Speaker 1: But I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
Speaker 2: But you're a guest to my home.
Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guests,
Speaker 1: your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So how did you dare to surbey me?
Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineker. We're
Speaker 3: in the backyard. I'm here, you're here on a Lisa's here,
Speaker 3: the guest is here. There may be someone in the bushes. Unfortunately,
Speaker 3: the other night I did have a prowler. I've had
Speaker 3: just gotten home from the gym. I was looking and
Speaker 3: feeling my most insane. It was late dusk, very little
Speaker 3: light out, beautiful purples in the sky. I had to
Speaker 3: take the garbage cans out to the street. So as
Speaker 3: I was taking the cans out, in the corner of
Speaker 3: my eye, I saw a blur move into the driveway
Speaker 3: next door. I thought, that's not how Dan or Kim
Speaker 3: usually move. But I kept doing the garbage cans, wrapped
Speaker 3: up the garbage can business and thought I would just
Speaker 3: go take a look. Went and looked up their driveway.
Speaker 3: Nothing there. So I got everything out of my car.
Speaker 3: I locked the car, went ahead into the house and
Speaker 3: as I was walking up the stairs, I looked down
Speaker 3: to my left and they're crouching was a prowler. We
Speaker 3: made direct eye contact. My heart pounding, I fled into
Speaker 3: the house, locked the doors, called nine one one. They
Speaker 3: put me on the non emergency line, which is essentially
Speaker 3: fifteen minutes of waiting on hold for someone to tell
Speaker 3: you good luck. Ah. But while I was doing that,
Speaker 3: I was texting my other neighbor. He decided to take
Speaker 3: things into his own hands. He went to investigate and
Speaker 3: the prowler was gone. He had vanished. We went and
Speaker 3: looked in the backyard. We looked all over the place.
Speaker 3: We had a flashlight. He was gone, but I'm not
Speaker 3: ruling anything out. He could still be here. And if
Speaker 3: that's the case, Prowler. Welcome to the podcast. Ah, we
Speaker 3: should get into it. I love today's guest. It's stillce Saloon. Hello.
Speaker 2: We're talking about a cat, right.
Speaker 3: We're talking about a full grown man, human man, human man.
Speaker 2: Lord of buff Oh. No, you gotta get a stick.
Speaker 3: I've got to get something, maybe a taser.
Speaker 2: No, I think I'm saying in the Southern rap colloquialism
Speaker 2: of a stick being a weapon, like I've never heard
Speaker 2: stick his weapon. Yeah, we meant a gun. That's what
Speaker 2: we mean by a stick, a large pat.
Speaker 3: I should not be trusted with a gun.
Speaker 2: Oh, there's training, you can get it. Listen. There's something
Speaker 2: about just being like, hey, listen, you might want to prowl,
Speaker 2: but you might want to back up. But also you know,
Speaker 2: I come from a state where is legal if somebody's
Speaker 2: on your property a long as you don't shoot him
Speaker 2: in a back and Gucca man still got away with.
Speaker 2: So everybody get off my lawn. Get off my lawn.
Speaker 3: If I went to shoot a prowl or I would
Speaker 3: absolutely trip and shoot myself.
Speaker 2: Well, then that's why you got to get an air rifle.
Speaker 3: What's an air rifle?
Speaker 2: So basically it's like a BB gun.
Speaker 3: Oh so it's more like for scaring away. Yes, it's
Speaker 3: like it probably hurts stings, but it's lethal.
Speaker 2: I mean listen, as someone who had a boy in
Speaker 2: my neighborhood had a BB in his hand. O, Hi man, listen,
Speaker 2: cousins or cousins, you.
Speaker 3: Know what I mean. So yeah, I can get embedded.
Speaker 2: I mean, he's just perfectly fine. They're not made of lead.
Speaker 3: He'll be all right, so this bbie is permanently just
Speaker 3: stuck in this guy's hand. Yeah, interesting, he's fine.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, listen, unsupervised on supervised after school.
Speaker 2: So which is how I lost my virginity? I don't
Speaker 2: know the rest of y'all.
Speaker 3: But from a rifle, an air rifle, not.
Speaker 2: Him, from another neighbor. But yeah, ut nize air rifle. Okay,
Speaker 2: a bb like a daisy BB gun. I mean they
Speaker 2: said they'll shoot your eye out, so they take out
Speaker 2: the prowler.
Speaker 4: My brothers had BB guns and my brother did not.
Speaker 4: Oh interesting, well his glasses were too heavy.
Speaker 3: I was never interested in a BB gun, so I'm
Speaker 3: not trained. But an air rifle maybe maybe that's the
Speaker 3: way to go.
Speaker 2: She's cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a fun little I look legit. If there's
Speaker 3: a raccoon, oh, I don't shoot.
Speaker 2: Raccoons are nice, the little in the night away, Oh
Speaker 2: you would listen. Raccoons don't care about nobody. I don't
Speaker 2: know how you care.
Speaker 3: Even an air rifle, it's not gonna you have a fun.
Speaker 3: Imagine you shoot it with the air rifle and it's
Speaker 3: still coming at you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, raccoons, you gotta have real rappens. Baby, they
Speaker 2: don't care about nobody or nothing. But yeah, like, uh
Speaker 2: a raccoons. You just need like loud noises for raccoons.
Speaker 2: But the problems you just sturb our neighbors with loud
Speaker 2: noises of course, so you just have to like lock
Speaker 2: your trash cans. That's really what you have to do
Speaker 2: with a raccoon.
Speaker 3: But how do Yeah, I guess I could get some
Speaker 3: lat but then it's like I have to unlock the
Speaker 3: trash can every time I want to put the garbage
Speaker 3: in it, exactly.
Speaker 2: But these little carbage cans of the little pails ain't
Speaker 2: really I mean, they do have hands, but the lids
Speaker 2: are so heavy, right, But as an adult human, I'm like, so,
Speaker 2: there's no way a raccoon in his homeboy is getting
Speaker 2: that lid.
Speaker 3: Over whole family getting over there to help.
Speaker 2: Hey, circus stricks, the circus stricks.
Speaker 3: Baby, do you have any wildlife in your yard? Uh?
Speaker 2: Well, there's my mother's dog, okay, and then there's a
Speaker 2: few squirrels. So there's an avocado tree in my backyard.
Speaker 2: Oh so jealous, I'm allergic.
Speaker 3: So okay, well you know where to turn right.
Speaker 2: But the problem is is that the squirrels will take
Speaker 2: while they're growing on the tree, the squirrels will take
Speaker 2: like a bite or two out of the avocado, so
Speaker 2: by the time it gets to the ground, it's already
Speaker 2: been into and you're like, but they never eat the
Speaker 2: whole thing, So did you just forget because everyone that
Speaker 2: falls has a bite taken out of it, You disrespectful
Speaker 2: ass squirrels. Wasteful, wasteful, somebody could because like my mom
Speaker 2: when she texted me one day, she's like, I got
Speaker 2: one that the squirrels didn't get, and then she made
Speaker 2: like a fun little like sofa. So we're now trying
Speaker 2: to figure out how to get the squirrels to not
Speaker 2: bite because there's always two bites at the time.
Speaker 3: Take the whole thing home, Take the whole thing home,
Speaker 3: wrap it up.
Speaker 2: They're gonna puttle boxes on these damn avocados in this tree.
Speaker 2: They but it's always two individual bites, and they're like, hmmm, no,
Speaker 2: it's like this new squirrel's coming in or the same
Speaker 2: girl squad.
Speaker 3: Do I know? And it's like, bro, how long you
Speaker 3: been in this tree?
Speaker 2: We do this every year.
Speaker 3: And then they're just kind of disgusting looking. Yeah, So
Speaker 3: then they just fall to the ground.
Speaker 2: And then it's like, but then you have to make
Speaker 2: sure that you get him up or clean them up
Speaker 2: or put him somewhere, because and then the dog candy,
Speaker 2: it's all right?
Speaker 3: Is the dog getting into him?
Speaker 2: I don't think so, I don't know what he's Listen,
Speaker 2: he's got a rope that he whips around like a
Speaker 2: drag queen. So because it's like the way he flails
Speaker 2: his head as always every time I see him. I
Speaker 2: started doing that Hurricane Katrina songs got his wig flying,
Speaker 2: this wig flying. I mean, he's really sinking for his
Speaker 2: life every time as a rope in his mouth. Also,
Speaker 2: he does it because I guess it's how like they
Speaker 2: kill things.
Speaker 3: All right, It's like.
Speaker 2: It's it's like they shake. It's like how like alligator
Speaker 2: is always like attacked to one side.
Speaker 3: Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 2: If so, because I'm from the South and originally from Miami.
Speaker 2: If an alligator is chasing you, you zigzag, oh, which
Speaker 2: is wild. You zigzag because when they go to attack,
Speaker 2: they always go to one side. So if you're coming
Speaker 2: back to it's very interesting. It's very silly. I know,
Speaker 2: silly things just look.
Speaker 3: Like a total dork being chased by an alligator.
Speaker 2: Hey, man, listen. But if you're ever in that situation,
Speaker 2: I think it's I don't know if you have the
Speaker 2: time to think about the strategy.
Speaker 3: I want to look cool being chased by an healthy man.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get out this Florida subdivision. It's really
Speaker 2: what I'm trying to do, because I'll like, yeah, they've
Speaker 2: snatched dogs all kinds of shit, but yeah, not too
Speaker 2: many interactions with wildlife other than the civil rights dog
Speaker 2: that my mother has in the house.
Speaker 3: And what's the dog's name.
Speaker 2: The dog's name is Ace King two.
Speaker 3: Oh. I like that.
Speaker 2: My uncle passed and we got his dog, and he
Speaker 2: is named after King, who was my uncle's first German shepherd. Okay,
Speaker 2: and then that dog passest you got another dog called King,
Speaker 2: called him King two. And then when my mom my
Speaker 2: brother got the dog, they started calling him. My brother
Speaker 2: started calling him aceh.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: So his full Christian name is Ace King two, so regal, yes.
Speaker 2: And then my cat's name is Queen Esther.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you've got royalty all over the house,
Speaker 3: all over.
Speaker 2: The house, just out here just being just part of
Speaker 2: the Lendon Gentrick Regency.
Speaker 3: Growing up, did you ever see alligators in person?
Speaker 2: Well about a record a wrestler alligator at the Mikasuki Reservation.
Speaker 3: Oh wow.
Speaker 2: So my mom took us down because it was like
Speaker 2: near I think it's not like West Palm or something.
Speaker 2: So it's like in the sawgrass mills probably, and so
Speaker 2: it's out like in the Everglades. And so it was
Speaker 2: the Nikasuki in the univers V called it at the time.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, we got to see a man uh
Speaker 2: wrestling alligator. You know, you flip them on their back
Speaker 2: to kind of go to sleep, you rub the belly
Speaker 2: and all of that. And then I had alligator for
Speaker 2: the first time. It's like somebody, it's like the texture
Speaker 2: of chicken with the taste of fish.
Speaker 3: It's very weird, not into that idea. It was hot.
Speaker 3: And then that frog legs for the first time, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm good, what does a frog leg taste like?
Speaker 2: A lot? Listen, A lot of things taste like chicken, right,
Speaker 2: because I don't think we eat a lot of animals,
Speaker 2: but frog legs, I think. I was just like, I
Speaker 2: just I'm chewing and I don't know why people eat
Speaker 2: them the way that they eat them. Also, it looks
Speaker 2: too much like a leg, right, like a human leg,
Speaker 2: So she's like a tiny human legg. There's like a
Speaker 2: chicken leg is a chicken leg?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were used to a chicken leg. We're all
Speaker 3: conditioned to know what a chicken leg looks like.
Speaker 2: Right, But a frog leg has a knee in it.
Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I don't want to see joints. Ah no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: no good eating meat is you know, you can't think
Speaker 3: about it too much, and a frog gives you all
Speaker 3: sorts of things to think about it too much.
Speaker 2: Anatomy one of my friends, we took her down to
Speaker 2: Ocean City for a batchlrad party because she was refusing
Speaker 2: to have one, so we made her do this and
Speaker 2: we went to Since it's Maryland and crabs are a
Speaker 2: big yellar Maryland, we went and got crabs and she
Speaker 2: was just like, I'm gonna get chicken fingers. I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna punch you, and she was like why, she said,
Speaker 2: because eating crash. She's like, it's a body, right, right,
Speaker 2: And I never thought of.
Speaker 3: It that way.
Speaker 2: And I'm just cracking these legs, Like what do you
Speaker 2: mean I don't know what you're talking about again.
