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Speaker 1: Mother's Day at Whole Foods Market.

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Speaker 2: Coming up on this medium talk, we talked to Shaybe

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Speaker 2: from askshyb dot com and we get into it about

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Speaker 2: a bunch of stuff, but listen, the audio quality's a

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Speaker 2: little messed up. He's in a public space, he had

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Speaker 2: to get had some Wi Fi issues and things of

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Speaker 2: that nature. So hopefully everything comes out where you guys

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Speaker 2: can understand it and hear it, and I really hope

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Speaker 2: that you enjoy the show, but I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: warn you if there's some technical or audio issues in it.

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Speaker 2: We tried to work around it as best we could,

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Speaker 2: and uh, I put it out because I felt that

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Speaker 2: the interview was really good despite all that, So hopefully

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Speaker 2: you guys enjoyed this episode of Medium Talk Peace. Hi,

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Speaker 2: Welcome to medium Talk with Rodermris Prime. Today I have

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Speaker 2: a very special guest on. It's time to do some

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Speaker 2: medium talks for people that don't like, you know, big talk,

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Speaker 2: but also kind of bored by small talk.

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Speaker 3: So I brought my.

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Speaker 2: Man shah Be on from asshab dot com, you also

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Speaker 2: known from Twitter at as Shab. What's going on, shah Man?

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Speaker 2: How's everything going for you?

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Speaker 4: Everything is going great.

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Speaker 5: I appreciate you having me on the show, no doubt. Man,

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Speaker 5: I've been looking forward to this for a while.

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Speaker 2: Now for the audience, can you tell them what exactly

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Speaker 2: does sha Be do? And you know what is ask

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Speaker 2: Shab dot com.

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Speaker 4: As shotb is my program that I've true.

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Speaker 5: I'm a life from relationship coach and what that entails

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Speaker 5: is I help people build happier, healthier, longer lasting relationship

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Speaker 5: using sound morals, values and principles as a foundation.

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Speaker 2: Cool man, Now, you also have several different services. You

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Speaker 2: do that because you're life life coach and a relationship coach.

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Speaker 3: And you do like mentoring.

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Speaker 2: You've written a book, so can you tell me, like,

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Speaker 2: what exactly does the mentoring look like?

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Speaker 3: What exactly do you do there?

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Speaker 4: Absolutely?

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Speaker 5: You know, I definitely enjoy reaching out to the teams

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Speaker 5: because as a young black man, I'm able to relate

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Speaker 5: to them a little bit better than the parents might

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Speaker 5: be able to connect with them. And it's important that

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Speaker 5: a young teenager knows that their education is everything. They

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Speaker 5: need to focus in school and get ready to prepare

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Speaker 5: themselves for the outside world. So what I do is

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Speaker 5: I help them to focus on their skills and develop

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Speaker 5: them and prepare.

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Speaker 4: To move on to the next level.

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Speaker 2: Now you now that's the thing. You do look pretty

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Speaker 2: young man. I didn't even think about that. How old

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Speaker 2: are you if you don't.

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Speaker 4: Mind me asking, I'm twenty nine.

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Speaker 2: Twenty nine, okay, yeah, that's not I mean, you know

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Speaker 2: that's that's young enough to know some things, but you know,

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Speaker 2: or old enough to know some things, young enough to

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Speaker 2: do some stuff about it. Now, you also have written

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Speaker 2: a book, What exactly is Food, Sex, and Peace of Mind?

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Speaker 4: About the title of my book is Food, Sex, and

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Speaker 4: Peace of Mind.

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Speaker 5: What a woman needs to know to keep a man?

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Speaker 5: And I always tell the ladies that men are very simple.

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Speaker 5: All we want is food, sex, and peace of mind.

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Speaker 5: And that's why I put that right smack dab on

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Speaker 5: the title. But inside the book is what'll get a

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Speaker 5: woman everything that she wants and needs.

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Speaker 4: Out of a relationship.

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Speaker 5: And the key to getting the success on a relationship

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Speaker 5: is knowing your worst, knowing your value, and then adding

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Speaker 5: that value to the other person. So I encourage men

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Speaker 5: and women to read this book to see how they

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Speaker 5: can get the most out of a relationship.

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Speaker 3: Now do you get now?

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Speaker 2: Is the book directed towards one because women are the

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Speaker 2: people who normally seek out relationship advice and seem to

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Speaker 2: be interested in that. Men seem to be more shy about,

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Speaker 2: you know, asking for advice.

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Speaker 3: I think it has something to do with our mail egos.

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Speaker 2: You know you don't want to ask anybody for help,

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Speaker 2: You just want to do it on your own. Or

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Speaker 2: is it just that you know you felt like more

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Speaker 2: of a calling to write towards women.

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Speaker 5: Well, when I first started doing life in Relationship coaching,

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Speaker 5: I noticed that women were more open to receiving relationship advice.

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Speaker 5: So as my audience grew and grew and grew, like

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Speaker 5: right now, I'm on almost at forty thousand follows on Twitter.

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Speaker 4: Most of that seventy percent of that is women.

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Speaker 5: And when I would write my blogs and when I

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Speaker 5: would write my tweets and all my Facebook posts, I

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Speaker 5: would try to cater to the people who I know

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Speaker 5: are listening. But as I grow and people are spreading

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Speaker 5: the word about me, I noticed that more and more

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Speaker 5: men are coming. So one of my next book is

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Speaker 5: going to be geared directly towards the men.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, Now, I still feel like if you write

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Speaker 2: a book towards the men, the women are gonna read

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Speaker 2: it to try to find out the game plan so

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Speaker 2: they can, you know, be ahead of the curve man,

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Speaker 2: Because I feel like that's how inquisitive women are when

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Speaker 2: it comes to relationships.

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Speaker 4: You know what's funny. I always joke about that.

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Speaker 5: The ladies ask me all the time, Sha, you have

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Speaker 5: all of these relationship tips for the women, When are

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Speaker 5: you gonna speak to the men?

