1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 2: On this week's episode. 12 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 3: In her space, what immediately comes up for me is 13 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 3: I think back to a picture that my mom has 14 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 3: of me from my kindergarten graduation, and yes, that is 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 3: the perfect embodiment of that picture because in that picture 16 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 3: I'm walking with my head down. And in kindergarten, I 17 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 3: remember spending so much time in the nurse's office because 18 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 3: I was constantly being pushed around and because of what 19 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 3: I recall is that in kindergarten, we were on the 20 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 3: kindergarteners were on the playground with older kids, and so 21 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 3: like I was, like, I've been wearing glasses since I 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 3: was four, So like I had like a cold bottle 23 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 3: glasses at like five in kindergarten and because they would 24 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 3: constantly fall off my face, I had the little strings, 25 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 3: so I literally looked like if you think of oh, 26 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 3: I can't think Sophia from Golden Girls, if you think 27 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 3: of what she looked like. Welcome to her Space, a 28 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 3: podcast dedicated to uplifting women like you. We're Your Costs 29 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 3: Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college professor and psychologist. 30 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 31 00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 32 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 33 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where 34 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 2: black women can just be so dond. This journey through 35 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 2: womanhood has been a rollercoaster for me, to say the least, 36 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 2: can you relate? 37 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 3: Yes, I can relate now. 38 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 2: The thing about it is when it comes to the 39 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 2: confidence part in defining me, That's what's been the toughest part. 40 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 2: And I feel like over the past few years, one 41 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,399 Speaker 2: of my goals, one of my constant goals, has been 42 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 2: gain more confidence. There have been several occasions when I've 43 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,079 Speaker 2: googled things like how to get more confidence? Or qualities 44 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 2: of a strong black woman, or what does it mean 45 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 2: to be confident? And the list goes on and on, 46 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 2: because I really struggle with that. And what I've learned 47 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 2: over the years is that confidence is subjective. Yes, I 48 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 2: believe it's subjective, but also situational. The reason it's subjective 49 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 2: is because you define what it means to be a 50 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 2: confident you. I found that for me, a confident terry 51 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 2: means that I'm comfortable in my skin regardless of who's 52 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: in my presence. Because that's something I struggled with, is 53 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 2: just being me, being in my truth and being comfortable 54 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 2: with that regardless of who's around. So that's something that 55 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 2: defines my confidence. Also walking with my head up and 56 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: thinking positive thoughts while doing so. I used to have 57 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 2: the absolute worst negative critic in my mind that would 58 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 2: just say some of the meanest things. A lot of 59 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 2: it were things that I've heard in the past that 60 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 2: no one was saying to me currently, but in my 61 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 2: mind it was like a broken record just constantly going. 62 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 2: So if I made a mistake, it was like, damn, 63 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 2: you're dumb, and like that impacts you. That really impacts 64 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 2: how you show up, It impacts your energy, and it's like, 65 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 2: if it's me against the world and I'm beating myself 66 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 2: up on the inside, then I have a very hard battle, 67 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 2: you know. And so that was my struggle. 68 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like you're letting everyone else like you received 69 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 3: a negative narrative and you alone allow yourself to maintain 70 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 3: that narrative. And then if you are beating yourself up 71 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 3: on the inside, then that makes you more vulnerable to 72 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 3: letting people on the outside beat you up as well. 73 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 2: For sure. And honestly, I would even say when someone 74 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 2: has when someone has suffered from like you know, verbal 75 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: abuse or something like that, we we kind of we 76 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 2: can't really control those voices that are in our head 77 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 2: because it's like sort of what's that word I'm thinking 78 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 2: of down when something sort of echoes, there's the a 79 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 2: certain word, but I know I don't I'm going to 80 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,360 Speaker 2: butcher it, so I'm just gonna leave it alone. So 81 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 2: that's what are reverb. There we go, There we go. 82 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 2: That's the way right there, that that happens in your mind. 83 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,240 Speaker 2: So it's like you can't even control it, But what 84 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 2: you can control is how you respond and what you're 85 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 2: going to do to combat that, right, it's like, Okay, yes, 86 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 2: this has happened to me, these things were said. Yeah, 87 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 2: it might be repeating in my head because that's what 88 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 2: my mind is used to. But what am I going 89 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 2: to do about what has now been planted in me? Right? 90 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 3: And what I want to say is that actually, you 91 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 3: can that reverberation right. It takes time, for sure, and 92 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 3: it takes practice, but that reverberation can be stopped, but 93 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 3: you have to be willing to put in the effort 94 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 3: to stop. 95 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 2: It exactly, which takes a lot of work. I've been there, 96 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 2: done that, and it's been a long journey, and I 97 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: would say that in that journey, voicing my opinion is 98 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 2: what confidence looks like to me. Also treating myself with 99 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 2: respect and demanding that others do the same, and refraining 100 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 2: from comparing myself to others. And these are just a 101 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 2: few of the roles that contribute to my personal confidence. 