Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here
Speaker 2: back for another episode as we, of course break down
Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. If nothing else, our twenties
Speaker 2: are this kind of beautiful time of transformation and reinvention.
Speaker 2: That is a universal truth, a universal statement for me
Speaker 2: that each of us, no matter what we're going through,
Speaker 2: what we're struggling with, what we do or don't achieve,
Speaker 2: we have to rediscover time and time again who we are,
Speaker 2: and we also have to rediscover how far off that
Speaker 2: is from who we want to be. Probably hundreds of
Speaker 2: times during this period of emerging adulthood, we spend so
Speaker 2: much of childhood and also our teenage years being the
Speaker 2: person that others want us to be, or rebelling against
Speaker 2: this version entirely to carve out what we think is
Speaker 2: our own space. And I think our twenties is when
Speaker 2: we start to find balance, and we really get the
Speaker 2: chance to do that all over again and independently, and
Speaker 2: we approach self discovery with a new maturity and a
Speaker 2: new sense of truth, Things about us become a lot
Speaker 2: more clear, and what we're likely to experience is a
Speaker 2: bit of a metamorphosis and a shedding of the old
Speaker 2: into the new. This is definitely a rite of passage,
Speaker 2: and sometimes it's deeply uncomfortable. But when you get to
Speaker 2: the point of not really enjoying your life, not liking
Speaker 2: who you are, not knowing what you stand for, what
Speaker 2: your dreams are, who you even want to be, you
Speaker 2: are really, I think, called to a place of reinvention.
Speaker 2: And that is what I want to talk about today.
Speaker 2: How can we reinvent and rediscover ourselves in our twenties
Speaker 2: when things start to feel stagnant or off, or we
Speaker 2: start to feel a sense of disconnection between who we
Speaker 2: are right now and who we really want to be,
Speaker 2: How do we kind of shake things up? How do
Speaker 2: we find our path? How do we have that refresh
Speaker 2: where we fall back in love with our lives through
Speaker 2: our old actions. Well, we are going to talk through
Speaker 2: five tips that you can work through either step by step,
Speaker 2: or you can kind of choose one or the other
Speaker 2: for reinvention during this decade. This includes some methods for
Speaker 2: visualizing your next chapter and how to use psychology to
Speaker 2: really motivate yourself to get there, How to use psychology
Speaker 2: to motivate a sense of confidence. Also, how we can
Speaker 2: use that discomfort, use the boredom, the isolation, the stagnation,
Speaker 2: the uncertainty in our favor rather than fighting against it.
Speaker 2: How can we actually take all of those things that
Speaker 2: are making us cravery invention and help us get there
Speaker 2: rather than kind of I don't know, burden us. We
Speaker 2: are also going to discuss the power of risk and
Speaker 2: this construct called the timeline for change and how to
Speaker 2: shift from very anxious what if thinking to a what
Speaker 2: else or so what mentality, which is honestly one of
Speaker 2: my favorite ways to think about this. One of my
Speaker 2: favorite ideas in this space is that switch, that mental
Speaker 2: and cognitive switch from seeing things in a disaster scenario lens,
Speaker 2: or from a disaster scenario lens to an abundant lens
Speaker 2: from an abundant position of excess and authenticity and growth.
Speaker 2: I've got to say this is one of my favorite
Speaker 2: episodes that I've done as of recent because it just
Speaker 2: combines all my favorite like nuggets of advice and theories
Speaker 2: into one package, And truly it really represents so much
Speaker 2: of my philosophy towards this period in our lives. You know,
Speaker 2: our twenties are for exploration, They are for reinvention, rebuilding,
Speaker 2: transformation more so than any other time. So I really
Speaker 2: want us to be able to unlock that for ourselves,
Speaker 2: even if it's through small steps, even if it's not
Speaker 2: as drastic as you're picturing. Also, I guess whenever I
Speaker 2: get the opportunity to talk about risk and our approach
Speaker 2: to uncertainty, that is like a favorite topic of mine
Speaker 2: because it's something that I deeply, deeply think is important
Speaker 2: that we stop seeing risk is scary and we start
Speaker 2: seeing risk as investment. It really falls into this overall
Speaker 2: concept and topic of reinvention. So I'm very excited to
Speaker 2: talk about this. I'm enthused, I'm invigorated. So I think,
Speaker 2: without further ado, let us get into the five ways
Speaker 2: that we can reinvent ourselves in our twenties. Reinventing yourself,
Speaker 2: changing your life, I think it really has to begin
Speaker 2: with identifying what it is about your current circumstances, your
Speaker 2: day to day, your habits that are dissatisfying to you.
Speaker 2: What is the main feeling that you have towards your
Speaker 2: life at the moment that is giving you this itch
Speaker 2: to change things up, that is making you restless. There
Speaker 2: are a few big ones that I think are specifically
Speaker 2: noteworthy in our twenties. The first one is boredom. Boredom
Speaker 2: feeling like not much is happening in your your life.
