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Speaker 1: Hi, hey, Lyle, Am I coming in good?

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Speaker 2: Are you coming in good? That's a loaded question. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you see you seem friendly, you seem like uh, you know,

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Speaker 2: you seem you seem cool. Yeah, I think you're coming

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Speaker 2: in good.

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Speaker 1: No, sorry, I meant dight sound good?

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Speaker 2: Okay, No, I know that's what you meant. What is

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Speaker 2: your name?

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Speaker 1: My name is Fenn. But you can just call me Fen.

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Speaker 2: What do you prefer to.

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Speaker 1: Be called Le or ghek?

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Speaker 2: Whatever is in your spirit. You can call me Lyle,

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Speaker 2: you can call me Ghek. It makes no difference to

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Speaker 2: feel comfortable too. You know, if you don't need to

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Speaker 2: make me feel comfortable, you owe me nothing. Fenn fan

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Speaker 2: fan fan fann Uh? What's up? How can I get

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Speaker 2: you today? What did you want to talk about?

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Speaker 1: So I've come to the realization, but I don't I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I feel emotions correctly, Like I have

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Speaker 1: to analyze the situation afterwards or during a conversation to

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Speaker 1: know if it's the right thing to feel. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I can kind of give you an.

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Speaker 2: Example if you want, Okay, sure.

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Speaker 1: Literally two days ago at work, I was I was

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Speaker 1: pitching something at work retail, and somebody was apparently. I

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Speaker 1: think he was trying to get empathy because he was

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Speaker 1: talking about how he went through a divorce and all

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Speaker 1: I said was rip, and then I continued the conversation

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Speaker 1: and pitching my stuff. Afterwards, I was like, oh crap,

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Speaker 1: I think he was you know, I was supposed to, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like say something to make him feel that.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I just was like, whatever, okay, and and what is

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Speaker 2: it that you feel like? That's an example of.

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Speaker 1: I just don't know if I feel things correctly. I've

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Speaker 1: even like there's been deaths in the family where I'm

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Speaker 1: just like neutral. I just maybe I'm I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm supposed to feel bad about it or if

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to comfort other people. I just I don't know.

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Speaker 2: So what do you feel like you should have said

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Speaker 2: instead of rip.

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Speaker 1: I'm maybe I'm sorry, or maybe stop what I've might pitch,

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Speaker 1: like instead of continuing to pitch what I was supposed to,

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Speaker 1: you know, the song and dance, maybe just be like

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Speaker 1: oh that now, I don't know, try and empathize with

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Speaker 1: the person. I I don't know, something to that nature,

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Speaker 1: I would assume.

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Speaker 2: How do you think he responded emotionally to you saying.

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Speaker 1: Rip, He just uh, he didn't really say anything. He

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Speaker 1: just kind of looked down and we finished a transaction.

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Speaker 4: And he left.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I was like, ah, crap, maybe I

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Speaker 1: was supposed to say something different.

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Speaker 2: Do you think it made him feel bad?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I guess.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, maybe what would you want? I'm not sure what

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Speaker 2: would you want someone to say to you in a

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Speaker 2: situation like that.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't care. I wouldn't. I would say something. And

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Speaker 1: then if they elicit a response that, you know, whatever

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Speaker 1: their heart desire, I don't. I'm not their fucking parents, Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell them how to feel about my situation.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know. I don't expect anything from that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you felt justified in saying rip because if

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Speaker 2: you don't at the end and somebody said that to you,

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Speaker 2: you kind of wouldn't care.

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Speaker 1: Well, well, no, I assume that I'm supposed to elicit empathy,

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Speaker 1: but I I didn't think about that until afterwards.

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Speaker 2: Okay, do you feel like you have some kind of

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Speaker 2: responsibility to comfort this guy?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: Actually that is just that was just you know, one

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Speaker 1: example of many of how I'm I think I'm supposed

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Speaker 1: to say something else, but I do another, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like I do that pretty often

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Speaker 1: and I think about it afterwards, and I'm like, oh crap,

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Speaker 1: Maybe I'm supposed to I'm supposed to be angry with

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Speaker 1: that person, or I was supposed to be happy with

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Speaker 1: them and I was just neutral, or I said something

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Speaker 1: that I probably wasn't supposed to say at that time.

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Speaker 2: Give me another example.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so a person that I work with, he uh,

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Speaker 1: he had a something that like traumatized him, but I

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Speaker 1: it didn't bother me at all. He uh, and it's

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Speaker 1: very weird for me to even understand his situation. But uh,

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Speaker 1: a girl that he dated like eight years ago is

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Speaker 1: that he was like still fond of uh started dating

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Speaker 1: someone else and that made him like so sad he

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Speaker 1: had to like go to therapy and figure his life out.

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, Okay, that's weird. I don't know, right.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, sure, Okay, I didn't uh comfort

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Speaker 1: him or I wasn't like angry about it. I just

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Speaker 1: didn't understand. I was like, that's weird. And then I

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Speaker 1: just kind of moved on and was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: as long as you, you know, show show up to

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Speaker 1: work or whatever, that's fine.

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Speaker 2: Why do you feel like you have a problem with

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Speaker 2: the way that you've been responding to these situations.

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Speaker 1: Because it's never what I assume people are supposed to

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Speaker 1: Like I assume like as a human we're supposed to

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Speaker 1: like be apathetic or empathetic or anger or happiness or

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Speaker 1: not just neutral all the time?

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Speaker 2: Does anything make you feel emotional?

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Speaker 1: So, like, I don't know through the call screening, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you saw that, but uh, I'm assembly Ferry.

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Speaker 1: So I go to like these cons and when I

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Speaker 1: like do tons of like drugs and shit like yeah,

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Speaker 1: then I'm like like super all about it. But I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's just like the drugs making me

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Speaker 1: super happy or if it's something that's actually me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So what if you just did drugs all

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Speaker 2: the time?

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's a very good idea because you

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Speaker 1: still have to live your life now at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day. It still has to be me doing things.

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Speaker 1: The drugs are just you know, something to make you

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Speaker 1: feel a little good at a certain period of time.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you say you're a femboy furry Hey yeah, okay?

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Speaker 2: Does that make you feel emotional?

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Speaker 1: So it makes you feel like I can be a

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Speaker 1: different person when I change, when I wear something else,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to play the facade of being who

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Speaker 1: I am when I'm normally around people. It's almost like

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Speaker 1: completely being a different person. It doesn't change me emotionally,

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Speaker 1: but it makes me feel different, like as presentation wise,

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Speaker 1: I can be something else.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Does your desire to be something else stem from

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Speaker 2: a disa, from a dissatisfaction of who you already are?