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Speaker 4: When are you gonna write a book for the men? And

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Speaker 4: I say, you know what, even if I write a

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Speaker 4: book for the men, it's gonna be you women who

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Speaker 4: go out and buy it.

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Speaker 2: Now, also, like, what made you feel like this is

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Speaker 2: my calling? This is the thing I want to do

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Speaker 2: with my life. I watched some of your videos and

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Speaker 2: you talked about how and this is something I believe in.

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Speaker 2: If you do something you love for a living, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't feel like work, even if you're constantly working. You know,

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Speaker 2: it's a labor of love. So it just kind of

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Speaker 2: blends in with your lifestyle. So what was it that

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Speaker 2: made you feel like, this is what I need to

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Speaker 2: do with my life and this is what I'm comfortable with.

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Speaker 5: That's an excellent question, and I'm happy to touch on

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Speaker 5: that because I know a lot of people struggle with

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Speaker 5: finding their purpose in life and finding their passion.

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Speaker 4: And that's exactly what happened to me not too long ago.

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Speaker 5: In January twenty eleven, I found myself in a homeless shelter.

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Speaker 5: Now this is after having a bachelor's degree and after

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Speaker 5: having a career working towards a career in photography. But

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Speaker 5: you know, I was doing things my way instead of

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Speaker 5: doing things God's way.

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Speaker 4: So what happened was God took away everything from me.

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Speaker 4: He took he took.

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Speaker 6: Photography services, he took away the roof over my head.

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Speaker 6: I had no money in my pocket. I was miserable,

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Speaker 6: and then I found myself in a home shelter, and

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Speaker 6: I said to myself, what am I doing here?

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Speaker 5: And when I said what am I doing here? I

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Speaker 5: don't just mean in a homeless shelter. What am I

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Speaker 5: doing on this earth? If I died today with my

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Speaker 5: life had meant anything to anybody, will I have touched anyone?

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Speaker 5: Will I have influence anyone? And then, right then and

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Speaker 5: there I had an epiphany. I snapped out of it.

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Speaker 5: I said, you know what, Yes, I'm in this homeless shelter,

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Speaker 5: and yes, I feel like some people should come to

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Speaker 5: my rescue and get me a bout of here.

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Speaker 4: But then I say, you know what, there's a.

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Speaker 5: Reason why I'm in this homeless shelter because I've been selfish.

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Speaker 4: I haven't helped enough people in this world.

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Speaker 5: If I would have helped enough people, there would be

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Speaker 5: people calling me, checking up on me, making sure I

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Speaker 5: have food, making sure I have shelter, making sure that

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Speaker 5: I have money.

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Speaker 4: But no, that's not the person that I was at

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Speaker 4: that point in my life, and I wanted to change that.

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Speaker 5: I said, you know what, I want to be known

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Speaker 5: as a giver, someone who's supported, someone that helps others.

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Speaker 5: So I said, you know what, this is how I'm

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Speaker 5: going to get myself out of the shelter. And then

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Speaker 5: God spoke to me. He said, I want you to

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Speaker 5: give your time to a nonprofit organization.

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Speaker 4: Now, at first, the selfish me said, I don't have time.

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Speaker 5: I don't have money, I don't have a job, I

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Speaker 5: don't have a roof of mind. I don't have time

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Speaker 5: to volunteer for a nonprofit organization. But then I said,

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Speaker 5: you know what, that's what landed me in the shelter

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Speaker 5: in the first place, that this attitude when it comes

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Speaker 5: to helping others.

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Speaker 4: So I said, let me scratch that and listen to

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Speaker 4: these callers.

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Speaker 5: So what I did was I applied I feel out

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Speaker 5: a volunteer application to a nonprofit organization and I submitted

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Speaker 5: my resume, not a regular application, volunteer application. When they

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Speaker 5: saw my resume, they.

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Speaker 4: Hired me full time. And I said, Wow, is this

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Speaker 4: what God was trying to show me all along?

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Speaker 5: That when I change my attitude, when I changed my heart,

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Speaker 5: when I had the right spirit when it comes to.

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Speaker 4: Giving, I get blessed. I said, you know what, I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna do this from now on. So from that moment on,

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Speaker 4: that's the way I handle people.

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Speaker 5: That's the way I handle things, and my life has

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Speaker 5: been so blessed because of it, because I'm adding value

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Speaker 5: to the lot of others. And what I would say

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Speaker 5: to other people who struggle with finding their purpose, you

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Speaker 5: have to take that spiritual journey. You have to end

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Speaker 5: into that homeless shelter. You have to humble yourself. You

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Speaker 5: have to hit rock bottle because sometimes your breakdowns will

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Speaker 5: lead you right to your breakthrough.

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Speaker 2: Now, were you very spiritual before you went to the

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Speaker 2: we're in the homeless shelter and stuff like that, or

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Speaker 2: is this something that came about, you know, after you

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Speaker 2: kind of hit your rock bottle.

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Speaker 5: It came about after I hit my rock bottom, because

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Speaker 5: I'll tell you my mom had me and my five

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Speaker 5: brothers and one sister in church.

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Speaker 4: All our lives, and when I became of age, I said,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I'm burnt out on church. I don't

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Speaker 4: want to go to church anymore. I want to do

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Speaker 4: my own thing for once. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: And that's what got me to the place where I

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Speaker 4: ended up.

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Speaker 5: And then finally I said, you know what, I'm gonna

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Speaker 5: trust in God. I'm gonna I'm gonna start listening, receiving

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Speaker 5: the wisdom and applying.

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Speaker 4: It to my life.

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Speaker 5: And that's the change that I made. That's what helped

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Speaker 5: me be successful in my life.

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Speaker 3: Now, what what was the homeless shelter like?

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Speaker 2: Because I was watching on your videos and you said

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Speaker 2: that there were some people that were like happy there

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Speaker 2: and ready to stay there for as long as possible,

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Speaker 2: So like, how bad were the conditions?

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Speaker 3: And like, you know, what was your mentality in there?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 5: You know, when I went into the Homo cells, I

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Speaker 5: always felt that this was going to be temporary because

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Speaker 5: I didn't want to spend another day in that place.

