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Speaker 1: Here's a tough one. Do you love her? Because if

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Speaker 1: the answer is yes, if what you felt was love,

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Speaker 1: then her finding another guy that's good for her, that

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Speaker 1: makes her happy shouldn't bother you. Welcome back to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite humans on the entire planet joining

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Speaker 1: me today to help answer questions. Bernie, welcome back. Good

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Speaker 1: to be back. How many podcasts have you been on

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Speaker 1: so far with me? On the last count, the person

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Speaker 1: said it was like twenty something twenty Wow, this is

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Speaker 1: episode one, twenty eight, So that's a good chunk. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's good chunk. Wow. Bernie is here because he if

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Speaker 1: I was gonna trust anyone, was some really important, really

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Speaker 1: important question that I had and wanted some really good advice,

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Speaker 1: I'd call Bernie. And I've literally been doing that for

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Speaker 1: twenty two years. So yeah. And the funny thing is

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Speaker 1: is that we've done it for each other for that long,

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Speaker 1: and what ends up happening is we kind of pass

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Speaker 1: the same information back and forth. It's like I'll call

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Speaker 1: you and you'll be like, hey, this, you know, think

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Speaker 1: about this, think about this. I'm like, oh yeah, And

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Speaker 1: then you'll call me and I'll tell you the exact

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Speaker 1: same thing. Back and you're like, oh, yeah, man, you're right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah this So it's so hard me and you counsider

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Speaker 1: on this on these microphones and give people advice and

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Speaker 1: we could hear their story and we could feed into them,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's really hard to think of and apply

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Speaker 1: that to yourself. So that's why community is so important,

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Speaker 1: and having wise counsel around you is so important because

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Speaker 1: so many times even good advice givers have trouble feeding

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Speaker 1: it to themselves and then even harder listening to their

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Speaker 1: own advice. No, you're absolutely right, and I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to put you out of a job by any means.

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Speaker 1: But my hope is one day the Grangeer Smith podcast

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Speaker 1: doesn't exist because all these people that are writing in

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Speaker 1: with questions, they're like going to their community of people

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Speaker 1: that we live in this world where people have folks

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Speaker 1: around them that they're wrestling through this with them. They

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Speaker 1: don't feel this need to let me send it out

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Speaker 1: because I don't have a Granger, I don't have a Bernie,

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Speaker 1: I don't have these people, but we all got those people.

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Speaker 1: So if you're out there and you don't have those people,

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Speaker 1: fight for those people. Go find those people and then

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Speaker 1: ask them your questions. You can still send them to

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Speaker 1: grizz because you know, people got to eat, you know,

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Speaker 1: but uh yeah, that's the hope, right, that's the hope.

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Speaker 1: What's interesting is you and pastor, Chad and Parker are

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Speaker 1: the most reoccurring guests on this podcast. And in April

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Speaker 1: we're all taking a trip together to Louisville, Kentucky. We're

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Speaker 1: all going to be together. That the core members of

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Speaker 1: this podcast will be together. That's gonna be super interesting.

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Speaker 1: We should find a spot to have a campfire and

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Speaker 1: record one. That would be That would be cool. That's

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Speaker 1: what it is. The format of this podcast. Yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: sending around them. If you have a question for me

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Speaker 1: or Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. That's

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Speaker 1: what we're talking about here. Ask anything, seriously. There is

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Speaker 1: no limit to your questions. There's no limit to the

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Speaker 1: depth of what you could ask. And as you'll see today,

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Speaker 1: we talk about everything and you ask everything. So wherever

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Speaker 1: you came from too, if you came from TikTok or

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Speaker 1: Instagram because you saw a clip of this podcast, thank

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Speaker 1: you for joining. This is what we do. Email and

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Speaker 1: we'll put it in the queue and answer, and so

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Speaker 1: I got my first one ready to go. I got

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Speaker 1: a whole bunch of them today, But the first one

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Speaker 1: says subject line says what's enough? And then it says anonymous.

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Speaker 1: Just to make sure that I don't say their name,

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Speaker 1: it says, hey, Grange, I'm twenty three years old. I'm

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Speaker 1: a young man. I came to a point in my

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Speaker 1: life where I'm wondering what's enough? There's being a gentleman still?

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Speaker 1: Is being a gentleman still a thing? In twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 1: I've seen this girl for a while, and I've always

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Speaker 1: been trying to be irreproachable as I could, opening the

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Speaker 1: door for her, getting behind her when she's going upstairs,

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Speaker 1: and in front of her when she's going downstairs, getting

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Speaker 1: her flowers once in a while. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: those things have been taken for granted. Sadly, this relation

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Speaker 1: is now behind me, but I'm left with a sickening

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Speaker 1: feeling that I should have done more or better. Is

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Speaker 1: this still a thing? Is that too much? Or those

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Speaker 1: gestures just a thing of the past. What are your thoughts?

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Speaker 1: Thanks for the podcast, dude, I got something great. Go

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Speaker 1: for it burns and it comes from you. These are

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Speaker 1: two things that you've told me over the years that

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Speaker 1: I think I can pass along to mister anonymous. So

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Speaker 1: there is this thing I called Granger about one time,

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Speaker 1: and he said, when our level of gratitude surpasses our

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Speaker 1: level of expectation, that's what magic happens. I think what's

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Speaker 1: happened in this relationship is the level of her expectation

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Speaker 1: exceeded her level of gratitude for you, and and you know,

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Speaker 1: there's there's not much that can really happen in a

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Speaker 1: positive way when that expectation is above the gratitude, right, Yeah, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's exactly right. And what that really, what that boils

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Speaker 1: down to is if you are going above and beyond

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Speaker 1: in a relationship and you are You're opening doors, and

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Speaker 1: you're getting flowers and you're being you're just being a

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Speaker 1: super nice guy, and she doesn't want to be with you.

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Speaker 1: The reason she doesn't want to be with you is

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Speaker 1: not because you did all that stuff too much or

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Speaker 1: too less. It's just because she didn't like you. And

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Speaker 1: it seems like I kind of repeat that on a

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Speaker 1: lot of these podcasts, that man, she just didn't like you,

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Speaker 1: or she didn't she didn't love you the same amount

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Speaker 1: that you loved her. And I'd say that not to

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Speaker 1: knock you, or not to degrade you, or or try

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Speaker 1: to in any any way undermine who you are as

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Speaker 1: a person. That's just the cold, hard fact of love is.

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Speaker 1: If she left you, it wasn't because of what you

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Speaker 1: did or didn't do. There just wasn't a connection. And

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Speaker 1: you have to realize that all the things that you said,

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Speaker 1: opening doors, getting behind her when she's going upstairs, I

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Speaker 1: didn't even think about something like that, getting her flowers

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Speaker 1: once in a while. Some girl in your future is

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Speaker 1: gonna love you for that. She is gonna be just

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Speaker 1: so overwhelmed by someone that takes care of her like

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Speaker 1: you do. You're so thoughtful, and someone is gonna get

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Speaker 1: the fruits of this from you, of this personality trait

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Speaker 1: that you have, and they're gonna love you forever. It's

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Speaker 1: just so important to remember that this girl just she

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Speaker 1: wasn't for you. And I'm not saying she was a

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Speaker 1: bad person either, It just doesn't work. I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: like the old George Strait song, you can't make a

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Speaker 1: heart love somebody. Yeah, you could lead a heart to love,

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Speaker 1: but you can't make it fall. You just can't. You

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Speaker 1: can't make a heart fall. She didn't fall for you.

