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Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. In this episode,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about some of the challenges of raising a

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Speaker 1: kid today in this rapidly changing world, and how we

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Speaker 1: can prepare our kids to be the best human beings possible.

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Speaker 1: How can we raise our kids to be good citizens

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Speaker 1: who look out for one another and respect each other. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about the values that we are passing down

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Speaker 1: to our kids so they can help make our world

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Speaker 1: a better place. My guests on today's episode are Michael Skolnik,

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Speaker 1: a civil rights activist, and Paula Mendoza, a filmmaker, activist,

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Speaker 1: and author. Paula and Michael are both co founders of

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Speaker 1: the US Agency, their partners and parents to a six

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Speaker 1: year old, and they joined us by phone from New York,

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Speaker 1: super technologically advanced. You guys, I can't imagine two better

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Speaker 1: and amazing people to talk with about this vital and

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Speaker 1: important topic. So let's get started. We are here with

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Speaker 1: two people I am so excited to be talking to,

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Speaker 1: Michael Skolnick and Paula Mendoza. UM, thank you guys so

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Speaker 1: much for being on my podcast. UM, first things first,

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Speaker 1: can you guys talk about some of the incredible work

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Speaker 1: you do independently and together about your work. UM. So

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Speaker 1: I am an artist. I'm a filmmaker and a writer.

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Speaker 1: UM make both documentary and narrative films, and most almost

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Speaker 1: all of my films deal with immigration, and I've been

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Speaker 1: making movies about immigration for the past essentially ten years. UM.

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Speaker 1: In two thousand and sixteen, obviously, Donald Trump is elected

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Speaker 1: UM to be president. And what happened at that moment

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Speaker 1: of his election is that I decided that I needed

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Speaker 1: to take my art UM and combine it more UH

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Speaker 1: work within the realms of activism in a much more

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Speaker 1: concrete way. My films have always been socially CONSI just

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Speaker 1: and dealing with political topics, but I really wanted to

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Speaker 1: to to use my art to be in direct response

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Speaker 1: to the current political climate. And so what that turned

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Speaker 1: out to be is that I was one of the

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Speaker 1: co founders of the Women's March as well as the

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Speaker 1: artistic director of the Woman's March UM, and I worked

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Speaker 1: with the Women's March for the first six months of

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Speaker 1: after the March on Washington, UM, and then I decided

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Speaker 1: to move into my own space, my own work UM

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Speaker 1: focus back on immigration, particularly and everything that was at

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Speaker 1: the intersection of art and politics UM, and so what

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Speaker 1: that has turned out to be is a variety of

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Speaker 1: different things that I call at this moment the creative resistance.

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Speaker 1: I was working at the front mines of family separation

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Speaker 1: UM in two thousand and eighteen, and then also I

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Speaker 1: was with the Caravan for the past I went to

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Speaker 1: the Caravan on November first and went back and forth

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Speaker 1: through through the month of December, and have been doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of work with with those that are asking

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Speaker 1: for a silent and United States. But specifically, again it

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Speaker 1: goes always back to how does art work in this space?

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Speaker 1: So I'm not necessarily doing work on a policy level.

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Speaker 1: I'm really looking at narrative change, in narrative shift, in

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Speaker 1: narrative building UM at this moment with an immigration space,

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Speaker 1: and so that coincides a lot with the work that

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Speaker 1: Michael Um does. Specifically at our we have a creative

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Speaker 1: agency which is called Thursday UM, and so I do

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Speaker 1: a lot of the immigration work there and a lot

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Speaker 1: of the work around feminism UM, with feminism and women

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Speaker 1: in the current political climate and make you want to

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Speaker 1: talk about thosey as a whole. Sure, sure, so UM

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Speaker 1: had a long conversation it's morning with a new friend

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Speaker 1: about fatherhood and about manhood. And UM, I think at

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Speaker 1: the core of our life's journey has been centered around compassion.

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Speaker 1: And as we talk about our son, UM, certainly there

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Speaker 1: are many many tales of that he has told us

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Speaker 1: that makes us proud to be his parents, when he

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Speaker 1: talks about the compassionate heart that he has. And so,

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Speaker 1: how do you build a compassionate business? How do you

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Speaker 1: build a compassionate company that not only um UH practices

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Speaker 1: a set of values in the outside world, but also

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Speaker 1: practices a set of values internally in the companies. So

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Speaker 1: we built a creative agency. We only do things that

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Speaker 1: we truly, truly believe in. UM. We don't chase money. UM.

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Speaker 1: We have a triple bottom line, people, planet and profit

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Speaker 1: and people and planet coming first in that order for

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Speaker 1: for that right reason UM. And we're also a workers

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Speaker 1: own cooperative, so Palana are giving the company away. Of

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Speaker 1: the course of seven years, we've given sixty two of

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Speaker 1: the company to the workers. UM and really trying to

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Speaker 1: build equity with women and people of color who will

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Speaker 1: often UM don't get a chance to own something, especially companies. UM.

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Speaker 1: And so as a white man. I know you can't

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Speaker 1: see me, but as a white man who has consistently

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Speaker 1: been given, given and given opportunities, oftentimes not well deserved. UM.

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Speaker 1: I thought it would be an interesting experiment. It could

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Speaker 1: be pretty compassionate and capitalistic company. There's a for profit business.

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Speaker 1: We have no debt, we have no investment. We're doing

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Speaker 1: it all by ourselves and young people putting a company

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Speaker 1: and we have now seven owners. Anyone can become an

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Speaker 1: owner after one year being in the company. And we

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Speaker 1: get a chance to work with some of the most

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Speaker 1: amazing movements and companies and non profits in the world

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Speaker 1: that are trying desperately to hold on to compassion, as

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Speaker 1: Paula mentioned during a very very tough political time in

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Speaker 1: this country, UM, where compassion seems to be a commodity

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Speaker 1: UM that is being challenged. How old is your son?

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Speaker 1: He'll be six in two weeks. You guys work so

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Speaker 1: much in these causes, and do you find yourself having

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Speaker 1: just open lines of dialogue with the six year old

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Speaker 1: about what's going on in the world, or I'm so

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Speaker 1: I feel in some ways like, oh thank god, I

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Speaker 1: have a sixteen month old and I don't have to

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Speaker 1: put on the TV and see X Y and Z

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Speaker 1: know we're doing no screens. So that sort of lines up,

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Speaker 1: like you are running into the fire of what's going

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Speaker 1: on right now in this political climate. How do you

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Speaker 1: talk to your son about it? Like, I'm so scared

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Speaker 1: and and that's probably not the best way to be.

