Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: I had two conversations recently where the person said something
Speaker 1: like women are choosing career over relationships and that's why
Speaker 1: marriage rates are down. I know this is a standard line.
Speaker 1: People say it all the time, people have said it
Speaker 1: on my show before, but I don't quite agree. I've
Speaker 1: known lots of career women in my life, and I'm
Speaker 1: talking titans of industry and girl bosses with MLM scams,
Speaker 1: and they're always trying to meet a man at the
Speaker 1: beginning of their careers in the middle always They may
Speaker 1: have less time to devote to it, sure, but some
Speaker 1: of them do treat it like another job. There are
Speaker 1: times in your life that are right for finding your person. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's probably not going to be the year you're trying
Speaker 1: to make partner, but it won't be your career that's
Speaker 1: standing in the way for a decade or more. The
Speaker 1: problem from the woman's perspective, I think is they believe
Speaker 1: they have more time than they do, so they might
Speaker 1: spend their twenties in a dead end relationship with maybe
Speaker 1: even a good guy, but someone they don't plan to
Speaker 1: marry or have kids with. And sometimes the guy is
Speaker 1: not that good. I can think of many examples of
Speaker 1: women in my life who wasted many years on a
Speaker 1: guy they knew all along wasn't right for them. Often
Speaker 1: they are dazzled by his looks. That's a very common thing,
Speaker 1: and they don't want to let go of someone who's
Speaker 1: nice to them and looks good when they're around. So
Speaker 1: I think the whole I just focused on my career
Speaker 1: is actually what women tell themselves to console themselves when
Speaker 1: it doesn't go the way that they hope in a relationship.
Speaker 1: If I were giving advice to a young women, I
Speaker 1: tell them that they have less time than they think.
Speaker 1: And I get that they hear this elsewhere biological clock
Speaker 1: and all that, but that's not even what I mean.
Speaker 1: I mean, don't waste your time with people who you
Speaker 1: know aren't right for you. Just to have someone It
Speaker 1: could easily end up being five or ten years that
Speaker 1: shoot right by you. And yes, you'll look back at
Speaker 1: that time and you'll say, oh, I was building my career,
Speaker 1: But really you were tied up with someone who wasn't
Speaker 1: going to be the one for you. If you could
Speaker 1: figure that out early and leave yourself space and time
Speaker 1: to meet the person you actually want to marry, and
Speaker 1: please go ahead have the career too. You'll be in
Speaker 1: a much better spot than spending time with someone who's
Speaker 1: kind of a placeholder for the one you actually want.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Coming up next and interview with Ian Haworth.
Speaker 1: Join us after the break.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My
Speaker 2: guest today is Ian Howarth. Ian is a syndicated columnist, speaker,
Speaker 2: and podcast host. Hi, Ian, so nice to have you
Speaker 2: on CAYL.
Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: So I've been reading you for a long time, but
Speaker 2: I don't see any particular beat in your work except
Speaker 2: since October seventh. You've obviously covered a lot about Israel
Speaker 2: and Jewish issues. Did you have one like something that
Speaker 2: you particularly focused on before that?
Speaker 3: Anti Semitism was always one of my main focuses. It's
Speaker 3: actually how I got into this space in the first place.
