Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, Hey there, friend, how's everybody doing hopefully great? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think everybody's gotta be doing fine. He's got to
Speaker 1: be doing fine. Nothing happening, everything's good, everything's chill out
Speaker 1: there in the world. We're good. We're finally we're back
Speaker 1: in our home, uh, back in our recording little booth
Speaker 1: that we made, so you can tell. It sounds so
Speaker 1: much better our last episode, which was a mishmash of
Speaker 1: like hotel room problems, zoom problems, whatever, whatever you could,
Speaker 1: you could understand what we're saying. I hope that matters most,
Speaker 1: and that is sort of the point of a podcast.
Speaker 1: Quality is secondary, tertiary even even Yeah, we had a
Speaker 1: great time in Palm Springs watching our friends get married. Yes,
Speaker 1: beautiful wedding out in the open air of the desert.
Speaker 1: Only a brief minor sandstorm right before the ceremony started.
Speaker 1: It was really just a lot of wind that it
Speaker 1: inherently brings sand with it when you're in the desert. Um,
Speaker 1: so we were all like rubbing our eyes like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm crying, it's not the sand. What was cool though,
Speaker 1: was that our friend, of course, had a very long,
Speaker 1: beautiful veil and so the wind kind of did like
Speaker 1: a Beyonce effect for her perfect. So I'm glad it
Speaker 1: didn't mess up and like go the other way, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It was just like in the
Speaker 1: wind like a damn painting. It really was, really was
Speaker 1: such a nice time. Whether it was perfect beautiful out
Speaker 1: there in Palm Springs, who knew? Yeah right, But yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess we've we have been a little bit quiet
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Um, partly because of our insane driving
Speaker 1: and for hours and then crashing at a at a
Speaker 1: seedy hotel. I guess they're not seedy. That's not fair,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean, roadside motels and stuff,
Speaker 1: and um, just partly that and partly that, you know,
Speaker 1: we had a bit of a family tragedy in my
Speaker 1: family while we were out there. Um, and it was
Speaker 1: very crazy. Yeah, I wish I had better words to
Speaker 1: explain how weird it is to be first of all,
Speaker 1: three thousand miles away from your home that and you
Speaker 1: drove three days, you know, so you're not close. You
Speaker 1: can't just go right back or anything. And to be
Speaker 1: so happy about our friends and to be at this
Speaker 1: amazing destination party with a bunch of our other friends
Speaker 1: who had you know, we hadn't seen and over two years,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe even before the pandemic because they moved
Speaker 1: and just all scattered about. So it was just such
Speaker 1: a wonderful high energy, like giddy energy around this wedding.
Speaker 1: And then, um, also a death in my family that
Speaker 1: was very sad and uh so it's sort of and
Speaker 1: then a couple of days later, my cousin had her
Speaker 1: first baby, and it was just like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's like union's death, birth, like everything about life and
Speaker 1: just compressed in a couple of days. It was just
Speaker 1: a very crazy roller coaster and I don't like roller
Speaker 1: coasters person, so a little bit difficult to get our
Speaker 1: head in the game, I guess. Um. And now, of
Speaker 1: course we just got home and we have to turn
Speaker 1: back around and go to Michigan for the funeral. So
Speaker 1: uh yeah, it's just been uh, it's just been tough
Speaker 1: to keep up with everything. It's it's been a whirlwind.
Speaker 1: Uh what ten days, not even like, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: real sandstorm of a week, and uh, we're getting through it, um,
Speaker 1: but it has shifted what you know, we're capable of doing,
Speaker 1: I think in that time and so so we decided
Speaker 1: to come back today with with something a little different. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's been I know, we've kind of been doing things
Speaker 1: that are a little different for the last couple of years.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get back to our like, you know,
Speaker 1: dense biographical episodes. So much fun. There have been so
Speaker 1: many good suggestions from y'all, by the way, Like I
Speaker 1: cannot tell you the amount of stories that we have
Speaker 1: just from you that I'm like dying to get into. Like,
Speaker 1: y'all have some really good stuff. So thank you for
Speaker 1: all those suggestions. I swear we are just so excited
Speaker 1: to get into them. That is very true. And uh
Speaker 1: and as soon as we get back from Michigan next week,
Speaker 1: we'll be jumping into some of those. Yeah, we'll get
Speaker 1: back to those wonderful profiles and character stories and everything
Speaker 1: like that. But since we didn't have time for a
Speaker 1: good research project this week, we thought we'd just have
Speaker 1: a little fun with you all today. Um, while we
Speaker 1: were researching for our two parter about sex toys with
Speaker 1: ridiculous history, which hopefully all heard pretty good time, we
Speaker 1: found a few body poems back in the day people
Speaker 1: talking about naughty stuff, and one of them we actually
Speaker 1: left out because it was just too long to do
Speaker 1: in a poetry corner for les. So we thought it
Speaker 1: might be fun to read it to you today and
Speaker 1: have a nice performative reading of a poem called Barranger
Speaker 1: of the long Asshole. And it was written in the
Speaker 1: thirte Tree. And it's a type of poem called a fablio.
Speaker 1: And needless to say, not that everyone gathers around with
Speaker 1: their toddlers to listen to this show, but it is
Speaker 1: a It is definitely not safe for your century work.
Speaker 1: You know, it's got some raunchy language, but it's like
Speaker 1: seven year old language, so it's kind of, uh, it's
Speaker 1: not that bad, but it's hilarious, so funny. Um The
Speaker 1: Riverside Chaucer, which is a translation and analysis of Chaucer's writings,
Speaker 1: very academic right. One of the reviews on Amazon says
Speaker 1: that it weighs over six pounds. I was like, whoa weight?
Speaker 1: So they say that a fablio is quote a brief
Speaker 1: comic tale in verse, usually scurrulous, and often scatological or obscene.
