WEBVTT - Rita + Rachael 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.680 Hira. Hi Ellen, my name is Rita kay I am 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:12.400 Ellen Bernstein Grodsky. This is called you and your grandmother. 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.440 What's the matter with you? Ellen? Your landa? She said 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:18.799 to say it quickly. Ellen and I are gonna be 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:22.240 your host for this podcast. In our own minds, we 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:26.920 think of ourselves and Lucy and Nette perfect. We are 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:30.440 absolutely the Lucy and Ethel of podcasting. I want to 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:34.360 be the Lucy with big opinions, very dear friends, and 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:37.600 we are gonna guide you through this podcast. We're gonna 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:42.240 listen to interviews between other grandmothers and grandchildren, and Rita 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:44.839 and I will also have an episode each of us 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:48.000 with a grandchild, and we will comment between us what 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:52.040 reaction we have from those relationships. And you can picture 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.440 us standing on an assembly line eating chocolate, just like 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.840 Lucy and Ethel, except that instead we are living. You 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:02.960 come and tell you on I'm gonna be eating those candies. Boys. 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:07.520 We throw out opinions like they throw out candy. Jewish 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:11.840 grandmothers are a thing. We're an emotional culture. Well yes, 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:15.080 but that could be an Italian grandmother too, except that 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:17.520 they put red sauce where we put white sauce. I mean, 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:22.119 that's really as my mother would have said, Taka, who 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:26.679 wouldn't have wanted a Jewish grandmother. There's a bunch of love, 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.920 there's a bunch of food, there's a bunch of acceptance. 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.200 It's a bunch of Jewish guilt. Very struggling, but it 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:36.360 still comes out. What are we gonna here today? This 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:40.440 is gonna be my first podcast with my granddaughter Rachel, 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:44.120 and I think it's gonna be very enlightening. Well, she's 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:56.560 a lucky girl. Let's listen. Rita is my grandmother, my 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:00.480 best friend I remain. She's ninety years old and she 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.240 lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She wasn't 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.760 born in Manhattan, though. The minute I opened my mouth, 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:08.359 they know it could be the Brooklyn or seven one 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.680 eight queens. Remember when we went to Harris and they 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:14.079 started speaking Spanish to you and then you open your 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.960 mouth and then they realized they were dead wrong or 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:19.120 they think I'm a Chatian just because of my hair 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:24.320 is stuck. Rita is vivacious, she's fun, she loves life, 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:26.959 and she loves her family. Most of all Rachel for 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:30.680 this besides my grandchild, she's a great girl. She's kind 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:34.880 and she's unassuming and she's not a fancy cron She's 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:37.840 just a down to earth and I'm very smart. I 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:40.640 honestly tell people I think she's my best friend. Like 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:43.800 I tell her everything. I always say to have Rachel, 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:46.679 you're my favorite grand doing it. But she really is 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.000 my favorite person. And I tell her things that I 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.760 wouldn't tell my mother. What can I tell me? She's 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:54.680 got to get the jewelring? Rachel? Are you? Where are 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.320 your ear rings? I don't know if these are yours? Oh? 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:02.359 Now she wears little jewelry. I big jewelry, not fancy, 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.040 but you know, makes a statement. If you wear pizza 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.320 jewey you want to that, Well, that's pretty you are? 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.359 You know? I can read a mom because growing out, 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.480 my mother called her mom and we ended up calling 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:15.760 her mom out of invitation, and it just kind of stuck. Ellen, 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:19.760 who's Rachel's mother, became mommy and I'm mom. So people say, 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:21.720 how do they know? I said, don't want me? They 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:25.040 know whose mom and whose mommy. It's funny, such a 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:29.560 short grand that's such a brand. It's a spectacle of sorts. 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:32.360 It is it is. We're a full foot at least 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.400 a foot different at least difference. She gets a hide 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:37.360 from the father and she gets the brain from up. 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:41.520 Then we listen. If Rachel's not embarrassed, I'm not embarrassed. 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:43.800 I can never be embarrassed if you read it. But 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:47.240 it's funny. We do like family things we do things 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:48.800 were fun. We go to the museum together, we go 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.440 to show together. We go to trade to Joe's together. 