WEBVTT - "I DRESS UP LIKE A WOLF SO I CAN FEEL SOMETHING" 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.120 Hi, hey, Lyle, Am I coming in good? 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.119 Are you coming in good? That's a loaded question. Yeah, 0:00:08.160 --> 0:00:11.879 you see you seem friendly, you seem like uh, you know, 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:14.840 you seem you seem cool. Yeah, I think you're coming 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:15.320 in good. 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:19.000 No, sorry, I meant dight sound good? 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:23.560 Okay, No, I know that's what you meant. What is 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:24.000 your name? 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:30.760 My name is Fenn. But you can just call me Fen. 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:32.360 What do you prefer to. 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:33.280 Be called Le or ghek? 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:37.880 Whatever is in your spirit. You can call me Lyle, 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.680 you can call me Ghek. It makes no difference to 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:43.559 feel comfortable too. You know, if you don't need to 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:49.200 make me feel comfortable, you owe me nothing. Fenn fan 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:53.200 fan fan fann Uh? What's up? How can I get 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.760 you today? What did you want to talk about? 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:02.280 So I've come to the realization, but I don't I 0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:04.880 don't know if I feel emotions correctly, Like I have 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:08.760 to analyze the situation afterwards or during a conversation to 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:12.720 know if it's the right thing to feel. I mean, 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:13.759 I can kind of give you an. 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:17.160 Example if you want, Okay, sure. 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:24.800 Literally two days ago at work, I was I was 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:33.080 pitching something at work retail, and somebody was apparently. I 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:36.720 think he was trying to get empathy because he was 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.560 talking about how he went through a divorce and all 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:42.080 I said was rip, and then I continued the conversation 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:47.520 and pitching my stuff. Afterwards, I was like, oh crap, 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:50.640 I think he was you know, I was supposed to, like, 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.840 you know, like say something to make him feel that. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:54.440 I don't know. 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:55.560 I didn't. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:02:00.960 I just was like, whatever, okay, and and what is 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:02.560 it that you feel like? That's an example of. 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:08.560 I just don't know if I feel things correctly. I've 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:10.799 even like there's been deaths in the family where I'm 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.919 just like neutral. I just maybe I'm I don't know 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:16.280 if I'm supposed to feel bad about it or if 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:19.560 I'm supposed to comfort other people. I just I don't know. 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.800 So what do you feel like you should have said 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:26.280 instead of rip. 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:35.400 I'm maybe I'm sorry, or maybe stop what I've might pitch, 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:39.480 like instead of continuing to pitch what I was supposed to, 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.080 you know, the song and dance, maybe just be like 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.480 oh that now, I don't know, try and empathize with 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:49.639 the person. I I don't know, something to that nature, 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:50.640 I would assume. 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:57.799 How do you think he responded emotionally to you saying. 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:04.800 Rip, He just uh, he didn't really say anything. He 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:08.840 just kind of looked down and we finished a transaction. 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:10.200 And he left. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.040 So that's why I was like, ah, crap, maybe I 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:14.400 was supposed to say something different. 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:17.559 Do you think it made him feel bad? 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:20.520 I don't know. 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:23.440 Maybe I guess. 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:24.480 I don't know. 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:30.240 Okay, maybe what would you want? I'm not sure what 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:31.960 would you want someone to say to you in a 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:32.919 situation like that. 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:38.480 I wouldn't care. I wouldn't. I would say something. And 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:42.600 then if they elicit a response that, you know, whatever 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:46.040 their heart desire, I don't. I'm not their fucking parents, Like, 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:49.320 I'm not gonna tell them how to feel about my situation. 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:52.480 So I don't know. I don't expect anything from that. 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:59.360 Okay, So you felt justified in saying rip because if 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:03.280 you don't at the end and somebody said that to you, 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:04.640 you kind of wouldn't care. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:09.040 Well, well, no, I assume that I'm supposed to elicit empathy, 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:14.280 but I I didn't think about that until afterwards. 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:20.039 Okay, do you feel like you have some kind of 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:25.640 responsibility to comfort this guy? 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:26.159 No? 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.920 Actually that is just that was just you know, one 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:34.799 example of many of how I'm I think I'm supposed 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:37.479 to say something else, but I do another, and I 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:41.600 don't know. I feel like I do that pretty often 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.400 and I think about it afterwards, and I'm like, oh crap, 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:47.280 Maybe I'm supposed to I'm supposed to be angry with 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:49.680 that person, or I was supposed to be happy with 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:53.040 them and I was just neutral, or I said something 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:56.880 that I probably wasn't supposed to say at that time. 0:04:58.480 --> 0:04:59.600 Give me another example. 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:07.920 Okay, so a person that I work with, he uh, 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:12.840 he had a something that like traumatized him, but I 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:16.440 it didn't bother me at all. He uh, and it's 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.039 very weird for me to even understand his situation. But uh, 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:23.440 a girl that he dated like eight years ago is 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.560 that he was like still fond of uh started dating 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.760 someone else and that made him like so sad he 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.760 had to like go to therapy and figure his life out. 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:37.080 And I was just like, Okay, that's weird. I don't know, right. 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:41.960 I was just like, sure, Okay, I didn't uh comfort 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.560 him or I wasn't like angry about it. I just 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:49.560 didn't understand. I was like, that's weird. And then I 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:51.120 just kind of moved on and was like, all right, 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:53.520 as long as you, you know, show show up to 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:58.320 work or whatever, that's fine. 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:03.120 Why do you feel like you have a problem with 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:09.559 the way that you've been responding to these situations. 