WEBVTT - Mid-Week Mom Chat: Talking with Oprah, John Wayne and Becca Stevens. 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.240 Hey, you guys. So I am actually pumping right now. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.640 If you hear a machine in the background, it's my pump, 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:09.480 because you know, it's just got to happen. Um, it's 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:12.120 so interesting. I always have so much to talk about. 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.120 I always feel like I just have like a plethora 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.880 of things talk about, things to worry about, all these 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:21.800 things that are stressing me out right now, I just 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:26.400 I feel like nothing I was worrying about really actually 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.480 was worth worrying about. So much just happening in the 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:32.800 world right now. From the tornado hitting right in my 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:37.080 neighborhood that really, um shakes you up and makes you 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:42.239 realize what matters, like what really matters. And then with 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:46.760 the state of the world right now with the coronavirus, 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:53.159 I don't know, something's happening where I feel. Um, Like, 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:56.240 all the things I was stressing out about before I've 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:58.560 just gone away, and it's gotten down to basic needs 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:06.800 for me keeping my family healthy. You know, isn't that interesting? Um, 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:08.360 I don't really care so much about all the other 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:10.160 little things I was worrying about. Those are just kind 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:14.440 of extra to me at this point. So I don't, 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:16.760 like I said, I don't have a lot of things 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:20.360 to talk about. I don't even know what to talk 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.600 about because I realize a lot of the things I 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:30.560 talked about are worries that um, I've had the luxury 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.960 to worry about, and right now I'm just not worried 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.600 about it because I'm like, there's some big stuff happening 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:41.280 in the world, and I'm just gonna really try to 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:45.960 be as calm as possible and just focus on staying 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:50.320 healthy like everyone is, you know, being safe, washing our hands, 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.720 being as um, taking as many precautions as we can 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:59.440 to just keep the coronavirus contained and help rebuild my 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:05.200 neighborhood in where I can. But there's just some bigger 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:09.519 issues going on and it's giving me perspective for sure. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.079 So I have all since I don't know what to 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:17.560 talk about. I have all these books that I read 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:24.520 all the time, and one of them is from Oprah, 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:29.040 and she has a book called What I Know for Sure, 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:33.120 And so I'm going to read some of what she 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:36.080 Knows for Sure and talk about it because I need 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:41.399 a little inspiration to myself. Okay, this is on resilience. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.560 Oprah says, what I Know for Sure is that there's 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:50.480 no strength without challenges, adversity, resistance, and often pain. The 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:55.760 problem that makes you want to throw your hands and 0:02:55.840 --> 0:03:00.880 holler mercy will build your tenation, tenacity, courage, discipline, and determination. 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:03.720 I've learned her a lie on the strength that inherited 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.600 from all those who came before me, the grandmother's sisters, 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:10.320 aunts and brothers who were tested with unimaginable hardships and 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:15.519 still survived. I go forth alone and stand as ten thousand, 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.720 maya Angelie proclaimed and her poem our grandmother's. When I 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.400 moved through the world, I bring all my history with me, 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:24.920 all the people who paved the way for me, who 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.280 are part of who I am. Think think back for 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:30.720 a moment on your own history, not just where you 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:33.959 were born or where you grew up, but the circumstances 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:38.160 that contributed to you being right here, right now. What 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:41.880 were the moments along the way that wounded or scarred you. 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:45.960 Chances are you've had a few. But here's what's remarkable. 