Speaker 1: What up.
Speaker 2: Guess what? We are two weeks away from our Atlanta
Speaker 2: live show. We are so excited to connect with you guys,
Speaker 2: meet all you guys, mommies, daddies, and everyone in between.
Speaker 2: Make sure you meet us at BQE Lounge in downtown
Speaker 2: Atlanta October thirteenth. That's a Sunday. We are going to
Speaker 2: turn up, have some drinks, book that babysitter, leave them
Speaker 2: badass kids at home, and come out and have a
Speaker 2: good ass time. We have some amazing guests. We have
Speaker 2: Danielle from Hit Podcasts, Marriage of Martini's, Lauren Williams from
Speaker 2: the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Shanisia Boswell of at.
Speaker 3: Black Mom's Blog.
Speaker 2: So make sure you get those tickets on our website,
Speaker 2: Good Momsbad Choices dot com or you can find them
Speaker 2: on our Instagram. Make sure you spent those hories or
Speaker 2: any advice questions you want us to answer live at
Speaker 2: the podcast and we will see you there. So let's
Speaker 2: get to it. Today's episode is featuring Jody Sweeten and
Speaker 2: Celia by Are. I've never thought I'd say this podcast.
Speaker 4: My little bad change your break start de.
Speaker 3: Much done, Gill.
Speaker 4: If you won't Jo your rope.
Speaker 5: Be precise, jo my little change a line. Oh yeah
Speaker 5: boy yeah yeah, yeah, yeah boy, yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah night one night anymore than one night?
Speaker 3: Yeah, just all might and you want STI.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Nayla. Happy Wednesday.
Speaker 3: Hope you guys are having a good week. It's hot
Speaker 3: as fu in the valley. Oh my god, it's bad.
Speaker 3: That makes me this quickly, I know.
Speaker 6: And the air conditioning I swear it works, but it
Speaker 6: doesn't really work in this heat.
Speaker 3: In this what was it like five degrees today? It
Speaker 3: feels like it's gonna be How was your week? It
Speaker 3: was good. It was good. Went to the beach, hung
Speaker 3: out the kids. We had an epic beach day. We
Speaker 3: had a lot of people come out and hang with us.
Speaker 3: I was really proud of that. Yeah we did. You
Speaker 3: really catered. I slept all of our ship everywhere. Thank god.
Speaker 3: My Sebastian was there.
Speaker 6: He did not know he was getting himself into when
Speaker 6: he said when he was like, I'll come to the beach,
Speaker 6: I was like, perfect, right, You're going to carry everything?
Speaker 3: And he he was. He was so stressed. He was like,
Speaker 3: I didn't know. I didn't know what would be like this,
Speaker 3: and we used to like a cabana. It was like,
Speaker 3: get to work. No, he's not, I know Caan is
Speaker 3: never No, he's not used to a cabana. He he
Speaker 3: was committed to that. Yeah he was. He was stressing.
Speaker 3: He was stressing.
Speaker 6: So I was like, you need to go sit and smoke,
Speaker 6: go over there, get away from me.
Speaker 3: But i't that was great report on Yeah neither.
Speaker 7: Okay, So we have special guests here today, our friends,
Speaker 7: homies podcasters.
Speaker 3: Yes. I never thought i'd say this. Yes, yes, it's
Speaker 3: Jody and Celia.
Speaker 8: Yeah, we're here and in all of our glory, which
Speaker 8: I forgot the.
Speaker 3: Videotape this one. So it's this is fine. Lashes are popping.
Speaker 1: They need to get there there there all the way
Speaker 1: in with the lashes.
Speaker 3: I do see.
Speaker 6: I'm like when I was getting lashes, I like and
Speaker 6: make them look natural as possible.
Speaker 3: And they look like yours. They don't say anything to
Speaker 3: you at work.
Speaker 8: No, they're happy. Well, no, they gave me ship about
Speaker 8: him when I first got them because of the shadow.
Speaker 8: Because for certain lighting things, when you turned a certain way,
Speaker 8: you just see the shadow on the inside. Of your eyes,
Speaker 8: so it looks like a weird thing, and they.
Speaker 3: Were like, oh, your lashes. At first, they.
Speaker 8: Didn't realize that they were extensions, so they like sent
Speaker 8: me back to makeup, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 8: of these are like attached, so you guys are gonna
Speaker 8: have to work around this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to read my face that I did.
Speaker 8: I basically I it was an asshole, and I was like,
Speaker 8: you have to, you have to.
Speaker 9: You're lighting for.
Speaker 3: Me, pay for them.
Speaker 8: Well, we're on our last yeason right now and they're
Speaker 8: basically killing us off.
Speaker 3: So so yeah.
Speaker 9: She did make them pay for it, just with her attitude.
Speaker 8: Okay, but I'm not even like that unless I'm in
Speaker 8: my car universe, which we've established apparently.
Speaker 3: Yeah, in the minivan. Nonetheless, she'll take you down. Do
Speaker 3: you have a minivan? I do have a minivan.
Speaker 8: I have a minivan and a and my Mercedes.
Speaker 3: So that's okay, that's a nice mom balance I have.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I have my My My Mercedes was my treat
Speaker 8: to myself. I had never bought I hadn't bought a
Speaker 8: new car since I was since my well no, since
Speaker 8: I was like nineteen.
Speaker 3: Was the last time I bought a new car.
Speaker 8: So this was this was a while coming, and I
Speaker 8: finally was like, you know what, I'm going to treat
Speaker 8: myself and.
Speaker 3: Lease a new car. So I got that one and then.
Speaker 8: But I do also own the Chrysler Minivan, which I
Speaker 8: actually love that car.
Speaker 3: She drives it like a motherfucker I do.
Speaker 8: I've actually gotten compliments at the school for how I
Speaker 8: am able to.
Speaker 3: My dad's and the parking.
Speaker 8: Monitor and it was like, you swing that minivan around impressively.
Speaker 3: I was f yeah, but you have three kids too.
Speaker 3: I have two. Yeah, I just figured we have a
Speaker 3: mini you have three. No.
Speaker 8: Well, actually I was the super lucky that I was
Speaker 8: fortunate to get the minivan. I did like this commercial
Speaker 8: thing for Chrysler, and they gave me the fan.
Speaker 3: For a year. Oh wow, yeah for free.
Speaker 8: I'll I'll have a che And so I did this
Speaker 8: so that I got the minivan for a year, and
Speaker 8: then at the end of that year, I had the
Speaker 8: option to either give it back or buy it outright
Speaker 8: or you know whatever, traded in for a new one
Speaker 8: to pit And so after a year of driving, I
Speaker 8: think I was like, you are not taking this car
Speaker 8: because I fucking love the Minivan.
Speaker 10: I love that listening. I would totally do that for
Speaker 10: you specific you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah right, yeah right, just a caid. Yeah no, I wish,
Speaker 3: but but no. The Chrysler Median. Everyone that gets in
Speaker 3: it's like they're like, it's a spaceship. It's got the screen.
Speaker 9: The kids.
Speaker 3: We've taken it on road trips. We drove that.
Speaker 8: Think the mammoths of the kids, Like everybody's got a
Speaker 8: row so that one can be in the very very
Speaker 8: back and.
Speaker 3: The other one can be in the middle.
Speaker 10: When they don't go to each other kids, the older
Speaker 10: ones go in the back and they gossip and talk
Speaker 10: and right sort are little ones in front of them,
Speaker 10: and the little ones have little their screens.
Speaker 3: Right they watch.
Speaker 8: And we've had we Celia and I have had many
Speaker 8: mom adventures in anything.
Speaker 3: Tell our listeners college your kids are yeah, oh yeah, right,
Speaker 3: you want to go first? Yeah. I have two daughters,
Speaker 3: Zoe who is eleven years old.
Speaker 8: And starting middle school. And I have Beatrix, who is
Speaker 8: turning nine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 9: I have Harper who is twelve.
Speaker 10: She'll be thirteen in October. Hoof is it fucking showing?
Speaker 3: Uh? And then I've got Luna, like you but I
Speaker 3: call her Lulu and she.
Speaker 6: Just turned You're the second person that we've had on
Speaker 6: that has a child named Luna.
Speaker 3: She was actually the first. Well for saying like there's
Speaker 3: been different. Yeah, Luna is very popular. It's very popular popular.
Speaker 3: Well it's yeah, exactly, you're late to the Luna plant
Speaker 3: even other later you know what it's because John, Yeah,
Speaker 3: and Luna is older than that. Luna. Yeah, yeah, that
Speaker 3: was my great grandmother's name was Luna kid. Yeah, Zoe
Speaker 3: was was like right at the beginning, but there weren't
Speaker 3: a lot of Zoe's but her. But everyone now like
Speaker 3: her age like twelve, ten.
Speaker 8: Eleven, twelve, there's a ton of Harper, but nobody spells it.
Speaker 3: The way she's z O I e.
Speaker 10: Even Beatrix is like a very yeah, that one hasn't
Speaker 10: caught up. Harper was the only Harper. There was no
Speaker 10: other Harper when I named her Harper. But then uh
Speaker 10: Neil Patrick Harris named his kid Herper, and then it.
Speaker 3: Was like an exclusive Yes, OK, yeah's Harper.
Speaker 10: Yeah right, I'm obsessed with his entire Instagram And as
Speaker 10: she knows, and one's like, where's their shitty parenting moments?
Speaker 3: They don't have anything just because.
Speaker 10: They're gay, because I with that help, because I'm single
Speaker 10: right now, that'll make me better parent. Their kids always
Speaker 10: look so cute, pretty and put together, and I'm that
Speaker 10: has nothing.
Speaker 3: To do with the fact that they're gay. Probably the
Speaker 3: fact to do that they can, they have a lot
Speaker 3: of help. Yeah, I don't know that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, my kids would look outstanding too if I didn't
Speaker 8: have to have anything to do with it, right, But
Speaker 8: they would look fantastically put together. Maybe their hair would
Speaker 8: be combed.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: You you have a boyfriend, I do you?
Speaker 3: Are you dating? Now? Well, that's not.
Speaker 10: I'm on I'm on a dating app. I'm on Tinder,
Speaker 10: but I was, and I didn't like it it more
Speaker 10: than Tender. I didn't have any luck on it. I honestly,
Speaker 10: to be totally fair, I say on Tinder for the
Speaker 10: most part, because things like like guys with fourteen dogs.
Speaker 3: No, like guys that have dick pics as their profile. Really, yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't even say that. Yes, oh, I have a collection.
Speaker 3: I'll send them to you later.
Speaker 8: Oh she sends them to me like this is just
Speaker 8: my entertainer.
Speaker 10: Yeah.
Speaker 8: Well, at Thanksgiving, my mom actually my friends were bitching
Speaker 8: about Tinder about like what's out there, and my mom.
Speaker 3: Was like, that can't be really what's out there?
Speaker 8: So they handed over their phones to my mom on Thanksgiving,
Speaker 8: showing her the Dick pics and also and also the
Speaker 8: the profiles, and then my mom didn't know how it worked,
Speaker 8: and so she was swiping on everybody.
Speaker 3: But I'm swiping right on everybody.
Speaker 10: Oh no, not me and Emma. We matched with a
Speaker 10: bunch of people we did not want to match with.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but I was like, I'm just getting to the
Speaker 8: next picture, and I was like, I think I don't
Speaker 8: know how to work it either, because I've never done.
Speaker 3: On the wrong mom.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I could have easily have done that too.
Speaker 10: The funniest part with your mom though, she was like
Speaker 10: I said something like I'm I was like, I'm going
Speaker 10: to dialoge, like I'm giving up on this, and she's like,
Speaker 10: you're being too hard on yourself.
Speaker 3: No you're not. And then she was like, here's the thing,
Speaker 3: I don't worry.
Speaker 10: I don't worry about Emma as much because she goes
Speaker 10: out and she works out of the house and you
Speaker 10: work in your house, so you're not going to meet
Speaker 10: me one So it's tender or nothing, and I was like, well,
Speaker 10: look what I have to, you know, look work with
Speaker 10: and she's like it can't be that bad. So she
Speaker 10: looks for an hour and then just at one point
Speaker 10: hands me back to my phone and we're watching her
Speaker 10: and she's going, oh my god, no, no, no, what
Speaker 10: is it? And she's starting her what is this? Why
Speaker 10: I don't understand? That's how do I report it? She
Speaker 10: was so bad, And then finally she just hands me
Speaker 10: back my phone and she goes, you know what, you're right,
Speaker 10: you might might dialogue.
Speaker 3: And my boyfriend was there for.
Speaker 8: Thanksgiving and she just turns to both of us she goes,
Speaker 8: you guys better stick together because there's not a lot
Speaker 8: out there. It's not And my boyfriend was like, I know,
Speaker 8: I've I've had to do it. Oh it's yeah. She's like,
Speaker 8: that's it, you guys. This is that you can't there's
Speaker 8: nothing else out there.
Speaker 10: I know.
Speaker 1: I was at what point, are You're just like oh,
Speaker 1: oh great, Like either stick with what you got.
Speaker 10: Or wright buck it, because yeah, it's like the devil,
Speaker 10: you know, like I don't know who's the guy I
Speaker 10: dated that was like the least worst and all maybe
Speaker 10: maybe we.
Speaker 9: Should go out again.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
Speaker 6: So since you guys have a kids older than us,
Speaker 6: and you know you have a boyfriend and you've been
Speaker 6: dating or you're not dating, sure at some.
Speaker 9: Point didn't Oh, well no, I dated.
Speaker 3: But how how did you introduce your daughters or your
Speaker 3: kids to Well, it was for me.
Speaker 8: You know, my boyfriend I have a long distance relationship.
Speaker 8: He's in New York and I'm here and we've been
Speaker 8: that our entire relationship, which we've been together almost two
Speaker 8: years now, and so we had a lot of time before.
Speaker 3: It was before we had to But.
Speaker 8: Then when we did introduce him, it was because he
Speaker 8: was coming out here to stay. So it was you know,
Speaker 8: I think like the first night he came on a
Speaker 8: weekend that the kids were their dads. But it's like
Speaker 8: the first night or something. But my kids really love him,
Speaker 8: like he's very sweet with them. He doesn't try and
Speaker 8: force a relationship with them, like he just sort of
Speaker 8: lets them come to him. And he also he raised,
Speaker 8: helped like raise and was around his for He has
Speaker 8: four god kids who are now in their thirties and
Speaker 8: a little bit younger, so he really was involved in
Speaker 8: their life. And you know, he and his brother grew
Speaker 8: up and they were insane.
Speaker 3: So he's I'm.
Speaker 9: Always like, right, I'm away.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm always like stressed about the kids, and he's
Speaker 8: like the kids are insane, Like it's fine. But introducing
Speaker 8: them was it was a few months. It was like
Speaker 8: probably five months in you know, on FaceTime first.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 8: Yeah, they saw him on FaceTime a couple of times,
Speaker 8: and I also talked to them and like I told him, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, y know, I'm sorry, there's this boy, like,
Speaker 3: especially my older one like because she was like, wait,
Speaker 3: do you have a boyfriend? Is it? You know?
