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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This once again

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Speaker 1: taking the reins of this runaway sled, is me Cole

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Speaker 1: Stratton filling it for Kevin Pollock as he is busy

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Speaker 1: doing motion capture work for Juanna Man too. He want

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Speaker 1: to paycheck. Let's go ahead and meet today's alchemists. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: First up, a guy who thought Instagram was an immediate

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Speaker 1: cocaine service. Joey Greer. What's the cool new drug all

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Speaker 1: the kids are doing nowadays? Oh shit, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I've been such an a ca whole. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know ketamine. I'm still on it. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Sweet all right, Well, she's a lady who can tell

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Speaker 1: your weight by the number of beans you are, Vanessa Ragland.

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Speaker 1: How many beans would you say I'm nowadays? Oh you're

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Speaker 1: looking like um broke the one cave. Oh you're just

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Speaker 1: right at one kid, It's perfect alright. Look out here

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Speaker 1: comes the master of improvisational high kus, Craig Kowski. Craig,

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Speaker 1: please grace us with the high coup. About your breakfast today?

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Speaker 1: Eggs scrambled with avocado. Did Carla got some? Yes? She

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Speaker 1: did cook? You almost did that? Slam poetry style, and

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Speaker 1: it's a hybrid. Also, you come off like such a gentleman.

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Speaker 1: Car Next up, he was voted biggest gossip in his

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Speaker 1: senior year book, Chris Alvarado. She said, it's true, Chris,

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Speaker 1: what's the hot guys? Well, I heard that Carla didn't

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Speaker 1: love the end. That's what I heard. Finally, it's the

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Speaker 1: only man with clear eyes and a full heart who

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Speaker 1: lost James Heeney. James, can you please give us all

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Speaker 1: a short, improvate inspirational speech to get us all fired

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Speaker 1: up for this thing? A thank you? Perfect? All right,

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Speaker 1: let's get to our first scene. All of today's scene

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Speaker 1: suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like

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Speaker 1: to submit yours, please write to the podcast at your

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Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name

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Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. Hello, dear alchemists, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for your delightfully hilarious alchemy. This podcast

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Speaker 1: gets me through my Tuesdays and Thursday. I find I

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Speaker 1: have the most fun trying to hide my outbursts of

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Speaker 1: laughter in my office onto the scene. I think you

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Speaker 1: all could use your alchemy skills to create a fantastically

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Speaker 1: fun scenario about a group of immigrants traveling to Ellis

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Speaker 1: Island in the early nineteen hundreds by boat, something about

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Speaker 1: being trapped in a very small ship with so many

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Speaker 1: eccentric personalities. Thanks for all your hard work, and please

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Speaker 1: come to Detroit for a live show. I can't wait

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Speaker 1: to get drunk tonight and let my alter ego Marvin

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Speaker 1: mckew out hashtag rescue Marvin mckeugh. Hi, Hi, there seems

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Speaker 1: to be some sort of problem. I ordered a first

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Speaker 1: class ticket, and I'm I'm just quenched with everybody. It's

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Speaker 1: not that I don't like them. It's just that I

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Speaker 1: ordered first class like us. They're all the same tickets,

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Speaker 1: all right. Oh, I paid a lot of money for

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Speaker 1: this sun didn't I just work on this here barge? Okay?

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Speaker 1: My water didn't come with a lemon, and that feels strange.

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Speaker 1: There's a water trough over there. Everyone's drinking. People are

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Speaker 1: peeing that we'll drink it up, but serryl oh my gosh. Okay,

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Speaker 1: when's the lunch going to be served? Well, there's a

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Speaker 1: guy handed out bread. It should be sweated on. I

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Speaker 1: saw that, But I assume because of my ticket and

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Speaker 1: everything in my status. He's not understanding. Look, you eat

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Speaker 1: this wet bread or you drink the pitchwater. That's it.

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Speaker 1: I don't like the look. I'm on a vacation. No,

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Speaker 1: this is the right boat to take me to New

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Speaker 1: York City, York. Yes, guy, guy, where are you from? Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm from Wisconsin. You're from Wisconsin and you're sailing across

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Speaker 1: the Atlantic to New York City. Well first, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: sailed across the Atlantic the other way as part of

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Speaker 1: my vacation, and now I'm headed back home to the States. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you'll get on the immigrant barge with the rest of us.

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Speaker 1: I thought that was like the theme. I thought it

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Speaker 1: was a themed boat and very hard left. Papa, Papa,

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Speaker 1: is this many from a Wisconsin? Yes, he's from Wisconsin,

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Speaker 1: the Promised Land. Yes, for so many stories. Tell us

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Speaker 1: about it. Okay, Well, um, I live in a house.

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Speaker 1: Oh house, it's about the size of two of these boats.

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Speaker 1: Two boats, and there I eat three maybe four meals

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Speaker 1: a day. Three maybe. Anyway, I'm gonna try to go.

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Speaker 1: He's not game. Is our life? Okay? Excuse me? Can

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Speaker 1: we be using your clothes for toilet paper? My clothes

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Speaker 1: for toilet paper? No? Sir, can I get a little

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Speaker 1: help here? What do you want? They're trying to use

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Speaker 1: my clothes toilet paper? Just give it. We ain't got

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Speaker 1: no more like you want to see me try try? Um?

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Speaker 1: What time will the dancing comments? Whenever you start? Isn't

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Speaker 1: there some sort of director here of activities? Yeah? Sure,

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Speaker 1: you gotta go start dancing? We follow okay? Um no

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Speaker 1: no no no no no no no no no no

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Speaker 1: no no. In home country, we keep people like you.

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Speaker 1: What do you why, my dancer? You have no soul

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Speaker 1: in the life. That's true. That's kind of you from America. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: when I'm going to make my dreams come true? What

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Speaker 1: are your dreams? My dreams are to make all the

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Speaker 1: cheese in the world. Oh well, I'm from Wisconsin. A

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Speaker 1: lot of cheese is made there. I know nothing of

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Speaker 1: that place. You should. Everything in my life is to

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Speaker 1: make cheese for whole world. Then I'm telling you you're

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Speaker 1: going to love Wisconsin. I'll never go. Well, you should.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna land in New York and make best cheese

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Speaker 1: for the whole world in New York? Are you going

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Speaker 1: to get the cows genius? I mean New York? In

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Speaker 1: New York squash my dreams. No cows, no cats, not York,

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Speaker 1: No cats in New York. Tell me Wisconsin. Man, is

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Speaker 1: the bear as green as they say? Yes? Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: Oh it's it's green as green, Papa. Yes, the bay

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Speaker 1: is green. And everybody owns one part of the football team.

