480 Speaker 1: Christian Ciriano to just kind of look over the outfits 400 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: and be like, I just have a couple of notes. 401 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 1: I feel like, if you just change the m line, 402 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 1: change the silhouette, you guys have really been rocking the 403 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 1: same silhouette for almost a hundred years. It's time to 404 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,719 Speaker 1: try something new. If you were in the same outfits 405 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: you were wearing in the first iteration when you were 406 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 1: first on Stone Mountain, I think it's time to try 407 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: something new. But what do I know. I'm just a 408 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: drag queen. So talk to me a little bit about 409 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: like self worth, self esteem. We talked a lot about 410 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: on this On the podcast, We're going to talk to 411 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: callers who call in for advice on various subjects, but 412 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: I want to talk to you personally first about where 413 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 1: you lie with regard to your own self worth, your 414 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: own self esteem, how you became so confident and if 415 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: that is an ongoing conversation with yourself. So it's really 416 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: I don't want to say it's fake it till you 417 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: make it, because I do have confidence in some areas, 418 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: and I like to focus on where I have confidence. Okay, 419 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: For example, one of our common friends, Mateo Lane, who 420 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: opens for you on tour a lot Matteyol is one 421 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: of my best friends in the world. Mateo is one 422 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: of the most insecure people. He by the way, I'm 423 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: not spilling his tea. He says all the time. He 424 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: is a nervous nelly of a gay man, just an 425 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: Italian woman walking around with a mustache and heatless topless 426 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: all the time. And he is just, I mean, like 427 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,359 Speaker 1: nervous all the time. So he and I would go 428 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,159 Speaker 1: out some time and I'll just be really bold and 429 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: he'll be like, how are you so both I'm like, well, 430 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,120 Speaker 1: I feel like, but then I'll be in other scenarios 431 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: where I don't feel so bold. For example, you and 432 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 1: I were both at the Fast and Furious five premier 433 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: party on the Paramount Lot, you and me, or you 434 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: and Mateo. You were there, I was there. You were there. No, 435 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 1: it was Charlie. Sorry. You know what, I don't remember 436 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: anything I've ever done. I've forgotten more than most people 437 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: will ever remember. So I'm looking at I was like, oh, 438 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 1: that's Oh, that's Jelsea Handler as my best friends obsessed 439 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 1: with you. And when I say obsessed, like has like 440 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: hunted you down around the world. That sounds creepy, hunted 441 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: you far and wide around the world trying to come 442 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: to your show that then end up like the I 443 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: think the one in Vegas or somewhere got canceled anyway, 444 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,959 Speaker 1: and then also she came to the one in New 445 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: York City, became late, like got on the wrong plane, 446 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: and then try to go to the one and I 447 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:02,760 Speaker 1: think Portland's, and then that when canceled money. Yeah, she's 448 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: got it bad. She's got it bad. So I was like, 449 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go over say hey to Chelsea, because Butteo 450 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: is a coming friend and and talked to about my 451 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,359 Speaker 1: friend Mon, who's who's obsested with you? And then I 452 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 1: was just kind of like, nah, I don't have the 453 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: confidence to go in there and be like, hey, Chelsea, 454 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: my name is Bob the Drag Queen and we have 455 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: a friend in common. So there are instance of my 456 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 1: life where I have so much confidence. But it's what 457 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 1: I know I'm good at. Like I know for the 458 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: fact that I can go into the room make people laugh. 459 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: I know that I can turn a fierce look, but 460 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: I don't always know that I can have the best 461 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: social skills. And in settings like parties and stuff. I 462 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,239 Speaker 1: don't drink or anything, and I feel like back when 463 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 1: I did drink, I was probably more apt to just 464 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 1: smooz schmooze at a party, and nowadays I really only 465 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: feel comfortable schmoozing if it's my party, if it's my like, 466 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: if I have a position of power at the party, 467 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: I don't talk to anyone. I don't give a funk. 468 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: I'll talk to anyone. But sometimes I'm kind of like, 469 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 1: I just moved to Hollywood, so I'm really kind of 470 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,639 Speaker 1: adjusting to what it's like to be in this in 471 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: this world. Yeah, which will also do a number on 472 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 1: your psyche if you're not healthy enough about your own 473 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: self worth, etcetera. And I think what you mentioned is good. 474 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: It's like, it's good for people to know what they 475 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: are good at because a lot of people think, oh, 476 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: I can't do that, I can't approach this person. Or 477 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 1: it's like, focus on the skills that you do have, 478 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: that you are confident about, and use those. You don't 479 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,360 Speaker 1: have to be good at everything exactly. There's there's nothing 480 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: wrong with leaning into what you know you're good at 481 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,400 Speaker 1: and also honestly surround yourself with people who are gonna 482 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 1: boost you up for what you're good at. That's what 483 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: I love about the New York City drag scene. I 484 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 1: had horrible makeup for years, Chelsea. I mean disgusting, bad, 485 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 1: god awful makeup for a very long time. But no 486 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: one in New York City ever told me because they're 487 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 1: all just focusing on how funny I was, how entertaining 488 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: my shows were, that kind of stuff. So then I 489 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 1: gotta repause drag rates, and everyone's like, bit, you look gross, 490 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 1: and that was like you must be you must have 491 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 1: be mistaken for someone else because I I have on 492 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 1: good faith that I look gorgeous, Like, now you look 493 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 1: nasty as hell. You need to fix this whole thing. 494 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: But then I got back and I was like me 495 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 1: and maybe I could have worked on a little bit more. 496 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 1: But I tend to around myself. People who boost me 497 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: up for what i'm good at a suppose to people 498 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: who tear me down when I'm not great at. Yeah, 499 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: I can't be great at everything. By the way, when ever, 500 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 1: anybody enters the scene of Hollywood, you look a lot 501 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: worse than you think you do. Because for the first 502 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: few years of Chelsea Lately, I had the worst makeup. 503 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: I had blue eyeshadow on. I looked like I had 504 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: freckles all over my face that I don't even think 505 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,440 Speaker 1: we're real. I think she was applying them, and I 506 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,240 Speaker 1: mean just terrible hairstyles and everything. And then it wasn't 507 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 1: until somebody was like, hey, you need to get a 508 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: new hair and makeup person that I was like, wait, 509 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 1: what do you mean? And because I wouldn't watch my 510 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: show it was too much I had come from my show, 511 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 1: I couldn't watch it. And then when I watched it, 512 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 1: I was like, oh shit, I do look ridiculous, you know, 513 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 1: So that is just part of entering Hollywood, Like you 514 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 1: have to understand what the balance is and how to 515 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: look your best. I've ever been like full drag? Have 516 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: ever been like full you would look so fucking snatched 517 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 1: and oh my god, but I feel like I've already 518 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: looked like I was in full drag without a too. 519 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,119 Speaker 1: I want to put you in like divide, I mean, 520 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: I want I want someone to do it. Do it, 521 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: put me in whatever you want. Let's do it with 522 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: your girlfriend who keeps missing my shows. By the way, 523 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: By the way, give me her info or give it 524 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: to Catherine, because where does she live here in l A. 525 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 1: She's been traveling around She like flutes. It's flute to 526 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 1: New York City to be in the show, and then 527 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: Mr Fly went to port like she is traveling around 528 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,600 Speaker 1: the world to try to find you. Okay, well, I'm 529 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 1: doing two shows at the Wiltern in Los Angeles. I'll 530 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: hook her up with tickets for that. So, yeah, that's 531 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,240 Speaker 1: not her fault that she can't book a flight and 532 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,879 Speaker 1: that she's getting her cities confused, she said, So I 533 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 1: want you to let her know and if whoever lets 534 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:41,920 Speaker 1: her know, if they get if she gets a VP 535 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 1: or whatever. I need her to know that I'm the 536 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,399 Speaker 1: one who got her these tickets have obviously, what are 537 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 1: we gonna do? Just come in, They're gonna fall out 538 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 1: of the sky. No, it's penny. It's a penny thing, 539 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: and it needs to be like. I want you to 540 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 1: know that Bob the drag Queen allowed you to come. Yeah, 541 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: I'll even exaggerate. And so you tracked me down, You 542 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: who showed up at my house to demand tickets for 543 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,959 Speaker 1: your friend. And that's the kind of friend you are, 544 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,639 Speaker 1: and that she should be indebted to you for the 545 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,440 Speaker 1: rest of her life. And I liked you every since 546 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: I knew I liked you. I knew I loved you 547 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 1: ever since the first time I saw you, ever since 548 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: the first time you saw me decided not to approach me. 549 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: What are you drinking there? Frappuccino? This is a binty 550 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 1: espresso frappuccino with almond milk. I don't order my own coffee. 551 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,640 Speaker 1: My boyfriend orders coffee and then just gets me wherever 552 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 1: he gets so he just doubles up with his order 553 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 1: and then I just drink whatever is handed to me 554 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 1: every day. What's up with your boyfriend? Tell me about 555 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: your relationship. Is it a healthy one? Yeah, it's Jacob 556 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: came here. So it's I have two partners actually, and 557 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: right now I'm in the home with my partner, Jake. 558 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 1: I don't know, he's probably downstairs or something right now, Jacob, 559 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,719 Speaker 1: are you in here? Oh? So this is my partner, Jacob. 560 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: He is. He and I've been together for almost five years. Now. 561 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: This is my cute little Jacob cute. She's how you doing? 