1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,599 Speaker 1: You can't say you want peace but invest your energy 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 1: into chaos. You can't say that you want health but 3 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: then ignore your body. You can't say that you want 4 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: growth but avoid discomfort. And you can't say you want 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: freedom but then you never say no. That's why, if 6 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 1: you think about it, when things are free, there's actually 7 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: been studies on this, they are most less likely to 8 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: attend and less likely to take it seriously because nothing 9 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: is being spent, nothing is being committed to. I'm rather 10 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: WKAH and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we 11 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, 12 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune 13 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey everyone, 14 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: welcome back to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry. 15 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: I hope you're healthy and happy, and I hope you're 16 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: doing all the things that you want to in life. 17 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: But I'm assuming that if you have a click on 18 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,640 Speaker 1: this episode, you might be feeling a little bit frustrated 19 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,279 Speaker 1: that your life just doesn't look the way you want 20 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: it to yet, And if you're finding yourself stuck in 21 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: this loop of why is this not happening for me? 22 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: Or you might even be blaming other people, blaming your 23 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: circumstance or your timing for why your life just isn't 24 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: where you want it to be. 25 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 2: And I totally get it. 26 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: Because when things are not moving, the mind ends up 27 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,399 Speaker 1: looking for something or someone to point at, whether it's 28 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 1: the family that you came from, the relationship that hurt you, 29 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: the job that drained you, or even the version of 30 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: yourself that didn't show up when you really needed her to. 31 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: But you know what, I really don't believe that people 32 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: are unlucky. I think that sometimes we can be misaligned 33 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: between what we say we want and what we invest in, 34 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: and what we subconsciously believe that we're allowed to have. 35 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this from a place of 36 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: frustration or confusion or resentment, this is not going to 37 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: be an episode telling you to try harder or to 38 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: think more positively. It's actually just going to be an 39 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: invitation for you to look, honestly, without judgment, at where 40 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: your life is pointing you and how you might be 41 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: able to gently redirect it in the direction that you 42 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: want to go. Let's start by talking about this investment. 43 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: It's not just money when it comes to investment. It's 44 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: your time, it's your energy, what you're funding versus what 45 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: you're fantasizing about. And the thing is, every single outcome 46 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: has a cost, and it's not always financial, but something 47 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: always has to be spent, whether it's time, whether it's money, 48 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: whether it's energy, attention, or emotional bandwidth. The uncomfortable truth 49 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: is this, if something isn't happening, it might be something 50 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: that you're not properly investing in. And that doesn't make 51 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: you lazy or unworthy. It just means that your resources 52 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: are not currently going to the place that they should be. 53 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 1: They're focused somewhere else. Your life already shows you where 54 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 1: your priorities are, not through what you say, but what 55 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: you consistently fund. The brain assigns value through resource allocation, 56 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: so whatever you give your time, your money, and your 57 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,119 Speaker 1: emotional energy to it becomes what your nervous system believes 58 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: is important and safe. That means even procrastination is an investment. 59 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: You're investing in familiarity and comfort. One of the mistakes 60 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,239 Speaker 1: we make is that we think motivation comes before investment, 61 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: but it's usually the opposite. Motivation comes after you've actually 62 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: done the investment. Action is what creates clarity, not the 63 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: other way around. So if you're waiting, if you're ready, 64 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 1: before you choose to invest your precious time or energy 65 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: into something, you're waiting for the wrong signal. So this 66 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: is a good place to ask yourself, where does my 67 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 1: time actually go? What do I spend money on without hesitation, 68 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: what drains my energy? And what do I consistently avoid? 