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Speaker 1: M M. I wouldn't say so. Maybe just because I

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Speaker 1: I do like to Uh, I like run a lot,

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Speaker 1: but it's mainly because of that dopamine rush. I'm wondering

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Speaker 1: if maybe I'm just not satisfied with my body and that.

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Speaker 2: Could be it.

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Speaker 1: And maybe when I wear a different outfit it makes

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Speaker 1: me feel like better. I guess that that could be

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Speaker 1: a feeling. I don't know. Maybe just having a different

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Speaker 1: sona just excites me that you can play a part.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like, you know how people play roles in

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Speaker 1: D and D and they're a different person, or when

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Speaker 1: you play an RPG and you play as a different

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Speaker 1: person and and and you living a different life.

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Speaker 2: When you are cosplaying as this famboy fur a, do

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Speaker 2: you feel more emotional?

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Speaker 1: I feel more open, just because it's harder to recognize me.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that probably happens with a lot of

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Speaker 1: people that assume a mask. When they wear a mask,

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Speaker 1: you know, it changes literally your persona because you're wearing

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Speaker 1: a mask.

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Speaker 2: I'm familiar with that.

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Speaker 1: Yah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, some refer it to me. Some have referred to

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Speaker 2: me as a scally.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. I feel like that's something that

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Speaker 1: like you identify as, and if you don't identify as that,

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Speaker 1: then that's probably wrong of them to say that's something

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Speaker 1: you personally would have to be okay with?

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Speaker 2: Good good, I'm glad to hear that. Okay, So when

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Speaker 2: you're on dry and you're feeling all your feelings, yeah,

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Speaker 2: does that feel good? Oh?

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Speaker 1: It feels amazing. Sometimes I go a little too far,

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Speaker 1: but like mm hmm. Sometimes I'll do like acid or molly,

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Speaker 1: and those are of course, they make you give you

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Speaker 1: a really good feelings. It's all just the warm and

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Speaker 1: fuzzies while you're walking around. But uh yeah, it definitely

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Speaker 1: makes you looser and happier, more open to talking to people.

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Speaker 2: Okay, and you like the way that feels when you

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Speaker 2: feel open to talking to people.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 1: There's a I don't know, and maybe a block. It

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Speaker 1: gets rid of that barrier that I normally feel, which

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Speaker 1: I guess is a feeling.

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Speaker 2: So would it be a productive goal for you? And

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Speaker 2: you know, listen, answer this question honestly because there's no

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Speaker 2: required You don't. You don't have to fucking do anything. Okay,

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Speaker 2: you don't have to become empathetic, you don't. You don't

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Speaker 2: have to do anything, all right, you can eat food

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Speaker 2: and die. You don't have to do anything shit. So

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Speaker 2: I answer this question honestly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Do you desire to learn how to break that barrier

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Speaker 2: without the use of drugs?

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Speaker 1: So I like being distant because it makes you, It

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Speaker 1: makes you feel safer. I guess for a lot of

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Speaker 1: people it just it gives you some space between other people.

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Speaker 1: But I think breaking the barrier would be healthier. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna play around like it's a good thing that

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Speaker 1: I don't feel the same things that I should feel

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Speaker 1: in a situation. I think, just for my sake moving forward,

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Speaker 1: it would make me a better. Uh, whatever I am

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Speaker 1: when I'm talking to people or just in different situations.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I'm gonna tell you one thing, and

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Speaker 2: this is maybe I don't know. I'm not I'm not

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Speaker 2: sure how sure I am of this, but let's play

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Speaker 2: around with it as an idea. Okay, all right. I

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Speaker 2: think for you to break this barrier, I think you

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Speaker 2: would benefit from getting over the idea that you should

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Speaker 2: be a certain way in any situation. Because if you're

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Speaker 2: talking to some fucking guy about his fucking divorce and

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Speaker 2: you don't care, but you feel like you should care,

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Speaker 2: I don't think that's going to get you very far right.

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Speaker 2: Like this, this abstract notion from an abstract place that

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Speaker 2: you should feel or do something is really worthless, I think, because,

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Speaker 2: like I said, you don't have to do anything. There's

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Speaker 2: nothing you should do. Like even the question of should

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Speaker 2: you be a good person, it's like do you have to?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. You were born eat food and you

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Speaker 2: don't have to. You don't have to do anything. You

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Speaker 2: really don't. So for you to break this barrier, I

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Speaker 2: think at least this is give me a second. I

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Speaker 2: want to hear your thoughts, but I think, yeah, to

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Speaker 2: break this barrier, You're gonna have to want to be

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Speaker 2: more you know, empathetic, because you're not gonna just do

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Speaker 2: some shit because you feel this abstract societal notion that

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Speaker 2: you should. You have to want to and like really

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Speaker 2: look inside of yourself and see if you want to.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you want to, but I don't

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Speaker 2: think you're going to go very far and breaking this

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Speaker 2: barrier unless if you actually want to be different in

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Speaker 2: the way that you're reacting with people and with the world. Right,

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Speaker 2: that's just something weird pitball into my mind right now.

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Speaker 2: What were you going to say?

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Speaker 1: Oh? No, I was just just going to agree with you, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think greatness can come from different things, and people

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Speaker 1: just assume that greatness is just doing good. You can

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Speaker 1: be great doing a bunch of different things as long

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Speaker 1: as you just live your life, living life.

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Speaker 2: Who brought up who brought up anything about being great?

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Speaker 1: No, you were saying, like, do whatever you want and sorry,

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Speaker 1: that was my word.

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Speaker 2: I was saying.

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Speaker 1: Greenness is just whatever you want to do. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: were just saying, just do what you want to do. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you don't owe anything to anybody.

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Speaker 2: No, you don't. But but you can if you want,

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Speaker 2: if you want to go out and be more empathetic,

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Speaker 2: then then you should do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's the goal that read.

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Speaker 2: Do you go to the conventions? Do you go to

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Speaker 2: the furrycons? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been doing it for a couple of years.

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Speaker 2: Now what animal are you?

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Speaker 3: So?

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Speaker 1: I have different sonas when I do sendboys stuff, I

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Speaker 1: don't really do my sona but mine is a wife

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Speaker 1: or wolf, So it's a it's a mixture of a.