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Speaker 5: I'm sitting next to men who were happy to be there,

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Speaker 5: Like you mentioned, they felt like that was home.

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Speaker 4: They didn't have any immediate plans to get up out

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Speaker 4: of there. And I'm like, are you crazy? Do you

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Speaker 4: not see? Are you not looking around you?

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Speaker 5: You got a homeless man over here. I'm talking about

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Speaker 5: don't shower. You got this guy over here, he's running

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Speaker 5: in and out of jail, coming right back to the

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Speaker 5: homo sheelter, back to jail.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, you're surrounded by people who aren't.

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Speaker 5: Applying themselves, aren't even attempting to reach their potential.

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Speaker 4: Everyone has excuse. I'm like, you know what.

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Speaker 5: I can't be around this, this is this is depressing.

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Speaker 5: I have to get up out of there. So every

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Speaker 5: morning when they told us, they say, come brother, it's

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Speaker 5: at seven am. You gotta be out by eight am.

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Speaker 5: I was out that door. There was no reason for

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Speaker 5: me to stay in that place. I got out of

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Speaker 5: that place. I went to Barnes and Nobles. I would

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Speaker 5: read books after book. I was applying to one hundred

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Speaker 5: jobs a day, doing any and everything that I could

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Speaker 5: get up out of that place. I would call all

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Speaker 5: of my friends, all of my family members, like, listen,

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Speaker 5: do you have any connections for jobs?

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Speaker 4: Do you have anybody who can connect me to I

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Speaker 4: was running around trying to develop these new skills and

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Speaker 4: call people to get jobs.

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Speaker 5: I was sitting on my most valuable gift ever what

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Speaker 5: I'm doing right now talking to people, motivating them, inspiring them,

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Speaker 5: uplifting them.

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Speaker 4: That was my gift at home.

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Speaker 5: To realize that I had this gift all along, and

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Speaker 5: I needed to humble myself. I didn't need all of

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Speaker 5: the things that I thought I needed in order to

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Speaker 5: be successful. I had it inside of me the whole time.

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Speaker 5: I simply had to tap into it and make it manifest.

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Speaker 2: Now, who are your inspirations out there? You know? With

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Speaker 2: I guess in the life and relationship coach game, because

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Speaker 2: I know there's a lot of black celebrities doing it now,

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Speaker 2: Tyres rev Run, Steve Harvey, Like, are these guys that

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Speaker 2: you look to for inspiration to find your own purpose?

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Speaker 5: I think one thing that all life and relationship coaches

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Speaker 5: have in common is we look to the same source,

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Speaker 5: and that's God. I have respect for each and every

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Speaker 5: life and relationship coach out there that's doing their thing.

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Speaker 5: It's too many to name, but as long as they

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Speaker 5: put God first in their teaching and coaching out of truth,

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Speaker 5: I have respect for them.

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Speaker 2: Now, do you ever feel like there's anybody out there

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Speaker 2: that's given wrong advice or bad advice? Like, cause I

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Speaker 2: know often people see like I know you wrote some

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Speaker 2: blog posts that people saw like I disagree with this.

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Speaker 3: Do you ever see stuff and go I disagree with that.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely? But you know, I think that's a part of

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Speaker 5: the growing process. I think as you grow, you're going

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Speaker 5: to contradict the things that you used to say in

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Speaker 5: the past. Because you're growing, you're moving past these things,

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Speaker 5: these certain points that you stood firm on, and that's

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Speaker 5: what you call progress. It's okay to be wrong. If

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Speaker 5: you're right all the time, there's no room for improvement.

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Speaker 5: So I look at that as an area of growth

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Speaker 5: when people make mistakes, when people are wrong, and they

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Speaker 5: listen to the wisdom and make the corrections.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It always kind of amazes me because I follow you

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Speaker 2: on Twitter and I see like some of the response

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Speaker 2: is what you say, and it always amazes me, like

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Speaker 2: how many people object to it and stuff, and because

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Speaker 2: it's like, it's just your opinion. You know, at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, it's just one man's opinion. If

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Speaker 2: you don't agree with it, let it be, you know.

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Speaker 2: But it's like I felt like people went on a

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Speaker 2: mission to try to like bring you down or something

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Speaker 2: for a while there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like the crabs and thentality.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Now do you still experience or go ahead, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: Do I experience that? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Oh, I'm like, I'm like the number one star of

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Speaker 5: black Twitter. You know, every day people are dragging down.

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Speaker 4: But here's what I want all entrepreneurs to remember.

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Speaker 5: Everyone who's reaching towards their goals not everyone.

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Speaker 4: Is going to be by your side. Not everybody's going

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Speaker 4: to be on your side.

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Speaker 5: But but needs to be loyal to the people that are.

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Speaker 5: Some people don't want to see you be successful. Some

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Speaker 5: people want to see you fail. But you can't let

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Speaker 5: anybody stop your flow. The only way somebody can stop

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Speaker 5: your flow is if you don't keep it moving.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 2: I can't lie, man. I do like the way you

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Speaker 2: respond to negativity. Like a lot of times you'll either

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Speaker 2: ignore it or you know, like retweet it or say

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Speaker 2: something you know, like kind of based off of that

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Speaker 2: about you know, like, uh, you know, let your haters

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Speaker 2: be your motivated or something like that.

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Speaker 3: And I kind of like that response.

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Speaker 5: You know, that's my favorite. That's my that's my favorite.

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Speaker 5: I turned haters into promoters.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I kind of like that, man, you know, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Go ahead, funny. You know it's funny.

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Speaker 5: Most of the time, I'm relaxing, I'm eating, I'm sleeping,

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Speaker 5: I'm working out or whatever, and people are actually hating

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Speaker 5: while I'm living my life, and I'm like, thank you.

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Speaker 4: The more you.

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Speaker 5: Mentioned my ass shot brand, the more your followers are

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Speaker 5: going to know more and more and more about me.