69 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: Because wanting something in theory is not the same as 70 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,799 Speaker 1: paying for it in real life. You can't say you 71 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 1: want peace but invest energy into chaos. You can't say 72 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: that you want health but then ignore your body. You 73 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: can't say that you want growth but avoid discomfort. And 74 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: you can't say you want freedom but then you never 75 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: say no. That's why, if you think about it, when 76 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: things are free, there's actually been studies on this, they 77 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: are most less likely to attend and less likely to 78 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: take it seriously because nothing is being spent, nothing is 79 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: being committed to, whether it's attention, effort, emotional, physical present. 80 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: When we're not investing something, it kind of reduces the 81 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: meaning or value in our life. Our nervous system doesn't 82 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: register it as important. We show up differently when we've 83 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: paid a cost for something we listen differently, we prioritize differently, 84 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: because investment creates ownership, and ownership follow through attitude. Your 85 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: life directly reflects what you're funding, not what you're fantasizing about. 86 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,119 Speaker 1: And sometimes the truth is simple. You might want it, 87 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: but just not enough to arrange your whole life for 88 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: it yet. And that is not a failure. It's just 89 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: good information to have. Honestly, it's just about being real. 90 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,119 Speaker 1: And when you ask yourself these questions, write it down 91 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: so you can see it in your face. Look at 92 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 1: the hours in your day and see where do I 93 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: spend most amount of time? And yeah, of course you 94 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: might have a nine to five job that might not 95 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: be something you want to change right now, What about 96 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: the rest of the hours in the day, how am 97 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: I spending it? And so then you'll be able to 98 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: see what am I actually prioritizing, What am I showing 99 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: the universe and the world that I want in my 100 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,600 Speaker 1: life by the investment that I'm making, And so you 101 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 1: might end up realizing that, actually, know what, I've spent 102 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: like two hours watching a Netflix show, but I keep 103 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 1: saying I want to work out and that I don't 104 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: have time, But actually this little exercise is showing me 105 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: that I do have the time, I'm just choosing not 106 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: to use it in. 107 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 2: The way that I want to use it. 108 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 1: And so sometimes it's really great breaking up your day, 109 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: your week, your weekends and really seeing how that time 110 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: energy is being spent in a day, and then it 111 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: allows you to reallocate that investment into other areas of 112 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,239 Speaker 1: your life. The second thing is whether what you're saying 113 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: is the same as what you're showing you want. Your 114 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: subconscious listens to behavior, not affirmations, and so this is 115 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: where honesty really matters, because the body in your nervous 116 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: system and you're subconscious, they don't respond to words, they 117 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: respond to patterns. You might say you really want love 118 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: in your life, but you stay emotionally unavailable. You might 119 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: say you want abundance, but you operate from a constant 120 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 1: scarcity mindset. You might say you want confidence, but then 121 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: you hide every time you're being seen or avoid being 122 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: put into situations where you can show your confidence. So 123 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: the question is if someone only look at your actions, 124 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: what would they say that you want? If you were 125 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: looking at your life from a bird's eye point of view, 126 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: you got to watch yourself for a day, What conclusions 127 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: would you make of yourself from that day that you 128 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: watched What would you think of that person? What would 129 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: it look like they want in their life? What would 130 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: it look like motivates them, Like, think about all of 131 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: these things as you're writing in your journal or you're 132 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: writing on paper, and just really think, what does my 133 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 1: life look like from the outside if there was a 134 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: little god fairy looking at my life saying, I wonder 135 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: what this person wants? 136 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 2: What can I give to them that they want? 137 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 1: And purely just through their actions, if they couldn't hear 138 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: your intense desires or your intention through your actions, what 139 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: would they. 140 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: Think that you would want? 141 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,840 Speaker 1: And so that's everything from your calendar, your bank statements, 142 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: your boundaries, your habits. They are your real vision board. 