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:51.120 You're still here standing. I love that line. I go 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.720 forth alone and stand as ten thousand that like since 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:59.040 chills on my spine. We are so quick to live 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:01.520 in a world of me, me, me, me me, And 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.920 this is me included. It is so easy to be 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:09.400 so self focused and so um just only aware of 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:14.120 what's happening in our immediate world and our lives, and 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:22.520 we forget who paved the way for us, like so 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:29.279 many generations of people and our families paved the way 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:33.479 for us to be here. I mean, we are one 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.440 of ten thousand. This world has been going on a 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:42.960 long time. If certain people wouldn't have gotten together and 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.280 created life and had that circle continue, we would never 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:48.680 be here. The hardships they had to overcome, the choices 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.120 they had to make that led them to the life 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.960 they led, which ultimately led to us being here. I mean, 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:57.839 it's just a miracle that we're here, it really is. 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.520 And I think that's such a great perspective. And there's 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:05.440 so many hardships that people have gone through before us, 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:09.799 like like she was saying, imaginable hardships, and they've made 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:13.720 it and they survived, and here we are because of it, 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:17.200 so we can survive too. The world has always been 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:21.440 faced with hardships. There's always been really scary things happening 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:26.359 in the world, and the human race has continue to 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:30.279 thrive and survive and get better and better, and so 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:36.560 we are that as well. And when things get scary 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.680 and it gets overwhelming, I think that's a great place 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:43.480 to lean into, is to realize that our ancestors who 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.360 came before us dealt with some really hard, hard, hard, 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:53.720 terrible things and they still remained and let it led 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.719 us to us being here, and so we can. We 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:00.080 can survive and thrive too. We just have to. We 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:05.600 just have to honestly find it within ourselves to connect 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:10.320 to God, stay centered as much as we can, and 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:16.240 do what has to be done. Two make this world 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:20.520 a better place, you know. And it's not always gonna 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:24.920 be easy. It's not. It's definitely not always gonna be pretty, 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.440 and sometimes it's gonna be scary, and we can make it. 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:30.880 We can survive. We can do this. We gotta love 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:35.119 on each other, um, give each other grace, work hard, 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:40.520 and work as a team. Okay, here's something else that 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:44.600 she said talking with thousands. This is from the book. 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:48.240 What I know for sure, Oprah Winfrey, talking with thousands 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:50.280 of people over the years has shown me that there's 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:54.039 one desire we all share. We all want to feel valued. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.720 Whether you're a mother in Topeka, are a businesswoman in Philadelphia, 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:02.640 each of us at our core longs to be loved, needed, understood, affirmed, 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:06.360 to have intimate connections that leave us feeling more alive 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.240 and human. I once filmed a show in which I 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:13.120 interviewed seven men of different ages, in all backgrounds, all 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.360 of whom had one thing in common. They had cheated 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:18.120 on their wives. It was one of the most interesting, 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:23.640 candid conversations I've ever had. In a huge aha moment 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.760 for me, I realized that the yearning to feel heard, 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:30.600 needed and important is so strong in all of us 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:33.400 that we seek that validation in whatever form we can 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:36.720 get it. For a lot of people, men and women, 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:41.080 having an affair is an affirmation that having an affair 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.840 is an affirmation that I'm really okay. One of the 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:47.880 men I interviewed, who had been married eighteen years and 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:51.480 thought he had a moral code that would withstand flirtatious temptations, 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:55.000 said about his mistress, there wasn't anything special about her, 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.400 but she listened, she was interested, and she made me 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:02.080 feel special. That's the key, I thought. We all want 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.960 to feel like we matter to somebody. As a girl 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:08.120 growing up shuffled between Mississippi, Nahville, Milwaukee, I did not 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:11.880 feel loved. I thought I could make people approve of 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.920 me by becoming an achiever. Then, in my twenties, I 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.040 based my worth on whether a man would love me. 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:21.680 I remember once even throwing a boyfriend boyfriend's keys down 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:23.560 the toilet to keep him from walking out on me. 