102 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 2: But everyone has their own, so for you, it might 103 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 2: mean something totally different, and that's totally okay. And I 104 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 2: will say that sometimes I do break the confidence rules, 105 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,480 Speaker 2: so it's not like I'm on, you know, a plus student. 106 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 2: All the time, I find myself self conscious or insecure, 107 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 2: at times, But because I have my own roles, I 108 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 2: know what it looks like for me to get back 109 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 2: to that space, and so I would ask you right now, like, 110 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 2: what does a confident dom look like to you? What 111 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 2: does a confident Amber look like to you? What does 112 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 2: a confident Angela look like to you? What does a 113 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 2: confident Maria look like to you? Like, what does a 114 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 2: confident you look like? So that you can start building 115 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,840 Speaker 2: and getting to that place, because oftentimes we hear people 116 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 2: say I want to be more confident, Okay, cool, what 117 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 2: does that look like to you? Because you have the 118 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,360 Speaker 2: choice and you get to decide what that even means, 119 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 2: right right? 120 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 3: And so before we dive into what that really looks like, 121 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 3: I want to read our quote of the day. It 122 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 3: comes from a woman who I feel exudes a lot 123 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 3: of confidence, and I know that she has shared that 124 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 3: it has taken her time and it's developed over the years. 125 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 3: But our quote of the day is coming from Tracy 126 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 3: Ellis Ross, and it says I need to see my 127 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 3: own beauty and to continue to be reminded that I 128 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,479 Speaker 3: am enough, that I am worthy of love without effort, 129 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 3: that I am beautiful, that the texture of my hair 130 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 3: and that the share of my curves, the size of 131 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 3: my lips, the color of my skin, and the feelings 132 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 3: that I have are all worthy and okay to snap yes. 133 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 3: And there's a piece of that quote that I want 134 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 3: to go back to, I am enough. When we are 135 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 3: confident in ourselves, we know without question that I am enough. 136 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 2: I love it. I love it, And I think this 137 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 2: would be a great opportunity for us to talk about 138 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: the difference between confidence and self esteem. So and I'd 139 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 2: love to get your feedback too. Down When I think 140 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: about confidence, it's really a it's the self assurance that 141 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 2: you have in regards to your own abilities or qualities, 142 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 2: but usually it's more so geared toward something in particular, right, 143 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 2: so it's situational. So, for instance, I might be confident, 144 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 2: you know, getting on stage to speak to students, because 145 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 2: I've been doing that for years. I'm a motivational speaker. 146 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 2: But when I get in front of my colleagues at 147 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 2: the time company that I work at, and they are, 148 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 2: you know, a different group of people, it's a whole 149 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 2: you know, different audience, I might not be as confident, 150 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 2: and that's because I've had practice in one area not 151 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 2: so much in the other Now, self esteem, on the 152 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 2: other hand, is the confidence that we have in our 153 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 2: own abilities and the self respect. So self esteem is 154 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: sort of like the big umbrella where it's like, you 155 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 2: can have high self esteem and be have low confidence 156 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 2: in a certain area and that's okay, But usually it's 157 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 2: hard to be highly confident if your self esteem is low. 158 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,199 Speaker 2: So I personally think it's important to build up the 159 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 2: self esteem. You can do it simultaneously as you build confidence, 160 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 2: but build up the self esteem because that is like 161 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 2: the overarching sort of vibe that you feel about yourself 162 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 2: as a being. And then confidence is more so situational. 163 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 2: So what are the different areas that you want to 164 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 2: develop confidence in? 165 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 3: Right? Yes, And I think you you outlined it perfectly 166 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 3: that self esteem is about self love, right, is about 167 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,199 Speaker 3: how you feel about your inner self, and the confidence 168 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 3: is about your abilities, and your abilities will vary situation 169 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 3: to situation. So, like you said, like, there may be 170 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 3: moments where if you're speaking in front of people where 171 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 3: you are definitely confident, like you know, you got this, 172 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:22,079 Speaker 3: and then when you get in front of your peers 173 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 3: at work, you're like, there's a lot of doubt that 174 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 3: comes up so the confidence may be low. And then overall, 175 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 3: though you know that you love yourself, you generally feel 176 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 3: great about who you are as a being, and so 177 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,320 Speaker 3: your self esteem is fine. 178 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 2: That makes perfect sense. And I don't want to put 179 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 2: you on the spot down, but I do want to 180 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 2: hear I would love for us to share, like our 181 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: personal journey with self esteem and confidence. And so I'll 182 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 2: put myself on the spot and I'll go first and 183 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,439 Speaker 2: pass the mic over the dime. But for me, when 184 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 2: I think about self esteem and confidence, I remember there 185 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 2: was a time when I was little and I felt 186 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 2: like I felt pretty confident, Like I felt like, you know, 187 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 2: I used to catch my mom used to put me 188 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 2: on a plane to go visit family members across the 189 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 2: country when I was like seven years old and a 190 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 2: little younger than that, and that helped me build confidence. 