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Speaker 1: So you're going to stay in New York? Where is

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Speaker 1: everyone else headed to after they land? After we talk?

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Speaker 1: I am hopeful to not get murdered. Oh okay, so

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Speaker 1: that's my hope. Okay, let's see. How about you too.

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Speaker 1: We are going to Wisconsin, Wisconsin. Hey, look at that

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Speaker 1: at the tryan pool. Yes, you want train pool? You

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Speaker 1: want train pool? I don't know what that. Oh? You

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Speaker 1: want us to go together? Yes, we go together as pack.

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Speaker 1: We're in our family. How about this? How about later

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Speaker 1: on when trivia begins? If we win, then maybe we'll

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Speaker 1: all go together. What is trivia? You know it's a game?

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Speaker 1: Try me, try me? Okay, games? Okay, Um, let's see.

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Speaker 1: If you don't win, do you die? No? That's a

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Speaker 1: fun guy? Yeah, okay, I mean we can all just

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Speaker 1: play trivia if you want great dreams coming through all

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Speaker 1: of us. Now I'll bring on the board. There you

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Speaker 1: go oh great, it's just it's just a board. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: Hey good, it's my daughter. I'll just help brings work there.

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Speaker 1: He just brought us a plank board. Yeah, did What

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Speaker 1: the hell else do you want me to do? I'm

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Speaker 1: just trying to be a communal Okay, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Are you sure there's no one here

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Speaker 1: that runs the games? I think I'm doing the best

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Speaker 1: I can. I'm a show director and now i'm a

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Speaker 1: board game micer. What else do you want from it?

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Speaker 1: I guess I guess nothing else, nothing else, really, nothing else. Well,

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Speaker 1: now that you mentioned'll be in my call a little girl.

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Speaker 1: I was wondering if maybe I could be upgraded somehow.

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Speaker 1: He's obsessed with upgrade. Well let's upgrade him by everyone.

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Speaker 1: Give him a piece of your culture. Maybe that'll upgrade them.

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Speaker 1: Oh that'd be nice. Where are you from? Miss? What

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Speaker 1: am I from? What are you look like? I'm from? You?

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Speaker 1: You look like I'm from? Look? Come here, come here,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna pull your face hair. Okay, so is this

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Speaker 1: word of money? Is these words? I don't know? Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 1: here's a little bit of my homeland. Okay, okay. In

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Speaker 1: my home. We apologi other's face, hairs out with robotitus

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Speaker 1: at each other, and then we wait to die. Thank you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so if that's the case, I look like you're from Russia.

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Speaker 1: You look right. Okay, this is fun. This is fun.

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Speaker 1: The you go okay, now YouTube, let's see. It's not

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Speaker 1: how the game is played. I don't think we established

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Speaker 1: rules on that there, trivia ta Do we get some

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Speaker 1: sort of wedge for knowing where we're from when we

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Speaker 1: put some on the board. Yeah, Papa, I think we're winning.

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Speaker 1: We are winning. America really is the land of opportunity sorries. Man.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for people to get here. When they

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Speaker 1: get off the boat, I'm gonna just give everyone a

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Speaker 1: big hug and it's like, welcome to America. America is

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Speaker 1: like the best place, man. I can't believe how these

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Speaker 1: guys are. I hope I get to change everyone's name,

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Speaker 1: make it names we can say, you know, so it's

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Speaker 1: easier to love them. I just want to love people.

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Speaker 1: I feel so bad for people to have weird names,

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Speaker 1: like Greg is a weird one. Actually, Greg's pretty horrible.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about the really weird one, like the ones

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Speaker 1: I can't even pronounce. They're so strange. Don't worry. We

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Speaker 1: can change them all. I'm so good at naming animals,

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Speaker 1: like he needs to name people. What's your favorite people names?

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Speaker 1: Probably j J. So you're all you're all the new

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Speaker 1: Hires here at Dellis Island. Yeah, that optimism is going

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Speaker 1: to be shipped on. You don't sound like you're from America. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm an immigrants meself myself myself. What's your name?

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Speaker 1: My name is Sheamus O'Reilly. Why don't we call him Jay?

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Speaker 1: That wasn't really Jabob. My name is Sheamus O'Reilly. And

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Speaker 1: you've been working here at Dellis Island for months months,

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Speaker 1: I tell you. Well, we're just doing volunteer work for

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Speaker 1: the weekend for a church. Oh really, well, we're the

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Speaker 1: new Hires, but we're volunteering. Okay, are you guys? Okay,

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Speaker 1: everybody here, they come here, they come all right. So

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Speaker 1: remember you were on changing names. Okay, terrific, you two

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Speaker 1: are the hog squad. Okay, wait, do we convert them

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Speaker 1: to Christianity immediately or do we wait for it? If

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Speaker 1: they should already be Christians if they're coming Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's a good point. If they're not Christians, you know what?

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Speaker 1: You know what we do, your god forsaken immigrants. Ja,

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Speaker 1: my name is shame. Now I look at this with

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Speaker 1: the boat of dirties. All right, everybody, come on out.

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, Hi, Hippy, thank you. I am so happy

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Speaker 1: to be here. I'm so happy that your name? Where

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Speaker 1: you from? Okay? I can't even understand him. What is

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Speaker 1: your name? My name is Craig Steaks slower, Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: we can understand you. Where is he from? Oh? My god,

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Speaker 1: I'm from Wisconsin. What did he just say to me?

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Speaker 1: A bit? Say? Do you accept Jesus Christ as your

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Speaker 1: Lord and savior? I'm don't really believe in. What did

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Speaker 1: you what's going on there? You go? I'm saying about

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Speaker 1: this island is changing? Okay, okay, what's your name? What's

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Speaker 1: your name? You told me what my name is? J Bob.

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Speaker 1: That's okay, okay, okay with that, your name is J

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Speaker 1: Bob Now, okay, I want to warn you as a

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Speaker 1: lot of people with a lot of weird names coming in.

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Speaker 1: There's even a can't handle anything. Go work on the

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Speaker 1: cow farm inside the city leaving in Wisconsin. Oh, it's fun, Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: do you feel different? I don't feel as good as

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Speaker 1: I did when I first started. I turned into kind

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Speaker 1: of a mind. My arms don't feel like they're made

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Speaker 1: for hugging anymore. Okay, stop up, son, step up. We

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Speaker 1: are mere minutes from Wisconsin. This is exciting. And why

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Speaker 1: are you so short? I am five? What is he saying?

