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Speaker 1: I guess what decision we're about to make a horrible decisions. Hell,

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Speaker 1: how how happy hollidays? That welcome? It is not welcome

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Speaker 1: to another episode, guys of horrible decisions. We are almost

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Speaker 1: at the end of the motherfucking year. Goddamn, what's gonna happen? Nate,

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Speaker 1: there gonna be like another wildfire? I forgot about that.

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Speaker 1: Did you watch Death on Netflix? And it like reminds

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Speaker 1: you of all the fucking crazy ship that happened in

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Speaker 1: I wonder if they're going to do that to me.

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Speaker 1: This year was was just one of those years like

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Speaker 1: it was just I don't know. I'm ready for. All

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Speaker 1: I keep saying is I'm ready for this year to

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Speaker 1: be over. I'm just ready for to be I had

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Speaker 1: a great year work wise, but not sex wise. Like

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Speaker 1: pussy Broke, I got depressed. I gain weight because I

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Speaker 1: was depressed. But it's all right because I'm gonna suck

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Speaker 1: it out. And once I suck it out, you really

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Speaker 1: committed to this slipo? Am I committed to this slipo

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Speaker 1: Oh guys, announcement. My Christmas present for myself is LiPo section.

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Speaker 1: And let me just say that real quick. Everybody that

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Speaker 1: tells me just work out gets me really upset because

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Speaker 1: for one, bitch, I do. For two, even if I didn't,

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Speaker 1: I feel like getting sucking LiPo, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like when you're telling about just our goal,

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Speaker 1: when I tell you, the tables be turning like crazy

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Speaker 1: on this fucking show ed. And I remember before I

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Speaker 1: got my weight loss surgery, like that was the thing,

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Speaker 1: especially when you were hardcore working out. You saw away

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Speaker 1: just let me just work out, And I'm like, but

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Speaker 1: it's not the same, It's really not yet. But I

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Speaker 1: was worried about your surgery because of the complications. There's

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Speaker 1: complications with every surgery I know. But I do know

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Speaker 1: someone that had gotten the sleeve, and I was scared.

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Speaker 1: Like the person that I know that got it has

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Speaker 1: so many fucked up issues light bo, I'm not really

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Speaker 1: scared of And I know you tried it, but like

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Speaker 1: what you did change your life. But I was really

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Speaker 1: just scared because like she'd be having issues with the

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Speaker 1: what's the dumping thing? Can you talk about what was it?

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Speaker 1: Dumping syndrome? But that happens in the beginning. It's like

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Speaker 1: I mean to me, imagine like Thanksgiving when you like

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Speaker 1: eat and you're like you just feel awful. So when

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Speaker 1: you get the gas stric your stomach is much smaller.

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Speaker 1: So literally like the amount of nausea, nausea, nausea, there

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Speaker 1: we go, the amount of like nausea and just how

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Speaker 1: you feel like it's literally one of the worst feelings.

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Speaker 1: And so like early on into getting gas stric like

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Speaker 1: you literally can eat two bites and be full, and

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Speaker 1: if you overeat immediately, you just feel like shit. It's

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Speaker 1: just a big like lifestyle check. That's why they make

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Speaker 1: you do you know, like, um, what is the psychiatric

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Speaker 1: evaluation ship like that, because it's like a really big deal.

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Speaker 1: And not only that, like it's frustrating when we would

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Speaker 1: go eat for not for me, but for her because

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Speaker 1: she was just like, oh my god, like my social

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Speaker 1: habits have changed then the acid reflecting with her throat

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Speaker 1: now thyroid issues, so like it was just scary for

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Speaker 1: me to like watch somebody go through that. But I

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Speaker 1: know with light Bo they'd be just saying, like, just

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Speaker 1: shape your ship because that's what I want. But I

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Speaker 1: know it's yeah, that's how That's how Kanye Mama died

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Speaker 1: right like, and I know, like another Instagram model just

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Speaker 1: did to me any type of surgery of course, but

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Speaker 1: um with the with the light bo I'm getting, I'm

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Speaker 1: just getting my stomach um. And I found a lot

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Speaker 1: of people were like, because you were like, just gonna

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Speaker 1: BBL but I don't want to do it because of

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Speaker 1: that artery. Like a lot of women died from getting

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Speaker 1: their butt done, And I understand why waste that too,

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Speaker 1: but fat when you can just put it in your ass,

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Speaker 1: sounds like a great plan. But apparently the fucking artery

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Speaker 1: by your ask like it could really like, it's one

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Speaker 1: of the most complicated surgeries. It's got the most rampant

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Speaker 1: deaths from bbls, I think in Miami. I was reading

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Speaker 1: this one place. U there's a porn star I really

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Speaker 1: like who got um light bo there? And I wrote

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Speaker 1: her on Twitter CG Cosmetics. Nine people died like within

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Speaker 1: a year. That's how risky that BBL surgery was. But

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Speaker 1: apparently the number, the ratio wasn't that bad because they

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Speaker 1: do that many bbls. So anyway, I just get to me,

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Speaker 1: has always been a thing, yeah or was it? Just

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Speaker 1: like I feel like I've only known about them for

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Speaker 1: a few years. I feel like I just over a

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Speaker 1: decade now. Yeah, back when I was like, I knew

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Speaker 1: about silicon, but it was probably like also the girls

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Speaker 1: I was hanging around, you know what I mean. And

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Speaker 1: also I didn't understand the skinny BBO. I wish I

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Speaker 1: had my Instagram. What is no, Butrea's body is real. No,

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Speaker 1: it's not that I don't believe that. Okay, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to believe it. It's not. Julia talks about this

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Speaker 1: all the time, her asses consistent and mad pictures. I

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Speaker 1: just refused to believe that you can't have a beauty,

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Speaker 1: beautiful body like Drea has and b baby l my

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Speaker 1: homegirl doesn't have a BBL. Shout out to Kaitlin Nicole.

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Speaker 1: She's a fitness buff like Drea, and I followed Dre

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Speaker 1: and she's like crazy, that busy working out two three

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Speaker 1: times a day. And I think, like, like, the skinny

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Speaker 1: BBL looks so natural that you wouldn't know, because I

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Speaker 1: know what you're talking about, that shape, the app etching. Damn.

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Speaker 1: I wish I could find this doctor's name. But there's

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Speaker 1: an Asian dude in Houston. He does all the skinny bbls.

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Speaker 1: And once I found that out, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting a fitness page. I'm gonna stuck it out

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna teach you how to keep it up.

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Speaker 1: Have y'all ever actually considered being like a fitness influencer?

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Speaker 1: I don't, nigga, do you know what the fun you

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Speaker 1: talking to me? I don't know. I did when I

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Speaker 1: was going to spend class a lot, but then I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, I guess I talked about drug use

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Speaker 1: and alcoholics. He right, It doesn't like match the upkeep.

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Speaker 1: Maybe maybe it could be like a Brianda, you know

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Speaker 1: how she's like a Christian but she's like fun. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I could be a fitness influer, but I'm like, misses

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Speaker 1: something have you done that? Are there any popular fitness

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Speaker 1: influencers that aren't like crazy skinny, because that's the kind

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Speaker 1: of page I want it. You know what I'm saying? Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm I mean my uh, I have my friend Ali,

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Speaker 1: She's beautiful, Like do you know what I'm talking about?

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Speaker 1: Handle miss Alissa sort of? I love like every regular

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Speaker 1: looking person that's fit, miss miss dot alyssa sort of.

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Speaker 1: And then key to girl, let me get the uh

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Speaker 1: numb key to girl nine to one. That's this is

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Speaker 1: actually her outfit that I'm wearing. Her body is like

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Speaker 1: just fucking beautiful. We said normal people, bro, these are

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Speaker 1: normal people, and she did you not a crazy fit body?

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Speaker 1: Like yes, look at her. Look how thick she is.

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Speaker 1: Her ass is beautiful. Okay, Maddy, let me tell you

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Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. Hold on, theseus are beautiful bodies. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that work out like you don't. I'm saying, like

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Speaker 1: someone that's not flat stomach, that's healthy and working out,

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Speaker 1: because I believe that that's a thing. There's a girl

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Speaker 1: I'd be seeing on the Peloton ship that I do

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Speaker 1: all the time. She's like in her look she's not

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Speaker 1: like super thin, but that's the ship. I feel like

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Speaker 1: she looked good. She looked too good. She looks great.

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Speaker 1: It's not that's not normal. She had a baby. She

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Speaker 1: just had a baby. You see. I can't look at

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Speaker 1: that on Instagram. I'm like, oh, I'll never get there.

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Speaker 1: You can't be that good looking and tell me you

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Speaker 1: a fitness now, I mean normal looking people. Mandy to me,

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Speaker 1: she's to me, she's thick and just proportioned. I like

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Speaker 1: that in proportions. I like it. Well, speaking of proportion,

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Speaker 1: I'm about to get crazy ratio and I can't wait.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, so when I get fatty,

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Speaker 1: and if I get fatty, and where's the fat gonna go?

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Speaker 1: He's like, well, you might get fat in the stomach,

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Speaker 1: but it probably won't happen because the fat deposits change.

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Speaker 1: He's like, so it would probably go to your bottom

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Speaker 1: half or wherever you normally gain weight. And as you

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Speaker 1: can see, my legs have been getting thicker, which is

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Speaker 1: the one good thing about me getting fat. And I'm

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Speaker 1: really excited to say I won't need a VVL because

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Speaker 1: I'm just hoping it's just gonna look so skinny. They're

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Speaker 1: gonna be like, damn, where you gotta ask from, And

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Speaker 1: I'll be like, doctor craft, That's what I'm really hoping for.

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Speaker 1: But also I bring up the working out thing because medication, like,

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Speaker 1: that's how I gain weight. I didn't gain weight because

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Speaker 1: I was eating from depression. I gained weight from the

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Speaker 1: actual medication. So you know, no, I didn't kill myself.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, I was like, well, bitch,

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people do forget about the

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Speaker 1: side effects of pills like that. Oh yeah, absolutely, but

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Speaker 1: there's that's me up in hair weight gain. What is it,

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Speaker 1: uh like you have like a like a low sexual

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Speaker 1: drive is for some of them it imbalances your hormones,

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Speaker 1: like it's hard to come. What was really kind of

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Speaker 1: sad and I had to talk to the old Bay

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Speaker 1: about it, is I wasn't able to come from sex

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Speaker 1: because like I know he's and still I'm having trouble.

