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Speaker 1: I'm Kayleie short and this is too much to say,

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Speaker 1: so out of you. Hey guys, Happy Thanksgiving. Um, I

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Speaker 1: am reeling from being on the road for the past

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Speaker 1: like three weeks on and off, and um, it's going

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Speaker 1: to be so nice to have some time to chill. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: I won't be at home. I'm going to be well

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Speaker 1: fortunately and unfortunately I'm going to um Louisville with my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend's family, which would be really fun. But I do

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Speaker 1: miss my own bed a lot, um because I love

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Speaker 1: my bed. And uh, they didn't pay me to say this,

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Speaker 1: but I have a nectar mattress and it is so great.

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Speaker 1: It is amazing, and like, I miss it so much

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Speaker 1: when I'm gone. And I didn't get to sleep in

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Speaker 1: it for like two weeks straight and then I had

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Speaker 1: like a couple of nights and then Um, I had

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Speaker 1: some really cool shows in Arizona last week. I played

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Speaker 1: in cotton Wood and Prescott and um, it's such a

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Speaker 1: beautiful state. I got to go to the Psychic Energy

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Speaker 1: vortexas in UM Sedona and it was so beautiful and

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Speaker 1: you know, I charged the funk out of some crystals.

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Speaker 1: So I am very thankful for a lot of things

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Speaker 1: this year. And it's crazy because I kind of forgot

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Speaker 1: how long I've been doing the podcast, and then I

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Speaker 1: remembered I had already done a Thanksgiving episode before from

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Speaker 1: last year. Um, And so we've been doing the podcast

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Speaker 1: for over a year a year and some change, and

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Speaker 1: it's been so fun and so rewarding, and you guys

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Speaker 1: have been so great. It means so much that you,

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Speaker 1: um let me in your headphones when you're on the

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Speaker 1: treadmill or let me in the speakers in your car

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Speaker 1: to talk about my bullshit, and just I'm very thankful

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Speaker 1: for you guys. And UM, I just want to give

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Speaker 1: a shout out to my producer Abby. She's amazing. I'm

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Speaker 1: so thankful for her for putting up with my bullshit

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Speaker 1: and that I frequently turned in my podcast Lane. And

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Speaker 1: I'm a big thank you to by Bones for having

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Speaker 1: the idea in the first place to just give me

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Speaker 1: a mic and let me work on it. Very blessed

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Speaker 1: over here. So I've had a odd relationship with Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: my whole life. Um, Holidays were always weird in my

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Speaker 1: family because there wasn't really anything happening like Christmas, and

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Speaker 1: my mom's was a little two foot tree and it

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Speaker 1: was really depressing. And for some reason, my mom didn't

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Speaker 1: ever wrap Christmas presents, so I never opened anything. And

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Speaker 1: I know that I sound like an unappreciative little brat,

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Speaker 1: but like I as an adult now, whenever I give

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Speaker 1: a kid a present, I go like so aggressively all

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Speaker 1: out with the wrapping, and it's just something that you know,

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Speaker 1: I never had, so I missed it and it's just

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Speaker 1: kind of stupid and arbitrary. But now, like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I just I never got to open presence. They were

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Speaker 1: always just there, um, and it was it was always

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Speaker 1: just like kind of a lack of pomp and circumstance,

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Speaker 1: and we kind of go see family some years for Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 1: but my mom or to the hospital so she'd have

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Speaker 1: to work like every other Thanksgiving, and so I just

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Speaker 1: end up like being like eleven tagging along to some

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Speaker 1: other random person's family holiday. Um. So it was always

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Speaker 1: kind of weird. But the weirdest part of Thanksgiving for

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Speaker 1: me growing up and into my twenties was having an

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Speaker 1: eating disorder. And it's kind of the worst day of

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Speaker 1: the year for anybody struggling with that. So we're going

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Speaker 1: to get into that in just a second. I firmly

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Speaker 1: believe now that calories don't count on Thanksgiving. I also

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Speaker 1: don't count calories in general. It's really bad for me,

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Speaker 1: so calories don't count. Um, But it's like one day

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Speaker 1: isn't going to kill you, like one day of eating

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Speaker 1: five pieces of pie. And as little little kid, before

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Speaker 1: I ever had any eating issues, I remember getting really

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Speaker 1: upset and sad on Thanksgiving because I didn't have enough

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Speaker 1: room for all the food I wanted to eat. And

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Speaker 1: at some point I would get too full to continue eating,

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Speaker 1: and I was just sad and I'd be like, I

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Speaker 1: want my stomach to be bigger and um. Then I

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Speaker 1: noticed society and diet culture and insecurities and I got

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Speaker 1: new news sorder at eleven um, and so it would

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Speaker 1: just be so hard because I'd feel so guilty when

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Speaker 1: I ate like a normal amount of Thanksgiving food, And

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Speaker 1: it was just all these temptations that I tried to

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Speaker 1: avoid every other day of the year. And then I'm

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Speaker 1: just there and people notice if you're not eating. And

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Speaker 1: there was one specific Thanksgiving I remember going in like

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Speaker 1: throwing up because I had some bliemic tendencies with my anorexia.