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Speaker 1: I don't know what is he saying? It feels like

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Speaker 1: they don't understand us. Maybe we speak louder and slower.

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Speaker 1: Why I am five? Let her talk when you're talking?

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Speaker 1: Why you goddamn immigrant? Damon child? But no not, you

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Speaker 1: don't work at the Cowfornia. I think Ja Bob's onto something, Papa.

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Speaker 1: This is not going well. I know, my son. Please

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Speaker 1: please we are we are from Poland. What what is

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Speaker 1: he saying? Understand me? Um um? What's your name? What's

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Speaker 1: your name? Sish love sloppy? Listen to their goddamn animal bleating?

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Speaker 1: Please please, I'm Spanish, Loveski, you're sloppy, and you're you

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Speaker 1: work for a sheep? You work for sheep? All right?

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Speaker 1: Welcome immigrants to your first day of being an American.

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Speaker 1: Make some noise, alright? A couple of a couple of

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Speaker 1: things you need to know. There are some amendments. Go

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Speaker 1: over those. You have those pamphlets. Also, we no longer

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Speaker 1: drink water. You all get a two later bottle of

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Speaker 1: Coca Cola Classic. There you are pastels around. That's right,

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Speaker 1: that is your new water. Um. Okay, we also have

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Speaker 1: a national food here. Anybody take a guess national food? Bread? Close? Close?

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Speaker 1: Was Apple? P close? It's McDonald's. Can we all say

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Speaker 1: McDonald's terrific? Terrific? Now you all also get one credit

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Speaker 1: card each. There you are. This is plastic for who

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Speaker 1: that's not going to act as your money? Just sign here.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry about the numbers. Yeah, thats a pr that

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Speaker 1: doesn't that doesn't. It doesn't matter that. Um, you don't

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Speaker 1: need to. You're in America. I have to sign the paper.

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Speaker 1: Don'd the hell to name? Yeah? Just oh, I see

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Speaker 1: the paper. I have to rut the name. Don't worry

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Speaker 1: about it. Okay. Now it's not for us to all

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Speaker 1: sing the national anthem. No barn in the USA. Everybody,

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Speaker 1: now just say this over and over. Say, isn't this

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Speaker 1: song actually like protest song against Vietnam? You don't know

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Speaker 1: what you're talking about? Okay, I mean it's actually kind

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Speaker 1: of dark song. What is Vietnam? It's nothing, It's nothing,

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Speaker 1: all right. Now, one last thing to make sure you

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Speaker 1: are true blue Americans. You're all getting tattoos. History just

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Speaker 1: following me here, sloppy, pull up your sleeve because you

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Speaker 1: were going to get a Tasmanian devil holding a basketball.

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Speaker 1: I'll still be able to get buried in no way.

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Speaker 1: What do you get? Not no, no numbers, just throwing

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Speaker 1: that out there. No understood, understood. Let's see, let's see.

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Speaker 1: What do you you? Who's your favorite actor? A Tasmanian death?

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Speaker 1: They have to the dog with a ball. I don't understand. Dog.

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Speaker 1: There is silent comedian back in the home called Slava

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Speaker 1: hats off. Okay, can you say it's Alwa so funny,

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Speaker 1: he transcends cultures. I've never heard of him. Can you

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Speaker 1: say Rambo? Good good? Alright, little guy? Or you're gonna

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Speaker 1: get a tattoo of a machine gun for Rambo? Now

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Speaker 1: did we cross the ocean and also go through time warp?

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Speaker 1: But hey, I don't know. It was your It was

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Speaker 1: your journey, you know what I mean? It was you

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Speaker 1: feel like when do you remember when we were in

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Speaker 1: the Silver tunnel, Silver tunnel. There was a ringing sounding

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Speaker 1: sound a little wide, and the numbers on the walls.

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Speaker 1: Maybe that was time warp. One thing's for sure, Wisconsin

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Speaker 1: is very different than I imagined that being. Oh this

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Speaker 1: is New York, alright, last last order of business, and

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Speaker 1: some of us have not got the tattoos. It doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. I can't send my name, I don't

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Speaker 1: get the devil. How do you all feel about religion

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Speaker 1: in general as a concept or as a practitioner? Okay, great,

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Speaker 1: there's your new church. Behold the hard Rock Cafe. That's

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Speaker 1: what That's what you have to spend your life trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out this is where and that. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: shotting out our sponsor hard Rock. Finally they get it.

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Speaker 1: Collect all the T shirts when you're four. That was

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Speaker 1: historically accurate, I think so. I think we all learned

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Speaker 1: something to everything checked out. All right, Let's get to

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Speaker 1: our alchemist. Here's a scene idea. Two new employees show

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Speaker 1: up on their first day to work, only to find

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Speaker 1: that everyone who works at the company is an idiot.

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Speaker 1: There tumbfound out that the company is still in business

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Speaker 1: by offering simple, common sense ideas. All the other employees

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Speaker 1: come to believe the new guys or gals our geniuses,

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Speaker 1: and they rock it up the corporate ladder to find

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Speaker 1: themselves president and CEO by the end of the first day.

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Speaker 1: I drive thousands of miles a month and look forward

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Speaker 1: to the new episode every week. You keep me laughing

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Speaker 1: out loud and make my drive just a little bit shorter.

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Speaker 1: Keep up the great work, and hopefully this scene makes

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Speaker 1: the cut. PS the Hipster restaurant reviewers was probably my

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Speaker 1: favorite scene if I had to pick one. Josh Fogot

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Speaker 1: good taste, Josh great last name. I'm working for your idea.

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Speaker 1: You must be new here because I don't have her

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Speaker 1: name in my computer. I hate tend her up. But

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Speaker 1: where's the bathroom? I know I've been here a few years.

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Speaker 1: I can't find the bathroom. You know what, if you

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Speaker 1: behind you, you're gonna go down that hallway. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: take your second left, and then you're gonna take one

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Speaker 1: right there, and there's gonna be Can you draw me

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Speaker 1: of map? Donnie? Okay, okay, whole on one second, Hey, Donnie,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Where are the papers? I just gotta

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Speaker 1: sign this lease and we're done with it just where

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Speaker 1: the Okay, why don't we walk together to the bathroom?