Speaker 2: Nothing exciting is happening, nothing is changing. You're not changing
Speaker 2: the things that really elevate our day to day experiences,
Speaker 2: like adventure, like excitement, like spontaneity. It's just not there.
Speaker 2: It's this sense of just like plainness. Boredom is the
Speaker 2: first one. Then we have stagnation, and this is very
Speaker 2: similar to boredom, but it's more so centered on a
Speaker 2: sense that you've kind of become complacent in some domain
Speaker 2: of your life, even if you're still doing fun things.
Speaker 2: This is particularly to do with our careers or to
Speaker 2: do with some larger goal finding that you know you're
Speaker 2: really not working towards something the way that you anticipated
Speaker 2: that you would be, or the way that you have
Speaker 2: in the past. Feeling very stuck. Then we have isolation,
Speaker 2: lacking connection, lacking community, feeling lonely, and maybe with that,
Speaker 2: you know some fomo that you're missing out on the
Speaker 2: experiences that others seem to be having during this time.
Speaker 2: And then the final feeling that I think also makes
Speaker 2: us quite itchy for change, is just a general discomfort,
Speaker 2: a feeling that's probably very similar to anxiety that something
Speaker 2: about your life just isn't quite right. You don't seem
Speaker 2: to fit in your current circumstances anymore. You know, you
Speaker 2: have these habits, these friends, these situations that your body
Speaker 2: is very instinctually telling you this is not what we want.
Speaker 2: We're not comfortable here, we're not happy here. And often
Speaker 2: it does that through heightened sensitivity, being very nervous, repetitive thoughts,
Speaker 2: that again and again bringing you back to some issue
Speaker 2: that you're having a sense of detachment between who you
Speaker 2: know you can be and who you are now. So
Speaker 2: these feelings boredom, stagnation, isolation, and discomfort, they tell us
Speaker 2: something very useful, even though it's unpleasant. And what they're
Speaker 2: telling us is that we need to change, we need
Speaker 2: to shift, we need to be doing something different, and
Speaker 2: hopefully sooner rather than later. The reason that I say
Speaker 2: sooner rather than later is because if you don't do
Speaker 2: something not instantly, but pretty soon, the alternative is that
Speaker 2: we begin to get quite comfortable with the discomfort. We
Speaker 2: get comfortable with being bored, with being lonely, with being stuck,
Speaker 2: and we think that that's normal. In psychology, this process
Speaker 2: is actually called habituation, and it refers to our tendency
Speaker 2: to get more and more used to something that used
Speaker 2: to frustrate us or bother us as time goes on.
Speaker 2: You know, I think about so I, for example, I
Speaker 2: actually live under like a plane line what's it called,
Speaker 2: like a flight path? Right, And when I first moved
Speaker 2: into this house, like the sound of planes going overhead
Speaker 2: was so would just bother me so much, it was
Speaker 2: all I could think about. But the longer that I've
Speaker 2: lived here, I don't even notice it anymore. Like I'm
Speaker 2: sure that about five planes had probably flown over the
Speaker 2: skies above my house in the time that I've been
Speaker 2: recording this. But I've become habituated. And that is the
Speaker 2: same thing that happens when we get comfortable with something
Speaker 2: that we should not be comfortable with. You should not
Speaker 2: be comfortable with being born in your life, or being isolated,
Speaker 2: or being you know, stagnant, And we have a really
Speaker 2: small window to stop that habituation from happening and to
Speaker 2: act otherwise it does get harder and harder. It's like
Speaker 2: breaking a bad habit. What we want to explore is
Speaker 2: what life would look like if we flipped those emotional
Speaker 2: states to be the complete opposite. So when we felt bored,
Speaker 2: we made a commitment to pursue excitement. When we felt stagnant,
Speaker 2: we made a commitment to pursue growth, to pursue connection
Speaker 2: over isolation, to pursue peace and boundaries over discomfort. So
Speaker 2: what I want from you is really to begin with
Speaker 2: notice what is driving you to want to reinvent or
Speaker 2: refresh your life, and then make a plan for the
Speaker 2: next thirty days to do all the things that feel
Speaker 2: the exact opposite to that initial feeling. We're going to
Speaker 2: really shake up your life whilst you're still feeling motivated
Speaker 2: by the discomfort. For example, if you are just feeling
Speaker 2: so bored with your life right now, I want you
Speaker 2: to make a list in your notes up or on
Speaker 2: a sheet of paper to put on your fridge of
Speaker 2: a series of activities that you've always wanted to do
Speaker 2: in your city or your town that you haven't and
Speaker 2: I want you to be committed to doing one every
Speaker 2: two days, every three days, or if there is a class,
Speaker 2: a hobby you've always wanted to pursue, sign up for
Speaker 2: a six week course that you have to go to
Speaker 2: week after a week, get a new gym membership, just
Speaker 2: do something different. Novel experiences quite literally give the impression
Speaker 2: of create more time in our lives. And there's a
Speaker 2: twenty sixteen study around this that has become quite well
Speaker 2: known that found that the older we get, time does
Speaker 2: seem to actually pass quicker, not because it's actually going
Speaker 2: any faster, but because we are learning less, we are
Speaker 2: exposed to fewer new things, we become more accustomed to
Speaker 2: what we already know. But what actually creates the mental
Speaker 2: experience of more time is novelty and newness, and that
Speaker 2: is what we need to reintroduce to kind of pull
Speaker 2: us out of the path towards indifference and monotony. So
Speaker 2: put the excitement back in your life, because that is
Speaker 2: a choice for you. You know, that is something that
Speaker 2: you can change on your own to reinvent how you
Speaker 2: feel about your circumstances. The same goes for if you're
Speaker 2: feeling stagnant, you know, identify what area that's in and
Speaker 2: make yourself a list of a series of things that
Speaker 2: you know would help you break out of that. If
Speaker 2: it's work related, which I find it often is, or
Speaker 2: career related, I want you to change your routine. I
Speaker 2: want you to spend thirty minutes a day applying for
Speaker 2: new jobs instead of scrolling. I want you to be networking.