Speaker 3: So for those listening who've never heard of me or
Speaker 3: haven't followed my work particularly long, it's cut used to
Speaker 3: work in I used to work in big tech before this,
Speaker 3: So before this stuff, I did the learned to code thing,
Speaker 3: but completely backwards. So I graduated from opposite university with
Speaker 3: bachelor's and masters in computer science. And the way it
Speaker 3: works in the UK is you do just one subject
Speaker 3: for your entire college experience. So I know people love
Speaker 3: to joke about, you know, you do like one art
Speaker 3: class here, you do a women's studies thing here, and
Speaker 3: all of these nonsense courses they made up. Now I
Speaker 3: just did one thing, which is good it makes you
Speaker 3: an expert in something, but also means you're really only
Speaker 3: qualified to do one thing. So I always knew I
Speaker 3: wanted to come to America. That was like one of
Speaker 3: one of my goals, one of my dreams. So after graduating,
Speaker 3: move over to Silicon Valley and was working as a
Speaker 3: software engine theer and a bunch of different companies, and
Speaker 3: I was actually at Facebook at the time. I worked
Speaker 3: at Facebook for about four years or so. And it
Speaker 3: was in twenty eighteen when it was the Pittsburgh Synagogue shooting,
Speaker 3: and I was looking around, you know, Silicon Valley, the
Speaker 3: Bay Area, California. It's very left wing, well the coastal
Speaker 3: areas of California are very left wing. And I was
Speaker 3: looking at all these supposedly tolerant, supposedly compassionate people, seeing
Speaker 3: what was happening and really either ignoring it or making
Speaker 3: it an attack on right wing people and using it
Speaker 3: as a weapon, and then really kind of snowballed there.
Speaker 3: I was like one of the few conservatives I knew
Speaker 3: in that area, and I thought, well, this might be
Speaker 3: a good opportunity for me just to speak out and
Speaker 3: provide a voice for right wing people in that space,
Speaker 3: and it just snowballed from there. So I too about
Speaker 3: antemptism a lot, but really I try and talk about
Speaker 3: any issue I think is important, because really everything is
Speaker 3: all encompassing. We like to focus on a single issue,
Speaker 3: I think, which makes sense if you're a journalist. I've
Speaker 3: never really seen myself as a journalist. I just like
Speaker 3: to talk about things I find interesting and important. I
Speaker 3: try and push the needle in the right direction.
Speaker 2: It's so interesting because I was writing about anti semitism
Speaker 2: a lot even before Pittsburgh. But Pittsburgh was the one
Speaker 2: anti Semitic attack that the people around me when I
Speaker 2: lived in Brooklyn did want to talk about because it
Speaker 2: appeared to be somebody, you know, a crazed right winger,
Speaker 2: and so that was the attack that they did kind
Speaker 2: of circulate opinions on, and the rabbi commented, you know,
Speaker 2: it's a local, like very leftist reform synagogue. But the
Speaker 2: other attacks that had been going on in Brooklyn for years,
Speaker 2: they didn't say a word because the perpetrators weren't wearing
Speaker 2: Maga hats. So it's funny that that's what spurred you
Speaker 2: into the political world. Do you ever miss, you know,
Speaker 2: the tech world.
Speaker 3: I do and I don't. I think I very much
Speaker 3: enjoy being my own person and just being able to
Speaker 3: say what I think. I think it's a real honor
Speaker 3: to be able to do that, to have a job
Speaker 3: that allows you to do that. I think a lot
Speaker 3: of people who think the same way as I do.
Speaker 3: I knew a lot of conservatives who worked in tech
Speaker 3: who worked in other industries. They have to keep their
Speaker 3: mouth shut, right, and so being able to be a
Speaker 3: voice for those people is really wonderful. I think I
Speaker 3: miss elements of it. I think every industry has its perps, right.
Speaker 3: It was amazing to work on some of the projects
Speaker 3: that you get to work with in that space, to
Speaker 3: work with some of the people, like the creativity. It's true,
Speaker 3: the sense of the world in terms of that area
Speaker 3: of innovation and things like that, but it's just what
Speaker 3: I'm doing now I find much more kind of motivating
Speaker 3: and much more rewarding on a personal level because I
Speaker 3: feel like, for me looking at it, my main goal
Speaker 3: was just to affect some kind of change, and positive change. Obviously,
Speaker 3: there's a lot of people out that are trying to
Speaker 3: affect any kind of change, just that negative, sure, whatever,
Speaker 3: don't get the clicks, But for me, it was always
Speaker 3: about the positive change. And I found that working in
Speaker 3: the software space, it wasn't something I truly loved. And
Speaker 3: I don't think everyone needs to find something they truly
Speaker 3: love in work because you get other things from it.
