1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Men, Where have you Gone? It's one more thing. I'm 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: strong Andy, one more thing. This is an article about 3 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: an article that was in the New York Times not 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,799 Speaker 1: long ago called men, Where have You Gone? And this 5 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: is in some publication. Well it's not a publication. It's 6 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: a website called Medium with a woman who studies this 7 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,439 Speaker 1: sort of stuff, writing about that article and other things 8 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: she's found and her observations about men in the modern 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: world and dating and that sort of thing. The article 10 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: in the New York Times called men, Where have You Gone? 11 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: Started with someone noticing that when they went to restaurants 12 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: there'd be a couple of Now this is New York City, 13 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: so this is not, you know, everybody's life, but they 14 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: would go to hip restaurants in New York City there'd 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: be a couple of couples. Then every other table was 16 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: all women hanging out with each other, which I have 17 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: seen a lot of. Yes, women are continuing to go 18 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: out with each other. Dudes are just staying home by themselves. 19 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: Mostly seems to be what's going on there? And why 20 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: have men disappeared from the dating scene? They go through 21 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 1: a couple of different things. I think all of them 22 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: are interesting. First, one obs technology. The Internet, social media 23 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: and online dating for starters, has brought us closer, we 24 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: find each other faster, but what happens after seems to 25 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: undo all of the good that technology could have promised. 26 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: Instead of connecting us, we're using it to further distance 27 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: and divide, using yes, the modern marvels of dating apps 28 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: apps anonymity. Illusion of choice, which I brought up a 29 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,759 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago that I had read somewhere that 30 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 1: is a good one. I can see how that really 31 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: kills things, The illusion of endless choices. 32 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 2: Right, which is, it hadn't occurred to me that that 33 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 2: would be a thing. Why would you settle with somebody 34 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 2: and take on the challenges of making life with them? 35 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 2: If it looked like there were not only many many 36 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 2: fish in the sea, but they were all swimming in 37 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 2: your direction? So how do you settle on one? 38 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: Right? I mean, how overwhelmed would you have to be 39 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:08,679 Speaker 1: by a connection with somebody to stop checking out the 40 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: other merchandise? Whereas in real life dating, obviously you didn't 41 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: have like ten other options unless you're like incredibly attractive 42 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: or something. You didn't have like ten other options lined 43 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: up for this weekend? 44 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean never if you get with somebody that 45 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 2: does have ten other options all the time. 46 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: Be careful expectations. There's plenty of blame to go around 47 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: when it comes to expectations. But women, if you're complaining 48 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: about men retreating from dating, maybe it's time to time 49 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: to take a hard look at your part. This is 50 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: the part I like. This is written by the New 51 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: York Times, And this is a woman writing about the 52 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: article in the New York and she's a woman, an 53 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: actual one. Uh. Women, it's time to take a hard 54 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: look at your part. Are you blowing guys off for 55 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: the slightest issue. I know that that's happening. Are you 56 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 1: being too quick to judge? Do you have unreasonable expectations, 57 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: requirements or ridiculous states most men can't meet? Are you ghosting, 58 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: canceling last minute, waiting for the bigger, better deal, or 59 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: insulted that a guy doesn't treat you to a five 60 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: course meal on a first date. Are you a I 61 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: hadn't heard this term before, but I guess it's a 62 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: term six figures, six packs, six feet kind of girl. 63 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 1: If so, no wonder men are checking out these days. 64 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: Six figures, six packs, six feet not everybody can live with. 65 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: Very few people can live up to that. 66 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. 67 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: I got a better shot at a couple of them 68 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: then the other one. I'll tell you that if your 69 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: search for love is convinced you you're just one swipe 70 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: away from someone more perfect, I have news for you. 71 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: You're going to be single forever. She writes. 72 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 2: Wow, that's some tough talks. Sisters speaking plainly to each other. 