Speaker 8: And so we were I was like yeah, you know,
Speaker 8: and I really like him, and she was asking about
Speaker 8: him and stuff, and.
Speaker 3: She's the judgier of the two, like.
Speaker 8: Bee has never met a stranger in her life, but
Speaker 8: Zoe is like, I don't know, you like very much
Speaker 8: like that, and so she like she really really likes
Speaker 8: him now.
Speaker 11: But it's been great because they really they get so excited,
Speaker 11: they get.
Speaker 3: So excited when he's coming.
Speaker 8: But they've also they have really taken time to develop
Speaker 8: a relationship. And it wasn't like I took you know,
Speaker 8: it took a while before I even really brought him
Speaker 8: up and then it's been it's been slow, which has
Speaker 8: been awesome.
Speaker 3: Do they know you love him? Absolutely?
Speaker 10: Oh?
Speaker 8: Yeah, they like, you know, he comes now and stays
Speaker 8: at the house, but when the kids are there, we
Speaker 8: take him to the beach. We walk and stuff and
Speaker 8: you know, us together and yeah, they know, like they
Speaker 8: hear me say I love you, and they see him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, they.
Speaker 8: See me, send him him, send me presents and.
Speaker 12: Flowers, yeah, yeah, send their hair, tell me right on right, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: That's what I because that's yeah, they're gonna be real
Speaker 3: savvy too, for sure.
Speaker 12: Yeah.
Speaker 9: I don't want to think about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, no, they know. I mean they like,
Speaker 3: my little one will be like, you guys are getting
Speaker 3: make out. Yeah, I'm like yeah.
Speaker 10: That's part of the reason that I don't date, by
Speaker 10: the way, is I don't want to go through we're
Speaker 10: I'll be sitting at.
Speaker 8: Some on the couch and like and I will give
Speaker 8: because she's like, you're making.
Speaker 10: Out and like, yes, I'm sure my kids would do
Speaker 10: that too. It's the introduction part is hard, like, and
Speaker 10: it's part of the thing I don't. I don't date
Speaker 10: honestly in part because of that, because like trying to
Speaker 10: figure out how I can.
Speaker 9: I don't want them to get hurt.
Speaker 10: And they I was dating someone, as she knows, like
Speaker 10: I was dating someone long distance for a while as well,
Speaker 10: and they found out by accident because he and I
Speaker 10: had been friends for a really really long time and
Speaker 10: my older daughter would always like loved him. And of
Speaker 10: course she's also really fucking nosy, and like was in.
Speaker 9: My phone and like saw that we were like she.
Speaker 3: Just knew something was up.
Speaker 10: She saw she's broken my take it all up in
Speaker 10: your place. Let me tell you, like three different times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, let me.
Speaker 6: I shot her picture of Iri and then she started
Speaker 6: like swiping, like I like everything in my body tense.
Speaker 6: And then she like there was like a screenshot of
Speaker 6: like Freddy and Irene. And I didn't even realize I
Speaker 6: took a screenshot. You don't even accidentally do. That was
Speaker 6: outside and she was like, what's this? Why are you
Speaker 6: picture Freddy?
Speaker 3: My baby daddy?
Speaker 6: Relax And I was giving my phone back and I'm like,
Speaker 6: if you would just want two more, we're gonna pic
Speaker 6: naked picture or something else? Not right, Yeah, yeah, like
Speaker 6: calm down. I don't have to give my kid too.
Speaker 6: Even she'll go through my phone to him, oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: and the Luna was scrolling.
Speaker 3: I'm like, wait, hold on, yeah, I think at one point,
Speaker 3: I don't know, yeah.
Speaker 8: Because sometimes they're like can I plan your phone? You're like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 8: And then they started doing and I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I literally didn't like come up on something recently. I
Speaker 3: don't know if it was me or somebody else. I
Speaker 3: was like, let me see that, right, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 10: Harper used to take my phone and and like when
Speaker 10: she'd see that I was texting with him when she
Speaker 10: figured out we were dating, and then she was very excited.
Speaker 10: She would grab it in the midst of me texting
Speaker 10: him and then like run and start texting himself.
Speaker 8: I don't really have I don't have any have any
Speaker 8: dudes on my phone. Oh my god, I don't talk
Speaker 8: any of you raise him.
Speaker 3: I just don't really take it. She doesn't. You don't
Speaker 3: really should because someone could attack your eye. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't, so I don't have anyone take four.
Speaker 3: So yes.
Speaker 10: Ever so often I'll just send a picture of my
Speaker 10: boobs to my friend John.
Speaker 3: Just because.
Speaker 9: Because he's got all these health problems.
Speaker 10: And so he'll joke and post things girlfriend, but I
Speaker 10: always put her to too, and she doesn't give a ship.
Speaker 10: So he'll be like, send news. I'm dying, and I'm like,
Speaker 10: I'll wait like four hours, and then I'll just hit
Speaker 10: him with a picture of just my boobs and he's
Speaker 10: like he'll just run back and he's.
Speaker 3: Like, I love you. Yeah, my friends like that. We
Speaker 3: always able to send us nudes. Yeah, we have some
Speaker 3: of our listeners son nudes. It's great whenever she's in
Speaker 3: about Yeah, they get really into it. What angle now?
Speaker 3: And then sometimes I won't stop.
Speaker 10: And you're like, okay, yeah, you're working with a no.
Speaker 6: It is, and so much so that that like some
Speaker 6: of the guys will like just send them straight to
Speaker 6: her account, like directly.
Speaker 3: I'm like, what what are you over there? Like encouraging?
Speaker 3: Why only send them to you?
Speaker 8: Somebody sent us a picture. Somebody sent a thing. It
Speaker 8: was that like stupid X ray photo and it's just
Speaker 8: a giant dick.
Speaker 3: It was Tinder. It was me. It was Tinder. Oh
Speaker 3: that's right, it was one of mine.
Speaker 8: No no, no, but you screenshot it whatever it was, You
Speaker 8: screenshoted it and sent it to like Shon's Facebook on
Speaker 8: Shannon's Facebook, and you and I at the same time,
Speaker 8: didn't read each other's comments, but we commented at the
Speaker 8: same intact moment and posted it, and both of our
Speaker 8: comments just said you were like, I'm worried.
Speaker 3: About his knees, and I said it.
Speaker 8: She said, I'm worried about his knees, and you and
Speaker 8: I both posted like what mees?
Speaker 10: It was just just just long down like this huge
Speaker 10: It was somebody's tender profile picture.
Speaker 3: I'm not joking, but I don't it wasn't It wasn't
Speaker 3: him because I've seen that.
Speaker 10: Right, it wasn't him, but that's what it was. Was
Speaker 10: it was a picture of an X ray with like
Speaker 10: a gigantic dick. Well you can't, of course not, but
Speaker 10: it was like ridiculous, and so I, you know, posted
Speaker 10: that can immediately, right, but.
Speaker 3: You can see through the book.
Speaker 8: I don't know, because you see the outline of like
Speaker 8: when you do it, when you do it, they maybe
Speaker 8: I think you can.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 8: Anybody out there has ever taken an X ray that
Speaker 8: shows that she was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, doctors had let us nurse I could send them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like, Oh, okay.
Speaker 3: I just I was a very big and I want
Speaker 3: to look.
Speaker 9: I was like, I'm worried about the vagina. He's going
Speaker 9: to use that on that's a little.
Speaker 3: I wasn't worried about that. I wouldn't look at I'm
Speaker 3: not worried about.
Speaker 9: The j there's too big. There's things that are too big.
Speaker 3: I never come on, you haven't made it, not in
Speaker 3: real life.
Speaker 10: I have.
Speaker 8: I mean no, I'm always right at that. Yeah, at
Speaker 8: the pleasure chest. I watched him and like, whoa, whoa,
Speaker 8: what is that? No one is sticking that anywhere.
Speaker 3: I am for a challenge.
Speaker 6: I never forget his name was Frank. His name is Frank,
Speaker 6: and his frank was Frankly Frank. It was crazy. How
Speaker 6: old were you? I was in college. But I just
Speaker 6: remember looking in the mirror and I was like like, yeah.
Speaker 3: We tried. There's no everyone has that.
Speaker 10: Everyone has the story of we're just instead of like
Speaker 10: a baby arm, that's what it looks like.
Speaker 3: That's Gary track, of course.
Speaker 9: God, you two eyes are the worst.
Speaker 3: No really does kill the fun.
Speaker 9: It's yeahs killed.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 10: I had to say to my younger daughter this morning
Speaker 10: because she was like, Mom, I'm out of underpants, probably
Speaker 10: because they were all in the laundry that she didn't.
Speaker 3: Right, because right because they were She.
Speaker 10: Goes, she goes, I'm wearing a pair of bikini bottoms
Speaker 10: to school, and set I was like, the fuck you are,
Speaker 10: so you've got a bunch of underpants, I'm gonna find
Speaker 10: you a pair, And also like, do you just want.
Speaker 3: A yeast infection?
Speaker 10: Like you you walk around all day in the sweaty
Speaker 10: bikini bottom at school?
Speaker 9: The hell.
Speaker 3: I was like, like, it's the same thing, mom, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's really not. I'm pretty sure I've done that, so
Speaker 3: that's fine.
Speaker 9: I'm just on her side.
Speaker 10: I'm sure I have to, but I'm not gonna tell
Speaker 10: her that, right, tell her a lot of things that
Speaker 10: I tell them they can't just wear. I put her
Speaker 10: in a pair of exercise shorts that were breathaball and said, here,
Speaker 10: just worthyse you want.
Speaker 3: You'll find anywhere. You didn't find anything, No, and she
Speaker 3: was wearing to dressed. I said, just wear the because
Speaker 3: they're all in the laundry right now.
Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, fucking assholes, tell you because you have girls?
Speaker 1: What about on the other side, have your have your
Speaker 1: baby daddies dated or remarried? And like you have to
Speaker 1: deal with like the girls dealing with those women.
Speaker 3: Mine is is recently engaged, okay, and do the girls
Speaker 3: like him, I mean her, or like, what's the deal?
Speaker 9: I really hope they don't listen to this.
Speaker 3: They're not the biggest fan. I think the I think
Speaker 3: that the little one likes her more than she.
Speaker 10: Lets on a lot of the time. It's hard because
Speaker 10: I have conversations with them. I'm like, you don't have
Speaker 10: to do this for me, like I don't.
Speaker 3: If he's happy, I'm happy, that's great.
Speaker 10: Like, and I was with my ex husband for twenty
Speaker 10: years and so.
Speaker 3: Like, I you know, I love you.
Speaker 10: Guys been off now five we've been divorced for about
Speaker 10: five or four maybe it's four. And yeah, which, by
Speaker 10: the way, he knew the guy that I was dating,
Speaker 10: so that was super awkward. And I don't think they're
Speaker 10: friends anymore either, which is great. So we're all everything
Speaker 10: flew up.
Speaker 3: It was very awesome. But yeah, they bitch about her
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 10: I can't decide if I think that's because they think
Speaker 10: they're being loyal to me, and so I have a
Speaker 10: lot of talks to them because I'm like, you know,
Speaker 10: if you think you're making me feel better.
Speaker 9: By putting her down.
Speaker 3: You're not.
Speaker 10: You actually make me feel worse because I want you
Speaker 10: to be happy when you're with them. And I think
Speaker 10: she tries her best, and god knows, I do not
Speaker 10: envy that position like at all.
Speaker 3: And I have two step.
Speaker 10: Parents who I really I mean, I'm close with my stepmother.
Speaker 3: I think she's great.
Speaker 9: She never tried to mom me.
Speaker 3: She was just my friend, a dugger.
Speaker 10: My stepdad raised me more than my dad did, and
Speaker 10: I always really loved him and he was great, So
Speaker 10: I don't really have a problem with that. And honestly,
Speaker 10: my mom like really hated my father and really hated
Speaker 10: my stepmother and pitted us against them all the time,
Speaker 10: and that was that is a therapist, the most damaging
Speaker 10: thing you can do to a child.
Speaker 8: And he actually asked me last night, so be got
Speaker 8: a magic eight ball for herthday, So that's now making
Speaker 8: all of her important life decisions.
Speaker 3: Right, which I can't. I can't say that.
Speaker 8: I haven't that much of my twenties wasn't spent basically
Speaker 8: shaking the magic eight ball and going like now what?
Speaker 8: So anyway, she had it last night determining I meant
Speaker 8: it exactly how it sounded, so it was a double
Speaker 8: on tandre there.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So anyway, she was sitting there.
Speaker 8: Last night making you know, major life decisions by the
Speaker 8: magic eight ball, mainly would she shower or go brush
Speaker 8: her teeth?
Speaker 3: And it's kept saying it is certainly not so or whatever.
Speaker 8: Great anyway, but she asked, she was like, I'm going
Speaker 8: to ask if you and miss Galley are gonna get married,
Speaker 8: because that's.
Speaker 3: What she calls him. His name is Miscal and she
Speaker 3: was I'm gonna ask. I was like, wait, yeah, m
Speaker 3: e s c a.
Speaker 8: Yeah, Mescalito is from It's a character in a book
Speaker 8: that his mom really loves. Anyways, So yeah, so anyway,
Speaker 8: so she was like, I'm gonna see if you know
Speaker 8: you and miss Sally are gonna get married. It's like okay, fine,
Speaker 8: So she shook it and it said like, uh it is,
Speaker 8: you know, decidedly so.
Speaker 3: And she was so excited.
Speaker 8: She like she really really likes that means it's true.
Speaker 3: But she was like, oh my god.
Speaker 8: But she they both asked like are you going to
Speaker 8: get you know, you guys gonna get married, But I'm
Speaker 8: like I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm like waiting like I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 8: I'm not against the idea, like, but I'm with like
Speaker 8: you know, and I mean to be honest, like I'm
Speaker 8: probably more for it.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely I want to, but I don't you know,
Speaker 3: I haven't been married before.
Speaker 9: Yes, several times?
Speaker 3: How many times? Three?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Wait? Wait wait right? I mean they're like a modern day,
Speaker 3: wasn't it.
Speaker 10: That's one other time you're like, kim k sorry, I'm sorry,
Speaker 10: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm done now, that's okay. No, no, no, it's not
Speaker 3: it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 8: No, I don't I don't feel And the thing is,
Speaker 8: I don't even I do.
Speaker 3: I am all. I am like a big wedding for
Speaker 3: every single one. No, no, I've had three different weddings.
Speaker 3: The next will be destination.
Speaker 10: No.
Speaker 8: But anyway, so she got very excited about that, and
Speaker 8: she asked, she was like, is my daddy gonna get married?
Speaker 3: And she was like, I really hope so, and it
Speaker 3: said like yes. She was so happy about that.
Speaker 8: Too, And I told her, I was like, I hope
Speaker 8: your daddy finds somebody that he really likes, because I
Speaker 8: don't think I don't know that he's dated anyone. I
Speaker 8: don't ask because it's none of my business, you know,
Speaker 8: I know he asks her a lot, and I figure
Speaker 8: about yeah, and I yeah, this is the youngest, so
Speaker 8: you know, and like at the end of I'm like,
Speaker 8: that's honestly, really all I want, Like I want them
Speaker 8: to have girlfriends or wives or whatever they want. Like
Speaker 8: I want them to be happy. I really, I really do.
