WEBVTT - #128 The love wasn’t real 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:03.920 Here's a tough one. Do you love her? Because if 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:07.720 the answer is yes, if what you felt was love, 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:11.920 then her finding another guy that's good for her, that 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:27.280 makes her happy shouldn't bother you. Welcome back to the podcast. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.960 One of my favorite humans on the entire planet joining 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.560 me today to help answer questions. Bernie, welcome back. Good 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.280 to be back. How many podcasts have you been on 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:38.680 so far with me? On the last count, the person 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.000 said it was like twenty something twenty Wow, this is 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:46.120 episode one, twenty eight, So that's a good chunk. Yeah, 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.919 that's good chunk. Wow. Bernie is here because he if 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:55.040 I was gonna trust anyone, was some really important, really 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:58.000 important question that I had and wanted some really good advice, 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:00.880 I'd call Bernie. And I've literally been doing that for 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.920 twenty two years. So yeah. And the funny thing is 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:07.399 is that we've done it for each other for that long, 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.000 and what ends up happening is we kind of pass 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.880 the same information back and forth. It's like I'll call 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:15.920 you and you'll be like, hey, this, you know, think 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:18.240 about this, think about this. I'm like, oh yeah, And 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:19.800 then you'll call me and I'll tell you the exact 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:22.640 same thing. Back and you're like, oh, yeah, man, you're right. 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.800 Yeah this So it's so hard me and you counsider 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.480 on this on these microphones and give people advice and 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.240 we could hear their story and we could feed into them, 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:36.000 but it's it's really hard to think of and apply 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.800 that to yourself. So that's why community is so important, 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.119 and having wise counsel around you is so important because 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:46.720 so many times even good advice givers have trouble feeding 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:49.840 it to themselves and then even harder listening to their 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:53.559 own advice. No, you're absolutely right, and I'm not trying 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:55.680 to put you out of a job by any means. 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.920 But my hope is one day the Grangeer Smith podcast 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.600 doesn't exist because all these people that are writing in 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:05.200 with questions, they're like going to their community of people 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.520 that we live in this world where people have folks 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:09.440 around them that they're wrestling through this with them. They 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.160 don't feel this need to let me send it out 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:15.520 because I don't have a Granger, I don't have a Bernie, 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:19.040 I don't have these people, but we all got those people. 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:21.359 So if you're out there and you don't have those people, 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.799 fight for those people. Go find those people and then 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:25.799 ask them your questions. You can still send them to 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.560 grizz because you know, people got to eat, you know, 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:32.359 but uh yeah, that's the hope, right, that's the hope. 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:36.359 What's interesting is you and pastor, Chad and Parker are 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:39.600 the most reoccurring guests on this podcast. And in April 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.919 we're all taking a trip together to Louisville, Kentucky. We're 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:45.920 all going to be together. That the core members of 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:49.160 this podcast will be together. That's gonna be super interesting. 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:53.640 We should find a spot to have a campfire and 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:56.760 record one. That would be That would be cool. That's 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:58.920 what it is. The format of this podcast. Yeah, we're 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:01.240 sending around them. If you have a question for me 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:05.959 or Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. That's 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:09.880 what we're talking about here. Ask anything, seriously. There is 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:12.160 no limit to your questions. There's no limit to the 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.519 depth of what you could ask. And as you'll see today, 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:20.680 we talk about everything and you ask everything. So wherever 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:22.520 you came from too, if you came from TikTok or 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:25.040 Instagram because you saw a clip of this podcast, thank 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:28.640 you for joining. This is what we do. Email and 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:30.520 we'll put it in the queue and answer, and so 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:32.320 I got my first one ready to go. I got 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.200 a whole bunch of them today, But the first one 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.360 says subject line says what's enough? And then it says anonymous. 