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Speaker 1: While I like, don just where are the papers for

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Speaker 1: the least? I gotta sign it? Get real bad? Listen

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Speaker 1: with the least papers? Yes, Donnie, where are they? There's

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Speaker 1: probably in the bathroom. What first, I'm gonna bring her

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom. Guy, that's really sorry forgotten where the

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Speaker 1: bathroom is? Like, hey me too? Oh hey Donnie, where

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Speaker 1: are the papers for the least? The papers for the least? Yes?

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Speaker 1: Where are they? The lease for the building? We could

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Speaker 1: try together, but I think it's going to be the

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Speaker 1: bun leaving the here here, here's a piece of paper

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna draw for you. Okay, this is the

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Speaker 1: whole right, here's the turn and then somewhere down there

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Speaker 1: there's a picture of a man in a picture of

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Speaker 1: a woman haunted. What the pictures in Harry Potter are

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Speaker 1: all hounted? Everybody, don't forget today we have two new

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Speaker 1: members joining the team. Two new members joining the team.

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Speaker 1: Are you one of those members? What are you talking

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Speaker 1: ab I've been here for six years, so it's not you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Well I'm not knew what. I've been working here for

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Speaker 1: a long time. I don't know about six years. Look,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? How do you not know me? What? Luke?

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Speaker 1: How do you not know me? Yeah? Done it? Just

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Speaker 1: give me the least papers and I'll get the hell

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Speaker 1: out of your papers. I don't know what papers. We're drawings.

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Speaker 1: I don't want these sketches. Actually, these are beautiful. I

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Speaker 1: lost it to where's the pants been pants and the

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Speaker 1: mop pants in them? So are we collecting people's peepee

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Speaker 1: pants and put them in a bin somewhere in the Hi?

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Speaker 1: Is there a Donnie here? I'm supposed to. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I see I see your T shirt, says Donnie. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well that's why I have with my name, and that's

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Speaker 1: why it sets out you look unfamiliar. Yeah, yeah, I'm Curt.

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to start today. Kurt oh I was hired

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Speaker 1: over email. You spell your name like cheese curd a

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Speaker 1: Kurt with a T cheese curd. Do you spell your

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Speaker 1: name like cheese Curt? Curtis with a D and Kurt

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Speaker 1: My name is with a T. He spelled Kurt the

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Speaker 1: tea makes the cuss ound in that name. He's hurt

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Speaker 1: like from sound of music, like the kid in the

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Speaker 1: shorts is the one that turns into a Nazi. They

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Speaker 1: all do. That's the twist. No, that's not the twist.

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Speaker 1: They don't turn. And have you not watched Sound of

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Speaker 1: Music all the way to the end. Get the least first,

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Speaker 1: get them on the hill alonely gout, Kurt, do you

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Speaker 1: have the least papers for him? My name? Why would

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Speaker 1: he have the laice papers? Well, let's ask what do

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Speaker 1: you do? You work in security, Kurt? What are you doing? Well?

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Speaker 1: I it does look like the lease on the ground here, Jesus, Curt,

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Speaker 1: I apologize for the tinkle sprinkle, Um, Donny. It's not

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Speaker 1: my position to say, but I feel like Kurt just

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Speaker 1: did your job better than you do your job. That

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Speaker 1: can't be possible. He just found the least papers in

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Speaker 1: like ten seconds. I picked them up off the ground. Well,

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Speaker 1: anyone could have dropped them. I mean, we don't have

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Speaker 1: a big deal. I don't know. I feel like, what

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Speaker 1: are you gonna do here? Curry? You're gonna save us? Well?

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Speaker 1: I was hired to work in human resources. The resources

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Speaker 1: are humans, uh so, Curt? I've uh I I do

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Speaker 1: want to touch one of my coworkers, and I just

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Speaker 1: want to know those you want to touch one of

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Speaker 1: your coworkers. Yeah, I'd like to tug somebody off and

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Speaker 1: give them a suck job. Okay, No, you can't do that.

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Speaker 1: You can't even use that language. I mean that's should

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Speaker 1: I say it in Spanish or something? No? Not at all.

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Speaker 1: Who were we talking about? Uh, one of my guy friends,

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Speaker 1: one of your guy friends? Okay, who works here at

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Speaker 1: the office? No? If well, if that's not appropriate, I'd

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Speaker 1: like to stick a finger in their p hole. No,

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Speaker 1: it's not appropriate at all. Should they do that to

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Speaker 1: me first? Or no? I mean, work is not an

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Speaker 1: opportunity to uh, to make sexual contact with other people.

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Speaker 1: You know, people need to be treated with respect and

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Speaker 1: dignity and you need to just do your job. Do

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Speaker 1: you have a minute. Yes, yeah, it's still my first day.

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Speaker 1: I love what you've done with the office. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: they really threw me in the deep end right away.

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Speaker 1: What do you do? My just want an opinion. I

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Speaker 1: just wanted an opinion on anything. You please. I can't,

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Speaker 1: but well why I don't know? I can't. They say

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Speaker 1: you have to get measured for one kurd. So I

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Speaker 1: gave him a suck job and I and I I

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Speaker 1: don't know if he's gonna call, honestly, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I want him. This is somebody who works

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Speaker 1: in the office. It's one of my guy buddies. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well he should be excuse me, do you have Oh,

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Speaker 1: I see your busy. I'll come back later, come on in,

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Speaker 1: comeing in. Well it's inappropriate because I really wanted to

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Speaker 1: make a report about someone in the room. All right, guys,

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Speaker 1: thanks for coming to the after lunch board meeting. Hope

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Speaker 1: you all have a good lunch. So did not see

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Speaker 1: any boards. So this just and we signed the lease.

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Speaker 1: We got the lease. We signed the lease. We got

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Speaker 1: the lease, and since Kurd has been here, our numbers

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Speaker 1: have gone up. That means we're doing better because of Curd.

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Speaker 1: Well what numbers? What are we talking about? Well, you

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Speaker 1: know which one. So Curd, you're being moved from h

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Speaker 1: R to senior vice president. And that he did all

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Speaker 1: that by noon. That's great, congratulations. What did I do?

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Speaker 1: That's right? We that's what we're all asking mediated one

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Speaker 1: section write that word down. Media appraised my breast. I failed,

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Speaker 1: so did he gave me a great appraisal. I'm taking

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Speaker 1: it to the bank kerd Okay, what would my duties

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Speaker 1: be as senior vice president. That's that's something you're gonna

401
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 1: have to find out. But you do you do have

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Speaker 1: a phone call waiting in your new office? I do, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's I think it's important. Curd. How are you doing today?