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Speaker 1: So maybe you're thinking, ah, open the door three more times,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's like it's just it's not that. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: that's great. The second the second thing that came to

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Speaker 1: mind that Granger told me recently. It sounds like you're

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Speaker 1: kind of reliving some things, you know, like oh, could

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Speaker 1: I have done this, and probably also jump into the

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Speaker 1: future about am I gonna find somebody else? And so

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Speaker 1: I called Grangeer the other day, I, you know, had

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Speaker 1: this event and I called I was like, man, this happened,

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Speaker 1: and man, my mind just keeps running about like what

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Speaker 1: does this mean? Am I gonna is my career going

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Speaker 1: to go this way? And do I need to start

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Speaker 1: doing this and this and this? And he says burn

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Speaker 1: the future is none of your business, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that is so good. You're right, Like, mentally, I was

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Speaker 1: already playing out all of these scenarios and sometimes catastrophizing

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Speaker 1: those scenarios or embellishing those scenarios when it's like, dude,

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Speaker 1: that none of my business, and also reliving you Remember,

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Speaker 1: I was like, man, I can't keep or I can't

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Speaker 1: stop thinking about what I said, and you know, it

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Speaker 1: was like, well, the past is none of your business either,

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Speaker 1: So it's really anonymous learning reflecting on the past. We're

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Speaker 1: not saying just move past it, but reflecting on the past,

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Speaker 1: taking the lessons from it, and then moving into each

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Speaker 1: day with those lessons and really submitting them to God

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Speaker 1: and saying God, I'm yours, I trust you. I trust

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Speaker 1: you with my future relationship and whatever that may look like.

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Speaker 1: And whatever my future looks like, relationship or not, that

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Speaker 1: the future is none of my business. It's completely ears

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Speaker 1: and you care about it, so I'm giving it to you. Man,

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Speaker 1: So good, so anonymous. Imagine this scenario where sometime in

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Speaker 1: the future, you're putting your work into this relationship, a

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Speaker 1: new relationship somebody else. You're putting your work in, which

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Speaker 1: we should all we have to. You know, relationships are work.

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Speaker 1: So you put the work in, you pay into it,

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Speaker 1: and you pay into it with gratitude, like Bernie said,

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Speaker 1: and you expect a little bit less than you're being

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Speaker 1: grateful for. And then imagine this scenario. You put the

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Speaker 1: work in and you open the door for some girl,

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Speaker 1: You bring her flowers and she starts her eyes get

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Speaker 1: welled up with tears and you're like, what, you know, what,

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Speaker 1: why are you crying? And she says, I've never had

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Speaker 1: a guy open doors and get flowers like you. I've

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Speaker 1: never had this, and I'm just I'm just so grateful

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Speaker 1: for you that you're in my life. Okay, right here,

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Speaker 1: let's pause right here. What if this was the first

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Speaker 1: girlfriend you ever had and she said that, you would think, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: Well that's just what I'm supposed to do. But it's

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Speaker 1: not your first girlfriend. You've had one in the past

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Speaker 1: that didn't appreciate it. So in return, you start getting teary.

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Speaker 1: I had back to her and you go, well, it's

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Speaker 1: interesting you say that because I've never had a girl

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Speaker 1: appreciate it like you. And then it matters. That's why

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Speaker 1: all these mistakes and failed relationships matter. They build us

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Speaker 1: and they refine us, so we're a little bit better

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Speaker 1: incrementally every time something bad like this is happening. Every

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Speaker 1: time you have this heartbreak, you're getting a little bit

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Speaker 1: better each time because of the past failures, and the

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Speaker 1: new one will matter more. And I can't wait for

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Speaker 1: that to happen to you. Yeah, that's good stuff, man.

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Speaker 1: Another there's a question on here Burns that relates exactly

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Speaker 1: to what you're saying that because I saw it. It It

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Speaker 1: literally came in today, Okay, watch this, and came in

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Speaker 1: just a few hours ago. It says, hey, grand your

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Speaker 1: my name is Debbie. I just started listening to your podcast,

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Speaker 1: and I've seen your posts on TikTok and I used

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Speaker 1: to swipe past them because it was faith based, and

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Speaker 1: at the time I was so mad at God. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I can't say that I'm still not mad at God

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Speaker 1: because I am so I'm gonna ask this, and I

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Speaker 1: certainly hope it doesn't upset you. I lost custody to

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Speaker 1: my girls in September to unfortunate circumstances. No, I don't

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Speaker 1: drink or do drugs, and I didn't hurt them. I've

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Speaker 1: been fighting to get them back for months to only

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Speaker 1: get told that I can't see them or be around them. Now,

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Speaker 1: my question is, when you lost your son, how did

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Speaker 1: you lean on God. I know God can't change things,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure he's trying to teach me something here,

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Speaker 1: but at any point he could have changed the outcome.

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Speaker 1: And I'm having a hard time getting back to my

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Speaker 1: faith and trusting that this is in his hands. How

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Speaker 1: do you trust him so much? How do you still

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Speaker 1: live each day knowing and trusting God? Thank you for

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Speaker 1: the time to read this, And who knows, maybe it's

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Speaker 1: meant to help someone else have a good day. So

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Speaker 1: that kind of goes back to your thought of trusting God.

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Speaker 1: Just trusting the future is none of your business. Trusting

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Speaker 1: God and Debbie, there's me and Bernie get hit on

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Speaker 1: several things. This is a multi layered question, and it's

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Speaker 1: a good question. I'll start with I'll start with saying

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Speaker 1: what I always try to remind myself is not to

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Speaker 1: say why God, instead replace the why with what? Like,

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Speaker 1: what God are you trying to show me in this diversity,

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Speaker 1: in this suffering situation. Instead of why, change your why

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Speaker 1: to what? And it instantly changes your mind. It flips

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Speaker 1: the channel in your mind instead of why. It's such

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Speaker 1: an open ended, unknowing question. But what is more like, Okay, what,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna look around me. I'm gonna start seeing evidence

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Speaker 1: of this. I'm gonna start dissecting my brain and seeing

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Speaker 1: what else around me could I be learning in this

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Speaker 1: kind of situation? And it really helps. I mean I

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Speaker 1: say this so many podcasts too, but I would lean

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Speaker 1: on the Psalms on this too. Debbie, you asked you

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Speaker 1: asked me, I hope this sudden upset you, and it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna ask you the same thing. I hope

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Speaker 1: this doesn't upset you. But I'm thinking, justudging by your email,

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Speaker 1: you probably don't read very much Bible. Hey, I'm not judging.

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Speaker 1: It's nothing wrong with that, because I too once lived

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Speaker 1: in a world where I didn't read very much Bible.

