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Speaker 1: My boyfriend's family forbid me from cooking Christmas dinner, so

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Speaker 1: I refuse to attend. My twenty four female boyfriend twenty

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Speaker 1: eight male love seasoned food, but not just seasoning peppers.

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Speaker 1: When we got together, we mostly go out to eat,

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Speaker 1: so it wasn't something noticeable. But as soon as we

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Speaker 1: started sharing an apartment, I took it upon myself to

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Speaker 1: cook our day to day meals and it started. By

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Speaker 1: the way this comes from green Bean, Jean on the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime subverured it. So he would complain lightly at

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Speaker 1: first about the food not being seasoned, So I started

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Speaker 1: adding condiments bit by bit, until how's today where all

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Speaker 1: of the savory food we cook in our household has

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Speaker 1: to have our homemade seasoning, a blend of garlic, onions,

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Speaker 1: dry seasoning, and hot sauce. Even then, he would always

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Speaker 1: bring the hot sauce bottle to the table when he'd eat.

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Speaker 1: That is, until a few months ago. He started complaining

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Speaker 1: of waking up at night with pain in his stomach,

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Speaker 1: feeling a bitter taste in his mouth, et cetera. He

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Speaker 1: complained for two weeks before I had to schedule a

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Speaker 1: doctor's appointment for him since he refused to do it himself,

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Speaker 1: saying it was just a minor things some of you

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Speaker 1: might have guessed he was diagnosed with acid reflex. Since

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Speaker 1: the diagnosis, he asked that I stop using our homemade

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Speaker 1: seasoning and stick with the garlic and onions only, which

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Speaker 1: I was happy to do and saw no problem with it.

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Speaker 1: The problem starts with the fact that with the change,

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Speaker 1: he started not enjoying the food as much since he's

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Speaker 1: used to how we used to eat before, and time

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Speaker 1: to time complains that my putting too much pepper in

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Speaker 1: our meals was what caused his acid reas.

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Speaker 2: Wait, okay, in the beginning, yeah, he is like, this

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Speaker 2: food tastes like booty. You need to spice it up.

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Speaker 2: He spices it up. He happens to get ask and

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Speaker 2: he's like, I can't believe you spiced the food. Why

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Speaker 2: would you do that? How dare you spice it up?

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Speaker 1: You're so mean? And then OPE was like, okay, I'll

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Speaker 1: take it away, and he was like, this tastes discussing

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Speaker 1: this is awful. I would always deny and reason with

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Speaker 1: him that he was the one who asked for that

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Speaker 1: amount of pepper, but since my argument wouldn't change his decision,

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Speaker 1: I just stopped answering all together. When he complains about

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Speaker 1: it these days, that's when the dinner part of the

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Speaker 1: story comes. My boyfriend's family is big, with lots of

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Speaker 1: aunts and uncles and married children with grandkids, which causes

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Speaker 1: festivities to be a hard time to get people together

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Speaker 1: since they want to also participate in the in laws celebration.

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Speaker 1: Their solution to this problem is to create a new

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Speaker 1: date and early Christmas that happens at the end of

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Speaker 1: November so everyone gets to participate. Boyfriend and I have

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Speaker 1: been dating for almost a year, but since we were

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Speaker 1: still getting to know each other when the last dinner happened,

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Speaker 1: this is the first one I'll be participating and boyfriend's

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Speaker 1: mom is always the one cooking. But since my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: loved and bragged about my cooking so much to his

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Speaker 1: family when he visited during the year, she asked if

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Speaker 1: I would like to help her with the process, which

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Speaker 1: I gladly agreed to and was so very happy.

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Speaker 2: So he bragged his family, but then he's like, you

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Speaker 2: messed up myself.

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Speaker 1: But Pepper also me helping would mean boyfriend and I

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Speaker 1: would have to travel to their hometown on Friday instead

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Speaker 1: of Saturday, since some steps in preparations need to be

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Speaker 1: done ahead of time, and for that reason, I gave

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Speaker 1: up one of my holiday days off so I could

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Speaker 1: skip work on Friday, which means I'll be working retail

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Speaker 1: on Christmas Week, which is crap, but I could live

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Speaker 1: with it. The thing is that a few days after

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend's doctor visit, I received a text from his

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Speaker 1: mom saying that she won't need my help anymore since

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Speaker 1: her daughter, boyfriend's sister, will manage to leave college early

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Speaker 1: and help her instead. I was surprised, let down and sad,

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Speaker 1: but said, okay, why can't both of them help?

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Speaker 2: Not enough room in the kitchen, Too many cooks in

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Speaker 2: the kitchen, many cooks in the kitchen, too many cooks.

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Speaker 1: What boyfriend's mom may not be aware of is that

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Speaker 1: me and my boyfriend's sister are friends, not best friends,

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Speaker 1: but we text each other and send funny posts on

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Speaker 1: Instagram back and forth. That's bestie's she all her besties.

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Speaker 2: They're almost lovers.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit too close. Yeah, So the first

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Speaker 1: thing I did after answering was send a nonchalant text

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Speaker 1: to her asking when she'll be going back home, since

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Speaker 1: I had asked her previously to let me borrow one

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Speaker 1: of her books that she talked to me a lot about.

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Speaker 1: A few minutes later, she replied saying that she would

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Speaker 1: only arrive on Sunday, the day of the dinner, since

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Speaker 1: she had assignment deadline for the morning of the day

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Speaker 1: and before that she'll be having a test, so she'll

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Speaker 1: probably cram the assignment at the last minute. First thing

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Speaker 1: that came to my mind was boyfriend must have bad

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Speaker 1: one worded me to his mom about the acid reflex thing,

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Speaker 1: and since she's the type to always act on her

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Speaker 1: son's will, I was cut from cooking.

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Speaker 2: Okay, because the daughter sister is cooking, she's.

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Speaker 1: Not gonna be the Is it a lie? Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: The mom lied about the sister coming home to help, huh,

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Speaker 1: and the sister was like, no, I have a test.

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Speaker 1: I won't be coming until the Sunday. I slept on it,

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Speaker 1: but the next day, on my lunch break, I called

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and asked if he had talked to his mom

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Speaker 1: about this, and he said yes, and that she had

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Speaker 1: even made changes to the recipes so no strong or

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Speaker 1: acidic seasonings were added. And after that made sure to

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Speaker 1: say that he didn't have to ask her like he

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Speaker 1: had with me. Oh he said that, Yeah, what how

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Speaker 1: is that relevant? Like you literally told you went to

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Speaker 1: the doctor found out that you had asaid reflex, told

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Speaker 1: her what you had to change in your diet, and

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Speaker 1: she did. This is where I may have become the

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Speaker 1: a hole, since in the height of my emotions, I

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Speaker 1: told him that since he was so upset with my actions,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't attend the dinner altogether and he can enjoys

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Speaker 1: mommy's food without my presence. Go enjoy you mommy's food

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Speaker 1: without me the best look. I ended the call then,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't get to hear his response. But when

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Speaker 1: I got home, he simply acted normalist. But can sense

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Speaker 1: he's giving me the silent treatment a bit, since he

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Speaker 1: only talks to me when he needs something. That night,

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Speaker 1: I got a call from his mother and she asked

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Speaker 1: me why I won't be attending, and that it was

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Speaker 1: a shame I was refusing to go because of such

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Speaker 1: a small.

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Speaker 2: Phok, this is so messy.

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Speaker 1: There he's like, oh my god, he's just going and

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Speaker 1: blabbing to his mom about everything that's not even said

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Speaker 1: in stone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this didn't need like he's in an argument. Yeah her,

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Speaker 2: she hung up the phone. It's not like anything set No,

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Speaker 2: you're saying, and he.

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Speaker 1: Goes and Bob's's mom. I told her I'd consider going.

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Speaker 1: Could a few days have passed like any of that.

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Speaker 1: The days have passed and boyfriend hasn't tried to persuade

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Speaker 1: me to go at all. I think I might not

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Speaker 1: go in the end, because now I'm feeling stupid because

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Speaker 1: for sure he told his mom all about our fight.

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Speaker 3: Amn.

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Speaker 1: I the a hole and there is an edit. Got

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Speaker 1: out of work and came right back here. Thanks to

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Speaker 1: everyone who took the time to read and comment here.

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Speaker 1: I really do appreciate it. Just to clarify some things.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't force me to cook. I do so because

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Speaker 1: I enjoy doing it and also have more flexible hours

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Speaker 1: at work than he does. I work in education and

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Speaker 1: he works a blue collar job. As for us moving

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Speaker 1: together so soon, I went to college and now work

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Speaker 1: in the same city I grew up in, so sharing

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Speaker 1: an apartment was kind of a reason to move out

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Speaker 1: and a chance to have my own place. My relationship

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Speaker 1: with his family was never bad. We're not super close

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Speaker 1: since we live away from each other. But they were

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Speaker 1: always polite and happy for us in everything we did together.

