Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to Bachelor Happy Hour's Golden Hour. Thanks
Speaker 1: again for joining us, and we're always so excited to
Speaker 1: be back, aren't.
Speaker 2: We, Kathy, We are and I love these days because
Speaker 2: today we're going to be answering more of your fan questions.
Speaker 2: Make sure you're submitting those. We love reading them. All
Speaker 2: you gotta do is go to Bachelor Nation dot com
Speaker 2: slash Golden Hour and submit away.
Speaker 1: Yes, send us everything, your questions, your updates, and your opinions,
Speaker 1: all of it. You can also dm us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at Bachelor Happy Hour. Oh kay, let's talk about our cruise.
Speaker 2: Guess this Bachelor Okay, if you haven't heard, folks, Bachelor
Speaker 2: Nation vacation at sea has finally been announced, and we
Speaker 2: are so excited. You and I are going. Lots of
Speaker 2: Bachelor Nation people are going to be on there, lots
Speaker 2: of friends and couples, and.
Speaker 1: It's just going to be a party.
Speaker 2: I think it's going to be a NonStop party. I
Speaker 2: have never been to Puerta Plata, but who doesn't love
Speaker 2: a good cruise with us with dancing surprises. You know
Speaker 2: what I'm most excited about, Susan is meeting so many
Speaker 2: of the fans exactly, and I.
Speaker 1: Write to us, we chat with them online. We don't
Speaker 1: know what they look like or they are, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, just by their notes. And and we're
Speaker 1: going to be doing a live podcast.
Speaker 2: A live podcast, so that's going to be really fun. Also,
Speaker 2: you know, folks out there, a lot of you are single,
Speaker 2: as am I, and so I know it gets expensive
Speaker 2: to go on a cruise, but there is a Facebook
Speaker 2: page that you can go to. It's called Official Bachelor
Speaker 2: Nation Vacation See Cruisers group. Go on Facebook, find that
Speaker 2: group and join. It's a great way to make new friends,
Speaker 2: maybe find a roommate for the cruise. It's a win win.
Speaker 2: You're going to get to meet a lot of your
Speaker 2: Bachelor Nation favorites. There are so many. We don't even
Speaker 2: know all the surprises yet. But trust me, this is
Speaker 2: going to be a cruise of a lifetime. You're going
Speaker 2: to have a blast. So if you haven't booked your
Speaker 2: cabin yet, go and do it now because you are
Speaker 2: going to be so excited to come. And we can't
Speaker 2: quit excited.
Speaker 1: Everybody there me too.
Speaker 2: You know, people think that we see Bachelor Nation all
Speaker 2: of our friends all the time. This is going to
Speaker 2: be as much fun for us to see all of
Speaker 2: you and chat with you, and you can see what
Speaker 2: we're really like in person, which is exactly what we're
Speaker 2: like on this podcast, by the way.
Speaker 1: And you'll be seeing us everywhere on that ship, and
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's going to be things that we'll be
Speaker 1: involved with with you, right. Yeah, we don't know what.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be great, but if we haven't sold you yet,
Speaker 2: we're gonna be talking about it again. Book your cabin now.
Speaker 2: Go to Bachelor Nation Vacation at Sea dot com and
Speaker 2: book your cabin now. You will not regret this decision.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be a blast. But okay, you're.
Speaker 1: Gonna have fun. I'll have dinner with yous. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite things to do, dinner and dancing.
Speaker 2: And as long as I'm shying, as long as gonna
Speaker 2: have to cook it, I'm.
Speaker 1: In all right now. So before we dive into today's episode,
Speaker 1: we want to do a little ketch up with you guys, like,
Speaker 1: what's going on with us, Kathy, what's going on with you?
Speaker 1: I know, for me, I'm getting excited because I'm sure
Speaker 1: I mentioned it before. I was nominated for efficient of
Speaker 1: the Year Award. I don't know if I'll get it,
Speaker 1: but the time is come, Kata. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to wear. I think I'm gonna do a post like
Speaker 1: an evening gowns and have the fans pick one.
Speaker 2: I've seen what the choice is. You're gonna look gorgeous
Speaker 2: no matter what you choose. And I'm putting it out
Speaker 2: to the universe right now. I think you're gonna win
Speaker 2: this award.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I don't know about winning, but just
Speaker 1: to be there. I mean, it's an international thing and
Speaker 1: there's so many titles like you be blown Away. So
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet people from all over the world.
Speaker 2: That's so exciting and and you know what, I really
Speaker 2: wanted to come, but I know, but I've got too
Speaker 2: So this this event is in early December, mid December,
Speaker 2: and I've got a couple of Christmas parties with my
Speaker 2: family and my grandson has some music concerts, so I
Speaker 2: can't be there. But trust and believe me, I will
Speaker 2: be rooting for you, and you're gonna win. You're gonna
Speaker 2: c cart home somebody.
Speaker 1: Winning is just being around people that you love, and
Speaker 1: you know, when you get called up to the stage.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like your nerves, oh people, you.
Speaker 1: Know, harder than being behind the cameras. Like being on
Speaker 1: the show was not difficult. I forgot the cameras were there.
Speaker 1: I was just me. But this is like spotlight you know.
Speaker 2: Well, you know it's funny you say that because you
Speaker 2: and I just and Nancy just did a an event.
Speaker 2: Uh in it was. It's a company out of Jersey.
Speaker 2: It's called Wigs and Wishes and they provide wigs for
Speaker 2: women and children fighting that dreaded disease called cancer, and
Speaker 2: then they give wishes, the grant wishes to children. It's
Speaker 2: not make a Wish foundation, it's a grassroots organization. And Susan,
Speaker 2: Nancy and I were there as you know, sort of
Speaker 2: celebrity hosts whatever. And you're right when you're we all
Speaker 2: were up on stage and in that moment, it's much
Speaker 2: harder when it's something heartfelt than just having fun.