143 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: That's what you're creating in your life. And so this 144 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,480 Speaker 1: isn't about forcing discipline, it's about noticing where your actions 145 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: are protecting you. Avoidance is often mistaken for laziness when 146 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: it's actually just self preservation. Sometimes we don't show we 147 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: want something because we're kind of scared of the responsibility, 148 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: the visibility, the disappointment or outgrowing people. If we choose 149 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: to let it go or if we choose to change. Well, 150 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: speaking to my friend and she really struggles with drinking 151 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,799 Speaker 1: and drinking, I guess she would kind of categorize herself 152 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: as an alcoholic and or label herself as an alcoholic. 153 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: And I remember speaking to I was speaking to her 154 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: recently and she said, I've been sober for like thirty 155 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: days now, and the scary thing is, I feel like 156 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: without alcohol, I don't know where I fit in in 157 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: my friend group. I feel like without being an alcoholic, 158 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: which is a label that she feels like she's had 159 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: for a long time. She's like, if I take that away, 160 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: I'm not sure I really know who I am. And 161 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 1: what I've realized is sometimes you hold onto labels because 162 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: it gives us this feeling of knowing who we are, 163 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: even if it's not a good thing. Being an alcoholic 164 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: felt like it was a better label to have than 165 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: being someone who has nothing going for them. At Least 166 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: then I could blame everything on the alcohol. At Least 167 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: then I felt like I knew what I was doing 168 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: in my day, Like all these things were figured out 169 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 1: by her classing herself as an alcoholic. But strip that away, 170 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: She's like, God, I don't know my friends hang out 171 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: with me to drink, I go out, and my motivation 172 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: or my mind is always on alcohol. So now without that, 173 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed 174 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 1: to be? And so sometimes we really have to look 175 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: at these labels that we've created for ourselves and see 176 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: whether they are limiting us in actually taking the actions 177 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: towards what we want to do. And so sometimes we 178 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: keep saying that we want it, but we don't let 179 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: our behaviors catch up, not because we don't care, but 180 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: because part of us doesn't feel ready to let go 181 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,959 Speaker 1: of the other stuff yet. So you can ask yourself here, 182 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: what does my behavior protect me from feeling from experiencing? 183 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: And that's a good indication of maybe the parts of 184 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: you that you're trying that you need to work on 185 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: to let go before you can embrace the life that 186 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: you want for yourself. The next thing is self limiting 187 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: thoughts and beliefs and words. This is something that can 188 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 1: kind of show up very quietly or actually you might 189 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: not even know that it exists inside of you. Right now, 190 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,719 Speaker 1: you can invess all the time, all the money or 191 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: the energy, but still end up capping your success or 192 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: your ability to change with the language that you use, 193 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: like that's just not what people like me do, or 194 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 1: I always fail at things, I always mess things up, 195 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: things never work out for me. The fact is the 196 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: brain listens to repetition, not lodgic, and so words shape 197 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: who you become. They shape your identity, and then your 198 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: identity shapes your behavior, and your behavior shapes your outcomes. 199 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: And the thing is, most of the beliefs that are 200 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: blocking you sometimes aren't even yours. They come from childhood conditioning, 201 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: past failures that you've overidentified with someone else's fear that's 202 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 1: passed down to you, or a version of you that 203 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: needed protection. 204 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 2: Ones. 205 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: Beliefs are not truths. They are just agreements, and agreements 206 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: can always be renegotiated. And you know what, a certain 207 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 1: amount of delusional optimism is absolutely necessary and actually healthy. 208 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: If you only believe what you could logically prove, you 209 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: would never start anything new. You wouldn't change careers, you 210 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't heal all patterns, you wouldn't need relationships or take 211 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 1: risks that don't yet have evidence. Every meaningful shift in 212 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: your life required you to believe something before there was proof. 213 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 1: This belief of this could actually work out. This could 214 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: actually be really different. Maybe more is possible for me. 215 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: It's technically delusional because you act have absolutely no idea, 216 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: but that's not a bad thing. That's faith and its 217 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 1: hope and its imagination and its vision. You may not 218 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: thinking that about yourself, like one person can only do 219 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 1: so much. So yes, maybe you are limited. Maybe we 220 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: are only capable of so much as a singular person. 221 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: But the fact is we have God on our side. 222 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 1: We have you plus God, you plus family, you plus 223 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: friends that care. 224 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 2: So you should be able to believe in things. 225 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: Beyond what you can fathom or your limited expectations, because hey, 226 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: other people may have different plans for you. God may 227 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: have different plans for you. And just because you can't 228 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 1: see it yet, and just because you're limited perspective or 229 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,719 Speaker 1: you're filtered view isn't able to see it, doesn't mean 230 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: it can't exist. I read this quote recently and I 231 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: think it said if you could overthink what couldn't happen, 232 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: imagine what it would be like if you would overthink 233 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 1: about what is possible? 234 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,199 Speaker 2: And I was like, that's so true. 235 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: What if instead of thinking about all the reasons why 236 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: it shouldn't happen, what if you started thinking about what 237 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: if it did, Like, what if you had this crazy 238 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,959 Speaker 1: idea to actually focus on the possibility of things becoming something, 239 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: the possibility of life changing, the possibility of your trajectory 240 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 1: being completely different. Why would you not? Why be stuck 241 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: in the possibility of things not happening when you could 242 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: have your mind be filled with all these beautiful thoughts 243 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: of what it could. The brain actually needs this optimism 244 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: to tolerate uncertainty. Without it, fear shots things down before 245 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: they even begin. But optimism has to be grounded in action, 246 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: otherwise it becomes a fantasy loop that gives you the 247 00:11:56,679 --> 00:12:00,040 Speaker 1: emotional reward without the growth, and actually you would and 248 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: not feeling happy anyway because you don't end up meeting 249 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 1: the goals or having anything tangible to prove for it. 250 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: It will all be living in the mind and not 251 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,199 Speaker 1: in your reality. And what I've noticed in my own 252 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: life and also in my friends when we talk about 253 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: this is sometimes things are not happening because your nervous 254 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:21,079 Speaker 1: system doesn't feel safe having them. So if you're used 255 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: to failure, then success can feel unsafe. Love can feel 256 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 1: unsafe if you're used to not having it. Visibility can 257 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: feel unsafe if you're not used to having it. Stability 258 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:33,359 Speaker 1: can feel unsafe if it's unfamiliar. The nervous system prioritizes 259 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: familiarity over happiness, So if chaos was normal, peace can 260 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: feel really boring and difficult. If struggle was rewarded, ease 261 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: can feel suspicious. So the body will delay what you 262 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: want so much, not because you don't want it, but 263 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: because it doesn't trust it yet. So ask yourself, do 264 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: you feel safe receiving what you're asking for? Do you 265 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: feel safe maintaining what you're asking for? Have you created 266 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: the life and the space and the capacity to not 267 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: only receive but also hold it and keep it for 268 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: a long time? And then I ask yourself, who would 269 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: I become if this actually worked out? 270 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,200 Speaker 2: And am I ready for all of that? 271 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: Like, am I truly ready for the work, for the time, 272 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: for the effort, for the energy that this is going 273 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,760 Speaker 1: to require to receive but then also hold on to 274 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 1: And until safety is built in the body about this 275 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: whole equation, and until you've worked through that in your mind, 276 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: what may be limiting you is your body knowing that 277 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: maybe I'm not ready to handle this right now, and 278 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: you have to create the space and the strength to 279 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: be able to my friend that I was just talking about, 280 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: she really turned a leaf this year, like she has 281 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: tried so hard to change your behaviors, stopped herself from 282 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: going places really to focus on this new version of 283 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: herself that she wanted to be. But sometimes as an 284 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: identity lag, when your behavior change is faster than the 285 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,599 Speaker 1: idea that you have of yourself. We create our identity 286 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: through years and years and years of things that we've experienced. 287 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 1: So just because your behavior changes, sometimes we still expect 288 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,439 Speaker 1: ourselves to be the same person. We expect ourself to fail, 289 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 1: we expect ourself to relapse, whatever it is. We end 290 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,960 Speaker 1: up creating these expectations of ourself over years, and then 291 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: when our behavior changes, we think, oh, well, why do 292 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 1: I not think of myself differently? Why do I still 293 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: keep thinking of myself as an old version of me? 294 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: And so sometimes things don't happen because your identity hasn't 295 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: caught up to your effort. You have an identity lag 296 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: when you're doing new behaviors but still seeing yourself through 297 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: an old lens. So you might be acting confident, but 298 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: you're still identifying as feeling really insecure or you might 299 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: be making money, but you're still seeing yourself as being 300 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: bad with money. You're showing up, but you're still calling 301 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: yourself inconsistent. The brain will always try to pull behavior 302 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: back to match your identity. So if you're thinking about 303 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 1: the old you, your old behaviors, you'll start moving towards that. 304 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: And I've really experienced. 305 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 2: That in my life. 306 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: Even when I become better at things, I'd be like, oh, 307 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: you know, and I made a conscious effort to be 308 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: better at them, like even being late for things or 309 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: not showing up to places on time. I constantly tell 310 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 1: people that, oh, you know, I don't really I'm not 311 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: really good with time, or I'm not really good with 312 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: keeping structure in my life. 313 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 2: And then I'm like, wait, yes I am. 314 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: I've been doing this for so long. I've really worked 315 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: so hard to create structure, to be on time, to 316 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: be better at these practices, but I keep telling myself 317 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: that I'm not because my mind is still holding me 318 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 1: to my old behaviors and my old patterns. And so 319 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: you really need to create time to update your identity, 320 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: like do a software update in your mind in a 321 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: real time, And sometimes that's what's necessary. It's reminding yourself that, oh, 322 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 1: actually I have changed this and my behaviors are changing 323 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: like this, which means I'm not that person anymore, even 324 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: if I was yesterday, the day before, a month ago, 325 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: a year ago. 326 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 2: And so if you're listening to this. 327 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: And you're thinking, oh my god, I can see so 328 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: much of myself in what you've just said, I really 329 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 1: don't want you to feel disheartened by this. This isn't a 330 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: list of reasons you're behind or doing something wrong. It's 331 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: honestly just a place for you to collect information with 332 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: all the those questions, really asking yourself, if things are 333 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: not happening in the way I want them to, what 334 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: can I shift in my life so they do? What's 335 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: blocking me, what's stopping me? What do I need to 336 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: let go of to create space to allow it into 337 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: my life? Every single area that we talked about, investment, 338 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 1: alignment between words and actions, your beliefs, optimism, emotional safety, 339 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: and identity, they're not problems. They're just platforms and information 340 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: for you to reflect, experiment, and generally test in your 341 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 1: own life to get closer and closer towards what you 342 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: want in your life. So you don't need to overhaul 343 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: everything at once. Awareness alone already shifts things. Growth isn't 344 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: about getting it perfect. It's honestly just about becoming curious 345 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: about where things need to shift. And so instead of 346 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: feeling discouraged, I really hope you see this as an 347 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: invitation to ask yourself better questions, to try one small 348 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: alignment at a time, and to see what happens when 349 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: you're in a world and you're out of action, start 350 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: pointing in the right direction, and when you start to 351 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: believe that you are capable of ever. 352 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 2: That you want. 353 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: And I think that is the main thing that we 354 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: struggle with, believing that you're capable of all the things 355 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 1: that you're desiring in your life. And just know that 356 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 1: you can have that delusional optimism and see where it 357 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,679 Speaker 1: takes you this year, just for fun, even if you 358 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: don't want to, just try it for fun and see 359 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,639 Speaker 1: what happens, because I guarantee you, filling your mind with 360 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 1: positive motivational thoughts are going to make you feel so 361 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,120 Speaker 1: much better than filling your mind with self doubt and 362 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: the belief that you can't do something. So anyway, I 363 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 1: hope that you have such a wonderful week, and I 364 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: really hope that you look into these questions and really 365 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: take time to reflect on them and write them, especially 366 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 1: if you're feeling frustrated right now in that area of 367 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:47,679 Speaker 1: your life.