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00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: I heard you come up from the company real quick. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're the president of the company. Um, would you mind?

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00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 1: Would you mind coming into my office? I'm two doors

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Speaker 1: to two cubes down. Okay, there's no need to call me. Then,

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00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: just just you can hang up the phone. Okay, you're

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Speaker 1: speaking lader than you need to speak over the phone, Sir.

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Speaker 1: Can you hear me through the walls? I can hear

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Speaker 1: you through the walls. Yeah, then come to my office. Okay,

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Speaker 1: just keep talking. I'm sure I can find it by

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Speaker 1: the sound of your voice. All right, I'm just gonna

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00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: keep talking. Is that you outside my door? Yes, that's me.

415
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: Can I come in now? Okay? All right, I'm sorry, sir,

416
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 1: Kurt is here. I really blew it. Oh you're doing

417
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: a good job, CURTI is here. Okay, I'm gonna go

418
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: back to lunch. You're right. Oh wow, I've heard a

419
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: lot about you, Curd, so you must be Mr boy Alice. Yeah,

420
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 1: I am Mr bory Ellie. So it looks like you

421
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 1: have a lot of experience and HR but not a

422
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: lot of oriens as vice president. Well yeah, I was

423
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: just promoted five minutes ago, Mr Boyalice. Um, if you

424
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: could just remind me what the company does. I've got

425
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 1: an important donor on the phone and I'm supposed to

426
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: give a spiel. Well we go. We work with a

427
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: lot of numbers one through nine, and we at the

428
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 1: zero in there to keep place of the different decimal points.

429
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: That's right, Thank you so much, thank you. Those numbers

430
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:23,479
Speaker 1: are up. Still right, they're up, and the quarters are

431
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: taking along. Okay, if you don't mind closing that door

432
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 1: behind you as not dog door too? Yes, please, all

433
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: of it? Got it there? Dog in the office door? Yeah? Actually,

434
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 1: just put a chair against the door on the outside

435
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: so nobody can leave once you're gone. All right, great?

436
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: Why why do you have a cat door and a dog? Kurd?

437
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: We are kurd, We're curd sucked. Well, what's happening. I've

438
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: been I've been fudging the numbers. These numbers are not

439
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: what they're supposed to be. I was just told that

440
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: they went up six since I've been and there's going

441
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: to be hell to pay if we don't keep going

442
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: this direction. Okay, well let me see you guys, got

443
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: to pack this suitcase. Curt, you are taking my job. Okay, Okay,

444
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: it looks like you've just written a bunch of numbers

445
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: on a piece of paper, so you're pretty good. You

446
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 1: like this kind of attitude. Just gonna checked the president.

447
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: I've lost a lot of money and I gotta checked

448
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: it up. President. I'll shoot you right now. You shoot me,

449
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: and I'll come back times stronger. What you shoot me? Dead?

450
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: Right now? Come back ten times strong. I need to

451
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: take the president that the doors are unlocked. Come in.

452
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: Well there's a chair. What do you want me to

453
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: know about that? Hello? But that's the president? All right?

454
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: What is this? What is this? What is this some

455
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: kind of prostitute situation? Mr? Buris? I tried to stop him.

456
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: It says if I shouldn't, he'll come back ten times stronger.

457
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: That's a dangerous nemesis. Now, I don't know which one

458
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: of you is the president, but I've lost a lot

459
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: of goddamn money. He's a president. You were the president?

460
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 1: Mr Roy, Oh, that's the president. The president fine, how

461
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: can I help Curb? It might say that correctly, Kurt

462
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: with a team. Listen, Curb, there's something I need you

463
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: to know. I left a lot of money and I

464
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: need that money back. Now. Okay, what what did you

465
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: invest in? I don't know. I think this company just

466
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: says you want to put it all on eight? Yes, everything, everything?

467
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: You hear me? Okay, I'll write it up there, Barber

468
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, it's gonna take meals right. All right, guys,

469
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: um gather around for the post snack board meeting. Um,

470
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: we have some good news. Okay. Is the snack really

471
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: just one pretzel rod? Each? Oh? Each? Okay? I on

472
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: other people? That happens. Um to two points of business here. One,

473
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: how's the pe bin looking? The pe pant spin? It's good?

474
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: And and I got an announcement, Um, they all get

475
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: away during a concert. The Nazis don't get them. I

476
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: used the rest of the morning to finish the movie.

477
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: That's great. Let's let it load off knowing how it ends.

478
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: Because the Nazi loot, we are as a society that's

479
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: really like. So I'm looking at some numbers here. I

480
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: just got a fact which one one through nine and

481
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: it looks like herd here is now going to not

482
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: only be the vice president and the president, but also

483
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: the CEO of this company he came through. Wait, I'm

484
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: not qualified to be the CEO. Well we heard it.

485
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 1: There was an issue with eight, and you handle that beautifully.

486
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what all of us here we've

487
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: had a hard time with eight. My breast looks like

488
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: an eight laying down for a nap. And that's a

489
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: good point. Well, we'll follow you where every wherever. You

490
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: want to tell Mr trap you're leader, I'm not Mr

491
00:31:52,040 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: von Trapp, okay, And i'd work on those harmonies first. Well,

492
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: you guys know the numbers one through eight, right, those

493
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: are just like the notes of the scale. So do

494
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 1: ray me is a new language. So one is a

495
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 1: needle pulling thread? What where pulling it? Two is um?

496
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 1: Why is the needle pulling the thread? I wouldn't extend

497
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 1: the metaphor that far. Welcome back to the fucking cry

498
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 1: I got it, you don't, you don't, you don't have

499
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: you don't have it. Here we go watch this and

500
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: welcome back to the New York not we'd call that

501
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: you got two directors here, all right? Look thank you,

502
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: thank you for you have earned it. You're doing this

503
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: in front of Mr Kurd and he just he just

504
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: built a build a business from the work with you.

505
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 1: I'm making this up on the spot. My brain is

506
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: if you want to Mr Kurb, that's what's going on.

507
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: I don't give a ship. He wants to bang you. Look, sir,

508
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: I obviously run the New York Stock Exchange television online programming.