Speaker 1: Because the emotions take over. We're not known.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you know what, you will be great. I
Speaker 2: have no doubt. I wish I could be there because
Speaker 2: but no, Susan, I'm wishing you well from Afar.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, and your world.
Speaker 2: What's going on not you know, not so much.
Speaker 1: I know soon we'll be talking about the holidays and
Speaker 1: people dating, and a lot of people get off. Some
Speaker 1: people I know just get on the dating sites for
Speaker 1: the holidays, which I think is crazy.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I'm not a big fan of dating
Speaker 2: sites for a variety of reasons. I mean, hasn't been
Speaker 2: successful for me, but I did so I've always said
Speaker 2: to you I would love to meet somebody through just
Speaker 2: a organic way, other than a dating site or whatever.
Speaker 2: And I actually had a friend set me up with
Speaker 2: a guy. And it's funny because the holidays really are tough,
Speaker 2: you know, you go through all the memories and stuff,
Speaker 2: but it would be nice to meet someone to share.
Speaker 2: So what to share these things with? Right, So my
Speaker 2: friend fixes me up and this guy Atlantic Coast Atlantic
Speaker 2: East Coast guy. I'm from the East Coast. So I'm thinking, oh,
Speaker 2: this could be it, because you know, I don't seem
Speaker 2: to jive well with guys with ten gallon hats and
Speaker 2: skull and holding up dead fish where I live in Texas.
Speaker 2: Uh love Texas, but you know, there it is. And
Speaker 2: so I thought, oh this, you know, this could be
Speaker 2: my time. And interestingly, I knew his situation. His wife
Speaker 2: had passed away, and you know your mind going in dating.
Speaker 2: It's so different in our age, right, and so I'm
Speaker 2: thinking this could be great. On the other hand, this
Speaker 2: guy's lost his wife in the not too distant past.
Speaker 2: And honestly, Susan, you know, I called you. We talked
Speaker 2: about it, like, what do I do, Susan? Do I
Speaker 2: jump in and try to date the guy?
Speaker 1: Knowing that maybe to I give that advice to anyone.
Speaker 1: You have to take a chance, right, It doesn't always
Speaker 1: work out in your favor, but you need to take
Speaker 1: the chance. It stings, it stinks.
Speaker 2: But here's the thing for me, I knew that she
Speaker 2: hadn't been gone that long, and so I was like,
Speaker 2: and we all know men seem to find another partner
Speaker 2: sooner than women and to find their partner. So I thought, well,
Speaker 2: I can jump in or not. But if I don't
Speaker 2: jump in, then I don't have a chance. And sure
Speaker 2: enough I jumped in, and sure enough it became very yeah, well,
Speaker 2: very quickly that he wanted somebody local, you know that,
Speaker 2: And so I'm left with but.
Speaker 1: From what you told me, he wanted somebody that needed
Speaker 1: him and needed somebody to depend on his finances is whatever.
Speaker 1: You're very independent, and.
Speaker 2: I am only to a point, Susan.
Speaker 1: I know I love our independence, yeah, and sometimes, And
Speaker 1: I've been told this all my life, and I want
Speaker 1: to know if you feel the same. Men say they
Speaker 1: want an independent woman, but they really don't.
Speaker 2: And can I tell you are singing my song. I've
Speaker 2: said that a hundred times. They really want someone who needs,
Speaker 2: someone who depends on them. At least that's been my experience.
Speaker 2: So that was a tough one for me, especially with
Speaker 2: the holidays approaching. But you know what, honestly, I was
Speaker 2: at a Gallo luncheon today and I was talking with
Speaker 2: the woman next to me and we were talking about
Speaker 2: She recognized me from the show, and she said, you know,
Speaker 2: you're such an inspiration. I can't same old thing. I
Speaker 2: can't believe there aren't men just lighting up at your door.
Speaker 2: And I said to her, even if I never meet
Speaker 2: another man or the man, you know what, Susan, I
Speaker 2: am grateful. I have three great kids, I have five
Speaker 2: great grandchildren. I have girlfriends, and I have to be
Speaker 2: happy with that. And I think sometimes that's more important
Speaker 2: being happy with who I am.
Speaker 1: It is, But when you're in the moment and you're
Speaker 1: thinking about saving somebody, you forget all that.
Speaker 2: And I would love to meet someone. I would, but
Speaker 2: you know what the lesson I learned is, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: you have to go for it. If the chance, if
Speaker 2: you've given the chance, you have to go for it.
Speaker 2: But also I came off of it dis very disappointed.
Speaker 2: I mean, you asked me, uh, what I would do
Speaker 2: if he called me in a month and said it
Speaker 2: didn't work out with the other woman he met, And
Speaker 2: I said I would say no, thank you, because no.
Speaker 1: You said he'd have to like move mountains and have
Speaker 1: not sitting out there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I said it would. Actually, you're right, I said
Speaker 2: it would have for you. I said there would have
Speaker 2: to be a very grand gesture, like naming a yacht
Speaker 2: after me. Yeah, you're right. I did say.
Speaker 1: We have a friend that's about to meet somebody and
Speaker 1: it's long distance and they've been chatting a while. I
Speaker 1: won't mention it any names. And yeah, I know you're
Speaker 1: nervous about it. I'm more excited about it. Kathy is
Speaker 1: more logical about.
Speaker 2: This, you know why, because it's it's it's not that
Speaker 2: I'm logical, Like when I hear that. I don't want
Speaker 2: to see anybody hurt. I don't like that. And so
Speaker 2: you know, as the holidays are coming, I'm hoping that, uh,
Speaker 2: that guy is right around the corner for me. But
Speaker 2: if not, I have so many things in my life
Speaker 2: to be grateful for and that's what I'm holding on
Speaker 2: to absolutely.