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Speaker 1: And obviously I've been like sucking this person for so

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Speaker 1: many years. It's not like I can't get there right,

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Speaker 1: but the the goal of orgasm is so intense in

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Speaker 1: my brain. And I also know that he knows it's

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Speaker 1: hard for me to get to because of medication, so

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Speaker 1: he's probably thinking about it that I'm thinking about it.

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Speaker 1: So it makes me anxious and I feel guilty because

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Speaker 1: masturbation is the only patience I have with myself. You know,

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Speaker 1: I feel bad to say you might have to suck

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Speaker 1: me for forty five minutes when I used to come

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Speaker 1: in five. So like sometimes if I want to come,

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Speaker 1: I just masturbate now, which is something that I don't

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Speaker 1: know if anybody else is going through. But I feel

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Speaker 1: super guilty because you just want to have sex with

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Speaker 1: yourself and a lot of people will talk about that.

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Speaker 1: You know, you may feel insulted if you find out

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Speaker 1: your partners masturbating but they're not sucking you. But I

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Speaker 1: can't explain it. It's just something that makes me feel

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Speaker 1: less pressure right now and it works, so I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, once I stuck it out and I started

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Speaker 1: looking at myself and to me, I'll be like, many,

190
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Speaker 1: do you think it's gonna be an immediate confidence boost? Um?

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Speaker 1: I get honestly, more than its confidence. I'm so frustrated

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Speaker 1: that I'm not able to get back to what I

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Speaker 1: used to look like, Like I don't feel like I'm

194
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Speaker 1: my mood is down about it more than I'm fucking frustrated,

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Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying, Like I know I

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Speaker 1: used to look like this, and I know I'm it's

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Speaker 1: not because of my own habits. That's what drives me crazy.

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Speaker 1: But um, maybe it'll give me some confidence, but I

199
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Speaker 1: think with sex it will help. Like I don't actively

200
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Speaker 1: think that I'm looking different when I'm sucking, but I

201
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Speaker 1: feel like if my body changes, it might make me

202
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Speaker 1: want to suck more. I don't know if that makes sense,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I still have face that really

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Speaker 1: saves me. Yeah, Like you know what I'm saying, Like

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Speaker 1: when you're not like feeling your best about your body,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm still key. That's what I really

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Speaker 1: be feeling. Like thanks for taking a pick in this moment.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever felt like that? Like, m maybe now

209
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Speaker 1: not been a long time. It's just really weird because

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Speaker 1: um oh, with the holidays and being single again, I

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Speaker 1: still only want to be with the person that I've

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Speaker 1: been with for the last year and a half. So

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Speaker 1: normally around the holidays, like even all my old hose

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Speaker 1: they're with their families duh. Like so I'm not really

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Speaker 1: having the opportunity to backtrack. And then with all the touring,

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Speaker 1: I don't have time to date. So I by myself

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Speaker 1: just wanting to still be with him, um because I

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Speaker 1: still have like a crazy sex drive. That's so I

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Speaker 1: want to have sex. Um and so no, I mean

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Speaker 1: outside of that, I'm just really trying to like I

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Speaker 1: want to have sex with other people because I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't. Um, I hate that feelings. I'm I'm I

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Speaker 1: mean in d C, like I met like this little

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Speaker 1: pretty girl, I realized, like I want to be with

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Speaker 1: women more right now, um, but it's weird because I like,

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Speaker 1: I have just like phases with them, like I'll be like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, she's so cute. I want to bring

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Speaker 1: it to New York. I wanted to stay with me

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Speaker 1: for the weekend. This happened even when I was in Orlando,

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Speaker 1: that this other girl made out with her all night,

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Speaker 1: and then when I got to New York, I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't want anyone in my space. So I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm I'm having this weird like thing

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Speaker 1: right now sexually, like I want to be with women,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to be with my ex. So

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Speaker 1: I wonder if you only want to be with women

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Speaker 1: because you feel like you'd compare a man to him,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you do have to

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Speaker 1: not like you would, but your body might. Well it's

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Speaker 1: also crazy because sex with him over the last year

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Speaker 1: and a half has been like the most life changing,

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. It's not really I wouldn't compare

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Speaker 1: it yet, Like I mean from his body to the

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Speaker 1: way like after sex, like the aftercare he gives me,

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Speaker 1: he stretches me, he massages me. It's like just so intimate.

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Speaker 1: I just I have no desire to have sex with

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Speaker 1: other people, which sucks. Yeah, because like are like like

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Speaker 1: my old holes are ready to like, Oh, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: I can meet you here. I can meet you there,

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Speaker 1: like Nigga. Christmas coming up, so a bit do want

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Speaker 1: some gifts. But I'm still just like, but do we

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Speaker 1: have to fun? Like I know, like you're my old

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Speaker 1: home and i know we used to have sex, but

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Speaker 1: I'm really not in the mood to have sex with

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Speaker 1: like anyone else. Tell me if I'm crossing the boundary.

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Speaker 1: But have you spoken to him? Oh? We speak every day? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we uh, we speak every day, but we're like not

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Speaker 1: together and that's emphasized Like I am trying to date. Uh.

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Speaker 1: I talked about it with Wheezy on a Patreon episode.

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Speaker 1: I just don't have the time, Like there's no time

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Speaker 1: to date. Like I met this fine asked motherfucker and

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Speaker 1: literally because we met online. He lives in New York

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Speaker 1: as well. I said, you got two weeks to see me.

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Speaker 1: If we don't see each other, then I'm good on

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Speaker 1: you two weeks. If we love in the same city,

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Speaker 1: there's no reason, right, No, A bitch had a show.

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Speaker 1: I had a recording every day. Then I went out

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Speaker 1: of town to Vegas. Then I went out of Sound

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Speaker 1: a d C. Then I went out of sound to

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Speaker 1: l A for a week, and I'm like, damn, I

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Speaker 1: don't have time to see you. And he works at

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Speaker 1: nine to five, so like during the week it's different

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Speaker 1: from him. I'm just like, fuck, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to date to Creative. I don't want to date anyone

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Speaker 1: in the space. I don't. Yeah, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: date to creative. But I'm like, damn, maybe maybe I

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Speaker 1: do need I'm telling you no, No, I feel like

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Speaker 1: maybe I do need to like find out what the

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Speaker 1: whole niggas hang out, Like I feel like I need

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Speaker 1: a nigotus was hired that has nothing to do be

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Speaker 1: available when I need him to be about creatives that

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Speaker 1: I dated one, you know in l A. And there

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Speaker 1: was something about it that I really liked because he

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Speaker 1: didn't really seem disappointed at anything, like if I had

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Speaker 1: to cancel on something or if my time frame or

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00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 1: taking calls, like he just gets it. And also I

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Speaker 1: didn't have to go through the motion of oh, like yes,

288
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Speaker 1: you're about to see this crazy clip on in Stagram,

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Speaker 1: whereas like I feel like I feel like someone who

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Speaker 1: isn't um in the industry so to speak, might feel

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Speaker 1: a little insecure about that. And I'm also projecting from

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Speaker 1: past partners because Old Bay is great with it. He

293
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Speaker 1: don't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying, And

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Speaker 1: he works in tech. But I do find that people

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Speaker 1: that are creative just start easier to move with, move

296
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Speaker 1: along with. Also moreover, it's funny because I feel like

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Speaker 1: industry or creatives, they don't really give a fuck if

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Speaker 1: I'm a hoe in their head or not if their

299
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 1: friends think I'm a hoe. They don't care what anyone's

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Speaker 1: gonna like, you know, pick up on Instagram or like

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Speaker 1: circle around in their group chat, like, they don't give

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Speaker 1: a funk. They understand. Like a lot of this is

303
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,200
Speaker 1: performance that you're doing that you have to you know,

304
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 1: be a personality, be open, be fun, do the flirty ship,

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00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 1: and you know, be sexy on Instagram Like that is

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00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 1: a lot of our brands. You know what I'm saying that,

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Speaker 1: have you guys ever dated someone who was almost like

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00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 1: competitive towards you because of what you guys do? No,

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00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 1: Like my X hits all of this. He he's private,

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Speaker 1: so he like, and I think that when we first

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00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,520
Speaker 1: started talking again, it was the pandemic, so he didn't

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00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,320
Speaker 1: realize the reach I had. And then when he started

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Speaker 1: like bringing me up to friends and things like that,

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Speaker 1: he's like, oh, so people I know like listen to

315
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Speaker 1: your show and now they know about everything, like me

316
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,520
Speaker 1: sharing a lot of our intimate moments. And yeah, because

317
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 1: like now he's like like the way he carries himself,

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Speaker 1: he's just very statuesque to himself, private, and like now

319
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 1: his friends know like the sex clubs and what we

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00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,080
Speaker 1: do on our spirit time. And I think that was

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Speaker 1: just a lot for people that he knows from work

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Speaker 1: and from just like for years not knowing what he

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Speaker 1: does in the bedroom. So like we've had a lot

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Speaker 1: of talks about that. Do you ask for consent about it? Um?

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Speaker 1: Yes and no, Like it wasn't a problem until it

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Speaker 1: was a problem, and then I was like, well, nig,

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Speaker 1: just so you know, we prerecorded still for the next

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Speaker 1: month and a half. It's already recorded, you know, it's already.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna share this because it's making me think of

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Speaker 1: something and I wasn't going to talk about it. But

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Speaker 1: someone I dated is dating someone new and I had.

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Speaker 1: At first, I thought it was her, but I don't

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00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,880
Speaker 1: think it is anymore. I got a page that tagged

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00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,399
Speaker 1: her and I both on Twitter, sending me an article

335
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 1: that this person wrote. And in the article they talked

336
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,280
Speaker 1: about their partner who was the partner that I used

337
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 1: to date, and how I was sharing intimate details of

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Speaker 1: our sex life and they weren't happy about it. And

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00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,679
Speaker 1: it was the new girlfriend was not happy. I don't know,

340
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:50,359
Speaker 1: like she wrote an article about this. Oh got you sorry?

