Speaker 1: Welcome to the women while in Now podcast you guys
Speaker 1: the Girl Anybody Girl Pretty Welcome to the women While
Speaker 1: and Out podcast. These guys are the ladies and While
Speaker 1: and Out Control somebody you body to get your show.
Speaker 1: Hello ladies, Tonight we're gonna have the women a while
Speaker 1: in podcasts on the Cars, y'all, we are back to
Speaker 1: the women on our podcast, Part two with Spicy Mighty
Speaker 1: Gang Gang Gang Gang Gang My Girl Bretty a Girl
Speaker 1: Pretty V. We had a really good conversation in the
Speaker 1: last episode, so we just asked her, could you please
Speaker 1: stay another thirty forty five? Pretty had some questions. But
Speaker 1: before we get into it, if you guys did miss
Speaker 1: the last episode, please watch it um and catch up.
Speaker 1: But if you decide not to, I'm gonna let you
Speaker 1: introduce who you are. Yes, I love EV. Thank you
Speaker 1: for the intro. I am a Spicymody relationship expert, Magnetic
Speaker 1: Matt Maker, founder of the Spicy Life Relationship Consulting Firm,
Speaker 1: where I provide relationship coaching and of course matchmaking UM.
Speaker 1: I provide a ninety day five phase program based off
Speaker 1: of my Spicy Method, which is self passion, intimacy, communication
Speaker 1: and learning to say yes, I hope you just enhance
Speaker 1: and use the power of your passion to attract your
Speaker 1: purpose mate. And if you are with your purpose mate,
Speaker 1: I hope you guys grow, strengthen the relationship, and hopefully
Speaker 1: lead to marriage. And then I when I have a
Speaker 1: married couple comes to me, I'm hoping them through some
Speaker 1: of the challenges so that they don't get a divorce.
Speaker 1: So I said this in a previous episode, but I
Speaker 1: love when you say my purpose is, what is your purpose?
Speaker 1: My purpose is I'm looking to restore the family unit.
Speaker 1: My mission in life is to break generational curses and
Speaker 1: restore the family unit. I want every single person to
Speaker 1: believe back in love, not to date and operate from
Speaker 1: a place of fear or hate anxiety. I don't want
Speaker 1: any of those negative emotions associated with our relationships. And yes,
Speaker 1: we all are irving of love, but first we have
Speaker 1: to believe it, so it starts with our belief. And
Speaker 1: I help you guys with the belief. Yes, and what
Speaker 1: do those what do those behaviors look like? Asked me
Speaker 1: that one of the first times we had a conversation.
Speaker 1: But when I was first started dating Chris were like,
Speaker 1: are you operating out of fear. I was like, absolutely
Speaker 1: not becauld you like, if you get if I get hurt,
Speaker 1: I just get hurt. I'm not going to go into
Speaker 1: the mindset what if he does this. Look, I'm going
Speaker 1: in acting like none of that can even happen. And
Speaker 1: if it happens, we go from there, but you don't
Speaker 1: go into it correct operating out of fear. And what
Speaker 1: I also appreciate about your relationship to is that, yes,
Speaker 1: you are a confident woman, but he contributes to that
Speaker 1: by doing things that make you feel secure. And when
Speaker 1: we address that Chris has done something that may not
Speaker 1: make you feel the safest, he is like, Okay, let
Speaker 1: me overcorrect, let me solve for that. And that's a
Speaker 1: sign of a healthy relationship versus the man who's going
Speaker 1: to be like you're to blame? Is you you're insecure? Yeah,
Speaker 1: he will take accountability and that's a great sign. So
Speaker 1: I was like, I can work with this couple. I
Speaker 1: know you guys are purposes. But basically had an audition
Speaker 1: for her walk and she's like, how together wasting no time?
Speaker 1: This is not she told me, like one of our
Speaker 1: first conserlations, she's like, this is my purpose. I do
Speaker 1: not deal with people who aren't willing to grow, who
Speaker 1: aren't willing to change, who aren't who are going to
Speaker 1: waste my She's still be on my ass, like you
Speaker 1: don't miss three sessions just I'm taking you don't pay
Speaker 1: me for this month and don't talk to me to
Speaker 1: your I'm like, I'm ready. She's like, if you're not
Speaker 1: gonna take yourself growth serious, you're wasting my time. Where
Speaker 1: if my mission is to bring generational curses and you
Speaker 1: over here replicating things that aren't healthy for the relationship,
Speaker 1: or what are we doing? Why are why are we here? Yes,
Speaker 1: it's just like it's more than the money for me.
