1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Laverne Cox Show of Reduction of shondaland 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:17,120 Speaker 1: Audio in partnership with My Heart Radio. I can certainly 3 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: tell you of somebody who used to suffer from panic 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: attacks that if somebody said to me, calm down, don't 5 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: you think I would have done that already? I would 6 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: have already done that if I knew how to do it. 7 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,319 Speaker 1: But I don't know how to do it because my 8 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: body is like on fire right now and I feel 9 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna die, And so it really becomes how 10 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 1: do I intervene at the somatic, at the body level, 11 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: so that I can unhook that. Toronto Burke, the founder 12 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: of the Me Too movement, in her two thousand eighteen 13 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: Ted Talk, declared that we as a society were collectively 14 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: traumatized by the reckoning we were having around sexual harassment 15 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 1: and assault. At the time, I'm that declaration felt like 16 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: the truth to me and got me thinking about the 17 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 1: other potential collective traumas we might be experiencing as a society. 18 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: I am deeply aware of the collective trauma of repeatedly 19 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: seeing black bodies murdered on camera. For me, as a 20 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: black trans woman, the violence against trans folks that is 21 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: often also captured on camera repeatedly. I found also deeply 22 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: traumatizing a global pandemic, the greatest economic downturn America has 23 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: experienced since the Great Depression. Collectively, we are experiencing trauma 24 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 1: on top of trauma. My own work in therapy over 25 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: the past four years has focused specifically on trauma resilience 26 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: and if we are indeed collectively traumatized, how do we 27 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: collectively heal? So to have this conversation, I wanted to 28 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: talk to my very own therapist, Jennifer Burton Fly. I mean, 29 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: I taught her all the time, but I wanted to 30 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: have that conversation here publicly to talk about how we 31 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: can build trauma resilience individually and collectively. I really believe 32 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: it's one of the most important skills we can develop 33 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: right now. Jennifer is a licensed marriage and Family therapist. 34 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: She is certified in Expressive Arts Therapy. She has also 35 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: certified in Burnet Brown's Daring Way and Rising Strong Models 36 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 1: as well as E M d R. She has a 37 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: senior faculty member with the Trauma Resource Institute and has 38 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: traveled extensively in the US as well as Northern Ireland. 39 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: To share wellness skills with various groups and cultures. Please 40 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: enjoy my conversation with Jennifer Burdenfly Hi, Jennifer, Welcome to 41 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: the podcast. How are you failing today? I'm feeling pretty grounded. 42 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: I was using all my skills before we got on today, 43 00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: so feeling okay now I of it. I can't wait 44 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: to tell everyone about the tools and the skills. So 45 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: about four years ago, I had moved to Los Angeles. 46 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: I really didn't want to move here. I came here 47 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 1: kicking and screaming, and my showrunners, Joan Raider and Tony 48 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,679 Speaker 1: Phalon invited me to a barbecue at their house in Pasadena, 49 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: and invariably, the subject of therapy came up, because of 50 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: course it always does, right, And one of the partygoers 51 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 1: named Krista, said that somatic therapy is the only therapy 52 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 1: that worked, and I was like, okay, this is the 53 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 1: second time that the topic of semantic therapy has come 54 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: up in the past year. A doctor of mine in 55 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: New York City had told me about somatic therapy about 56 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: a year earlier and said, you really should try it. 57 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: It is the best thing, and so I said, okay. 58 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 1: The universe is trying to tell me something. So I 59 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: reached out to Christa. She suggested you, and four years later, 60 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 1: here we are. So can we start by you telling 61 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: everyone what somatic therapy is. Yeah. I think it's really 62 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: important for people to understand that there are many different 63 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: modalities that use somatic therapy. And the word for somatic 64 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: actually derives from the Greek word soma, which means living body, 65 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 1: and the therapy is really grounded in the relationship between 66 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: mind and body. So the overview really of thematic therapy 67 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: is that it uses the body as the entry point 68 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: for healing versus the thinking part of the brain. We've 69 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: all been impacted by things in our lives, and the 70 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: point of using the body is to tap into our 71 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: innate resiliency that really lives in us. We are built 72 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 1: for survival, but we're also built to cultivate resiliency, and 73 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 1: we do have to work at cultivating it, and that's 74 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: really the purpose of thematic therapy. And by cultivating the resiliency, 75 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: what happens is we often uncouple or take out the 76 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: glue of the traumatic, stressful responses that we have. We 77 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 1: can extinguish those cues, whether they're external or internal, cues 78 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:09,280 Speaker 1: for trauma and stress. The way that it kind of 79 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: crystallized to me was talking about the stress response when 80 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: we feel where we're under threat. We are hardwired as 81 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: human beings to have a fight response, a freeze response, 82 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 1: or a flee response, and so the body releases adrenaline, cortisol, 83 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 1: releases hormones, stress hormones, so we can either fight that bear, 84 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 1: flee that bear, or freeze. But then that's not sustainable 85 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,119 Speaker 1: to constantly be in this place. A fight flighter freeze 86 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: is not sustainable to always be sort of living with 87 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: these stress hormones. And it became very clear to me 88 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 1: after we started doing our work together that my whole 89 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: life was fite flighter freeze, and then my whole life 90 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: was bears in the woods and I didn't have other 91 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 1: ways of existing. Do you want to talk a little 92 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: bit about that. Yeah. I also want to highlight that 93 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: there's several different responses. We do have fights freeze, there's 94 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: also below a freeze response collapse in the nervous system 95 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: where we just everything shuts down, and that's when we 96 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: really are under extreme life threat. And then there's also 97 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: tend and be friend or some people call it some 98 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,919 Speaker 1: schools call it fawning that when we move toward a 99 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: threat to deescalate and oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone, 100 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: is also released along with the adrenaline and corsol, so 101 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: it actually a quiet the system so that we can 102 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: actually stay in some kind of social engagement and then 103 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: my chances of being attacked might be lessened in those circumstances. 