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Speaker 1: Am I the ahle for not paying my husband back

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Speaker 1: after he borrowed our kids from a vacation.

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Speaker 2: Let him starve and die in a no poverty she Yeah, sorry, dad.

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Speaker 1: This comes from then concept ninety seven thirty four, who

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Speaker 1: says I have three kids from a previous relationship, ten

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Speaker 1: to thirteen, and I have a ten month old with

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Speaker 1: my husband. I work from home, managing my own business

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Speaker 1: and pay half the bills. I also homeschool my three

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Speaker 1: older children because their school shut down a few months

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Speaker 1: back after the roof collapsed during our last big snowstorm.

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Speaker 2: Okay, entrepreneur and teacher and mom, could you imagine off, queen.

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Speaker 1: Could you imagine trying to homeschool three kids right now.

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Speaker 2: And run a business?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: No, doing this and Riley and Sophia kind of feel

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Speaker 2: like our children, that's true. Yeah, And as we are

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Speaker 2: homeschooling them how to run this business.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I do feel like you are my dad's because anytime

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Speaker 4: our one thing, I'm like, please Dad's Yeah, can I

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Speaker 4: get this?

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Speaker 3: That's true.

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Speaker 2: We spoil him too much, honestly, we do. Yeah, we're

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Speaker 2: both good cops. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Now I do all of the cooking and at least

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Speaker 1: eighty percent of the chores.

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Speaker 3: The kids do the rest.

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Speaker 1: The only chore that my husband has is garbage, laundry

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Speaker 1: once a week and grocery shopping every other week. Since

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Speaker 1: roughly December, my husband has been incredibly depressed, but won't

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Speaker 1: manage it in a healthy way despite me urging him

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Speaker 1: to get help. He's just been isolated and defensive. He

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Speaker 1: works from eight am to four pm, gets home around

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Speaker 1: four thirty pm, eats dinner with the kids, and hangs

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Speaker 1: out for maybe half an hour. He then goes to

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Speaker 1: the garage or his truck to decompress.

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Speaker 2: So he's totally tuning out. Yeah, he's completely tuning out.

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Speaker 3: Like decompressing in your truck.

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Speaker 2: Low key. Some kind of times I go into my

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Speaker 2: car and just listen to music.

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Speaker 3: I see that, I can see that.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever done that? I saw? I saw John

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Speaker 2: on the freeway. Actually, yeah, that was great, like randomly

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Speaker 2: we were like driving next to each other, and like,

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Speaker 2: I feel like you jam out to music in your

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Speaker 2: car and it's absolutely but.

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Speaker 3: Usually while it's moving.

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Speaker 1: I do, like I do like to move again, but

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Speaker 1: that's my favorite to music.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so I mean imagine still imagine fair, Yeah, fair,

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Speaker 2: I understand decompressing in a car.

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Speaker 3: All right.

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Speaker 1: He comes back inside around eight pm to help me

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Speaker 1: get the kids in bed. He then either jumps on

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Speaker 1: his computer or watches YouTube on his phone until he

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Speaker 1: goes to sleep.

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Speaker 2: Kind of sad.

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Speaker 1: Pretty much every single weekend since March, he has been

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Speaker 1: going out with his buddies as well, so typically the

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Speaker 1: only day he's actually home is Sunday, and usually either

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Speaker 1: his buddies ask him for help with their vehicles, or

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Speaker 1: he runs his errands, going to the dump, fixing his vehicle,

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Speaker 1: helping his mom.

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Speaker 3: Et cetera, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: I love how he helps his mom, but like the

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Speaker 1: mom of his children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the mother of his children, who is literally doing

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Speaker 2: everything plus running a business, won't like he won't help her.

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Speaker 3: Babe, I gotta get I gotta squeeze some more truck

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Speaker 3: time in there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I gotta go to the dump with my mom. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and the boys getting drunk and the dump is the

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Speaker 2: one way I can decompress. Don't take it away from me. Also, Spiffy, Tiffy,

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Speaker 2: I decompressed in my car after work. See it's a thing,

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Speaker 2: fair enough, it's a thing.

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Speaker 1: I am newly introduced to this concept. You know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm vibing with it the more I think about it.

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Speaker 3: Let's get back to the story.

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Speaker 1: So realistically, my kids and I only have his attention

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Speaker 1: for at most an hour a day if that, even

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Speaker 1: on his days off. Him and I have unfortunately gotten

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Speaker 1: into at least three fights since December because of his

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Speaker 1: lack of attentiveness and his constant excuse of I worked

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Speaker 1: all day slash week and need time to myself.

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Speaker 2: What do you think your wife was going all day? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: taking care of the kids, doing the business. We don't

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Speaker 2: know a business, but it is a business.

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Speaker 1: I'm super curious on everyone in the comments right now,

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Speaker 1: how do you approach someone who is like going through

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Speaker 1: depression but does kind of need to like step up

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Speaker 1: to the plate like Opie husband, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean definitely need to have like a down dirty conversation yeah, which, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It seems like that's what op is And it's like

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Speaker 1: trying to do You can't just like snap your fingers

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Speaker 1: and make it fix. But it's I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: such a there's like a really hard balance of you know,

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Speaker 1: trying to help your husband get through what's going on,

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Speaker 1: but also like, hey, this is a partnership. You need

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Speaker 1: to do your part, take care of the kids, give

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Speaker 1: me some kind of break.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I.