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Speaker 1: And I do understand that since he's their family, they

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Speaker 1: would side with him in our fights. But you guys

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Speaker 1: can side with us by joining us live every weekday

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Speaker 1: at three pm on YouTube. Just tap her profile.

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Speaker 2: It just doesn't need to be messy. I understand like

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Speaker 2: people have different relationships with their family and but.

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Speaker 1: Have a better one, just do better, But especially.

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Speaker 2: With conflict that isn't settled, like it's not something you

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Speaker 2: share it if to me it's just like private, especially

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Speaker 2: if it's like in the midst of it. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: then if you're sharing it with your family and it

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Speaker 2: hasn't been settled, your family's gonna view your partner in

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Speaker 2: a certain.

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Speaker 1: Way exactly, and especially if it involved.

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Speaker 2: With them, and then it's just gonnad. It's just gonna

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Speaker 2: add messiness to it.

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Speaker 1: Still, at the same time, I am reconsidering being together

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Speaker 1: long term. If this is how all our fights are

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Speaker 1: going to be me defending myself while he tattletales to

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Speaker 1: his family. I don't know if it's breakupworthy or at

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Speaker 1: least I'd like to try to save it by having

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Speaker 1: a sit down and talking about these things that are

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Speaker 1: bothering me. I did text his sister about it, not

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Speaker 1: outright telling her how rude it all is, but saying

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Speaker 1: I was upset that I got pushed out of dinner

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Speaker 1: cooking because a boyfriend. Their mom called me and then

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Speaker 1: sent a text since I couldn't pick up, saying that

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Speaker 1: the reason for backing out of the invite wasn't boyfriend

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Speaker 1: and instead because she didn't want to pressure, slash trouble me.

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Speaker 1: Would you already know that's not true because the boyfriend admitted,

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Speaker 1: which I made sure to tell her when I accepted

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Speaker 1: that me doing it wasn't any of those things. I

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Speaker 1: texted him about sitting down to talk today. He didn't

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Speaker 1: answer yet, and everyone's saying about a year. I think.

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Speaker 1: I know I'm being stupid for fighting for this so much,

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Speaker 1: but I think if we're able to solve this, maybe

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Speaker 1: we could improve the relationship bit by bit, and I

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Speaker 1: don't want to lose hope yet. A friend from work

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Speaker 1: listened to me then and said she has a couch

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Speaker 1: if I ever need it. That is an option too,

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Speaker 1: but one I'm not ready to take. And that is

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Speaker 1: the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: Of course, it makes sense, Yeah, it is upset. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like you want your partner's family to you and

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Speaker 2: then to feel that what happens between you and your

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Speaker 2: partner actually the dumb and it feels like the doors

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Speaker 2: just opened on your relationships.

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Speaker 1: A great feeling, but it seems like he's not like

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Speaker 1: rushing into breakup. It's like, you know what, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: try and figure it out.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, there's so many steps before a breakup

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Speaker 2: in this This isn't like, this isn't to me, This

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Speaker 2: isn't anywhere close to break up territory's I think it's

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Speaker 2: just an opportunity, as all conflict is for boundaries and

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Speaker 2: expectations and agreement to be set, and if.

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Speaker 1: He continues to break it, then it's.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but something like hey makes me really uncomfortable when

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Speaker 2: you share our conflict with your family, and then this

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Speaker 2: is what I'm comfortable with, Like can we make agreement,

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Speaker 2: like explicit agreements about that so that moving forward, she

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Speaker 2: doesn't have to like worry if this is always going

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Speaker 2: to be the case. And he could also be like, no, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to tell them.

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Speaker 1: Then and then it's you I tell it either. But

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Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend's girl best friend made me uncomfortable, so my

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Speaker 2: boyfriend cut her off.

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Speaker 1: That's how you do it.

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Speaker 2: I guess problem solve problems. We don't even need to

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Speaker 2: read the story, that's it. I twenty five female, have

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Speaker 2: been dating my boyfriend Jake, twenty five male. So they

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Speaker 2: were together for a year and a half. When we

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Speaker 2: first got together, I met his girl best friend, Ashley,

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Speaker 2: twenty two year old female. Using fake names for this.

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Speaker 2: They met in school and known each other for about

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Speaker 2: ten years. I just want to say I do believe

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Speaker 2: guys and girls can be friends at the same time.

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Speaker 2: I think boundaries are important and no one should be

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Speaker 2: left feeling uncomfortable. By the way, this comes from you,

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Speaker 2: dash one sad Fry on the r okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 2: So I didn't have an issue with Ashley at first. Truthfully,

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Speaker 2: I really liked her When we first started being friends.

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Speaker 2: She said she was so glad I liked her because

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Speaker 2: none of Jake's ex girlfriends ever did kind.

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Speaker 1: Of sus kind of sus they like you.

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Speaker 2: What are you doing? That did raise some alarms in

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Speaker 2: my head. Huh. But we had so much in common

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Speaker 2: and got along so well. I continue to be friends

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Speaker 2: with her for months. We talked frequently and hung out

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Speaker 2: often just the two of us. At times the three

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Speaker 2: of us would be together, or we'd all be in

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Speaker 2: a bigger group. Okay, so they're like, they're like building

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Speaker 2: they're besties. Yeah, yeah, they're besting it out.

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Speaker 1: They're freaking besties.

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Speaker 2: Over time, I begin to understand why Jake's ex girlfriends

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Speaker 2: all had issues with Ashley.

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Speaker 1: Like if every person has had a problem with you, yes,

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Speaker 1: you think.

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Speaker 2: For me once. Yeah, one time she said, Jake dates brunette's,

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Speaker 2: but he prefers blonde. I am brunette and she is blonde.

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Speaker 4: Okay, weird, relevant, so relevant, weird, it is relevant.

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Speaker 2: I know it's just so dumb. But I think what

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Speaker 2: she's getting at is that it seems like Ashley's like

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Speaker 2: trying to throw in Yeah, she's trying to have some

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Speaker 2: things in the pot, some spice.

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Speaker 1: In them's trying to stir that part.

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Speaker 2: I asked my boyfriend about it, and he agreed it

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Speaker 2: was an odd comment. He said, he'd actually dated more brunettes,

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Speaker 2: but he doesn't even care about her color like that.

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Speaker 1: It's like a lot of brunettes care you actually look

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Speaker 1: like all of my exes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I like personality the most. When Jake and I

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Speaker 2: have been together for nine months, actually told me sometimes

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Speaker 2: I forget you're dating him. We had all spent a

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Speaker 2: lot of time around each other at this point. As

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Speaker 2: I mentioned at the beginning, Ashley and I talked frequently.

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Speaker 2: They were friends, they were besties. We talked multiple days

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Speaker 2: a week and hung out regularly. She took me as

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Speaker 2: a guest to a wedding she attended. We had sleepovers.

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Speaker 2: I baked her cake for her birthday. We laughed and

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Speaker 2: cried together, and we would even essentially make out. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: she went with me to go shopping while I got

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Speaker 2: him a birthday gift just a few months before, So

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Speaker 2: I thought this was a weird comment too. She also

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Speaker 2: would send him tiktoks regularly that say stuff like when

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Speaker 2: you and your girl best friend are matching for Halloween,

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Speaker 2: so all the girls are scared off. This is bad

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Speaker 2: video of a girl and girl dancing, saying can we

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Speaker 2: have a dance like this at my wedding when I

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Speaker 2: get married. A lot of these girl best friend tiktoks.

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Speaker 2: Other times she would send him selfies and picks of

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Speaker 2: herself at the gym. Again, these things felt weird to me.

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Speaker 2: One time, the three of us were at my place

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Speaker 2: with some of their friends getting ready to go out.

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Speaker 2: There were two guys, one being Jake and the rest

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Speaker 2: girls seven and cleaning me. When it's just the girls,

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Speaker 2: we change in front of each other, no problem. But

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Speaker 2: Ashley was wearing this tight dress and she pulled it

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Speaker 2: all the way up over a stomach to adjust her

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Speaker 2: tights when Jake and I were standing three feet away

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Speaker 2: from her. As as she did this, she was standing

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Speaker 2: in my bedroom doorway with the door wide open while

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Speaker 2: we were just right there. I don't understand why she

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Speaker 2: just didn't close my door go to the corner of

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Speaker 2: the bedroom where she wasn't in plain sight. I understand

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Speaker 2: needing to adjust your tights, but I feel like it

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Speaker 2: was weird for her to pull her dress up like

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Speaker 2: that with Jake and I right there. The other ones,

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Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, that's a little suspicious. Yeah for

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Speaker 2: this one, I'm like, I don't know. So many people

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Speaker 2: have different comfortabilities.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the other ones are more suspicious than that one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think this one I don't know. So later

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Speaker 2: that night I had talk with Jake about how Ashley

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Speaker 2: says and does these things that make me feel uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Nuication fantastic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: At first, he got a little defensive, saying they've been

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Speaker 2: friends for years and it's just Ashley. It's just Ashley.