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Speaker 1: And it makes me so fucking sad to look back

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Speaker 1: and think that that's how I was spending my holiday,

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Speaker 1: was just stressing about food. And there was one time

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Speaker 1: I remember putting in the calories for every single thing

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Speaker 1: I was eating because I was determined to go like

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Speaker 1: three months without ever missing anything to log in my

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Speaker 1: stupid fucking app that I had, and that was just

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Speaker 1: like so sad, and I get anxious because I couldn't

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Speaker 1: like weigh every single thing I was eating. And it's

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Speaker 1: so hard to tell what the calories are in a

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Speaker 1: homemade dish because it's not on the nutrition facts because

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Speaker 1: there are none because you wouldn't want to see them

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Speaker 1: if there were. And um, it just was really like

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Speaker 1: just shitty. And I do love Thanksgiving like I love

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Speaker 1: the Thanksgiving Day parade, I love cozy sweaters, I love fall,

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Speaker 1: I love anything pumpkin. Um, I just I love cranberry sauce.

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Speaker 1: I love stuffing like so much. And I just spent

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving like just shitty for so long, and it didn't

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Speaker 1: really get better until I was able to start kind

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Speaker 1: of making my own Thanksgivings. And one of the best

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Speaker 1: ones I ever had was at Candy Carpenter's house. She's

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Speaker 1: an absolute angel and hosts like a big Thanksgiving thing

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Speaker 1: every single year, and this year her family is coming there.

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Speaker 1: But she gives everybody who's sort of a misfit and

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Speaker 1: doesn't have a have a place to go, Um, she

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Speaker 1: gives them a Thanksgiving dinner. And so I would go

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Speaker 1: to that a good bit. Um. She's an incredible person

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Speaker 1: and the food is always wonderful. And um, that's when

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving started getting better for me, because it's not I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, obviously, if you listen to my podcasts,

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Speaker 1: you know I have a very like complex relationship with

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Speaker 1: my family. Um, and there's not That's not to say

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Speaker 1: that there's not members of it that I get along

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Speaker 1: with completely all the time, because there are, and I

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Speaker 1: love them, um, and I love all of them. But

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Speaker 1: some people just their presence alone is enough to just

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Speaker 1: kind of, um make me shut down a little bit.

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Speaker 1: And so as I got older and realized that I

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Speaker 1: had the freedom to make Thanksgiving whatever I wanted it

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Speaker 1: to be, Um, it got so much better. You know,

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Speaker 1: Like I wasn't torturing myself by counting calories or not

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Speaker 1: eating or crying or whatever. I also wasn't torturing myself

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Speaker 1: by spending time with toxic relatives. I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: hear ship about politics. It's so nice. And also it

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Speaker 1: just became a day of the year that was very

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Speaker 1: spiritual for me in the sense of, like I look

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Speaker 1: at everything I'm thankful for and really really trying to

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Speaker 1: meditate on it. And it was nice because I was,

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Speaker 1: you know, spending the morning of Thanksgiving by myself and

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Speaker 1: was able to do that reflection. This year there will

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Speaker 1: be a lot of hustle and bustle and family stuff,

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Speaker 1: which will be really fun, but I hope I still

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Speaker 1: get to sneak away and do a little bit of

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Speaker 1: that because it's just a really good reset. And Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: as a holiday is rather complicated, so it's nice to

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Speaker 1: turn eat something that's kind of just commercialized into something

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Speaker 1: that's helpful and helps you reset for the next year

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Speaker 1: and you know, go into the Christmas season with a

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Speaker 1: good attitude. I mean, Thanksgiving is cringe e because like

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Speaker 1: the whole picture we were painted with our little turkey

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Speaker 1: hands and the Pilgrims and everybody's sharing food and making

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Speaker 1: these like rather um, rather inappropriate little like cutouts of

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Speaker 1: natives with head dresses on and all that. It's, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, like the elementary school version of Thanksgiving is

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Speaker 1: so whitewashed, it's not even funny, Like it's so fucking bad.