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Speaker 5: And while you're aiming to destroy. I'm gonna take your

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Speaker 5: destructive criticism and turn it into a positive because the

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Speaker 5: people who you're trying to convince that I'm not doing

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Speaker 5: the right thing, They're gonna see for themselves what I'm

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Speaker 5: doing on my timeline, and they're gonna become followers. That's

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Speaker 5: how my numbers are where they are right now, almost

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Speaker 5: forty thousand strong, because people follow.

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Speaker 4: People follow people who make sense. They like that it

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Speaker 4: makes sense to do that.

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Speaker 2: And now, how hard has it been for you to

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Speaker 2: grow an audience in a community from you know, zero

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Speaker 2: to forty thousand?

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Speaker 4: You know it's not hard. I always tell I like

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Speaker 4: to use this example.

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Speaker 5: I said, listen, if you have a product and nobody

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Speaker 5: knows about it, nobody knows you, you haven't built trust.

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Speaker 4: The first thing you should look to do is give

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Speaker 4: it away.

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Speaker 5: If you're good at something, always do it for free

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Speaker 5: until enough people respect and acknowledge that you're good at it. So,

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Speaker 5: if you have this music CD and you see fifty

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Speaker 5: people standing around, I guarantee you you can build an

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Speaker 5: audience of fifty people much faster by giving them your

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Speaker 5: CD than trying to sell it for five dollars. So

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Speaker 5: if you do that, if you're constantly building every single day,

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Speaker 5: Hey follow me on Twitter, Hey I followed you, connect

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Speaker 5: with me at me on Facebook. If you do this

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Speaker 5: NonStop every single day, you'll see the results manifest every

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Speaker 5: single day in your life.

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Speaker 4: What you see on my Twitter and.

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Speaker 5: I have four almost maxed out Facebook pages over thirty

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Speaker 5: five thousand blog subscribers.

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Speaker 4: The reason why those numbers are so high is because

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Speaker 4: I've been.

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Speaker 5: Working diligently every single day for the past two years.

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Speaker 5: People don't really notice that, but you have to be

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Speaker 5: consistent with your work, and you have to show people

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Speaker 5: that you're serious about the work that you're doing, and

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Speaker 5: they'll take you seriously. Not only will they follow you,

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Speaker 5: but they'll refer you.

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Speaker 3: Now, have you like who have you?

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Speaker 2: Always had people seek you out for a relationship advice

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Speaker 2: throughout your life? I know me personally, you know, I've

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Speaker 2: been with the same woman since I was like sixteen,

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Speaker 2: married for you know, guests, going on twelve years this year,

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Speaker 2: and people always seek me out for relationship advice, and

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Speaker 2: I don't always know what to tell them, but I

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Speaker 2: know throughout my you know, regular life, people like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I got this issue, what do you think about it.

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Speaker 2: Have people always sought your opinion for their own relationship advice?

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Speaker 5: Yes, And I always tell people. People ask me, they say,

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Speaker 5: what qualifies you to be a life of relationship coach?

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Speaker 5: I said, well, we're all life and the only difference

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Speaker 5: is not everyone accepts that challenge.

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Speaker 4: But I accept that challenge.

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Speaker 5: I make my available for people to call me, for

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Speaker 5: people to email me and contact me so that I

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Speaker 5: can help them with their relationships. A lot of times,

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Speaker 5: if you call the average person with your problems, they

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Speaker 5: probably won't even answer the phone. They'll say, oh, no,

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Speaker 5: he always has problems. She always problems. I don't want

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Speaker 5: to talk to right now. But me, I'll answer the

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Speaker 5: phone and I'll talk to you about your problems and

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Speaker 5: not only listen, but I'll.

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Speaker 4: Help you find solutions. But I look back to.

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Speaker 5: My life in high school and college and thereafter. I

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Speaker 5: noticed that I would always talk to my voice about

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Speaker 5: relationship about women, and I would say, I would joke,

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Speaker 5: I be like, yo, I'm gonna write a book or relationship.

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Speaker 4: I think we all should write books. Because if you

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Speaker 4: think my.

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Speaker 5: Relationship advice is something, where do you hear my best friends?

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Speaker 5: Because I talk to them every day, and I consult

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Speaker 5: with them as well. But I think we all have

404
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:01,320
Speaker 5: that special gift inside of someone go in a spate

405
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Speaker 5: of their lives. It's simply the matter of that that

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Speaker 5: we don't do it. We don't use our gifts to

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Speaker 5: help others.

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Speaker 4: As much as we should.

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Speaker 5: Everyone has a book inside of them. I'm not the

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Speaker 5: only one. People always say, what's the difference between your

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Speaker 5: book and Steve Harvey's book? I say, I wrote it,

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Speaker 5: and it's that simple. I'm like, I'm not in competition

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Speaker 5: with Steve Harvey.

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Speaker 4: He wrote his book. I wrote mine.

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Speaker 5: People are gonna buy my book just like they brought

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Speaker 5: his book. It was there were life and religion coach

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Speaker 5: just before him, there'll be life and relationship coaches after him,

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Speaker 5: and we all have that potential to help someone else

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Speaker 5: go in a relationship. So what I did was, like

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Speaker 5: I told you when I was in that Homemer shelter,

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Speaker 5: while I was looking for a job, at the job,

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Speaker 5: at the job, I was a business all along. I

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Speaker 5: just didn't realize it. So I had to realize my

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Speaker 5: potential and start to reach it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Now that's the thing, man, I do feel like anyone

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Speaker 2: can give their opinion it's just some people are organizing it,

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Speaker 2: putting it out. I mean, you have like a blog,

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Speaker 2: you have your free free relationship a vice Wednesdays. So

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Speaker 2: it's like the difference is you're just putting your stuff

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Speaker 2: out there, coordinating it, and people are eating it up.

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Speaker 5: Man.

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Speaker 2: And I found that a lot of the people that

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Speaker 2: were upset they're also bloggers, but maybe they don't have

435
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Speaker 2: as many followers, maybe they don't have as many people.

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Speaker 3: Checking for their stuff.