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Speaker 1: She kisses all just make out because as.

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Speaker 2: Ashley, you know, we just cuddle under the covers. But

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Speaker 2: it's Ashley. But I pointed out how he would probably

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Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate for me to

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Speaker 2: left my drops my dress up like that around his

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Speaker 2: brother or his friend. Also made a point that she

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Speaker 2: told me none of his other girlfriends have liked her

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Speaker 2: and that she is a common denominator here. I said,

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Speaker 2: I tried to be her friend for almost a year

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Speaker 2: at that point, but she was making me not want

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Speaker 2: to even be around her at all anymore. When I

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Speaker 2: explained like that, Jake understood where I was coming from.

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Speaker 2: There have been even more occasions where Ashley has said

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Speaker 2: slash done things that made me feel uncomfortable, But this

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00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,599
Speaker 2: post is getting so long, so I will leave it

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Speaker 2: at that. Jake said he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable,

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Speaker 2: and he'd just stopped talking to her entirely. If they've

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Speaker 2: been friends with ten years. That's totally a conversation. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they could have had of like these, this, this, and this. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: this behavior is not uncomfortable. Can we not do that?

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Speaker 2: This is about six months ago. She's measured Himbout a

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Speaker 2: dozen times since and he's never responded. Damn, that just

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Speaker 2: feels cruel. Ouch.

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Speaker 1: That's that would hurt if.

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Speaker 2: A friend of mine was yeah, just out of the

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Speaker 2: randoms and then just ghosted me. But that just feels

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00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,920
Speaker 2: quite corel Yeah, that would really suck. So she texted

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Speaker 2: me recently saying she misses me, hopes Jake and I

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00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,320
Speaker 2: are doing well, and she loves us. She feels sad.

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Speaker 2: I just don't know what to say to her. If

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Speaker 2: she acted like a regular friend who is a girl,

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Speaker 2: I would have no problem. Jake is more extroverted than

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Speaker 2: me and has some friends who are girls. That is

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Speaker 2: totally fine. I have met other girls who are his

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Speaker 2: friends and they've never made me feel uncomfortable the way

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Speaker 2: Ashley has. I just don't know what to say to Ashley.

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Speaker 2: I have a lot of anxiety about the situation. I

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00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,520
Speaker 2: feel like I shouldn't have to explain the logic that

349
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Speaker 2: when your friend who is a guy gets into a relationship.

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Speaker 2: There are certain things you just can't say, so I

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00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,240
Speaker 2: have to do anymore in order to be respectful of

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00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,080
Speaker 2: his relationship or girlfriend. Does that make sense? It makes sense,

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00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,680
Speaker 2: It makes sense, total sense. But also people have different

354
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Speaker 2: perceptions than other people, and so if you never voice

355
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,520
Speaker 2: your perceptions and your ideas what is healthy or what

356
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Speaker 2: is acceptable, then people can't guess what is right in

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Speaker 2: your world.

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Speaker 1: I honestly, though, don't think that Opi has done anything

359
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 1: wrong here because she effectively communicated to her boyfriend when

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00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,880
Speaker 1: she was uncomfortable. Wasn't blaming him, just saying hey, I

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Speaker 1: noticed this behavior and wasn't even asking him to cut

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Speaker 1: Ashley off. I feel like the boyfriendship.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, the boyfriend did the thing, not but

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Speaker 2: yeah cruel. Yeah, does that make sense. I really don't

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00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,680
Speaker 2: know how to respond to Ashley, and I think about

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00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,040
Speaker 2: the situation basically every day because I feel so anxious

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Speaker 2: about it, and I feel like the biggest cure for

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00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,640
Speaker 2: anxiety is tuning in live on YouTube every weekday three

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Speaker 2: pm ps. Teachers tap our profile, just tap it. Jake said,

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Speaker 2: we can handle this. However, it also doesn't feel like

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00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,000
Speaker 2: Ope's thing to like figure out She's like, no, I

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00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,480
Speaker 2: feel so much anxiety around this. But it's almost it's

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Speaker 2: like Jake's relationship with his friends, and he made the

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Speaker 2: decision to do that. Yeah, it seems like a Jake's

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Speaker 2: situation Jake problem, not like OP. Need's like, what do

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Speaker 2: I say to her? OPI has been friends with her

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Speaker 2: for a year.

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Speaker 1: True, So it's true.

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Speaker 2: So Jake said, we can handle this however I want. So,

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Speaker 2: he said he will text her and say something if

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Speaker 2: that's what I want, or if I want to have

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Speaker 2: a conversation about it with her, I can, or the

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00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 2: three of us could talk together, or we do nothing

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Speaker 2: and just not be in her life. He said he

385
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,000
Speaker 2: would like to be friends with her, but at the

386
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 2: same time, he recognizes she crosses lines and understands why

387
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,880
Speaker 2: I feel the way I do. At least he's being

388
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,440
Speaker 2: understanding in the OPA. He could totally just get mad

389
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 2: at her. So how should I handle this? I think

390
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 2: in most scenarios it feels really disrespectful to ghost people.

391
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,520
Speaker 2: I'm just imagining what she's going through, maybe her not

392
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Speaker 2: realizing she's acting in these ways, and then her best

393
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Speaker 2: friend of ten years just ghosting her. Yeah, I could

394
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Speaker 2: just imagine how hard that would be.

395
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Speaker 1: Really hard.

396
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,040
Speaker 2: But at the same time, you know, we want op

397
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,480
Speaker 2: to be comfortable, we want Jake to be comfortable, and

398
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 2: so a conversation could have easily happened that would have

399
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 2: been like, Hey, this is not what we're comfortable with,

400
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Speaker 2: and I think.

401
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 1: Maybe he can go. I think he can go and

402
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 1: maybe have a message with her and just say hey, like,

403
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 1: this is why I'm sorry for ghosting you. This was

404
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,480
Speaker 1: the behavior that we were noticing. But yeah, that is

405
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,720
Speaker 1: the end of that story. My boyfriend let his best

406
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 1: friend's wife change the dish I made, and he didn't

407
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 1: defend me at the potluck throwaway count My boyfriend twenty

408
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 1: eight male and I twenty two female men at work

409
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,400
Speaker 1: two years ago. Technically I was working part time during

410
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,720
Speaker 1: undergrad and he was a customer, but after a couple

411
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 1: of months we started going out. I really love this man,

412
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,520
Speaker 1: and nothing has happened on the scale before, so I'm

413
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,840
Speaker 1: very confused about it. By the way, this comes from

414
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,679
Speaker 1: Goldwyn five eight eight eight on the Okay Storytime Supperate.

415
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,000
Speaker 1: My boyfriend has a very tight group of friends. I

416
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,679
Speaker 1: am well acquainted with them and their girlfriends. One of

417
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 1: them Dave just as married to Ellie fake names. Ellie

418
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,480
Speaker 1: is an excellent cook and often hosts dinner and everyone

419
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,000
Speaker 1: brings a dessert to those dinners. I am the youngest

420
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: in the group, so most times they brush off my

421
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 1: requests for contributing or bringing in dessert. However, the last

422
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 1: time I asked Dave and Ellie if they wanted anything extra,

423
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 1: like wine or some sweet dish for dinner. They said

424
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 1: I could bring one of those sweet dishes I make

425
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Speaker 1: for my boyfriend. I'm Indian, and even though I can't

426
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,159
Speaker 1: cook as well as my mom and I'm well in

427
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,639
Speaker 1: a different country for studies, I called my mom up

428
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,919
Speaker 1: and had her teach me properly how to make a

429
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: specific Bengali sweet, which is my favorite.

430
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Speaker 2: It's so sweet, that's so lovely.

431
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, my friends taste it and they said it was great.

432
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 1: My boyfriend ate some and said it was excellent. Except

433
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,639
Speaker 1: last night. I greeted Ellie and kept the dish in

434
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 1: the kitchen. When the food was brought out and my

435
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,399
Speaker 1: boyfriend told everyone I made it, I saw that someone

436
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: had added cinnamon powder to the sweet. You never have

437
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 1: the sweet with cinnamon. That's such a weird move.

438
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 2: You just put.

439
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 1: Cinnamon on it. What the dessert tasted like cinnamon? And

440
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 1: I felt horrible.

441
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,520
Speaker 2: Oh wait, they put cinnamon in the whole I thought

442
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,359
Speaker 2: it was like and he put on it, He.

443
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 3: Just put it all.

444
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 2: That's crazy, that's yeah. It's so rude to adjust someone's dish,

445
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:32,240
Speaker 2: the whole dish.

446
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd be like, Oh, I didn't put the cinnamon

447
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 1: on that. Though everyone said thank you and it was good.