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:14.440 Because it's never what I assume people are supposed to 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:17.599 Like I assume like as a human we're supposed to 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:22.680 like be apathetic or empathetic or anger or happiness or 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:24.880 not just neutral all the time? 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:28.680 Does anything make you feel emotional? 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.800 So, like, I don't know through the call screening, I 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.240 don't know if you saw that, but uh, I'm assembly Ferry. 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.520 So I go to like these cons and when I 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:44.880 like do tons of like drugs and shit like yeah, 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:47.880 then I'm like like super all about it. But I 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:50.719 don't know if it's just like the drugs making me 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.960 super happy or if it's something that's actually me. 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:02.360 Okay, okay, So what if you just did drugs all 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:02.760 the time? 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.240 I don't think that's a very good idea because you 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:12.960 still have to live your life now at the end 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.040 of the day. It still has to be me doing things. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:17.920 The drugs are just you know, something to make you 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:19.960 feel a little good at a certain period of time. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:29.280 Okay, So you say you're a femboy furry Hey yeah, okay? 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:31.280 Does that make you feel emotional? 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:36.920 So it makes you feel like I can be a 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:41.640 different person when I change, when I wear something else, 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.720 I don't have to play the facade of being who 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:49.880 I am when I'm normally around people. It's almost like 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:54.240 completely being a different person. It doesn't change me emotionally, 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:58.320 but it makes me feel different, like as presentation wise, 0:07:58.760 --> 0:07:59.840 I can be something else. 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:08.440 Yeah. Does your desire to be something else stem from 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:13.000 a disa, from a dissatisfaction of who you already are? 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:25.160 M M. I wouldn't say so. Maybe just because I 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:29.320 I do like to Uh, I like run a lot, 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:33.320 but it's mainly because of that dopamine rush. I'm wondering 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:37.079 if maybe I'm just not satisfied with my body and that. 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:37.480 Could be it. 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:40.959 And maybe when I wear a different outfit it makes 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:43.920 me feel like better. I guess that that could be 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:47.160 a feeling. I don't know. Maybe just having a different 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:51.120 sona just excites me that you can play a part. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:55.040 It's almost like, you know how people play roles in 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.800 D and D and they're a different person, or when 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.720 you play an RPG and you play as a different 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:03.240 person and and and you living a different life. 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.880 When you are cosplaying as this famboy fur a, do 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:08.280 you feel more emotional? 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.120 I feel more open, just because it's harder to recognize me. 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:19.200 I feel like that probably happens with a lot of 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.679 people that assume a mask. When they wear a mask, 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:26.920 you know, it changes literally your persona because you're wearing 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:27.400 a mask. 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:29.000 I'm familiar with that. 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:31.480 Yah. 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.920 Yeah, some refer it to me. Some have referred to 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:35.960 me as a scally. 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:41.320 I don't think so. I feel like that's something that 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:45.120 like you identify as, and if you don't identify as that, 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.880 then that's probably wrong of them to say that's something 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.280 you personally would have to be okay with? 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:59.439 Good good, I'm glad to hear that. Okay, So when 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:04.560 you're on dry and you're feeling all your feelings, yeah, 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:08.000 does that feel good? Oh? 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.520 It feels amazing. Sometimes I go a little too far, 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:17.680 but like mm hmm. Sometimes I'll do like acid or molly, 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:22.320 and those are of course, they make you give you 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:27.599 a really good feelings. It's all just the warm and 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:32.600 fuzzies while you're walking around. But uh yeah, it definitely 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:37.640 makes you looser and happier, more open to talking to people. 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:41.920 Okay, and you like the way that feels when you 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:43.320 feel open to talking to people. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:45.559 Absolutely. 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:46.640 I like that. 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.480 There's a I don't know, and maybe a block. It 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.480 gets rid of that barrier that I normally feel, which 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:54.480 I guess is a feeling. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:11:01.360 So would it be a productive goal for you? And 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.840 you know, listen, answer this question honestly because there's no 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:07.280 required You don't. You don't have to fucking do anything. Okay, 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.240 you don't have to become empathetic, you don't. You don't 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:11.280 have to do anything, all right, you can eat food 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:12.640 and die. You don't have to do anything shit. So 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:13.800 I answer this question honestly. 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:17.920 Yeah. Yeah. 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:26.640 Do you desire to learn how to break that barrier 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:33.480 without the use of drugs? 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:39.920 So I like being distant because it makes you, It 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.439 makes you feel safer. I guess for a lot of 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:46.880 people it just it gives you some space between other people. 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:51.800 But I think breaking the barrier would be healthier. I'm 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.760 not gonna play around like it's a good thing that 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.240 I don't feel the same things that I should feel 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:02.439 in a situation. I think, just for my sake moving forward, 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:06.800 it would make me a better. Uh, whatever I am 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:10.840 when I'm talking to people or just in different situations. 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.400 Okay, all right, I'm gonna tell you one thing, and 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:21.800 this is maybe I don't know. I'm not I'm not 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.680 sure how sure I am of this, but let's play 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:28.839 around with it as an idea. Okay, all right. I 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:35.160 think for you to break this barrier, I think you 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:40.520 would benefit from getting over the idea that you should 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:45.520 be a certain way in any situation. Because if you're 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:49.040 talking to some fucking guy about his fucking divorce and 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:52.600 you don't care, but you feel like you should care, 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:58.240 I don't think that's going to get you very far right. 