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Speaker 4: Feel like he's a dog groomer, what like that's her

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Speaker 4: small business, washes dogs and stuff and that's her job.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's see if that's true and find out this

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Speaker 2: guess in the comments with Opie's job, and we'll see

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Speaker 2: if we find out.

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Speaker 1: So it's truly just the lack of empathy that drives

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Speaker 1: me in stain because they have zero breaks ever, but

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Speaker 1: he still feels like he should be entitled to more

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Speaker 1: and more breaks as the days go on. So we

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Speaker 1: have fought about it. I will bring it up calmly

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Speaker 1: and he will get defensive and blow up and pull

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Speaker 1: the repetitive I worked all effing day talk the last

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Speaker 1: big fight we had a couple of weeks back, I

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Speaker 1: told him I was leaving.

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Speaker 3: Whoa don WHOA done?

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Speaker 2: Would you guys leave in this situation? Let us know

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Speaker 2: the comments divorce or not? Off you guys leave put

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Speaker 2: your answers in the comments slash chap below.

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Speaker 1: Gabby be says the husband's behavior is a bit fishy,

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Speaker 1: like is he I saw some cheating comments. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: could see cheating, but it could also just be like depression.

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Speaker 1: One one thing to note, it seems like during the

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Speaker 1: week days, I'm guessing Opie can see him in his car,

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Speaker 1: so like at least on the weekend is a different

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Speaker 1: story because he he goes off.

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Speaker 3: But maybe during the week.

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Speaker 2: Maybe that's where he's talking to his lover because it's

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Speaker 2: the only place that she can't hear. True smart man,

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Speaker 2: tricky man, tricky stinky man going to the dump with

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Speaker 2: his mom with his mom stop that both him and

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Speaker 2: his mom were stinky o dumb people. I did.

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Speaker 3: I didn't say that.

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Speaker 1: Sam said that you're I think your mom is a

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Speaker 1: great woman, but uh, you know that's the same old honor.

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Speaker 2: Definitely says therapy and maybe divorce in reality, probably like

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Speaker 2: therapy first before going straight to divorce.

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Speaker 3: Definitely definitely. So I started packing.

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Speaker 1: He begged me to stay and said he would try

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Speaker 1: to be better, and suggested we rent.

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Speaker 2: A boat or you know, at screw the therapy by

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Speaker 2: boat boat, let's whip. I've never seen someone said on

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Speaker 2: a yacht. Honestly, I haven't. I have it either.

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Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie. Boats are great boats.

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Speaker 2: Are great and also, like therapy is so expensive, boat

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Speaker 2: probably as much as therapy, and instantly we'll get your

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Speaker 2: depression away.

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Speaker 4: That is true Mexican food. I've never seen anyone sad

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Speaker 4: eating chips and salsa.

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Speaker 1: Riley has has the most like off the wall takes

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Speaker 1: on this episode.

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Speaker 3: Yes, this is great.

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Speaker 2: Dog grooming in Mexican.

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Speaker 5: Dude, when have you been sad while eating chips and salsa?

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Speaker 2: And when have I been sad playing with a golden retriever.

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying, maybe she should eat chips while grooming

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Speaker 2: her dogs on a yacht on a yacht case clothes.

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Speaker 2: Riley has solved depression. Let's go.

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Speaker 3: Good job, buddy.

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Speaker 1: So he said we should rent a boat for this

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Speaker 1: past weekend so we could all reconnect and have a

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Speaker 1: nice family weekend. I ultimately forgave him because he showed

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Speaker 1: a lot of effort after that. When he would get

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Speaker 1: home from work, he was present. He didn't go out

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Speaker 1: during the weekend with his buddies as he had been. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we love to see a change. We went on a

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Speaker 1: few walks together, just us and the kids collectively. We

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Speaker 1: were still only getting to hang out with him for

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Speaker 1: maybe an hour and a half, but he was inside

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Speaker 1: in more present. Either way, I thought things were looking up.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no not. I hate that sentence. I thought, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: it hurts dagger. Well.

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Speaker 1: He paid the down payment half the cost of the

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Speaker 1: boat two weeks ago when we discussed it, and I

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Speaker 1: was due to pay the other half upon picking up

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Speaker 1: the boat this past Friday. However, he told me on

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Speaker 1: Thursday night that he decided that he didn't want my

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Speaker 1: older children to go.

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Speaker 3: Because I believe.

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Speaker 1: They have Opie's children from a previous relationship, and they

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Speaker 1: share a baby together.

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Speaker 2: So he just wants the baby that is theirs.

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Speaker 1: Which is crazy because it's like, you're bringing a I

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Speaker 1: believe it's ten month old. I'll double check myself, but

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Speaker 1: a yeah, a ten month old. There's only so much

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Speaker 1: on a boat. Got babies take up a lot less space. Honestly, teenagers,

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Speaker 1: that sounds dangerous. You can take a baby on a boat,

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Speaker 1: I mean you can, but like should you conspiracy theory?

