WEBVTT - "I ALMOST RUINED A WEDDING" 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.440 Hello, it's going mam. Right, what's new with you? Actually, 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:09.079 everything with you is to me because I don't know 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:12.640 who you are, So anything you could possibly say would 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:17.000 suffice as an answer to that question. 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:24.800 Sure, I get some the immediate just sitting here watching 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:31.120 the screen too, with chat and you smoking cigar, drinking bourbon. 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:34.880 Any particular reason you called in tonight? 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:38.479 I mean I had a ship story, So give the 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:40.520 people what they want, right, Oh? 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:42.280 Yeah, what's going on with your ship thing? 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:51.159 Yeah? So kind of keeping this kind of showed my 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:56.760 hand before I you know, I said, what's going on? 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:01.720 But keeping the secret from my wife. She doesn't really 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:06.399 know about it right now. We went to a wedding 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:13.000 it's been about a year now and it's it was 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.800 one of her best friends, and I was pretty hungover. 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:22.399 I was having some stomach issues that night and just 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:26.800 went to the restroom, you know, at the reception. It 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:30.000 was just you know, going to take a shit, and 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.600 then all of a sudden, it was, you know, pretty nasty. 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:33.959 It was. 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:35.800 I had a lot of work to do, you know, 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:42.760 and ended up clogging the toilet so bad that it 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:47.240 was kind of overflowing a bit. But it wasn't one 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:50.440 of those where you know, you know immediately it was 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.240 going to happen, like I flushed once, thought it was 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:56.720 going to be, you know, just a two plush type situation. 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:01.440 So went to go flush again and it just started 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:05.000 and pouring out, and I canic and just darted out 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.400 of there, guard out of the restroom, and then sat 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.200 back down in my seat at the at the table, 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.680 just continued to cood because it's kind of mortified. Didn't 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:14.120 know what to do. 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:20.160 M Yeah, that's always a good strategy because here's the thing. 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:22.760 How many people are at this wedding reception? You think? 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.960 I mean I fired the ballpark? It probably two fifty 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:28.840 three hundred. 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:33.480 Okay, so nobody who could possibly know it was you? 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:35.520 No, no, no, no, it was It was crazy. 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:38.760 I mean I would have done the exactly did. 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:41.400 Pass the guy. I passed the guy on the way out, 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:43.639 but there were multiple stalls and he didn't do it 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:44.959 into that stall. 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:51.240 Okay, So no witnesses, Yeah, no witnesses, all right, Yeah, no, 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:57.520 I totally totally would have done and have done the 0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:58.280 exact same thing. 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:01.040 Well. 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.520 See, the thing is, like I said, if it was 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.440 you know, just one of her, you know, one of 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:10.120 her friends. I really wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.240 thought about it this beat. But it's like a friend 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:14.840 we see all the time, and I don't know if 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:17.040 she got floated the bill or anything like that. Like 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:18.919 I feel really bad. I don't want to be known 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:23.080 as the guy that you know costed her quite a 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.880 few one hundred dollars I guess, because like they ended 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:31.399 up closing the restroom, like on the on the way out, 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.000 there were like I don't know if there were plumbers 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.880 or whatnot, but they were people that did not work 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:39.840 for that perception hall in that restroom, and the restroom 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:40.320 was closed. 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:43.880 Okay, so you really did some damage there. 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:48.560 Yeah, I mean it you should have seen it while 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:51.760 it was top five, so. 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.560 You know, I uh, do you know for a fact 0:03:55.680 --> 0:04:00.480 that your wife's friend was fronted the bill? Because you 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:06.240 can't really ask without sounding a little guilty. 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:10.680 So yeah, so if you ask, then you pretty much 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.320 played your hand. You know, she knows right off the 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.040 bat that you know that somebody clogs the toilet. 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:15.880 And. 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:20.880 She's gonna question that it's you. But I mean, I 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:25.159 can pay for it, no problem, But I'm just I 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:26.800 don't want to be I want to be known as 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:27.599 that guy. 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:33.960 You know right right here. Listen, here's the thing I'm 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:35.520 gonna give you. You don't always have to do the 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:46.120 right thing. I don't do the right thing all the time. Uh. 