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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Keon, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming

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Speaker 1: right up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive. I almost

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Speaker 2: lost everything because of booze oof. There is alcohol substance

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Speaker 2: use disorder and it is fairly heavy throughout this story.

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Speaker 2: So if that is a trigger for you, please tune

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Speaker 2: in a little bit later or just be aware it's coming.

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Speaker 2: Nobody knows that I have an alcohol dependency, not even

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Speaker 2: my husband. I'm female, twenty three and somehow I became

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Speaker 2: a pro at keeping secrets until now. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from user vodka Junkie, and if you want

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Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 2: Okay Storytime suburnate.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I am me Take two. I am Nick Holt,

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Speaker 3: just messing with them, just.

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Speaker 2: A little bit of goofin.

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Speaker 1: Thank you Nick for being here. Nick Holt is an

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Speaker 1: individual therapist. He focuses on building tools with individuals so

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Speaker 1: they can go about life leaning on depending on themselves

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Speaker 1: rather than a therapist. He mentioned he only meets people

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Speaker 1: as a regularly a few times a week but has

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Speaker 1: been featured in Vox, Fitting, Post, Wellness Universe, and other media.

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Speaker 1: He focuses on CBT and he's worked with men especially

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Speaker 1: and effectiveness in their careers, relationships, and lives through mental

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Speaker 1: health and has worked with veterans, athletes, executives, professionals, and

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Speaker 1: other PEAK performers. Nick, thank you so much for being here,

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Speaker 1: my pleasure, and we'll.

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Speaker 2: Get into Op's posts. Op says it started with a

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Speaker 2: glass of wine after long work days. This was never

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Speaker 2: a big deal in my family. My parents are wine snobs.

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Speaker 2: One glass turned into two or three, which turned into

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Speaker 2: a bottle at night, and then I realized it was

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Speaker 2: great for anxiety and socializing too, so I started taking

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Speaker 2: shots before events, even the ones that didn't make me anxious. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: I just started taking shots in the morning on empty

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Speaker 2: stomachs to get through the day, not eating all day,

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Speaker 2: then coming home to a bottle of wine. I even

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Speaker 2: started adding vodka to my waters to drink at work.

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Speaker 2: I've been drinking from dawn till dusk for about three

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Speaker 2: months now, wine, any kind of hard liquor you can

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Speaker 2: think of. My eyeopener was nearly losing my job two

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Speaker 2: days ago. I was really early to work. I wasn't

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Speaker 2: paying attention to the clock. I had a bit of

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Speaker 2: time to burn, so I went to the supermarket down

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Speaker 2: the road and picked up a small, mid sized bottle

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Speaker 2: of flavored vodka, poured it into a travel coffee mug,

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Speaker 2: and got started. I was out late the night before

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Speaker 2: with a relative who recently ended her marriage. I told

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Speaker 2: myself it was just hair of the dog. Work was enjoyable,

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Speaker 2: and I helped many customers. My coworkers let me take

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Speaker 2: first lunch. That was a mistake.

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Speaker 3: So, just right off the top, I think you can

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Speaker 3: hear the slipperiness of alcohol use turning into going from

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Speaker 3: something that is helpful and maybe protective and assuages some

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Speaker 3: of the feelings that we might have. But then you

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Speaker 3: can see that that's just increasing, right, and then there's

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Speaker 3: more of a tolerance, so that requires more of the substance, right,

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Speaker 3: And it sounds like around this part of the story

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Speaker 3: she is getting a little bit away from herself and

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Speaker 3: her ability to influence it. Yeah, So that's definitely a

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Speaker 3: couple of the things just off the top that I'm

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Speaker 3: hearing and that I'm thinking about as she's saying this.

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Speaker 2: Once you're just doing it to go to work. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I grabbed my mug, I went to my car, and

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Speaker 2: then I started hitting it hard, just becuz I even

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Speaker 2: refilled my mug, and this is straight vodka, we're talking.

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Speaker 2: Lunch was up and I clocked back in. I was

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Speaker 2: really feeling it, but I didn't feel that I was

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Speaker 2: acting any differently. In fact, I felt more productive. About

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Speaker 2: an hour after I had returned from lunch, I was

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Speaker 2: called into the office. The floor supervisor said there was

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Speaker 2: a customer complaint and that I was being sent home

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Speaker 2: for the remainder of my ship. I had had enough

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Speaker 2: that the booze wasn't even my first assumption. I spent

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Speaker 2: the drive home crying and wondering what I did, and

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Speaker 2: in hindsight, that is how effed up I was. It

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Speaker 2: was the weekend, so my husband was home when I returned.

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Speaker 2: I just collapsed into the stairs, crying hysterically and told

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Speaker 2: him how I was sent home and they wouldn't tell

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Speaker 2: me why. He comforted me the best he could, although

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Speaker 2: he was concerned. He said it wasn't that great of

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Speaker 2: a job anyway, and I could always find another one

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Speaker 2: if they let me go. I was grateful for his comfort,

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Speaker 2: but secretly started to wonder if it could be my drinking.

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Speaker 3: This is where the lie begins. It sounds like with

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Speaker 3: the husband. Yeah, and you can see here that there's

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Speaker 3: already a discrepancy between me, her version of the reality,

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Speaker 3: and some of the thoughts that she has related to

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Speaker 3: the problematic nature of what she's going through as well

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Speaker 3: as what is observed from the outside. So her ability

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Speaker 3: to kind of reality test in the use of the

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Speaker 3: substance is compromised.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like, so you're saying like she's unaware that

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Speaker 2: it's clearly the substance or like the drinking that has

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Speaker 2: sent her home.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. As soon as something is interfering with your ability

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Speaker 3: to perform your employment, your occupation, your school, your personal wellness, Like,

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Speaker 3: that's when things start to arise as far as a

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Speaker 3: disorder within the DSM. So to justifying her denying her

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Speaker 3: going through her own p pros, that's different from the

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Speaker 3: observable impacts of others. It is concerning. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: one of your most trusted intimate relationships to feel like

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Speaker 3: you're having to now hide from this, I'd be curious

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Speaker 3: as to what feeling she's having during that process. Is

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Speaker 3: she worried about disappointing her partner. Is she embarrassed? Is

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Speaker 3: she ashamed? You know, there's there's a whole culmination of

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Speaker 3: things that she could be going through to rationalize such

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Speaker 3: a reaction. But at the end of the day, you know,

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Speaker 3: we all have a reason for doing what we do.

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Speaker 3: It really comes down to the impact of that which

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Speaker 3: we choose to do.

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Speaker 2: I had to pull myself together quickly though, as I

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Speaker 2: had my other job to get to photography. I had

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Speaker 2: a family shoot in the park. I put my makeup

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Speaker 2: back on, got changed and headed out. The mug was

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Speaker 2: still in my car, and this time I said I

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Speaker 2: need it because I'm scared and had a bad day.

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Speaker 2: I kept drinking. We exchange lows and get started shooting

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Speaker 2: as soon as they pulled up. I barely even remember

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Speaker 2: the shoot. I was lucky that my camera settings were

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Speaker 2: on point because I never even bothered to change them

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Speaker 2: for the duration of the session. The booze worked in

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Speaker 2: my favor for one thing only the kids. They were

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Speaker 2: giving me high fives and full of energy, and I

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Speaker 2: was able to run with it. What was going to

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Speaker 2: be a half hour shoot turned into an hour and

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Speaker 2: a half. I didn't notice and they were going with it.

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Speaker 2: I thank them for the shoot, they paid me and

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Speaker 2: we left the drive home. I was scared. I saw

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Speaker 2: that I had managed to take great pictures, but I

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Speaker 2: was having difficulty driving. Oh no, yeah, that's even just

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Speaker 2: driving around during all this too.

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Speaker 3: It's just like pretty concerning.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and this just started up, Like what is

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Speaker 2: I think in the past three months? Is what OP said.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to reorient myself, like so throughout this

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Speaker 3: whole story, she's intoxicated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like it.

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Speaker 3: So she's driving around like it's not a big deal,

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Speaker 3: non chalant, she's doing her work like it's no big deal. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: she doesn't remember parts of the work that she's doing.

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Speaker 3: So that that's.

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Speaker 2: Kind of startling to me how fast this has come

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Speaker 2: on to that level. It's like in three months and

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Speaker 2: she's keeping this, you know, kind of a secret, and

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Speaker 2: it's really I mean in a like kind of devastating

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Speaker 2: her life here or at the very beginning of could

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Speaker 2: lose your job, could lose your clients, you know, could

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Speaker 2: impact your relationship.

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Speaker 1: Don't want to talk about it, but you could lose

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Speaker 1: your life with the driving well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, absolutely, or harm someone else in the process

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Speaker 3: and then jeopardize your own freedom and choices going forward.

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Speaker 3: It's stark how I think how normal this is for

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Speaker 3: her and how dangerous and risky the behaviors are. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and you can see. I mean, like you said, I

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Speaker 3: think your point is strong as far as the escalation

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Speaker 3: in such a short period of time really really getting

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Speaker 3: away from her and seems like it's out of her

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Speaker 3: control and influence.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would think like, oh, there's something that like

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Speaker 2: happens and then that's the thing that causes this ple

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Speaker 2: It seemed like it just like creeped up out of

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Speaker 2: nowhere and just became this like giant monkey on her

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Speaker 2: back that she was just carrying around because it was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I would drink like a glass of wine, and then

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Speaker 2: I was drinking too, and then I was drinking a

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Speaker 2: bottle and now I'm, you know, taking shots before I

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Speaker 2: drive to work.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and I think that's part of the myth

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Speaker 3: and the mystique of the kind of stuff, whether it's

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Speaker 3: mental health where there's substance abuse, like so often we

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Speaker 3: think it's going to be this giant thing that just

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Speaker 3: emerges on our doorstep one day and it's going to

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Speaker 3: change our lives even in getting better, Like we just

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Speaker 3: think it's going to be this one thing that's everything

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Speaker 3: else is going to be different from henceforth. And so

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Speaker 3: often it's these micro shifts, these micro rituals that can

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Speaker 3: change and layer upon each other to try to improve things.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes we can get ahead of ourselves when it

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Speaker 3: comes to these magical beliefs about what's going to happen

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Speaker 3: or what's going to change, or how we're going to

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Speaker 3: be okay.

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Speaker 2: And because that's what it's kind of started with, she's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I noticed there was a benefit. It's like I noticed

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Speaker 2: I I would feel better, I would talk, but I

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Speaker 2: felt like I did my job better. I felt like

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Speaker 2: I was less anxious.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's the part when when I'm talking

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Speaker 3: to folks that is always good to focus on, is

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Speaker 3: that none of this stuff that ends up having a

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Speaker 3: negative impact or it comes out of like a majority

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Speaker 3: of it does not come out of an evil place, right.