341
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:54,920
Speaker 1: I wasn't making that clear and when um. The only

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Speaker 1: reason I read it is because that person tagged me

343
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Speaker 1: in it, and they were like, oh, she's calling you out.

344
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Speaker 1: I don't a lot. It's not so. I thought it

345
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 1: was gonna be like bar for bar, but it wasn't.

346
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 1: It was vague and it may not have been about me. However,

347
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 1: there was something very specific they let me know. As

348
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,359
Speaker 1: me said, this person is sharing intimate sex details about

349
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Speaker 1: our life and they're making content on the profit from

350
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,520
Speaker 1: the platform and basically saying that their partner expressed to

351
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 1: her that he didn't like that. This to me was

352
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:27,199
Speaker 1: very insulting to read, especially because obviously consent is our

353
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,600
Speaker 1: fucking ship. You know what I'm saying. There's niggase that fun.

354
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 1: I've never talked about a horrible can't talk about on

355
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,880
Speaker 1: horrible because they're like, it doesn't matter if you don't

356
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 1: say my name, like please don't. It makes me uncomfortable.

357
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 1: This person that she's talking about was not only someone

358
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 1: that I was consenting with discussing with, would share the

359
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,879
Speaker 1: episode with his friends, would tell people their name, would

360
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 1: like be excited about it, laughed about it with me,

361
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: like never once ever told me that they weren't happy

362
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Speaker 1: about it. I asked if I could share these details,

363
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,639
Speaker 1: and so I think, what's happening and what can happen

364
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,360
Speaker 1: and just making me think about what you just said

365
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 1: is people change their mind or can act like they

366
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 1: change their mind depending on the partner, because it ain't

367
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 1: him what he thought of me. You're dating someone knew

368
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 1: who might have been like, wow, you were dating a

369
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 1: sex podcaster, So now you're probably telling this bitch, Yeah,

370
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 1: she just go up there and talk about this stuff,

371
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Speaker 1: and like that's the only thing I could think because

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Speaker 1: I had never fucking did that. I was really like

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Speaker 1: upset when I read it, because to me, to make

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Speaker 1: someone feel violated it is not what I want to do,

375
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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And to know that like

376
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Speaker 1: you expressed it to someone in that way, I'm like,

377
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,479
Speaker 1: either you were performing for this bitch, trying to make

378
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 1: yourself seem like something like I don't know, but it

379
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 1: wasn't what I did. And I think the reason that

380
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 1: happens is because afterwards, when dating someone in the public eye,

381
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 1: you're sitting there probably thinking about what you let happen

382
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 1: because maybe you were in love. I mean, but not

383
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 1: only that, it's it's to the point where it's like,

384
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Speaker 1: and I know you've said this when you were also

385
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 1: reach it's like when we're out, people come up to

386
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 1: him and now act like they know who he is.

387
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 1: And so when that when the people leave us, he's like,

388
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 1: what does that person know about me? Because he knows

389
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm on this show weekly and we talk and so

390
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 1: it's more so like now there's strangers that think that

391
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 1: they know who he is, and so that's you know,

392
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 1: that's another part of it. But um, it's weird because

393
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:26,119
Speaker 1: like when we talk about let's say, like the Brittany

394
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: Runners or the Superheads, the girls that made books about

395
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 1: all these people, I know that you know a part

396
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 1: of you know, our our idea that or even when

397
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: like rappers come out and say that they fucked with

398
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,919
Speaker 1: certain girls, one of our quick responses were like, well,

399
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 1: what if that other person didn't want to know, didn't

400
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 1: want everyone to know about this. I think that I

401
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 1: recently had the conversation because Drake did that with Sayssa,

402
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 1: and it's just like, what did he do? Like pretty

403
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,439
Speaker 1: much mentioned that they used to funk with each other?

404
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: How what do you say? I don't know the exactly

405
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: I used to funk with Sayssa back in Oh Wait

406
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,159
Speaker 1: or something like that, And it was just like, what

407
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 1: if Silia didn't want anyone to know that she used

408
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: to funk with Drake? Yeah, like it's in one of

409
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: his lyrics what fun and right? And so I know

410
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 1: he's done that with Black China. There's a lot of

411
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 1: there's a lot of times, and so it does make

412
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 1: me think like, damn, that's right. I'd sit here and

413
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 1: wouldn't want someone to to go out and say that

414
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: they've sucked with me without me saying it's okay. First.

415
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: I think why I was really insulted in by ralists

416
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: is because that person implied that people were like coming

417
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: up to them and work and saying things, and I

418
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 1: was like, Nick, first of all, I don't let me

419
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 1: look what you looked like, so cut it out. I

420
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: feel like sometimes they just be dragging it. It's different

421
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: with you and him, becausey'all were together in a lot

422
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: of places where that happened. That did not happen with

423
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,880
Speaker 1: him and I. And I think he really was putting

424
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 1: off for that girl. And if anyone I've ever dated

425
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: has the notion to say that, it's scissors. She and

426
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: I were face to face. She's been on an episode like,

427
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: I mean, she is out there her face our mom's

428
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 1: are my mama? Just god? I mean that. I was

429
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 1: to say, bitch, I might have to get a new

430
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: motherfucking She said, you're gonna pay for my makeover? I said, mom,

431
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? She said, why did someone

432
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: just come up to me while I was pumping my

433
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: gas and said, oh my god, you're Mandy's why she

434
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 1: said she got She's like, bitch, I ain't a celebrity.

435
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 1: I don't need to be known out here. She's like,

436
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: not me being known as Mandy's MoMA while I'm pumping

437
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: my gas. And so she's just like, oh, yeah, you're

438
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 1: gonna have to get me a motherfucking makeover, because that's

439
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 1: different because your mom is on your Instagram and obviously

440
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 1: they came on the show, and our mom's are fun.

441
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,880
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about as far as partners with faces,

442
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: like I just really be surprised that Nick is really

443
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 1: act like they meant that much to me, and like

444
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: I had a whole last bit like are you serious

445
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: not saying like I wasn't on his dick too because

446
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,120
Speaker 1: it was good, but like, yeah, it just really makes

447
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 1: me think. And also what I did with Scissors, I

448
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 1: grew as the relationship group, so even she wasn't ready

449
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: for that, right, Like we got back together and Horrible

450
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 1: Decisions was one live showing. By the time we were

451
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 1: like really really in it in it, it was like, oh,

452
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 1: like it's city to city you got you gotta come

453
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 1: to and now you know your girlfriend is We did

454
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: a vice live. I remember that and she was like,

455
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: oh ship, like people from back home we're watching this

456
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 1: and I don't know. I'm trying to wonder like if

457
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 1: I got married or five kids, didn't know what I do?

458
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: What are your Since we're like wrapping up the year.

459
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 1: What are your relationship goals? Are there things that happened

460
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 1: this year that you would want to change? Are you

461
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 1: going into hoping something happens with your relationships? Like do

462
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: you have any any thoughts of that war y'all keeping well?

463
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 1: I mean like, I mean, like I've been with the

464
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 1: same person nineteen Um right yeah right, because no, no, no,

465
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,640
Speaker 1: you might have been in the pandemic that that's true.

466
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 1: That is and it's about too. I've had the same

467
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: person since Um, he'll probably still be around probably. Yeah,

468
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: it depends. That's the key word. It depends. I mean

469
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: it's on me. Like I'm very adamant with Like I'm

470
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: letting him know. I'm testing the waters with other people

471
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: if someone else shows up and I find interest in them,

472
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna really walk about two can play that game?

473
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: That's the waters? What the hell that's the water? People like, oh,

474
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: he got man when he was liked in the friend zone.

475
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: That is disrespectful putting me in the friend Yeah, like

476
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: I'm not happy where not when you like old They

477
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: tried to call himself yeah man about l A Bay

478
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: And I was like, first of all, niggie, did you

479
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: not like it? Call you back. Yeah, but yeah, I

480
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: mean you'll be here probably. I mean, ope stays let

481
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: me see l A. Bay's out, which is sad because

482
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: you haven't talked about him in once. Oh yeah, he

483
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 1: like really did something to kiss me off, And I

484
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it obviously because like you know,

485
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I can't. I think we'd have to

486
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 1: get to that point. But I'm piste off at him. Um.

487
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 1: And also I think what makes me more angry about

488
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 1: that too, is like I hate when someone does something

489
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 1: that's disrespectful, um, even if they don't realize it, but

490
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: you got to really cut him off because you can't

491
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: let somebody do you like that twice, you know what

492
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, if i'd let you stick around, like

493
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: then I'm the bish and lets you stick around after

494
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 1: doing that. So I can't, which is disappointing because he

495
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: was great. But um, you know, I do miss Scissors

496
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: a lot, Like it has been like ramping up, like

497
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 1: really intensely. But she's married, she just had a baby,

498
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 1: but she got a partner though, right, yeah, you get whatever.

499
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: All I'm saying no to being disrespectful to the relationship.

500
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,159
Speaker 1: He just had a whole. But she has a family

501
00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: now and she's like, I don't give a funk about

502
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: that out her niggas, Why was I fucking? I was

503
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: like on the phone with her own as we were

504
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: on the phone and FaceTime talking, this is why the

505
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: boyfriend did not want you with the baby shower girl.

506
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: This is why shared it on the show. Is it?

507
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 1: You ain't going to bring it up nothing. What I'm saying,

508
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, see what I'm trying to bea and

509
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: I just feel like he's chumping at my throne. No,

510
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: this is why the nigga don't want you around because

511
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: you could slide back in there and it's just different

512
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: with a woman. But you know what it is too,

513
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: So this is what I'm gonna say. Um. When I

514
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: was on the phone with Sharonas and I started telling

515
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: him this, He's just like I was like, I don't

516
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 1: know how to feel. I missed her and like dad,

517
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: he was like, nigga, like why do you keep doing

518
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 1: this to yourself? Because he for me, all I do

519
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 1: is like I talked to her all the time. We

520
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: talked all the time, but it's it's not easy for me.