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Speaker 2: So it's kind of like they can make a name

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Speaker 2: off of you now at this point, because you know,

439
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Speaker 2: it's like, hey, he said this thing. Let's all you know,

440
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 2: chip in and say how wrong it is, and maybe

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Speaker 2: you'll read my stuff while you're at it and follow me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah.

443
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,919
Speaker 5: And you know what, I would love for those people

444
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 5: to simply call me or email me so that we

445
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 5: can talk them, talk them through their their the issues

446
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 5: with all whatever they feel is wrong or they don't

447
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 5: agree with, because that's what I'm here for.

448
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 4: And I believe that that when a train is moving,

449
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:03,680
Speaker 4: you know, your few attempts to stop that trade from

450
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 4: moving isn't gonna stop it, so you might as well

451
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 4: hop on it. Yeah.

452
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 2: And the thing is too like I think, uh, just

453
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: on the outside observant, and I feel like you believe

454
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 2: what you say, so it's not really a matter of uh, like, oh,

455
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 2: this dude's just trying to hustle everybody. It's like, if

456
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 2: you believe it, then you know, you're just giving your opinion.

457
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 2: I don't see how that's any different than anybody else,

458
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 2: you know. And I and for people to try to

459
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 2: bring you down because of it, it seems like they're overreacting

460
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 2: in my opinion, because there's so many opinions, Like half,

461
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 2: like half of the stuff you say, I believe comes

462
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 2: from a lot of religion and stuff like that background,

463
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 2: And people will talk trash about you, and then they

464
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,400
Speaker 2: go to church and their pastor says the same thing

465
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 2: on Sunday.

466
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 3: So it's like, how can you be mad at this guy.

467
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 2: For saying it on the internet and then you're you're, you're,

468
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,719
Speaker 2: you know, paying money to see to hear it on Sunday.

469
00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 3: It seems odd to me.

470
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I always say this on Twitter.

471
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 5: The guilty are always offended, and I think a lot

472
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 5: of times that foolish people will miss out on the

473
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 5: wisdom simply because they have a personal grudge against the

474
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 5: person who's delivering the wisdom. Yeah, they've they've got mug shots,

475
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 5: they've they've they've tried everything to destroy me.

476
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 4: But it's like, listen, I'm living my life.

477
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 5: I'm a father, I'm running a business, I'm working out,

478
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 5: eating good. These little tweets that you're sending it out

479
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:44,360
Speaker 5: to hurt me aren't even affecting me like at all.

480
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 5: In fact, they're motivating me to keep going and go

481
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 5: even harder. I tell them that love conquers all. When

482
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 5: you have love in your heart, nothing can stop you.

483
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 5: And I do believe the things that I say, And

484
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 5: I don't understand and why they're so upset because I

485
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 5: wake up in the morning, I tweet, I work out,

486
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 5: go to work, you know, and people follow.

487
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 4: What can I say? What do you? What do you

488
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 4: want me to do?

489
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 5: I'm like, you know what, you should have that power too.

490
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 5: You should be able to tweet and have people follow

491
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 5: your thoughts as well. That's what being a thought leader

492
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 5: is all about. So instead of being upset and hating

493
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 5: on what I'm doing, you need to rub up against

494
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 5: me so you can get some of what I'm getting. Now,

495
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 5: What like when it comes to you know people that

496
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 5: are that are like attacking your personal life, like as

497
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 5: a as a person gives advice on other people's personal lives,

498
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 5: like what in your like in your mind?

499
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 2: What is off limits for you? Because I know you

500
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 2: have a son. I've seen that. I've seen people try

501
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: to post like pictures of you from like relationship sites

502
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 2: or you know, like uh, dating sites and stuff, So like,

503
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 2: what are you like? Okay, enough, don't don't do this

504
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 2: thing because that's too much.

505
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 4: You know, you have to show me those links from

506
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 4: the dating sides.

507
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 5: I didn't anything about that.

508
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 4: But you know what, here's the thing I say, if

509
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 4: you live right, you worry less.

510
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 5: I'm totally transparent, and that's the way to be when

511
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 5: you start a business, when you start to be a leader,

512
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 5: a thought leader, you have to be transparent.

513
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 4: Everything is out on the table. But that's why you

514
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 4: have to live right. So none of these things. Are surprised.

515
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 5: People posted a mug shot from me from two thousand

516
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 5: and eight and they thought it would affect me. I said, hm,

517
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 5: nice pick I needed to shape up, you know. I'm like,

518
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 5: it's twenty thirteen. You're just now getting a load of that.

519
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 5: That's old news. What else you got?

520
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 3: Now, what was the mugshot for?

521
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 4: Like?

522
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 3: What was what were you getting arrested for or whatever?

523
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 5: Oh, you know, I was a senior in college and

524
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 5: you know, I had an incident with my best friend

525
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 5: and I ended up getting arrested because of it. But

526
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 5: it was just the overnight thing. No charges were pressed.

527
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 5: Oh okay, good, Yeah, I don't have a record, so

528
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 5: they just.

529
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: Take the picture and then it's like we found it.

530
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 2: It's trying to roll this out there.

531
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 3: Man, that's crazy.

532
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,479
Speaker 5: Like I said, Like I said, when you're transparent and

533
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 5: things like this come up, it's like you just now

534
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 5: fit finding out about this.

535
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 4: You want me to tweet about it? Would that make

536
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 4: you feel better?

537
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 5: It's nothing that you can do, Nothing that you can say,

538
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 5: no picture that you can post that can stop my flow.

539
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 2: Right, they would love to see you mad man, Like

540
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 2: that will be the ultimate thing? Is you ranting or

541
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 2: saying something that loses you followers or loses you're standing

542
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 2: amongst your community. Like also, like how much of your

543
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 2: personal image do you feel like affects you're following?

544
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 3: So you know, I noticed that you don't curse in

545
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 3: your tweets.

546
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 2: I noticed there are certain things you don't tweet about,

547
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 2: like how much of that is just like I don't

548
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 2: want to lose my standing in the community.

549
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 5: Also, well, you know, one of the things that I

550
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 5: love about life and relationship coaching is that I feel

551
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 5: good doing it when I tweet, when I post everything

552
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 5: that I post, when I write these books, I know

553
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 5: that it's helping someone else and that's also helping me.