Speaker 3: Knees, but I think this speaks to how delicious crab
Speaker 3: is that we're able to overlook all of that. We're
Speaker 3: eating a giant spider's body.
Speaker 2: Listen, it truly is. It is truly if you think
Speaker 2: about it, a spider of the sea, and they are delicious.
Speaker 3: So frogs just must not taste that good because we're
Speaker 3: not willing to. They have not reached that level of popularity.
Speaker 2: I mean, because they're everywhere, but there's just a lot involved. Also,
Speaker 2: they're so little. It's like you can crawfish like, there's
Speaker 2: just so tiny to put so much work into.
Speaker 3: It, right, not worth my time.
Speaker 2: I'm not here. I mean, crawfish is good, but it's
Speaker 2: like I would rather just have someone else take it
Speaker 2: out for me.
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly exactly where did you have the frog leg
Speaker 3: same place? The same place, So it was like the
Speaker 3: same deal where.
Speaker 2: It was just like here's alligator, here's frog legs. And
Speaker 2: my grandma was really on board for both. It was
Speaker 2: like all right, let's go.
Speaker 3: And then, uh, turtle soup. Have you hearn about turtle soup?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the real Bahamian thing because it will be
Speaker 2: in from Miami. It's like my mom I always talk
Speaker 2: about turtle soup and I'm like, I'm out that.
Speaker 3: It. Listen, you have to eat which you have around.
Speaker 3: Like you ever seen a sea cucumber. I have seen
Speaker 3: a c cucumber. I've never consumed.
Speaker 2: I don't want to. I've seen like you know, like
Speaker 2: the with the sushi, like the inside of the sea urchins.
Speaker 2: Like we've caught sea urchins. My aunt caught one when
Speaker 2: we were down in Marco Island and it's just you know,
Speaker 2: it's spines everywhere and eventually but they're still like a
Speaker 2: live animal in it, right, And so I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm out. I can't. I'm out. I'm all right, I
Speaker 2: don't have it because after then then my aunt caught
Speaker 2: it and then she's like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna bleach
Speaker 2: it because like people like when they see like sand
Speaker 2: dollars and stuff like that, you have to bleach those
Speaker 2: things with like clorox. Yes, like there are you son,
Speaker 2: bleach them?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: Sure, said them outside you because you have to clean it.
Speaker 2: But also it's a living thing.
Speaker 3: It's like a slimy, wet, crazy sand.
Speaker 2: Dollars aren't they remind you of like the lowest grit
Speaker 2: sand paper because there was this way. We went to
Speaker 2: Hilton Head one time and there was a boy catching
Speaker 2: them for me because it was some quilt white boy flirting,
Speaker 2: and so he kept diving down and he kept catching
Speaker 2: these little like sand dollars and they're like I'd never
Speaker 2: seen one that was a lot and so they're brown
Speaker 2: and they have like a very it's like almost like
Speaker 2: a rough vlure kind of fields like this, but they're
Speaker 2: they're very much alive. And then he caught a hermit crab,
Speaker 2: and those are fucking horrifying. You can't even eat a
Speaker 2: hermit crab, so they very much useless.
Speaker 3: It doesn't serve much of a purpose other than taking
Speaker 3: over different objects to live in.
Speaker 2: That's not a hermit crab's about not a herber crab.
Speaker 2: It's a horseshoe crabs.
Speaker 3: No, that's a very scary it's.
Speaker 2: People that came up part of the tail, and I
Speaker 2: was like put him back. Also, I found out that
Speaker 2: it is the least evolved animal on the planet.
Speaker 3: That makes perfect sense. That thing has been here before Earth. Yes,
Speaker 3: it came from It.
Speaker 2: Was like in the beginning there was light in horseshoe
Speaker 2: crabs and they're not there's not enough meat on them
Speaker 2: to eat them. I don't know what they're here for.
Speaker 2: They eat something, they do something.
Speaker 3: Are they the things that they use their blood for
Speaker 3: medical purposes?
Speaker 2: I think at one point they did.
Speaker 3: It's like this rare thing that the blood does on
Speaker 3: about this, But I'm just like, I didn't know that
Speaker 3: crabs had blood, right, it doesn't seem like something when
Speaker 3: you open up the bix.
Speaker 2: So, I don't know what other people call it, but
Speaker 2: in the body of like a crab, the guts on
Speaker 2: the inside, what I was growing up, they called it
Speaker 2: the dead man.
Speaker 3: Okay, And so you weren't supposed to eat that? Oh? Interesting?
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it looks like there is a protein in
Speaker 5: their blood that's used by pharmaceutical and medical device manufacturers
Speaker 5: to test their products for the presence of endotoks and
Speaker 5: spacterial substances that can cause fevers and be fatal to humans.
Speaker 2: Wow the fuck figured?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Who decided that was the thing they were going to
Speaker 3: experiment on, was like.
Speaker 2: All right, we need some blood, but we can't use people.
Speaker 3: We can use people.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, we're not gonna use people. What
Speaker 2: do we not use, and what animal do we not
Speaker 2: care about? Horsey crabs? Try them.
Speaker 3: It probably started on a podcast they were talking about
Speaker 3: how worthless horseshoe crabs are. We've got to make use
Speaker 3: of this thing.
Speaker 2: Well, that's why, like when you go to like one
Speaker 2: of those herbal shops, like you've ever been like a
Speaker 2: Chinese hyeah.
Speaker 3: Of course.
Speaker 2: My thing is always who the fuck figured this out?
Speaker 2: Why are you got? What's what's going on? I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I didn't even realize I was making a face.
Speaker 5: I guess they were like a part of creating the
Speaker 5: COVID nineteen vaccine.
Speaker 3: Like that, this blood is bright blue.
Speaker 2: This is insane.
Speaker 3: Sorr. Wow, that looks like ghack right, Oh, I haven't
Speaker 3: a gacket ear?
Speaker 2: How do they get blood out? It's like I haven't
Speaker 2: seen blood in I mean plenty of seafood.
Speaker 5: Well it says if you ever have had a vaccine,
Speaker 5: chances are that it was tested for safety using horseshoe
Speaker 5: crab blood.
Speaker 2: So I guess not even mammals.
Speaker 3: It's that blue blood. It's magic.
Speaker 2: I think somebody just saw something on a beach and
Speaker 2: was like, whoo, what can I do with this? Is
Speaker 2: that blue blood? Creative, marry this blue blood, like we
Speaker 2: just gotta figure what blooo just a bitter in a second.
Speaker 2: So a scientist just having a walk on the beach.
Speaker 3: Everything about it's so alien.
Speaker 2: Well, I think at one point if someone was there
Speaker 2: was one vaccine they had like egg whites in it.
Speaker 3: Oh and they use it as a tale.
Speaker 2: Right, so I guess it's suspended. So people are like,
Speaker 2: well that's why it's they think they were trying to
Speaker 2: tell us that, like some vaccines weren't vegan, and I
Speaker 2: was like, what the fuck are we talking about?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: There's also living, there's like dead. It's like some vaccines
Speaker 2: are based off like a dead virus or like synthesized,
Speaker 2: so there was living material in it. So every vaccine
Speaker 2: would not be vegan, right because they're all based off
Speaker 2: of a living material or the protein synthesized from a
Speaker 2: living virus.
Speaker 3: That just sounds like someone's horrible excuse not to get
Speaker 3: a vaccine. Yes, the ways people will go to avoid
Speaker 3: getting a vaccine, well, it's.
Speaker 2: Like it's like, well I don't like shots, and it's
Speaker 2: like it sounds like you don't even mean a lot.
Speaker 2: Because I got friends who felt like that the small
Speaker 2: part like the shot you get from the gun, like
Speaker 2: a person like the gun. So it's like if you
Speaker 2: have like a if you ever have a parent or
Speaker 2: like a grandparent of a certain age, or if you
Speaker 2: have friends who were like born in another country, they'll
Speaker 2: have like this scar on their arm. And basically there's
Speaker 2: this gun that has like six meals in it that
Speaker 2: they give you for like smallpox.
Speaker 1: Whoa.
Speaker 2: So if you know so, because like I saw this
Speaker 2: meme on like Instagram one time. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I was born in America and then the next picture
Speaker 2: is that scar from the sixth thing from the sixth
Speaker 2: gun vaccine gun. Yeah, So like if you know anyone
Speaker 2: who's born overseas, a lot of them will have because
Speaker 2: like all home worlds have it because it's just like
Speaker 2: because they're all born because they were born in Mexico.
Speaker 2: So it was like a bunch of my friends and
Speaker 2: so it's like a big scar on their arm because
Speaker 2: they're like, well, you're not gonna get it today.
Speaker 3: Interesting and so like I have to do that. Here
Speaker 3: is it? Because if they do when we're babies.
Speaker 2: I think it's not as prevalent because like everyone got
Speaker 2: their COVID booster. There's another COVID booster. I'm not getting that.
Speaker 3: You're not getting another booster.
Speaker 2: Now, why everybody's fine? We're fine and fine. I took
Speaker 2: my booster. I'm good girl.
Speaker 3: How many boosters have you had just the one that
Speaker 3: I was supposed to get, I've had three.
Speaker 2: All of this just seems that's recreational. Friend.
Speaker 3: Look, I don't have much to do with my days.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, I'm okay.
Speaker 3: Did you hear about that guy in Germany that had
Speaker 3: like four hundred boosters?
Speaker 2: How they let him come in in often?
Speaker 3: I guess he's a smooth talker or something very charming.
Speaker 2: Or he went to every COVID vaccine site in the
Speaker 2: country of Germany.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's he went on a road trip.
Speaker 2: Well, because their country is not as big as you
Speaker 2: think it is.
Speaker 3: I wonder how big Germany is compared to like smaller
Speaker 3: than Texas, smaller than Texas.
Speaker 2: Interesting, anything smaller than Texas, you can hit it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you could get to every CVS in Germany.
Speaker 2: Yes, something like you're out Alaska.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would love to like tour the German countryside
Speaker 3: getting vaccines, just getting boost there.
Speaker 2: They've shown us that they don't fuck us at all.
Speaker 2: I'm good. No Americans are black people, no matter how
Speaker 2: many military bases are out there, I'm good. You just
Speaker 2: have to realize that this American black person has a
Speaker 2: lot of places that I'm not going.
Speaker 3: I do not blame you do travel much.
Speaker 2: Draw out for work, but it's like it comes to
Speaker 2: leaving the country, like I've been to Scotland, and I've
Speaker 2: been to England, okay, and I've been to Australia and
Speaker 2: I've been to Canada for work. Mainly because I go
Speaker 2: to places where white people speak English. Where people speak
Speaker 2: English told you stand up, and then like on vacation,
Speaker 2: I've been in like Mexico, in tux and Kico's they
Speaker 2: speak English, and the Bahamas they speak English. So I'm
Speaker 2: really trying to go because I speak English and Spanish,
Speaker 2: so I'm truly trying to go places where I'm just
Speaker 2: like I can communicate. But I do want to go
Speaker 2: to South Korea. But you have to understand as a
Speaker 2: black person, you gotta go. Okay, And I'm a woman too,
Speaker 2: so it's like there's a little like travel guys, where
Speaker 2: you were just like places that I felt safe as
Speaker 2: a black woman, and here's the place I didn't feel
Speaker 2: safe as a black woman because there's just certain places
Speaker 2: where like they're like, women do not go by yourself,
Speaker 2: right right, Black people do not go to this place.
Speaker 2: Black women do not go to this place. So there's
Speaker 2: a lot of times there's just like but there's always
Speaker 2: like there's also like lgbt qya sites are just like
Speaker 2: you cannot go here.
Speaker 3: You want to Moscow.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not trying to go to cold white people.
Speaker 2: That sounds crazy.
Speaker 3: That is truly the worst. Vacation.
Speaker 2: Vacation and cold do not make sense. So I do
Speaker 2: not o blow those things. I do not in tiendo.
Speaker 2: I do not know vacation and cold. I'm a good person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just throwing money into a fire.
Speaker 2: Now. I would never see the northern lights because you
Speaker 2: know when it happens in the winter time. I watch
Speaker 2: a video all day, but staying in ten toes down
Speaker 2: looking up, nah do all these colts? I got to
Speaker 2: have one. Mmm, I'm a good person.
Speaker 3: I ain't doing this, that is, I mean, that is
Speaker 3: a huge problem for me because I would love to
Speaker 3: see them in person, but there's just no way I'm
Speaker 3: going to in the worst weather possible in a cold country. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I just can't do.
Speaker 2: You can see them in Alaska, and it's also has
Speaker 2: to be. I went to Alaska, but I went in April, okay,
Speaker 2: so it was like sixty five degrees.