191 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 2: But then when I got a little older and some 192 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 2: of the abuse that I experienced was a bit more prevalent, 193 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 2: that really impacted And I think in school that's when 194 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 2: I really realized, oh, I wasn't like one of the 195 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 2: cool kids, and like middle school or high school, really 196 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 2: not really in high school, maybe later, but I wasn't 197 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 2: really one of the cool kids, and I remember having 198 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 2: so much anxiety, like raising my hand in class right, 199 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,079 Speaker 2: or you know, walking past there was this group it 200 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 2: was his table and uh was it middle school? Yeah, 201 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 2: in middle school where we used to say, like all 202 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,559 Speaker 2: the guys used to sit at like a lot of 203 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 2: the cute guys, and we would we would always be 204 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 2: so nervous to walk by, and I was so afraid 205 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,599 Speaker 2: to do that. And I remember in middle school and 206 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 2: high school that's when I felt like my confidence really 207 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 2: took a dive and it wasn't very high. And so 208 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: ever since then, I felt like I've been on this 209 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,199 Speaker 2: journey to really become more confident. But what I realized 210 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 2: is that I didn't really understand the difference between the two. 211 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: And I think if you don't really know what something 212 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 2: means and you don't know how to define it, it's 213 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 2: hard for you to develop that. And so when I 214 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 2: learned that, okay, self esteem is more so like how 215 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 2: do I who am I as a person and what 216 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 2: is my self love looking like? What is my self 217 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 2: respect looking like? I had to work on that in 218 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 2: sort of one area of my life, and that was 219 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 2: just like you need to just be with yourself get 220 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 2: out of the relationship. In this friendship that means you 221 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 2: no good, and just work on you. And so I 222 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: spent a lot of time doing that and developing my 223 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 2: self esteem, which you know, when you have higher self 224 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 2: esteem that really determines how you show up in other 225 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,679 Speaker 2: areas when you can exercise the confidence. So I might 226 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 2: have high self esteem now, and it's like, okay, if 227 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:44,320 Speaker 2: I try something new, like I was playing with I 228 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,679 Speaker 2: went to a staff outing last week and we went 229 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 2: to go play pool, and I've never played pool before, 230 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 2: so I was a beginner, and I made some selling mistakes. 231 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 2: I'll give you an example about one. But I felt really 232 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 2: I felt very humble and I was a novice and 233 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 2: I did not have confidence because I didn't know what 234 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 2: I was doing. So I was depending on my colleagues. 235 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 2: And one of my colleagues was like, oh, you know, 236 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: this person is your partner. You have to follow them, 237 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: like you have to follow them. And I was like, okay, cool. 238 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 2: So I'm walking behind the person, thinking I had to 239 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 2: like walk behind them around the full table and he's like, no, no, no, 240 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 2: you follow her as and like when she goes like 241 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 2: after her turn, you can laugh. Dow and I was like, 242 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 2: oh shit, And I was like, yo, I feel really 243 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 2: really stupid right now. But I was like on the inside, 244 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 2: like my name for myself internally is baby girls because 245 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 2: we're not using any of the negative words we used 246 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 2: to use. Baby girl, it's fool. You made a mistake. 247 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 2: I laughed at myself and I was like, Oh, this 248 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 2: is gonna be good content for the podcast. That's literally 249 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 2: my thought. And here we are. So it's like, when 250 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 2: you have my self esteem, you're able to move with 251 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 2: confidence in different areas. 252 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 3: And I think, you know, and we'll get to like 253 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 3: my own journey. But like, as I'm hearing you, I'm like, 254 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 3: this is what happens for so many people right that 255 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 3: this is developmentally appropriate for us to be in spaces 256 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 3: where starting life in childhood or in middle school, and 257 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 3: like adolescence, Like I tell people all the time that 258 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:11,959 Speaker 3: adolescence is probably one of the hardest times in our lives. Yes, 259 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 3: there's so much happening for us that, like our hormones 260 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 3: are changing, which is causing like all kinds of stuff 261 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 3: to happen in our brains, like our thought process, our 262 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 3: bodies are changing, and everything is changing physically and internally 263 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 3: at such a rapid pace, and then we're also expected 264 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 3: to manage our environment right, manage to navigate the changes 265 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 3: in our environment, And so it makes sense that during 266 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:50,120 Speaker 3: adolescence is like when a lot of us may get 267 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 3: into that space of experiencing low self esteem or experiencing 268 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 3: a lack of confidence. Like I think, for me, what 269 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 3: immediately comes up for me is I think back to 270 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 3: a picture that my mom has of me from like 271 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 3: my kindergarten graduation, And yes, that is the perfect embodiment 272 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 3: of that picture because in that picture I'm walking with 273 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 3: my head down. And in kindergarten, I remember spending so 274 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 3: much time in the nurse's office because I was constantly 275 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 3: being pushed around, and because what I recall is that 276 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 3: in kindergarten, we were on the kindergarteners were on the 277 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 3: playground with older kids, and so like I was like, 278 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,520 Speaker 3: I've been wearing glasses since I was four, So like 279 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 3: I had like the cold bottle glasses at like five 280 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 3: in kindergarten, and because they would constantly fall off my face, 281 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 3: I had the little strings. So I literally looked like 282 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 3: if you think of oh, I can't think Sophia from 283 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 