562 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: All right, that's enough for you. Get the funk out 563 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: of here, Jacob. Now, okay. We worked together on my company, 564 00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 1: on my podcast US and my drag and my YouTube page. 565 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: He's a photographer. Here's all my photographs. And I have 566 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,719 Speaker 1: another partner named Ezra. So I am polyamorous and they're friends, 567 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,959 Speaker 1: but we live separately. Me and Ezra live about four 568 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: minutes from here, and Jacob and I live right here. 569 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 1: Polyamory is very expensive in case, Yeah it does. You 570 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: know what it does sound very expensive and it sounds 571 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: very time consuming. But I guess that's part of the package, right, Yeah, 572 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: I mean, so there's this thing where we're open, right, 573 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,359 Speaker 1: so like we don't, we don't we're not exclusive, like 574 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: only you and me, and it's not like that with us. 575 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: But there is this thing where I go back and 576 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 1: forth from each place, like literally every day, I'm gonna 577 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: leave here and go over to see Ezra after this actually, 578 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 1: but then I realized, I was like, you guys each 579 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,680 Speaker 1: have like a day to yourselves, and I am bouncing 580 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: back and I don't have a day to myself. So 581 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 1: it is very time consuming, but I wouldn't have any 582 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,160 Speaker 1: other way. I love them both so much. I'm really 583 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,440 Speaker 1: grateful to have them in my life. I mean, I'm 584 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: really lucky to have found two people who like uplift 585 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: me and support me, and I think I'm funny, and 586 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: I think they're both really talented. Nothing's worse than day 587 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: someone I don't I wouldn't know en or done this. 588 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 1: I have a friend who did. Who did it? Actually 589 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,399 Speaker 1: dating someone and you hate their art but you can't 590 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,919 Speaker 1: say it, like imagine if you hated your partner's comedy 591 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: and you were like this is imagine. Yeah. Yeah, I 592 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 1: remember being with someone that I disliked a great deal. 593 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,879 Speaker 1: He wasn't necessarily an artist, but I dated him and 594 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 1: I was in love with him, but I did not 595 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 1: like him, and I didn't like anything you know that 596 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,719 Speaker 1: he represented. And I remember thinking, what an interesting dichotomy 597 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with somebody who you really 598 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 1: because if you don't like somebody, you don't respect them. 599 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 1: So you can be in like or I mean in 600 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 1: love or lust or whatever it is. The chemistry can 601 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 1: draw you in, but when you don't respect somebody, then 602 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: there's really nothing to build off of. I agree. And 603 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 1: and Jacob is a really fucking great photographer and back. 604 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,399 Speaker 1: If you look on my Instagram, pretty much every picture 605 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: I've ever posted is from Jacob for the last like 606 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,360 Speaker 1: four years. He's really phenomenal. And my partner as as 607 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 1: a musician who I admire greatly. He's a really great 608 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: singer songwriter, and I'm really I'm really grateful for both 609 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,639 Speaker 1: of them. So talk to me a little bit more 610 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: about polyamory so our listeners can have an understanding that 611 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 1: that is a respect full relationship on both sides, right, 612 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: because people obviously are super judgy about polyamory and don't 613 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,200 Speaker 1: understand it. It is true. I think most people's reservations 614 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:21,720 Speaker 1: around polyamory stem from their own insecurities and understanding of 615 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 1: their own jealousy, and they say stuff like I could never. 616 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,960 Speaker 1: There's something I stopped saying a long time ago. I 617 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,240 Speaker 1: think the last time I said I could never unless 618 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 1: there's something I physically couldn't do. I used to be 619 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,080 Speaker 1: vegan years ago, and I remember I used to always 620 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,400 Speaker 1: say I could I could literally I could literally never 621 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: go vegan, when the truth is I just literally wouldn't 622 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 1: go vegan. I'm not vegan anymore. But I remember at 623 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: the time thing like I just realized, like I'm really 624 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: placing this whole thing on mysel, on myself. That's not 625 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: actually truight, I fully could. So I have two partners. 626 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: They do not date each other. They're not in a relationship, 627 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 1: and that's a problem, right, That wouldn't be acceptable to you. 628 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 1: If they did have a relationship, No, that would be wonderful. 629 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 1: I don't think they're really each other type. Yes, I 630 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: don't think they're really they're really into each other very much. 631 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: They're both very much bottoms and not trying to get 632 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: with each other. But now that would it wouldn't be 633 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 1: about a problem for me at all, because you know, Ezra, 634 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 1: my other partner has had partners while we've been together. Actually, 635 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: when I met him, he had a girlfriend. Um, he's 636 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 1: had like three girlfriends since I met him, and one boyfriend, 637 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,640 Speaker 1: and I liked them. I mean they're they're really cool people, 638 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,479 Speaker 1: you know, and you meet them and you hang out 639 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,800 Speaker 1: with them, Like, how does that work? I didn't meet 640 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 1: his boyfriend, but that was during the pandemic. They were 641 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: dating when we were like because at the time I 642 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 1: was living in New York City and he was living 643 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 1: in l A and him and his boyfriend were living 644 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: here and it was also very short lived and I 645 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: never met him, but I met all his girlfriends and 646 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 1: they're really lovely. I mean, you gotta just meet and 647 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: if you understand that this is bringing your partner happiness 648 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: and they're legitimately happy for me, it is really hard 649 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: to judge that or feel bad about that. You know, 650 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 1: in the polyamor of the the compulsion, which is where 651 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: you get joy and love and warm filling from seeing 652 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: someone else bring your partner love and joy. Like my partner, 653 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: Jacob loves to um sing musicals like at Marie's Crisis 654 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: in New York City, and one of my favorite members 655 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 1: of him is on this cruise ship. He was singing 656 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: this is so gay. He was singing Jacobs. The song 657 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: you were singing from Wicked Loathing? Yeah, what is his fielding? 658 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: So suddenly he was just like standing there, just like 659 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,040 Speaker 1: singing at the top of his lungs, singing like loath. 660 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: He's like an adult gerrained love thing. I want you 661 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 1: to I want you to picture Jacob. Jacob was about 662 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 1: five ft six. He wears glasses. He dresses in all black. 663 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: Usually he's kind of pale. He's like, he's a Jewish guy. 664 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 1: He looks Jewish. You are kind of pale, baby, And 665 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 1: he's like singing this song at the top of his 666 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: lung and he was just having so much fun and 667 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,480 Speaker 1: just like really enjoying himself. And I just remember thinking myself, like, 668 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 1: I love seeing my partner this happy. And whenever I 669 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,479 Speaker 1: would see Ezra with his girlfriend and would bring him 670 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: so much joy, it would actually bring me joy to 671 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 1: see him that happy. I loved it. Yeah, that's as 672 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: I think. That's a mindset that most people aren't comfortable with. 673 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: They can't think about it in that way. And you say, yeah, 674 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:17,360 Speaker 1: you're kind of divorcing yourself from sort of any jealous feeling, right, Well, 675 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: that's not true. I get jealous all the time. I mean, 676 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: I'm jealous, but of different things. I'm not necessarily jealous 677 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: that my partner has a different partner. I mean, sometimes 678 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:26,920 Speaker 1: I'm jealous if one of my partners hooks up with 679 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 1: a guy that I want to hook up with, but 680 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:29,960 Speaker 1: I know that I'm not at type someone that would 681 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: have been great, but too bad. I get jealous when 682 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,479 Speaker 1: my friends get gigs that I want, I get jealous. 683 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: I get I'm jealous that my best friend I keep 684 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: telling you about is losing weight and I keep gaining it. 685 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 1: I'm sure this fucking Frappa Mapu bullshit's not helped me 686 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 1: lose weight. But I mean, I get jealous all the time, 687 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 1: but I don't let it consume me. I think that 688 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 1: jealous is a perfectly normal thing to feel, and trying 689 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: to not feel jealousy feels unhuman. Just acknowledge it and 690 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 1: move forward. Do you think you would ever open up 691 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: your relationship? Would you ever? I don't think Joe would 692 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: be in to that. He's very He's tricky with any 693 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: talk of We had a girlfriend over here the other 694 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 1: day who was talking about making out with some guy. 695 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: And she had a boyfriend, and she was talking about 696 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: making out with a guy and Joe. I was like, 697 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 1: this isn't gonna go well. It was like, he's Filipino, 698 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,480 Speaker 1: so he comes from this Catholic upbringing and it's very 699 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: traditional and it's like and I just saw the cover. 700 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: I was like, it was like a balloon losing its air. 701 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this conversation is going south. But 702 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 1: back to the jealousy thing with regard to your boyfriend 703 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 1: losing weight. My my boyfriend, Joe has We've been skiing 704 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 1: for the last couple of months up here in Canada, 705 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,840 Speaker 1: and he loses a pound to day every morning. I 706 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 1: might get on the scale. I want to see he's 707 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: lost effortlessly because he eats whatever he wants, he does 708 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 1: what every want. And meanwhile, I'm my body's atrophying. And 709 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, listen if you need to stop, because I'm 710 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 1: gaining weight and he's losing weight, and I'm like, it's 711 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 1: soon the two shell meet and I don't need our 712 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 1: numbers to be aligning on the scale. I'm like, there's 713 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: only room for one fucking hot body in this relationship 714 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: and it's not you so cool it with the weight loss. 715 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, if you lose any more weight, you're just 716 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 1: going to be a voice that's standing behind me, and 717 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 1: no one's even gonna be able to identify you well 718 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: with me, We've made it so annoying. It's it's not my, 719 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 1: it's not my. My boyfriend's my best friend. And when 720 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 1: we met, I was so much skinnier than than than 721 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: this is the one who's chasing around. I was so 722 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: much skinnier than her. I was like a waif of 723 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 1: a person. I was so skinny. And then I just 724 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,240 Speaker 1: I'm older than this year is. I've gained some weight. 725 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: I'm thirty five. My friend is thirty two, and I 726 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 1: think that that's just enough time in this particular age 727 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 1: range where you kind of cross thirty where your metabolism 728 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,959 Speaker 1: really slows down. Plus, my lifestyle has gotten a lot 729 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: less active. I was like really at working out, and 730 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 1: then I just kind of start eating whatever, and I 731 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,480 Speaker 1: got depressed. But then when I got depressed, start eating. 