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Speaker 1: But I have a lot of friends who their impulses

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Speaker 1: to turn off the news, step away from social media,

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Speaker 1: basically disengage with the so called negativity. But maybe that's

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Speaker 1: not the best, that's not good. What do you guys think,

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Speaker 1: you know, Mat Theale, that's their sense names My fil

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Speaker 1: lives in a political household. Um, Michael and I are

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Speaker 1: talking politics NonStop. We're talking about current events as a family,

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Speaker 1: and so we do talk about these subjects in front

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Speaker 1: of Mat Sale, but we talk about them with him

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Speaker 1: as well. Um, we talk about them in a way

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Speaker 1: in which obviously a six year old, six year old

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Speaker 1: can understand, but we definitely when family separation was happening,

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Speaker 1: I was talking to Mat Theale about family separation, about

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Speaker 1: why mama was working so hard, why mama had to

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Speaker 1: go to ex place or to that place, or even

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Speaker 1: you know, why mama was crying sometimes and explained to

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Speaker 1: him what the situation was. Um, I think that at

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Speaker 1: the very least, you know, our son, though he is

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Speaker 1: the son of an immigrant, is going to come up

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Speaker 1: in a very privileged atmosphere in New York City. He

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Speaker 1: is going his parents, um own their home. He will

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Speaker 1: be he will come away in life with with physical

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Speaker 1: wealth and legacy, and he is going to have so

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Speaker 1: much privilege in his life that what I as a mother,

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Speaker 1: what we as parents, have to be able to do,

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Speaker 1: is at the very very least have conversations with him

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Speaker 1: a difficult subject because the reality is a six year

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Speaker 1: old are physically being torn away from their parents and

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Speaker 1: they have to live through that. Um So how is

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Speaker 1: I as how can I as a mother not at

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Speaker 1: the very least have the conversation about the reality of

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Speaker 1: what is going on in this world? And you know,

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Speaker 1: as Michael said earlier, the most important thing that we

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Speaker 1: can do is parents, is to raise a compassionate boy

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Speaker 1: will then become a compassionate man. And and in order

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Speaker 1: to do that, he has to understand the realities of

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Speaker 1: what are is going on in the world today. And obviously,

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Speaker 1: again we're talking about it from the perspective of a

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Speaker 1: six year olds. Two days ago. I want to speak

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Speaker 1: about Theale school, about the caravan and immigration, and I'm

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Speaker 1: able to talk about it in a place for six

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Speaker 1: year old children to understand. But we are talking about

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Speaker 1: war and refugees and poverty and immigration, UM. And I

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Speaker 1: think that that's the very least that we can do

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Speaker 1: for for our children. So the one thing I just add, Katie, um, well,

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Speaker 1: look at children. There's there's the external sort of what

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Speaker 1: is happening in the world and how is it happening

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Speaker 1: around them? Um, and how do we engage with our

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Speaker 1: children and those kinds of sometimes very challenging discussions. There's

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Speaker 1: also the internal development of your child. And I would

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Speaker 1: challenge UM, parents who are listening uh to this, that

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Speaker 1: your child from the moment I've watched this now I've

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Speaker 1: had a front row seat to the human development of

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Speaker 1: a six year old. That has been remarkable to watch,

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Speaker 1: remarkable to see how he experiences things from his eyes

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Speaker 1: and his perspective, but also how damaging sometimes what he

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Speaker 1: experiences can be to his development. And specifically talking about

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Speaker 1: race and gender, how young boys specifically are raised in

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Speaker 1: this country begins from day one, not from when they

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Speaker 1: turn five. Or ten or fifteen when they're teenagers. But

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Speaker 1: from day one, how your child sees colors, How you

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Speaker 1: teach your children colors? Which colors you describe to your

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Speaker 1: child or masculine, masculine or feminine. You know, we have

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Speaker 1: people in our in our family who you know, some

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Speaker 1: boys like blue, some boys boys like pink. But my

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Speaker 1: our child, you know, uh, and most children, most boys

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Speaker 1: are taught that blue is for boys and pink is

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Speaker 1: for girls. What does that do to the development of

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Speaker 1: a child. We talk about race. If our child does

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Speaker 1: watch TV and does watch screens, Let's look at screens.

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Speaker 1: If our child is consistently looking at television where the

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Speaker 1: dark character is bad and the light character is good.

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Speaker 1: Star Wars as an easy example that we all can

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Speaker 1: really you know, understand and relate to. How does that

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Speaker 1: child then walk down a city street or rural street

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Speaker 1: or a suburban street and see a person of darker

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Speaker 1: skin complexion, a black or brown person, and look at

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Speaker 1: that person as a good person. Right, So we have

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Speaker 1: taken the approach that our child's development. If you if

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Speaker 1: you took Harvey Weinstein's parents at our age, is that

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Speaker 1: do you foresee Harvey Weinstein at sixty years old being

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Speaker 1: charged rape and sexual assault. I think that mother would say,

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Speaker 1: of course not, my child is gonna be amazing. So

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Speaker 1: none of us can predict that if I would do

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Speaker 1: bad things or hurt people, or have racist thoughts or

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Speaker 1: sexist thoughts or homophobic thoughts. But so many parents who

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Speaker 1: do a good job their children do end up that

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Speaker 1: way because of other things that are coming into their lives.

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Speaker 1: They are not dealt with by their parents and by

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Speaker 1: people who love them or their guardians, people would take

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Speaker 1: care of them. So we've taken the approach that every

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Speaker 1: single day we have to do the work, especially for

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Speaker 1: a young boy who has taught so often to be

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Speaker 1: aggressive or violent or disrespectful towards women or not or

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Speaker 1: feel superior, and especially because of a young white perceived child,

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Speaker 1: and when it comes to race in the same way,

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Speaker 1: So when you know our my child, our child said

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Speaker 1: UM to us a week or two weeks ago, there

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Speaker 1: was a soft lockdown at his school, which I want

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Speaker 1: to hear about that police came and there's a soft

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Speaker 1: lockdown in his school, And UM, your your listeners may

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Speaker 1: not know, but we've had the great honor and privilege

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Speaker 1: to um work and advise and council the students from Parkland, Florida,

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Speaker 1: and we've taken we took them on a tour this

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Speaker 1: day where they want on a tour that we helped

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Speaker 1: produced this summer of sixty cities around the country and

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Speaker 1: many of which Mateyo joined us. He knows the students, right,

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Speaker 1: He knows the young people from Parkland there. He considers

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Speaker 1: them his quote unquote friends. So this, this, this lackdown

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Speaker 1: happened that his school. We get a text message, is

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Speaker 1: a soft lockdown? You don't you know? The parents are

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Speaker 1: getting very scared and nervous, are asking a lot of questions.

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Speaker 1: Mateyo comes home from school that night and he says,

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Speaker 1: you know, the soft lockdown, And they explained that, and

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Speaker 1: then they had to explain to what a hard lockdown.