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Speaker 1: She's a dragon and she's a wolf. So she's got

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Speaker 1: like dragon wings and a wolf body.

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Speaker 2: That sounds intimidating but also kind of not.

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Speaker 1: She's very uh more essential. She's a uh not soon Dario.

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Speaker 1: What's the other one?

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Speaker 2: Shoot?

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Speaker 1: I don't I forgot.

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Speaker 2: It's called but tell me about is real quick? What's

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Speaker 2: all right you? What's your name? Ben Wren? Yeah? Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 2: What's the difference between you and this character that you're

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Speaker 2: playing when you put this dragon wolf suit? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Val? So VAL's more after figured out the word yan dinner.

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Speaker 1: She's she's more uh sensual, She's a she likes to

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Speaker 1: be seen. She's someone that's more up front. She's a

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Speaker 1: I don't explain. She's she's like the opposite of anything

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Speaker 1: that like someone would want to coil back from. She's

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Speaker 1: very happy and uh likes to uh hang out with

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Speaker 1: people and do fun things, and uh she's kind of

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Speaker 1: like a I guess, the opposite of someone like me.

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Speaker 1: I guess that's why I created her like that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, how many different personas do you have?

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Speaker 1: I have vel and then most of the time I

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Speaker 1: do friendboy stuff, So findboy stuff's a lot easier. Uh,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to dress up or anything, well mainly, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: just like skirts and different nous.

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Speaker 2: Well, let me can I just I have I have

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Speaker 2: one sort of final kind of point on this that

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Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about before we go,

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Speaker 2: which is, Okay, you've you've created this persona, which is

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Speaker 2: a dragon wolf character that you say possesses a lot

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Speaker 2: of qualities that you, as FEN do not that I

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Speaker 2: assume when you were creating this character you created those

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Speaker 2: qualities intentionally because they were quality. Is that you wanted

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Speaker 2: to embody but did not feel like you canm body

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Speaker 2: as yourself, So you created a new persona to be

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Speaker 2: able to embody these qualities. Is that accurate?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, so so, and I assume that with these

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Speaker 2: other personas that you have, that you've done a similar thing.

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Speaker 2: So let me ask you this why exactly? Okay, I

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Speaker 2: think I'm kind of thinking about this here. The fact

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Speaker 2: that you created a new a character with certain traits

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Speaker 2: signals to me that you desire to have these traits

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Speaker 2: in your life, which goes back to again the want

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Speaker 2: to break that barrier that we talked about was probably

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Speaker 2: necessary in order to break it. So to me, the

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Speaker 2: fact that you created this character means that that want

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Speaker 2: is there, that you're not following a should. You actually

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Speaker 2: genuinely do want to have the qualities that you put

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Speaker 2: into this dragon wolf character. So the want is there,

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Speaker 2: and so now tell me why. Like, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: cool that you're having fun and you're doing what you

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Speaker 2: want to be doing. But why if you know that

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00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 2: you want these characteristics, if you find yourself being able

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Speaker 2: to embody these characteristics when you put on this wolf

305
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Speaker 2: dragon costume, why can't you take these characteristics in this

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Speaker 2: character and try to incorporate them in your actual life

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Speaker 2: as fen.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the right word, but maybe

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Speaker 1: it's the cognitive dissonance, Like I guess it's like a

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Speaker 1: switch that gets turned off and on when you're switching

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Speaker 1: between these people creatures, depending what you're doing. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's just something that's I feel it. It's harder to

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Speaker 1: associate into who you are when you've been the same

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Speaker 1: thing for so long. I guess as to like creating

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Speaker 1: something new that is already born with these features.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I guess I'm trying to get down to the

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Speaker 2: bottom of again. I mean that makes sense. Okay, you're

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00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 2: you're you're like thinking of yourself as well. I'm already

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00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 2: this unemotional guy, and I'm already, you know, uh, set

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Speaker 2: in my stone of who I am. So let's I'm

321
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Speaker 2: just gonna throw myself in the trash and start from

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Speaker 2: a blank slate creating this these this new character with

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Speaker 2: new personality traits that I think are more favorable to

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Speaker 2: the ones I already have. Is that accurate at all?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? No, Yeah, pretty much. Buha.

326
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Speaker 2: So I guess if we've establshed, is this something you've

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00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 2: thought about, by the way, or is this conversation the

328
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 2: first time you've really thought about why you're doing these things?

329
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Speaker 1: It is the first time I actually thought about it.

330
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Speaker 1: More so, I just I jumped it. Jumping into this

331
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: the furry SIMBOI thing was more so like a couple

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Speaker 1: of steps because I started off as a raver, and

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Speaker 1: then I really enjoyed hanging out with furries and stuff,

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Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh, I'm actually super into

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Speaker 1: this way more so, Okay, it's just like one one

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Speaker 1: from one thing to another.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I I'm not going to tell you what to

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Speaker 2: do or how to live your life. But I guess, well, advice, advice, Okay,

339
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Speaker 2: all right, because I guess I don't see a good

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00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 2: clear reason as to why you've decided in your mind that, again,

341
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Speaker 2: if you're just having fun, you know, please go have

342
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Speaker 2: fun and do whatever you want to do, you know,

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Speaker 2: with your life and with dressing up and going to

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Speaker 2: these conventions and all that. But I guess what I

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00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 2: don't see is why you have decided for yourself that

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Speaker 2: you can't add or change, add on to or change

347
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 2: your personality to have the sort of traits that you

348
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 2: desire in yourself, and why you feel the need to

349
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Speaker 2: create a new persona for it. I don't know if

350
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 2: that comes from a place of fear. I don't know

351
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Speaker 2: if that comes from a place of you know, it's

352
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 2: more that's more difficult than creating a new character. But

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Speaker 2: I feel like those could be helpful things to maybe

354
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 2: think about. Yeah.

355
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:07,360
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I just think it's a more easier said than done.

356
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: Of course, maybe I just took the simpler route.

357
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 2: I guess sure. And uh fucking look, bro, nothing wrong

358
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 2: like I like I've been saying, nothing wrong with that.

359
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 2: You don't have to do shit if you want to.

360
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 2: If your way of you it's I'm dead serious. If

361
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 2: your way of becoming a better person is to dress

362
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: up as a dragon wolf, and that fucking works for you,

363
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 2: and by god, roam the streets proudly as a dragon wolf.

364
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 2: But you know, these are all things to think about.