Speaker 1: And with that said, it's leave season. Can I tell.
Speaker 2: You it's what's the leaves falling? Oh?
Speaker 1: I get out there with my blower, Cathy, and no,
Speaker 1: sooner did I finish the front. I get out back
Speaker 1: and they're down in the front again.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have to tell you I had thirteen I
Speaker 2: have a very small yard. You've been to my house.
Speaker 2: I had thirteen bags of mult spread the other day.
Speaker 2: I didn't think it through, Susan. The acorns. No, the
Speaker 2: acorns are now falling on top of the mulcha. And
Speaker 2: of I don't get the acorns out, then I have
Speaker 2: oak trees. So every day talk about being anal. Every
Speaker 2: day I go out and get at least one hundred
Speaker 2: of the acorns that have fallen, because it's either getting
Speaker 2: them before they sprout or pulling the mini trees out
Speaker 2: of the This is what we do when we're not
Speaker 2: doing our podcast. Friends, Susan is blowing leaves and Happy
Speaker 2: is pulling out.
Speaker 1: I put a post out there, let's start talking about
Speaker 1: the mean people out in the world. People with their
Speaker 1: comments again, I had the lower and the lawnmower, but
Speaker 1: I hadn't opened the brown bags yet. They're the big
Speaker 1: leaf bags to dumb people were commenting, what do you do?
Speaker 1: Just blow the leaves and mulch them and leave them there,
Speaker 1: And other people are saying, well, yeah, I think that's
Speaker 1: like fertilization for you.
Speaker 2: For you know what, Susan, I've got an idea for
Speaker 2: a video for you. Take your blower and just blow
Speaker 2: it at the camera and say all done.
Speaker 1: There's somebody else. Why are you in white? It was
Speaker 1: a hoodie. I mean, come on, I.
Speaker 2: Was filthy, you know what. Lived interiously, go buy yourself
Speaker 2: a cheap wedding gown at Goodwill and you got to
Speaker 2: get you know what, give the people what they want.
Speaker 2: That's what I say. Go get a wedding gown in
Speaker 2: white and start blowing the leaves.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go out my sparkly ill cut the lawn.
Speaker 2: You know what. I gotta be careful though, because mister
Speaker 2: Wright may be looking at my posts. So you know,
Speaker 2: I don't want the guy thinking what kind of weird
Speaker 2: I was out there picking up acorns like I don't.
Speaker 1: Know, and she's not going to need me. Look at her.
Speaker 1: She got her power tools going on. Remember that you're
Speaker 1: Nancy Caven. We had our face done last year, and
Speaker 1: Nancy Caven she was blowing the leaves because I was
Speaker 1: out there with the baby right.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I forgot that.
Speaker 1: A year already.
Speaker 2: You know what. Times guys were having fun and we're
Speaker 2: having a blast. Okay, it's time to get into the episode.
Speaker 2: Let's start with the question of the day, my favorite time.
Speaker 2: Are you ready, Susan, Let's do it. Here we go.
Speaker 2: Since we've discussed settling in a relationship, our listeners are
Speaker 2: curious on how you draw the line between compromise and
Speaker 2: settling in a relationship. Ship. So what does compromise look
Speaker 2: like in a relationship and can compromise turn into settling? Okay,
Speaker 2: so you and I actually we have talked about this, yes,
Speaker 2: and the the there is a difference I think between
Speaker 2: the compromise to.
Speaker 1: Me, compromises something smaller like settling is something that you
Speaker 1: just knew, which is one of your red flags, and
Speaker 1: you're going to go be okay with it. That would
Speaker 1: be settling for me.
Speaker 2: Well, I think I think compromise is is a healthy,
Speaker 2: good choice. Compromising could be something like I don't want
Speaker 2: to go for Chinese food. I want to go to
Speaker 2: a steakhouse. Well, I, and your partner says something else.
Speaker 2: I think those are compromises. I think settling has to
Speaker 2: do with a compromise, compromising your own moral compass or
Speaker 2: your value system. So it gets a little confusing when
Speaker 2: you use that terminology. But settling is for me is
Speaker 2: when I have been in a relationship and I know
Speaker 2: it's not the relationship for me. I know that I'm
Speaker 2: making decisions that don't sit well in my heart, in
Speaker 2: my spirit, and I've sort of forced myself to do it.
Speaker 2: Going to a steakhouse instead of a Chinese restaurant, to me,
Speaker 2: is a compromise, and good relationships make those compromises.
Speaker 1: Kathy, what do you feel could compromises turn into settling
Speaker 1: in a relationship?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, for me again, at our age, it's a
Speaker 2: little bit different. But for me, I'll give you a
Speaker 2: very big example for me and people in our age
Speaker 2: talk about this all the time. Moving if you find
Speaker 2: mister Wright, are you willing to move? So to me,
Speaker 2: if I want to be with the man, it is
Speaker 2: a compromise. It would be a compromise for me to
Speaker 2: not see my grandchildren and my kids every week. But
Speaker 2: I would be willing to compromise because I want to
Speaker 2: be with the man I'm in love with. That to
Speaker 2: me would be a compromise. Settling would be this guy
Speaker 2: wants to move to you know, East Overshoe, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to see my kids once a year. Then I'm
Speaker 2: settling because I know in my heart that I want
Speaker 2: to see my kids and my grandkids more. But I'm
Speaker 2: afraid of losing this guy. I'm afraid that there won't
Speaker 2: be another opportunity. So I say, okay, and I move
Speaker 2: to East Overshoe, which is, you know, four thousand miles
Speaker 2: around the globe. And I'm miserable I settled.