521
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying because she feels like talking

522
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 1: catching up as good. She's got a baby, she's at home,

523
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 1: she wants to talk, she's happy in her relationship. It

524
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: but you know she's my I'm her friend and I

525
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: know I'm her friend because when she's frustrated and like

526
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 1: just like feeling down or whatever, and we talked like

527
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 1: I feel really good that I could pick her back. Ready, Yeah,

528
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: we are not gonna sunk out like I'm here. I'm

529
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: here at that Nigga's true. I do not bad because

530
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: I'm being there for her because I know that that's

531
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 1: the right thing to do. But also like she don't

532
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,879
Speaker 1: when the up, I'm here the emotional strain on me

533
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 1: just like you see what I'm the selfishness of it all,

534
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: just a child? Are you ready to take care of that?

535
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what we're trying to talk about, right

536
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: Because he was like what the funk? Bro? Like did

537
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: you I could have had kids, but you didn't have

538
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 1: kids as you chose your careers and like why are

539
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: you acting like this? And I was like, may just

540
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 1: hear me out. You take care of your baby, but together,

541
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, wait, what bro? Trifling?

542
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk to someone that co parent

543
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: in different states. She's not trying to cope it. She

544
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: is happy. But I'm saying, not you to co parent

545
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: with this woman who is happy in her relationship. Girl,

546
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 1: we're gonna be together before we die. I think so,

547
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: the baby gonna be And this is you know what,

548
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: the boyfriend got every right to not want you around

549
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,719
Speaker 1: his bitch at all. I don't want them to break up.

550
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: I want her to be happy. I'm just saying she's

551
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: not happy. You know what I mean. I know I

552
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: said I want her to be happy. I don't want

553
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: them to break up. I'm just saying, I have no

554
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 1: faith in niggas said about her man. This is about

555
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 1: the male species. Okay. So what I'm saying is if

556
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: not you hurt, so you so you can pick up

557
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: her hurt. I don't want to be hurt. I'm just

558
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: saying if look anyway, bro, all I'm saying is we're

559
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: gonna be together at some point. I really believe it.

560
00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: And if I got to be a baby, mama side

561
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: and the baby, you know saying we gotta be mommy.

562
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: Never two what lesbians, dude, Mama and mommy y'all telling

563
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: me I never had a chick break your heart. That's

564
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Bro bitches to be breaking hearts too, okay,

565
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: But but like so, if we had to be, if

566
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: you had to guess, I know a lot of lesbians

567
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: that have been heartbroken. I know a lot of women

568
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: who have broken the hearts of men. Like So, to me,

569
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: a woman being with a woman doesn't mean she's not

570
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: going to be subjected to as much hurt as a

571
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: nigga would put on you. You look like you Because

572
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: I have a penis doesn't mean I break hearts. I

573
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: didn't break her. I loved her very much and I

574
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: was a good girlfriend. We didn't work out because we

575
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: both want a different thing. We did not break up

576
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: because you know what I'm saying, I was a fucking

577
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: cheater and so was she or some ship. No, Louis

578
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: broke up because like I just couldn't give her what

579
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: she wanted in that regard. But now she has it,

580
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 1: which is great, so let us so let her how

581
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: you you can't have it. I'm just saying, if whatever happens, like,

582
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: do you see yourself being with a woman again. And

583
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: by the way, we are like I don't know how

584
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: far into this episode. Clearly there's no outline today at

585
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: this point because I ain't gonna rush through my good

586
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: ass outline. I'm gonna say this ship of patriarch, bitch,

587
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: I'm not just gonna run through it, because it was

588
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: really good ship. I mean, we have to do Patreon

589
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: episodes anyways, like near the holiday, so I'll save this,

590
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 1: but I like, do whatever little ship you had. Yeah,

591
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not gonna just run through this motherfu outline. Bitch.

592
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: It's like me a long time looking at her phone

593
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm waiting. Oh yeah, no, I've

594
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: been trying, and that already like forty minutes into the episode.

595
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 1: What do I miss about her? Oh? Well, but not

596
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: only that outside of her, is it also just missing

597
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: being with a woman. I feel like even the threesomes

598
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: seemed to slow down this year. So do you think

599
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: that it's also potentially you just really missing being with

600
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: a woman. I don't. I don't miss having three sims

601
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: with her, miss her, but I think also like like

602
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: sucking her being with her, but you know what, like

603
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: and and it sucked me up. I felt really guilty.

604
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: I was flying from l A. And I don't know

605
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: if it was a song that came on or what happened,

606
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: is something just triggered me, and I just started imagining

607
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: my life with her, like thinking about her being in

608
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: l A with me, like thinking about like if you

609
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: know how I would maneuver this because her life is different, right,

610
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, well I got two places

611
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 1: I live now, like she got a family in Cali,

612
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: Like maybe she would just live here and I could.

613
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: You know, to me, the goal at the end of

614
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: the day is like I want to make sure I

615
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: have enough money to provide for my family. I don't

616
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: think about my partner. And I'm not saying like she

617
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: don't have nothing or old, but they don't have ship.

618
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: That's just how my brain works. I talked about that

619
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: all the time. I want to have a kid, you know,

620
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: I want to take care I take care of my parents,

621
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 1: Like that's the life I want. So when I think

622
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: about her now that she comes with a kid, that's

623
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: what I think about him, like, oh I could do this.

624
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: I couldn't really do it before, but like I could

625
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: do it now. So I just feel like it's more

626
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: feasible for me now. That's why I think I start

627
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: imagining my life with her because I'm like, that's what

628
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 1: you wanted. Okay, you gotta baby, just come over here.

629
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,479
Speaker 1: It's weird because even if, like even even at thirty one,

630
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: I think that that's my issue, like even with like

631
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: the conversations with my ex, like there's just I don't

632
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: think he knows and I don't think I still know

633
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: how I can truly show up as a partner because

634
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 1: I like that we that like we travel together, we

635
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: have fun when we're in town. I still cook for himself.

636
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: But I'm still like I don't know if I want

637
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: to live with a partner. I still don't really want marriage,

638
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: and I still don't want kids. So as far as

639
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: like how he would show up as a partner to me,

640
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: that's where we have like because he can't show up

641
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: as a provider. I make more than him and the protector.

642
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 1: He's like I've never been with a woman. Where why

643
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 1: do you mean he can't provide for you? What do

644
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: you mean? It's was like, I provide for myself. I

645
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: make more than him. Like so even my lifestyle, like

646
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: the things I like to do isn't him. He's a

647
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: lot more regular than I am, as far as like

648
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: the places he likes to eat and so like. So

649
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 1: because something you think of it like making it like

650
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: for me when I think of riding him, like oh

651
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: could this person like handle our home or something like,

652
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 1: I think about little things like that. I don't think

653
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: about much shob But no, he's great, like as far

654
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: as like he helped me move, he built everything in

655
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 1: my house, like he's great in that aspect. But as

656
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: far as like even if we were to move together,

657
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: like he lives in Harlem, I live where I live,

658
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: and I know my rent is a lot more than

659
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 1: probably what he's used to. So even the idea of

660
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: us living together, I know whatever I want to live

661
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: in is a lot more than what he would probably

662
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: want to live in or can afford. And so I

663
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 1: mean there's that. And I also see two. Because you

664
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 1: don't want to take care of it. See the way

665
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: I talk about scissors, I could never do that for

666
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: old bay. Oh I'm not taking care of no nigger,

667
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: but I would definitely like I would never even think

668
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: to take care of like, which is great. And I'm

669
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: glad are we we mesh because like me and him

670
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: moved the same way in life, and that's why I

671
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 1: think we really connected. But with her I talked like that.

672
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 1: I don't think I would ever speak that way for

673
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: a man. Yeah, but I also realized too now the

674
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: difference in I remember, like just saying I need my

675
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: man to make six figures, there's a huge difference from

676
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: someone making a hundred thousand and someone making six hundred thousand.

677
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 1: So even just that gap like okay, yeah, he's probably

678
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 1: very comfortable, but the gaps within the six figure or deal,

679
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: it's a huge difference. And so that still comes with

680
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: a different lifestyle. Someone making a hundred thousand in New

681
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: York still lives very different than someone making six hundred

682
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: thousand in New York. So I mean, again, just the

683
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: things that I know people seek in wives and long

684
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 1: term relationships. I don't know if I have answers for that.

685
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 1: I don't know if I realistically know how to show

686
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: up in that way. Like I still like very much.

687
00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: Also really good um when you talk about finances, right,

688
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: because like a lot of times when we would say

689
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,239
Speaker 1: ship like that six figures or this need, this need

690
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: that like I used to legit want to make a

691
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a week. That used to be okay for me,

692
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 1: like I just want a thousand dollars a week. I

693
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: used to think that that was the most. Like I

694
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: remember just being happy that there was a comment my

695
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: account for the longest, Like I didn't have that for

696
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 1: so long. So even when I was in my career

697
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: as an accountant, steady, when it just stayed in there,

698
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 1: When when I could pay my rent in a comments state,

699
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm good. No, like no.

700
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: And so now like now that I'm in my thirties

701
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: and I'm looking for long term relationship, I've tried for

702
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: the last year something that's non traditional, non monogamous, more

703
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: customized relationship. I'm now just now at thirty one, figuring

704
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: out what my boundaries realistically look like, thinking about what

705
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 1: I realistically want sexually, like going to the sex club

706
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 1: every two weeks. That was great, but is it realistic?

707
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: And this is a really fucked up to say, But

708
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: my therapist made me realize what happened to me. You're

709
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: questioning boundaries and things like that, and you're like thinking

710
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: about what you want. My therapist told me that she

711
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: thinks the questions are happening because pain has happened. She like,

712
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: once you feel pain or hurt, you reevaluate because you're like,

713
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: I didn't know this would happen. What the funk is this?