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Speaker 3: Oftentimes it comes from a place where you're desiring some

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Speaker 3: sort of protectiveness for yourself, and so you're trying to

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Speaker 3: cope or make things easier or find relief. But unfortunately,

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Speaker 3: when we choose things that provide you know, inconsistent, unhealthy,

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Speaker 3: unsustainable kind of relief. For us. That's where we can

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Speaker 3: get in ourselves in trouble. You know, if you're diet, exercise, meditation, breathing, whatever, like,

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Speaker 3: these things are going to provide you with health and wellness,

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Speaker 3: They're going to be sustainable. They're things that you can

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Speaker 3: continue to tap into. As far as rituals. It's when

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Speaker 3: we find other things that we lean into that strongly

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Speaker 3: that can be really challenging.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, before you get into it, Dakota, I know a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are tuning in right now. Again, there

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Speaker 1: is a trigger warning for I mean, what did what

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Speaker 1: was the trigger.

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Speaker 2: Trigger order for alcohol substance use disorder. Yes, and it's

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Speaker 2: pretty yeah, just an active, pretty.

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Speaker 1: Active director, pretty story. And we do have a professional here,

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Speaker 1: Nick Holt, who is an individual therapist and specializes in

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Speaker 1: the CBT.

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Speaker 3: Correct Nick, Yeah, Yeah, I have a history of being

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Speaker 3: accredited by the Academty of Cognitive Therapy. I think it

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Speaker 3: is something that is that I have done. I think

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Speaker 3: there's definitely you know, there's better people out there, but

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Speaker 3: it's a part of my background and education and specialization,

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Speaker 3: and so I do take that with me along with

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Speaker 3: other things, whether that be motivational interviewing or just a

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Speaker 3: kind of psychodynamic connection and humanistic approach to people that

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Speaker 3: I'm working with, regardless of its private practice, public sector,

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Speaker 3: or even supervisors.

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Speaker 2: He give us a little breakdown of CBTQ as cognitive

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Speaker 2: behavioral therapy, right.

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Speaker 3: I did not clear, don't know.

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Speaker 2: I'm yeah, I'm so curious myself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. So I think my understanding of the core principles

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Speaker 3: of cognitive behavioral therapy really emerge out of Aaron Beck.

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Speaker 3: I think he was at University of Pennsylvania for a

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Speaker 3: very long time, really accredited scholar in many ways, but

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Speaker 3: really trying to look at the connections between our thoughts,

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Speaker 3: the feelings that we have, our actions, and perhaps how

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Speaker 3: those can vary based on situation, circumstances, events, and how

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Speaker 3: we might have these like automatic reflective thoughts that come

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Speaker 3: from things like core beliefs within us. So, for example,

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Speaker 3: common core beliefs could be you know, I'm unlovable, I'm

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Speaker 3: not good enough, I'm inadequate, I'm incompetent. These sorts of

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Speaker 3: things really kind of are like the core that we

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Speaker 3: have within us, and then we can have these automatic

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Speaker 3: kind of thoughts stemming from them and falling out of those.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've kind of I've heard that described like like

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Speaker 2: if your like mind was a piece of paper, you

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Speaker 2: have like a fold that you folded multiple times, like

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Speaker 2: that thought of like well, like I'm like I'm unlovable,

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Speaker 2: and it's like you fold that enough times, it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: no matter what, the paper is going to just want

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Speaker 2: to fold back that same way increase, so you're trying

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Speaker 2: to like undo it.

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Speaker 3: I think that can be an idea that can be

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Speaker 3: challenging too, where it's like undoing, like we seem to

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Speaker 3: be in an age of annihilation where it's like if

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Speaker 3: we hear something or we think something, we want it

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Speaker 3: like gone from the earth, like scorched earth, just nothing

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Speaker 3: left from it. But in reality, like we have to

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Speaker 3: tolerate discomfort were our lives are not going to just

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Speaker 3: be perfect. There's going to be times when we're going

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Speaker 3: to be sitting in the insert word that's appropriate for

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Speaker 3: social media, sitting in it, sitting in it there you go, yah,

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Speaker 3: you know, And and we got to be able to

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Speaker 3: find the balance within ourselves to be able to have

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Speaker 3: like feel empowered and have the confidence to approach that

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Speaker 3: sitting in it today, sitting in it tomorrow, and ongoing,

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Speaker 3: and so often it's it can be one of those

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Speaker 3: things where we will, you know, January first comes and

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Speaker 3: we're like going to hit the gym every single day

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Speaker 3: this year. But you know, you start with that initial momentum.

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Speaker 3: That momentum might get you part way up the hill,

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Speaker 3: but at a certain point you're it becomes difficult, it

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Speaker 3: becomes a ritual, it becomes a process, it becomes like

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Speaker 3: an actual thing that you have to shift into and change.

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Speaker 3: And that's the part where I think therapy, group, therapy,

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Speaker 3: support groups, you know, peer even advice. I mean, this

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Speaker 3: show is a great example of something where you're you're

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Speaker 3: talking about situations you're proud of, I mean different perspectives.

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Speaker 3: You have a community of people here who clearly care,

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Speaker 3: and you're wanting to just try to support each other.

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Speaker 3: But I think where it can be helpful to have

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Speaker 3: a professional is really the layer beyond that, which is

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Speaker 3: when you're trying to have a safe space with unconditional

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Speaker 3: positive regard. You know, I try to bring a curiosity, interest,

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Speaker 3: engagement to the interactions that I have with folks, and

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Speaker 3: if you're able to commit to something like that. It

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Speaker 3: can you know, it's not going to give you that

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Speaker 3: immediate relief that you might crave, like the alcohol. But

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Speaker 3: over time, you slowly build those muscles up, you build

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Speaker 3: those layers, and ideally you're coming out feeling more empowered

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Speaker 3: and more confident. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I like that thing of it, like like emotional and

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Speaker 2: mental muscles, getting them stronger up those emotional reps that

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Speaker 2: we can handle. But let's get back into this story here,

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Speaker 2: Op continues. My head was spinning. I called my husband

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Speaker 2: since I missed a call from him, and he said

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Speaker 2: that he wanted to go for a drive by the

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Speaker 2: apartments we were moving to in a few weeks. I

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Speaker 2: made it to the how and got in his car.

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Speaker 2: A few minutes in I blacked slash passed out. I

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Speaker 2: was so tired from the drinking and crying. He knew

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Speaker 2: I'd had a long day, so it wasn't strange to

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Speaker 2: him that I fell asleep in the car. I vaguely

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Speaker 2: remember driving by the complex. On the way back, I

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Speaker 2: was feeling sick. I don't remember saying anything. I just

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Speaker 2: remember him asking if I was going to puke, and

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Speaker 2: I shook my head yes. He pulled over and I

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Speaker 2: hurled relentlessly straight acid. He asked me if I had

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Speaker 2: eaten and I said no. We went home and he

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Speaker 2: bought me dinner and I devoured it and passed out again.

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Speaker 2: He assumed it was stress and fatigue. The next day

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Speaker 2: was my reckoning. At this point, I knew what I

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Speaker 2: was going to be in trouble for, but I hoped

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Speaker 2: it wasn't. But sure enough, the floor supervisor had smelled

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Speaker 2: the booze on my breath after lunch and called the manager.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a customer complaint at all. I lied and

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Speaker 2: said that I hadn't been drinking on the job, but

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Speaker 2: he must have smelled it from the night before. She

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Speaker 2: accepted that, saying that he had mentioned that and I

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Speaker 2: got a ride up for policy's sake, and given that

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Speaker 2: I'm an excellent employee. I almost lost my job though,

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Speaker 2: and I'm pretty sure my co workers didn't buy the story,

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Speaker 2: though it was a half truth. Now I'm the elephant

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Speaker 2: in the room when I go to work. As for

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Speaker 2: my husband, I gave him the same story. I said

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Speaker 2: it was hair of the dog. He was really disappointed

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Speaker 2: that I would risk it all, and he was concerned

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Speaker 2: for my health. But he encouraged me to move forward

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Speaker 2: from this and learn. Without him, I know I would

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Speaker 2: never have the strength to quit. He's too important. I

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Speaker 2: just can't believe I let it get this out of hand,

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Speaker 2: getting wasted at work and risking relations with my own

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Speaker 2: clients and my own husband. I need help. I'm lucky

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Speaker 2: they didn't just fire me on the spot or call

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Speaker 2: the police. But I am determined to quit. Today will

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Speaker 2: be day one. It has to be. And there are

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Speaker 2: some comments here, well, I mean it sounds like this

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Speaker 2: whole post was op kind of beginning that process of

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Speaker 2: releasing that for sure, that secret or you know, the

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Speaker 2: burden that they've been having. And they're like, this is

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Speaker 2: you know, wake up call risk in it all here?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what did they say? I think it's speak it right,

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Speaker 3: something like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that is the phrase.

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Speaker 3: No, I mean, just to be able to be so

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Speaker 3: open and you know, demonstrate like it shows insight, right,

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Speaker 3: I mean, it shows that I know that this is

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Speaker 3: a problem. I made mistakes. I demonstrate poor judgment in

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Speaker 3: these instances. But she's also aware of it, and also

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Speaker 3: she's reaching out, she's wanting help. I mean, oftentimes that

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Speaker 3: can be the hardest step is to put yourself in

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Speaker 3: a position of vulnerability to be able to ask for help.

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Speaker 3: So often in our culture, you know, pull yourself up

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Speaker 3: by your bootstraps, you know, the hyper masculine principles of

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Speaker 3: tolerance of pain, like I'm the person who can drink

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Speaker 3: a twelve pack and it won't affect me. I'm the

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Speaker 3: one who can take more of this, you know, give

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Speaker 3: that to me, or then the physical prowess like this

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Speaker 3: is who I am, this is my identity. I'm the

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Speaker 3: tough guy. I'm the type a whatever it might be.

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Speaker 3: And to be able to cut through that, to be

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Speaker 3: able to cut through the stigma of reaching out for

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Speaker 3: help mental health care. Oftentimes people would rather be an

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Speaker 3: addict than admit that they have a mental health issue. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean she's cutting through it up by just kind

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Speaker 3: of going through that.

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Speaker 2: I think one thing I would say, and we're going

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Speaker 2: to get into some comments here, but one thing. I

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Speaker 2: think it's kind of ambiguous of how much her partner

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Speaker 2: is aware of her struggle. Right now. Great, you know,

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Speaker 2: full transparency with your partner definitely help.

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Speaker 3: It sounds like she leans on him a lot, and

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Speaker 3: so to have somebody in your life that you're that

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Speaker 3: intimate and connected with, and you're missing this key aspect

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Speaker 3: of who you are, what you're doing, and some of

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Speaker 3: the potential cons of your behavior. I mean that's pretty significant.

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Speaker 3: So I think if she's able to a huge first

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Speaker 3: step outside of doing a post would be to try

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Speaker 3: to find the confidence and the courage to share that

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Speaker 3: with her partner. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because the post is kind of like that broad

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Speaker 2: like just let it out into the world, yeah, but

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Speaker 2: then letting it out into your world specifically. So I

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Speaker 2: would have a feeling like, I'm sure he's somewhat aware

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Speaker 2: that there's something going on, you know, because it's ramped up,

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Speaker 2: and I mean, if you're drinking the way that say

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Speaker 2: you are, it's probably way clearer than you think it

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Speaker 2: is to others that that is what's happening. Maybe there

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Speaker 2: is something going on. It's like, you know, the person

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Speaker 2: like does his substance and then they're just like yeah,

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Speaker 2: but nobody knows. And it's like everyone knows, but like

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Speaker 2: we're just no one's gonna come up to you and

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Speaker 2: say anything because people don't like to be put into

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Speaker 2: that kind of uncomfortable context.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, maybe I'm the only guy. But uh, blissful

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Speaker 3: ignorance withinside of a marriage or relationship, some kind times

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Speaker 3: can be nice too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's yeah, that definitely could be the case.