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Speaker 1: He is going to kidnap her and the baby and

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Speaker 1: sail off to sea to another land without her kids,

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Speaker 1: without her kids. Wow, dude, that's that's that's that's so

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Speaker 1: conspiracy theory.

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Speaker 3: It's a plot of a movie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he is it a plot of a movie. It

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Speaker 2: could be, it could be. It could be he's leaving

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Speaker 2: those land lovers lives right.

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Speaker 1: He asked me if I could have my mom watch

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Speaker 1: my older children so it could be uh, just me,

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Speaker 1: him and the baby on the boat. I asked him why,

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Speaker 1: and he said, because I need a break from the kids.

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Speaker 1: So I was pissed and snapped back, Oh, you mean

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Speaker 1: you need to break from your step kids. Your kid

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Speaker 1: is fine, but let's push my kids away because you

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Speaker 1: need a break from them. I mean, sometimes you do

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Speaker 1: need a break from kids.

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Speaker 3: But why why bring the baby the the.

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Speaker 2: Most most loud like like that? That kid seems like

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Speaker 2: the most high maintenance unless the other kids are terrors,

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Speaker 2: which I don't think we've gotten any information on h

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Speaker 2: but it sounds like he's trying to drive a wedge

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Speaker 2: between Op's previous marriage kids and like his new family.

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Speaker 2: There's no way.

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Speaker 1: That ten to thirteen year olds are more work than

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Speaker 1: a ten month old, not a shot. I can't imagine

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Speaker 1: her kid. I can't imagine. I can't imagine.

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Speaker 2: We haven't seen anything, like, we haven't seen anything from

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Speaker 2: Op saying, oh my thirteen year old and blah blah blah,

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Speaker 2: like they got in a fight. It's just like it.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't seem like there was any precedent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is odd, this is this is getting even

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Speaker 1: fishier on sea.

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Speaker 2: Ooh oh ooh.

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Speaker 3: Not my greatest but there was a connection. There's a connection. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: thank you appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, he said, I'm making a big deal out of nothing,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think I did. The kids knew about

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Speaker 1: the trip and were excited. If I dropped my older

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Speaker 1: kids off with my mother and still brought the baby

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Speaker 1: out because my husband decided he wanted a break from them,

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Speaker 1: they would be extremely hurt.

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Speaker 2: I don't like. I think the thing is, it's totally

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Speaker 2: a break from the kids. Is totally fine. Just do

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Speaker 2: it with all the kids. Yes, why bring a baby

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Speaker 2: out to the problem.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: He kept saying we can bring them next time, We

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Speaker 1: can bring them next time. But I told him no, thanks,

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Speaker 1: and said that I wouldn't be paying the other half

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Speaker 1: of the boat cost. You can sail the seven seas

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Speaker 1: by yourself, okay, yeah, walk the plank, that's all right.

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Speaker 3: It's nice.

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Speaker 1: He can either pay for it and bring out his buddies,

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Speaker 1: or he can forfeit the money he put into it

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Speaker 1: already as it was non refundable. I didn't end up

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Speaker 1: paying and he lost four hundred and fifty dollars.

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Speaker 2: How much is this boat? It would be a big boat.

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Speaker 2: What what is a down like deposit a boat?

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Speaker 3: Look like I think this was just renting it for

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Speaker 3: the day or whatever.

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Speaker 2: They're not buying a boat, They're renting a boat, right right, right,

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Speaker 2: right right. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of money.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's not nothing.

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Speaker 1: He's still pissed at me, stating that I made a

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Speaker 1: mound out of.

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Speaker 3: A molehill, but I don't think I did.

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Speaker 1: He is hardly near my kids ever, so him needing

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Speaker 1: a break from them and not his kid is absolutely

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Speaker 1: effing wild to me. Am I the a hole. We

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Speaker 1: have an edit, but first let's answer the question.

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Speaker 2: So basically, to summarize, yes, Op's husband super distant for

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Speaker 2: a long time. Ohp He's like, I'm divorcing you. Then

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Speaker 2: the husband starts to step up, and then he is like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I have a great idea. Let's like sail away on

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Speaker 2: a boat together and just spend some time away from

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Speaker 2: the kids. Except let's bring the baby. I'm wondering if

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Speaker 2: there's any precedent to him feeling like he it wants

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Speaker 2: distance from the other kids.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's like uh rosed into glasses until finally something

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Speaker 1: breaks through it. It's like he's been around the kids,

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Speaker 1: but maybe never like truly interacted or.

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Speaker 2: It seems like he's in Maybe that's why he wants

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Speaker 2: out of the house. He just doesn't want to spend

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Speaker 2: time with her kids. And it's like, if you marry someone,

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Speaker 2: I saw this comment earlier, if you marry someone, you're

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Speaker 2: you're marrying into the kids too. So it's like you

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Speaker 2: can't just say no, I just want you and not

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Speaker 2: your kids, like you're you get the full package. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so he knows what he married into. So I don't

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Speaker 2: think OPI is the a hole. Do you think there

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Speaker 2: was like more main like do you think he intended

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Speaker 2: to drive a wedge between her and her other kids

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Speaker 2: kind of like create a new offshoot of the family.