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:41.200 Just to make sure that I don't say their name, 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:43.600 it says, hey, Grange, I'm twenty three years old. I'm 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.520 a young man. I came to a point in my 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:49.800 life where I'm wondering what's enough? There's being a gentleman still? 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.000 Is being a gentleman still a thing? In twenty twenty two. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:55.800 I've seen this girl for a while, and I've always 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:59.440 been trying to be irreproachable as I could, opening the 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:02.160 door for her, getting behind her when she's going upstairs, 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.600 and in front of her when she's going downstairs, getting 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:06.520 her flowers once in a while. But I feel like 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:11.400 those things have been taken for granted. Sadly, this relation 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.400 is now behind me, but I'm left with a sickening 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.719 feeling that I should have done more or better. Is 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:20.200 this still a thing? Is that too much? Or those 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:22.919 gestures just a thing of the past. What are your thoughts? 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:27.520 Thanks for the podcast, dude, I got something great. Go 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:29.400 for it burns and it comes from you. These are 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:31.640 two things that you've told me over the years that 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:37.560 I think I can pass along to mister anonymous. So 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:42.080 there is this thing I called Granger about one time, 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:48.640 and he said, when our level of gratitude surpasses our 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.479 level of expectation, that's what magic happens. I think what's 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:56.160 happened in this relationship is the level of her expectation 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:01.480 exceeded her level of gratitude for you, and and you know, 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:04.919 there's there's not much that can really happen in a 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:11.680 positive way when that expectation is above the gratitude, right, Yeah, Yeah, 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:15.200 that's exactly right. And what that really, what that boils 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.359 down to is if you are going above and beyond 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:22.159 in a relationship and you are You're opening doors, and 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:24.400 you're getting flowers and you're being you're just being a 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:27.479 super nice guy, and she doesn't want to be with you. 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:30.279 The reason she doesn't want to be with you is 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.440 not because you did all that stuff too much or 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:36.680 too less. It's just because she didn't like you. And 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:38.599 it seems like I kind of repeat that on a 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.920 lot of these podcasts, that man, she just didn't like you, 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:43.599 or she didn't she didn't love you the same amount 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.359 that you loved her. And I'd say that not to 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:50.760 knock you, or not to degrade you, or or try 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:55.560 to in any any way undermine who you are as 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.360 a person. That's just the cold, hard fact of love is. 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.640 If she left you, it wasn't because of what you 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.960 did or didn't do. There just wasn't a connection. And 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.080 you have to realize that all the things that you said, 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.160 opening doors, getting behind her when she's going upstairs, I 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.719 didn't even think about something like that, getting her flowers 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:18.240 once in a while. Some girl in your future is 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:22.760 gonna love you for that. She is gonna be just 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:26.880 so overwhelmed by someone that takes care of her like 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:31.400 you do. You're so thoughtful, and someone is gonna get 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.240 the fruits of this from you, of this personality trait 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.120 that you have, and they're gonna love you forever. It's 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:41.000 just so important to remember that this girl just she 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:42.840 wasn't for you. And I'm not saying she was a 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:46.839 bad person either, It just doesn't work. I mean, it's 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:48.840 like the old George Strait song, you can't make a 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:53.000 heart love somebody. Yeah, you could lead a heart to love, 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:55.440 but you can't make it fall. You just can't. You 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.839 can't make a heart fall. She didn't fall for you. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:01.919 So maybe you're thinking, ah, open the door three more times, 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:05.800 you know, it's like it's just it's not that. Yeah, no, 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:09.320 that's great. The second the second thing that came to 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:14.920 mind that Granger told me recently. It sounds like you're 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:18.040 kind of reliving some things, you know, like oh, could 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:21.520 I have done this, and probably also jump into the 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:25.480 future about am I gonna find somebody else? And so 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.640 I called Grangeer the other day, I, you know, had 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:31.160 this event and I called I was like, man, this happened, 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:35.400 and man, my mind just keeps running about like what 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:37.640 does this mean? Am I gonna is my career going 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:39.840 to go this way? And do I need to start 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:41.960 doing this and this and this? And he says burn 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.880 the future is none of your business, and I was like, oh, 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:51.440 that is so good. You're right, Like, mentally, I was 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:55.960 already playing out all of these scenarios and sometimes catastrophizing 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:59.840 those scenarios or embellishing those scenarios when it's like, dude, 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:03.560 that none of my business, and also reliving you Remember, 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:05.800 I was like, man, I can't keep or I can't 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.920 stop thinking about what I said, and you know, it 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.680 was like, well, the past is none of your business either, 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:18.680 So it's really anonymous learning reflecting on the past. We're 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.880 not saying just move past it, but reflecting on the past, 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:25.360 taking the lessons from it, and then moving into each 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.400 day with those lessons and really submitting them to God 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.520 and saying God, I'm yours, I trust you. I trust 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:37.880 you with my future relationship and whatever that may look like. 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:42.120 And whatever my future looks like, relationship or not, that 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.760 the future is none of my business. It's completely ears 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.040 and you care about it, so I'm giving it to you. Man, 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:52.160 So good, so anonymous. Imagine this scenario where sometime in 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:54.880 the future, you're putting your work into this relationship, a 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:58.920 new relationship somebody else. You're putting your work in, which 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:01.600 we should all we have to. You know, relationships are work. 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:04.360 So you put the work in, you pay into it, 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.679 and you pay into it with gratitude, like Bernie said, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:11.040 and you expect a little bit less than you're being 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:14.240 grateful for. And then imagine this scenario. You put the 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:16.560 work in and you open the door for some girl, 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:20.360 You bring her flowers and she starts her eyes get 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.680 welled up with tears and you're like, what, you know, what, 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.319 why are you crying? And she says, I've never had 0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:32.240 a guy open doors and get flowers like you. I've 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:35.600 never had this, and I'm just I'm just so grateful 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:38.120 for you that you're in my life. Okay, right here, 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.679 let's pause right here. What if this was the first 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.760 girlfriend you ever had and she said that, you would think, okay, cool, 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.040 Well that's just what I'm supposed to do. But it's 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:51.640 not your first girlfriend. You've had one in the past 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:55.840 that didn't appreciate it. So in return, you start getting teary. 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:59.120 I had back to her and you go, well, it's 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.320 interesting you say that because I've never had a girl 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:05.720 appreciate it like you. And then it matters. That's why 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:10.440 all these mistakes and failed relationships matter. They build us 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.320 and they refine us, so we're a little bit better 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:17.200 incrementally every time something bad like this is happening. Every 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.080 time you have this heartbreak, you're getting a little bit 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:23.240 better each time because of the past failures, and the 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:26.440 new one will matter more. And I can't wait for 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:28.800 that to happen to you. Yeah, that's good stuff, man. 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:33.320 Another there's a question on here Burns that relates exactly 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:36.360 to what you're saying that because I saw it. It It 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:40.920 literally came in today, Okay, watch this, and came in 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:44.080 just a few hours ago. It says, hey, grand your 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.360 my name is Debbie. I just started listening to your podcast, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.800 and I've seen your posts on TikTok and I used 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.360 to swipe past them because it was faith based, and 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.760 at the time I was so mad at God. I mean, 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:55.520 I can't say that I'm still not mad at God 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:58.120 because I am so I'm gonna ask this, and I 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.199 certainly hope it doesn't upset you. I lost custody to 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:05.040 my girls in September to unfortunate circumstances. No, I don't 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.439 drink or do drugs, and I didn't hurt them. I've 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.040 been fighting to get them back for months to only 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:13.120 get told that I can't see them or be around them. Now, 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.400 my question is, when you lost your son, how did 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:18.400 you lean on God. I know God can't change things, 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:22.160 and I'm sure he's trying to teach me something here, 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.680 but at any point he could have changed the outcome. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.080 And I'm having a hard time getting back to my 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:30.200 faith and trusting that this is in his hands. How 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.360 do you trust him so much? How do you still 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:35.160 live each day knowing and trusting God? Thank you for 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:38.040 the time to read this, And who knows, maybe it's 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.920 meant to help someone else have a good day. So 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.679 that kind of goes back to your thought of trusting God. 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:47.600 Just trusting the future is none of your business. Trusting 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:51.600 God and Debbie, there's me and Bernie get hit on 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:55.679 several things. This is a multi layered question, and it's 0:11:55.679 --> 0:12:00.360 a good question. I'll start with I'll start with saying 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.960 what I always try to remind myself is not to 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:08.560 say why God, instead replace the why with what? Like, 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:13.559 what God are you trying to show me in this diversity, 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:18.880 in this suffering situation. Instead of why, change your why 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.760 to what? And it instantly changes your mind. It flips 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:24.360 the channel in your mind instead of why. It's such 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:29.560 an open ended, unknowing question. But what is more like, Okay, what, 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.240 I'm gonna look around me. I'm gonna start seeing evidence 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.320 of this. I'm gonna start dissecting my brain and seeing 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.560 what else around me could I be learning in this 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:43.440 kind of situation? And it really helps. I mean I 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:45.960 say this so many podcasts too, but I would lean 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:52.280 on the Psalms on this too. Debbie, you asked you 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:54.920 asked me, I hope this sudden upset you, and it doesn't. 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:56.520 Now I'm gonna ask you the same thing. I hope 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:00.840 this doesn't upset you. But I'm thinking, justudging by your email, 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:07.400 you probably don't read very much Bible. Hey, I'm not judging. 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.960 It's nothing wrong with that, because I too once lived 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.440 in a world where I didn't read very much Bible. 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:17.880 But you can't ask questions about the nature of God, 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:20.320 and you can't ask questions about who God is and 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.360 why God does what he does if you're not reading 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.880 his word, because we believe as Christians that the Bible 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:30.560 is the living, breathing word, current present word of God 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:34.920 speaking to us. That's a prayer, is us talking to God, 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:37.480 and the Bible is Him talking to us. And so 0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:41.760 if you're not reading it at all, then I would say, 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:44.720 how could you question anything? You're not listening to the 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:49.680 conversation He's given you, and your question is always relevant 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:53.400 in the Psalms. You'll see the heart of God in 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.920 the Psalms, and then probably more importantly, you'll see the 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:02.200 heart of man reflecting on his position on what he 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:06.680 thinks about God, and so many times, so many times 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:11.880 in art. In our human brain, we think one thing, 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:17.600 and by preaching ourselves something else, we slowly start to change. 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.520 And what I mean by that is here's what I mean. 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:25.400 I was actually telling Parker this yesterday. We none of 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:29.800 us truly trust God, because if we did, we would 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:35.280 have an absolutely anxiety free, stress free, peaceful life. So 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:39.040 that's how we know none of us fully trust God 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.640 as humans. And this is called faith. That's what we're 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.400 talking about. Faith. It's the assurance of things that are unseen, Debbie. 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:52.840 So when you don't trust God, like everyone at some level, 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:55.760 we're all at different levels of trust. You preach to 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:59.440 yourself that you do by saying you by repeating some 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:03.480 of the psalms like I trust you God, I trust you, 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:07.560 and deep down in your mind you're going not totally no, 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.760 but I trust you. You are faithful, And you preach 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:16.800 yourself that, and eventually you start changing. Your brain starts 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:21.880 changing a little bit like oh for sure, yeah, go ahead, Burns, Yeah, 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.360 I'm pretty sure it was Martin Lord Jones. But somebody 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.120 out there can correct me if I'm wrong, that said, 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:30.480 the majority of the unhappiness in your life is due 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.560 to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:37.440 of talking to yourself. Wow, that's perfect to what That's 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:41.200 exactly what you're saying. And if you don't have that 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:46.840 truth to talk to yourself with, you're going to listen. 