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:06.120 Like this, this abstract notion from an abstract place that 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:12.760 you should feel or do something is really worthless, I think, because, 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:14.560 like I said, you don't have to do anything. There's 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.439 nothing you should do. Like even the question of should 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:19.680 you be a good person, it's like do you have to? 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.839 I don't know. You were born eat food and you 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:24.280 don't have to. You don't have to do anything. You 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:26.839 really don't. So for you to break this barrier, I 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.320 think at least this is give me a second. I 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:32.760 want to hear your thoughts, but I think, yeah, to 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:39.040 break this barrier, You're gonna have to want to be 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:44.560 more you know, empathetic, because you're not gonna just do 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.240 some shit because you feel this abstract societal notion that 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:53.160 you should. You have to want to and like really 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:57.840 look inside of yourself and see if you want to. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.480 I don't know if you want to, but I don't 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:03.680 think you're going to go very far and breaking this 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:12.480 barrier unless if you actually want to be different in 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.760 the way that you're reacting with people and with the world. Right, 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.800 that's just something weird pitball into my mind right now. 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.120 What were you going to say? 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.880 Oh? No, I was just just going to agree with you, like, yeah, 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:28.400 I think greatness can come from different things, and people 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:32.160 just assume that greatness is just doing good. You can 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.880 be great doing a bunch of different things as long 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:36.840 as you just live your life, living life. 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.520 Who brought up who brought up anything about being great? 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:45.480 No, you were saying, like, do whatever you want and sorry, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:46.200 that was my word. 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:47.000 I was saying. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:51.240 Greenness is just whatever you want to do. Yeah, you 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.480 were just saying, just do what you want to do. Yeah, 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:56.640 you don't owe anything to anybody. 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:02.960 No, you don't. But but you can if you want, 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:05.080 if you want to go out and be more empathetic, 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.040 then then you should do that. 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:15.040 Yeah, I guess that's the goal that read. 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:16.800 Do you go to the conventions? Do you go to 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.400 the furrycons? Oh? 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:21.320 Yeah, I've been doing it for a couple of years. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:26.120 Now what animal are you? 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:26.280 So? 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:31.000 I have different sonas when I do sendboys stuff, I 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:35.200 don't really do my sona but mine is a wife 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.600 or wolf, So it's a it's a mixture of a. 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.040 She's a dragon and she's a wolf. So she's got 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:50.280 like dragon wings and a wolf body. 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:50.880 That sounds intimidating but also kind of not. 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:59.120 She's very uh more essential. She's a uh not soon Dario. 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:00.960 What's the other one? 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:03.600 Shoot? 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:04.880 I don't I forgot. 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:09.000 It's called but tell me about is real quick? What's 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:15.520 all right you? What's your name? Ben Wren? Yeah? Yeah, okay. 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.080 What's the difference between you and this character that you're 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:23.480 playing when you put this dragon wolf suit? Oh? 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:28.360 Val? So VAL's more after figured out the word yan dinner. 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:36.120 She's she's more uh sensual, She's a she likes to 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:44.560 be seen. She's someone that's more up front. She's a 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.440 I don't explain. She's she's like the opposite of anything 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.200 that like someone would want to coil back from. She's 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:57.400 very happy and uh likes to uh hang out with 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:02.680 people and do fun things, and uh she's kind of 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.919 like a I guess, the opposite of someone like me. 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:08.280 I guess that's why I created her like that. 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.359 Okay, how many different personas do you have? 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.720 I have vel and then most of the time I 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:22.080 do friendboy stuff, So findboy stuff's a lot easier. Uh, 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:25.880 I don't have to dress up or anything, well mainly, Yeah, 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.120 just like skirts and different nous. 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:29.880 Well, let me can I just I have I have 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:34.240 one sort of final kind of point on this that 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.080 I want to talk to you about before we go, 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:42.720 which is, Okay, you've you've created this persona, which is 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:46.440 a dragon wolf character that you say possesses a lot 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:51.719 of qualities that you, as FEN do not that I 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:56.600 assume when you were creating this character you created those 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:01.080 qualities intentionally because they were quality. Is that you wanted 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:03.680 to embody but did not feel like you canm body 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:07.000 as yourself, So you created a new persona to be 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:10.520 able to embody these qualities. Is that accurate? 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:12.440 Yeah? 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:16.680 Yeah, Okay, so so, and I assume that with these 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:19.560 other personas that you have, that you've done a similar thing. 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:27.239 So let me ask you this why exactly? Okay, I 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.399 think I'm kind of thinking about this here. The fact 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:36.280 that you created a new a character with certain traits 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:42.280 signals to me that you desire to have these traits 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:47.240 in your life, which goes back to again the want 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.600 to break that barrier that we talked about was probably 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.800 necessary in order to break it. So to me, the 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:55.600 fact that you created this character means that that want 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:58.640 is there, that you're not following a should. You actually 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:02.320 genuinely do want to have the qualities that you put 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:07.520 into this dragon wolf character. So the want is there, 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:14.240 and so now tell me why. Like, you know, it's 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:16.919 cool that you're having fun and you're doing what you 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:21.000 want to be doing. But why if you know that 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.000 you want these characteristics, if you find yourself being able 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:26.280 to embody these characteristics when you put on this wolf 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:31.200 dragon costume, why can't you take these characteristics in this 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:37.399 character and try to incorporate them in your actual life 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.000 as fen. 