Speaker 3: It's nice. Yeah, that's the only time I would go.
Speaker 3: Like what was the daylight cycle?
Speaker 2: It was spring, so there was a legitimate day and
Speaker 2: a legitimate nighttime.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: But what was nuts is that I've never heard quiet
Speaker 2: like the quiet I heard in Alaska because there was
Speaker 2: there was not noil cricket, there was no there was
Speaker 2: no bug sounds. There were no bird sounds because it
Speaker 2: was like still nighttime, so the birds was sleep. I
Speaker 2: guess the bugs is also sleep. And I was just
Speaker 2: standing outside, like I can hear the wind like it
Speaker 2: was like not even going future. You just hear air,
Speaker 2: and it just sounded like there was no like you've
Speaker 2: ever been like enough studio with a really high ceiling, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: or like just somewhere with the lace tickets, just feel
Speaker 2: like all the air is going out. That's what it
Speaker 2: felt like. I said, there's no roof on this even
Speaker 2: though like even when you're outside, you're like, I know, there's.
Speaker 3: No limit to where I'm at.
Speaker 2: And then there was when I was in Alaska, I
Speaker 2: was like, there's no atmosphere like I am it. I
Speaker 2: felt like I was in space. I truly was like, yo,
Speaker 2: there's nothing giving me down here. Gravity might turn off
Speaker 2: for thirty five seconds like I was. It was sir real. Also,
Speaker 2: the best Domino's pizza ever had.
Speaker 3: My lige, oh what are they doing at Dominoes in Alaska?
Speaker 2: Putting every topic on that bitch twice I got a supreme.
Speaker 2: I saw two layers of pizza. I'm like, bro, I
Speaker 2: gotta eat as much as this is. Like it's like
Speaker 2: pay yourself, baby girl, because like it's like they made
Speaker 2: the pizza and they're just like, yo, man, we still
Speaker 2: got a bunch more topins and hear anybody ordered a
Speaker 2: lot today, take it all, throw another layer on top
Speaker 2: of it. I was like, God, bless these teenagers or
Speaker 2: full grown adults.
Speaker 3: You're the first person we've seen in months.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you for your order a dog. Here's two
Speaker 2: layers of pizza. And I was like, can I get
Speaker 2: Uber Eats in Alaska? Yes? You can? And that's how
Speaker 2: I got it. Wow is the pizza place? I think
Speaker 2: I ordered it on my phone. Yep, Wow twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: I was like April twenty eighteen. I was in Juno,
Speaker 2: Alaska to one shows. And what was so interesting is
Speaker 2: what was very funny is that the Walmart closed there
Speaker 2: because the people in the town were stealing so much
Speaker 2: that Walmart shut their own store down.
Speaker 3: That is a success story I've ever heard one.
Speaker 2: Listen, because there was nobody was stopping. The cashiers weren't helping,
Speaker 2: nobody was helping.
Speaker 3: See my dream shopping trip.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's like everyone was like, yo, we are
Speaker 2: getting this work. When Walmart came and went, you know
Speaker 2: what we can't do with y'all No Moore, they locked
Speaker 2: up as much deodorant as they could and just like, nah, dog,
Speaker 2: they're stealing bikes. Bro, I gotta close these doors.
Speaker 3: I love to hear it.
Speaker 2: We got to close these doors. Jack Walmart Corporate came
Speaker 2: down and was like, believe me, it's not us, it's you.
Speaker 3: Well, look there's something else we'd need to talk about.
Speaker 3: I was really excited to have you here on the
Speaker 3: podcast today. I thought, it'll say so wonderful, she's so funny,
Speaker 3: We're gonna have a great time.
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 3: So it was a little surprised. The podcast is called
Speaker 3: I said no Gifts, and I was a little surprised
Speaker 3: when I met you here in the backyard and you
Speaker 3: were holding what, from where I'm sitting is clearly a gift, Yes,
Speaker 3: says it's this beautiful pink bag that says celebrate on it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: do you have anything to say for yourself or you're
Speaker 3: just going to own it.
Speaker 2: As a Southerner, I am taught to not come anywhere
Speaker 2: with my hands empty, So you cannot come to someone's
Speaker 2: home for the first time with nothing. And so I
Speaker 2: know you said no gifts, but I have to follow
Speaker 2: my fine Southern tradition. And just because I was raised right,
Speaker 2: you don't kind about it. You don't come to anybody's
Speaker 2: else with your hands empty. So yes, I apologize for
Speaker 2: the inconvenience, but I did bring you a gift.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I appreciate the apology. And you know, Southerners
Speaker 3: are always hiding behind these manners, and I'm gonna let it.
Speaker 3: This is the last time on this podcast.
Speaker 2: You're I mean, I can't be the first one to
Speaker 2: say it.
Speaker 3: You're not. We've got other Southerners and look, this is
Speaker 3: the final time we're using that excuse. South find another excuse.
Speaker 2: I mean, listen than the fact that our mama was
Speaker 2: raised is right? Or you know I couldn't come nowhere
Speaker 2: in my hands. Listen, it's not us. It's the genteel lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Because when I got here, the first thing you did
Speaker 2: was what offer me a beverage?
Speaker 3: I frequently forget that. I feel awful the entire podcast.
Speaker 3: That's all I'm thinking about. And uh, you know that's
Speaker 3: my failure on my part.
Speaker 2: When someone comes to your home, you offer them a drink.
Speaker 3: You've got to offer a drink.
Speaker 2: Yes, same concept. When someone comes to your home, you
Speaker 2: offer them a drink. When you come to someone's home,
Speaker 2: you offer them a gift.
Speaker 3: Well, should I open it here on the podcast? Okay,
Speaker 3: let's dip in here. M okay, I'm pulling out. Oh
Speaker 3: it's a very cute, very Oh the bag is so big.
Speaker 3: It's a very cute little bracelet that says it says
Speaker 3: no gifts on it. Yeah, did you make this?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: This is adorable?
Speaker 2: Thank you. I mean my friend of bracelet the other
Speaker 2: day that said, chicken.
Speaker 3: How long have you been making bracelets? I've been making
Speaker 3: Joey since I was a kid and I had I
Speaker 3: used to have.
Speaker 2: A jewelry business. Really yeah, I used to do custom
Speaker 2: gifts and jewelry. I still make cousin things for people,
Speaker 2: but I ligally had like a jewelry business, and I
Speaker 2: would do like scavenger hunts and crafts, the kids birthday
Speaker 2: parties literally just one whole family and all three of
Speaker 2: their children and their cousin. But yeah, I've been making
Speaker 2: stuff for people for years.
Speaker 3: And are you self taught? I mean this is uh
Speaker 3: probably like your easiest piece to.
Speaker 2: Make, literally five minutes to make. But it's what I
Speaker 2: do is like what I used to do for Valentine's
Speaker 2: Day because my momoul always give us, like me and
Speaker 2: my brother Valentine's Day presence, which is like a tradition.
Speaker 2: Like she started doing it when I was like maybe
Speaker 2: like a teenager, and so every year we get each
Speaker 2: other's over Valentine's Day. And so as I came an adult,
Speaker 2: I started doing that for like my friends and I
Speaker 2: worked in offices. I would get like the little kids
Speaker 2: Valentine's and give them out to people.
Speaker 3: Oh that's sweet. And when I.
Speaker 2: Started doing stand up, I'm like bringing the shows and
Speaker 2: there was like one comic one time. I was just like,
Speaker 2: he's aid Dulce for the last five years, You're the
Speaker 2: only person I've gotten a Valentine for all And so
Speaker 2: I remember last year I was like, well, what if
Speaker 2: I just made a bunch of bracelets? And so I
Speaker 2: was still living in New York and I remember one
Speaker 2: of the comics he was like, Valentine's Day is so stupid,
Speaker 2: it's so commercial by and he went on and on
Speaker 2: and on. I was like okay. And then the next
Speaker 2: day Valentine's Day on a cute lit outfit and I
Speaker 2: was like, I made you a bracelet. He was like really,
Speaker 2: oh my god.
Speaker 3: I think it was to say and.
Speaker 2: Is that like orgasm or something stupid on it? And
Speaker 2: then like an hour later, because we was another comic
Speaker 2: where it shows and his girlfriend comes up and goes,
Speaker 2: can you give me another bracelet? I was joking around
Speaker 2: with him and like over extended it, and he's really said,
Speaker 2: can you get I was like, yes, I can give
Speaker 2: you another bracelet the one the day before that made
Speaker 2: a fifteen minute just standing on his soap box Grand
Speaker 2: Solo Liquid And now he's like, but you stredged my
Speaker 2: bracelet and that guy's said another comic. I made him
Speaker 2: my bracelet and said daddy because that was my favorite
Speaker 2: thing to call him, because I would call him daddy
Speaker 2: and he would get go hay sugar. And I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: I can make this. Oh love him, love this man.
Speaker 2: And so I made him this bracelet and said daddy
Speaker 2: on it, like it cook three times. And I saw
Speaker 2: him like a month or two later, and he was
Speaker 2: just like, my bracelet broke, and I saved all the
Speaker 2: beads and why the grown man like really black men
Speaker 2: in their fifties, very New York grown black men, and
Speaker 2: it's like, my bracelet broke, and I saved all the beads.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'll make you another brace and like
Speaker 2: the next time I saw him, he was like, thank
Speaker 2: you so much. And it was like and I was like, y'all.
Speaker 3: Are ridiculous, all ridiculous.
Speaker 2: You act like you don't care and that kind of
Speaker 2: I'm major bracelet and you're like shut up, like but
Speaker 2: I made it for He was like, oh, thank you
Speaker 2: so much. I like it so much. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: They're just these men are ridiculous.
Speaker 3: Completely melting at the sight of a few beads, just.
Speaker 2: A few beads. But it's like it's not because like
Speaker 2: so I made all these Like last year I made
Speaker 2: like eighty Valentine's Da bracelet.
Speaker 3: God, how long did that take you? It doesn't.
Speaker 2: I mean it took like a couple of days. Like
Speaker 2: my niece helped me when my friends came over. And
Speaker 2: then this year what I did, I was like on
Speaker 2: the road and so I brought my beads with me
Speaker 2: and I was just sitting there watching h Miss Fisher,
Speaker 2: which is like, uh, a cozy murder mystery that set
Speaker 2: in the nineteen twenties on Australia. Okay, this is where
Speaker 2: I have like a QUARANTIV and all these other streaming services,
Speaker 2: and so I would just have a show and I
Speaker 2: get home and I would get back to the hotel
Speaker 2: on the show, and I'm up to like three in
Speaker 2: the morning just making bracelet after bracelet after bracelet after bracelet.
Speaker 3: Sounds very soothing, It is very fun.
Speaker 2: And then the thing is it's like people that go,
Speaker 2: oh my god, because like I was at one of
Speaker 2: the comedy clubs like last year, and I'm handing out
Speaker 2: out the comics and then some of the staff it's like,
Speaker 2: can I get a bracelet. When the staff, I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: the guys in the kitchen, they want a bracelet. And
Speaker 2: so this of control, that's why I made eighty brace
Speaker 2: I'm was trying to make one hundred eighty something. So
Speaker 2: this year I made like close to one hundred bracelets.
Speaker 2: And so it's so interesting because it's like I just
Speaker 2: thought it was this really like silly thing to do, right,
Speaker 2: but just because what I would do.
Speaker 3: Is also I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I had like a big bag, and the year before
Speaker 2: I was like very conscious and like, well I gave
Speaker 2: what but I was like no, I'm gonna change it up.
Speaker 2: And I was like, you pick your bracelet, I said,
Speaker 2: but you can't see the bracelet. I said. You have
Speaker 2: to put your hand in the bag. The bracelet picks you.
Speaker 2: And so one of my friends she gets this bracelet
Speaker 2: because I had like these beads that look like the
Speaker 2: conversation hearts, and so that was the main theme for
Speaker 2: all the beads this year, all the bracelets this year,
Speaker 2: and so she picked one, and uh, she's like, I
Speaker 2: love another one, Like I can't try another one. One
Speaker 2: of my friends he got one that was like yellow
Speaker 2: and red but like the McDonald's kind of yellow. Oh.
Speaker 2: He was like, I don't really like this. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: pick another one. I said, I will let you pick
Speaker 2: another one. And then the next bracelet he picked out
Speaker 2: was the exact same color scheme.
Speaker 3: Well, that's who he is.
Speaker 2: And I was like, this is this is I said,
Speaker 2: you picked it twice.
Speaker 3: This is for you running from yourself. Stop running from
Speaker 3: the Ronald McDonald. Collins are McDonald's, You.