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.080 We go to trade to Joe's because I have a 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.120 big wagon and she can't reach the wagon. You know, 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.400 I take my shop and kind of go to that. Bachel, 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.000 I missed you. I get you can't go to train 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:05.840 to joke, I think we have similar interests, different tastes 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.880 in music. I'm trying to expand your TV show, trying 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:12.200 to get her into APA. I'm trying to get you 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:16.160 into Netflix. Oh yes, you put me up Crown. We 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.520 will watching, Yeah, But the thing is she doesn't remember 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:21.800 which episode she's seen, so we have to watch the 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:24.880 episode to figure if she's seen it. And then weeks 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:26.400 go by and she begets how to log in, and 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:27.919 then I come back and show her to do it 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:31.599 and forget all over And I'm very bad. You kids 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:33.560 grew up with them I mean that you learned the 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:39.320 computer in school, in kindergarten. It wasn't until I graduated 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.000 I moved in with her out of circumstance that we 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.680 discovered each other as like adults. And we've been having 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.960 a great time ever since. I said Rachel. I had 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.320 this huge, king size bed, so any time you have 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.840 come to the city, stay over. But she started to do. 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.840 She lived with me for six months and it really has, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:01.840 Rachel said, celidified our relationship. Every night she get into 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.080 bed and we had a little book. What was the 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:06.960 name of the book. It was like chicken suit for 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.800 the soul. And every night she said, you're ready for 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:15.000 a story tonight, mom. But Monday night was a special 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:19.040 night because we used to do the the Sunday Times 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:22.120 puzzle out of my leg. She come home and the 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.400 ones I couldn't get. Rachel look at the puzzle. Two 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:30.520 minutes she had the whole thing done. It's such a sweet, 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:40.279 good relationship. What a voice. I'm telling you, you guys 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:43.599 gotta be nuts to want me on the podcast with 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:47.520 that voice. The voice is one thing. The personality is 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.720 something entirely. They're not seeing the person unity just listening 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:54.920 to that voice. That's all right. The personality comes right 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:59.320 through the voice. Oh my god. I think they discussion 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:02.440 between by true myself, Ellen, and you'll remark. I think 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:05.040 it was very natural and it is what it is, 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:08.160 the way we are together. Her granddaughter has read a 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:12.599 pegged to a t there's a Yiddish expression. Voice is 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.919 often long, is often tongue. What's in your heart is 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.240 on your lips, and that's reader. She says what's in 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:21.200 her heart. And that's what I love about and the 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:23.720 most well, it was meant to be. That's how I 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:27.480 feel like this podcast was meant to be. Our friendship 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:30.240 was meant to be. She's one of the best people 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:35.240 I ever knew. Okay, I'm reading these part titles and 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:39.880 I see part one is Rida plays potsy and other 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:44.160 things modern kids don't know about. I know what potsy is. 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:52.760 Let's listen. It was so different growing up. I mean, 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:56.000 it was a lovely neighborhood and nobody was afraid that 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:59.039 kids would get kidnapped. We didn't have an iPhone, we 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:02.960 didn't have a Pewter. We used to play school. Today, 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:06.960 the kids I can't stand if they sit them, it's 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:10.760 like another arm in this time is a phone and 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:14.240 they don't let that phone die. These are kids where 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.640 they need to phone. They have such important business that 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.520 they're waiting for a client to call. No, they don't 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:23.040 have imagination. Everything is in front of them. What can 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:25.000 I tell you? I don't know if you think I'm 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.360 long or I think i'm I am I right, it's different. 