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.720 I don't know if it's the right word, but maybe 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:48.840 it's the cognitive dissonance, Like I guess it's like a 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:52.679 switch that gets turned off and on when you're switching 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:58.600 between these people creatures, depending what you're doing. I don't know, 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:03.359 it's just something that's I feel it. It's harder to 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:07.800 associate into who you are when you've been the same 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.119 thing for so long. I guess as to like creating 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.400 something new that is already born with these features. 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:23.480 Okay, I guess I'm trying to get down to the 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:29.000 bottom of again. I mean that makes sense. Okay, you're 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:32.960 you're you're like thinking of yourself as well. I'm already 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:38.800 this unemotional guy, and I'm already, you know, uh, set 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:42.000 in my stone of who I am. So let's I'm 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:44.600 just gonna throw myself in the trash and start from 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:49.439 a blank slate creating this these this new character with 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:52.480 new personality traits that I think are more favorable to 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:54.760 the ones I already have. Is that accurate at all? 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:58.960 Yeah? No, Yeah, pretty much. Buha. 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:09.760 So I guess if we've establshed, is this something you've 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:13.040 thought about, by the way, or is this conversation the 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:18.040 first time you've really thought about why you're doing these things? 0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:20.680 It is the first time I actually thought about it. 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.120 More so, I just I jumped it. Jumping into this 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:28.040 the furry SIMBOI thing was more so like a couple 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:31.600 of steps because I started off as a raver, and 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:33.920 then I really enjoyed hanging out with furries and stuff, 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:36.880 and then I was like, oh, I'm actually super into 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:40.320 this way more so, Okay, it's just like one one 0:21:40.320 --> 0:21:41.280 from one thing to another. 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:49.840 Okay, I I'm not going to tell you what to 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:55.159 do or how to live your life. But I guess, well, advice, advice, Okay, 0:21:55.320 --> 0:22:00.760 all right, because I guess I don't see a good 0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:10.200 clear reason as to why you've decided in your mind that, again, 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.320 if you're just having fun, you know, please go have 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:14.040 fun and do whatever you want to do, you know, 0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:16.480 with your life and with dressing up and going to 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:18.600 these conventions and all that. But I guess what I 0:22:18.640 --> 0:22:24.520 don't see is why you have decided for yourself that 0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:31.640 you can't add or change, add on to or change 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:36.600 your personality to have the sort of traits that you 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:41.359 desire in yourself, and why you feel the need to 0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.840 create a new persona for it. I don't know if 0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:46.760 that comes from a place of fear. I don't know 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:50.240 if that comes from a place of you know, it's 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:53.879 more that's more difficult than creating a new character. But 0:22:55.400 --> 0:22:58.960 I feel like those could be helpful things to maybe 0:22:58.960 --> 0:23:02.240 think about. Yeah. 0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:07.360 Absolutely, I just think it's a more easier said than done. 0:23:07.840 --> 0:23:10.760 Of course, maybe I just took the simpler route. 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:18.080 I guess sure. And uh fucking look, bro, nothing wrong 0:23:18.200 --> 0:23:20.159 like I like I've been saying, nothing wrong with that. 0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:24.320 You don't have to do shit if you want to. 0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:27.199 If your way of you it's I'm dead serious. If 0:23:27.240 --> 0:23:32.359 your way of becoming a better person is to dress 0:23:32.440 --> 0:23:36.280 up as a dragon wolf, and that fucking works for you, 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:42.119 and by god, roam the streets proudly as a dragon wolf. 0:23:43.200 --> 0:23:46.520 But you know, these are all things to think about. 0:23:50.800 --> 0:23:53.040 How do you feel about this conversation, Fenn? Is there 0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:57.680 any other aspect of this or anything at all that 0:23:59.040 --> 0:24:01.600 you feel like would be productive to to end on 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:05.680 a final thoughts about anything we've talked about, or anything 0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:07.040 at all in the entire universe. 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:12.880 I think it's just important more so to just talk, 0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:16.320 have talk to somebody about it and have them listen. 0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:19.840 I just I don't really have that, and I feel 0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:22.480 like a lot of people don't either, So I guess 0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:25.320 I'll say I appreciate that from you, and I'm sure 0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:28.520 other people too as well. I know a lot of 0:24:28.520 --> 0:24:32.040 people have these thoughts things they are free to tell 0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:35.040 other people, and maybe it's easier to tell some stranger 0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:38.280 on the internet than talk to their friends or family. 0:24:40.680 --> 0:24:42.920 Do you have sex in the dragon wolf costume? 0:24:53.160 --> 0:24:55.320 Only when I send boy? Because them boy, I like, 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:58.399 you know, it's already there. All I have to do 0:24:58.520 --> 0:25:03.440 is pull up the skirt, uh or take off the panties. 0:25:04.520 --> 0:25:10.159 That's a lot easier, depends I guess where I'm going to, 0:25:10.359 --> 0:25:12.520 because you know, not everybody wants that. 0:25:14.720 --> 0:25:16.520 I'm glad you found something that works for you in 0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:19.239 your life. Fenn, is there anything else you want to say? 0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:19.920 Other the people the computer? 0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:20.399 Before I go? 0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:25.080 Do good degree? 0:25:25.119 --> 0:25:28.360 I guess beautiful, take care of Finn. 0:25:29.720 --> 0:25:29.920 See. 0:25:30.040 --> 0:25:30.119 Uh. 0:25:30.800 --> 0:25:32.680 You know, here's the thing that I that I think 0:25:32.680 --> 0:25:38.840 about is I I personally have never tried, you know, 0:25:39.040 --> 0:25:42.399 having sex and a dragon costume or I'm a pretty 0:25:42.760 --> 0:25:45.600 I'm a pretty vanilla guy, and I don't have a 0:25:45.720 --> 0:25:51.560 strong desire to expand beyond that, but I gotta I 0:25:51.640 --> 0:25:57.680 have to imagine that if I were into dressing up 0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:00.360 like a dragon and getting fucked like that, it would 0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:06.040 be awesome. I have to imagine that, like I be 0:26:06.200 --> 0:26:10.400 only being into vanilla stuff. I'm like limited, And I'm 0:26:10.520 --> 0:26:12.680 jealous of the people that are dressing up like dragons 0:26:12.680 --> 0:26:14.960 and fucking like that because they're probably having a way 0:26:15.000 --> 0:26:19.560 better sexual experience than I am because I can't get 0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:22.879 into it, and I'm jealous of that. But also, I mean, 0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:24.840 I don't know. I have never dressed up in a 0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:29.359 dragon costume and been fucked like that, so I could 0:26:29.480 --> 0:26:36.119 like it, but I'm not brave enough to try, and 0:26:36.160 --> 0:26:41.120 maybe that's what's wrong with me. Hello, Hello, Hi there 0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:44.119 since the get go? Yes, who is this? 0:26:45.920 --> 0:26:47.119 I'll just Alloyd. 