Speaker 1: It's about my clients, like excelling and achieving their goals
Speaker 1: because they are I do take a personal their reflection
Speaker 1: of me. And so if they're not doing well, okay,
Speaker 1: well well how do I need to show up better
Speaker 1: for them? And maybe I need to be more in
Speaker 1: her ass? So I need to I need I have
Speaker 1: to govern each couple or each single based on what
Speaker 1: they need in order to be motivated and get the
Speaker 1: message and be needs a lot. I have a question,
Speaker 1: please do ask spies sexes? I used to roxy I
Speaker 1: think for me my question. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: a question, but I think it is. But someone, you know,
Speaker 1: guys come in your life, you know, to just be
Speaker 1: for a season, for the season of love, season of
Speaker 1: being kind and protect you at that time. Um, but
Speaker 1: like why is it like is it just like that
Speaker 1: just person is just there? I mean, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to explain it, because I know I have guys
Speaker 1: who've been in my life just not forged to be
Speaker 1: with me, but just to help me maybe just learn, learn,
Speaker 1: figure some things out. Yeah, so our relationship shape us.
Speaker 1: So I'm a firm believer that each person is put
Speaker 1: into your life for a reason. Now you can learn
Speaker 1: from that reason and it be a learning lesson, or
Speaker 1: you can see it as a loss, and that's when
Speaker 1: you feel like I took an l was a waste
Speaker 1: of my time. Why did I mess with him? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm so heartbroken. But if you look at
Speaker 1: it from that perspective, you're not gonna grow with that perspective.
Speaker 1: You have to look at it from the Okay, what
Speaker 1: mistakes did I make? Why did I choose him? What
Speaker 1: was it about me that chose him? What did he
Speaker 1: offer that I want to keep are we were we
Speaker 1: in alignment? Did he cross my deal breakers? Like that's
Speaker 1: when you need to start assessing the core values and
Speaker 1: deal breakers in a relationship so that you can govern.
Speaker 1: And then if you can look at it from a
Speaker 1: learning lesson, what am I going to do differently next time?
Speaker 1: What am I going to accept and tolerate? Where am
Speaker 1: I going to bend? Where do I need more flexibility?
Speaker 1: You're more likely to have better relationships moving forward. Each
Speaker 1: relationship should be elevating. If you're going backwards on each relationship,
Speaker 1: not even stagnant. I want growth only, Like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they should not be this. They should not all be
Speaker 1: the same, treating you the same. You shouldn't be settling
Speaker 1: for the same things. Like there's some self worth things
Speaker 1: going on if you were experiencing that. And so oftentimes
Speaker 1: it's not the man. It's not that there's not enough.
Speaker 1: It's who we choose and why we're choosing those people.
Speaker 1: And it's so crazy because I prayed and I say,
Speaker 1: you know, father, bring someone to love, and that's going
Speaker 1: to just you know, treat me right. You know, one
Speaker 1: of these days I want a kid. You know, what
Speaker 1: do you think I did? Oh my god, God always
Speaker 1: shows up and he's always showing me. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: just asking a little bit of questions, just talking to somebody.
Speaker 1: But what she already expressed on numerous episodes, um, it's
Speaker 1: very new. They dated previously. But he is so sweet.
Speaker 1: I love that. And she is just so like guarded
Speaker 1: and scared and like hold on, give me a minute.
Speaker 1: And she's taking our time, which I understand. Good, take
Speaker 1: your time, you know. I'm like, man, I was on
Speaker 1: FaceTime with him. I was like, oh my god, he
Speaker 1: treats you just laugh at all your stupid jokes. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's not even funny. If he treats you like a queen,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm here for it. We should not be sleeping
Speaker 1: when anybody who does not worship us, that is a
Speaker 1: waste of our time. You get to a certain place
Speaker 1: right when you're young. Okay, fine, get it out of
Speaker 1: your system. Learn from that. But at this point, if
Speaker 1: you're looking for a healthy relationship or something real, don't
Speaker 1: waste your time for anyone with anyone who doesn't worship you.
Speaker 1: I only take worship like my time of compromise and
Speaker 1: community service that was in my community. One of her
Speaker 1: makes us build this pizza. I'm gonnat her explain it.
Speaker 1: So I want you to build a pizza and breed
Speaker 1: to build because I would be able to in my session. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna don't be scare. So this is a good exercise.
Speaker 1: Ladies do this at home, and gentlemen, it will help
Speaker 1: you when it comes to navigating who you should be
Speaker 1: with and who you shouldn't. Right, there's so many things
Speaker 1: people will tell you make a list of this, a
Speaker 1: hundred things, and you're like, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: navigate this. The pizza is simple. So we have the crust.