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Speaker 1: But you can't ask questions about the nature of God,

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Speaker 1: and you can't ask questions about who God is and

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Speaker 1: why God does what he does if you're not reading

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Speaker 1: his word, because we believe as Christians that the Bible

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Speaker 1: is the living, breathing word, current present word of God

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Speaker 1: speaking to us. That's a prayer, is us talking to God,

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Speaker 1: and the Bible is Him talking to us. And so

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Speaker 1: if you're not reading it at all, then I would say,

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Speaker 1: how could you question anything? You're not listening to the

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Speaker 1: conversation He's given you, and your question is always relevant

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Speaker 1: in the Psalms. You'll see the heart of God in

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Speaker 1: the Psalms, and then probably more importantly, you'll see the

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Speaker 1: heart of man reflecting on his position on what he

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Speaker 1: thinks about God, and so many times, so many times

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Speaker 1: in art. In our human brain, we think one thing,

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Speaker 1: and by preaching ourselves something else, we slowly start to change.

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Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is here's what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I was actually telling Parker this yesterday. We none of

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Speaker 1: us truly trust God, because if we did, we would

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Speaker 1: have an absolutely anxiety free, stress free, peaceful life. So

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Speaker 1: that's how we know none of us fully trust God

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Speaker 1: as humans. And this is called faith. That's what we're

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Speaker 1: talking about. Faith. It's the assurance of things that are unseen, Debbie.

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Speaker 1: So when you don't trust God, like everyone at some level,

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Speaker 1: we're all at different levels of trust. You preach to

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Speaker 1: yourself that you do by saying you by repeating some

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Speaker 1: of the psalms like I trust you God, I trust you,

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Speaker 1: and deep down in your mind you're going not totally no,

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Speaker 1: but I trust you. You are faithful, And you preach

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Speaker 1: yourself that, and eventually you start changing. Your brain starts

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Speaker 1: changing a little bit like oh for sure, yeah, go ahead, Burns, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it was Martin Lord Jones. But somebody

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Speaker 1: out there can correct me if I'm wrong, that said,

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Speaker 1: the majority of the unhappiness in your life is due

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Speaker 1: to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead

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Speaker 1: of talking to yourself. Wow, that's perfect to what That's

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Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying. And if you don't have that

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Speaker 1: truth to talk to yourself with, you're going to listen.

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Speaker 1: You're going to start listening to those things that are like, no,

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Speaker 1: there's God. It goes back to the garden the same thing.

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Speaker 1: Does God really love you? See? If he did, like,

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Speaker 1: why would he keep these things from you? Why would

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Speaker 1: he take these things away? Like he doesn't really love you?

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Speaker 1: Come you're just questioning and questioning Instead, you have to

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Speaker 1: arm yourself with that truth. So in those moments, mental

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Speaker 1: habit kicks in and you're like, no, I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna speak these things. I'm gonna meditate on this day

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Speaker 1: and night, you know, just like the psalm kicks off

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Speaker 1: with Yeah. And So I think as Granger is talking,

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Speaker 1: the thing that I keep coming back to and as

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Speaker 1: I've listened to this podcast and I've been on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: and I think that Granger aligns with me here. I

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Speaker 1: think we agree in this. And even though we are

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Speaker 1: answering your questions. The desire is not to tell you

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Speaker 1: what to do, but for you to know who God is,

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Speaker 1: and that is ministry. I think that we've as a culture,

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Speaker 1: we've gotten away from that. We just want to tell

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Speaker 1: people what to do. Well, here's what rules you need

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Speaker 1: to follow, and here's what church you need to go to,

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Speaker 1: and what the need to be getting up early and doing.

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Speaker 1: And some of those things are good, but they're a

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Speaker 1: manifestation of who God is and our awe and our

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Speaker 1: desire and our understanding and all of that of who

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Speaker 1: He is. And so when when we get questions writing

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Speaker 1: in about well, this happened to me, this happened to me,

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Speaker 1: we understand life is hard, and those things are hard,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't change who God is. And there's no

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Speaker 1: amount of things you can do right that will avoid

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Speaker 1: those things in the future, because ultimately, it's who God

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Speaker 1: is that matters. And so I think, like Granger is saying,

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Speaker 1: to that end, you have to go to the Word

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Speaker 1: because that's when you're gonna start to understand for yourself

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Speaker 1: and your heart. Oh, this is who he is, This

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Speaker 1: is what he suffered, This is why he was a

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Speaker 1: man of sorrows. This, Oh God, place of all so good, Debbie,

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Speaker 1: this is an interesting thing. You asked me, how do

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Speaker 1: you trust? How do you trust? After you lost your son?

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Speaker 1: How did you how did you trust God? Well, the

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Speaker 1: irony and you asking me that and think it followed

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Speaker 1: me here for a second. The irony and you asking

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Speaker 1: me that question with your problem, which is a legit

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Speaker 1: problem you have, And I'm so sorry that you're going

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Speaker 1: through this custody battle. But when I started asking God

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Speaker 1: through my ultimate pain, what are you trying to tell me?

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Speaker 1: What are you trying to show me? What do you

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Speaker 1: need me to do through this? Not? Why? What do

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Speaker 1: you need me to do? Well? One of the many

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Speaker 1: things that happened to me in that transition. One of

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Speaker 1: the many things is this podcast changed from me telling

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Speaker 1: stories to answering questions, and then that led to you,

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Speaker 1: with you losing your kids, emailing me your question. So

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Speaker 1: here I am literally sitting here with Bernie answering your

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Speaker 1: question because the format changed because I ask God what

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Speaker 1: he needed me to do because I was suffering. So

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Speaker 1: that's the chain of events that you're asking me, how

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Speaker 1: do I trust God? Well, that's the chain of events

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Speaker 1: that happened when I did here I am talking to you, Debbie.

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Speaker 1: I don't know you. I've never met you, and I

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Speaker 1: doubt I ever would ever have even spoken your name

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Speaker 1: until I trusted God asked him what he needed me

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Speaker 1: to do. The format of this podcast changed. I open

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Speaker 1: up questions. I gave you my email. You found me

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Speaker 1: on TikTok. You're suffering, and you asked me this question.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting, right? Is that just luck? Is that coincidence?

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Speaker 1: Is that strange irony? Or is that sovereignty of God

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Speaker 1: working through my suffering all the way to your suffering.

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Speaker 1: That's the question I have for you. Yeah, hey, maybe

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Speaker 1: it's the luck of the Irish that you might think.

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Speaker 1: I don't believe that. Yeah, Okay, that's good, it's really good.

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Speaker 1: Let's hit let's hit another one. Who got a good

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Speaker 1: old break up? Okay, subject line break up. Hey, mister Smith,

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Speaker 1: i'd like to remain anonymous, mister Smith. That's what it says,

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Speaker 1: very that I would like to remain anonymous. I just

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Speaker 1: recently had to break up a few weeks ago, and

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Speaker 1: we've been off and on. I've listened to your podcast

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Speaker 1: and they've helped me. My problem is I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: understand how to be happy alone. She was my happiness.

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Speaker 1: I recognized I was wrong to base a lot of

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Speaker 1: my happiness on her, but she meant a lot to me.