732 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,480 Speaker 1: She was like, I'm working out every day. She has 733 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 1: this new boyfriend, and she's like, I'm always gonna hit 734 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: the gym, which, by the way, that will not last. Know, 735 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 1: when you first hurting someone, you're like, I gotta be 736 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: so hot for them, and they have the while you're like, 737 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 1: once you know you got them and they're not leaving you, 738 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,440 Speaker 1: like you start to rest on your laurels as they say, 739 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah. Once you start starting in bed is 740 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,320 Speaker 1: when it's all right, like wraps up. That's when it 741 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: just goes out the window. And I started doing that, 742 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,280 Speaker 1: and that's and I haven't worked I've stopped working out actually, 743 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: so it's completely true what you're saying, and I'm living 744 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 1: it right now. Once I knew that he would accept 745 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: me under any circumstances, I figure, why not just let 746 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 1: it rip? Then I agree. The last thing you to 747 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: let me know is that I'm good. And then I'm like, whoa, whoa, 748 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 1: this is great. I'm so happy to be out of Yes, 749 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 1: all right, so Catherine, we are going to take some callers, 750 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 1: so you know what we're doing. We're gonna give advice, 751 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: you know, off the top of our head to just 752 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,479 Speaker 1: random people who need it, who just need a little 753 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: push in a certain direction. And uh yeah, and so 754 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 1: some of the calls are pretty serious and some of 755 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: them are not. All right, let's let's do it awesome. 756 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: Before we do that, we're gonn to take a quick 757 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: break for some ads and we'll be right back. We'll 758 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back. We're back. We're black, 759 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 1: We're back. And Bob the Drag Queen is black. I am, 760 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 1: and I have been the whole show. I don't want 761 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,879 Speaker 1: to surprise anyone, you know what. We actually had someone 762 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: right into the Dear Chelsea Project email and they were 763 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,799 Speaker 1: complaining that like we didn't have enough callers who were 764 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 1: people of color or you know, emails from people of color, 765 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,400 Speaker 1: and I, you know, I just wanted to be like, 766 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: do you know that you don't know what raised someone 767 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,760 Speaker 1: is from what their first name is or their email 768 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: is or whatever, like, because I'm here seeing like pictures 769 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,040 Speaker 1: of people and last names and things like that, and 770 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,040 Speaker 1: it's like we just you don't know from their voice 771 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 1: what raised someone is. But I think everyone can hear me. 772 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 1: I sound black, and I understand that. I know that 773 00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,440 Speaker 1: you know that I am black and gay. That is 774 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: like here, I I sound like what I look like. UM, 775 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,320 Speaker 1: but not everyone has that ability. I understand it is 776 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,800 Speaker 1: it is a plus. It's a wonderful thing. We should honestly, 777 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,840 Speaker 1: everyone should calling and be like, Hi, I'm I'm a 778 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:16,759 Speaker 1: black faggot anyway, um, I want to say yes, yes, Keith. 779 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,880 Speaker 1: And your voice is so wondering what I'm interrupting you 780 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,960 Speaker 1: to tell you how read your voices? But you have 781 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,040 Speaker 1: a great voice. Thank you. That's so sweet. I have 782 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,919 Speaker 1: a little Midwestern accent, so i've I don't know, since 783 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 1: moving to Los Angeles. I'm a little self conscious about 784 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 1: that because people are like, where are you from? Like 785 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 1: I'm a total yokel. I'm from outside of Chicago. Just 786 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 1: enough charm. My friend who moved to New York City 787 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: tried to get rid of their their Midwestern accent, so 788 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,840 Speaker 1: they didn't want to say like drag or bague. They 789 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 1: would say drag or bag, but they thought that the 790 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 1: word they thought the word vague was actually pronounced that 791 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: because of their accent. Anyway, sorry, go ahead. How did 792 00:36:54,200 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: they pronounce vagina? VEGANA, Well, that's what I'm gonna are doing. No, 793 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 1: thank you, Bob, I really appreciate that. So our first 794 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:09,560 Speaker 1: email comes from Aaron in Texas. She says, Dear Chelsea, 795 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 1: I have a naturally projected voice that can often be 796 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 1: the loudest in a room without my intentionally raising it 797 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 1: A blessing sometimes but often accurse. How can I improve 798 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 1: my self awareness of this and learn how to quote 799 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,279 Speaker 1: mute myself without having to constantly think about it. My 800 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,359 Speaker 1: husband often asks me to quiet down, even in our 801 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: own house, and I come from a very loud talking family. 802 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,280 Speaker 1: Plus I'm from Texas, so I suppose I'm unnecessarily loud, proud, 803 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,600 Speaker 1: and extremely annoying by environmental nature. I'd like to improve 804 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,800 Speaker 1: my social communication skills, avoid resentment from my software speaking husband, 805 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,279 Speaker 1: and not be the most annoying person in the room 806 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:50,359 Speaker 1: if I can help it. So what's the best way 807 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,759 Speaker 1: to work on this and retrain my voice to chill 808 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 1: out a bit instead of letting it roar. Thank you 809 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,239 Speaker 1: for your time, Aaron allowed, talking Texan who would like 810 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 1: to be better. Oh well, Bob, it sounds like that 811 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: you guys might have something. Okay, you caught me. I 812 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 1: disguised myself as a woman from Texas and I wrote 813 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,439 Speaker 1: a letter And honestly can't tell this person is black 814 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 1: or white because I feel like this they could be either. 815 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 1: But I also felt like a black woman's husband would 816 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,359 Speaker 1: not ask them to be quiet, like I can't bath them. 817 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 1: A world where a black woman's husband is like, can 818 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:28,959 Speaker 1: you please, I'm not happening. But I know this type 819 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:33,439 Speaker 1: of woman, this Texas you know texts in kind of loud. Yes, 820 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,200 Speaker 1: I know this type of woman. I have had this 821 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,840 Speaker 1: feedback since I was a small child. Like I remember 822 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 1: my parents would tuck me and they'd be like, I'm 823 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:44,400 Speaker 1: right here. You don't have to speak so loud, Chelsea. 824 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,960 Speaker 1: Have you ever had that situation? Yes, yes, I am. 825 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: I do modulate my because yeah, and I think a 826 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 1: lot of people have it. It's not uncommon, and it does. 827 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,600 Speaker 1: It does depend a lot on your upbringing and the 828 00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,320 Speaker 1: way that you were raised and how large how to 829 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,799 Speaker 1: talk to be heard in your family. So those are 830 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 1: all qualifying factors that make an impact on how you 831 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 1: turn out. But it is nice not to be the 832 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: loudest person in the room. You sometimes need to be 833 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,839 Speaker 1: when you're a child and you're growing up with six 834 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 1: brothers and sisters like I did, I needed to be 835 00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:16,680 Speaker 1: the loudest child in the room. But you know, I 836 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: learned as an adult that sometimes you can make more 837 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,480 Speaker 1: of an impact without screaming. Where do you fall in 838 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,040 Speaker 1: the in the in the line of kids, Are you 839 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,480 Speaker 1: like the middle youngest, I'm the youngest. You were like 840 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,200 Speaker 1: loud and the baby I was allowed count baby is 841 00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,480 Speaker 1: what I was. I was like, hey, everybody, get the 842 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:35,839 Speaker 1: funk out of my way, because this is my turn. 843 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: It's my show now. And my brothers and sisters didn't 844 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:42,840 Speaker 1: know what had happened. I was really just a nightmare. 845 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,680 Speaker 1: And I came out screaming and sold my older sister, 846 00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,360 Speaker 1: who had been the youngest for six years. I stole 847 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,760 Speaker 1: her thunder. But you know, that was a childlike reaction 848 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,200 Speaker 1: to a situation. And as you get older, you realize 849 00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,000 Speaker 1: you don't always have to be the loudest person in 850 00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: the room, and sometimes it's much more more impactful sometimes 851 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,520 Speaker 1: to be you know, to modulate your delivery and to 852 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,440 Speaker 1: be calm and to and to be a good listener. 853 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,359 Speaker 1: You know, I think when you when you listen a lot, 854 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,880 Speaker 1: you start to calm down a lot, and you realize 855 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: that it's not that you're trying to make a scene, 856 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:16,600 Speaker 1: but there's a part of you that wants to be 857 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,880 Speaker 1: heard so much that that's worth letting go at some 858 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,359 Speaker 1: point of your life. You know, when you're a really 859 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,920 Speaker 1: loud person, but sometimes people just talk loudly and they 860 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 1: don't you know. Joe is a comedian and he's on 861 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,960 Speaker 1: stage all the time, and he is partially I believe 862 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 1: deaf because he'll wake up and I'm like, hey, fun face, 863 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:38,080 Speaker 1: morning voice, it's morning time. Stop screaming, Or he'll play 864 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,319 Speaker 1: something on his phone to show me and I'm like, oh, 865 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,680 Speaker 1: you know, like can you not hear that? That's not 866 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 1: an appropriate indoor volume. So some people just aren't aware 867 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 1: and are slightly deaf, So you might want to get 868 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:53,360 Speaker 1: your hearing ship go to the doctor. Texas girl, I 869 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,200 Speaker 1: will say, there's your Like, feeling like the loudest person 870 00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 1: in the room does feel powerful, but then when you 871 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,160 Speaker 1: see the person who is the loudest in the room 872 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,640 Speaker 1: and it's not you, You're like, this bitch sounds obnoxious, 873 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:09,680 Speaker 1: like why is she screaming? So I would say being 874 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,319 Speaker 1: the loudest person feels good, but observing the loudest person, 875 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 1: especially when you are loud and someone comes in louder 876 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:19,200 Speaker 1: than you, You're like this, why why all this? Why 877 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,560 Speaker 1: do you need to be this fucking loud? But there's 878 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,120 Speaker 1: a difference between like being loud and just talking too much. 879 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,040 Speaker 1: I have always talked too much and I'm very loud, 880 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,000 Speaker 1: but my whole family is loud, except my brother have 881 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,399 Speaker 1: a very quiet brother, and me and my mom are 882 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,760 Speaker 1: just so loud. I don't even know how he lived 883 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 1: in the house with us. We are like, me and 884 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:37,880 Speaker 1: my mom are very funny, We're very quick witted. And 885 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,359 Speaker 1: my brother is kind of like Boom Howard from King 886 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,040 Speaker 1: of the Hill. He has like a real thick Southern accent, 887 