WEBVTT - Deborah 0:00:15.210 --> 0:00:26.569 Pushkin. Hey, you picked up the phone. Very spontaneous. Do 0:00:26.610 --> 0:00:30.250 you think I'm spontaneous? No, nothing spontaneous about you. I'm 0:00:30.250 --> 0:00:34.210 pretty spontaneous. I live in Minnesota, Minnesota. 0:00:34.330 --> 0:00:38.569 I got married. Oh, while I was at the shopping mill, 0:00:38.610 --> 0:00:39.370 I bought a parrot. 0:00:39.769 --> 0:00:40.129 Yeah. 0:00:40.210 --> 0:00:40.970 Oh wait one. 0:00:40.850 --> 0:00:43.890 Second, chicken lever. 0:00:44.530 --> 0:00:46.130 Oh did you hear that in the background? 0:00:46.409 --> 0:00:46.809 Yeah? 0:00:46.930 --> 0:00:51.090 What Jackie Cohen? Oh did you hear that? 0:00:51.650 --> 0:00:52.529 Jackie Coin? 0:00:57.810 --> 0:01:00.970 What she hung up on you? I know she did 0:01:01.010 --> 0:01:12.610 imaginary parrot from Pushkin Industries. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this 0:01:13.290 --> 0:01:23.770 is Heavyweight Today's episode. Deborah right after the break. 0:01:37.970 --> 0:01:40.210 Hello, Hello, is this Barbara? 0:01:41.330 --> 0:01:42.890 No, this is Deborah. 0:01:44.130 --> 0:01:45.490 How are you related to Barbara? 0:01:46.610 --> 0:01:48.290 I don't know who Barbara is. 0:01:49.450 --> 0:01:52.930 Although this might sound like a classic cheech and chong routine, 0:01:53.370 --> 0:01:57.370 it's actually me phoning Debrah. Deborah, you should know, is 0:01:57.410 --> 0:02:00.570 one hundred and two years old. Yet it is I 0:02:00.810 --> 0:02:04.690 who is having the senior moment. Oh my, I'm so sorry. 0:02:04.770 --> 0:02:08.930 For some reason, I think I thought your name was Barbara. 0:02:09.090 --> 0:02:12.250 Hey, I've lived long enough I could take any name. 0:02:16.889 --> 0:02:20.490 I'm phoning Deborah. Her name is Deborah because she made 0:02:20.530 --> 0:02:24.170 a discovery recently that has turned her life on its head. 0:02:25.050 --> 0:02:27.650 It all began with a phone call from her daughter Lee. 0:02:28.370 --> 0:02:34.290 She called me several months ago and she said, Mom, 0:02:34.810 --> 0:02:38.290 given your age, I'd like to help you clear out 0:02:38.930 --> 0:02:43.690 your storage room. So I said fine, When are you coming? 0:02:44.050 --> 0:02:45.130 She said? Now. 0:02:46.170 --> 0:02:49.049 The storage room is a room in Deborah's Bronx apartment. 0:02:49.570 --> 0:02:53.290 She affectionately calls it the snake pit. It's where expired 0:02:53.370 --> 0:02:57.370 vitamins and broken kitchen appliances collecked well. Cleaning it out, 0:02:57.650 --> 0:02:59.930 her daughter Lee saw something that caught her. 0:02:59.810 --> 0:03:04.850 Eye, and she walked out of the storage room with 0:03:05.050 --> 0:03:07.570 the cardboard box. 0:03:09.130 --> 0:03:12.370 Written across the top of the box were Debrah's initials, 0:03:12.930 --> 0:03:16.530 and beside those initials, underlined in black ink, were the 0:03:16.530 --> 0:03:21.450 words go through. When Debra lifted the lid, she uncovered 0:03:21.450 --> 0:03:24.930 something she'd stashed away long ago and had never gone through. 0:03:26.010 --> 0:03:33.370 Two hundred fifty six letters written to me when I 0:03:33.410 --> 0:03:35.610 was twenty one. 0:03:35.970 --> 0:03:39.530 The letters, tied up in ribboned bundles were from Deborah's 0:03:39.570 --> 0:03:42.810 first love, a man named Jerry Robbins. 0:03:43.450 --> 0:03:56.370 We were engaged to be married. He okay, I'm sorry. 0:03:56.610 --> 0:03:59.610 Jerry was killed in World War Two on Christmas Eve 0:03:59.810 --> 0:04:00.730 nineteen forty four. 0:04:01.890 --> 0:04:06.210 My future was shredded as well as the man that 0:04:06.370 --> 0:04:07.370 I loved. 0:04:08.490 --> 0:04:11.010 And had you forgotten about these letters? 