448
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 1: I think my face gave it away. And my boyfriend

449
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,679
Speaker 1: took me aside and said that Elliott told him that

450
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 1: my sweet too looked too white and thought some cinnamon

451
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 1: might bring some color into it. Oh. I thought she

452
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: meant like race.

453
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:51,200
Speaker 2: Fine, No, like that doesn't look it looks like a

454
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 2: white person.

455
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought.

456
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,120
Speaker 2: What if it's not your dish, why would you ever

457
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 2: because of aesthetics, You're adding a whole ingredient to it.

458
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: It's so weird.

459
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,800
Speaker 2: So that's so confusing. I just would never think of that.

460
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just felt awful and I started

461
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: to tear up.

462
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 2: Oh.

463
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 1: My boyfriend then defended Ellie and said that his friends

464
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 1: already think I'm a child and not to make a

465
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,679
Speaker 1: big deal of this. And we will talk about it.

466
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 1: I told him Ellie asked him first, and couldn't he

467
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 1: have told her not to add cinnamon to the suite.

468
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,120
Speaker 1: He told me he didn't think it was a big

469
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,919
Speaker 1: deal and asked me to drop the topic on the

470
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:26,199
Speaker 1: way home. Ellie asked him first, and he gave her

471
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: the go ahead to do it. He told me he

472
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,119
Speaker 1: didn't think it was a big deal and asked me

473
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 1: to drop the topic on the way home. I didn't

474
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 1: text him good night, and this morning he said he

475
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 1: was sorry and said my crying made him feel like

476
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 1: an awful person. You were you sucked. I don't know

477
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 1: now I think I have reacted, am I the ale.

478
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 2: All you did was have an emotional You literally had.

479
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 1: An emotional reaction because you spent time and effort making

480
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 1: a dish, And then he had the audacity to be like, oh, well,

481
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: it needed to be changed.

482
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 2: It's like a sensative situation. You want to bring something,

483
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 2: you want to share a part of yourself, and food

484
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,640
Speaker 2: is such a way that people get to share.

485
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's also so different from like cause you know,

486
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: I'll make food and sometimes it needs salt or it's

487
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,880
Speaker 1: yea needs something and I'm like, you know, yeah, totally

488
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,199
Speaker 1: adds up whatever you need or something, but like to

489
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 1: adjust the whole just the whole dish is very.

490
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 2: And then again to like have an emotional response, which

491
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,680
Speaker 2: makes sense, and then to be a little for it. Yeah,

492
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 2: for a hit for the partner to explicitly be embarrassed

493
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 2: of you and to essentially dismiss your feelings.

494
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 4: It's a triple It's a triple slap in the face.

495
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,720
Speaker 4: Because one, I feel like, did no one tried the

496
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 4: dish first? Right, it was like, oh, did you sir?

497
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 4: Because she thought I don't like the color of it. Yeah,

498
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 4: what the hell? And then then you have emotional reaction

499
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 4: like you changed my dish that I made for everyone

500
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 4: that I felt, you know, I was happy for everyone

501
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 4: to try my food, and then it was changed in

502
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,400
Speaker 4: front of my face and you told me to suck

503
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 4: it up.

504
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 2: That's to triple slap in the face.

505
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: Update Ellie saw this post friend. Yeah, She says, this is.

506
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: The first time I've ever read a story someone's read

507
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 2: it from in the story.

508
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: It's great. My boyfriend texted me to see if it

509
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,199
Speaker 1: was me. I said yes. He said we needed to

510
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 1: talk for saf deep purposes. My best friend will be here.

511
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: I don't know. I never expected my post to blow

512
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: up and update. He said he needed space from the relationship.

513
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:09,679
Speaker 1: I think with the way this post blew up and

514
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 1: what happened because of a post, I should clear some

515
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: things up. I never asked if I should leave my

516
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,359
Speaker 1: boyfriend for this.

517
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 2: But you posted on Reddit, so that's what people we

518
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 2: are going to tell you. Yeah, they're going to tell

519
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 2: you that.

520
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,479
Speaker 1: I asked if this was an over reaction my crying,

521
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: but having thousands of people tell me this was racially charged.

522
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 1: Ellie wanted power, my boyfriend is crappy, et cetera. My

523
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 1: brain went, heyy boyfriend called yesterday and when I got

524
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: there his house with my best friend, Dave and Ellie

525
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: were there. Ellie was crying and Dave looked really pissed

526
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 1: at me. Why does anyone tell Ellie that she's being

527
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: a baby?

528
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 2: Wait, so they kind of just like like she didn't

529
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 2: know they were gonna be No, they just ganged up

530
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 2: on her.

531
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 1: He Reddit post. My boyfriend told me to sit down,

532
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 1: and Dave started with how could I make a post

533
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: that most of the people in the dinner party would

534
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: recognize and know and could shame Ellie and my boyfriend.

535
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 1: My boyfriend was silent and wouldn't even look at me

536
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 1: and was only shaking his shit.

537
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 2: Okay, you're she's not a child, you're treating her like

538
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 2: you are.

539
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 1: This literally feels like they call like the parents called

540
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 1: in and are scolding her.

541
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: Literally, or like your you go into the principal's office,

542
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 2: the principal is scolding you as your your parents was

543
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 2: just in the corner, like disappointed.

544
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 1: I hate this. I felt like I was a kid

545
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: being scolded by my parents, with my elder sibling disappointed

546
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 1: in my actions. This is what I felt, and it

547
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: looked like I admit it was very spineless of me.

548
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: But Dave went on for like a minute, and I

549
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,639
Speaker 1: was just looking at my boyfriend waiting for him to

550
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: defend me. Well, the fact that he invited them there.

551
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 2: To defend He's not going to defend you. He organized this.

552
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 1: I asked Ellie why she would alter my dish after

553
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: telling me to bring an Indian dish. She said she

554
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 1: thought Indian food would be brown. This woman has more

555
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 1: Indian friends than me and she thinks Indian food is brown.

556
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: She grew up in the UK, and I felt so

557
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 1: defeated the comments my friends and people around me, telling

558
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,159
Speaker 1: me his friends came first to him, not me. He

559
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 1: said he didn't think the sweet was a big deal.

560
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: I told him I would never let my friend alter something.

561
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: He spent three days learning, getting people to taste it,

562
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: and got his mom and babe.

563
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 2: I feel so bad Rope.

564
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,919
Speaker 1: He saw I put a lot of effort into it,

565
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: so why let her alter it? Why couldn't he ask me?

566
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 1: Ellie started to cry and say that she wasn't being

567
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,239
Speaker 1: racist and she wouldn't know that I put effort into it,

568
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: and now she couldn't know dinners again.

569
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 2: She's like, you're stopping me from having all these dinners.

570
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: Say a Nobi never even said Ellie was racist. To

571
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 1: the fact that Ellie is bringing this up is telling

572
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 1: on yourself. Ellie, I said, I used fake name, so

573
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: why does it matter unless she and Dave went around

574
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 1: telling people. Boyfriend told me he didn't expect this from me.

575
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 2: Treating like a childlife. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed

576
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 2: and disappointed.

577
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: My best friend piped up that he expected that my

578
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 1: boyfriend would have an ethics spine dangs, So I guess

579
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: they were both disappointed. My now ex boyfriend told me

580
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: in front of Dave and Ellie that he needs some space.

581
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 3: Shut up.

582
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: I told him to get lost. I don't know what

583
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: my best friend said to him after that. Considering I

584
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: left my boyfriend's flat, I kind of tripped in the

585
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 1: metro station. So now I'm crying on my best friend's

586
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: couch with an ice pack while his boyfriend keeps giving

587
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 1: me peach knops, and my relationship was toppled over. I

588
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 1: wouldn't have stormed out. Hattie looked at me once. He

589
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: just looked one hundred percent on Dave and Ellie's side

590
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,880
Speaker 1: and acted like I was the one with the problem

591
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: when she caused me hurt. If his friends come first

592
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: when they caused me hurt, where would I have been

593
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,919
Speaker 1: if I decided to marry this man. My friends are

594
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: good to me and are acting like I'm some fragile

595
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: class I even heard my best friend and his brother

596
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,439
Speaker 1: whispering loudly from the kitchen, and his elder brother wanted

597
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 1: to threaten him via instadims. I hate that this has

598
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 1: come to this, considering I have always been the mom

599
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,439
Speaker 1: friend to my friend group. I'm drunk while writing this,

600
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: so I have some grace in the comments. Also, if

601
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: you'll be an insult like those people in my DMS

602
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: telling me I'll never keep a man. If I'm this dramatic,

603
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: please go away. I just thought I need adoptate edit. Guys,

604
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: this is the first time I faced what y'all have

605
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: been calling racism TVH. I didn't see Ellie putting cinnamon

606
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: in my rosagola as racism. I was just hurt that

607
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: my days of hard work were ruined. That's it. I understand.