104 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: But oftentimes, in any of these survival responses, what we 105 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: see a lot is we pathologize ourselves, or we blame 106 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: ourselves or shame ourselves for whatever the survival response was 107 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: in a given moment or in a given situation, or 108 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: like what you're talking about, I'm always failing, like the 109 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: bear is coming after me. Nothing is safe, if everything 110 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: is dangerous, nothing is safe. For my colleague Jen Click 111 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,039 Speaker 1: calls it the ability to distinguish between a forced fire 112 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: and a match. And when we can't make that distinction, 113 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: it really doesnt number yes on the mind and body. 114 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 1: It causes illness in the body. It causes a constant 115 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: state of stress. It causes us to misread our environment 116 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: to the point where we also can misread social cues. 117 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: We could get into fights or altercations with our partner. 118 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: I mean, we're on top of each other all the 119 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: time now, and we can misread the situation if we're 120 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: in a survival response, especially if it's firing all the time. 121 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: What really resonated from me, and it's one of our 122 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: early sessions, is when you define trauma as too much, 123 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: too fast, too soon. And you said to me that 124 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: the nervous system can experience good things as too much, 125 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: too fast, too soon, as well as things that can 126 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: be challenging or feel like a threat. And so much 127 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: of the work of somatic therapy is I understand, it's 128 00:07:54,560 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: really about resetting and regulating their nervous system in relationship distressors. Correct. Seeah, 129 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: so again when I said earlier, there's all these different 130 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: schools of somatic therapy. The primary one that I practiced 131 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: through the Trauma Resource Institute, and that's the community resiliency 132 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: model and trauma resiliency models. One is a clinical model, 133 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 1: the other one is really meant for the wider community. 134 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: And we've taught all over the world. So the definition 135 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: of trauma in that vein is too much, too fast, 136 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: too soon, or too little or too much for too long, 137 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 1: too little, or too much for too long? Can you 138 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: explain that? So? I would say that the too little 139 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 1: or too much for too long can be from the 140 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: developmental perspective of developmental trauma and stress. But I think 141 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: also of right now that the time that we're in 142 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: we've had too much for too long and too little 143 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: for too long. We're so disconnected now from each other, 144 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: from being able to see one another. I think this 145 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: is why we see people chomping at the bit to 146 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: get back together or to have family gatherings, even though 147 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: we know it might not be safe to do. Because 148 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: it's been too little for too long. That sense of 149 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: isolation and disconnect becomes almost unbearable, and that is what 150 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 1: we would call cumulatives. So a sort of deprivation of 151 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: human contact can also be traumatic. Yes their childhood neglect, 152 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: for example, if there's been a neglectful parent or caregiver, 153 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: that can absolutely stimulate that trauma response in the body. 154 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 1: Because we are hard wired to connect to each other. 155 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 1: This is how we come into the world, ready to connect. 156 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: And if we don't get that, what we call an attachment, 157 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 1: it makes it very hard for us to self soothe 158 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: or self regulate throughout our lives. The truth of it is, 159 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 1: we do need coregulation in our lives. We're wired to 160 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: be in community, in connection for the most part. Some 161 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: people might feel connection when they're in nature, or connection 162 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: when they're with a pet. Different aspects of being able 163 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: to have that regulation happen. But I would say also 164 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: that when we get that coregulation, like let's say within 165 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: a therapy office or with a loved on, we're going 166 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: to have a deeper capacity to self regulate or do 167 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: that kind of self soothing on our own when we 168 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: aren't with someone. We just have a deeper capacity to 169 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: be able to do that when we get that coregulation. 170 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: So I think in context of a global pandemic that 171 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,800 Speaker 1: this is literally traumatizing what we're going through in this 172 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: isolation right absolute, And the piece that you always bring 173 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 1: up with me is how do we sense that in 174 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 1: our bodies? And I think that should lead us into 175 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: krim or the community resiliency model, which I think is 176 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: amazing and everyone should know about because the tools are 177 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: in a way very simple, but they're really complicated to 178 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 1: put into practice to police, tell us about the community 179 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: resiliency model. What is it and what are the tenants 180 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,440 Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, it's a set of six wellness skills. 181 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 1: This is a model we've taken all over the world 182 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 1: and we've also brought it into marginalized communities to increase 183 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: and enhanced resilience resilience there. And basically it's about helping 184 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: people understand the biology of traumatic stress reactions to restore 185 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: a sense of well being in the body, mind, and spirit. 