714
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: I think feeling a little bit of like because you

715
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 1: were in love, you were I mean, I'm still very much,

716
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: I still very than you aren't, but like you love him,

717
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: you were up here from the super high of love,

718
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: and then something happened that you didn't expect. And it's like,

719
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 1: once you feel that pain, you're like, is everything I've

720
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: done canny? Can it work? I've thought about that too

721
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,800
Speaker 1: when I felt some pain for Oda, Like we have

722
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: three soons. We do this all the time, Like do

723
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: I want to have three soons? But I I I

724
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: receive and expect pain because I don't know my boundaries,

725
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 1: so I expect to only know my boundaries. Once I

726
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 1: realized the boundaries there like going into this type of relationship,

727
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 1: mind you, it really being my first real relationship, like

728
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,799
Speaker 1: to where there was a responsibility, there was an exclusiveness,

729
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: there was a way in which we had to show

730
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: up for each other. I never really had to show

731
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:07,919
Speaker 1: up for nobody. As long as the niggas was paying

732
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: my bills, I was hopping to different niggas, so I

733
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 1: never had to show up for somebody the way I

734
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 1: did in this relationship, and so boundaries. I didn't know

735
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: what to set. I didn't know what type of relationship

736
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 1: I realistically even wanted. Monogamy I knew was something that

737
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: just would set me up for failure, because I believe

738
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: that those are unrealistic expectations. Real boyfriend the first is

739
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: someone that you swing with. Just imagine the gradual nous,

740
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: right someone girl Meeke's boyfriend. But I would ever break

741
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 1: up single for a little bit. He's another way friend.

742
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: Sing a little bit, get some fucking experience under your belt.

743
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: Then you have the way friend you go to the

744
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:53,240
Speaker 1: sex club with you like went end up. But also

745
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: I think that I think the pandemic accelerated what our

746
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 1: relationship was because I sat the funk down bit chall

747
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: was at home. We may as well have both been

748
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: in prison because we both exactly knew where the fun

749
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: each other was every day. If he wasn't when me,

750
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: he was at home. Nothing was open in New York,

751
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,800
Speaker 1: so like it allowed us to really get to know

752
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: each other, Like the pandemic helped, I think just dating

753
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 1: all around for so much because it sat us the

754
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 1: funk down. Now that I'm sitting here trying to date

755
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 1: and I'm ten times busier than I was pre COVID,

756
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't even know how I'm supposed

757
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: to meet someone now how I mean, I think meeting

758
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 1: someone isn't it because you were nothing a meeting. I

759
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: can remember making time for saying, oh my god, I

760
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 1: went away friends that happening. You were mad about not

761
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: having sex. It's like you, you can't imagine it happening.

762
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: Now You've had a great relationship, You've had a great person,

763
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 1: so it's like, dude, that'sh It is hard. And I

764
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: also think I actually just made me think with scissors.

765
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: Now that I think about it, I'm like you right now,

766
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: like even our breakup, it wasn't so painful to where

767
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: I hurt, like we're hurt. We is one on the

768
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: same page, and that's what we've been communicating is that

769
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 1: we weren't. No, we weren't on the same page with

770
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: a lot of things. And because we weren't on the

771
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: same page, I was just like, not the same working.

772
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: Maybe we could revisit it and come back later, but

773
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: we're not on the same page. Let's figure that out.

774
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 1: You just said with you and Scissors, I still love her,

775
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: I still want the best for her. We just want

776
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: on the same page. Do you know what's fucked up

777
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: to about how I feel about Scissors? You know, Old

778
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 1: Day and I have had a very relationship relationship holidays together,

779
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: Like I mean, you know that's my name. Like to

780
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: feel like that about someone, But I'm not saying obviously

781
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: replaces my love for that person. But it's very scary

782
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 1: because someone who's like truly by which is me was

783
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 1: in a threat of which is me? And then so

784
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: you don't really like each other, and like they don't

785
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: like each other. But when she Vans, she was just

786
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 1: like I realized that too. Though, Um, you can't just

787
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: put two people like you know what I'm saying. You

788
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: have to build that and I need to have someone

789
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: on the show that is like us. Like so many

790
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: people that I meet, even in the swing life, are like,

791
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: I've never met a true bisexual and so like they're like,

792
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 1: you're a true bisexual. You identify as a true bisexual bisexuality,

793
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 1: especially with women, I think a lot of people are

794
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: more curious than not or feel the need to be

795
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 1: bisexual for their partners. But like when you're a woman

796
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: who genuinely likes women genuinely likes men, like it's almost

797
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 1: combat at romantically. And I think that's what's happening. Is

798
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 1: like everything I think about that I really love in her.

799
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 1: I don't have with old Bay, not in a bad way.

800
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: You can't give it to me. Me and her have

801
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: a very home girl best friend vibe. When we went

802
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: to Paris and dipped off. Listen to this. You never

803
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 1: gonna see her again, bitch. Listen when I tell you

804
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: I'm listening to her talk. This is why you go

805
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: to the baby shop? What's the whole? First of all,

806
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: he listens to this girl. You gotta sneak around, no

807
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: no about him. I wanted to prisemate and be happy

808
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 1: about Stop trying to like make me compete in my

809
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 1: head right now, you're being right now, thank you. Let's

810
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: just bring it up in a way. Let's just because

811
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 1: it sounds like you the nigga waiting for a downfall, bitch,

812
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: how dare you all right? I don't want to wish

813
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: a bat on anyone's relationship, but you want to happiness?

814
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: I do feel like end up together some pore in

815
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: our lives together? What do you mean back together? Like

816
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,320
Speaker 1: or like I'm gonna when we broke up, Like I

817
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 1: never really thought we broke up? Yo? All right now man?

818
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 1: Once you my bit, you my bit first, and I

819
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 1: like that with any other Who have your other partners?

820
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: Who have I said that about I don't know think

821
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: about it. I don't know we've all recorded. Eden's recorded

822
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: with us three. I actually no, you have said that.

823
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 1: You said that about love for boy. You say, yeah,

824
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 1: because when I'm in the city, of course, I'm gonna

825
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 1: pull up because du for sex. But as I ever.

826
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: But that's like, I mean, you could still, but that's

827
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like there's still that level of attachment

828
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: that I don't think about just pussy when it comes

829
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: to her though, like obviously, I mean there's feelings, but

830
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 1: your emo that makes sense too. Why she Like I

831
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 1: mean like when we broke up. I don't know if

832
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: you remember, but like we went right back to being friends. Yes,

833
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: like so to me and my nigga, right we're friends, yeah,

834
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: Like yeah, so I know what that is. I will

835
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 1: I never had TEX with her again after we broke up,

836
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 1: show I will say this. He was crazy power Orlando

837
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: show when she came that week, was the pandemic after that,

838
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 1: and that's when she met Um, the person she's with now.

839
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: I remember we went out to dinner after the Orlando

840
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: show and there's this very like she was like angry

841
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: with me, but she didn't like say it in a

842
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 1: way like it was just like I'm mad at you,

843
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: but like I was definitely still in love with her. Then,

844
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 1: Like I remember, I got out of the car to

845
00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: go to my parents house and she kind of looked

846
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: at me like what the funk We're not like going

847
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 1: to stay and I was like I thought you were.

848
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: It was very weird. And then that whole interaction after

849
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: we got back from Toronto. I really was planning to

850
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 1: like go back to Florida and like hash it out

851
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: and figure out what we're doing and then depend on

852
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: me happy. And then we did not go to Toronto.

853
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 1: So beat you just to be fair. This is why

854
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 1: you got to be fair. If I if I be like, yo,

855
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, let's get back together, we say, you know

856
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: what happened. She run off and lived in Mexico. So

857
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: you let to literally be with this man then, because

858
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 1: you was in Mexico with your man. I didn't like

859
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: you gonna move to another country with your man. I'm

860
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 1: gonna sit here and see what's up with this man.

861
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: And this man ended up being out her baby daddy.

862
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 1: Stop dragging it, because for one, I'm not dragging. I'm

863
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 1: not righte Like, do you think it would have happened

864
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: if the pandemic didn't happen? Like I was getting back together,

865
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: like your whole relationship, Like, would it have been different

866
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 1: with her? I think she would have had the pandemic?

867
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 1: Not know he said her having a child? I think

868
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 1: she had because of the pandemic. You know what's going on?

869
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: The guy though she told me about about her, the

870
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: person she's with now, which I think is even sweeter

871
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: about the whole situation, right, Like she's like a girl,

872
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 1: what this kidd And she was telling me about him

873
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 1: and then they ended up having a baby. But if

874
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 1: there wasn't pandemic, I'm not sure, you know, I don't

875
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: know how serious they would have gotten. I think that

876
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: does change things. I think I wouldn't have been with

877
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 1: my ex had the pandemic not been a thing. So

878
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 1: I wouldn't like the pandemic literally shaped a lot of people,

879
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: like I know, but I know, I know for the

880
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 1: people even they got met the nick on zoom, Like,

881
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 1: what are the odds? You know what I mean? But

882
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: I mean there was everyone was on the actually the

883
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: whole world was on zons. Fucking flunny. That's such a

884
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: pandemic star way to fucking meat like literally moment and

885
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 1: then our first date was hiking when the funk would

886
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: I have a lot to break up the funk the

887
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 1: love for a second. Can I just tell y'all this

888
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 1: is how no a ship. I was on a funeral

889
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,760
Speaker 1: zoom and there was like eight people. What the funerals?

890
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: You know, you couldn't go to funerals during the pandemic.

891
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 1: They so they were literally they were live streaming, uh

892
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: a lot of the funerals. That's fucking crazy. I know.

893
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: It was like a funeral memorials zoome thing whatever do

894
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 1: So I'm going through the page because I'm board us see.

895
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 1: But one of these dudes was, oh my god, I

896
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: ain't gonna hold you. When we'd be on Patreon, we

897
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 1: do a live town hall every month for those of

898
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 1: y'all who have not joined our Patreon, and we have

899
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: some pretty good looking guys that be on this except

900
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 1: when you be every time you'll be trying to holliday him.

901
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: But his wife and newborn baby. Be right. It was

902
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: just my favorite one. First wash it out of them.

903
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 1: You know they're in the same time. Yeah, they're in

904
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 1: the Virgin Islands. He's so hands I'm gonna say. I'm

905
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 1: not saying I want to her nigga. Let me finish.