365
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 2: How do you feel about this conversation, Fenn? Is there

366
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 2: any other aspect of this or anything at all that

367
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 2: you feel like would be productive to to end on

368
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 2: a final thoughts about anything we've talked about, or anything

369
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: at all in the entire universe.

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00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 1: I think it's just important more so to just talk,

371
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Speaker 1: have talk to somebody about it and have them listen.

372
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Speaker 1: I just I don't really have that, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like a lot of people don't either, So I guess

374
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Speaker 1: I'll say I appreciate that from you, and I'm sure

375
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: other people too as well. I know a lot of

376
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 1: people have these thoughts things they are free to tell

377
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: other people, and maybe it's easier to tell some stranger

378
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Speaker 1: on the internet than talk to their friends or family.

379
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Speaker 2: Do you have sex in the dragon wolf costume?

380
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: Only when I send boy? Because them boy, I like,

381
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: you know, it's already there. All I have to do

382
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: is pull up the skirt, uh or take off the panties.

383
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 1: That's a lot easier, depends I guess where I'm going to,

384
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Speaker 1: because you know, not everybody wants that.

385
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Speaker 2: I'm glad you found something that works for you in

386
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Speaker 2: your life. Fenn, is there anything else you want to say?

387
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 2: Other the people the computer?

388
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 5: Before I go?

389
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Speaker 1: Do good degree?

390
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 2: I guess beautiful, take care of Finn.

391
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 3: See.

392
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: Uh.

393
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Speaker 2: You know, here's the thing that I that I think

394
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 2: about is I I personally have never tried, you know,

395
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 2: having sex and a dragon costume or I'm a pretty

396
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: I'm a pretty vanilla guy, and I don't have a

397
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 2: strong desire to expand beyond that, but I gotta I

398
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 2: have to imagine that if I were into dressing up

399
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 2: like a dragon and getting fucked like that, it would

400
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 2: be awesome. I have to imagine that, like I be

401
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 2: only being into vanilla stuff. I'm like limited, And I'm

402
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 2: jealous of the people that are dressing up like dragons

403
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 2: and fucking like that because they're probably having a way

404
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 2: better sexual experience than I am because I can't get

405
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 2: into it, and I'm jealous of that. But also, I mean,

406
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 2: I don't know. I have never dressed up in a

407
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 2: dragon costume and been fucked like that, so I could

408
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 2: like it, but I'm not brave enough to try, and

409
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 2: maybe that's what's wrong with me. Hello, Hello, Hi there

410
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 2: since the get go? Yes, who is this?

411
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 3: I'll just Alloyd.

412
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 2: Lauren from Canada? Hi, what's going on? Lauren from Canada?

413
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 3: Well, I just wanted to talk about being a cam

414
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 3: girls and and only fans creators.

415
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

416
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

417
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 2: It says here that you've been doing camgirls stuff while

418
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 2: going to school. You want to continue doing camming, but

419
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 2: it says here that you will have to tell your parents.

420
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 3: I will, and it's I mean, my mom is very

421
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 3: sex positive. She also does like she's a dominatrix. I

422
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 3: just I feel like if I tell her, I do

423
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 3: like I do camming and stuff. She might feel like

424
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 3: I like she influenced me to do it, and I

425
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 3: don't want her to feel like that. And I'm also

426
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 3: I'm in school for fashions, so like I still want

427
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 3: to do that, but I, I mean, I love camming.

428
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 3: I can't lie.

429
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 2: Very interesting, you know. It's I've I think we've talked

430
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 2: to people on here who do only fans and can

431
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 2: am stuff before, and I think we've talked to them

432
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 2: about this, this whole issue of whether or not to

433
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 2: talk to, you know, the people in their life about it.

434
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 2: But never have I talked to somebody with this particular

435
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 2: situation where your mother is also a sex worker. Yeah,

436
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: and it.

437
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 3: It was really hard when I was growing up because

438
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: she I don't know, I feel like she talked about

439
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 3: it with me a little too young. So at first

440
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 3: that was kind of resentful. I was like, oh my gosh,

441
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 3: like I can't believe my mom does this. But now

442
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's weird.

443
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 2: Interesting. So I want to ask you a question here.

444
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: And so you're afraid to tell your mom because you're

445
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: afraid that she might think that she influenced you and

446
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 2: that that might make her feel bad and you don't

447
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 2: want to make her feel bad.

448
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, and it's this is hard because she

449
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 3: I mean, she has to hide it from my grandparents

450
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 3: because they're like ultra religious. Like I want to tell

451
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 3: her because I'm doing I'm doing really good, like I'm

452
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 3: it's become like a full time career for me, Like

453
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: I I'm only twenty and I'm I don't know, I

454
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 3: don't know. I'm very proud. I'm very proud of myself,

455
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 3: and I really like being a cam girl. It's super fun,

456
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 3: It's like very freeing. But I just I don't know,

457
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 3: like I have this like weird guilt about doing it.

458
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 2: What is the guilt about?

459
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 3: I just I don't want my mom to feel like she.

460
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 3: I don't know.

461
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 2: Let me ask. Can I ask you a question? I'm

462
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 2: just curious and listen. You don't have to answer anything

463
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 2: you don't want to. But I am kind of curious.

464
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 2: Did your mom influenced you at all to do this?

465
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 3: I don't know. I need to go and see like

466
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 3: an actual therapist to be honest.

467
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 2: Okay, But I.

468
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 3: Mean she always talked about it very openly, and I

469
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 3: mean when I first thought of the idea, I mean

470
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: what I do is completely different from what she does.

471
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 3: And when I first got into it, I was kind

472
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 3: of just more curious sexually because I was kind of

473
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 3: exploring my like exhibitionalist kink and I was looking at

474
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 3: It was during COVID when like omnikrome was a big thing.

475
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 3: So I used to be a server and I wasn't

476
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 3: really making much money. So I was like, Okay, well

477
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 3: I'm into being kind of shown off, Like I like,

478
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 3: I really like attention. I like people watching me, and

479
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 3: I also kind of needed the money. So I started

480
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 3: doing it. And it's at the first time I streamed,

481
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 3: I got over a thousand years I I've been doing

482
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 3: it for about a year. I have like sixty thousand subscribers,

483
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 3: which is pretty good.

484
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 2: Okay, So so I guess I'm still confused about where

485
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 2: the guilt is coming from.

486
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 3: I don't know. I guess I shouldn't feel guilty.