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:30.679 You're right. You have to see a kid doing jump 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.000 rope never I see him all the time. What are 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:36.080 you talking about in the park? You live near the park, 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.680 go to the park roller skating and we used to 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.440 roll estate people still roller scheme. I'm I don't know 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:43.800 what to tell you. You You just gotta look out to 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:49.320 play potsy. Potsy is where you make numbers on this 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.680 and then you have arrested the end you throw your part. 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:58.640 Are you talking about hop scotch hopscotchs the cold party? 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:00.480 Just because you don't do it, does I mean other 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:02.680 people aren't still doing it? Yeah? We used to play 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:06.200 with the housekey, not a rock well whatever didn't roll? 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.400 You know a rock sometimes roll. We used to listen 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:12.400 to the radio, not television. And you can't imagine the 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:16.640 whole thing in front of you. My gal Thalan Stella Dallas, 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.440 and you can imagine the settings. Well it's interesting you 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:21.840 say that because now we've come and basically full circle 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.480 with like podcasts, it's all audio their storytelling. Yeah, no, 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:28.960 that's good. Thinking doesn't kill you. What did you and 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:32.240 your friends do for fun? We can. Junior high we 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.839 had a club and it's called the Audisans, which if 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:39.800 you look at it is Sinatra backwards. We were thirteen girls. 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:44.120 We were all Snata fans. There was a social club 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.640 just to have parties and I'm bike boys at the 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:51.880 Paramount Theater on Broadway right, Sinatra just just sitting there. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:54.920 The thirteen of us would go down at six in 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:57.760 the morning with lunch bags and we would sit in 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.760 the theater all day. You know, they figured people alive 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.079 with the first show, but we had our lunch so 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:13.199 we didn't get it was fabulous. Well, Rita and I 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:16.440 have a little age difference, but I do remember a 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.920 lot of the things that Rita was talking about. We 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.760 did jump rope, and we did play house, and I 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.400 mean technology was when I was sixteen years old and 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.840 got my own princess phone. I used to sit on 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.960 the phone with my little girlfriend. We used to talk 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:32.319 back and forth. That was a big deal. So one 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:37.360 day I said to Rachel's mother, it doesn't Rachel have friends. Mom, 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:41.240 She said, they don't talk on the phone anymore. They text. 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:45.400 But talking to a little girlfriend on the phone, it's 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:49.360 so different than texting back, and it's more personal. There's 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.200 much more when you hear a voice. It's certainly more 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:55.280 personal than when you're looking at words. And you know 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:58.120 if your friends in a bad mood. If she said, 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:00.880 if she's glad, if she's being tell me you can 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.480 always shoot you an emoji of an unhappy face that 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.240 you know just how somebody is feeling today. I'm glad 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:13.240 to see Peter. Don't answer it. Well, I don't know 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:18.880 anybody in Melbourne. It's probably one of those commercial it's 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:21.400 you know that. I actually got one of those calls 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:27.000 that my grandson was in trouble and that I should send. 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.160 Do you want to talk to I said, listen to me. 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:33.000 I'm tired of giving money for my grandson. He's such 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:36.080 a bad boy. I said, you tell him to send jail. 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:41.640 I'm not giving any more money. That was good. The 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:47.520 next time I get one, that's a good lord, Ellen, 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.440 I think we're gonna have to stop now we have 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.199 to go to a commercial break. But don't worry, will 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:54.080 come back because we got a lot more to say, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:11:03.599 right right, We always have a lot more to say. 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:09.360 Next up we have part two, Part two med the Nudge. 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:13.400 Tell me about your dad. I was closer to my 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.000 father than I was to my mother. I have to say. 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.880 I in my and my father. He was very smart. 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:21.719 He was the youngest of eight children, the only one 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.600 that ever went to college, and in those years to 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:27.680 go to college and his Jewish guard became a lawyer. 