Speaker 1: That's the foundation. What is his character in order for
Speaker 1: him to just be a good person and us respect him.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about anybody, just man in general. The
Speaker 1: next layer is the sauce. How does he have to
Speaker 1: treat me to make me feel good? And then the
Speaker 1: next layer is topings? How does he have to look
Speaker 1: for me to want to rip his clothes off? So
Speaker 1: we're gonna go crust first. What's the foundation? Give me
Speaker 1: the five qualities that you need in order to believe
Speaker 1: he's a good person, just a good human, not your man,
Speaker 1: just a good human and respect him. Um one um,
Speaker 1: spiritual okay, spiritual to um, loving his mother? Um. Three,
Speaker 1: I would say very attentive okay um for um someone
Speaker 1: who cares about guys, don't Is that the same thing
Speaker 1: as being attentive? No, he can be an attentive man.
Speaker 1: He's not gonna intentive man to you because you don't
Speaker 1: know him. Just his chrust. You're talking in general to
Speaker 1: respect him. Um. Yeah, definitely loyal okay, Um. Trustworthy okay um,
Speaker 1: that's five, because loyal trust were there are two different things. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you said you're five. Now you're gonna give us
Speaker 1: the sauce? How does he have to treat you? So?
Speaker 1: Now I've found this man, I said, Hey, I got
Speaker 1: a good person for you. He's a he has a
Speaker 1: good heart. Here he is. Now, how does he have
Speaker 1: to treat you for you don't want to be with him?
Speaker 1: How does it make you feel well? I mean I
Speaker 1: would go by just the queen like I want you
Speaker 1: to dude. In general, we can't just say do everything.
Speaker 1: I say, what do you need? What does what do
Speaker 1: you need? In order to feel good with this person?
Speaker 1: I definitely want to be loved on. I want to
Speaker 1: be affectionate like I would like affection action, it towards me. Um,
Speaker 1: hear me, you know, listening to listen to me, communication, um, um,
Speaker 1: support me, um, pray with me. Um. I need one more.
Speaker 1: How does he treat you? What's he do for you?
Speaker 1: How does he make you feel? Um? I mean I
Speaker 1: think just being a positive person. I think. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's something positive motivation, your motivation. Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't know if that goes with the support, but positive
Speaker 1: motivations like affirmations and just like speaking life, speaking life
Speaker 1: in to me. Okay, beautiful, now you get feeding me.
Speaker 1: That was the crust. We got the crust and the sauce.
Speaker 1: That was the foundation who he is. And now how
Speaker 1: he treats you? Last part of toppings. How does he
Speaker 1: have to lock in order for you to be sexually attractive?
Speaker 1: Part physical? Let me be very honest. I you know,
Speaker 1: very masculine was the dark skin. I always say more
Speaker 1: was chest masculine, dark skin, those two different things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's just what I That's what I loved. But
Speaker 1: I knew when I ran into those type of guys
Speaker 1: it was more so playing a game, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: But you know, very mask and that's one masculine Um,
Speaker 1: gotta be good looking. I don't know, you can't just
Speaker 1: I don't like Yeah pretty of course, Um muscles, that's
Speaker 1: masculine the same thing, or that masculine is not necessarily muscular,
Speaker 1: that's fit two different things us. Yeah right, pretty pretty teeth.
Speaker 1: I'm not how to dre I gotta know how to Yeah, fashionable? Um,
Speaker 1: one more, how's it looking? Nice? Smile? Okay, that smile? Okay,
Speaker 1: So we take that pizza. Now, we don't date anyone
Speaker 1: who's not that pizza. However, the toppings are interchangeable because
Speaker 1: if it's got the crust and the sauce, is still
Speaker 1: a good freaking pizza. So we can compromise the toppings, right,
Speaker 1: because you're still gonna get fed, you're still gonna get nourished.
Speaker 1: So we don't date, and we don't keep people in
Speaker 1: our lives after we've experienced them who's not the pizza,
Speaker 1: because if not, we will not respect them because you
Speaker 1: just wasting times? Not spiritual? What am I doing? Yeah
Speaker 1: you just told me? Yeah, why are we still lingering
Speaker 1: in this relationship? And one more? He has to no music. Music,
Speaker 1: that's just that's one of my biggest things. You have
Speaker 1: to know music. I'm talking to this guy and he
Speaker 1: told me future was an army singer. Slam gona slap
Speaker 1: my six and you know people got one little hand. Yeah,
Speaker 1: little pinky tellers you want to put in there. But
Speaker 1: I love that it makes it easier to navigate when
Speaker 1: we get to confuse. There's too many options out there.
Speaker 1: This is how we narrow it down when you're looking
Speaker 1: for your purpose, when you're looking for your one, this
Speaker 1: is how you narrow it down. Don't be doing this
Speaker 1: with situation ships and you know if boys and all like,
Speaker 1: this is just when you're in that zone of I
Speaker 1: want something real, use your pizza. Yeah, And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I keep not I keep thinking about groom hard worker
Speaker 1: comes to you. It can change right now. We put
Speaker 1: you on the spot, so come, you know, thinking off
Speaker 1: the top of your dome. But these are things that
Speaker 1: you should know, because if you don't know these are
Speaker 1: there's a million other things. Yeah, these are the things
Speaker 1: compromise on. Yeah, and you know you can revisit it
Speaker 1: and edit it. But don't go out there dating blindly
Speaker 1: and then like, I don't know why I didn't get him, Well,
Speaker 1: you didn't know what you wanted like, so this helps,
Speaker 1: this helps you actually build out what you need. And
Speaker 1: then following that manual, so it's called my Little Spicy Pizza.