Speaker 8: And I want like for the kids. And I told her,
Speaker 8: I said great, I said that many more people to
Speaker 8: love you, just like exactly.
Speaker 3: Like and that's what I try more, right, more people
Speaker 3: to love you.
Speaker 10: Like you know, it's well, my kids once the once
Speaker 10: their dad proposed and they knew they were getting a stepmom,
Speaker 10: and then he told them, you know, when they were
Speaker 10: getting married and where whatever. Right away, my kids were like,
Speaker 10: are you gonna came? And I was like, no, nobody
Speaker 10: wants me there. I don't want to be there. And
Speaker 10: they were like, but there many times when you.
Speaker 3: Guys are all together. I was like, you that the
Speaker 3: last thing that this new bride.
Speaker 10: Needs who's also been divorced once before is to have
Speaker 10: the ex wife show up Like why is like yeah,
Speaker 10: hi like and they were like, but we don't want
Speaker 10: to go if you're not gonna trust me.
Speaker 8: It's awkward enough when you get married to have all
Speaker 8: of everyone there, right, Well, that was all.
Speaker 10: Other things, and they were like, well, are you ever
Speaker 10: going to be in the same place with all of
Speaker 10: our family, like meeting their grandparents everybody else. I said, yes,
Speaker 10: when it's neutral ground, I will be still speak to them,
Speaker 10: but I will be in the same room as you guys.
Speaker 3: I said, but that's not neutral ground.
Speaker 10: And I'm not that right, it's not I'm walking like
Speaker 10: wearing red being like right, but right, yeah, I mean
Speaker 10: it's that's not that's not good, but.
Speaker 3: But it is.
Speaker 8: I think it's I think it is hard though, like
Speaker 8: when you have kids and like introducing them to new.
Speaker 3: People and you know, and like I've you know, I
Speaker 3: like I said, I was engaged.
Speaker 8: I had an engagement that broke off and whatever, and
Speaker 8: it was a whole thing. And my kids didn't always
Speaker 8: love him very much and ye, but you know, but
Speaker 8: there were times that they did, and you know, and
Speaker 8: so it's always it is always hard to to balance
Speaker 8: out their opinions of it, like just because something didn't
Speaker 8: work out, like you know, whatever it's and the thing
Speaker 8: between going back and forth with both parents and being like,
Speaker 8: you don't have to hate the other person just because
Speaker 8: I do, and because I think sometimes like you know,
Speaker 8: I think sometimes my younger one feels like that because I,
Speaker 8: you know, I don't.
Speaker 3: Think her dad, I don't. I don't know anyway, you
Speaker 3: know what. Trying to be very diplomatic. It was really sad.
Speaker 10: Was was after the relationship I had, you know, after
Speaker 10: my marriage ended, that my.
Speaker 3: Kids took it really personally because.
Speaker 10: He had been my friend for so long, and especially
Speaker 10: again the older one like really had a relationship with
Speaker 10: him before, like she felt our connection with him, and
Speaker 10: so once we broke up and then subsequently just stopped
Speaker 10: talking like we had a you know, knock down boat
Speaker 10: fight and was over.
Speaker 9: We hadn't spoken in a.
Speaker 3: Year and a half.
Speaker 10: Like she took it so unbelievably personally that it was
Speaker 10: like some like she just really hurts her. And then
Speaker 10: I was going, I think, you know this, I was
Speaker 10: going through her stuff about like six months ago, and
Speaker 10: I found a journal that she was keeping to him.
Speaker 10: Oh no, like writing him how much she missed him
Speaker 10: and loved him, and how like she understood that he'd
Speaker 10: like made a mistake breaking up with me, and that
Speaker 10: you know, it was you know, something that he was
Speaker 10: going to come back and like all this stuff, and
Speaker 10: she to this day it's been almost I mean like right,
Speaker 10: it's been a year and a half, I almost since
Speaker 10: we've even spoken, and over two years since we broke up,
Speaker 10: and she believes without a doubt that like, where, yeah,
Speaker 10: it's gonna come back around. He's going to come back
Speaker 10: around somehow, this is gonna work out. And it's so
Speaker 10: hard to like sit down and have a conversation where
Speaker 10: I'm like, sometimes what you want to have happened doesn't.
Speaker 3: Happen and it had nothing to do with you.
Speaker 10: It wasn't And she's like, well maybe if you didn't
Speaker 10: have kids, you.
Speaker 3: Know, and I'm like, it was not. So she thinks
Speaker 3: that they're the problem. Yeah, yeah, she thinks they're the problems.
Speaker 10: She did something you know that they I was weighed
Speaker 10: more down because of them, maybe, Like it's like it
Speaker 10: was the most It's really why I stopped dating because
Speaker 10: I never would have introduced her to you know, them,
Speaker 10: to him really anyway. And it took a couple months
Speaker 10: for them to even know that it was a thing.
Speaker 10: But uh, just watching how it devastated they were when.
Speaker 3: He was gone. And I remember that as.
Speaker 10: A kid whose mom, you know, dated a lot before
Speaker 10: she got married, that we would get really attached to
Speaker 10: these boyfriends that she would bring into our life and
Speaker 10: then they break up with.
Speaker 3: Her, and that was that.
Speaker 8: It is, I mean, it is it is hard, Like
Speaker 8: I know, you know, when I broke up with my
Speaker 8: my most recent ex and it ended very poorly and
Speaker 8: very dramatically, and that you know, the kids it wasn't
Speaker 8: like they could say goodbye or.
Speaker 3: Ever talk to him again.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and you know, it is hard because it's like
Speaker 8: this was somebody you know, like yeah, he you know,
Speaker 8: had faults and whatever and all this stuff, but like
Speaker 8: at the state at the end of the day, like
Speaker 8: my kids didn't end, you know. And so it still
Speaker 8: is even though maybe they weren't his biggest thing.
Speaker 6: I didn't even probably know all his faults, so they
Speaker 6: they knew, right, and my older one knew more of them.
Speaker 3: She you know what I mean. She she's a little
Speaker 3: more aware. But it's still you do You're like you feel.
Speaker 8: Bad when you just suddenly have to remove somebody from
Speaker 8: their lives, and it is the thing where you like,
Speaker 8: oh my god, am I fucking everything up? Is this
Speaker 8: like the worst thing that's ever had?
Speaker 10: Like?
Speaker 3: Am I? You know? Am I?
Speaker 8: Am I screwing it all up because I'm being selfish
Speaker 8: and I want her relationship or whatever.
Speaker 10: Well that's how I felt though when I left my
Speaker 10: when I left my husband, honestly, like I was like,
Speaker 10: am I the worst parent ever? Am I ruining my
Speaker 10: kids lives? But I think every feels like that, you.
Speaker 9: Know, but it wasn't working.
Speaker 3: And I listen, I work with clients all the time.
Speaker 10: It's like, actually, one of my my biggest clients, I think,
Speaker 10: you know, our biggest like category of clients is women
Speaker 10: getting out of bad relationships.
Speaker 9: Comes me, usually moms.
Speaker 10: And you know, I'm a friend of mine said it's
Speaker 10: me when I was getting divorced, And I say it's
Speaker 10: everyone else. Like it's a contract, any other contract that
Speaker 10: you enter into in your life, when you lease a car,
Speaker 10: when you buy a house. You know, if you go
Speaker 10: get a bank account, Like if you're not happy in
Speaker 10: that contract, no one's like, oh, just ride it out
Speaker 10: with the car that's not working. Oh your roof is leaking. No, no, no,
Speaker 10: you signed a mortgage, you got to stay in that house.
Speaker 10: They're like, get out and do something better for yourself.
Speaker 10: And for some reason in marriages, people are like, but
Speaker 10: you make it right, you have kids, kid And I
Speaker 10: was like, but I but I had to get out
Speaker 10: of that marriage for myself, for their sakes, Like it
Speaker 10: was not a healthy, good situation.
Speaker 3: So it is hard.
Speaker 10: But to your point about like not being able to
Speaker 10: say goodbye, that was like their issue with the ex.
Speaker 10: You know, at least with their dad they can see,
Speaker 10: but you know, him just him breaking up with me,
Speaker 10: and he did, and you know badly, Like it was
Speaker 10: you know a lot for them to take in.
Speaker 3: Well, but maybe he's breaking up with you because of us, right,
Speaker 3: And you know I was like, I assure you it
Speaker 3: was all me. I remember.
Speaker 8: I mean when my boyfriend and I first started dating,
Speaker 8: like you know, and I would have these meltdowns and
Speaker 8: he's so wonderful and so patient and kind and gentle
Speaker 8: with me because I would just start tripping out in
Speaker 8: my head and being like this isn't and.
Speaker 3: Like not going what's going there?
Speaker 8: And nothing's happened, like nothing was happening, and if anything,
Speaker 8: he was like being wonderful and like I love you
Speaker 8: and I'm like so excited for our future and this
Speaker 8: and that, and I'm like no, no, and so like,
Speaker 8: and I remember I was like, you know what I mean,
Speaker 8: like I'm.
Speaker 3: Crying this whole thing.
Speaker 8: I was like, you know, I'm just worried, like I
Speaker 8: have kids and it's it's a lot, like I'm a
Speaker 8: single mom and and he was like nay, He's like,
Speaker 8: I've known you for years. He's like, part of the
Speaker 8: reason that I love you is because you're a mom.
Speaker 8: He's like, he goes, You're one of the biggest fighters
Speaker 8: I know because of your kids. He's like, and I
Speaker 8: it's a package deal, Like this is I get that.
Speaker 8: I wouldn't have gone into this thinking like, oh I
Speaker 8: really love her, but ah, the fact that she has
Speaker 8: kids instead of it. He's like, no, I I love that,
Speaker 8: Like that's actually something about you that I love. It's
Speaker 8: not it's not a detriment. It's actually a plus. And
Speaker 8: I was like, oh, yeah, I'm not. And it was
Speaker 8: the thing was like, not like I ever. I mean obviously,
Speaker 8: like my kids are my priority and they come first.
Speaker 8: It was just like, do how does this all work?
Speaker 8: How does this you know?
Speaker 1: And I think especially when you date someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: have kids, even being around like women that don't have
Speaker 1: kids are in settings.
Speaker 3: Right, you're constantly because kids are fucking annoying. Let's be real, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's right. Are they annoying? Not touching him?
Speaker 8: Well, he would come to my house, right, he would
Speaker 8: come to my house, and I was like a.
Speaker 3: Lot person and he right, and they put on shows
Speaker 3: and the whole thing. And he's like, I love it.
Speaker 8: And he's like, I have three nephews that are exactly
Speaker 8: your kid's age, Like I love them. I love being
Speaker 8: around kids. They're all insane. My brother threw threw a
Speaker 8: fork at me and it's stuck in my calf once,
Speaker 8: Like that's.
Speaker 3: Just what kids do. It's okay, don't He's like, I
Speaker 3: raised the four gud kid Like, yeah, it doesn't care.
Speaker 3: I will say.
Speaker 8: It was like I can sit on my phone while
Speaker 8: they're having their circus and it's fine.
Speaker 3: One of the funniest things, but it is.
Speaker 8: It's like a self like at thing, like I have
Speaker 8: to keep the kids happy, and I have to keep
Speaker 8: you happy, and I have to keep everyone is gonna be.
Speaker 3: Care and they usually look to you anyway.
Speaker 8: One of the funniest and meanwhile you're losing your fucking
Speaker 8: mind as you're trying to make everyone happy.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 10: One of the funniest things that Harper ever did was
Speaker 10: when the very first time that we were all in
Speaker 10: the same place, me and the kids and him and
Speaker 10: he you know, had come over and she they were
Speaker 10: like getting ready for bed or whatever, and all of
Speaker 10: a sudden, she just like looks at him and she's like,
Speaker 10: I just want to know something, and he was like yeah,
Speaker 10: And she's like, are you sleeping over tonight? And he
Speaker 10: just was like uh. And she was like, and are
Speaker 10: you sleeping in my mom's room? And oh yeah, and
Speaker 10: he was. He was just got like totally like had
Speaker 10: a moment and like he just looks at me and
Speaker 10: like he was like, I mean and I'm like looking
Speaker 10: at him, like just answer, and he's like, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 10: I mean maybe I think so, I don't know, is
Speaker 10: that okay? And I was like, first rule of parents,
Speaker 10: don't ask the kid permission to like just be like
Speaker 10: ye huh, not that I expect you to parent, but
Speaker 10: like just be like yes, you know.
Speaker 3: And she was like, oh, I don't care.
Speaker 10: I was just wondering and like walked away like she
Speaker 10: didn't give a ship, but it was so funny to
Speaker 10: see that happen where I'm like, Oops, didn't factor that.
Speaker 1: And no, I think I think yeah, even though sometimes
Speaker 1: there's obviously like downs to the dating. Just like ship,
Speaker 1: there's downs to the dating with us. You gotta get
Speaker 1: rid of people, you gotta love them life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you guys date? That's what I was gonna ask.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I think I think overall though,
Speaker 1: I think I think we're doing less. I think we're
Speaker 1: doing less damage more good than damage, I think, especially
Speaker 1: if we all have daughters. I think, you know, that's
Speaker 1: the journal thing. It was like the sad the hardest
Speaker 1: thing I've ever heard, and but honestly, I don't think
Speaker 1: that should prevent you from ever dating in the future because.
Speaker 8: You're I think the kids need to understand that, like
Speaker 8: the relationships change things like Disney.
Speaker 1: You know we're not gonna make no dating has happened,
Speaker 1: and then Prince Charming comes with because you're sleep and everything.
Speaker 8: You know what we're like real, and then we would
Speaker 8: be doing our kids a big disservice.
Speaker 1: Women to y the service, letting them allowing them to
Speaker 1: think that that is what it is it's not.
Speaker 3: And that's why I try.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously our kids are four, but I try
Speaker 1: to be really honest and I try to be like
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, oh.
Speaker 3: They saw me cry like I am really sad.
Speaker 9: I mean I was, I was. I was heartbroken.
Speaker 3: My heart is broken. I did, Yeah, I did. My
Speaker 3: feelings are hurt.
Speaker 1: I think those things are okay to say because and
Speaker 1: then you guess what, and then you guys your ship
Speaker 1: and you keep it fucking pushing because that's what we do,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 3: And my kids have seen that, or you know, because
Speaker 3: my kids have seen.
Speaker 8: Like me get divorced or me leave a relationship or whatever,
Speaker 8: and there is that thing of like, wow, I really
Speaker 8: like this is this the example I'm setting? I'm like, no,
Speaker 8: you know what it is the example I'm setting. The
Speaker 8: example I'm setting is I don't stay. I'm not gonna
Speaker 8: stay in something where I'm not happy and fulfilled and
Speaker 8: with a partner. So this is just not you know what,
Speaker 8: wasn't working. So you know what, mom is gonna go
Speaker 8: off and you and I tell them all the time,
Speaker 8: I go, you know what, moms fuck things up. I
Speaker 8: fuck things up all the time. I make a bunch
Speaker 8: of mistakes. I'm just doing my best, and I tell
Speaker 8: them that, I go, yeah, I fucked up, I blew
Speaker 8: it or this didn't work out or whatever, but like,
Speaker 8: you're gonna do these same things too. You're gonna make
Speaker 8: mistakes too, and I hope that you learn from them
Speaker 8: and like do a little better next time, and you
Speaker 8: might fuck it up.