Speaker 3: But this was kind of a whole in my heart
Speaker 3: in a lot of ways, and it was something I
Speaker 3: was good at but didn't enjoy. And so I think
Speaker 3: doing this, you know, I'm still kind of finding my way.
Speaker 3: I'm compared to a lot of people, I'm relatively new,
Speaker 3: but I get a lot more enjoyment out of it,
Speaker 3: a lot more fulfillment out of it by changing someone's
Speaker 3: mind or something, or affecting a pace of change on
Speaker 3: something that truly matters, rather than just cranking out a
Speaker 3: product that someone else could do that job and I'd
Speaker 3: like to think that what I do only I could
Speaker 3: put out what I think in the way I do it,
Speaker 3: And I think that's true of everyone and their opinions.
Speaker 3: Everyone is unique in that way, and so I don't
Speaker 3: really miss it. There's obviously pieces I missed. The free
Speaker 3: food was pretty amazing, but otherwise, no, I'm pretty happy
Speaker 3: where I am right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't get free food in the podcast world,
Speaker 2: which I think is unfair. We really do need the
Speaker 2: free food. So you're doing something meaningful, and it's still
Speaker 2: a very hard subject to be covering. Do you feel
Speaker 2: optimism or We're recording this a few days after the
Speaker 2: return of the Bbis Family, and obviously it's been a
Speaker 2: very difficult time, really sad, kind of somber a few days.
Speaker 2: Do you have a sense of optimism right now or
Speaker 2: is it kind of bad times for the foreseeable future.
Speaker 3: I try and not look at it in those terms
Speaker 3: because I think it's somewhat unrealistic. Again, I don't want
Speaker 3: to say I'm just a realist, because I think that
Speaker 3: can be almost pessimistic within different branding. The way I
Speaker 3: try and look at it is just taking one step
Speaker 3: forward every single day and I have optimism for the
Speaker 3: people I think who are pushing the right ideas. I
Speaker 3: think there's a lot of Jewish people who have woken
Speaker 3: up and really been vocal and stood up in a
Speaker 3: way that I haven't seen in my lifetime. So I'm
Speaker 3: optimistic about that. I'm optimistic about Jewish communities fighting for
Speaker 3: their own right to stay on their own two feet
Speaker 3: and not be persecuted into the ground, which sounds like
Speaker 3: a normal thing that most people would do, but for
Speaker 3: a lot of Jewish communities in my lifetime, I've looked
Speaker 3: around and I've seen people shrink into the shadows and
Speaker 3: just let things go. And so I think I'm optimistic
Speaker 3: in that way. The way I approach things like an
Speaker 3: sempitism those I try and do it from a just
Speaker 3: a realistic perspective of trying to truly get through to
Speaker 3: people of the enemy we are facing and the evil
Speaker 3: we are facing, because I think you can find optimism
Speaker 3: and pessimism in everything, but it's very easy to be
Speaker 3: pessimistic in the face of what we're seeing, which is
Speaker 3: rampant ant semptism across the world and in the United
Speaker 3: States and on college campuses. But then I find that
Speaker 3: almost motivating because that just speaks to the importance of
Speaker 3: everyone stepping up. So I'm optimistic in a way if
Speaker 3: people keep making these steps. But it's something we have
Speaker 3: to keep moving forward. We have to keep approaching this
Speaker 3: with the same relentless that our enemies are doing, because
Speaker 3: one day we back off, one day we let it go,
Speaker 3: and then we're back to where we were before October seventh,
Speaker 3: and it will keep happening. So I know that's an
Speaker 3: unsatisfactory answer, it's how I feel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. Do you have a particular strategy
Speaker 2: for countering the arguments of the other side.