Speaker 1: Probably regret it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I think, I Well, for me, you know what
Speaker 2: about you? I mean to be yes, I can't settle,
Speaker 2: so I don't me.
Speaker 1: Settling is like say you have a picture of what
Speaker 1: the person should be like, okay, in his qualities, and
Speaker 1: you're going to settle for less because you don't want
Speaker 1: to be alone like that is not.
Speaker 2: See okay, this is where you and I are going
Speaker 2: to disagree. No, unless you are, you know, Frederick, notwithstanding,
Speaker 2: I don't think there is a person out there for
Speaker 2: either of us that meets everything. No, absolutely not. Well
Speaker 2: you you just said if he doesn't have to, then
Speaker 2: you're settling.
Speaker 1: And my list has changed over the years as we
Speaker 1: both talked about it many times, because we're not looking
Speaker 1: for the same things anymore. Correct. So what I mean
Speaker 1: by this is like, for instance, somebody that's rude to
Speaker 1: the waitress or the waiter, and you're going to settle
Speaker 1: and say I'm okay with that as long as he
Speaker 1: says he's going to stop doing it. That's something that's
Speaker 1: never going to change, and you will end up resenting
Speaker 1: him for it.
Speaker 2: That's just as I don't, I don't, I mean, I
Speaker 2: hear you. To me, those aren't settling issues. That that's
Speaker 2: a character flaw that maybe was he just had a
Speaker 2: bad night. No, just maybe had a bad night in
Speaker 2: a restaurant. I mean to me, settling are the really
Speaker 2: big issues of life here for me would be settling. Listen,
Speaker 2: he says, you know, my my, I'm making these things up.
Speaker 2: You know, my daughter lives in London and we're gonna
Speaker 2: have to spend every Christmas in London. That's not a compromise.
Speaker 2: That is settling. That is a big that's not healthy
Speaker 2: for my brain, for my family, for my own well being.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what it comes down to. For me.
Speaker 2: Settling is when you have that icky feeling that this guy.
Speaker 1: Isn't there that you want, yeah, feeling.
Speaker 2: There's oh, I don't know. There's always going to be
Speaker 2: things in a relationship that could be improved. But I
Speaker 2: think for me it's so clear. I don't know if
Speaker 2: I'm articulating it well, but for me, settling is doing something,
Speaker 2: is having a relationship with someone that goes against my
Speaker 2: inner grain. My spirituality is something that I know that
Speaker 2: I should be doing this, but I'm doing it.
Speaker 1: And let me let me put a car, for instance,
Speaker 1: I want a car that has this heated steering wheel, Well,
Speaker 1: I'll settle for this car even though it doesn't have it.
Speaker 1: Like that kind of thing. When it comes to a relationship,
Speaker 1: that's a whole other world. It's a relationship. It's something
Speaker 1: that you will live to regret if you.
Speaker 2: Have you settled in relationships before.
Speaker 1: I don't believe so, oh I've compromised.
Speaker 2: Oh I have definitely settled, not long term, because that's
Speaker 2: why I but that's why it doesn't. That's why it doesn't.
Speaker 2: But anyway, I think that I think people mistake they
Speaker 2: mix up the two terms because I could see how Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: for everyone out there who doesn't who's in a relationship,
Speaker 2: who doesn't think you will be compromising, You're going to
Speaker 2: make a lot of compromises in your relationship. You're going
Speaker 2: to make a lot of sacrifices to.
Speaker 1: Make the relationship work. You can't be right all the time.
Speaker 2: Right and right. And that's why I'm saying it's it's
Speaker 2: it's those really deep, uh guiding force that when you
Speaker 2: go against it, then you know you're settling. And it's
Speaker 2: that feeling like you just try to push it away
Speaker 2: and and and say it's not the part you know
Speaker 2: it is, so you know a waight or being rude
Speaker 2: to a way to that to me is not that's
Speaker 2: not a settling issue that.
Speaker 1: But if that was his trait, that he does it
Speaker 1: all the time, that would be something that yeah, both
Speaker 1: of you and I both know that we would never
Speaker 1: tolerate it. We would never agree that that's okay.
Speaker 2: But yeah, well you know anyway, it's listen. I'd have
Speaker 2: to have the relationship to talk about compromise or settling.
Speaker 2: So I mean, I would ask you one thing and
Speaker 2: you don't have to answer it. What is the biggest
Speaker 2: compromise you've made with Frederick so far? Because you've told
Speaker 2: me you're not settling, So what's the biggest compromise you've made?
Speaker 1: Being okay with him not being as neat as I am?
Speaker 2: That's the biggest COMPROMI Cath, you know me, that's true.
Speaker 1: Huge. All right, let's get into our fan questions for today.
Speaker 2: Frederick get it cleaned up while she's working there to
Speaker 2: get that house ship shape. All right, I'm going.
Speaker 1: To start us off, and this is from anonymous Kathy
Speaker 1: and Susan. I really need your advice. I've always struggled
Speaker 1: with my relationship with my sister in law. When my
Speaker 1: husband and I first started dating in college, she and
Speaker 1: I weren't around each other much for the first two years.
Speaker 1: They barely acknowledged me, and when they finally did, it
Speaker 1: often felt like they were poking fun at me. Last fall,
Speaker 1: four days after my husband and I got engaged, she
Speaker 1: announced she was three weeks pregnant. To make matters worse,
Speaker 1: she shared the news at a family dinner that she
Speaker 1: had intentionally not included me in Ooh, it felt like
Speaker 1: our engagement had been completely overshadowed, and I spiraled. When
Speaker 1: my mother in law heard we were upset, she made
Speaker 1: us come over to talk. She revealed my sister in
Speaker 1: law had admitted she was getting close to me on purpose. Oh,
Speaker 1: she wasn't getting close to me on purpose. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: My l pressured me. Mother in law pressured me into
Speaker 1: confronting her. So I did, honestly and with an open heart.