Speaker 3: Again, that's okay.
Speaker 8: Well, I think it's actually more important for our daughters
Speaker 8: to see that, to see us make mistakes and keep
Speaker 8: going and own them than to either stay in something
Speaker 8: where we're not happy or pretend that we don't or
Speaker 8: deny a piece of ourselves and be like, oh, well,
Speaker 8: I'm not going to have a relationship because I don't
Speaker 8: want you to do well. No, because I don't want
Speaker 8: my kids also to think that I'm putting all of
Speaker 8: my emotional right.
Speaker 10: Yes, and I do tell them that too, like like
Speaker 10: I love you, but it needs something too, listen. I
Speaker 10: I mean, I'm sure if I met the right person,
Speaker 10: and I haven't, and that I'll go into our you know,
Speaker 10: when we were talking about our bad choices, I have
Speaker 10: some of them there, But I will also say I
Speaker 10: used not you know, with leaving my marriage. I think
Speaker 10: that was my you know thing for them, I had
Speaker 10: to get out and this is a strong.
Speaker 3: Thing with him.
Speaker 10: What I think I've been able to convey to them,
Speaker 10: and honestly, I did it as I learned it myself,
Speaker 10: was that just because someone hurts you deeply, which he did,
Speaker 10: doesn't mean that you don't get to love them anymore.
Speaker 3: I I love him unconditionally. I told him that the
Speaker 3: last time we ever spoke.
Speaker 9: I meant it. I'm not angry at him.
Speaker 10: If just because someone breaks your heart doesn't mean that
Speaker 10: you have to turn into, you know, a bitter person
Speaker 10: and hate them because you didn't get what you wanted.
Speaker 10: I actually love him, and I don't expect her to
Speaker 10: hate him because I do, or anything like that. Like
Speaker 10: I'm not pine away for him. I wish him nothing
Speaker 10: but the best. I had to learn forgiveness in myself
Speaker 10: to let that go. And you know, understand that if
Speaker 10: I actually really love him, then what I really want
Speaker 10: is for him to be happy, And if he's not
Speaker 10: happy with me, then I want him to be happy
Speaker 10: with somebody else. And that's a lesson. I didn't ever
Speaker 10: think of giving my kids until that. So I look
Speaker 10: at that you know a way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 6: So since you guys we all have girls, and your
Speaker 6: girls are a bit older than ours, so have you guys.
Speaker 6: Just I just was thinking about this because because your
Speaker 6: daughter is about to be thirteen, and how did your
Speaker 6: oldest eleven?
Speaker 3: Eleven? Okay, but she's know, I know, and I think
Speaker 3: about me terrifyingly developing.
Speaker 6: I think about me at eleven too. I started my
Speaker 6: period of eleven. Yeah, that was very much she's got.
Speaker 3: And I was already I.
Speaker 6: Was interested in like sex or like making out something.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then I watched Euphoria.
Speaker 6: I've been watched it triggered I was like, fuck, yeah,
Speaker 6: I'm like, is this what's happening in school?
Speaker 3: I mean, I know when I was in high school,
Speaker 3: shit was going down.
Speaker 8: Like yeah, I watched I mean, for me, I watched it,
Speaker 8: and a lot of it was like I could watch
Speaker 8: about two episodes at a time just because it was
Speaker 8: so vivid and real for me as far as a
Speaker 8: lot of my experience in high school, college in my
Speaker 8: twenties of what that experience, you know, minus the cell
Speaker 8: phone cameras and all of that nonsense, but basically.
Speaker 11: The same behavior of right, right, But it was really
Speaker 11: because but still it was you know a lot exactly,
Speaker 11: but watching it and being like, yeah, this is what happens,
Speaker 11: this is this is actually pretty true.
Speaker 6: Like how do you how so when they go into
Speaker 6: high school or like confronted with drugs and because of
Speaker 6: your experience battling addiction, Like, how.
Speaker 3: Do you talk to them about that?
Speaker 10: Do you?
Speaker 6: I mean, how do you plan on talking? I mean
Speaker 6: before we recorded, you mentioned that you have a book
Speaker 6: and like, yeah, one day they'll read it.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean they've My younger one apparently had googled
Speaker 8: me while I was out of town. At one point,
Speaker 8: my kid at school somehow googled me or whatever and
Speaker 8: then was like talking about and then decided to tell
Speaker 8: this was here's a great example and talk about like
Speaker 8: that mom shaming stuff. She was like, my mommy has
Speaker 8: a lot of boyfriends.
Speaker 3: And she told her whole class, she told her little class.
Speaker 8: Then of course her dad finds this out, and it's like,
Speaker 8: I don't know why she's saying.
Speaker 3: I'm like, huh, thank you, thank you. Right, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: because you know I had a lot, right, I'm like, oh.
Speaker 9: It's because I do I have.
Speaker 8: I'm like because I'm just getting all the dick and
Speaker 8: I'm telling I'm telling my kid about it all the time, right,
Speaker 8: and like, I don't know why she said that. I'm
Speaker 8: like because really after her dad, I had one boyfriend
Speaker 8: and now a second boyfriend and that's been six years, right,
Speaker 8: So like also the fact that he's like, you're fucking everyone,
Speaker 8: I'm like, no.
Speaker 3: No, be taking an eleven year old's advice. No, this
Speaker 3: was the nine year old nine right, right, That's what
Speaker 3: kills me taking mad.
Speaker 8: But then I was like, oh my god, because then
Speaker 8: it hit me of like, oh my god, my kids
Speaker 8: can google your fool me and everything about like my
Speaker 8: addiction and my book and everything I've talked about, which
Speaker 8: I'm not ashamed of. I'm very proud of where I
Speaker 8: am today, but it's i mean not something that I
Speaker 8: feel like they really need to know.
Speaker 3: And googled. What did she find?
Speaker 8: Well, she couldn't find much because it was at the
Speaker 8: school computer lab. So it was just like, you know,
Speaker 8: my mom's on full house and you know my that she.
Speaker 3: I was was engaged and broke it off and whatever.
Speaker 8: Nothing terrible. But I also am pretty open. I mean,
Speaker 8: my kids know that I'm sober. They know I go
Speaker 8: to you know that I I like, go and write
Speaker 8: recovery is important and all that stuff, but I don't.
Speaker 8: I mean, I haven't had the full on conversation with
Speaker 8: them yet, but I feel like now that my older
Speaker 8: one is starting middle school, it's definitely gonna be the like,
Speaker 8: look the been there well and.
Speaker 3: She but she does though I tell her all the time,
Speaker 3: I go, look, there's I go.
Speaker 8: Year. There's nothing that you're gonna tell me that I
Speaker 8: haven't done that's gonna surprise me.
Speaker 3: Literally nothing.
Speaker 8: So don't think you're ever gonna shock me or that
Speaker 8: I'm gonna be like I was like, if you can
Speaker 8: think about it, I've probably done it at least once
Speaker 8: and I and I said, and I'm really I said,
Speaker 8: I've learned some really hard, fucked up lessons.
Speaker 3: And I told her that.
Speaker 8: I was like, I've learned some really hard, painful lessons, uh,
Speaker 8: that I would love for you not to learn. I said,
Speaker 8: but I also know that my mom told me a
Speaker 8: lot of things that she tried to you know, impart
Speaker 8: her wisdom on me, and I didn't learn the lesson
Speaker 8: until I learned it myself. I said, So I also
Speaker 8: know you're going to have to do that too, and
Speaker 8: it's okay, Like it's okay, why am.
Speaker 3: I so sweating? Oh my god? Here, and I'm also
Speaker 3: just I sweat now that's what I do.
Speaker 9: I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Actually also speaking here, I want to open this door.
Speaker 3: It's getting hotter by this second.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but anyway, I yeah, that's sort of.
Speaker 1: I mean because obviously, okay, we have a whole show
Speaker 1: called Good Mom's Bad Choices, so there's definitely some ship done.
Speaker 3: And I mean, like we'm got to talk about doing drugs.
Speaker 3: We've experimented, and I've done a lot of dumb shit.
Speaker 1: I got a lot of cars with strangers, right, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, I've just done a lot, like all
Speaker 1: the shit your parents, all this shit.
Speaker 3: That you're not supposed to do. Yeah, you do it.
Speaker 3: I've done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And unluckily, like I'm alive because our parents did
Speaker 1: some dumb shit too.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm maybe not to the level I did, but
Speaker 3: my mom.
Speaker 10: Is like I my mom, there's a reason that like
Speaker 10: we are who we are, right See.
Speaker 8: My mom told me the other day at her fortieth
Speaker 8: wedding anniversary, She goes, oh, you saw the version of
Speaker 8: me I wanted you to see oh, she goes you
Speaker 8: saw the mom version. Trust me, I had a life
Speaker 8: before you, right, My mom was seven and I was like,
Speaker 8: she got married, so I like, and I think I.
Speaker 3: Think emotionally stayed right there at seventeen years.
Speaker 10: I mean, she just never but she didn't do like
Speaker 10: she literally just like never did anything. And because of that,
Speaker 10: everything was like taboo to talk.
Speaker 8: Well, I mean, my parents never Like my mom didn't
Speaker 8: do the things.
Speaker 3: That I did. For sure, my mom did nothing. But
Speaker 3: could you talk and my dad didn't either? Could you
Speaker 3: talk to your mom? I could talk to my mom
Speaker 3: about sex.
Speaker 8: My mom was actually really really opened to me about
Speaker 8: with me about sex, got me birth control when I
Speaker 8: started having sex like she was, which I appreciated because
Speaker 8: I was safe because you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 8: I felt like I could talk to her. She knew
Speaker 8: about it. I was on birth like I was okay
Speaker 8: because of that, which I really appreciated. But then there were,
Speaker 8: of course tons of things that my mom didn't know. Yeah,
Speaker 8: which is and I tell my kids that all the time.
Speaker 8: I go, look, you're gonna do shit that you don't
Speaker 8: want me to know about Google. I get that, and I'm.
Speaker 6: Right, do you think there was anything your mom could
Speaker 6: have done from the path that decided to right. And
Speaker 6: do you think that your addiction or your whatever your
Speaker 6: experimentation did start in high school or.
Speaker 8: Did oh yeah, my no, my addiction starter. I mean
Speaker 8: I was like thirteen the first time I drank. I
Speaker 8: was totally a blackout drinker and that was just what
Speaker 8: I did. And then like through my you know, teenage years,
Speaker 8: and then I got sober the first time in college,
Speaker 8: and then I fucked up again, and then I went
Speaker 8: to treatment, and then like most of my twenties were
Speaker 8: spent fucking up.
Speaker 3: Like it was back and forth a lot. Did you
Speaker 3: get sober the last time before you had kids or.
Speaker 8: No, I, well, I quit drink sort of. I quit
Speaker 8: drinking and doing like hard drugs and everything when I
Speaker 8: shortly after I had Zoe, I got sober again, and
Speaker 8: then uh stayed sober until after B was born, and
Speaker 8: then was in a car accident and prescribed muscle relaxers
Speaker 8: and that was my last. So my last like harah
Speaker 8: was not It was like two weeks long and it
Speaker 8: was not anything creazy.
Speaker 3: So I haven't like drank or used drugs in a
Speaker 3: really long time.
Speaker 6: So never had to like talk to your child about
Speaker 6: I'm just curious. I don't know, like, how do you
Speaker 6: navigate that space if your child is of age and understand? Right, wait, mom,
Speaker 6: he's acting different like you never had that.
Speaker 3: Right, I never had. No, I never had. My kids
Speaker 3: have never.
Speaker 8: I have never seen me loaded and and you know,
Speaker 8: God willing, I will never will because I still work
Speaker 8: on my recovery and everything, but you know it, I
Speaker 8: also want them to.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's Lena's dad. She he has to get
Speaker 3: the key to deny and it okay, should I pause?
Speaker 3: H I told her for him open the door. If
Speaker 3: your dad the key, then I gave to you. Now
Speaker 3: you're fucking hiding the figure it out.
Speaker 6: Never did I ever, never do I ever tell my
Speaker 6: daughter to open the front door.
Speaker 3: And hopefully this doesn't become like open the door, they
Speaker 3: go that face?
Speaker 10: What is.
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 9: Because she's four, that's what they do.
Speaker 13: And then she just runs away.
Speaker 3: She's like, no, dad, right, thanks.
Speaker 1: Literally everything I said not, guy's gonna come give him
Speaker 1: this ga she runs.
Speaker 3: Okay, now she's back. I'm looking for her dad.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, It's the thing.
Speaker 1: Even when I think about, like I started drinking when
Speaker 1: I was eleven.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like me and Danielle. Oh try I think, like
Speaker 3: I look at my daughter now and I'm like, have
Speaker 3: a party in a couple.
Speaker 6: The first time I got wasted wasille was eleven at
Speaker 6: Jim Carrey's house with his daughter.
Speaker 3: Really because I.
Speaker 6: Went to a super rich private school where there was
Speaker 6: just access and parents were leaving their kids alone.
Speaker 3: Right, But I didn't even I don't even think I saw.
Speaker 6: Him, Like I know he was there somewhere, but like
Speaker 6: the whole day we were alone, the night we were alone,
Speaker 6: and I was like, oh, let's try, let's try this,
Speaker 6: let's mix them because we don't.
Speaker 3: I remember doing that. Yeah, just makes it. Well, even
Speaker 3: pour a little bit out of out of the bottle.
Speaker 3: The bottles. Yeah, yeah, you can't kill it. Can't let
Speaker 3: them know you've.
Speaker 6: Been drinking, right, And then I just remember being blacked
Speaker 6: out in the shower, then washing my hair in the shower,
Speaker 6: and then my mom picked.
Speaker 3: Me up in the morning and was like, have you
Speaker 3: been drinking.
Speaker 14: I was like, you never trust me, right, yeah, I
Speaker 14: can't believe you. I remember, Oh my god. And that's
Speaker 14: the thing is like my poor mother, and I say
Speaker 14: this to her. Now, I'm like, I'm so sorry because like.
Speaker 8: The things that I just and that I held onto
Speaker 8: for the longest.
Speaker 15: Like I can't believe you did this to me, like
Speaker 15: now that I have because I'm like, oh, she should
Speaker 15: have done more sooner, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 15: I can't believe it took you till I was like
Speaker 15: fourteen to call me a bitch, Like I was well
Speaker 15: into acting bitchy before.
Speaker 10: I've beaten her now by calling my daughter a bitch,
Speaker 10: yeah last week, So you know, at twelve, it's just yeah,
Speaker 10: you guys.
Speaker 3: Have much better. Like drinking stories. I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: those are like fancy. My sister and I used to.
Speaker 10: My dad used to travel and so it was when
Speaker 10: the airlines would give you the.