Speaker 1: The style is simple, vigorous, and straightforward. The time is
Speaker 1: in the present, and the settings real familiar places. The
Speaker 1: characters are ornary sorts, tradesmen, peasants, priests, students, restless wives,
Speaker 1: and the plots are realistically motivated tricks and ruses. The
Speaker 1: fablio thus presents a lively image of everyday life among
Speaker 1: the middle and lower class. And then Kimberly Arnold on
Speaker 1: the New Zealand Digital Library website further clarifies that often
Speaker 1: in these tales, women were described as either quote demanding, verbose,
Speaker 1: irrational and not very smart, or as quote a welcoming
Speaker 1: sexual orifice without thought or speech. Yeah, can imagine women
Speaker 1: being presented like that in media? That would never happen
Speaker 1: today history, Right, so weird. But fortunately the one that
Speaker 1: we're reading today is the exact opposite of those. So
Speaker 1: all that being said, I say that we we jump
Speaker 1: right into this poem because it is insane and I'm
Speaker 1: very excited for all to hear it. Yeah, let's go, Hey,
Speaker 1: their French, come listen. Well, Eli and Diana got some
Speaker 1: stories to tell. There's no matchmaking, no romantic tips. It's
Speaker 1: just about ridiculous relationships. A lover, it might be any
Speaker 1: type of person at all, and abstract concept a concrete wall.
Speaker 1: But if there's a story with a second Clans ridiculous
Speaker 1: roleance a production of I Heart Radio. So Jeffrey Chaucer
Speaker 1: actually reworked many of the most well known surviving fabilio
Speaker 1: in Middle English into the Canterbury Tales, classic classic, and
Speaker 1: so did Giovanni Boccaccio in the Decameron, another classic, another classic. Literally,
Speaker 1: this poem is by a poet named Gallon, about whom
Speaker 1: like nothing is known except that he wrote a few
Speaker 1: body and naughty poem stories, which I kind of love
Speaker 1: that as a legacy. I don't know who you were,
Speaker 1: where you lived, if you were married or not, whatever
Speaker 1: else he did for life. Anyway, you wrote some naughty stuff.
Speaker 1: He still got that. That's what survives. And now at
Speaker 1: least he made some people laugh in his time. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and for hundreds of years later exactly we're still one
Speaker 1: a legacy. So please enjoy this performance of Barrangiers of
Speaker 1: the long Asshole by Geron. For two years, I've been
Speaker 1: telling so many fine tales and fabilioux which I've discovered
Speaker 1: or made up that by Saint John, It's time to
Speaker 1: stop and tell no more except this last called Barongier
Speaker 1: of the long Ass a story which you haven't heard,
Speaker 1: but if you'd like, you'll hear it word for word,
Speaker 1: this minute, no delay. Hear it, good people. Gron will
Speaker 1: say what happened once in Lombardy, where men aren't known
Speaker 1: for bravery, to a knight errant who'd been wed to
Speaker 1: a fine lady, purely bred, and daughter to a landed earl.
Speaker 1: The young knight's father was a churl who had gotten
Speaker 1: rich by usury. His cellars were full, his granary held
Speaker 1: all it could. He had cows and goats, dollars, danyers,
Speaker 1: mark sus and groats, and the earl was deeply in
Speaker 1: his debt, with nothing left to pay except to give
Speaker 1: the rich man's son his daughter. That's how good blood
Speaker 1: thins down to water, how counts and earls and all
Speaker 1: their race decline and finish in disgrace. Damn, that's very rude.
Speaker 1: Garrel had a real opinion about like gentry marrying down.
Speaker 1: If you're if you're of noble blood, this is this
Speaker 1: is how you ruin it by marrying commoners. Be more
Speaker 1: like kings and queens who marry their own brothers and cousins.
Speaker 1: That's how you keep blood nice and thick. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you certainly do so. Thickow pump through your You have
Speaker 1: the thickest blood I've ever seen, Thank you. My parents
Speaker 1: were siblings. So okay, So there's this normal dude. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think there's like a normal young man who who's
Speaker 1: father is rich but not not noble. He's just a
Speaker 1: rich guy. Yeah, he got rich by usury. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: worst way to get rich, the only way to get
Speaker 1: And he's saying that like this earl was deeply in
Speaker 1: the debt of this rich not noble man. I guess
Speaker 1: the merchant probably or something. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, the
Speaker 1: agriculture at some point. And so he said, oh, I
Speaker 1: can't pay you back, how about you just marry my daughter.
Speaker 1: Classic way to solve a dispute in history, I suppose.
Speaker 1: And he's like, here you go. I've got cows and
Speaker 1: goats and grain and money and the guys like I
Speaker 1: got all that. Yeah, I got some daughters, perfect. My
Speaker 1: son really needs one of those needs a wife. So
Speaker 1: let's take one of them and marry him to my son.
Speaker 1: Now we're all together. He's this rich kid who didn't
Speaker 1: come by it, honestly, trust fund baby, trust fund baby,
Speaker 1: with marrying an earl's daughter who probably was expecting better
Speaker 1: for herself. Poor girl, She was like, what's this? All right?
Speaker 1: It continues if people wed to get out of debt,
Speaker 1: disgrace is what they ought to get. Damn, the harm
Speaker 1: they do cannot be told from those who covet silver
Speaker 1: and gold more than nobility. A race of foolish, good
Speaker 1: for nothing face and chicken hearted knights descends. Thus chivalry
Speaker 1: declines and ends. So again he's really hammering at home.
Speaker 1: How if you're not noble, you must be a big
Speaker 1: piece of ship. But here's the gist of what I heard.
Speaker 1: From start to finish, as it occurred, not wasting any time,
Speaker 1: the earl put wedding garments on the girl and married
Speaker 1: her to the young peasant, then dubbed him night for
Speaker 1: a wedding present. I guess the wife wasn't enough of
Speaker 1: a wedding present. It's like, also, i'll make you a sir.
Speaker 1: The young man went home with the maid for more
Speaker 1: than ten years. There they stayed this new night valued relaxation,
Speaker 1: not valiant deeds or reputation. The code of chivalry could go. Hang.