Speaker 1: But instead of apologizing, my sister in law dismissed everything,
Speaker 1: made excuses, and told me never to bring it up again.
Speaker 1: Not long after my mom scheduled my bridal shower. Three
Speaker 1: months before my bridal shower, my mother in law told
Speaker 1: me the only weekends she'd like for my sister in
Speaker 1: law's baby shower were either the day after my shower
Speaker 1: or four days before. I begged her not to schedule
Speaker 1: it in the same weekend. Unsurprisingly, most of their skip
Speaker 1: Most of them skipped my shower. My sister in law's
Speaker 1: baby shower was four days before mine, and she had
Speaker 1: a second one the day after mine. By this point
Speaker 1: I had been in therapy for months trying to learn
Speaker 1: how to best handle their family. Things escalated again when
Speaker 1: it came to choosing our bridal party. My husband and
Speaker 1: my mother in law initially agreed it would be easiest
Speaker 1: if his sister and her husband weren't in the wedding.
Speaker 1: I was completely fine with this decision given the history,
Speaker 1: but when we told them, it turned into a yelling match.
Speaker 1: My sister in law actually said a wedding is an important,
Speaker 1: a baby is important. Months later, my mother in law
Speaker 1: took me estate sailing and broke down crying about how
Speaker 1: devastated she was that they weren't in the wedding. At
Speaker 1: that point I caved. I was exhausted from fighting and
Speaker 1: just gave in. So they ended up being in the wedding.
Speaker 1: After all, Our wedding day itself was beautiful, but their
Speaker 1: lack of consideration was obvious. They left early and didn't
Speaker 1: even bother to give us a card let, alone a gift.
Speaker 1: After everything, it felt like one final reminder of how
Speaker 1: selfish they are. I need to get past this as
Speaker 1: they are my husband's family. But wow, is that tough?
Speaker 1: How would you handle things going forward? Love you both? Woa,
Speaker 1: they're bitches.
Speaker 2: You know what? I think this might have been my
Speaker 2: sister in law. Oh my, I think this is it's
Speaker 2: my sister in law reincarnated.
Speaker 1: Well wait, I knew you were going to was something.
Speaker 1: But your sister in law too.
Speaker 2: There were two, There were twins. One is the sweetest
Speaker 2: one known to man. The other one is from hell.
Speaker 2: She rides on a broom. Well, let's not let's not
Speaker 2: talk about her, you know, let's just have positive hair. Okay,
Speaker 2: here's what I think. I think a couple of things.
Speaker 2: The husband. First of all, their their behavior anonymous is
Speaker 2: just ridiculous. It's it's intolerable, it is disgraceful, it is rude,
Speaker 2: it's unkind. I can you know. I can give you
Speaker 2: enough abjectives to fill the hour here. But your husband
Speaker 2: and your mother in law agreed that they shouldn't be
Speaker 2: in the wedding. And I'm sorry that you quote unquote
Speaker 2: caved because you could have just left it alone and
Speaker 2: said I'm sorry, you know, your mom, your brother, We
Speaker 2: all agreed and pushed it off on her family. You
Speaker 2: didn't do that, and I understand, and the moment it
Speaker 2: was probably difficult. You're when she says, your sister in
Speaker 2: law says babies are important, weddings aren't. I mean that
Speaker 2: tells you everything right there. But I'll bet you one thing.
Speaker 2: I bet her wedding was important.
Speaker 1: So here's the dare she say?
Speaker 2: Yeah? But here's the thing you But here's the thing.
Speaker 2: They're not nice people. You can spend the rest of
Speaker 2: your life, Anonymous, getting even, or you and your husband
Speaker 2: can have a serious talk about building your own family
Speaker 2: when you have children and seeing your in laws, sister
Speaker 2: in law, mother in law when it is convenient. And
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to say this, but I say it from experience.
Speaker 2: Anonymous put away the idea of the Norman Rockwell family
Speaker 2: Sunday gatherings kumbayah. It's probably never going to happen. So
Speaker 2: you know, be polite, always be polite.
Speaker 1: Yes, what do you think? Obviously there's two choices here,
Speaker 1: like for them not even to leave a card or
Speaker 1: a gift of any sort. To do the same thing
Speaker 1: to her is not something I recommend.
Speaker 2: She's already married, already married, she's already.
Speaker 1: Saying about the baby gifts. You know what I'm saying
Speaker 1: as far as your mother in law is concerned, I mean,
Speaker 1: really to start having a hissy fit because they're not
Speaker 1: in the wedding and then you do this, well.
Speaker 2: No, no, no change.
Speaker 1: The mother in law be this way.
Speaker 2: Yes, but the mother in law and son her husband
Speaker 2: agreed for them, not for her not to be in
Speaker 2: the wedding. I think it's just as you know the
Speaker 2: old in the Old Country. This is a mission us
Speaker 2: and you're not going to fix it.
Speaker 1: So how about when they were talking Kathy about please
Speaker 1: don't have it the same week as my baby shower,
Speaker 1: I mean my wedding shower, and then they did it
Speaker 1: four days before. That's just rude. And half the people
Speaker 1: didn't go to the second one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so didn't come to the wedding shower. So so
Speaker 2: what you know, focus on the marriage with your husband.
Speaker 2: You know, I have a friend in California who I
Speaker 2: have this conversation with who has trouble with her mother
Speaker 2: in law, similar kind of situation. From you know, she
Speaker 2: seems to have the most fabulous husband and she has
Speaker 2: a fabulous child. And focus on your family. That's what
Speaker 2: I wish I had done more of and just seeing
Speaker 2: the mother in law when I had to seeing.
Speaker 1: The But you know that's stung until you did.