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Speaker 3: Well, let's hope that the partner is picking up on something.

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Speaker 2: Well, we have some comments here. Comment one. One of

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Speaker 2: the many delusions we alcoholics live under is the idea

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Speaker 2: that nobody knows. They know they have noses, and no

402
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 2: vodka is not odorless. I suspect you know that this

403
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Speaker 2: is just beginning. If you want to halt the inevitable

404
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 2: downward spiral, now is the time to act. You're going

405
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Speaker 2: to have to do more than make a Reddit post, though,

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Speaker 2: seek help, whether it's through a local AA meeting or

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Speaker 2: a professional The longer you put it off, the harder

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Speaker 2: it will be. Good luck. Second comment says, because of

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Speaker 2: my drinking, I almost lost custody of my children and

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Speaker 2: a professional career. Desperation made me willing to do whatever

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Speaker 2: it took to get well. I highly doubt that your

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Speaker 2: husband and people who love you don't think something is amiss.

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Speaker 2: I thought I was hiding my drinking because it was vodka.

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Speaker 2: I went to a school conference with a teacher and

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Speaker 2: was told they could smell booze on me. I started

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Speaker 2: by getting addiction specialists for a counselor. She got me

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Speaker 2: started on the road to recovery. Detox, rehab and outpatient

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Speaker 2: treatment led me to AA. These resources gave me the sober,

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Speaker 2: happy life I have today, and I wish the same

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Speaker 2: for you. Third comment says, the good news is that

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Speaker 2: you've lived through this horrible experience and turned it into

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Speaker 2: a lesson. You've had a terrible day and got something

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Speaker 2: good out of it. This is your wake up call,

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Speaker 2: and you sound ready to wake up. Good luck and

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00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 2: enjoy reclaiming your life. And we do have a final

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Speaker 2: update here. I guess I would just maybe ask what

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Speaker 2: are like, you know, some common pitfalls you would see

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Speaker 2: people have when they have these moments to reation, and

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Speaker 2: like things they could avoid backtracking or missteps. You know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, first of all, I mean with comments like that,

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure why I'm here. Those are some pretty

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Speaker 3: powerful words right there. Actually, one of your commenters brought

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Speaker 3: it up, and you mentioned it too. It's like, don't

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Speaker 3: just put this out into the world and thinking that

435
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 3: you're actually taking a step that's going to be sustainable

436
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 3: and that you're going to be able to leverage off

437
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 3: of right. You need to channel this into some more

438
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 3: direct action, and I think that's part of the reason

439
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 3: to want to broaden up to try not to keep

440
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 3: the secrets right. You want to broaden it out to

441
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 3: people that you care about, like the partner, so that

442
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 3: you can have more support. And as you find more support,

443
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 3: you share that with more people, You're going to be

444
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 3: able to have more commitment that then you're following up

445
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 3: with with these other people. So really moving from the

446
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 3: idea to the post to trusted loved one and then

447
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,439
Speaker 3: you know, really from there, it depends on how she

448
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 3: wants to go. You know, does she want to start

449
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 3: with therapy, does she want to start There's great suggestions

450
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 3: as far as AA and the amount of support that

451
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 3: there is in many communities already or online these days.

452
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 3: Just trying to be open to different and to try

453
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 3: to build and maintain that momentum. I think our critical

454
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 3: next steps that someone like that could take.

455
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,920
Speaker 2: Let's get into this update. Thank you so much everyone

456
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 2: for the words of encouragement and much needed words of advice.

457
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 2: I will be seeing a counselor soon who specializes in

458
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 2: substance use disorder I also spoke to the supervisor who

459
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 2: called me out. We had a really amazing talk and

460
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,880
Speaker 2: I confessed everything and apologize for putting him in that position.

461
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 2: He said that he would be a friend and trustworthy

462
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,120
Speaker 2: ear if I ever need it again. Thank you all.

463
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 2: I'm officially twenty four hours clean and rooting for much more.

464
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 2: Very nice, And that is the end of that story. Yeah,

465
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 2: I didn't expect the supervisor. That's a cool place to work.

466
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: I guess if there's supportive of that. I mean, had

467
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 2: some cool bosses that would probably be like, hey, I

468
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: understand you're having a problem. Yeah, let me be an

469
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 2: ear to lean on.

470
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 3: It's great too to have those resources at work. I

471
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 3: think we can be pretty privileged if we have you know,

472
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 3: the EAPs and the referrals to try to help get us,

473
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 3: sustain us right, and get us back to where we

474
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,399
Speaker 3: need to be. Recognizing, you know, we're all going to

475
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 3: have challenges at work every now and again, and do

476
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 3: we have the support and coaching that we're longing for,

477
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 3: Like in the workplace, do we have the trust with

478
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 3: our supervisors and colleagues to be able to try to

479
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,239
Speaker 3: move forward in a positive direction? But you know, at

480
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 3: a certain point, every employer is going to have to

481
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 3: move down a performance plan if it carries on. So

482
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 3: good for her for recognizing the issue and taking steps

483
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 3: to do different.

484
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 2: You know, honest, it's hard. Well, I think that a

485
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: lot of people just keep that secret because it's you know,

486
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 2: once it's out, it's like the accountability now is there.

487
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 2: It's like other people are going to be like, hey,

488
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 2: you've been drinking. You either continue to lie or you

489
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 2: be vulnerable about it.

490
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think that's fair. I think also too,

491
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 3: like if you don't really have an impt on, like

492
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 3: if you don't put it out into the world, like,

493
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 3: you can also kind of pretend with yourself too, right,

494
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 3: It's like this magical thought that things are going to

495
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 3: be different.

496
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's kind of the self delusion, you know,

497
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: just like, well it'll be fine.

498
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 3: I think someone mentioned that too.

499
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like I'm just drinking. It's not like I'm

500
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: not drinking vodka now, I'm just drinking wine. So it's

501
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 2: like I've got it under control.

502
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

503
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 3: I've heard it described as like the tentacles of an octopus. Alcoholism.

504
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 3: It kind of slowly pulls you in. One of my

505
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,880
Speaker 3: former colleagues shared that one with me, which I thought

506
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 3: was a good visualization.

507
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that that is a good vit just

508
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 2: on addiction.

509
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, well especially alcohol too. It's not like you're going

510
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 3: from zero to one hundred with something like a stimulant.

511
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 3: It's kind of the slow pull that draws you in

512
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 3: from a glass of wine to a shot at tequila

513
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 3: to you know, fifth of vodka.

514
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't really just like explode out into full

515
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 2: blown like yeah, alcoholism, dependency right away. But that was

516
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 2: the end of that story, and we have some questions

517
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: from our audience.

518
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 1: Well before we do that or just kidding, I'm not

519
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 1: going to do that. I was going to say, well,

520
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: we would like to introduce Nick again, because it's a

521
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: I am me, you are.

522
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 2: You, therefore you am the deep some deep stuff.

523
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 1: With philosophical here.

524
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I am Nick Holet. I'm honored to be here.

525
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 3: Thank you for inviting me.

526
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you so much for being here, Nick, And yeah,

527
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: we do have some questions, Dakota please.

528
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right. Well, first question here, what tools would

529
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 2: you give a person to become more dependable on themselves

530
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 2: rather than their past?

531
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 3: And I appreciate you guys, sending me some of the

532
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 3: questions in evance, so it's not a total surprise like

533
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 3: that last segment. Yeah, I think in general like that

534
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 3: to me that that frame is a little concerning in

535
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 3: the sense that, like I think somehow it is implying

536
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: that I'm going to be the one with the answers, right.

537
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 3: It's kind of can put you into that guru role

538
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: or like that idealized role as someone with a credential

539
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 3: or a title, or a license or some mystical knowledg

540
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,479
Speaker 3: that someone else might not have. And I don't always

541
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 3: think that that's fair or true. I've heard before that,

542
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 3: like as a therapist, as long as you're not doing

543
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 3: immense harm to someone, whether they succeed or whether they fail,

544
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 3: it's really not about you. It is about the person

545
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 3: that you're working with and what they are doing. So

546
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 3: if you're able to provide that space, that conduit for

547
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 3: them to explore that on their own, that is where

548
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 3: the true skill enters. But back to the question, I mean,

549
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 3: it's not like none of us come into this moment

550
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 3: without some sort of things that are working for us,

551
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 3: and so to demonize or devalue the past as in

552
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 3: that everything that I've done up to this point has

553
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 3: been unhelpful or hasn't served me in any way I

554
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 3: think would be a mistruth. So really trying to I

555
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 3: think the process of individual therapy is looking at the

556
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 3: person's background. You know, they call it the biopsychosocial biological information,

557
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 3: psychological information, social information. Really trying to get a deep

558
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: dive and an understanding of the person before you that

559
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 3: you're working with, not only for you as the therapist,

560
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 3: but also for what you co create in that environment.

561
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 3: And through that process oftentimes you know, I mean, humans

562
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 3: are really good at tracking themes and patterns, right, pattern recognition,

563
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 3: So through that process of unpacking things, you can start

564
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 3: to see that there's certain instances, situations, times where things

565
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 3: might be emerging that become problematic or causing some issues.

566
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 3: So looking at that, and then the next step from

567
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 3: there really is to try to for the person across

568
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 3: from you, trying to understand like if they feel safe,

569
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 3: if they feel like they can have a conversation with you,

570
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 3: if they feel like they can be vulnerable, if they're

571
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 3: open to a commitment where you're trying to support them.

572
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 3: And then for me, if I can bring curiosity, if

573
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 3: I can bring engagement. If I can bring interest, if

574
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 3: I can bring confidence to that interaction, I think it

575
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 3: can help in empowering the person, building confidence, perhaps providing

576
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 3: some hope, and then being able to take that next.

577
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 2: Step no matter what. Like the the answers are kind

578
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 2: of within us in terms of like how become more

579
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 2: self dependent?

580
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 3: Way to put that, like, yeah, you have to be

581
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 3: I mean you're embodying you, Like, what is it twenty

582
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 3: four times seven, one hundred eighty eight hours a week

583
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 3: right now?

584
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 2: You know, like with I don't know, is that someone

585
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 2: check that math? I have no idea that was right.

586
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 3: It's just luck or I'm slightly on the spectrum or both,

587
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 3: you know, fifty minutes for individual therapy session. Yeah, out

588
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 3: of a week. You've got to be able to self

589
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 3: generate that momentum. You got to have something that is

590
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 3: going to carry you through for the rest of the week.

591
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 3: So you have to be We all are self dependent

592
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 3: to a certain extent. So it's a question of remembering

593
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 3: that and figuring out how we can be more true

594
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 3: and attuned to our intentions and how we can try

595
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 3: to push forward into things that are going to be

596
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 3: of greater benefit. For us that are more consistent for

597
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 3: us healthy relief, healthy rejuvenation, you know, all the all

598
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 3: the saw terms. Great. Yeah.