0:26:48.720 --> 0:26:56.080 Lauren from Canada? Hi, what's going on? Lauren from Canada? 0:26:57.119 --> 0:27:00.480 Well, I just wanted to talk about being a cam 0:27:00.640 --> 0:27:03.320 girls and and only fans creators. 0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:04.680 Mm hmm. 0:27:06.440 --> 0:27:06.680 Yeah. 0:27:06.680 --> 0:27:13.120 It says here that you've been doing camgirls stuff while 0:27:13.119 --> 0:27:16.439 going to school. You want to continue doing camming, but 0:27:16.480 --> 0:27:21.360 it says here that you will have to tell your parents. 0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:25.160 I will, and it's I mean, my mom is very 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:30.399 sex positive. She also does like she's a dominatrix. I 0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:33.280 just I feel like if I tell her, I do 0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:35.439 like I do camming and stuff. She might feel like 0:27:35.920 --> 0:27:38.320 I like she influenced me to do it, and I 0:27:38.359 --> 0:27:41.800 don't want her to feel like that. And I'm also 0:27:41.840 --> 0:27:44.720 I'm in school for fashions, so like I still want 0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:48.040 to do that, but I, I mean, I love camming. 0:27:48.600 --> 0:27:49.440 I can't lie. 0:27:52.119 --> 0:27:55.399 Very interesting, you know. It's I've I think we've talked 0:27:55.520 --> 0:27:59.960 to people on here who do only fans and can 0:28:00.080 --> 0:28:03.199 am stuff before, and I think we've talked to them 0:28:03.240 --> 0:28:05.240 about this, this whole issue of whether or not to 0:28:05.280 --> 0:28:08.560 talk to, you know, the people in their life about it. 0:28:08.720 --> 0:28:14.680 But never have I talked to somebody with this particular 0:28:15.440 --> 0:28:21.960 situation where your mother is also a sex worker. Yeah, 0:28:22.080 --> 0:28:22.320 and it. 0:28:24.040 --> 0:28:25.920 It was really hard when I was growing up because 0:28:26.320 --> 0:28:30.320 she I don't know, I feel like she talked about 0:28:30.320 --> 0:28:33.760 it with me a little too young. So at first 0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:37.359 that was kind of resentful. I was like, oh my gosh, 0:28:37.400 --> 0:28:40.000 like I can't believe my mom does this. But now 0:28:40.360 --> 0:28:41.560 I don't know, it's weird. 0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:47.280 Interesting. So I want to ask you a question here. 0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:53.840 And so you're afraid to tell your mom because you're 0:28:53.880 --> 0:28:58.040 afraid that she might think that she influenced you and 0:28:58.120 --> 0:29:00.440 that that might make her feel bad and you don't 0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:01.520 want to make her feel bad. 0:29:03.480 --> 0:29:07.200 I don't know, and it's this is hard because she 0:29:07.440 --> 0:29:10.440 I mean, she has to hide it from my grandparents 0:29:10.480 --> 0:29:15.080 because they're like ultra religious. Like I want to tell 0:29:15.120 --> 0:29:19.000 her because I'm doing I'm doing really good, like I'm 0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:21.880 it's become like a full time career for me, Like 0:29:21.920 --> 0:29:25.920 I I'm only twenty and I'm I don't know, I 0:29:25.960 --> 0:29:28.160 don't know. I'm very proud. I'm very proud of myself, 0:29:28.160 --> 0:29:30.760 and I really like being a cam girl. It's super fun, 0:29:30.800 --> 0:29:33.880 It's like very freeing. But I just I don't know, 0:29:33.920 --> 0:29:39.080 like I have this like weird guilt about doing it. 0:29:41.200 --> 0:29:43.400 What is the guilt about? 0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:47.280 I just I don't want my mom to feel like she. 0:29:48.680 --> 0:29:49.160 I don't know. 0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:53.680 Let me ask. Can I ask you a question? I'm 0:29:53.720 --> 0:29:55.920 just curious and listen. You don't have to answer anything 0:29:55.960 --> 0:29:58.520 you don't want to. But I am kind of curious. 0:29:59.360 --> 0:30:02.040 Did your mom influenced you at all to do this? 0:30:04.000 --> 0:30:07.600 I don't know. I need to go and see like 0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:09.680 an actual therapist to be honest. 0:30:10.560 --> 0:30:12.000 Okay, But I. 0:30:12.000 --> 0:30:15.840 Mean she always talked about it very openly, and I 0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:18.640 mean when I first thought of the idea, I mean 0:30:18.640 --> 0:30:21.680 what I do is completely different from what she does. 0:30:23.800 --> 0:30:25.880 And when I first got into it, I was kind 0:30:25.880 --> 0:30:28.240 of just more curious sexually because I was kind of 0:30:28.280 --> 0:30:31.720 exploring my like exhibitionalist kink and I was looking at 0:30:32.080 --> 0:30:35.800 It was during COVID when like omnikrome was a big thing. 0:30:35.840 --> 0:30:37.920 So I used to be a server and I wasn't 0:30:37.920 --> 0:30:40.400 really making much money. So I was like, Okay, well 0:30:41.680 --> 0:30:46.840 I'm into being kind of shown off, Like I like, 0:30:47.000 --> 0:30:52.760 I really like attention. I like people watching me, and 0:30:52.800 --> 0:30:54.360 I also kind of needed the money. So I started 0:30:54.360 --> 0:30:56.880 doing it. And it's at the first time I streamed, 0:30:56.880 --> 0:31:01.640 I got over a thousand years I I've been doing 0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:05.680 it for about a year. I have like sixty thousand subscribers, 0:31:05.720 --> 0:31:06.760 which is pretty good. 0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:17.280 Okay, So so I guess I'm still confused about where 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:23.640 the guilt is coming from. 0:31:23.720 --> 0:31:25.320 I don't know. I guess I shouldn't feel guilty. 0:31:27.760 --> 0:31:30.960 Well listen, I mean, I I think it's because I'm 0:31:31.800 --> 0:31:34.960 no go ahead, please. I think it's just. 0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:37.480 Because I'm in school and my parents are always talking like, oh, 0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:40.200 like you're in fashion, Like we're so proud of you 0:31:40.240 --> 0:31:43.920 for like doing fashion. And also my grandpa like helped 0:31:43.920 --> 0:31:46.400 me pay for a lot of my school, and he's 0:31:46.440 --> 0:31:52.320 like ultra religious, like, so I get maybe I feel 0:31:52.360 --> 0:31:55.680 more guilty about that because I mean, I still want 0:31:55.720 --> 0:31:58.120 to do some fashion stuff. I feel like it'd be 0:31:58.160 --> 0:32:01.760 really cool to like make a to laingerie brand or something. 0:32:01.960 --> 0:32:04.959 I could use my degree for that. But I don't know. 0:32:05.000 --> 0:32:08.600 I just I the thing is just like I don't 0:32:08.640 --> 0:32:10.320 know if I want to tell them right after I'm 0:32:10.360 --> 0:32:15.440 done school because I don't know. I'm scared to tell them. 0:32:16.080 --> 0:32:19.040 But I'm done school. I only have one semester left. 0:32:19.080 --> 0:32:21.960 I'm done in April, so I need to either tell 0:32:22.000 --> 0:32:26.200 them and just do full time cam or like get 0:32:26.200 --> 0:32:28.160 a job, or like lie to some about. 0:32:27.920 --> 0:32:28.880 Getting Like I don't know. 0:32:29.200 --> 0:32:32.200 I think I'm just scared to tell them. I don't know. 0:32:32.520 --> 0:32:34.240 Okay, Well I have I mean, I have a couple 0:32:34.280 --> 0:32:40.680 of thoughts. Okay, why do you say that you have 0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:41.720 to tell them? 0:32:42.280 --> 0:32:42.360 Like? 0:32:42.440 --> 0:32:46.400 What is what in your mind is making you feel 0:32:46.400 --> 0:32:46.720 like that? 0:32:50.640 --> 0:32:52.520 Well, my dad was gonna help me get a job 0:32:52.560 --> 0:32:55.640 after school because he does something that could get me 0:32:55.760 --> 0:32:58.440 into I don't want to I don't want to say 0:32:58.480 --> 0:33:00.560 the specific job, but I could he could help me 0:33:00.600 --> 0:33:07.080 get into a specific thing with fashion, but I I 0:33:07.080 --> 0:33:10.560 don't know. I just I want to keep camming doing 0:33:10.600 --> 0:33:15.760 my only fans full time. They're just very involved in 0:33:15.880 --> 0:33:18.320 like me being in school and me getting a job. 0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:22.560 So I don't know. But I'm also lying to them 0:33:22.640 --> 0:33:24.560 right now about having a job that I don't have. 0:33:24.720 --> 0:33:28.960 So okay, well, okay, So here here's some thoughts that 0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:35.960 are coming to mind. Is I think, well, you know, 0:33:37.520 --> 0:33:39.880 you should feel empowered to live your own life and 0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:43.920 do whatever it is that you want to do. And well, 0:33:43.960 --> 0:33:48.520 I think that, like, I don't know, I understand why 0:33:48.600 --> 0:33:53.840 you're afraid of what your parents think of you. But it's, 0:33:53.960 --> 0:34:01.360 like I guess, to me, not a compelling thing. It's 0:34:01.640 --> 0:34:06.240 I think ideally, your relationship with your parents is like 0:34:06.600 --> 0:34:10.960 I love you guys, and I I do A relationship 0:34:11.000 --> 0:34:13.799 with the parents is like I love you guys, but 0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:16.200 I don't care what you think about you know, how 0:34:16.239 --> 0:34:20.520 I choose to live my life and I'm not going to, uh, 0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:25.560 you know, make any decisions in the short life that 0:34:25.640 --> 0:34:28.640 I have on this planet based off of what you 0:34:28.640 --> 0:34:30.760 guys think of me, and for that matter, what anyone 0:34:30.800 --> 0:34:31.279 thinks of me. 0:34:32.560 --> 0:34:32.759 You know. 0:34:32.840 --> 0:34:35.480 That's I think I think that's ideally how it would 0:34:35.560 --> 0:34:35.959 go down. 0:34:38.480 --> 0:34:42.839 Hi, I say that to myself, But then I just 0:34:43.239 --> 0:34:46.279 I don't know. It's also scary. But I have a 0:34:46.320 --> 0:34:49.560 boyfriend and he cancel me sometimes too, and I could 0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:52.839 never tell his parents because his I feel like if 0:34:52.920 --> 0:34:55.920 I if his mom found out, like she would stop 0:34:55.960 --> 0:34:57.280 talking to me completely. 