Speaker 1: It wasn't that bad. See, But now you're thinking, like,
Speaker 1: Dan is the guy I'm talking to this good bye?
Speaker 1: We keep him? Yeah, and what I'm thinking about him,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, he's everything on the pizza. He's everything
Speaker 1: on everything. If he's everything on the pizza, you better
Speaker 1: behave at an act according We don't. We don't message alright,
Speaker 1: y'all All right, y'all not know, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: When it's the pizza. We stand up straight, we act right, Okay,
Speaker 1: we don't play. X will come back, people will like
Speaker 1: try to get our attention, will try to come in. Yes,
Speaker 1: he would definitely come and try to do some things.
Speaker 1: A girl, I don't like pizza you no, no, no, alright?
Speaker 1: The crest. The five things you need in order to
Speaker 1: respect him A good person, um well obviously like being
Speaker 1: able to distribute respect in general to people and families. Um,
Speaker 1: someone that's hard working, hardworking, someone that's is probably committed,
Speaker 1: and that can be in all forms kind of um
Speaker 1: committee of someone taking pizza. You can't have pizza girl. Um,
Speaker 1: not someone that can actually communicate, communicate emotions aside emotional intelligence. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: doesn't that count as different? It wouldn't that be my
Speaker 1: five if I feel like it's that's different. That's not
Speaker 1: about communication is a healthy Communication is a part of
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence, But there are different thing It could be
Speaker 1: a great communicator, but not it tapped into your emotions
Speaker 1: or understand others. So that makes it harder to communicate.
Speaker 1: But professional communicator. So we're gonna keep that. We're gonna
Speaker 1: keep communication and emotional intelligence because there's two variants of that. Okay,
Speaker 1: now we're gonna go to your sauce. How does he
Speaker 1: treat you so you just want to date with them?
Speaker 1: How did he make you feel? What does he do
Speaker 1: for you to keep you satisfied? Um? Conversation conversation? Um?
Speaker 1: What does it mean? What do you by conversation conversation? No?
Speaker 1: Like real conversation? Yeah, like not like how is your day,
Speaker 1: how's your mom? Whatever? I know, like we need to
Speaker 1: like can we sit here and really have a conversation
Speaker 1: at dinner? Or is this surface level bullshit that I
Speaker 1: could could just go talk to you about whoever? Um?
Speaker 1: What else it Why has it makes me feel? Um,
Speaker 1: I guess like comfortable. Okay, you're comfortable with him. I
Speaker 1: feel like for me. I usually I'm like I sit
Speaker 1: and I wait, and I watched people before I decided
Speaker 1: to let my wall down to be comfortable to really like,
Speaker 1: you know, get into that. What else? Um, you get
Speaker 1: three more? Ship? Uh? It makes me feel huh yeah,
Speaker 1: like opening my door. I don't see that ever, girl,
Speaker 1: I don't know where you're hanging out. Okay, okay, I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like that would be great. Um, someone
Speaker 1: that pays attention, like to detail into small things. Um,
Speaker 1: Like I had someone order for me and I was like,
Speaker 1: how the hell do you remember that we came here
Speaker 1: five months ago? Love that? Um? You get more? Make
Speaker 1: me feel like like safe in the sense that I
Speaker 1: can trust you in a situation as a human, friends,
Speaker 1: family or whatever. Trusting. Yeah, And then the last thing
Speaker 1: is topping. So you're gonna give us what does you
Speaker 1: have to look like in order for me to work
Speaker 1: on this my damn self? And guys that are not
Speaker 1: attractive at all? Um, And that's okay if they treat
Speaker 1: you amazing, but if they don't dreat you amazingly. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's where I was like, hold the hell, I gotta go. Um, Okay,
Speaker 1: I will say definitely smile for me, I feel like
Speaker 1: smile smile. Um. Tattoos is a thing for I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is. I was on here yesterday something
Speaker 1: that tattoos. It usually means you're a problem in your trouble.
Speaker 1: I love. I just want like supermanly gotta be like
Speaker 1: you know if it fits, so definitely fit someone that
Speaker 1: could come and share that with me. Um. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say tall, but I think you get two more? Um
Speaker 1: what they look like? What they look like? Tell her eye?
Speaker 1: Skin tone like dark? Okay, chocolate and then bless you
Speaker 1: get one more? Come on chocolate ship like one more?
Speaker 1: I guess Really it's a smile on the teeth for me,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's you can just choose. You just
Speaker 1: want those four. You could just choose those four. Okay.