Speaker 2: And that's what I'm saying, Anonymous, learn what took me
Speaker 2: many years. Be polite. Don't invite them on vacation, invite
Speaker 2: them for uh dinner? They can't come, Oh dear, I'm suys,
Speaker 2: So maybe another time. Always be aboud.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't all for dinner, No freaking way for her.
Speaker 2: You know why I would because I love.
Speaker 1: She'd probably cancel.
Speaker 2: That's okay. I love my husband, and if it was
Speaker 2: important to my husband, I would do it. I didn't
Speaker 2: say I would do it. I would say I would invite,
Speaker 2: and then when they say no, thank you, I'd look
Speaker 2: at my husband and say, I love you so much.
Speaker 2: I'm glad we're a family.
Speaker 1: And how about when does sister in law admit it
Speaker 1: that she wasn't getting close to her own purpose?
Speaker 2: Anonymous, they're not nice people. Get over it. You have
Speaker 2: a lovely husband, Get over the fact that your sister
Speaker 2: in law seems to be a selfish bitch. Your mother
Speaker 2: in law seems to be totally invested in her daughter.
Speaker 2: Get over it. So I'm sorry. I don't mean to
Speaker 2: sound hard. I'm giving you the advice Anonymous that I
Speaker 2: wished I had taken my own marriage because my mother
Speaker 2: in law was brutal and my and my father in
Speaker 2: law and it was it really did cause issues for
Speaker 2: my husband and myself and I had a great husband,
Speaker 2: so I do. I always used to say to my husband,
Speaker 2: like did a pity you know? Did you get dropped
Speaker 2: by the stork? Like where did you come from?
Speaker 1: Because you exchange gifts at Christmas? Getter an ugly Christmas Sweatery.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're moving on, we're anonymously.
Speaker 1: I feel your pain. I'm honest to God, and I
Speaker 1: know from Kathy's experience it's not easy. And it's easy
Speaker 1: for us to say, just go about your life, worry
Speaker 1: about you and your husband. But it does sting. We're
Speaker 1: not going to excuse.
Speaker 2: That, right. It does sting, but it's not going to change.
Speaker 2: So don't spend spend your effort making your marriage good,
Speaker 2: making your husband happy, building your relationship. When you guys
Speaker 2: have children, build your family, because ultimately that is what's
Speaker 2: going to matter in your life. And let us know, Anonymous,
Speaker 2: how things go. And by the way, congrats on your wedding. Okay,
Speaker 2: let's move on to question two from another anonymous writer
Speaker 2: and Jesse. Y'all know, don't ever feel like you have
Speaker 2: to put your name in when you send us questions.
Speaker 2: Were going to answer them whether you put your name
Speaker 2: down or not. So good good for you for writing this. Hi, ladies,
Speaker 2: I'm wondering what your take is on couples being together
Speaker 2: for a long time before they get engaged. I've been
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend for three years and we're in our
Speaker 2: mid twenties. We're already getting the quote when you're getting
Speaker 2: engaged questions, and they're getting more and more and more
Speaker 2: frequent from friends and family. My boyfriend and I have
Speaker 2: talked about marriage. We're confident we are each other's endgame.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend is holding off on marriage due to money,
Speaker 2: you know, wedding costs, figuring out where we want to
Speaker 2: settle down, and then buying a house, et cetera. For me,
Speaker 2: not only do I agree with those reasons, I also
Speaker 2: just don't feel ready to get get married. It almost
Speaker 2: feels like I'm too young, even though I'm really not.
Speaker 2: So I know where I stand in my relationship. But
Speaker 2: my question is this Why do people view it as
Speaker 2: such a red flag if you are together for a
Speaker 2: long time before getting married, should I be concerned that
Speaker 2: we don't feel ready yet? I guess I'm just looking
Speaker 2: for an outside perspective to help me feel more confident
Speaker 2: in how I feel. Thanks, ladies, what do you think?
Speaker 1: Literally not? You do it when you're ready. Don't let
Speaker 1: other people influence you one way or the other. I
Speaker 1: think it's just old school. You know, you're together so
Speaker 1: many years, the next thing in line is the engagement,
Speaker 1: and the next thing is the marriage, and then the
Speaker 1: next thing is you have a baby. Not You don't
Speaker 1: have to necessarily follow that rule. You do you? But
Speaker 1: when she says I don't feel ready to get married,
Speaker 1: like it's her age that she said, it's almost like
Speaker 1: I feel too young, even though I'm not. She's good
Speaker 1: in her relationship. But let me ask this, and Kathy,
Speaker 1: I want your opinion. If you're with somebody three years
Speaker 1: and do you not know what is I'm too young
Speaker 1: to get married me?
Speaker 2: Well, they're in their mid twenties and these are all
Speaker 2: judgment calls. I think getting married in your mid twenties
Speaker 2: is about as early, especially in this world in this
Speaker 2: day and time that you want to get married. But
Speaker 2: who am I like, I'm not a judge jury here.
Speaker 2: I mean my daughter dated a guy three years and
Speaker 2: didn't end up marrying. I don't think there's yeah, there's no,
Speaker 2: there's no. I think Anonymous. I think Susan's right. People
Speaker 2: just tend to go with tradition. They tend to go
Speaker 2: with historically people date get married to all those things.
Speaker 2: But I do want to say one thing too, Anonymous.
Speaker 2: Your boyfriend, you said, is holding off on marriage due
Speaker 2: to the wedding costs where you want to settle down
Speaker 2: by a house. Let me just tell you those things
Speaker 2: are fluid in life. You may buy six houses, you
Speaker 2: may move to four different cities. You may decide on
Speaker 2: a huge wedding, you may decide to elope, you may
Speaker 2: decide you're not ready to have children for five years,
Speaker 2: ten years. These are things that change over time. And
Speaker 2: so what I don't hear you saying is that your husband, sorry,
Speaker 2: your boyfriend, is not ready because of the costs and
Speaker 2: those decisions, and you feel like you're too young. So
Speaker 2: what I'm hearing is a good relationship where you two
Speaker 2: enjoy each other. I'm assuming you both work. You know
Speaker 2: where you stand in your relationship and you're comfortable with that,
Speaker 2: and you know what that is a sign of charity.