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Speaker 2: Do you think that was his intention?

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Speaker 1: I think he might not be trying to fully be

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Speaker 1: like all right, let's you know, get rid of your

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Speaker 1: kids or something like that. But I think he's like

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Speaker 1: I yeah, I think drive drive away. She's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to spend time whether he's I don't know

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Speaker 1: whether he's doing it consciously or unconsciously, probably consciously if

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Speaker 1: I had a guess, but uh, yeah, I think he

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Speaker 1: is doing that. And that's so whack.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so whack. Yeah. I'm like, all right, Like, is

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Speaker 2: there any way that he's not a massive Is there

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Speaker 2: any way that the husband is not an ahole? And like,

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Speaker 2: I think no, because of the precedent, like maybe this one,

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Speaker 2: if there was one action where he has been a

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Speaker 2: great husband, all of a sudden, he's like, hey, you,

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Speaker 2: me and the baby, let's go on the boat and like,

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Speaker 2: let's leave the teenagers behind because they're easier for someone

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Speaker 2: else to take care of, and I want to make

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Speaker 2: sure that we're with the baby all the time or whatever,

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Speaker 2: Like maybe that would be okay, But he just came

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Speaker 2: off being totally absent for the whole family four months. Well.

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Speaker 1: And the thing that makes it ten x worse is

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Speaker 1: they both told the kids we are going out on

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Speaker 1: the boat altogether.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then cutting out the kids because like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it would make the kids feel like, oh, we're not

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Speaker 2: including this new family.

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Speaker 1: Yes, which is exactly what op he was said. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't want my kids to feel like like an afterthought.

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Speaker 4: Basically, it's like if one of us, like went to

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Speaker 4: New York City for a while and just saw a

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Speaker 4: lot of cool cars and didn't invite any of the roommates.

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Speaker 4: You know, That's how this feels.

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Speaker 1: For a split second, I thought Riley was creating another

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Speaker 1: completely random, off the wall scenario. But this one's actually

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Speaker 1: rooted in reality. Our roommate in our house, that's that's

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Speaker 1: where he's.

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Speaker 2: At right now. Yeah, we all miss him. That's right. Tough.

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Speaker 5: It's tough around here.

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Speaker 3: It's down of human cats. We miss them.

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Speaker 2: I like petting them. But yeah, do you guys think

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Speaker 2: I don't know what do you all think? Do you

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Speaker 2: think there is anything? I don't really see much redeemable

328
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Speaker 2: about this guy? I think he's the ale, But I

329
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,600
Speaker 2: would love to know what you think. Is there anything

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Speaker 2: that you don't think we're seeing. We're trying to see

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Speaker 2: everything from all the angles. We're not trying to, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, defend this guy. We're trying to see everything

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Speaker 2: from all these angles. So maybe there's something we're missing,

334
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Speaker 2: So let us know.

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Speaker 3: The comments super quickly.

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Speaker 1: H specifically on Ope pulling out of the deposit, was

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Speaker 1: that in a whole move.

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Speaker 2: Well, he was like, I mean he, I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so either because of the way he

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Speaker 1: because of basically what he did. It's like your your

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Speaker 1: your actions have the repercussion of like, all right, if

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Speaker 1: you're trying to like exclude my children from this, I'm

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Speaker 1: not even interested.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna pull up.

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Speaker 1: And she said, like you can, you can go out

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Speaker 1: with your buddies, like do your thing whatever, But like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put four fifty down to like drive

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Speaker 1: a wedge and not have all of my family be

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Speaker 1: able to come and participate.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like maybe she could have given him

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Speaker 2: if this was an isolated incident, I could see her

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Speaker 2: maybe giving a little bit more leeway to be like, hey,

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Speaker 2: let's talk about this. I don't think that's a good idea,

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Speaker 2: but we have to go back to the precedent that

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Speaker 2: he set of just months of being absent. So it's like,

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Speaker 2: with that context, I think she did the right thing.

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Speaker 1: Riley was highlighting the comment from Kimberly. Fine, he could

358
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Speaker 1: rent a houseboat and get out, yea sail away and

359
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Speaker 1: never return. Well, guys, we have more to the story.

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Speaker 1: Oh there is an edit. Let's return to the story. Ooh,

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Speaker 1: he was not like this before he got depressed. My

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00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,679
Speaker 1: older children's father passed away during development when I was

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Speaker 1: pregnant with my ten year old. I got together with

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Speaker 1: my husband when my ten year old was around one,

365
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Speaker 1: and he was always a kick but father figure. He

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00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,440
Speaker 1: refused to do anything without me and the kids. Very interesting,

367
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,680
Speaker 1: that's good context. He would call my kids his children

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Speaker 1: when he got depressed. Around Christmas time everything changed. He

369
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,560
Speaker 1: will get better for a week or two and then

370
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 1: go right back to the cycle. I have tried urging

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Speaker 1: him to get help, and he will be more receptive

372
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Speaker 1: momentarily and then switch back. He first stated that it

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Speaker 1: was because he was terrified of being a crap father

374
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: his father was abusive. Now the only excuse he uses

375
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,399
Speaker 1: is I've worked all day slast week and he needs

376
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Speaker 1: more time to himself. He still to this day talks

377
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 1: to his father at least twice a week. He was

378
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Speaker 1: not abused by his dad. His trauma is watching his

379
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Speaker 1: mom and.