Speaker 1: So you have your toping, you have your sauce, you
Speaker 1: have your crest. Whether you're considering marrying again or dating
Speaker 1: or even letting someone inside of you again. He needs
Speaker 1: to be the pizza. If we can't trust him, why
Speaker 1: are we sleeping with him? So if he can't communicate.
Speaker 1: Why are we sleeping with him? If he's not chivalrous?
Speaker 1: Why are we sleeping with him? Like? What are we
Speaker 1: doing it for? What void are we trying to feel?
Speaker 1: So when you have your pizza, it helps you and
Speaker 1: directs you down. Okay, you're a keeper or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: throw you back to the sea, throw you back to
Speaker 1: the sea. And sometimes we gotta throw them back because
Speaker 1: it's about knowing, like if you're just supposed to be
Speaker 1: a lesson in experience or my lifetime, and so this
Speaker 1: helps us dictate that. I do have a question about that.
Speaker 1: So what's the difference? We were saying? Purpose? Purpose mate?
Speaker 1: Purpose mate? What about twin flame? What about Like what
Speaker 1: are this? There's so many twin flame and this purpose?
Speaker 1: And I think there's one more twin flame I heard
Speaker 1: from a psychic and it's scared the hill. Why what
Speaker 1: does it mean? Because she just like grabbed me at
Speaker 1: a pumpkin patch and I was like, why, who are you?
Speaker 1: What are you doing? And like she went into this
Speaker 1: whole thing and started telling me all these crazy details
Speaker 1: and she just freaked me out. What's the twin flame? Though?
Speaker 1: Your twin flame is like someone who you have this
Speaker 1: deep burning connection with, you might me ne them in
Speaker 1: another lifetime. They feel similar to a soul mate, except
Speaker 1: for your twin flame. You may not necessarily end up
Speaker 1: with them or belong with them. So you guys may
Speaker 1: go your separate ways, or something pulls you back together.
Speaker 1: Um like old girl over here who said she met
Speaker 1: him six years ago and back with him, and I'm
Speaker 1: putting on the spot, but I'm just saying, like it
Speaker 1: could be. But she was saying that it's scared the
Speaker 1: heck out of her, and I'm like, well, it shouldn't
Speaker 1: be scary, but somebody, yes, he does. But when someone
Speaker 1: to come out you with real details, like specific details
Speaker 1: that we sometimes we don't always help with our twin flame,
Speaker 1: they're not always like the best person was definitely such
Speaker 1: a deep connection that they keep pulling us back, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to know when to walk away, like
Speaker 1: any relationship from someone, but those are going to be
Speaker 1: a little bit harder than, of course, any any other one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think building has a friendship to you know.
Speaker 1: That's why even with you know my friend that I'm
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, I just think to you when you're
Speaker 1: in that right place at that time, you know, so
Speaker 1: you when God brings you you and you're back together,
Speaker 1: it is he the like Spicy said, to be the
Speaker 1: friends you know or y'all just go you know, go
Speaker 1: ahead type of ways. Or timing is so important and
Speaker 1: that's a part of compatibility. If you meet a great person,
Speaker 1: looks great on paper and makes you feel amazing, and
Speaker 1: unfortunately they don't want a relationship, it's bad timing, Like
Speaker 1: you can't want what they don't want. You guys have
Speaker 1: to be on the same page. And that little time
Speaker 1: thing you're talking about that the lady does say it
Speaker 1: like one thing is to like when you do all that,
Speaker 1: sometimes the enemy come to destroy a lot of stuff too,
Speaker 1: so you gotta look out for those things too. You
Speaker 1: gotta be like is it for my is it healthy?
Speaker 1: Or you're just coming to knock on my dought and
Speaker 1: call some drama that's all you really want to talk to.
Speaker 1: That's where it got me because when she came to
Speaker 1: tell me, I was messing with two individuals at the time,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh fun, she's in my head
Speaker 1: and I don't know which call I made. Because at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know if that was the right choice. I don't know what.
Speaker 1: And then you like revisit it and you're like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: technically the definition of between flame is not ideal and
Speaker 1: these situations are not ideal, but yet that's more ideal
Speaker 1: for me that I feel like you're more ideal. So
Speaker 1: it's like that weird and you're like okay, and I'm lost.
Speaker 1: Say you had to decide based off of like who's
Speaker 1: more in alignment with the relationship goal of your goals
Speaker 1: to be in a healthy relationship? Okay, who healthy? Healthy?
Speaker 1: Who treats me the best? Who makes me feel the
Speaker 1: loved and the most safe and secure? Who is my pizza?
Speaker 1: Because both of them, I doubt are identical in the pizza,
Speaker 1: so like they probably had two different things that you
Speaker 1: liked about them. Usually one gives us a lot of
Speaker 1: passion and the other gives us a lot of security.