0:34:57.920 --> 0:35:02.279 So like I'm also, well, listen, here's the thing is 0:35:02.360 --> 0:35:06.040 like obviously, no, God, please go ahead. 0:35:07.280 --> 0:35:09.160 I'm sorry, you go ahead. 0:35:09.719 --> 0:35:12.640 No, No, I want to hear what you're gonna say. 0:35:12.760 --> 0:35:14.480 Well, I was gonna say like I do say to 0:35:14.520 --> 0:35:16.160 myself a lot of the times, like I don't really 0:35:16.200 --> 0:35:20.760 care what people think of me, and like my parents 0:35:20.800 --> 0:35:22.840 just told me, like they're like, oh, Lauren, like we 0:35:22.920 --> 0:35:25.200 just we want you to do whatever makes you happy. 0:35:25.719 --> 0:35:29.200 We absolutely don't care, Like you can do whatever you 0:35:29.239 --> 0:35:31.080 want as long as like you can pay the bills 0:35:31.120 --> 0:35:34.520 and you're happy. We don't care. But then I, I 0:35:34.520 --> 0:35:36.600 don't know, I get so anxious about it, like I 0:35:36.880 --> 0:35:40.000 need to just rip the band aid off. But but 0:35:40.040 --> 0:35:43.040 I'm also really proud of myself and the work I've done, 0:35:43.280 --> 0:35:43.839 because it's a. 0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:48.240 Lot of work, good good. I think the other aspect 0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:51.359 of this was like you know, and it was like 0:35:51.760 --> 0:35:54.880 the attention that you're getting, Like, I guess I'm hoping 0:35:55.440 --> 0:35:58.560 because all of this is all about like it's because Okay, 0:35:58.600 --> 0:36:02.360 it's very funny. I feel like you're balanced. Like the 0:36:02.440 --> 0:36:05.319 two main things I had with this was like you're 0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:07.720 talking about how you like the attention that you're getting, 0:36:08.320 --> 0:36:13.120 and then you talking about, you know, a possibility of 0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:16.400 negative attention from your parents. And I thought they were 0:36:16.400 --> 0:36:19.600 two separate things, but I'm realizing that they're both linked 0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:24.480 together in a way because it's like my question to 0:36:24.560 --> 0:36:32.040 you is are you is how heavily you're being influenced 0:36:32.080 --> 0:36:34.680 in your life and your happiness and your decisions by 0:36:34.760 --> 0:36:38.600 other people's opinions of you, be they positive or negative, 0:36:39.440 --> 0:36:43.920 Like I think it's a tough thing. I guess starting 0:36:43.920 --> 0:36:46.680 with the positive, it's a tough thing. If you're building 0:36:46.680 --> 0:36:50.080 a thing where it's making you happy and you're proud 0:36:50.080 --> 0:36:55.400 of it because of other people's positive validation of you, 0:36:57.000 --> 0:36:59.880 I'm really glad to hear that you're proud of what 0:37:00.080 --> 0:37:02.120 you do. And you know, you said to me just 0:37:02.160 --> 0:37:04.399 now something that I thought was a positive thing where 0:37:04.400 --> 0:37:06.600 you were like, I'm proud of it. Because it was 0:37:06.640 --> 0:37:08.960 a lot of work, and I did the work. And 0:37:09.040 --> 0:37:12.120 I think that's a really positive type of pride that 0:37:12.160 --> 0:37:16.000 you're taking. And so I'm glad to hear that. I 0:37:16.000 --> 0:37:17.800 think more I think that's more positive than if you 0:37:17.840 --> 0:37:20.439 would say something like, oh, I really like I don't 0:37:20.440 --> 0:37:23.160 know the validation that it gives me or something like that, 0:37:23.160 --> 0:37:25.520 because that can be a dangerous sort of a thing. 0:37:27.480 --> 0:37:31.840 And then onto the negative side, like this fear of 0:37:31.840 --> 0:37:39.480 of uh, negative attention from your parents, from your boyfriend's 0:37:39.480 --> 0:37:43.120 parents is like again, I understand the fear of it. 0:37:43.760 --> 0:37:46.880 But and you know, and you look, you don't have 0:37:47.000 --> 0:37:50.160 you don't have to tell anyone if you're uncomfortable. You know, 0:37:50.280 --> 0:37:52.839 this is your life. You can you can do whatever 0:37:52.840 --> 0:37:56.760 you want. And then includes you know, how how close 0:37:56.800 --> 0:37:59.759 to your your chest you want to, you know, keep 0:37:59.800 --> 0:38:05.800 this thing that you're doing. But I guess I would 0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:12.320 just hope that you, as you maneuver your life, feel 0:38:12.360 --> 0:38:17.640 empowered to do so, you know, regardless of other people's 0:38:17.640 --> 0:38:20.480 opinions of you, be they positive or negative. If that 0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:23.840 makes sense, that does make sense. 0:38:25.440 --> 0:38:33.319 Yeah, well, I think I'm negotiating in my head if 0:38:33.360 --> 0:38:35.960 I want to. I'm definitely not going to tell my 0:38:36.080 --> 0:38:40.080 boyfriend's mom that I can't do that, so I need to. 0:38:40.400 --> 0:38:42.960 I'm just trying to navigate how I'm going to. 0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:46.280 Go about that. 0:38:46.280 --> 0:38:49.120 Because I don't know. But I'm also just. 0:38:54.880 --> 0:38:55.200 Sorry. 0:38:56.200 --> 0:38:58.600 I'm just trying to. I don't know if I oh 0:38:58.640 --> 0:38:59.319 my gosh, I'm sorry. 0:38:59.360 --> 0:38:59.839 I can't think. 0:39:00.440 --> 0:39:03.120 No, no worries time. 0:39:05.120 --> 0:39:11.200 M Yeah. No, I'm definitely not going to tell my 0:39:11.760 --> 0:39:15.759 boyfriend's mom. I guess I'm just trying to. I don't 0:39:15.880 --> 0:39:22.200 like lying to people. Okay, I don't know. I I 0:39:22.239 --> 0:39:24.399 think I would leave it up to him if he 0:39:24.440 --> 0:39:27.680 wanted to tell her, because he also camps with me. 0:39:28.520 --> 0:39:33.120 I don't know if I mentioned that. Mm hmm. I 0:39:33.160 --> 0:39:35.040 don't know. I'm debating if I want to tell my 0:39:35.040 --> 0:39:36.319 parents or not, because I don't know if you'll have 0:39:36.320 --> 0:39:39.799 a positive reaction or negative reaction. I feel like my 0:39:39.880 --> 0:39:41.920 mom will either be like, oh, I may like you're 0:39:41.920 --> 0:39:44.359 doing what you want and you're doing good at it. 0:39:44.400 --> 0:39:46.200 Like I don't know if she'll either be happy or 0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:50.360 she'll put it, if she'll if she'll be upset with 0:39:50.400 --> 0:39:54.120 herself and feel like I'm doing it because she influenceiated 0:39:54.160 --> 0:39:55.120 it is that. 0:39:58.239 --> 0:40:02.759 Yes, it does and you know, look, here's the main 0:40:02.800 --> 0:40:05.239 thing I want to say is obviously it's up to you, 0:40:05.920 --> 0:40:08.160 and you know, on this call, I'm not like like, 0:40:08.200 --> 0:40:11.759 I don't want to tell you what to do, but 0:40:11.800 --> 0:40:17.320 I guess, I I guess to me, the ideal situation 0:40:17.560 --> 0:40:23.000 is a world where you're so proud of what you 0:40:23.120 --> 0:40:27.640 do and you like doing it so much, and you're 0:40:27.800 --> 0:40:34.040 really like, you're so convicted in that sense that you're 0:40:34.120 --> 0:40:40.960 not afraid of a potential negative reaction from your parents 0:40:41.040 --> 0:40:46.759 or from anyone else because of that conviction where you're like, 0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:50.960 listen my mom, where you're just like, listen, mom, I 0:40:51.040 --> 0:40:54.879 do you know camming? I do this and I love it. 0:40:54.880 --> 0:40:57.600 It's great. I love the freedom, I love expressing myself. 0:40:58.440 --> 0:41:03.279 I feel proud of profile that I've built. And you know, 0:41:03.440 --> 0:41:05.560 you can feel however you want to feel about it. 0:41:05.600 --> 0:41:09.960 But you know, my my pride and myself and my 0:41:10.040 --> 0:41:13.840 happiness in doing what I'm doing will remain the same 0:41:14.880 --> 0:41:20.759 regardless of how you feel. And I don't know, again, 0:41:20.800 --> 0:41:26.319 I'm not you know, you should do whatever you're comfortable with, 0:41:27.160 --> 0:41:33.960 but I hope that you have the I guess the 0:41:34.040 --> 0:41:40.560 courage too, like really feel convicted in those those things 0:41:40.760 --> 0:41:42.799 enough to not care what other people's opinions are. 0:41:46.520 --> 0:41:49.520 Yeah, I am trying my best to not care what 0:41:49.560 --> 0:41:54.080 other people think of me, especially now being like online, 0:41:54.280 --> 0:41:58.239 I can't really let people this opinions like affect me 0:41:58.480 --> 0:42:00.319 or I would completely be. 0:42:00.360 --> 0:42:03.319 Enough, right, I mean that's part. I mean, that's part 0:42:03.320 --> 0:42:05.399 of the thing of of you know, whether whether it's 0:42:05.440 --> 0:42:09.720 camming or making fucking YouTube videos about legos, like whatever 0:42:09.760 --> 0:42:11.399 you do on the internet, there will be people who 0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:14.600 you know, attack you and shut on you and uh 0:42:15.520 --> 0:42:19.360 say all these things. And I mean it's an inevitability 0:42:19.400 --> 0:42:22.680 of putting yourself. It's inevitability of putting yourself out there 0:42:22.920 --> 0:42:29.040 in any situation really, and like becoming okay with that, 0:42:31.400 --> 0:42:33.560 becoming okay with that is is really a path to 0:42:34.680 --> 0:42:37.399 I don't know, like some some true form of freedom. 0:42:37.640 --> 0:42:40.960 And it's hard and I'm not there at all. But 0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:44.480 when I think of like a true, true, true freedom, 0:42:45.000 --> 0:42:46.799 you know, it looks something like that. 0:42:53.560 --> 0:42:54.200 I agree. 0:42:55.880 --> 0:43:00.840 Yeah, Well, maybe I will tell her. I think I 0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:01.560 want to tell her. 0:43:01.600 --> 0:43:01.960 I'm just. 0:43:05.040 --> 0:43:06.560 I mean, no, it's hard, it's a difficult. It's a 0:43:06.560 --> 0:43:14.759 difficult thing. I understand the the the fear involved. But 0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:16.359 but I mean all that said, I'm glad to hear 0:43:16.360 --> 0:43:18.879 that you found something that that you really like doing, 0:43:18.880 --> 0:43:21.600 and it sounds like you're doing it for positive reasons. 