0:04:12.650 --> 0:04:20.289 I didn't forget. I just found his death so disturbing 0:04:21.210 --> 0:04:28.210 I couldn't take it. So I sequestered that aspect of 0:04:28.250 --> 0:04:33.490 my prior life away and never looked at it again. 0:04:37.489 --> 0:04:43.250 She has a really powerful ability to flip the switch. 0:04:43.289 --> 0:04:44.369 As she calls it. 0:04:45.130 --> 0:04:46.610 This is Deborah's daughter Lee. 0:04:47.250 --> 0:04:49.409 Put it away, not think about it. 0:04:50.049 --> 0:04:53.129 And that's just what Debra did. To escape the grief 0:04:53.169 --> 0:04:56.729 of Jerry's death. She threw herself into graduate school, got 0:04:56.770 --> 0:05:00.169 a master's degree in social work, and from there life 0:05:00.210 --> 0:05:03.849 just kept unspooling. She married a man named Irving, who 0:05:03.890 --> 0:05:06.929 was an attorney and a good provider, and together they 0:05:07.049 --> 0:05:11.169 raised three kids. All the while, through sixty four years 0:05:11.169 --> 0:05:15.210 of marriage, through every move, every new chapter, Deborah kept 0:05:15.250 --> 0:05:27.569 the box with its lid closed shut until recently, nearly 0:05:27.609 --> 0:05:30.650 eighty years after Jerry's death and over a decade after 0:05:30.690 --> 0:05:33.929 the death of her husband Irving, Deborah was finally ready 0:05:33.969 --> 0:05:36.289 to open the box and start reading. 0:05:36.969 --> 0:05:47.370 Every letter, every postcard, and every V mail email V mail. 0:05:47.929 --> 0:05:53.049 The letter V as in victory right right. 0:05:53.849 --> 0:05:57.169 Will you listen to me? V? Mail, as I only 0:05:57.250 --> 0:06:00.129 later learned, was a method the government used to get 0:06:00.130 --> 0:06:04.210 soldiers letters to their families. And as Deborah read these letters, 0:06:04.570 --> 0:06:05.810 something began to happen. 0:06:06.690 --> 0:06:10.570 I fell love with Jerry again. 0:06:15.369 --> 0:06:18.569 Not only did the box contain Jerry's handwritten letters, but 0:06:18.650 --> 0:06:22.130 also a number of his poems and short stories. Jerry, 0:06:22.169 --> 0:06:25.489 Deborah tells me, was an aspiring writer with big dreams. 0:06:26.369 --> 0:06:33.409 His absolute motivation was to write, write, and compose. If 0:06:33.450 --> 0:06:37.450 he had a pencil or a pen in hand, he 0:06:37.849 --> 0:06:40.169 seek out paper to write on. 0:06:41.409 --> 0:06:44.809 The sheer volume of letters their depth and detail attest 0:06:44.890 --> 0:06:48.250 to this, and each day, sometimes all through the day, 0:06:48.690 --> 0:06:53.129 Deborah would read and reread Jerry's words, and as she did, 0:06:53.529 --> 0:06:56.209 she felt him return to her. It was like time 0:06:56.330 --> 0:06:57.089 had collapsed. 0:07:00.729 --> 0:07:05.089 How can ae hundred and one year old woman whose 0:07:05.250 --> 0:07:11.810 hormones have long since shriveled fall in love again. 0:07:16.970 --> 0:07:20.010 Debra's daughter Lee noticed the change that came over her mother, 0:07:20.410 --> 0:07:24.170 how re energized she'd become, and Lee thought that was wonderful. 0:07:24.730 --> 0:07:25.770 To a point. 0:07:26.050 --> 0:07:31.209 There's a thin line, because she started slipping into what 0:07:31.250 --> 0:07:33.050 we would call Jerry Land. 0:07:33.210 --> 0:07:34.690 Oh what is that? 0:07:34.690 --> 0:07:39.209 That is? Not label it too much, but a kind 0:07:39.250 --> 0:07:43.330 of overarching obsession with all things Jerry. 0:07:44.410 --> 0:07:48.929 All she did was live in Jerry Land. 0:07:49.810 --> 0:07:52.250 This is Debra's other daughter, Lauren. 0:07:52.489 --> 0:07:55.570 And every time I called her up or would see her, 0:07:55.810 --> 0:07:58.809 it would be Jerry said this, and Jerry said that. 0:07:59.890 --> 0:08:06.170 She would spend all my conversations with her just talking 0:08:06.210 --> 0:08:06.930 about Jerry. 