186 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: And when we increase our resiliency, we have an increased 187 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: sense of hope. And basically it's a skills based model, 188 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: and we can use it individually and collectively. So going 189 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: back to the attachment piece, we can share it with 190 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: one another, we can do it in community, but we 191 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: can also do it for our own self care, which 192 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: I absolutely love. That's so beautiful because I believe we 193 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 1: are collectively traumatized now and the question for me that 194 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: always comes up as if we're collectively traumatized, how do 195 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 1: we collectively heal. Let's take a short break. When we 196 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,959 Speaker 1: come back, we'll talk about the six skills we can 197 00:11:48,000 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 1: all learn to reset and regulate our nervous systems. Welcome back, 198 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: let's break down we can all do to help build 199 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: stress and trauma resilience. Can you talk to us about 200 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: UM those six skills of the community Resiliency Model, Clay, 201 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: and I think we should also talk about resilien zone, 202 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: high zone and low zone as well. Yeah. This was 203 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: developed by Elaine Miller Cares and essentially, as Elaine says, 204 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:28,079 Speaker 1: it's about chasing the resilience in your nervous system UM. 205 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,800 Speaker 1: And so there's six skills. Of the six skills, I'm 206 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 1: just going to list them is tracking, resourcing, grounding, gesturing, 207 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,440 Speaker 1: help now, and shift and stay And a lot of 208 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: those skills are actually available, and there's an app called 209 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 1: eye Chill. It's available for free. It's also available in Spanish. 210 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,119 Speaker 1: Our materials have been translated into a lot of different languages. 211 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: But essentially, the primary cornerstone of the model is the 212 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: resilient zone, as we keep mentioning it, but let's talk 213 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 1: about it for a moment, the resilient sea zone or 214 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: the resilient zone. Yeah, so the resilient zone. If you 215 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: picture like two lines, horizontal lines with a wave going 216 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,440 Speaker 1: through those lines, that would be what we call our 217 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: resilient zone, and that is where we are our best self, 218 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: and the wave would represent our nervous system or the 219 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: gas pedal and break of the body, our nervous system. 220 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: The gas pedal or the break pedal. I love these 221 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: metaphors because they really kind of helped this. So so 222 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: it's like it's about modulating this speed there we're going 223 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: out if we're thinking about a gas pedal or break pedal. Yeah, body, 224 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 1: mind and spirit. Right, So if I'm in my resilience zone, 225 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: I'm my best self. I actually am in a securely 226 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: attached place. I can read my environment around me. I 227 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: can socially engage with those around me. I'm going to 228 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 1: perceive things better. I can problem solve there. I can 229 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: be creative there. I can have my feelings and it's 230 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: not a flat line. It is a wave. So I 231 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: could have different feelings throughout my day, but I can 232 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: handle of them. If I'm in my resilien zone, I 233 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 1: can manage them. So I can have my sense of humor. 234 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: I could actually be sad, mad, frustrated, content, happy, whatever 235 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: it is, but I can communicate it. I can feel it. 236 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: I can tell you I can feel it. And that 237 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: is that is really where we're our best self. And 238 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: so I think what is so important and useful for 239 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 1: me thinking about the resilience zone is thinking about that 240 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: versus the higher the low zone. Because I've had several 241 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 1: moments when I've come into a therapy session or be 242 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: a zoom or in person where I was not in 243 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: my resilience zone. So it was very difficult for me 244 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: to actually be able to hear what you were saying. 245 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 1: I was triggered by some kind of what I've come 246 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: to understand too. It's another phrase, when it's hysterical's historical, right, 247 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 1: so that when I'm hysterical, but when I satically, when 248 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: the vernus hysterical, that is something historical, and usually that 249 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 1: is about some kind of trauma that's come up for me. 250 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of an example from my life 251 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: that I want to share. You know what, I'll share this. 252 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: I'll share this. So over a year ago, when I 253 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: was going through my breakup. God, I can't believe my 254 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: mestion this in front of people, but hey, it's a 255 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: good example, I think when it's going through my breakup 256 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: and my most recent boyfriend, over a year ago, I 257 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: had a day I was doing pretty well and we 258 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: broke up in June and it was September and I 259 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: woke up and I was a wreck. I was just 260 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: like in this grieving process, like missing the relationship, and 261 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: it just made no sense because I was very aware 262 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: that like adult Lavern understood why this breakup needed to happen. 263 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 1: An adult Lavern understood that we needed to separate, and 264 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 1: that was all good because I was hysteric, hysterical. I 265 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: was like, okay, I'm hysterical, so there's something historical going on. 266 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 1: So then I was like, okay, but little girl of 267 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: her inner child felt abandoned. The inner child I didn't understand, 268 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: and the inner child needed to scream and yell and 269 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: get it out, and I I was like, okay, and 270 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: I think I texted you I think that day and 271 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: it was like I felt like I needed to take 272 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: it to this source, so I needed to take it 273 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: to the X. And so I texted him and I 274 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: was like, can I see you later? This is a 275 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: few minus if you broke up? And he was lovely 276 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: and he said yes, and he comes over and I said, 277 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: little girl of Verney still yell at you right now, 278 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: she needs to get this out. Can I yell at you? 279 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 1: And he was very generous and said yes, and so 280 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: I have my moment screamed a yell. He like, you 281 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,080 Speaker 1: want to hear me? I was like, not only hear that? 282 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: I hit him with a pillow um with permission. Then 283 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 1: I was able to after getting that out physically. What 284 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: I understand about the somatic work now is that I 285 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: had to get that out through my body. I had 286 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: to speak it, I had to like sense into it 287 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: in my body. There was a grieving, there was something 288 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: that was triggered in that moment that needed to be 289 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: worked out so that I can get back into my zone. 290 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: That was an extreme example. It's not always that extreme. 