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:48.560 This is that this might be a situation in which 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:51.920 it might not even be the right thing to do 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:55.880 the right thing, you know, I mean, what kind of 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.560 fuck it does anybody do the right thing every time? 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.880 Nobody does? Sometimes you just you. 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:05.640 Can just you're lieing. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:05.960 If you say you do. 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:06.640 Yeah. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:12.359 So yeah, I mean if I were in your position, 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.920 there is there's no way. I mean, the the wife 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:21.000 could be at dinner with uh, the wife's friend could 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.720 be at dinner with you and your wife and she 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:24.280 could be talking about how she had the front of 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:28.920 bill for this clogged toilet, and I still would not 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:31.560 say anything. That's me And is that the right thing 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:32.800 to do? No, not at all. The right thing to 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.240 do is to pay for the damn toilet. But like 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:36.640 I said, you don't have to do the right thing. 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:42.040 I mean, who the fuck always says the right thing? Yeah, 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:46.120 so you're good. But also I'm a get go guy only, 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.120 so my opinion is worth nothing. 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:52.920 But maybe we should I mean take a step back. 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:58.800 Maybe not tell the friend, but tell my wife. If 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:00.760 you tell the wife, tell her everything. 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.000 Yeah. If you tell a wife, can tell a friend. 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:08.760 Yeah. Actually, so I'm taking this to the grave right. 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:13.159 Actually, I don't know if the wife would tell them. 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:14.280 I mean I don't know. I don't know the relationship 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:15.839 between the wife with the friends. But I feel like 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:20.839 if the wife, you might tell her, and then the 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:25.039 wife might also be extremely embarrassed and not tell a 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:30.680 friend too, which could potentially make your bond with your 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:32.640 wife go stronger, because now you guys have a mutual 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.479 secret which brings people together. 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:40.040 That's a that's a dangerous game. 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:43.200 There game to play. 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:47.240 I mean, we got other ship that we you know, 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:49.920 keep us together. I don't think a ship story he's 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:50.480 going to do it? 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:54.039 Well, then what's your name again? 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:54.280 Ray? 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:55.599 I think you're gonna die with this one. 0:06:57.880 --> 0:06:59.360 Yeah, so we're going to the grave with chat. 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.599 Huh yep. I mean I won't tell anyone. 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:06.000 You're a real one. 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:10.720 Thanks for calling, Ray, have good one. 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:17.920 Hello, Hi, can you hear me? 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:24.400 I can hear you? Is this Abby Adi or Abby? 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:27.640 It's sebbi? 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:32.320 All right? You kind of cut out and and I 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.200 kind of missed the answer to the question, but it's okay. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.240 I'm probably gonna forget your name uh in two seconds 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.280 because I'm bad, not because of any other real I 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:42.560 just I think I genuinely and I'm not being funny anymore. 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:44.600 I do think I genuinely have some kind of a 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.640 short term memory loss because people think I like do 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:50.760 it on the show as a bit, but in my 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:52.960 in real life, I've been meeting people and they'll tell 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:56.360 me their name and I'll forget it, you know, five 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:58.480 seconds into meeting them. So it's nothing against you. I 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.560 just think I've i don't know, smoked too much pot 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:03.760 and eating too much candy that I just can't do 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.520 names anymore, which is fine. The names don't really matter. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:09.160 We're all gonna die very soon. 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.320 It kind of sounds like the story of my life 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:15.400 with like most of the guys I talked to, they 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:17.960 all seem to have short term memory loss, so I'm 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:18.520 used to it. 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.480 Okay, great, Great, So you're you're comfortable and accepting of 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:25.200 my condition, and I appreciate that very much, and I 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:28.720 would love to hear what is going on with you 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:29.880 in your life, Addie. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:37.200 So my last boyfriend we broke up a few months ago, 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:41.160 and it was nearly because he was dealing with depression, 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.760 and at first he was very accepting of me being 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:53.440 supportive with that in him, and then he just decided 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:56.240 that he couldn't do it anymore and decided to break up. 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:03.480 And last week we started talking again and turns out 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:05.439 he wants to get back. 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:05.760 But. 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.719 He also wants to transition genders. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:19.760 Mhm okay, yeah, and I must say like I I 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:24.160 am bisexual, which is like I'm whatever. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:30.480 But I fell in love with him as a man, 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:37.439 and now I'm unsure. I don't know what to do. 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:44.240 Mm hmm okay, okay, I can see what sure, I 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.880 can see why this will inspire conflicting feelings. 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:49.800 Interesting. 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:55.760 So so, so this person and you broke up because 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:59.079 they were going through some stuff. And then how long 0:09:59.080 --> 0:09:59.960 were you, guys separated from? 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:03.679 Almost six months? 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.400 About six months? Okay? What were you doing in those 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:08.080 six months? 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.719 Well, two weeks, around two weeks after we broke up, 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.920 one of my grandparents passed away, so I was dealing 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:24.840 with that. Other than that, I was just focusing on work, 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:30.960 going to work and taking myself to the gym to 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:33.080 get my mind off the breakup. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.439 And how did your life in those six months? And 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:42.200 it's just kind of a hard question to answer because 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:46.840 there's probably a lot of different variables involved, especially you know, 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.840 the death of a family member, But how did your 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:58.520 life without this person compare to your life with them? 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:02.240 It didn't seem as happy as when he was part 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:07.600 of it. And I also have a kid, and they 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:11.120 did get to meet, and so whenever she saw me sad, 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.280 she would always tell me, you know, like everything's okay, 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:23.400 he loves you, and it would just make me cry. Okay, 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:27.720 But yeah, I have to get used to not getting 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:32.280 those cute messages from him or snaps, which kind of sucked, 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:36.400 but I had to get through it in a way. 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:41.760 Is uh, this this your your kid? Is this a 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:42.960 kid you had with your ex? 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:50.520 No? No, Before we started dating, I had been married 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.280 and my ex husband is my kids sad? 0:11:55.240 --> 0:12:00.280 Okay, And so this ex that you want to get 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:06.480 back together with, did you guys have no contact for 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:07.320 these six months? 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:16.680 Yeah? At first I would message him just stuff like hey, 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.800 like whatever is going on, just like don't hurt yourself 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.800 stuff like that. And I do have to admit I 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.920 did miss him a lot, obviously, so from time to 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.240 time I would like try to check up on him 0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:36.120 and he wouldn't reply. So it really caught me by 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:42.320 surprise when I had a message from him from actually 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:47.840 last month, because we met on an app and after 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:51.400 we started dating, well, I stopped using that app, and 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:54.480 for some reason I felt like going back on it, 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.480 and that's when I saw I had a message from him. 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:01.920 Oh, they sent you a message, yeah, on this app. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:05.920 Why did they send you a message on the app 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.959 and not text you? That's kind of I mean, I 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:12.000 guess it's not right, kind of a strange mood. 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:16.040 Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, Why not just 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:20.280 send me a text? Because I stopped using that app, 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.320 but I just had this feeling to go back on it, 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.560 and that's when I saw his message. But yeah, I 0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:29.120 mean it would have been just easier to send me 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.559 a text, I guess. 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:38.560 Okay, So this okay. So there were a lot of 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:44.280 kind of problems between you guys as a result of 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.400 this person's depression, which they said that they needed some 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:53.760 time a part to take care of, which is reasonable. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:14:02.120 Right, Well, we didn't have any problems. I was actually 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:08.680 really supportive throughout that time before the breakup. What really 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.520 caught me off by surprise was that one day, while 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.000 being at work, he just randomly asked me if I 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:19.600 thought he was a narcissist, which taught me by surprise 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:24.880 because right away I told him no, like, I've been 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:28.960 with a narcissistic person before and he didn't quite fit 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:36.000 that criteria, and yeah, I was just trying to reassure 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:39.360 him that he wasn't. Again. I was super supportive throughout 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:44.120 his depression, and then one day I was just missing 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:48.760 him really really bad, and I got emotional and I 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:50.840 really wanted to call him, but at the same time, 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.520 I didn't want to bother him, so I just told 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:58.960 him we were talking about it, and he told me 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:02.200 he was gonna watch a streamer on Twitch, and so 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.800 I told him like, okay, well, I won't bother you. 