Speaker 2: I want you to be, you know, reaching out to
Speaker 2: people that you admire online, shooting off those emails so
Speaker 2: that when you go to bed, you have a sense
Speaker 2: that you've done something. You know, sign up for the
Speaker 2: networking event, contemplate what you could do next. I think
Speaker 2: reinvention is all about movement and picking the direction you
Speaker 2: want to go in and actually pursuing it. Once you've
Speaker 2: kind of tested sliding the dial to your boredom, your stagnation,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, in the opposite direction, it's time to
Speaker 2: really begin to visualize your next error and who this
Speaker 2: new version of you will be, but also how this
Speaker 2: new version of you will act. You know, in your
Speaker 2: wildest fantasies, your greatest largest dreams, who is your authentic self?
Speaker 2: Who is the character staring back at you? If you
Speaker 2: still are unsure about who that is? How to even
Speaker 2: visualize this version of yourself? I have some questions to
Speaker 2: really help you bring elements of this person forward. So
Speaker 2: what are some of the dreams that you've had for
Speaker 2: as long as you can remember that you've always put off?
Speaker 2: What truly excites you? What could you talk about for
Speaker 2: hours in five years time? What would your ideal but
Speaker 2: average day in your life look like? And how is
Speaker 2: that different from now? What chapter of your life are
Speaker 2: you ready to close? And what is holding you back
Speaker 2: from closing that chapter? Or what is holding you back
Speaker 2: from putting everything behind the truest version of yourself? Your
Speaker 2: answers to these questions should really begin to direct you
Speaker 2: to what this next era of your life is going
Speaker 2: to bring. You know, if you were to look back,
Speaker 2: I think, and if we were to look back at
Speaker 2: past version, you know, past parts of our life story,
Speaker 2: you start to really see in hindsight these strange lines
Speaker 2: or periods that are carved into your memories. You begin
Speaker 2: to notice that life isn't one long sequence of events,
Speaker 2: and I guess it is, but actually it's a series
Speaker 2: of seasons and a series of periods within which you've
Speaker 2: had different goals, maybe different friends, different ambitions, different sense
Speaker 2: of style. You maybe even lived in a different place,
Speaker 2: your routine was different. We each have these different errors
Speaker 2: or chapters of our lives that represent who we were
Speaker 2: and what we were going through at that time. And
Speaker 2: this next era for you is going to be one
Speaker 2: of authenticity. It's going to be one where you're going
Speaker 2: to channel all of those deeply rooted dreams and values
Speaker 2: and goals and actually just spend the next six months
Speaker 2: to a year prioritizing them. That is how you're going
Speaker 2: to bring yourself into this next chapter and reinvent yourself.
Speaker 2: We can be in the business of deciding when a
Speaker 2: new season begins for us, regardless of what is happening externally,
Speaker 2: and that really starts with being able to see, feel, touch, here,
Speaker 2: experience what this new era represents for you before it
Speaker 2: even emerges. And you've already done that in a way
Speaker 2: by focusing on those questions that we were talking about before.