291 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: There's so much that comes up for me. Was there 292 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: something that came up for you from that story that 293 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: you want to address or well, a couple of different things. 294 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: One is that your ex was in his resilient zone 295 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: enough when he came over to be able to hold 296 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 1: that space and hold his own sense of groundedness while 297 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: you got out what you needed to get out. And 298 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 1: then the other pieces around, is what we're getting out 299 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: embodied or not? Is it metabolizing, is it digesting or 300 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: is it not right? Can you clarify embodied? Is what 301 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: we're getting out embodied? Yeah? So, And I'm just gonna 302 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: go with relationship to the story that you were telling, 303 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,640 Speaker 1: Like you're telling the story of what happens, you remember 304 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,000 Speaker 1: exactly the sequence of events, right, you're also able to 305 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:33,120 Speaker 1: articulate I get this, and I also get this. Maybe 306 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: you weren't exactly fully in your zone, but you weren't 307 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: like all the ceiling at that point. Because sometimes we're 308 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 1: out of our zone so high in the high zone 309 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: or so low in the low zone, we don't integrate anything, 310 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 1: and we also often won't remember what happened, so then 311 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 1: it doesn't actually process, that doesn't actually land, and we're 312 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: left looping around with the same material. You would wake 313 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: up the next morning and being the same angry up 314 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: that place and not have really worked that through and out. 315 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: Guess the question is how do we get embodied? So 316 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: I was embodied enough to know that I was hysterical, 317 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: that this was historical, and that I needed to go 318 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: to the source. So I wasn't bumped out so much 319 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 1: that I couldn't see straight exactly. So there was a 320 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: certain level of resiliency that I was working with. So 321 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: maybe that wasn't the best example about being out of 322 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 1: my resilient zund well, and you might have been at 323 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: the edges. So I think it's important to talk about 324 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 1: a range. So when we go into let's say we're 325 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: going to talk about the high zone and low zones. 326 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 1: So let's say the resilient zone. For those out there 327 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: who like to number things, four through seven is in 328 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 1: the resilient zone. Eight to ten is in the high zone. 329 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 1: Three to one is in the low zone. So if 330 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 1: you're at a ten or you're at a one, it's 331 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: much harder to manage and integrate. And so the high 332 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 1: zone is like when we get really hyper vigilant, when 333 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: we have panic attacks and we have rage attacks, we 334 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: have those kinds of things, will always braced, being around 335 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 1: for what's bad, the other shoe to drop, and we 336 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,119 Speaker 1: live in that state or we get bumped into that 337 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: state for periods of time and then come back into 338 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: our resiliency. Conversely, the low zone is that sluggish, depressed, disconnected, dissociated, 339 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:19,360 Speaker 1: very despairing, hopeless, helpless place. I have another client who 340 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,159 Speaker 1: kind of looks at the resilient high low zone like 341 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: a house, and when she's in the resilient zone, she's 342 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: in the living room space. She can hang out on 343 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,679 Speaker 1: the couch or in the kitchen or whatever. When she 344 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,439 Speaker 1: goes to the high zone, she's in the attic, she 345 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 1: can't hear what's happening in the living room at all. 346 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: And when she's in the basement and really despairing, she's 347 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: really low. If she's on the floor of the basement, 348 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: then she's having suicidal thoughts and she's having really extreme 349 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 1: depressed thoughts. And we talk about actually walking up the 350 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: stairs of the basement. Right, So those six tools that 351 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: you outlined earlier are the ways to get us to 352 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 1: walk up the stairs of the basement or to come 353 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: down from the attic, right, to come down, to go 354 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 1: up into the resilient own. And tracking. I want to 355 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: start with tracking because I feel like tracking it's probably 356 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: the most important one, because tracking allows us to know 357 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 1: when we're in our resilience and we were in high 358 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,639 Speaker 1: zone and when we're in low zone. Can you just 359 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 1: break down tracking for us? Well, first of all, can 360 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: I just say that my heart right now feels really 361 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: warm and full and I have this like bubbly excitement 362 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: hearing you teach me about tracking as a resilient zone. 363 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 1: It's very exciting. Thank you. I appreciate exactly right, that's 364 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,239 Speaker 1: exactly what we want to do. Tracking is used with 365 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: all the skills. If we aren't tracking and paying attention 366 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: to the body, then we are not actually doing thematic work. 367 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 1: Client of mine who's called tracking the GPS of the body, 368 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,160 Speaker 1: and she said, if I know where I'm at at 369 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,640 Speaker 1: any given time, and I can't get lost, Oh, tracking 370 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 1: is the GPS of the body. If I know where 371 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: I'm at at any time, I can't get lost. Oh. 372 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Often when I when 373 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: I come into a session and I'm feeling just I've 374 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: given this example a lot publicly. I'm feeling anxious, and 375 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 1: you'll ask me where in your body do you feel that? 376 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: Most often it's in the pit of my stomach. And 377 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: then you'll ask me where does it feel positive or neutral? 