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:44,759 Speaker 1: like a black So the next day he's like man 888 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,200 Speaker 1: career mount, you know, like he's unintelligible. And me and 889 00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,400 Speaker 1: my mom are like just zipping being bang women all 890 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,800 Speaker 1: the time. But whenever I do tap into my quiet energy, 891 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,680 Speaker 1: it does feel powerful. It feels like, oh, they don't 892 00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 1: know anything about me, honey. I agree with that, because 893 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,359 Speaker 1: that is an exercise that I tried a lot after 894 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,760 Speaker 1: therapy to try not to be the center of every 895 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,719 Speaker 1: dinner party or every conversation. Like my habit of trying 896 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,279 Speaker 1: to be the center of attention abated a lot, and 897 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,000 Speaker 1: I really had a desire to listen, be still, kind 898 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,680 Speaker 1: of take in and perceive rather than output. And that 899 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,879 Speaker 1: is a powerful game and a challenge for every person 900 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,279 Speaker 1: to do. You know who has that habit of being 901 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: loud and being overly I don't know. I mean there's 902 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,680 Speaker 1: a power in pulling that back, and it's a good 903 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,600 Speaker 1: fun like challenge for yourself. So it's kind of like 904 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:35,719 Speaker 1: hard when the person who is the center team and 905 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 1: that you like isn't as funny as you. You're like, 906 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,320 Speaker 1: I would kill like. I wouldn't be killing if I 907 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,160 Speaker 1: was like, you're not that funny, you're not that cute. 908 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,640 Speaker 1: You know, I should take the reins. I'll be the 909 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,960 Speaker 1: centing because you're not doing a good job at it. 910 00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,040 Speaker 1: I was trying to be quiet all day, so I'm 911 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,960 Speaker 1: gonna have to just lean in here and crack this 912 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,439 Speaker 1: room up. Yeah. Or you get to a point where 913 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,600 Speaker 1: you are welcoming, you welcome someone else who's the center 914 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,640 Speaker 1: of attend because that's a load off of your back. 915 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,600 Speaker 1: That is true. I have a friend up here and 916 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,200 Speaker 1: Whistler who just doesn't shut the funk up. Ever, her 917 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,880 Speaker 1: name is and and she you see her on the 918 00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,640 Speaker 1: ski lift, and she doesn't shut the funk up from 919 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 1: the time you get on the chair to the top 920 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 1: of the mountain, and then when you're skiing you can 921 00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 1: still hear her talking. And I love it because I 922 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,560 Speaker 1: don't have to do anything. I just relax and enjoy 923 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,759 Speaker 1: the show. I don't think you're gonna say her name 924 00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,720 Speaker 1: and give her a location every day at three o'clock. 925 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 1: Angela Thomas is her name, is her full name. Everybody 926 00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,200 Speaker 1: look out for her. And if you live in Whistler 927 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,719 Speaker 1: you already know who the funk she is. Can we 928 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,520 Speaker 1: hear her on this game The Screamer and Whistler. She 929 00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,719 Speaker 1: listens to this all the time too. She's gonna love it. 930 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,239 Speaker 1: Hopefully that helps you. Texas. You're gonna just try and 931 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,640 Speaker 1: play a little challenge with yourself, and especially if it 932 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,719 Speaker 1: annoys your husband, that's not invalid. It's not like he's 933 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,160 Speaker 1: saying he doesn't like your personality. It's just the decibel 934 00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,000 Speaker 1: in which you speak, So like make the adjustment, and 935 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 1: that could be a fun kind of like for play situation. 936 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:01,800 Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of fun to turn them on 937 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 1: and be like, yeah, look at me, I got my 938 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,640 Speaker 1: ship together. I'm not screaming anymore at parties now you 939 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,720 Speaker 1: really want to get fucked, do your bedroom voice. Everyone 940 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,840 Speaker 1: has the bedroom volume, you know, well, accept my my 941 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 1: boyfriend is he speaks when we're having sex. He speaks 942 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,239 Speaker 1: at the same volume and tone that he does when 943 00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:22,040 Speaker 1: we're not having sex. Which boyfriend? First of all, Jacob, 944 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,360 Speaker 1: he's the one we met. Yeah, he just talks in 945 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,080 Speaker 1: the same tone and the same volume and the same 946 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,759 Speaker 1: boys as when we're just like, you know, going to 947 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,720 Speaker 1: the sore. It's very weird. That's funny. That's a funny 948 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:41,279 Speaker 1: thing to do. Hi, thank you deeper. Yeah. Literally, it's like, 949 00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:44,160 Speaker 1: let's let's let's move over to a new position and 950 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:51,160 Speaker 1: that boys, let's let's let's let's switch positions. Now that 951 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:55,760 Speaker 1: coffee is really kicking in. Yeah, look at him bouncing 952 00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,560 Speaker 1: off the walls. I'm normally a tea person, or have 953 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,240 Speaker 1: switched to tea, but on recording days I do coffee 954 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,279 Speaker 1: as well. So I wish I didn't hate tea so much, 955 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,080 Speaker 1: you know, I didn't. I wish I didn't find tea 956 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,719 Speaker 1: so fucking boring. It's just so boring. The tea with milk, 957 00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,319 Speaker 1: like the what's that? The what's that? You know, it's 958 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:19,399 Speaker 1: like a lot chi Chi is great tea. That's good. 959 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,480 Speaker 1: I like Chi. I have chis when I go to 960 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,800 Speaker 1: Starbucks because I'm not really a coffee drinker either, But 961 00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,359 Speaker 1: when I do have tea at a restaurant, like when 962 00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,000 Speaker 1: someone orders to you I'm like, oh, that sounds nice, 963 00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,279 Speaker 1: I'll have one, and then I have it and I'm like, oh, 964 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,239 Speaker 1: this is nice, but I just never desire it. Oh 965 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:36,000 Speaker 1: for sure, unless you marry God this out. Sweet tea 966 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,440 Speaker 1: is a fucking game changer. It's it's it is not 967 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,359 Speaker 1: what you think. It does give you any because it's 968 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,920 Speaker 1: cappying in it. But sweet tea is unlike any tea 969 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,360 Speaker 1: in the world. I am an avid drinker of sweet 970 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,680 Speaker 1: tea when I go home, and I can't believe I'm 971 00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:54,440 Speaker 1: saying this, but McDonald's actually has really fucking good sweet tea. Listen, 972 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,239 Speaker 1: let's not be dishonest here. McDonald's has a lot of 973 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 1: good options and they're all fucking delicious. Thank you for 974 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:05,080 Speaker 1: saying that. Because they hate these Hollywood types who like, 975 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,080 Speaker 1: when you're hanging out and you want to go eat 976 00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,040 Speaker 1: somewhere and you say jack in the box. Now I 977 00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 1: look at you like you're crazy, Like, bitch, don't act 978 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:15,200 Speaker 1: like you don't eat fast food. I hate people who 979 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,960 Speaker 1: don't eat fast food and act like their royalty and 980 00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:22,200 Speaker 1: they say something like, oh, I don't eat fast food. Up. Yeah, Well, 981 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 1: we can all agree that it's not healthy and that 982 00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:28,080 Speaker 1: that's it's not going to help you in any situation 983 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,279 Speaker 1: be healthy or lose weight or whatever your desires are. 984 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:35,840 Speaker 1: But we have to all acknowledge that it's delicious. Thank you, 985 00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:41,400 Speaker 1: Thank you, Chelsea of course, girl of course. Well, on 986 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,680 Speaker 1: that note, we have a caller. Her name is Samantha. 987 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:50,360 Speaker 1: Just perfect. Dear Chelsea and co in one. At a 988 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,960 Speaker 1: low point in my marriage, I did something horrible and 989 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,759 Speaker 1: cheated on my partner, even though the other man and 990 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,080 Speaker 1: I only slept together once. We had been flirting and 991 00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:02,839 Speaker 1: talking about sleeping together for about a year. I felt 992 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 1: so guilty after I physically cheated that I immediately told 993 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,759 Speaker 1: my husband after it happened. It was rocky for a while, 994 00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,600 Speaker 1: but we both really changed our lives around and worked 995 00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,040 Speaker 1: on ourselves and our relationship, and we're better than we 996 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,840 Speaker 1: ever have been. The part I need advice on is 997 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,120 Speaker 1: how to get over the man I cheated with. My 998 00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,399 Speaker 1: friends seem not to understand how it could still hold 999 00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:23,719 Speaker 1: feelings for the man I cheated with since things are 1000 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:26,600 Speaker 1: going so well in my marriage now. It's complicated even 1001 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,160 Speaker 1: further because the man I cheated with is my childhood 1002 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,680 Speaker 1: friend's brother, so I'll most likely have to see him 1003 00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,680 Speaker 1: again at things like weddings, etcetera. I haven't talked to 1004 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,640 Speaker 1: him since the night we slept together, and I feel 1005 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,920 Speaker 1: like I never really got closure. I know from my 1006 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,719 Speaker 1: therapist that closure is something you give yourself, but I 1007 00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,960 Speaker 1: can't seem to shake these feelings I have for him, 1008 00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,319 Speaker 1: and it's affecting the relationship I have with my friend 1009 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:53,839 Speaker 1: as well as my marriage. Samantha. Mm hmmm, Hi, Samantha, Hi, Hi, 1010 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,399 Speaker 1: I just want to start about saying nice. Try Jada 1011 00:47:56,400 --> 00:48:03,799 Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith. We know that's you, No kidding, Sorry, go ahead, Jasey, Yeah, 1012 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:05,960 Speaker 1: Jada Pinkets was a nice way to disguise yourself as 1013 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:12,359 Speaker 1: a white woman named Samantha. Okay, way to fucking go. Yeah, 1014 00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,040 Speaker 1: you have an entanglement, Okay. So Bob the drag Queen 1015 00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,480 Speaker 1: is in a polyamorous relationship, So Bob, why don't you 1016 00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:20,960 Speaker 1: go first? And then I'll weigh in from somebody who's 1017 00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,759 Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship, because these are two different perspectives. 1018 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,239 Speaker 1: So I think that no matter what relationship in, whether 1019 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,520 Speaker 1: it be polyamorous, monogamous, even if it's a friendship or 1020 00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:34,480 Speaker 1: if it's work relationship, whatever, I think that honesty is 1021 00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:38,480 Speaker 1: probably the best thing. And obviously you did breach your 1022 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,520 Speaker 1: husband's trust, breach the honesty contract that you had together, 1023 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,920 Speaker 1: But the fact that you came forward and acknowledge what 1024 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:48,080 Speaker 1: you did that is that is a level of honesty 1025 00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,480 Speaker 1: that most people could literally only aspire to. I don't 1026 00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,239 Speaker 1: think you even know how many people would take this 1027 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,960 Speaker 1: kind of thing to the grave and let it eat 1028 00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,400 Speaker 1: them up, or they hold onto it so long that 1029 00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:00,520 Speaker 1: it ends up eating your marriage from the inside out. 1030 00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,680 Speaker 1: Not in a hot way, it is your marriage from 1031 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,280 Speaker 1: the inside out, and then the walls will come caving 1032 00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,640 Speaker 1: down around it. I feel like, if you, in my opinion, 1033 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,440 Speaker 1: if you feel like you can't let go of the 1034 00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,520 Speaker 1: person that you cheated with, this childhood friend of yours, 1035 00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:16,680 Speaker 1: what I would maybe recommend is having an honest conversation 1036 00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:18,960 Speaker 1: with them. Let your husband know you're gonna have this conversation, 1037 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,040 Speaker 1: have an unest conversation with them, and be like, listen, 1038 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,440 Speaker 1: I can't communicate with you anymore. When I see you 1039 00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:25,439 Speaker 1: at events, I will say hi, I will say bye, 1040 00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,279 Speaker 1: But you and I we cannot talk anymore because I 1041 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,880 Speaker 1: value my relationship with my partner so much and I 1042 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,120 Speaker 1: have a lot of shame centered around what I did 1043 00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,640 Speaker 1: with you, and it's not a proud moment for me, 1044 00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,840 Speaker 1: and I'm sorry for bringing you into this entanglement that 1045 00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,840 Speaker 1: I have. That was on me. I reached my trust 1046 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,040 Speaker 1: with my husband. You didn't do that. That was me, 1047 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,680 Speaker 1: and I'm acknowledging my part. But now I'm cleaning up 1048 00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,600 Speaker 1: my side of the street and trying my best to 1049 00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,880 Speaker 1: move forward. So for that reason, you and I cannot 1050 00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,640 Speaker 1: communicate anymore because I'm having a hard time in my relationship. 