0:08:07.730 --> 0:08:09.009 It sounds a little bit of the way you just 0:08:09.090 --> 0:08:11.210 describe it as like, you know, like when a teenager's 0:08:11.250 --> 0:08:13.569 in love. You know, yeah, they're just drawing like the 0:08:13.810 --> 0:08:17.530 person's name and tarts, you know, in their notebook or something. 0:08:17.890 --> 0:08:21.410 Yeah, you just can't help but talk about it all 0:08:21.570 --> 0:08:22.130 the time. 0:08:23.130 --> 0:08:27.129 Lauren says their mother stopped watching movies, reading books, attending 0:08:27.210 --> 0:08:28.929 the classes she took online. 0:08:29.810 --> 0:08:34.450 I was concerned about it. Lee was concerned about it. 0:08:35.090 --> 0:08:39.050 We all kept saying, here, mom, here's a great book, 0:08:39.570 --> 0:08:44.210 read this, watch this. Why don't you invite people over? 0:08:44.570 --> 0:08:49.250 And it was truly like she was in a bubble. 0:08:55.090 --> 0:08:58.370 Also concerning to Lauren is how since the discovery of 0:08:58.370 --> 0:09:02.170 the letters, Jerry has threatened to eclipse her late father Irving. 0:09:03.090 --> 0:09:06.490 For proof, you need look no further than Deborah's living room. 0:09:06.770 --> 0:09:09.449 On an entry table by the door is a photoph 0:09:09.530 --> 0:09:13.010 of Irving. But beside her favorite chair is one of 0:09:13.090 --> 0:09:14.890 Jerry sitting. 0:09:14.690 --> 0:09:18.090 Right next to her, and my father is off to 0:09:18.210 --> 0:09:18.930 the side. 0:09:19.250 --> 0:09:20.210 What the hell? 0:09:22.650 --> 0:09:23.930 How does that make you feel? 0:09:24.570 --> 0:09:29.170 Weird? Strange? 0:09:29.970 --> 0:09:33.330 Deborah, for her part, insists her feelings for Jerry have 0:09:33.450 --> 0:09:36.090 no bearing on the love she feels for her late husband. 0:09:36.770 --> 0:09:39.570 But this passionate side of Deborah is new to Lauren. 0:09:44.850 --> 0:09:49.690 They always say, we become more of ourselves the older 0:09:49.850 --> 0:09:50.450 we get. 0:09:50.850 --> 0:09:51.410 Do you think so? 0:09:52.490 --> 0:09:54.450 I think so, don't you. 0:09:56.210 --> 0:09:58.490 I'd like to think so. Yeah. I mean it certainly 0:09:58.490 --> 0:10:00.770 seems like with your mother. I mean she continues to grow, 0:10:00.850 --> 0:10:01.130 you know. 0:10:02.130 --> 0:10:02.770 She does. 0:10:03.370 --> 0:10:08.570 There's a great line I love to quote and it's 0:10:09.290 --> 0:10:16.410 from Metallica, Metallica, the heavy metal Dads, and they one 0:10:16.450 --> 0:10:20.490 of the lines is my lifestyle determines. 0:10:19.970 --> 0:10:26.090 My death style. And I think it's a great line. 0:10:26.450 --> 0:10:31.450 Like not she's not dying, but you know, I think 0:10:31.530 --> 0:10:38.730 we just keep becoming more. Yeah, and oh there, I'm 0:10:38.770 --> 0:10:41.250 sorry for all these texts. 0:10:41.290 --> 0:10:44.410 My husband just got nominated for two Emmys. 0:10:44.490 --> 0:10:46.210 Oh my goodness, that's fantastic. 0:10:47.410 --> 0:10:48.290 Yeah. 0:10:48.650 --> 0:10:52.490 As it happens, Lauren's husband is the award winning documentary 0:10:52.570 --> 0:10:57.610 filmmaker Joe Berlinger. Among his work some kind of monster, 0:10:58.010 --> 0:11:01.970 an exploration of Metallica's experience in group therapy. 0:11:02.570 --> 0:11:06.130 He just got dominated in My whole family is like, Yay, 0:11:06.490 --> 0:11:07.730 that's great, your grads. 0:11:09.410 --> 0:11:13.650 Good for him, But you know, it's also good as good, 0:11:13.770 --> 0:11:17.570 if not better than being nominated for TV's most prestigious award. 0:11:19.130 --> 0:11:24.530 Helping people. And right now I'm going to help Deborah 0:11:24.970 --> 0:11:27.850 with something she's taken to calling her mandate. 