Speaker 1: He loved pie, custard and merangue. It's my kind of guy,
Speaker 1: And all right, I get this guy, but the common
Speaker 1: people he despised. Never mind boo. Now when the lady
Speaker 1: realized how utterly her husband lacked virtue, how he was
Speaker 1: in fact useless for tournaments or war and liked to
Speaker 1: fill a straw bed more than wheeled a lance or
Speaker 1: grasp a shield, from which it clearly was revealed to
Speaker 1: her that though the man was quite a talker, he
Speaker 1: was not a night worth talking of, but born and
Speaker 1: raised a commoner. That's when she praised the line of
Speaker 1: knights from whence she's from woud valiant knights who never
Speaker 1: hung around the house from dawn to dark. She's like,
Speaker 1: you know, a bunch of men in my family were knights,
Speaker 1: and let me tell you about all the cool ship
Speaker 1: that is. They were cool. You lay it, You lay
Speaker 1: around this bed all day long. You never pick up
Speaker 1: a shield or a lance. Trying to give my honey
Speaker 1: do list. Well, you know, it's like, I don't think
Speaker 1: you have to go prove your manhood in a fight
Speaker 1: all the time or anything, but it does get frustrating
Speaker 1: when somebody just lays around the house and doesn't do anything,
Speaker 1: eating meringue from dawn to dark. The husband knew that
Speaker 1: these remarks were aimed at him to put him down, lady,
Speaker 1: he said, I have renowned I have more prowess than
Speaker 1: a dozen of your grandfather's. There's not a cousin or
Speaker 1: night of any clan or class whose valor I do
Speaker 1: not surpass, and I'm not lazy. Take it from me.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow morning. You will see if I can find my
Speaker 1: foes tomorrow who envy me and want to borrow trouble
Speaker 1: from me, I'll prove myself. Not one will get off
Speaker 1: with his health. Those enemies whose scorn and scoff will
Speaker 1: not scoff long with their heads off at dusk tomorrow.
Speaker 1: They'll be dead for the time being. That's all he said.
Speaker 1: The night arose at dawn next day and rang a
Speaker 1: bell for his valet, who brought his buckler, sword and
Speaker 1: lance and armed his lord with elegance. This guy, this
Speaker 1: guy's like I'll kill them all, show you only if
Speaker 1: I can find them. They're not like here. He's like
Speaker 1: anybody who's got something bad to say about he is
Speaker 1: going to hear about it. Like no one has ever
Speaker 1: heard of you. You've been sitting around the house eat
Speaker 1: pie all day. Now your wife is the only one
Speaker 1: roasted you did. The arms and armor were all splendid,
Speaker 1: not being dirtied, scratched or DENTI straight, pristine out of
Speaker 1: the box. I never did ship with him. When he
Speaker 1: was geared and rigged for battle, and sitting proudly in
Speaker 1: the saddle, he wondered what he should do next to
Speaker 1: give his wife a good pretext for thinking him a
Speaker 1: noble knight. He saw a forest to his right, a
Speaker 1: quarter mile from his front door. Without delay, he headed
Speaker 1: for the forest at a gallop. There they had to
Speaker 1: gasp a bit for air because all those meringues he rode,
Speaker 1: not exactly doing cardio, and all this time his armor
Speaker 1: is heavy. Who knew? He rode on further through the
Speaker 1: wood to where a giant oak tree stood and cast
Speaker 1: its shade upon a field. He tied his horse, unhooked
Speaker 1: his shield, and hung it from the lowest bow. Listen
Speaker 1: to what the fool did now. He drew his sword,
Speaker 1: shining and bright, and beat the shield with all his might,
Speaker 1: battering like a maniac, making it clatter at every whack
Speaker 1: till it mutilated it. He took his sturdy lance and
Speaker 1: hit the branch. The lance flintered in thirds. His work
Speaker 1: was finished, so he spurred his horse around the woods
Speaker 1: some more before arriving home. He bore a third of
Speaker 1: his lance and but a fourth of the shields that
Speaker 1: he had carried forth. He reined his horse. His wife
Speaker 1: came out to ask what this was all about and
Speaker 1: hold his stirrup strap in place, But the night hit
Speaker 1: her in the fake excuse me with the full weight
Speaker 1: of his big foot. What this bitch stand back, he cried,
Speaker 1: Hands off the boot. Let it be known. It isn't
Speaker 1: right for you to touch so great a night as
Speaker 1: I am, not with my renown. No such night from
Speaker 1: Adam down adorns the family tree. You faunted. I'm not defeated,
Speaker 1: weak or daunted. I am the flower of chivalry. The
Speaker 1: lady didn't disagree. Does she really wanted to while she
Speaker 1: just kicked her? He just kicked her in the face.
Speaker 1: I know she was probably like, well, I have something
Speaker 1: to say, but let me retreat to a safe distuct.
Speaker 1: I'm want to wait till i'm not, you know, eye
Speaker 1: level with your foot. Freaking foot exactly What an asshole
Speaker 1: guy sucks? What a chivalrous guy just kicked your wife
Speaker 1: in the face. I'm the chivalry in consternation. She beheld
Speaker 1: the shattered lance and broken shield, not knowing what to
Speaker 1: think or say about the evidence on display. Afraid he'd
Speaker 1: beat her to the ground because he threatened her and frowned.
Speaker 1: She dared not touch, but stood somewhat out of his reach.
Speaker 1: Her mouth stayed shut. What shall I say? He used
Speaker 1: this game to vilify her family name and put her
Speaker 1: in her place, that is, to set her value under his.
Speaker 1: Another time, the night came back with another shield, all
Speaker 1: hued and hacked and full of holes. His chain mail shirt, however,
Speaker 1: was by no means hurt. Neither was he from head
Speaker 1: to foot. He wasn't bruised, he wasn't cut, he wasn't
Speaker 1: even tired out. That's when his wife began to doubt
Speaker 1: her husband's claim that he'd unhorsed, defeated, subjugated, forced to
Speaker 1: pay homage, put to flight, and hanged two dozen enemy
Speaker 1: nights that day. She saw that he concealed his cowardice
Speaker 1: of a cracked shield and told herself, if he went
Speaker 1: back into the woods again, she'd track him down to
Speaker 1: learn what foes he sought and what he did and
Speaker 1: how he fought. I like this girl, Yeah, she's canny.