Speaker 3: Free little yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 10: And my dad doesn't drink, but I think it's because
Speaker 10: he's Jewish and it was free on boggeting this. So
Speaker 10: he had all these bottles of kgnac under like little
Speaker 10: air bottles of knak and my sister and I used
Speaker 10: to when you go to bed sit when we were
Speaker 10: there underneath like the sink where he put them, and
Speaker 10: we would drink them.
Speaker 3: And they would be like tail craft. It again, oh God.
Speaker 10: And then we'd fill him up with water and put
Speaker 10: him back and I don't think to this day he
Speaker 10: knows that that's what we did.
Speaker 3: And then my mother had a bottle of vodka that
Speaker 3: she can.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know what you don't do though, with vodka
Speaker 8: is refill it with water and put it back in
Speaker 8: the freezer where you found it.
Speaker 9: Because I oh, yeah, because then it explodes.
Speaker 8: Well, my mom, but you don't know that when you're
Speaker 8: like twelve, thirteen or fourteen, vodka doesn't freeze.
Speaker 3: That's actually kind of fucking hilarious.
Speaker 10: My mom used to keep it underneath her sink because
Speaker 10: my grandfather, I guess, told her that you rinse your
Speaker 10: mouth of it because it's like really good your gumbs
Speaker 10: or something.
Speaker 16: Because my mouth, yeah, because alcohol is great for your guy,
Speaker 16: so good it Really.
Speaker 9: If she did drink, she'd be a nicer human being.
Speaker 3: But mouth with vodka gets some fucking listerine.
Speaker 10: Yeah, she did, And that's what I would That's what
Speaker 10: I would say if I were an alcoholic.
Speaker 3: She never checked it because like she never really drank, and.
Speaker 10: So when she got it, and it was like right
Speaker 10: before my stepfather really came into the picture, and my
Speaker 10: sister and I used to go into her bathroom and
Speaker 10: the shots and then like fill it up with the
Speaker 10: water and put it back out of the sink. And
Speaker 10: at some point after like Harvey moved in, right, he
Speaker 10: was like, why is this water? Yeah, he was like
Speaker 10: what do you have water under the sink? And she
Speaker 10: was in a vodka bottle and she was like, what
Speaker 10: are you talking about? It's vodka and he.
Speaker 3: Was like, no, it has not been vodka for quite
Speaker 3: some time.
Speaker 10: Right, maybe it smells a little like vodka on the cap,
Speaker 10: Like that's about it.
Speaker 9: Like those girls are drinking your mouth.
Speaker 3: Washed, like stop it. And then they put a padlock,
Speaker 3: that's what and then that you also can't drink and
Speaker 3: will probably get you.
Speaker 9: D I'm sure what they pad locked their door after that.
Speaker 3: But you know it's like do you tell like how
Speaker 3: much do you tell them?
Speaker 9: How much?
Speaker 4: You don't?
Speaker 1: Because my I could not talk to my parents about
Speaker 1: anything remotely, I mean either, and so like maybeye, like
Speaker 1: twelfth grade, I don't even know that, like eleven, twelve thirteen,
Speaker 1: I didn't talk about sex and I was fucking I
Speaker 1: didn't talk about them.
Speaker 3: I didn't talk about like drugs or alcohol, because I
Speaker 3: knew I was just.
Speaker 1: Gonna be shunned and put in punishment for life right right.
Speaker 1: But then on the like the flip side, I was
Speaker 1: thirteen and like hanging out like you're even born thirteen
Speaker 1: and reading like bad girl books right hung out with
Speaker 1: this bitchroom school who I don't even know why her
Speaker 1: old stepdad was picking her up from school.
Speaker 3: Wasn't even like her current stepdad.
Speaker 1: She was like she was like the ex step dad,
Speaker 1: and she had she was troubled, like she had gone
Speaker 1: from home to home.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Oh, my friend Ashley's dad's picking us up after school.
Speaker 1: This nigga picked us up, pulled over, had a cooler
Speaker 1: in the trunk with like wine coolers.
Speaker 3: I sort of know that I knew this was thirteen.
Speaker 17: Jesus Christ then took us to the beach, bought a cigarette,
Speaker 17: and took us to the third Street promenade to steal what.
Speaker 3: He what you're what do you mean? Wait? Was whose
Speaker 3: whose idea was the steel steal? And I guess it
Speaker 3: was ours or hers? I don't know. You like, yo,
Speaker 3: we're gonna steal some ship. He was like, Okay, we
Speaker 3: pull over, but he was away driver. She was literally troubled.
Speaker 3: He was obviously in some form of.
Speaker 1: A perf because yeah, will we pick up four thirteen
Speaker 1: year olds get them drunk?
Speaker 3: No, he like, pre had the cooler in there.
Speaker 10: That's so creepy, sexy, don't get murdered.
Speaker 3: That's thirteen. We're like what at thirteen? Yeah, you understand. No,
Speaker 3: he's trying to put his finger in your button.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're lucky what it was stealing, come out
Speaker 1: the store, give it to him so we have more
Speaker 1: room to steal.
Speaker 3: And then on another occasion, he took us to his apartment, which, no,
Speaker 3: this is actually really scary.
Speaker 9: I mean, yeah, I'm already scared.
Speaker 3: I'm scared too. I see. This is the thing. At thirteen,
Speaker 3: they're super cool and they know that and are like, thirteen,
Speaker 3: this is what's scary, is it? Not the other kids.
Speaker 8: Shit, it's when they're like, oh, I found a cool
Speaker 8: adult that I'm gonna hang out drunk. But he were
Speaker 8: like no, no, no, no, that's not what we were doing.
Speaker 3: And and oh yeah, we were drinking at his house.
Speaker 3: I think like in the shower. I wait, wait, he.
Speaker 1: Wasn't like in the bathroom, but he was in the house,
Speaker 1: and like I mean, the scary part is now that
Speaker 1: I was thirteen and drunk and a blackout, really right,
Speaker 1: and so who I mean, Like, I don't think anything happened,
Speaker 1: but obviously the fact that this grown ass, unmarried man
Speaker 1: was just thirteen year old giving us alcohol. We were
Speaker 1: probably running around the like name right, I'm sure I
Speaker 1: didn't have just as much I have now, not much.
Speaker 3: But the point is it's just like it's and so
Speaker 3: it's like, at.
Speaker 1: What point do we be Like I'm like, Okay, Luna,
Speaker 1: you want to have a drink, We're gonna do it
Speaker 1: here at this fucking house.
Speaker 3: Okay, no creepy step ex stepdads.
Speaker 1: But it's like, how do you deliver the messages like
Speaker 1: I've done this ship, I've been there, I've done that,
Speaker 1: and there's creepy people.
Speaker 3: But the thing is it doesn't oh my mom, goodness, dude,
Speaker 3: it's fine.
Speaker 8: The thing is this, it's well, it's a fine line.
Speaker 8: And also it doesn't matter. It doesn't because if they're
Speaker 8: gonna do it, they're gonna do it whether you approve
Speaker 8: of it or not. If you approve of it, then
Speaker 8: they might at least tell you, but they're still gonna
Speaker 8: do the shady ship you don't know about, and if
Speaker 8: you don't approve of it, then they're just gonna do
Speaker 8: the shady sheit you don't know about. Right.
Speaker 3: But here's the thing is they.
Speaker 8: Could even if you know about it, they could still
Speaker 8: be doing that. That's just what teenagers do. And that's
Speaker 8: like watching Euphoria. That's the thing is you go like, oh,
Speaker 8: you see everything on that show from the parents that
Speaker 8: are cool with it to the parents and there it's
Speaker 8: they're all doing because it's that's what teenagers do. It's
Speaker 8: and it's actually an important thing that they do, is
Speaker 8: make mistakes and push boundaries. That's what they're supposed to
Speaker 8: be doing. But the terrifying thing is is that they
Speaker 8: do it. There's serious consequen.
Speaker 1: Thankfully, like I didn't get raped or murdered, right, But
Speaker 1: the truth is those things do happen, and like, how
Speaker 1: do we navigate dumb You've got to talk.
Speaker 10: To them, my fa I mean, I don't you know,
Speaker 10: I think I talked to you guys about this, and
Speaker 10: you obviously know, like I came out publicly using cannabis
Speaker 10: for a PPD, and I you know, my kids know
Speaker 10: my kids will hand me my vape. They know where
Speaker 10: it is, like everything else is locked up. They can't
Speaker 10: get to it. And that's really more just for like
Speaker 10: because I don't know. I don't even know why I
Speaker 10: lock it up anymore. They would not touch it.
Speaker 3: My alcohol is out.
Speaker 10: They could definitely get into that way worse. But I mean,
Speaker 10: I've let Harper, you know, when she's like, I want
Speaker 10: to what does that drink taste like? Because my mom
Speaker 10: was so taboo about alcohol and all anything drugs or anything,
Speaker 10: and it's like all I want to do is get
Speaker 10: out of that house so they can try something, you know,
Speaker 10: And it's like I don't want to make that be
Speaker 10: the thing, so I you know, I'm like, well, here,
Speaker 10: you want to try a little civiline. You can have
Speaker 10: the wind, dip your finger into the whiskey.
Speaker 9: Let me know what you think. You know, you're the
Speaker 9: same kind of thing.
Speaker 3: She looks.
Speaker 10: She taught herself how to make martinis and old fashions.
Speaker 3: And find out I call her Sally Draper when she
Speaker 3: does that, I'm like, ah, ahead, a Sala Drapert me drink.
Speaker 10: I don't drink very much, but when I do, it's
Speaker 10: kind of like she'll want to know, like how.
Speaker 3: It all happens or whatever. I don't have a I
Speaker 3: don't have.
Speaker 9: An issue with that.
Speaker 10: And I also know it doesn't make a damn difference,
Speaker 10: like you said, because she's gonna do what she's going
Speaker 10: to do. And now she's in bought mitzvah season, you know,
Speaker 10: because she's almost thirteen.
Speaker 9: Well, I'm fucking Jewish.
Speaker 3: I remember what happens in bot mitsvuzz And I'll tell
Speaker 3: you because none of you are.
Speaker 10: Guess what at thirteen years old, when people throw gigantic
Speaker 10: bought mitzvahs, there's a bunch of people, older people drinking
Speaker 10: and they.
Speaker 3: Walk on around right and every and.
Speaker 9: Then they put there down and they got someplace else.
Speaker 10: And as a thirteen year old, you go and walk
Speaker 10: in the room and like the real quickly, and you
Speaker 10: write to your friends and then that you know and
Speaker 10: nobody else.
Speaker 3: So that's the first time that I remember like drinking
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 10: And so she came home from one batbits but I
Speaker 10: dropped her friend off and she came in the door,
Speaker 10: you know, and she was, you know, hanging out next
Speaker 10: to me, and I just like to her and I said, so, uh,
Speaker 10: what drinks did you try?
Speaker 3: And she went, what and I was like, what drinks.
Speaker 10: Did you try? And she goes, no, I didn't try anything,
Speaker 10: and I go, Jesus Christ Harper. I was like, you're
Speaker 10: gonna lie to me. You're really gonna lie to my
Speaker 10: face right now? What did you try? And she was like,
Speaker 10: am I in trouble?
Speaker 9: And I said, no, you're not trouble.
Speaker 3: Lest you lie to me, I said, just tell me
Speaker 3: and she was like, okay, well I try to look
Speaker 3: and Tonic and I like it and.
Speaker 9: She goes no, and I was like, yeah, that was rough.
Speaker 3: I was like, what else like? And she told me.
Speaker 10: She was like, we all took SIPs and then there
Speaker 10: was this one and I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 10: And I was like, oh, yeah, right, you know it
Speaker 10: was turned out. I was.
Speaker 3: I told my kids too about like lying.
Speaker 8: I go, look, tell me, don't I go, And I
Speaker 8: know you're afraid to do this. I go, but one,
Speaker 8: I know when you're lying, yep, I go. And two,
Speaker 8: if you tell me the truth, we can work with
Speaker 8: the truth.
Speaker 3: I was like.
Speaker 8: And I'm not gonna get mad if we've got truth
Speaker 8: to work with. I said, but if you lie to
Speaker 8: me and I know you're lying to me, and it's
Speaker 8: like something that I'm like, then then I've got nothing and.
Speaker 3: I can't help you. I can't get you out of it.
Speaker 3: I don't see right.
Speaker 8: I was like, I might help you figure some ship out, right, No,
Speaker 8: like I'll help you hide the body, but you got
Speaker 8: to be honest that there's a body, right.
Speaker 3: That's awesome because then Harper said at one point, she
Speaker 3: was like, well, I.
Speaker 6: Didn't, but if you lie to me about it, I
Speaker 6: get that ship out of the drunk right, was like,
Speaker 6: I didn't really want to do it at first, and
Speaker 6: everyone was like daring, and I felt like I had to.
Speaker 10: And I was like, okay, well, hold on, I don't
Speaker 10: care that you wanted to try a drink. If you
Speaker 10: want to try a drink. Although I'm surprised because you
Speaker 10: could have asked me and I probably would have let
Speaker 10: you take your finger in something. I said, what I
Speaker 10: don't You don't ever need to feel like you need
Speaker 10: to drink or do.
Speaker 3: Anything because your friends are doing it.
Speaker 10: They're just trying to get you to go along with
Speaker 10: it so they feel right and they'll do it too.
Speaker 10: Like you can say no, it doesn't matter, like whatever,
Speaker 10: that's fine, and she you know, and she gets a
Speaker 10: weed as No, I mean, that's like nothing.
Speaker 9: I don't care. Do you don't care if she starts.
Speaker 6: To do you think that would you encourage her to
Speaker 6: smoke for the first time with you?
Speaker 3: Or I hope she does?
Speaker 6: Okay, Yeah, I hope she does. And if you're an
Speaker 6: age limit in your mind, of like.
Speaker 10: I mean, I wish it was legal now because I'm
Speaker 10: much rather she's got anxiety and I'd much rather like
Speaker 10: be able to help her with that than put her
Speaker 10: on whatever medication some doctor's going to tell me that
Speaker 10: she probably should be on because she's got panic attacks.
Speaker 3: I'd much rather prefer that. But I mean, right now,
Speaker 3: I would go with the legal.
Speaker 10: Limit of what that is in our state, which you
Speaker 10: know is still having twenty one and you know, unless
Speaker 10: you get a med card, which I honestly looked into
Speaker 10: trying to get her a med card.
Speaker 3: Her dad is vehemently opposed to that.
Speaker 10: He's sober, and I understand that that's something that he
Speaker 10: doesn't get, although I also know that I have sober.
Speaker 3: Friends that don't feel that cannabis should.
Speaker 9: Be in that category. So I have a hard.
Speaker 3: Time with it because you smoke it. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 10: But you're but you know what, I know what you're
Speaker 10: again of me, and I appreciate that. I mean that
Speaker 10: you're you know. I will turn to to Jody and
Speaker 10: ask her, you know, questions around like what is you know?
Speaker 10: And I know that, you know, we talked about opioid
Speaker 10: addiction and studies, so I'll bombard her with studies and
Speaker 10: she's like, I.