0:11:30.570 --> 0:11:34.250 When I was a daughter, I had an obligation to 0:11:34.330 --> 0:11:39.570 my parents, as a student, to my teacher in my school, 0:11:39.850 --> 0:11:44.010 as a wife and a mother to my family. But 0:11:44.450 --> 0:11:51.330 now that I've lived this long, my mandate is to 0:11:51.450 --> 0:11:56.530 do something with these amazing letters. 0:11:57.250 --> 0:12:00.690 Deborah hopes to honor Jerry by giving his writing an audience. 0:12:01.370 --> 0:12:04.530 It occurs to me that I have an audience, and 0:12:04.570 --> 0:12:07.570 perhaps if Deborah and I read through the letters together, 0:12:08.090 --> 0:12:11.210 it would fulfill her man and allow her to move on. 0:12:12.050 --> 0:12:14.610 I put the idea to Lee. Do you think like 0:12:14.650 --> 0:12:19.130 getting something out there into the world would allow her 0:12:19.170 --> 0:12:20.330 to leave Jerry Land? 0:12:21.770 --> 0:12:22.010 Yeah? 0:12:22.170 --> 0:12:27.890 I do, because he'll always be twenty one. He'll always 0:12:27.930 --> 0:12:33.970 be a writer who never got to live his potential. 0:12:34.770 --> 0:12:41.170 So there's this quality of stuckness or stasis getting his 0:12:41.370 --> 0:12:45.770 work out there. It's almost like she gets to the. 0:12:46.010 --> 0:12:50.170 End, can you come to my apartment? 0:12:51.690 --> 0:12:53.890 Well, I'm in Minnesota. 0:12:55.530 --> 0:12:59.010 I wouldn't fly out where you are, but if you 0:12:59.210 --> 0:13:04.090 can come to my home, I would be journally grateful 0:13:05.530 --> 0:13:07.290 for as long as I last. 0:13:09.170 --> 0:13:11.730 I mean, I would love to see the letters, and 0:13:11.970 --> 0:13:14.690 it would be uh, it would be really nice to 0:13:14.730 --> 0:13:15.610 meet you in person. 0:13:16.490 --> 0:13:23.050 Okay, mister Goldsting, So come up, yeah, said the old 0:13:23.250 --> 0:13:24.730 lighty to the young man. 0:13:27.810 --> 0:13:30.690 And so it looks like this fifty six year old 0:13:30.730 --> 0:13:34.330 young man is heading off to New York because, like 0:13:34.410 --> 0:13:37.770 the writing on the box says, maybe the only way 0:13:37.810 --> 0:13:44.050 out is to go through. And speaking of going through, 0:13:44.570 --> 0:13:47.210 it's time for you to grease up the wheels on 0:13:47.250 --> 0:14:10.290 your shopping cart and go through some ads. Two hundred 0:14:10.450 --> 0:14:14.170 and fifty six letters. It took several weeks for my 0:14:14.250 --> 0:14:17.210 producer Phoebe and me to read them all. Many of 0:14:17.210 --> 0:14:20.530 the letters were missing dates and locations, but we puzzled 0:14:20.530 --> 0:14:23.530 our way through, doing our best to bring chronological order, 0:14:24.250 --> 0:14:27.370 and as we did, a life emerged and a portrait 0:14:27.570 --> 0:14:30.330 of the young man who lived it. Went through all 0:14:30.410 --> 0:14:32.930 two hundred and fifty six of the letters. 0:14:33.170 --> 0:14:36.970 Oh boy, so you know Jerry. 0:14:37.490 --> 0:14:42.130 Oh yeah, So let's uh, why don't we just start 0:14:42.210 --> 0:14:43.610 off by reading the first letter? 0:14:44.330 --> 0:14:45.370 Here goes. 0:14:46.570 --> 0:14:52.570 Dear deb finding myself with a few spare moments. 0:14:52.970 --> 0:14:55.770 Jerry's first letters are from the spring of nineteen forty, 0:14:56.250 --> 0:14:58.290 nearly four years before he enlisted. 0:14:58.530 --> 0:15:03.610 My mother advised me that she doesn't mind my saying 0:15:04.130 --> 0:15:09.330 in your house till all hours of the night. She 0:15:09.690 --> 0:15:14.930 likes you quite a bit, which practically makes it unanimous. 