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.360 And not even a minute passed and he replied with okay, 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:12.000 I love you good night, which I was like, okay, like, 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:16.160 you're taking a bit to reply to me, but when 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:17.800 I tell you I'm not going to bother you, you reply 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:22.520 right away, okay, whatever, And so I started typing this 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:27.920 text and I said, you know, well, if you have 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:32.640 some narcissists sick, I can't hearing you like disregarding other 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:42.920 people's feelings because I was hurt and I emotionally m yeah, 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.920 I was emotionally impulsive when I hit Scent, and I 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:52.200 rewrited it right away. And so he didn't talk to 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:56.200 me for four days, and the day he got back 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:57.720 to me, that's when he told me like, hey, I 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:00.720 can't do this anymore, like I'm sorry, we're breaking up. 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.440 And so since then I keupd blaming myself because he 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:06.880 was at a low point in his life with depression. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.200 And then here I come with those words. 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:14.360 You know, well, uh, you know, I mean, I think 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.440 I feel like we've talked with this on here and 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:25.120 this is a common sentiment. But somebody else's By the way, 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:26.760 I'm not a real therapist. I'm a guy in a 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.600 gecko costume on the Call of Duty website. 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.200 Yeah, but. 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:38.200 Somebody else's you know, mental health dealings with is sort 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:42.120 of a product of them. And you can't really blame 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:48.360 yourself for, you know, other people having depression and having 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.440 to deal with it. That's a lot to take on. 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:58.000 What this to me comes down to is is your 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:02.280 life better or worse with this person in it? That's 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:06.960 the crux of what we're trying to figure out, I 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:10.600 don't I don't know. I obviously cannot answer that question 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:17.080 for you. But that's what you should sort of ruminate on. 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:19.600 What I'm sure you have been ruminating on. 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:29.760 Well, we had spoken about getting married in the future, 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:37.720 having kids, and my daughter he always treated her as 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:44.760 his home and so I was really, you know, looking 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:49.639 into the future with that because when we matched on 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.000 that app like, I wasn't looking for anything, and he 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:58.760 was very persistent, but I was happy. And when he 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:04.240 came into my life, slowly but surely, he just completed 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:10.000 me in that way. So when he tells me that 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:21.120 he wants to transition into a woman, I I wasn't 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:24.920 angry at it at all. I did tell him, well, 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:28.439 if you like to dress as a woman, like, I 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:32.920 have nothing against it. It's just I fell in love 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:34.040 with you as a guy, you know. 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.320 Yeah. 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.119 And I even asked him like, well, what's your plan 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:47.080 if you like, do you still want to have kids? 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:49.800 He said yeah, And so I asked him, like, what's 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:54.320 the plan done? Like how how do you want that 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.639 to work? And so he said that he would keep 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:00.600 certain areas with his for that. 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:02.119 Uh. 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:08.480 But Also, what I'm trying to understand is like he's 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.800 always wanted to have a son so he can have 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:15.080 that relationship that him and his dad had when he 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:22.320 was growing up. So I just want to know, like how, 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:26.639 you how how would we make it work if he 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:34.479 wants to change gender and still have like that father figure. 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:42.080 M hm m hm, ma'am. This is a very very 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:45.800 tough issue. I don't have any sort of right answer, 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:47.879 but I have, like, I don't know, I have thoughts 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:55.960 because I'm thinking about your your ex, this person, and 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:03.199 I'm sure for them with everything they're dealing with and 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:07.560 just in their life in general, both of you guys 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:15.480 should have people as your significant other that you're excited about, 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:21.119 you know, and this person transitioning, I mean, that's a 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:26.040 big part of who they are. It's important enough to 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:29.560 them to transition that they're going to do it, and 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:32.280 it becomes a big part of this person's identity that 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:37.840 they are now living and presenting as a woman. And 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:42.240 they should have somebody in their life who is accepting 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:47.600 and not just accepting, but like excited about it and 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:54.359 embracing it. And you should have somebody is your significant 0:20:54.400 --> 0:21:00.080 other who you're excited about and who you embrace fully 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:06.679 and that's really hard. So I do believe both of 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:11.720 you should have people in your life who you're excited about. 