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Speaker 1: So a soft lock down a staying your spots who

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Speaker 1: don't leave. So that's happening in the school. We don't

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Speaker 1: even know what is of some police activity. A hard

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Speaker 1: lockdown is an active shooter or something as as bad

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Speaker 1: as that. And the hard lockdown closed to window shades,

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Speaker 1: don't move high in the corner, don't speak to explain

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Speaker 1: that to these five and six years in kindergarten. Now,

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Speaker 1: this is not and they shouldn't explain to them because

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Speaker 1: we know in sand Hill five and six yearls were

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Speaker 1: murdered just a few years ago. So this is an

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Speaker 1: issue that five and six yeld sally have to deal

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Speaker 1: with in this country. So he comes home that night

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Speaker 1: explains to us what happened in his school. The next day,

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Speaker 1: he wakes up and he says to me, Daddy, I

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Speaker 1: want to write a letter to my teachers. I said, great,

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Speaker 1: let's writ a letter. So he's dick, I'm dictating. He's

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Speaker 1: dictating a letter to me that I'm writting in his room.

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Speaker 1: The letter says, dear so and so and so and

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Speaker 1: so is two teachers. And he says, um, thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for taking care of us and loving us

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Speaker 1: during the soft lockdown. I have friends who went through

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Speaker 1: a hard lockdown, Emma, David Camber and Jackie so on

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Speaker 1: and so on. The students from Parkland love mateo. So

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Speaker 1: he knows that those students in Parkland, Florida, who he

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Speaker 1: has a personal relationship with, lost their friends and had

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Speaker 1: a school shooting. I can't hide that from a five

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Speaker 1: year old anymore. Because kindergarten classes a getting shot up

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Speaker 1: in America. So if if I hide that from my

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Speaker 1: child when a hard uh lockdown happens, he may think

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Speaker 1: it's a joke. He may do the wrong thing, he

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Speaker 1: may run outside the harm, and he may get hurt himself.

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Speaker 1: So of us as parents ever want our children to

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Speaker 1: get hurt everyone, our children to hurt somebody. But with

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Speaker 1: this environment that we were in this country, this is

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Speaker 1: not just a Trump problem. This is a long term

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Speaker 1: challenge we faced for decades and sadly centuries in this country.

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Speaker 1: But for this environment in this country, we've taken the

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Speaker 1: approach to be brutally honest with our child, um, and

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Speaker 1: to answer the the easy and tough questions. He came

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Speaker 1: home a few weeks ago and said fucking ship. And

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Speaker 1: instead of saying, don't say fucking ship, Well, who told

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Speaker 1: you that? What kids school? Well, let's talk about what

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Speaker 1: fucking ship needs. So when you stop your toe you

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Speaker 1: can say fucking ship. That's okay, don't say your feature

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Speaker 1: is fucking ship. My kids are gonna be like I

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Speaker 1: learned fucking ship from my mother. Oh God like terrible, right.

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Speaker 1: So so we just you know, we're not like um

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Speaker 1: the PC police that that I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: people want to talk about It's like, it's just honestly

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Speaker 1: and transparency with your child because we feel and if

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Speaker 1: you don't like, shit happens and and and you said,

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Speaker 1: I never see that. I never saw that coming, right,

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Speaker 1: And I would just add to this, I think with

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Speaker 1: the honesty and transparency, transparency. The other thing that we

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Speaker 1: constantly offered to Mattheo is how he can change things.

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Speaker 1: So and that means Mattheo showing up to marches. The

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Speaker 1: first march that Matteo went to, he was seven months old.

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Speaker 1: It was a Black Lives Matter march in New York City,

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Speaker 1: went out and we went several times to various marches

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Speaker 1: in New York City around Black Lives Matter, going to

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Speaker 1: the March for Our Lives March. He was there. He

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Speaker 1: heard all of those stories UM around family separation. We

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Speaker 1: did a video for the kids who were being separated,

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Speaker 1: and he went he said what he wanted to stay

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Speaker 1: to the kids, UM. And so it's constantly giving them

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Speaker 1: the real the reality of the world, but then also

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Speaker 1: empowering them to be actively engaged in the way that

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Speaker 1: they can be engaged and that they have the ability

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Speaker 1: to change things. Should they not like it. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's really important too, is is the tools to

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Speaker 1: change things, Allowing them to engage in the tools, giving

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Speaker 1: them the howards, giving them the opportunity that they're not

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Speaker 1: too Yeah, like getting it out of your kid, that

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Speaker 1: they're too small to do something or to understand something

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Speaker 1: or um, it's better to just protect them and keep

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Speaker 1: them in the dark. Let me ask you, miss your

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Speaker 1: I mean, let me ask you a question if I can.

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Speaker 1: When you're pregnant with your with your beautiful child, and

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Speaker 1: tell your child music all the time. And I went

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Speaker 1: to so many marches with him in my stomach. Amazing.

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Speaker 1: Did you talk to your child? Yeah? So those are

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Speaker 1: beautiful things that were taught to do when we're pregnant

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Speaker 1: with our children. And and then somehow when the child

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Speaker 1: comes out, right, we don't think every since the child

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Speaker 1: forgets everything before they're five years old. People tell you, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've heard that, right, But your child's developing their personality

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Speaker 1: before their five years old. You're not the only person

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Speaker 1: when they're when they're in your womb, which is why

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Speaker 1: you talk and play music always. Things happened, So from

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Speaker 1: day one, play your child music, talk to your child.

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Speaker 1: Take them places that you think that will matter to

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Speaker 1: your child when they're seven, ten or fifteen, when they

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Speaker 1: can remember those things. But tell I want to Italy

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Speaker 1: last year. The only thing he really remembers from Italy

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Speaker 1: is two things. One is that he gotta gladiator costume

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Speaker 1: and awesome, and to that he gave the extra fish

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Speaker 1: that we took home from the restaurant to some guy

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Speaker 1: in the street who was hungry. That's it. So he'll

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Speaker 1: hold on to those two little memories. One is that

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Speaker 1: he loves to, you know, play with his gladiator costume,

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Speaker 1: and two that he felt compassionate or compassionately gave him

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Speaker 1: fish away to the homeless man of street. So we

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Speaker 1: from day one, we've just like covered him with love,

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Speaker 1: shown him as much we possibly can, and also respecting

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Speaker 1: his palace. Said she spoke to these young kids two

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Speaker 1: days ago. There's still five, right, so how we speak

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Speaker 1: is still to a five, um, but treating him like

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Speaker 1: she's you know, he's old enough to understand the things

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Speaker 1: that we're doing. I want to talk to you guys.

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Speaker 1: You guys both touched on this separately, and I'm very um.

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Speaker 1: This is huge to me, um, And how to raise

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Speaker 1: a good citizen. I also, more specifically, want to raise

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Speaker 1: a feminist son, and I want to avoid him falling

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Speaker 1: into the grips of the toxic masculinity. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like the two of you guys, given all the work

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Speaker 1: you do, I think you've really touched on this compassion thing.

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Speaker 1: But I remember when I got pregnant and I wanted

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Speaker 1: a girl so bad and I found out I was

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Speaker 1: having a boy, and I was so horrified. And I

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Speaker 1: told Shanda, my boss, who um, And she was just like, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's like a real that's a real job to do.