Speaker 2: You do already have an idea, but then you have
Speaker 2: to get it out of your mind into some physical form,
Speaker 2: either through action or through something like visualization. So some
Speaker 2: ways that people do this is through like vision boards,
Speaker 2: you know, spending an afternoon really putting to page or
Speaker 2: to poster what this next chapter looks like for you,
Speaker 2: you know, with pictures of destinations that you'll visit and
Speaker 2: accomplishments and the nature that you'll see, the mornings that
Speaker 2: you'll have, the hobbies that will relax you. You need
Speaker 2: to have an idea of what you're actually aiming for here,
Speaker 2: and visualization is extremely psychologically powerful. There was a recent
Speaker 2: study that said about a quarter of successful entrepreneurs use
Speaker 2: vision boards or a similar process to map out change
Speaker 2: for themselves. And there was a twenty nineteen study that
Speaker 2: also suggests that vision boards, as much as we sometimes
Speaker 2: think that they're silly, actually no, they almost double an
Speaker 2: individual's level of confidence in their ability to effectively execute
Speaker 2: actions necessary to achieve a desired outcome. And it really
Speaker 2: promotes people to seek out supportive resources, and it keeps
Speaker 2: this vision of who they want to be, who they're
Speaker 2: working towards, very squarely in the front of their mind.
Speaker 2: Because life is full of distractions. There are lots of
Speaker 2: things pulling us this way that way. You know, you're busy.
Speaker 2: You know, there's people's expectations, there's money to worry about,
Speaker 2: there's you know, relationships to worry about. But this method
Speaker 2: really squarely, says, very deeply, says, this is what we're
Speaker 2: working towards right now, this is who we want to be.
Speaker 2: Another way to do this if visualization and you know
Speaker 2: mood boards, vision boards sorry, aren't really your favorite method.
Speaker 2: It's to identify a theme for your new error that
Speaker 2: you really want to embody and that you will use
Speaker 2: to charge, motivate, direct everything that you're doing in this
Speaker 2: new season. As in, you know, when it's time to
Speaker 2: make a decision or you have a hard choice ahead
Speaker 2: of you, I want you to have that one theme,
Speaker 2: that one word that decisively chooses for you. Let me
Speaker 2: explain this a little bit more so with this new error.
Speaker 2: Your theme could be discipline, It could be reinvention, rebirth, passion, creativity, authenticity, exploration, intuition, focus, courage.
Speaker 2: I want you to choose one of those, or one
Speaker 2: of your own, a theme that has got to sit
Speaker 2: at the core of everything you aim to do for
Speaker 2: the next six months. Let me use the theme of
Speaker 2: reinvention here to explain why this works. You know it's
Speaker 2: very appropriate for this episode, but to embody reinvention, that
Speaker 2: really means doing things differently right, making space for what's new,
Speaker 2: making space for things that you haven't tried before. Maybe
Speaker 2: because you're scared, you're embarrassed, you're held back by the
Speaker 2: judgments of others, but you're gonna do it anyways. You
Speaker 2: are stepping into this new era. You're reinventing yourself. So
Speaker 2: if someone invites you to a party that you'd normally
Speaker 2: not go to and you're kind of arming and erring
Speaker 2: about whether you want to go, you have an easy
Speaker 2: solution here, what decision would best align with that theme reinvention.
Speaker 2: The decision that best aligns is to go to the party.
Speaker 2: That is your directive. If you're back and forthing over
Speaker 2: leaving the house and I don't know, an outfit that
Speaker 2: you probably never wear and you're like, maybe I should
Speaker 2: take this off. I don't really know. Well, you have
Speaker 2: to be guided by reinvention above all else. Everything is
Speaker 2: coming back to this theme for the next six months.
Speaker 2: It is a very simple, you know, compass for you,
Speaker 2: a decision making tool that's like, okay, if I face
Speaker 2: with two choices, the one that best aligns with my
Speaker 2: theme is the one that I have to do, is
Speaker 2: the one that I need to pursue. This is just
Speaker 2: such a powerful, I think mental trick because sometimes we
Speaker 2: like set out to reinvent our lives, and like I said,
Speaker 2: you know, you kind of try and do a whole
Speaker 2: overhaul and you want to change everything right now at once,
Speaker 2: and eventually, like this version of you that you're actually
Speaker 2: aiming for gets a little bit lost. You know, the chaos.
Speaker 2: When you simplify it, when you bring it back to
Speaker 2: one theme and one theme only, you are just better
Speaker 2: able to truly focus and not get caught up in
Speaker 2: the clutter and not get caught up in the chaos
Speaker 2: that transformation often brings. Moving beyond this method, let's now
Speaker 2: turn to some longer term oat ativities for refreshing, recharging
Speaker 2: your life in your twenties, specifically to do with goal setting. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm going to say something that might be controversial, that
Speaker 2: might be unexpected, but goal setting to me is one
Speaker 2: of the most boring things to talk about in the world.
Speaker 2: And that might surprise you, but I really struggle to,
Speaker 2: you know, be around people who have a million goals
Speaker 2: for every single thing in their life because it just
Speaker 2: feels so intense and disciplined to me, and my natural
Speaker 2: inclination is and was, to really feel my way through
Speaker 2: things and to like go with my gut rather than
Speaker 2: having like a two year five year plan. You know,
Speaker 2: I could work very hard at things for a long
Speaker 2: period of time, but you know, I wasn't really into
Speaker 2: resetting goals every six months and planning out where I
Speaker 2: wanted to be and doing distinct things to make that happen.