Speaker 1: She said, Okay, We're going to hold my tongue for now,
Speaker 1: but I'm about to find out about you, sir. Really
Speaker 1: some bullshit happening here, sir, bullshit obviously already, this guy,
Speaker 1: you know, Mr Pie and Custard all day is not
Speaker 1: going out there and killing two dozen guys at a time.
Speaker 1: And then he comes back completely undented armor. His shield
Speaker 1: is the only thing that's Oh okay, I guess he's
Speaker 1: so good at blocking hit. Come on, come on, man,
Speaker 1: let's follow make your lie a little more believable. Should
Speaker 1: let your squire like punchy in the face ones or something? Yes,
Speaker 1: exactly all of this could have been avoided. So I'm
Speaker 1: glad that she's got a plan. She's figuring it out.
Speaker 1: And before we find out what she did dead, I
Speaker 1: think we should take just a real quick commercial break. Yes,
Speaker 1: all right, welcome back to Bragier of the long assholes.
Speaker 1: These were the plans she settled on early next day,
Speaker 1: at break of dawn, her husband armed and said he
Speaker 1: still had three more enemies to kill, who kept on
Speaker 1: threatening and defying, causing disturbances and spying crimes which the
Speaker 1: noble knight detested. The lady tactfully suggested he takes some servants,
Speaker 1: three or four to make the victory more sure. Lady,
Speaker 1: he said, I'll go alone. I'll kill him so well
Speaker 1: on my own. Not one will get away with his life.
Speaker 1: Urging his charger past his wife, he sallied forth with
Speaker 1: zeal and zest into the woods. She rose and dressed
Speaker 1: herself in armor like a night mounted a stallion, held
Speaker 1: on tight, did not delay, did not look back, and
Speaker 1: followed in her husband's track till there he was in
Speaker 1: the same field, and from the same oak tree. His
Speaker 1: shield was hanging. He was beating it, banging and making
Speaker 1: it submit to a cruel martyrdom and rigor. A person
Speaker 1: standing near might figure a hundred devils were there yelling,
Speaker 1: this isn't any joke, I'm telling He raised a rocket
Speaker 1: to the guy. The lady reined her horse nearby. Classic
Speaker 1: century cross dressing trick. Yeah, this Shakespeare chaucer. All of
Speaker 1: them were like ladies can address as a man and
Speaker 1: go in and take care of business and just handle
Speaker 1: this whole situation right now. I also love these like
Speaker 1: this ain't a joke, y'all, even like a joke story,
Speaker 1: Like I know I've been telling you a joke this
Speaker 1: whole time. But this, this one's not a joke all out.
Speaker 1: I love this image of him screaming and wailing on
Speaker 1: the shield in the tree. How about you? Why I
Speaker 1: say that to my face? Shield? Bang bang bang? Why
Speaker 1: don't you pick on someone your own size? At first,
Speaker 1: the sight of this display of folly filled her with dismay,
Speaker 1: But when she'd heard her fill of noise, she shouted
Speaker 1: with a mighty voice and urged her chargers straight ahead.
Speaker 1: Sir knight, Sir knight, what folly led you to come
Speaker 1: cutting up my manner? Vain? Are my knighthood and my honor?
Speaker 1: If I don't slay you on this field? Why are
Speaker 1: you picking on that shield? What has it ever done
Speaker 1: to you? You've bit off more than you can chew?
Speaker 1: Fine on whoever says it's fit for you to wage
Speaker 1: a war on it? Why did that shield out to
Speaker 1: defend the shields honor? And when he heard the speech
Speaker 1: she made, he was dumbfounded and dismayed his wife he
Speaker 1: didn't recognize at once. Great tears fell from his eyes,
Speaker 1: and his damasked sword fell from his grasp. Sir, for
Speaker 1: God's sake, he managed to gasp, pity. If I've done
Speaker 1: any wrong, I'll give you whatever you want. My pony lance.
Speaker 1: Here's my shield, saddle money, the lady said, as God's
Speaker 1: my shield. Before you've parted from this field, you'll change
Speaker 1: your tune. Now stop this noise. I'm giving you an
Speaker 1: even choice. Either you joust with me right now. If so,
Speaker 1: you have my solemn vow. If you're unhorsed, you will
Speaker 1: not fail to lose your head. It won't avail to
Speaker 1: beg for pity or remorse. Or Let me get down
Speaker 1: from my horse and I'll bend dover on the grass
Speaker 1: and you can come and kiss my ass right in
Speaker 1: the middle, if you please, just take whichever one of
Speaker 1: these that suits your inclination. Choose. He who was shaking
Speaker 1: in his shoes, whose cowardliness no shame could oust, declared
Speaker 1: his purpose not to joust. I love this so what,
Speaker 1: she said. I'll either fight you and I will kill you,
Speaker 1: or you can come over here and kiss me right
Speaker 1: between the cheeks, right in the butt hole area. I
Speaker 1: want you to look, he said, in my eye, and
Speaker 1: he said, I'll take I'd like to kiss your butt. Amazing,
Speaker 1: good sir, he said, I've deeply sworn an oath to
Speaker 1: joust with no old man born. What a lie, I've
Speaker 1: sworn an oath? Why would you need to do that anyway? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I just can't. I just saw when I was born
Speaker 1: my mother's again deeply held sincere religious beliefs. But be
Speaker 1: so kind as to dismount, and I'll do what it
Speaker 1: is you want. The lady didn't wait around, but lightly
Speaker 1: leapt upon the ground, stood with her back before his nose,
Speaker 1: lifted her tunic, touched her toes, and said, your face
Speaker 1: goes here, sir knight. But when her crivice came in sight,
Speaker 1: it seemed to him the ass and cunt were one
Speaker 1: long crack from back to front. He thought it surely
Speaker 1: must have been the longest ass he'd ever seen. And
Speaker 1: there he placed the kiss of sleep, which cowards customarily use,
Speaker 1: next to the whole. That's how she served the night,
Speaker 1: what richly he deserved. The lady stood, turned round and mounted.
Speaker 1: Before she left, her husband shouted, tell me your name, sir.