0:43:23.040 --> 0:43:23.560 I thank you. 0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:28.320 I it's I sound it's really amazing. I think camming's 0:43:28.320 --> 0:43:33.000 awesome because you know, I mean, if we can get 0:43:33.000 --> 0:43:35.880 into like ethical and unethical porn. I think camming is 0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:39.880 amazing because you actually know, like where your money's going 0:43:40.000 --> 0:43:45.080 and like tip typically and you know the person like I. 0:43:45.080 --> 0:43:47.840 I like the idea of woman being in control of porn, 0:43:48.120 --> 0:43:49.440 if that makes sense, because. 0:43:49.239 --> 0:43:49.680 I saw. 0:43:51.120 --> 0:43:53.080 The amount of there's I don't know, there's a lot 0:43:53.080 --> 0:43:57.759 of dark sides of porn. So I think it's really amazing. Personally, 0:43:59.080 --> 0:44:03.399 I'm also right, I try my hardest to be as 0:44:03.480 --> 0:44:07.080 realistic as possible. I feel like corn is very unrealistic. 0:44:07.280 --> 0:44:10.880 Like so I I try to be as realistic as possible, 0:44:10.920 --> 0:44:13.320 and I always it's fun. I give like sex advice 0:44:13.400 --> 0:44:20.520 on my stream and stuff. I don't know, I sound. 0:44:20.320 --> 0:44:22.759 Weird to some people, but no, I don't think it 0:44:22.760 --> 0:44:24.320 sounds where like I was going to say, one of 0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:28.279 the first things I brought up and worked, we're on 0:44:28.360 --> 0:44:30.960 the point of like other people's opinions, be they positive 0:44:31.040 --> 0:44:32.839 or negative. One of the first things I brought up 0:44:32.920 --> 0:44:35.920 was like, when you talked about liking doing this is again, 0:44:35.960 --> 0:44:37.799 if you had, you know, said I like doing this 0:44:37.840 --> 0:44:40.680 because it gives me validation, I would have been like, 0:44:40.800 --> 0:44:43.120 you know, I mean, that's a that's a tough road 0:44:43.160 --> 0:44:49.160 to go down because it's a it's a flimsy base 0:44:49.920 --> 0:44:52.560 to be doing something for. But I mean the things 0:44:52.560 --> 0:44:55.279 that you're talking about, you like expressing yourself. You you 0:44:56.719 --> 0:45:03.680 feel as though you are presenting a more realistic idea 0:45:03.680 --> 0:45:05.560 of sex, and you feel as though that's been a 0:45:05.600 --> 0:45:08.080 positive thing to present. 0:45:10.040 --> 0:45:15.160 I mean, I do like the attention, but it's more 0:45:16.760 --> 0:45:18.960 it's kind of a kink of mine, like kimming is 0:45:19.000 --> 0:45:21.560 like a it's an actual kink that I have, Like 0:45:21.600 --> 0:45:25.719 it's I don't know it it turns me on when 0:45:25.719 --> 0:45:28.640 there's like thousands of people watching me. Like how I 0:45:28.640 --> 0:45:29.960 don't have sex or masturbate. 0:45:30.040 --> 0:45:30.480 I don't know. 0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:36.080 I don't know why, but I mean it's awesome. I 0:45:36.080 --> 0:45:37.279 get paid to have work out of. 0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:42.480 Nothing wrong with that either, you know. I like talking 0:45:42.480 --> 0:45:47.840 to people and having conversations, and I think that there's 0:45:47.880 --> 0:45:51.600 something good about trying to you know, listen to people 0:45:51.600 --> 0:45:55.000 and stuff, but I also like when somebody cool follows 0:45:55.000 --> 0:45:58.320 me on Instagram, so you know, I like attention too. 0:46:01.200 --> 0:46:04.720 So yeah, I think I think you're doing great. 0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:04.919 Man. 0:46:04.960 --> 0:46:10.800 I wish you many more years of happiness and enjoyment 0:46:10.920 --> 0:46:17.400 and freedom to live however you want to live than 0:46:17.520 --> 0:46:21.960 you you want to say to the people of the 0:46:22.000 --> 0:46:26.280 computer before we go, my boyfriend. 0:46:25.880 --> 0:46:28.000 Really wants to say hi. He's a big fan. Can 0:46:28.040 --> 0:46:28.560 you say hello? 0:46:29.400 --> 0:46:31.279 Sure? What's his name? 0:46:32.880 --> 0:46:33.400 Jackson? 0:46:33.400 --> 0:46:34.480 And he streams with me too. 0:46:36.920 --> 0:46:41.160 Yeah, Hello, while I put Lauren on your stream, I 0:46:41.239 --> 0:46:44.239 just want to say hi, and I appreciate what you do. 0:46:44.520 --> 0:46:48.120 That's it, So thank you and thank you for talking 0:46:48.160 --> 0:46:48.640 to Lauren. 0:46:48.800 --> 0:46:49.719 So have a good night. 0:46:49.800 --> 0:46:51.840 Hey, I appreciate what you do too. I'll have to 0:46:51.920 --> 0:46:52.800 check it out sometime. 0:46:54.200 --> 0:46:55.960 Okay, you have a good one. 0:46:56.320 --> 0:46:57.239 You too, take care. 0:46:59.239 --> 0:46:59.680 Thank you. 0:47:03.120 --> 0:47:07.480 Hello, Hello, Hi, who is this? 0:47:09.440 --> 0:47:10.720 Hi? I'm Addison. 0:47:11.600 --> 0:47:12.720 What's going on? Addison? 0:47:15.640 --> 0:47:16.000 Well? 0:47:16.480 --> 0:47:22.319 I called in because recently, I've I say recently, but 0:47:23.400 --> 0:47:26.520 for a long time, I've been just like the butt 0:47:26.680 --> 0:47:30.120 of a lot of people's jokes and I'm always like 0:47:30.280 --> 0:47:34.960 talked over, and it just it it's really affecting my 0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:43.400 self esteem and like it just makes me feel like 0:47:43.440 --> 0:47:44.720 I'm stupid half the time? 0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:50.000 What kinds of jokes are people people making? 0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:57.399 Like I'll just I'll be talking about something that I'm 0:47:57.440 --> 0:48:02.400 interested in, and mhm, They'll just like make fun of 0:48:02.440 --> 0:48:07.760 the things that I'm interested in, and they'll they'll literally 0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:11.399 have they'll call me like stupid half half the time 0:48:11.440 --> 0:48:16.280 most of the time. And and I don't think they 0:48:16.760 --> 0:48:21.440 like really get how much it's hurt hearing that something 0:48:21.480 --> 0:48:26.560 that you're really passionate about is dumb to them and 0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:30.320 doesn't mean anything because as a friend, you know, you 0:48:30.360 --> 0:48:35.800 would think you would support each other in your interests. 0:48:36.920 --> 0:48:41.280 Who are these people? 0:48:41.880 --> 0:48:45.400 They're just like people that I'm around mainly, like I 0:48:45.520 --> 0:48:49.440 call them friends, but and. 0:48:51.520 --> 0:48:52.520 I know. 0:48:54.000 --> 0:48:57.919 That they're joking, or at least they say they are, 0:48:57.960 --> 0:48:59.919 but it doesn't it doesn't feel like they are. 0:49:01.160 --> 0:49:05.919 Okay, And is this this is like sort of you 0:49:05.920 --> 0:49:10.400 you you peg it to one sort of central group 0:49:10.520 --> 0:49:13.680 of people who you you would call your friends. 0:49:13.719 --> 0:49:21.000 Yeah, yeah, okay basically, And like another thing, sorry, no 0:49:21.040 --> 0:49:25.600 go ahead. But another thing is that like I'm I've 0:49:25.600 --> 0:49:31.000 always been talked over my entire life, like not recently, 0:49:31.120 --> 0:49:33.000 like ever since I was little, you know, I've always 0:49:33.040 --> 0:49:39.440 been talked over, and it just makes me feel like insignificant, 0:49:39.600 --> 0:49:41.160 Like what I say doesn't matter. 0:49:43.000 --> 0:49:47.160 So let's start with this group of friends. Tell me this. Okay, 0:49:47.200 --> 0:49:49.360 so you say that you feel like these these people, 0:49:51.800 --> 0:49:53.640 you're giving them the benefit of the doubt, that they 0:49:54.000 --> 0:49:58.200 feel like they're just joking. Tell me about these group 0:49:58.239 --> 0:50:04.680 of people that you call your friends outside of them 0:50:04.719 --> 0:50:10.839 calling your interests stupid and uh, you know, making fun 0:50:10.880 --> 0:50:14.920 of you for these things. Do you like being friends 0:50:15.000 --> 0:50:20.239 with these people? Do these people provide you any do 0:50:20.280 --> 0:50:24.440 you do you find any value at all in your 0:50:24.480 --> 0:50:28.479 relationship in any way? Yeah? 0:50:28.800 --> 0:50:31.919 Like, the issue I have with it is that we've 0:50:31.920 --> 0:50:34.399 had a lot of good time, Like there have been 0:50:34.440 --> 0:50:38.400 so many times where I've like laughed, like the hardest 0:50:38.440 --> 0:50:42.080 I've ever laughed with them, And there have been, like, 0:50:42.160 --> 0:50:45.719 there have been so many good moments, but it's all 0:50:45.840 --> 0:50:51.680 just kind of weighed down with the negative ones, if 0:50:51.719 --> 0:50:52.520 that makes sense. 0:50:52.400 --> 0:50:54.480 Because it does make those yeah. 0:50:54.120 --> 0:51:02.240 Like yeah, because whenever they're so like mean about it, 0:51:02.239 --> 0:51:04.439 it's like, well, then why do any of the good 0:51:04.480 --> 0:51:07.800 times matter? It's all you're gonna do is resort back 0:51:07.840 --> 0:51:10.120 to the same thing. 0:51:11.000 --> 0:51:12.839 Okay, And you know the reason I'm asking you this 0:51:12.880 --> 0:51:18.800 is because you know, look, if you found no value 0:51:18.840 --> 0:51:20.680 at all and hanging out with this group of people, 0:51:22.600 --> 0:51:28.520 then you could very easily just stop hanging out with them. 0:51:28.920 --> 0:51:31.640 But it becomes, I guess, a tougher issue. If these 0:51:31.680 --> 0:51:36.160 people really are your friends and you really are giving 0:51:36.160 --> 0:51:39.120 them the benefit of the doubt and feeling as though 0:51:39.800 --> 0:51:44.560 they might not even understand that they are causing you 0:51:44.600 --> 0:51:50.760 any anguish, then it becomes, you know, something to navigate 0:51:50.800 --> 0:51:56.760 as opposed to abandon. So just to kind of hammer 0:51:56.800 --> 0:52:00.239 in on that these people are your friends, you do 0:52:00.320 --> 0:52:03.360 have a good time with them, but they rid you 0:52:03.440 --> 0:52:07.440 for shit and it makes you feel bad, and uh, 0:52:08.640 --> 0:52:13.799 you you don't like that? Is that accurate? M Yeah? 0:52:13.840 --> 0:52:18.360 And I know it's a situation of like, if I 0:52:18.400 --> 0:52:20.799 can do something that changed the situation, then do it. 0:52:21.200 --> 0:52:23.799 For if I don't want to or I can't, then 0:52:23.880 --> 0:52:29.520 just leave it that but right, yeah, And because of 0:52:29.880 --> 0:52:34.160 like how it's affecting my self esteem, Like it's really 0:52:34.200 --> 0:52:36.960 scary to me to try to step up because I 0:52:36.960 --> 0:52:38.480 feel like, for some reason I'm going to be in 0:52:38.520 --> 0:52:41.920 the wrong for saying something. 