0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:21.240 And I don't. I don't know. I don't know how 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:26.280 you would sort of come to terms with that, because this, 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:30.320 this being a big deal for you is what it is. 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:35.840 You know, this having its problems for you is what 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:40.440 it is, and it's it's a hard thing to reconcile with. 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:44.680 I don't know all I all I really feel about 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:47.840 this situation is that both of you should be really 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:52.080 excited about each other and about who each other is. 0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:58.879 And I don't know with you, like and I do 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:01.000 this is all speculation, you know, this is a tough issue. 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:02.480 And I'm a guy and I got of costum on 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:07.280 the internet, but uh, like, could you these are just 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:10.679 ideas I'm playing with in my mind, Like could you, 0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:15.840 you know, be initially resistant to this but put in 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:20.439 some effort and learn to embrace it, and both of 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:25.840 you kind of can move forward with that understanding that 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:28.600 that you're going to put an effort towards this thing 0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:35.840 and towards embracing it, or will that not work? And 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:37.320 I don't know. I don't know if that will work 0:22:37.440 --> 0:22:39.040 or not. I really have no idea. 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:47.720 I feel like initially I I would and like I 0:22:47.840 --> 0:22:51.080 told him, like I have no issue with him dressing 0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:54.159 as a woman, Like it doesn't, it doesn't bother me, 0:22:54.200 --> 0:22:59.399 It wouldn't bother me. And I know it's it's a 0:22:59.440 --> 0:23:02.639 slow prop that he has to get into hormones and 0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:10.320 all of that stuff. It just hurts because I love 0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:14.040 him so so much, and like I obviously want to 0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:20.000 see him happy, and sure I appreciate that he also 0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:28.040 wants to get back with me. I don't know. I 0:23:28.280 --> 0:23:32.160 feel like in the end, he would become the one 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:34.360 that got away. As cliche as. 0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:37.560 It might sound, Okay, and here's another thing. You know, 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:41.359 you say you don't mind this person dressing as a woman. 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:45.439 You know, I don't know. And this and this what 0:23:45.440 --> 0:23:47.160 I'm about to say, this would this would be part 0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:53.879 of you, you know, needing to make an effort into 0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:57.399 this to make it work. Is like, you know, I 0:23:57.400 --> 0:23:59.040 don't know, I don't know this person's name whatever. But 0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:01.280 they're not just talking they're just talking about dressing as 0:24:01.280 --> 0:24:05.040 a woman. They're talking about transitioning into a woman. Wanting 0:24:05.080 --> 0:24:10.040 you to really see them as a woman, wanting you 0:24:10.080 --> 0:24:15.160 to call them she her. You know, it's a lot 0:24:15.200 --> 0:24:17.440 more I feel like that they would want from you 0:24:17.600 --> 0:24:20.160 than just hey, it's cool with me if you put 0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:24.919 on women's clothing, and you know, you would have to 0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:30.800 decide if you wanted to be with this person, if 0:24:30.840 --> 0:24:36.960 that's something you could really apply effort into. And it 0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:43.080 could just be you know that this person has gone 0:24:43.160 --> 0:24:50.040 through a lot of struggles and changes and fighting thoughts 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:52.880 in their brain and they kind of came out with 0:24:53.480 --> 0:24:56.320 this is what I need to be happy. And it 0:24:56.359 --> 0:25:00.920 could be And again I'm just throwing out various different ideas. 0:25:01.119 --> 0:25:05.760 I'm thinking it could be that this person transitions into 0:25:05.760 --> 0:25:09.120 a woman and that makes them very happy, and as 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:17.680 a byproduct of that, you two become incompatible. That could 0:25:17.720 --> 0:25:22.320 be it too, Yeah, and that might be hard. But 0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:26.600 if you really do love this person, you really do 0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:29.360 want to see them happy, I think you could find 0:25:29.400 --> 0:25:31.199 it in them. I think you could find it in 0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:34.639 yourself to accept that. I think if you really really 0:25:34.680 --> 0:25:38.080 love this person, I think you could find it within 0:25:38.119 --> 0:25:45.880 yourself to either accept that in this new stage of 0:25:46.480 --> 0:25:51.000 their life, you guys are incompatible, but you wish them well, 0:25:52.600 --> 0:26:00.359 or you're going to make a concentrated effort to really 0:26:00.440 --> 0:26:03.879 get to know them as they are and get to 0:26:03.920 --> 0:26:07.600 love them again in this new stage of their life. 0:26:07.920 --> 0:26:10.159 And I don't think either of those options is the 0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:13.800 right one or the wrong one. But I hope that 0:26:13.840 --> 0:26:17.840 at least in talking about these you have a better 0:26:17.920 --> 0:26:24.760 perspective on how you can move forward. Yeah, that makes sense. 0:26:24.600 --> 0:26:27.439 I'm getting. The other thing would yeah, it does. And 0:26:28.800 --> 0:26:35.600 the other thing I'm getting would be how to explain 0:26:35.640 --> 0:26:40.520 it if let's say we do go as far as 0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:43.520 like getting married and all of that, because I know 0:26:43.680 --> 0:26:52.480 some people wouldn't be as accepting, wouldn't really understand soul. 0:26:54.520 --> 0:27:02.640 And well, I'm Hispanics, so my family some of them 0:27:02.640 --> 0:27:09.200 are very old school, and I know they wouldn't understand 0:27:09.240 --> 0:27:15.160 it as easily. So and I mean, like I could 0:27:15.200 --> 0:27:17.439 care love with you think if I'm with someone that 0:27:17.480 --> 0:27:28.480 I love. 0:27:20.760 --> 0:27:26.600 And yeah, yeah, and this is this is this is 0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:29.439 part of you know, this is information that you have 0:27:29.480 --> 0:27:33.159 to think about and considering way when you're making you know, 0:27:34.000 --> 0:27:35.600 one of I mean, at least what I see is 0:27:35.720 --> 0:27:38.840 as one of the two decisions that that you can make, 0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:41.719