378 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: And you know, right now, it's kind of my ankles, 379 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,320 Speaker 1: And then you'll invite me to focus my attention on 380 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 1: my ankles. The specificity of that getting really specific about 381 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: where we feel anxiety, joy, whatever it is. Where that 382 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,160 Speaker 1: we get specific about where that is in our bodies, 383 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: I think it's really really an important component of this work. 384 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: I think it's actually the essential cornerstone of this model 385 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: and of this work and of our being able to 386 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 1: tap into our wellness. Another piece I can share is 387 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 1: that we years ago did a training for Children's hospital, 388 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,160 Speaker 1: and one of those folks, when they were teaching back 389 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 1: to us, said, my body has always been talking to me, 390 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 1: but now I have a way to talk back. Now 391 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: I have a way to have a conversation with my body. Oh, Jennifer, Okay, 392 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: can we just pause? Can we just pause on that? 393 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: My body's all it's been talking to me, but now 394 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: I have a way to talk back. I think this 395 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 1: is what I would love people to really understand and 396 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: take away from this that right now, with everything that's 397 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,360 Speaker 1: going on in the world, with all the stressors, all 398 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: the traumas, our bodies are talking to us constantly and 399 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: telling us what we need to know. Can we listen 400 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 1: and then can we talk back and have a dialogue 401 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: with our bodies and then begin to regulate. I think 402 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,160 Speaker 1: that this works about having that dialogue. Yes, that's exactly right. 403 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: We might be accustomed to naming feelings or not, but 404 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 1: tracking is the feeling of the feelings, the feeling of 405 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 1: the feeling. Can you explain that? So it's it's if 406 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 1: I name something happy, sad, mad, or otherwise The reason 407 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 1: why my thinking brain knows to call it that feeling 408 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: word is because my body is sending cues that let 409 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,880 Speaker 1: me know to call it that eight of our information 410 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,639 Speaker 1: is delivered body up only going in the other directions 411 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 1: of our information is delivered body up only. Twenty is 412 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,400 Speaker 1: the other way around. So our bodies are crucial. Yes, 413 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,359 Speaker 1: so we can sense things away that maybe we can't 414 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: think away. Only slow that one down to We can 415 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 1: sense things away that maybe we can't think away. We 416 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 1: can sense Can you just talk about that a little bit? 417 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: I think you know. I'm not knocking cognitive behavioral strategies 418 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: or thought stopping techniques like things that people might already use. 419 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: But I can certainly tell you with somebody who used 420 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 1: to suffer from panic attacks, that if somebody said to 421 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: me calm down, or if I tried to tell myself 422 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: calm down, don't you think I would have done that already? 423 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,640 Speaker 1: I would have already done that if I knew how 424 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 1: to do it. But I don't know how to do 425 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,480 Speaker 1: it because my body is like on fire right now 426 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm gonna die, And so it 427 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: really becomes how do I intervene at the thematic at 428 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: the body level so that I can unhook that because 429 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,120 Speaker 1: I cannot just tell all myself to calm down when 430 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 1: my body thinks it's under threat. And we do, honestly, Lavern. 431 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: We track all the time. Maybe we can sense when 432 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: we're hot or cold, or we can sense maybe whether 433 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: we're hungry or thirsty, or needs use the restroom, things 434 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 1: like that. But typically one of those entry points is 435 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 1: a way to know that we're already doing this all 436 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: day long, every day, and if I can take a 437 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: moment and go back to the resilient zone. We have 438 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: a resilient zone within us. But then when we are together, 439 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 1: we have a collective resilient zone. So you and I 440 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: together as we're sitting together, have a collective zone between us. 441 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: And when you talk about what's going on in the 442 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,240 Speaker 1: world today, whether it is the pandemic or our socio 443 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: political landscape right now, our collective zone is pretty narrow. 444 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: Yes it is. It is paper sin for most of us. 445 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: And so not only my individual zone be narrow, but 446 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: I'm also now faced with when I'm taking in the 447 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:02,439 Speaker 1: world and knowing that collect actively, it also feels pretty narrow. 448 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: How can we widen that zone? So I think oftentimes 449 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: when we have these things that happen in our world, 450 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: I often see that Mr. Rogers quote that comes in 451 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: about how his mother used to tell him to look 452 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,879 Speaker 1: to the helpers when things feel bleak, look to the helpers. 453 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,399 Speaker 1: That is part of tracking and part of our awareness 454 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,360 Speaker 1: is not only looking for the threats, but also cultivating 455 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 1: and chasing the resiliency. Where are people coming together? When 456 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,439 Speaker 1: you see people marching together for common causes, when you 457 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: see healthcare workers come into the aid of ailing people, 458 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: when you see people reaching out for social justice and 459 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:43,160 Speaker 1: for dismantling and addressing structural racism. Like, if we look 460 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: for those moments and we tap into that, then we're 461 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:50,120 Speaker 1: tapping into the collective resiliency of one another, and we're 462 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: actually strengthening that, and we have to sense into that. 463 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,160 Speaker 1: That feels like the truth to me on a really 464 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 1: deep level. This feels like a good time to take 465 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: a short break for our sponsor friends. Welcome back. Now 466 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about one of my favorite tools. 