Speaker 1: Since you're leaving, then go in peace. We'll call it even.
Speaker 1: I'll call it even even, dude, you've just got humiliated.
Speaker 1: Good sir, there's no even about this I won vassal.
Speaker 1: I'll tell it, I don't mind another such name. You
Speaker 1: will not find. All other men are beneath my class.
Speaker 1: I'm barangier of the long ass who puts to shame
Speaker 1: the chicken hearted. The wife had finished what she'd started.
Speaker 1: Now she returned home through the wood, disarmed herself as
Speaker 1: best she could, and sent for the night. She held
Speaker 1: above all others in esteem and love. She led him
Speaker 1: into the bedchamber, where with an eager kiss, he claimed her.
Speaker 1: And when the husband read to the house, she, who
Speaker 1: did not fear her spouse, didn't even dane to stir,
Speaker 1: but made her lovers sit by her. And when the
Speaker 1: night came in the room, afflicted by despair and gloom,
Speaker 1: the sight of a lover with his wife was not
Speaker 1: the high point of his life. Boy, what a day.
Speaker 1: You know, I decided to kiss this guy's ass. Now
Speaker 1: I come home. There's other guys have been my wife.
Speaker 1: I caught in the act, acting like an idiotte Now
Speaker 1: she's caught in the act. You know, called that one
Speaker 1: a draw and came home to this, and I love that.
Speaker 1: She's just like, yeah, what it would come on him?
Speaker 1: Are you going to do? Yeah? No, no, honey, you
Speaker 1: stay right here. Yes, my husband's home. Don't you move, Oh,
Speaker 1: don't you worry. He can't do ship to you, madam,
Speaker 1: he said. It's plain to me that you have done
Speaker 1: me injury bringing a man to my abode. You'll pay
Speaker 1: for the is my girl you've sewed, and you shall reap.
Speaker 1: Shut up, you bore, she said, And don't say anymore,
Speaker 1: because one more instinuation against my name and reputation, and
Speaker 1: by the Saint cellphile a claim against you for my
Speaker 1: injured fame. Go on, you cuckold, go on, be jealous.
Speaker 1: You'll file a claim. And who, pray tell us, will
Speaker 1: hear a claim that comes from you, your fellow knight
Speaker 1: at arms? Is who who subjugated you today? I mean,
Speaker 1: my lord, Sir Barrangier of the long Ass, who will
Speaker 1: disgrace you once again? The husband's face turned fiery red
Speaker 1: with rage and shame. No more could he abuse her name.
Speaker 1: He felt checkmated, he felt ill, And from that day
Speaker 1: she did her will. She was no common girl or fool.
Speaker 1: When the shepherd's weak, the wolf ships wool. What a
Speaker 1: moral the end? The end? Yea When the shepherd's weak,
Speaker 1: the wolf ships. Well, well, you know you gotta watch
Speaker 1: you gotta be a good shepherd there. Well, and that's
Speaker 1: what's interesting about this fabilio, you know, compared to others,
Speaker 1: if you kind of mentioned in the beginning, the women
Speaker 1: are usually not like the main character of the story
Speaker 1: or even a very well respected character of the story.
Speaker 1: But this one was very much immoral about like, you
Speaker 1: should not demean your wife, and trust me, she'll find
Speaker 1: a way to roll reversal that if she can, or
Speaker 1: you know, maybe he was just trying to be like,
Speaker 1: even if she can't, you should have to kiss someone's
Speaker 1: as for kicking your wife in the face and acting
Speaker 1: like she's not a equal partner to you and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, right, um, And I wonder if it's because
Speaker 1: she's from nobility, like if he would have written it
Speaker 1: about another commoner, or if he was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's worth more because she's that don't seem to have
Speaker 1: that sort of classism about him. Well, we're gonna talk.
Speaker 1: We gotta squeeze one more commercial break in we'll talk
Speaker 1: more about it, and uh, and a few other poems
Speaker 1: that will will just kind of summarize for you all
Speaker 1: when we come back right after this welcome back to
Speaker 1: the show, everybody. All right, So this really this poem,
Speaker 1: I mean, the characters are so hilarious. I mean because
Speaker 1: she's great. Obviously we talked about that. And again, yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it's because she's noble. And this author clearly thinks
Speaker 1: that noble people are better than common people, Like if
Speaker 1: you're poor and you marry into money, you're a big
Speaker 1: piece of ship, like you must be a gold digger,
Speaker 1: you know. And obviously he's creating these characters who matched
Speaker 1: that stereotype. But um, but she's great. She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take care of business, I'm gonna dress up as
Speaker 1: a night and then she called herself bronge a of
Speaker 1: the long ass. So did he comment on it when
Speaker 1: he saw it? Well, And when I read it, I
Speaker 1: thought he was just thinking too him, right, But a
Speaker 1: lot of the like analysis of the poem, they seem
Speaker 1: to act as if he says it out loud. And
Speaker 1: that's why she writes Brownie at the long Ass and
Speaker 1: it's like part of his humiliation that he can't recognize
Speaker 1: female genitals, like, like it's not just the fact that
Speaker 1: he is like such a lame night that he's never
Speaker 1: done anything. It's not just the fact that is he
Speaker 1: doesn't recognize his own wife when she's talking to him,
Speaker 1: but it's also like he sees a vagina and he's like,
Speaker 1: what's that? Just like, wow, where does he think this
Speaker 1: guy's dick is on his stomach? That's the other question
Speaker 1: that he's very he doesn't understand male or female anatomy.
Speaker 1: He's like, I guess this dick comes out of his
Speaker 1: belly button. This guy's crazy as goes all the way around. WHOA,
Speaker 1: maybe he just thought he had a really tall but
Speaker 1: just very tall but stationed fans out there. Yes, just
Speaker 1: like station and you had stations. But yeah, yeah, Martian.
Speaker 1: But um, amazing, who did this translation? Do we know?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just saw it was an English
Speaker 1: translation that the one I found was like it was
Speaker 1: linked in another place, but that link is now broken.