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:27.360 I was no different from a physically abused woman. I 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.600 wasn't getting slapped upside the head every night, but because 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.720 my wings were clipped, I couldn't soar. I had so 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:35.720 much going for me, but without a man, I thought 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.520 it was nothing. Not until years later did I understand 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.440 that the love and approval I crave could not be 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.480 found outside myself. What I know for sure is that 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:48.839 the lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else, 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:55.120 It is disregard for yourself. What I know for sure 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.959 is that a lack of intimacy is not distance from 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:03.600 someone else, It is disregard for yourself. It's true that 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:06.280 we all need the kind of relationship that enrich and 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:09.079 sustain us. But it's also true that if you're looking 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:12.600 for someone to heal and complete you, to that voice 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:16.040 inside of you that has always whispered, you're not worth anything, 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:19.840 You're wasting your time. Why because if you don't already 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.560 know that you have worth, there's nothing your friends, your family, 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.080 or your mate can say that will completely convince you 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.720 of that. Now, that is a good point. Let's reread that. 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.840 If you don't already know that you have worth, there's 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:35.959 nothing your friends, your family, or your mate can say 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.880 that will completely convince you of that. The Creator has 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:42.080 given you full responsibility for your life, and with that 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.760 responsibility comes an amazing privilege, the power to give yourself 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:49.360 the love, affection, and intimacy you may not have received 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:54.480 as a child. You are. You are the one best mother, father, sister, friend, 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:58.320 cousin and lover you will ever have. Right now, there's 0:09:58.360 --> 0:10:02.160 what your Oh this is interesting. Right now, you're one 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.720 choice away from seeing yourself as someone whose life has 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.920 an inherent significance. So choose to see it that way. 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:10.760 You don't have to spend one more second focusing on 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.599 the on the past, deprived of affirmation you should have 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:18.200 gotten from your parents. Yes, you deserve that love, but 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.319 it's up to you now to bestow it upon yourself 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.719 and move forward. Stop wanting for your husband to say 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.280 I appreciate you, your kids to tell you what a 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:27.400 great mother you are a man to whisk you away 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.640 and marry you, or your best friend to assure you 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:32.960 that you're worth a darn look inward. The loving begins 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:38.600 with you. Now, that is such a great message. I 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:41.839 have struggled with self worth like most people have, I'm sure. 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:43.960 I mean, I over wrote a whole book about it. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:49.720 Um so many people struggle with it, and I could 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.079 not agree with her more. You can look for all 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:54.079 the validation in the world to tell you that you're 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:57.160 worth it, But if you don't believe it in yourself, 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:01.640 it doesn't matter who tells you you're worth it, and 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:03.920 it doesn't matter who tells you you're not. If you 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.240 believe in yourself that you're worth it, you don't need 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.439 to hear it from anyone else. Yes, of course those 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.720 are nice things to hear. We all want to hear it. 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.240 But we have to know it. We have to know 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.880 we matter. We have to know that we're trusting our instincts, 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.439 that we're trusting our purpose, and that we have a purpose, 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:26.080 and that we're valuable, and that our lives matter. We 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.760 have to know that. And it doesn't matter what we've done, 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:32.760 It doesn't matter what kind of career we have. It 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:35.240 doesn't matter what kind of lifestyle we're living in. Maybe 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:38.640 we don't feel like we have anything going for us 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:42.880 right now, but because we're here on this earth, we matter. 