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Speaker 1: I wish maybe one day me and her could make

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Speaker 1: things work again, when we're both back in the right

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Speaker 1: mind space. Is that crazy of me to think? How

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Speaker 1: do I get my past my heart strings of missing

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Speaker 1: her and waking up every day and restarting the cycle

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Speaker 1: every day. I've been trying to write songs about my feelings,

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Speaker 1: and that's definitely helped. I'm seeking some more helpful pushing

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Speaker 1: from you. Thank you and God bless Okay, it's interesting

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Speaker 1: when I get heartbreak questions Anonymous. Your question is legit,

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Speaker 1: the suffering that you have, it's similar. I always think

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Speaker 1: heartbreak and grief are like brothers. They're very similar. You've

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Speaker 1: lost a person that you love that meant a lot

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Speaker 1: to you, so your questions legit. But what I'm about

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Speaker 1: to say is not no offense. But these heartbreak questions

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Speaker 1: are always the same, just the names change and the

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Speaker 1: locations change. But when you're in it, it always feels

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Speaker 1: like this is different. My story is different. My story

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Speaker 1: is not like anything else you've ever said on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: But I'm telling you it is. That's a good thing

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Speaker 1: for you, man. It's a good thing that millions of people,

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Speaker 1: probably everybody on this planet will or has gone through heartbreak.

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Speaker 1: Because you know why. It's good because you could look

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Speaker 1: at humanity and go, they still made it, They still

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Speaker 1: did it. So let's dig into your question. The most

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Speaker 1: dangerous sentence that you wrote in this email was she

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Speaker 1: was my happiness. Yeah, but right after that, he does say,

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Speaker 1: I recognize that that was not right or unhealthy. I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure exactly what you said, but so it's almost

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Speaker 1: like the how do you get from I know this thing?

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Speaker 1: I know this was unhealthy? She was that? Two. I

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Speaker 1: mean he's still somewhat in that mindset because he's still

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Speaker 1: mentally running through all of the scenarios and probably painting

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Speaker 1: the picture of their relationship better than it actually was,

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Speaker 1: and like kind of fantasizing of what it would be

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Speaker 1: like if we got back together. And yes, I mean

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Speaker 1: I think you I just listened to the one with

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Speaker 1: You and Parker a couple episodes ago, and I think

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Speaker 1: y'all hit on this and it was so so good.

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Speaker 1: Of that kind of mental loop, It's like you probably

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Speaker 1: are still have her picture somewhere, and you have these habits,

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Speaker 1: and it's like kill the empty habits. Yes, you got

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Speaker 1: to kill empty habits, and that is an empty habit. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I think you're exactly right. And the evidence of that

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Speaker 1: what Bernie just said. The evidence is where you say,

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Speaker 1: I wish maybe one day me and her could make

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Speaker 1: things work when we're both in the right mind space.

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Speaker 1: But you got to let that go. Now, could it happen?

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Speaker 1: Of course, anything could happen, Bernie said earlier. The future

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Speaker 1: is none of your business. I don't know what the

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Speaker 1: future holds, but I know who holds the future. That's good.

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Speaker 1: But that on a T shirt, Guys, put it on

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Speaker 1: a T shirt. Let it go, Let it go anonymous,

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Speaker 1: because if you live in a space in a world

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Speaker 1: where you think maybe it might work with her again,

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Speaker 1: you're limiting yourself from moving on today to any other

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Speaker 1: kind of opportunity. That doesn't mean she's out of your

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Speaker 1: life forever, because we know scenarios that happens. Years go

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Speaker 1: by and then you get back together. Great, but you're

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Speaker 1: you are putting up walls to any other opportunity. You're

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Speaker 1: writing your own story and you're trying to write your

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Speaker 1: future out and she's included in it. And when you

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Speaker 1: do that, here come the walls. Here come anything else

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Speaker 1: in your peripheral that might help you heal and might

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Speaker 1: help you become better than you ever were with her,

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Speaker 1: including a new relationship, possibly including a new friendship with

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Speaker 1: another guy that creates a new hobby that you that.

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Speaker 1: It's a chain reaction that goes into a future relationship

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Speaker 1: that you might have that's better, and it will be.

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Speaker 1: You'll look back and go, I'm better. I'm better because

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Speaker 1: of the breakup. I'm better because of the hardship I

424
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 1: went through. Humans are so resilient and so many have

425
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: been through heartache, and you've seen the evidence of how

426
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: they recover. I think Bernie's right. I think you're doing

427
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: stuff right now that's clinging onto this past relationship. You're

428
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: running through your mind, what should I have done differently?

429
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: What should I have said? How do I be happy alone? Well,

430
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: the reason that the ultimate reason right now you're not

431
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: happy alone is because you're still thinking that there's a

432
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:14,199
Speaker 1: future with her. Should say empty habits? Yeah, I love that,

433
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 1: kill empty habits. I think David Goggins originally said that,

434
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: so I can't you know, steal his thing? But either

435
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: way it applies. So I want to ask a question though,

436
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 1: of and I think it is a question that applies

437
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 1: to a lot of these breakup questions, but also to

438
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: some of the other topics. Is this person who was

439
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: this s? Anonymous? Anonymous? Okay, they've listened to the podcast

440
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: and the other people that have written in I listen

441
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 1: to your podcast for years. It's so awesome, thank you.

442
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: But then they go on to ask some of the

443
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 1: very same questions that you have answered. But there's like,

444
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: oh this is different because man, I loved her so

445
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 1: much more than anybody else on the podcast. But what

446
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:10,199
Speaker 1: do you think it is in human nature that I

447
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 1: don't want to listen to the answers and the advice

448
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: that Grangeur has given on other podcasts that clearly is

449
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: the same and applies. It's like I gotta, I gotta.

450
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: Is it just I mean, is it like hello, is

451
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 1: this thing on like a are you listening? Or is

452
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 1: it more of they just want to get on the podcast,

453
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 1: and or is it like I want to share, Like

454
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: what what is it? Why do you keep getting the

455
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 1: same a lot of the same questions when you're knocking

456
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: it out of the park. As far as answering, let's

457
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: let's work through that as you say, let's stress test that. Okay,

458
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 1: that's what that's your phrase. Yeah, we're gonna take a break.

459
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: We're almost out of time. We'll take a break and

460
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 1: we'll get back to stress test that question. This podcast

461
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:03,880
Speaker 1: is sponsored by Better Help Online Therapy. Relationships take work.

462
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 1: A lot of us will drop anything to go help

463
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: someone we care about, and we go out of our

464
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: way to treat any other person, but how often do

465
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: we give ourselves the same treatment? I mean, have you

466
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: ever understood the idea that we will literally take care

467
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: of our pets. And if you take your dog to

468
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: the vet and get some kind of treatment, say you

469
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: get a pill for your dog, you will never skip

470
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 1: giving that dog a pill. But when it comes to yourself,

471
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: very rarely will you take your own pill. This month,

472
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 1: Better Help Online Therapy wants to remind you to take

473
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 1: care of the most important relationship in your life, and

474
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: that's the one you have with yourself. Whether it's hitting

475
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: the gym, or making time for a haircut, or even

476
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: trying therapy. You are your greatest assets, so invest your

477
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: time and effort into yourself like you do other people.