1051 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,879 Speaker 1: And if your partner, your husband is obviously you two 1052 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:00,719 Speaker 1: love each other because you're still to other, you know 1053 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,520 Speaker 1: what I mean. And we all make mistakes, like everyone 1054 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:08,400 Speaker 1: makes mistakes, and we get to give the mistakes to 1055 00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,560 Speaker 1: gravity we choose. For some people this would be a 1056 00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,640 Speaker 1: relationship any mistake, and for some people it is just 1057 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:17,040 Speaker 1: a chance to bond and become out stronger than you 1058 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:18,920 Speaker 1: did before. You ever had an argument with your partner, 1059 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,040 Speaker 1: and then at the end of the argument you communicated 1060 00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,120 Speaker 1: so effectively and so well that now you are actually 1061 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,640 Speaker 1: stronger than you were before. This is an opportunity, This 1062 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:32,400 Speaker 1: is an opportunity for that, you know. Yeah, that's great advice. Actually, 1063 00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:36,120 Speaker 1: um not. Actually it's great advice period. So I have 1064 00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,360 Speaker 1: a question for you some metha, do you still pine 1065 00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:40,520 Speaker 1: for this guy that you had sex with the one time? 1066 00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:42,880 Speaker 1: Like it sounds like you have some little mixed up 1067 00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,919 Speaker 1: feelings about it. Yeah. I mean what's complicated is because 1068 00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:49,560 Speaker 1: we've known each other like our whole lives, so it's 1069 00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:53,719 Speaker 1: difficult to let that go. And like when we were teenagers, 1070 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,400 Speaker 1: we would hook up a little bit, so it was 1071 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if we ever really like dealt with 1072 00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,600 Speaker 1: our feelings that we had for each other. And now 1073 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,600 Speaker 1: I'm just like in a very committed relationship and that 1074 00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,520 Speaker 1: was not the time to deal with those feelings. So 1075 00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,160 Speaker 1: but you don't feel like you still have anything to 1076 00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,200 Speaker 1: explore with him? No, Okay, well then that's easy. Yeah. 1077 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,279 Speaker 1: I think you just need to follow Bob's advice and 1078 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:18,520 Speaker 1: do exactly that. Send an email and just put closure 1079 00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,759 Speaker 1: on it, you know, for your sake and for his 1080 00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:24,520 Speaker 1: and exactly what he said is perfect because yeah, it 1081 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,040 Speaker 1: was one time, but if you really are committed to 1082 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,000 Speaker 1: your husband, it is the most honorable thing to do 1083 00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,480 Speaker 1: is to be upfront, be honest, don't lead him on 1084 00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:35,719 Speaker 1: in any way. Just just say you know, this is 1085 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,040 Speaker 1: where I stand, so that there is a button on 1086 00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,120 Speaker 1: it and it's not just left open ended, because I 1087 00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,960 Speaker 1: find that to be a little confusing sometimes for other 1088 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,640 Speaker 1: people because who knows where he's at? What about your friend? 1089 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,319 Speaker 1: He's the brother of your friend, right, does your friend 1090 00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:53,400 Speaker 1: know about what happened? Yeah, she was like directly involved 1091 00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 1: with all of the drama. And we've we have slowed 1092 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,719 Speaker 1: our relationship out really well, like we're on we're on 1093 00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:01,320 Speaker 1: a good page. I still feel like kind of uncomfortable 1094 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:04,400 Speaker 1: around her just because I'm like embarrassed that it happened, 1095 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,560 Speaker 1: but she knows what's going on. And I think a 1096 00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:09,600 Speaker 1: good thing for you to remember is to just kind 1097 00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 1: of take all the drama out, you know, don't create 1098 00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,279 Speaker 1: any more drama. There's been enough, so you don't have 1099 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,759 Speaker 1: to explain to your friends your feelings that you still 1100 00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:22,239 Speaker 1: have about the situation. I think extinguish it, send that 1101 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,840 Speaker 1: email off, and be done with it, and act like 1102 00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,920 Speaker 1: an adult moving forward, because it is a dramatic situation 1103 00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:32,360 Speaker 1: and in order to show growth and to have growth, 1104 00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,520 Speaker 1: you kind of want to get that behavior out of 1105 00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:38,040 Speaker 1: your system, you know, And I think too, you you 1106 00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,840 Speaker 1: really owe everyone, that's honestly, but more than anything, you 1107 00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:43,920 Speaker 1: owe it to yourself, like it has something to Oprah 1108 00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,319 Speaker 1: is who you owe into, okay, because Oprah knows by 1109 00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:49,040 Speaker 1: the way, you know what, Santa, you better watch out, 1110 00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,600 Speaker 1: you better, And I cry, Oprah's around the corner. It's Oprah, 1111 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,239 Speaker 1: God and Santa, and they all live around the corner 1112 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,520 Speaker 1: for you. And the thing is, you know, as William 1113 00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,279 Speaker 1: Cullen Bryan once said, you know truth crushed earth will 1114 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,759 Speaker 1: arise again. No lie can live forever it is. It 1115 00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:07,480 Speaker 1: is next impossible to when you tell a lie. You 1116 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,960 Speaker 1: found this out because you were sneaking around. When you 1117 00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,120 Speaker 1: tell one lie, you have to tell another life to 1118 00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,360 Speaker 1: support the lie. Lies cannot be supported by truth. Lies 1119 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,120 Speaker 1: can only be supported by moral lied. And you build 1120 00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,920 Speaker 1: up a house of lies. And then because everything around 1121 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,920 Speaker 1: your artifice, you don't know what's real, and it becomes 1122 00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,279 Speaker 1: really hard. But now you're already working on the path 1123 00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:29,000 Speaker 1: to honesty um telling the truth. And as long as 1124 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:30,520 Speaker 1: you stay on that path, I think you will be 1125 00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,400 Speaker 1: really you'll you'll be in a very good position, you 1126 00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,040 Speaker 1: and your partner and this other person and your friend 1127 00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,040 Speaker 1: as well. And do not be ashamed. It's not about 1128 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,360 Speaker 1: being proud of what you did. But don't beat yourself 1129 00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,000 Speaker 1: up over because I can see it's easy to think 1130 00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,040 Speaker 1: of this as a series of mistakes, like there was 1131 00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,720 Speaker 1: the flirting, and then the texting, and then the sexting, 1132 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:49,160 Speaker 1: and then the actual sex and then the different Each 1133 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,080 Speaker 1: position is a different mistake during sex. But just think 1134 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,920 Speaker 1: about one mistake instead of trying to compartmentalize and beat 1135 00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,320 Speaker 1: yourself up over it. Don't beat yourself up over it 1136 00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,560 Speaker 1: because just don't do that to yourself. You can be 1137 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:03,200 Speaker 1: meaned yourself than anyone in the world. Do not bully yourself, 1138 00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,880 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, the negative self talk is detrimental to 1139 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,600 Speaker 1: all of us. So you can use this to just no, 1140 00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,319 Speaker 1: say to yourself, Okay, that was I was operating at 1141 00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,520 Speaker 1: a lower vibration, on a lower plane of existence when 1142 00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:18,279 Speaker 1: I was acting that way. But guess what I fessed up. 1143 00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,840 Speaker 1: I can had I come to Jesus, I told the 1144 00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,600 Speaker 1: truth and now I'm at operating at a different level. 1145 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,920 Speaker 1: And just remind yourself that of your integrity moving forward, 1146 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,600 Speaker 1: and that's all that matters, is what you're doing today 1147 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:32,600 Speaker 1: and moving forward. Yeah, and I think when we get 1148 00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:36,440 Speaker 1: married we have the sense of like security, and you know, 1149 00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:39,279 Speaker 1: the person that we're with is very comfortable, and you 1150 00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:41,880 Speaker 1: may find that like what you were after was not 1151 00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:45,640 Speaker 1: It wasn't sex. It was this sense of danger and this, 1152 00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:48,960 Speaker 1: like Bob said, the flirtation, the like year of build 1153 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,600 Speaker 1: up to this thing, because when you actually got to 1154 00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:54,359 Speaker 1: the sex, it wasn't something that was fulfilling or satisfying. 1155 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,160 Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say to your husband that this is 1156 00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:00,759 Speaker 1: what you're doing because there's something missing necessary. You could, 1157 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,080 Speaker 1: but you might try some different things, like some role 1158 00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:07,759 Speaker 1: playing or some like fun things with your husband that 1159 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,400 Speaker 1: give you that sense of danger, that sense of mystery, 1160 00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:12,920 Speaker 1: that sense of something new and fresh and like a 1161 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,440 Speaker 1: little exciting. And that could be bedroom stuff or it 1162 00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,640 Speaker 1: can be just life stuff. Maybe every week you have 1163 00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:20,719 Speaker 1: a date night with your husband, so there's something new 1164 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,600 Speaker 1: and fresh to insert a sense of novelty in your life, 1165 00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:27,040 Speaker 1: especially after being trapped around houses for two years. Our 1166 00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:32,840 Speaker 1: brains crave novelty. Does that help, Samantha, Yes, it's a 1167 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:36,719 Speaker 1: thank you. I like your kitty cat that's coming wants 1168 00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:41,360 Speaker 1: to be involved, subsessed. Your kind is obsessed with I 1169 00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:43,880 Speaker 1: don't have a cat. I actually hate cats, yours included. 