554
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,479
Speaker 4: I get self gratification out of doing this.

555
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 5: So it's important that I put out things that are

556
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 5: gonna do that each and every day. And I'm working

557
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 5: on being the best person that I can be. You know,

558
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 5: no one is perfect. I'm not perfect, no culture is perfect.

559
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 5: I'm constantly growing in my life and in my walking life.

560
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 5: So that's my motivation.

561
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: Now, what I gotta ask this because since I got you, man,

562
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 2: like I said, I'll see your tweets, Man, what other

563
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 2: stuff are you into? Because I know when you're tweeting,

564
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 2: it's like you're.

565
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 3: Half your brand, But then your brand is you?

566
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,879
Speaker 2: So like do you listen to music, you watch sports,

567
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 2: you play video games, you go to movies. Like what

568
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: kind of stuff are you into outside of just relationship advice?

569
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 4: Oh?

570
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 5: See a lot of people they see the suit and

571
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 5: the smile, and they get it twisted. You don't want

572
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 5: to see me on that basketball court. You don't want

573
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 5: to see you on a basketball court. I went to

574
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 5: Saint Anthony High School. Shout out to Bob Hurley. We

575
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 5: won state champs my junior and senior year, all one

576
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 5: and O two. We were number one in New Jersey,

577
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 5: number two in the country. I played college ball, but

578
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 5: I love playing all different types of sports.

579
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,479
Speaker 4: I love being a father. I have a five year

580
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 4: old son.

581
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 5: And I have him every weekend, and it's just so

582
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 5: it's so rewarding being a father, just molding him and

583
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 5: teaching him and coaching him and showing him how to

584
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 5: be the best man that he can be. That makes

585
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 5: me feel so good as a man. And I love

586
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 5: spending time with my family. You know, I party my

587
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,199
Speaker 5: life away when I was in college, so that doesn't

588
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 5: really appeal to me anymore. But I do enjoy going

589
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 5: to the networking events where I can meet like minded people. Also,

590
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 5: I'm very active in the church. I sing, I'm an

591
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 5: a choir.

592
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 3: Okay.

593
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 5: I also do photography professionally, and those are scenes that

594
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 5: I'm things that I'm passionate about. If you look at

595
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 5: the cover of my book, that's a picture that I

596
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 5: actually shot, the one on the front and the back.

597
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, Now do you ever like watch sports? You

598
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 2: watching the playoffs at all?

599
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 4: That's one thing I don't do.

600
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 5: I don't really like watching sports because it's like, you know,

601
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 5: I wish I was in the game, right.

602
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 2: Right, since you played at a high level, it's like, oh, man,

603
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 2: I wish I was there.

604
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 3: I'd rather be playing and watching exactly.

605
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 4: But you know, give me a main event boxing fight,

606
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 4: I'll watch that.

607
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:32,360
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I hear MMA at all. Nah, yeah, it's

608
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 2: a little too much.

609
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 4: I did. I did. I did watch recently. It was alright,

610
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 4: it was pretty good.

611
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 5: Yeah.

612
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I can see how I could be a

613
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: little too much at times too.

614
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 5: Yeah.

615
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: Well, cool, man. I think I pretty much asked all

616
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 2: the questions. Oh I did have one more question. When

617
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 2: you want or need relationship advice, who do you ask?

618
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 4: You know what?

619
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 5: I have the most amazing sister in the world. And

620
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,959
Speaker 5: one thing a lot of people are confused about. They say, well,

621
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 5: why don't you have any female friends. I'm like, I'm sorry,

622
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 5: I don't need any. I if I ever pursue a

623
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 5: female friendship. That's someone that I'm gonna look to marry,

624
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 5: because a friendship is the key to romance. But in

625
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 5: the meantime, I have the most amazing sister. She's missed

626
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 5: Texas State twenty twelve. She's the best selling author of

627
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 5: the book hair Loss and Single on Purpose. If you

628
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 5: look on the back of my book, she gave me

629
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 5: a great quote, and she's the best thing author of

630
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 5: Single on Purpose. And I talk to my sister and

631
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 5: I give her my good idea is and she makes

632
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 5: them great ideas. My sister has been riding with me

633
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 5: ever since I was a kid. She's always believed in me.

634
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 5: She's always helped me work towards my goals. She's always

635
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 5: betting there more than any woman. And she's a great mentor.

636
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 5: She give me great relationship advice, business advice long.

637
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 4: Before she even knew that I was listening. So I

638
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 4: truly value her and appreciate her.

639
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 5: And also my best friends, you know, they always That's

640
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 5: why they're my best friends because they helped me grow.

641
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 5: They helped me grow on my personal life and my

642
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 5: professional life. And it's good to surround yourself with positive people.

643
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,719
Speaker 5: If a person isn't adding value to your life. They

644
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 5: need to be subtracted from your life. So I'm glad

645
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 5: to have these people.

646
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually think a lot of people would be

647
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 2: surprised that you get a lot of advice from a woman,

648
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: because a lot of the women are the ones who

649
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 2: get mad at their advice, you know. You know, well,

650
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 2: also a lot of women love it too, but you know,

651
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 2: it's just kind of funny that you know, people are

652
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 2: I think people are going to be surprised that you

653
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 2: know that's the source of advice. Now, I'm glad you

654
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 2: brought up that part about the women friends thing because

655
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 2: I forgot I need to ask you about some of

656
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 2: these you were saying, like, you know, people disagree, they

657
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,479
Speaker 2: need to hit you up and stuff.

658
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: So let's talk about some of these blog posts.

659
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 2: Like the first one was men and women can't really

660
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 2: be platonic friends.

661
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 3: Every man has a motive. You want to break that

662
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 3: down real quick.