608
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 1: I need to work on my self esteem and not

609
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 1: let people walk over me. My best friend's elder brother,

610
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: he's a doctor and is super pissed at my X

611
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: right now because he didn't know what happened, booked an

612
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: appointment with a therapist. He knows as he think I

613
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 1: need mental help to not normalize aggressive behavior. That's an

614
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: intense move to make with your brother's best friends. I'm

615
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: sorry for ranting on Reddit, but I guess that's where

616
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: I am. Both my best friends and I will be going.

617
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 1: He had been there for some time before, and the

618
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: situation is tense at home because did a bestie's brother

619
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: didn't know what was happening and tore my friends a

620
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: new one for not protesting. When Dave said crapped me,

621
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: I still haven't told him it was over a Reddit

622
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 1: post and that I'm writing here, I feel awful and

623
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: I don't know how to tell my mom she was right.

624
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 1: I wish I never went out with him, and I

625
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 1: wish you guys would always join us live every weekday

626
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: on YouTube at three pm. Just have her buffle and

627
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: there is a little bit left, but you have any

628
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 1: final thoughts.

629
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 2: I just like picturing like this interrogation room. It's just itchy,

630
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: and like to come into that your partner does not

631
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 2: even look you, not even looking guys, and just let

632
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: his friends.

633
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 1: Just like I believe, you know, just like bash you. Yeah.

634
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: One of my exes friends from the dinner party asked

635
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 1: me if I really left my ex over a dessert,

636
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 1: So I guess that's what he told people. It hurts.

637
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 1: I know it shouldn't, but it hurts. Well, yeah, of

638
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: course it's good hurteah. Of course I think it's partially

639
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: my fault. I shouldn't have let myself be treated like this.

640
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: There was signs and I ignored them, and now I

641
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 1: think I'll never have another relationship because it feels like

642
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 1: a horrible, anxious feeling. You will, you will. I'm just

643
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: gonna have a better one though.

644
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,959
Speaker 2: Yes, this sucks. It does, such a crappy situation, but

645
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 2: you all.

646
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 4: To deal with him anymore. And now you know, if

647
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 4: you ever make a dish again for people, if you

648
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 4: see someone just like going with cinnamon or anything you like,

649
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 4: stop it, don't touch it.

650
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

651
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 1: And also to the people who were saying, like therapy

652
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: is good idea, I do think therapy is always like

653
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: a good idea. I just thought it was weird that

654
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: the brother.

655
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 2: Was oh to just schedule it for someone else. That's

656
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 2: like scheduling a doctor.

657
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not even her brother, it was her best friend. Yeah,

658
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: but that's the end of this story. My best friend passed.

659
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: Now I'm taking in her kid. I had posted a

660
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: few times before on Reddit about my fiance and I,

661
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 1: about my not wanting kids, our engagement, the love we

662
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: have for each other. For the most part, my posts

663
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: have had happy endings, but this one just isn't a

664
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: really happy one. No, my god daughter, but we do

665
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: refer to each other as niece and tia. I have

666
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 1: been there for her her whole life, and she has

667
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,719
Speaker 1: always been one of my favorite people and still is.

668
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: It's been a really hard several months since the accident,

669
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 1: and everyone is having a tough time. I've spent most

670
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 1: of my life with my best friend in it then

671
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: without him. Our parents are best friends due to us

672
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 1: being friends at first, I refer to his mom as

673
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 1: Mama his last name, and dad as Papa his last name,

674
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 1: and he did the same with my parents. My siblings

675
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 1: were his siblings. He was an only child. We went

676
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 1: to events slash concerts together a lot since multiple times,

677
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: oh so many times since he passed. Oh so multiple

678
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: times since he passed. I've subconsciously bought him a ticket

679
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: ah forgetting that he wouldn't be able to use it.

680
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: I introduced him to his wife in high school. We

681
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 1: were the only two openly nerdy cheerleaders at our school.

682
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: They got pregnant young, and I was there to help,

683
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,679
Speaker 1: and I even went so far as to stop eating

684
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: foods she couldn't eat because I could tell being pregnant

685
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 1: was not fun for her. I was at the hospital

686
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 1: because she was scared and asked me to be close by.

687
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 1: I was the first non blood family member to see Amy.

688
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: I say all of this because him and his family

689
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 1: are indeed my family, so them passing was a huge

690
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: hit for everyone, especially for Amy. Now. The month when

691
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 1: it happened, Amy went to stay with her grandparents. Luckily,

692
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 1: we all stay in the same big cities, so the

693
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: farthest anyone of the family is from the other is

694
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: at is an hour at most, and that's mainly due

695
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: to traffic. The issue, though, is that her grandparents are

696
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: much older seventies compared to my parents fifties, so while

697
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: they do very much love her, they are already at

698
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: that point where they themselves need help. Plus they just

699
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: lost their only son and daughter in law ooh. Amy's

700
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: mom's parents are out of state, and they also didn't

701
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: believe moving her to them and away from everyone she

702
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: knows was the right thing either. Her grandparents overall didn't

703
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: think an Amy staying with them was the best for her,

704
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: and they relayed that to my parents, who then mentioned

705
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: this to me. So after talking to my fiance about it,

706
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: as well as talking about it in therapy, which included me,

707
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: my fiance, and both our therapists oh wow tag team Yeah,

708
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: we came to the conclusion that we would be happy

709
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: to take her in since we're financially capable have the space,

710
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: and we do also just love her so much. Before

711
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: the accident, she was realistically at her house at least

712
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 1: three times a week. She's the reason why I even

713
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: have an art room, since it was an activity we

714
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: always did together, even at eleven. She's a fantastic artist.

715
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: When we approached her grandparents, they were completely on board

716
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: with the idea, and I do think that a part

717
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: of them had hoped we would take her without them

718
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: asking us directly, hence the comment to my parents. However,

719
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: when we had broached the idea to Amy, she was hesitant.

720
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: It turns out that she's aware that I never wanted

721
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: kids and is afraid that I will hate her for

722
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: having to raise when one hundred percent broke my heart

723
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: that she felt that way, and I tried everything to

724
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: convince her that was wrong. In the end, I told

725
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: her the truth. I will never be able to replace

726
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 1: her mom or dad, and I have no plans to

727
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: Her parents made me her godmother because they knew that

728
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: I would love and care for Amy the way they

729
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: loved and cared for her. I could never hate her.

730
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: My fiance even pointed out that I was the one

731
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: who had the idea to foster her. But I also

732
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: had to stress to her that this is this is

733
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: a new situation for all of us. We are all

734
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: grieving together, and we are all jumping into this new

735
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: living situation together. So theyre wilmy mistakes, but there will

736
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 1: also be a lot of love. We also put her

737
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: in therapy, which she has been very hesitant about, but

738
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: after finding out that my fiance and I are both

739
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: regularly in therapy, she felt a lot more comfortable. My

740
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: fiance has been great through all of this and my

741
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: absolute rock. He was also very close to my best friend.

742
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,239
Speaker 1: My best friend was going to be his groomsman and

743
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: was the second person my fiance asked after he asked

744
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: his brother to be the best man. Wow, so they're

745
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 1: like super they were all super close.

746
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

747
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: I mean obviously if they're taking in their kid.

748
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: I mean it really feels like like almost like surrogate siblings.

749
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 2: I think. So, oh yeah.

750
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: My best friend was the type of person who will

751
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,719
Speaker 1: see something and say, this looks like something so and

752
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: so would like, So I'm going to buy it for them.

753
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: So some days I'll catch my fiance staring at one

754
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: of these many gifts for a long time, or he'll

755
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 1: say something like I hope they both know. I hope

756
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: they both knew how much I loved them. Oh, we

757
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 1: hold each other tighter now when we hug and kiss

758
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: longer than before. When I asked about Amy living with us,

759
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: my husband my fiance was shocked and wasn't sure how

760
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: he felt since change was happening lightning fast with the engagement,

761
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: then the accident, and now with Amy. So I didn't

762
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: bring it up again until a week later with I

763
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: thought about it, and oh, until he did a week

764
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 1: later with I thought about it, and I think it

765
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: would be good for all of us. But let's get

766
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: our therapist together to make sure we aren't jumping the

767
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: gain because we love her smart y. Amy moved in

768
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: right after Thanksgiving. All the families got together for the

769
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: holidays with her to remind her that she is never alone.

770
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: She has her mom's family out of state, but they

771
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: call often, her dad's family, my family, my fiance's family

772
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: out of the country, to minus my fiance's brother plus

773
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: his wife, and let's not forget all of our friends

774
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 1: and their families. There was a lot of crying, but

775
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: a lot of laughing too. Living with us is a

776
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: huge adjustment, but nothing we can't handle. She's always been

777
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: a sweet girl and very bubbly and loud. Since the accident,

778
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: she's obviously been a lot more withdrawn and quiet, but

779
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: I'm seeing sparks of herself come back briefly and slowly.