Speaker 2: Are McDon you are a Mickey D's.
Speaker 3: And so nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: But it was great because like Judy Gold and her
Speaker 2: wife there was like a greener red when and they
Speaker 2: said hug me, and so Judy's wife picks first, okay,
Speaker 2: and then like Judy pick and they picked the exact
Speaker 2: same bracelet, but I shake the bag.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: And so they both picked the green and the red
Speaker 2: and they both had to hug me bracelets and they're
Speaker 2: like it's meant to be. It's like, yeah, it's so cute,
Speaker 2: so together forever, and so it's like, yeah, the bracelet
Speaker 2: piccks you. But it's so funny because people go like,
Speaker 2: can I pick a braceletwo? Nd I pick a bracelet
Speaker 2: and just like yeah, sure.
Speaker 3: That sounds very fun I don't blame anybody.
Speaker 2: It's so great. And so I was at a super
Speaker 2: Bowl party at the cellar and by the end, I
Speaker 2: was like, everyone has this bracelet and people like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, don't say may these bracelets. These are so great.
Speaker 2: Don't see these bracelets. And I try to make them
Speaker 2: out as durable as I can because one of my
Speaker 2: friends like, I still the bracelet you gave me last year,
Speaker 2: and it was always And it's so funny because I
Speaker 2: was like the guys who were so excited I picked
Speaker 2: their like I get to you're like, yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 2: and so they picked like thank you. It could be purple,
Speaker 2: it could be pink. They do not care.
Speaker 3: Men are desperate to get to have jewelry. They didn't
Speaker 3: need an excuse to have jewelry, and.
Speaker 2: Just it's just like you made these, you made these
Speaker 2: for us. And then it's like yeah, I mean, I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my god. Some of them are like some of
Speaker 2: them are like, okay, I can't have a purple and
Speaker 2: a pink bracelet. Like I hear you, I'll let you
Speaker 2: pick another. Wow, but the bracelet pick to you. I
Speaker 2: don't know what to tell you. And then they go
Speaker 2: a second round and says like you got another pink
Speaker 2: when he's like, all right it pick me. But sometimes
Speaker 2: it's like one of my homeboys. I'm like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: know you won't wear it. Here you go there, that's yours,
Speaker 2: ahead of you, way ahead of you, sir.
Speaker 3: What we're going to do is put one in there
Speaker 3: that says you will die within a week. Never that
Speaker 3: little risk. It's very fun never.
Speaker 2: You guys have. Some of them say.
Speaker 3: Butts, Oh, butts okay, so I'll get on butts, boobs, orgasm.
Speaker 2: I didn't do as many word be as this time,
Speaker 2: as one of them was just about to like the
Speaker 2: because it was like text me, kiss me, hug me,
Speaker 2: stuff like that, right right. But yeah, the word ones
Speaker 2: are sometimes funny because my friends, uh, Jenny's Agreena, we
Speaker 2: were making them and I think when she's made one,
Speaker 2: it said cheese daddy, and she was like, what's that means?
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't know, but it sounds silly.
Speaker 2: So some of them are Some of them say daddy,
Speaker 2: some of them say butt, boobs, orgasm. And my friend
Speaker 2: was like, ooh, we like, I guess one of the
Speaker 2: two of them say dick. But when my friends grabbed.
Speaker 2: He's like, I can't wear this. I'm like, calm, damn back,
Speaker 2: No one's gonna where you let you wear a dick bracelet.
Speaker 3: You're fine, probably should justice.
Speaker 2: Just grow up. But some of them, I won't wear
Speaker 2: certain collars. I won't do this. And then sometimes with
Speaker 2: the girls, it's like all this goes with my outfit.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I know, that's why I gave you this one.
Speaker 2: So it's either outfits, yeah, so thank you. It's either
Speaker 2: outfits or homophobia, so you get it. Pick and choose,
Speaker 2: Pick and choose. But the girls ones to say boobs.
Speaker 2: I don't care because boobs.
Speaker 3: They're mature adults. Yes. I Google at one point was
Speaker 3: like they had some experiment with three D printing where
Speaker 3: you could get a bracelet and I had one made
Speaker 3: that said I will sue and I miss it, so mop.
Speaker 2: That's so fine.
Speaker 3: I want to have one of those. Just like, if
Speaker 3: you're found unconscious, you've got you know they know you're
Speaker 3: going to sue. I mean, is this the thing you
Speaker 3: worry about being found constantly? And I want the first
Speaker 3: thing the person to find me to think they're going
Speaker 3: to be sued, that they're now in legal trouble.
Speaker 2: Okay, that might hinder rescue missions, but I mean hopefully
Speaker 2: it's got the range.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean, hey, you like it.
Speaker 2: I love it, but it may it might not be
Speaker 2: the best way to get rescued.
Speaker 3: I'm just putting a bug in your ear. If I
Speaker 3: cross paths with you next Valentines, I hope in that
Speaker 3: bag there will be and I will sue that I'll
Speaker 3: be able to pick absolutely and I will sue.
Speaker 1: Is what am I say?
Speaker 2: Yes, and I will sue. I'm here for it. I
Speaker 2: support it. I support you.
Speaker 3: Are you a big jewelry where yourself You've got ear
Speaker 3: rings on?
Speaker 2: Yes? Listen, I'm in a place now where some of
Speaker 2: my jewelry is real, and man, what it's time to
Speaker 2: be alive?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: My bracelet is real. I got it from this company
Speaker 2: and me and Yaminika we were at south By Southwest
Speaker 2: and I've been seeing this. It's called permanent jewelry.
Speaker 3: I just saw somebody get one of these on.
Speaker 2: So that's what this bracelet is. It's like welded on
Speaker 2: and how long does it last until it comes off?
Speaker 3: Really?
Speaker 2: The girl I got it from, she says it's the
Speaker 2: exact same bracelet, the philigree bracelet, she says she's had
Speaker 2: on for three years.
Speaker 3: Wow, and what like why is that appealing? I'm like the.
Speaker 2: Idea of it because I got because, like I said,
Speaker 2: I have jewelry, like I have like all this chain
Speaker 2: at home. I was like, let me see if I
Speaker 2: can like really do this. So my last year, I
Speaker 2: made myself one intil like the gold rubbed off, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I kind of like this, and so
Speaker 2: but it's weird because it's so thin and you don't
Speaker 2: think that you'd like pay attention to it. Sometimes I
Speaker 2: really feel it and sometimes I don't. But I've only
Speaker 2: had it for like a week and some change. But
Speaker 2: one of my homeboys called it. He says, like a
Speaker 2: jewelry tattoo, right exactly.
Speaker 3: So it's like it's.
Speaker 2: Funny because like sometimes it's like, oh, this is an
Speaker 2: interesting almost kind of permanent kind of thing. But it's cute.
Speaker 3: It's real gold. It's real gold, it's real gold.
Speaker 2: It's really welded on. But I can easily if I
Speaker 2: want to, just like cut this off. And I was
Speaker 2: just like a scissor, Oh, we have to just like
Speaker 2: wire cutters, jump.
Speaker 3: Ring steel bolt cutters I know.
Speaker 2: It's so tiny because it's like it's it's like the
Speaker 2: head of a ballpoint pin is, like how big this
Speaker 2: jumping is. It's so thin, it's very it's very small,
Speaker 2: but it's like all filigree gold and it's I really
Speaker 2: like it. It's the way to kind of have some
Speaker 2: jewelry on, kind of without thinking about it, thinking about
Speaker 2: it because because some of my sisters they have and
Speaker 2: sisters and my cousin they have their eyeliner is tattooed on. Okay,
Speaker 2: sure that is a dedication to a look that I
Speaker 2: do not have permanent eyeliner. I'm not that person first
Speaker 2: of all, tattooed eater in my.
Speaker 3: Eyeball, No, simply, And.
Speaker 2: I think like some of my teas they have a
Speaker 2: I think they have the eyeliner, and I think one
Speaker 2: of them has our eyebrows tattooed, which I always thought
Speaker 2: was crazy.
Speaker 3: And then I met a girl.
Speaker 2: She had her lips tatt You use your lips tattooed.
Speaker 3: Right, And it sounds like agony.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because first of all, there's like so many nerve
Speaker 2: endings in your lips. That's why babies put things in
Speaker 2: their mouths. But she showed me before and after, and
Speaker 2: I was like, it looks good, sure, but it's like
Speaker 2: it's still your mouth, right, which I thought was crazy
Speaker 2: because like she already had like nice lips. And I
Speaker 2: was like, it does just make her because it's not
Speaker 2: like color color. It's literally just put like a little
Speaker 2: bit moarm.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's just like the saturation has been turned down.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's like it just turns. It's so it's not
Speaker 2: like she always has like red.
Speaker 3: Lips, picturing a full red lip and she's like digging
Speaker 3: a trench in her backyard.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no no, because she's Chinese American and
Speaker 2: she is like olive this to her skin, and so
Speaker 2: her lips, like she's in her top lip was the
Speaker 2: same color as her face.
Speaker 3: Okay, so she's kind of losing the lips.
Speaker 2: You were losing the lips. She had a full she
Speaker 2: has full lips, right, but you were losing it because
Speaker 2: because there was no separation of church and state between
Speaker 2: her face and where the lips started.
Speaker 3: Right, she would have had to get a mustache or something.
Speaker 2: Truly, and who's trying to do that again? And so
Speaker 2: that's where she got this color put in. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: show me before and after, and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, oh, okay, it's just.
Speaker 2: Popping in color and just adding like almost like a contouring.
Speaker 2: It's like creating the dimension that wasn't previously there. Because
Speaker 2: she can wear any kind of lip, like you.
Speaker 3: Can throw something else on there a time of day.
Speaker 2: But when she's just like out in just nude face,
Speaker 2: now she has got lip lips. She's got lips.
Speaker 3: You've got a tattoo on your wrist? How long has
Speaker 3: that been?
Speaker 2: There actually have four tattoos. So I have a star
Speaker 2: on my right wrist, a star on my left wrist.
Speaker 2: I have a star on my foot that's broken and
Speaker 2: hashing theme here. One side's comedy, one side's tragedy, and
Speaker 2: then there's a star on I guess not the what's
Speaker 2: part of your hands?
Speaker 3: This is a great question. The web.
Speaker 2: So that space in between your fore finger and your thumb,
Speaker 2: I got a star. I've got an exclamation point that
Speaker 2: ends in a star.
Speaker 3: Right, it looks like a little shooting star. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like that. It's so so gives you a shooting star.
Speaker 2: But let's see, my first star was in a tattoo parlor,
Speaker 2: and this one it's it's a blessing. I still have
Speaker 2: it because it broke apart. All that broke apart, so
Speaker 2: like with it, when it scabs up like broke apart,
Speaker 2: came back, there was like there's a line missing. They
Speaker 2: tried to touch it up, it didn't work. And then
Speaker 2: my star on my right wrist is a star like
Speaker 2: a negative space, the space inside the shading creates and
Speaker 2: it's I got this in a living room, in a
Speaker 2: living room, a dining room and an apartment complex with
Speaker 2: two of my sisters who were gettinghih biscus tatoos on
Speaker 2: their back.
Speaker 3: Was a planned or did you just show up in
Speaker 3: the dining room and it.
Speaker 2: Was actually funny, is like this where we were was
Speaker 2: actually the same apartment complex as a guy used to day,
Speaker 2: so that was wild. And then the one on my foot,
Speaker 2: I'd get done twice because the skin on your feet
Speaker 2: is the thinnest skin on your body. Oh, I didn't
Speaker 2: know a lot of places don't guarantee like a foot
Speaker 2: tattoo because what happened was is it scapped up and
Speaker 2: then came off right right, So then they had to
Speaker 2: go back in deeper and redo the tattoo on my foot.
Speaker 2: And then the one on my hand. I got done
Speaker 2: on a roof during COVID because my friend who's an artist,
Speaker 2: started tattooing. So we just have like tattoo parties during.
Speaker 3: COVID because tattooing during luck.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: She's an artist named Pearlminton and she's an amazing artist.
Speaker 2: She does like a lot of eyes and lips and
Speaker 2: body work, and she picked up tattooing. And so one
Speaker 2: of my friends, another comedian, very funny, Derek Gaines, is
Speaker 2: an amazing podcast called No Need for Apologies. He I
Speaker 2: was like, listen, you gotta be here for your friends.
Speaker 2: Uh So he's getting tatted because you have these tattoos
Speaker 2: on his hands, and so he's getting this word across
Speaker 2: on his hands. He's like, what do you think. I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I like it, and that leaned over.
Speaker 2: I was like, get a star for me.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a great idea.