Speaker 3: Support whatever you do.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I mean, I know one of the first times
Speaker 10: that we were we were starting to do never thought
Speaker 10: I had and you sets me right away or like
Speaker 10: I already told you know my manager that you're cannabis
Speaker 10: adocate and you don't have to take that out.
Speaker 3: You don't have to put it.
Speaker 8: No, I'm actually like I've already even though I'm sober,
Speaker 8: I'm a big cannabis advocate. I think it's I think
Speaker 8: it's actually much healthier in a lot of ways than anything,
Speaker 8: you know, a lot of medications. I think it's better
Speaker 8: for you than alcohol. I think, you know, there's a
Speaker 8: there's a lot of things. I think it's a huge
Speaker 8: yar for years, Cannabis is a gateway drug. No, I well,
Speaker 8: I'm always trauma is a gateway drug. Trauma is a
Speaker 8: gateway drug and trauma. Resolutely, trauma, trauma is the underlying root.
Speaker 3: Cause of all addiction. It has nothing to do with
Speaker 3: what substance you use.
Speaker 1: You you can use food, you can use food, you
Speaker 1: can use sex, you can use, shopping, you can you
Speaker 1: can use.
Speaker 8: Anything to do with trauma. Trauma is the gateway. But
Speaker 8: if you don't have that underlying trauma that is leading
Speaker 8: you to search for something to make you feel whole,
Speaker 8: then it's not gonna be a problem.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 8: If that, if you don't have the genetic makeup that
Speaker 8: makes you an addict, it's not gonna be a problem.
Speaker 10: Yeah. Pharmaceuticals aren't addictive, but they certainly are things that
Speaker 10: people can you know, develop as a crutch as well.
Speaker 10: Opioids are, yes, for sure, but I meant like SSRIs
Speaker 10: but you.
Speaker 3: Know, I mean those aren't addictive.
Speaker 10: But certainly, the the the the attention that one can
Speaker 10: get from having any sort of you know, mental disorder
Speaker 10: is And if you're like I'm gonna try this new
Speaker 10: met and the I'm gonna do this new meta or whatever,
Speaker 10: like you can pile on sr SSRIs to different things
Speaker 10: all the time trying to do, you know, control your mood.
Speaker 10: And that's not to take away from any mood disorder,
Speaker 10: because of course I have an anxiety disorder. To meet
Speaker 10: the band, but like I don't feel like for me,
Speaker 10: for me personally, I would rather use something natural that
Speaker 10: I now know is not only not a gateway drug,
Speaker 10: but is non addictive. I know where it comes from,
Speaker 10: I know what's in it. I don't know what you're
Speaker 10: I get a bottle of something, I don't know what's
Speaker 10: in that.
Speaker 3: I don't know what. I don't know if it's really
Speaker 3: not addictive.
Speaker 8: You're telling me it's not well and like they always
Speaker 8: say too, like you know, five drunk guys will start
Speaker 8: a fight, five stone guys will start a band.
Speaker 10: Yeah yeah, I mean if she comes to me before
Speaker 10: the legal limit, I mean I I you know, I
Speaker 10: just don't want to lose my kids, so I wouldn't
Speaker 10: want to do that. Well, she probably do it behind
Speaker 10: my back and then tell me maybe I prefer if I.
Speaker 1: Was there, I would I smoked weed. I think I
Speaker 1: saw you like thirteen, Like I don't get really at high.
Speaker 1: But when I me and my best friend went to Mexico,
Speaker 1: her mom rolled this little joints. You know, Rappini contest
Speaker 1: in the morning for Easter Sunday. She rolled his little joints,
Speaker 1: put our winnings.
Speaker 3: Out and gave us each Easter baskets and we chilled,
Speaker 3: you know. And I really didn't really start smoking weed
Speaker 3: until I.
Speaker 1: Got to college, right, we were like sixteen, well high school. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and even then, yeah, like it was because you know whatever,
Speaker 1: it was like baass weed.
Speaker 3: It was in Georgia.
Speaker 9: It was brick weed, like what.
Speaker 3: They call reggie, which is like stress.
Speaker 1: Right, And then as an adult, you know, and then
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need way kill everybody.
Speaker 3: But you know, I just I agree.
Speaker 1: I think I think we're in a place where like
Speaker 1: doctors and parents are fucking bogus, and like little little
Speaker 1: Jojo has has anxiety, Little jojes depast.
Speaker 3: Let him give him merry.
Speaker 10: Just because he's not behaving for their going through cmonal
Speaker 10: changes that's actually normal.
Speaker 3: Or trauma or in the household.
Speaker 1: But people are so quick to give your kids some
Speaker 1: fucking pharmaceutical drugs. Like everybody's up in arms when the
Speaker 1: mom's getting high and totally fine.
Speaker 10: And I also, you can use cannabis and not get
Speaker 10: high either way. Well you can just microdose. I'm micro
Speaker 10: dose and I'm not high like, I'm.
Speaker 3: Just normal like and I'm just not stabbing. I don't
Speaker 3: want to kill them.
Speaker 9: So I think there's that.
Speaker 10: I mean, listen and then like women that get you,
Speaker 10: guys should talk to Kelly Osborn Bruce by the way,
Speaker 10: the Kanamammie.
Speaker 9: Her story is, I mean, God, what she's gone through,
Speaker 9: she's amazing.
Speaker 10: People get their kids taken away for using you know,
Speaker 10: cannabis that's insane, nursing or using it while you're pregnant.
Speaker 10: I get that there are studies that people are unclear on,
Speaker 10: well how are.
Speaker 1: These people like hey, because I know that's a possibility,
Speaker 1: and obviously we're talking candidly about being moms that medicate.
Speaker 3: How what happened, so we can avoid that.
Speaker 10: Well, she would tell you, but I think with her
Speaker 10: at least the first time, I want to say, she
Speaker 10: was pregnant and you know, her doctor decided to test
Speaker 10: for it when she went in.
Speaker 3: For like regular tests.
Speaker 10: I'm pretty sure, and I'm pretty sure that's how she
Speaker 10: ended up trading things around.
Speaker 3: You have to ask her.
Speaker 10: I don't want to put words in her mouth, but
Speaker 10: and I'll connect you guys because she's amazing. But that
Speaker 10: here's the other thing, and people have come at me.
Speaker 10: I've I mean, I was remember last year they asked
Speaker 10: me to do a PBS show about this and I
Speaker 10: did it with the doctor and the doctor screamed in
Speaker 10: my face and told me I was fucking dangerous.
Speaker 3: It was so bad that they couldn't air the show
Speaker 3: because he came.
Speaker 9: At me so hard.
Speaker 10: And he was a like maybe eighty five year old
Speaker 10: white dude with no kids, and it obviously never been
Speaker 10: fucking pregnant. And when I said, and I cited, you know,
Speaker 10: there's a huge study in Jamaica that they they did
Speaker 10: with women who smoked while they were nursing, maybe while
Speaker 10: they were pregnant, but definitely while they were nursing. And
Speaker 10: then on and they followed these kids for ten eleven years.
Speaker 10: Not only did these kids not end up, you know,
Speaker 10: behind everyone else, they were fucking advanced, every single one
Speaker 10: of them. And so they were like, yeah, there's not
Speaker 10: really a correlation here. And I brought it up and
Speaker 10: he was like, well, was that done by somebody in Jamaica?
Speaker 10: Like he like was all xenophobic, and I was like,
Speaker 10: it was done by an American Actually, and.
Speaker 3: Wait study Yep, they were probably high too. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: right there.
Speaker 9: I was like, fuck you, dude.
Speaker 10: But I always say that people and they're like, is
Speaker 10: it what about women that use it when they're pregnant
Speaker 10: or nursing.
Speaker 9: My mom asked me that once and I was like.
Speaker 10: I don't see a lot of like really big issues
Speaker 10: with low birth weight and a lot of mental you know,
Speaker 10: retardation in Jamaica and amstercamp And I assure you, right,
Speaker 10: they're doing that, like it's the same as you know
Speaker 10: in Spain.
Speaker 9: It's very normal in Italy for that matter of brands.
Speaker 10: To have a glass of wine once a week, even
Speaker 10: at once a night at dinner when you're pregnant is
Speaker 10: not that big a goddamn fucking deal.
Speaker 3: They also have.
Speaker 10: Raw cheese and japan sushi, right, Like, that's ship.
Speaker 6: It's only because America makes everything super scary about money.
Speaker 6: Well that and also our food is terrible. Yes, it's
Speaker 6: not the same. No, we should be scared.
Speaker 3: We should. I'm more scared.
Speaker 8: I'm more scared of all the high fruitos corn syrup
Speaker 8: in my kids food than GMO.
Speaker 10: Right than in two years from now, when the when
Speaker 10: big Pharma and Philip Morris have a steak in cannabis.
Speaker 3: I garn fucking ty Well.
Speaker 9: Love it writing out scared.
Speaker 10: It's gonna put down every everyone that's been in this
Speaker 10: business for goddamn years. It's gonna go out of business
Speaker 10: like and it's gonna be like, no big deal and
Speaker 10: it's all.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be like when doctors used told people to
Speaker 3: smoke because it was.
Speaker 1: Healthy, I mean, in the sixties. But is we're drinking
Speaker 1: solon martinis while no one saw fucking hairspray. I mean,
Speaker 1: my grandma. I mean, and I hate to use this
Speaker 1: as a reference, but.
Speaker 3: I was watching a documentary and they're talking.
Speaker 1: About the crack era and they're talking about and the
Speaker 1: truth is, the research on crack babies was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we can't believe that there's this little There was.
Speaker 10: The d R.
Speaker 3: It's the ambitu.
Speaker 8: Well it's the same, you know, it's the immediate uh
Speaker 8: detox and really what you see more of. Because I
Speaker 8: work with a place called the PICK, which is pediatric
Speaker 8: Interim Care center up in Washington State, and it's run
Speaker 8: by this nurse and this team of amazing women who
Speaker 8: she's she opened this house and they take in infants
Speaker 8: affected by drug addiction and fetal not fetal alcohosimm but well,
Speaker 8: it's anything that affects the fetus with it. When they're born.
Speaker 8: They are having to go through withdrawal synms, and the
Speaker 8: thing that they see most often is opioids and it
Speaker 8: is the heart like watching these babies go through opioid
Speaker 8: detox from legitimately prescribed drugs and some of them, some
Speaker 8: of them are heroin obviously, but a lot of them.
Speaker 8: They said, the opioid epidemic and the methemphenomine epidemic are
Speaker 8: the two worst things that they've seen for that. Like,
Speaker 8: it's not you don't see you know, cannabis babies can
Speaker 8: be you don't see, it's you see it from prescribed pharmaceuticals.
Speaker 10: Yeah. Well, there's also never been a legal study, which
Speaker 10: I constantly have to remind people where they're like, well,
Speaker 10: studies have shown no, they have those studies because it's
Speaker 10: not legal, so you actually can't do an actual, real
Speaker 10: study that would give you any sort of actual information.
Speaker 10: So that's a load of shit, So stop throwing those
Speaker 10: numbers at me. And it's so rare when they're looking
Speaker 10: at low birth weight and whatever else they're trying to
Speaker 10: like chalk up to cannabis. But I just saw there
Speaker 10: was something yesterday and I almost went to read it,
Speaker 10: and I was like.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be fucking mad. I'm not gonna about something
Speaker 3: about like the kids don't learn.
Speaker 10: As well when they're but when they start smoking at
Speaker 10: early ages, which I was like, also, bullshit, how are
Speaker 10: you testing this? But they very very rarely here, They
Speaker 10: have never because you can't isolate just cannabis. It could
Speaker 10: be cannabis and cigarettes and alcohol and meth and cocaine
Speaker 10: and opioids and who the fuck else knows it could
Speaker 10: be you could be on antidepressants, which also, by the way,
Speaker 10: have been linked to low birth weights, and we get
Speaker 10: prescribed those when we're fight and.
Speaker 1: Then they're totally and they and they allow women to
Speaker 1: be on intipid depressants.
Speaker 10: Well, there's two that they've approved in the last couple
Speaker 10: of years. They were super old Baby Daddy, and.
Speaker 3: But then I know.
Speaker 9: That one of them was it didn't used to be approved.
Speaker 10: And then like I remember, I had PPD so bad
Speaker 10: with my first which is when I wish I'd actually
Speaker 10: realized I should use cannabis. I used it with my
Speaker 10: second because then somebody told me to and and that
Speaker 10: was very helpful. But like I remember asking can I
Speaker 10: use Gaba pin In because I had been on Gaba
Speaker 10: pint In for anxiety earlier in my twenties and it
Speaker 10: was great.
Speaker 9: Also, yeah, Neurontin worked so well.
Speaker 3: It's actually one of the few pharma suits I really
Speaker 3: really like. I use it for that.
Speaker 9: I will still sometimes use it for that.
Speaker 3: Can she for fruits? Now? Yeah? Also, why did we
Speaker 3: not wear our two teothes?
Speaker 10: I know, I mean they're in matching twutuos and could
Speaker 10: not be I love it and you'd be in the
Speaker 10: pink guy being the black.
Speaker 9: I was just whatever, Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker 10: But anyway, I asked, can I use that when I'm
Speaker 10: nursing Gaba pintent and they were like, no, you have
Speaker 10: to use either Prozac or zoloft, and they because it's
Speaker 10: not approved for nursing.
Speaker 3: I said, all right. One of my.
Speaker 10: Clients just went through all this crap was nursing and
Speaker 10: had to get back surgery at the same time. It
Speaker 10: was a shit show, and she was like, they just
Speaker 10: put me on Gaba pintent. I said, do they know
Speaker 10: that you're nursing and she said, yeah, I said, and
Speaker 10: they said that's okay. She's like, yeah, all right, that
Speaker 10: is a what twelve year difference that you decided in
Speaker 10: that time? No, no, no, now it's fine right in
Speaker 10: fact that medication didn't change.
Speaker 3: You don't know what you're talking about and at and
Speaker 3: a lot of people don't realize that's so much misinformation.
Speaker 3: There's not a lot of long term research. No, they
Speaker 3: don't have to have a lot of long term research
Speaker 3: to put to approve.
Speaker 10: Shit.
Speaker 3: It's not about the money. It could be like two years.
Speaker 1: And that's why so many drugs will go for a
Speaker 1: long time and then they'll see.
Speaker 3: The long term effects and they're like, oh shit, that's
Speaker 3: babies are getting born with mermaid fins, right right? Do that?
Speaker 10: Oh?
Speaker 8: They won't think because they don't do any testing. Well,
Speaker 8: I just watched the whole thing. Here's an amazing fact
Speaker 8: that we don't know a lot of testing and studies
Speaker 8: done on women and pregnant women are done on male
Speaker 8: test subjects.
Speaker 3: There. It was just the whole thing, I believe.
Speaker 8: I can't remember if it was Vice news I saw them,
Speaker 8: but it was a news source of legitimate news sources.