906
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I would suck her nigga. They got

907
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: a baby. I'm just saying, so does he doesn't stop

908
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: And you're like, I ain't nigger before and he won

909
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: my man? Okay, Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,

910
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying they'd be on the they'd be

911
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: on the Patreon and her man is cute, and I

912
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: feel like she know her nigga is fine. He's just

913
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,560
Speaker 1: my type more than anyone else. And so what you said,

914
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 1: you met somebody at a funeral on zoom nah, But

915
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 1: this is what I was trying to say. I felt

916
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: like I wanted to like write him in the chat

917
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: box and be like, oh, how do you know? So

918
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: it's oh my god, is this fucked up? So then

919
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 1: after the funeral was over, I looked at the attendee

920
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 1: emails and I saw his name on there, and then

921
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: I took his name put it in Facebook, and I

922
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 1: looked him up and I was like, damn, he really fine,

923
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: But also like, how do I add him now? Adam

924
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: on LinkedIn? I'm telling you Lincoln is like you have Lincoln. Yeah,

925
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: I need to make one for like now that I'm

926
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: a content creator, but I have bich. I still get

927
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: my I deleted my old one because I was scared.

928
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: Oh I still get my work anniversary at e y congratulations,

929
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: which I know you wy no more? Which mind you

930
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: if ever I needed a fucking job. When I tell

931
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: you LinkedIn, all the recruiters be hitting me because that

932
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 1: looks like I've been at e wife about three years.

933
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: And I tell you know what I tell you. They

934
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 1: be be in my ship asking me like, hey, so

935
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:33,359
Speaker 1: we're looking for senior tax accountants. If you want to come,

936
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: p WC is hiring an unlike not bitch never again,

937
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: but um LinkedIn you get to really like you could

938
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: see where the niggas work and they'd be like all

939
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:43,840
Speaker 1: dressed up in their little suits and their little abbeys

940
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: and ship LinkedIn is where I'd be going on holiday,

941
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: niggas bro LinkedIn Lincoln is the motherfucker's go to LinkedIn

942
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 1: be This is how I'm telling you. LinkedIn is low.

943
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: Bay had to hire a few positions and he was like,

944
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 1: let me do it on the diversity call. Right. He's like,

945
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 1: you know, because I can find the black people to

946
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 1: take this job. So he did this and we were

947
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: in Mexico City later throughout the day, his phone was

948
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:17,879
Speaker 1: buzzing on LinkedIn right. And mind you, his company is huge,

949
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 1: um huge, huge company, like maybe over hundreds thousand people

950
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: work there. So the diversity call was big and he

951
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 1: clicked on LinkedIn. He was like, damn, I see all

952
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 1: the black girls from his call. I mind what the

953
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: fucking bitches won't? So mind you think it? Cat like

954
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: and he was like, he was like, I didn't even

955
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,439
Speaker 1: talk to them. I just saw them in the chat box.

956
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: All of them are on there. Fucking horse. I love it,

957
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,439
Speaker 1: like honestly, again, I don't want to creative. I still

958
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: scroll through LinkedIn profiles. I love it. I love it.

959
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: So you can never see yourself with another creative like ever,

960
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 1: I don't want to be with one. I mean unless

961
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 1: they make not even if they make more at me.

962
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 1: I just I don't want to creative. I think you

963
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 1: don't care if they make me. You just said you're

964
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: excid and make as much. So why would it matter? No,

965
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: because creatives can be broke. Maybe really artist I don't know,

966
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: Like my nigga still has six figures. Even as someone

967
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 1: who's white collar. I wouldn't want an aspiring you're saying

968
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: the only reason will say there's a particular nine to

969
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 1: five that you can have, right, And this is not me,

970
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 1: Like I don't care about the money anymore. There's something

971
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 1: I realized being in my relationship with the fun He

972
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: can do whatever the funk he wants. If he was

973
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: like we're going to Mexico for the weekend, I'm working there,

974
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: he can do. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't date

975
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,800
Speaker 1: an accountant either, like the way I used to have

976
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: to be in my office, have no do. But know

977
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: when someone works from home, they can move with you,

978
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, well, if they got

979
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 1: again pandemic blessing, do you know how many jobs like

980
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: are really paying and you can do remote now? Yes,

981
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: Like I love what that has done for because that

982
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: we can be home, or we can just take our

983
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: work on the go, like I love all of these

984
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: remote jobs. Now we didn't We didn't have an outline

985
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: for this week, so hopefully you'll enjoyed what we shared.

986
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 1: But I did still want to do homemaale because a

987
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,759
Speaker 1: lot of our recent episodes we didn't get a homemail. Um,

988
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: so this one the title says, I'm single, but I

989
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 1: sucked up. We have never by the way, when we

990
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 1: don't have outlines not done a I almost swear. I

991
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 1: think just the therapy episode is the only one where

992
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 1: we didn't do have an elship where we didn't do

993
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 1: a horrid or like, if we don't have an outline,

994
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: will at least do one of them? You know what

995
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 1: is synergy? No, it's that I really worked on this

996
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: outline and I wasn't gonna rush through the fact that

997
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: our catchup was starting saying the synergy because the apple

998
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 1: just flew by long. What was well? Now it was.

999
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: But when I looked at you and you said, I

1000
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 1: knew we was already halfway through what you know what,

1001
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 1: I said, I'm not sneaking my When Mandy and I

1002
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: were like first podcasting, we were like talking to the

1003
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 1: phone like would you do last night type? There was

1004
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 1: one thing really special, as fucked up as it sounds,

1005
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 1: because I said recently on live, someone was like, did

1006
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 1: you find out I was on a Horrible Decisions Live?

1007
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: They said, did you find out about Mandy's breakup or

1008
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 1: what happened in her breakup while you were doing during

1009
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: the ringlets? It was that real reaction. I was like, yes,

1010
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 1: I had no idea what happened. And it was funny

1011
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 1: because they're like, well, that's crazy on on talk, I

1012
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:34,360
Speaker 1: was like, it is, but there is at least a

1013
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 1: real like no ship, oh my god, when we're telling

1014
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: each other's stories and it kind of works. It's five years.

1015
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: Imagine if you're really podcasting with someone who knows all

1016
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 1: your tea, you kind of got to like retail the

1017
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: story and be like, girl, you know what I told

1018
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 1: you about blah blah blah. Like every reaction is real.

1019
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 1: When I'm telling Mandy something on Patreon, that's really where

1020
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: we spill our tea for anyone who's wondering, it's coming

1021
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 1: out of my mouth for the first time, and I

1022
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: kind of like it. It's I'm gotten used to it.

1023
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: I think it's out of fun and it's nice. That

1024
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: was very kind of you to be open about your situation.

1025
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: I mean I was not trying. But also like I've

1026
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:10,719
Speaker 1: known mall for like ten years. I've known Rory now.

1027
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 1: Actually I know them all longer than ten years. I

1028
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 1: knew more before I moved to New York. Um, and

1029
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 1: then I've known Rory. He was one of the first

1030
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 1: people I met when I moved to New York, maybe

1031
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 1: within the first week or two. I met him through

1032
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: Cam who does Henny and so like, I think also

1033
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 1: just being where I'm really talking to my friends, like

1034
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,399
Speaker 1: where Ma has literally brought me Thanksgiving Day food because

1035
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: I didn't have my family up here. Rory has eaten

1036
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 1: dinner I've cooked for Rory and he ate at my house.

1037
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: So like, just I guess having those friends and knowing

1038
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: that they mean, well, it wasn't a gossipy thing. They

1039
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: was just like damn really But also a lot of

1040
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 1: people like want like enjoyed me in my relationship. It

1041
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 1: really hard to figure out, like when you know somebody man,

1042
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,319
Speaker 1: he was like he's hurt. He was like, what did

1043
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 1: this nigga do? Like I mean really really really really

1044
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 1: still like I mean in his car easy, because I

1045
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:04,439
Speaker 1: think that that's also where we're at now. In our conversations,

1046
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: he's like, it's good to see that neither of us

1047
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 1: are perfect now, so now we're actually having to love

1048
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 1: each other through our imperfections. Perfect. No, I know I'm not.

1049
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 1: I know I'm not. I have this masculine trait that

1050
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 1: he hates. What is what do you mean like, bitch?

1051
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 1: If you raise your voice, imna raise my voice too,

1052
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: And I jump at him where I don't think in

1053
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: his entire life he's dated a woman that will mother

1054
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:35,320
Speaker 1: get Oh yeah, yes that's me, like I believe, and

1055
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: he calls me like he hates that. He calls it

1056
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 1: like this fucking feminism bullshit. He fucking hates it because

1057
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,880
Speaker 1: he's like, why do you think this is? Why do

1058
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: you think everything a man can do, so can a woman.

1059
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: I said, because they can. And you're not gonna if

1060
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 1: you curse, bitch, I'm a curse if you raise your voice, bitch. No.

1061
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,759
Speaker 1: I never would call him a bitch. No, but I

1062
00:53:55,880 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 1: get no only when this fighting words get very blackout sometimes. See,

1063
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: you know what's crazy, and I think it's so calm.

1064
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,200
Speaker 1: I hated like you were saying if he's so, and

1065
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: he he never really raises his voice, so when he does,

1066
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're raising your voice. Don't do that because

1067
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 1: then I'm going to raise mine. And now we're yelling,

1068
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,240
Speaker 1: and that's my thing too. I really do not like arguing,

1069
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 1: and he knows that. So I'm like, does Mandy you

1070
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: you said you do some people arguing, not like a

1071
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 1: real one. Yeah, I don't like like a fight. Fuck, Like,

1072
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 1: why do you be acting like that? Yes? You know.

1073
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: I'd just be like, we're not gonna argue right now,

1074
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: Like this isn't a time for that anyways. Let me

1075
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 1: get back to this goddamn homemail. So we hit the

1076
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 1: funk on out of here, all right. So I'm single,

1077
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 1: but I sucked up high, ladies. I've been listening to

1078
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 1: your podcast since it came out in seventeen and has

1079
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: honestly made me become the woman that I am today.