Speaker 1: And so we're trying to battle on jugo. Should I
Speaker 1: be with the person who's gonna make me feel safe,
Speaker 1: they support me, they take care of me, they're gonna
Speaker 1: be there forever. The person who gives you butterflies? The
Speaker 1: person who I want to slash them tires for, like
Speaker 1: what do you say if a guy was like, um, so,
Speaker 1: what makes you feel like you deserve commitment? Why are
Speaker 1: you so special that one guy should be committed to
Speaker 1: only you? First of all of us women in the
Speaker 1: human species, we are special, We are good people. The
Speaker 1: question is not what makes us so special that we
Speaker 1: do commitment. It's about the man, right, It's about you
Speaker 1: being in alignment with someone who values commitment as well.
Speaker 1: And so we have we've got to just find somebody
Speaker 1: who wants commitment. Yeah, but we've got this argue with
Speaker 1: a man who wants polygamy. Right, We've got the idea
Speaker 1: that we have to earn commitment now because society is
Speaker 1: trying to tell us there's not enough men. If we
Speaker 1: look at the world population, right, let's not break it
Speaker 1: up ethnicity, but we look at the world population, there's
Speaker 1: more than enough men to go around. Based on the
Speaker 1: challenges that we don't want to step outside of our
Speaker 1: type and our comfort zone to be with what's healthy
Speaker 1: for us. A lot of us want to eat our
Speaker 1: candy when we should be eating our vegetables. So we're
Speaker 1: compromising so that we can net what we think, what
Speaker 1: we want versus what we need and so men will
Speaker 1: try to convince us like, well, I should be with
Speaker 1: you know, twenty women, because you know I'm this, you know,
Speaker 1: superior man or value man. And the truth of the
Speaker 1: matter is is if he's not in a linement, if
Speaker 1: he doesn't have enough self regulation, if he doesn't value
Speaker 1: commitment or believe that you are worth the commitment, why
Speaker 1: are we compromising our values for him? He's not enough
Speaker 1: like he and we would never be satisfied if we
Speaker 1: compromise that for some unless we want that for ourselves.
Speaker 1: If we want to swing, if we want open relationship,
Speaker 1: go for it, go for it. Don't do it because
Speaker 1: the guy you like is doing correct, Do it because
Speaker 1: that's what you desire. I'm not going to compromise cheating.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna compromise lying or honesty or all the
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna compromize any of these other I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna comproize communication for him. Like, if these are the
Speaker 1: core values that we need in our relationship, then why
Speaker 1: are we compromising these things? We're gonna be unhappy all
Speaker 1: the time. So what about the man that says we're
Speaker 1: just wired this way? I just this is the way
Speaker 1: we are. We deserve to have multiple women. And la la, la,
Speaker 1: la la. I feel like I hear this all the time.
Speaker 1: I said, you ain't wired in no way like Okay,
Speaker 1: my sex drive could be highed too, and higher than hers,
Speaker 1: and yours could be higher than his. But what do
Speaker 1: you mean you get? That's a social construct that society
Speaker 1: telling him, or him wanting to emulate his father or
Speaker 1: the father that wasn't there, and him feeling entitled to
Speaker 1: certain things that he feels like I should have, I
Speaker 1: should overindulge. But what happens when we overindulge with anything
Speaker 1: that we overindulge in too much of anything you can
Speaker 1: get you feel late at night. Usually we're doing these
Speaker 1: from a place, from a void. There's usually something within
Speaker 1: him that he can't operate from self control because honestly,
Speaker 1: us as women, we want to sleep with a gain
Speaker 1: of people too. If I accepted every offer and every
Speaker 1: dick that was thrown my way, my marriage will not
Speaker 1: work out. Because let me tell you, even pregnant can
Speaker 1: still get that, can still get it. But the point
Speaker 1: is that I operate with self control, and as humans,
Speaker 1: that's what makes is different from animals. That's why we're
Speaker 1: the superior species because we can govern ourselves and the
Speaker 1: world is our oyster. But what are we going to
Speaker 1: take advantage of and what are we going to with
Speaker 1: thrain from in order to get our needs and to
Speaker 1: get to our goal. Twenty women are going to distract
Speaker 1: you from becoming the best version of yourself. If you're
Speaker 1: a man who's trying to just be out there and
Speaker 1: put your dick in anything, it's not that's not God's
Speaker 1: purpose for your life. I'm sorry, simple be with somebody
Speaker 1: who agrees with your lifestyle and value. Yes, it's too
Speaker 1: many bitch bitches, too many beautiful queens that want commitment,
Speaker 1: and you're dating a guy with twenty other girls, and
Speaker 1: you know that just date a guy that wants commitment.
Speaker 1: It's too many guys that want girls that don't want
Speaker 1: to swing. And it's like they girls who want to
Speaker 1: do that, but men have convinced us that because there
Speaker 1: is that there's a deficit, and so because of that,
Speaker 1: we're acting from a place of hunger and desperation. Like
Speaker 1: when we think there's not enough food to go around,
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're starving to take whatever we'll take. And
Speaker 1: you also got to know too, who's uh, who's masking
Speaker 1: themselves as well? Would be good in the beginning, and
Speaker 1: then that's when I'm beating stuff happening at the two
Speaker 1: in the morning, and you start whatever that nice stuff
Speaker 1: says happen. The doors will be open for so long.
Speaker 1: But it's a lot of people, even friends and everyone,
Speaker 1: they mask themselves until it gets deep, until you get comfortable,
Speaker 1: you're started living with each other. It just depends on
Speaker 1: who you are. You go slow, though, remember you said
Speaker 1: in your relationship you're going slow right now. It's you
Speaker 1: develop first the friendship. If you're not a good friend,
Speaker 1: you can't be a good lover. I'm sorry. If you're
Speaker 1: not a good friend to me, and I'm seeing how
Speaker 1: you treat your friends, how you treat your family, how
Speaker 1: you treat the world, how you treat your job, your colleagues,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be good to me. At some point
Speaker 1: you're gonna turn on me too. So either you're an
Speaker 1: honorable person or you're not. And we can't move so
Speaker 1: quick into intimacy physical, emotional. We can't throw all of
Speaker 1: our eggs in that basket until we know what we're
Speaker 1: signing up for. And that's why I am moving slow.
Speaker 1: I'm moving slow, and I'm taking my taking my time,
Speaker 1: and I have been trying to proclaim. She's trying to
Speaker 1: I love it, but you and I'm just saying, if
Speaker 1: he's your husband, he needs to prove it. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's why we're taking prove it. You anybody that when
Speaker 1: a man says that he wants to be your husband,
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna take care of you, or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: show up for you this way, prove it, always something,
Speaker 1: prove it. I'm about action, baby, Yeah, and he's all
Speaker 1: about that, Gussie. He got some big shoes to feel now,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna come back and be like, Okay, where's
Speaker 1: the ring? Yeah? But um, any last words before we
Speaker 1: wrap up? Another question? You know, so um spicy. She
Speaker 1: got to her quote. What we do an inspirational quote
Speaker 1: before you have to give us the quote? Okay, my
Speaker 1: favorite is oh glasses and yeah, ask and you shall receive,
Speaker 1: Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will
Speaker 1: be open. Thank you. I contact contact or is bad sex?
Speaker 1: Is bad sex? I'm like, I'm still trying to have
Speaker 1: some good sex. High contacts or bad sex or seven
Speaker 1: mm hmmm, alright, you guys in a while on our podcast.
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a break before we do. Spicy tell
Speaker 1: the people where they can find you. You guys can
Speaker 1: always play with my Twitter or stroke my Instagram at
Speaker 1: Spicy Moody s p I c Y M A r
Speaker 1: I or go to the Spicy life dot com and
Speaker 1: clicking subscribe go listen to my podcast as well. Um
Speaker 1: a schedule free consultation with me, um, but the next
Speaker 1: one will be paid guy after Yeah, we just wrapped
Speaker 1: up with Spicy Mighty relationship expert. Please het her up
Speaker 1: if you have any questions. Consult is free. After that,
Speaker 1: you gotta pay, baby taking all my money because she
Speaker 1: helps me so much. I love her so much. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for that, Spicey. She done drop some
Speaker 1: gym from gym. She's so educated and she has a
Speaker 1: degree in communication, so she's not just talking from BS.
Speaker 1: She's talking from experience research and you know, and I
Speaker 1: love with someone about God. Yeah, that's talking about it.
Speaker 1: So that's what we need. Know you. I'm so happy
Speaker 1: for you, though. Are you taking the time to master
Speaker 1: and organize your relationship? If you want to be good
Speaker 1: at anything, you have to focus on it. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: I want to be about it. Now. I gotta practice jokes.
Speaker 1: If I want to be getting rapping, I gotta write wraps.
Speaker 1: I want to be good at relationships any nobody. I
Speaker 1: asked my dad this and my grandmother recently, I said,
Speaker 1: why did no one in the family ever sit me
Speaker 1: down and say you're gonna date one day? This is
Speaker 1: how you I did. I learned that from my friends
Speaker 1: who was in toxic relationship. I learned from TV. I
Speaker 1: learned it from just doing it. Nobody in my family
Speaker 1: actually set me down and said, Okay, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: a young lady one day when you go on your
Speaker 1: first date. Crossed your legs, he opened. Not one person
Speaker 1: ever talk to me about And then sometimes they don't
Speaker 1: know and they know, good luck because I'm times. But
Speaker 1: now you can never you can. Now you can do
Speaker 1: the self working at and like you said, whatever you want,
Speaker 1: if you desire to be um, just have a life partner.
