1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here 8 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,280 Speaker 2: back for another episode as we, of course break down 9 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. If nothing else, our twenties 10 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 2: are this kind of beautiful time of transformation and reinvention. 11 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 2: That is a universal truth, a universal statement for me 12 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 2: that each of us, no matter what we're going through, 13 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 2: what we're struggling with, what we do or don't achieve, 14 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 2: we have to rediscover time and time again who we are, 15 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 2: and we also have to rediscover how far off that 16 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 2: is from who we want to be. Probably hundreds of 17 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:15,320 Speaker 2: times during this period of emerging adulthood, we spend so 18 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 2: much of childhood and also our teenage years being the 19 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 2: person that others want us to be, or rebelling against 20 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 2: this version entirely to carve out what we think is 21 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 2: our own space. And I think our twenties is when 22 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 2: we start to find balance, and we really get the 23 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 2: chance to do that all over again and independently, and 24 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 2: we approach self discovery with a new maturity and a 25 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 2: new sense of truth, Things about us become a lot 26 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 2: more clear, and what we're likely to experience is a 27 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 2: bit of a metamorphosis and a shedding of the old 28 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 2: into the new. This is definitely a rite of passage, 29 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 2: and sometimes it's deeply uncomfortable. But when you get to 30 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 2: the point of not really enjoying your life, not liking 31 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 2: who you are, not knowing what you stand for, what 32 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 2: your dreams are, who you even want to be, you 33 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 2: are really, I think, called to a place of reinvention. 34 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 2: And that is what I want to talk about today. 35 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 2: How can we reinvent and rediscover ourselves in our twenties 36 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 2: when things start to feel stagnant or off, or we 37 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 2: start to feel a sense of disconnection between who we 38 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 2: are right now and who we really want to be, 39 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 2: How do we kind of shake things up? How do 40 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 2: we find our path? How do we have that refresh 41 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,799 Speaker 2: where we fall back in love with our lives through 42 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 2: our old actions. Well, we are going to talk through 43 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 2: five tips that you can work through either step by step, 44 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 2: or you can kind of choose one or the other 45 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 2: for reinvention during this decade. This includes some methods for 46 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: visualizing your next chapter and how to use psychology to 47 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 2: really motivate yourself to get there, How to use psychology 48 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: to motivate a sense of confidence. Also, how we can 49 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 2: use that discomfort, use the boredom, the isolation, the stagnation, 50 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 2: the uncertainty in our favor rather than fighting against it. 51 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 2: How can we actually take all of those things that 52 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:24,839 Speaker 2: are making us cravery invention and help us get there 53 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 2: rather than kind of I don't know, burden us. We 54 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 2: are also going to discuss the power of risk and 55 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 2: this construct called the timeline for change and how to 56 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 2: shift from very anxious what if thinking to a what 57 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 2: else or so what mentality, which is honestly one of 58 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 2: my favorite ways to think about this. One of my 59 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 2: favorite ideas in this space is that switch, that mental 60 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 2: and cognitive switch from seeing things in a disaster scenario lens, 61 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: or from a disaster scenario lens to an abundant lens 62 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 2: from an abundant position of excess and authenticity and growth. 63 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 2: I've got to say this is one of my favorite 64 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 2: episodes that I've done as of recent because it just 65 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 2: combines all my favorite like nuggets of advice and theories 66 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 2: into one package, And truly it really represents so much 67 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 2: of my philosophy towards this period in our lives. You know, 68 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 2: our twenties are for exploration, They are for reinvention, rebuilding, 69 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 2: transformation more so than any other time. So I really 70 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 2: want us to be able to unlock that for ourselves, 71 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: even if it's through small steps, even if it's not 72 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,240 Speaker 2: as drastic as you're picturing. Also, I guess whenever I 73 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,239 Speaker 2: get the opportunity to talk about risk and our approach 74 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,799 Speaker 2: to uncertainty, that is like a favorite topic of mine 75 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:57,360 Speaker 2: because it's something that I deeply, deeply think is important 76 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 2: that we stop seeing risk is scary and we start 77 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 2: seeing risk as investment. It really falls into this overall 78 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 2: concept and topic of reinvention. So I'm very excited to 79 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: talk about this. I'm enthused, I'm invigorated. So I think, 80 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 2: without further ado, let us get into the five ways 81 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:28,040 Speaker 2: that we can reinvent ourselves in our twenties. Reinventing yourself, 82 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: changing your life, I think it really has to begin 83 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 2: with identifying what it is about your current circumstances, your 84 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 2: day to day, your habits that are dissatisfying to you. 85 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 2: What is the main feeling that you have towards your 86 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 2: life at the moment that is giving you this itch 87 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 2: to change things up, that is making you restless. There 88 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 2: are a few big ones that I think are specifically 89 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 2: noteworthy in our twenties. The first one is boredom. Boredom 90 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 2: feeling like not much is happening in your your life. 91 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 2: Nothing exciting is happening, nothing is changing. You're not changing 92 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 2: the things that really elevate our day to day experiences, 93 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:14,600 Speaker 2: like adventure, like excitement, like spontaneity. It's just not there. 