380
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Speaker 2: Brother be abused.

381
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Speaker 3: And that is the end of the story here.

382
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Speaker 2: So I guess that context is helpful, like he was

383
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 2: a good father, yes for a while. So maybe we're

384
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Speaker 2: wrong in thinking that he doesn't want to be with

385
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Speaker 2: the kids. Maybe it's purely like just depression and he's

386
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,600
Speaker 2: just trying to get a little bit. I don't know

387
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 2: of clarity of mind.

388
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 1: It could have been that way before, but maybe something

389
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Speaker 1: I feel like something maybe more happened because it was

390
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 1: for basically nine years doing the math nine years great dad,

391
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:19,679
Speaker 1: and then like within the last year basically yeah, he

392
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,119
Speaker 1: hasn't been but it just.

393
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,359
Speaker 2: Like why we like there needs to be therapy, Like

394
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 2: we need to like dig into this because like it

395
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,680
Speaker 2: seems like op asked and he's like, I'm terrified of

396
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Speaker 2: being a father or being a crap father. And then

397
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 2: there was not more digging.

398
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Speaker 1: And oh, I think OPI was maybe coming upon this,

399
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 1: maybe unintentionally hinting it, but she was like, he had

400
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 1: this relationship with his dad that he doesn't want to become.

401
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:46,160
Speaker 1: So maybe there's something around that that, like you truly

402
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 1: need a mental health professional to like break down with

403
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 1: you and like attack the root of that.

404
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,160
Speaker 3: Maybe that was the cause of everything.

405
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,159
Speaker 1: We don't know, but yeah, I definitely think for his

406
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 1: situation to get better, let alone the marriage.

407
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,640
Speaker 3: Definitely, uh deep therapy.

408
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, And with this context, do you think that alleviates

409
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 2: his a wholeness at all. I feel like personally, I

410
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 2: feel like I'm like I'm still thinking a whole, but

411
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 2: but I'm like I feel a little bit more empathy

412
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:20,360
Speaker 2: for him now.

413
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 1: I mean, the the trouble is, it does seem like

414
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 1: op did come to him and they you know, they

415
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: had these, they had these and it's one sided, but

416
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: they it was brought up in discussed of like, hey,

417
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 1: you need to help out around the house more and

418
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 1: do these things. It's it's almost like you're you're judged

419
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,199
Speaker 1: by You could be good for forever, but if you

420
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: do something bad right just the same way that like

421
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 1: you could lose the trust of someone in an instant,

422
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: even after years of being a great friend. So I

423
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 1: think it's one of those type of scenarios where it's

424
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: like it was, it was like confused. You're like you

425
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: were a great dad and husband everything for the past

426
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,199
Speaker 1: nine years, but then something is now changed and like

427
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 1: we talk about it, we discussed, we effectively communicate, you

428
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,440
Speaker 1: fix it for like a week or two, and then

429
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,399
Speaker 1: we're right back to where we started and it just

430
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,679
Speaker 1: repeats the cycle over.

431
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 3: And over again.

432
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:16,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, But should we give ourselves a little time

433
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: and space to enter into this next story.

434
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 3: Let's do it.

435
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 2: My daughter sperm donor doesn't want me to be in

436
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 2: her life? How do I tell her? And John? This

437
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,639
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438
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439
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440
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441
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443
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 2: now a single mother to a very curious five year

444
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 2: old daughter. Backstory, I was overseas in the military taking

445
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 2: a break for our and our I'd always wanted to

446
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 2: visit India, so I booked a trip to southern India.

447
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: While he was there, I unexpectedly fell in love with

448
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 2: a man I had met who lived in northern India. Cute.

449
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 2: I had to return back to my post in the military,

450
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 2: but we kept in touch. This was approximately ten years ago,

451
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: a love story spanning decades. I was in the military

452
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 2: for another four to five years and we kept in

453
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,479
Speaker 2: touch the entire time. I decided, once I separated from

454
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 2: the military that I wanted to do animal rescue work

455
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 2: in India. This is sick. This is so cool.

456
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 3: What an origin story?

457
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 2: This is so cool.

458
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 3: We're watching a movie right now or reading a story.

459
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, maybe this could be turned into an

460
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: Okay story Time original movie, Lifetime movie.

461
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 3: What from the makers of Okay Story.

462
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 2: So I wanted to travel the country first to figure

463
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 2: out where I was going to move to, and he

464
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 2: offered to come with me. Ooh. So we traveled around

465
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 2: the country together and I chose a place to move

466
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 2: that was not where he lived. He always respected my

467
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: independence and never pressured me to be anything other than myself.

468
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 2: We had a great relationship, and once I had moved

469
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,959
Speaker 2: to India, we flew to visit each other quite often.