Speaker 2: And I didn't think he was gonna do it.
Speaker 3: And he was like okay, And I was like, uh oh,
Speaker 3: what if you too end up in a fight. There's
Speaker 3: like a year's long feud. He's trapped.
Speaker 2: Listen, we we we stay feud and our friends call us.
Speaker 2: A divorced couple who gets along. Oh, so hey, listen,
Speaker 2: I don't know what the problems. And so he gets
Speaker 2: the star on his on his left wrist, and then
Speaker 2: I was like, oh shit, well if he got tattoos
Speaker 2: and I got a tattooed, He's like yes, and I
Speaker 2: was like all right, and I was like, well, what
Speaker 2: do I want to get? And so the name of
Speaker 2: my production company is Australia, which is Spanish for star,
Speaker 2: but it's how my brother spells it, and so spelled phonetically.
Speaker 2: And then there's an exclamation point on the end of
Speaker 2: it with the star on the bottom. And so I
Speaker 2: was like, well, let me get that right. And I
Speaker 2: was like, because if anything happens, I still have something
Speaker 2: that represents me and I know my star. And so
Speaker 2: I get my exclamation point and I get my star
Speaker 2: on the bottom. And then we're taking a picture and
Speaker 2: I'm looking at Derek's hands and I noticed that there
Speaker 2: is a exclamation point that he has tattooed on his
Speaker 2: hand above his left pinky. So then so my tattoo
Speaker 2: is a combination of his tattoos, and we get weird.
Speaker 2: And so we had this running joke where like if
Speaker 2: he was trying to if he'll just tap his star
Speaker 2: and be like, don't say.
Speaker 3: So, He's just like tap.
Speaker 2: So then I was like, I was like, oh, be out,
Speaker 2: like where's Derek. I'll start tapping my hand and be
Speaker 2: like Derek, Derek, and literally one of us will pop
Speaker 2: up and be like I was just talking in my
Speaker 2: hand about you. But yeah, so he's an exclamation point
Speaker 2: and a star, and then I have an exclamation point
Speaker 2: with a star.
Speaker 3: Which one of these was the most painful, the foot,
Speaker 3: because I hate it done twice okay, and it does
Speaker 3: feel like a sensitive area it is.
Speaker 2: And what's so crazy about it is like when I
Speaker 2: got it done, because like I designed it and like
Speaker 2: told the tattoo artists about it, and he was like,
Speaker 2: let's do it like this because I didn't goan to
Speaker 2: get like just a regular comedy and tragedy tattoo because
Speaker 2: you know, I'm a theater kid, and so he was like, well,
Speaker 2: we can do one side, said one side.
Speaker 3: He's like, we get one side happy, one side evil,
Speaker 3: and I was like, not.
Speaker 2: Evil, say we're not doing evil, We're doing no, no,
Speaker 2: thank you, And so he came in because there's like
Speaker 2: little stars around it, and then he did like some
Speaker 2: white highlighting and some shading, and then and within a
Speaker 2: month the scab like cleared up. And then when the
Speaker 2: scab came off, it was literally my whole tattoo. It
Speaker 2: just it was just because it wasn't deep enough in
Speaker 2: the skin.
Speaker 3: Wow, and so it just I mean, that's just so gross.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was like, I mean, what was the
Speaker 2: wildest part about being in there? Was just like when
Speaker 2: I went back, I had like a I had a
Speaker 2: dress on, and I was like, all right, I don't
Speaker 2: know why I'm sitting on it because I was like
Speaker 2: the way I was sitting, like you could see the
Speaker 2: only thing you could see was up my dress. There
Speaker 2: was nothing else I could do about it. And then
Speaker 2: I realized. I looked over and I was like, I
Speaker 2: could be sitting in a completely different chair. This man
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be looking at my dress at the
Speaker 2: same time a tattoo. And I looked over and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, fuck it, we're here.
Speaker 2: Because it was because he wasn't supposed to do it
Speaker 2: for free, but he didn't like you you can see
Speaker 2: my drawers for free tattoo or whatever. Give a fuck.
Speaker 3: There's a lot I would give away for a free tattoo.
Speaker 2: This guy got one because he let them taste him.
Speaker 3: So and what happened to the other if you got
Speaker 3: framed the skin?
Speaker 2: No, I just threw it out, okay because it just
Speaker 2: wasn't I thought about it, but it was like all
Speaker 2: the pigment was gone. So then it just be like,
Speaker 2: what's so, is this like from an ancient scroll or something. No,
Speaker 2: it's a foot tattoo, just just it. I do think
Speaker 2: about getting other ones, but then sometimes I'm like, I
Speaker 2: don't know what I.
Speaker 3: Want to Well, certainly a star. You can't break the
Speaker 3: theme now.
Speaker 2: No, I can't break this thing because it was like
Speaker 2: I thought about getting something on my other foot, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not going through that again.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: And so I'm kind of like, so I've got two
Speaker 2: tattoos on my right side and two tattoos on my
Speaker 2: left side. Symmetry the nice symmetry there, like a foot
Speaker 2: and a wrist and a hand, and so it's I
Speaker 2: don't know, because I would never get a tattoo on
Speaker 2: my back. How come because I can't see it.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's something that's never really occurred to me.
Speaker 3: But that's a great reason not to I why don't
Speaker 3: get to enjoy it?
Speaker 2: Why would get a tattoo? I can't see, right, I've
Speaker 2: never understood.
Speaker 3: Purely for other people, and only other people who are
Speaker 3: seeing you without a shirt on.
Speaker 2: Right. Also, I hate seeing and this is going to
Speaker 2: sound it's just me. This is an aesthetic thing. I
Speaker 2: hate seeing a tattoo, a back tattoo in a formal dress.
Speaker 3: Oh sure, yeah, that's a risky thing because it probably
Speaker 3: can look good sometimes, but it also can probably throw
Speaker 3: off a formal look immediately.
Speaker 2: A girl I was friends with when she got married,
Speaker 2: every one of her bridesmaids had a tattoo on her
Speaker 2: right shoulder, and it drove me nuts. They were one
Speaker 2: of the moss, like the regular dumb shit where it's
Speaker 2: just like, oh, here's my astrological symbol. It's like, okay, great,
Speaker 2: this bitch is a taurus. Other just a playing card,
Speaker 2: just other shit, boring, just clip art, except right, And
Speaker 2: so I'm just like, but every single one of her
Speaker 2: bridesmaid had a shoulder.
Speaker 3: Tattoo, and I'm just like, you're ruining the wedding for you. Listen.
Speaker 2: It's honestly, as someone who was who thought they were
Speaker 2: going to be a bride me in this and then
Speaker 2: ended up not being one because we had because there
Speaker 2: was a fallout, and then we got back to being
Speaker 2: it was I was invited. Let's just say I was
Speaker 2: friends with the bride. We fell out. I was invited
Speaker 2: to the wedding by the room wow, because he was like,
Speaker 2: I want you all to be good again. And then
Speaker 2: I got there and I'm just like, okay, but I
Speaker 2: don't think she does. So the reception went to start
Speaker 2: and I was like, I gotta go. I was like,
Speaker 2: I gotta show tonight. My show was hours later. Of
Speaker 2: course I was only an hour.
Speaker 3: It was two weeks later.
Speaker 2: It was four pm. My show was not I didn't
Speaker 2: have it. I was I didn't have to be on
Speaker 2: stage shill nine to thirty. I was an hour from
Speaker 2: my house. I'm like, I gotta show tonight.
Speaker 3: I got a sounds so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: It was uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Did you interact with the bride at all?
Speaker 2: A few times I attempted too, but it was just like, oh,
Speaker 2: he wanted this.
Speaker 3: More than right, and I just a good idea.
Speaker 2: Hey, you try to be nice, you try to be
Speaker 2: a good person, but you can't abide everything. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: gotta you can only go where you can celebrated.
Speaker 3: You got your limits, you gota listen.
Speaker 2: And if I'm spending my gas in this economy, beach,
Speaker 2: I was even the crossroads before I come back to
Speaker 2: another event.
Speaker 3: Well, should we see what else is in this bag?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, reaching in and it's it's your book.
Speaker 2: Hello friends, Hello friends, Stories of Dating, Destiny and Day Job.
Speaker 3: When was this published?
Speaker 2: February sixth?
Speaker 3: You look incredible here, Thank you. What a great dress
Speaker 3: that is? Thank you.
Speaker 2: My stylist Kat Eves so me and her came up
Speaker 2: with this concept together. We were inspired by old school
Speaker 2: glamour shots. Oh sure, there's the inspiration for the book.
Speaker 2: And they're like, well, you can't do it all fuzzy
Speaker 2: and out of fun and I was just like, but
Speaker 2: that would be great. But so that was the inspiration
Speaker 2: for the cover.
Speaker 3: Of Yeah, it looks amazing. How long does this book
Speaker 3: take to write? I'm always so curious because it seems
Speaker 3: overwhelming to me.
Speaker 2: It is overwhelming, and I had a year to do it.
Speaker 3: Wow, and so it feels like fast turnaround. It was.
Speaker 2: It was, and people were like, well, why'd you write
Speaker 2: a book? I was like, cause my manager tricked me,
Speaker 2: which is people think, oh, that's that's what happened.
Speaker 3: My manager would trick me.
Speaker 2: Listen. He called me up. He was like, what if
Speaker 2: you write a book? And I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: it sounds hard, uh, probably not. I'm very busy. And
Speaker 2: then he was like, well, let's just take a meeting.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'll take a meeting for anything. We take
Speaker 2: this meeting and I'm like okay, and then we take
Speaker 2: four more meetings. I'm like, all right, it takes four
Speaker 2: more met it was like. And then I look up
Speaker 2: and he's like, okay, you gotta write a book. And
Speaker 2: I was like, what hold on. We took five meets
Speaker 2: and I got to write a book. He's like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I call you back.
Speaker 3: I'm like no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, he called some people and I called
Speaker 2: some people on a Saturday, and the meeting and now,
Speaker 2: and it's so funny because my book agent I was
Speaker 2: doing an interview.
Speaker 3: She was like, I appreciate it if you didn't tell
Speaker 3: people that I tricked you.
Speaker 2: And I was like, but you do, I said, but
Speaker 2: my manager doesn't mind it, so I think she thinks
Speaker 2: that it's an indicton on her. My manager thinks it's hilarious,
Speaker 2: but yeah, both of them hosts tricked me.
Speaker 3: Then I had discussions in these meetings.
Speaker 2: I don't even remember. I remember just sitting there being like, oh,
Speaker 2: she wants to write a book. Yeah. Yeah, I did
Speaker 2: it for a book, Coming Boy with a Proposal Proposal book.
Speaker 2: So they're like, somebody's gonna give you money. I'm like, God,
Speaker 2: bless and so I had to write a book. And
Speaker 2: once I found out I did have to write it,
Speaker 2: I called uh Michelle Buteau her book Survival of the
Speaker 2: Thickest that's where that was the what the show is
Speaker 2: based on. And I called her and I was like, missit,
Speaker 2: how did I do this?
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: I was freaking out. And she was like she told
Speaker 2: me to start with jokes that are too long toil
Speaker 2: on stage, like stories that are long, because I wanted
Speaker 2: to be a comedic book. It's not like And then
Speaker 2: when I was spoke that, I was flying for it, right,
Speaker 2: And so she was like, start with stories that are
Speaker 2: too long tail on stage, which I already had a
Speaker 2: bunch of those. And then I was like, Okay, that's
Speaker 2: a great place to start. And then I was like, well,
Speaker 2: let me, people are gonna want to know about Daily Show,
Speaker 2: people are about my childhood, and so I.
Speaker 3: Threw those in there and then boom, I guess close
Speaker 3: three hundred pages later, three hundred Let me see what
Speaker 3: it goes to the middle fifty or blank.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something.
Speaker 3: It's a pop up book.
Speaker 2: It goes to a page two forty one.
Speaker 3: That's a solid book. Calling on.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, there's two forty one, forty two.
Speaker 3: And then okay, well you're counting the acknowledgement you said.
Speaker 2: I mean I had to write you gotta write acknowledgements.
Speaker 2: So it goes to forty is uh the full and
Speaker 2: then there's an acknowledgment and then there's like a about
Speaker 2: you page. But yeah, and so I had to write
Speaker 2: the inside of the book jacket and all this other stuff,
Speaker 2: and then you had to write this port I have
Speaker 2: to write. So that's like, that's just my bio. But
Speaker 2: this part in here, like the inside of the jack.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, let's make sure that you.
Speaker 3: Had to write that part of it.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm out the publisher writes it, and then you
Speaker 2: have to fix.