94 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 2: It's this sense of just like plainness. Boredom is the 95 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 2: first one. Then we have stagnation, and this is very 96 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 2: similar to boredom, but it's more so centered on a 97 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 2: sense that you've kind of become complacent in some domain 98 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 2: of your life, even if you're still doing fun things. 99 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 2: This is particularly to do with our careers or to 100 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 2: do with some larger goal finding that you know you're 101 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 2: really not working towards something the way that you anticipated 102 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 2: that you would be, or the way that you have 103 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 2: in the past. Feeling very stuck. Then we have isolation, 104 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 2: lacking connection, lacking community, feeling lonely, and maybe with that, 105 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 2: you know some fomo that you're missing out on the 106 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 2: experiences that others seem to be having during this time. 107 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 2: And then the final feeling that I think also makes 108 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 2: us quite itchy for change, is just a general discomfort, 109 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 2: a feeling that's probably very similar to anxiety that something 110 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 2: about your life just isn't quite right. You don't seem 111 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 2: to fit in your current circumstances anymore. You know, you 112 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 2: have these habits, these friends, these situations that your body 113 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 2: is very instinctually telling you this is not what we want. 114 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: We're not comfortable here, we're not happy here. And often 115 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:34,120 Speaker 2: it does that through heightened sensitivity, being very nervous, repetitive thoughts, 116 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 2: that again and again bringing you back to some issue 117 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 2: that you're having a sense of detachment between who you 118 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 2: know you can be and who you are now. So 119 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 2: these feelings boredom, stagnation, isolation, and discomfort, they tell us 120 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 2: something very useful, even though it's unpleasant. And what they're 121 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 2: telling us is that we need to change, we need 122 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 2: to shift, we need to be doing something different, and 123 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 2: hopefully sooner rather than later. The reason that I say 124 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 2: sooner rather than later is because if you don't do 125 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 2: something not instantly, but pretty soon, the alternative is that 126 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 2: we begin to get quite comfortable with the discomfort. We 127 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 2: get comfortable with being bored, with being lonely, with being stuck, 128 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 2: and we think that that's normal. In psychology, this process 129 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 2: is actually called habituation, and it refers to our tendency 130 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 2: to get more and more used to something that used 131 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 2: to frustrate us or bother us as time goes on. 132 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 2: You know, I think about so I, for example, I 133 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 2: actually live under like a plane line what's it called, 134 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 2: like a flight path? Right, And when I first moved 135 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 2: into this house, like the sound of planes going overhead 136 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 2: was so would just bother me so much, it was 137 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 2: all I could think about. But the longer that I've 138 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 2: lived here, I don't even notice it anymore. Like I'm 139 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 2: sure that about five planes had probably flown over the 140 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 2: skies above my house in the time that I've been 141 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 2: recording this. But I've become habituated. And that is the 142 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 2: same thing that happens when we get comfortable with something 143 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 2: that we should not be comfortable with. You should not 144 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 2: be comfortable with being born in your life, or being isolated, 145 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,760 Speaker 2: or being you know, stagnant, And we have a really 146 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 2: small window to stop that habituation from happening and to 147 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 2: act otherwise it does get harder and harder. It's like 148 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 2: breaking a bad habit. What we want to explore is 149 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,359 Speaker 2: what life would look like if we flipped those emotional 150 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 2: states to be the complete opposite. So when we felt bored, 151 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 2: we made a commitment to pursue excitement. When we felt stagnant, 152 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 2: we made a commitment to pursue growth, to pursue connection 153 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: over isolation, to pursue peace and boundaries over discomfort. So 154 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 2: what I want from you is really to begin with 155 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: notice what is driving you to want to reinvent or 156 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 2: refresh your life, and then make a plan for the 157 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 2: next thirty days to do all the things that feel 158 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 2: the exact opposite to that initial feeling. We're going to 159 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 2: really shake up your life whilst you're still feeling motivated 160 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 2: by the discomfort. For example, if you are just feeling 161 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 2: so bored with your life right now, I want you 162 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:29,679 Speaker 2: to make a list in your notes up or on 163 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 2: a sheet of paper to put on your fridge of 164 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 2: a series of activities that you've always wanted to do 165 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: in your city or your town that you haven't and 166 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 2: I want you to be committed to doing one every 167 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 2: two days, every three days, or if there is a class, 168 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 2: a hobby you've always wanted to pursue, sign up for 169 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 2: a six week course that you have to go to 170 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 2: week after a week, get a new gym membership, just 171 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 2: do something different. Novel experiences quite literally give the impression 172 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,959 Speaker 2: of create more time in our lives. And there's a 173 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 