1080
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 1: I've always been a sexual human, and I used to

1081
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 1: feel bad about it or like I was a whore

1082
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 1: for just liking sex, But you guys made me feel

1083
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 1: a lot more confident and now I don't give a ship,

1084
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: which also probably kind of put me in this situation.

1085
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 1: So anyways, a little background about me and this guy

1086
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: that I am seeing. We will call him Will Hey. Will.

1087
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 1: We met on tender back in twenty nineteen and had

1088
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: a few dates. Things were going really well, but he

1089
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 1: was only in my city for a month for work

1090
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 1: and then had to go back home, which was two

1091
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 1: hours away at the time. So we had a discussion

1092
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 1: before he left what we were doing with our relationship,

1093
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: and we came to the conclusion that we would try

1094
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:29,320
Speaker 1: to see what happens. So we tried, and there was

1095
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 1: a lot of back and forth bullshit and it didn't

1096
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 1: end up working out. Things ended cordially and we kept

1097
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: in contact here and there. Okay, so jump to now.

1098
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:39,879
Speaker 1: He moved closer to me, so now he's only forty

1099
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 1: five minutes away, and we kind of resparked whatever we

1100
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: had a couple of years ago. I would say our

1101
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: feelings have grown a lot for each other and we've

1102
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,280
Speaker 1: had some serious talks. But let's not forget I technically

1103
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 1: am still single. So this other man who I've had

1104
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 1: sex with before, hits me up when night, asking me

1105
00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 1: what I'm up to, and I say nothing. So he

1106
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 1: comes over and one thing leads to another and I

1107
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 1: end up giving him head. I was on my period,

1108
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: otherwise we would have had sex. After I gave him head,

1109
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 1: I look at my phone and I have five texts

1110
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 1: from Will telling me that he's in my city and

1111
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 1: he was trying to surprise me by showing up to

1112
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:16,239
Speaker 1: my house, but I wasn't answering my phone, so he left.

1113
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 1: My heart quite literally fell into my ass. I did

1114
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:23,759
Speaker 1: not expect him to do something so cute like that,

1115
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:27,320
Speaker 1: and this was the closest thing I've ever done to cheating.

1116
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:29,719
Speaker 1: I was so hurt by my actions that after the

1117
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: other man left, I threw up because I felt so

1118
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 1: bad about what I just did. Just imagine driving forty

1119
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 1: five minutes to see your man after working for sixteen

1120
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 1: and you're no, Well, forty five minutes is how far

1121
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: he lives. Now, Um, to see your man after working

1122
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: sixteen hours and your man isn't answering his phone because

1123
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: he's with another bit Now, of course, well doesn't know

1124
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 1: what I was doing because I just told him I

1125
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 1: fell asleep. But now I have this terrible guilty conscience

1126
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: and don't know what the funk to do. This situation

1127
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 1: made me realize how many feelings I have for will

1128
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 1: and how atlee? I just sucked up? But do I

1129
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,759
Speaker 1: tell him what I did? Or do I keep it

1130
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 1: a secret and just move on. I don't want to

1131
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 1: have a guilty conscious forever if him and I do

1132
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 1: end up progressing into something more. Help me, please, what

1133
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 1: do I do? Do you know why I remember this

1134
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 1: home mail? There was a specific sentence that made me

1135
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 1: laugh so hard. I was out somewhere when I read it,

1136
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: just out eating and just like I think I flagged

1137
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: it because whenever you guys send us home mails, please

1138
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 1: put homemail on the subject, by the way to horrible

1139
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 1: decisions at gmail dot com. When it doesn't say home

1140
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,000
Speaker 1: mail and we searched it, we it ends up getting lost.

1141
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 1: The girl goes, I gave him head, blah blah, and

1142
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,440
Speaker 1: then she goes, this is the only time I've ever

1143
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 1: kind of cheated. And I was like, kind of, you

1144
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 1: kind of sucked the day. You know, giving head is

1145
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 1: for sure cheating, right, But she was like, this is

1146
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 1: the only time. You're like almost like no, but so

1147
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 1: it's not technically cheating if you haven't put a label

1148
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: on your relationship with this man. So like you having

1149
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 1: a lot of feelings for will doesn't doesn't equate to

1150
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: you cheating because he has not made you exclusively his partner.

1151
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: So is it okay? So fine, it's not cheating? But

1152
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:08,600
Speaker 1: is it not dishonesty? Almost? Why I shouldn't tell you

1153
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: everything I'm doing when we're not together, Like that's something

1154
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 1: that comes with loyalty, with a relationship, with having responsibility

1155
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 1: to this person. We're nothing because she really liked this

1156
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,440
Speaker 1: man and so maybe in her mind that's her boyfriend.

1157
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 1: I know he hasn't fully made them. I have a

1158
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: lot of feelings about, um, one, being faithful to someone

1159
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 1: that's not your partner. I have made that mistake a lot,

1160
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 1: and it's gotten me in so many situation ships that

1161
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily want to be in. And I think

1162
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 1: it's very unnecessary to put that kind of pressure on

1163
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 1: yourself because I know you said you threw up. That's

1164
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: also nervous. If you with forty five minutes with dicking

1165
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 1: your mouth, that wasn't your gilt, bitch, She was like,

1166
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: damn about to get caught. But um, if you're the

1167
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 1: type of person that needs to tell, like, I understand

1168
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: what a conscience, guilty conscience can feel, Like I totally understand.

1169
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 1: Do you want to tell tell me? I wouldn't. I

1170
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't divulge in that because I think that people the

1171
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: way that you're feeling bad about it isn't going to

1172
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 1: outweigh how it's going to play in his mind. He's

1173
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 1: gonna be like, well, how did you get there? How

1174
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 1: is it possible that you even wanted to suck another dick?

1175
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 1: How could you do this to me? I thought we

1176
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: were going somewhere. So weird though, because I feel like

1177
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: she's like, I'm not with my partner now, but my

1178
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 1: partner just like pop up, Like he's popped up and

1179
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: brought flowers. He's popped up and brought food since y'all

1180
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 1: not together. No, okay, that's what I'm saying. But so well, no, yeah,

1181
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 1: when we broke up, but I walked outside and he

1182
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: had flowers and breakfast by my door, and he was like,

1183
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 1: I didn't want to interrupt, but you were on my

1184
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: mind this morning. So he's done that, And so a

1185
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: part of me, even when I'd be thinking of inviting

1186
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 1: somebody over flowers, I love flowers. I would I don't

1187
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 1: like up flowers, oh no, but flowers is like one

1188
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 1: of the things and they were my favorite. Got me

1189
01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 1: some flowers, like some flowers are my favorite. Oh, they

1190
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 1: got me some flowers delivered to the house and I

1191
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 1: said the guy who was at the doors, like, I

1192
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 1: didn't order any food. He's like, oh, these are from

1193
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 1: I said, no, thank you, closing the door, and I

1194
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 1: text and I want them. Sorry. I lied flowers Nia,

1195
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 1: Oh well, I like flowers. I got them all the

1196
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:17,920
Speaker 1: time in my old apartment, so I was like, nigga,

1197
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 1: what a flowers? When I moved to motherfucking Queens, I

1198
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 1: don't get flowers as much anymore. But no, So like

1199
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: because he's popped up unexpected, a part of me does

1200
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 1: feel weird to even invite someone over because I'm like,

1201
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 1: oh my god, what if I'm sucking and it's nigga

1202
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 1: come and try to think that any worth. I'd be like,

1203
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 1: but you lock a lim on to like it's easy

1204
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 1: for nick to be like, I'm hat someone. So what

1205
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:45,920
Speaker 1: you're doing, I'd like, well, I will tell you this.

1206
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 1: This I wouldn't tell. I wouldn't tell either, because I

1207
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,960
Speaker 1: don't think that's well, it's not that serious. And I

1208
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 1: think that once you guys get to a point where

1209
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: you agree that you should be not exclusive to each other,

1210
01:00:58,120 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 1: but you're in a place where you're not supposed to

1211
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 1: be seeing at people. You might be growing and getting there,

1212
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 1: your feelings might be ramping up, but your feelings don't

1213
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,640
Speaker 1: necessarily need to do with what you should be divulging.

1214
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 1: What if that what if that relationship grows, even if

1215
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 1: it grows, why you I mean you could talk about

1216
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 1: things that you've done, but the idea of and we

1217
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 1: had an episode about that, like over sharing your sexual

1218
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 1: pass with your partner cool, But to me, to even

1219
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 1: preface it, like you felt bad that you were cheating

1220
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,720
Speaker 1: because you were seeing him, Like to me, I just

1221
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 1: don't think it needs to be brought up at all. Like, girl,

1222
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: the nigga did not exclusively claim you, y'all relationship, you

1223
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:38,920
Speaker 1: don't owe him telling him that you suck. Also, I

1224
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:42,600
Speaker 1: will see this. We had this moment in Mexico. We're

1225
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 1: over and I just started talking about all the whole

1226
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 1: times we had. I don't know why it happened, Like

1227
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 1: in the beginning of our relationship. I was like, when

1228
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 1: did you really stop sucking other bitches? And he was like,

1229
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 1: what do you mean? When I was like telling me

1230
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 1: the dr thinking. I was like, because at one time

1231
01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 1: when you went out of that lap, and that's that

1232
01:01:57,800 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: I wasn't feeling good. I other nigga, and he was

1233
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 1: like and we laughed about it, and it's like, what

1234
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 1: you're gonna do now? Like what you do? I think

1235
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 1: it takes a time to get there, because in this moment,

1236
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 1: if I heard that you were sucking another day and

1237
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 1: be like, you know, give a fok about me, you

1238
01:02:11,360 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 1: don't want to get back together. But two years from now,

1239
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh girl, whatever, Yeah, maybe save it

1240
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:18,520
Speaker 1: for like two years from now. If he's even in

1241
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 1: the picture two years from now exactly, it might be

1242
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:26,040
Speaker 1: the niggas suck. Well. Sorry for no outline this week,

1243
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: but I hope you guys enjoyed kind of us talking

1244
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 1: it out for what our and relationship woes and everything

1245
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 1: has been here. In um, next week, you guys are

1246
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: going to get a recap of some of our favorite

1247
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:46,040
Speaker 1: episodes from one And let me go ahead and tell

1248
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 1: y'all now, top of the year, we are going on

1249
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 1: a break. Um, so you guys were gonna get drunk.