Speaker 2: You know what you want today. You don't have to
Speaker 2: be looking ten years down the road. But I would
Speaker 2: encourage you and your boyfriend to talk about the fact
Speaker 2: that you know, is the time ever perfect? I assure
Speaker 2: you it's never perfect time to have children. You know,
Speaker 2: the house you buy. A year after you buy it,
Speaker 2: you make it transferred for work, So be a.
Speaker 1: Little more kathy. What about to say, well, let's just
Speaker 1: do us and then when we're twenty nine or thirty,
Speaker 1: we'll revisit the marriage thing. Do we still feel like?
Speaker 1: I mean, what is the wedding? The marriage you commit
Speaker 1: to one another or you're legally binding because of a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and marriage. I don't think they're really
Speaker 1: sure yet. I don't think they're there yet.
Speaker 2: I don't listen, lots of people have children and they're
Speaker 2: not married. Lots of people live together not married, absolutly
Speaker 2: lots of people. Define what works for you, Anonymous, define
Speaker 2: you and your boyfriend define the relationship that works for you,
Speaker 2: and and revel in it, enjoy what you have together
Speaker 2: and don't worry so much about the future, you.
Speaker 1: Know, well, pleas pertay these comments, Kathy, like she's saying,
Speaker 1: why do they always view it as it?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Well, it's when are you going to get married? Just
Speaker 1: say someday, someday ready.
Speaker 2: You know, you know you don't even have to say that,
Speaker 2: say I'm If your friends are married and Anonymous, you
Speaker 2: can say them, I'm so glad you're married and you
Speaker 2: have the life you want. Whatever. Your boyfriend, let's call
Speaker 2: them Johnny. Johnny and I right now are living our
Speaker 2: best lives. We're in this great chapter of our life
Speaker 2: and we're so happy. And you know, life gives us
Speaker 2: all lots of chapters, and we're in this one right
Speaker 2: now and we're having fun and let it go exactly.
Speaker 2: And I'm happy that you found happiness because ultimately, Anonymous,
Speaker 2: finding love and happiness is the most important thing in life.
Speaker 1: It is. And just do you and enjoy this time
Speaker 1: with him?
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, but let us know, Wait, Susan, you're
Speaker 2: losing your touch. I can't believe you didn't make an advertisement.
Speaker 2: If they do decide to get married, that you're a
Speaker 2: wedding Officiacy.
Speaker 1: Well, she's not ready yet.
Speaker 2: Okay, well when you do. If you do, Susan, we'll
Speaker 2: be available. I can appciate and I'll come throw rose pedals.
Speaker 2: All right, we're going to move in to I love this.
Speaker 2: We're going to do another Golden Spotlight, and this one
Speaker 2: is all about technology. Boy, Okay, let's talk. I mean you,
Speaker 2: I don't know about you. I was born with black
Speaker 2: and white television. Let's just start with that. When my
Speaker 2: kids were young. Yeah, I mean when my kids were young,
Speaker 2: we didn't have computers. My first phone was like a suitcase.
Speaker 2: I remember the first computer I got my kids. It
Speaker 2: was a Macintosh Apple. The thing was just huge. Why
Speaker 2: do you think, I mean, I know what I think.
Speaker 2: Why do you think Golden struggles so much with technology.
Speaker 1: Because they're not used to it. They weren't taught it
Speaker 1: in school. When you do it every day it's a
Speaker 1: part of life, then you learn it better. I just
Speaker 1: know with my A, my my chat, she he's like
Speaker 1: my best friend.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, but you know that bothers me that you
Speaker 2: use that. Let me just you you went straight to AI.
Speaker 2: You know. AI has some great uses, but it.
Speaker 1: Does for it keeps me from having the Google research.
Speaker 1: I just asked him if he goes and looks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But see that's lazy, Susan, you're being a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't there's not enough time in the day. Some
Speaker 1: days when you want some information, do you not ask
Speaker 1: Alexa something like Alexa, what's the weather today?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I don't ever ask her what the weather.
Speaker 2: I don't ask Alexa what times? You know? I use
Speaker 2: Alexa tron on my music, and I use Alexa set
Speaker 2: a timer when I'm baking.
Speaker 1: Before I open my eyes and I'm laying in bed.
Speaker 1: I want enough time, and I don't want to look
Speaker 1: at a phone or any lights. So I say, Alexa,
Speaker 1: what time is it?
Speaker 2: Okay? But that's then Chap gbt write me a letter
Speaker 2: to my landlord. So I mean, I just think it's
Speaker 2: well worded.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't understand that because you were in English. I
Speaker 1: mean I get that.
Speaker 2: Oh well, all right, back to the tell technology that
Speaker 2: I think. I think goldens. Uh right. We did grow up.