2: twenty sixteen study around this that has become quite well 174 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 2: known that found that the older we get, time does 175 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 2: seem to actually pass quicker, not because it's actually going 176 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,720 Speaker 2: any faster, but because we are learning less, we are 177 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 2: exposed to fewer new things, we become more accustomed to 178 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 2: what we already know. But what actually creates the mental 179 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 2: experience of more time is novelty and newness, and that 180 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 2: is what we need to reintroduce to kind of pull 181 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 2: us out of the path towards indifference and monotony. So 182 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 2: put the excitement back in your life, because that is 183 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 2: a choice for you. You know, that is something that 184 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 2: you can change on your own to reinvent how you 185 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 2: feel about your circumstances. The same goes for if you're 186 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: feeling stagnant, you know, identify what area that's in and 187 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 2: make yourself a list of a series of things that 188 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: you know would help you break out of that. If 189 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 2: it's work related, which I find it often is, or 190 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 2: career related, I want you to change your routine. I 191 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 2: want you to spend thirty minutes a day applying for 192 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,959 Speaker 2: new jobs instead of scrolling. I want you to be networking. 193 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 2: I want you to be, you know, reaching out to 194 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,400 Speaker 2: people that you admire online, shooting off those emails so 195 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 2: that when you go to bed, you have a sense 196 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 2: that you've done something. You know, sign up for the 197 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,839 Speaker 2: networking event, contemplate what you could do next. I think 198 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 2: reinvention is all about movement and picking the direction you 199 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 2: want to go in and actually pursuing it. Once you've 200 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 2: kind of tested sliding the dial to your boredom, your stagnation, 201 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: whatever it is, in the opposite direction, it's time to 202 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 2: really begin to visualize your next error and who this 203 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 2: new version of you will be, but also how this 204 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 2: new version of you will act. You know, in your 205 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 2: wildest fantasies, your greatest largest dreams, who is your authentic self? 206 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: Who is the character staring back at you? If you 207 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: still are unsure about who that is? How to even 208 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,959 Speaker 2: visualize this version of yourself? I have some questions to 209 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 2: really help you bring elements of this person forward. So 210 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 2: what are some of the dreams that you've had for 211 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 2: as long as you can remember that you've always put off? 212 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 2: What truly excites you? What could you talk about for 213 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 2: hours in five years time? What would your ideal but 214 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 2: average day in your life look like? And how is 215 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 2: that different from now? What chapter of your life are 216 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 2: you ready to close? And what is holding you back 217 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 2: from closing that chapter? Or what is holding you back 218 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 2: from putting everything behind the truest version of yourself? Your 219 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 2: answers to these questions should really begin to direct you 220 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 2: to what this next era of your life is going 221 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 2: to bring. You know, if you were to look back, 222 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 2: I think, and if we were to look back at 223 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 2: past version, you know, past parts of our life story, 224 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 2: you start to really see in hindsight these strange lines 225 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 2: or periods that are carved into your memories. You begin 226 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 2: to notice that life isn't one long sequence of events, 227 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 2: and I guess it is, but actually it's a series 228 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 2: of seasons and a series of periods within which you've 229 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 2: had different goals, maybe different friends, different ambitions, different sense 230 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 2: of style. You maybe even lived in a different place, 231 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 2: your routine was different. We each have these different errors 232 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 2: or chapters of our lives that represent who we were 233 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 2: and what we were going through at that time. And 234 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 2: this next era for you is going to be one 235 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 2: of authenticity. It's going to be one where you're going 236 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 2: to channel all of those deeply rooted dreams and values 237 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 2: and goals and actually just spend the next six months 238 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 2: to a year prioritizing them. That is how you're going 239 00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 2: to bring yourself into this next chapter and reinvent yourself. 240 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 2: We can be in the business of deciding when a 241 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 2: new season begins for us, regardless of what is happening externally, 242 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 2: and that really starts with being able to see, feel, touch, here, 243 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 2: experience what this new era represents for you before it 244 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 2: even emerges. And you've already done that in a way 245 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 2: by focusing on those questions that we were talking about before. 