478
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: On this podcast, we've talked so many times about having

479
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,959
Speaker 1: wise counsel and seeing therapy if you need it, and

480
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 1: this is a great opportunity if you don't have a

481
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: general therapist in your town. Better Help is online therapy

482
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with

483
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: your therapist, so you don't have to see anyone on

484
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable

485
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 1: than in person therapy, and you could be matched with

486
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: a therapist in under forty eight hours. It's really quick,

487
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: so give it a try and see why. Over two

488
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: million people have used better Help online therapy. This podcast

489
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: is sponsored by better Help and the Grangersmith Podcast Listeners

490
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 1: get ten percent off their first month at betterhelp dot

491
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: com slash granger. That's b E T T E r

492
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: h E l P dot com slash granger. Okay, so

493
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: the question that Bernie was just talking about, and that's

494
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: it's legit. Why do people listen to this podcast and

495
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: hear similar questions and I'll answer it and then they'll

496
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: come back with the same kind of question. The scenario

497
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: is different, I want to say say on a side note,

498
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: keep asking them that's okay, sure, yeah, yeah, I love

499
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: I love answering the questions. So it's not about it's

500
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: not about hey, they'll change the subjects here. I'm not

501
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: saying that I love it. I love it. That's that's

502
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: my job and that's my responsibility. So if you ask

503
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: me the same question why is the sky blue? Every

504
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: single week, I promise I would keep trying my best

505
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 1: to answer it. But it's good for you to understand

506
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: the mindset of the the person riding in, like what

507
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: is that? And I say something a little different every time,

508
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: and it helps me. It helps me too, So I

509
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: think first the first thing place I would go is

510
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: when you're when you are suffering or you're afflicted, including heartbreak,

511
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 1: you are blinded to the outside world in a lot

512
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: of ways, like you've got you've got horse blinders on.

513
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: You can't see right or left. And as much as

514
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: you've heard say you say you break an ankle, Now,

515
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: we all know that hurts. We all know I've never

516
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: broke an ankle. We all know it hurts, and we've

517
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: we've seen people do it all around us our whole lives,

518
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: falling out of treehouses or whatever. But when you do it,

519
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: You're like, wow, this really hurts. No, seriously, this really hurts.

520
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: Like I got this pain right here because I broke

521
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: my ankle and they're got to put they got to

522
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,719
Speaker 1: put pins in it, and it really it's like you

523
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: can't And the doctor doesn't say, of course it does.

524
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 1: Everyone else hurts. You're like, no, but mine really hurts,

525
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: you know. So I think when you're when you're afflicted

526
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: in any way, you start to become blinded by sound,

527
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: advice and and everyone around you. So, for instance, Anonymous,

528
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: if your friends came over, and I'm sure they have

529
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: to been like, dude, you got to get over this girl,

530
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: and in instantly in your mind you think you don't

531
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: know this girl. She's the one you can't tell me.

532
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 1: But the truth is they've been there too, They've had

533
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,479
Speaker 1: the one, They've had the girl that mattered more than

534
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 1: anything else. So I think that's part of it. I mean,

535
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on why people ask the same question. Yeah,

536
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: you just said something that made me think maybe there's

537
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: something in our human nature that we long to share

538
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: in suffering. We long to like people to be included

539
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: in our lives and what we're going through. So I think,

540
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: you know, I have grangeur that if I'm like the

541
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 1: other day I called you, I was like, hey, this

542
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: is you know, kind of what's happening. Gave me some

543
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: great advice. I also call my buddy Chad that I've

544
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: known forever. He told me about the same thing. But

545
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: it's like I knew he probably was going to but

546
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: for some reason, was like, I probably need to ask

547
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: Chad to Yeah. And so maybe there's just something in us.

548
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: And I mean, comment below what y'all think, but maybe

549
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: there's something in us that's like I I've told Granger this,

550
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: or I've told my you know, my friends this, But

551
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I also want to share with people

552
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 1: that are willing to kind of step into it with me.

553
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 1: I want them to share with it. And you have

554
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 1: created a platform and a space here where people feel

555
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: like you are willing to enter into their heartbreak and

556
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: their suffering or whatever, which is awesome. That's I mean,

557
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: And I think people will continue to write in because

558
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: you've done that. Maybe that's it. It's like, is anybody

559
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: out there willing to enter into this with me? Because

560
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: if they are, it doesn't matter if it's five people

561
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,959
Speaker 1: or fifty you're gonna say yes, come because you entering

562
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: in and that relationship is healing to trauma. I mean

563
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: that's scientific. Trauma is best resolved through relationship and healed

564
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: through relationship. So maybe that's it, and maybe it's it's

565
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: I didn't think of this when the question, but maybe

566
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: it really is a reflection of what you've created here

567
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: that people feel safe and like, he'll enter this with me.

568
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: Keep asking if you guys got a heartbreak question? Keep

569
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: on asking, because I actually enjoy I enjoy walking through it.

570
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 1: But I also want you to see anonymous. Your scenario

571
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: is you broke up with this girl and you want

572
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 1: her back and you're not sure what the future holds

573
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 1: with her. And like the question before was Debbie, who's

574
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: fighting a custody battle losing your kids to an ex

575
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: that used to be the same person in her life

576
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: that this girl is to you, It's important to think

577
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: that the grass is not greener. You fight for this

578
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: relationship and you just might end up in a custody

579
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: battle with your kids. That's good. So it all goes

580
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: back to being content alone, be content with yourself finding happiness.

581
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: We believe as Christians that joy and our identity comes

582
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: through our relationship with Jesus. And you could you could fight,

583
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: and you could try, and you can climb mountains in

584
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,479
Speaker 1: Asia and to find purple flowers all you want, but

585
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: true zin, happiness and joy. Is that a thing am

586
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,720
Speaker 1: I like missing? That's a thing like in the movie Batman,

587
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 1: he like has to climb the mountain against his purple

588
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: flowers because that's I don't know, but he's right, there's

589
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: there's no purple flowers up there. So I talked to

590
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: a friend of mine that works with us, and we

591
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: were skiing in Utah and we're going up the ski

592
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 1: lift and he said, man, I your podcast has helped

593
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: me through your heartbreak questions. And I'm like, really, And

594
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,359
Speaker 1: he'd never brought this up, and and this guy, he's

595
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 1: such a great guy, and he said, I've never experienced

596
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 1: traumatic loss in my family. I've never lost a grandparent

597
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: or you know, sibling or a parent. And so my

598
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 1: my only experience with loss heartbreak, and it was really bad.