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Speaker 1: Raising a perceived white dude in this society is is

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Speaker 1: a real job. Do you guys tell me about how

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Speaker 1: you guys are doing, tell me the advice you got.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not sure how we're doing, but we're definitely

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Speaker 1: trying our best. And I had a similar experience when

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant and I found out it was a boy.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I know how to

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Speaker 1: raise a girl like I got. I totally understand how

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Speaker 1: to raise a girl. I have no idea how to

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Speaker 1: raise a boy. I don't know. It hadn't occurred to

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Speaker 1: me that I might have to me too, um, and

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Speaker 1: I was really freaked out. And then after I got

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Speaker 1: freaked out and I was like, okay, well I have

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Speaker 1: to do it. Um. I also, and this is important

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Speaker 1: because in my family there wasn't a lot of men.

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Speaker 1: But I realized, oh, like, I'm not in this alone.

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Speaker 1: I actually have a man with me that I was

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Speaker 1: raised as a turned out to be a great man,

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Speaker 1: compassionate man, a feminist. I. UM, so I think that

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Speaker 1: that's that is important of in the case of us,

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Speaker 1: like Matteo has a really great role model, and so

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Speaker 1: there's practical things obviously just as simple as and this

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Speaker 1: happens very soon when Matale started going to school, when

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Speaker 1: he came home and he said, Mama, you can't do

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Speaker 1: that because you're you're a girl. And I was like, um,

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Speaker 1: but then what I try to do, what we try

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Speaker 1: to do is ground things and in real life examples

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Speaker 1: for my sales. So Matteo's a mama's boy. And so

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Speaker 1: when he said that to me, you know, I broke

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Speaker 1: it down. I was like, how hurtful that was to

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Speaker 1: me because I am a girl and took them through

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Speaker 1: all of the steps right um. And at the end

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Speaker 1: of it, he seemed to understand what we were talking about.

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Speaker 1: And I haven't heard him say that again without him

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Speaker 1: him correcting himself right, which I think is very important

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Speaker 1: that he's able to be conscious enough to correct himself.

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Speaker 1: And I also think it's examples, um, real life examples

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Speaker 1: of like things that are as simple as how we

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Speaker 1: run the household with regards to who's cleaning up what

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Speaker 1: and who's cooking what. You know, Michael laughed at me

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Speaker 1: all the time, but I'm very much the person who's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I watched this just last time. Now it's your time

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Speaker 1: and your return he like, and he jokes like, you

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Speaker 1: keep counting. I'm like, yeah, I actually do, because that's

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Speaker 1: the way in which to make sure that we are

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Speaker 1: dividing that housework as equally as possible, because or else

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Speaker 1: we fall into these traditional gender roles that um, I'm

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Speaker 1: constantly trying to push through and break through. And so

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Speaker 1: I think my Thel sees that he knows that mama works,

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Speaker 1: he knows the data works, and Michael is always really

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Speaker 1: good about making sure that it's not just Daddy is

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Speaker 1: going to work, that Mama is going to work too, um,

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Speaker 1: And so I think it's partnership, it's honesty. It's trying

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Speaker 1: to lead by example, and it's giving them real life

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00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 1: examples when they see it and when they make mistakes,

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00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 1: correcting them in UM ways where they're not afraid to

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Speaker 1: make a mistake. And I think that's the difficult to

404
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,399
Speaker 1: suation that we're in at this moment, is that people

405
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: in general in society are very afraid to make a

406
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 1: mistake as their unlearning toxic behavior. So when men are

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00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 1: unlearning toxic masculinity, they have to be able to be

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Speaker 1: given the space to funk up and to be re

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Speaker 1: taught and move forward. And they need to have that

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Speaker 1: safe space in order to do that. The same thing

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Speaker 1: with race, UM folks. And it's and it's hard, and

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Speaker 1: it's exhausting for those for women, for people of color,

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Speaker 1: for black folks to be allowing folks in their learning

414
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Speaker 1: space UM to be able to learn and sunk up.

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Speaker 1: But I think, um, that is the only way that

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Speaker 1: we're able to move forward. You can't learn unless you

417
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: sunk up. You know, it's like you sunk up and

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Speaker 1: then I mean, it's just it's one of the many tools. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to look up big and he sucked up. No,

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Speaker 1: But if you do small funk ups. It's like that's

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Speaker 1: an opportunity. I think people sunk up and they don't,

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Speaker 1: you know, they miss the opportunity to to change obviously. Um,

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Speaker 1: have you guys made a concerted effort with your son

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Speaker 1: to talk about how to treat others or how to

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Speaker 1: treat girls, or general conversations with him about consent. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he's almost sick, so that's probably I mean, I'm guessing

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00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: that's young for that, but maybe not. Michael had a

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Speaker 1: conversation with him about consent that I wasn't aware of

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Speaker 1: that they'll talked to me about. So do tell, do tell? Yeah, yeah,

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00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: you know, I think your friend Shonda is probably pretty

431
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: smart and she probably has something like she's probably pretty

432
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 1: successful and the people. Yeah, yeah, I don't know her,

433
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,399
Speaker 1: but she seems like a good person. I think. I

434
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: think what Shonda says is right is really right? Is

435
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 1: that um, this is every day um, and sadly for

436
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: most of us, Uh, it wasn't every day for whoever

437
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: we were raised by, and none of just our parents

438
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 1: or their guardians, whoever was in the house, and that

439
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,119
Speaker 1: we're having his palate and you were just discussing, have

440
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 1: we have to unlearn all these things that we're told

441
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: were true. Um, we're told that the reason why black

442
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: people are were poor or some are poor is because

443
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: they don't work hard, and we believe that as white people,

444
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: like we genuinely believe that to be true. We told

445
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: we were told that women did not want to go

446
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 1: to work and they just want to stay home and

447
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 1: take care of their kids, and we genuinely believe that

448
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 1: to be true as men. Right. So we then said, oh, well,

449
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: the role of a woman is to stay home in

450
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,719
Speaker 1: the Romans, to be in the kitchen, and we use

451
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: that kind of toxic language. Um. And so for me,

452
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: as a forty year old man, I have to do

453
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,959
Speaker 1: the work every single day to unlearn the things that

454
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 1: I have been taught that have that that hold me down,

455
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: like like cancer, right and and and so this isn't

456
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 1: a Democrat Republican issue or right left or rural suburban Um.

457
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: This is a gender issue, a race issue that crosses

458
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: all political affiliations, all economic statuses, and all geographical locations.

459
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: So for our child, I'm so fascinated by what he's

460
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: taught and then how he processes those things. And so

461
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: I have taken the approach of like, just forget the results,

462
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: focus on the process, because the result no one. No

463
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 1: one is going to tell us that our child is

464
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: going to turn out to hurt somebody, but murder somebody

465
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: or rape somebody. Keep going Weinstein as a kid, and

466
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: I mean, I would could you ever imagine like what

467
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: I mean? Yes, you're right, at some point he was

468
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: a child at some pointy with a child, and and

469
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: it's unfathomable to believe that about your own child, because

470
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: you think your child is special and great as well

471
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 1: as you should, but if you don't do that work

472
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: every single day. So the conversation that we had about

473
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: consent um was, you know, he told me that some

474
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: boy in his class kissed some girl, right and that

475
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 1: I was like, well, how did that happen? Was she

476
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: okay with that? That she wanted to be kissed? And

477
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: we started talking about you know, asking for permission um

478
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: and what does permission mean? And I don't know the science.