Speaker 1: So they were like, I'm just sharing it here for
Speaker 1: for posterity, posteriors, posterior area. If you translated this, let
Speaker 1: us know and we'll shot the episode, or lie to
Speaker 1: us and tell us you did and we'll say it anyway.
Speaker 1: We don't know. Wow, amazing. I'm I am very fascinated
Speaker 1: by translations, especially of poems where you have to take
Speaker 1: it from what it rhymed in one language, and it's
Speaker 1: a certain meter and rhythm in one language, and they
Speaker 1: have to make it rhyme and have meter and everything
Speaker 1: in it the new language and match the context and
Speaker 1: the intention and everything. Yeah, that's that must be very heard.
Speaker 1: This might be a very biased thing that I heard.
Speaker 1: And this wasn't you know, years ago and school a
Speaker 1: few years ago in high school a couple of years that. Um,
Speaker 1: some poets and scholars have said that probably they mean
Speaker 1: of Western European languages, that English is the easiest one
Speaker 1: to rhyme in. But I don't know, because I feel
Speaker 1: like French everything sounds, everything's the same vowel sounds. So
Speaker 1: it's true, that is true. But yeah, it is pretty
Speaker 1: fascinating that that job is tough. I've read some translations
Speaker 1: and then you go back and like the original, You're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, how did they did you do this?
Speaker 1: Or how did this fit so well? Right? That damn,
Speaker 1: this is a straight translation and it still rhymes. That
Speaker 1: guy must have been like, lucky me the east job
Speaker 1: I've ever had. This is great. I just get to
Speaker 1: write about a really long asshole. I do, Like I
Speaker 1: did read once that like translation is like there's a
Speaker 1: whole other layer to it that's very difficult, which is
Speaker 1: what people really mean the word they use, and like
Speaker 1: that's all kind of cultural context, it's not really in
Speaker 1: a definition. Is very hard to teach. It's one of
Speaker 1: those things you kind of have to grow up to know,
Speaker 1: you know. So they've talked about that being like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, this person's translation of this is not quite
Speaker 1: as accurate as this person's translation because of data. Like
Speaker 1: there's so many things like that for sure, So hopefully
Speaker 1: this is a good considered a good translation at this poem,
Speaker 1: I certainly enjoyed it. I mean it's great, the meter
Speaker 1: is solid, the rhymes are funny, Like, yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: really good one. I think my favorite was was not
Speaker 1: the high point of his understatement. I also like that
Speaker 1: he always called her lady, lady listen here. I know
Speaker 1: that's not how they said it, but whatever was lady
Speaker 1: shut up? Oh well, that is certainly just one of
Speaker 1: many many fabulios out there or fabulio fablio French plural.
Speaker 1: Others include titles such as The Turd, The Three Ladies
Speaker 1: Who Found a prick, Like what a story? I mean, right,
Speaker 1: do you do you think they were like, oh, another one,
Speaker 1: or were they like was it a good prick? I know,
Speaker 1: we haven't found the text of these but titles English
Speaker 1: translations of these ones that I could find. But I
Speaker 1: did wonder about that because I was like, maybe they
Speaker 1: were just a welcoming sexual orifice type one where they're
Speaker 1: just like, who gets it. It'd be funnier if they
Speaker 1: were like, oh, another one is called the Knight who
Speaker 1: made cunts and assholes Speak? And I'm like, what did
Speaker 1: they say? Were they like, was he even amazing and
Speaker 1: they couldn't stop singing about it? Or were they like
Speaker 1: get it out of me? I know, right, No, we
Speaker 1: have well, we actually do have a summary at least
Speaker 1: of this of the story of the Knight who made
Speaker 1: gunts and Assholes Speak. Unfortunately, and can't share a translation
Speaker 1: of the actual verses. I wish, I wish, but we
Speaker 1: did I did find from sus Anna Greer Fine from
Speaker 1: the University of Rochester's Digital Library Project, she wrote about
Speaker 1: this this fablio. It's about kind of like an adventuring night.
Speaker 1: He's very handsome and worthy, but he's kind of down
Speaker 1: on his luck. He's got a very clever squire named Hewitt.
Speaker 1: Hewitt for a squire, totally Hewett with me like that. Well,
Speaker 1: in much like in many medieval tales, he's a very
Speaker 1: clever squire, like without whom the Night would be like
Speaker 1: totally screw. Sure, sure, he's that kind of stock character.
Speaker 1: I guess you could say that it's very art theian.
Speaker 1: So the Night is low on resources. He's trying to
Speaker 1: make some money by going to different tournaments, basically tournamenting
Speaker 1: for moneyney like you know, pay per view. It's like
Speaker 1: the m m A of their time and of Hewitt's
Speaker 1: of course, like great sounds great, but they're like really poor.
Speaker 1: They have to constantly stay in like religious houses, churches, facts,
Speaker 1: they have no money. So one day they come across
Speaker 1: these three nymphs that are bathing like you do, and Hewitt,
Speaker 1: being so cunning and and courageous, decides to steal their
Speaker 1: clothes while they're bathing. Rude he is. And so in
Speaker 1: order to get them back these maidens, who surprise are
Speaker 1: actually fairies. There you go, don't fat, I know, please
Speaker 1: do not like if you know anything about Faye fairy
Speaker 1: like mythology, do not funk with fairies, but they are
Speaker 1: not funny. Yes, So these fairies they appeal to the
Speaker 1: night and they promise him three gifts in order for
Speaker 1: the return of their their clothes, which is funny because
Speaker 1: like you stole them in the first place, just give back, right,
Speaker 1: I guess I have to give you something now. So
Speaker 1: the first gift is like romance, right, they say, you'll
Speaker 1: be welcomed, You'll be cherished by wherever you're a guest. Uh,
Speaker 1: there will be love for you. Yeah, people are into you.
Speaker 1: They're just gonna be like, oh my god, big nights here. Ah,
Speaker 1: this guy will be the most popular kid at school.