599
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: And it's then once again, it connects me to heartreat

600
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: heartbreak and grief for very similar you're losing someone you

601
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: love permanently, and and he said, but going through your

602
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 1: podcast helped me and I instantly on this on this

603
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: ski lift, I was like, okay, tell me more, Like

604
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: tell me more so I can know what to say,

605
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: like walk me through the beginning and all the way

606
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: through the process. And he told me that he went

607
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: for eight months missing her, crying, needing her back, longing

608
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: for her. And I was like, well, what was the

609
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: tipping point? Like what happened? And he said, you know,

610
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: besides his relationship with God that he leaned on and

611
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 1: through that probably came a lot of understanding. But the

612
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: thing that he physically did was he blocked her on

613
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 1: all social media. And you've got to get over the

614
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,800
Speaker 1: fact that I don't want to offend her or I

615
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: don't want to make her mad more mad at me,

616
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 1: or I don't want her to think I don't love her.

617
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 1: Just forget all that and just block her on everything

618
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,280
Speaker 1: so she does not come back into your mind. Ever,

619
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: she doesn't pop up on your feed and you see

620
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: her out with their friends or god forbid, with a

621
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: new guy, or doing anything that she's having fun without you.

622
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 1: That is gone, that is out of your mind, out

623
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: of sight, out of mind. In fact, don't you think

624
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: heartbreak was probably easier to get over in the eighteen hundreds. Oh,

625
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: for sure, you just literally move to other town and

626
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 1: never see them. Yeah. First of all, we've evolved into

627
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: some very sensitive people and so like we're very feelings

628
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 1: feelings based, and they just weren't back then. They're like, Okay,

629
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 1: I would say block her on everything, and there's this.

630
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: The only reason you're not doing it right now is

631
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: because because of this thought that maybe I'll get back

632
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: with her. She'll find you if it's meant to be.

633
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: You'll see her at the grocery store, you'll see her somewhere.

634
00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 1: You'll see her some scenario. But it's not going to

635
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: be on Facebook. Yeah, you're not going to get past

636
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 1: that until you start to heal. And you can't heal

637
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:15,240
Speaker 1: until you remove some of those things. Yeah, your mind,

638
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: the way that it's wired, these neuropathways are going to

639
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 1: see certain things and they're going to immediately go back

640
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: to this place, and so you have to remove those things.

641
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: Whatever it is. It was an old T shirt, the

642
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: way the T shirt like, Yes, you got to remove

643
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: yourself from a time until you can heal. For sure.

644
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy. This is the last thing I'll

645
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: say about heartbreak unless we get the next question about it.

646
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: But as humans, we start to connect the pain with

647
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 1: the actual memory, and so when the memory starts fading,

648
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 1: we reconnect with the pain to bring it back to

649
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 1: us a little bit. Because we miss the person, we

650
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:04,720
Speaker 1: miss them memory, and we've had so much pain about

651
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: the memory. We make this connection, and so we kind

652
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:11,399
Speaker 1: of start loving the pain. And so we go back

653
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 1: to Facebook and we try to see if she's with

654
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: somebody new. Maybe she's having fun, maybe she went back

655
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: to that her ex boyfriend. I gotta see. You're putting

656
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: yourself in the fire on purpose, not to hurt yourself,

657
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,439
Speaker 1: but because the fire is connected with the memory. Why

658
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 1: do we do that to ourselves? I don't know. I

659
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: think now we do have so many more avenues of

660
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: distraction or not distraction, of actually distracting us from the

661
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: important things and moving on, but so many more things

662
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 1: to grab our attention and take us back to those

663
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:57,720
Speaker 1: places than we used to. Man and kill empty habits,

664
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: kill empty habits. All right, let's see what we got next.

665
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 1: Broke up with this girl? I mu as well read it.

666
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,440
Speaker 1: I might as well, just because it popped up. It says, hey,

667
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: Granger recently broke up with this girl after one year.

668
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 1: I broke up with her because my family did not

669
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: like her, especially my mom. I currently attend college with

670
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 1: her and have her in most of my classes. How

671
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,560
Speaker 1: do I move on and be okay seeing her with

672
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 1: other people when I'm seeing her all the time? Okay, boy,

673
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: you better listen to your mama. I think I think

674
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 1: so too. I think what we could take this question

675
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 1: the direction of my family didn't like her, Well, there's

676
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: a reason. And you can't tell me your whole family

677
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,839
Speaker 1: your name is William, William. You can't tell me your

678
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 1: whole family is crazy. And you're the only sane one

679
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 1: and you're the only one that saw her in the

680
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: right light, and everyone else saw her as wrong for you. Right,

681
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 1: they're not crazy, so take it with the grain of salt.

682
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,720
Speaker 1: You see a lighter side of her, but they saw

683
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 1: something in her that they didn't like reflecting in you.

684
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 1: So here you are stuck with heartbreak. For a different scenario,

685
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 1: but you, you are in her classes, sit on the

686
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:22,399
Speaker 1: other side of the classroom, block her from social media.

687
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 1: You've got to get her out of side, out of mind.

688
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: We'll connect it with the last question. Yeah, I mean

689
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 1: I think there's another layer. Not only have y'all broken

690
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: up and so it's just like the one before this,

691
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:41,439
Speaker 1: but also you have the reinforced family dynamic that's saying, dude,

692
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,240
Speaker 1: she's not it, you need to move on. So here's

693
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 1: a tough one. Do you love her? Because if the

694
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: answer is yes, if what you felt was love, then

695
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,879
Speaker 1: her finding another guy that's good for her, that makes

696
00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: her happy shouldn't bother you. That's difficult. Cool, that's high

697
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 1: level right there, that's high level heartbreak. But you got

698
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 1: to tell yourself was I loving her for the right reasons?

699
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: Because if it was the right reason, then just to

700
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: see her happy and smile, since you broke up with

701
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 1: her and be with someone that brings her joy in

702
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: a relationship that shouldn't bother you, that you should be

703
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: glad for her. That's tough. Yeah, there needs to be

704
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: a Granger Smith podcast where we have a big bonfire

705
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 1: and a lot of people sitting around, and William is

706
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 1: one of the ones because there's a lot more questions

707
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: that I would have for him to kind of dig

708
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 1: into the details. But just from the thirty thousand foot view,

709
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: I think nailed every bit of his question. All right,

710
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: let's see what we have here. Next subject line today's podcast,

711
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: and it says I lost my dad, his wife, my

712
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 1: aunt step aunt this past December, within a few weeks,

713
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: all due to COVID. My dad and his wife within

714
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: eight hours of each other. The first thing you said

715
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: today on the podcast was about missing your dad today

716
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 1: is tough. I'm really missing him today. Just seems like

717
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: it may have been a sign. Thank you, Christopher. Not

718
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: not really a question in here, So Christopher, thanks for listening.

719
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 1: And I would say, I would say, keep showing up.

720
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for your your heavy losses, and keep

721
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: showing up. I would say, get up in the morning,

722
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 1: get out of bed. Set your alarm. This this is

723
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: going through extreme grief. Set your alarm for the morning,

724
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: regardless of when you go to bed. Say you stay

725
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: up really late, either working or grieving or distracted or

726
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: Instagram or TV whatever, you stay up really late. Set

727
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 1: your alarm regardless of what time you go to bed,

728
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 1: and wake up and get up and start a simple routine.