509
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: Here on the face of it, at least, everything seems

510
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: to real a little choic, right now, are you guys

511
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: hiring Absolutely not for my position? So yeah, yeah, no

512
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 1: currently open. Yeah, we're looking for a face with like

513
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: like you could do this, like he could do this quicker. Alright, folks,

514
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: welcome to the New York Stock Exchange television station. He's amazing.

515
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: Why okay, I'm sorry, I've never done this. It was

516
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: the ratings are of the ratings are off has a

517
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: directing pair. We've never seen the numbers leap six in

518
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: what was that thirty seconds? Doesn't imply causation exactly exactly?

519
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: Who wants to ring the bell? Do you want to

520
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: Kurt bing bing bing bing bing? Then we'll go number three,

521
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,240
Speaker 1: the final one for today. Hi folks. I recently posted

522
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: a comment on old doc Keene's YouTube page and got

523
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: a response from him. So I figured you almost be

524
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: real people, and I may actually have a chance of

525
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 1: getting a scene through. So there we go. See suggestion.

526
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 1: I would love to hear what activities are pets get

527
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: into when we are away from home. I'm sure my

528
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: dogtatoes sweet and innocent routine is all a cover up.

529
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 1: I caught him looking his butt yesterday. I didn't learn

530
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,879
Speaker 1: that from me. Thank you all for bringing some fun

531
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: back into the days. I've heard every episode at least

532
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: twenty times. You could ask Vanessa to work in a new,

533
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 1: gravelly voiced character like the motor ladge owner Sharante or

534
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 1: the cruise captain. Then I would probably cry laughing and

535
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: cause a car wreck. James, you're consistently creating my favorite

536
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: characters in the show. That is, until Vanessa whips up

537
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: yet another hillbilly with emphysyma ps. Please asked Joey to

538
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:11,240
Speaker 1: stop eating his product on the air from Tampa, Florida.

539
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: I don't need my own come, okay, I just want

540
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 1: to say it. Okay, for the record, he protest too much. Okay,

541
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: I don't need my own come and my animal, my

542
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: dogs just eating his comments, not because I've watched me

543
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: do it. Okay, yeah, So just so just so we're clear,

544
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: my dog because because it didn't watch me do it,

545
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: and it's not doing it because I can we just

546
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: go on this getaway. Yes, let's just drop the dog

547
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: off here. Please come, just get the okay. Look, so

548
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 1: for the record, if you see the dog out and

549
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: eat it up, it's not because it's on me do it. Okay,

550
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 1: we're not. We don't think that. And also we're leaving.

551
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: I know we're leaving, so let's go. I just want

552
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 1: from high weights. I just want you to know, okay

553
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: here at pups and stuff that I don't do that. Listen,

554
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 1: we are very good with chain dogs. Go out of

555
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: town and there will never be another situation where we

556
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 1: take an e or a human being or a child.

557
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: So your dog is completely safe this doggy hotel. So

558
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: just so you know, I have somen thumbs onto the

559
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 1: front pause of my dog. Okay, and if it does

560
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: happen to tug off it's and it out there and

561
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: it eats it up, it's not because it saw me

562
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: do that. I didn't train the dog to do that. Yes, babe,

563
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: we can go on a bit. Okay, I assume that

564
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: everything's gonna be fine, Tyler, give me a second here. Okay, ouch,

565
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying to give me a second. Go of my neck. Alright, alright,

566
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,479
Speaker 1: give me a second here, got it? All right? Cool?

567
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 1: So just so we're clear, all right, And the thumbs

568
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: aren't gonna gang green. They're sterilized, they're vinegarrized. Well, the

569
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 1: thumbs are weird, but I think we can handle this dog.

570
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: It's nothing too out. Okay, check out, check out with thumbs.

571
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: What's going on with that? That's disturbed? Well, what's your story?

572
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: Cal got lucky? I guess my daddy give me some

573
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: thumbt Just because he sows thumb human thumbs doesn't make

574
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: the function. What are you some kind of mutt? Yeah,

575
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit of everything and gets one of

576
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,399
Speaker 1: thumb functions as a tomb functions. And this one's enough

577
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:32,399
Speaker 1: to tell you know. I thought the doms are weird,

578
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 1: but the dog's weirder. Yeah, what are you some ball

579
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: dog mix? Bulldog? Droopy? But fun? You don't work to fun?

580
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: Can you? I don't tell you, but I can look

581
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:55,959
Speaker 1: at that's a disgusting a ball slack. No, they took mine.

582
00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: They took mom to ball slack. It was we heard

583
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:05,359
Speaker 1: us for charity, so we donated a balls. Like look

584
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: at these gems. Look we're like carry around with me

585
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: like that. You want to slope on that ball? Dog place? Boys,

586
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: that's a rod on that. I'm got two balls and there.

587
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 1: Stop talking about it. I count on it. I wish Okay, lunchtime,

588
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: Hey go, good boy? Whoa hey, I'm gonna put a

589
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: lot of sauce on this forum, a little bit of

590
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Mark, what is oh my did that dog?

591
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: Just did you see that? That was wild? That's not

592
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 1: supposed to be. It's not a good thing. We gotta

593
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 1: clean this ship up, my cam, don't touch my car.

594
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Mark that one for giving me. How do

595
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: you come in five seconds like that? What do you

596
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: think about? I have to think about it, my ball sack.

597
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: Your heart is a rock. Damn right, I'm hard, I'm

598
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: cli hard. Come over, look, stop, let go with me.

599
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: I got this job for you. Okay. My name is

600
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 1: on the line here from my car. Anything, Oh my god,

601
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw. I'm gonna throw what you get when

602
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 1: you got a ball nug Come on, Mark, Mark, can

603
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: you come up front? Yes, Hey, what's up? Did you

604
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: You didn't say that that she was your girlfriend? Does

605
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: she your girlfriend? That you? I mean, she's a girl.

606
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: It was my friend type of thing. You guys have

607
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 1: been kind of like close working. I know, look between you.

608
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: I mean, like, yeah, we're kind of seeing each other.

609
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: But I don't think it's that I don't want to.