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:44.960 We made it, we made it to earth. We're having 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:49.800 this experience, so our lives are worth it. And what 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:53.359 I've been trying to do lately when I feel confused 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.400 and when I don't know where to go, and when 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:00.160 I feel like lost, um, and you know, when you 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:01.400 feel like you have a million plates in the air 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:04.120 and you don't know if they're all going to crash 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:08.680 or you're going to catch them, um, that feeling. I 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.680 am just trying to let God guide me. And I'm 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:18.400 just trying to really really get still in quiet and 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:23.040 listen and try to hear what God has intended for 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:25.560 my life and which direction he wants him to move, 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.160 because you know, someone you get to a place where 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:32.600 you don't know what the next move is and you 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:36.200 don't know how to take that next step. And for me, 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:39.959 I've had enough experience in my life when I forced 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.320 things because I feel like I need something to happen. 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.520 When I force things, it never really pans out the 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:50.760 way I wanted to. When I have let my life 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:53.800 unfold and continue to work hard and move down the 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.120 road that I feel like it's being laid for me. 0:12:56.840 --> 0:13:00.320 It usually works out. So the way I listen for 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.560 God to tell me what to do is by my 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:10.960 gut instincts. I now, No, I've been in situations where 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:19.679 I feel so much resistance, like nausea. Um. It feels hard, 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.079 like hard in a way, like like a brick wall, 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.880 like I can't move through it, like I'm really having 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:29.600 to force um. It doesn't feel like things are working out. 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.720 It feels icky. It feels like I'm pushing really hard 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:37.720 and I'm getting resistance from everybody that I'm pushing up against. 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:42.400 It doesn't feel settled in me. When I feel those feelings, 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:47.520 that's when I feel like God's saying, pivot, pivot. This 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.120 isn't this isn't opening up, This isn't the clear road, 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.120 This isn't what you're supposed to do. You're forcing your 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:56.600 own agenda. So I'm trying not even to get into 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.280 agendas that I have to get out of right now. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:03.440 I really want to just be so open to God 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.880 like that He just sort of lays the road out 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:10.559 for me. Because I realize I can get on the 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.640 hamster will and run run, run, run, run, run run. 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.400 But I'm not going anywhere until I'm on the road 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.320 that God's intending for me. I'm just running in a circle. 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.640 I'm just literally spinning my wheels and wasting my energy. 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.520 So I might as well stay calm and quiet, continue 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:30.320 moving on the road that I'm on, um until God 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:34.520 makes it clear by opening a door giving me some 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:39.680 serious intuition, um shutting a door. I now know by 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.720 the way I feel. If I feel good about something, 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:47.920 and if it feels easy and right, and of course 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:49.440 that doesn't mean you're not gonna work hard and you're 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.560 not gonna have hard work to do. But if the 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:56.680 road presents itself in an easy and light way, then 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.440 to me, that's the road I go down. And I 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:03.040 just continue to go down that road. And I don't 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:06.120 necessarily know where it's going, but I'm just gonna walk, 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.280 and I'm gonna trust my intuition and my instincts and 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:13.280 listen and be aware of the signs that God gives me, 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:17.280 which are to me, they come in the form of resistance, resistance, 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:21.360 or ease. If it's full of resistance and it makes 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.520 me feel terrible. Then to me, that's when God is 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:28.440 telling me to pivot. Okay, I'm gonna read one more 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.880 excerpt from Oprah's book What I Know for Sure? This 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:36.560 is about communication. The key to any relationship is communication. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.600 And I've always thought that communication is like a dance. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.200 One person takes a step forward, the other takes a 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.520 step back. Even a single misstep can land both people 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:48.800 on the floor in a tangle of confusion. And when 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.440 you find yourself in that position with your spouse, with 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:54.800 your colleague, your friend, your child, I found the best 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:58.040 option is to always ask the other person, what do 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:02.480 you really want here? What a great question when all 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:05.160 the egos are flaring, and all the miscommunication, this is 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:08.960 me talking, not Britain, all the miscommunication is happening, ask them, 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:12.640 what do you really want here? Okay, she says. At 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.120 