Speaker 2: I have slowly begun to retire that philosophy that, you know,
Speaker 2: I think I was misguided. I thought that goal setting
Speaker 2: had to be really intensive, when actually, no, it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be that way. It doesn't have to make
Speaker 2: you an ultra disciplined person. Actually it's really about change,
Speaker 2: right And you know, as we always say, nothing changes
Speaker 2: if you don't and in a similar vein, nothing changes
Speaker 2: if you can't imagine them changing. And that is really
Speaker 2: what goal setting is all about, saying to yourself, this
Speaker 2: could be different. This part of my life, my routine,
Speaker 2: my lifestyle, my job could be different, and I could
Speaker 2: be happier. And I'm going to trust myself and I'm
Speaker 2: going to believe that I am capable of doing that
Speaker 2: of bringing about that change. I think instead of having
Speaker 2: one big goal that is miles away. I was recently
Speaker 2: introduced to this concept called the timeline for change, and
Speaker 2: the timeline for change is another way of conceptualizing your
Speaker 2: goals or setting up benchmarks that is a bit less
Speaker 2: intensive and more daily and broken down into these small pieces.
Speaker 2: You have a one year goal, a six month goal,
Speaker 2: a monthly goal, and a daily goal or what we
Speaker 2: would you know typically call a micro habit, the thing
Speaker 2: that you do each day that hopefully builds to the
Speaker 2: big win at the end. You can really then apply
Speaker 2: this like timeline for change to whatever area you desire,
Speaker 2: whatever area needs reinvention, needs a refresh. It could be Korea, friendship.
Speaker 2: Health finance is a creative passion. Think about, you know,
Speaker 2: transforming your health. For example, you know, perhaps your timeline
Speaker 2: for change would be to every day walk for thirty minutes,
Speaker 2: and then your one month goal would be to go
Speaker 2: to the gym twice a week. Your six month goal
Speaker 2: is to run a five k, and by one year
Speaker 2: to have a gym routine and be able to run
Speaker 2: ten k. I think fitness related goals slot very easily
Speaker 2: into the timeline for change. But you can kind of
Speaker 2: to see how this method really allows you to combine
Speaker 2: both momentum and sustainable habit building with that long term planning.
Speaker 2: You know, because your goals are sitting along a journey,
Speaker 2: they're sitting along a timeline rather than just consisting of
Speaker 2: a start line, an ambitious big dream, and a finish line.
Speaker 2: You know, a sense of what is going to be
Speaker 2: like when you get there, and you know nothing in between.
Speaker 2: And I think that is exactly why most New Year's
Speaker 2: resolutions often fail. You know, there was a poll done
Speaker 2: by the University of Ohio that showed twenty three percent
Speaker 2: of people will quit their New Year's resolutions by the
Speaker 2: end of January seventh, and almost fifty percent by the
Speaker 2: second week because we underestimate how much progress we're going
Speaker 2: to make, so we think too big and we lack
Speaker 2: the positive reinforcement along the way because we're only thinking
Speaker 2: about the beginning and the end and b to enact
Speaker 2: those significant and immediate changes, you know, psychologically and physically speaking,
Speaker 2: it's very very difficult. It's very difficult to just come
Speaker 2: in all guns blazing and change everything about your life.
Speaker 2: You need to build that foundation through consistency, not through
Speaker 2: new peaks with random you know, dashes of effort. So
Speaker 2: to summarize our third tip, give yourself the necessary space
Speaker 2: for reinvention by making things actionable, by making things realistic
Speaker 2: and really implementing a sustainable timeline for change that you
Speaker 2: are both excited about but is also very very doable. Okay,
Speaker 2: my lovely listeners, we are going to take a short break,
Speaker 2: but when we're back, I want to discuss so more
Speaker 2: of you know, more of our spontaneous, rebellious maybe refreshing
Speaker 2: paths for change, a more energetic, you know, perspective on reinvention.
Speaker 2: We have a lot more to talk about, so please
Speaker 2: stay with us. At some stage, you are going to
Speaker 2: have to do something that really scares you or that
Speaker 2: you didn't think was possible. If you want to grow
Speaker 2: into your next phase long term goal setting, having a
Speaker 2: planning phase, visualizing, articulating what you want, labeling this new
Speaker 2: error for yourself is so wonderful. You know, by that
Speaker 2: stage you really you can't go wrong. But one of
Speaker 2: the easiest ways to almost guarantee transformation and to speed
Speaker 2: up your reinvention your realignment is to take risks big
Speaker 2: or small, risk, in my mind, is like the fast
Speaker 2: forward button. There's less accuracy about where you're going to
Speaker 2: end up, right, like you're skipping through a movie. You
Speaker 2: want to get to the action quicker, but it means
Speaker 2: that you really propel yourself even faster into this new era.