467 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 1: I really want to talk about, shift in Stay. Shift 468 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:19,879 Speaker 1: in Stay it is one of the six tools you 469 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 1: listed earlier of the community resiliency model. I'm feeling anxiety 470 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: and I'm feeling that in my guard and then you'll 471 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: invite me to focus on where in my body isn't 472 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 1: neutral and positive, right, and sometimes it's my ankles, not always, 473 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 1: and then you'll invite me to focus my attention there. 474 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 1: The invitation is to not be in denial about the anxiety, 475 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 1: but the question becomes the both and peace. And so 476 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about shift and stay? Yeah, 477 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,200 Speaker 1: so when I noticed what where my distress is, then 478 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 1: I can actually actively move my awareness to someplace where 479 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 1: it's less or where it's not. And we forget that 480 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 1: we have a whole body while walking around with because 481 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,919 Speaker 1: our tendency is to dive into the middle distress again 482 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: because we're wired for survival, so we're looking for the 483 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: source of threats to get outside or inside. And so 484 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 1: this is the job of shift and stay is to 485 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: be able to look around and go where is it not? 486 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,920 Speaker 1: Because sometimes it might be the tip of my nose, 487 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 1: it might be my ear low of it might be 488 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: my toes or you know, ankles like what you're referring to. 489 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 1: And if I can bring enough of my awareness to 490 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: those parts of my body that are less, that are 491 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: pleasant or neutral and I can stay there. Typically what 492 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 1: happens is it lessons what's going on. May not erase 493 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: it fully, but it may lessen it. And so even 494 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: when we have chronic stress or illness or things like that, 495 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: sometimes we'll actually get better medical attention because I can 496 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,880 Speaker 1: more accurately pinpoint where the trouble is rather than going 497 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: my whole body or everything hurd's all over. And also 498 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: when I self regulate and get back into my resilient zone, 499 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: then I can do more connecting with others than I 500 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,280 Speaker 1: can problem solve, and I can know what the next 501 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,920 Speaker 1: thing I want to do is. Versus if I get 502 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,200 Speaker 1: stuck in the loop of the distress of the anxiety. 503 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,200 Speaker 1: What just came up for me is that we all 504 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: sort of become what we focus on. So if I 505 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 1: just focus on this anxiety, all I can sense and 506 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: feel is the anxiety. I'm not going to be in 507 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,080 Speaker 1: my zone. But if I can focus on something else energetically, 508 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: then maybe that energy can shift, maybe my nervous system 509 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,880 Speaker 1: can shift, And I think that's just such a beautiful thing. 510 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 1: And and the other tools like resourcing, like gesturing, grounding, 511 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,919 Speaker 1: the help now skills all of the six components. I 512 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 1: invite everyone to go to the I Chill app to 513 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 1: look at all of these tools and see how you 514 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: can integrate them into your lives and practice. Maybe find 515 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 1: a health care professional who can help you with this 516 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 1: model if it resonates for you. There's something else, though, 517 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: that I want to I have to talk about because 518 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: I thought the first time you said it to me, 519 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: and it's in a therapysition, there's so many aspects of 520 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: this that I'm utterly intrigued by. But you used a 521 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 1: phrase called completion of the survival response, and we were 522 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 1: working on some really like childhood stuff that was really 523 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,120 Speaker 1: intense for me. Can you talk about completion of the 524 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: survival response in relationship to everything that we've been talking about. Sure, 525 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 1: And this is again I'm just gonna highlight that is 526 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: definitely something more that needs to happen within the context 527 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 1: of a therapeutic environment, and it's not something I would 528 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:21,360 Speaker 1: encourage people to just tap into on their own. But essentially, 529 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: we're we've got a survival response continuum, and what happens 530 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 1: is that if I hear something novel or something happens 531 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: in my environment, my first response is to orient to 532 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 1: the source. Of the threat or the sound or whatever. 533 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: As I'm doing that, I'm mobilizing all the energy and 534 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: my body, so cortisol and adrenaline is now coursing starting 535 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 1: to course through my system, preparing me to fight or flee. 536 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: And if I can complete a survival response, I'm going 537 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 1: to then execute that in the form of running, fighting, yelling, gesturing, 538 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: whatever I'm going to do. And once I do that, 539 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: I return to a state of equilibrium. And the truth 540 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,400 Speaker 1: of it is, we can get thwarted at any of 541 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 1: those places along the survival response continuum, and oftentimes we 542 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,400 Speaker 1: don't allow that survival response to come through and out. 543 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: And that can even be with small things. If I'm 544 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 1: having an issue with a boss and I feel really 545 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 1: piste off at my boss, but I can't just yell 546 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 1: at my box, and so I might damp in or 547 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 1: thwart that energy. And then that might also tap into, 548 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: like you said, hysterical historical, it might happen to tap 549 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: into other times in my life that's happened, and we 550 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 1: can get stuck. When we do get stuck in those states, 551 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 1: we can sometimes have this perpetual fight response on board, 552 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 1: or perpetually wanting to flee when stress happens. And because 553 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: I didn't get to execute those things at the time 554 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,000 Speaker 1: that they occurred, what we can do now is try 555 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 1: to offload in the moment and then come back into 556 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 1: my resilient zone. I feel like the tools of the 557 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 1: community resiliency model are a lot of them are about 558 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 1: regulating in the moment right when we have a stressful 559 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: moment or we're traumatized in a moment's about regulating that. 560 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: But then when there are historical traumas and it were 561 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: they were that require