479
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: You know, pal and I met in theater school, so

480
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: take whatever I say. At least she's much smarter than

481
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: I am. But I'm a as a theater major, so

482
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: take whatever I say. And you know, you probably should

483
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: google it. But I can only imagine the science behind

484
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: a child who has behavior issues at a younger age. Um,

485
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: you know how that child develops differently um than child

486
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 1: who may or may not have done something at a

487
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 1: younger age. And if it's not corrected, of course corrected

488
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: at seven, eight, nine, ten years old. You know, you

489
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 1: see boys at seven, eight, nine, ten years old do

490
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: things that like damn, who's teaching that child? Like what

491
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 1: the hell's up? What? How did that happen? How did

492
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 1: that kid just you know, grab that girl and push

493
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: her down? And so you know, we and I think

494
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 1: for Mateo, I think is important, um, for parents who

495
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: sort of have who you know who who also want

496
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: to live there our lives, right, I told Mateyo when

497
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: he was born in the hospital, I looked at him

498
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: a said, Mateo, I want to be proud of you

499
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: as my son, but I also want you to be

500
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: proud of me as your father. And so for us,

501
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 1: he also knows that. You know, when I go to school,

502
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: the teachers for me last week's said, you have nick

503
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: I joke with the kids. I got nicknames for all them.

504
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 1: This Malcolm, I called Malcolm in the middle of this mob.

505
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 1: I call him a better blues. I got nicknames problem.

506
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,479
Speaker 1: So the teachers like, damn, you know, all the kids

507
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: and so Mateyo knows that, like we we believe that

508
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: we got to take care of all of our children,

509
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: not just our own. We love our own. We're we're

510
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: he's our cup, right, we want to hold him close.

511
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: But also like if we see something that that is

512
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: not cool, like we tell Mateyo, like that is gonna

513
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: say something. Mom is gonna say something. Um, because we

514
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: want all the kids to also have a chance, not

515
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: just mateo. And that's how I discussed this privilege point.

516
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: We know our kid has a lot of access of wealth,

517
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: you know, and so we want him to understand that,

518
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 1: and that some kids and some kids in his class,

519
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: you know, when we have you know, every week they're

520
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: having parents gathering with the kids, and like some kids

521
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: never get their parents to come. And we discussed why

522
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 1: why those parents couldn't come, or why the grandparents couldn't come,

523
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 1: because he doesn't understand that, you know, some kids don't

524
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: have the same kind of abilities that he has or

525
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: or access or privilege. So yeah, we have you know,

526
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 1: I'm pind of a bad example, um, because I have

527
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 1: you know, IMpower does too, but I just speak to myself.

528
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: I have really honest conversations with Matteo. It's a total

529
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: fucking experiment. It could all go wrong. Take my advice. Yeah,

530
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: I don't think so. It's just an experiment and it's

531
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 1: an everyday experiment. No, I think it's really good. And

532
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: we joke, you know, like when we were pregnant. Um,

533
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: you know, my husband would say, do you think if

534
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: I never turned the team? You know, we have a

535
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 1: photo this is like amazing, but we have a photo

536
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: of me and Michelle and Barack Obama in our kitchen,

537
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: and Adams like, do you think if it's lying if

538
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: we point to that picture and say that's the president?

539
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: And then it's like and we never turn on the TV.

540
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: And by the time this is all over, you know,

541
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 1: he'll be three and it will never have happened. And

542
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, these are the jokes we were saying.

543
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: And I really don't think you know that that's great either. Um,

544
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: And so I'm just fascinated by how you guys are,

545
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: how you guys are doing this. I feel like it's

546
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for parents to hear this

547
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: option because I do think we hear a lot about

548
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: you know, just hiding the truth or you know, looking

549
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: the other way, or it's you know, it's not really

550
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: there if we don't pay attention to it, but like

551
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: it's here. And I don't think, like you said, I

552
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: don't think it's ever too young to have these conversations

553
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: in a six year old fashion, you know, but I

554
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: don't think it's ever too young. Michael. Did you feel

555
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: that Mattel I was able to understand like permission, did

556
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: the girl say that it was okay that she got

557
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: a kiss? Or was it I think I think the

558
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: start of something. I can't say he understood it in

559
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: the same way that he told me when they discussed

560
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: Black Lives matter after school. I was to tell what

561
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: black lives matter, as he said, Well, some black people

562
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: wanted to have lunch at a diner and the white

563
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: people were very mean to them, wouldn't let them have lunch.

564
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, that's black lives night. I

565
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, that that's Black lives matter. Okay, that's

566
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: a good start. Let's start. We'll start with something. So

567
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: I think it's a start, and I think it's an ongoing.

568
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: But I will say this I think. I think because

569
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 1: mat Tale. Again, I wasn't there for that conversation, and

570
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: my Tale brought it up to me. Michael wasn't in

571
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: town when he brought it up to me, right, so

572
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: it was in his mind like step, it's a seed.

573
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: And I think that's what's really important. What we're doing

574
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: at this age is planting various speeds, and we, with

575
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: experience and with moments as life is lived, get to

576
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: water those feeds and and and we get to water

577
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: the plant that we want to grow. Because society is

578
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,719
Speaker 1: watering the other plant, and they're watering it non stop, right,

579
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: the other seed, and that plant is growing. But we

580
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 1: we have the ability to to to to to grow

581
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: the plant that we want. And so the same like again,

582
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: he goes to a very progressive school, obviously if you

583
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: haven't figured it out, but they also brought up um

584
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: he he brought up to me the other day the

585
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: idea and the concept of transgender. And you know, that

586
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: was something that I was unsure of how to broach

587
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 1: an approach as a parent, how to take that concept

588
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: in and explain it to my child and and um

589
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: in our family, we have someone that is experimenting with

590
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 1: their sexuality potentially possibly, and so that it's something that

591
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 1: I'm very aware of to talk about with my sale.

592
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 1: And you know, he explained to me again the seed

593
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: that was planted in him is he said that in

594
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: school they told him sometimes you're born in the by

595
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: you have a boy, but inside you're a girl, and

596
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: sometimes you're born with the body of a girl, that

597
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: sometimes you're a boy inside. And I was like, okay,

598
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: and then what happened and he was like, I don't know,

599
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: and that, yeah, you're planting all I think. I love that.

600
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: I think you're planting a lot of seeds that will grow.

601
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: Do you guys know? You said you're at a progressive school.

602
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 1: And Michael, you grew up in New York and Paula,

603
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: you grew up in Colombia. Um, I I grew up

604
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: in New York also, and I am very afraid l

605
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: A is very segregated into neighborhoods. And I grew up

606
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: in a place where I saw people that looked different

607
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: every day, all day. And in l A, in the

608
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: neighborhood we live in, you could go weeks without seeing

609
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 1: a black person or a transgener you know, like or

610
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: you know, you can't. It's it's people very look similar.