Speaker 2: There is not a single person that you admire, that
Speaker 2: you respect, you idolize, whether that is professionally or personally,
Speaker 2: that has gotten to where they are without being a
Speaker 2: little bit daunted and unsure of whether they made the
Speaker 2: right decision. You know, actually, for me, if you're questioning
Speaker 2: whether you've made the right decision, you are exactly in
Speaker 2: the place you need to be because those are the
Speaker 2: decisions that really contribute to growth. Easy decisions feel great
Speaker 2: because they don't require you to really question anything fundamental
Speaker 2: about yourself. But hard decisions risks. That is where you
Speaker 2: really have to look in the mirror and question what
Speaker 2: do I actually want from my life? A lot of
Speaker 2: people don't do that. Another way I think about it is,
Speaker 2: you know how when we build muscle at the gym
Speaker 2: or when we're working out, what is actually happening are
Speaker 2: these microtares? You know, things are ripping spaces being made
Speaker 2: it's painful, but then those holes get filled with new
Speaker 2: mass and we grow. It's a strange analogy, I know,
Speaker 2: but it's how I think about risk. You know, it's
Speaker 2: small tears that are sometimes sore, that are sometimes uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I don't really know what you're doing. You know, you
Speaker 2: don't really know what you're doing, but it needs to
Speaker 2: happen in order to bring about strength. And psychologically, risk
Speaker 2: is scary naturally, right, because anything that's unfamiliar will cause
Speaker 2: our brain to have quite a natural hesitancy, because it
Speaker 2: is hesitant towards the unknown. But just because your mind
Speaker 2: says something is scary doesn't necessarily mean it should be avoided.
Speaker 2: Actually it might mean the opposite. If you're going to
Speaker 2: do one thing to reinvent yourself during this decade, it's
Speaker 2: to take a risk that you've always wanted to but
Speaker 2: never imagine that you could. And I'm going to give
Speaker 2: you like a rapid fire list as to why I
Speaker 2: believe this, truly and deeply, and I want you to
Speaker 2: seriously try and rebut my reasons with the reasons why
Speaker 2: you shouldn't. Number One, you will never have as few
Speaker 2: responsibilities as you do now. Two, so you are the
Speaker 2: youngest that you will ever be. Probably with the least
Speaker 2: to lose, you will never have more time than you
Speaker 2: have right now. I also think that risks are an investment.
Speaker 2: They are not a cost. They will benefit your life
Speaker 2: and your foundations way more than the risks that you
Speaker 2: don't take, and way more than playing it safe. And finally,
Speaker 2: in a very similar vein, you are more likely to
Speaker 2: live with regret over the risks you didn't take over
Speaker 2: the ones that you did. And if you want some
Speaker 2: anecdotal primary evidence of this, ask your parents or your
Speaker 2: grandparents next time you see them what their biggest regrets are.
Speaker 2: And I would say eighty percent of the time, your
Speaker 2: parents are going to say, oh, you know, the time
Speaker 2: I didn't travel, the time I was too scared to
Speaker 2: do that thing that I should have, the time that
Speaker 2: I didn't tell that person I loved them, the time
Speaker 2: that I said no to an opportunity that I really
Speaker 2: actually should have taken. Because of imposter syndrome, regret often
Speaker 2: feeds off in action rather than action. Here's the thing,
Speaker 2: reinventing yourself through risk doesn't have to be dramatic. Some
Speaker 2: of us get really paralyzed by this idea that to
Speaker 2: move forward, we have to do something we are deeply
Speaker 2: uncertain of. And normally this is the case if if
Speaker 2: you're quite risk averse. Right so, in psychology and economics
Speaker 2: even there are these different profiles of the types of
Speaker 2: people in their perspective on risk. There are risk positive people,
Speaker 2: people who will put it all on the line very
Speaker 2: frequently without really considering the costs. There are risk neutral people,
Speaker 2: people who are very practical, almost mathematical, about the costs
Speaker 2: and benefits of a risk. And then there are risk
Speaker 2: averse individuals, those of us whose minds just naturally exaggerate
Speaker 2: the consequences and the costs of the risk over the
Speaker 2: benefits to the point where the risk actually seems entirely ridiculous.
Speaker 2: You know, we are convinced that we should always play
Speaker 2: it safe. And if that is you if the idea
Speaker 2: year of moving to a new country knowing no one,
Speaker 2: quitting your job without anything lined up, if that is
Speaker 2: really really scary. What I want you to adopt is
Speaker 2: this idea of micro risks, things that you can slowly
Speaker 2: incorporate to almost increase your tolerance for the uncertainty that
Speaker 2: comes along with these decisions. You can go on solo dates.
Speaker 2: You can go on micro adventures on the weekend solo.