Speaker 3: I think it's going to be speaking honestly to the
Speaker 3: scale and the breadth of the issue, because I think
Speaker 3: a lot of people when they talk about an Semitism,
Speaker 3: as I mentioned before, they like to talk about what
Speaker 3: I call politically advantageous and Semitism. So you'll see a
Speaker 3: lot of right wing people talk about Elano, Oma, Rashida
Speaker 3: to leave. You know, they're really easy targets. They absolutely
Speaker 3: should talk about those people, and often people on the
Speaker 3: left you see them talking about white supremacists and Semitism,
Speaker 3: which again they should absolutely be talking about. But for me,
Speaker 3: I always am kind of calling on both sides to
Speaker 3: speak about the issue honestly, and that includes doing things
Speaker 3: that might not be so politically advantageous, you know. So
Speaker 3: when someone like Tucker Carlson, for example, comes out says
Speaker 3: something pretty broadline as semitic and sometimes not so bordline,
Speaker 3: and a lot of people who want to get on
Speaker 3: his show are just pretty quiet. But if you saw
Speaker 3: ilan Omar Rashida Sleeve say exactly the same thing, they
Speaker 3: would be up in arms cracking out content about it.
Speaker 3: And so I think for me, it's just about having
Speaker 3: that conversation honestly, do you care about Anthemitism or do
Speaker 3: you care about it? Is one as many tools to
Speaker 3: promote yourself or your brand or your political movement. And
Speaker 3: I think that's what I'm seeing a lot of positives
Speaker 3: in kind of the so called Jewish movement right now,
Speaker 3: is because it's really apolitical in a lot of ways.
Speaker 3: I've made a lot of connections with people that prior
Speaker 3: to walk to over seventh would never have spoken to
Speaker 3: me because I'm a gasp conservative, right, But I think
Speaker 3: now we're actually seeing people come together and realizing this
Speaker 3: is more than politics. So I think that's a great thing,
Speaker 3: that is.
Speaker 2: I actually have been so impressed with how many Jews
Speaker 2: have woken up. I still think there's so many more
Speaker 2: to go, obviously, but I've had so many friends who
Speaker 2: are awake and alert after October seventh in a way
Speaker 2: that they never had been before.
Speaker 1: And they always had seen that threat in.
Speaker 2: The distance, but never so close up. I guess my
Speaker 2: thinking on the anti Semitism of the right is it's
Speaker 2: a lot less obvious. I mean, forget about the you know,
Speaker 2: the crazy podcasters who say insane things, and you know
Speaker 2: the I don't know, the various people on the right
Speaker 2: who you know, some of them I never even heard
Speaker 2: of until they became anti Semitics. So it's kind of,
Speaker 2: you know, with the canvass Owens and whatever. I think
Speaker 2: the problem is that a lot of them, again not
Speaker 2: very obvious ones, with the rest sort of danced around
Speaker 2: the topic, and they're not very obvious in the way
Speaker 2: that the left is, and they don't say I don't
Speaker 2: want Israel to exist or you know, terrible things about
Speaker 2: Jews in particular. They kind of are much more vague
Speaker 2: than the left. So it gets to where people are like, well,
Speaker 2: what did they actually even say, how do you counter that?
Speaker 3: I think a lot of that is trying to take
Speaker 3: it on a case by case basis, at least in
Speaker 3: my experience of trying to work out the intent behind it,
Speaker 3: because I think sometimes there is just pure ignorance if
Speaker 3: someone says something off the cuff or without really meaning it,
Speaker 3: and then you actually get to the hearts of it,
Speaker 3: and usually those people come around they actually maybe learn
Speaker 3: something about Israel, they learn something about Jews, or they
Speaker 3: learn something about the history of antemitism that is motivating
Speaker 3: that thought. Then you have people who are genuinely hateful
Speaker 3: who just hate Jews for some unknown reason. There's always
Speaker 3: going to be hating the world, though, I think sometimes
Speaker 3: I don't like to make this just about Jews, because
Speaker 3: there is hate against all groups. That's just human nature, unfortunately.