470
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,640
Speaker 2: We were in love, so of course we were doing

471
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 2: the deed. I see you, I see it, I see

472
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 2: go with you see where this is going? And Diana

473
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:26,640
Speaker 2: d oh p is a.

474
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 3: Woman, that's right.

475
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 2: So I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease years

476
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,680
Speaker 2: before I met him, so we never used protection and

477
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: I never got pregnant. I also never got pregnant my

478
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 2: entire life, so it was not anything I was concerned about.

479
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 2: I explained to him the condition and we both made

480
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 2: the choice not to use protection. Well, when I was

481
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,640
Speaker 2: leaving India to go back to the United States because

482
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 2: of a visa issue, he came to help me pack

483
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 2: and move all my stuff and he stayed with me

484
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 2: for a few weeks. I always respected his boundaries that

485
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 2: I was a secret to most of his family, though

486
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 2: I had met some of his friends and cousins over

487
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 2: the year, so maybe like his family is like, oh,

488
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 2: I'm not so keen on this American woman being with my.

489
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: Exactly, it's like, hey, work together, we're doing this relationship.

490
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 3: But because of the family.

491
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: Dynamics, it's casual and it seemed and it seems like

492
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: they're both in agreement with each other.

493
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can still, like you can have unprotected

494
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 2: safe fish sex tell in terms of STDs and yeah,

495
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 2: if you both get tested beforehand and you're SDD free,

496
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: then you're fine.

497
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 5: What about like pregnancy wise, how can you avoid that?

498
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 2: Well, LP said she's infertile, so bam.

499
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 5: But I thought, I thought you said you like from

500
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,479
Speaker 5: your experiences.

501
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 2: We were respectful with each other's boundaries. I knew that

502
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: his religion was keeping him from telling his mother and

503
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: immediate about me. I had no issue with this. While

504
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 2: he was helping me pack my stuff and move, he

505
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: brought up the idea of getting married who. I told him,

506
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if you want to marry me, because

507
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 2: I don't know if I can give you what you want.

508
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 2: I know he loved kids and wanted to be a father.

509
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,640
Speaker 2: He said he wanted to marry me, and we went

510
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 2: to see if we could get married before I left.

511
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: All this this story is cute as frick. It's cute

512
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: and like kind of amazing.

513
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, Dutchess Cassanda is saying infertile is not sterile.

514
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 2: That's true. So like sterile it means you definitely can't.

515
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 2: Infertile means like you're have less of a chance.

516
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 3: Is anyone a hundred percent sterile? Is that? Like? I

517
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:50,680
Speaker 3: truly don't know.

518
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 2: I think yeah, yeah, Like if you if you date

519
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 2: someone over like sixty, maybe I don't know, they're probably low.

520
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: Right, get I guess someone who is like in the

521
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 1: menopause stage, or not the menopause stage, but someone who

522
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: is in the typical like prime years of having a child,

523
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 1: is it? Is there any scenario? I'm guessing there is,

524
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: but I just I just don't know. Unless just kidding, use.

525
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:23,719
Speaker 2: Birth control, y'all if you don't want to literally just

526
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 2: splashed condom towards me. I don't know how we got

527
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 2: in here.

528
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 5: I really do not know. Wait, yeah, I do not know.

529
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 6: All right.

530
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 2: The laws in India are very strict, and we were

531
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 2: not able to get married there, so we decided we

532
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 2: will just wait until I get back to America and

533
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 2: do the marriage thing there. When I got back, I

534
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 2: was so nauseous.

535
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 3: Uh oh, oh, I'd be seen.

536
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 2: I never even thought to take a pregnancy test until

537
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 2: my best friend had mentioned it. So I took one

538
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: just because I had no idea why I was so

539
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 2: nauseous all the time. And it turns out I was pregnant.

540
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: There you go, There you have it. That's what happens.

541
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: We've seen so many stories. Oh I'm infertile. Oh they

542
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 1: did They said I could never have kids.

543
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 3: Well you don't have one.

544
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: Just rap it the willie the willy where he gets silly,

545
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 2: shout a spiffy for that one. Turns out I was pregnant.

546
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 2: I called him, and I talked to him about it.

547
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 2: He said that I could make whatever decision I wanted

548
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 2: to because it was my body. He said he would

549
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,640
Speaker 2: support me in whatever decision I made. So I went

550
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 2: and got all the tests done and thought really hard

551
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 2: about it. I never actually wanted to be a mom

552
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 2: after finding out that I most likely wouldn't be, I

553
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 2: had kind of come to terms with that. But I

554
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 2: ended up keeping the baby. Oh how do you feel

555
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 2: about that?

556
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 3: I think it's uh, it makes sense.

557
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of great because I think OPI

558
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:05,119
Speaker 1: almost had this grieving period. You could say, it's like, Okay,

559
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: I've gone through the process of understanding and accepting I

560
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: will not have a kid, and then it's like blow

561
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: key miracle baby.

562
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 2: Yeah baby, kind of like that. Yeah. And also it's

563
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: cool that uh, Opie's love interest was so down to

564
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: support to yes super much as we have read, not

565
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 2: always the case.