Speaker 8: Was not fucking Facebook or something like that. This was
Speaker 8: I actually was watching it and it was talking about how, uh,
Speaker 8: they don't know how There was one study that they
Speaker 8: were doing on the effect of some sort of like
Speaker 8: like hormonal treatment therapy or whatever, and they tested it
Speaker 8: on men, but it was for post menopausal whatever. And
Speaker 8: because they this doctor actually in an interview said, well,
Speaker 8: we tested on men because they don't have a lot
Speaker 8: of those pesky hormone changes that women.
Speaker 3: Do, and the ones that we need to test, the
Speaker 3: ones that we need to test on.
Speaker 8: And that was and that was the things like, so
Speaker 8: you're testing and this is still this is still happens
Speaker 8: that you're testing things on men that are supposed to
Speaker 8: be for women because they don't want to do They
Speaker 8: want a bait quote unquote baseline that isn't affected by
Speaker 8: monthly hormonal changes. But the problem is is you can't
Speaker 8: untake that into account. So a lot of things get
Speaker 8: tested and approved for women that have never actually been
Speaker 8: tested on women because they haven't they didn't want to
Speaker 8: get interfered with monthly hormonal tis.
Speaker 3: But that has a huge effect on the efficacy and
Speaker 3: the nature of the house. Believe believe.
Speaker 8: So just so you know, like a lot of research
Speaker 8: on medical devices, implanted medical devices, all of that kind
Speaker 8: of stuff does not go through anything because you can
Speaker 8: actually there's a law that says that you can base
Speaker 8: it on previous models, but there's no limit to how
Speaker 8: many previous models it can be, how old those models were,
Speaker 8: and those models were, so you can actually say like, oh,
Speaker 8: we don't need to do any testing or any approval
Speaker 8: by the FDA on this IUD or this. There was
Speaker 8: one there was an IUD that actually screwed into the
Speaker 8: Philippian tubes and they didn't have to do any testing
Speaker 8: on it because it was based on previous IUD models,
Speaker 8: And so that went back decades and decades and decades,
Speaker 8: and then what happened was is women started having problems
Speaker 8: because so much scar tissue was being developed by these
Speaker 8: particular IUDs that you know, had dug into the Filippian
Speaker 8: tubes and the uterus. Women had to have their unses removed.
Speaker 8: His directed me, He's like, all of this really gnarly
Speaker 8: stuff because it.
Speaker 3: Was just never tested on women.
Speaker 6: Wow, that's so crazy as America.
Speaker 3: I don't trust shit they.
Speaker 8: Tell me, you know, I actually I love my physician
Speaker 8: who's amazing and he's worked in the field of like
Speaker 8: addiction treatment for a long time, and he's he's one
Speaker 8: of those people that like will go and I'm like
Speaker 8: this is you know, this is happening, and he's like, okay, great,
Speaker 8: He's like, I'm not going to put you on this.
Speaker 3: A lot of doctors would do it.
Speaker 8: I'm not going to do this because it's not you know,
Speaker 8: it hasn't been tested or here's the latest study on that,
Speaker 8: and I don't think it's effective, or this is not
Speaker 8: you know.
Speaker 3: Like, way didn't you tell me?
Speaker 10: He was the one that was like, I didn't have
Speaker 10: you ask him something about cannabis and he was like, oh,
Speaker 10: I'd always rather.
Speaker 8: Like yes, but yeah, yeah, because you know, he was like,
Speaker 8: what is normally prescribed?
Speaker 3: You know, he's like, I'm never going to.
Speaker 8: Put you on an adavan or any sort of xanax
Speaker 8: or anything.
Speaker 3: He's like because for someone.
Speaker 8: With addiction, he goes, that's the worst thing you can do,
Speaker 8: because and right, and you know, when I was prescribed
Speaker 8: musclele axs for the car accident, he was like, I
Speaker 8: would have never put you on those. He said, soma's
Speaker 8: are actually one of the hardest and most dangerous things
Speaker 8: to detox from immediately said, even after like a month's use.
Speaker 3: If you're using Soma's.
Speaker 8: You know, several times a day, the detox from them
Speaker 8: often causes really terrible seizures, even after you've only been
Speaker 8: using it for a month. But people don't know that
Speaker 8: because they're just prescribed must or relaxers like they're candy.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 10: Well, that's because big farmer makes a lot of money.
Speaker 10: It also gives to our politicians and so on and
Speaker 10: so forth, and we're off like that's what it comes out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it just takes like but I think all the
Speaker 3: most important thing to remember, Like.
Speaker 8: But you know, because if we were joking about bad
Speaker 8: good moms and bad choices, you know, like that's I
Speaker 8: think there's so much shame put on what are supposedly
Speaker 8: bad choice like bad.
Speaker 3: Women and for women.
Speaker 8: That's what I mean, for women and for moms like
Speaker 8: men men can get. No one's ever gonna say to
Speaker 8: a guy like, oh, you know, like oh you drink,
Speaker 8: you know, or like when you had.
Speaker 10: A baby, like you had anything. I'm like, has any god,
Speaker 10: has any dad, any single dad ever lost their kids
Speaker 10: because they spoke I curious about that.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go look it up, like I doubt to,
Speaker 3: probably right, And because.
Speaker 8: It's somehow when you become a mother, you're supposed to
Speaker 8: now be well And it ties back into the dating stuff.
Speaker 8: Now that you're a mom, you're you're a non sexual being.
Speaker 8: You're not a lot, You're you're not supposed to prioritize yourself,
Speaker 8: your fun, your enjoyment, your sexuality, your health.
Speaker 3: You have but not too sexy, anything that you partook
Speaker 3: in before right now now you're a mom, and everything's
Speaker 3: different at the window. Just bring them over here. And
Speaker 3: that's why it's just like all the time.
Speaker 1: When when we first started this podcast, it took us
Speaker 1: like two weeks to figure out the name, and I
Speaker 1: don't love it. Who I told and they're like, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't go with bad choices because like what's bad?
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, well, that's why I apologize.
Speaker 1: Literally, I don't think you're understanding like the context of bad,
Speaker 1: and like the whole thing is like all things that
Speaker 1: are supposed to be bad just aren't right, you know.
Speaker 6: And then you have the bad choices, Well some of
Speaker 6: them could have done it out, but most of my
Speaker 6: bad choices, have good lessons good.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, why for sure? No, But I'm and I'm the
Speaker 3: same way. But I think it's neat wally now.
Speaker 8: But I think as moms, we we do feel so
Speaker 8: much shame, and we're taught to shame ourselves. Like there's
Speaker 8: times when I'm like, oh, I'm you know, like we
Speaker 8: gonna know how my kids or something. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 8: I'm excited to go see my boyfriend have some time,
Speaker 8: like to be a woman and to be like you know,
Speaker 8: and that's right, and that's a great and that's super healthy.
Speaker 8: Like I am a healthier person because I have sides
Speaker 8: of me that aren't just parent focused. And you know,
Speaker 8: I feel it probably from my baby's dads, from my
Speaker 8: you know, my mom. Like that people look at you like, oh,
Speaker 8: you're gonna make Oh that's the choice you're making, and
Speaker 8: you're like yeah, god, yeah, God damn it, I am
Speaker 8: because you know what I can. I can be a
Speaker 8: really great mom and prioritize my kids and also say,
Speaker 8: you know what I need. I need some things for myself,
Speaker 8: Like sometimes I need to get laid sometimes, but that's
Speaker 8: the thing, like to be especially to be a single
Speaker 8: mom and talk about like, Hey, I really enjoyed the
Speaker 8: next with my man, Like that's great.
Speaker 16: Like people like I know, oh, you know you're using
Speaker 16: that right, like oh you're like you had kids, right,
Speaker 16: and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but
Speaker 16: like my vagina was so short after I had kids because.
Speaker 10: You know, But can I also say, and in the
Speaker 10: time I've known you that that's new for you, And that's.
Speaker 3: What I'm just looking over your shoulder at the dog shitting.
Speaker 8: Okay very seriously and then like it was just turns
Speaker 8: uh yeah, no, I that's.
Speaker 3: New for you.
Speaker 10: I will say, just knowing you as long as I have,
Speaker 10: like you didn't used to put yourself first. You and
Speaker 10: we talk about this a lot because you've turned around,
Speaker 10: and that's that was I was gonna say, my bad
Speaker 10: choice because I didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't make some of the choices you did earlier
Speaker 3: on in life.
Speaker 10: Right.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we talked the terrible choices. But they but
Speaker 3: you know what they like you said, they weren't they
Speaker 3: were terrible, they weren't great.
Speaker 8: Learn but I learned and I wouldn't change him because
Speaker 8: I had.
Speaker 3: I had to really go there to be they are.
Speaker 10: Yeah, but we talked about this music because we were
Speaker 10: talking about addiction and uh, and I said, you know,
Speaker 10: I feel very lucky that I've never been addicted to
Speaker 10: any sort of substance. I've certainly come I've walked a
Speaker 10: line on things for sure. Ope, it's being one of them.
Speaker 10: And then realized like, okay, I got that's actually not
Speaker 10: something I can ever do again. And uh, but I
Speaker 10: said to you the other day, I was like, it
Speaker 10: was people for me. It's always been people, and specifically
Speaker 10: and you were like, yeah, you are the perfect codependent,
Speaker 10: which is true. I've and I've always dulled my myself
Speaker 10: down to for a man. It was like I always
Speaker 10: put a guy before everything, honestly right, and I chased
Speaker 10: my ex husband around and you know, he was like
Speaker 10: the one that I had to have, and then I
Speaker 10: got him and I was like, well, wait, I'm not
Speaker 10: even really sure it was even great, none of it,
Speaker 10: but I said I wanted it so and then I
Speaker 10: spent fourteen years making my entire life about him and
Speaker 10: his and his everything. And I was like, no, I
Speaker 10: I'll give up being an actress and you know, no,
Speaker 10: I don't need a private practice.
Speaker 3: When I finally got my you know, therapy license and everything.
Speaker 10: It was like, you, you know whatever you need, well,
Speaker 10: I've never doing that again.
Speaker 3: And you went through parts of that absolutely well. And
Speaker 3: I think too, because.
Speaker 10: So seeing you with him has made me so happy
Speaker 10: and like she and her boyfriend give me hope because
Speaker 10: he just is so happy to let her be yes,
Speaker 10: yeh and not.
Speaker 3: But I think right, And I think a lot of
Speaker 3: that too.
Speaker 8: Growing in that direction came from realizing that my previous
Speaker 8: bad decisions don't mean that I'm currently making.
Speaker 3: Bad decisions.
Speaker 10: Right.
Speaker 3: But I think I was constantly trying to prove to
Speaker 3: my daughter's dads, to my mom, look at okay, it's
Speaker 3: just okay, am I doing better? I'm doing better now,
Speaker 3: I'm doing like yeah, give me.
Speaker 8: And now I realized like, oh wait, I'm not making
Speaker 8: I'm not making terrible. I'm actually fine, and like you,
Speaker 8: I don't have to like a right, like everybody's good.
Speaker 8: I'm working, I'm paying the bills, the kids are taking
Speaker 8: care of. Everybody's all good, like you.
Speaker 10: She was with you and you she had to get
Speaker 10: me out of a bad date and she was with
Speaker 10: Mescal at the time, and I called me from New
Speaker 10: York to get me out of a bad date.
Speaker 9: It was terrible lest day.
Speaker 10: I went and uh and I.
Speaker 3: Believe yes.
Speaker 9: The guy cried at the bar, Oh so bad, you guys.
Speaker 3: He was so bad.
Speaker 8: I can't even that's like, and asked if you'd be
Speaker 8: h therapist was taking client new clients because he would
Speaker 8: totally hear me.
Speaker 10: I was like, I fuck this, and she I should
Speaker 10: have just run out of the bathroom, but she called
Speaker 10: me to get me out, and then I called her
Speaker 10: and her boyfriend on speaker.
Speaker 9: I was hysterically laughing, and I said to.
Speaker 10: Them at one point like I was like, you guys,
Speaker 10: if it wasn't for your relationship, I would have already
Speaker 10: turned my vagina into a coin purse. And so just
Speaker 10: and and Miscal's response was.
Speaker 3: It doesn't need to be mutually exclusive. I think you
Speaker 3: could use it for both.
Speaker 8: Right, He was like, you could be both. And then
Speaker 8: and then I think shortly follow that was was could
Speaker 8: you take your speaker?
Speaker 10: Right?
Speaker 3: He was like, I don't need to be a part
Speaker 3: of this now.
Speaker 8: And then now he's just like jokingly says to me
Speaker 8: the whole weekend.
Speaker 3: He was like, you're a liar. I was like, I
Speaker 3: am not. He's like I watched you lie. I was like,
Speaker 3: right now, this is just really funny because he was like,
Speaker 3: now I know the.
Speaker 10: Bar after he told me that this girl had grabbed
Speaker 10: his testicles.
Speaker 3: I want to let them go.
Speaker 9: So she he punched her.
Speaker 3: In the face.
Speaker 9: That was like the love of his life.
Speaker 3: I'm not kidding, it was.
Speaker 9: It was so I'm done.
Speaker 3: This is why. But you need to say something. When
Speaker 3: I started gimming your light, when I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that. Sorry, no, sorry, but you know.
Speaker 1: I think it's really great that you have like the
Speaker 1: aware self awareness to be like, for a long time,
Speaker 1: I put a lot of men before me and.
Speaker 3: Every yeah, and I did. I did do absolutely. I
Speaker 3: think a lot of women or a lot of people
Speaker 3: listen closely.
Speaker 1: It's easy to be like, oh that bit smokes weed.
Speaker 1: She she drinks and turks. Those are bad moms. But
Speaker 1: people don't recommenc.
Speaker 3: I wish I could. I wish I had.
Speaker 8: It's not that I couldn't do physically do it. It's
Speaker 8: just nobody wants that. I don't have to ask to
Speaker 8: do it. I don't even as all.
Speaker 1: Okay, But I think people people like to categorize levels
Speaker 1: of their bad choices.
Speaker 3: There's quote unquote addictions.
Speaker 1: And if it's not like some hard drug or some
Speaker 1: some like you know us who are very like, uh,
Speaker 1: this is the ship we've done. Then if it's easy
Speaker 1: to like turn your nose up at these clear spaces.
Speaker 9: That right.
Speaker 3: But a lot of women prioritize men.
Speaker 1: A lot of women put men before them and let
Speaker 1: them outshine them and over their children. I mean that's
Speaker 1: like women. I mean everybody Loki has a dick addiction,
Speaker 1: right well, And I think we love companionship, we love
Speaker 1: right that, we love romance, you know what, that's our
Speaker 1: pred you know, thanks God.
Speaker 3: But but I think.
Speaker 1: It's important to be like I am addicted to fucking
Speaker 1: and sometimes I over fuck because I want I'm feeling
Speaker 1: a void, right, and and and acknowledging that it's like
Speaker 1: just because you're not like hungover every more, every afterwards,
Speaker 1: you feel it's still empty. You know, you're feeling you're
Speaker 1: not feeling that void, right, It's just important that we
Speaker 1: stop putting.
Speaker 3: One above the other. Right.