599
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: One of our commentors, Heya Mingming, says, Nick's like a

600
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,199
Speaker 1: guide who walks with you and not in front of you.

601
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 1: Nice approach.

602
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 2: We had another therapist on who talked about, you know,

603
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 2: when you hear people being in therapy for like, you know,

604
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 2: fifteen twenty years, you'd be like, well, that kind of

605
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,120
Speaker 2: sounds like that might not be working for you. Actually,

606
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 2: like the goal should kind of almost be that you

607
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 2: shouldn't have to have the therapist for longer than a

608
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 2: couple of years, you know, or you know, however low

609
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 2: it's like case by case. But like indefinite reliance on

610
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 2: like that system is not necessarily you know, a good thing.

611
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it depends on what you're using that

612
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 3: space for, right because at the end of the day,

613
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 3: and look, I'm not only the hair coll president, I'm

614
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 3: also a client. You know, I've gone through my own stuff.

615
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 3: I've I still believe in the practice. So like for me,

616
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 3: I might continue to go because I understand that that's

617
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 3: fifty minutes or an hour that is carved out for

618
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 3: me every couple weeks or every you know month, I

619
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 3: can choose to use that time how I wish, I

620
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 3: can choose to reflect on things that are current, that

621
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 3: are going on. I know, I have a consistent kind

622
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 3: of person that I trust, that I can lean on

623
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 3: for support. And sometimes, you know, like in today's day

624
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 3: and age, you know, it can be tough to find

625
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 3: places like that that are truly intended to be about

626
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: you holding up you. It's not really a fair thing

627
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 3: to put on a relationship or a friendship, so I mean,

628
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 3: but also noted on the other end, which is that like,

629
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 3: if you're you know, still having the same challenges day

630
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 3: one that you do at year fifteen, you know, you

631
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 3: might want to think about that. You might want to

632
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 3: reflect and maybe get a second opinion.

633
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 2: Definitely be helpful. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here,

634
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 2: and we're going to get back to the stories. But

635
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 2: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. Our next

636
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 2: question here is how do you get people to break

637
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 2: habits or patterns over the course of their lives? Pattern breaking?

638
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, rituals I mean are really important for us

639
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: in our day to day lives, and pattern breaking I

640
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 3: think again, looks at like this. This goes back to

641
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: the frame of more like we do things because they're

642
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 3: protective to us, right, so safety, Yeah, our familiarity or

643
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,719
Speaker 3: or even just routine and ritual, right like waking up

644
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 3: and having the cup of coffee for me is like

645
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 3: part of a routine. Looking at the habit, trying to

646
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: see if it's something that you're open to doing different,

647
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 3: or looking at if it's problematic to you, I think

648
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 3: is the first step, right, because not all habits are

649
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 3: bad within what my belief is within moderation like Aristotle's

650
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 3: Golden mean, you know, moderation and all things kind of

651
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 3: pull from that a little bit. But if it is

652
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 3: something that is problematic, like drinking a fifth of vodka

653
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 3: on a day to day basis, that is a habit.

654
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: To start to look into those A question like that

655
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 3: also kind of makes it so that there's like a

656
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: magical land or there's going to be like this one

657
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 3: answer that's going to show up and just change everything.

658
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: I don't know about you, but I've never heard something

659
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 3: that someone has told me that's immediately caused me to

660
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 3: change something.

661
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, I mean, given the you know the

662
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 2: nature of like what thoughts and behavior. It's like it's

663
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 2: so relative. One thing isn't necessarily going to work for

664
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 2: I mean, anyone else. You know, it could just be

665
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 2: that's what you need.

666
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: When you hear something, you may resonate with it, you

667
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 3: may share some similarities, may be you may connect to it.

668
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 3: But really it's like a process of change. And so

669
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 3: the habit breaking begins, I think in reflection and then

670
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 3: kind of some form of analysis and looking at what

671
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 3: you're doing and trying to more deeply understand that, look

672
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 3: at what's helpful, look at what's not so helpful, look

673
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 3: at what you're open to changing, look at what our

674
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 3: deal breakers and you're not willing to change, and trying

675
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 3: to carve out a you know, a what do they

676
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: call smart goals? Right? Is it specific, measurable, accurate, realistic, timely?

677
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: No, that's first for me.

678
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 3: Oh, I could have screwed that up. But anyway, trying

679
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 3: to you know, because if you just put out like,

680
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 3: you know, I hope to be thinner or I hope

681
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 3: to be you know, healthier, Like that's not very specific,

682
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 3: it's how the heck are you going to measure that?

683
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 3: You know? Is it realistic? Right? And then what's the

684
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 3: timeframe on that. Are we talking months or days? So

685
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 3: as long as you're doing a process of like looking

686
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 3: at what type of goals you're having, are they realistic,

687
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 3: are they kind of more smart goals, then I think

688
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 3: you're gonna be in a better position to move forward

689
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 3: and do different Yeah.

690
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 2: I think we also talked earlier about people's tolerance for

691
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 2: discomfort now being so low and just probably like the

692
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 2: awareness that it's easy to think about like doing things

693
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 2: differently and stopping things or well not necessarily always easy

694
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 2: to think about a lot of people to spend a

695
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,239
Speaker 2: lot of effort not thinking about that, but uh, just

696
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: the sitting in that realization that yeah, it's going to

697
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 2: be difficult, Like making an active change is not an

698
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: easy thing concludely, but that it's not you know, impossible,

699
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 2: this is going to suck and it's going to be

700
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 2: really hard.

701
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 3: Well, and I think a lot of the circumstances that

702
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 3: you know, we're talking about relate to the kind of

703
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 3: the desperation to escape those those feelings right off the cuff,

704
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 3: right you know, I think a lot of people want

705
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 3: to go towards that substance or that situation or that

706
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 3: behavior that's going to provide soothing, But sometimes there's value

707
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 3: in just kind of sitting in the feeling and not

708
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 3: trying to judge yourself, just trying to experience it and

709
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 3: with that and trying to stretch what it's like for

710
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: you being in that space. Yeah, and it's oftentimes it's

711
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 3: another kind of a CBT technique tool concept. We imagine

712
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 3: that something's going to be much worse than it actually is,

713
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 3: so you can operationalize that through like rating scales, and like,

714
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 3: you know, if I go to the party tonight and

715
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 3: I'm around twenty five people, I imagine that that's going to

716
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: be like ninety percent most uncomfortable experience I ever have.

717
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 3: You show up, maybe you see somebody that you know.

718
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 3: You come back the next day, you look at that

719
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: same like spreadsheet. How bad was it actually, Well, you know,

720
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,760
Speaker 3: it's still pretty bad, but maybe it was like thirty

721
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 3: five percent of the worst anxiety or distress that I've had.

722
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 3: So I mean, I think you got to look at

723
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 3: your thoughts, appreciate them, and but also be able to

724
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 3: tolerate discomfort uncomfortable feelings. And there can be a benefit

725
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 3: to sitting in that too.

726
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,959
Speaker 2: I kind of want to touch on because you said

727
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 2: not judging it and just sitting in it. I feel

728
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 2: like there was like kind of like a line where

729
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 2: it's like, I mean, you don't want to do like,

730
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 2: you know, negative self talk so bad, Like it's like

731
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,399
Speaker 2: a we all do it though, yeah, but finding that

732
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 2: line between like, well, I'm going to give myself the

733
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 2: grace to like kind of let that go versus like

734
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,240
Speaker 2: I need the cold water of like this is actually

735
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,879
Speaker 2: really bad and it feels kind of like a tight rope.

736
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 3: Well, and that's why I think sometimes if we're struggling internally,

737
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 3: it can be helpful to you know, go on Reddit

738
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 3: or wherever. Go seek out community, seek out people that

739
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 3: you trust. Like you can't just trust anybody with anything

740
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: in your life. There's a lot of people who will

741
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,240
Speaker 3: try to leverage that or exploit you for that vulnerability,

742
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 3: for their own kind of ego, for their own status,

743
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 3: for their own sense of power, whatever it might be.

744
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, just trying to

745
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 3: have people in your corner that you trust, trying to

746
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 3: take a risk of sharing it with them. And if

747
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 3: you don't have that, there's a lot of just general

748
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 3: resources too, like what nine eight eight, the Mental Health

749
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,760
Speaker 3: Credit Line for support and resources. There's plenty of people

750
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 3: who are caring, willing and open to having that chat.

751
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,320
Speaker 2: It's always better to talk than to just to say nothing.

752
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 3: It could be very very hard to do though.

753
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 2: Our next question, how do you prioritize what tools to

754
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 2: give first when there's so much ground to cover in

755
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 2: so little time.

756
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, and that goes back to I think what

757
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 3: you're talking about. It was a nice lead in there.

758
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 3: As far as lead in there, it depends on what

759
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 3: you're dealing with, right, I mean, if something is super intense,

760
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 3: super acute, you know you're you're worried about feeling being

761
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 3: alone and feeling safe without any sort of self harm self.

762
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,280
Speaker 2: On a live that's good, You're you're right on the

763
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 2: the algorithm censoring.

764
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 3: Yes, I've probably screwed that up. But if you're in

765
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 3: that you know danger to self area, right, and you

766
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 3: don't trust yourself to be alone without acting upon it.

767
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,800
Speaker 3: In that space, you have a specific target of harm

768
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 3: of hurting somebody else, and you don't trust yourself to

769
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 3: kind of be alone without doing that. If you're in

770
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 3: a situation where you're struggling to grasp reality, and maybe

771
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 3: you're developing some really concerning behaviors and you're at risk

772
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 3: of not being able to care for yourself independently. If

773
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 3: you're really struggling with that, there's immense value to consulting

774
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 3: with your primary care physician, going to the hospital and

775
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 3: trying to have some form of a stabilization process where

776
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 3: you can just get you yourself that foundation to leverage off,

777
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,959
Speaker 3: you know, like talk therapy. If I'm talking to someone

778
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 3: and they're telling me that they're wanting to unlive themselves,

779
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 3: then I'm not really focusing on these sorts of things, right, Yeah,

780
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 3: where you want people to feel safe and cared for

781
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 3: in those environments, whether they be hospitals like or intensive teams.

782
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 3: In moments like that, medication can be incredibly helpful too.

783
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 3: I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know some and they

784
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 3: are a lot of advancements there. So really it just

785
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 3: depends on matching the tool to the situation where the

786
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 3: person is. That can vary so widely depending on what's

787
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: going on. I saw I think in the comments that

788
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 3: there was an earlier comment about the danger of stopping

789
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 3: alcohol immediately.

790
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,800
Speaker 2: Which is incredibly true.

791
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 3: Right, So if you want to go to a detoc center.