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:30.360 He changed the name. I have to say. My maiden 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.000 name was cavette K I v e t t. My 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:37.240 father's name really was Kilowitz, but in those years you 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.600 had to change your name. And he was sure. He 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:43.120 was about five four, but he had a terrific personality, 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.200 and I kind of related to him. I was shut 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:48.520 growing up, and it was sort of hard for me, 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.880 and I made up my mind. Everybody said, oh, really, 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.760 you got such a good personality. And I always think 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:58.080 to myself, if I was a normal height, not sure, 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.679 maybe I would have my personality because she got to 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.600 make a way for yourself some way, and I did, 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.920 and I always had a lot of friends, and it's 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:13.640 what do you make of yourself? What about your mom? 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:17.160 She wasn't very affectionate, I have to say this, and 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:20.360 she was very social. She had three husbands. My father 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:24.360 died at six and in those years a woman is 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:28.360 only recognized if she's with a man. The second husband 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:31.679 was a very nice looking man, very immaculate. Always wore 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.520 a navy blazer and its hair was like my cop 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:38.760 was leaked back, really nice and they liked each other 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.000 and he was a great guy. My sister and I 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.600 loved him. He was such a nice guy. They were 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.839 married for about eleven twelve years, and he died of 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.600 a heart attack. Okay, so she's single again. So now 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:55.440 she's in her seventies again, she meets a man who 0:12:55.520 --> 0:13:00.160 we couldn't stand. My sister and I we call the medbinudge. 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:06.560 He was like so invasive, ned the nutge was always around. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:09.480 We couldn't get rid of him. And he was cheap 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.080 as cheap could be. He didn't drive, so wherever they went, 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.960 she drove, she picked him up. I was with her. Once. 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.319 They go to Philip and it comes to her and 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.679 he says, be where's your credit card for the guests. Well, 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.160 I thought I would die my sister and I couldn't 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:27.840 stand him. So he said, all right, just don't marry him. 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:31.199 One Sunday morning, my sister comes nothing on my daughter. 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:35.199 We don't. You won't believe it. What mother is marrying Ned. 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.680 We chopped out of bed. What do you mean she's 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:42.920 got to marry Ned? I can't believe it. So I said, well, 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.040 we've got to make sure she at least signed a 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:48.240 prenuptural rook, because she was much better off than he was. 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:50.360 So he said to my mother, and make sure you 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:52.760 get a prenupt No, he's not like that. He's not 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:55.200 like that. Mother. Yep, all right, I'll do it after 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.959 we're married. Man, No, a prenuptural. You can't do him. 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.240 Oh this is what said, I'd like to walk into 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.559 a restaurant on the arm of the man's they do. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:09.400 Let's find an army man. So, given the option walking 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:23.920 to the restaurant, Plissa say, let's give her and on. 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.200 And you know when once we're in a restaurant and 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:30.880 there's a group of women sitting having dinner, joined themselves 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:34.160 from my mother, looks like that. Isn't that a pity? 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:38.600 I said, what, what's a pity? They're having a good time. 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:42.320 There are four nice women enjoying dinner. I said, I'd 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:47.880 rather be with four exciting, interesting women than one del husband. Well, 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.720 you know, my parents were married until my mother was 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:54.920 five years older than my father. Really, I never knew that. 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:57.960 Look at what comes up on the podcast. That's right, 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.320 tell a girls this, it's a therapy. Things are coming 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:06.200 out that it really is. Well, let me just say this, 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.080 in order to make a living, you knew that there 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:14.280 were certain Jewish prejudices, and today nobody changes their name. 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:18.040 Matt movie stars, Jewish lawyers are held in high esteem. 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.880 Jewish factors are held in high Some more funny names 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:24.840 that you wanted to change. Because when I met Phil 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:28.600 All his father's brothers had changed their name from Clinton 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.280 Stein to Kate. I said, listen, if you want me 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.880 to marry you, you've got to change your name like 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:38.080 your father's brothers. I'm leaving a lovely name, Cavette, and 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:42.840 I'm going to go into Clint and start in no way. Well, 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:47.000 I was always Ellen Bernstein, and we never changed except 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:49.640 when we lived in Palm Beach. And when we lived 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:54.080 in Palm Beach, there was such prejudice. It was really. 