Speaker 3: And then there's the middle ground of the people who
Speaker 3: are trying to kind of profit from both sides. I
Speaker 3: feel like those are the people who very carefully word
Speaker 3: what they are saying. I'm just asking questions, very questions,
Speaker 3: because I almost respect the people who are genuinely hateful
Speaker 3: more than the people who are just kind of playing
Speaker 3: this cowardly game where they're trying to attract the people
Speaker 3: who are ignorant, they're trying to pander to the people
Speaker 3: who are hateful, but they're also trying to leave an
Speaker 3: escape route. Essentially, when they do get called out or
Speaker 3: they do get at least questioned on their ridiculous views,
Speaker 3: and they say, oh, I wasn't Actually I don't agree
Speaker 3: with these people. I'm trying to proper from I'm not
Speaker 3: like them. I'm just asking questions. I find that quite exhausting.
Speaker 3: I stay away from those people because I don't think
Speaker 3: they're genuine I find much more success in reaching the
Speaker 3: people who genuinely hate me or her genuinely anger, and
Speaker 3: I don't think those people are I don't want to
Speaker 3: necessarily say it this way, but I don't think those
Speaker 3: two people are as bad as the people who are
Speaker 3: playing both sides because I don't know what you mean. Yeah,
Speaker 3: fully knowing what they're doing. But I think someone who's hateful,
Speaker 3: you can reach them. You've just got to get to
Speaker 3: the root of their hate. And it's something I think
Speaker 3: we should all be spending time on. Obviously, there are
Speaker 3: some things who cannot be reached. There's a lot of
Speaker 3: people on the edge that if you just reach out
Speaker 3: to them with love and kindness, you can make a
Speaker 3: huge difference.
Speaker 2: Yeah. My co author of the book I wrote, Stolen Nuth,
Speaker 2: Bethany Mandel, she once wrote an article about how we
Speaker 2: should be trying to convince neo Nazis like away from
Speaker 2: neo Nazism, and it gets thrown in her face all
Speaker 2: the time, like people are constantly like tweeting that article
Speaker 2: back at her, like how dare you have said this?
Speaker 2: And then a few years ago, of course aoc A
Speaker 2: Passio Cortez she said the same thing, and that became
Speaker 2: an okay thing to say, Like, if you have family
Speaker 2: members drifting into this kind of hate, you know, try
Speaker 2: to try to get them back, try to argue points
Speaker 2: with them, try to show them love and be like
Speaker 2: I still love you and I just want you to
Speaker 2: come back to reality. It's tough, though, when you are
Speaker 2: trying with these people who hate you. But I agree
Speaker 2: with you that they're a lot more honest than the
Speaker 2: dancers what I call the dancing around the reality that
Speaker 2: just asking really stupid questions crowd. And it's interesting that
Speaker 2: you find those people kind of more reachable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And because I think someone can make a mistake
Speaker 3: of logic or a mistake of emotion, and that can
Speaker 3: build an entire platform for a bunch of different views.
Speaker 3: But if you get to that route, it's actually pretty
Speaker 3: easy to solve. I you see this all the time
Speaker 3: of people who've been hateful. Let's say, you know radical
Speaker 3: Islamic terrorists who have come back, and now they speak
Speaker 3: out against radical Islam and terrorism, and no one is
Speaker 3: locked into their ideology. I think all these people can
Speaker 3: be reached. You've always got to pick your battles, because
Speaker 3: there are some people who are way too deep that
Speaker 3: it's actually quite dangerous to try and reach them. But
Speaker 3: then there's all these people on the fringe who if
Speaker 3: you just leave them to the whims of the extreme,
Speaker 3: then they're going to go somewhere. I think that's the
Speaker 3: problem I've seen in a lot of media when people
Speaker 3: speak to, for example, young men, there's a lot of
Speaker 3: people are very dismissive and quite I think nasty in
Speaker 3: a way of just like laughing at people who feel lost,
Speaker 3: who don't feel supportive, who don't feel like someone truly
Speaker 3: listens to their issues, and sure their issues compared to
Speaker 3: other people's issues might not be as bad, or they
Speaker 3: might have an easier time of it by nature of
Speaker 3: their skin color, which you can have a whole can
Speaker 3: of worms debate over. So that doesn't mean their problems
Speaker 3: aren't important. And then we're surprised when people like Andrew
Speaker 3: Tait and Dan Bazeri and all these people rush in
Speaker 3: to fill the void. You know. It's like people are
Speaker 3: complaining that these people have an audience while also ignoring
Speaker 3: their audience. And I think that's a really important thing
Speaker 3: that everyone needs to understand, is that if you mock people.