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.200 You're going to start listening to those things that are like, no, 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:55.440 there's God. It goes back to the garden the same thing. 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.800 Does God really love you? See? If he did, like, 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:00.760 why would he keep these things from you? Why would 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.840 he take these things away? Like he doesn't really love you? 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:07.480 Come you're just questioning and questioning Instead, you have to 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:11.080 arm yourself with that truth. So in those moments, mental 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.600 habit kicks in and you're like, no, I'm gonna I'm 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.800 gonna speak these things. I'm gonna meditate on this day 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:19.800 and night, you know, just like the psalm kicks off 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:25.960 with Yeah. And So I think as Granger is talking, 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:27.680 the thing that I keep coming back to and as 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.200 I've listened to this podcast and I've been on this podcast, 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.320 and I think that Granger aligns with me here. I 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:38.160 think we agree in this. And even though we are 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:43.600 answering your questions. The desire is not to tell you 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.640 what to do, but for you to know who God is, 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.440 and that is ministry. I think that we've as a culture, 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.680 we've gotten away from that. We just want to tell 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.400 people what to do. Well, here's what rules you need 0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:58.920 to follow, and here's what church you need to go to, 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:02.000 and what the need to be getting up early and doing. 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:03.960 And some of those things are good, but they're a 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:08.600 manifestation of who God is and our awe and our 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:13.760 desire and our understanding and all of that of who 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.960 He is. And so when when we get questions writing 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:18.919 in about well, this happened to me, this happened to me, 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:22.240 we understand life is hard, and those things are hard, 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:25.119 but it doesn't change who God is. And there's no 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:27.720 amount of things you can do right that will avoid 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:32.600 those things in the future, because ultimately, it's who God 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.720 is that matters. And so I think, like Granger is saying, 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.080 to that end, you have to go to the Word 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.600 because that's when you're gonna start to understand for yourself 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:46.000 and your heart. Oh, this is who he is, This 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:48.719 is what he suffered, This is why he was a 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:55.600 man of sorrows. This, Oh God, place of all so good, Debbie, 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:01.119 this is an interesting thing. You asked me, how do 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.000 you trust? How do you trust? After you lost your son? 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:07.840 How did you how did you trust God? Well, the 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:12.399 irony and you asking me that and think it followed 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.720 me here for a second. The irony and you asking 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:18.840 me that question with your problem, which is a legit 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:20.960 problem you have, And I'm so sorry that you're going 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:24.800 through this custody battle. But when I started asking God 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:29.159 through my ultimate pain, what are you trying to tell me? 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.399 What are you trying to show me? What do you 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:35.919 need me to do through this? Not? Why? What do 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.160 you need me to do? Well? One of the many 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.480 things that happened to me in that transition. One of 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:43.800 the many things is this podcast changed from me telling 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:48.480 stories to answering questions, and then that led to you, 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:53.000 with you losing your kids, emailing me your question. So 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:57.000 here I am literally sitting here with Bernie answering your 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:00.639 question because the format changed because I ask God what 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:03.919 he needed me to do because I was suffering. So 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.840 that's the chain of events that you're asking me, how 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:08.879 do I trust God? Well, that's the chain of events 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:12.400 that happened when I did here I am talking to you, Debbie. 