Speaker 2: You don't have to travel across the world. You can
Speaker 2: book an airbnb for the weekend in the mountains near
Speaker 2: national parks and we're like an hour or two away
Speaker 2: and just enjoy a new part of the world alone.
Speaker 2: My cousin Stella, actually, she was just messaging me about
Speaker 2: her solo camping trip that she's been on for the
Speaker 2: last two to three days. Literally she's only like an
Speaker 2: hour or two from her home, but she's just having
Speaker 2: the most amazing time, and she's doing something that she
Speaker 2: may not normally do, and it's just completely expanded her
Speaker 2: perspective on her life, like in the span of two days,
Speaker 2: just getting out of an old environment and into a
Speaker 2: new one. These are small but mighty choices. Some more examples.
Speaker 2: You know, share your passion, your art, your hobbies, your
Speaker 2: lifestyle online to a private audience. Ask new people to
Speaker 2: go for coffee, Be spontaneous, do something different this weekend
Speaker 2: that's not your usual Sunday reset. Start putting twenty dollars
Speaker 2: a week aside purely for a dream fund. Just take
Speaker 2: you know, those first steps without worrying about them being perfect.
Speaker 2: And that might not sound like a risky thing to
Speaker 2: do for some people, But I think anything that goes
Speaker 2: against the habits, the systems, the routines that you have
Speaker 2: in place to keep you secure and safe, that you
Speaker 2: are using as a crutch, anything that's like that, that
Speaker 2: is a risk. That is a risk that you are
Speaker 2: taking to go against what your natural, deeply ingrained intuition
Speaker 2: is telling you to do. What I want you to
Speaker 2: remember is that you are in charge here of creating
Speaker 2: a reality you love, creating a version of yourself that
Speaker 2: you love even more. Sometimes that's going to take courage.
Speaker 2: The path to reinvention, I think involves risk, and it
Speaker 2: involves a little bit of fear. So my fifth and
Speaker 2: my final tip for you today is to stop asking
Speaker 2: yourself what if and instead replace that with what else?
Speaker 2: Or my favorite, so what. Each of us again, has
Speaker 2: an idea of our truer selves, the person that we
Speaker 2: would be if no one else was watching, If this
Speaker 2: magical switch was turned, that suddenly meant that you were
Speaker 2: free from others opinions, if the only person we were
Speaker 2: focused on was ourselves. We all had this idea of
Speaker 2: who we would be in that situation. They're almost a fantasy.
Speaker 2: They are a character, you know, that we've created that
Speaker 2: we one day aspire to be, but we're not really
Speaker 2: not really focused on that right now now. The things
Speaker 2: that are really maintaining that gap between who we are
Speaker 2: now and who we would really love to be is
Speaker 2: normally our fear of judgment, our fear of upsetting others
Speaker 2: and their expectations, our fear of embarrassment, of being perceived
Speaker 2: that's a huge one, and our fear of change. These
Speaker 2: fears are all maintained by these what if disaster scenarios.
Speaker 2: If I start putting myself out there, if I start
Speaker 2: being loud about my hobbies, about my desires, if I
Speaker 2: start wearing what I want, if I start staying no
Speaker 2: to people, if I let myself be perceived as my truest,
Speaker 2: authentic self. What if no one likes this version of me?
Speaker 2: What if I'm ostracized? What if I tell someone about
Speaker 2: my dreams and I fail? What if people don't like
Speaker 2: this reinvented version of me, I lose all my friends
Speaker 2: and I end up alone? You know? What if? What if? Not?
Speaker 2: Only are most of these very social fears meaning that
Speaker 2: we are being guided more so by the potential opinions
Speaker 2: of others, rather than the reality that we are the
Speaker 2: only one who has to experience and enjoy our lives.
Speaker 2: But they are also just anxious thoughts. They are not predictions.
Speaker 2: They most likely not come true. If you've listened to
Speaker 2: our most recent episode on anxiety, you'll know that the
Speaker 2: easiest way to distinguish between an anxious thought and a
Speaker 2: thought that you should pay attention to is if those
Speaker 2: thoughts begin with a what if. Here's how we counteract that.
Speaker 2: We counteract it with what else? Or so what statements.
Speaker 2: So let's take this statement, what if I tell everyone
Speaker 2: about my dreams and I fail? You know, I'll be
Speaker 2: so embarrassed. I better play it safe. That's one way
Speaker 2: of thinking, and it is a naturally limited way of thinking.
Speaker 2: But consider now ending that statement with so what. Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe I'll be embarrassed, so what? What is the worst
Speaker 2: case scenario? I'm embarrassed, it's uncomfortable, so what? So people
Speaker 2: might not like me? So what? And then again, keep going,
Speaker 2: keep going with the so watts until you get to
Speaker 2: the final conclusion of your fear and you realize that
Speaker 2: actually there is not much harm that embarrassment can really do.