1250
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: We are, But that's basically why that's gonna happen. But

1251
01:02:57,960 --> 01:02:59,920
Speaker 1: it's gonna be some travels going on and really just

1252
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:05,760
Speaker 1: us to break before we get up for two um. Also,

1253
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 1: if you haven't yet going over to horehive dot com,

1254
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,960
Speaker 1: if you're still looking for stocking stuffers and things, they

1255
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 1: got five days, that's fine. Our shipping is I feel

1256
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 1: like we'll talk to Alice to make sure they get it.

1257
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 1: She gets it out. But we have a lot of things.

1258
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 1: We have stocking stuffers, and even if it goes late, bitch,

1259
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 1: I'll still be getting people gifts well after the holiday.

1260
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 1: And Obey ordered me this makaj coat, and the nigga

1261
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 1: fucking got this big gas box and printed out the

1262
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 1: code last year on a fucking he's like, I had

1263
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: to go to a kink coast and everything and it

1264
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,640
Speaker 1: was a picture of the coat because the shipping was delayed.

1265
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:42,280
Speaker 1: Like whatever do That's something you get a bit of

1266
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:45,240
Speaker 1: Patreon membership if you all trying to do some Christmas gifts,

1267
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,960
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Yeah, if you guys want

1268
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: to keep up with us during those two weeks, if

1269
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 1: you join us on Patreon, we have new content there,

1270
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:55,360
Speaker 1: so y'all can hear a little bit about us and

1271
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 1: what's going on don the holidays whatever, um, but yeah,

1272
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 1: I have a very safe holiday, absolutely, and I do

1273
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 1: want to think too. Because we're wrapping up the air,

1274
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 1: I want to shout out to everyone, especially all the

1275
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 1: new hor Hive members. They have been live in full

1276
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 1: effects at the live shows. It was literally they feel

1277
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 1: like a half the audience is like where I told you,

1278
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 1: COVID I don't know. It must have took him. My

1279
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 1: son may gone. They're not. They're not coming to our

1280
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 1: shows unless they just really some homes who don't want

1281
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 1: to get vaccinated. That's gotta be one of our old

1282
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:29,280
Speaker 1: holes don't want to be vaccinated. So they're like, hey,

1283
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,480
Speaker 1: uh sorry, maybe y'all show up to Atlanta. But um,

1284
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,560
Speaker 1: I want to shout out to everyone that went to

1285
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 1: the DC show, the New York show, the l A

1286
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,200
Speaker 1: show in Atlanta. Thank you guys, um for all of

1287
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:45,000
Speaker 1: those cities that y'all keep writing under the post. We

1288
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 1: will be announcing hopefully some shows um in the spring,

1289
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,760
Speaker 1: so we're looking forward to seeing y'all again. Make sure

1290
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:54,480
Speaker 1: you're going over to patreon is patreon dot com backslash

1291
01:04:54,720 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions, UM check that out. And yeah, you light

1292
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:04,480
Speaker 1: and lub y'all. We wish you a happy happening days

1293
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 1: been a happy new Year. I promise we won't do

1294
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 1: that next year. Enjoin next week's episode of our recap.

1295
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: Tweet us put on Instagram your favorite episode. Hopefully we

1296
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 1: can um favorite guests, all of that, um and honestly,

1297
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 1: just just thank you guys. This has been yet another

1298
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 1: episode wrapping up one baby. It's bonus bitches. Hey everybody,

1299
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 1: welcome back for another episode of our Patreon, which normally

1300
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 1: is more up to date. I mean, I know this

1301
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 1: is the week of Christmas, but um, we did record

1302
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 1: it a little bit before so we can enjoy time

1303
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:45,200
Speaker 1: with our fam. We're coming off of our Atlanta high.

1304
01:05:46,240 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 1: I feel like everybody is tweeting us about like coming

1305
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:51,320
Speaker 1: to a different city. If you could pick like two

1306
01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: cities that you feel like we gotta go to for

1307
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: the New year, where would it be that we haven't

1308
01:05:55,960 --> 01:05:58,240
Speaker 1: done yet, not that we haven't done yet, or that

1309
01:05:58,320 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 1: we just need to go to New Orleans for sure?

1310
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I like, I don't know, I don't know,

1311
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:08,439
Speaker 1: we've we've never been to New Orleans, so I don't

1312
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: know how to gauge that. UM to me, outside of

1313
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:18,840
Speaker 1: the four cities we did, Chicago and in Houston have

1314
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:22,760
Speaker 1: always showed out for us. UM. I would also say

1315
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:26,439
Speaker 1: an honorable mention to Philly, even though Philly is right there.

1316
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:30,280
Speaker 1: Philly goes really hard in our comments. Um, even though

1317
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:31,800
Speaker 1: they didn't go hard at the first year we had there,

1318
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 1: I thought it was fine. I think it was close

1319
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:36,600
Speaker 1: to a sellout. I thought they did well. I think

1320
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: Baltimore has been asking for years for us to come there.

1321
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:45,480
Speaker 1: But those would be those would be I guess my cities. Yeah,

1322
01:06:45,560 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 1: definitely Chicago. I forgot about them that a Chicago is

1323
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:53,360
Speaker 1: a stand hive that we have there. Chicago is real

1324
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 1: just because Tammy there. I mean only Dammy. It's it's

1325
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:02,160
Speaker 1: it's everyone's funny because every city I know a person

1326
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 1: now in my head yeah, um, which is kind of nuts.

1327
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:11,840
Speaker 1: Whenever someone's like a regular fan, no offense to anyone

1328
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 1: that listens to the main episodes, but sometimes I'd just

1329
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 1: be like, I don't really know you, but it's because

1330
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:21,320
Speaker 1: Patreon just to give you guys an idea if you're

1331
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:25,440
Speaker 1: a new Patreon or old Patren or whatever. We um

1332
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:29,479
Speaker 1: we see the names a lot more frequently. It's something

1333
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:32,800
Speaker 1: we have to manage closely. It's not like an Instagram thing.

1334
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:36,200
Speaker 1: We're seeing first and last names. We're sending messages because

1335
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:39,960
Speaker 1: of merge or Um. On top of that, uh, the

1336
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:42,680
Speaker 1: zooms the town hall has really gotten me closer to

1337
01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 1: the hor rive. Yeah. I really like the zooms that

1338
01:07:46,560 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 1: we do every month. I really like that. Are you

1339
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:53,360
Speaker 1: in bed? I am? I've never seen you with this background.

1340
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:56,560
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the one with that. It's been

1341
01:07:56,640 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 1: a long, a long morning. I'm not gonna get into it,

1342
01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:04,680
Speaker 1: but I am officially officially officially single. So it's like

1343
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:08,600
Speaker 1: this is the first like and I'm officially single, like

1344
01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:12,640
Speaker 1: there's no coming back, and I don't know, it just

1345
01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:14,760
Speaker 1: hit different. I feel like I've been preparing for it

1346
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 1: with our ups and downs recently. But it was just

1347
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:20,840
Speaker 1: a long night. Did you do a long night? Did

1348
01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:22,720
Speaker 1: you get to at least talking and figure out you'd

1349
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:26,080
Speaker 1: be single in person? Yeah? It was in person and

1350
01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:31,120
Speaker 1: it it just got not great. So it's done forever.

1351
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 1: Do you feel good about at least closing a chapter

1352
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:39,400
Speaker 1: and not being in limbo now because it wasn't closed good? Okay,

1353
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,960
Speaker 1: Like he closed it by saying he doesn't even want

1354
01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:44,680
Speaker 1: me to like him. He wants me to hate him,

1355
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 1: and so just things were done and said for me

1356
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 1: to hate him, which I'm just like, it was just

1357
01:08:50,439 --> 01:08:54,559
Speaker 1: an extreme it was an extreme measure to like, maybe

1358
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:57,840
Speaker 1: you start, maybe he doesn't, maybe he was angry. That's

1359
01:08:57,840 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 1: a weird thing. I mean, I mean, no, there's a lot.

1360
01:08:59,840 --> 01:09:01,560
Speaker 1: I mean he's grieving. There's a lot going on in

1361
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 1: his personal life. And all my friends were like, it's

1362
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:08,000
Speaker 1: deeper than you, but for sure there's no coming back.

1363
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:10,680
Speaker 1: So to know, like I'm going into the holidays, like

1364
01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:14,280
Speaker 1: literally the last episode we were talking about gifts, which

1365
01:09:14,600 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 1: you know isn't a thing that he celebrates of course

1366
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:20,640
Speaker 1: his birthday, yes, And so to be going into the

1367
01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:24,000
Speaker 1: holidays single and to know I'm gonna be starting the

1368
01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 1: new year off fresh, It's just like it's weird and

1369
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:31,120
Speaker 1: I would love to know how y'all do it. But

1370
01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:36,040
Speaker 1: I just tweeted something in feeling the high of love

1371
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 1: and now experiencing hurt and heartbreak, why do people choose

1372
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:45,200
Speaker 1: to feel this way again and again and again, Like

1373
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 1: a part of me just wants to feel my free

1374
01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:50,720
Speaker 1: time up with friends and work again, Like I don't

1375
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:54,000
Speaker 1: want to experience the highs and lows of love again,

1376
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:59,639
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good. Love is like the best drug

1377
01:09:59,720 --> 01:10:02,320
Speaker 1: of all right, Like that's something that we hear all

1378
01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 1: the time. Love is definitely a drug and where people

1379
01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:08,040
Speaker 1: are addicted to that puppy love feeling. There's nothing like

1380
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:11,800
Speaker 1: that beginning feeling, that feeling of the first I love you,

1381
01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:13,800
Speaker 1: the feeling of will you be my girlfriend, the feeling

1382
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:17,880
Speaker 1: of your first vacation and meeting families. It's like those

1383
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 1: moments are what we're and I think the other thing

1384
01:10:23,040 --> 01:10:24,719
Speaker 1: and why I'm such an emotional person.