Speaker 3: We've seen this in politics, we've seen in culture. If
Speaker 3: you mock people and bully them, you can't then be
Speaker 3: surprised when they go somewhere where they are they are
Speaker 3: not mocked and bullied. It's like a very simple human
Speaker 3: response is to go somewhere where you feel supported. The
Speaker 3: problem is that being supported by people who don't actually care, right,
Speaker 3: That is.
Speaker 2: The that is the issue where we're pushing these people away,
Speaker 2: or they're being pushed away and falling into the arms
Speaker 2: of people waiting.
Speaker 3: To accept them.
Speaker 2: It's it's a tough, tough situation. We're going to take
Speaker 2: a quick break and be right back on the Carol
Speaker 2: Marcowitch show. What do you worry about? What's like on
Speaker 2: your mind when you are you know, what's your general worry?
Speaker 3: Ask a neurotic jew what they worry about? How long
Speaker 3: you have? I think the highest level thing I worry
Speaker 3: about beyond you know, my own life and you know,
Speaker 3: my own family and that kind of thing is I
Speaker 3: think our society taking what we have for granted and
Speaker 3: returning to what has been the norm for the vast
Speaker 3: majority of human kind, which is pain and suffering and tyranny,
Speaker 3: all these kind of things. And it's not just political,
Speaker 3: it's like a it's a very it's a very cultural
Speaker 3: thing too. Western culture is good. I feel like we're
Speaker 3: constantly fighting this battle of people who want to tell
Speaker 3: you that all cultures are equal New Slash. They are
Speaker 3: not the idea that Western culture is in some ways
Speaker 3: far worse than the other. No. Western culture has given
Speaker 3: us all the best things in humankind, and there's obviously
Speaker 3: always room to improve. We're not a perfect civilization. That's
Speaker 3: true of all humans ever. But I think everyone takes
Speaker 3: the granted for what we have. They take for granted
Speaker 3: the peace we have post World War Two. The peace
Speaker 3: we have is as a result of the massive, unimaginable
Speaker 3: sacrifice that people in their teens and twenties made in
Speaker 3: the thirties and forties, that I couldn't see people today
Speaker 3: making that same sacrifice. I saw people losing their mind
Speaker 3: of not being able to buy toilet paper at quite
Speaker 3: the same level what they did the year before. And
Speaker 3: that's what I worry about, is because a civilization that
Speaker 3: doesn't respect what we have and the history or what
Speaker 3: we have and why we have it, I think is
Speaker 3: doomed to just descend into the norm for humans, which
Speaker 3: is suffering and poverty and not having access to basic things,
Speaker 3: and not having the basic rights that have become the
Speaker 3: norm for us, but only the norm because we made
Speaker 3: it so. So I think that's that's my high level
Speaker 3: worry beyond the personal.
Speaker 2: Do you miss Britain at all?
Speaker 3: I miss my family and my friends there. I miss
Speaker 3: elements of the history. I do not miss modern day Britain.
Speaker 3: I think it has changed a lot in the way
Speaker 3: that Europe has changed. I think it is losing its
Speaker 3: way again. It's not fighting for what made it great,
Speaker 3: it is not fighting to protect its own history and
Speaker 3: the good things it did. I don't really miss the weather.
Speaker 3: I don't miss the lack of air conditioning. I don't
Speaker 3: miss having to go to a restaurant and being treated
Speaker 3: like garbage.
Speaker 2: So they just don't have it over there.