792
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 3: You want to do that under medical advisement, Like, that's

793
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 3: not something you want to mess around with. So, you know,

794
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 3: matching the tool to the person, to the situation, to

795
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,720
Speaker 3: the level of care is a lot of what mental

796
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 3: health is. But going back, you know, short story long,

797
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 3: going back to the question if you're meeting with somebody

798
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 3: for the first time in an outpatient setting, really like,

799
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 3: I'm not going to have a wand that's going to

800
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 3: make everything better. I wish I did, But you trying

801
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 3: to leverage and lean on the things that that person

802
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 3: is already doing that is helpful that they're finding. You

803
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 3: can bring in tools and techniques, and in cognitive behavioral

804
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 3: therapy there's a real emphasis on homework, so you're having

805
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 3: something to carry you through. I like providing people with

806
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 3: information people call that, you know, psycho education related to

807
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 3: what you might be going through, articles or references that

808
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 3: it might be helpful for people to check out after

809
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 3: the session. But really just trying to focus on, you know,

810
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 3: where are you right now, what are going to be

811
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 3: the immediate concerns, and then what's going to be helpful

812
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,760
Speaker 3: until that next time that we check.

813
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 2: That reminds me of my buddy taught me about the

814
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 2: It's called the Eisenhower Matrix. Have you ever heard of that? Oh,

815
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,919
Speaker 2: it's like I'm probably gonna get.

816
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: This wrong too, don't worry, I'll look it up.

817
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 2: It's like, I mean, it was developed by Dwight Eisenhower

818
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 2: during the Second World War, and it was to figure

819
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 2: out what is actually like the most important pressing things

820
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 2: going on versus what is really not that important?

821
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,280
Speaker 1: I got you. The Eisenhower Matrix is a time management

822
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: tool that sorts task into four quadrant space on urgency

823
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: and importance. So urgent slash important important, not not urgent,

824
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: urgent not important, and not urgent non important important. Decide

825
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: what to do first scheduled, delegate or eliminate, focusing on

826
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: long term goals over mirror busyness.

827
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's more. And it's more like the context of

828
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 2: like I guess, organization, but like I think applied in

829
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 2: that mental health context. It's like, yeah, like where like

830
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 2: what are the most like pressing sort of I mean

831
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 2: in the you know, the context of like self harm

832
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 2: or like violence, like potentially like dangerous like things that

833
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 2: we need to really focus on first absolutely and then

834
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, maybe your relationship with your brother isn't

835
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 2: as important as you not you know, ending your like

836
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 2: let's put that one first, or you know, I don't

837
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 2: know that that kind of flippant, but not.

838
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 3: No, I think you're you're spot on, and I think

839
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 3: a lot of times people can be stuck in that

840
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 3: situation where they're focusing. It's almost like the uh survivor's guilt, right,

841
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,959
Speaker 3: it's like, don't worry about me, you know, worry about

842
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 3: all these people. Like I remember, having worked with veterans

843
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 3: in the past, I would always hear like kind of

844
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 3: this like veteran myth where it's like, oh, no, you

845
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 3: know what, I was just in operations. I wasn't really

846
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 3: doing anything that important. You know, go focus on the

847
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 3: people that are deployed, right yeah. Oh, and then you

848
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,319
Speaker 3: talk to the people that are deployed and they're like, oh,

849
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 3: you know, don't worry about me. Go like, focus on

850
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 3: the people at the fobs, the forward operating basic. You

851
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 3: go talk to them, and they're like, don't worry about me,

852
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 3: you know, I'm go focus on the special forces and

853
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 3: the people that are really doing the stuff. And then

854
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 3: you talk to those people and They're like, you know what,

855
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 3: the only heroes here are in the ground, and so

856
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 3: it's like you have this idea, you have this pursuit,

857
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 3: like not me, but them, and where does it go? Right?

858
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 3: At some point? You know, as they say, you got

859
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 3: to put the oxygen mask for yourself, You got to

860
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 3: carve out time for yourself.

861
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 2: All right, Well here we have another question here. Have

862
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: you ever worked with a client on something you weren't

863
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 2: entirely certain would help and how did you navigate that uncertainty?

864
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think that's a common experience. I mean,

865
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 3: even coming in here today, my goal would be to

866
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 3: be helpful, to be of assistance, right, walk in through

867
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 3: the same process with anyone you meet for the first time. Right, So,

868
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 3: always worry that you're not going well. I always worry

869
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 3: that I'm not going to be able to achieve the

870
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,280
Speaker 3: goals that I set out for myself. But I try

871
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 3: to keep an open mind. I try to come in

872
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 3: with a really kind of convey curiosity, interest, engagement as

873
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 3: part of my intention, and just be as confident and

874
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 3: competent as I can. In the moment, we all, I

875
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 3: think worry about not being so helpful or not being

876
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 3: of assistance, and it's part of that process. I think

877
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 3: the person who walks through the door has a similar

878
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 3: experience of not knowing what's going to happen, not knowing

879
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 3: where this is going to go, not knowing if this

880
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 3: is going to be helpful. So just trying to acknowledge that,

881
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 3: see it for what it is, and then just trying

882
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 3: to do my best every step of the way, try

883
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 3: to be helpful, trying to even ask those difficult questions

884
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 3: of like is there something more that you're hoping for

885
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 3: out of this time together? Yeah, and then just seeing

886
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 3: where that kind of goes. Does that answer the question?

887
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I think the most important thing that

888
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 2: you're talking about setting intention. A lot of people consider

889
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 2: that like woo woo, like blah blah blah, but like

890
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 2: really like centering yourself and because I think the question

891
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 2: is like how do you deal with not knowing something

892
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 2: will work? And it's just by setting the intention of

893
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,760
Speaker 2: like I just want to be able to find something

894
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 2: that works, Yeah, can help mitigate that, Like I guess

895
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 2: it would be like doubt, you know where it's like,

896
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: no matter what, I'm still bringing that energy to the

897
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 2: table for sure.

898
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 3: In positive regard to the person that you're across from. Yeah,

899
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:57,399
Speaker 3: a desire to be of support and assistance, like you're saying. Yeah.

900
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 3: The other thing too, is like I think, oftentimes what

901
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,959
Speaker 3: feelings that are difficult to hold, if that's a whole

902
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: topic onto its own, one of those would be helplessness.

903
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 3: So what do you do when you feel helpless? What

904
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 3: do you do when you feel vulnerable? How do you

905
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 3: move when you're in that space? Right? And for a

906
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 3: long time, I think we're going to get to that question,

907
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 3: but I think I've learned more recently having acceptance, demonstrating

908
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:25,399
Speaker 3: acceptance and grace in the face of helplessness has been

909
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:29,399
Speaker 3: much more beneficial to me than ways that I might

910
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 3: have responded to it in the past.

911
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 2: And I think our last question here, hey, key on

912
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 2: here we're going to get back to the stories, but

913
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 2: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors, is how

914
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 2: has your approach to therapy evolved over the years? Is

915
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 2: there something you do now that you wish you had

916
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: known when you first started?

917
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 3: Now I'm doing the lead ins. Yeah, So like I think,

918
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 3: like I was going to say there, I mean, I

919
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 3: think going into the field, like this is a second

920
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 3: career for me, So going into the field I think

921
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 3: I wanted, I felt helpless. I wasn't sure how I

922
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,279
Speaker 3: was going to do with this nervous as far as

923
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 3: you know, my career and my progression, and so holding

924
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 3: that helplessness it really motivated me. Coupled with you know,

925
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,399
Speaker 3: you could say a core belief of not good enough

926
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 3: propelled me into like desperately seeking out knowledge, trying to

927
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,280
Speaker 3: ask questions that I thought were going to be helpful

928
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 3: to me, really pursuing certification and kind of like on

929
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 3: a path of perfectionism. Right.

930
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 2: It's interesting that like on its face, you know, I

931
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 2: would call like, you know, the feelings of like desperation

932
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 2: or helplessness like negative, but it's like those negative feelings

933
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: drove like a positive. I mean, like the gain, you know,

934
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 2: the search for more knowledge, like the hunger. Yeah, I

935
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 2: don't know, it's just a thought experiment, interesting to reckon with, Yes,

936
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 2: like that root being in negative place but the outcomes

937
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 2: being positive.

938
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 3: Like, well, many things are kind of double sided right

939
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,240
Speaker 3: in that respect, or as we were talking about before,

940
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 3: like the razor's edge there as far as but I mean,

941
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 3: I think a lot of successful and famous people also

942
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 3: kind of go through that process too, right, where they

943
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 3: came from some sort of an environment where they were

944
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 3: feeling a certain way and that just drove them into

945
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 3: action or compulsion or obsession or whatever it might be.

946
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 3: And it can be really beneficial, it can be protective,

947
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 3: it can be really exceptional. There can be downsides, yeah, right,

948
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 3: and at some point there is a downside. And for me,

949
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 3: going back to the question, like, I think where my

950
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:33,400
Speaker 3: pursuit and my drive was a positive what it left

951
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 3: When you focus too much on technique or tools, you

952
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 3: can lose the connection with the person across from you.

953
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 3: And so I think, over time, rather than feeling like

954
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 3: I have to demonstrate confidence inside a session, I've realized

955
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 3: that you can do a lot more by asking a

956
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 3: question rather than making a statement, If that makes any sense, Yeah, Like,

957
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 3: can you ask the question in such a manner as

958
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 3: to evoke the statement you would have liked to make, Like,

959
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 3: help that person to realize that themselves empower themselves on

960
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 3: their own, rather than you just providing information that they're

961
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:06,760
Speaker 3: probably going to forget.

962
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, there's a there is a total difference

963
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 2: between uh, you know, hearing something and then and and

964
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 2: thinking something you know it coming from yourself is definitely yeah.

965
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 2: So they yeah, asking the question that gets the statement.

966
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,919
Speaker 2: There you go saying the statement that makes them ask

967
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 2: a question.

968
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 3: I like that.

969
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 2: I'm certified now.

970
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, all the stuff is in the background.

971
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, stuffed animals. That was our last question. But

972
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 2: for anyone listening who wants to learn more or maybe

973
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 2: work with you or or follow you, where where could

974
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 2: people find you?

975
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 3: Website is probably the best place. For those of you

976
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 3: who still use those are Nick Holt LCSW dot com

977
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 3: and I c k H.

978
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 2: All right, yeah, and I'm sure we'll put that right there.

979
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: We do have one question from our audience, actually from

980
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 1: the live from the chat itself. Hi, guys, I have

981
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: a question please. My fiance really struggling with giving up

982
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: alcohol and our services are absolutely useless. What do you

983
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 1: suggest he struggles with cutting down slowly? Thank you?

984
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 2: Well, I would say right away, because I don't know

985
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 2: if you know there's any AA resources in your area.

986
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:14,720
Speaker 3: Wells, you said services are.

987
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 2: Useless, But AA was my pawpaw degenerate whino for decades

988
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 2: and those were his own words. Not to judge anyone

989
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 2: out there was a problem. He AA was he swore

990
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 2: by it, swears by it, or well deadd he has

991
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 2: passed away.

992
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 3: But what did do you find helpful about it?

993
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,240
Speaker 2: It was the the community and the sponsor. His sponsor

994
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 2: was really having that level of sort of accountability and

995
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 2: then also not feeling alone in it. You know, That's

996
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: that's the biggest thing I think throughout you know, the

997
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 2: is the sense of community.

998
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:49,720
Speaker 3: Was the ritual helpful?

999
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: Well, I'm sure because he was going, you know, very steadily.

1000
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 3: Not the social work here or anything.