487
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 2: Well listen, I mean, I I think it's because I'm

488
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 2: no go ahead, please. I think it's just.

489
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 3: Because I'm in school and my parents are always talking like, oh,

490
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 3: like you're in fashion, Like we're so proud of you

491
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 3: for like doing fashion. And also my grandpa like helped

492
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 3: me pay for a lot of my school, and he's

493
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 3: like ultra religious, like, so I get maybe I feel

494
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 3: more guilty about that because I mean, I still want

495
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 3: to do some fashion stuff. I feel like it'd be

496
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 3: really cool to like make a to laingerie brand or something.

497
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,959
Speaker 3: I could use my degree for that. But I don't know.

498
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 3: I just I the thing is just like I don't

499
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 3: know if I want to tell them right after I'm

500
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 3: done school because I don't know. I'm scared to tell them.

501
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 3: But I'm done school. I only have one semester left.

502
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 3: I'm done in April, so I need to either tell

503
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 3: them and just do full time cam or like get

504
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 3: a job, or like lie to some about.

505
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: Getting Like I don't know.

506
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 3: I think I'm just scared to tell them. I don't know.

507
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 2: Okay, Well I have I mean, I have a couple

508
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 2: of thoughts. Okay, why do you say that you have

509
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 2: to tell them?

510
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 3: Like?

511
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 2: What is what in your mind is making you feel

512
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 2: like that?

513
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 3: Well, my dad was gonna help me get a job

514
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 3: after school because he does something that could get me

515
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: into I don't want to I don't want to say

516
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 3: the specific job, but I could he could help me

517
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 3: get into a specific thing with fashion, but I I

518
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 3: don't know. I just I want to keep camming doing

519
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 3: my only fans full time. They're just very involved in

520
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 3: like me being in school and me getting a job.

521
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 3: So I don't know. But I'm also lying to them

522
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 3: right now about having a job that I don't have.

523
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 2: So okay, well, okay, So here here's some thoughts that

524
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 2: are coming to mind. Is I think, well, you know,

525
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 2: you should feel empowered to live your own life and

526
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: do whatever it is that you want to do. And well,

527
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: I think that, like, I don't know, I understand why

528
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 2: you're afraid of what your parents think of you. But it's,

529
00:33:53,960 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 2: like I guess, to me, not a compelling thing. It's

530
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 2: I think ideally, your relationship with your parents is like

531
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: I love you guys, and I I do A relationship

532
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 2: with the parents is like I love you guys, but

533
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 2: I don't care what you think about you know, how

534
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: I choose to live my life and I'm not going to, uh,

535
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: you know, make any decisions in the short life that

536
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 2: I have on this planet based off of what you

537
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 2: guys think of me, and for that matter, what anyone

538
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 2: thinks of me.

539
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 3: You know.

540
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: That's I think I think that's ideally how it would

541
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:35,959
Speaker 2: go down.

542
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,839
Speaker 3: Hi, I say that to myself, But then I just

543
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's also scary. But I have a

544
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 3: boyfriend and he cancel me sometimes too, and I could

545
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 3: never tell his parents because his I feel like if

546
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 3: I if his mom found out, like she would stop

547
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:57,280
Speaker 3: talking to me completely.

548
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 2: So like I'm also, well, listen, here's the thing is

549
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: like obviously, no, God, please go ahead.

550
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, you go ahead.

551
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 2: No, No, I want to hear what you're gonna say.

552
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 3: Well, I was gonna say like I do say to

553
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 3: myself a lot of the times, like I don't really

554
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 3: care what people think of me, and like my parents

555
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 3: just told me, like they're like, oh, Lauren, like we

556
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 3: just we want you to do whatever makes you happy.

557
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 3: We absolutely don't care, Like you can do whatever you

558
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 3: want as long as like you can pay the bills

559
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 3: and you're happy. We don't care. But then I, I

560
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 3: don't know, I get so anxious about it, like I

561
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 3: need to just rip the band aid off. But but

562
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 3: I'm also really proud of myself and the work I've done,

563
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:43,839
Speaker 3: because it's a.

564
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 2: Lot of work, good good. I think the other aspect

565
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 2: of this was like you know, and it was like

566
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: the attention that you're getting, Like, I guess I'm hoping

567
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 2: because all of this is all about like it's because Okay,

568
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 2: it's very funny. I feel like you're balanced. Like the

569
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 2: two main things I had with this was like you're

570
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,720
Speaker 2: talking about how you like the attention that you're getting,

571
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 2: and then you talking about, you know, a possibility of

572
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 2: negative attention from your parents. And I thought they were

573
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 2: two separate things, but I'm realizing that they're both linked

574
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 2: together in a way because it's like my question to

575
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 2: you is are you is how heavily you're being influenced

576
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 2: in your life and your happiness and your decisions by

577
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 2: other people's opinions of you, be they positive or negative,

578
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 2: Like I think it's a tough thing. I guess starting

579
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: with the positive, it's a tough thing. If you're building

580
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: a thing where it's making you happy and you're proud

581
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 2: of it because of other people's positive validation of you,

582
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 2: I'm really glad to hear that you're proud of what

583
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: you do. And you know, you said to me just

584
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,399
Speaker 2: now something that I thought was a positive thing where

585
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 2: you were like, I'm proud of it. Because it was

586
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 2: a lot of work, and I did the work. And

587
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 2: I think that's a really positive type of pride that

588
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 2: you're taking. And so I'm glad to hear that. I

589
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,800
Speaker 2: think more I think that's more positive than if you

590
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,439
Speaker 2: would say something like, oh, I really like I don't

591
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 2: know the validation that it gives me or something like that,

592
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 2: because that can be a dangerous sort of a thing.

593
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 2: And then onto the negative side, like this fear of

594
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 2: of uh, negative attention from your parents, from your boyfriend's

595
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 2: parents is like again, I understand the fear of it.

596
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 2: But and you know, and you look, you don't have

597
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 2: you don't have to tell anyone if you're uncomfortable. You know,

598
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 2: this is your life. You can you can do whatever

599
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,760
Speaker 2: you want. And then includes you know, how how close

600
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 2: to your your chest you want to, you know, keep

601
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 2: this thing that you're doing. But I guess I would

602
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 2: just hope that you, as you maneuver your life, feel

603
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 2: empowered to do so, you know, regardless of other people's

604
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: opinions of you, be they positive or negative. If that

605
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 2: makes sense, that does make sense.