246 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 2: You do already have an idea, but then you have 247 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 2: to get it out of your mind into some physical form, 248 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 2: either through action or through something like visualization. So some 249 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 2: ways that people do this is through like vision boards, 250 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: you know, spending an afternoon really putting to page or 251 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 2: to poster what this next chapter looks like for you, 252 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 2: you know, with pictures of destinations that you'll visit and 253 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 2: accomplishments and the nature that you'll see, the mornings that 254 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 2: you'll have, the hobbies that will relax you. You need 255 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 2: to have an idea of what you're actually aiming for here, 256 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 2: and visualization is extremely psychologically powerful. There was a recent 257 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 2: study that said about a quarter of successful entrepreneurs use 258 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 2: vision boards or a similar process to map out change 259 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 2: for themselves. And there was a twenty nineteen study that 260 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 2: also suggests that vision boards, as much as we sometimes 261 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 2: think that they're silly, actually no, they almost double an 262 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 2: individual's level of confidence in their ability to effectively execute 263 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 2: actions necessary to achieve a desired outcome. And it really 264 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: promotes people to seek out supportive resources, and it keeps 265 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 2: this vision of who they want to be, who they're 266 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 2: working towards, very squarely in the front of their mind. 267 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 2: Because life is full of distractions. There are lots of 268 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: things pulling us this way that way. You know, you're busy. 269 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: You know, there's people's expectations, there's money to worry about, 270 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 2: there's you know, relationships to worry about. But this method 271 00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 2: really squarely, says, very deeply, says, this is what we're 272 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 2: working towards right now, this is who we want to be. 273 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 2: Another way to do this if visualization and you know 274 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 2: mood boards, vision boards sorry, aren't really your favorite method. 275 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 2: It's to identify a theme for your new error that 276 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: you really want to embody and that you will use 277 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:24,159 Speaker 2: to charge, motivate, direct everything that you're doing in this 278 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 2: new season. As in, you know, when it's time to 279 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 2: make a decision or you have a hard choice ahead 280 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 2: of you, I want you to have that one theme, 281 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:39,359 Speaker 2: that one word that decisively chooses for you. Let me 282 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 2: explain this a little bit more so with this new error. 283 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 2: Your theme could be discipline, It could be reinvention, rebirth, passion, creativity, authenticity, exploration, intuition, focus, courage. 284 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 2: I want you to choose one of those, or one 285 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 2: of your own, a theme that has got to sit 286 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 2: at the core of everything you aim to do for 287 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 2: the next six months. Let me use the theme of 288 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 2: reinvention here to explain why this works. You know it's 289 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 2: very appropriate for this episode, but to embody reinvention, that 290 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 2: really means doing things differently right, making space for what's new, 291 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 2: making space for things that you haven't tried before. Maybe 292 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 2: because you're scared, you're embarrassed, you're held back by the 293 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 2: judgments of others, but you're gonna do it anyways. You 294 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 2: are stepping into this new era. You're reinventing yourself. So 295 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 2: if someone invites you to a party that you'd normally 296 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 2: not go to and you're kind of arming and erring 297 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 2: about whether you want to go, you have an easy 298 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:42,119 Speaker 2: solution here, what decision would best align with that theme reinvention. 299 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,479 Speaker 2: The decision that best aligns is to go to the party. 300 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 2: That is your directive. If you're back and forthing over 301 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 2: leaving the house and I don't know, an outfit that 302 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 2: you probably never wear and you're like, maybe I should 303 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 2: take this off. I don't really know. Well, you have 304 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 2: to be guided by reinvention above all else. Everything is 305 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,880 Speaker 2: coming back to this theme for the next six months. 306 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: It is a very simple, you know, compass for you, 307 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 2: a decision making tool that's like, okay, if I face 308 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 2: with two choices, the one that best aligns with my 309 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 2: theme is the one that I have to do, is 310 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,719 Speaker 2: the one that I need to pursue. This is just 311 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 2: such a powerful, I think mental trick because sometimes we 312 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 2: like set out to reinvent our lives, and like I said, 313 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,200 Speaker 2: you know, you kind of try and do a whole 314 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,919 Speaker 2: overhaul and you want to change everything right now at once, 315 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 2: and eventually, like this version of you that you're actually 316 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 2: aiming for gets a little bit lost. You know, the chaos. 317 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 2: When you simplify it, when you bring it back to 318 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,200 Speaker 2: one theme and one theme only, you are just better 319 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 2: able to truly focus and not get caught up in 320 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 2: the clutter and not get caught up in the chaos 321 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 2: that transformation often brings. Moving beyond this method, let's now 322 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 2: turn to some longer term oat ativities for refreshing, recharging 323 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 2: your life in your twenties, specifically to do with goal setting. Now, 324 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 2: I'm going to say something that might be controversial, that 325 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,239 Speaker 2: might be unexpected, but goal setting to me is one 326 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 2: of the most boring things to talk about in the world. 327 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,960 Speaker 2: And that might surprise you, but I really struggle to, 328 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 2: you know, be around people who have a million goals 329 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 2: for every single thing in their life because it just 330 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 2: feels so intense and disciplined to me, and my natural 331 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 2: inclination is and was, to really feel my way through 332 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: things and to like go with my gut rather than 333 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 2: having like a two year five year plan. You know, 334 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 2: I could work very hard at things for a long 335 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 2: period of time, but you know, I wasn't really into 336 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,359 Speaker 2: resetting goals every six months and planning out where I 337 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 2: wanted to be and doing distinct things to make that happen. 