611
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: And so you know, I have a group of mom

612
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: friends now who are you know? We were in a

613
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 1: mommy and me class and the teacher was going on

614
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: and on about how it's important to have maybe dolls

615
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: that are different colors or you. I mean, of course,

616
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: I'm making a huge attempt of bringing my child into

617
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: many different experiences. But um, for people that aren't fortunate

618
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 1: to live in a place that looks like New York,

619
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: which is rare. I mean a melting pot like that

620
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: is rare. Um, do you have any advice for me

621
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: on what you would do in my situation? I mean

622
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: it's real, like when you go to tour nursery schools

623
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: in l A. I mean it's people of different races

624
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: live in different places. Like that's that's how it is here,

625
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: and I think it's how it is in most places

626
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: in this country. It's how it is in this people's country.

627
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: Or I remember the first books that were given. One

628
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 1: of our best friends, a black man, give us a

629
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: book and he was like, this is like one of

630
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: the few books I could find where there were babies

631
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,760
Speaker 1: and parents on all the pages that were different colors.

632
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: Because they don't exist. And so how do you start

633
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 1: these seeds with a sixteen month old when even the

634
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 1: books he's looking at don't have babies that look different

635
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 1: from him? Or you know, these are the things that

636
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: keep me up at night. They're real things. They are

637
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: real things. And there's things that keep up keep us

638
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 1: up at night too. Like the reality is, Yes, New

639
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 1: York City in general is a melting pot, but New

640
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: York City has the most segregated school public schools in

641
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: the country. New York City public schools are more segregated

642
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: than they are They're more segregated now than they were before.

643
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: Brown versus Board of Education. And that's the reality of

644
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: New York City public schools, and that they'll go to

645
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: a public school. Um so so and and as we

646
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: mentioned before, our neighborhood is uh right next to so

647
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 1: our apartment is a very nice, expensive neighborhood. Now we've

648
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 1: lived here for a very long time, but right next

649
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: to our literally right a cross the street from our apartment,

650
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 1: there are projects, um and so, lots of projects. And

651
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:10,240
Speaker 1: so our neighborhood also is the mixing point of class

652
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 1: diversity and racial diversity. Um. And it's something that you

653
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: know again we talked about it with mat Theo, and

654
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: there's also a homeless shelter right down the street from

655
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: us that we have a home, a lot of homeless

656
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: people in and around our our neighborhood. And so I

657
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: think I say all of that to say that, um,

658
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: the reality of race is um real and also something

659
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 1: that needs to be discussed and to be talked about.

660
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 1: I know that parents like to live parents of children

661
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: who are not black or brown. So essentially white parents

662
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: want to live in this bubble experience as that they

663
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about race because they don't want

664
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: to quote unquote quote point out the differences essentially between

665
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: white kids and black kids, and white kids and brown kids,

666
00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 1: and they want to allow the kids to remain as

667
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: innocent as possible, um, for as long as possible, the

668
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: innocence of of being um blind to race. But again

669
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: I don't think that that is um not to go.

670
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: That's the privilege to be able to do that, right,

671
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 1: because white kids don't have to deal with race. Matal's

672
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: cousin is black and Jewish. He's they've had to have

673
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 1: the conversation, the black conversation with his cousin very early

674
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: on Matthale presents as white. He he walks on the

675
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: street and he looks white. Though we speak Spanish and

676
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: comes from an immigrant household. We haven't had to have

677
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: the conversation of what it means to be black in

678
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: this country from experience, a personal experience that we have

679
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: had it in the relationship to what is going on,

680
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: and specifically with regards to his cousin, because he loves

681
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 1: his cousin, right, and so the idea of bringing books

682
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 1: into the household is super important and dolls and also

683
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: making the effort to go into other neighborhoods um where

684
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 1: other children are, to take them to extracurricular activities. You know,

685
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: one of the stories that I I am most proud

686
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 1: of with regards to Michael, and he can tell this

687
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: his own way, because this is a secondhand story told

688
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: to me. But Michael Start was in a Michael, why

689
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 1: don't you tell the story about that, about about the

690
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: which one the dance group when you would go and

691
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 1: dance kids dance institutes? Yeah, because I think that that

692
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: story is important in the sense of like your experience

693
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: as a white suburban child going into spaces and places

694
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: where you were not the only that you were essentially

695
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: the only white kid there, but experiencing that and wanting

696
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: to be in that um diverse world. I think that's

697
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: a great example of parents do too. That's a great

698
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 1: example of parents could do. I would add um two

699
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: things about Mateo. One is um and for parents. One.

700
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,439
Speaker 1: We used to take pictures of black people and white

701
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: people and show them to Mateo and say tell us.

702
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 1: When he was like thread, um, say matey, tell us

703
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 1: the difference. He would never talk about race, their skin color.

704
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: He would say, that person as a mustache, that person

705
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: the mustache, That person is wearing a white shirt, and

706
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: that person wearing a blue shirt. That person has hair,

707
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: person on hair. He said, okay with it? What else?

708
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: Like okay, Like get to the point and he's like,

709
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 1: there is nothing else that that's it. Didn't see the

710
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: difference of skin color. At a certain point in the

711
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: past year and a half ish, he's beginning to understand

712
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: that someone is black and someone is white. Skin color

713
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: taught that right. Someone taught him that. We taught him

714
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,799
Speaker 1: that school TV. Someone taught him that right. So once

715
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 1: he gets taught that, then what does it mean? Um?

716
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: As part of the tour around the country this summer

717
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: with the students who march for our Lives, we want

718
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: to Standing Rock in North Dakota. And I brought Matteo

719
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: with me and he was on the tour with us.

720
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: And we get to the tribal council um building where

721
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: they have their council meetings, and they're there to present

722
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 1: to us in the most grandiose, beautiful fashion welcoming ceremony,

723
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,720
Speaker 1: and they're gifting us things and they're singing and they're dancing,

724
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 1: and there's a whole bunch of kids in their little ones,

725
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 1: like five six year old, and there's some teenagers and

726
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 1: some elders and some don'ts. And we get into this

727
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: beautiful travel council room and Mattal says to me, Daddy,

728
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: where the Native Americans? And I said they're right there.

729
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: He said, no, they're not that Those are Native Americans.