Speaker 3: They do not, they do not. I mean, people always
Speaker 3: mock America for that kind of thing, so I can't
Speaker 3: believe tipping. Tipping is fantastic, And so I don't really
Speaker 3: miss miss Britain in that way. I miss the people there,
Speaker 3: like all my family there. I have friends there, obviously,
Speaker 3: But I love America like all America is my home.
Speaker 3: America is where I'm going to stay. It's just it's
Speaker 3: a country like no other. And I think you hear
Speaker 3: that from a lot of people who move here, is
Speaker 3: that it truly is unique. It's not a cliche. It's
Speaker 3: truly unique in so many ways. So I can't imagine
Speaker 3: living anywhere else.
Speaker 2: I love that. And you know, I lived in Scotland
Speaker 2: for a few years and they mock our the way
Speaker 2: we all say have a nice day and all that.
Speaker 2: But it's quite nice to hear have a nice day.
Speaker 2: It's you know, at the time, I was like embarrassed
Speaker 2: about it. I was in my early twenties or late teens,
Speaker 2: and I, you know, kind of wanted them to accept
Speaker 2: me or whatever, and they would say like, oh, why
Speaker 2: do you Americans, you know, tay statements like that. But
Speaker 2: now I really do appreciate it. I think we really
Speaker 2: have a good thing going here, and the customer service
Speaker 2: is really can't be beat.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think also something I learned after moving
Speaker 3: to the US as well is that it is quite
Speaker 3: jarring when you come from a place where people don't
Speaker 3: really talk to each other, like I live in Tennessee now,
Speaker 3: so it's even more so in the South, the people
Speaker 3: genuinely talking to each other. But it's the genuine element
Speaker 3: of it that I think people not from the United
Speaker 3: States don't understand is that when someone asks, you know,
Speaker 3: like how are you doing, or have a nice day,
Speaker 3: it's kind of actually genuine position. In many cases of
Speaker 3: actual of course, there are people who say it don't
Speaker 3: mean it, yeah, but like the conversation she'll have with
Speaker 3: someone in a supermarket or something. If that happens in
Speaker 3: the UK, you're a little on edge, like that's not
Speaker 3: normal because British people aren't quite as social stereotypically, But
Speaker 3: when it comes here, it's it's jarring until you realize
Speaker 3: it's genuine, and then it's it's nice. It's like when
Speaker 3: someone says, oh, pray for you. That's not meaning sarcastic,
Speaker 3: it's a meaningful statement of care. I think the moment
Speaker 3: you understand that it really is life changing.
Speaker 2: It really, it really is. I also in Britain when
Speaker 2: they when they ask and answer the question how's you
Speaker 2: all right? Like it's one sense that's.
Speaker 3: Just I don't even know where to start with that one.
Speaker 3: Some parts of Scotland it's barely English. So that's a
Speaker 3: tough one.
Speaker 2: True true. So what advice would you give your sixteen
Speaker 2: year old self had to offer some thoughts?
Speaker 3: I think for me a few things. Is the easy
Speaker 3: one is to, you know, not care as much about
Speaker 3: what other people think. I think that's one of the
Speaker 3: hardest parts about being younger, is you put so much
Speaker 3: weight on what people who don't matter what they think.
Speaker 3: But I think that goes into adulthood too. Another thing
Speaker 3: I think I tell my sixteen year old self is
Speaker 3: just to try and find that balance between working really
Speaker 3: hard to get what you want next, but also not
Speaker 3: working so hard that you kind of lose everything else
Speaker 3: that's important. I think a lot of people when they're young,
Speaker 3: they see everything is all encompassing, like I have to
Speaker 3: pass this exam otherwise my entire life will fall apart.
Speaker 3: You know, I have to get top grade in college
Speaker 3: otherwise I'll never get a job. And you know, I
Speaker 3: work really hard. I went to Oxted University. I was
Speaker 3: really proud of that. When I was at Oxford, I
Speaker 3: can never quite get to like the top of the class.
Speaker 3: I was always getting kind of like mid range grades.