0:15:18.850 --> 0:15:21.850 Deborah and Jerry had been friends since their elementary school 0:15:21.930 --> 0:15:25.330 days in Brooklyn, but their friendship was beginning to blossom 0:15:25.570 --> 0:15:30.050 into something more. What were you guys doing until all 0:15:30.130 --> 0:15:31.970 hours of the night? 0:15:32.930 --> 0:15:39.850 Talking as passionate as it was, it was never consummated, 0:15:40.490 --> 0:15:47.290 which is my regret. It is a regret, oh intensely so. 0:15:47.330 --> 0:15:49.970 Deborah says she was waiting for marriage. 0:15:50.010 --> 0:15:58.170 But we would have had a hot time together. I 0:15:58.250 --> 0:16:01.010 forgot that I'm being cool. 0:16:08.570 --> 0:16:12.570 Jerry over an hour away by subway, and before texting 0:16:12.730 --> 0:16:16.690 emails and the prevalence of phone calls, weekend rendezvous were 0:16:16.730 --> 0:16:22.130 planned out over letters. Jerry's writing is clever. In one missive, 0:16:22.370 --> 0:16:25.210 he invites Deborah out to a show for New Year's Eve. 0:16:25.810 --> 0:16:28.330 When she doesn't give him a straight answer, he sends 0:16:28.330 --> 0:16:31.770 a follow up to help you make a decision, and 0:16:31.810 --> 0:16:34.770 for your convenience, you will find on page four of 0:16:34.810 --> 0:16:39.050 this letter a ballot. Just check one and mail within 0:16:39.170 --> 0:16:45.050 the next week. The ballot shows two options, yes and yes. 0:16:49.170 --> 0:16:49.450 Be it. 0:16:49.530 --> 0:16:52.770 In his letters or his short stories, Jerry had away 0:16:52.850 --> 0:16:56.810 with a closing line. His fiction often showcased an ironic 0:16:56.890 --> 0:17:00.970 reveal in the final sentence. In one story, the piecenake 0:17:01.050 --> 0:17:04.209 babbling in the mental institution turns out to be a 0:17:04.210 --> 0:17:08.209 former war commissioner. In another, the motorist who stops to 0:17:08.210 --> 0:17:11.730 help a stranded world turns out to be an executioner 0:17:11.810 --> 0:17:14.129 on his way to put the woman's son to death. 0:17:15.090 --> 0:17:18.530 They were like Twilight Zone episodes. Almost twenty years before 0:17:18.570 --> 0:17:22.169 the show went on the air, Jerry shared drafts of 0:17:22.209 --> 0:17:26.649 these stories along with poems. Deborah appreciated his lyrical turns 0:17:26.689 --> 0:17:27.170 of phrase. 0:17:28.330 --> 0:17:35.129 I call them Jerry is instead of war, he says, 0:17:35.850 --> 0:17:47.169 man made madness instead of bullet hot sperm of death. 0:17:48.409 --> 0:17:49.050 How is that. 0:17:50.970 --> 0:17:54.850 Hot sperm of death? 0:17:56.409 --> 0:17:59.570 I'm no poet, but it strikes me that the mighty 0:17:59.649 --> 0:18:04.049 Metallica itself would be proud to name an album something 0:18:04.169 --> 0:18:15.850 so in one's face. As a student at Columbia studying 0:18:15.889 --> 0:18:18.889 to be a writer, Jerry was exempt from the draft, 0:18:19.449 --> 0:18:22.450 but in the winter of nineteen forty three, he decided 0:18:22.490 --> 0:18:27.570 to leave school and enlist. Aside from his parents, Deborah 0:18:27.609 --> 0:18:30.609 was the first person he told. Since one of my 0:18:30.689 --> 0:18:34.369 guiding rules, he wrote, has always been to thine own 0:18:34.449 --> 0:18:37.449 self be true. I feel I can't stay out any 0:18:37.449 --> 0:18:42.250 longer just paying lip service to my beliefs. From boot camp, 0:18:42.449 --> 0:18:46.570 Jerry's letters arrived in Deborah's mailbox every day. His clever 0:18:46.649 --> 0:18:50.010 short stories with the tidy twilight's own endings gave way 0:18:50.129 --> 0:18:54.810 to reportage. Jerry detailed the eccentric characters he met, the 0:18:54.889 --> 0:18:57.889 sergeant with a jaw like a rock, the chaplain who 0:18:57.929 --> 0:19:01.449 was a secret lush, but he also shared his feelings. 