Speaker 2: This method is about taking an anxious, fear based thought
Speaker 2: and actually interrogating it, because so often we're too scared
Speaker 2: to even think about our anxious thoughts that we just
Speaker 2: let them get away with lying to us. But when
Speaker 2: we say so what, our anxiety kind of is like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: you've never questioned me before, so I don't really know.
Speaker 2: I don't really know what's going to happen. And that's
Speaker 2: when I think we see things more clearly. We see
Speaker 2: things for what they really are, which is not as
Speaker 2: big in reality as they are in our minds. The
Speaker 2: other option is to say, well, what else? What if
Speaker 2: people don't like this new version of me? Okay, that's
Speaker 2: one unlikely option, but what else? Let's expand that disaster
Speaker 2: scenario and go in search of some other alternatives. You know,
Speaker 2: what if I actually attract people who are really aligned
Speaker 2: with who I truly am. What if I suddenly meet
Speaker 2: the greatest friends I'll ever have? What if I suddenly
Speaker 2: attract a love that I deserve? What if I completely
Speaker 2: level up every aspect of my life and I never
Speaker 2: look back. What if I am the happiest I've ever been?
Speaker 2: What else? Remember the first thought that you have is
Speaker 2: probably not the most accurate, and you can grab onto
Speaker 2: that thought. You can let it control you, you can
Speaker 2: let it dominate your choices. But you also have this
Speaker 2: extreme power and ability to be whoever you want to
Speaker 2: be if you just zoom out and question your fear,
Speaker 2: replacing that what if with what else? Or so what?
Speaker 2: During this brief time that we have on earth, you deserve,
Speaker 2: at the bare minimum to actually be yourself. Sometimes we
Speaker 2: do find ourselves in a loop of not knowing who
Speaker 2: we are, not liking who we are either not liking
Speaker 2: our lives because of boredom, stagnation, you know, isolation. The
Speaker 2: longer you spend as this version of you, you will
Speaker 2: become quite used to the discomfort and you will no
Speaker 2: longer feel like you have to outgrow that shell. You'll
Speaker 2: just keep squeezing yourself back in, hiding away, and it
Speaker 2: becomes a lot easier to tolerate. I don't want that
Speaker 2: for you, to be honest, I don't want that for anyone.
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone to be eighty and think, what
Speaker 2: if I've just done it a little bit bigger? What
Speaker 2: if I just had one six month period of reinvention
Speaker 2: because you have no idea what that could do for
Speaker 2: your life. You have no idea you know how much
Speaker 2: growth and new experiences you could have in six months.
Speaker 2: How many weeks is that? My god, I've got to
Speaker 2: do quick maths, like twenty four weeks. I could be
Speaker 2: completely wrong, Please correct me. Twenty four weeks right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you could just be a completely new person. That's twenty
Speaker 2: four weeks of time for you to reinvent, transform, invest
Speaker 2: in yourself. This is an investment. I really want you
Speaker 2: to take your dream seriously. Take responsibility for your happiness,
Speaker 2: Take responsibility for evolving into the most authentic version of yourself,
Speaker 2: even if that requires a bit of a painful metamorphosis.
Speaker 2: So I really hope that you got something from this episode.
Speaker 2: I hope that you can take on board this advice.
Speaker 2: You know, you can cherry pick it as you wish,
Speaker 2: if some things you already do, some things you don't.
Speaker 2: Whatever you need, take what you need. That's what we
Speaker 2: always say at the end of these episodes, and feel
Speaker 2: free to send it to someone else who you think
Speaker 2: my benefit, who you think might enjoy what we've been
Speaker 2: talking about. As always, five star reviews are also appreciated
Speaker 2: as is a follow either on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
Speaker 2: or on Instagram at that psychology podcast. If you enjoyed
Speaker 2: this episode, or you have a future episode that you
Speaker 2: would like to suggest, anything to do with psychology, self help,
Speaker 2: wellness in our twenties, mental health in our twenties, I
Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. A final tidbit, we
Speaker 2: do have an event, a friendship event in Melbourne coming
Speaker 2: up on the tenth of October. I thought I would
Speaker 2: sneak that in here, So if you are on Melbourne
Speaker 2: based listener and you want to make some like minded friends,
Speaker 2: you want to meet me. I think we have a
Speaker 2: few tickets left on event bright. You can go to
Speaker 2: our Instagram and there will be a link in our buyer.
Speaker 2: I'm really excited to meet you guys, so let me
Speaker 2: know if I'm going to see you there. If you'll
Speaker 2: be there, We'll be doing heaps of other events in Sydney, Brisbane,
Speaker 2: in the Perth I believe, and then also in the
Speaker 2: UK and later next year in the US. So cannot
Speaker 2: wait to meet you until next time. Stay safe, stay kind,
Speaker 2: Please be gentle with yourselves. You deserve the gentle life
Speaker 2: and gentle thoughts and We will talk very very soon.