610
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: She was crashing on my place and she had no money,

611
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 1: and it was like getting really weird. And we both

612
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: have a drug habit, you know that. I mean like

613
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 1: a light drug habit, and so like I couldn't just

614
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 1: keep paying for at all. So I needed her to

615
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: get a job so she can get a little scratch

616
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: so we can keep up with the injection. We've been

617
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 1: in a lot of trouble here for all the different

618
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 1: fiascos at this dog hotel. He just needs you to

619
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: keep yourself together. Okay, whatever you do when you leave here,

620
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,760
Speaker 1: I don't care. And you're the best boss you honestly

621
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 1: and like. But by the way, that little ship too

622
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: came over all the food and all the dogs are

623
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: eating it. He came over by all the food on

624
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:31,399
Speaker 1: ejaculated a little nug everywhere, dude, and I'm talking like ropes, dude,

625
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 1: all over the dog. Listen. It sounds to me like

626
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 1: you've been making out and it's disgusting. Keep your trashy

627
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: habits away from Okay, if there's if I walk in

628
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 1: there and there's anything disgusting on the dog food, I

629
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: want to say something I don't think. Stick and close

630
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: your eyes. I can fill your you't. I want all

631
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: the names. My name's peanut, Peanut. Okay, what's your name?

632
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: Fresh Bulldogs And that's the dumbest name over heard. You

633
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 1: got no balls in your name? Florance Wall. Look, I

634
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 1: can't drunk. I just ate your comb. So I feel

635
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 1: like I've already o this total both. You know what

636
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: I was thinking. We could some other dogs or some

637
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: cats or something. I could come on them and then

638
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 1: you can lick the cat and I can watch you

639
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: lick the cat. I'm happy you've got a healthy and

640
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: productive sex life, but more complex, man, I got more

641
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 1: going on? Well you got going on? I don't see

642
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: a no ball sad going on? Well you got titties, Well,

643
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 1: I just have prominent nipples. I don't know. Milk come

644
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,800
Speaker 1: out of them cities. Hey, listen, baby, honestly, um, we

645
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,760
Speaker 1: gotta keep it cool. Yeah, I'm trying to keep it cool. Okay,

646
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,439
Speaker 1: so cool, come on, shoot up and fuck We will

647
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 1: at six p m. Okay, but right now it's work time,

648
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 1: so I need you to go in there and deal

649
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,399
Speaker 1: with the cats. So turn them hot and cold, deal

650
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: with the go to ca Okay, okay, cat sing Stuary,

651
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: here you go. Can I come with I don't know

652
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 1: what the funk this daring to say to me, but

653
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: I like your energy. This is thumbs What the fu? Yeah,

654
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 1: let's get in here all right. Cats, listen up. I

655
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of time, so what am I.

656
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna pour this water on the ground and

657
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna dump all this hay out so you

658
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: can eat it all right now? Everyone playing nights. I

659
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 1: have to nap. Don't do any mo mate, don't I'll

660
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: just watch all eat today. That's all. Okay. We know

661
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: we're supposed to be mortal in me. That's gonna be

662
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: a fright of air. You girl, cut our boyd cut.

663
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: I'm a girl girl. I gotta also could go with

664
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,479
Speaker 1: their ways. I don't know A bunch of dogs don't

665
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: like balls. I still call themselves a man. We're all

666
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 1: girls here, Oh girls, let's look at dog. I bet

667
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: you're gonna come on things and think it's impressive plan.

668
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 1: Why did you say that, your calico? Bitch? Who you

669
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 1: think you're the first dog to wander in here? No?

670
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 1: Look at your pathetic human thumbs? Vinta Grosze and the

671
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: snift tossed. What's your name, Chalico? Wouldn't you like to know?

672
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: But this patch is your basic bitch? Is it patches? Patches?

673
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: How did you guess? Patches that will take you by

674
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: the neck, the top of the neck, not to kill

675
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 1: somewhere scraff alone. But I just I don't know if

676
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: I want to drop the cat off. You know, maybe

677
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: I should just take it with us and just get

678
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: rid of the care. I'm gonna get the cat. I'm

679
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: gonna drop it off and they we'll pick it up

680
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 1: after our trip. It's like, I feel grossed out just

681
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: knowing that that cat is running around the place. Look,

682
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: I got that cat with my first husband. Okay, it

683
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 1: means a lot to me. Those are memories. And now

684
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: you're onto your second husband. Okay, And I get to

685
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,879
Speaker 1: say what we do with the cat? Come on, it's

686
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: fifty How is it I have the relationship that I

687
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: want to be. Come on, Raymie, please, No, we're going

688
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 1: on the trip and we're dumping the cat off. Welcome

689
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: to dogs and stuff. You guys here to drop off

690
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 1: that cat. Yes we are, and we're going to pick

691
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: it up after. Okay. Couple questions in the questionnaire, Um,

692
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: how long will you be leaving the cat with us?

693
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 1: Two weeks? Two weeks? Terrific. So we are going to France. Yes, okay,

694
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 1: that's my next question. Where's your destination? We're going to France? Um?

695
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 1: What types of surprising her food allergies? Do you guys have?

696
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 1: Kind of food at? What? Whether does that match? She's

697
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 1: answer him, Ramie cheese. I mean she's literally just about everything.

698
00:44:52,840 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: I mean, a leather um, feathers, tethers, feathers in tethers. Okay,

699
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,399
Speaker 1: and then last one and that was six years ago,

700
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: and I been here have a since, and now we're too.

701
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 1: They won't I don't care. I'm a cat. Seems like

702
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,959
Speaker 1: you care. I don't seem like you've got a little

703
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: tear in your heart. Crying my calm now Francois. I

704
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,479
Speaker 1: hate to say this, but I want to kill that dog. Yeah,

705
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: me too. I've never wanted to commit violence in my life.

706
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 1: Well before he went out of the room, he ripped

707
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: her tits off, all right, was one of the dogs

708
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: I gotta put down? Well, honestly, the dog's not here.

709
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. Look, I got let me

710
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 1: kill one. Do I'm sure we'll find it. It's it's

711
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: a very weird dog. One of the dogs. How much

712
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: shoot in the back of the hand and the I'm

713
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: gonna get out of here. Listen, Larry, we aren't killing

714
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 1: one of these talks. These dogs are good dogs. There's

715
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 1: a dog here with some ginge of ices thumbs on

716
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: the gum disease on this. I don't know what it is,

717
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: but it's not it's I believe it's a holy sh Stephanie, Stephanie, baby, Yeah,

718
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: you guys, let go with that dog. They're looking for that.

719
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: It's mean baby. Get out of the banby, get out

720
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 1: of the room, closet, my baby cry. Look, I don't

721
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: know what the hell is going on with you anymore. Okay,

722
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 1: I got you this job. I'm done. Wait wait ba oh, crying.