338 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,960 Speaker 2: I have slowly begun to retire that philosophy that, you know, 339 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 2: I think I was misguided. I thought that goal setting 340 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 2: had to be really intensive, when actually, no, it doesn't 341 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 2: have to be that way. It doesn't have to make 342 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 2: you an ultra disciplined person. Actually it's really about change, 343 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 2: right And you know, as we always say, nothing changes 344 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 2: if you don't and in a similar vein, nothing changes 345 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 2: if you can't imagine them changing. And that is really 346 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,160 Speaker 2: what goal setting is all about, saying to yourself, this 347 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 2: could be different. This part of my life, my routine, 348 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,879 Speaker 2: my lifestyle, my job could be different, and I could 349 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: be happier. And I'm going to trust myself and I'm 350 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 2: going to believe that I am capable of doing that 351 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,400 Speaker 2: of bringing about that change. I think instead of having 352 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 2: one big goal that is miles away. I was recently 353 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 2: introduced to this concept called the timeline for change, and 354 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 2: the timeline for change is another way of conceptualizing your 355 00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 2: goals or setting up benchmarks that is a bit less 356 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 2: intensive and more daily and broken down into these small pieces. 357 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 2: You have a one year goal, a six month goal, 358 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 2: a monthly goal, and a daily goal or what we 359 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,120 Speaker 2: would you know typically call a micro habit, the thing 360 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 2: that you do each day that hopefully builds to the 361 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 2: big win at the end. You can really then apply 362 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: this like timeline for change to whatever area you desire, 363 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:32,680 Speaker 2: whatever area needs reinvention, needs a refresh. It could be Korea, friendship. 364 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,679 Speaker 2: Health finance is a creative passion. Think about, you know, 365 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 2: transforming your health. For example, you know, perhaps your timeline 366 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 2: for change would be to every day walk for thirty minutes, 367 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 2: and then your one month goal would be to go 368 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,680 Speaker 2: to the gym twice a week. Your six month goal 369 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 2: is to run a five k, and by one year 370 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 2: to have a gym routine and be able to run 371 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 2: ten k. I think fitness related goals slot very easily 372 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 2: into the timeline for change. But you can kind of 373 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 2: to see how this method really allows you to combine 374 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 2: both momentum and sustainable habit building with that long term planning. 375 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 2: You know, because your goals are sitting along a journey, 376 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 2: they're sitting along a timeline rather than just consisting of 377 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:21,640 Speaker 2: a start line, an ambitious big dream, and a finish line. 378 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,240 Speaker 2: You know, a sense of what is going to be 379 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 2: like when you get there, and you know nothing in between. 380 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 2: And I think that is exactly why most New Year's 381 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 2: resolutions often fail. You know, there was a poll done 382 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 2: by the University of Ohio that showed twenty three percent 383 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 2: of people will quit their New Year's resolutions by the 384 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,439 Speaker 2: end of January seventh, and almost fifty percent by the 385 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,359 Speaker 2: second week because we underestimate how much progress we're going 386 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 2: to make, so we think too big and we lack 387 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 2: the positive reinforcement along the way because we're only thinking 388 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 2: about the beginning and the end and b to enact 389 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 2: those significant and immediate changes, you know, psychologically and physically speaking, 390 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 2: it's very very difficult. It's very difficult to just come 391 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 2: in all guns blazing and change everything about your life. 392 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 2: You need to build that foundation through consistency, not through 393 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,360 Speaker 2: new peaks with random you know, dashes of effort. So 394 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 2: to summarize our third tip, give yourself the necessary space 395 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 2: for reinvention by making things actionable, by making things realistic 396 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,919 Speaker 2: and really implementing a sustainable timeline for change that you 397 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 2: are both excited about but is also very very doable. Okay, 398 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 2: my lovely listeners, we are going to take a short break, 399 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 2: but when we're back, I want to discuss so more 400 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 2: of you know, more of our spontaneous, rebellious maybe refreshing 401 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 2: paths for change, a more energetic, you know, perspective on reinvention. 402 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 2: We have a lot more to talk about, so please 403 00:24:54,320 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 2: stay with us. At some stage, you are going to 404 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 2: have to do something that really scares you or that 405 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 2: you didn't think was possible. If you want to grow 406 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 2: into your next phase long term goal setting, having a 407 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,920 Speaker 2: planning phase, visualizing, articulating what you want, labeling this new 408 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,679 Speaker 2: error for yourself is so wonderful. You know, by that 409 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 2: stage you really you can't go wrong. But one of 410 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 2: the easiest ways to almost guarantee transformation and to speed 411 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 2: up your reinvention your realignment is to take risks big 412 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 2: or small, risk, in my mind, is like the fast 413 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,399 Speaker 2: forward button. There's less accuracy about where you're going to 414 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 2: end up, right, like you're skipping through a movie. You 415 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 2: want to get to the action quicker, but it means 416 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:51,440 Speaker 2: that you really propel yourself even faster into this new era. 417 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 2: There is not a single person that you admire, that 