566
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 3: Literally one hundred great relationships so far.

567
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. But I ended up keeping the baby, and I

568
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: am so grateful and happy that I did. Even though

569
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: things did not work out between he and I, I

570
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 2: am still completely happy that I have such a wonderful, beautiful,

571
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 2: amazing daughter to share my life with From the point

572
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: I found out I was pregnant and that I was

573
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 2: going to keep the baby, he and I started making

574
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 2: plans for the marriage visa though it was our plan

575
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: before I even left India and knew that I was pregnant. Now,

576
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 2: I feel like he wanted to be here even more

577
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 2: up until what Riley.

578
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 5: Did he know that she was American before all this?

579
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

580
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, is that the ICU?

581
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: No, the icy was that she was pregnant.

582
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh, I thought the ICU had to do something

583
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 4: with a visa because I feel like the visa might.

584
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: Oh oh, so you're saying, like, did was he Actually

585
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: that's a big conspiracy theory. Was he actually like trying

586
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: to have the baby to get a car to America

587
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: a green card to America?

588
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 2: I mean, but like he knew she was had fertility issues.

589
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be a pretty that'd be a pretty pretty

590
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: big hail mery.

591
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 4: Once everything's doing this, once things start to do this,

592
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 4: I'm putting I'm looking into that.

593
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 3: I mean, hey, we could put a pin in it

594
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 3: and see.

595
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 5: I'm sure if we had a billboard right now, putting

596
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 5: a pin in that part right now.

597
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 2: We'll see.

598
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 3: It's I like the I like the Hail Mary conspiracy theory.

599
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 2: But let's get to see what actually happened. So, up

600
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 2: until she was six months old and I was preparing

601
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 2: to send in the visa application and the application fees,

602
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 2: he was totally on board. When she was six months old,

603
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: he decided he didn't want to come here and he

604
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 2: didn't want to leave his family, so we parted ways

605
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 2: and he then had no intention of keeping touch with

606
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 2: her through video messaging or telephone calls. I don't know

607
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: if it was his own feelings of guilt or that

608
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 2: he felt like his family would disown him, but he

609
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: just completely had no interest in her life at all

610
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 2: after that. Now, whenever she asked me, which is not

611
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 2: very often, I just say he lives in India, her daughter.

612
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: I show her on a map where India is and

613
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: where we are. He doesn't ask any more questions for now,

614
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 2: but I know there will be questions later, and I

615
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 2: don't want her to have any feelings of abandonment. I

616
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 2: don't want her to feel like he chose his family

617
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 2: and his life over her. But I also don't want

618
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 2: to lie to her. So I'm feeling very conflicted about

619
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 2: how I'm going to approach the situation down the line.

620
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 2: If you have any suggestions or experience with this situation,

621
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: please let me know, Please share. Oh that was that's

622
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 2: our slash. Oh okay, OP, show that that is? That

623
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 2: is an okay family.

624
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 3: Member, not about that crazy?

625
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 2: So what do we think do we think that like

626
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 2: Op should tell the daughter everything? Is there an age

627
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: appropriate way? Or or is she already doing the age

628
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 2: appropriate way? Like in what way should Ope tell her

629
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 2: daughter about the truth of her father chat.

630
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 3: I'm also very curious on your take care.

631
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: I think we've had a few scenarios like this where

632
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 1: it's like when do you tell them, like what's age appropriate?

633
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 3: All that.

634
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 1: I generally feel like, yes, tell them, but try to

635
00:31:55,120 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: tell them at the best time and most age appropriate way.

636
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 3: At the best time, which is a hard thing to gauge.

637
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: And I don't know if there's ever like a perfect

638
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: correct solution, but like eighteen eighteen isn't isn't isn't a

639
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: bad time?

640
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know when they become an adult.

641
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 2: And well, I think it's like like maybe like I

642
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 2: think there I think you just answer.

643
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 3: Questions, answer answer question.

644
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: Yes, anytime there's a question, you just answer it. I

645
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 2: don't think you need to, like, I don't think it's

646
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 2: necessary to sit her down like and reveal all the information.

647
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 2: I think you just give age appropriate answers for every

648
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 2: question that comes up.

649
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: Well, riddle me this. Let's say, just don't ask the

650
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: questions directly. But she is maybe the mom can kind

651
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: of sense that she is curious, or maybe maybe it's

652
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 1: like the daughter doesn't even know that it's bothering her,

653
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: but the mom kind of has like a sense of, oh,

654
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: maybe she's having some identity issues or just some sort

655
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: of issue that could be caused by that.

656
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 2: Well, I think also she's going to be Indian, right

657
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 2: or like, so like is there something that she'll event

658
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: she'll eventually want to know more about? Like you know,

659
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 2: why do I look like this?

660
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: Like what culture do I? Connection to her culture?

661
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: Connection to culture? But I think those questions come up naturally,

662
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 2: you know.

663
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: I think I think generally speaking, absolutely the best time

664
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: to answer it is when they're asked and in the

665
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 1: age appropriate way.

666
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 3: I think that is. But it's a really good strategy.

667
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 2: Should we go to the discord and see what are

668
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 2: members our little sillies have to say?