0:19:02.090 --> 0:19:04.609 In one letter, he described the first time he stood 0:19:04.649 --> 0:19:07.850 before a mirror and saw himself in uniform, how it 0:19:07.889 --> 0:19:12.050 gave him chills. As training became more grueling and the 0:19:12.090 --> 0:19:15.689 thought of war more present and real, Jerry sought refuge 0:19:15.689 --> 0:19:19.609 in Deborah, summoning her presence during lonely evenings at camp 0:19:20.010 --> 0:19:24.010 or long marches in the heat. I didn't mind walking 0:19:24.169 --> 0:19:28.130 because I wasn't alone. You were with me, walking by 0:19:28.169 --> 0:19:31.729 my side and keeping me company All the time. We 0:19:31.810 --> 0:19:36.210 spoke about a thousand things, my furlough, the invasion, what 0:19:36.250 --> 0:19:39.169 we're going to do together when I come back. I 0:19:39.250 --> 0:19:42.369 recited poetry to you, and when no one was watching, 0:19:42.730 --> 0:19:45.570 I put my arms around you, held you close to me, 0:19:46.129 --> 0:19:58.649 and whispered I love you into your ears. Jerry and 0:19:58.689 --> 0:20:01.929 Deborah created a ritual which they enacted at ten o'clock 0:20:02.010 --> 0:20:06.330 each evening. Jerry called it their nightly meeting. When the 0:20:06.369 --> 0:20:09.290 hour struck, they dropped whatever they were doing, and in 0:20:09.330 --> 0:20:12.689 the absence of a telephone, each would simply think of 0:20:12.770 --> 0:20:17.889 the other. I close my eyes, Jerry rode. The world 0:20:17.970 --> 0:20:21.290 fades away, and then it's now. 0:20:22.689 --> 0:20:28.409 Now was one of our secret words. The only thing 0:20:28.570 --> 0:20:40.250 that was real was here and now. Through the ebony 0:20:40.369 --> 0:20:45.490 of night, I reach out for you, and from across 0:20:45.609 --> 0:20:52.290 the wide expense of c you come, your eyes flashing, 0:20:52.409 --> 0:20:58.729 your body warm and curved. This is the only place, 0:20:59.850 --> 0:21:15.129 this is the only time here and now. 0:21:14.570 --> 0:21:17.009 Do you want to read another letter? 0:21:17.209 --> 0:21:19.210 This one will be a special one. 0:21:19.530 --> 0:21:25.369 Sure, So here I go again, doing things cruelly and 0:21:25.609 --> 0:21:31.850 probably very badly, Honey, I want to get engaged on 0:21:31.929 --> 0:21:39.090 my furlough. I needn't add that I'm anxiously and eagerly 0:21:39.290 --> 0:21:40.810 awaiting your reply. 0:21:41.889 --> 0:21:42.770 Just say yes. 0:21:43.889 --> 0:21:47.889 And here Deborah recites from memory her reply from over 0:21:47.970 --> 0:21:49.010 eighty years ago. 0:21:49.889 --> 0:21:54.649 My answer to you is yes, yes, Yes. 0:21:56.290 --> 0:21:59.649 Back at bootcamp, time marched on, and in the fall 0:21:59.730 --> 0:22:03.730 of nineteen forty four, Jerry received notice he was going 0:22:03.770 --> 0:22:07.490 to be deployed. But before his deployment, he was granted 0:22:07.570 --> 0:22:11.010 a final furlough, so he went home to see Deborah, 0:22:11.090 --> 0:22:14.410 where he gave her a ring. Together they made plans 0:22:14.449 --> 0:22:17.570 for the future, talked about everything that lay ahead once 0:22:17.609 --> 0:22:21.249 he was home for good. Then, standing on the subway 0:22:21.290 --> 0:22:24.810 platform in Washington Heights, they said their last goodbye. 