Speaker 3: By make sure that it was a class of seventeen
Speaker 3: people and they're all computer science geniuses and I was
Speaker 3: not a pure science genius part of it then. But
Speaker 3: I honestly felt like in that moment I was. It
Speaker 3: was very difficult at times because I was never going
Speaker 3: to get to that level, and I was trying so
Speaker 3: hard to get to that level. I had this impression
Speaker 3: in my life just wouldn't work out unless I got
Speaker 3: past that line. And then I got my first job
Speaker 3: in tech and no one cared what grade I got
Speaker 3: to college. They just cared that you went to college
Speaker 3: and you have this piece of paper. And then I
Speaker 3: got my second tech job and no one cared. When
Speaker 3: I went to college, I just cared about what I
Speaker 3: did before. Once you have that realization, doing well enough
Speaker 3: to get to the next step, as long as you're
Speaker 3: happy with that next step is great. If you can
Speaker 3: balance your life and be happy with that, your life
Speaker 3: will be much happier than always trying to take everything
Speaker 3: out of a situation, making a lot of sacrifices in
Speaker 3: the meantime when the difference between ninety five percent and
Speaker 3: ninety six percent five years down the line is meaningless,
Speaker 3: but it feels like everything when you're in the moment.
Speaker 2: It really does. And nobody ever asked even to see
Speaker 2: my diploma or any of my grades or anything. It's
Speaker 2: whether or not you could do the jobs. It actually
Speaker 2: is sort of eye opening how little they care and
Speaker 2: how much we obviously cared at the time. So I've
Speaker 2: loved this conversation. This has been really awesome. I've followed
Speaker 2: you for a long time and I think you're just great.
Speaker 2: Leave us here with your best tip for my listeners
Speaker 2: on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It's been
Speaker 3: a pleasure. I think I have a few quick ones
Speaker 3: I'm going to throw in. Yeah, I think one is
Speaker 3: like a money one. Always people talk about people saying
Speaker 3: money doesn't matter. Money does matter. It's about finding that
Speaker 3: line where you can make enough to be happy and comfortable,
Speaker 3: rather than letting it run your life. I think in
Speaker 3: terms of relationships, the best advice I heard on this
Speaker 3: is always been like trying to choose friends who are
Speaker 3: investments rather than bills. That really changed my life. Looking
Speaker 3: at it that way, I have had a lot of
Speaker 3: friends who have been bills in my life, and my
Speaker 3: life is much better with the investments. And the final one,
Speaker 3: the final one is just taking responsibility for your life.
Speaker 3: I think it's really easy to bad things will happen.
Speaker 3: People will screw you over, you won't get those promotions,
Speaker 3: your manager will screw you over. All of these things
Speaker 3: will happen, and obviously you should fight back when you're
Speaker 3: able to. But I think taking responsibility for your life
Speaker 3: and not letting the blame part of it take over,
Speaker 3: will make your life much happier because everything good that
Speaker 3: happens is because of you, and everything bad that happens
Speaker 3: is despite everything you try to do, and it's I
Speaker 3: think you can move forward each day knowing that you
Speaker 3: did the best you could and you ultimately are standing
Speaker 3: on your own two feet as an adult and not
Speaker 3: looking for someone else to save you. I think if
Speaker 3: everyone did that the world would be a much better place,
Speaker 3: and we would be able to care for each other
Speaker 3: more as well, because we would see people take responsibil
Speaker 3: with themselves and want to help them. So I think
Speaker 3: taking responsibility is something I go on college campuses all
Speaker 3: the time. It's the one thing I tell people. Take responsibility,
Speaker 3: and every problem in our lives would be better.
Speaker 2: I love that. Here's Ian Howarth. Check him out, follow
Speaker 2: him on X read all of his stuff. He's really wonderful.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Iaan for coming on.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me, Thanks so much for joining us
Speaker 1: on the Carol Marko Rich Show. Subscribe wherever you get
Speaker 1: your podcasts.