1170 00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:47,440 Speaker 1: But cats are like obsessed with people's computers and like 1171 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,520 Speaker 1: looking at the screens, like getting on the keyboards. I couldn't, 1172 00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:57,680 Speaker 1: but I'm sure you're cat's great. I'm sure really cheers. Yeah, 1173 00:55:58,000 --> 00:55:59,920 Speaker 1: I wish my dog Burt would sit on round and 1174 00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,360 Speaker 1: the back of my shoulder like that while I was past, 1175 00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:05,520 Speaker 1: What kind of dog is Burt? Oh? He's a big fat, 1176 00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:07,960 Speaker 1: lazy asshole, is what the kind of dog he is? 1177 00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:11,760 Speaker 1: And who goes back and forth all morning long, walking 1178 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,160 Speaker 1: back and forth, pacing until he can get his first 1179 00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:18,160 Speaker 1: meal in. It's just a typical male bullshit you do. 1180 00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,960 Speaker 1: Just so That's why I love dogs. That was just 1181 00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,960 Speaker 1: kind of like they're so simple. There's like I just 1182 00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,480 Speaker 1: wanna I just want to snack, Like can I just 1183 00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,839 Speaker 1: have a little snack please? And cats are always up 1184 00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:33,040 Speaker 1: to something. I don't trust cats. Cats are They've got 1185 00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:37,440 Speaker 1: some sneaky Like this cat is actually actively plotting our 1186 00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:40,719 Speaker 1: demise when we leave, the cat's gonna go and give 1187 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,160 Speaker 1: us a one star review on iTunes. I know that 1188 00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,880 Speaker 1: anything that is trained to take a ship in a 1189 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,880 Speaker 1: box and then hide it is a tricky character. Okay, 1190 00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,040 Speaker 1: like take a ship in a box and then kick 1191 00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:53,640 Speaker 1: it and hide it. So not only do you have 1192 00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:56,080 Speaker 1: to clean up the shadoubi, you have to find it. 1193 00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:58,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't That's why I don't trust them. 1194 00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:02,239 Speaker 1: They they're multilayered and there Catherine has cats too, She's 1195 00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,719 Speaker 1: into cats. Oh. I had a cat growing up, but 1196 00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:06,640 Speaker 1: I don't have cats currently. I just have a dog 1197 00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,960 Speaker 1: that seems like a cat. People would come up to 1198 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,760 Speaker 1: me on the street and me like, I love your kitten. 1199 00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:14,759 Speaker 1: Why did I say that she just seems like a cat. Well, 1200 00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:16,800 Speaker 1: I think once you have a cat, Katherine, you've always 1201 00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:18,440 Speaker 1: had a cat. You know, you can't catch out of 1202 00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,240 Speaker 1: it just because you no longer physically have it. It's like, yeah, 1203 00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:29,400 Speaker 1: all right, well, thank you, Samantha. I hope we helped you. 1204 00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:33,480 Speaker 1: You did. Definitely send that email and you know, move 1205 00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,200 Speaker 1: on to the next chapter and let us know what happens. 1206 00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:40,880 Speaker 1: Don't beat yourself up anymore. Yes, thank you, Thanks Samantha. 1207 00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,640 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is though, I mean, secretly, 1208 00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:46,400 Speaker 1: I just love I mean, I don't like to hear 1209 00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:50,600 Speaker 1: people's pain, but I do love hearing about like affairs 1210 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:55,280 Speaker 1: and interpersonal like you know, Torrid kind of relationships, like 1211 00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:58,200 Speaker 1: when people are dishonest or they cheat, Like I do 1212 00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:02,960 Speaker 1: find that compelling. That makes perfect sense. Is that what 1213 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,640 Speaker 1: you're saying is not weird at all. I am a 1214 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,800 Speaker 1: messy bitch who lives for a drama. I love drama. 1215 00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:12,720 Speaker 1: That's why I talk about all my friends as soon 1216 00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:18,320 Speaker 1: as they leave the room, is Sam gone? Is she gone? 1217 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,240 Speaker 1: Is she gone? Yeah, they're never gonna make it. Kidding, 1218 00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I was doing a bit, 1219 00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,240 Speaker 1: you know, to that point. We we do tend to 1220 00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:30,240 Speaker 1: have a way to over dramaticize things, right, Like a 1221 00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:33,440 Speaker 1: lot of people, like you said, we like the drama, 1222 00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:36,480 Speaker 1: and then we extend the drama, like where that drama 1223 00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,640 Speaker 1: could have been over, she's extending it because of her 1224 00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,160 Speaker 1: feeling and that like feelings and thought patterns, and she 1225 00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:46,080 Speaker 1: hasn't put it to bed. So, as human beings, we 1226 00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,760 Speaker 1: all have a tendency, not all of us. Some people 1227 00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:50,960 Speaker 1: are a little bit more mature, but a lot of 1228 00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,720 Speaker 1: us have the tendency to make things more dramatic than 1229 00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,360 Speaker 1: they need to be. Yeah, that is that is t 1230 00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:59,800 Speaker 1: as as the queer say, that's t henny, but not 1231 00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:05,440 Speaker 1: because a sweet tea. Yeah, there we go. We're all 1232 00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:12,880 Speaker 1: on the same page now. Well, our next caller is 1233 00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:18,480 Speaker 1: Jess Justice seven and is from Memphis. Jess says, I'm 1234 00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:21,400 Speaker 1: a masculine, non binary lesbian and I could use some 1235 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:24,920 Speaker 1: advice in the dating department. I seem to only attract closeted, 1236 00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:28,360 Speaker 1: experimenting or just coming out queer women that end up 1237 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:30,920 Speaker 1: not being in a position to be in a committed relationship. 1238 00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:37,280 Speaker 1: What am I doing wrong? Jess? Hi? Hi, Jess, Hello, 1239 00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:44,280 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it's adorable. You have been one of 1240 00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,560 Speaker 1: my heroes since I was in middle school. And I'm 1241 00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:50,280 Speaker 1: a little bit shook right now. So wait, who are 1242 00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:56,960 Speaker 1: you talking to? This could change everything, Chelsea. No not, 1243 00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:04,680 Speaker 1: he just blocked off. I'm sorry, I'm freaking out a little. 1244 01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,680 Speaker 1: That's okay, honey, you can that's fine. We get it. 1245 01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:09,960 Speaker 1: We get it. Bob the Drag Queen is here to 1246 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,640 Speaker 1: also aid in the advice giving, as well as Katherine, 1247 01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:16,120 Speaker 1: our producer, who I'm sure you've spoken with already. Well, 1248 01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:17,920 Speaker 1: we're just we're glad to have you, so I'll do 1249 01:00:18,040 --> 01:00:21,720 Speaker 1: some talking before so you can collect yourself. Okay, great, 1250 01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:26,400 Speaker 1: I've heard this from so many people, especially women, gay women, 1251 01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:30,800 Speaker 1: and gay men who are experimenting or only attract people 1252 01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,080 Speaker 1: who aren't sure if they're out of the closet yet, 1253 01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:36,600 Speaker 1: or are secretly having sex with both sexes. Blah blah blah. 1254 01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,600 Speaker 1: There's a really good book that we talked about a 1255 01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:40,440 Speaker 1: lot on the show. It's called Attached. You should pick 1256 01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:43,680 Speaker 1: up a copy and read it because it's about creating 1257 01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,040 Speaker 1: those relationships with unavailable people and not becoming a pattern 1258 01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:51,000 Speaker 1: of behavior. There's like three versions. One is a secure person, 1259 01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,240 Speaker 1: one is an avoidant, and avoidance are the type of 1260 01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,720 Speaker 1: people that you're talking about that haven't come to grips 1261 01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,040 Speaker 1: with their reality and they're not sure what they want 1262 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,320 Speaker 1: to do. So it's a pattern of your behavior for 1263 01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,600 Speaker 1: attracting these people and then pursuing it. Right, you have 1264 01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:07,000 Speaker 1: to kind of set sail in a different direction and 1265 01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:12,120 Speaker 1: look for people who are really available. Yes, I know 1266 01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,440 Speaker 1: the book that's on my book list because I've heard 1267 01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,560 Speaker 1: it on the podcast, and I do read up on 1268 01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:24,160 Speaker 1: attachment styles, and I'm definitely an anxious attached person. I 1269 01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:27,480 Speaker 1: can be codependent at times, So it seems to be 1270 01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:32,080 Speaker 1: like this perfect storm of a situation, and I definitely 1271 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:35,520 Speaker 1: can like, I know it's a bad decision, but I 1272 01:01:35,600 --> 01:01:39,120 Speaker 1: still pursue it because of like the dopening hit in 1273 01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:42,960 Speaker 1: your brain if you're flirting or getting physical. And I'm 1274 01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:46,640 Speaker 1: definitely working on that, but it is really hard because 1275 01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:50,960 Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like I am the only one in 1276 01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:53,520 Speaker 1: the world going through it. It feels like a very 1277 01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:57,040 Speaker 1: nuanced experience that a lot of my other friends, even 1278 01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:59,840 Speaker 1: other gay friends, aren't going through, and it has just 1279 01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:05,640 Speaker 1: created this profound sense of loneliness. And that's just really hard, 1280 01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:07,640 Speaker 1: you know, especially when you're trying really hard to be 1281 01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:11,320 Speaker 1: out and comfortable and like do the right things in life. 1282 01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:15,000 Speaker 1: And it's no one's fault because everyone's entitled to come 1283 01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:18,960 Speaker 1: to themselves in their own time. But I keep getting 1284 01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:21,360 Speaker 1: into this pattern and I'm you know, I'm twenty seven now, 1285 01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:24,120 Speaker 1: I've been out since I was nineteen, and I'm kind 1286 01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,840 Speaker 1: of like this year enough is enough. I do feel 1287 01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:31,320 Speaker 1: like I deserve someone who's intentional about relationships and can 1288 01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:35,200 Speaker 1: like receive the love I want to give somebody. You know, 1289 01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:38,960 Speaker 1: I will say this just I feel like we as 1290 01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:43,600 Speaker 1: people get to decide what we accept for ourselves, you 1291 01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:45,760 Speaker 1: know what I mean. We get to let we get 1292 01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:48,280 Speaker 1: to decide if we want to be introduced to the families. 1293 01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,680 Speaker 1: We get that, we get this at our own standard, 1294 01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:54,600 Speaker 1: and after a while, sometimes when you've set a standard 1295 01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:57,440 Speaker 1: for yourself, but then you let someone not do this 1296 01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,320 Speaker 1: part and I do this part and not do this part, 1297 01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:01,560 Speaker 1: not of this part. Are you lower your own standard 1298 01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:04,919 Speaker 1: of what you feel like you deserve. And I can't 1299 01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:07,200 Speaker 1: speak for everyone, but I know for me personally, I 1300 01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:11,920 Speaker 1: deserve someone who loves me in public. I deserve someone 1301 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,840 Speaker 1: who wants to commit to me. I deserve someone who 1302 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,240 Speaker 1: is not ashamed. I deserve someone who who knows what 1303 01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,320 Speaker 1: they want. I deserve to not have someone figuring out 1304 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:23,600 Speaker 1: their sexuality when they're with me. There's nothing wrong with 1305 01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:26,040 Speaker 1: someone figuring out their sexuality. There's nothing wrong with someone 1306 01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:27,960 Speaker 1: you know. Some people can't come out of the closet 1307 01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:29,720 Speaker 1: because of where they are, who they are, what they 1308 01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:31,720 Speaker 1: do for a living. This is and I'm not judging 1309 01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,360 Speaker 1: anyone for not being able to come out of the 1310 01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:35,600 Speaker 1: close because we all have different journeys for when we 1311 01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,480 Speaker 1: need to come out and that kind of stuff. But 1312 01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:39,840 Speaker 1: I know that I don't have to be around while 1313 01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:43,120 Speaker 1: you figure that out, because it is hard for me mentally, 1314 01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:45,520 Speaker 1: I can't sneak. I've been out of the close since 1315 01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:47,600 Speaker 1: I like you. I think I came out and I 1316 01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:49,880 Speaker 1: was eighteen years old, no, seventeen alls in high school. 1317 01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:52,320 Speaker 1: And I'm thirty five years old now, and I have 1318 01:03:52,480 --> 01:03:53,840 Speaker 1: no desire to go back into. The closet is a 1319 01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:58,000 Speaker 1: very uncomfortable place. And sometimes you feel your desire to 1320 01:03:58,080 --> 01:04:01,800 Speaker 1: be loved can outweigh your desire to love yourself. Let 1321 01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:04,160 Speaker 1: me say again, sometimes your desire you're you're desired to 1322 01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,520 Speaker 1: be loved by someone else can outweigh your desire to 1323 01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:09,280 Speaker 1: love yourself. But that's why the color purple is the 1324 01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,320 Speaker 1: best love sort of all time, because in the end, 1325 01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:13,640 Speaker 1: she doesn't get shug avery, she doesn't get the love 1326 01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:17,520 Speaker 1: of messrs. She and learns how to love herself and 1327 01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:20,320 Speaker 1: then she it's a cat. It is the best love 1328 01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:22,720 Speaker 1: sort of all time. So I think you need to, 1329 01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:26,080 Speaker 1: in my opinion, figure out how you can love yourself. 