418 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,119 Speaker 2: you respect, you idolize, whether that is professionally or personally, 419 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: that has gotten to where they are without being a 420 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 2: little bit daunted and unsure of whether they made the 421 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: right decision. You know, actually, for me, if you're questioning 422 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,600 Speaker 2: whether you've made the right decision, you are exactly in 423 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 2: the place you need to be because those are the 424 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 2: decisions that really contribute to growth. Easy decisions feel great 425 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 2: because they don't require you to really question anything fundamental 426 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 2: about yourself. But hard decisions risks. That is where you 427 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,959 Speaker 2: really have to look in the mirror and question what 428 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,439 Speaker 2: do I actually want from my life? A lot of 429 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,719 Speaker 2: people don't do that. Another way I think about it is, 430 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,200 Speaker 2: you know how when we build muscle at the gym 431 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 2: or when we're working out, what is actually happening are 432 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 2: these microtares? You know, things are ripping spaces being made 433 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 2: it's painful, but then those holes get filled with new 434 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,960 Speaker 2: mass and we grow. It's a strange analogy, I know, 435 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,120 Speaker 2: but it's how I think about risk. You know, it's 436 00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:00,920 Speaker 2: small tears that are sometimes sore, that are sometimes uncomfortable. 437 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 2: I don't really know what you're doing. You know, you 438 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,239 Speaker 2: don't really know what you're doing, but it needs to 439 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 2: happen in order to bring about strength. And psychologically, risk 440 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 2: is scary naturally, right, because anything that's unfamiliar will cause 441 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 2: our brain to have quite a natural hesitancy, because it 442 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:23,400 Speaker 2: is hesitant towards the unknown. But just because your mind 443 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 2: says something is scary doesn't necessarily mean it should be avoided. 444 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 2: Actually it might mean the opposite. If you're going to 445 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:37,359 Speaker 2: do one thing to reinvent yourself during this decade, it's 446 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,639 Speaker 2: to take a risk that you've always wanted to but 447 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,240 Speaker 2: never imagine that you could. And I'm going to give 448 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 2: you like a rapid fire list as to why I 449 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 2: believe this, truly and deeply, and I want you to 450 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,400 Speaker 2: seriously try and rebut my reasons with the reasons why 451 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 2: you shouldn't. Number One, you will never have as few 452 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 2: responsibilities as you do now. Two, so you are the 453 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 2: youngest that you will ever be. Probably with the least 454 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 2: to lose, you will never have more time than you 455 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:10,200 Speaker 2: have right now. I also think that risks are an investment. 456 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 2: They are not a cost. They will benefit your life 457 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 2: and your foundations way more than the risks that you 458 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,440 Speaker 2: don't take, and way more than playing it safe. And finally, 459 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 2: in a very similar vein, you are more likely to 460 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 2: live with regret over the risks you didn't take over 461 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 2: the ones that you did. And if you want some 462 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,879 Speaker 2: anecdotal primary evidence of this, ask your parents or your 463 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 2: grandparents next time you see them what their biggest regrets are. 464 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 2: And I would say eighty percent of the time, your 465 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 2: parents are going to say, oh, you know, the time 466 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 2: I didn't travel, the time I was too scared to 467 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 2: do that thing that I should have, the time that 468 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 2: I didn't tell that person I loved them, the time 469 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 2: that I said no to an opportunity that I really 470 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:01,719 Speaker 2: actually should have taken. Because of imposter syndrome, regret often 471 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 2: feeds off in action rather than action. Here's the thing, 472 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 2: reinventing yourself through risk doesn't have to be dramatic. Some 473 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 2: of us get really paralyzed by this idea that to 474 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 2: move forward, we have to do something we are deeply 475 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 2: uncertain of. And normally this is the case if if 476 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 2: you're quite risk averse. Right so, in psychology and economics 477 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 2: even there are these different profiles of the types of 478 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 2: people in their perspective on risk. There are risk positive people, 479 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 2: people who will put it all on the line very 480 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 2: frequently without really considering the costs. There are risk neutral people, 481 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 2: people who are very practical, almost mathematical, about the costs 482 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 2: and benefits of a risk. And then there are risk 483 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 2: averse individuals, those of us whose minds just naturally exaggerate 484 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 2: the consequences and the costs of the risk over the 485 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 2: benefits to the point where the risk actually seems entirely ridiculous. 486 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 2: You know, we are convinced that we should always play 487 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 2: it safe. And if that is you if the idea 488 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 2: year of moving to a new country knowing no one, 489 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 2: quitting your job without anything lined up, if that is 490 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 2: really really scary. What I want you to adopt is 491 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 2: this idea of micro risks, things that you can slowly 492 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 2: incorporate to almost increase your tolerance for the uncertainty that 493 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,479 Speaker 2: comes along with these decisions. You can go on solo dates. 494 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,720 Speaker 2: You can go on micro adventures on the weekend solo. 495 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 2: You don't have to travel across the world. You can 496 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 2: book an airbnb for the weekend in the mountains near 497 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 2: national parks and we're like an hour or two away 498 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 2: and just enjoy a new part of the world alone. 