73 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 2: That's good. 74 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, expectations along with mixed messages are dispiriting. Be masculine 75 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: and a feminist at the same time. Be vulnerable, but 76 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: not overly sensitive. We've talked about this before. Be emotionally available, 77 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: but not a simp. It's a lot of hoops to 78 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: jump through. If men can't measure up, guess who checks 79 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: out next. You know what's. 80 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 2: Interesting is the guy version of that, and we have 81 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 2: called this out and mocked it for years. Is the 82 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 2: you know, some lovely woman is being discussed or walks 83 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,559 Speaker 2: by or is on the TV or whatever. The guy says, 84 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 2: no way, I wouldn't go there. She's not hot, and 85 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 2: you're like, dude, you're with no one, You're not gonna 86 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: be with anyone, and you're acting like you have some 87 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 2: sort of right to only be with supermodels like Victoria's 88 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:44,280 Speaker 2: Secret supermodels. That's a dodge. That's not you coming off 89 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 2: as cool and and and you know, having high standards. 90 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 2: It's pathetic, but you get that from guys a fair amount. 91 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 2: It's a common thing. 92 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, having stood around a lot of bars with a 93 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 1: lot of dudes, that is a common thing among a 94 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: certain kind of guy. I always thought, you know, who's 95 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: the most attractive girls in this bar? The one that's 96 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: attracted to me. That's the most attracted girl in this 97 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: bar to me, the one that's attracted to me, because 98 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 1: all the other ones don't make any different. It doesn't 99 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: matter whether here or not. And here's a little hint 100 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: for him. And I'm sure anybody in the room can 101 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 1: attest to this. Once you're together a minute, you don't 102 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: stand around looking at each other and you know, well, no, 103 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: I'm trying to absorb how good looking the person is 104 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: or isn't you have a life together. Well, on another 105 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: truth bomb, you ain't gonna look the same forever, neither 106 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: one of you, all right, and base it on that 107 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,360 Speaker 1: that's gonna go away really fast. Anyway, Getting back to 108 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 1: these lists, this is. 109 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 2: Just a millionth example of bad ideas that died in 110 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 2: real life but flourish on the Internet like they're being 111 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 2: fed miracle grow. 112 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: Well, and I can tell you from personal experience how 113 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: that plays out in the real world. If you're standing 114 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 1: around with other dudes who constantly you know, no, she's 115 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: to this or she's to that, and you're all alone, 116 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 1: I mean, you're all going home alone and judging the 117 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 1: other crowd. The person in the crowd who thinks I 118 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:16,839 Speaker 1: kind of think she's attractive is not gonna say it 119 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: out loud. 120 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, because they're gonna hold back for fear of mockery. 121 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, Katie. 122 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 3: And well, and if you're the dude that's going to 123 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 3: ask she's she's not this or she's not that, well 124 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 3: you are you perfect? 125 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: Yeah? I've heard that from some dudes before, saying that 126 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: sort of thing. Look at you. You're standing here. You're 127 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: a fat guy and cargo shorts and a dirty T 128 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 1: shirt and you're missing a tooth. Shut up are you 129 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: talking about? 130 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 2: Yeah? 131 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,160 Speaker 1: Get a tooth? Uh. 132 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 2: I just it makes me sad though, Oh my god. 133 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 3: Well, the other day I was sitting with one of 134 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 3: my girlfriends and her guy was sitting you know, a 135 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 3: few seats down and we were talking about this one 136 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 3: girl that came and she was beautiful actually, and she 137 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 3: works She obviously worked out, and I went up to hen. 138 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: I high fived her. I was like, that's why I 139 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: go to the gym. Show tell me what you do. 140 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 3: And the guy was like, ash, she's all right, no knockout. 141 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: I don't know, very strong. Does that make you feel cool? 142 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: Saying that I have never said that in my life, 143 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't come across as cool. Maybe it as an 144 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: entire high school career of being, you know alone, I've 145 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: never felt in the position of just being that that 146 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 1: person anyway. The other one, I won't go through all 147 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: them because we're we've already used it quite a bit 148 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: of time. But the other one, she points out, is 149 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: hashtag me too. Me too is another reason why men 150 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: might be opting out. I've said it before and I'll 151 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 1: say it again. She writes. The me too movement was 152 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: necessary and needed. There's no place for creeps, perves, harassment, 153 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: or oppressure of any kind. Women called out the abuse 154 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: took a stand, and I'm glad they did. No woman 155 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: should have to fear for her life while dating. However, 156 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: the pendulum seems to have swung way too far the 157 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: other way, and now both sexes are in a standoff. 