723
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: I hoping this guy puts that dog down, he puts

724
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 1: you down? What do he's turning out? You heard me?

725
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: You heard me? All right? Man, look you honestly, either

726
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: gotta pay me now or I'm gonna off one of

727
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 1: the door. Either what um? Okay? If I pay you now,

728
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 1: will you still kill the dog that I need killed? Look?

729
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 1: I got two minutes here and then I'm out. Okay,

730
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: here's your money and these are all one dollar bills.

731
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 1: I mean these are tips. I get tips. Okay, Old,

732
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 1: we gotta get that dog in here. Let's let's lure

733
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 1: it in. All right, Look at all this stuff that

734
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:08,399
Speaker 1: news are coming on. There's so much stuff. You could

735
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: come on in here, Hi, doggies, it's the cats. We

736
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: heard that that that guy's here to kill the bell

737
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: worst dog here? Is that right? Can we help you? Yeah?

738
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: We're aman am. I wish something would come on me?

739
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: Is that good? No? I guess not. I could use

740
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:33,399
Speaker 1: it again. Oh god, that's coming on this lady, lady

741
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,399
Speaker 1: in the broom closet. He's a junkie. She didn't care

742
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: what crazy like? Hey, what are the cats throlling that?

743
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, I'm seeing cats and dogs. Larry

744
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:53,760
Speaker 1: the one dog with the human thumbs that are turning

745
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 1: green shooting, think about. I don't think about it. I

746
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 1: don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

747
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:04,320
Speaker 1: That's the god. Don't even think about it. It alright,

748
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: go everybody save me, Save me. Now, everyone, come in

749
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 1: front of me, Come in front of you, down the barrel,

750
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:22,799
Speaker 1: I can name, come raight, ad think about. We want

751
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: you to know it was us. It was us. The

752
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: w I don't care watch this. This is going to

753
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 1: be my most I feel like, OHI it was great

754
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 1: for us, Tyler, thank you. Okay, I think it was fantastic. Okay,

755
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 1: let's get her done. Yes, I'm here to pick up

756
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: my puppy. Um, what the hell happened to the store? Well,

757
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: some of that is fire, A lot of that's cut blood.

758
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: And yeah there was a fire. But obviously it's out

759
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: right because which was your dog thumbs the ship suit

760
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,840
Speaker 1: with the tom's Listen, I got bad news. It turns

761
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 1: out what don't see what you're about to say? This

762
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 1: guy will fucking go crazy. Is something happens, I'm gonna

763
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: go now so they've I'm gonna go nuts. Listen we

764
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 1: tried to put it down. What we tried? What mean

765
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 1: you tried to What do you mean you tried to? Well,

766
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: I had an exterminator, a puppy exterminator. Come on, killer

767
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,800
Speaker 1: hit man, let's not use awful words like that, but

768
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: you try to kill my dog? Well, it was coming on.

769
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 1: It was an immigrant. Do you understand that I didn't

770
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: know that. Yes, excuse me. I'm here to pick up

771
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: my cat, my my wife's cat or whatever. The fuck. Well,

772
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 1: six years ago we got we got bad or news

773
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,320
Speaker 1: for you. We didn't think you were coming back for what.

774
00:49:56,160 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: Huh is this dogs and stuff? Yeah, it turns out

775
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 1: its It used to be all different kinds of banimals,

776
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 1: and now we put dogs and stuff to make it

777
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: pretty clear we don't take cats anymore. Yeah. Well, dropping

778
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: over a cat six years ago and just here to

779
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 1: get the cat. Your cat went blamo, cat, Your cat

780
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: went blamo went some some ejaculate from a dog got

781
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: into a I don't need to hear this. I probably

782
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 1: don't want to hear this. What the hell is going on?

783
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 1: Where's my ship? Your ship suit got away? It's out

784
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 1: there somewhere. It's alive, though it might be the only

785
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: goddamn animal that survived that day first time on the railroad. Yeah,

786
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: I like some of those tracks. What kind of dog

787
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 1: are you? I'm a seventeen different kind of the muddiest

788
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 1: mud of the world. You got a big whole nut

789
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: slack now, yeah, goddamn right. You know how you get

790
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 1: on this train. You gotta come for fair. That's going

791
00:50:56,440 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 1: to be a problem. Stuff you can walk, Daddy, Look

792
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: a puppy. A puppy, well you want that puppy kid? Oh,

793
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 1: it looks send sick, It looks adorable. Some kind of

794
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: hobo dog. Hi, hobo dog. I want to make you

795
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 1: all better. Here has some water boy may look look

796
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 1: at his paws, Daddy, look at his paws. Well, somebody

797
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 1: sewed human thumbs on his paws and that adorable. That

798
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:43,879
Speaker 1: makes him unique. Nug in this water bottle. Be sure

799
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 1: to span new to your pets. And that's our show

800
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: start today. All right, Let's thank our alchemist, Chris Alorado.

801
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,799
Speaker 1: Thank you, and you're welcome. Anything going on you want

802
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: to plug just you know, keep loving each other. Everybody

803
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 1: really positive, but a positive command. Vanessa Raglan just a

804
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 1: joy to be here than Craig Twitter past watch Wine

805
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: Country on Netflix, watch Drunk History on Comedy cent I

806
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: gotta work, people, gotta work. I'm not here for pleasant trees.

807
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: I'm here to advance my career. Down, Just sit down.

808
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 1: J so glad that he broke the ice, because That's

809
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do right now. I've got at least

810
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: the second episode of this Rusher thing with John Bolton.

811
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: You can find it on my Twitter, which is at

812
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: the heat Nice. Joey is a less aggressive plug, but

813
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 1: only because he was so aggressive and normal. Thank you,

814
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. And um, if

815
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 1: anyone wants to come over for dinner, um, what else?

816
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna give that up. But what else did

817
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 1: I want to say? You can wrap it up? Um,

818
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 1: just wrap it up. I feel like him. Philibus Curry

819
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,879
Speaker 1: is where people tune in for nice. Well, let's thank

820
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:19,600
Speaker 1: our audio and dar engineer Doug Babe, our post sound

821
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 1: design artist Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichterman, and lastly,

822
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 1: I heart media. I encourage you all to write a review.

823
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:30,799
Speaker 1: Tell everyone you've ever met right to us at your

824
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name

825
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,839
Speaker 1: here at Alchemy this dot com for Capvin Pollock. I'm

826
00:53:35,880 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 1: Cold Stratton until next time a football pl