0:22:25.570 --> 0:22:32.649 I couldn't almost feel it. I remember kissing him and saying, 0:22:33.609 --> 0:22:39.129 this isn't good. I don't know what's happening. And I 0:22:39.409 --> 0:22:46.769 went into the train and I cried hysterically all the 0:22:46.850 --> 0:22:49.450 way till the last stop. 0:22:49.490 --> 0:22:57.889 On that train, Jerry's company was shipped off to England, 0:22:58.050 --> 0:23:01.169 where American soldiers were preparing to join the fight in 0:23:01.209 --> 0:23:05.570 mainland Europe. Unbeknownst to them, they were destined for one 0:23:05.570 --> 0:23:08.810 of the deadliest campaigns of World War Two, the Battle 0:23:08.850 --> 0:23:13.249 of the Bulge, but they never made it there. Jerry 0:23:13.330 --> 0:23:15.889 was among more than twenty two hundred men loaded onto 0:23:15.929 --> 0:23:19.449 a troop ship on Christmas Eve. The ship was bound 0:23:19.449 --> 0:23:23.289 for Cherbourg, France, just a short trip across the English Channel, 0:23:24.010 --> 0:23:26.929 but hours later, just five miles from the entrance to 0:23:26.970 --> 0:23:31.850 the harbor, a torpedo strock. A survivor described the slender 0:23:31.970 --> 0:23:34.850 silver missile cutting through the water and colliding with the 0:23:34.889 --> 0:23:38.289 ship as having shaken the vessel from stern to stern. 0:23:39.369 --> 0:23:42.489 Hundreds of men in the lower decks were killed instantly 0:23:42.889 --> 0:23:46.690 as the sea rushed into the massive gash. Those who 0:23:46.730 --> 0:23:49.570 made it to the upper decks weren't much better off. 0:23:50.290 --> 0:23:52.890 They'd not been briefed on how to lower the lifeboats 0:23:52.970 --> 0:23:55.770 or free the rafts that might have carried them to safety. 0:23:56.570 --> 0:23:58.929 That they were told was the job of the crew. 0:23:59.889 --> 0:24:03.369 But the crew, a Belgian outfit, spoke little English and 0:24:03.409 --> 0:24:06.850 had little loyalty to the American troops aboard, And so 0:24:06.929 --> 0:24:10.369 it happened that many crew members and in ship, while 0:24:10.409 --> 0:24:14.290 the Americans aboard still had no idea they were slowly sinking. 0:24:15.609 --> 0:24:18.489 Many soldiers were presumed to have gone down with the ship. 0:24:19.050 --> 0:24:23.050 Others were lost to injuries in hypothermia. In the end, 0:24:23.409 --> 0:24:27.250 seven hundred and sixty three men died. Jerry was one 0:24:27.290 --> 0:24:31.369 of them. After six months of training, he saw one 0:24:31.530 --> 0:24:41.090 day of war. The scale of death was so needless, 0:24:41.409 --> 0:24:45.090 the failed emergency response so poor that for decades the 0:24:45.169 --> 0:24:49.529 US government covered up the details. Survivors risked losing their 0:24:49.609 --> 0:24:53.289 veteran benefits if they talked, and so when a family 0:24:53.409 --> 0:24:56.169 was notified that they'd lost a loved one, only the 0:24:56.169 --> 0:24:57.649 barest details were shared. 0:24:58.730 --> 0:25:04.930 I was in Jerry's parents' home. His mother and father 0:25:05.570 --> 0:25:12.090 were in the room. They handed me that telegram. 0:25:12.250 --> 0:25:15.050 In the months before he died, looking towards the war 0:25:15.169 --> 0:25:19.010 he was about to enter, Jerry wrote a poem, all 0:25:19.050 --> 0:25:22.850 I ask for God in the brief second before eternity 0:25:22.970 --> 0:25:26.090 swallows me up a glimpse of the world that is 0:25:26.129 --> 0:25:30.249 to be where no man need make a prayer like mine? 0:25:30.490 --> 0:25:33.570 Then will I know there is meaning amidst this man 0:25:33.730 --> 0:25:36.369 made madness. 0:25:39.330 --> 0:25:47.570 In a certain way, I've never verbalized this, but in 0:25:47.570 --> 0:25:54.570 a certain way. The discovery of those letters have turned 0:25:55.330 --> 0:26:03.130 my life upside down, because I don't feel as happy 0:26:03.169 --> 0:26:06.090 as I used to feel. I really don't. 0:26:07.169 --> 0:26:09.889 It's the first time I've heard Debra say this. I 0:26:09.929 --> 0:26:13.409 thought for Deborah, jerry Land was a happy escape, and 0:26:13.490 --> 0:26:17.449 it seems it can be. But there's sadness there too. 0:26:17.850 --> 0:26:22.209 After discovering the box, Deborah found herself having nightmares. The 0:26:22.290 --> 0:26:26.050 letters abruptly end in nineteen forty