158 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: Men are afraid to approach women at all, to talk 159 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: to them, to even look their way, because of the 160 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: legal peril they could put them in. I know that 161 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: this is true. No guy is going to put himself 162 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: out there with the kind of risk, with that kind 163 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: of risk, and no guy is going to risk rejection 164 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: when women just want to be left alone, which also 165 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: makes me sad. She says here. 166 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I call it the French Revolution syndrome. Yeah, they 167 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 2: had plenty of gripes against the monarchy, plenty of good, 168 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 2: legit gripes. Then it went too far, it went too 169 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 2: crazy and ended up being something horrifically ugly. 170 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: Where does this? Does this ever get straightened out? I 171 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: don't see how it would. I don't think this is 172 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 1: like a blip in history or something like that. How 173 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: would how would it? How would it ever? 174 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 2: Plug? The Internet? 175 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: Yeah? I don't see this ever getting better. I really don't. 176 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: I can't imagine the forces that would cause this to 177 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: get better. 178 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 2: All right, here's what I predict, and and millions of 179 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: people will not have the benefit of this. They will 180 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 2: reject it, and they will be miserable and I hitting them. 181 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 2: Something like twenty first century amishness will arise. 182 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: It will be. 183 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 2: A cultural norm in these subcultures that form that you 184 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 2: are unplugged except through necessity. And I don't know how 185 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 2: big it will be, but I guarantee it will arise. 186 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 2: Because the toxicity of the Internet is unmistakable to anybody 187 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 2: with eyes and ears. It's also a wonderful resource in 188 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 2: a lot of ways. Blah blah blah. 189 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:33,439 Speaker 1: We know. 190 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 2: There will be a subculture that will arise that will 191 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 2: reject all of this stuff. 192 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, she doesn't just beat up on women in this article. 193 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 1: She goes on to talk about porn and how it's 194 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: so easy for men to you know, oh satisfy at 195 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: the very base, like the lowest bar level, that that 196 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: kind of keeps you from getting dressed and showering, going 197 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: out on the town on Friday. 198 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,680 Speaker 2: Night, taking the resk. 199 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, taking the resk. Yeah, I don't know. My son will. 200 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: I'll end with this slightly different but somewhat similar, is 201 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 1: that I got him a new computer over the weekend 202 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: than he needed for a variety of reasons. It's just, 203 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: you know how computers get outdated after like a few years, 204 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 1: you just can't You literally can't use him anymore. I 205 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: took it in to get it fixed it best Buy, 206 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: and they told me last year, they said, you realized 207 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: by September of next year, this will be this will 208 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 1: no longer support Microsoft's blah blah blah, So you have 209 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 1: to get a new computer anyway. So I got him 210 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: a new computer. He spent a lot of time playing 211 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: video games over the weekend, and then and then last 212 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: night he was feeling kind of depressed, and he said, 213 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: you know, I was happier last week when I was 214 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: just doing homework, playing my guitar and doing other things. 215 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,080 Speaker 1: I was happier last week than I want that I 216 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: am now when I was playing my new computer. That's 217 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: a good observation, man. Okay, so I think that makes 218 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 1: me less happy. I thought that made me happy and 219 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: made me less happy. But I'm not sure everyone can 220 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: come to that conclusion on their own. 221 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 2: You know, the idea of joining the Imish community sounds 222 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 2: kind of good. 223 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: Sometimes, throw myself a beard, sure, char raisin churn some 224 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: barn raisin churn somebody. Well, I guess that's it. H