1330 01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:28,880 Speaker 1: Set standards for yourself and don't let because if you 1331 01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:31,320 Speaker 1: break your own standards, if you're willing to break your 1332 01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:34,000 Speaker 1: own standards, you'll other people just plow through them. You. 1333 01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,720 Speaker 1: Other people just shot you and again where they want 1334 01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:38,840 Speaker 1: because they're They're like, well, well, obviously they don't consider 1335 01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,400 Speaker 1: their own standards there. They're they're letting anything fly. So 1336 01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:43,160 Speaker 1: I'll just I can do whatever I want to. It's 1337 01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:44,760 Speaker 1: kind of like you ever been a someone's house and 1338 01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,800 Speaker 1: the house is kind of messy, but the house is 1339 01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:48,960 Speaker 1: kind of messy, You'll just put your shirt anywhere. You 1340 01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:51,400 Speaker 1: don't care. You don't you don't feel the need to 1341 01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:52,920 Speaker 1: be nice in this house. When you go to a 1342 01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:55,480 Speaker 1: house in the house pristine, you would take your shoes 1343 01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:58,520 Speaker 1: off before you even get inside. You walk around, you tiptoe, 1344 01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:00,880 Speaker 1: you clean everything. You don't want me smudge me because 1345 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:02,640 Speaker 1: you're like, wow, this person really cares for their house, 1346 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,640 Speaker 1: and when their houses's house, they don't even give a 1347 01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:11,000 Speaker 1: You are your own house. Yeah, that's that's great advice. 1348 01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:15,080 Speaker 1: And I actually have a twin brother who is also gay, 1349 01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:19,000 Speaker 1: and my mom who by the way, she and my 1350 01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:22,160 Speaker 1: brother love you, Chelsea so much, and they say, HI, 1351 01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:28,040 Speaker 1: have been so supportive and amazing to me. It's sometimes 1352 01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:30,760 Speaker 1: hard to relate to these other women who you know, 1353 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:34,920 Speaker 1: have homophobic parents or transphobic parents and just don't have 1354 01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:37,920 Speaker 1: any position to really be out. And it's sort of 1355 01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:40,720 Speaker 1: makes me crazy. I'm like, just come out, then we 1356 01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:43,640 Speaker 1: can be out and open and it's fine. But they're 1357 01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,080 Speaker 1: not in a position to do that, and I think 1358 01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:49,040 Speaker 1: I do need to be more empathetic about that, but 1359 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:53,000 Speaker 1: I tend to let the experience still into my life 1360 01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:55,800 Speaker 1: and then I feel resentful. You can be empathetic, but 1361 01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:57,360 Speaker 1: you don't have to be present for it. You don't 1362 01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,800 Speaker 1: have to. It is not your duty to assist people 1363 01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:02,000 Speaker 1: through coming out. That is not your job. You can 1364 01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:03,560 Speaker 1: decide if you want to do it, but you don't 1365 01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:06,240 Speaker 1: have to do that. That is, you are not there. 1366 01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:10,400 Speaker 1: They're they're gay counselor you're you're not. That's not your job, 1367 01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:14,400 Speaker 1: but you don't have to do There we go, There 1368 01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:17,080 Speaker 1: we go. That's that kind of attitude you need to 1369 01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:19,840 Speaker 1: have because it's exactly it's exactly right. You're choosing to 1370 01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:21,520 Speaker 1: be a part of something that you don't need to 1371 01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,800 Speaker 1: be a part of. You can totally be empathetic to 1372 01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:26,400 Speaker 1: their experiences, but you don't need to witness it. You're 1373 01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:29,000 Speaker 1: in a different spot. You are out, you do have support, 1374 01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:32,320 Speaker 1: You're ready for a healthy, committed relationship. So you know 1375 01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:35,080 Speaker 1: in that book they say anxious goes to avoid it 1376 01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:39,160 Speaker 1: because they like that codependency. They like that that that chasing, 1377 01:06:39,240 --> 01:06:42,320 Speaker 1: that chasing, the chasing, and never really getting what you desire. 1378 01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:44,600 Speaker 1: So you have to flip the script on that, and 1379 01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:46,640 Speaker 1: you have to you have to decide that is no 1380 01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:49,800 Speaker 1: longer enough for you what you're looking for, and be 1381 01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:52,480 Speaker 1: intentional about it. There's no harm in saying to people 1382 01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:55,160 Speaker 1: right out of the gate, listen, I'm only interested in 1383 01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,520 Speaker 1: being out with you or going on a date with you, 1384 01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:59,680 Speaker 1: or meeting for coffee or whatever you're going to do 1385 01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:04,200 Speaker 1: or a date. If you're out and ready and open 1386 01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,000 Speaker 1: to being in a relationship with someone. That doesn't mean 1387 01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:09,160 Speaker 1: we're gonna get married or we're even going to be 1388 01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:12,320 Speaker 1: in a relationship. But that's what page I'm on, and 1389 01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:15,040 Speaker 1: I want to meet somebody of the same nature. And 1390 01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:17,640 Speaker 1: even saying that out loud to yourself is going to 1391 01:07:17,720 --> 01:07:20,560 Speaker 1: be helpful for a while, you know, until you start 1392 01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:23,960 Speaker 1: living that truth. Being codad it can be very scary 1393 01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:27,240 Speaker 1: because feeling like you need something, in my opinion, that's 1394 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,560 Speaker 1: not a healthy bond. It's kind of like when you're 1395 01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:31,080 Speaker 1: told by the doctor that you have to do something 1396 01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,600 Speaker 1: versus you wanting to do it. I hate working out. 1397 01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:35,120 Speaker 1: I don't love it. I feel like I have to 1398 01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:36,920 Speaker 1: do it so I can feel good in this industry. 1399 01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,720 Speaker 1: It's not like a really like oh, I just love 1400 01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:41,480 Speaker 1: and people who love going to the gym. You can 1401 01:07:41,560 --> 01:07:43,640 Speaker 1: there's a clear difference in people who love it and 1402 01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:45,480 Speaker 1: people who feel like they need to do it. You 1403 01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,120 Speaker 1: can see it on their faces at the gym. And 1404 01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:49,240 Speaker 1: it's not just that, it's it's an all facets of 1405 01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:52,000 Speaker 1: your life. Codependency is really tough. I don't even ever 1406 01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:56,800 Speaker 1: heard of alan On or Coda, but if you've ever 1407 01:07:56,960 --> 01:07:59,280 Speaker 1: heard of Coda, Coda is a great program for people. 1408 01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:01,920 Speaker 1: It's a twelve the program people who are struggling with 1409 01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:06,640 Speaker 1: being codependent because that's me. It's that's me to tea 1410 01:08:06,720 --> 01:08:09,640 Speaker 1: and I even just this past year have really you know, 1411 01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:11,520 Speaker 1: I lay in bed at night, I'm like ship, that 1412 01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:15,280 Speaker 1: really is me. And it's sort of embarrassing to admit, 1413 01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:18,840 Speaker 1: but it's very true. It's like withdrawal, like if you 1414 01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:23,200 Speaker 1: don't feel needed by someone, and in particular like romantic relationships. 1415 01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:26,559 Speaker 1: For me, it can really plummet my mood. And I'm 1416 01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,720 Speaker 1: just like, good God, that's not sucking it. I do 1417 01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,600 Speaker 1: not want to live a life that my mood is 1418 01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:37,080 Speaker 1: so dependent on these situations that have these patterns that 1419 01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,800 Speaker 1: I know I'm not a stupid person, are are not 1420 01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:42,840 Speaker 1: healthy and not good for me. And you know, I'm 1421 01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,920 Speaker 1: twenty seven now. I do want to get out of 1422 01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:49,880 Speaker 1: that loop for sure. By the way, seven thirty seven, 1423 01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,200 Speaker 1: forty seven, I just turned forty seven. Seven is a 1424 01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:54,559 Speaker 1: lucky number and it's a good time for change. Seven 1425 01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:56,960 Speaker 1: year cycles, you know, a lot of things are seven 1426 01:08:57,040 --> 01:09:00,240 Speaker 1: year cycles. That's the seven year itch, seven year growth 1427 01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:02,439 Speaker 1: hair cycles. So there's so many things that applies to 1428 01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:12,040 Speaker 1: seven rings a big hit. But you know, so your 1429 01:09:12,439 --> 01:09:15,799 Speaker 1: seven like you have every opportunity to change your patterns 1430 01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:19,120 Speaker 1: of behavior. So it's a huge opportunity right now, and 1431 01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,360 Speaker 1: you should go for it and maybe just take some 1432 01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:24,000 Speaker 1: time out in the interim before you go and set 1433 01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:26,640 Speaker 1: out with your new kind of way of operating in 1434 01:09:26,680 --> 01:09:29,840 Speaker 1: the world and operating and finding your mate, just take 1435 01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:32,479 Speaker 1: some time to like make sure you're instilling in yourself. 1436 01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:35,000 Speaker 1: Read a couple of these books, get to know yourself 1437 01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:38,160 Speaker 1: on a deeper level and understand what your value is 1438 01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:41,360 Speaker 1: and what you're expecting out of this life. What are 1439 01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:43,519 Speaker 1: you expecting and what are you going to settle for? 1440 01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,560 Speaker 1: And what you Bob said about your standards, you know 1441 01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:48,519 Speaker 1: you're the only person who has the ability to raise 1442 01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:52,840 Speaker 1: your standards. Yeah, yeah, that's so true. I um. I 1443 01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:58,160 Speaker 1: met someone recently at a friend's wedding and she was 1444 01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:03,840 Speaker 1: so openly a affectionate towards me. I couldn't receive it, 1445 01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:07,920 Speaker 1: like I was uncomfortable, and her and I had to 1446 01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:11,160 Speaker 1: have a conversation about that, and I was like, look, 1447 01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:14,040 Speaker 1: I know we're not in a committed relationship or or 1448 01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:17,440 Speaker 1: in love or any anything like that, but you reminded 1449 01:10:17,560 --> 01:10:21,559 Speaker 1: me that I do deserve open and honest and sincere 1450 01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:24,920 Speaker 1: affection without all the noise in the background. And I 1451 01:10:25,040 --> 01:10:27,720 Speaker 1: just feel like I haven't not even I haven't had 1452 01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,479 Speaker 1: that in a long time. I just feel like I 1453 01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:33,639 Speaker 1: haven't had that. And it was sort of I don't 1454 01:10:33,640 --> 01:10:35,439 Speaker 1: know if it was an AHA moment or a wake 1455 01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:38,200 Speaker 1: up call, but just one little moment in life WHEREM like, 1456 01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:41,760 Speaker 1: I'm doing this wrong and I I can change it, 1457 01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:44,400 Speaker 1: no one else can, and I need to start doing 1458 01:10:44,479 --> 01:10:47,360 Speaker 1: the steps to do that. One day you'll get the 1459 01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:49,200 Speaker 1: open effects that you deserve, and you're gonna be like 1460 01:10:49,240 --> 01:10:51,439 Speaker 1: I can't wait. If I ever settle for anything less 1461 01:10:51,439 --> 01:10:53,760 Speaker 1: than this, Yeah, you're gonna be like, I will never 1462 01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:55,479 Speaker 1: ever go back to it. I didn't even know it 1463 01:10:55,520 --> 01:10:57,120 Speaker 1: could be this great. On the other side, my I 1464 01:10:57,200 --> 01:11:00,120 Speaker 1: can relate to what you're saying completely. That's exactly my 1465 01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:03,240 Speaker 1: relationship with Joe. He's so overly affectionate. He's so well, 1466 01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:05,920 Speaker 1: not overly, he's perfectly affectionate. But in the beginning, I 1467 01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:08,400 Speaker 1: was like, cool it, buddy, get the funk off of me. 1468 01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:10,080 Speaker 1: You know, we're out in public. I don't want to 1469 01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:12,600 Speaker 1: be tongue kissing you, and you know all of the 1470 01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:14,519 Speaker 1: things that I have judgments about. I mean, I still 1471 01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:16,560 Speaker 1: would rather not tongue kiss in public. But you know 1472 01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:19,000 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, I had all these kind of like 1473 01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:22,280 Speaker 1: oh no, this isn't cool, like this is too much, 1474 01:11:22,600 --> 01:11:25,200 Speaker 1: and then you're realizing, like this person loves me. They're 1475 01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:27,160 Speaker 1: they're all over me because they love me, you know. 1476 01:11:27,280 --> 01:11:30,200 Speaker 1: And then six weeks into the relationship, we flew from 1477 01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,160 Speaker 1: New York to l A and I sat in his 1478 01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:34,800 Speaker 1: lap an entire plane ride. So talk about breaking my 1479 01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:38,320 Speaker 1: own rules, Like you have to realize, oh I am 1480 01:11:38,479 --> 01:11:41,960 Speaker 1: worthy of this, you'r all your judgments about all of 1481 01:11:42,040 --> 01:11:45,840 Speaker 1: that are not necessarily accurate. It's just where you are 1482 01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:48,679 Speaker 1: in your life right now, so you can easily change course. 