Speaker 3: It, all right, make sure it doesn't sound stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, make sure it's in your voice. And then you
Speaker 2: also when you're writing the book, you have to make
Speaker 2: sure that you have a tone for it. Right. The
Speaker 2: tone for the book I always wanted to sound like
Speaker 2: it was me sitting right next to you. Oh that's nice,
Speaker 2: being like, okay, girl, let me tell what happened. And
Speaker 2: it's funny because when it first came out, I made
Speaker 2: the mistake of like looking at some reviews, and so
Speaker 2: this lady was like three stars. You know, it was fine,
Speaker 2: but it felt like she was like talking to me.
Speaker 3: That sounds incredible.
Speaker 2: What and then this other lady was five stars because
Speaker 2: it felt like she was talking to me, so I
Speaker 2: don't understand. She was like, oh my god. So like
Speaker 2: we were sitting at like just sitting down having brunch,
Speaker 2: talking to each other. And so that was the tone
Speaker 2: that I wanted. So it's interesting and it's like I
Speaker 2: did what I put out to do, what I plan
Speaker 2: to do, but some people liked somebody didn't. I did
Speaker 2: this interview with Lewis Writesis, and I didn't realize, if
Speaker 2: you know, when you write a whole book, you forget
Speaker 2: all of the things. And so there is this quote
Speaker 2: that she made me read there, I think you will
Speaker 2: enjoy it, let's hear it. So I was in an
Speaker 2: argument with one of my teachers because fast forward to
Speaker 2: my junior ap economics teacher, who we called Coach because
Speaker 2: he was a school golf coach. I didn't know we
Speaker 2: had a golf team. Apparently they won championships, and shit,
Speaker 2: Coach kept trying to teach us about supplying demand, which
Speaker 2: was some Santa Claus made up bullshit if I ever
Speaker 2: heard it. I tried to listen, but one day I
Speaker 2: couldn't take it anymore. If the demand is higher, the
Speaker 2: price goes up. Okay, but why how is all of
Speaker 2: capitalism based on this? I will twork with the unicorn
Speaker 2: at e leprechauns Kintina before this shit ever makes sense,
Speaker 2: because that's how wild it sounded to me, of course,
Speaker 2: And I was just like, so you tell me, because
Speaker 2: he was like, if you got one hundred bottles of
Speaker 2: water and you're selling it for a dollar apiece and
Speaker 2: one hundred people want it, it's a dollar. If I
Speaker 2: got one hundred botles of water and two hundred people
Speaker 2: want it, not gonna sell it at two dollars fifty
Speaker 2: was like what He's like, if you got a one
Speaker 2: hundred bottles of water and only fifty people want it,
Speaker 2: now it's fifty cents. And I was like, no, no,
Speaker 2: if fifty people want this water, can't it be a dollar?
Speaker 2: If two hundred people want this water, why can't it
Speaker 2: be a dollar?
Speaker 3: And he kept saying that.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, you can't use the rule to
Speaker 2: explain the rule. You sound crazy.
Speaker 3: Please never open a business. Listen, I have.
Speaker 2: Plenty of businesses. I have a whole liploss company.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying is jews at a jelry business.
Speaker 2: I have a liploss company that started with comedian Lace Larabie.
Speaker 2: So I know how business works. But no, wonder the
Speaker 2: economy is fucked up?
Speaker 3: Nightmare.
Speaker 2: If you're telling me that just because is the answer,
Speaker 2: how write that on the test.
Speaker 3: That's basically why the entire entertainment industry is closing down
Speaker 3: because everything was just kind of imagined, and now the
Speaker 3: imagination is over and there's no money left.
Speaker 2: Money is imagined. No, yes, think about it. If yours
Speaker 2: you can walk into a store, I can hand somebody
Speaker 2: paper and they hand me meat.
Speaker 3: How does that make sense? We've all agreed we've all
Speaker 3: been forced to agree.
Speaker 2: We all agreed that if I bring you this paper,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get cheese.
Speaker 3: Come on, if you're to Walmart in Alaska.
Speaker 2: Listen, they ain't got no money in a Walmart. They
Speaker 2: was oh jugging out that place. Those idea, God bless them.
Speaker 3: So the idea of money is wild. I just our money,
Speaker 3: like every dollar.
Speaker 2: The reason it says Federal Reserve note is because every
Speaker 2: dollar is an iou. Back in the day, you used
Speaker 2: to be able to walk into a bank with a
Speaker 2: dollar and they would give you a bar of gold.
Speaker 3: Right, it actually meant something.
Speaker 2: So we used to be on the gold standard, and
Speaker 2: then there's too many and then you need a population
Speaker 2: goes up. You're like, fuck, we ain't got enough gold.
Speaker 2: So then we go to the silver standard. So now
Speaker 2: every dollar's worth a bottle of silver. Fine, then you
Speaker 2: get more people, You're like, fuck, we ain't got enough
Speaker 2: silver for this. So now it's now every bar of
Speaker 2: gold supports nine hundred to one thousand dollars.
Speaker 3: But again, I can.
Speaker 2: Walk into a store, give you paper, and you give
Speaker 2: me a car.
Speaker 3: None of us can think about it too much or
Speaker 3: it'll completely collapse.
Speaker 2: Telling you y'all trying to go back in time to
Speaker 2: do all kind of wild shit. No, we going back
Speaker 2: in time and we're gonna fight the dude that invented money.
Speaker 2: Also the motherfucker that admitted jobs. He's got to die too.
Speaker 3: I completely agree, completely.
Speaker 2: Agree rent, because I think you got money, you have
Speaker 2: to have rent. Yeah, people have to pay to live inside.
Speaker 2: That's the same. I have never to walk into a
Speaker 2: store and be like, gimme.
Speaker 3: You should be able to just say I want that
Speaker 3: and get it. Yeah, that's all I want.
Speaker 2: Because it's like, well, how to get rid of certain things,
Speaker 2: it's you have to get to get rid of poverty.
Speaker 2: You have to get rid of money. I mean, that's
Speaker 2: the only way to fix that. Nobody wants to say.
Speaker 2: It's like, well we need these programs. You don't need programs.
Speaker 2: You need to get rid of money.
Speaker 3: And I kind of get rid of people too, because
Speaker 3: there always be one person once we get rid of
Speaker 3: the money, who then takes advantage of the situation and
Speaker 3: then turns it back into jobs and money.
Speaker 2: Well, because like if you're in the barter system, like okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna bring you three lemons and then you give.
Speaker 3: Me showed up avocado, a pound.
Speaker 2: Of beef, or hey, you take this because it used
Speaker 2: to be salt for gold like that top things. It's
Speaker 2: like salt was so valuable that.
Speaker 3: Salt was worth to anything because.
Speaker 2: Salt used to be because before refrigeration, salt was.
Speaker 3: Very important, and now it's everywhere.
Speaker 2: Well, we're trying to get it out of food.
Speaker 3: I mean my entire body is made of salt at
Speaker 3: this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, your whole body. I mean your body has a
Speaker 2: certain salinity too. It's like we put so much salt
Speaker 2: in everything.
Speaker 4: We're like, oh man, we gotta get rid of my
Speaker 4: sodium levels are it's because it's free.
Speaker 2: It's because we have refrigerators now.
Speaker 3: And salt tastes delicious. It's amazing. Put it on anything,
Speaker 3: I will just love it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember going up people like salt and wamelon.
Speaker 3: Oh, salt and fruit delicious. Salt on a pickle is
Speaker 3: always wild, though you're going overboard.
Speaker 2: Now that's just redundant and man, trying to just sometimes
Speaker 2: you just got to meet Jesus before you think you should.
Speaker 3: Do you like a sweet pickle?
Speaker 4: Ah, it depends on the stitch, Okay, I like a
Speaker 4: corner Sean, Oh, the little babies, fellow.
Speaker 3: One of those guys.
Speaker 2: I love a corner Sean. I do like the ones
Speaker 2: that are like a sweet and spicy, but it's nice,
Speaker 2: only slightly sweet.
Speaker 3: Right, if it's sweet sweet, it's relish. Yeah. If it's
Speaker 3: sweet sweet, I think it's disgusting.
Speaker 2: Right, Like bread and butter pickles thrown down the street?
Speaker 3: What's the use? What are you putting those on?
Speaker 2: Also, this does not taste like bread or butter.
Speaker 3: What is its flavor? And I don't want that on
Speaker 3: bread and butter. That's an even worse thing happened.
Speaker 2: I guess that's what these were for. Like, hey, you
Speaker 2: having bread and butter, these are the pickles for that
Speaker 2: over there. Don't get them, guys, over it's not what
Speaker 2: this is for you out here trying to get your clothing,
Speaker 2: your baby deals. No, no, no, no, no, these guys
Speaker 2: right here. You get your bread, you get your butter,
Speaker 2: you get these nasty ass pickles. I also don't like
Speaker 2: the half deals, the ones you'll get like in delies
Speaker 2: in New York.
Speaker 3: No, what's oh wait, like the slice in half?
Speaker 2: No underprocessed.
Speaker 3: Oh I've not heard of this.
Speaker 2: It's a crime.
Speaker 3: So it's still kind of cucumbery. Yeah. Oh no, bitch,
Speaker 3: pickle side. Yeah, what is the point of that?
Speaker 2: Sometimes you just can't wait.
Speaker 3: Everyone's just bored and they're trying new things. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So hey man, you already out here eating these cold
Speaker 2: European foods. It might as well get worse.
Speaker 3: Well, I think we should play a game. I'm down
Speaker 3: gift to a curse today. Okay, I need a number
Speaker 3: between one and ten from you. Seven. Okay, I have
Speaker 3: to do a little bit of light calculating to get
Speaker 3: our game pieces. Okay, So you can promote recommend to
Speaker 3: whatever you want. Do do do Do Do Do Do
Speaker 3: dud do do do do Do do do do do do.
Speaker 2: Hey, friends, listen, I've got shows coming up, and what
Speaker 2: I really would love for you to do is buy
Speaker 2: my book Hello Friends. It's available on al Gore's Internet.
Speaker 2: You can go to Prayer Collectibles dot com and get
Speaker 2: a signed copy. Also Mee and comedian Lace.
Speaker 3: There.
Speaker 2: We started a lip gross brand called Giggle Gloss, and
Speaker 2: so it's way for us to have Mercy sell on
Speaker 2: the road, and so we have gorgeous colors that will
Speaker 2: work on all skin tones. You can go to Giggle
Speaker 2: gloss dot com and you can place an order. And
Speaker 2: just to let you know, me and my mom packed
Speaker 2: the orders at my house because it is our family business,
Speaker 2: and go to Doorstayslan dot com.
Speaker 3: Comings excellent. I feel like a lot of moms get
Speaker 3: roped into packing things that have been sold on the internet.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you this. She was not roped in. She
Speaker 2: wanted to be the head of distribution.
Speaker 3: Oh she did.
Speaker 2: Yes, this is what she said. I'm the head of distribute.
Speaker 3: Building a resume.
Speaker 2: Yes, because she has her own business where she makes
Speaker 2: like custom T shirts. Oh okayans for people, and so
Speaker 2: she loves going to the post office, and so I
Speaker 2: packed my orders and give it to her. She does
Speaker 2: a post office.
Speaker 3: She's very incredible.
Speaker 2: She loves going to post office.
Speaker 3: Amazing. Okay, Well, this is how we play Gift or
Speaker 3: a Curse. You gonna name three things. You're gonna tell
Speaker 3: me if there are a gift or a curse and
Speaker 3: why I and then I'll tell you if you're right
Speaker 3: or wrong. Okay, because there are correct answers. Okay, This
Speaker 3: first one is from a listener named Alison. Gift or
Speaker 3: a Curse gas Station TV.
Speaker 2: It is a curse because you start watching the TV
Speaker 2: and you're not paying attention how much gas you're getting.
Speaker 2: So say sometimes you're like, listen, I only want to
Speaker 2: put a certain amount in the tank. And you start
Speaker 2: watching gas station TV and you look up and that
Speaker 2: you see that you've bought more gas than you wanted.
Speaker 3: It's a setup that's excellent logic. It is a curse
Speaker 3: for me. It's a curse because I'm I Now I'm
Speaker 3: driving an electric car, so I never get to watch
Speaker 3: gas station TV, and now my main news source is gone.
Speaker 3: I loved watching gas station TV, catching up with Mario
Speaker 3: Lopez or whoever was on it at the time. Just
Speaker 3: check into a hotel you can see what Mario's doing.
Speaker 3: They should have a channel that is gas station TV
Speaker 3: for home.
Speaker 2: My question is, what is Mario Lopez do all day?