Speaker 8: And also to sit and I think because I you know,
Speaker 8: I've heard this a lot too, like you know, especially
Speaker 8: if you have baby daddies and you know custody shared
Speaker 8: and this and that. Like even on times that you
Speaker 8: have your kids, something comes up where it's like, oh,
Speaker 8: it's our anniversary or it's a thing, or did we
Speaker 8: have a dinner plan or whatever, and like, okay, well
Speaker 8: kids are with the citter that night. That doesn't mean
Speaker 8: you're prioritizing your relationship over your kids. That means to
Speaker 8: do so. Sometimes you got ship to do. Sometimes you
Speaker 8: have ship you want to do. Sometimes you're like, you
Speaker 8: know what, this is the thing that's coming up that
Speaker 8: I want to go with my boyfriends, you or whatever,
Speaker 8: and like we're gonna do it. It doesn't mean that
Speaker 8: I'm that I am not making my children a priority
Speaker 8: or that they're not important because I see other people
Speaker 8: be like, oh, oh you have your kids.
Speaker 3: Maybe right.
Speaker 9: I went to that cannabis thing yesterday. I had my kids.
Speaker 3: I left them for two and a half hours to
Speaker 3: go to this cannabis thing and post like, what are
Speaker 3: we supposed to do?
Speaker 10: I don't have you know what the first will put
Speaker 10: posted stuff in my stories and in my stories.
Speaker 3: Right away I saw that my ex husband had watched
Speaker 3: the story and.
Speaker 10: I had an anxiety attack and I was like fuck,
Speaker 10: Like is he gonna say something to me, or is
Speaker 10: he gonna think I took the kids or whatever?
Speaker 3: You know, I went there, and then you wait, like
Speaker 3: I was responsible about it. Of course I did not
Speaker 3: take them. But you don't have to explain yourself. We
Speaker 3: don't have to explain yourself.
Speaker 1: Half the battle is accepting that it's okay yourself.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, that's what I mean. It's it's oh, for sure.
Speaker 3: There's literally no.
Speaker 1: Point on rearranging the babysitter, going on the date, going
Speaker 1: to the Canada's party, when the whole time you're like,
Speaker 1: why the fuck did I do this?
Speaker 10: Right?
Speaker 3: Alright, the kid I dropped her off.
Speaker 1: I told Lid I was gonna come back and get
Speaker 1: her the other day, and I just got drunk. Yeah
Speaker 1: on Adam, I thought I'm gonna go back to them,
Speaker 1: but like after like two martinis, I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going back for shit. Yeah, And then like at some
Speaker 1: point I was like, what they go back and get
Speaker 1: my kid, because that was like another back decisions after
Speaker 1: the fifteen martinis.
Speaker 3: But but the ultimate thing was like she's.
Speaker 1: Fine, fucking fine, she even remembers right and the kids.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying, like, be in the moment, do what
Speaker 1: the fuck you do, be happy about it, and let
Speaker 1: it's all okay, right, Like everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 8: And we all because, like you know, there's times that
Speaker 8: we there's a lot of times most of the time
Speaker 8: I'm like, no, I got my kids, I can't do
Speaker 8: this or that, or I do you know, I re
Speaker 8: arrange stuff. But like you know, sometimes when you're in
Speaker 8: a long distance relationship and he works and I work,
Speaker 8: and I work crazy hours and this and that happens.
Speaker 8: Like sometimes you're like, okay, I can't come back till
Speaker 8: the day after it Like okay, well you got to
Speaker 8: figure some stuff out.
Speaker 6: That's okay, I think, like you you at least for me,
Speaker 6: Like I like, I was dating someone earlier this year,
Speaker 6: and I was spending a lot of my time with him,
Speaker 6: so much so that I felt like I was neglecting
Speaker 6: my daughter because it was something new, and I was like, well,
Speaker 6: I need this.
Speaker 3: I wanted to.
Speaker 6: Explore this, like and it's it's exciting, but but there's
Speaker 6: also a time where you know when.
Speaker 3: You're not right, you know.
Speaker 6: Too much, you know what I mean, And I had
Speaker 6: to have that conversation with myself.
Speaker 1: But also I think for you that triggered you because
Speaker 1: that you didn't pair those people like he didn't come
Speaker 1: this way a lot.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like something you could put you didn't feel like.
Speaker 10: It was like it wasn't even no, like I was
Speaker 10: going going out there all the time.
Speaker 3: That was what I've been with my long distance too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it was like, but but that was my choice,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean. It was like and so
Speaker 6: but I had to at some point come back and
Speaker 6: be like, you know what I'm doing too much?
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, let me sit my ass down.
Speaker 6: And and but there's there's a there's I feel like
Speaker 6: there's not it's not a fine line, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know when you're like when you need this care,
Speaker 3: you need that, and then you.
Speaker 10: Know when you're like, okay, yeah, now I'm just distracted
Speaker 10: from my kid and I'm not present even when I'm
Speaker 10: with them. Right, there is a difference, right, And that's
Speaker 10: what I meant also about bad choices where it's like
Speaker 10: I'm not going to be that person ever again. I
Speaker 10: don't want to be that person ever again. And and
Speaker 10: sometimes I've done that to myself just you know, look,
Speaker 10: I want to find somebody. And I will give my
Speaker 10: last ex credit for the in the sense that I
Speaker 10: give him credit for a lot of things, but certainly
Speaker 10: that you know, he was like the first guy that
Speaker 10: I was with that was like, go do your thing,
Speaker 10: like you got your kids, you got this, like do
Speaker 10: you think I'm never gonna and was very always very
Speaker 10: supportive of my career and everything I was doing, like
Speaker 10: really very like complimentary and great in that way. It
Speaker 10: was me that went down the rabbit hole of like, well,
Speaker 10: you know, but I had a he's I have to
Speaker 10: make sure that I'm here and I'm good and I'm
Speaker 10: this and I'm that.
Speaker 9: Like that was not him.
Speaker 3: That was on me.
Speaker 1: But also I think it's also important, like you could
Speaker 1: also do that in the relationship with your kid's father.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you know what, it's not. It's not exempted
Speaker 3: just single moms.
Speaker 1: No, absolutely married women people in your partnerships with their
Speaker 1: parents their kids.
Speaker 3: You neglect your kid for your partner and it be
Speaker 3: their dad.
Speaker 1: I feel like my mom, like I would I went
Speaker 1: to therapy, haven't we all? Yeah the first time, my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: all the way I'm like, am I wasting my money
Speaker 1: and I'm pretty I'm pretty rational. I need to be
Speaker 1: going here, but whatever, and then you get in there
Speaker 1: and you're like, wait, this is weird but it's cool,
Speaker 1: but are we talking about Oh?
Speaker 3: So of course that she comes up and I just
Speaker 3: and she's asked about my relationships my mom.
Speaker 1: My dad, and I was just saying right, but I
Speaker 1: was just thinking, like my mom is and was absess
Speaker 1: with my father where he was at who waits with
Speaker 1: when you my mom was my stepdad?
Speaker 3: And if he was leaving, where the fuck are you going?
Speaker 1: And it's to the point where, like when my dad
Speaker 1: leaves till this day is like a grown ass woman.
Speaker 3: I get like like anxiety about it, like why are
Speaker 3: you leaving? And I'm like, okay, I'll acting like a psychopath.
Speaker 3: But I adopted those feelings, you know, of like him
Speaker 3: not coming back, like I don't know what the fuck,
Speaker 3: I don't care.
Speaker 1: It's not my nigga, you know, right, But I just
Speaker 1: I like I realized I lost respect for her growing
Speaker 1: up because I felt like she couldn't be alone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm like my mom and even like when
Speaker 3: you said, like your mom someone being seventeen, still my mom. Yeah,
Speaker 3: my mom. They were together since my mom was like fourteen,
Speaker 3: my dad was seventeen.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I see her now like as in her
Speaker 1: and like as a child, right like when she needs
Speaker 1: to make decisions at the supermarket and she's calling.
Speaker 10: My dad yes, and my mom does this to my stepdad.
Speaker 10: But my mom got married and my dad when she
Speaker 10: was seventeen, but still her first. And she's the same
Speaker 10: with my sof she cannot be apart, she was not.
Speaker 10: She never gave herself the ability to developed. There was
Speaker 10: no there was no autonomy that was ever developed in
Speaker 10: them because they just had a man man the entire
Speaker 10: time and the informative.
Speaker 8: You definitely, I mean I was like that for a
Speaker 8: long time. And honestly, I've Marie the first time I
Speaker 8: was twenty yeah, and I you know, I've struggled a
Speaker 8: lot with making men.
Speaker 3: The priority and you know, and doing all that.
Speaker 8: But I will say, like the healthiest thing I think
Speaker 8: for me now has actually been having a long distance
Speaker 8: relationship and having and also having a long distance relationship
Speaker 8: with someone who's absolutely amazing and who allows me the
Speaker 8: space to just be like we're not constantly up each
Speaker 8: other's ass on the phone all the time, Like it's
Speaker 8: like you do you, but you trust each other. We're
Speaker 8: completely committed and solid. But it's like I don't need
Speaker 8: to be up his ass, he doesn't need to know
Speaker 8: what I'm doing. All this like it's not panicked. It's
Speaker 8: very secure and I have found relationships like I have
Speaker 8: found the freedom to figure out my own life and
Speaker 8: have my own time and space and friendships and relationships
Speaker 8: and you know, put my kids first and do all
Speaker 8: that stuff well. Also having this really secure relationship that
Speaker 8: like I know is only going to be better when
Speaker 8: we're closer together, you know what I mean. But it
Speaker 8: was amazing for me to have that space space because
Speaker 8: I never had that space before.
Speaker 10: You guys, being always been my maybe did you guys
Speaker 10: watch that? It's Ali Wong's Netflix rom com?
Speaker 3: All right? So do I And I can't recommend it enough.
Speaker 3: And now I don't want to give too much away,
Speaker 3: but it's.
Speaker 10: Not going to be it won't blow your mind or anything,
Speaker 10: but I will say that it was you know, it's
Speaker 10: a rom comm and it's about like, you know, got
Speaker 10: friends that were you know, boy boy and girlfriends that
Speaker 10: you know had a thing and then they go their
Speaker 10: separate ways, and when they become adults, they kind of
Speaker 10: find their way back to each other. And she is
Speaker 10: like the super successful person in the relationship public figure.
Speaker 3: And he is like kind of still like farting around,
Speaker 3: and she basically like it's really good.
Speaker 10: And and at one point, you know, like they're like
Speaker 10: on the verge of breaking up, and because he's a key,
Speaker 10: keeps having to like be on the red carpet and
Speaker 10: like holding her purse, and he's like, I don't want
Speaker 10: to be in the recruitula holding your purse and she
Speaker 10: and I was like thinking to myself as I'm watching it, like, yeah,
Speaker 10: don't make him do that, like, don't let him leave.
Speaker 3: Don't let him leave. And then I'm so mad at myself.
Speaker 3: I think I texted you yeah.
Speaker 10: And I was like, oh my god, why am I
Speaker 10: rooting for the wrong thing? Is like, what the fuck
Speaker 10: is wrong with me? That's how conditioned we are to.
Speaker 3: Be, Like you have to give in, you have to
Speaker 3: change yourself, lady.
Speaker 10: And then she doesn't and they break up, and I
Speaker 10: kept thinking at the end of the movie it was
Speaker 10: like not gonna be you know that, So whatever, I
Speaker 10: Am going to fucking run the movie you, but you
Speaker 10: watch it anyway.
Speaker 8: But she's like, no, my boyfriend's amazing. He's like, but
Speaker 8: he's like, I'm so so. He's so supportive of me,
Speaker 8: loves everything. But he's like, please don't make me go Yeah, please,
Speaker 8: I don't want to do it, but he I don't want.
Speaker 3: You, but he like the publicity, Like he can stand
Speaker 3: and holds your purse. He would, and he would prefer
Speaker 3: to like not go right, you know what I mean
Speaker 3: that he does so cool about that movie.
Speaker 10: It was the very first wrong com I remember seeing
Speaker 10: where she was like at the end, she doesn't change it.
Speaker 10: She's like, fine, you're not down with this?
Speaker 3: Fuck it?
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 10: She makes certain changes, like she listens to his advice
Speaker 10: and puts them into her career.
Speaker 3: But she's like, I'm not. I'm not dimming down for
Speaker 3: you either.
Speaker 10: You're fool with hanging on to my purse because this
Speaker 10: is who I am and this is what I do,
Speaker 10: and you're gonna love me no matter what the fuck
Speaker 10: I do, unconditionally or fuck it.
Speaker 9: I'm better off alone and that is where I think
Speaker 9: I'm at.
Speaker 3: Min don't dim your life for anyone, right. I want
Speaker 3: to have the relationship that she has with mescal or
Speaker 3: I don't not with you too.
Speaker 9: You know, I'm good. I'll find something else, but I
Speaker 9: don't want to join your relationship.
Speaker 3: So we're clear.
Speaker 10: But I mean, but yeah, I I just want that,
Speaker 10: like if women should have what you know, what what
Speaker 10: she has and what I think other people, Well.
Speaker 3: You know what, it took me long. I'm not going
Speaker 3: to long time to figure it out too. So it's
Speaker 3: it did not It was not easily earned. Ladies.
Speaker 9: I'm telling you, I'm seeing the happy.
Speaker 3: You too can be a complete.
Speaker 10: Disaster because somehow figure out how to make bad choices and.
Speaker 3: Be a good mom.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we wrapped back around true podcasters, we're human, we
Speaker 6: are well.
Speaker 3: Thank you guys, thank you and talking about I feel
Speaker 3: like this is five episodes that we just didn't want
Speaker 3: west around. Welcome to our show.
Speaker 10: I love it.
Speaker 3: Can you let our listeners know where they can find you.
Speaker 3: You're on all right?
Speaker 10: I see I don't remember it, and so I put
Speaker 10: it all in her, but then she fus it up. Yeah,
Speaker 10: then I fuck it up on Facebook and Instagram. It's
Speaker 10: at never thought i'd say this on Twitter. I don't
Speaker 10: even know anymore Twitter. We've given up like, I'm just
Speaker 10: over it.
Speaker 3: I can't do it.
Speaker 10: So Instagram and Facebook is where we're activity and active,
Speaker 10: and then our email. You can email us at never
Speaker 10: thought I'd at ProtonMail dot com.
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, and then you can follow each of us.
Speaker 8: And listen to the pod. It comes out on Wednesdays.
Speaker 8: All kinds of inappropriate ship.
Speaker 9: Yeah.
Speaker 18: So happy to have you, and make sure you follow
Speaker 18: us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices, and come
Speaker 18: to our website Go moms by choices dot com.
Speaker 3: Sign up for the newsletter. We have all cool types
Speaker 3: of lead ups. We have a live show coming up
Speaker 3: in Atlanta on October thirteen. That's a Sunday, and we'll
Speaker 3: see you next week. Bride Night ju on the best
Speaker 3: you never had, On the best you never had? Ye aye,
Speaker 3: my little.
Speaker 4: Baby, change your break start don't know much done, yill
Speaker 4: work if you won't dis.
Speaker 5: Your rope supercise come my little bank, change your life
Speaker 5: desert
Speaker 3: Oh yeah I oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Speaker 3: yeah