780
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: We had to switch her therapist a few times, but

781
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: this current one is definitely helping a lot. Amy really

782
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: likes her too good. Her grades did slip a bit,

783
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: but my fiancees made it a point to do homework

784
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: with her every day and it made her cry the

785
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: first few times he did it. He asked her if

786
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: she wanted him to stop, but it turns out that

787
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: it just reminded her of her dad. So it really

788
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: meant her a lot to her that TiO was so

789
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: willing to help her too. I was expecting some rebelling,

790
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: but that hasn't happened yet. He well, it definitely will.

791
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 5: Being like I know, she's eleven now, but she's going

792
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 5: to be thirteen eventually.

793
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: Actually, she had been doing the absolute most. She would

794
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 1: clean up after us because we had a chance to

795
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: do it ourselves. Oh before we had a chance to

796
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: do ourselves or try to do things for us that

797
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: seemed a little out of character. After some prodding, it

798
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: turns out it was because she's afraid we would get

799
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 1: rid of her if she upset us or did something wrong, which, yeah,

800
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: that was clear from those behaviors and stuff.

801
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 6: By the way, if you want to see bonus videos

802
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 6: not on this page, search Okay story time clips on

803
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 6: Facebook for more.

804
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: Okay, back to the story.

805
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: We have stressed that in no way that has crossed

806
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: our minds, we are here for her, and unless you

807
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: want nothing to do with us, we will continue to

808
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: be here for her through the good and bad. But

809
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: let me tell you, I cried so much that night,

810
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: feeling terrible that she felt that way. I want her

811
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: to know that our love is unconditional and it always

812
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: has been. We are also in the process of setting

813
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 1: up a trust for her. Her parents left behind money

814
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: and there is money coming in from their insurance policies too,

815
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: so all that is going in the trust for her.

816
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: I will also help supplement this trust, plus my fiance,

817
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 1: even though I stress that he doesn't need to. Neither

818
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: myself or my fiance will touch this trust. When she

819
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: turns eighteen, she will have access to use the money

820
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 1: for college if she decides to go, and a set

821
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 1: himount will be available every month to live on. If

822
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: she decides not to go, then she will still have

823
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 1: access to a set himount every month. Side note, we

824
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: would prefer she go to college and will encourage it,

825
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 1: but her dad didn't go to college and did well

826
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: as an artist, and we see that she has his talents,

827
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: so we just want to be supportive of any decision

828
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: she makes. Oh, they're so good. When she turns twenty one,

829
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: she will have access to the full trust to use

830
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: as she wishes, but we will do our best to

831
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,240
Speaker 1: ensure she is responsible with it when the time comes.

832
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, she will be an

833
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: adult and we have to trust she will be responsible

834
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: when she has access to the money. I also want

835
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 1: to say we didn't come to this decision on our own.

836
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: We consulted with all four sets of our grandparents and

837
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: this was what we all thought was the best approach,

838
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 1: as well as help from a lawyer. When Amy is

839
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 1: a little older, we will discuss this with her, but

840
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: for now, she's still so young and dealing with a lot.

841
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: Some nights I sleep with her in bed with my

842
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: fiance sleeping on the floor by the bed because she

843
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: cries herself to sleep and she feels so alone. I

844
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:45,479
Speaker 1: don't know if that feeling will go away anytime soon.

845
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,719
Speaker 1: I think about how I'm in my thirties and I

846
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:52,320
Speaker 1: still can't imagine not having my parents, So I really

847
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: have no idea what she's feeling. Best I can hope

848
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 1: for is that I can help the pain just a

849
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: little bit. Amy's mom was going to be my brain,

850
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 1: and I was going to have Amy be the flower girl.

851
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: But I think I'm going to ask Amy if she

852
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: would prefer to be my bridesmaid.

853
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 3: Ah. That's such a cute image.

854
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: Amy looks so much like both her parents, and I

855
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: see so much of their personalities in her. A part

856
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: of me feels like having her up there with me

857
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: will make me feel like her parents are up there

858
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: with me too.

859
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 3: Yes, sometimes that's how it gets.

860
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: It's life, man, and I never once imagine getting married

861
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 1: without either of them by my side. All planning stop

862
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: the moment of the accident for that reason, and even

863
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,800
Speaker 1: now typing this has me crying that they won't actually

864
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 1: be there. But also that's a lot of pressure to

865
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: put on Amy. I don't want to tell her all that,

866
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 1: I do want to give her the option to be

867
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: my bridesmaid if she wants, and if she doesn't want to,

868
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: then that's also okay because she's still going to be

869
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 1: part of my wedding. I won't even bring this up

870
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 1: for a while because I'm still not in the headspace.

871
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 1: Because I'm still not in the headspace to plan the

872
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: wedding right now, there is no real reason why I'm

873
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 1: posting this. I tried a couple times to write out

874
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: what happened, but each time I broke down or deleted it.

875
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: I think I just want to vent or just feel better,

876
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 1: maybe to get validation that we are doing the right

877
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 1: thing and not messing amy up. One step at a time,

878
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,320
Speaker 1: I guess, and there is an edit. I'm seriously overwhelmed

879
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: by all the comments. I was trying to respond to

880
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: every single one, but now I'm falling behind because there

881
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: are so many. If I don't respond to your comments,

882
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,720
Speaker 1: still know that I really appreciate your support, love, kind words.

883
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 1: I wish I could hug every single one of you.

884
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: I don't know what I was looking for posting here,

885
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,799
Speaker 1: but I feel immensely grateful I did, because you have

886
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: all shown me so much love and support. I'm just

887
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: a crying mess, but just know it's definitely happy to

888
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: yours because I now feel like I'm doing the right

889
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: thing for Amy. Thank you so much for your kind

890
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 1: words and advice. I wrongly assume that since I had

891
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: the trust before, it would be easier, but you are right.

892
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,399
Speaker 1: Losing her parents has put her so much on edge

893
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: about losing me that she's sometimes overcompensating. I hope she

894
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 1: understands that I always love her. Commenter says, who's dropping

895
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: all these onions? Me? For real? Opie says, oh mg,

896
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: this is what my fiance says to Amy when she's crying.

897
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: Usually he ends up crying with her and he wants

898
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: to make her laughs. I smile. They'll be crying and

899
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: I'll shout the onion chopper got us again. So this

900
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: one hundred percent made me smile.

901
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 5: Oh you guys, So you guys got bits too, bits,

902
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 5: I'm just like pot like besides Amy and this wonderful

903
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 5: you know, parenting that they got going on.

904
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: Oh, he's about to marry a wonderful man. Oh p

905
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: he's about to marry an amazing man. And that's lovely.

906
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: H Commenter, What a lovely ending for a heartbreaking scenario,

907
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: I would reconsider the terms of the trust, though, I

908
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: would consult with an attorney and put some terms even

909
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 1: if she does attend college to dole it out slowly,

910
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: And if she does not go to school, then I

911
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't give a lump at twenty one, Obi says, we're

912
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 1: still working out the trust with the lawyer and financial

913
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: planner slash tax guy. But since this is her money,

914
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: we can only help and advise her on how to

915
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 1: use it. Her parents didn't have a will in place

916
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 1: because I'm sure they didn't think they needed to. The

917
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: money automatically goes to Amy's guardians, which at the time

918
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 1: was her grandparents. Like we said, we talked with all

919
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: the grandparents. Whether she goes to college or not, she

920
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,839
Speaker 1: will get the lump sum at twenty one. Before then,

921
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 1: we would set up an appointment with a lawyer and

922
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 1: financial planner slash tax guy with her in attendance. We

923
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: are setting her up to succeed, but at that point

924
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 1: she is an adult. We have to trust her with

925
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 1: her money, but we will always be here to help

926
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 1: and guide her. And there is another comment, I of

927
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: course echo all the sentiments already said in the comments.

928
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: But I'm stuck on Amy crying herself to sleep and

929
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 1: being all alone. Have you thought about getting her a pet?

930
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: I'd say a dog, but a cat or even a

931
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: rodent would help. They give kids someone to talk to,

932
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: someone to look after instead of being the kid who

933
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,959
Speaker 1: needs to be looked after, and they teach responsibility. Wow,

934
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: could be just what she needs, something to snuggle at

935
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:09,879
Speaker 1: night and something to love unconditionally. Uh Opie says, it's

936
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: like you were reading my mind. We were thinking about

937
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: getting her a rabbit because her parents' nickname for her

938
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: was bunny.

939
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 3: This is what Please. Please, story gods, please do not

940
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 3: flip this on us. Please we continue to be good. Cry,

941
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 3: goody good cry.