729
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 1: I'm talking simple like coffee, brush your teeth, some kind

730
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: of exercise, and stick with it and keep showing up,

731
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: go to work, don't skip work, show up, be around

732
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 1: people being in that community. Open the windows, let the

733
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: sun come in. Make sure you're not skipping meals. If

734
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 1: you're skipping meals, go to the go to a vitamin

735
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 1: shop and get a meal replacement shake that you could

736
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 1: just throw in a blender and drink to get those calories.

737
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: Don't skip your meals. Don't don't eat bad food. Might

738
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: try so hard, it's difficult to not go and get

739
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: fried chicken every night or a cheeseburger. Try to keep

740
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 1: try to eat cleaner. Your brain needs that fuel. And

741
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 1: then do these things enough, and that will stop you

742
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 1: from being so distracted at night that you can't go

743
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: to sleep. It'll also stop you from waking up at

744
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: two am and thinking about Dad, because sometimes you wake

745
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: up and you open your eyes from a dream and

746
00:43:56,600 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: the first thought you have is he's gone. She's gone.

747
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: And then you're stuck, and it's like it's like you

748
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,399
Speaker 1: were in a dream world, and then reality hits you,

749
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: and now you're up from two am to three am

750
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,879
Speaker 1: sad thinking about it, and then that affects you trying

751
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 1: to get up, and then you end up sleeping in

752
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 1: and then you're rushing to get your clothes on to

753
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: go to work. So see this little loop I made,

754
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 1: So I would say the first thing for me that's

755
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: so important is to get up when that alarm goes

756
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:30,320
Speaker 1: off and start your simple morning routine that includes exercise,

757
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 1: eating something decent, brushing your teeth, drinking your coffee, getting dressed.

758
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 1: Because that's a chain reaction that's gonna you're gonna be

759
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 1: tired during the day. You're not gonna you're gonna sleep better,

760
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 1: your appetitle be up, especially if you're exercising. You notice

761
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: I haven't even said anything about grief and loss. This

762
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 1: is like self maintenance. It's like this is you're taking

763
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: your truck to the to the magnet shop and you're

764
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 1: doing You're checking all the fluids. You're making sure you

765
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 1: got air in your tires. Why, because that's how you

766
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: drive better without a breakdown. Yeah, this is what you're

767
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: talking about is standards and to you know, paint the picture.

768
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 1: We're we have choices to base our actions on feelings

769
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: or standards. I remember your brother Tyler sent me that

770
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: video when we were going through you know, just recovering

771
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: from trauma and and grief and loss from He sent

772
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 1: me this video of Ben Newman, I think was the

773
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 1: guy that does this really great video on choosing standards

774
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 1: over feelings. Because our feeling is it's cold. I'm warm

775
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 1: in the bed. I know the alarm's going off, but

776
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 1: I'm just kinda snooze. But the standard is you wake

777
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: up and then you get coffee and then you brush

778
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: your teeth or vice versa for you since you're you know,

779
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: do accrids. But I think he I think Grangeer, this

780
00:45:55,760 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: is great advice and a good place to start. I

781
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 1: think we can both relate to this, and I think

782
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 1: you're in this place of grief and recovery and this

783
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 1: is pretty traumatic, I would say, for that much loss

784
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 1: and short amount of time. And so just remember that

785
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 1: one of the most important elements of healing from trauma

786
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: is relationship. So make sure that you are processing these

787
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,720
Speaker 1: things with people, that you're talking about them, that you're living,

788
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 1: You're living this out within community with people so that

789
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 1: they can be there for you, they can listen, and

790
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 1: that those relationships, I feel like will help you kind

791
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 1: of find find your way. We could use this same

792
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 1: talk for heartbreak too, because, like I said, heartbreak and

793
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: grief for brothers very close. I didn't even realize this

794
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: really till recently, how close they are. So if you're

795
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 1: listening with heartbreak, I would say the same thing. Open

796
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 1: your blinds, let the sunlight in, get around people, exercise somewhat,

797
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 1: try to eat well. Here's another thing. When your brain

798
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 1: is compromised, which it is in grief or heartbreak, stay

799
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 1: away from alcohol. It's so important. I'm talking about any

800
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 1: kind of even social drinking. If you know your mind

801
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: is compromised, run from it. Because alcohol will make it

802
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 1: worse every time. And you think it's the opposite. Listen

803
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 1: to any nineties country song you think it's the opposite.

804
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 1: It's gonna help you, it's gonna help you forget, You're

805
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: gonna sober up it sometime. It always makes it worse.

806
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 1: And so I'm not saying don't ever drink alcohol. I'm

807
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 1: just saying, if your mind is compromised, be very careful

808
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,280
Speaker 1: of that poison that you could be doing to yourself.

809
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 1: It's gonna ruin this routine we're talking about of waking

810
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: up and getting started and exercising and eating right. It's

811
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 1: gonna ruin all that, and it's gonna make things worse.

812
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: That's good. We got to have for one more? Are

813
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: we done? Yeah? Another one? Oh, let me say one

814
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 1: more thing. This happened in December. Give yourself grace too.

815
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:14,439
Speaker 1: This is brand new, so you got a year, entire year,

816
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 1: you're gonna deal with this at the full strength until

817
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:22,439
Speaker 1: this coming December twenty twenty two. So after that, after

818
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: you go through all the one year anniversaries, it's gonna

819
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: get a little easier on you. But give yourself grace

820
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: that right now you're in the heat of it, and

821
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: grief is a wave. You're gonna find some days you're

822
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 1: on the crest and some days you're down in the trough.

823
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: And sometimes that frequency happens every couple of minutes. So

824
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: just recognize I'm in the trough right now. This is

825
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: really I'm feeling bad. I feel heavy. I'm gonna come

826
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 1: back up. I don't know when, but I'll be And

827
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: then an hour goes by and you're like, actually feel better,

828
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 1: And then we're all wired differently, so that timeframe could

829
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 1: be different for him. And if he has I'm sure

830
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: he has other people that have experienced the same thing

831
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 1: and they're going through grief and loss and trauma, and

832
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: that moment that they're able to switch from I'm processing feelings.

833
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 1: I'm kind of living in that. It's so I can't

834
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: even get to the point of standards. It's going to

835
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,800
Speaker 1: be at a different moment in time. So have grace

836
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,400
Speaker 1: for those people to and don't judge yourself. Yeah, I

837
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 1: was like, man, he's doing so well, and like, I

838
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 1: still feel it's okay. It's okay exactly. Next question, subject

839
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: line says, do we do what's best for my wife's

840
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: dream and future career? I graing your big fan of

841
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: the podcast in your music. My name is Ian, I'm

842
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: twenty three from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. My wife has recently

843
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 1: been accepted into grad school at the University of Memphis,

844
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 1: and that's where she's going to go to college and

845
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 1: to where she's been going to college for the last

846
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 1: four years. It's been a dream of both of us

847
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: since we even before we moved out of excuse me

848
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 1: really start over. It's been a dream of both of

849
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 1: ours since before we even knew each other to move

850
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 1: out of Iowa. And we both agree that Tennessee is

851
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: a great place to go. University of Memphis is very

852
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 1: hard place to get accepted to in a top rated

853
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 1: program in her field. We are hesitant to go because

854
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 1: we both have our families here in Iowa. It would

855
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 1: make it very difficult for our families to watch our

856
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: seven month year old daughter grow up from so far away.