669
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 5: All right, let's get him in here, so exciting.

670
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: I like this.

671
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 3: All right, here we go here anything we can't yet? Also,

672
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 3: do we know who we're talking to.

673
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 5: Mister Pigeon General.

674
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 2: Oh nice, mister Pigeon General.

675
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: Let's fricking go. This is this is your this is

676
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: your like number, the number one person in your court.

677
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I'm talking about.

678
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: Imagine, imagine you have. If Pigeon General has a completely

679
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: different take than you, what are.

680
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 2: You gonna do?

681
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 3: You kind of got a ride with your with your general,

682
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

683
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: I think your general rides with me. Oh hey, mister

684
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 2: Pigeon General. How's it going?

685
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 6: Oh? Good?

686
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 2: Good?

687
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 6: I didn't realize you call me right now. I was

688
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 6: just mixed up.

689
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, we're called right this second. So I'm curious

690
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 2: what do you think for this story? Basically like, how

691
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 2: should Ope talk to her daughter about her father? And uh,

692
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,720
Speaker 2: I don't know her her heritage, especially when the father's

693
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 2: out of the picture.

694
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,399
Speaker 6: Any thoughts I think if I was I was trying

695
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 6: to put myself in like the kids situation and stuff

696
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 6: like this, and personally I want to know like that

697
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 6: pretty early. So I'm thinking the second I'm able to

698
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 6: take care of myself really like stay home alone kind

699
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 6: of time. I think that's kind of what I would

700
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 6: want to know.

701
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: So like, like what like is that a specific age

702
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 2: when you say like stay home alone kind of time?

703
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 2: What does that mean around like twelve?

704
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 5: Ybe like preteen kind of area?

705
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 2: Oh, like like you can stay home alone by yourself, right,

706
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: and now you're ready for this knowledge?

707
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, because the second you're able to take care of yourself,

708
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,479
Speaker 6: I think you're technically old enough to be able to

709
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 6: receive that kind of knowledge.

710
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 3: Wow.

711
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: That's an interesting yeah, because that's kind of like that

712
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: is one of the like adult crossover lines I feel,

713
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: when when you feel that your kid has reached the

714
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: level of maturity that they can.

715
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,280
Speaker 3: Like basically care for themselves like an adult.

716
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think something that like some of my

717
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,479
Speaker 2: friends that have come into their like cultural identity later

718
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 2: in life, something that they wish they they wish they

719
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: knew more about their culture earlier, like where they can

720
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:00,439
Speaker 2: him from.

721
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:01,320
Speaker 3: I don't.

722
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 2: I don't think I know anyone who is like I

723
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 2: wish I didn't know more about where I can't. Yeah, yeah,

724
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 2: I've never heard that pigeon in general. Thank you so

725
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 2: much for your take it's it's uh that that actually

726
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 2: gives a lot of a good uh perspective.

727
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's no problem.

728
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 6: I actually took a DNA test recently because of you guys,

729
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 6: because you guys can talk about I was wondering if

730
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:31,160
Speaker 6: a Pandora's box or something. I was a little worried everything.

731
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 2: What did you know?

732
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 6: I learned that I am pretty much from all over Europe.

733
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 3: White people are MutS, baby, that's how we rule. Yeah.

734
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 2: Well, mister pigeon General, thanks for calling in and we

735
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 2: will see you in the stream and in the chat

736
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 2: any soldier.

737
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 3: Amazing. That was super interesting.

738
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I still ultimately feel like ask

739
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: when questions are or answer when questions are asked.

740
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: But I do think but.

741
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 2: If there's no question asked until twelve, then maybe give Like.

742
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 3: Maybe that's like the starting where you could then approach.

743
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 4: It reminds me of the story of remember the Teddy

744
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 4: Bear story that you read John? Oh?

745
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 2: Yes, Like, how can.

746
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 5: You break it down in those kind of words?

747
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 3: Yeah?

748
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 1: Basically, Yeah, what happened was this the guy was not

749
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: like I think it was the adopted father step he

750
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: was the adopted father, and then he did this exercise

751
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: with the kid where he's like, hey, we're gonna build

752
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: a Teddy Bear out of legos and she's like, oh great,

753
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: and they made the teddy. He was like, do you

754
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 1: love your lego teddy more than your regular teddy? And

755
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: she was like no, I like, I love my regular teddy.

756
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: He's like, but you made this one. She's like yeah,

757
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: but I love my my, my main teddy. And he's like, well,

758
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: I love you just like you love your teddy. Just

759
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 1: because they didn't make you, that doesn't.

760
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 2: Mean yeah almost, I'm just saying it again.

761
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 4: See with that one, it's a nice thing, but this

762
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 4: story there's not really a nice because that doesn't.

763
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 5: Want to see you.

764
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, it doesn't help, but you can still

765
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 2: get I mean, I feel like you can still give

766
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 2: contact into like where you came from without saying your

767
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,359
Speaker 2: dad doesn't want to see you. Okay, Okay, I don't

768
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 2: think you need to say that.

769
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: No, no, no, yeah, it's it's at every stage age appropriate.

770
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure,