1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to keep unhelpful feedback to yourself. When 4 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:23,080 Speaker 1: a roommate or partner or kid performs a task, you're 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: best off thanking them rather than critiquing how they did it. 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: In other words, if it's done, it's right now. I 7 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: know my listeners, and if you are listening to this podcast, 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,200 Speaker 1: I'm betting that you have a clearer vision of how 9 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: you want your household to run. You have high standards, 10 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: you value efficiency, You've no doubt thought a lot about 11 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:50,239 Speaker 1: logistics and the best possible way to do things. But 12 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: right now you may have more responsibilities and less help 13 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: at home than usual. If grocery shopping or other household 14 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: tasks felt like a black hole of time before this 15 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: year's pandemic, well they may be even more time consuming now. 16 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: So with increased demands in a challenging environment, we need 17 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: to be realistic about what we can do and sensible 18 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: about how we share responsibilities. A lot of households have 19 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,320 Speaker 1: rethought chores, and I think that's great. Of course, there's 20 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: an inevitable side effect after reallocating chores. Your partner, kids, 21 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: or roommates may be responsible for tasks that, well, in 22 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: your opinion, may not be done perfectly. You may be 23 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: tempted to coach them on how to fit the most 24 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: dishes in the dishwasher, or you may be inclined to 25 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: demonstrate how to fold shirts. Your partner might mix up 26 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: the order of the activities in the bedtime routine, and 27 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: you might want to remind him of your correct order. 28 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: But don't, because if it's done, it's right. If something 29 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: happened to you, your family would probably figure out how 30 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: to run the household in your absence, So let them 31 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: do their part in contributing to the household you share. Now. 32 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: I know that sometimes this is easier said than done, 33 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: but there are lots of ways to think about how 34 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: other people do the work. Sometimes a task performed wrong, 35 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: maybe a result of different assumptions. If you put milk 36 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 1: on the grocery list, you may know that that usually 37 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: means a half gallon of one percent organic milk. But 38 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 1: if the person doing the grocery shopping comes home with 39 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 1: a gallon of conventional skim milk, well, so what you'll 40 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: drink it next week? You can be more precise on 41 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: the grocery list, but in the meantime, try to appreciate 42 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: their work grocery shopping. If your kids legitimately need help 43 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 1: or coaching on new chores they've taken on, great offer help, 44 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: but don't underestimate what they can figure out for themselves. 45 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: If you're inclined to get involved, give your child some 46 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: agency by letting them choose your role. Would it be 47 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: helpful if I showed you how I wash baking dishes 48 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 1: with food stuck on, you might say, Or if you 49 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: want suggestions for what temperature to use for any of 50 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: the laundry, just let me know that way. The responsibility 51 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: is your child's and you're a resource. They have the 52 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,360 Speaker 1: autonomy to accept or decline your help. If there are 53 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: tasks that are really important to you or that you 54 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: want done your way, then do them yourself. A lot 55 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 1: of people have strong opinions about how to wash their 56 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: nice clothes, for example, and if that's you in the 57 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: household division of labor, offer to do that part of 58 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: the laundry. The big idea, though, is to realize that 59 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: your household is shared. It's not just your home, so 60 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: when someone else has responsibility for a household task. Respect 61 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: their way of doing it, even if it's different from yours. 62 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: If it's done, it's right. We're all in this together, 63 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: and it's good when we can appreciate everyone's contribution. In 64 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's 65 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. M Hey, everybody, 66 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 67 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 68 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod 69 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D. 70 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast 71 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast 72 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, 73 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is 74 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from 75 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 76 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.