deeper work, right, and this is 562 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: something that has to be done with a professional based 563 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 1: on my own experience that this with you is that 564 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: for the deeper things that in terms of really building 565 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 1: trauma resilience and and Burnet Brown and one of her 566 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 1: taxes with a goal of trauma resilience is to put 567 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: it in its place, and it's in its timeline. The 568 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: body doesn't know if a trauma happened twenty years ago. 569 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 1: Once we are triggered, the body experiences the trauma as 570 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,920 Speaker 1: if it's happening right now. That to me is really deep. 571 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: And so the completion of the survival response piece we 572 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,040 Speaker 1: were dealing with um in therapy when I bought my 573 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: when I bought this condo, I was remember I was 574 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: having like crazy panic attacks like I was. I hadn't 575 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 1: had panic attacks like this ever in my life. And 576 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,320 Speaker 1: we kind of talked through it and figured out what 577 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 1: the source of that was, right, And it was a 578 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,840 Speaker 1: childhood thing around sort of fear of being homeless that 579 00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: I've had my whole life. And when we went back 580 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: into that memory, their childhood memory, and I didn't say 581 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: or do what I wanted to say in that moment, 582 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 1: I did it. In that moment, I yelled and I punched, 583 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,480 Speaker 1: and I kind of got what I needed to say. 584 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,720 Speaker 1: And as I did it, I felt my nervous system ship. 585 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 1: It feels like it's in the past now. It doesn't 586 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: feel like it's happening right now. The work of building 587 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: trauma resilience is like putting it sort of in the 588 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: right timeline in my life, right, that's right. The interesting 589 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: thing is that the more we practice tools of resilience, 590 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: and this is about practicing right. We have neural plasticity, 591 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: but it's neural plasticity, can you just define that really quickly? 592 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: Neural plasticity is the ability of the brains to be 593 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 1: able to make new pathways to create new cell growth. 594 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,600 Speaker 1: And we used to think back in the day, but 595 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: that might not be possible, but we know now that 596 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 1: that's just simply not true. And the more we actually 597 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 1: tap into and cultivate resiliency, the more we strengthen ourselves, 598 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 1: the more we widen and deepen our resilience zone, the 599 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 1: less things bumped me into the higher low zone, and 600 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 1: the more I'm me in the world, the more you're 601 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,760 Speaker 1: using the world. Ultimately, that is about creating new neuro 602 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 1: pathways that are not trauma informed, that are not stress informed, 603 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: and so repeatedly practicing these skills and something that we 604 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,920 Speaker 1: do on a daily basis, multiple times a day, over 605 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 1: a period of time, we create new neuro pathways exactly. 606 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: And as we create those new neuronal pathways, what ends 607 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: up happening Over time My zone gets deeper and actually 608 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,480 Speaker 1: sometimes it has its own trauma reprocessing element to it, 609 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: in that the stuff of my history starts to fade 610 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: away a little bit, the glue there starts to unstick 611 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 1: a little bit, and so when I start to think 612 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: into what happened to me in the past, I feel 613 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 1: so much more meat in the here and now so 614 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: much more myself. That's lovely. I think that it's a 615 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: great place to end. Obviously, I could talk to you 616 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: all day about this. So can you tell people where 617 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: else they can get resources to do this work? Yes? 618 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,760 Speaker 1: So again, you can go and download the eye Show app. Also, 619 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: if people don't have smartphones, they can go to www. 620 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 1: Dot eye Show app dot com and they can actually 621 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 1: it's its own little website landing. You can go to 622 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:21,760 Speaker 1: Trauma Resource Institute website and look at their offerings and training. 623 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: And my website is Jennifer Burton MST dot com. And uh, 624 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,719 Speaker 1: I think there's a beating list on my website as well. 625 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,640 Speaker 1: I wanted to end our conversation with the question that 626 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:39,360 Speaker 1: you often ask me in our sessions, what else is true? 627 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: Can you talk a little bit about how that sort 628 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: of relates to everything we've been talking about, And then 629 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,560 Speaker 1: I want to ask you what else is true for you? Yeah? 630 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,240 Speaker 1: So the what else is true is that both and place. 631 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,799 Speaker 1: It's that if I can chase the resiliency, it's not 632 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,759 Speaker 1: a denial that there's other things going on. To say 633 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,480 Speaker 1: that our landscape isn't what it is politically and culturally 634 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 1: would be bananas, and to say we're not in the 635 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 1: middle of a pandemic would also be crazy. But it's 636 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,799 Speaker 1: so what else is going on? What else can we 637 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 1: tap into? That's true? And so I don't want to 638 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:14,960 Speaker 1: deny somebody's sadness, anger, feeling, frustration. I also want to 639 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,920 Speaker 1: see what else is available, what else, what helps us 640 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: get through? What helps us get through hard times? You know, 641 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 1: we've all been through difficult times, whether it's the ones 642 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,640 Speaker 1: that we're in right now were ones that we've been 643 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,279 Speaker 1: in the past. And how do we get through? How 644 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:32,719 Speaker 1: do we tap into our innate against strength and resiliency? 