606
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think I'm negotiating in my head if

607
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 3: I want to. I'm definitely not going to tell my

608
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 3: boyfriend's mom that I can't do that, so I need to.

609
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to navigate how I'm going to.

610
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,280
Speaker 5: Go about that.

611
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 3: Because I don't know. But I'm also just.

612
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 5: Sorry.

613
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to. I don't know if I oh

614
00:38:58,640 --> 00:38:59,319
Speaker 3: my gosh, I'm sorry.

615
00:38:59,360 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 5: I can't think.

616
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 2: No, no worries time.

617
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 3: M Yeah. No, I'm definitely not going to tell my

618
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 3: boyfriend's mom. I guess I'm just trying to. I don't

619
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: like lying to people. Okay, I don't know. I I

620
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 3: think I would leave it up to him if he

621
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: wanted to tell her, because he also camps with me.

622
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 3: I don't know if I mentioned that. Mm hmm. I

623
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 3: don't know. I'm debating if I want to tell my

624
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,319
Speaker 3: parents or not, because I don't know if you'll have

625
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 3: a positive reaction or negative reaction. I feel like my

626
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 3: mom will either be like, oh, I may like you're

627
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 3: doing what you want and you're doing good at it.

628
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 3: Like I don't know if she'll either be happy or

629
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 3: she'll put it, if she'll if she'll be upset with

630
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 3: herself and feel like I'm doing it because she influenceiated

631
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 3: it is that.

632
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 2: Yes, it does and you know, look, here's the main

633
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 2: thing I want to say is obviously it's up to you,

634
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 2: and you know, on this call, I'm not like like,

635
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 2: I don't want to tell you what to do, but

636
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 2: I guess, I I guess to me, the ideal situation

637
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 2: is a world where you're so proud of what you

638
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 2: do and you like doing it so much, and you're

639
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 2: really like, you're so convicted in that sense that you're

640
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 2: not afraid of a potential negative reaction from your parents

641
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 2: or from anyone else because of that conviction where you're like,

642
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 2: listen my mom, where you're just like, listen, mom, I

643
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 2: do you know camming? I do this and I love it.

644
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 2: It's great. I love the freedom, I love expressing myself.

645
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:03,279
Speaker 2: I feel proud of profile that I've built. And you know,

646
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 2: you can feel however you want to feel about it.

647
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 2: But you know, my my pride and myself and my

648
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 2: happiness in doing what I'm doing will remain the same

649
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 2: regardless of how you feel. And I don't know, again,

650
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 2: I'm not you know, you should do whatever you're comfortable with,

651
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 2: but I hope that you have the I guess the

652
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 2: courage too, like really feel convicted in those those things

653
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 2: enough to not care what other people's opinions are.

654
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am trying my best to not care what

655
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 3: other people think of me, especially now being like online,

656
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 3: I can't really let people this opinions like affect me

657
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 3: or I would completely be.

658
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 2: Enough, right, I mean that's part. I mean, that's part

659
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,399
Speaker 2: of the thing of of you know, whether whether it's

660
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:09,720
Speaker 2: camming or making fucking YouTube videos about legos, like whatever

661
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,399
Speaker 2: you do on the internet, there will be people who

662
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 2: you know, attack you and shut on you and uh

663
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 2: say all these things. And I mean it's an inevitability

664
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: of putting yourself. It's inevitability of putting yourself out there

665
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 2: in any situation really, and like becoming okay with that,

666
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 2: becoming okay with that is is really a path to

667
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,399
Speaker 2: I don't know, like some some true form of freedom.

668
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 2: And it's hard and I'm not there at all. But

669
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 2: when I think of like a true, true, true freedom,

670
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 2: you know, it looks something like that.

671
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 4: I agree.

672
00:42:55,880 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, maybe I will tell her. I think I

673
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 3: want to tell her.

674
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 5: I'm just.

675
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 2: I mean, no, it's hard, it's a difficult. It's a

676
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 2: difficult thing. I understand the the the fear involved. But

677
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,359
Speaker 2: but I mean all that said, I'm glad to hear

678
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,879
Speaker 2: that you found something that that you really like doing,

679
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 2: and it sounds like you're doing it for positive reasons.

680
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 2: I thank you.

681
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 3: I it's I sound it's really amazing. I think camming's

682
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 3: awesome because you know, I mean, if we can get

683
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 3: into like ethical and unethical porn. I think camming is

684
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 3: amazing because you actually know, like where your money's going

685
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 3: and like tip typically and you know the person like I.

686
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 3: I like the idea of woman being in control of porn,

687
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 3: if that makes sense, because.

688
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:49,680
Speaker 2: I saw.

689
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 3: The amount of there's I don't know, there's a lot

690
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 3: of dark sides of porn. So I think it's really amazing. Personally,

691
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 3: I'm also right, I try my hardest to be as

692
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 3: realistic as possible. I feel like corn is very unrealistic.

693
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 3: Like so I I try to be as realistic as possible,

694
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 3: and I always it's fun. I give like sex advice

695
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 3: on my stream and stuff. I don't know, I sound.

696
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,759
Speaker 2: Weird to some people, but no, I don't think it

697
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 2: sounds where like I was going to say, one of

698
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 2: the first things I brought up and worked, we're on

699
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 2: the point of like other people's opinions, be they positive

700
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 2: or negative. One of the first things I brought up

701
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 2: was like, when you talked about liking doing this is again,

702
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 2: if you had, you know, said I like doing this

703
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 2: because it gives me validation, I would have been like,

704
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, that's a that's a tough road

705
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 2: to go down because it's a it's a flimsy base

706
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 2: to be doing something for. But I mean the things

707
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 2: that you're talking about, you like expressing yourself. You you

708
00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: feel as though you are presenting a more realistic idea

709
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 2: of sex, and you feel as though that's been a

710
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: positive thing to present.

711
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I do like the attention, but it's more

712
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 3: it's kind of a kink of mine, like kimming is

713
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 3: like a it's an actual kink that I have, Like

714
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 3: it's I don't know it it turns me on when

715
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 3: there's like thousands of people watching me. Like how I

716
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 3: don't have sex or masturbate.

717
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: I don't know.

718
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 3: I don't know why, but I mean it's awesome. I

719
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 3: get paid to have work out of.

720
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 2: Nothing wrong with that either, you know. I like talking

721
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 2: to people and having conversations, and I think that there's

722
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 2: something good about trying to you know, listen to people

723
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 2: and stuff, but I also like when somebody cool follows

724
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,320
Speaker 2: me on Instagram, so you know, I like attention too.