first you might notice a little squirming, a lot of 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:18.640 throat clearing, maybe some silence. But if you stay quiet 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.560 long enough and can get the real answer, I guarantee 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:25.120 it will be some variation of the following. I want 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:28.760 to know that you value me, Extend a hand of 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:33.080 connection and understanding, and offer three of the most important 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:37.320 words that any of us can ever receive. I hear you, 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:40.600 I know for sure your relationship will be the better 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.000 for it. Isn't that the truth? Don't we just want 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:49.560 to be heard? Yeah? I mean all of us just 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.400 want to be heard. And that's what all of our 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:58.880 tantrums and anger and everything kind of stems from. Is 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.080 when we feel like this other person doesn't get me, 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:04.040 doesn't see me, doesn't know me. It's all just a 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:07.040 different way for saying this person doesn't hear me. I'm 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:10.000 not being seen for who I want to be, for 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:13.280 who I feel I am. What I'm realizing is you 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:16.720 don't have to fully agree with someone. You don't have 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.520 to like totally agree with someone's beliefs or think that 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.800 someone is always right. But if you can hear someone, 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:30.439 and really, my mom calls it active listening. If you 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.680 can do active listening. And I'm not saying I'm great 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:36.320 at this, I'm not. I'm aware that this is what 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:37.880 needs to be done, but I'm not saying I'm great. 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:41.560 But if you can do active listening, which is you're 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.560 listening and you're not trying to come up with what 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:46.720 you're going to say next, You're listening to hear what 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:51.760 that person truly has to say, and then you speak 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.840 after they're done, and you have a thoughtful response to 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.960 what they've said, not just like what you've already been 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:59.680 gearing up to say right back at them to get 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.760 back your point. Active listening is really about, like, what 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:06.680 is this person really trying to say? Because if we 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:10.280 think of it from a spiritual perspective, we're all little 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.800 light beams from from Heaven, from God. We're all a 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:17.560 little just bolts of lights. Our spirits are, and our 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.080 spirits have a purpose that they want to achieve while 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:23.880 they're here on this earth. When we don't get heard, 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:27.399 when we don't get seen, it's frustrating because our spirit 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:31.560 is wanting to have this life and create this existence. 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:35.600 That's why we're on this earth. But sometimes we don't 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.919 know how to express ourselves as humans. So if we 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.320 can view everyone as a little light beams and know 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:46.240 that when someone's frustrated, it's just that they're wanting. They 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:48.639 have an idea of who they want to be and 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:51.320 they want to be seen. That's why we all are 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:55.239 here existing. We want we have desires, we want to 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:58.399 achieve and be certain things, and all of us have 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.399 different desires and dreams because we all come here with 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:03.480 a different purpose. So if we can just view each 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.960 other in a way of seeing the light in each 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.920 other and realizing that we all have purpose, let's try 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.679 to help each other achieve our purposes. We don't have 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.119 to have the same purpose. We're not going to we 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.960 don't have to do things the same way. But instead 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.040 of having to have things in my way, let's figure 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.560 out what that person needs and work together. There's enough 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:28.520 for everyone to win. There's enough to go around for 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.440 everyone to win. We just have to drop our armor, 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:35.320 lower our swords, and hear each other and comb at 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:41.399 each other with compassion instead of anger. Okay, so now 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:43.320 I'm gonna move on to another book. This is called 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:48.359 the John Wayne Code wit Wisdom and Timeless Advice from 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:54.720 the American Icon. He says, I define manhoods simply. Men 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:58.760 should be tough, fair and courageous, never petty, never looking 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.520 for a fight, but never backing down from one either. 