499 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 2: My cousin Stella, actually, she was just messaging me about 500 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 2: her solo camping trip that she's been on for the 501 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,959 Speaker 2: last two to three days. Literally she's only like an 502 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,840 Speaker 2: hour or two from her home, but she's just having 503 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 2: the most amazing time, and she's doing something that she 504 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 2: may not normally do, and it's just completely expanded her 505 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,320 Speaker 2: perspective on her life, like in the span of two days, 506 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 2: just getting out of an old environment and into a 507 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 2: new one. These are small but mighty choices. Some more examples. 508 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 2: You know, share your passion, your art, your hobbies, your 509 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 2: lifestyle online to a private audience. Ask new people to 510 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 2: go for coffee, Be spontaneous, do something different this weekend 511 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:25,080 Speaker 2: that's not your usual Sunday reset. Start putting twenty dollars 512 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,960 Speaker 2: a week aside purely for a dream fund. Just take 513 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 2: you know, those first steps without worrying about them being perfect. 514 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 2: And that might not sound like a risky thing to 515 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 2: do for some people, But I think anything that goes 516 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,520 Speaker 2: against the habits, the systems, the routines that you have 517 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 2: in place to keep you secure and safe, that you 518 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 2: are using as a crutch, anything that's like that, that 519 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 2: is a risk. That is a risk that you are 520 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 2: taking to go against what your natural, deeply ingrained intuition 521 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 2: is telling you to do. What I want you to 522 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 2: remember is that you are in charge here of creating 523 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 2: a reality you love, creating a version of yourself that 524 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 2: you love even more. Sometimes that's going to take courage. 525 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:14,239 Speaker 2: The path to reinvention, I think involves risk, and it 526 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 2: involves a little bit of fear. So my fifth and 527 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 2: my final tip for you today is to stop asking 528 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 2: yourself what if and instead replace that with what else? 529 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:30,640 Speaker 2: Or my favorite, so what. Each of us again, has 530 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 2: an idea of our truer selves, the person that we 531 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 2: would be if no one else was watching, If this 532 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 2: magical switch was turned, that suddenly meant that you were 533 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,760 Speaker 2: free from others opinions, if the only person we were 534 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 2: focused on was ourselves. We all had this idea of 535 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,400 Speaker 2: who we would be in that situation. They're almost a fantasy. 536 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 2: They are a character, you know, that we've created that 537 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 2: we one day aspire to be, but we're not really 538 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 2: not really focused on that right now now. The things 539 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,959 Speaker 2: that are really maintaining that gap between who we are 540 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 2: now and who we would really love to be is 541 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 2: normally our fear of judgment, our fear of upsetting others 542 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 2: and their expectations, our fear of embarrassment, of being perceived 543 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 2: that's a huge one, and our fear of change. These 544 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 2: fears are all maintained by these what if disaster scenarios. 545 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,200 Speaker 2: If I start putting myself out there, if I start 546 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,600 Speaker 2: being loud about my hobbies, about my desires, if I 547 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 2: start wearing what I want, if I start staying no 548 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 2: to people, if I let myself be perceived as my truest, 549 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:39,320 Speaker 2: authentic self. What if no one likes this version of me? 550 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 2: What if I'm ostracized? What if I tell someone about 551 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 2: my dreams and I fail? What if people don't like 552 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 2: this reinvented version of me, I lose all my friends 553 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 2: and I end up alone? You know? What if? What if? Not? 554 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 2: Only are most of these very social fears meaning that 555 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:03,280 Speaker 2: we are being guided more so by the potential opinions 556 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 2: of others, rather than the reality that we are the 557 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:09,440 Speaker 2: only one who has to experience and enjoy our lives. 558 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 2: But they are also just anxious thoughts. They are not predictions. 559 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 2: They most likely not come true. If you've listened to 560 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 2: our most recent episode on anxiety, you'll know that the 561 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:28,000 Speaker 2: easiest way to distinguish between an anxious thought and a 562 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 2: thought that you should pay attention to is if those 563 00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 2: thoughts begin with a what if. Here's how we counteract that. 564 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,839 Speaker 2: We counteract it with what else? Or so what statements. 565 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,080 Speaker 2: So let's take this statement, what if I tell everyone 566 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 2: about my dreams and I fail? You know, I'll be 567 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,719 Speaker 2: so embarrassed. I better play it safe. That's one way 568 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,720 Speaker 2: of thinking, and it is a naturally limited way of thinking. 