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.800 Palm Beach was a terrible place. There used to be 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:01.760 signs on the posts outside of housing develop it no blacks, 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:06.960 no Jews, and no dogs. I mean it was you know, 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.000 it was. It was a time. But my my mother's 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.360 best friend's last name was Goldener, and they used to 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.960 make reservations in the name of rend Log, which was 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:21.880 gold the spelled backwards. And my parents were the Burns. 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.400 Just knocked off a little steine at the end of Bernstein. 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:31.359 But um, I remember I was invited to a prom 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:35.200 in Palm Beach. This boy invited me and he said, 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:38.360 and my mother knows that you're Jewish, and she said 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:41.560 she didn't care, at which point I should have punched 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.920 him in the nose and walked away, but I didn't. 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:50.200 I bought a dress and I went to the prom. Look, 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:54.560 things have changed, they really have. Things have changed. Nothing 0:16:54.640 --> 0:17:01.440 to do, Okay, Lena, this part is about giving dating advice. 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:08.560 At this I can't wait to hear I come to 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:11.800 her for all technical things. I'm so stupid when all 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.560 of these were from my computer, from my eye pods. 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:18.520 She's very good technically. She could tell me anything I'll listen. 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:22.679 I don't challenge her. Sometimes I don't agree, but we 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:26.000 work it out. Were sort of on the same page today. 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:28.879 Right way, chill, She's right, which is why when I 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.320 was planning on going on a date recently, Rita was 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:35.040 the first person I wanted to call about it. She 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.400 did say to they, listen, don't tell my mother. I'm 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:39.200 going to go out on this day. And I don't 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.679 think she even knows to this day. The reason I 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.760 didn't tell my mom was because she's dying for grandkids 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:48.520 all the time, so any chance of any romantic prospect 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.879 she'll jump on. I said, listen, just go out and 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:55.320 have a good time. Never go out thinking this could 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.280 lead to something, because that's when it doesn't. Me and 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.520 this guy, we had two class together. I thought he 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.280 went off to law school. I wasn't even thinking about 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.200 him and I ran into him. He had mentioned drinks. 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.119 I was getting a little ANTSI honestly, because I didn't 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.520 know what it was and if it was a date, like, 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.560 what was I gonna do? As I was walking to 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.399 a restaurant, he like honked at me because he was 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:22.040 pulling up in his car. I think I'd asked him 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:25.480 like what his future plans were. And then he pulls 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:28.080 out a necklace and the necklace had a ring on it, 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:31.199 and he goes, oh, by the way, I'm engaged. So 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:36.960 that was a little um blindsiding. I remember saying congratulations. 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:41.400 That was my first reaction, and a little bit of relief, 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:43.919 I guess came across me because then I felt like 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:47.320 the pressure was taken off the situation. But if you're 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.560 going to find the happening of relationship with a young man, 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:54.360 it's going to be pressure. You know. That thought upsets 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.760 me a little bit. But I feel like if you 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:58.960 go in and you're on a date and then you 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.399 realize you're not on a that's kind of relieving, is 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:05.119 it not. That's true. No, that's true, But that a 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:08.120 little bit of pressure you can handle it because you're 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.399 going to be yourself no matter what. I feel like. 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:13.480 It's a little bit hard to take that advice, though, 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:17.320 because you're preaching after fifty years, sixty years of marriage, 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:20.920 you didn't really have to try back then. What do 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.000 you mean like the dating process is different than it 0:19:24.119 --> 0:19:27.200 is now? Well, I guess so because women are already dependent, 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:31.160 they have careers. My career was when my mother sent 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:34.760 me to colleges to find the husband get married. None 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:36.919 of my friends had a Korea. We all got married. 