857
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 1: I'm a Union Electric Electrical apprentice and I wouldn't be

858
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: able to so it wouldn't be too difficult for me

859
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: to move where I'm going. It feels like her best choice,

860
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: and I don't want to leave our families. It's an

861
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: amazing opportunity for her, and like I said, we both

862
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 1: have been wanting to move away for quite some time.

863
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: Any advice would be appreciated. So it sounds like he's

864
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,759
Speaker 1: got a checklist going on in his mind here and

865
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: most of the checks are going to move into Tennessee,

866
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 1: but he's got one in the Iowa call him and

867
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: that's family, And it sounds like it sounds like he's hesitant,

868
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 1: and that's why he's emailing me because he feels like

869
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 1: he feels a lot of pressure in accepting this. Mm hmm, Yeah,

870
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 1: that's a tough decision. What's his name? Ian Ian Ian

871
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 1: understand the difficulty in leaving family and leaving built in

872
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: babysitters with you know, having the parents right there, So

873
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:32,319
Speaker 1: I don't know if the conversation and this is again

874
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 1: where we kind of need you sitting here with us,

875
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: like what has the conversation been like with your parents

876
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,320
Speaker 1: or with the family that is there? Are they supportive?

877
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 1: Are they are there other details of this move that

878
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: kind of way in one direction or another that you're

879
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, haven't put in the email. But I

880
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,279
Speaker 1: think a lot of times we can be we can

881
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: know what to do, and and we feel God moving

882
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,919
Speaker 1: us to do something, and then we start to use

883
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 1: these very small other reasons to to keep us from

884
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:10,440
Speaker 1: not following and being obedient, which is by far the

885
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 1: most important thing we're called to. Man Ian, this is

886
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:18,280
Speaker 1: the best advice I can give to you. You are

887
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 1: considering moving across the country. You're leaving grandparents of your

888
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 1: of your little daughter with your wife. Here, here's my

889
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 1: best advice. You will not be married to Tennessee or Memphis,

890
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: meaning you can go for six months and go you

891
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,840
Speaker 1: know what we messed up. Let's go back to Iowa.

892
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 1: This is not what we expected. This is too difficult,

893
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: This is too hard on her daughter and her relationship

894
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: with her grandparents. We're going back. That's gonna cost you

895
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,240
Speaker 1: a little money. That'll be a mis not a mistake.

896
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: That'll be a a move. That will cost you a

897
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: little bit of money to have to go back, But

898
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: that is a loss that you should be willing to take.

899
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,960
Speaker 1: Maybe there's an opportunity to stay at the in laws

900
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 1: house for a short amount of time if you come back,

901
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 1: But that's a safety net that is worth having. It's

902
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: worth saying to your wife. I mean, think how good

903
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 1: she's gonna feel when you say, Babe, I'm so happy

904
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: for this opportunity for you. I'm so proud that you

905
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 1: have worked so hard and this is a very difficult

906
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 1: school to get into, and this is your dream, babe,

907
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 1: and I want to support you one hundred percent in

908
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: this dream. I will I will carry that burden and

909
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 1: I will be able to get a job as an

910
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: electrician in Memphis. I think it's a great adventure. We

911
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: get to have some great barbecue, we get to see

912
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: meet new friends, find a new church. I'm really excited.

913
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: It's not I don't I can't tell you how far

914
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:54,760
Speaker 1: Memphis is from Cedar Rapids. I'm assuming it's like an

915
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 1: eight hour drive or something like that. So we're still

916
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: a day's drive from the parents. If we really need

917
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: to go back, we'll go back. But I think you say,

918
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 1: and by the way, Babe, we're not married to this decision.

919
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: We're not glued to Tennessee. If it comes down to it,

920
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: you could pull out of school and we'll go straight back.

921
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 1: We'll go back to our safety net. And so that's

922
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: the reason I would tell you Ian, do it and

923
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 1: don't have any reservations and put it all, put all

924
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: that praise on her, like, I'm so proud of you,

925
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 1: and she years from now, she'll be like when something

926
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 1: comes up with you, she's gonna be like, Babe, you

927
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 1: supported me when we wanted to go to Memphis, So

928
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: of course I'm gonna let you do this. Yeah, now,

929
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,439
Speaker 1: that's really good. I think it's our human nature too,

930
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: And I do this, Guys. I'm as guilty as anybody

931
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 1: to start and I'm type A. So it's like, I

932
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 1: want to plan and I want to know the future,

933
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 1: and but the future is none of your business. Yeah,

934
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,359
Speaker 1: you remember, there's probably a lot of steps that have

935
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 1: to happen before you load up the U haul and go. Yes,

936
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: So just take the first one with the heart of God.

937
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 1: If this is not your will, close the door. We

938
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: feel the nudge. We're trying to be obedient. He knows

939
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 1: your heart is that's where it's at. Just take the

940
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,799
Speaker 1: next thing that's in front of you, and you're gonna

941
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 1: feel if that's your prayer, your honest prayer, I think

942
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 1: the door is gonna shut in your face if you're

943
00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: not supposed to go, and you're gonna feel, you're gonna

944
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 1: feel confident in staying. That's exactly what I was gonna say.

945
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, do you remember Indiana jones last crusade.

946
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 1: He's going after the Holy Grail, and he's one of

947
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 1: the tests Indiana Jones is doing is he's walking across

948
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: that canyon and it's an invisible step and he just

949
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:47,760
Speaker 1: has to close his eyes and just take the step.

950
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 1: And it's like, that's what you're doing. Ian. You're saying, God,

951
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 1: I trust you, I'm gonna take this step, and I

952
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 1: promise you you're gonna know quickly as things start piling

953
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 1: up and that step isn't there anymore? Like we can

954
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 1: find a place. I couldn't find an electrician job. She

955
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 1: doesn't like any of the professors we couldn't find a

956
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 1: good church. You're gonna go. This is not working. This

957
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 1: opposite will happen too. If you're like, wow, I got

958
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 1: a job quickly. It's actually a good paying job. She

959
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 1: actually loves her classes. We actually met some friends next

960
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:20,720
Speaker 1: door that we really like. Yeah, pray for those things.

961
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 1: Pray for. God is not a god of confusion. Just

962
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 1: be prayerful. Yeah, and Bernie doesn't mean pray for the

963
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 1: good things. He means pray for clarity and the good

964
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: or the bad, so that you know it's time to

965
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 1: go to Iowa or it's time to stay in Tennessee.

966
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 1: That's right. That's why it's all good. When the future

967
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: is none of our business, and if all we want

968
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: is for God to use our lives, there is no

969
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:45,799
Speaker 1: bad Staying isn't bad, and going isn't good. It's obedience

970
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: that's good, and that's what you're after, So there is

971
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 1: no bad option here. Love you, guys, That's all we

972
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:52,880
Speaker 1: got today. See next than thank you for having me,

973
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: see you, thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.

974
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me

975
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 1: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

976
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and

977
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I

978
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,840
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me

979
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast

980
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yigi