725
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,720
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think I think you're doing great.

726
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:04,919
Speaker 1: Man.

727
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:10,800
Speaker 2: I wish you many more years of happiness and enjoyment

728
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 2: and freedom to live however you want to live than

729
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 2: you you want to say to the people of the

730
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 2: computer before we go, my boyfriend.

731
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 3: Really wants to say hi. He's a big fan. Can

732
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 3: you say hello?

733
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 2: Sure? What's his name?

734
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 1: Jackson?

735
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 3: And he streams with me too.

736
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, Hello, while I put Lauren on your stream, I

737
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,239
Speaker 4: just want to say hi, and I appreciate what you do.

738
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 4: That's it, So thank you and thank you for talking

739
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 4: to Lauren.

740
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 5: So have a good night.

741
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 2: Hey, I appreciate what you do too. I'll have to

742
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 2: check it out sometime.

743
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 4: Okay, you have a good one.

744
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 2: You too, take care.

745
00:46:59,239 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 3: Thank you.

746
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hi, who is this?

747
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 5: Hi? I'm Addison.

748
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 2: What's going on? Addison?

749
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: Well?

750
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 5: I called in because recently, I've I say recently, but

751
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 5: for a long time, I've been just like the butt

752
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 5: of a lot of people's jokes and I'm always like

753
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 5: talked over, and it just it it's really affecting my

754
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 5: self esteem and like it just makes me feel like

755
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 5: I'm stupid half the time?

756
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 2: What kinds of jokes are people people making?

757
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:57,399
Speaker 5: Like I'll just I'll be talking about something that I'm

758
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 5: interested in, and mhm, They'll just like make fun of

759
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:07,760
Speaker 5: the things that I'm interested in, and they'll they'll literally

760
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 5: have they'll call me like stupid half half the time

761
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:16,280
Speaker 5: most of the time. And and I don't think they

762
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 5: like really get how much it's hurt hearing that something

763
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 5: that you're really passionate about is dumb to them and

764
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,320
Speaker 5: doesn't mean anything because as a friend, you know, you

765
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 5: would think you would support each other in your interests.

766
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:41,280
Speaker 2: Who are these people?

767
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 5: They're just like people that I'm around mainly, like I

768
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 5: call them friends, but and.

769
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: I know.

770
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,919
Speaker 5: That they're joking, or at least they say they are,

771
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,919
Speaker 5: but it doesn't it doesn't feel like they are.

772
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 2: Okay, And is this this is like sort of you

773
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 2: you you peg it to one sort of central group

774
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 2: of people who you you would call your friends.

775
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, okay basically, And like another thing, sorry, no

776
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 5: go ahead. But another thing is that like I'm I've

777
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 5: always been talked over my entire life, like not recently,

778
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 5: like ever since I was little, you know, I've always

779
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 5: been talked over, and it just makes me feel like insignificant,

780
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 5: Like what I say doesn't matter.

781
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 2: So let's start with this group of friends. Tell me this. Okay,

782
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 2: so you say that you feel like these these people,

783
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 2: you're giving them the benefit of the doubt, that they

784
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: feel like they're just joking. Tell me about these group

785
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 2: of people that you call your friends outside of them

786
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 2: calling your interests stupid and uh, you know, making fun

787
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 2: of you for these things. Do you like being friends

788
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 2: with these people? Do these people provide you any do

789
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 2: you do you find any value at all in your

790
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,479
Speaker 2: relationship in any way? Yeah?

791
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,919
Speaker 5: Like, the issue I have with it is that we've

792
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,399
Speaker 5: had a lot of good time, Like there have been

793
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 5: so many times where I've like laughed, like the hardest

794
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 5: I've ever laughed with them, And there have been, like,

795
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 5: there have been so many good moments, but it's all

796
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 5: just kind of weighed down with the negative ones, if

797
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 5: that makes sense.

798
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 2: Because it does make those yeah.

799
00:50:54,120 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 5: Like yeah, because whenever they're so like mean about it,

800
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:04,439
Speaker 5: it's like, well, then why do any of the good

801
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 5: times matter? It's all you're gonna do is resort back

802
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 5: to the same thing.

803
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 2: Okay, And you know the reason I'm asking you this

804
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 2: is because you know, look, if you found no value

805
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 2: at all and hanging out with this group of people,

806
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 2: then you could very easily just stop hanging out with them.

807
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 2: But it becomes, I guess, a tougher issue. If these

808
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 2: people really are your friends and you really are giving

809
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 2: them the benefit of the doubt and feeling as though

810
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 2: they might not even understand that they are causing you

811
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 2: any anguish, then it becomes, you know, something to navigate

812
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:56,760
Speaker 2: as opposed to abandon. So just to kind of hammer

813
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 2: in on that these people are your friends, you do

814
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 2: have a good time with them, but they rid you

815
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 2: for shit and it makes you feel bad, and uh,

816
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 2: you you don't like that? Is that accurate? M Yeah?

817
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:18,360
Speaker 5: And I know it's a situation of like, if I

818
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 5: can do something that changed the situation, then do it.

819
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 5: For if I don't want to or I can't, then

820
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 5: just leave it that but right, yeah, And because of

821
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 5: like how it's affecting my self esteem, Like it's really

822
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 5: scary to me to try to step up because I

823
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 5: feel like, for some reason I'm going to be in

824
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 5: the wrong for saying something.

825
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:46,879
Speaker 2: You feel like you're going to be in the wrong

826
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 2: for saying something.

827
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just it's just kind of like the way

828
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 5: that I was raised, I guess, because anytime I spoke

829
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 5: out about some that like upset me, I would always,

830
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 5: you know, get in trouble for it, because you know,

831
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 5: the people like my parents just didn't want to deal

832
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 5: with that, and so they just shut it down. And

833
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 5: that's kind of like let in to other relationships that

834
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:23,240
Speaker 5: I've had because now I'm scared to speak out about six.

835
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 2: So that was kind of the next prong of what

836
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you is have you told

837
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 2: your friends, you know, you gave them the benefit of

838
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 2: the doubt you felt as though maybe they don't know,

839
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 2: which is, you know, I think a good thing to

840
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 2: do to go, okay, maybe these people don't even know

841
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 2: that they're hurting my feelings, you know, maybe they don't

842
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 2: fully realize the extent of what they're doing. And I

843
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 2: think it's good to give people the benefit of the doubt.