645 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,680 Speaker 1: And I guess if if you're going to ask me 646 00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: about it personally, So I I lost my grandmother about 647 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: a week ago, and she was one of my primary 648 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,399 Speaker 1: attachment figures and I feel blessed to have had her 649 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: for fifty one years of my life. But I have 650 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,640 Speaker 1: found myself in this kind of see of grief and 651 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,120 Speaker 1: feeling as sometimes really piste off at the pandemic for 652 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,399 Speaker 1: robbing me of seven months I could have been with her, 653 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 1: even though it wasn't um COVID that took her from me, 654 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,520 Speaker 1: I feel like the pandemic took those months and those 655 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 1: times of connecting away from me, and when I feel 656 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: myself pulled in that direction, I actually tap into the 657 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,920 Speaker 1: connection with her of how she's still with me. You 658 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: know what she would want for me now, how she 659 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,720 Speaker 1: would be with me, and what she would say. And 660 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,359 Speaker 1: so I do have the grief, and I have the love, 661 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,400 Speaker 1: and I have that she'll be with me in infinite, 662 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 1: myriad ways for the rest of my life. And I 663 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,919 Speaker 1: have pictures and I have all this other stuff and 664 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,960 Speaker 1: memories that no one can take from me. And it 665 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,680 Speaker 1: helps with the sadness so that I don't get so 666 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 1: swept away by that river, because I can just feel 667 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,480 Speaker 1: so sad so much of the time around this and 668 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 1: and I let the tears come when they will, and 669 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,760 Speaker 1: I can also do the other So I feel, really 670 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: that is my what else is true right now? And 671 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,319 Speaker 1: that's the most present what else is true? Thank you 672 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: for sharing that. Um. I think it was a few 673 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: weeks ago you texted me and said you had to 674 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: reschedule because your grandmother died, and it was I was like, 675 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 1: what do I, how do I? What do I say 676 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,320 Speaker 1: to Jennifer? And how do I? How do I? It 677 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,239 Speaker 1: just felt so completely inadequate in that moment, and so 678 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,720 Speaker 1: sort of I thought it thinking about the one sided 679 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: it's of our relationship. Um, when it's something like this happens, 680 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: is that there's I don't know if there's anything that 681 00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:24,279 Speaker 1: we can really say. I'm so grateful that you're in 682 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: my life. I do you want to say that. I'm 683 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 1: so grateful you're in my life. I'm so grateful for 684 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,920 Speaker 1: our work. I'm so sad that you had this loss. 685 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: It's I'm so sad, but I'm pardoned by your what 686 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: else is true? And I think everything you're saying right 687 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 1: now is that testament to our connection and our relationship, 688 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 1: because yes it's in a therapeutic context, but make no mistake, 689 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,879 Speaker 1: it's a relationship and it is a connection. And I'm 690 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: just so touched by what you're saying to me right now, 691 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,920 Speaker 1: and I'm going to hold that as my other what 692 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:54,759 Speaker 1: else is true? And it's secure attachment, which I a 693 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,000 Speaker 1: lot of issues with in my life, and many times 694 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: sessions you'd be like, well and you sense into like 695 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,520 Speaker 1: the connection we have, and I'm like, no, not really, 696 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,480 Speaker 1: but I can sense into it right now and I'm 697 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 1: very grateful for it. So I thank you so much, 698 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 1: Jennifer for four years of work together. I thank you 699 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:17,240 Speaker 1: for sharing your expertise and everything that you share today. 700 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: Thank you listening back to this conversation. What always hits 701 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,839 Speaker 1: me when I talked to Jennifer is when she talks 702 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: about something being embodied. As a trauma survivor, as an 703 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,040 Speaker 1: abuse survivor, and probably also as a transperson, my default 704 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,560 Speaker 1: response is to leave my body right, to not be 705 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: present in my body because it's just too painful to 706 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 1: be there. And if we can use a resource. Resourcing 707 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 1: is another tool of the community resiliency model for me, 708 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 1: often a resource sometimes even singing opera for me when 709 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: I'm in an airport, I'm often insanely anxious and airports 710 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,720 Speaker 1: and if you see a person walking through the airport 711 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:05,319 Speaker 1: in advisor and um um COVID mask singing opera, it's 712 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:10,920 Speaker 1: probably me. Do not approach, But I am singing to 713 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,440 Speaker 1: self soothed. I'm singing to regulate my system. It's a 714 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,719 Speaker 1: resource for me to help me get through the anxiety 715 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: of being in the airport. But singing connects me to 716 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,720 Speaker 1: my breath, something that gets me in my body. Dancing 717 00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:27,920 Speaker 1: is something that gets me in my body, and I 718 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:32,000 Speaker 1: can tap into those resources to turn the volume down 719 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,880 Speaker 1: on the anxiety that I have in the airport and 720 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,280 Speaker 1: turn the volume up on the things that are neutral, positive, 721 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,719 Speaker 1: the things that helped me get through the what else 722 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,960 Speaker 1: is true? So I encourage you to check out the 723 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,960 Speaker 1: Eye Chill app to explore UM the components of the 724 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:52,360 Speaker 1: community resiliency model. And even though I do it very imperfectly, 725 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 1: the day we recorded this, I was very much in 726 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 1: high zone. I was totally freaked out. I was the 727 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: first day we recorded UM the Verne Cox Show. But 728 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,960 Speaker 1: this has really really helped me a lot. It's a 729 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: work in progress, and here's to widening your resilient zone 730 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:14,239 Speaker 1: individually and all of us widening our resilient zones collectively. 731 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to The Laverne Cox Show. 732 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,959 Speaker 1: Feel free to subscribe, rate and share. Join me next 733 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 1: week when I'll be talking to Kimberly Foster, the founder 734 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:37,720 Speaker 1: of the online black feminist community for Harriet, about beauty 735 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,600 Speaker 1: as capital. Is it a good investment? Kimberly has thoughts. 736 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,040 Speaker 1: You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Laverne 737 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:50,240 Speaker 1: Cox and on Facebook at Laverne Cox for Real until 738 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:54,839 Speaker 1: next time, stay in the love. The Laverne Cox Show 739 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,680 Speaker 1: is the production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with I 740 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,719 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcast from Chondaland Audio, visit the 741 00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:05,319 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen 742 00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:06,360 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.