Speaker 2: I know myself. I challenge myself to try to learn things,
Speaker 2: and sometimes I failed late. And but once someone I
Speaker 2: do want to learn, like I want to learn how
Speaker 2: to do as uh, I'll get somebody teach me how
Speaker 2: to do it, or I'll research it, like I'll do
Speaker 2: a YouTube video. But I think goldens are you know,
Speaker 2: they grew up on freaking rotary phones, and you know
Speaker 2: what the young people are listening is going, what the
Speaker 2: hell is a rotary phone? However, I think I think technology.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you if you heard about this,
Speaker 2: but families today, thank god my children are grown, because
Speaker 2: you know, giving kids smartphones when they're six. I don't
Speaker 2: subscribe to it, but a lot of families are going
Speaker 2: back to landlines and giving their kids, like, you know,
Speaker 2: a phone and a phone number. Yeah, go ahead and
Speaker 2: talk to your friends because they don't want them being
Speaker 2: being uh involved. Also social media, you know, that's that's
Speaker 2: my that's right. And technology is social media. It's a
Speaker 2: I I have found doing videos for me. Uh it's
Speaker 2: not as intuitive, That's what I would say younger kids,
Speaker 2: because they grew up on it. It's intuitive. You know,
Speaker 2: click on this highlight post, click, just clicking pieces and
Speaker 2: and to me, that's not as intuitive. But I get it.
Speaker 2: People say to me, Kathy, how can you write that
Speaker 2: so well? I don't know. It's I've done it so long.
Speaker 2: It's intuitive. It's just what we grew up with. However,
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people our age. My sister
Speaker 2: is one for I mean she just told me yesterday
Speaker 2: her she has an iPhone six and she has to
Speaker 2: get rid of it because it's not being supported anymore.
Speaker 1: I mean she used it updated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she to call people. I mean she. I take
Speaker 2: pride in being twenty nine as I am and learning
Speaker 2: new technology all the time. But I don't think people
Speaker 2: Golden's necessarily want to how many how many people were
Speaker 2: on at before you and I went on the show
Speaker 2: because of my job that.
Speaker 1: I hadn't understand Instagram?
Speaker 2: I know, okay, I was on Instagram. I was one
Speaker 2: of the first. Uh, I had it when it used
Speaker 2: to be and Twitter now my space x when it
Speaker 2: was one hundred and forty characters, like from the beginning
Speaker 2: of time. But you have to want I think you
Speaker 2: have to have a curious mind.
Speaker 1: It does it hard to learn? Yeah? Yeah? And I
Speaker 1: stand it. Yeah, And I think that, Well, do you
Speaker 1: remember your my grandmother, I'm sure yours when we had
Speaker 1: cell phones or a computer and she's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what is the world coming to?
Speaker 2: Like what does that do?
Speaker 1: They had encyclopedias that we look up things. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, today, I will say I love for
Speaker 2: me all being able to research things online and so
Speaker 2: go down rabbit, you know, type in something on my
Speaker 2: computer and and you can be like you said, type
Speaker 2: that's right there, typewriter. Yeah, but I'm saying I love that.
Speaker 2: I love learning new technology. I'm not as good as
Speaker 2: I would like to be, but I actually like it.
Speaker 2: I will tell you I don't think this affects Golden's
Speaker 2: as much, but it's my PSA for the day. My
Speaker 2: biggest problem with social media, and it just gets more
Speaker 2: with with TikTok and all the different social media platforms.
Speaker 2: Young people today do not They first of all, spend
Speaker 2: too much time in technology. They're just glued to their phones.
Speaker 2: But they also think that everything they see on well
Speaker 2: that it's that it's everyone's complete life. And I always say,
Speaker 2: back when I was an educational consultant, the world that
Speaker 2: we see that people post on Instagram, on TikTok, on
Speaker 2: any social media is the lives they want. It's the
Speaker 2: lives they want to portray that they're living that kind
Speaker 2: of life twenty four to seven, and they're not. And
Speaker 2: so I think that is a problem, which it.
Speaker 1: Is part of the new age, if you will. Because
Speaker 1: me being in hairdressing and I used to give out
Speaker 1: a free makeover, color cut, a whole new look makeup,
Speaker 1: and that would sell me. People would say, who did.
Speaker 2: Now you could just do it, you could just google
Speaker 2: it how to do it.
Speaker 1: Well, no, because now you have to advertise for yourself,
Speaker 1: your bolliage. You got to take pictures of every client.
Speaker 1: I worked on a thirty minute book. And then when
Speaker 1: you're taking pictures, unless you hire a photographer to come
Speaker 1: into salon with you, you have to sell yourself out there
Speaker 1: on social media for hair just because.
Speaker 2: But see, in some ways, I think that's great. It's
Speaker 2: I mean, there's two sides of it. The good side
Speaker 2: of the coin is the tech boom has made its connection.
Speaker 2: It's made connection to careers, to jobs, to people to
Speaker 2: opportunities so much more prevalent. And that's fabulous. I love
Speaker 2: that part of it. I don't like the part that
Speaker 2: people spend too much time, including Golden's, on technology and
Speaker 2: not development.
Speaker 1: We take so much time sometimes because it takes us
Speaker 1: a long time to figure it out.
Speaker 2: Kauz, Yeah, well, yeah, I'm better than most. I actually though,
Speaker 2: could you give up your phone? Could you give up
Speaker 2: no physiastic chat GBT to write our next letter for
Speaker 2: I'm going to get you off that.
Speaker 1: I love that, I love it all right. We can
Speaker 1: just talk about this for hours, you know that, right always?
Speaker 1: And that was fun And I wanted to thank all
Speaker 1: of our listeners for joining us today. We really enjoy
Speaker 1: talking with you, sharing our ideas with you, and love
Speaker 1: when you tell us things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we we really enjoyed. Be sure to follow us
Speaker 2: Batchelor Happy Hour. We have new episodes coming out every week.
Speaker 2: You don't want to miss even one.
Speaker 1: Not at well, and make sure you submit your questions
Speaker 1: to us, and you remember how to do that. Go
Speaker 1: to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or dm us
Speaker 1: on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 2: Yeah, please do that. Take a minute to use your
Speaker 2: technology to reach out to us. That's what we want.
Speaker 2: But in the meantime, listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden
Speaker 2: Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to
Speaker 2: your podcasts. Until next time, have a great week.
Speaker 1: Thank you,