942
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 1: I grew up with the rabbits, so I understand the

943
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: pros and cons. Plus Amy is so tender in the

944
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: way she approaches all animals, so I know she won't

945
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: be rough with the bunny. Also, our state just has

946
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: an overwhelming amount of rabbits and most get euthanized due

947
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: to the shelters, so I feel like rabbits need a

948
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 1: lot more love than they get. Anyway, my fiance and

949
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 1: I have been toying with the idea, and I feel

950
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: like your common is a sign to a longer comment.

951
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the advice. We are in the

952
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: process of legal guardianship already with the help of the grandparents.

953
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 1: Adoption is something that we don't want to push or

954
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 1: force until she feels ready, or if it is even

955
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: something she wants, so considerate. We don't want too many

956
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: changes to be thrown at her because there have been

957
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: so many in such a short period of time, so

958
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 1: we will try to keep everything the same, including her pediatrician.

959
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 1: We already have pictures of her and her family up too.

960
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: I have a wall full of pictures of family, friends,

961
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: and Amy's dad and mom are frequent and permanent fixtures

962
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: on that wall. I also gave her permission to add

963
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: any pictures she wanted up, whether it's her family or friends,

964
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: and I've noticed over time that she's adding to the wall,

965
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: so I've taken some pictures down to make more room

966
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: for her. I originally gave her the guest bedroom, but

967
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 1: I noticed she's really spent a lot of time in

968
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: the art room I have at my place, which is

969
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 1: a room her dad helped fix up for both Amy

970
00:41:55,400 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 1: and I to use when she would visit me. Ah,

971
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: So after talking to her, I bought a bed and

972
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: furniture for that room, as well as a lot for privacy.

973
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: She prefers the door open though, and that's her new room.

974
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 1: She's allowed to paint on the walls, draw do whatever

975
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 1: she wants to that room, and don't worry. It's well ventilated.

976
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 3: And don't worry, it's well ventilated. Is the cherry on top?

977
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 5: They're like, yeah, they really have every detail and they're

978
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 5: doing everything right, everything right.

979
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: She's having people over for the first time this coming weekend,

980
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 1: so I'm meeting with some parents before and I don't

981
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: know why that may be so sad. I'm so happy.

982
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, but really excited to see that she's opening

983
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: up more again. Thank you. I appreciate the parent brain

984
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: Commoner says, isn't the point of godparents to raise the

985
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: kid if something happens to the parents, or is that

986
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 1: just a label people like to lose like to use.

987
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: I actually thought you were a lesbian couple because of

988
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: the way you spelled fiance. That is a female fiance

989
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: for a man, and there's only one e fiance. I

990
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:05,800
Speaker 1: know that. I never know that I thought, okay, because

991
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 1: sometimes a lot of the times I see in our

992
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: notion it spelled fiance with two ease, and I've just

993
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 1: been taking out the extra e because I thought it

994
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 1: was a TYPEO.

995
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: That's funny.

996
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,919
Speaker 1: Godparents, is a religious thing and not a legal thing,

997
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: are very real. Oh wait, godparents, which is a religious

998
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: thing and not a legal thing, are very rarely the

999
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: legal guardians after something happens to the parents, unless they're

1000
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: blood related like blood aunts or uncles. Godparents are there

1001
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: to mentor and help in the raising of the child,

1002
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: like Serious Black. To Harry Potter, my best friend grew

1003
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 1: of Catholic but stopped practicing. However, he dubbed me Amy's

1004
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 1: godparents godparent because he trusted me and I've been in

1005
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: her life since birth. Legally, guardianship went to his parents.

1006
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: Now we are in the process of changing guardianship over

1007
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: to myself. Oh, I didn't realize, because I've seen both

1008
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 1: spellings use interchangeably. You'll learn new things every day. And

1009
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,720
Speaker 1: there is an update. My best friend now I'm taking

1010
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: in her kid, and there is an update. It's been

1011
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: a while and people keep reaching out to check in

1012
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 1: which I sincerely appreciate. So an update might be warranted.

1013
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: It won't be exciting at all. Just where we are

1014
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:14,879
Speaker 1: all at right now.

1015
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 3: Okay, thank god, that's a good sign. I like that.

1016
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 3: It's fine, not exciting. Something's really happened. Everything's getting better.

1017
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1018
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:20,479
Speaker 3: Yes.

1019
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 1: Side note, I wasn't sure if I gave my fiance

1020
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: a name in my previous posts, but I will refer

1021
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,280
Speaker 1: to him as David moving forward, and my best friend's

1022
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 1: name moving forward is Leo. First, I want to thank

1023
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: this community for the kind words of encouragement and concern

1024
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 1: for Amy. It's heartwarming, to say the very least, to

1025
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: receive such support from strangers. There were so many comments

1026
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: that I got very overwhelmed and stopped responding, But I

1027
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: read every single one, and even if I didn't respond,

1028
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 1: I truly appreciate every single one of you. I just

1029
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: get really shy after a certain point, even though this

1030
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 1: is all anonymous. Lol. Second, a lot of people were

1031
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: really focused on the trust I commented on my previous

1032
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: post about it, so I'll add it here. Trust me,

1033
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: we are aware that twenty one is still mentally really young.

1034
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 5: Ah yeah, I see what you did there, op it

1035
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 5: trast me.

1036
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: We consulted with all the grandparents regarding the trust, and

1037
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: most of them want to give her a lump sum

1038
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 1: at eighteen. The compromise was that the lump sum would

1039
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: be given at twenty one, with her having a sort

1040
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 1: of allowance from eighteen to twenty one. I will also

1041
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 1: have her set up with our lawyer and financial advisor

1042
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: when she turns eighteen. Bless myself, bless fiance. Will always

1043
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: do our best to guide her, but she will be

1044
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: an adult at that point, so all we can do

1045
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: is give her all the tools to help make the

1046
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 1: best decisions for herself when the time comes. We can

1047
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: always change the rules of the trust if need be,

1048
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: but that is something that we will decide as a family.

1049
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 1: Right now, we are happy with where we land. David

1050
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: is my husband now. One night we were talking.

1051
00:45:55,200 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 5: Wait out, oh now, woo pull on, husband's husband.

1052
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: Don't have to do the fiance spelling anymore, just husband.

1053
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 1: One night we were talking and we just didn't feel

1054
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 1: comfortable having the wedding this year, but we also didn't

1055
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 1: want to wait to be married. Life is short, so

1056
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 1: we went to the courthouse with Amy to make it official. Lovely,

1057
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 1: come on, we will be having the wedding next year

1058
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 1: to make it official official Eloel. We are still in

1059
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: therapy at both individual and family so smart. We are

1060
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: also in a support group for children who have lost parents,

1061
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: and Amy seems to be doing really well.

1062
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 3: Amy is down twelve.

1063
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 1: It was her first birthday without her parents, so I

1064
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,360
Speaker 1: wish I could say it was an extremely happy occasion.

1065
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: This year has been a lot of first without them,

1066
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: and we will continue to have a lot of first

1067
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 1: without them. But she swears that despite crying a lot

1068
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 1: on the day, understandably she wouldn't have been able to

1069
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:58,399
Speaker 1: plan the day better herself, So a bittersweet success. Special mention.

1070
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: Amy is a best friend of five to six years Monica,

1071
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: who I've known since she was seven. Monica is lovely.

1072
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 1: She's a bit sarcastic, which I find hilarious, and is

1073
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: a kind soul. According to Amy, she tried to distance

1074
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: herself from Monica because she felt like she was too

1075
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,880
Speaker 1: sad to be around and didn't want to be a burden,

1076
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 1: which is kind of what you were bringing up earlier about, Yeah,

1077
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 1: distancing yourself from people and stuff. Bust yourself over to

1078
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: our house and basically told Amy to knock it out

1079
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: and that she decides when Amy's too much, which will

1080
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: apparently never happen because Amy is her favorite person. No

1081
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: way love Monica. She's also of great best friend great, like.

1082
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

1083
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:43,720
Speaker 1: We ended up getting Amy two rabbits as well. Why rabbits,

1084
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 1: you ask, While her parents nickname for her was bunny,

1085
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: and we were already planning on getting some kind of

1086
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: animal companions, so we landed on bunnies. Plus, our state

1087
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: has an overwhelming we kind of yeah, we said that,

1088
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 1: why too. Bunnies are social creatures and our happiest being

1089
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 1: raised with another rabbit. Amy is obsessed with paint and talk. Ah.

1090
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 1: She's a little artist.

1091
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 3: Those are great mediums as well. Yeah.