730
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, what do you mean of our

731
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 1: Native Americans. I was like, yeah, they lived here, they're

732
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: from Standing Rack. He said, no, day they're not wearing

733
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: Native American stuff. And I was like, oh, what do

734
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,359
Speaker 1: you think they should be wearing. He says, like, like

735
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: feathers and Native American stuff. So someone taught him a

736
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: Native Americans only walk around the world in their traditional

737
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: attire or their ceremonial attire. No one taught him that

738
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: a five year old kid was sitting next to him

739
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,800
Speaker 1: looked just like him, and his attire wearing sneakers and

740
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: a hoodie and playing a video game and on his

741
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 1: mother's cell phone, was a Native American child. So that

742
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 1: that now Mattale knows that of American people don't just

743
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 1: wear a ceremonial or traditional attire, that they look just

744
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,240
Speaker 1: like him and in the way they dressed at least

745
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 1: pleas in this country. So those like those conversations. And

746
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 1: when I was a child, I had to grow up

747
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: to work with National Dances too, which was JAMBI was

748
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: the Great American ballet dancer his nonprofit and you know,

749
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: we would dance all over the city and we would

750
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: be in Chinatown and some middle school on Saturday dancing

751
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 1: and you know, and rehearsing in Chinatown with you know

752
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 1: a lot of Chinese Americans and children, Chinese immigrants and

753
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: kids in the Lower east Side, and then the Dominicans

754
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,319
Speaker 1: and Puerto Ricans and like white kids whom Upper east

755
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 1: Side his parents who bring them down to rehearse. And

756
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: my I had great parents, right, and so my parents

757
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,399
Speaker 1: were also able to process my questions when I would

758
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 1: come home, like what you know, it feels different to

759
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: be a minority in this group and I never felt

760
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: that before, Like why am I feeling this way? Because

761
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 1: I've always felt part of the majority as a white kid.

762
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: And so my parents, as has progressive hippies and incredible minds,

763
00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 1: that they are able to process that with a child.

764
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: So as your child gets older and a certain your child, Katie,

765
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 1: but others who are listening, um, you know these milestones

766
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 1: right when child starts to see color, like Howard Schultz said,

767
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 1: you know yesterday or recently that you know he doesn't

768
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: see color. That that that is an absolute disservice to

769
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: ending racism in this country, because of course we see color.

770
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 1: Of course, my child at a young age sees that,

771
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: you know, his cousin is a different skin because first cousin,

772
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: my brother's child he married a black woman, is his

773
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: first cousin, and that his his aunt is black, and

774
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,240
Speaker 1: he sees he at certain point you understands it's a difference.

775
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 1: And so what we've done is to is to say

776
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 1: those differences are beautiful. Those differences are unique. And even

777
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 1: you know, he asked me the other day, I don't

778
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: know you know this pa, Yes, other day, um uh.

779
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: There is this uh man in the neighborhood who was

780
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,280
Speaker 1: a veteran of the war. He lost both of his legacy,

781
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: walked around with prosthetics. And we saw him on the

782
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 1: way to school and we started talking to him. You know,

783
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 1: he talks to everyone, a nice guy, and we started

784
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,720
Speaker 1: talking to him and he asked me about in losing

785
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: his legs and he's playing to him. And there's another young,

786
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 1: amazing thirteen year and twelve year old, um Jordan Reeves

787
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,399
Speaker 1: who's out of Missouri. Who's this amazing young girl who

788
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 1: got a chance to know and she's she does this

789
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 1: ted talk where she takes this unicorn prosthetic on her

790
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: arm because she only has half of her arm which

791
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: she was born with, and she she's glitter right out

792
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: of her uniform prosthetic unicorn prosthetic. And Mateo knows her

793
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: and I said, Jordan's, we love Jordan's. Jord's a cool kid.

794
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: But Jordan was born a little bit different than you

795
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: were born. But she's still just as cool as you

796
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 1: are right, So never like never trying to use race

797
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: or gender or differences that your child might have from

798
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: someone else as a way to compare, but like shower

799
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,359
Speaker 1: all of them with love like they you know, yeah,

800
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 1: But like it's like not ignoring that it's not there,

801
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: because that's what we get into this when you're ignored.

802
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 1: When you're ignored, someone else is gonna tell you a

803
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 1: child that you know that kid's black, yeah, or that

804
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: Native Americans only wear feathers, you know what I mean.

805
00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:06,439
Speaker 1: It's like you can't you guys, last question do you have?

806
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: Like I just it's so amazing to me. I can't

807
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: thank you enough for taking time. And I think this

808
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: is so important for parents of new kids or even

809
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 1: elementary school kids or whatever. It's just never too late.

810
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: And from this conversation I've really learned it's never too

811
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,720
Speaker 1: early either to plant these seeds. Do you have advice

812
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 1: for parents who feel like they're just out of depth

813
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 1: on a lot of these big issues, Like you know,

814
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 1: because of your line of work and your passion, it

815
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: comes so naturally and easy to you, I think, to

816
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: really talk about these huge subjects. And I feel like

817
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:43,440
Speaker 1: a lot of parents I know are probably feel like

818
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:47,399
Speaker 1: they're ill equipped to even have these conversations between each other.

819
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 1: It's so sad. But their kids too are their books

820
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: or resources. And if you guys even take a few

821
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: days and you think about them, I want to put

822
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 1: anything you guys suggest or any advice on. We have

823
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: crib notes that go along with the podcast for people

824
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 1: who listen and can click on how to better? How

825
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: can they feel like there can have these conversations with

826
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 1: their kids. And you know, I always go back to

827
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: it's probably just honesty as best. Like my I don't

828
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: feel very great, you know, talking about something I say.

829
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, Mommy is not confident. But this is what

830
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 1: I think or this is what I feel. Um, But

831
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: do you have any advice to young parents who feel

832
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: like they're out of their league? Good luck? Yeah, I'll

833
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: make I'll make my very short. Um. I've come to

834
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 1: learn from mentors and elders in my life that the

835
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 1: key to to staying young, and all of us have

836
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 1: tried our very best to stay young. Um, it's curiosity.

837
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 1: M And when you lose your curiosity, I believe you

838
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: begin to get old and your child or your children

839
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: are so curious they're curious cre truth. They want to

840
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:06,240
Speaker 1: know everything. So join that journey with them. I joined

841
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: that journey of curiosity. Don't think because they asked a

842
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 1: question and you may not know the answer, you can't

843
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: go find the answer. Whether it's learning yourself or finding

844
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: some of your life who has a shared experience and

845
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: you can bring and introduce to your child. But it

846
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: was lgbt Q member of that community, or it's a

847
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,359
Speaker 1: black friend of yours who has you know, you can

848
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: talk about their situation of being black pers in America. Um.

849
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 1: But I I learned every single day with our child. UM.

850
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: I can't wait till he gets homework that I can't

851
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: do and have to figure out how to do long

852
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 1: division again. Oh god, I'm so screwed. Yeah, those days

853
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 1: are really exciting. UM. But just like, just stay curious

854
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 1: as your child, you know, goes through his or her

855
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: or their journey of cur curiosity. Just join them in

856
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 1: that journey and and never judge, um that the child

857
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: is doing it right, doing your wrong, going on the

858
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: wrong course in the right course, Just like focus on that, Ernie.