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:15.040 I don't know you. I've never met you, and I 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.400 doubt I ever would ever have even spoken your name 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:22.040 until I trusted God asked him what he needed me 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.600 to do. The format of this podcast changed. I open 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:26.760 up questions. I gave you my email. You found me 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.679 on TikTok. You're suffering, and you asked me this question. 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:34.560 It's interesting, right? Is that just luck? Is that coincidence? 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.760 Is that strange irony? Or is that sovereignty of God 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:43.160 working through my suffering all the way to your suffering. 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.520 That's the question I have for you. Yeah, hey, maybe 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:49.320 it's the luck of the Irish that you might think. 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:55.520 I don't believe that. Yeah, Okay, that's good, it's really good. 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:59.679 Let's hit let's hit another one. Who got a good 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:05.040 old break up? Okay, subject line break up. Hey, mister Smith, 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:08.159 i'd like to remain anonymous, mister Smith. That's what it says, 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:12.199 very that I would like to remain anonymous. I just 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.399 recently had to break up a few weeks ago, and 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.720 we've been off and on. I've listened to your podcast 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:21.720 and they've helped me. My problem is I'm trying to 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:25.800 understand how to be happy alone. She was my happiness. 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:28.520 I recognized I was wrong to base a lot of 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.000 my happiness on her, but she meant a lot to me. 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:33.879 I wish maybe one day me and her could make 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:36.440 things work again, when we're both back in the right 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:39.360 mind space. Is that crazy of me to think? How 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.879 do I get my past my heart strings of missing 0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:45.520 her and waking up every day and restarting the cycle 0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:48.640 every day. I've been trying to write songs about my feelings, 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:52.840 and that's definitely helped. I'm seeking some more helpful pushing 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:58.720 from you. Thank you and God bless Okay, it's interesting 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:05.120 when I get heartbreak questions Anonymous. Your question is legit, 0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:09.639 the suffering that you have, it's similar. I always think 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:12.640 heartbreak and grief are like brothers. They're very similar. You've 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:15.840 lost a person that you love that meant a lot 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:19.600 to you, so your questions legit. But what I'm about 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:23.080 to say is not no offense. But these heartbreak questions 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.560 are always the same, just the names change and the 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:30.240 locations change. But when you're in it, it always feels 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:35.160 like this is different. My story is different. My story 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:37.600 is not like anything else you've ever said on the podcast. 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:41.000 But I'm telling you it is. That's a good thing 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:44.160 for you, man. It's a good thing that millions of people, 0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:48.119 probably everybody on this planet will or has gone through heartbreak. 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:50.760 Because you know why. It's good because you could look 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:55.440 at humanity and go, they still made it, They still 0:21:55.440 --> 0:22:00.680 did it. So let's dig into your question. The most 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:04.679 dangerous sentence that you wrote in this email was she 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:09.119 was my happiness. Yeah, but right after that, he does say, 0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:12.840 I recognize that that was not right or unhealthy. I'm 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:17.040 not sure exactly what you said, but so it's almost 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:22.960 like the how do you get from I know this thing? 0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:28.480 I know this was unhealthy? She was that? Two. I 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:32.359 mean he's still somewhat in that mindset because he's still 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:36.480 mentally running through all of the scenarios and probably painting 0:22:36.480 --> 0:22:38.840 the picture of their relationship better than it actually was, 0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:43.280 and like kind of fantasizing of what it would be 0:22:43.400 --> 0:22:45.879 like if we got back together. And yes, I mean 0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:47.600 I think you I just listened to the one with 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:50.000 You and Parker a couple episodes ago, and I think 0:22:50.040 --> 0:22:52.080 y'all hit on this and it was so so good. 0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:57.840 Of that kind of mental loop, It's like you probably 0:22:57.880 --> 0:23:01.800 are still have her picture somewhere, and you have these habits, 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:06.359 and it's like kill the empty habits. Yes, you got 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:11.080 to kill empty habits, and that is an empty habit. Yes, 0:23:11.520 --> 0:23:14.720 I think you're exactly right. And the evidence of that 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:17.600 what Bernie just said. The evidence is where you say, 0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:20.200 I wish maybe one day me and her could make 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:22.399 things work when we're both in the right mind space. 0:23:23.400 --> 0:23:26.800 But you got to let that go. Now, could it happen? 0:23:27.000 --> 0:23:30.600