569 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 2: But consider now ending that statement with so what. Okay, 570 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 2: maybe I'll be embarrassed, so what? What is the worst 571 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 2: case scenario? I'm embarrassed, it's uncomfortable, so what? So people 572 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:10,280 Speaker 2: might not like me? So what? And then again, keep going, 573 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 2: keep going with the so watts until you get to 574 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 2: the final conclusion of your fear and you realize that 575 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 2: actually there is not much harm that embarrassment can really do. 576 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,880 Speaker 2: This method is about taking an anxious, fear based thought 577 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,680 Speaker 2: and actually interrogating it, because so often we're too scared 578 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 2: to even think about our anxious thoughts that we just 579 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,839 Speaker 2: let them get away with lying to us. But when 580 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 2: we say so what, our anxiety kind of is like, oh, well, 581 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,839 Speaker 2: you've never questioned me before, so I don't really know. 582 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,800 Speaker 2: I don't really know what's going to happen. And that's 583 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 2: when I think we see things more clearly. We see 584 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 2: things for what they really are, which is not as 585 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 2: big in reality as they are in our minds. The 586 00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 2: other option is to say, well, what else? What if 587 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,440 Speaker 2: people don't like this new version of me? Okay, that's 588 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 2: one unlikely option, but what else? Let's expand that disaster 589 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,799 Speaker 2: scenario and go in search of some other alternatives. You know, 590 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,800 Speaker 2: what if I actually attract people who are really aligned 591 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,359 Speaker 2: with who I truly am. What if I suddenly meet 592 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 2: the greatest friends I'll ever have? What if I suddenly 593 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,640 Speaker 2: attract a love that I deserve? What if I completely 594 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,919 Speaker 2: level up every aspect of my life and I never 595 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 2: look back. What if I am the happiest I've ever been? 596 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:36,640 Speaker 2: What else? Remember the first thought that you have is 597 00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:40,040 Speaker 2: probably not the most accurate, and you can grab onto 598 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 2: that thought. You can let it control you, you can 599 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,520 Speaker 2: let it dominate your choices. But you also have this 600 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:51,239 Speaker 2: extreme power and ability to be whoever you want to 601 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:55,320 Speaker 2: be if you just zoom out and question your fear, 602 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 2: replacing that what if with what else? Or so what? 603 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 2: During this brief time that we have on earth, you deserve, 604 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 2: at the bare minimum to actually be yourself. Sometimes we 605 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 2: do find ourselves in a loop of not knowing who 606 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 2: we are, not liking who we are either not liking 607 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 2: our lives because of boredom, stagnation, you know, isolation. The 608 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 2: longer you spend as this version of you, you will 609 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,759 Speaker 2: become quite used to the discomfort and you will no 610 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,759 Speaker 2: longer feel like you have to outgrow that shell. You'll 611 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:34,680 Speaker 2: just keep squeezing yourself back in, hiding away, and it 612 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,759 Speaker 2: becomes a lot easier to tolerate. I don't want that 613 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 2: for you, to be honest, I don't want that for anyone. 614 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 2: I don't want anyone to be eighty and think, what 615 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,799 Speaker 2: if I've just done it a little bit bigger? What 616 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 2: if I just had one six month period of reinvention 617 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 2: because you have no idea what that could do for 618 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:56,120 Speaker 2: your life. You have no idea you know how much 619 00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 2: growth and new experiences you could have in six months. 620 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 2: How many weeks is that? My god, I've got to 621 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 2: do quick maths, like twenty four weeks. I could be 622 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,280 Speaker 2: completely wrong, Please correct me. Twenty four weeks right, Yeah, 623 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 2: you could just be a completely new person. That's twenty 624 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 2: four weeks of time for you to reinvent, transform, invest 625 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 2: in yourself. This is an investment. I really want you 626 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,640 Speaker 2: to take your dream seriously. Take responsibility for your happiness, 627 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:31,560 Speaker 2: Take responsibility for evolving into the most authentic version of yourself, 628 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:35,880 Speaker 2: even if that requires a bit of a painful metamorphosis. 629 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,120 Speaker 2: So I really hope that you got something from this episode. 630 00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 2: I hope that you can take on board this advice. 631 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 2: You know, you can cherry pick it as you wish, 632 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,720 Speaker 2: if some things you already do, some things you don't. 633 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,360 Speaker 2: Whatever you need, take what you need. That's what we 634 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,040 Speaker 2: always say at the end of these episodes, and feel 635 00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:53,880 Speaker 2: free to send it to someone else who you think 636 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,799 Speaker 2: my benefit, who you think might enjoy what we've been 637 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:02,719 Speaker 2: talking about. As always, five star reviews are also appreciated 638 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 2: as is a follow either on Spotify or Apple Podcasts 639 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 2: or on Instagram at that psychology podcast. If you enjoyed 640 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,600 Speaker 2: this episode, or you have a future episode that you 641 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,160 Speaker 2: would like to suggest, anything to do with psychology, self help, 642 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,239 Speaker 2: wellness in our twenties, mental health in our twenties, I 643 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. A final tidbit, we 644 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:28,240 Speaker 2: do have an event, a friendship event in Melbourne coming 645 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,239 Speaker 2: up on the tenth of October. I thought I would 646 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 2: sneak that in here, So if you are on Melbourne 647 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,880 Speaker 2: based listener and you want to make some like minded friends, 648 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 2: you want to meet me. I think we have a 649 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,960 Speaker 2: few tickets left on event bright. You can go to 650 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 2: our Instagram and there will be a link in our buyer. 651 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,239 Speaker 2: I'm really excited to meet you guys, so let me 652 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,000 Speaker 2: know if I'm going to see you there. If you'll 653 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,360 Speaker 2: be there, We'll be doing heaps of other events in Sydney, Brisbane, 654 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,600 Speaker 2: in the Perth I believe, and then also in the 655 00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:59,320 Speaker 2: UK and later next year in the US. So cannot 656 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:03,200 Speaker 2: wait to meet you until next time. Stay safe, stay kind, 657 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,360 Speaker 2: Please be gentle with yourselves. You deserve the gentle life 658 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,600 Speaker 2: and gentle thoughts and We will talk very very soon.