3: Golden Girls. If you think of what she looked like, like, 284 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 3: that's what my face looked like at five, right, So 285 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 3: imagine like how many times I probably got picked on 286 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 3: and and then I was also like I didn't get 287 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 3: my height until later on in life, so I was 288 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 3: also kind of short and super skinny, and so like 289 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 3: I just looked like an easy target. And so I 290 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 3: just remember that picture of me walking with my head 291 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 3: down and really and thinking about it, like when I 292 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 3: look at that picture as an adult, Like I remember 293 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 3: that like that sat with me for such a long 294 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 3: time of you're gonna you're you're easy. It's easy for 295 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 3: people to push you around, like just not like asserting myself, 296 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 3: so they're not necessarily really feeling good about who I am. 297 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 3: And I'm trying to think of when there was like 298 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 3: a specific moment where like it hit me and nothing 299 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 3: is necessarily coming up where I just had this like 300 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 3: epiphany of oh, my self esteem is high. Right. I 301 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 3: think that it's a constant journey of reminding myself that yes, 302 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 3: I am worthy. And I also think that like as 303 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 3: we moved through life and hit different phases in life, 304 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 3: that our self esteem can can go up or down. 305 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 3: Depending on where you are in life. So right now, 306 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 3: I'm in a space where I feel great, right, and 307 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 3: then I look at like confidence and confidence is something 308 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 3: that where yourself is. For me at least, my self 309 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 3: esteem may have been in a space where it was low, 310 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 3: but there was like a particular situation where I knew 311 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 3: I was excelling, and so I was I could walk 312 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 3: into that space and have the lowest self esteem but 313 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 3: be so confident in that particular area, and so to 314 00:16:55,400 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 3: everyone else it would look as though, oh, she's got together, 315 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 3: she is on point because I knew I excelled in 316 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 3: that space. But then when you remove me from that space, 317 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 3: I shut down because self esteem wasn't there, Or I'm 318 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 3: in another situation where confidence wasn't working. 319 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 2: That's powerful, and you just made me think of something 320 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 2: down that I totally forgot about. So I want to 321 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 2: dive into this and are perceptions of ourselves and other people. 322 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 2: So one thing that I struggled with a lot, you know, 323 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 2: being picked on. I was little. I was also like 324 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 2: very skinny and small, and I chipped my tooth. My 325 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 2: sister actually chipped my tooth when we were playing outside. 326 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 2: My front tooth and so if you know, the Rapper 327 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 2: of Fabulous. I think he got his tooth fixed, but 328 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 2: I had to walk around with this front tooth that 329 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 2: was chipped. And people used to call me can opener 330 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 2: because and you can laugh, It's okay, I'm healed, I'm good. 331 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 2: They took on kids are so mean. They took call 332 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 2: me can opener. And so I remember I used to 333 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 2: laugh and I still do it sometimes because it's just habit. 334 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,360 Speaker 2: I would cover my mouth and I was so used 335 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,159 Speaker 2: to like covering my mouth all the time because I 336 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 2: didn't want anyone to see my tooth. And I remember 337 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 2: they used to tell me in school like, oh, I 338 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 2: didn't kiss a boy for a long time because they said, oh, 339 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,880 Speaker 2: you're gonna cut his tongue off, And that just really 340 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: mess with my head. And so yeah, that was something 341 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 2: we could be so mean to each other. But it 342 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 2: made me think about the fact that, you know, sometimes 343 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 2: we see people, and I was one of those people 344 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 2: where I would see someone don't know their story, but 345 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 2: I would assume that every single person I interacted with 346 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 2: outside of myself, obviously knew more than me. They were 347 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,199 Speaker 2: smarter than me, they were better than me, they had 348 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,360 Speaker 2: more confidence than me. I didn't know this person from 349 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 2: a cannon paint, but I assumed that everyone I interacted 350 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,959 Speaker 2: with just knew more than me. They were smarter, they 351 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 2: were better, they were more confident. And because of that, 352 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 2: when I showed up to the table to situations, I 353 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 2: sort of leaned on that person's knowledge and I expected 354 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 2: them to, you know, lead the way and be the leader. 355 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 2: And I would kind of fall back into this this 356 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 2: role of you know, submission, because I assumed, oh, this 357 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 2: person that they know more, let me, let them take 358 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 2: the lead. And the thing about it is that was 359 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 2: so interesting for me. This is what I want to 360 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 2: call this was one of the biggest mind fucks that 361 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 2: I experienced. I feel very cute as a kid. I 362 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 2: mean there were baby pictures that were cute, but the 363 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,840 Speaker 2: awkward teenagers, I felt like it was very awkward for me. 364 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 2: I had very bad acne. I was just very awkward. 365 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 2: I mean I just looked really awkward. I was really 366 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 2: really like frail and it was just weird. I was awkward. Right, 367 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 2: we all go through that stage, we all doing this, 368 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:16,919 Speaker 2: and like I. 369 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 3: Said, developmentally, it makes sense that we're doing that exactly. 