1001
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 2: No, No, yeah, he actually it was before he and

1002
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 2: my grandma married. He got sober and he was like,

1003
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 2: I'll marry you, but you also have to get sober

1004
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 2: as well. Nice and she did the same thing. She's

1005
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,879
Speaker 2: been sober for I don't want to get her date wrong.

1006
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: It's been sober a long time.

1007
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 3: Incredible.

1008
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: To also add to that, honeybeet is not in the US.

1009
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,359
Speaker 1: She is in the UK Okay, to give you a

1010
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: little bit more of a background for that.

1011
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:22,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's unfortunate to hear that the services are not great.

1012
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 3: You know, sometimes I find it's what we're expecting from

1013
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 3: the resources that are out there too. I Mean, sometimes

1014
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 3: we can thrust upon providers like that they're going to

1015
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 3: be this magical answer when maybe it's not going to

1016
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,239
Speaker 3: be everything that we hope for. Also, you know, a

1017
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,720
Speaker 3: lot of if somebody's really struggling to the point where

1018
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 3: they're not going to be able to do it themselves,

1019
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 3: involuntary services are tough, tough situation. So it's like, I

1020
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 3: know a lot of like families and loved ones want help,

1021
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 3: but the involuntary measures are there's a really high legal threshold.

1022
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 3: So I'm not too sure what she's going through there,

1023
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 3: But heart goes out to you and does sound like

1024
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 3: there might be some supports, whether they be in person

1025
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 3: AA or online supports.

1026
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 2: And just me, I don't know, I heard a long

1027
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 2: time ago that it's I mean, there's probably way more

1028
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 2: to it than this, but just that expectations, like talking

1029
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 2: about how the services are just very abysmal, that expectations

1030
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 2: or cause us to feel disappointment as we expect something

1031
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: out of it, for sure, but maybe just expecting already

1032
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 2: that it's going to be kind of like what you

1033
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 2: talked about earlier, just like sitting in the fact that

1034
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 2: it is going to be very difficult kind of no

1035
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 2: matter what, and taking ownership and responsibility of that, and

1036
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 2: then I did hear there's you know, there's a Theo

1037
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:41,320
Speaker 2: Vaughn is another he's a comedian, podcaster guy who also

1038
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 2: dealt with a lot of problems with addiction, and he's

1039
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 2: gotten sober and he said the thing that helped him

1040
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:50,760
Speaker 2: was the idea of contrary action, which is really simple

1041
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 2: and I guess it's simple to think about, but it's really,

1042
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 2: you know, executing it that's important. It's just the thought

1043
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 2: that whenever you think you want to do something that

1044
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:02,359
Speaker 2: you're like, I know, I'm trying not to do that thing.

1045
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 2: My mind is telling me I want to do that thing. Literally,

1046
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 2: do anything else, just the contrary to that desire to

1047
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 2: do that action. It's like I want to drink, going

1048
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 2: for a walk, I want to drink. I'm gonna read

1049
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 2: this book, I'm going to do a one hundred jumping jacks,

1050
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 2: literally anything. But it's you know, it just comes down

1051
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: to that execution and it sucks. Like, yeah, I mean,

1052
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: I'm trying to stop doing nicotine right now, and it's bad.

1053
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 2: I guess that makes me pretty hypocritical.

1054
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:35,240
Speaker 3: Doesn't it. Hey, look, man, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

1055
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:36,919
Speaker 2: That's a great, right there.

1056
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it sucks to go through it, right, I mean,

1057
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 3: just trying to cut down on anything or trying to

1058
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 3: stop anything is flowing over that easy. In a motivational interviewing,

1059
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 3: there's this thing called like I think it's the decisional

1060
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 3: balance change or decisional change balance, something like that, but

1061
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 3: it's pretty much acknowledging that. So often we think there's

1062
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 3: two choices, like I'm going to do this, I'm not

1063
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 3: going to do this, But really there's four options, right,

1064
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 3: what are the pros and cons of doing this? What

1065
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 3: are the pros and cons of not doing this? And

1066
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:11,360
Speaker 3: while some of these things may be redundant or repetitive

1067
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 3: in some of the areas, you might get a different

1068
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 3: answer for that thing. So you know, in your example,

1069
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 3: I mean, what do you like? I always love the question,

1070
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 3: you know, like what do you like most about back?

1071
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 3: Or what do you like most about? Right, it's the

1072
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:30,320
Speaker 3: unexpected embracement of what do you like most about nicotine?

1073
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 2: I don't even have an answer, Like the answer is

1074
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 2: that it's like when I do it, it makes me

1075
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 2: not want it. It's just insidious. Don't do it, folks.

1076
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 2: Don't do it, folks. I think now, Yeah, awesome, Dakota

1077
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 2: is now in session for addiction. But you know what,

1078
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 2: I will say this, the pouches are probably harder to stop,

1079
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 2: but it is better than a cigarette. I will stand

1080
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 2: on that. Have you seen the coffee pouches, no coffee pouches, Yeah,

1081
00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 2: they have.

1082
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 3: Coffee ground pouches. That was wow. So like Bruce Bochi

1083
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 3: stopped chewing tobacco like through these things apparently.

1084
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, well if he can act, certainly. Yeah, I've

1085
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 2: seen some other stuff out there too of like you know,

1086
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 2: like nootropics and other stuff.

1087
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 3: But got it.

1088
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 2: But yeah, they are also pretty expensive and that's the

1089
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 2: other part. And it's money. Yeah, and we will be

1090
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 2: moving on into our next story. I'm stuck in the

1091
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 2: loop of having no experience, so I can't get a

1092
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 2: job to gain experience. I feel like there are many

1093
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:33,439
Speaker 2: people my age stuck in the same position. But here

1094
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 2: are the particulars of my situation in case it helps.

1095
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 2: I am twenty three female, and I graduated from a

1096
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:43,239
Speaker 2: fairly well regarded private school in May of twenty fourteen.

1097
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: While there, I held leadership positions in several campus organizations,

1098
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 2: worked two jobs, studied abroad what's her Name and managed

1099
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,280
Speaker 2: to stay on the dean's list all but one semester.

1100
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:56,719
Speaker 2: Both my on and off campus hobbies gave me a

1101
00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: ton of hands on experience in my majors just East Asians,

1102
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 2: Studies and communications, especially marketing, PR and copywriting. And by

1103
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from user random redditor twenty five.

1104
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 2: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

1105
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime subpart it and let's get

1106
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 2: into Op's story. Opie says, despite all of this, it

1107
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 2: seems that I made a huge error in not pursuing

1108
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 2: an internship while in school. I honestly feel like I

1109
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 2: gained more firsthand experience and useful knowledge from my other activities,

1110
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,760
Speaker 2: but I made a mistake in not placing more importance

1111
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 2: on the networking and resume building aspects of an internship.

1112
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 2: I'm honestly open to doing anything pertaining to the communications field,

1113
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 2: and I don't mind doing mundane work if it means

1114
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 2: I can get my foot in the door. It's not

1115
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:42,439
Speaker 2: a lack of direction. I am just very passionate about

1116
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 2: almost every aspect of communications, and I really feel that

1117
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 2: I could happily pursue a career in any of them,

1118
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 2: especially if there's an organizational or creative aspect to it.

1119
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: But as it is, I can't even get a secretary

1120
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:57,319
Speaker 2: position since I don't have office experience. In addition, I

1121
00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 2: feel like my appearance may be affecting the few interviews

1122
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 2: I have gotten. I have a nice suit, and I

1123
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 2: always do my hair and make up very conservatively and professionally.

1124
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 2: For interviews. I bring portfolio materials, extra resumes and feel

1125
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 2: that I'm a fairly confident speaker, but I look slightly younger,

1126
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 2: and I think it's further hurting my credibility. For now,

1127
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 2: I would be happy just to have the money to

1128
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 2: live comfortably. I love my small apartment and don't have

1129
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 2: many bills. But I'm tired of the incredibly inconsistent schedule

1130
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 2: of my part time job, and I want the funds

1131
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 2: to be able to have a savings account, get a

1132
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: car that doesn't constantly break down, and to be able

1133
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 2: to treat the wonderful people in my life to nice things.

1134
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm tired of always being twenty bucks away from

1135
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 2: a financial crisis. In the long term, I want to

1136
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,240
Speaker 2: use the money I earn from my career to start

1137
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 2: a nonprofit to help my community. I have a very

1138
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,839
Speaker 2: clear vision of what I want to do and how

1139
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 2: it would run, and I've even done research on the

1140
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 2: paperwork and stuff involved. But I don't have the money

1141
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 2: to buy a building or equipment or any et cetera,

1142
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 2: et cetera. Anyway, thanks for reading this. I feel really

1143
00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 2: frustrated and I'm losing the motivation to keep sending in applications.

1144
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 2: I'm getting by now as one of those peppy barista girls,

1145
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 2: which I don't absolutely hate, but definitely don't see as

1146
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:11,880
Speaker 2: a career i'd like to pursue. I'm really just looking

1147
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,320
Speaker 2: for guidance. I would love to hear stories from people

1148
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 2: who broke out of this cycle and any tips on

1149
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:19,879
Speaker 2: kickstarting a career. And we do have some comments here. Yeah,

1150
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 2: I guess, I mean, how do you get past like

1151
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 2: that feeling of like, oh it's like I look too young,

1152
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 2: or it's like I'm doing all, I'm coming one hundred

1153
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 2: and ten percent prepared and it's still not working, like.

1154
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,959
Speaker 3: The well or let alone, just the exhaustion of continued rejection. Yeah,

1155
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:38,959
Speaker 3: I mean, I know a lot of this is more

1156
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 3: like career counseling and guidance and Lord knows. There's a

1157
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 3: lot of career coaches out there as well as again,

1158
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 3: I think the community probably has some wise words. Yeah, yeah,

1159
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 3: for someone like this. You know, I've had my own experiences,

1160
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 3: you know, coming into a bad economy way back in

1161
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:58,359
Speaker 3: the Byzantine Empire. But just the pursuit it can be

1162
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 3: draining and exhausting. I think it also comes back to

1163
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 3: the earlier topics about you know, just sitting in that fatigue,

1164
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 3: sitting in that exhaustion. You know. The other thing that

1165
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 3: kind of stood out to me is it sounds like

1166
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 3: she has an existing job, so there could be a

1167
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 3: kind of a comparison cost risk kind of analysis that

1168
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 3: she is making right where she's looking for the perfect

1169
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 3: rather just than the next. But who knows. I don't

1170
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 3: want to assume. I don't I don't want to think

1171
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 3: like I have any clue what she might go into.

1172
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 3: I'm just really hearing the frustration, the fatigue, and resonating

1173
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 3: with how that can be.

1174
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 2: Yees, sitting in that and acknowledging that. I think that

1175
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 2: was a good point, the looking for perfect instead of

1176
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 2: looking for next, you know, And it's like, if you

1177
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:45,400
Speaker 2: know you can take one step towards that perfect scenario.

1178
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 2: That's better than taking no steps and just getting worn down. Yeah,

1179
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 2: on that hunt for for sure perfect scenario.