Speaker 1: Who it is? Yeah, every time you walk in a bar. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: we just dated ourselves. The second gift they offer adds
Speaker 1: this like sexual fantasy for him. All the women and
Speaker 1: girls that eMates are just gonna drop trou and say, yes,
Speaker 1: I want you, I need you, come home. It's a
Speaker 1: little bit like of a magical non consent. Get into
Speaker 1: this dicey territory. Yeah for sure. Now. The third they
Speaker 1: offer him gets into this more body territory. Uh. Fablios
Speaker 1: often have like a surreal and fantastical element to them
Speaker 1: and this is a very noteworthy gift. They offer him
Speaker 1: the power to make culls and coons or countstant assholes?
Speaker 1: Is the translation there talk and always tell the truth.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, So he's like beard gift to be offered,
Speaker 1: sweet asshole? What will the weather be tomorrow? It's like sunny,
Speaker 1: sixty five degrees. I guess James Joyce would be like, yes, true,
Speaker 1: I all also make assholes talk. Wow, what a gift.
Speaker 1: It's excuse me. I'd be like, I'm I'm good on
Speaker 1: that last one? Can you make? Can you make them
Speaker 1: just tell me? The truth? Why do they have to
Speaker 1: talk out of there? Why do they have to ace
Speaker 1: ventura the truth? To me? I didn't even think about
Speaker 1: them having to, Like, right, do they have to move there?
Speaker 1: But cheeks to like? Does the spread them so they
Speaker 1: can talk? The little mouth comes out there, little but
Speaker 1: holes like it's like, okay, hang on, let me just
Speaker 1: spread them here much better? Yes, The lucky numbers this
Speaker 1: week are six, seventeen and nine. Oh my god? Or
Speaker 1: is it like the vagina in Big Mouth? Well? Hey girl, Okay,
Speaker 1: So the story continues with the night. Now there's more.
Speaker 1: There's more, because you want to hear I'm sure what
Speaker 1: the kents and assholes had to say. Um. So he's
Speaker 1: got his three gifts and he moves on with his day.
Speaker 1: I guess. I'm sure he gives the clothes back, otherwise
Speaker 1: he wouldn't keep the gifts. So uh. He first encounters
Speaker 1: chaplain writing a mayor um and Hewitt reminds a night,
Speaker 1: you know, try out your gift on this chaplain if
Speaker 1: you can get the truth out of this guy. So
Speaker 1: while you sit there talking to him, he asks him like,
Speaker 1: where are you going? And the chaplain lies, but the
Speaker 1: mayor's vagina answers, which I did not immediately perceive that
Speaker 1: it would be like interspecies assholes. I thought it was.
Speaker 1: I really went straight to people. But anything with an
Speaker 1: asshole he can talk to. It's that monkey's paw magic.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't know what you're getting exactly. All
Speaker 1: I told you is that vaginas and assholes were going
Speaker 1: to talk to you. I didn't say who's didn't say.
Speaker 1: So this horse vagina is selling out the chaplain because
Speaker 1: it has to tell the truth. It cannot. It's not
Speaker 1: the mayor's fault, but the horses like, oh, actually, actually
Speaker 1: this pervs going to the house of his mistress. We
Speaker 1: go there every night. What's a week he takes me
Speaker 1: here or whatever. So he's like, oh ship, what a chaplain,
Speaker 1: You're off to some ladies house. And so question, could
Speaker 1: the chaplain hear it? The horse the vagina's talk, like
Speaker 1: make them talk or does hear them talk? I think
Speaker 1: they talk because it's like it says, it's a shameful destiny.
Speaker 1: He exposes. The mayor exposes the shameful destination. And I think,
Speaker 1: and there's a couple others after this, so I think
Speaker 1: they do hear what they're her own shock of that
Speaker 1: chaplain just like, oh my god, what do you think
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, yes, just off to church, you know.
Speaker 1: And the horse was alert. Nay, he's not. Nay, it's like,
Speaker 1: shut up your horse's ass. So then the night arrives
Speaker 1: at a castle. Of course, because of his first gift,
Speaker 1: he's enthusiastically welcome to stay at the castle. Yeah, norm
Speaker 1: come on in here. And he doesn't have to stay
Speaker 1: at religious houses anymore. He doesn't have to pay his way,
Speaker 1: like this is a great gift for broke Gass, that
Speaker 1: one's good. Take that gift. And then of course he
Speaker 1: has the second gift. So a young lady visits him
Speaker 1: in his bed that night, because of course they said
Speaker 1: all the ladies will be ready for you, and Susannah
Speaker 1: says quote but now operating without Hugh, it's aid the
Speaker 1: night ungallantly questions the girls cunt. It reveals an unflattering
Speaker 1: truth about her, and she leaves him in horror and shame.
Speaker 1: Oh no, what in the world could her vagina have said?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like what thirteenth century, so probably like
Speaker 1: sometimes she masturbates, yea, or she like slept in this morning.
Speaker 1: Well that's uh, I get there's your monkey's pot curse, right.
Speaker 1: You know you don't always want to hear the truth
Speaker 1: from someone's vagina, That's right. And again there you go.
Speaker 1: I think I think they do hear it. Because she
Speaker 1: heard her vagina essays some ship. She was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: why did you sell me out? How we're written this together?
Speaker 1: And then the final adventure of this poem is when
Speaker 1: this girl tells the lady of the castle about how
Speaker 1: the night made her vagina talk, because of course, I
Speaker 1: think you probably don't tell some folks about that, and
Speaker 1: just be like, listen, this was a crazy thing. This
Speaker 1: is going to sound in, but I need you to
Speaker 1: go with me on this girl. She's like, girl, get
Speaker 1: over here, I need I need to tell you right
Speaker 1: now what has happened. Do you know these things could talk?
Speaker 1: And the lady of the house is like, oh, yes,
Speaker 1: I've had mine sing before. She's like no, no, I
Speaker 1: mean literally words language. So the countess, I guess, believes
Speaker 1: this woman and shoot this girl. And she's like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me test this power out. And so she goes
Speaker 1: and tries to cheat the night by putting cotton up
Speaker 1: her vagina so that it can't talk, you know, it'll
Speaker 1: be muffled like you did. And he tries to question
Speaker 1: her vagina and it doesn't he can't hear. But fortunately,
Speaker 1: of course Hewitt shows up and it's like, don't forget.
Speaker 1: You can always ask her asshole. And so she's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, my butt's telling him everything. I didn't
Speaker 1: stuff anything up my butt. I forgot plumb forgot a
Speaker 1: plumb forgot, and Susannah concludes quote. In the end, the
Speaker 1: two adventurers earned their honors Knight of the Cunt, Hewitt
Speaker 1: of Little Asshole in a line that could double as
Speaker 1: the title for the Fabilio been insane story them like,
Speaker 1: can you imagine, Oh my god, I just I just
Speaker 1: the idea of all these women suddenly overcome with horny
Speaker 1: nous for this stranger and a first of all, and
Speaker 1: then be being like, oh my god, my own body
Speaker 1: parts are like telling him all my business? What have
Speaker 1: I done to deserve it? Now, imagine if the night
Speaker 1: had met the Barangier, oh would have gotten he would
Speaker 1: have gotten two conversations, and then he would have known.
Speaker 1: It's like this ain't this ain't no, man, I can't
Speaker 1: believe it. So anyone who thought that poetry or medieval
Speaker 1: times were at all stoic or or repressed or held
Speaker 1: in in any way, guess what that wasn't until the Puritans,
Speaker 1: right exactly. We got the sexually oppressed Victorians, We got
Speaker 1: the Puritans. That's when they probably start making funny poems
Speaker 1: like yeah, And we see time and again on this
Speaker 1: show in other history learnings that we've all been through
Speaker 1: in recent years, was really starting to dig in to
Speaker 1: older history, pre puritanical stuff. Everybody loves dick and vaginas
Speaker 1: like jokes. Everybody loves jokes. It's so true. I think
Speaker 1: this is I really wish because I took I was
Speaker 1: a miner in creative writing in college, and so I
Speaker 1: took several like Poe Tree courses and a couple of
Speaker 1: Old English Middle English like classes and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And why did they not lead with this? Why did
Speaker 1: you not tell me like how funny and stupid people
Speaker 1: have been all through life? You know, that makes it
Speaker 1: so much more fascinating to learn about history when you're
Speaker 1: really thinking about people being just dumb, big stupid people
Speaker 1: like like we are today, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: But because I think we still so heavily repress that,
Speaker 1: like we still think, oh, that's B thirteen. Oh that's
Speaker 1: not acceptable for work, that's NSFW, that's you know, that
Speaker 1: shouldn't be allowed into society. You keep that to yourself.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear that out loud. And why,
Speaker 1: I know, I don't know why, because you might blush
Speaker 1: a little, like it's okay obviously, you know, don't tell
Speaker 1: me about a talking asshole while I'm having dinner, you know,
Speaker 1: wait till we're done. I don't know. Look, I got
Speaker 1: a very strong imagination that I can always shut down,
Speaker 1: so sometimes goes right to my plate and I can't
Speaker 1: eat anymore. And it's very frustrating. But this dumpling looks
Speaker 1: too much like a butthole for me. It's the only
Speaker 1: good thing I ever heard Adam Corolla say, went back
Speaker 1: way back when Love Line was on and Doctor Drew
Speaker 1: and somebody called in and talked about some discharge or something,
Speaker 1: and Doctor Drew like made a reference to some food
Speaker 1: and Adam Corla stopped at me. He said, when you
Speaker 1: make it a food, then I have to eat it.
Speaker 1: So don't compare gross things to foods. And that's my stance.
Speaker 1: I can't handle it. But outside of that, this jokes
Speaker 1: are great. This is larious, hilarious story. I would have
Speaker 1: been like I can had walked into my house or
Speaker 1: into a party I was throwing out, I would have
Speaker 1: been like, hell, yeah, you're about to have a good time.
Speaker 1: Spin us a yarn. Yeah, gong, go stand by the fire, everybody. Look, well,
Speaker 1: this is good stuff. I hope you all thought it
Speaker 1: was funny too. I know. I I really enjoyed reading
Speaker 1: this poem during our research for the Sex Toys. I
Speaker 1: was just giggling the whole way through. And I'm so
Speaker 1: I'm super glad to get a chance to share it
Speaker 1: with you guys, and do kind of a fun reading
Speaker 1: of it until with you bibe and just uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know, just kind of enjoy these like uh, literary traditions.
Speaker 1: We're really not as buttoned up as we like to
Speaker 1: pretend poets are, first of all, and that people from
Speaker 1: history were so. No. People want to be entertained. They
Speaker 1: want to laugh, they want to hear something a little naughty,
Speaker 1: little frisky, made a blush a little bit. It's like
Speaker 1: we do today. You know, it's all the same. So
Speaker 1: just like you're listening here today, you wanted to hear
Speaker 1: some jokes about guns and assholes. If you laughed, if
Speaker 1: you blushed a little, if you were completely offended, please
Speaker 1: let us know. We want to hear about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: give us, send us, send us your poems. You know,
Speaker 1: we'd love to hear God if we had, if we
Speaker 1: had a listener male like Limerick Corner, oh man body poems.
Speaker 1: So yeah, sentiment we'll read, We'll read the short ones. Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. Yeah, please reach out. You can always email
Speaker 1: us in fact right now, maybe temporarily, maybe forever. H
Speaker 1: email us at ridic romance at gmail dot com. Our
Speaker 1: usual email is a little hung up. We're trying to
Speaker 1: work that out, so so shoot us an email at
Speaker 1: ridic Romance at gmail dot com right or we're on
Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Danamite Boom and I'm at
Speaker 1: Oh Great. It's Eli and the show is at predict Romance.
Speaker 1: We cannot wait to hear from you, and we can't
Speaker 1: wait to be back next week. A little more to
Speaker 1: our traditional format. But this has been a lot of
Speaker 1: fun and I hope you all enjoyed it. Yes, love
Speaker 1: you guys, See you next time. All right, so long friends,
Speaker 1: it's time to go. Thanks so listening to our show,
Speaker 1: tell your friends names, uncles, inde to listen to our
Speaker 1: show Ridiculous. Well, yes,