370 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 2: And so because of that, though, when I began to 371 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 2: I guess, get my glow up, and I started to 372 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 2: get cute cute for the world, and people started to 373 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 2: give me compliments. Maybe around college. It was hard for 374 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,920 Speaker 2: me to accept it, and I was like, wait, how 375 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 2: are people giving me compliments? But I don't feel that 376 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,120 Speaker 2: way on the inside. And so I would walk into 377 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 2: different rooms and I would get these vibes from some women, 378 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,399 Speaker 2: which is unfortunate that we do this, and we go 379 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,679 Speaker 2: on through do an episode about women and our and 380 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 2: our stuff. But I'd go into certain settings, maybe I 381 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 2: dressed up well and I looked nice, because for me, 382 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 2: that was something that made me more confident. I go 383 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 2: into a room and people will look at me like, oh, 384 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 2: she thinks she all that, or they treat me differently 385 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 2: or give me a certain vibe, and I'm thinking to myself, 386 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 2: if only they knew, like I was in the mirror 387 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,879 Speaker 2: this morning, saying affirmation, so that I could show up 388 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: and be myself and not be you know, insecure, and 389 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 2: push myself to be all that I can be. And 390 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 2: so we really can't judge other people, despite what they 391 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 2: might look like, despite what they post on social media, 392 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 2: despite that cute selfie like you just never know how 393 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 2: someone's feeling. And so that that made me think about 394 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,639 Speaker 2: what you just shared, because it's so important for us 395 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 2: to remember that. 396 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you know, the thing is is 397 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 3: that one we never, like you said, we never know 398 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 3: what someone else is going through internally, and so I 399 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,640 Speaker 3: think it's important for us so sometimes to step back 400 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 3: and to give ourselves put ourselves, give ourselves a little 401 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 3: bit of perspective, put ourselves in someone else's shoes and 402 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 3: think about, like where they might really be coming from 403 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 3: before we start rushing to judgment or making erroneous assumptions 404 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 3: about those about that person. And think about your own stuff, right, 405 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 3: think about the simple golden rule of treat other people 406 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 3: how you want to be treated. When I walk into 407 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 3: a room, do I want other people talking shit about me? 408 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 3: So then no, maybe I shouldn't be talking shit about 409 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 3: the other person. And oftentimes why are we engaging in that? Well, 410 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 3: we're engaging in that because miserable people like other people 411 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,719 Speaker 3: to be just as miserable. So if I'm not in 412 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 3: a good space for whatever reason, whether I'm not confident 413 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 3: about this current situation that we're in, or my self 414 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 3: esteem might be low, or I might have other things 415 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 3: happening in life that has me in a bad headspace. 416 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 3: If I start taking that out on other people, then 417 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 3: that's a sign that Okay, maybe I need to step 418 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 3: back and assess what's happening in my world. 419 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 2: That's very true. And I just want to emphasize even 420 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 2: if it's someone and this is I'm speaking to myself 421 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 2: as well, I'm receiving that because I've been that person. 422 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, let me get the attention off myself, 423 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: so let's talk about someone else. Or if you perceive someone, 424 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 2: maybe you see someone walk on the room and they're beautiful, 425 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 2: they have a really nice body, or they have something 426 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 2: that makes you uncomfortable because maybe you don't possess that 427 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 2: or something like that. That's an opportunity for you. I 428 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 2: know when I see that rising up in myself and 429 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: I see this like that energy where it's like, ah, 430 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 2: you hating right now, you need to get it together, 431 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 2: I will either give that person a compliment or acknowledging 432 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 2: myself like wow, I really admire that about them or 433 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 2: they have this nice quality. Because it's important, I think 434 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 2: to channel that energy in a way that's not going 435 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 2: to be like negatively impacting us. And so yeah, that's key. 436 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 3: I agree, And I think one of the things that 437 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 3: we can do to think about how do we improve 438 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 3: our self esteem, because I want to tackle that part first, right, 439 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:54,199 Speaker 3: So outside of going with therapy, which I'm always an 440 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,359 Speaker 3: advocate for, I would say that we start to try 441 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 3: to identify our strengths. 442 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:01,440 Speaker 2: Right. 443 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 3: One of the things that I tell people all the time, 444 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,960 Speaker 3: and I feel like I've mentioned this before in another 445 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 3: episode is doing sticky notes of positive affirmations, and so 446 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 3: you know whether the and whatever version of sticky notes 447 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 3: works for you, So like for some of us, is 448 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 3: writing a bunch of sticky notes and putting it on 449 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 3: a mirror, or putting it on your refrigerator, or putting 450 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 3: it someplace where it's highly visible where you high traffic 451 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 3: area too, Like you pass by this spot often, so 452 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 3: you have to see all of these positive affirmations, right, 453 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,600 Speaker 3: And the positive affirmations are about you specifically, so identifying 454 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 3: things that you like about you. If doing the sticky 455 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 3: notes doesn't exactly work, then having like a list on 456 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 3: your phone as your screensaver. We pick up our phones 457 00:23:56,200 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 3: so much, we are like tethered to our phones. And 458 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 3: if you look at your phone that frequently, then you 459 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 3: have no choice but to constantly be fed that narrative 460 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 3: of I'm strong, I'm loving, I'm amazing. And so if 461 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 3: you're constantly after you're looking at your phone, and earlier 462 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 3: you mentioned that you as a child, you were fed 463 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 3: a negative narrative, right, So the goal to improve your 464 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 3: self esteem is to feed yourself a positive narrative, to 465 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:36,719 Speaker 3: pour into you all of these positive things so that 466 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,159 Speaker 3: you start to really internalize it and really start to 467 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 3: feel it, and then your self esteem will start to improve. 468 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 2: And I just want to say this. I know again 469 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:48,879 Speaker 2: this is something new for you. I know many of 470 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 2: us have heard about affirmations. I was one of those 471 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 2: people that was like, it's silly, but it's like when 472 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 2: you're desperate to like love yourself and you done try 473 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 2: everything else, you know, you got to be open to 474 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 2: some things that you ain't never done before. Because that, 475 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 2: for I thought it was silly. But I put the 476 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 2: quotes on my wall and I even have like old 477 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,199 Speaker 2: pictures of me in my apartment with the quotes on 478 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 2: my wall and on my mirror because I was in 479 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 2: desperate need of some a self esteem boost and so 480 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 2: I put the quotes around, and one thing I want 481 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 2: to say, if you think about this, like visually, right, 482 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 2: Let's say that one hundred times you've heard you know, 483 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 2: you ain't shit, or you're ugly, or you're not good enough. Right, 484 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 2: that is some people have heard that. I know I have. 485 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 2: Let's say you've heard that one hundred times in your 486 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,360 Speaker 2: brain and you're trying to reprogram your brain. I imagine 487 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 2: how many times you need to affirm yourself in a 488 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 2: positive way in order to sort of cancel out those 489 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 2: one hundred times. So it's an ever, it's like a 490 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 2: never ending process, I think, which is important for us 491 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 2: to know. It's a journey. It's not like you're going 492 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 2: to say affirmations one day and say, oh I feel 493 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 2: amazing now. No, no, no, It's going to be a journey, 494 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 2: and it'll go by a lot faster than you think. 495 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 2: But also, when you're saying those things to yourself, or 496 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 2: if someone lives with you and they see them, don't 497 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 2: be embarrassed and don't worry about what that person says. 498 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 2: I remember at the time, I had a boyfriend who 499 00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 2: would come over when I was in school and he 500 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 2: would see him and he's like why did you have 501 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 2: these quotes all over it? I didn't give a fuck 502 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 2: because it was I'm telling you, I was in desperate 503 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,160 Speaker 2: need of a self esteem boost, and so I didn't 504 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,200 Speaker 2: care what anyone else thought. I didn't care what they 505 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,359 Speaker 2: said about it. I kept doing that shit. 506 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,119 Speaker 3: And that's how you know that that's a sign that 507 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 3: your self esteem is starting to improve, right, because having 508 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 3: high or having a good self esteem means that you 509 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 3: were not concerned with the thoughts and opinions of others. 510 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 3: You were solely focused on self. 511 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 2: Yes, And that was one of my big things, is 512 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,399 Speaker 2: to be freed from the opinions of other people. Because 513 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 2: I was like just going with the flow whatever some 514 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 2: oh this is what the group thinks. Okay, I'm going 515 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 2: to do that. And so I really needed to work 516 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 2: on standing in my truth. And it's so when I 517 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:44,880 Speaker 2: think about where I am today, I'm just like, Yo, 518 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 2: this is so amazing. There is hope for you. Because 519 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 2: I had some my self esteem was so low and today, no, 520 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 2: I'm not perfect. I still have bad days, but it's 521 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 2: way higher than it was. And the other thing I 522 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,120 Speaker 2: wanted to say, when you have affirmations, there are going 523 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,920 Speaker 2: to be some days where you say it mirror. When 524 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,679 Speaker 2: you say your affirmations in the mirror, you are not 525 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 2: going to believe it. Do it anyway. There were plenty 526 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 2: of days where I looked in that mirror and I 527 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 2: was like, damn, I feel like crap today. But I 528 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,960 Speaker 2: was like, you're beautiful, you can do it. You got this, 529 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 2: And as I continue to say it day after day, 530 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 2: I began to believe it. But some days you're going 531 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,439 Speaker 2: to feel like you're lying to yourself in the mirror, 532 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 2: like girl, why are you doing this? But still do it. 533 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 2: And the last thing I'm going to say in regards 534 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 2: to affirmations, if someone is saying something negative about you 535 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 2: when you create your affirmation, don't focus on the negative 536 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,560 Speaker 2: because your mind doesn't know the difference. Right. Your mind 537 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 2: just hears. If someone's saying to you you know you're 538 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 2: not going to be successful, you can't do it, and 539 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,400 Speaker 2: you're like, well, that's not a good example. If someone's 540 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 2: calling you a bad name, like you know, I don't 541 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 2: know dom helping what you're you suck? You suck? 542 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:46,679 Speaker 3: Right? 543 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 2: If someone's saying you suck and your affirmation is I 544 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 2: don't suck, and your brain is just taking to suck 545 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 2: and you're just getting more of that. So you want 546 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,200 Speaker 2: to say things that are more empowering, and so focus 547 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,000 Speaker 2: on the positive when you do create your affirmations. 548 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 3: I think those are awesome tips, and so I think 549 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 3: just to kind of like reiterate, we want to make 550 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,959 Speaker 3: sure that you develop healthy affirmations, whether that's putting sticky 551 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,440 Speaker 3: notes around your house or making a strength a list 552 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 3: of your strengths that you use as a screen saver 553 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 3: on your phone. Come up with the things that you 554 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 3: love about you and put it in a space where 555 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,959 Speaker 3: you know you will look at it often so that 556 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 3: you can repeat it often, so that it becomes like 557 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,560 Speaker 3: muscle memory, Like you just know, like you walk in 558 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 3: front that mirror and you start reading those sticky notes, 559 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 3: or you pick up your phone and you know to 560 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 3: start reading those positive affirmations and as that starts to 561 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 3: build one of the things, some of those same strategies 562 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 3: can be used in terms of improving your confidence. Right. 563 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 3: So someone once told me that in order to build 564 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 3: up your confidence, like you need to get wins. And 565 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 3: when I think about that, like, oh, I need to 566 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 3: get a win, Well, what does that really look like? 567 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 3: And for each of us that win is going to 568 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 3: vary from situation to situation and so and it may 569 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 3: be something small like I got to work with no 570 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 3: traffic this morning, or it may be something really big, 571 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 3: like you applied for this job that you weren't sure 572 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 3: if you were qualified for and you got it and 573 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 3: everything in between. But we need wins, We need like 574 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,959 Speaker 3: some good things to happen for us, and then that 575 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 3: starts to build our confidence in that area and. 576 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 2: Be okay, starting small too. I remember I had this 577 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,800 Speaker 2: humbling experience maybe a month or so ago, when I 578 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 2: was looking at my resume and I went back to 579 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 2: my old high school resume. And since then I've done 580 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,680 Speaker 2: so much. My resume is it's kind of lit right now, 581 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 2: which is amazing and it's a blessing. But back then 582 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 2: I had no experience, no degrees. Now I was putting 583 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 2: like a volunteer at my church on the resume, like 584 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 2: all these things that may have seemed you know, minute 585 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 2: to someone else, but you really have to dig deep 586 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,600 Speaker 2: and celebrate those winds. So even if it's something as 587 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 2: you know, I registered, you know, all my kids, you 588 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 2: know for school long time or something like that or whatever, 589 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 2: it is, like celebrate those winds and don't let anyone 590 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 2: steal that joy from you. And I kind of wanted 591 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 2: to talk up a little bit about another thing, like 592 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 2: if you're one of those people like me, I struggled 593 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 2: with finding, you know, a strength. I was one of 594 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,760 Speaker 2: those people where it's like I need help with this. 595 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 2: I don't see. I really had trouble seeing my value, 596 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,800 Speaker 2: and so any wins that I maybe did have, or 597 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 2: any strengths that I did have, I would just sort 598 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 2: of minimize them on my own. And one thing that 599 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,959 Speaker 2: was very helpful for me is stepping outside in myself 600 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 2: and seeing myself as an individual. I was the kind 601 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 2: of person where I could extend compassion to anyone. I 602 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 2: could see someone in their flaws and say, honestly, like 603 00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,720 Speaker 2: you're still so beautiful. Like I would see the beauty 604 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 2: and like you're still so beautiful even though this you 605 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 2: have this flaw, or you know you made this mistake. 606 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,840 Speaker 2: I was just so accommodating for other people, but I 607 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 2: lacked that with myself. And I found that when I 608 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 2: started doing my vlogs, where I would just you know, 609 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 2: set my camera up, talk to my camera. That was 610 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 2: a means of like personal therapy. And I didn't have 611 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 2: the money for therapists when I was in grad school 612 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 2: and didn't know about other resources. I would set that 613 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 2: camera up and just begin to talk about life and 614 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 2: what I was going through, and I would rewatch the videos, 615 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 2: and as I replayed them, I kind of laughed at 616 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 2: myself and I was like, oh, my god, so it's 617 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 2: kind of funny what you said. And I kind of 618 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 2: saw myself as an individual, a human being that's in 619 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 2: this world just doing the best she fucking can. And 620 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 2: god damn, when you look at your life and you 621 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 2: just see yourself like I am literally just another person 622 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 2: that had something, you know, that got dealt these cards. 623 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 2: I'm just out here doing the best I can. Can 624 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 2: you give yourself a break? Like? 625 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 3: Really, exactly if you, if you were your friend, what 626 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 3: would you say to that friend? Right if your friend 627 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 3: came to you and said they were having a bad 628 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,480 Speaker 3: day or they view themselves this way? What would you 629 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 3: do to empower that friend and use the same strategy 630 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 3: on yourself? 631 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 2: Exactly? And that's why one of the reasons I changed 632 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 2: up the language. I'm telling you, if y'all could have 633 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 2: heard what I used to say to myself on the inside. 634 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,040 Speaker 2: It really made me show up very small than the world. 635 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 2: But now when I make mistakes, I literally laugh. I'm like, 636 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,720 Speaker 2: it's okay, baby girl, Like let myself know, like boo, 637 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 2: it's good you good, keep on pushing, you'll do better 638 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 2: next time. But I do not tolerate any negative self 639 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,760 Speaker 2: talk from anyone outside or internally. So like even if 640 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 2: myself tries to say something like, oh, you're dumb, you 641 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,000 Speaker 2: messed up, you're stupid, I checked that shit real quick, 642 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, Paul, hold up, we don't talk 643 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 2: to Terry like that. And I even check some of 644 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 2: my friends. They'll notice, like you know, I've had friends 645 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 2: and loved ones that'll they'll make a mistake around me 646 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 2: and they're like, god, damn it, I'm so dumb, And 647 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 2: I say, excuse me, hold up, can you not talk 648 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 2: to my friend like that? Like we don't appreciate that, 649 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 2: And it checks them so that now they're in the 650 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 2: habit of, oh wait, I can't talk. You can't talk 651 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 2: to you self in your kind of way. You better 652 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 2: put some respect on Don's name. Okay, okay, respect my name, 653 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 2: Respect Don and Terry. You better respect you too. 654 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 3: And be able to one be passionate about it, like 655 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 3: you just said, but then also be able to kind 656 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 3: of laugh at yourself, right, take a step back and 657 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 3: kind of laugh. And I think that being compassionate with 658 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 3: yourself is one of the biggest messages that I'm hearing 659 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,239 Speaker 3: you say about your own journey right of you just 660 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 3: had to if you really are trying to build up 661 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 3: that self esteem and then be confident in multiple settings, 662 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 3: It's about being compassionate with yourself, recognizing that every try 663 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 3: is not gonna be perfect, that every situation you're not 664 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 3: gonna fully succeed, You're not gonna always get it right. 665 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 3: But if you can kind of step back and be compassionate, 666 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,480 Speaker 3: tell yourself, remind yourself that hey, one, I'm still here, 667 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 3: I'm in this moment. Two time will pass, and three 668 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 3: that it doesn't have to be perfect. 669 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 2: It does not have to be perfect. And when you 670 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 2: talk about small win or just getting wins in general, Dome, 671 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,319 Speaker 2: it makes me think about this, this this interest that 672 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 2: I have to take on new experiences now in life. 673 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,719 Speaker 2: And I love to take on new experiences because it 674 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 2: humbles me and it brings me back down to grade one. 675 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,759 Speaker 2: I'm starting fresh and a lot of times, like even 676 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 2: with the tour class, even with playing pool, even with 677 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 2: doing improv, I felt like I was a beginner. So 678 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 2: I may have been an expert in like the speaking world, 679 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,320 Speaker 2: and I might be an expert with you know, writing 680 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 2: blog posts and maybe now doing a podcast. I don't know, 681 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,719 Speaker 2: you'd be the judge of that. But like in these settings, 682 00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 2: I was a newbie. I was a novice, and so 683 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,360 Speaker 2: I had a chance to sit down, humble myself, listen 684 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,880 Speaker 2: to other people, and also work through all of the 685 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 2: feelings that I had there because some feelings came up. 686 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,040 Speaker 2: I was definitely a little anxious. My anxiety went up. 687 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,440 Speaker 2: I was definitely a little more self conscious, and it 688 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,360 Speaker 2: gave me an opportunity to build those muscles and be 689 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:20,760 Speaker 2: compassionate with myself, to you know, be be gentle with myself, 690 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,960 Speaker 2: be kind. And I think it's so important for us 691 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 2: to do that over the course of this journey. And 692 00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,359 Speaker 2: Queen Latifa said something in one of her she had 693 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 2: a talk show years ago, and she said something on 694 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,279 Speaker 2: her show that was so comforting to me because I 695 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,480 Speaker 2: think she's so beautiful, and she said, she said, no 696 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,920 Speaker 2: one is one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. 697 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,480 Speaker 2: So we all I mean Beyonce, we say, these big 698 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:44,160 Speaker 2: stars that we all know, like Beyonce, oh Brah, Yola Davis, 699 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 2: you know, j Lo, Michelle Obama. These women they have 700 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 2: the same struggles that we have. You know, they may 701 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,560 Speaker 2: be confident in certain areas, but they also have insecurities 702 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 2: and they're not at one hundred one hundred percent of 703 00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 2: the time. And so sometimes I think we may think 704 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 2: that everyone else has it together, everyone has something that 705 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,000 Speaker 2: we don't have, when it's like, no, no, no, we're 706 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 2: all on this journey together. We all have these different stages, 707 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,200 Speaker 2: and be compassionate with yourself. 708 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 3: Yes, yes. And as we wrap this up, one of 709 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 3: the things that I want to reiterate, I want to 710 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 3: go back to our quote and just remind you, lady 711 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,880 Speaker 3: that you are enough. And I know we have our 712 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 3: usual matra that we say at the end, but today 713 00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:33,399 Speaker 3: I want us to say that a few times, I. 714 00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:40,480 Speaker 2: Am enough, I am enough, I am enough, I am enough. 715 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 2: You are enough, You are enough enough. 716 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,920 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 717 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:54,000 Speaker 3: that our show may contain conversations about self health, advice, 718 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 719 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 720 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:04,920 Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 721 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 722 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:12,680 Speaker 3: please visit the therapyople Black Girls directory Psychology Today or 723 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 3: contact your insurance provider. 724 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,799 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 725 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:22,560 Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 726 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 727 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:33,280 Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 728 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 2: after me, I release what no longer serves me to 729 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,560 Speaker 2: manifest what I desire. 730 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. Lady