1180
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 3: And just taking that, you know, the step out the door, right,

1181
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 3: I mean I think you know, there's no real I mean,

1182
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:00,840
Speaker 3: it sounds like she is having some issues, like with

1183
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 3: the interviews itself, something there is not going well or

1184
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 3: for whatever reason, she's not getting the job, which is unfortunate.

1185
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 3: But at the same time, you know, I think you

1186
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 3: got to really look at what you're open to recognize

1187
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 3: that it's going to be tough coming out. There's always

1188
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 3: temp work that you can get into.

1189
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 2: Oh you know, what's something I just saw. Do you

1190
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 2: know who David Chow is? Yeah? Yeah, So he's been

1191
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 2: he's been uploading a little more recently on on YouTube

1192
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 2: and stuff, and he was talking about I can't remember

1193
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 2: the content, but it was he's talking about resumes, and

1194
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 2: he was saying, like, you should never lie unless it's

1195
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 2: like life or death, but like sometimes like getting that job,

1196
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 2: like that's what that is. So it's like, maybe do

1197
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: a little fib Maybe do a little lie. You can't

1198
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 2: get the job because you don't have office experience, say

1199
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 2: that you do if you know that you will, you know,

1200
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 2: thrive in that environment. I don't know, you know, I

1201
00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 2: don't ever usually advocate for like lying.

1202
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 3: Oh way back to the secrets. We do a full

1203
00:57:58,760 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 3: callback here, but in.

1204
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 2: That context of like, yeah, it's kind of like at

1205
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 2: the end of the day, like if you're talking about

1206
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 2: the context of like a job, as long as you're

1207
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 2: not putting people at risk with your you know, theoretical unqualifiedness, right,

1208
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 2: it's like, definitely don't lie to become a surgeon, which

1209
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 2: I would like to think that you can't lie and

1210
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 2: become a surgeon.

1211
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 3: I would hope that that can happen.

1212
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 1: We read a story where someone was sending out job

1213
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 1: applications and I think their sister like messed with their

1214
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: job application. I forgot chat if you guys remember what

1215
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 1: it was. I think it was just like they love

1216
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 1: like pizza or like they love pizza roles or something

1217
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 1: like that. On like every job application. A lot of

1218
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 1: managers or workplaces responded with this guy's kind of funny,

1219
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 1: like this guy has a good vibe about him. Yeah,

1220
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 1: like like he was really upset at first, but then

1221
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people were responding back because like this

1222
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: is different from the normal job applications that we get.

1223
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 2: Or just a little thing that stands out. Pizza role guy.

1224
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, something like it was something like that.

1225
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 2: We could out I like, I want some pizza role

1226
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 2: energy in the office.

1227
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: It was something like that. Yeah, this guy's hilarious.

1228
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 3: So yeah, you never know what's going to buy it, right,

1229
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 3: And and I think to the point you made earlier,

1230
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,919
Speaker 3: like the first the interview is the step in the door, right. Yeah.

1231
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 3: I remember a former mentor of mine recommended reading What

1232
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 3: Color Is Your Parachute, which is a good career book

1233
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 3: about kind of how to approach your your life and

1234
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 3: your next steps. And of course there's all the other

1235
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 3: ones like how to win friends and influence people. Yeah, yeah,

1236
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 3: you know, but this is outside the scope of the

1237
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 3: therapist here. This is just the human who's had jobs.

1238
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is in part yeah, that's valuable, you.

1239
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 3: Know, just having what do they call it informational interviews, right,

1240
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 3: like just reaching out to somebody that you think that

1241
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 3: you might want to learn from, and just be like,

1242
00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 3: let me buy a cup of coffee, let me buy

1243
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 3: a lunch, tell me about what you do. How can

1244
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 3: I learn what you do? How did you get your start?

1245
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 3: How would you recommend someone at this point getting their start. Yeah,

1246
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,200
Speaker 3: these types of things can be really helpful and just

1247
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 3: making sure that. I think he also says in that book, like,

1248
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,760
Speaker 3: you know, looking for a job is you're almost putting

1249
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 3: in the same amount of time as working a job

1250
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 3: sometimes where you're really putting in a lot of time.

1251
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,520
Speaker 3: That said, I know, the economy is really really bad

1252
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 3: right now. I will say, as somebody who has hired

1253
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 3: some people, the part about the fibbing can be really

1254
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 3: important if you're if you show up and then don't

1255
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 3: demonstrate any of that, Yeah, be sure that if you're

1256
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: putting something on there that might be exaggerated, be sure

1257
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:29,800
Speaker 3: that you're able to back it up.

1258
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 2: With some fib with tact there you go. Don't tell

1259
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:35,200
Speaker 2: anybody you're a rocket scientist. Yeah, if you don't know

1260
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 2: how to do long division, you know, like there's tactical fibbing. Yes,

1261
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 2: mostly in that context of like this commenter is being like, well,

1262
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,680
Speaker 2: I don't have any like office experience. It's like, I

1263
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:51,000
Speaker 2: don't know that feels like sod. The vibes of like

1264
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 2: an office I feel like translate to the vibes of like,

1265
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 2: you know, any even like a high like high school.

1266
01:00:56,240 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 2: It's like there's a dynamic computers, Yeah, exactly, a printer. Yeah,

1267
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:03,240
Speaker 2: do you know how to not make all of the

1268
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 2: people around you uncomfortable? Like you know, it's just very

1269
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 2: basic levels of awareness and familiarity.

1270
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 3: Well, in these days, the office, you know, it's a

1271
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 3: different concept than when I was coming out of school. Yeah.

1272
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 2: I mean at these days, I wonder how much is

1273
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,640
Speaker 2: even being uh you know, checked by a person. It's

1274
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 2: like we're dealing with it right now. We have like

1275
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 2: we're applying for an apartment and they're like verification system is.

1276
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: It's an AI bought and we got.

1277
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 2: It's just a cold, merciless thing that you're like, you

1278
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 2: can't be like, oh, well is it okay? If well,

1279
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 2: because it's just an unfeeling robot.

1280
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 1: It feels very black and white. You're like, if you

1281
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: don't have it, you don't have it.

1282
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:42,440
Speaker 2: That's crazy scratching our heads or huh, but it's you know,

1283
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:43,360
Speaker 2: it is what it is.

1284
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 1: Also to stand corrected. The chat came in clutch and

1285
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 1: there was garlic.

1286
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 3: Bread oh and nice.

1287
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just garlic bread all over. Yeah. They're like,

1288
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 1: I love garlic bread.

1289
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 2: Garlic bread so who doesn't love exactly.

1290
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 1: That's what a lot of managers like. All Right, I

1291
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:57,880
Speaker 1: like this guy. We can we can relate right off,

1292
01:01:57,920 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: right off the bed.

1293
01:01:58,560 --> 01:01:59,880
Speaker 2: I'll relate to this guy.

1294
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 3: Well, I'm sharing the connection too. Can build some.

1295
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 2: Report Sorry, that's Savannah just walked in.

1296
01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 3: Hello.

1297
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 2: But we do have some comments to provide probably some

1298
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 2: more insight as well. Comment number one says, don't be

1299
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 2: afraid to move away for a year to build experience

1300
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 2: in my field as a registered nurse. This is pretty common.

1301
01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 2: Send a bunch of resumes to distant positions with cover

1302
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 2: letters saying you're moving out to the area. If you're serious.

1303
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,960
Speaker 2: Also make sure you have someone looking at your resume.

1304
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 2: Comment to says guy here. But I'm a pr guy specifically,

1305
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 2: so this is right up my alley. I faced a

1306
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 2: similar situation after getting my degree from a well respected

1307
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 2: state school. I did get a barely paid internship, but

1308
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 2: ended up getting fired from it, so that didn't exactly

1309
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 2: open up any doors. I ended up doing a lot

1310
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 2: of volunteer work, relevant volunteer work specifically. I made the

1311
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:53,320
Speaker 2: newsletter for a local church. I ran the social media

1312
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 2: for an educational nonprofit. I even volunteered at the local

1313
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 2: self harm prevention call line. Then I took this experience

1314
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 2: and added it to my resume, just like I would

1315
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:07,520
Speaker 2: for a paid job. Weekly newsletter, social media management, crisis management.

1316
01:03:07,640 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 2: I've been in the career field for years now and

1317
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 2: have never encountered a more stressful crisis than trying to

1318
01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 2: keep someone alive over a telephone. All of that relevant

1319
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 2: volunteer work ended up impressing someone in a job interview,

1320
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 2: and I was offered a position making approximately seventy six

1321
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 2: thousand a year, just two months after I had been

1322
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 2: fired from my one hundred dollars a week internship. Keep

1323
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,439
Speaker 2: developing your skills by volunteering, Yeah, now.

1324
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 3: I can relate to that too. What I mentioned earlier

1325
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 3: that this is a second career for me.

1326
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.

1327
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 3: So I started out entertainment marketing, moved to LA to

1328
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 3: kind of do that for a while, and it was

1329
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,720
Speaker 3: a good experience, but I just felt like it wasn't

1330
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 3: the best fit for me and didn't reward me in

1331
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 3: the ways that I guess I was hoping to, And

1332
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 3: then just coincidentally had a layoff and just tried to

1333
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 3: maximize that time for self reflection and even some volunteer work,

1334
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:02,240
Speaker 3: so I started. I had always had an interest of

1335
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 3: doing therapeutic work since I was a kid. Wasn't really

1336
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:10,240
Speaker 3: encouraged too much by family. You talk about dad's dad

1337
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 3: rather have someone in sales or marketing than a therapist.

1338
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:16,680
Speaker 3: It's my own stuff. But there you go.

1339
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:19,160
Speaker 2: No, I you know, my parents were always very supportive,

1340
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 2: but there was definitely because I moved out to LA

1341
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 2: for acting when I was like nineteen, They've very much

1342
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 2: supported me, but there was also very much the energy

1343
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:29,360
Speaker 2: of like, like, what's your real thing going to be?

1344
01:04:29,520 --> 01:04:31,240
Speaker 2: You know, like what are you really going to do?

1345
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 2: Like make sure you know, Like even like a handful

1346
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 2: of years ago, my dad was like, you know, UPS

1347
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 2: is hiring and I don't know, they got pretty good

1348
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 2: benefits packages. So something to think about. If I was

1349
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:46,560
Speaker 2: in your shoes, I would love to work for UPS.

1350
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 3: I have heard that that is a great job. So

1351
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 3: note but yeah, no, I can relate. So, I mean,

1352
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 3: I think being able to pursue a career, but like

1353
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 3: dipping the toe in first, right, So I started voluntaring

1354
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,480
Speaker 3: at DEDE. Hirsch's Suicide Prevention online as well as the

1355
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 3: West Los Angeles Veteran affairs, and those were amazing opportunities

1356
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 3: to be, like the commenter says, to like be with

1357
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 3: people in an incredibly vulnerable moment. You know, being able

1358
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:17,360
Speaker 3: to hear like trains whizzing by or hearing the freeway

1359
01:05:17,440 --> 01:05:17,960
Speaker 3: from an.

1360
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 2: Overpass definitely got to be very.

1361
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 3: Or pill bottle shaking. Yeah, and it just develops your

1362
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 3: skills and in ways that you wouldn't otherwise appreciate in

1363
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,160
Speaker 3: a moment. Right, So, if you're looking to go into

1364
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:32,960
Speaker 3: something like that, I think volunteering is a great idea.