1483 01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:52,320 Speaker 1: Were you flying private, that's a great question. If we 1484 01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:54,439 Speaker 1: were flying private, it wouldn't have been a pertinent story, 1485 01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:56,519 Speaker 1: would it have been? Because who gives a ship? If 1486 01:11:56,560 --> 01:11:58,280 Speaker 1: I was sitting on his lap on a private plane, 1487 01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:02,600 Speaker 1: we were flying commercially. You're sitting in someone's lap on 1488 01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:07,280 Speaker 1: a delta flight in the fight, it is like, yeah, 1489 01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,240 Speaker 1: they and to five five and a half hours. I 1490 01:12:09,280 --> 01:12:11,719 Speaker 1: sat on his lap and just like why we watched 1491 01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,599 Speaker 1: movies on his lap. And I was like, I'm breaking 1492 01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:16,400 Speaker 1: for single and I'm Chelsea Handler, So I don't need 1493 01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:18,880 Speaker 1: to be fucking like vulnerable like that in front of people, 1494 01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:21,920 Speaker 1: you know, especially flight attendants. They respect me, they know 1495 01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:25,600 Speaker 1: my game, so you know, you just you just have 1496 01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:28,040 Speaker 1: to understand that we all deserve to be adored in 1497 01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:29,720 Speaker 1: that way and you can do whatever the hell you 1498 01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:32,880 Speaker 1: want that makes you happy. Yeah, and that I'm not 1499 01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:37,040 Speaker 1: just someone to give someone like a first good queer 1500 01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:40,120 Speaker 1: experience and then they're like bye bye. You know, I 1501 01:12:40,240 --> 01:12:44,200 Speaker 1: deserve someone to really stay. I think, and I hope 1502 01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,760 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to place that we all deserve to 1503 01:12:46,800 --> 01:12:49,679 Speaker 1: sit in Joe Quoi's lap on a commercial flight Los Angeles. 1504 01:12:49,720 --> 01:12:51,599 Speaker 1: Do you want to start out doing that? I can 1505 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,640 Speaker 1: send you on a flight with Joe Koy and you 1506 01:12:53,720 --> 01:12:55,439 Speaker 1: can sit on his lap, and then we can start 1507 01:12:55,560 --> 01:12:58,800 Speaker 1: you dating again. Okay, that will change my game a 1508 01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,439 Speaker 1: little bit, but I'm doubt Yeah, well, that will transition 1509 01:13:01,479 --> 01:13:04,160 Speaker 1: you into a different level of self adoration for sure. 1510 01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:09,679 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Oh my god, thank you so much. 1511 01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:13,120 Speaker 1: So keep us posted. Let us know when you're in love, Okay, 1512 01:13:13,240 --> 01:13:15,800 Speaker 1: I certainly will. Hopefully it's sooner than later. Yeah, and 1513 01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:17,280 Speaker 1: then we can bring her on and we can talk 1514 01:13:17,280 --> 01:13:23,280 Speaker 1: about public public displays of affection. Okay, take care, Thanks 1515 01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:26,560 Speaker 1: so much, so much. You've got this. You can do 1516 01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:31,960 Speaker 1: by everyone. By by when he's seven years old, I 1517 01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,280 Speaker 1: have a question, when you were in the fight one 1518 01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:37,120 Speaker 1: seven year old or seven twenty year olds fight one 1519 01:13:37,720 --> 01:13:40,240 Speaker 1: seven year old or seven twenty year olds or twenties 1520 01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:45,760 Speaker 1: seven year olds, fight them physically physically. Seven year old son, 1521 01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:49,040 Speaker 1: you can take out seven year old. There's seven twenty 1522 01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,280 Speaker 1: seven year old. I don't want to fight a seven 1523 01:13:51,360 --> 01:13:53,200 Speaker 1: year old. I mean, that's not going to you know 1524 01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:55,120 Speaker 1: what I mean, I'd rather just kick a twenty seven 1525 01:13:55,160 --> 01:13:57,120 Speaker 1: year olds ask and be done with it. It would 1526 01:13:57,120 --> 01:13:59,760 Speaker 1: you rather get beat up by its publicly? Like you're 1527 01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:03,719 Speaker 1: out in public? You the image of Chelsea Handler beating 1528 01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,240 Speaker 1: up twenty seven year olds, It's not it's not good. 1529 01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:08,120 Speaker 1: Pr it's not good. That would not be a good 1530 01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:10,240 Speaker 1: look for me. Then beating me up would be a 1531 01:14:10,320 --> 01:14:14,240 Speaker 1: better look for me. Chelsea Handler allows twenty seven year 1532 01:14:14,240 --> 01:14:18,439 Speaker 1: olds to pummel her to a bloody pulp on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, 1533 01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:23,439 Speaker 1: right next to my star. I don't have Well, let's 1534 01:14:23,479 --> 01:14:25,439 Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be right back to 1535 01:14:25,560 --> 01:14:28,400 Speaker 1: wrap up with Bob the Drag Queen and Chelsea. Okay, 1536 01:14:28,439 --> 01:14:36,360 Speaker 1: we'll be right back with Bob and his cat. Okay, 1537 01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:38,479 Speaker 1: we're back from break you guys. I'm back with Bob 1538 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:41,920 Speaker 1: the Drag Queen and my co host Catherine and um, 1539 01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:46,040 Speaker 1: we're at the end of our hour. So do we 1540 01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:49,519 Speaker 1: have any last minute business? Catherine, Bob, do you have 1541 01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:53,720 Speaker 1: any advice you'd like to ask Chelsea for? Yeah? I do. Actually, so, 1542 01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:57,240 Speaker 1: I'm I'm relatively new to the Hollywood scene. I just 1543 01:14:57,360 --> 01:14:59,560 Speaker 1: moved to Hollywood I've only been working in film for 1544 01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:04,720 Speaker 1: maybe seven years now, which is actually pretty young. And 1545 01:15:05,040 --> 01:15:07,800 Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends who are like getting 1546 01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:11,920 Speaker 1: some big moments, and I sometimes get really jealous, but 1547 01:15:12,000 --> 01:15:15,160 Speaker 1: I'm also happy for them, like I'm happy. But then 1548 01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:18,519 Speaker 1: there are certain friends, certain friends, when I see them 1549 01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:22,680 Speaker 1: get success, I'm like, what a bitch? Like what a bit? 1550 01:15:23,240 --> 01:15:27,040 Speaker 1: And I'm tolding the line between like wanting to be 1551 01:15:27,320 --> 01:15:31,519 Speaker 1: happy for them and also wanting this myself and not 1552 01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:35,719 Speaker 1: wanting to sell myself out to be a Hollywood type 1553 01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,000 Speaker 1: because I want to meet new people, but I also 1554 01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:40,120 Speaker 1: like have a hard time, you know, like I said, 1555 01:15:40,120 --> 01:15:42,120 Speaker 1: I couldn't even come with you the thing and being like, hey, 1556 01:15:42,240 --> 01:15:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm bob, I get move here, Let's go have boba, 1557 01:15:46,560 --> 01:15:48,320 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So what is your advice 1558 01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:51,160 Speaker 1: for someone for a young starlet like me breaking into 1559 01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:53,880 Speaker 1: the Hollywood scene who's willing to do anything to get 1560 01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:56,439 Speaker 1: cast in the movie. Well, first, I would like to 1561 01:15:56,520 --> 01:15:58,800 Speaker 1: say that I had boba for the first time a 1562 01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:01,920 Speaker 1: couple of months ago, and I choked on those balls 1563 01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:04,519 Speaker 1: and the fact that you have to suck balls through 1564 01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:08,600 Speaker 1: a straw is going backwards for me. So I'm not 1565 01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:10,760 Speaker 1: going to have boba again, and I don't care who 1566 01:16:10,840 --> 01:16:14,760 Speaker 1: that offense. Secondly, I would say that jealousy you said 1567 01:16:14,800 --> 01:16:17,200 Speaker 1: yourself at the beginning of this episode, is a natural 1568 01:16:17,360 --> 01:16:20,479 Speaker 1: human feeling. It's not something you can avoid. It's only 1569 01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:23,720 Speaker 1: something that you can promise yourself not to act on. Right, Like, 1570 01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:25,880 Speaker 1: you don't want to act in jealousy, you don't want 1571 01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:28,679 Speaker 1: to act in envy. You can have those feelings. They're natural. 1572 01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:31,880 Speaker 1: They happen to everybody. There's so many people, and it's 1573 01:16:31,920 --> 01:16:34,559 Speaker 1: not your decision whether or not somebody else succeeds anyway. 1574 01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:37,439 Speaker 1: That's not up to you. So the coolest way you 1575 01:16:37,520 --> 01:16:40,840 Speaker 1: can be is to accept everybody's got their own path, 1576 01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:43,800 Speaker 1: and that means you too. I think when you can't 1577 01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:48,000 Speaker 1: be happy for other people and their success, it's hard 1578 01:16:48,080 --> 01:16:52,000 Speaker 1: to accumulate your own. That is very true. So that's 1579 01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,080 Speaker 1: something I like to remember. You know, even if it's 1580 01:16:54,120 --> 01:16:56,719 Speaker 1: someone you're not that great with or somebody that's sucked 1581 01:16:56,720 --> 01:16:59,160 Speaker 1: you over, it's just cooler and better to be like 1582 01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:01,760 Speaker 1: good for them, good for them. Yeah, do you need 1583 01:17:01,760 --> 01:17:04,600 Speaker 1: any advice from me, Chelsea? I mean, you've got me 1584 01:17:04,720 --> 01:17:07,040 Speaker 1: so much already. I mean, I'm first of all I've 1585 01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:10,519 Speaker 1: changed my coffee drink and now I'm getting a frap 1586 01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:13,760 Speaker 1: puccino with almond milk. I'm going to take another lover. 1587 01:17:14,240 --> 01:17:15,960 Speaker 1: I have to tell Joe when he gets back, he's 1588 01:17:15,960 --> 01:17:17,439 Speaker 1: going to be pissed because he's the one who set 1589 01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:19,519 Speaker 1: up my computer for this podcast this morning. And then 1590 01:17:19,840 --> 01:17:21,559 Speaker 1: he's gonna come back and I'm gonna tell him it's 1591 01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:24,600 Speaker 1: time for us to also open up our relationship and 1592 01:17:24,760 --> 01:17:27,120 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna start doing drag. Well, you're gonna dress 1593 01:17:27,160 --> 01:17:28,920 Speaker 1: me up. That's gonna be our next thing to Wait, 1594 01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:31,080 Speaker 1: what's your girlfriend's name? Who keeps going to the wrong 1595 01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:33,560 Speaker 1: show or keeps going to shows that don't happen. A 1596 01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:37,600 Speaker 1: drag queen named Monet Exchange who is the winner of 1597 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:41,120 Speaker 1: All Stars season five of RuPaul's Drag Race. And it's 1598 01:17:41,120 --> 01:17:43,240 Speaker 1: also good friends with me and Mateo as well. But 1599 01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:46,800 Speaker 1: I definitely I would love to drag you out. I mean, 1600 01:17:46,840 --> 01:17:48,640 Speaker 1: it's what we do on my on my show We're here, like, 1601 01:17:48,680 --> 01:17:50,360 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm used to putting people up in full 1602 01:17:50,360 --> 01:17:53,400 Speaker 1: of drags, and there are certain people you Leslie Jones. 1603 01:17:53,479 --> 01:17:55,599 Speaker 1: I really want to get my hands on Leslie Jones 1604 01:17:55,680 --> 01:17:57,479 Speaker 1: because I feel like we actually look alike, like me 1605 01:17:57,560 --> 01:18:00,719 Speaker 1: and Leslie Jones could be siblings, like full ty Cynthia Reeva. 1606 01:18:00,720 --> 01:18:02,560 Speaker 1: I want to get her in full drag. There's a 1607 01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:04,360 Speaker 1: couple of I want to get my hands on. I 1608 01:18:04,400 --> 01:18:06,360 Speaker 1: remember I once said to one of my makeup artists 1609 01:18:06,439 --> 01:18:09,680 Speaker 1: or my hairstylists, they had done my hair and in 1610 01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:14,680 Speaker 1: this like fancy fancy backbon like really intricate. But from 1611 01:18:14,720 --> 01:18:16,960 Speaker 1: the front it looked like ship. I looked like a bagel, 1612 01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:20,320 Speaker 1: like you couldn't even see my hair line like it was. 1613 01:18:20,760 --> 01:18:23,240 Speaker 1: And I go, hey, this looks terrible, and she goes, yeah, 1614 01:18:23,280 --> 01:18:25,600 Speaker 1: but from the back it looks amazing, and I go, 1615 01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:29,719 Speaker 1: but I'm not backing into the show. No one sees 1616 01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:34,920 Speaker 1: the fucking back of my head was what the funk. 1617 01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:37,800 Speaker 1: I was like, You're gonna have to go anyway. It 1618 01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,680 Speaker 1: was a delight. Oh my god, I had such a 1619 01:18:39,720 --> 01:18:41,400 Speaker 1: good time with you. We had so much fun with 1620 01:18:41,479 --> 01:18:44,320 Speaker 1: you today, Bob. Thank you for coming over. You're an 1621 01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:47,639 Speaker 1: absolute joy, And thanks for your sagacious advice to everybody. 1622 01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:50,920 Speaker 1: You gave great advice. Oh, thank you. You're very lovely. 1623 01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:53,080 Speaker 1: I appreciate you very much. I am also a big 1624 01:18:53,120 --> 01:18:55,479 Speaker 1: fan of yours, and honestly, I think we can probably 1625 01:18:55,520 --> 01:18:58,360 Speaker 1: thank mone for that, because Mona show me so much 1626 01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:01,120 Speaker 1: of your work and you're real rock star. I was wondering, 1627 01:19:01,120 --> 01:19:03,280 Speaker 1: who's going to play you in the movie of your life? Well, 1628 01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:05,880 Speaker 1: she's Moday. Is probably currently in South Africa trying to 1629 01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:08,080 Speaker 1: find me a performance of mine and in the wrong 1630 01:19:08,200 --> 01:19:11,200 Speaker 1: spot as usual. So when she gets back, you tell 1631 01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:12,479 Speaker 1: her that we're going to get her tickets to the 1632 01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:15,760 Speaker 1: will turn all right, We'll do absolutely Okay, take care, 1633 01:19:15,800 --> 01:19:19,920 Speaker 1: I have a great day. Bye bye bye. So if 1634 01:19:19,920 --> 01:19:22,320 Speaker 1: you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, just send an 1635 01:19:22,360 --> 01:19:25,680 Speaker 1: email to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.