859
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 1: Hopefully by the end of it, when it's all said

860
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: and done. So we looked up. You said Wow, that

861
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 1: was that's really really fun and it's really beautiful. And

862
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: yes there were days that were tough, and yes there

863
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: were times that I didn't have the answers, but I

864
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 1: loved it. I love I love the learning, I love

865
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:19,399
Speaker 1: the curiosity, I love the challenges. Um. And not only

866
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: made my child better, it actually made me better, so

867
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 1: helpful to me. And PA, do you have anything to

868
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 1: add to that? You know, I would just say that

869
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 1: it's not easy because you said that like this, it

870
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 1: seems so natural and easy for us, and I don't

871
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: necessarily think. I don't want it to seem as if

872
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: these conversations are quote unquote easy, um, because they're not

873
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: in life, right, we're talking about race conversations. Race conversations

874
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:57,280
Speaker 1: between adults are not easy, um, and they shouldn't necessarily

875
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: be easy with your child either. But we have to

876
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 1: be brave enough to have them with our children, just

877
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: like we have to um UM, be willing enough to

878
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 1: have these conversations with when we're having them with adults. UM. So,

879
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: because I think if we say that it's easy, then

880
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,320
Speaker 1: it makes it seem like if it's not easy for others,

881
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 1: it's like not right, which it's not like, it's not

882
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: easy for me to talk about child separation with my

883
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: fail um for a whole host of reasons. UM. And

884
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: so I think with regards to if you are, if

885
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: you feel ill equipped to have these conversations with your children,

886
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 1: and how do you move forward with them, UM. Children's books,

887
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 1: there are a lot of children's books out there that

888
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 1: are really really great, UM, that deal with with tough subjects.

889
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 1: You know, There's this one book called The Journey UM,

890
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 1: that is a book essentially about being a refugee and

891
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,439
Speaker 1: what happens to your family when they're in a war

892
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: torn country and they move across the globe, across the

893
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 1: world and through various dangerous circumstances to come to another country.

894
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:12,760
Speaker 1: That book is really really beautiful, UM, and it opens

895
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: up the conversation in a way that I think it

896
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: guides you how to have this conversation around these very

897
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,359
Speaker 1: tough subjects with children. So I do think that there

898
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: are many books like that that I would guide parents too,

899
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: to give you kind of the rounds, the boundaries as

900
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 1: to how how to have these conversations. And then with

901
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: regard to educating themselves so they can UM, so parents

902
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: can have a better understanding. You know, there's incredible people

903
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: out there to to read their books and to follow

904
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 1: um on social media. Dr Brittany Cooper is amazing. Um

905
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: Eloquent Rage is her most recent book, but anything by

906
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: Dr Britten Cooper will blow your mind. She's a black

907
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: feminist who's just one of the most brilliant people that

908
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,360
Speaker 1: I know. She talks about race, and she talks about um,

909
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: gender and feminie is um um at the intersection of

910
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 1: all of those things, and it's incredible. Obviously, Rebecca Trast

911
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 1: her latest book, I think will open anyone's mind with

912
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: regards to feminism and where we are in this moment

913
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 1: and and being enraged about it as well, and how

914
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 1: movements have used rage as as something too to behold

915
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 1: and to benefit them. And then I think also just

916
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:30,399
Speaker 1: again like for me, what I think has been there's

917
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 1: so much that lacks in general and in the education

918
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: of the American educational public school system. But I think

919
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: one of the most detrimental things is that there isn't

920
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 1: a lot of um range and scope with regards to

921
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 1: the literature that students are given in high school but

922
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 1: also in college and myself as a story as a storyteller,

923
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: as a filmmaker, as a writer. Experiencing story through literature

924
00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 1: is a way in which to gain understanding hum in

925
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 1: personal level. So I would tell people, and I tell

926
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,240
Speaker 1: this to a lot of people, go and read books

927
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: by Laftina writers in the United States, right, Go and

928
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 1: read books by Native American writers and Black writers and

929
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 1: Asian writers, and experience the world through their eyes in

930
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,280
Speaker 1: these novels, um and start to understand what it means

931
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 1: to be something other than a white man or a

932
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: white woman in the United States. And I think that

933
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 1: that will help parents be able to hopefully feel as

934
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 1: if they have more tools with which to have these conversations.

935
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 1: Can I can I say one less before I just

936
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: want to shower shower you with some praise for a minute, Katie.

937
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 1: We have Um. We have known carry Um Washington for many,

938
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: many years and certainly are our big admirers of what

939
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: she's done in her career and notice in her career,

940
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: but you know, in her and her work and and

941
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,439
Speaker 1: through that had the chance to meet some of your

942
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: cast members and Scandal and become good friends with Guillermo

943
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: and Bellamy and Um. You know I've watched you. You

944
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,920
Speaker 1: know certainly in your professional career as an actress, UM,

945
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: as an artist. But I do want to shower you

946
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: with love and praise for this because using your platform, UM,

947
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 1: in a time where parents really need to get support

948
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 1: from each other, UM, a lot of confusion, a lot

949
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: of fear, a lot of joy, and a lot of

950
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: happiness right at the same time. UM, I think to

951
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: create this platform and certainly no surprise that you know

952
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,359
Speaker 1: it's number one in this category, certainly because of you,

953
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: and also because of what you're talking about, right and

954
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: what people need to hear and want to hear and

955
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 1: UM need uh the support along the way of raising

956
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: your kid as as power just said, raising your tao

957
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: every day is one of is my greatest challenge in life.

958
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: It's my also grenest joy in life. UM. And so

959
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:01,439
Speaker 1: thank you for using the platform that you have been

960
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: given after such an amazing television show. UM two step

961
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: up to in this moment and share your vulnerabilities and

962
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 1: share your fears and your joys and your happiness is

963
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: with the world. UM. I know your career obviously continues.

964
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: I know you're doing broad Away and doing a lot

965
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 1: more great things, but this work is great for for

966
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: all parents to be able to have the access to

967
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: So thank you, Oh my gosh, thank you guys for

968
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: taking the time. This has been so awesome and I

969
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 1: opening both of you, Michael Paula, I just this is

970
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 1: so inspiring and I just, you know, of all the

971
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,280
Speaker 1: things I've done in my life, this is the podcast

972
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: is the thing that most people stop me on the

973
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 1: streets about UM, especially moms just you know, really in

974
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 1: need or feeling alone or feeling like they don't know

975
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 1: what to do. And it's the most to me, the

976
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 1: most important work UM is raising a citizen of the world.

977
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: And I just think you guys have added so much

978
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: to this conversation and UM for my family personally and

979
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: for all of our listeners. So thank you so much

980
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 1: for being guests on Katie's Crib. Thanks, Thanks Michael, have

981
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 1: a great day, Okay, bye. Thank you so much for

982
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 1: listening to Katie's Crib. Be sure to check out seawan

983
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: the land dot com, where you can find every episode

984
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 1: of Katie's Crib and we've got crib notes for each

985
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,320
Speaker 1: episode where you can find out more about our guests

986
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,359
Speaker 1: and links to some of the resources we talked about

987
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 1: on the podcast. And last but definitely not least subscribe.

988
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,800
Speaker 1: We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, basically like wherever you

989
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: get your podcast