1365
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:35,880
Speaker 3: And then that led me to be more confident about

1366
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:38,800
Speaker 3: going back to school and getting a degree to support

1367
01:05:38,840 --> 01:05:40,920
Speaker 3: a path that I was hoping to go to. So

1368
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 3: I think that's really smart.

1369
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 2: Third commenter says, go to networking events. If you live

1370
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 2: in a moderately big city, there's usually organizations that will

1371
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:51,360
Speaker 2: hold events for people to go talk to other people

1372
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 2: in a related field, kind of like what you were

1373
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:56,560
Speaker 2: talking about with that, like an informational interview. Interview. Yeah,

1374
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 2: be social, but don't push too hard, but let people

1375
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 2: know what you did and that you aren't an idiot

1376
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 2: while you talk, and you'd be amazed at the chances

1377
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 2: people get. It's not one hundred percent sure to work,

1378
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 2: but at least you can get some advice from some

1379
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 2: people in the field you're interested in. And we do

1380
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:15,240
Speaker 2: have an update. My fingers are crossed. I feel like, Oh,

1381
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:16,280
Speaker 2: he's gonna find something.

1382
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 3: It seems that that's the way it works.

1383
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 2: Well. Update. First of all, thank you for the wonderful responses.

1384
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 2: I read each and every private message and comment. There

1385
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,800
Speaker 2: was a good variety, from genuine advice to people in

1386
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:31,520
Speaker 2: the same position, lending support to people griping that millennials

1387
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:34,240
Speaker 2: are whiny and entitled. Hell, yeah, we are.

1388
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 3: I'm geriatric over here.

1389
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:38,240
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, cheriatric.

1390
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:40,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, cheriatric millennial.

1391
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 2: All in all, an interesting thread that I encourage you

1392
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:46,080
Speaker 2: to read if you're struggling with job hunting. Now the update.

1393
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:49,479
Speaker 2: After reading your responses, I did several things. First, I

1394
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 2: dedicated myself to learning a highly demanded skill that supplements

1395
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 2: my degree. I'm in communications, so I began to learn

1396
01:06:56,440 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 2: how to code. I got through HTML, CSS, javascreen quickly

1397
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 2: so I could add them to my resume. Okay, here

1398
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 2: we go. I'm also studying for a language proficiency test

1399
01:07:06,960 --> 01:07:09,640
Speaker 2: for other fields of study I'm calling that's good percent

1400
01:07:09,760 --> 01:07:13,400
Speaker 2: I'm there. I also redid my resume and the method

1401
01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:15,840
Speaker 2: of doing cover letters. The resume was updated to be

1402
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:18,840
Speaker 2: more eye catching and to stress exactly how my student

1403
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:21,760
Speaker 2: experiences would be relevant in a career setting. I reduced

1404
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:24,680
Speaker 2: the focus on work experience like coffee shops, fast food,

1405
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:28,360
Speaker 2: and the factory, and focused heavily on academic achievements and

1406
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 2: extracurriculars that illustrated my work ethic and leadership. Most importantly,

1407
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 2: I started using the te cover letter, as recommended by

1408
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,680
Speaker 2: a friend. It can be completed faster than a gushing,

1409
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 2: flowery letter, allowing you to apply for more jobs, and

1410
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 2: it's easier for employees to skim and directly see how

1411
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:47,920
Speaker 2: you fit the position, So win win for everyone involved. Kean,

1412
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 2: could you look up te cover letters, just so we

1413
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 2: have a frame of reference of what that is. Whenever

1414
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 2: I would do the before I got this job, if

1415
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 2: I was applying to other jobs, never did the cover letter.

1416
01:07:58,160 --> 01:07:58,560
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1417
01:07:58,640 --> 01:07:59,959
Speaker 3: I think I thought that was just the email.

1418
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:02,280
Speaker 2: I think I think I would probably if I did one,

1419
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:05,959
Speaker 2: I would lean into the garlic bread energy, you know, something.

1420
01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 3: Just like yeah, now for something entirely different.

1421
01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like all right, my cover letter is I'm

1422
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:12,800
Speaker 2: a guy. I like garlic bread, and I'm willing to

1423
01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,360
Speaker 2: learn whatever I need to learn to excel.

1424
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:17,959
Speaker 1: To give you an idea, something like this.

1425
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 2: Oh okay, goy, Yeah, I see I can see the tea there. Yeah,

1426
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:22,680
Speaker 2: the people I mean, now, it's I'm sure a lot

1427
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:24,760
Speaker 2: of it's automated. But even if you know people looking

1428
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:28,599
Speaker 2: through a stack of you know, one hundred resumes, they're

1429
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 2: not reading every word. So having that bang bang gives

1430
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:33,800
Speaker 2: them just like a oh, glance, glance, glance. Okay, I'll

1431
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:34,960
Speaker 2: look at that some more.

1432
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:38,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I catcher something pull you in, but also.

1433
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,760
Speaker 1: Something easy on the eyes, easy on the eyes.

1434
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:42,160
Speaker 2: You're an expert on that, aren't you. Key on wink wink.

1435
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,479
Speaker 2: I also got more contacts. It's really embarrassing to admit

1436
01:08:46,600 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 2: that you are at a useless job. No one wants

1437
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:52,200
Speaker 2: to talk about their crappy part time job or their

1438
01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 2: frustrating job hunt. But talking about your job hunt and

1439
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:58,360
Speaker 2: aspirations with other people has two benefits. You're more motivated

1440
01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:01,200
Speaker 2: to actively search on a daily base since people are

1441
01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:03,720
Speaker 2: paying attention to your job hunt, and you gain contacts

1442
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,120
Speaker 2: and allies in your hunt. References are great and the

1443
01:09:06,240 --> 01:09:08,960
Speaker 2: friend of a friend recommending you for a position is

1444
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:12,000
Speaker 2: a very real thing. Yeah, tell me about it.

1445
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 1: Welcome to La baby, that's the how did I get here?

1446
01:09:15,720 --> 01:09:18,519
Speaker 1: How did I get here? Friend of a friend, friend

1447
01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:19,000
Speaker 1: of a friend.

1448
01:09:19,080 --> 01:09:21,439
Speaker 2: There we go. Yeah, and we do have a little

1449
01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:24,479
Speaker 2: bit more in this story. And I'm really just fingers

1450
01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:27,559
Speaker 2: crossed that we positive result here. But I yeah, I

1451
01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:30,280
Speaker 2: think I think we've We've read a lot of insight

1452
01:09:30,439 --> 01:09:32,920
Speaker 2: from our cob, from some comments, and from ourselves, a

1453
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:37,280
Speaker 2: little bit from you said geriatric at the end of

1454
01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:40,519
Speaker 2: the day, like it's it's all. It's persistence, you know,

1455
01:09:40,640 --> 01:09:41,759
Speaker 2: get you further than anything.

1456
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 3: I think that's true. I think I like to say

1457
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 3: consistency is a real important thing, showing up even when

1458
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:50,719
Speaker 3: you don't want to write.

1459
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:55,280
Speaker 2: It's like consistency and discipline. Consistency and discipline sucks, Yes

1460
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:58,639
Speaker 2: it does, but you know what the end results are are.

1461
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:01,120
Speaker 3: Good discipline is This is something that I feel like

1462
01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:04,120
Speaker 3: Cohort have lost a little bit of.

1463
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:04,599
Speaker 2: Right.

1464
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,559
Speaker 3: There's a desire for easy answers and easy outcomes. And

1465
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 3: you know, I remember coming out of school and just

1466
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:13,240
Speaker 3: wanting to thinking that I deserve that top job. Just

1467
01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:17,520
Speaker 3: because yeah, I came into the workforce and just recognizing

1468
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:21,360
Speaker 3: that it's a long path and it's gonna be hard,

1469
01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:23,400
Speaker 3: and it's gonna suck. You're gonna have great days, you're

1470
01:10:23,400 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 3: gonna have bad days, and everything in between. And it's

1471
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:28,680
Speaker 3: really can you be consistent? Can you show up? Can

1472
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,439
Speaker 3: you do the things needed to care for yourself, to

1473
01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:34,320
Speaker 3: tune into yourself, to maintain I.

1474
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:36,280
Speaker 2: Think, like we said earlier, it's the marathon.

1475
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:38,679
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's okay to be a cog in the machine

1476
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 1: and you know, just go through.

1477
01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:41,759
Speaker 3: It, cogs in the wheel of life.

1478
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let's finish this story off. Another thing I

1479
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:46,559
Speaker 2: did was I applied for everything, even jobs that I

1480
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:49,200
Speaker 2: didn't think I could get. This worked for multiple reasons.

1481
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:51,559
Speaker 2: You have more potential employers that can call you back,

1482
01:10:51,600 --> 01:10:54,280
Speaker 2: and sometimes your job market is saturated and you need

1483
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:56,800
Speaker 2: to go somewhere else. And sometimes less people than you

1484
01:10:56,880 --> 01:11:00,000
Speaker 2: expect apply because the application is tedious and they don't

1485
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:02,960
Speaker 2: exactly fit all the qualifications, et cetera, et cetera. But

1486
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:06,599
Speaker 2: just go for it and the results are in. This week,

1487
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:12,000
Speaker 2: I was hired, oh by one of the embassies in Washington,

1488
01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 2: D C. And I start work later this week. Thank

1489
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:16,800
Speaker 2: you for all your help. And that is the end

1490
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:19,240
Speaker 2: of that story. Ravo working at the embassy.

1491
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 3: She was going for that perfect job.

1492
01:11:20,920 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 2: Oh it sounds like you got it. She got it.

1493
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 2: Good thumbs up ending you know what, I'll give that

1494
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:26,680
Speaker 2: two thumbs bow bow.

1495
01:11:27,040 --> 01:11:29,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the end of that story and the end

1496
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,880
Speaker 1: of this episode. Nick again, thank you so much for

1497
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:34,240
Speaker 1: being here and coming in today, and we hope you

1498
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 1: had a good time.

1499
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:36,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for hosting our guests.

1500
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:38,479
Speaker 1: We're so happy that you were here. I saw a

1501
01:11:38,520 --> 01:11:39,880
Speaker 1: lot of thank you Ski for coming in.

1502
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:40,719
Speaker 2: Great information.

1503
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,800
Speaker 3: First time I'm hearing it, glad.

1504
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:46,320
Speaker 2: It sounded that the whole time.

1505
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:50,439
Speaker 3: Just spinning man, just going No, it's fun though. It's

1506
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:53,719
Speaker 3: nice to uh speaking of places where you can feel

1507
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:58,160
Speaker 3: safe and secure and supported with some really good uh

1508
01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:01,360
Speaker 3: information coming from the comments in the community. I mean,

1509
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,400
Speaker 3: that's a that's a gift.

1510
01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:05,479
Speaker 2: It is all of our lovely little babies. Yeah, we're

1511
01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:07,519
Speaker 2: blessed to have them with us. We'll let them look

1512
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:10,000
Speaker 2: at your pretty mug while I walk Nick out. Nick,

1513
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:11,880
Speaker 2: thanks again. What