four, so in place 0:26:26.050 --> 0:26:30.409 of an actual ending, Deborah's mindcrafted its own. She dreamt 0:26:30.409 --> 0:26:33.530 of Jerry in the water. She dreamt of him frozen 0:26:33.730 --> 0:26:36.330 in the English Channel, and it was like a piece 0:26:36.369 --> 0:26:40.769 of Deborah was stuck there with him. Recently, though, I 0:26:40.850 --> 0:26:49.689 learned something that might help Deborah to work herself free. 0:26:49.850 --> 0:26:53.050 A few months ago, a genealogist friend of the family 0:26:53.369 --> 0:26:57.569 was doing some digging and turned up something surprising, something 0:26:57.570 --> 0:27:02.009 that Debora never knew. Jerry's body wasn't in the English Channel, 0:27:02.409 --> 0:27:06.290 nor was it buried somewhere in Europe. Jerry's body had 0:27:06.330 --> 0:27:10.409 actually been repatriated back to America and interred in a 0:27:10.490 --> 0:27:14.850 Jewish cemetery called Mount Lebanon, And it turns out the 0:27:14.889 --> 0:27:21.169 cemetery is not an hour's drive from Deborah's apartment. To 0:27:21.250 --> 0:27:24.410 move on from jerry Land, maybe Deborah needs more than 0:27:24.530 --> 0:27:28.490 just to revisit the past, or honor the past. Maybe 0:27:28.530 --> 0:27:32.009 she needs to grieve it. Leaving the house at one 0:27:32.090 --> 0:27:35.130 hundred and two is not so easily done, and Deborah 0:27:35.129 --> 0:27:38.169 has yet to visit Jerry's grave. I ask if it 0:27:38.250 --> 0:27:40.210 might be something we can do together. 0:27:40.689 --> 0:27:44.730 Anything that brings me closer to him some game. 0:27:48.850 --> 0:28:12.810 After the break Jerry. Just as I'm about to book 0:28:12.810 --> 0:28:16.169 a minivan for our visit to the cemetery, I receive 0:28:16.209 --> 0:28:22.850 an invitation to a video conference. Hello, Hey, sorry, I 0:28:22.929 --> 0:28:27.090 had to I guess log in. Debra's Emmy Award winning 0:28:27.129 --> 0:28:30.489 son in law, Joe Berlinger, also wants to come to 0:28:30.530 --> 0:28:35.050 the cemetery to film for his own project about Debra. 0:28:35.570 --> 0:28:38.250 I mean, we're all such huge fans of Heavyweight that 0:28:38.770 --> 0:28:40.930 we're so excited that you're engaged. 0:28:42.330 --> 0:28:47.690 Yeah, I mean, right back at you. We you know, 0:28:47.810 --> 0:28:52.090 we love what you do. So we have I a 0:28:52.130 --> 0:28:56.290 pet hamster and my fanny pack. Allow me to explain 0:28:56.370 --> 0:28:59.650 my lack of enthusiasm about Joe's participation. 0:29:00.090 --> 0:29:01.570 You know, when I go out and I do something 0:29:01.610 --> 0:29:03.170 for Netflix or whatever, it's a little The. 0:29:03.090 --> 0:29:06.850 World of documentary is a hierarchy that breaks down thusly, 0:29:08.130 --> 0:29:14.010 Netflix document entries the top floor, Penthouse Suite Audio documentaries 0:29:14.490 --> 0:29:19.209 the underground parking garage where audio documentarians park their used 0:29:19.250 --> 0:29:23.170 Ford fiestas. So as much as I love Joe's work, 0:29:23.810 --> 0:29:28.969 let's just say Metallica doesn't have two lead guitarists. Let's 0:29:29.090 --> 0:29:34.130 just say it only has one. And according to the Internet, 0:29:34.450 --> 0:29:38.610 his name is Kirkley Hammett. And on this documentary shoot, 0:29:39.290 --> 0:29:40.050 I'm the Kirk. 0:29:40.730 --> 0:29:43.650 It's not like we're going to be dueling interviewers or 0:29:43.690 --> 0:29:44.290 anything like that. 0:29:44.330 --> 0:29:45.529 I want to assure you of that. 0:29:45.690 --> 0:29:47.370 I just want to be a fly on the wall 0:29:47.410 --> 0:29:51.730 and observe what's happening. Canadian etiquette dictates my not saying no, 0:29:52.450 --> 0:29:56.810 but I will be documenting you, Joe Berlinger documenting me 0:29:58.010 --> 0:30:09.170