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:40.600 That was a career, right, and so your dating process 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.280 wasn't so selective. I guess I think it's hot whis 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:47.720 true because I see so many terrific young women single. 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:50.640 All my friends were married, and that everyone was such 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:53.359 a terrific or you know what I mean. And my 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:55.800 day you didn't leave, You stuck it out and made 0:19:55.800 --> 0:20:02.960 it work. And that's the way it was. I don't 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:04.760 know what she meant by you didn't have to try. 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:09.000 You did have to try. You had to try very hard. Look, 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.760 I think it's hard for young people today to meet 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:15.320 the right person, and I did so much pressures. Today 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:19.160 life is not easy. It's complicated for these young people, 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:23.919 and Dada life was complicated for us. To finding that 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:28.040 person who wants to find you is complicated. My parents 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.200 expected certain things. I mean, what is his family like? 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:34.880 Does he have siblings? And today I don't think that's 0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.439 one of the first questions that are parent desks. But 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:40.880 today these are grown up there in their late twenties, 0:20:40.920 --> 0:20:44.600 they were established, say know exactly what they want. When 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:47.920 we got married. The truth of it is, at twenty one, 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:50.359 you don't know who you are. You found somebody you 0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.520 thought was nice, came from a night family. I think 0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:57.400 that some things have split out in importance while other 0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:01.639 things have exactly religion, is this that's true as it was. 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:04.280 And you don't have to love you in laws. I 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:06.440 mean you may not even see them. They could live 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:10.120 in California. You see them once you listen. It's their 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:15.160 life if and that's all their life. That's how I feel. 0:21:15.280 --> 0:21:18.000 And they get married, they get married, they don't get married, 0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.359 they don't get married. If they're gay, they're gay. If 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:23.640 they're straight, they're straight. Whatever they are, I love them 0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:25.960 and they should be happy, and that's all that matters 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:33.639 to me. I agree a hundred thousand percent. Don't go anywhere. 0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:36.520 We're just going for a quick commercial break. We'll wait 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:39.159 for the commercial. But it can't be as important, there 0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:41.159 as much fun as what we have to say. I 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:44.000 don't know that will love that when I call them. 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:48.040 I'm not stopping me. You can get away with anything. 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:59.640 This part is about reader finding herself and what might 0:21:59.680 --> 0:22:02.960 have been and and actually what is and what I 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:09.119 know we did it to be now so tell me 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:12.520 about when you went to college. I really became an 0:22:12.520 --> 0:22:16.840 independent person at that time. I just sort of found myself. 0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:20.439 I was sure, and I had some problems and I 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:24.000 had no self confidence. My parents just put me on 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:27.640 the train, when I think now that was crazy. Parents 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:30.120 drive their kids up in a car and get them 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.720 set up. I went all by myself. I managed. They 0:22:33.760 --> 0:22:36.520 put me in a freshman dorm with great girls that 0:22:36.640 --> 0:22:39.760 I made great friends, and I survived. And that was 0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:43.480 sort of a turning point for me when I realized, 0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:46.000 you know, you're not such a terrible person, You're a 0:22:46.000 --> 0:22:49.200 pretty good independent person. Did your parents have any other 0:22:49.240 --> 0:22:54.240 expectations of you besides to get married? No, that's that's 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:59.080 the one thing. When I met your papa, I transferred 0:22:59.080 --> 0:23:02.119 home from living in a door to go into n 0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:05.000 y U commuting on the subway. I just couldn't take it. 0:23:05.040 --> 0:23:08.240 And never forget. I had a breed Ancient history of 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:11.000 thick book and I went crazy and I called my 0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.520 parents up and I said, that's it. I'm leaving n 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:17.520 y U. I'm not finishing and I left, which was 0:23:17.560 --> 0:23:20.679 so stupid. I had like another year to finish college. 0:23:21.240 --> 0:23:23.080 I would have loved to have been a lawyer. My 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:25.600 daughter wanted to be a lawyer, and she is a lawyer. 0:23:25.680 --> 0:23:28.520 I encouraged her they could have done that because it 0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:31.600 was a good student. I had good graves, and I 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.879 think I would have been a good lawyer. But that 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:36.200 was never that. It was just to get married and 0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:40.199