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:07.040 I like that standing your ground but not being unnecessary, 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:13.800 like love yourself, stand up for yourself, but don't be 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:19.800 an asshole. I mean that's how I interpret that. Okay, 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:22.359 let's see what else we want to what other good quotes. 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:28.919 This is one of my favorite ones of all and 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:31.080 I think this is such a good motto to live by. 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.119 I think this is one of his most famous quotes. 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:38.160 Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. 0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:41.919 Let's take a minute and think about that. Where in 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:44.240 your life have you been scared to death? But you've 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:46.520 jumped into the into the game of life, into the 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:50.800 ring anyway. It takes balls to do that. I mean, 0:20:50.920 --> 0:20:52.679 it is so easy to wanted to sit on the 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:55.880 sidelines of life when there's so much going on, there's 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:58.399 so much fear in the world, there's so much comparison, 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:01.320 we have so many insecure these there's so many there's 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:03.800 so many factors, So why we don't want to put 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:08.840 ourselves out there? But courage, he defines the definition of 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:14.480 courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:20.080 So you feel so nervous, so inadequate, so whatever, but 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:22.600 you get on that horse and you go ride and 0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:26.200 get in get into the big middle of it. Anyway. 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:28.600 You don't know what's gonna happen, you don't know if 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:33.600 you're equipped, but you go for it. I mean, that's 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.640 what bravery is. That's what courage is, and that's all 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:38.800 life is. We don't want to sit on the sidelines 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.120 of life. I mean, what is our fear. The worst 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:44.119 case that can happen, we die. I mean, that's a 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:47.440 real fear. But also the worst thing that can happen 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:49.400 is we sit on the sidelines of life and miss 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:55.600 our whole life. That's a real fear. I mean, to 0:21:55.640 --> 0:22:00.920 each their own, there are some things that death isn't 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:04.679 the worst thing. Sometimes, like I would rather I do 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.640 not want to die, but like I want to live 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:10.160 my life and not be afraid to live my life 0:22:10.160 --> 0:22:12.199 because I'm scared to die because I'm scared of what 0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:14.680 people are going to think of me. Obviously, you want 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:17.240 to be smart and responsible and like, don't be an idiot. 0:22:17.280 --> 0:22:19.639 But I want to be in the big middle of 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:21.520 my life. I want to live my life. I only 0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:24.919 get this one. So many things can happen every day 0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:26.760 I wake up. It needs to be a good day. 0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:29.240 Like I want to wake up and be like, yes, 0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:32.439 I'm in it, I'm living. I don't want to be 0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:35.800 plagued by fear and worry because there's so much to 0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:38.600 fear and there's so much to worry, and that's completely 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:47.480 steals your joy. So I love that quote so much. Okay, 0:22:47.560 --> 0:22:50.240 I'll read one more from this book. I suppose my 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:53.240 best attribute, if you want to call it, that, is sincerity. 0:22:53.880 --> 0:22:58.080 I can sell sincerity because that's the way I am. 0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:03.720 That's awesome, And isn't that a great trait to genuinely care, 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:10.480 to genuinely be sincere. You can see it in his eyes. 0:23:10.920 --> 0:23:12.919 I mean he did, and that's why everyone loved him, 0:23:12.920 --> 0:23:15.880 because he had integrity, he had courage, and he was sincere. 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:18.680 That's what we're looking for in alife. And it kind 0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:24.960 of goes on top of what Oprah was saying. We 0:23:25.000 --> 0:23:27.119 all want to be heard and seen, and we love 0:23:27.160 --> 0:23:29.520 people like John Wayne because we feel like he stands 0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:33.119 for something and he hears and he sees us, and 0:23:33.160 --> 0:23:40.240 he also hears and sees himself, and that's really powerful. Okay, 0:23:40.240 --> 0:23:42.640 I'm gonna read one more excerpt from this book called 0:23:42.720 --> 0:23:46.639 Love Hills Heels, Love Heels, written by Becka Stevens, the 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:49.480 founder of Thistle Farms. If you haven't checked out Thistle Farms, 0:23:50.320 --> 0:23:52.639 check it out. It's an amazing refuge for women who 0:23:52.720 --> 0:23:57.159 have been abused and sex trafficked and overcome all sorts 0:23:57.160 --> 0:24:01.160 of terrible things. And Beck Stevens is all so Piscopalian priests. 0:24:01.200 --> 0:24:03.639 They make all the thistle farmers makes all these women, 0:24:03.680 --> 0:24:06.200 gives these women jobs, and they make all sorts of 0:24:06.440 --> 0:24:12.240 incredible candles and lotions and essential oils and bags and jewelry, 0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:17.399 and it's beautiful. Um. And Becca is just she is 0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:20.040 such a beacon of peace in the world. And this 0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:24.680 book is very um inspiring and offers a lot of peace. 0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:27.480