Speaker 2: Is he just hotel TV?
Speaker 3: I think all the time that mainly on television, But
Speaker 3: is he every day telling you about the new Fast
Speaker 3: and the Furious movie? He must be What else would
Speaker 3: he be doing.
Speaker 2: It's wild to me.
Speaker 3: I once saw him on a golf cart at the Grove.
Speaker 3: I think that's where they used to shoot one of
Speaker 3: his many gas station TV style shows, and he did
Speaker 3: not appear happy.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know what, sometimes you just gotta you
Speaker 2: just gotta pay your mortgage.
Speaker 3: I bet he must. I bet he's a big spender.
Speaker 2: I could, I couldn't tell you. I do know he's
Speaker 2: a Republican.
Speaker 3: Oh not loving that.
Speaker 2: Hey, man, listen, when you hit a certain tax bracket,
Speaker 2: it just makes sense.
Speaker 3: Do not say that.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the problem with it.
Speaker 3: It's that you hit a certain tax bracket and you're
Speaker 3: like yeah, and then they start talking and you're like, no,
Speaker 3: it's like that thing, those ideas, okay.
Speaker 2: The money thing, okay, yes, the everything else now. But
Speaker 2: also what I need from the Democratic Party is that
Speaker 2: I need them to start doing crime. Yes, because the
Speaker 2: Republican Party represents a very specific segment of the population, rich,
Speaker 2: straight white men, because they don't represent white women, rich
Speaker 2: straight Christian white men. Is literally the replica party. The
Speaker 2: party represents. The Democratic Party.
Speaker 3: Is every body else.
Speaker 2: Everybody else. And the Republican Party has absolutely no problem
Speaker 2: jerry mandering in the neighborhood, stealing in elect.
Speaker 3: They do not care. They're all fully on board with it.
Speaker 2: Yes. And also the Republican Party operates with like the RNC.
Speaker 2: They usually operate with the operating buddies around two hundred
Speaker 2: million dollars. The Democratic Party the DNC operates with about
Speaker 2: twenty million.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: So you're doing in ten percent of what they're doing
Speaker 2: because your donors and your base aren't making the money
Speaker 2: that they're making. So since you're already at a deficit,
Speaker 2: do crime, Jerry Mander for good. You see the redline
Speaker 2: for the people, start stealing.
Speaker 3: Start.
Speaker 2: I mean, you need a scandal, We need to do something.
Speaker 2: The Republican Party has figured out how to do crime
Speaker 2: for their own good. I need the Democratic Party to
Speaker 2: do the same. I don't need you to be honest. No,
Speaker 2: when they're taking away people's.
Speaker 3: Right, we can get away with it. They're getting away
Speaker 3: with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's nobody to check them.
Speaker 3: Their main guy is the worst person alive. Act sac
Speaker 3: de mundo. So I don't need you to be this good.
Speaker 2: I need you. They're taking people away, people's rights. Black male, some.
Speaker 3: Body at the bare minimum. All you need to do.
Speaker 2: Listen, we got all of the gays, sick them on,
Speaker 2: these Republicans, all.
Speaker 3: Of them straight. There are some pretty bad gays.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm not saying that.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying I'm out of the community.
Speaker 2: Listen, the Democratic Party is not trying to take the
Speaker 2: rights away from the l g b tq I community.
Speaker 2: So we need to take our powers combined and take
Speaker 2: one of these beautiful gay men and sick them on
Speaker 2: one of these Republicans. Because all these Republicans aren't straight.
Speaker 2: They're not they're not. My god, there's no listen, So
Speaker 2: we need to take the most beautiful gaze, sick them
Speaker 2: on these Republicans. Get a scandal, because you can't be
Speaker 2: passing on these anti trans bills and anti LGBTQ bills and.
Speaker 3: Not in all of all the straight fuck that.
Speaker 2: We need a scandal, get them kicked out of their
Speaker 2: own party, and get these bills. Reverse.
Speaker 3: We're out here being nice for no reason. Du crime
Speaker 3: be a white man. Come on, I'm on board.
Speaker 2: I mean, so listen, you're taking a dick for less.
Speaker 2: Come on, if they would pay me any mind, I
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 4: I do it.
Speaker 3: I'll volunteer to Washington.
Speaker 2: You don't think I wouldn't work on a yacht to
Speaker 2: get to some of these drag queen bills.
Speaker 3: Reverse, of course, of course, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2: I talk on anybody's yat to get a bill reverse.
Speaker 2: I'm here to help send me a nice, decent Look,
Speaker 2: I'm outside, I'm outside. We need to just release them
Speaker 2: like doves, like we need like I know y'all have
Speaker 2: the power. We have too many beautiful gave men out
Speaker 2: in the world. These straits aren't ready, These men aren't ready.
Speaker 2: One must just one foot tap in a bathroom. Future's gone.
Speaker 3: I am always curious, like because there are gay men
Speaker 3: sleeping with these a lot of these senators, these clauses,
Speaker 3: and then the information just never comes out officially. Listen,
Speaker 3: how are we not dropping these bones?
Speaker 2: Hold your friends at brunch.
Speaker 3: It's not enough. Tell everybody, contact the news.
Speaker 2: Take pictures, screenshots Okay, I know you can screenshot, and Grinder,
Speaker 2: I know you can't. This isn't what was it? Raya
Speaker 2: won't let you screenshot. They'll give you an alert, okay,
Speaker 2: right right, But Grinder, of course you can't screenshot. Release
Speaker 2: them a.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to help, Yes, beautiful, beautiful, I'm trying to help.
Speaker 3: And you got the point for gas station TV HA.
Speaker 3: Very nicely done. Number two. This is from a listener
Speaker 3: named Jesse. Gift to a curse the wigs worn by
Speaker 3: British lawyers, and I believe a British lawyer is called
Speaker 3: us a solicitor, which is.
Speaker 2: Very fun because I don't know what a barrister is because.
Speaker 3: They have too Is it a barrister a barrister?
Speaker 2: I think the solicitor is someone who's just like you,
Speaker 2: doesn't go to court. Oh okay, but I don't know
Speaker 2: that there's been a lawyer and an attorney as in America.
Speaker 2: They are two different people.
Speaker 3: They're interchangeable. But now I'm exposing myself as a complete idiot.
Speaker 2: There's an attorney at law right, because I think you
Speaker 2: can be a lawyer and not go to court, because
Speaker 2: you can be like a tax lawyer.
Speaker 3: You can mean a lawyer, but you can also be
Speaker 3: like a tax attorney.
Speaker 2: I known of this. Either.
Speaker 5: A lawyer typically refers to someone who has obtained a
Speaker 5: legal education but may not be licensed to represent clients
Speaker 5: in court.
Speaker 2: Attorney actually has to have the license.
Speaker 3: Very good, you learned something every day, I think.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I think the whigs are a gift because they
Speaker 2: are so ridiculous and also they are never it's like
Speaker 2: and they are ridiculous because the women also have to
Speaker 2: wear them. Everyone has to wear these wigs, and it's
Speaker 2: such an odd thing. It's such a throwback thing because
Speaker 2: it's like I went to eight years of college and
Speaker 2: now I have to put on the robe and this
Speaker 2: way because like the judge being the only one. Fine,
Speaker 2: the judge has to wear the robe because we love pomp.
Speaker 3: I love pompa right, you have a bit of that, right,
Speaker 3: So just like like a.
Speaker 2: Doctor ate, like how they have those fun liol like
Speaker 2: giant parades. So it's a gift because they are completely nuts.
Speaker 3: Wrong now curse ah, it's a giant tease. Why don't
Speaker 3: we do it here? If I mean, if they've got
Speaker 3: something really exciting going on over there and we are
Speaker 3: courtrooms are so dull, Well.
Speaker 2: We don't do I think we don't do them here
Speaker 2: is because you wanted to because of the independence of England.
Speaker 3: Well that was a bad move on our part.
Speaker 2: Listen. It had nothing to do with me. So as
Speaker 2: a woman and as a black person, I had no rights.
Speaker 3: You didn't have anything.
Speaker 2: So no, no, no, no, truly no, say the Constitution
Speaker 2: was written for white men who owned property, so yeah,
Speaker 2: you can. It's really none of my business, is same
Speaker 2: my ministry?
Speaker 3: Well you know, they've made a few other mistakes, and
Speaker 3: this was we can throw this in the pile.
Speaker 2: Hey man, listen, you have a tea party for a reason.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, okay, you've gotten one out of two so far,
Speaker 3: and this is the last one. It's from an unknown listener.
Speaker 3: They I guess, did not attach their name to the email,
Speaker 3: so that's their fault. Gift to a curse rollerball applicators
Speaker 3: what I believe. I don't know what that is, but
Speaker 3: I what I reading that, I'm imagining like a lip
Speaker 3: gloss that's a ball, you know that kind of rolls around.
Speaker 2: Oh, the ones they could, they would do these, But
Speaker 2: like oils and stuff, gift why because it's the only
Speaker 2: way to have an oil where it doesn't leak, like if.
Speaker 3: You have like a scented oil.
Speaker 2: Any other time I've had like an oil or something,
Speaker 2: it always gets everywhere for some reason. A little ball
Speaker 2: holding in. Also, it's a nice way to apply stuff
Speaker 2: because I do like perfumes like that, scented oils, things
Speaker 2: like in aromatherapy situation. It keeps being very localized, right,
Speaker 2: I like it. I think they're a gift.
Speaker 3: Well, having never used one and having just heard this, explanation.
Speaker 3: You get the point gift. It sounds very soothing.
Speaker 2: You never had a colonne? Or oh, they don't make
Speaker 2: that colone? I guess for does men's colonne not coming
Speaker 2: a rollerball?
Speaker 3: Well, I don't wear a colone at all, but I've
Speaker 3: never seen that hmmm, because.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, oh, you've never been to the Africans
Speaker 2: to get like a scented oil. No oh, because that
Speaker 2: was always what some uncle was selling, shade butter and
Speaker 2: then the scented oil.
Speaker 3: Some sort of scented oil. I feel like everybody's got
Speaker 3: an uncle that's involved with scented oils.
Speaker 2: I mean, like when I say uncle, I mean like
Speaker 2: just like just a random black man. Oh, okay, holding
Speaker 2: a business.
Speaker 3: Okay outside, well, coming from Utah, the multi level marketing
Speaker 3: business has a lot of scented oils.
Speaker 2: I did not realize that Utah was only outside like that.
Speaker 2: When it came to these lake pyramids, ponzis inside.
Speaker 3: They're number one.
Speaker 2: Really, that's how old girl what was her name, Genshaw?
Speaker 3: Oh Genshaw. Now her thing was a completely different thing,
Speaker 3: which was just lying to senior citizens and taking all
Speaker 3: of their money.
Speaker 2: Oh, you got a special place in hell for that one.
Speaker 3: Yes, but she's becoming friends with Elizabeth Holmes and the
Speaker 3: kind of lightweight prison.
Speaker 2: And that's the one that had like the diabet diabetes
Speaker 2: and she didn't take any blood.
Speaker 3: The blood fairhose thing where you would did another lie.
Speaker 3: Why are they allowing these two women to catch up
Speaker 3: with each other. They're gonna do something.
Speaker 2: I mean, here's the thing. They're also they're doing FED time,
Speaker 2: which is nice, yo. But the wild thing about FED
Speaker 2: time is that and the way that like the federal prison,
Speaker 2: there's federal prisons all over the country. You have to
Speaker 2: serve a federal time, you can serve it anywhere in
Speaker 2: the United States, right, so you can like no matter
Speaker 2: where you got convicted, they can move you completely across
Speaker 2: the country just because they're going to uh huh. So
Speaker 2: say your family was coming to see you, like you
Speaker 2: live in Utah, you serve in FED time, Okay, you're
Speaker 2: in Utah. But then they could pop up and go, hey,
Speaker 2: you're going to Georgia, right just because they need to move.
Speaker 3: You, just because they need they have space there or something.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. Whatever reason, you get moved, So it could
Speaker 2: be like, hey, y'all are getting too cozy one of
Speaker 2: y'all's going to Rhode Island because that people don't really
Speaker 2: about fed time you serve it anywhere in the country.
Speaker 3: They've got to split them up, they can. They're plotting something.
Speaker 2: Or they're going to get one of the weirdest reality
Speaker 2: shows you've ever seen.
Speaker 3: That's probably actually probably in the works already.
Speaker 2: Yes, you'd think Andy Cohen, let that happen under his nose. No,
Speaker 2: And you don't think when that when one of them
Speaker 2: gets out first, it's like, what it was her last name.
Speaker 3: A Shaw, Junshaw or Elizabeth homes.
Speaker 2: Homes to seat, Oh Holmes and Shaw homes and show
Speaker 2: it's not they cause crimes so out here just committing
Speaker 2: crimes together. Yeah, they're gonna be besties and they're trying
Speaker 2: to figure out life from the outside and you know,
Speaker 2: because Shaw has her kids and her husband trying to
Speaker 2: figure that out. And then it's like, well, we got out,
Speaker 2: we didn't know what to do, so now we lived together.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's gonna be a whole reality.
Speaker 3: One of them smoking a pipe, one of those long jackets.
Speaker 3: I see the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, caause apparently they're doing yoga together. So they're
Speaker 2: gonna get together open a yoga studio, and someone's still
Speaker 2: gonna loan the money even though they're both. There's no
Speaker 2: question in my mind because if they're those lady, it's
Speaker 2: just like, oh, you just got no Honestly, it's like
Speaker 2: if anyone ever wanted to go white, privilege is not real.
Speaker 2: Look up the their NOL.
Speaker 3: Take a look at this lady.
Speaker 2: This is the example. No question, she had no research
Speaker 2: to back this up. Also, when you're like taking like
Speaker 2: the test, like you already need the smallest amount of
Speaker 2: blood to do the tests right for diabetes, right, right,
Speaker 2: test blood sugar, they're already using a drop of blood,
Speaker 2: So I don't I could never understand.
Speaker 3: Like, well, you know what her promise was that you'd
Speaker 3: be able to tell any disease or like you'd be
Speaker 3: able to tell everything about you from just a drop.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's a bullface line.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It was one of those things that everyone's like, wow,
Speaker 3: this is amazing because it was impossible. Oh, because you
Speaker 3: always needed like tubes of blood. Yeah, you need a
Speaker 3: lot of blood for most tests. Yes, she was saying
Speaker 3: that you could basically just like go in and get
Speaker 3: your finger pricked and know everything you can't do that
Speaker 3: with the whole tube of blood.
Speaker 2: No, wow, Okay, that was the campaign. Okay, because even
Speaker 2: because the drop of blood is like, were you looking
Speaker 2: for one thing and that's sugar?
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly, that's that's something we can do.
Speaker 2: Ah, Okay, that was what the campaign was.
Speaker 3: She had a great time doing it, of course she didn't. Okay,
Speaker 3: well you've got two out of three.
Speaker 2: Not bad, God bless.
Speaker 3: This is the final segment of the podcast. It's called
Speaker 3: They Said No Emails. People write into Ice No Gifts
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. Every one of them needs some
Speaker 3: sort of answer from me and the guest. Will you
Speaker 3: hope me answer a question? Sure? Okay, this is dear
Speaker 3: Bridger and cheeky guest. I don't know what that means,
Speaker 3: but he's like fun, like a little sas. Okay, so
Speaker 3: they're assuming you're a little sassy.
Speaker 2: I think they're assuming that we're all British there, but.
Speaker 3: Being a very British episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, being cheeky, like being like a little koy with
Speaker 2: a little sas.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, then keep that in mind when you answer. Okay,
Speaker 3: this past year I fell in love for the first time. However,
Speaker 3: unfortunately we dated for less than six months, and then
Speaker 3: broke up for somewhat mutual life circumstance reasons that sentences
Speaker 3: need some editing. Shortly thereafter, we entered into a friends
Speaker 3: with benefit situation, at which point he revealed to me
Speaker 3: that the real reason we broke up was that his
Speaker 3: best friend was actually his ex girlfriend, who he is
Speaker 3: still actively in love with and cheated on me with
Speaker 3: while we were dating. Does that make sense to you
Speaker 3: following this? Okay, you might have to explain to this
Speaker 3: to me after I'm done reading. I was beyond devastated,
Speaker 3: and soon after told him I needed to cut things
Speaker 3: off and have no contact whatsoever. The next day, he
Speaker 3: texted me that he had bought me a surprise gift,
Speaker 3: and sure enough, when I got home, there was a
Speaker 3: sparkly gift bag waiting on my doorstep. I was dumb
Speaker 3: enough to think this might be something sentimental, but when
Speaker 3: I opened it, it was instead a vibrator. Okay, I
Speaker 3: haven't spoken to him since and still have no idea
Speaker 3: what his intent was with this quote unquote gift. All
Speaker 3: I know is that it was the most humiliated I
Speaker 3: have felt in my life now for the question at hand,
Speaker 3: as a person who frequently receives gifts you did not
Speaker 3: want or ask for. What do I do with the vibrator?
Speaker 3: I tried to lead a zero waste lifestyle. Wow, there
Speaker 3: are a lot of themes coming together. We're thinking about
Speaker 3: squirrels zating avocados right now. I try to lead a
Speaker 3: zero waste lifestyle. So I'm struggling with the obvious answer
Speaker 3: of throwing it away. And as most of my friends
Speaker 3: know this story, at this point, I don't feel like
Speaker 3: I can subtly regift it. Please advise, and that's from eleanor.
Speaker 2: Throw what the fuck away? What is this zero waist lifestyle? Bullshit?
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? What the fuck are you saying?
Speaker 3: Do not regift a vibrator?
Speaker 2: Verse of the four and foremost, don't regift the vibrator.
Speaker 2: Second of all, was it expensive?
Speaker 3: Get on eBay see.
Speaker 2: How much this vibrator costs? Listen. I met this guy
Speaker 2: on a dating app and he mailed me a vibrator.
Speaker 3: No long had you been chatting?
Speaker 2: Not long enough for him to do that, but it
Speaker 2: changed my life. So the man knew what he was doing.
Speaker 2: I'm assumed he was in a relationship. She was like no,
Speaker 2: It was like he was supposed to come hang out
Speaker 2: with me. He was supposed to by and it's like
Speaker 2: we never had a date. And he sent me this
Speaker 2: vibrator and so he was supposed we were supposed to
Speaker 2: hang out, and he stood me up. So I said,
Speaker 2: I'm a slow motion video of me throwing the vibrator
Speaker 2: in the trash and then I put I put it
Speaker 2: in my recycling because it was a box and it
Speaker 2: was in the box. It was like it wasn't.
Speaker 3: Unwrapped turned into a milk jug at this point, right,
Speaker 3: So slow motion.
Speaker 2: Video of going into the trash. Then I send the
Speaker 2: video and then I opened the fucking box and used it.
Speaker 3: So this is the thing.
Speaker 2: He is one. He gave it to you because he
Speaker 2: wants you to think of him when you use it,
Speaker 2: so he likes having sex with you.
Speaker 3: This is what you do.
Speaker 2: You send him a slow motion video of you throwing
Speaker 2: it in the trash and then leave it in the
Speaker 2: trash because he's already disrespected you.
Speaker 3: I mean, this feels almost criminal. Why she is?
Speaker 2: What do you girl? What do you need?
Speaker 3: This guy's dangerous.
Speaker 2: He's a dummy tot fool. Which you do is you
Speaker 2: send listen rather how a messy you want to be,
Speaker 2: so you either send him the video of you throwing
Speaker 2: it in the trash, or you go to the old girl. Hey,
Speaker 2: your boyfriend sending so you can be it. It's either
Speaker 2: or you can be a good It's either the left
Speaker 2: shoulder or is the angel in a douvile situation? How
Speaker 2: scandalous do you want to be? This is the first
Speaker 2: man you ever falling in love with is disrespected you
Speaker 2: and broking your heart. The best thing to do is
Speaker 2: throw that fucking vibrator into traffic.
Speaker 3: Swerving out of the way of a vibrator, Just truly
Speaker 3: put it.
Speaker 2: On the four h five, Let multiple cars run on
Speaker 2: over it. Take a video of that, of course, and
Speaker 2: then go on with your life.
Speaker 3: You know what to do.
Speaker 2: Listen the fact that.
Speaker 3: She said aliena is zero waves lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Let us know that you really want to throw it away,
Speaker 2: but have some stupid ass reason why you shouldn't. The
Speaker 2: fuck is this four eleen? Is there a wave slash style?
Speaker 2: Then this is one hundred percent nonsense. Throw it is
Speaker 2: the fuck away?
Speaker 3: What is wrong with you?
Speaker 2: No, you can't regift it.
Speaker 3: It happens that one regift is to the girlfriend. That's
Speaker 3: the one person that she can reregift it.
Speaker 2: Pap, I'm sorry I got this by accident. He meant
Speaker 2: to send this to you. Think this meant for he
Speaker 2: can the wrong doorstep?
Speaker 3: Girl, Your boyfriend's losing his mind also, Or you'll go
Speaker 3: back to his house and go, hey, bitch, you left
Speaker 3: that crashes through the front window, except.
Speaker 2: Just hey, set it outside, set it out on the sweatshield,
Speaker 2: wherever it needs to go. You go back to his
Speaker 2: hot because you're like, oh, I go on my doorstep. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're doing doorsteps. That mean you felt that you thought
Speaker 2: that you was safe enough to comeo. You felt comfortable enough.
Speaker 2: I've disrespected me and hurting me to come to my
Speaker 2: house and drop off a vibrator. What fuck are you?
Speaker 2: You go back? Set it back, go to his house.
Speaker 2: You forgot something, text him you forgot something, put it
Speaker 2: on the front porch, and then block his number.
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, this is nonsense, perfectly answered. I mean you
Speaker 3: were just ready for that advice.
Speaker 2: She sounds stupid, and I always have perfect advice for
Speaker 2: people that sound stupid.
Speaker 3: And lean us.
Speaker 2: There always last impossible impossible. You eat eggshells at the house.
Speaker 2: The fuck is you're talking about are you composting your apartment?
Speaker 3: Bitch?
Speaker 2: Get out of here. You on find fucking contaminant.
Speaker 4: Girl.
Speaker 2: Listen, I'm a good partison. Don't say dumb.
Speaker 3: Stuff to me, Eleanor. I think you have your answer,
Speaker 3: and if not, then I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 3: I mean, what else could you ask? Sure knew what?
Speaker 3: Damn it? Yo? Listen.
Speaker 2: People be writing in these podcasts, ask the questions like, listen,
Speaker 2: I know it's not string theory, bitch, I get it.
Speaker 2: This ain't that meaning of fucking life. But don't set
Speaker 2: your fingers and don't use Algor's internet and electricity. We
Speaker 2: never gonna get back to type up something as simple
Speaker 2: as throw it the fuck away. You know you're supposed
Speaker 2: to throw it away. This wasn't a question for information.
Speaker 2: This question for confirmation. You want a permission to do
Speaker 2: exactly what the fuck you want to do, and your
Speaker 2: zero waste lifestyle wasn't gonna stop you from fucking doing it.
Speaker 2: If you need to drive down to a landfill, donate
Speaker 2: it to somebody.
Speaker 3: Girl, take us to the good will.
Speaker 2: It's unopened.
Speaker 3: Get creative, get creative.
Speaker 2: Put googly eyes on the bitch, and toss it through
Speaker 2: his car. Who gives a fuck? You know good?
Speaker 3: Damn will?
Speaker 2: You weren't supposed to keep this? Why was I even
Speaker 2: involved in this conversation?
Speaker 3: We've both been pulled into this thing. She goofy, She's
Speaker 3: completely goofy. I don't like none of this.
Speaker 2: You knew good and damn well, what'd you asking me for?
Speaker 2: You might as well ask me what the color of
Speaker 2: the scar was? No, ma'am.
Speaker 3: Eleanor don't write back in na eleanor no no, no,
Speaker 3: no no, because you're silly. Well perfectly answered. I've got
Speaker 3: this new bracelet. I'm so happy about it. I've got
Speaker 3: your book, I've got all kinds of things. What a
Speaker 3: lovely time I've had with you.
Speaker 2: Listen, you say no gifts? Would you be getting gifted?
Speaker 3: Don't say thank you so much for being here, thank
Speaker 3: you for having me. Listener. The podcast is over. I'm
Speaker 3: just gonna try to get back inside and get away
Speaker 3: from any possible prowlers. I hope there are no prowlers
Speaker 3: in your life. The podcast is over. Stop listening. I
Speaker 3: love you, goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly
Speaker 3: right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson.
Speaker 3: And it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't
Speaker 3: do it without our guest booker, Patrick Coottner. The theme song,
Speaker 3: of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann.
Speaker 3: You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said,
Speaker 3: no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's
Speaker 3: where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous
Speaker 3: gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures
Speaker 3: of the gifts? And I invited you hear.
Speaker 1: Funa man myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to me,
Speaker 1: you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
Speaker 1: your presences presence enough and I'm already too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So how do you dare to survey me? Became with
Speaker 1: them