1092
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: After showing her the ropes and doing her own research,

1093
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: she has completely taken over any and all care for them,

1094
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: despite us offering several times. She even has a space

1095
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: in the fridge labeled buns for the fresh greens that

1096
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: she cuts up every morning to get them. She decorated

1097
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 1: an area in her room for them because they will

1098
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: be in her room at night, but they are allowed

1099
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: to venture around the house during the day. After we

1100
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:32,800
Speaker 1: spent a full day bunny proofing chalk, only sometimes sleeping

1101
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: with her It also means we are no longer sleeping

1102
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 1: in her room with her, and only a handful of

1103
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 1: times as she crawled into bed with us, like on

1104
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: Mother's Day and Father's Day. We are leaving for a

1105
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: trip to Europe slash Asia next week. David and I

1106
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: love to travel, but I actually start to get irritable

1107
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: when I don't travel for a while. David jokes that

1108
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: I always need my fix. He looel. It's a three

1109
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: week trip, starting in puland fun to spend time with

1110
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 1: David's Faanley for a while more Polish people love it,

1111
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: and then to Asia from there. The plan was for

1112
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 1: Amy to be with us for the fole three weeks,

1113
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 1: but she really pushed back and we were confused about that.

1114
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 1: She only wants to go for the first week and

1115
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: pulland to meet David's family. Side note, his family adores

1116
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: her and has planned You're Stuck with Us Forever party

1117
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: for her. Whenever we asked about the rest of the trip,

1118
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,279
Speaker 1: she said she didn't want to go and that we

1119
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 1: should go without her. If she didn't want to do something.

1120
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: We get it and don't want to force her. Understanding

1121
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: the why was tough for me. Does she not like traveling. No,

1122
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 1: she enjoys it. Is she afraid? No, she likes flying

1123
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: and thinks it's cool to see new places. Is it

1124
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: is it too much time away from home? No, she's

1125
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: cool with long trips, So why doesn't she want to go?

1126
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: It just doesn't. In family therapy, the trip came up. Finally,

1127
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: her reason for not wanting to join us on the

1128
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 1: rest of the trip came up. She feels like David

1129
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: and I are prioritizing her too much and taking her

1130
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: fee feelings into account more than we should. She feels

1131
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: like we aren't prioritizing our relationship or even our other

1132
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 1: friends and family. She feels like she's preventing us from

1133
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 1: doing stuff because we keep thinking about her. First no Amy, no.

1134
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 3: Proma response, prama response.

1135
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 1: But I think you can.

1136
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 3: You can get in. You can get in front of.

1137
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 1: No no, no da oh pee if I know, Oh Pete,

1138
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 1: you gotta get right in front of that.

1139
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 6: By the way, if you want to see bonus videos

1140
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 6: not on this page, search Okay story time clips on

1141
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 6: Facebook for more.

1142
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,840
Speaker 2: Okay, back to the story.

1143
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 1: I want to make this very clear. While David and

1144
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: I are prioritizing her more and one hundred percent, take care,

1145
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 1: take her feelings into account when we plant things. We

1146
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: still very much prioritize each other. We have a date

1147
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: night every week. If we do cancel, we make up

1148
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 1: for it. Our date nights did stop for a few

1149
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 1: months after Amy moved in with us, but that was

1150
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: just because we needed to adjust. She spends the night

1151
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 1: and Monica's every week and that's usually when we do

1152
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: date night, and we do the same for Monica's mom

1153
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 1: every week. We also go to the gym together every morning.

1154
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 1: I'm not a morning person, but I am for David

1155
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: and we communicate throughout the day. But she made a

1156
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: very good point about our friends and other family. It's

1157
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 1: been hard to balance a kid in the mix, and

1158
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 1: we have been a little neglectful. Sure, our closest friends

1159
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: and family usually just come over to our house and

1160
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: aren't shy about being themselves around Amy, but there are

1161
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 1: events that we have missed by prioritizing Amy. I'm not

1162
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: saying that we made the wrong choice, but she highlighted

1163
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: that we need to start taking care of our other

1164
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: relationships now that she feels safer with us. What I like, dude,

1165
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 1: these an adult response?

1166
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 3: You know these kids are getting built different.

1167
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, nowadays she seems very mature.

1168
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 5: Me at twelve, I would have been like, I don't know,

1169
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 5: I'm sad, I want to play World of Warcrab.

1170
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know what a relationship is.

1171
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: Uh, Like you guys get married what I wouldn't be

1172
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 1: able to be Like.

1173
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 5: I really appreciate that you've taken me in, But now

1174
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 5: that I feel safer with you, you guys need to

1175
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:58,800
Speaker 5: start prioritizing your friendship.

1176
00:51:58,960 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 3: We feel relationships with.

1177
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:03,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is incredibly mature for a twelve year old.

1178
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,919
Speaker 1: But also she has been going to therapy so much

1179
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 1: so she probably is working through that.

1180
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 2: Well.

1181
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:13,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's been getting like the emotional intelligence steroids.

1182
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Amy really is the greatest kid. Even though it

1183
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 1: hasn't been a full year since they passed, she has

1184
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: changed so much. I mean, of course, I wish she

1185
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: didn't have to grow up as fast as she did,

1186
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 1: and I hope we can preserve some of her childhood.

1187
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: But I know our parents would be so proud of her.

1188
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,919
Speaker 1: I'm so dang proud of her. Or I'm so dang

1189
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 1: proud of her. We tell her all the time, but

1190
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: I really don't think She grasps just how proud we

1191
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:42,399
Speaker 1: all are of her. And by the way, we.

1192
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 3: Would be proud of you if.

1193
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: You joined us live every weekday three pmpst on YouTube,

1194
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: Facebook and TikTok. Just tap her profile.

1195
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 3: Just tap her profile.

1196
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: You can cry with us anyways, hah. We still stressed

1197
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 1: we would love to have her on the trip with us,

1198
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 1: but she said we would have we should have the

1199
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 1: time for ourselves, so we decided to leave the tripp ases.

1200
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:03,879
Speaker 1: My parents will come with us for the first week

1201
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: in Poland and they will fly back with Amy with

1202
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 1: their floating between all the grandparents. While David and I

1203
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: are traveling, we will video call her every day to

1204
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 1: check in. We are already making more of an effort

1205
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: with our friends and family. Amy is also spending more

1206
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 1: nights with her many many grandparents, which she's been loving

1207
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: because I'm really lucky that I have four nanas and

1208
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: four papas.

1209
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 3: It's amazing.

1210
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 4: A ah.

1211
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: David is absolutely slaying the parent role too. He has

1212
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: put more hands on with Amy's schooling. He's the one

1213
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: who has been handling teachers, lash school stuff and pickups

1214
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,920
Speaker 1: I do drop offs. He is the contact information and

1215
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 1: has made better connections with the other parents of all

1216
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: the kids in her class, plus all her friends' parents.

1217
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: He's been joking about joining the school's version of the PTA,

1218
00:53:57,440 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 1: but I don't think he's joking lol. He's deaf, only

1219
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 1: the extrovert of the two of us, so it isn't surprising.

1220
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: I could probably go on for pages and pages about

1221
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:09,280
Speaker 1: David just being the absolute best, but I already feel

1222
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,360
Speaker 1: like this update is super long. Haha. I don't know

1223
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 1: how I would have done any of this, but that

1224
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: is love and support. Well, neither of us is perfect.

1225
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 1: We are perfect for each other, which is.

1226
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 5: So evident, so evident, every aspect of this story is

1227
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:25,320
Speaker 5: so wholesome.

1228
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: It's honestly crazy to me that I can still love

1229
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 1: him more and more each day, Like, how is that

1230
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 1: actually even physically possible to love someone this much? Is

1231
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 1: this even healthy? I digress. Well, I think I'm doing okay,

1232
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 1: just like Amy is dealing with a lot of first

1233
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 1: without her parents, so am I. At first, I didn't

1234
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: think it was fair for me to even grieve, since

1235
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 1: Amy's situation situation is just on a whole other level

1236
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 1: than my own. But my therapist has to remind me

1237
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 1: not to compare my grief with hers because it's just different.

1238
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 3: Nice call, Yeah, nice call. Comparison is the thief of.

1239
00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 2: Joy, exactly.

1240
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 3: I always say this sometimes.

1241
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 1: Imagine what my conversation with Leo would have been like

1242
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: if I told him I'm adopting this eleven slash twelve

1243
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,240
Speaker 1: year old girl because her parents were my closest friends.

1244
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 1: He always understood why I didn't want kids, and he

1245
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 1: was so supportive about it when others disregarded my feelings.

1246
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 1: I wonder if he would have talked me out of it,

1247
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 1: or if he would have encouraged me to do it.

1248
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: He one hundred percent would have been part of the

1249
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,719
Speaker 1: village of people supporting me, whether he agreed with my

1250
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,880
Speaker 1: decision or not. I just wish I knew what his

1251
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 1: thoughts were about this whole thing. Say. I miss them

1252
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,480
Speaker 1: so dang much, but I'm also really lucky to have

1253
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:35,759
Speaker 1: David and Amy. I don't know who said it, but

1254
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 1: they said it best. If you want the rainbow, you

1255
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 1: gotta put up with the rain That's it, Ah,