663
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I feel like we're all placed on this earth

664
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 5: for a reason, and us men with the leaders, were

665
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 5: meant to take the lead and lead a family. Lead

666
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 5: our women, lead our children into prosperity. So while we're

667
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 5: on our spiritual journey trying to find ourselves. We're also

668
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 5: trying to find someone that we can be fruitful and

669
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 5: multiply with. And a great way to get close to

670
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 5: a woman is through friendship. You know, we value different

671
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 5: things men and women. You know, like I said, men

672
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 5: want food, sex, and peace of mind. A woman wants security,

673
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 5: a man that's gonna love, protect, and provide for her

674
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 5: on a consistent basis. And what I've noticed is women

675
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 5: are more open to being connected with a man because

676
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 5: of the protection asset. She feels protected, she feels safe.

677
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 5: But meanwhile, on the other hand, a man is looking

678
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 5: for someone that he can protect, that he can provide for.

679
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 5: And you can't spread all of your resources thin otherwise

680
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 5: you're not gonna have enough to place into your home.

681
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 5: So while a man is given his time, his energy,

682
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 5: his effort, and his money into a friendship, he's actually

683
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 5: looking to coc.

684
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, he broke up a little bit, man, But

685
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 2: you were saying about women and security and what women

686
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: are looking that women I look for security.

687
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 4: Yes, a woman looks for security in a relationship.

688
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 5: She wants a man who will love, protect, and provide

689
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 5: for her and do so on a consistent basis and

690
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 5: be loyal at that a man, they simply want food, text,

691
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 5: and peace of mind.

692
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 4: So while we're when we're.

693
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 5: Connecting in these friendships, we have different values. These values

694
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 5: are clear, and women are more open to having the

695
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 5: friendship and not necessarily wanting to lead the relationship.

696
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 4: And she shouldn't be leading the relationship. It's the man to.

697
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 5: Say, you know what, I want to be friends with you,

698
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 5: I want to loved you, I want to protect you,

699
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 5: I want to provide for you, and I want to

700
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 5: do it on a consistent basis. So if a man

701
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 5: is not being a leader, if he's not saying these things,

702
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 5: he's gonna find himself in the friend zone.

703
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 4: And just because he doesn't.

704
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 5: Say anything for months for years, that doesn't mean he's

705
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 5: not interested. That's that simply means he hasn't built up

706
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 5: with strengthen and yet courage. I'm not saying, you know what,

707
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 5: I love you and I want to be more than

708
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 5: just a friend.

709
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 2: Now, I've my wife is my best friend, so you

710
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 2: know I can kind of vouch for some of that.

711
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 2: But I do have women friends outside of our marriage.

712
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 2: You know that I'm not trying to have sex with it.

713
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 2: So like you, Like, did you get a lot of

714
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 2: feedback from people like that who were, like, I disagree,

715
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to have sex with all these women

716
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 2: and women saying men ain't always trying to have sex

717
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: with me. Did you get a lot of like pushback

718
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 2: from people.

719
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, That's that's when we have to redefine what friendship

720
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 5: is because a lot of times people call people who

721
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 5: are just people. They're friends, not everybody that's cool, not

722
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 5: everybody that you have good time with, not everyone that

723
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 5: has great conversation with you as a friend. Sometimes they're

724
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 5: just people, they're just associates, they're just acquaintances. To be

725
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 5: a friend, you would be emotionally invested and connected and

726
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 5: devoted to that person. So I would say that it's

727
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 5: impossible to be a true friend to someone of the

728
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 5: hoppey success and be loyal to your partner and your

729
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 5: relationship at the same time.

730
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 2: So you're upping the level the requirements for the return

731
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 2: friend to a point where you feel like only men,

732
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 2: only same sex people can be friends, and then whoever

733
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 2: your lover is or you're in love with, hopefully will

734
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 2: be your friend.

735
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 5: I feel that for a woman if her best friend

736
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 5: isn't her boyfriend, he should be promoted. Listen, if her

737
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 5: best friend, I mean, if her boyfriend isn't her best friend,

738
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 5: he should be demoted. Find everything that you need out

739
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 5: of your partner so that you won't have to outsource.

740
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 3: You know.

741
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: What's funny is they call it the one.

742
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's funny is.

743
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 2: I like, to an extent, I agree, because I do

744
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: think that people look at love almost too romantically and

745
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: not practically enough, and the same type of love that

746
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 2: you have for like a friendship or a family member

747
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 2: that needs to be in your romantic love too, because

748
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 2: that's what keeps you going through all the hard times.

749
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: You know, you don't abandon family, you don't abandon that

750
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 2: level of friendship. But I think people just are so

751
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 2: enamored with, you know, movie star love that they don't

752
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: think about the practical, like everyday aspect of loving someone.

753
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 2: Another thing I wanted to say, I asked you about

754
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,280
Speaker 2: you had an article about a blog post about dudes

755
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 2: going through women's purses?

756
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 3: Man, can you break that down?

757
00:35:58,760 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 4: Absolutely have.

758
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 5: Different levels of men, and that's why in a lot

759
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 5: of my tweets that I specifically say men of substance

760
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 5: because men of substance have different values from men who

761
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 5: lack substance.

762
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 4: So if you're in a.

763
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 5: Situation where a man has access to your body, to

764
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 5: your home, to your purse without having access to your heart,

765
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:33,959
Speaker 5: to a commitment to a marriage, then you can't rely

766
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 5: on him to have integrity. So there's no limits to

767
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 5: the violations that he'll arrive at throughout your interaction with him.

768
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 5: And I've spoken to many men, scumbags, low lives, good men, men.

769
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 5: It's up all different types of men and to a

770
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 5: lot of women surprised. There are men who will go

771
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,879
Speaker 5: inside their persons and rob them if they don't respect them,

772
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 5: if they don't value them, or even if they felt

773
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 5: cheated from out of their time and their money, Because

774
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 5: if they'll do that to them, they're planning on never

775
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 5: seeing them again anyway. So they say, you know what,

776
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 5: I just got the sex. Let me see what else

777
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 5: I can take away from her.

778
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 2: So you're saying, so you're saying, the dudes already aren't

779
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 2: trustworthy and they shouldn't have had access to the person

780
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 2: the first whites.