844
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 2: But now.

845
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 1: Have you.

846
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 2: Expressed to them that you you feel this way?

847
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 5: I have it, I have in the past, And for

848
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 5: a while they started to like calm down a bit

849
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 5: with the jokes, but then you know, after some time passed,

850
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 5: it was just right back to where it was. Okay,

851
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 5: And I I don't know, I don't know if they

852
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 5: even realize.

853
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 3: That.

854
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:39,399
Speaker 5: I don't think they realize that they pick it back up.

855
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 5: I think it's just like a gradual thing.

856
00:54:41,719 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, when is the last time we talked to

857
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 2: him about this?

858
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 5: It's it's been a little bit about I don't want

859
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 5: to say six months, but it's like four months.

860
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:07,280
Speaker 2: Ago maybe, Okay, Yeah, Yeah, this is this is tough.

861
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 2: I mean, look again, I think it's it's up to

862
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 2: you and your personal evaluation as to how much value

863
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 2: you you feel like is in maintaining these relationships. And

864
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 2: I can't tell you that, like I can't I you know,

865
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,919
Speaker 2: I can't tell you whether or not it's worth having

866
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,800
Speaker 2: these people as friends. That's something you have to decide

867
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 2: for yourself. Yeah, and do a little deep dive into

868
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 2: your brain, be like how do I really how do

869
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 2: I really feel when I, you know, am hanging out

870
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 2: and do I come away? Yeah? Go ahead.

871
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 5: That's like another thing that I've been working on with

872
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 5: myself because I know that if I'm not happy with

873
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 5: who I am and if I'm not happy with the

874
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 5: state that I'm in right now, then I know I'm

875
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 5: not going to be happy with anybody else, and that

876
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 5: like it's tough, it's not.

877
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 1: I know.

878
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 2: Well listen, well listen, we'll listen, We'll listen.

879
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 1: Let me.

880
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 2: What you just said is an interesting thing because you

881
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 2: said you're nineteen, yeah, okay, and these friends are they

882
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 2: from high school?

883
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 1: Yeah?

884
00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:39,000
Speaker 2: Okay. So it's a tough situation to navigate. You know,

885
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:41,480
Speaker 2: go back to your friends and let them know that

886
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 2: that you know they make you feel this way when

887
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 2: they make fun of you. But what you just said

888
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 2: feeling is though, if I can't be happy with these people,

889
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be happy with anyone everywhere. That's

890
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 2: something that I think a lot of people experience, right

891
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:00,840
Speaker 2: especially when you're young and you haven't you know, lived

892
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 2: life and met a lot of different people and made

893
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 2: a loving friends. Is you can make a mistake. And

894
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 2: you can do this in romantic relationships or just plotonic

895
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 2: friendships where you have a limited amount of experience. And

896
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 2: so these these friends that you have like in high school,

897
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 2: in middle school and shit, they form your initial idea

898
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 2: of what friendship is. You know what I'm saying and

899
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 2: so you think to yourself, this is just what And

900
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:32,479
Speaker 2: so even if you're in a situation where like you're

901
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 2: not feeling great all the time, you think, to yourself,

902
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 2: this is just what friendship is. It doesn't get any

903
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:41,920
Speaker 2: better than this, doesn't get any worse than this, And

904
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: you convince yourself what you said, which is that if

905
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 2: I can't be happy in this situation, I won't be

906
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 2: happy in any situation, which is a total discrediting of

907
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 2: the fact that there are eight billion people in the

908
00:57:55,440 --> 00:58:00,920
Speaker 2: world and you know, your relationship with the four people

909
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 2: that you went to high school with in the town

910
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 2: that you grew up with is not going to be

911
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 2: an accurate sample size for you to make your conclusions

912
00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 2: as to what people are like and as to what

913
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 2: friendships are like. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, so

914
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 2: I guess in closing, evaluate for yourself, like, take some

915
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:36,959
Speaker 2: time to think about if these relationships you are having

916
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:41,200
Speaker 2: with your friends are serving you and if they are,

917
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 2: and that's again the decision that you got to make

918
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 2: for yourself. Then you know, continue to communicate your feelings

919
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 2: so that they know because it sounds like they're recepted

920
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 2: the first time, but then two again you're early nineteen,

921
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 2: go out into the universe. I don't know if you're

922
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 2: going to college or whatever is up with you, but

923
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 2: continue to go out into the universe and try to

924
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 2: make new friends and don't let your previous ideas of

925
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 2: friendship uh get in the way of that. You know

926
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 2: what I'm saying? Mmm? Yeah, what are these hobbies? Can

927
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 2: I what is the hobby that your friends think of stupid?

928
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 3: I don't know.

929
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 5: I just have like kind of obscure interests, like just

930
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:42,760
Speaker 5: niche things, like like I collect a bunch of random stuff,

931
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 5: and I like a bunch of like internet series and

932
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:54,040
Speaker 5: they'll just say shit, like no one knows what you're

933
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 5: talking about, Like just just shut up?

934
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 2: What what? What random things do you collect?

935
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 5: Like I collect bones and stuff.

936
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 2: But you collect bones and.

937
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, just like like skulls and stuff?

938
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 2: Do you kill people to collect it?

939
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 5: And I did it with him, and so I just

940
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 5: like continued that. But but they're just like that, And

941
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 5: I agree it's weird. I know that, But I mean

942
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 5: I like doing it.

943
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 2: And well, listen, listen, listen, Addison. As long as you

944
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 2: are not killing people to collect the balls and the.

945
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:44,479
Speaker 5: Like, I find thematically all.

946
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 2: Right, because if that's what you were doing, then I

947
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 2: would have sided with the friends. But I believe you.

948
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 2: Addison's anything else you want to say to the people

949
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 2: in the computer before.

950
01:00:55,880 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 5: We go, Thank you Wile for taking your time to

951
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 5: talk to me, and I really appreciate it.

952
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 2: Hey, take care, Addison, you too, Thank you. I got

953
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 2: scared for a second. I was like, what if her

954
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 2: friends are just trying to convince her not to murder

955
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 2: animals and people, and I'm trying to tell her not

956
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 2: to listen to them, then what would that make me

957
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 2: an enabler of No, she was cool. She was cool.

958
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 1: Beacon goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.

959
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 2: Every Beacon goes to the side's teaching you aloud the

960
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:41,400
Speaker 2: memory life. He's not really an expert.