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Speaker 1: And um, I just when I was in Arizona, spent

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Speaker 1: some time in a very um, highly indigenous populated place

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Speaker 1: and it was so beautiful and you could just feel

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Speaker 1: this energy. And um, I met this a patchy woman

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Speaker 1: and she was at the base of a mountain on

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Speaker 1: this little lookout that I pulled over to see, and

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Speaker 1: I saw she was selling jewelry and I was like,

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Speaker 1: holy ship, and she had the coolest ship I've ever

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Speaker 1: seen in my life. And I ended up getting some

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Speaker 1: for um for my boyfriend Sam for his birthday because

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Speaker 1: I had ordered him a turquoise necklace from like Amazon

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Speaker 1: and it was not very very expensive. It was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was really simple, but he'd had one

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Speaker 1: that he liked that he broke, and so I got

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Speaker 1: him a new one. And then she had like the

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Speaker 1: real fucking deal. And I was like, I would rather

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Speaker 1: give this woman my money than Amazon, who's culturally appropriating

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Speaker 1: like traditional works. Um, And she was so cool, and

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Speaker 1: like I got UM. I got him a ring too,

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Speaker 1: and it was just such a special place and we

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Speaker 1: were talking about it and now like her family had

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Speaker 1: been from there, you know, since the dawn of time.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think that um American Indians in that

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Speaker 1: area had have been there for about ten thousand years

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Speaker 1: or something crazy like that. It's, um, it's just insane

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Speaker 1: that the way that the America treats the people who

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Speaker 1: were here fucking first like blows my mind. And so

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Speaker 1: it's just Thanksgiving as complicated to the point where like

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't judge somebody if they didn't celebrate it, just

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Speaker 1: based on that principle. I mean, like my little sister

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Speaker 1: is I don't remember, I don't know her exact percentage,

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Speaker 1: which she's enough, um pop Scott that she goes to

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Speaker 1: college for free because of the like the law they

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Speaker 1: passed or whatever. So and she grew up on a reservation,

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Speaker 1: went to the schools and the reservation. You know, I'm

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Speaker 1: I mad made her a traditional um costume and I

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Speaker 1: wrote in Abenaki on it and like had to read

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Speaker 1: a bunch of stuff and um, you know, her celebrating

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and like looking at the story and being this,

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Speaker 1: this is probably not it and Honestly, she was probably

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Speaker 1: taught better than anybody going to the schools on the

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Speaker 1: reservation because her But like, what do you think that looks? Like? Like,

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Speaker 1: what what do they teach? Because I'm referring specifically to

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Speaker 1: the elementary school concept of Thanksgiving with the you know,

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Speaker 1: the paper, like the construction paper and the glue sticks

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Speaker 1: and the turkey hands. You know, I think I'm painting

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Speaker 1: a good picture here. But so that's that's the elementary

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Speaker 1: school version of Thanksgiving. So what does that look like

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Speaker 1: on an American Indian reservation? Crazy? Right, just to think about.

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Speaker 1: And it's a it's just important to remember that this

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Speaker 1: time of year because we took a lot from indigenous people. Um,

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Speaker 1: I feel very passionate about it. It really really breaks

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Speaker 1: my heart. Um if you I mean, God, there's I

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Speaker 1: could do a whole episode about this. But I've been

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Speaker 1: listening to a lot of other podcasts recently about the

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Speaker 1: things that had been systematically done to American Indians And

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Speaker 1: that's why, like, it just needs to be a very

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Speaker 1: large conversation specifically around this timing year as well, because

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know that there's so many opportunities

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Speaker 1: we have as Americans to just bury our heads in

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Speaker 1: the sand and forget where something came from, you know,

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Speaker 1: like Columbus Day, Like I don't I don't want to

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Speaker 1: celebrate Columbus Day. Fuck him. People found this a long

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Speaker 1: time before. You do not get to like Christopher Columbus

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Speaker 1: was the equivalent of like a record label guy who

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Speaker 1: it signs you and gives you your record deal and

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Speaker 1: you have a hit, but it's because you put in

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Speaker 1: like twenty years of fucking work and then when the

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Speaker 1: album comes out and it does well, they're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I did it all, Like that was me,

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Speaker 1: that that's that's my record. I do with this, you know,

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Speaker 1: And that's an attitude they have until like Christopher Columbus

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Speaker 1: is that but like racist and really fucking just annoying.

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Speaker 1: So in this house, would you not celebrate Columbus Day.

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Speaker 1: But we do celebrate Thanksgiving. And I for one, am

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Speaker 1: very excited to not count calories. Um, I'm very excited

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Speaker 1: to cook in Sam's mom's kitchen because she has a

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Speaker 1: beautiful kitchen and it's like what I would have loved

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Speaker 1: as a kid growing up to just play around in.

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Speaker 1: And uh, I love cooking so much, and I love

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Speaker 1: cooking on Thanksgiving, and yeah, there's so many things I'm

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Speaker 1: thankful for and I'm going to go meditate on that.

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Speaker 1: But I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for listening. I'm Kaylie Shore and this

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Speaker 1: is too much to say it out you. Oh yeah,