0:52:45.680 --> 0:52:46.879 You feel like you're going to be in the wrong 0:52:47.000 --> 0:52:47.840 for saying something. 0:52:51.280 --> 0:52:55.160 Yeah, it's just it's just kind of like the way 0:52:55.160 --> 0:52:59.440 that I was raised, I guess, because anytime I spoke 0:52:59.480 --> 0:53:04.160 out about some that like upset me, I would always, 0:53:04.239 --> 0:53:07.640 you know, get in trouble for it, because you know, 0:53:07.800 --> 0:53:10.920 the people like my parents just didn't want to deal 0:53:10.960 --> 0:53:14.080 with that, and so they just shut it down. And 0:53:14.120 --> 0:53:19.120 that's kind of like let in to other relationships that 0:53:19.160 --> 0:53:23.240 I've had because now I'm scared to speak out about six. 0:53:25.840 --> 0:53:28.480 So that was kind of the next prong of what 0:53:28.560 --> 0:53:33.520 I was going to ask you is have you told 0:53:33.600 --> 0:53:37.480 your friends, you know, you gave them the benefit of 0:53:37.520 --> 0:53:39.160 the doubt you felt as though maybe they don't know, 0:53:39.600 --> 0:53:42.000 which is, you know, I think a good thing to 0:53:42.080 --> 0:53:44.640 do to go, okay, maybe these people don't even know 0:53:45.280 --> 0:53:49.040 that they're hurting my feelings, you know, maybe they don't 0:53:49.080 --> 0:53:51.600 fully realize the extent of what they're doing. And I 0:53:51.600 --> 0:53:53.520 think it's good to give people the benefit of the doubt. 0:53:53.960 --> 0:53:54.680 But now. 0:53:56.000 --> 0:53:56.480 Have you. 0:53:57.960 --> 0:54:05.320 Expressed to them that you you feel this way? 0:54:06.320 --> 0:54:10.279 I have it, I have in the past, And for 0:54:10.320 --> 0:54:16.239 a while they started to like calm down a bit 0:54:16.480 --> 0:54:22.880 with the jokes, but then you know, after some time passed, 0:54:22.960 --> 0:54:26.040 it was just right back to where it was. Okay, 0:54:26.280 --> 0:54:30.799 And I I don't know, I don't know if they 0:54:31.160 --> 0:54:35.160 even realize. 0:54:35.200 --> 0:54:35.279 That. 0:54:35.840 --> 0:54:39.399 I don't think they realize that they pick it back up. 0:54:39.400 --> 0:54:41.120 I think it's just like a gradual thing. 0:54:41.719 --> 0:54:47.600 Okay, Okay, when is the last time we talked to 0:54:47.680 --> 0:54:48.120 him about this? 0:54:52.040 --> 0:54:58.160 It's it's been a little bit about I don't want 0:54:58.200 --> 0:55:00.680 to say six months, but it's like four months. 0:55:00.520 --> 0:55:07.280 Ago maybe, Okay, Yeah, Yeah, this is this is tough. 0:55:07.320 --> 0:55:12.120 I mean, look again, I think it's it's up to 0:55:12.200 --> 0:55:16.200 you and your personal evaluation as to how much value 0:55:17.000 --> 0:55:22.279 you you feel like is in maintaining these relationships. And 0:55:22.600 --> 0:55:24.319 I can't tell you that, like I can't I you know, 0:55:24.400 --> 0:55:26.919 I can't tell you whether or not it's worth having 0:55:26.960 --> 0:55:29.800 these people as friends. That's something you have to decide 0:55:29.840 --> 0:55:38.120 for yourself. Yeah, and do a little deep dive into 0:55:38.160 --> 0:55:41.160 your brain, be like how do I really how do 0:55:41.200 --> 0:55:46.359 I really feel when I, you know, am hanging out 0:55:46.680 --> 0:55:50.200 and do I come away? Yeah? Go ahead. 0:55:52.719 --> 0:55:56.160 That's like another thing that I've been working on with 0:55:56.239 --> 0:55:58.840 myself because I know that if I'm not happy with 0:55:58.880 --> 0:56:01.120 who I am and if I'm not happy with the 0:56:01.160 --> 0:56:03.359 state that I'm in right now, then I know I'm 0:56:03.360 --> 0:56:07.000 not going to be happy with anybody else, and that 0:56:08.200 --> 0:56:10.239 like it's tough, it's not. 0:56:10.400 --> 0:56:10.600 I know. 0:56:10.880 --> 0:56:13.160 Well listen, well listen, we'll listen, We'll listen. 0:56:13.239 --> 0:56:13.480 Let me. 0:56:14.360 --> 0:56:21.719 What you just said is an interesting thing because you 0:56:21.719 --> 0:56:28.040 said you're nineteen, yeah, okay, and these friends are they 0:56:28.040 --> 0:56:28.760 from high school? 0:56:31.120 --> 0:56:31.319 Yeah? 0:56:31.640 --> 0:56:39.000 Okay. So it's a tough situation to navigate. You know, 0:56:39.120 --> 0:56:41.480 go back to your friends and let them know that 0:56:41.480 --> 0:56:46.279 that you know they make you feel this way when 0:56:46.280 --> 0:56:48.319 they make fun of you. But what you just said 0:56:48.360 --> 0:56:50.640 feeling is though, if I can't be happy with these people, 0:56:50.680 --> 0:56:55.120 I'm not going to be happy with anyone everywhere. That's 0:56:55.160 --> 0:56:57.560 something that I think a lot of people experience, right 0:56:57.680 --> 0:57:00.840 especially when you're young and you haven't you know, lived 0:57:00.840 --> 0:57:02.879 life and met a lot of different people and made 0:57:02.920 --> 0:57:05.759 a loving friends. Is you can make a mistake. And 0:57:05.840 --> 0:57:08.400 you can do this in romantic relationships or just plotonic 0:57:08.400 --> 0:57:12.759 friendships where you have a limited amount of experience. And 0:57:12.840 --> 0:57:17.440 so these these friends that you have like in high school, 0:57:17.440 --> 0:57:21.880 in middle school and shit, they form your initial idea 0:57:22.600 --> 0:57:28.160 of what friendship is. You know what I'm saying and 0:57:28.200 --> 0:57:30.560 so you think to yourself, this is just what And 0:57:30.600 --> 0:57:32.479 so even if you're in a situation where like you're 0:57:32.520 --> 0:57:36.840 not feeling great all the time, you think, to yourself, 0:57:36.920 --> 0:57:39.600 this is just what friendship is. It doesn't get any 0:57:39.640 --> 0:57:41.920 better than this, doesn't get any worse than this, And 0:57:41.960 --> 0:57:44.640 you convince yourself what you said, which is that if 0:57:44.640 --> 0:57:46.360 I can't be happy in this situation, I won't be 0:57:46.360 --> 0:57:53.000 happy in any situation, which is a total discrediting of 0:57:53.040 --> 0:57:55.400 the fact that there are eight billion people in the 0:57:55.440 --> 0:58:00.920 world and you know, your relationship with the four people 0:58:00.960 --> 0:58:02.480 that you went to high school with in the town 0:58:02.520 --> 0:58:06.840 that you grew up with is not going to be 0:58:06.920 --> 0:58:14.080 an accurate sample size for you to make your conclusions 0:58:15.040 --> 0:58:17.480 as to what people are like and as to what 0:58:17.520 --> 0:58:23.200 friendships are like. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, so 0:58:24.560 --> 0:58:31.400 I guess in closing, evaluate for yourself, like, take some 0:58:31.440 --> 0:58:36.959 time to think about if these relationships you are having 0:58:36.960 --> 0:58:41.200 with your friends are serving you and if they are, 0:58:42.040 --> 0:58:43.800 and that's again the decision that you got to make 0:58:43.840 --> 0:58:50.640 for yourself. Then you know, continue to communicate your feelings 0:58:50.680 --> 0:58:53.760 so that they know because it sounds like they're recepted 0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:57.480 the first time, but then two again you're early nineteen, 0:58:58.360 --> 0:59:00.880 go out into the universe. I don't know if you're 0:59:00.920 --> 0:59:02.880 going to college or whatever is up with you, but 0:59:03.000 --> 0:59:04.600 continue to go out into the universe and try to 0:59:04.640 --> 0:59:09.480 make new friends and don't let your previous ideas of 0:59:09.520 --> 0:59:15.080 friendship uh get in the way of that. You know 0:59:15.080 --> 0:59:22.720 what I'm saying? Mmm? Yeah, what are these hobbies? Can 0:59:22.760 --> 0:59:26.320 I what is the hobby that your friends think of stupid? 0:59:30.240 --> 0:59:30.640 I don't know. 0:59:30.680 --> 0:59:35.520 I just have like kind of obscure interests, like just 0:59:35.720 --> 0:59:42.760 niche things, like like I collect a bunch of random stuff, 0:59:43.560 --> 0:59:50.080 and I like a bunch of like internet series and 0:59:50.440 --> 0:59:54.040 they'll just say shit, like no one knows what you're 0:59:54.080 --> 0:59:56.240 talking about, Like just just shut up? 0:59:57.120 --> 0:59:59.760 What what? What random things do you collect? 1:00:02.160 --> 1:00:05.880 Like I collect bones and stuff. 1:00:06.440 --> 1:00:07.800 But you collect bones and. 1:00:09.760 --> 1:00:13.160 Yeah, just like like skulls and stuff? 1:00:13.760 --> 1:00:16.040 Do you kill people to collect it? 1:00:16.600 --> 1:00:18.560 And I did it with him, and so I just 1:00:18.760 --> 1:00:25.640 like continued that. But but they're just like that, And 1:00:25.760 --> 1:00:30.120 I agree it's weird. I know that, But I mean 1:00:30.160 --> 1:00:31.040 I like doing it. 1:00:31.200 --> 1:00:37.560 And well, listen, listen, listen, Addison. As long as you 1:00:37.600 --> 1:00:40.200 are not killing people to collect the balls and the. 1:00:41.960 --> 1:00:44.479 Like, I find thematically all. 1:00:44.440 --> 1:00:47.320 Right, because if that's what you were doing, then I 1:00:47.320 --> 1:00:49.600 would have sided with the friends. But I believe you. 1:00:53.600 --> 1:00:55.160 Addison's anything else you want to say to the people 1:00:55.160 --> 1:00:56.120 in the computer before. 1:00:55.880 --> 1:01:02.720 We go, Thank you Wile for taking your time to 1:01:02.800 --> 1:01:04.920 talk to me, and I really appreciate it. 1:01:05.680 --> 1:01:12.880 Hey, take care, Addison, you too, Thank you. I got 1:01:12.920 --> 1:01:14.440 scared for a second. I was like, what if her 1:01:14.440 --> 1:01:17.480 friends are just trying to convince her not to murder 1:01:18.520 --> 1:01:21.120 animals and people, and I'm trying to tell her not 1:01:21.160 --> 1:01:23.920 to listen to them, then what would that make me 1:01:24.800 --> 1:01:29.680 an enabler of No, she was cool. She was cool. 1:01:30.600 --> 1:01:34.360 Beacon goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. 1:01:34.720 --> 1:01:38.000 Every Beacon goes to the side's teaching you aloud the 1:01:38.120 --> 1:01:41.400 memory life. He's not really an expert.