781
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I say, when you move too fast, you can't

782
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 5: expect to have progress because you didn't plan for your

783
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 5: relationship to be successful. All you plan for was to

784
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 5: have a good time right here, right now. You're not

785
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 5: even thinking about tomorrow. And if you and if a

786
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 5: woman allows a man to have that kind.

787
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 4: Of access to her, he's not going to value her

788
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 4: because he didn't have to work for it.

789
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hate you, man.

790
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:52,920
Speaker 4: Now.

791
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:57,280
Speaker 3: I would say the same thing with go ahead, I'm sorry.

792
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 5: I was going to say this, like going to a

793
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 5: new job and in your first week you're getting bonushit

794
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 5: that you didn't even earn. Yeah, you're not gonna You're

795
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,799
Speaker 5: not gonna work as hard at that job because it's

796
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 5: like you don't have to.

797
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd say the same thing about Facebook passwords going

798
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 2: through people's phones. Also, I think like by the time

799
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,959
Speaker 2: someone's looking through your stuff for something, it's too late,

800
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 2: like the trust is gone or something's wrong already. If

801
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 2: that person felt like, you know, I gotta go through

802
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 2: your stuff because I can't trust you, Like y'all shouldn't

803
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 2: even be together in the first place.

804
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 3: Y'all don't trust each other. And the last thing that

805
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 3: you go ahead.

806
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 5: Well, think about it if if if you and another

807
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 5: person is sleeping together on the first night, how trustworthy

808
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 5: can they be mm hmmm h.

809
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,399
Speaker 4: Value themselves right?

810
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 3: They already giving it away, man, just right away.

811
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 2: Now, I've never slept with anybody on the first night,

812
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 2: but you know I probably would if it was the

813
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 2: right person. I'm not gonna lie to each y'all be

814
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 2: Now look at the other thing too, that that I

815
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: was looking at was and.

816
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 3: This is the the post that made me aware of you.

817
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 2: You wrote a blog post called women who carry condos

818
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 2: Aren't Ladies or something like that, and that was the

819
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 2: one that I just saw the Internet going nuts about.

820
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 3: So you want to explain what that one was about.

821
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 5: Yes, the name of the blog is titled A woman

822
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 5: carries Condoms but a lady doesn't.

823
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 4: That set Twitter ablaze.

824
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:31,240
Speaker 5: But the ladies, they totally understood where I was coming from.

825
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 5: Because a lady, when she wakes up in the morning,

826
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 5: she's focused on what she's gonna do as a lady.

827
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 5: When she grabs her blog leaves the house, what does

828
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 5: she grab. She grabs her purse, she has a little cosmetic,

829
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 5: she has a key, she has an ID, cash credit cards.

830
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 5: The last she's gonna need throughout her day is a condom.

831
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 5: If she puts a condom in her purse. That's indication

832
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 5: that she's prepared to use it, so that when she

833
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 5: crosses over from lady to women because she's about to

834
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 5: carry herself, that's in a way that's less than lady. Like. Now,

835
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,800
Speaker 5: this is not to say that a woman shouldn't protect herself.

836
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 5: This is simply a differentiation between a woman and a lady. Yeah,

837
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 5: not every woman. Every lady is a woman, but not

838
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 5: every woman is a lady.

839
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 3: Yeah.

840
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 2: You know, I did think it was unfair how people

841
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 2: were saying that you didn't want women to protect themselves

842
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 2: and you want them to catch AIDS and HIV and

843
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 2: all that stuff, because you know, I didn't get that

844
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 2: from reading it. You know, like it might have been

845
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 2: somewhat judgmental about the idea of pre marital or unplanned sex,

846
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 2: but it's not saying like I want you to die

847
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 2: from a disease.

848
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 3: It was so ridiculous.

849
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, guilty always offend.

850
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they had to take it to the next level.

851
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 4: Man.

852
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 3: Well yeah, this is well man, this has been interesting,

853
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 3: that eye opening.

854
00:40:59,680 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 6: Man.

855
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 3: I really have enjoyed this conversation.

856
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 2: I know we had some sound quality issues, but I'm

857
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 2: still gonna put it up and I think people will

858
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 2: be interested to see what you had to say.

859
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 4: Man, so excellent.

860
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 3: Make sure you.

861
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 2: Guys go check out at ass as Shab on Twitter

862
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 2: or shah be on Twitter. Make sure you check out

863
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 2: asshab dot com. And like I said, he's got a book, Food, Sex,

864
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 2: and Piece of Mind.

865
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 3: He does advice, he does counseling.

866
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 2: You can like call him and stuff life coaching, so

867
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 2: you can give him a call, man, And uh, you know,

868
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 2: listen to what you heard, man, And like that last

869
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 2: piece too about the kind of thing I wanted to

870
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 2: add was preacher say the same thing every Sunday. Man,

871
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 2: I don't know why it was so crazy that you

872
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 2: wrote that and everybody went insane, But literally they're gonna

873
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 2: sit in church on Sunday and go amen and give

874
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 2: ten percent. Man, don't I don't see the difference. But

875
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 2: I guess you're kind of made. Can it work for you?

876
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 2: Even when people getting mad? You're using it to spread

877
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 2: the words?

878
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 3: So cool?

879
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I said earlier, you know, the foolish will

880
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 5: look at the person who's delivering the wisdom, and if

881
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,439
Speaker 5: they have a personal grudge against the deliverer, they'll miss

882
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 5: out on the wisdom.

883
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 4: Like you just mentioned.

884
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 5: You know, some people will receive the same message differently

885
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 5: when their preacher says it, but when the life and

886
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 5: relationship coach on Twitter says it is somehow differently different.

887
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 5: But you know, I speak to my audience. My audience

888
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 5: are the people who are willing to listen. I tell

889
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 5: people all the time, never argue, talk, speak to people

890
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 5: who are willing to listen, walk away from those who don't.

891
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 4: Ain't nobody got.

892
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 2: Time for that, all right, shah Man, It was good,

893
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 2: a pleasure talking to you, and hopefully everybody goes to

894
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 2: check them out and we'll be back next week on

895
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,800
Speaker 2: Medium Talk with Rodermus Prime Peace