Speaker 1: And I think that's beautiful. Just the beautiful part is
Speaker 1: finding somebody that wants the same things that you. So
Speaker 1: I think whatever you want, you deserve to have that.
Speaker 1: Whether it's polyamory, whether it's being single forever, whether there's marriage.
Speaker 1: But you know the fun part is when you're getting
Speaker 1: with somebody that don't want that, you know, and you're
Speaker 1: deceiving them and all that. So just some old school
Speaker 1: find somebody that wants what you want and everybody will
Speaker 1: be happy. Hip. I am old school. Shoot, one person
Speaker 1: can be committed to you and that's who you want.
Speaker 1: And that's where we're gonna slide with up and down
Speaker 1: ugly bad. You know, it's never gonna be peachy. You
Speaker 1: may have a water bottle that's gonna get flown over
Speaker 1: and like you, I'm going up stairs, you know and
Speaker 1: shut the door, slamming water bottle, you know, or something
Speaker 1: like I want that the baby shot flying over like
Speaker 1: I didn't sold you that I didn't want to eat that.
Speaker 1: You know, it's gonna be up at that or get
Speaker 1: a twist era. You may have to go, you know,
Speaker 1: you may have to go outside and this being ever
Speaker 1: gonna be perfect. They're just gonna throw a water bottle
Speaker 1: at you still, like maybe just at the wall because
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm frustrated and I'm angry. I thought we
Speaker 1: were gonna get married. You won't be like that. But
Speaker 1: marriage is not always perfect though, I'm talking about you
Speaker 1: throwing stuff. Oh, I mean I may throw like I'm
Speaker 1: still got and I'm saying I may throw like you know,
Speaker 1: that's just not at him, but it may be out
Speaker 1: of anger, and I may have to make myself in
Speaker 1: a situation center myself to say, you know what, that
Speaker 1: was wrong. Let's talk about it. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: Because you're not to throw it, you're at it, because
Speaker 1: if you're with me, you I ain't gonna edge. I'm
Speaker 1: having sex with John. I just threw a water butt
Speaker 1: fo episodes Who John? I don't know who? That's the
Speaker 1: baby's name. Yeah, I don't. I ain't going on. I
Speaker 1: ain't run sleep with nobody. At least you could do
Speaker 1: was just hear me out and take a second doctor
Speaker 1: it after the water bottle after not mad alright, I
Speaker 1: don't tell you to pat the tax on the car
Speaker 1: wives late. Oh I was out there, Okay, just no,
Speaker 1: you're not going to go through that. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: things do happen. So in the midst of you having
Speaker 1: spicy to be your merit, your your relationship council, things
Speaker 1: are gonna be up and down. But you have to
Speaker 1: in your mate has to come as one as a
Speaker 1: union to figure it out. And it's not gonna be
Speaker 1: just this conversation or talking. You may have something that's yo,
Speaker 1: but all right, baby, I love you. When I fight
Speaker 1: with my people's or someone I loved and that person
Speaker 1: sent to me, in my mind, I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to yell at you, but then it's just like,
Speaker 1: all right, cool, Like I get you. You know. I
Speaker 1: got that situation where you know who and we were
Speaker 1: talking and I was like, I'm mad, and that dude
Speaker 1: ain't even just he didn't come back at me the attitude.
Speaker 1: He was like, I love you, have a great day.
Speaker 1: Come when you're fine. So that's the that's right, And
Speaker 1: that's too like you ain't cool. You let me and
Speaker 1: then you ain't gonna say that absolutely not girl, And
Speaker 1: it's like no, no, I'm not gonna say nothing. So
Speaker 1: you know, stuff happened. My uncle and my aunt been
Speaker 1: married for so many years, you know, and I've seen
Speaker 1: them argue, but I also seen oh yeah, you know
Speaker 1: um and they had up and down. But what he did,
Speaker 1: he loved on her even in an arguments. You know,
Speaker 1: I love that fifty years and holding your wrinkled hands.
Speaker 1: What they do famo. Any last words and the last word.
Speaker 1: Who's doing the toast? Well, I do it. I actually
Speaker 1: have one today. Okay, all right, This above all should
Speaker 1: Thyself be True? I think that's why I've seen it
Speaker 1: this morning. Actually, I'm gonna love hold on with thyself
Speaker 1: be true. Yes, that's exactly what the whole episode was.
Speaker 1: The whole episode is why I thought it was so
Speaker 1: crazy that I've seen it this morning. This above all,
Speaker 1: to thine own self feature, It's really simple Shakespeare. I
Speaker 1: loved his hair? Was Greg? Was it? Greg made ovid? Yeah?
Speaker 1: About our podcast, Thank you guys so much for watching.
Speaker 1: We will see you next time.