WEBVTT - Never Thought I'd Say This Feat. Never Thought I'd Say This Podcast 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:00.800 What up. 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:05.840 Guess what? We are two weeks away from our Atlanta 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.480 live show. We are so excited to connect with you guys, 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:13.000 meet all you guys, mommies, daddies, and everyone in between. 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.280 Make sure you meet us at BQE Lounge in downtown 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:20.799 Atlanta October thirteenth. That's a Sunday. We are going to 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.800 turn up, have some drinks, book that babysitter, leave them 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.600 badass kids at home, and come out and have a 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.240 good ass time. We have some amazing guests. We have 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:35.760 Danielle from Hit Podcasts, Marriage of Martini's, Lauren Williams from 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:40.199 the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Shanisia Boswell of at. 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:41.080 Black Mom's Blog. 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:43.800 So make sure you get those tickets on our website, 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.840 Good Momsbad Choices dot com or you can find them 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:50.720 on our Instagram. Make sure you spent those hories or 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.720 any advice questions you want us to answer live at 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:57.040 the podcast and we will see you there. So let's 0:00:57.080 --> 0:01:00.800 get to it. Today's episode is featuring Jody Sweeten and 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:13.320 Celia by Are. I've never thought I'd say this podcast. 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:12.840 My little bad change your break start de. 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:16.559 Much done, Gill. 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.800 If you won't Jo your rope. 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:29.759 Be precise, jo my little change a line. Oh yeah 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:36.280 boy yeah yeah, yeah, yeah boy, yeah yeah yeah. 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:40.840 Yeah night one night anymore than one night? 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:44.360 Yeah, just all might and you want STI. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.680 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.080 I'm Nayla. Happy Wednesday. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.120 Hope you guys are having a good week. It's hot 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:58.640 as fu in the valley. Oh my god, it's bad. 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.160 That makes me this quickly, I know. 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:03.840 And the air conditioning I swear it works, but it 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:05.320 doesn't really work in this heat. 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.280 In this what was it like five degrees today? It 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.560 feels like it's gonna be How was your week? It 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:14.880 was good. It was good. Went to the beach, hung 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:19.440 out the kids. We had an epic beach day. We 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.680 had a lot of people come out and hang with us. 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:24.280 I was really proud of that. Yeah we did. You 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:29.400 really catered. I slept all of our ship everywhere. Thank god. 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:30.799 My Sebastian was there. 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:32.480 He did not know he was getting himself into when 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.280 he said when he was like, I'll come to the beach, 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.280 I was like, perfect, right, You're going to carry everything? 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:39.639 And he he was. He was so stressed. He was like, 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:41.240 I didn't know. I didn't know what would be like this, 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:43.680 and we used to like a cabana. It was like, 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:46.200 get to work. No, he's not, I know Caan is 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:50.960 never No, he's not used to a cabana. He he 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.359 was committed to that. Yeah he was. He was stressing. 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:54.040 He was stressing. 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:55.760 So I was like, you need to go sit and smoke, 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.920 go over there, get away from me. 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:04.120 But i't that was great report on Yeah neither. 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:11.040 Okay, So we have special guests here today, our friends, 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.880 homies podcasters. 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:18.679 Yes. I never thought i'd say this. Yes, yes, it's 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:19.959 Jody and Celia. 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.600 Yeah, we're here and in all of our glory, which 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:24.280 I forgot the. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:29.080 Videotape this one. So it's this is fine. Lashes are popping. 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.760 They need to get there there there all the way 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:33.560 in with the lashes. 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:34.200 I do see. 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.840 I'm like when I was getting lashes, I like and 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:39.400 make them look natural as possible. 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.800 And they look like yours. They don't say anything to 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:42.280 you at work. 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:46.080 No, they're happy. Well, no, they gave me ship about 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:48.160 him when I first got them because of the shadow. 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.120 Because for certain lighting things, when you turned a certain way, 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:53.160 you just see the shadow on the inside. Of your eyes, 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.200 so it looks like a weird thing, and they. 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.120 Were like, oh, your lashes. At first, they. 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.200 Didn't realize that they were extensions, so they like sent 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:00.640 me back to makeup, and I was like, you know, 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:02.560 of these are like attached, so you guys are gonna 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:03.200 have to work around this. 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:06.839 Yeah, you have to read my face that I did. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:08.880 I basically I it was an asshole, and I was like, 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:10.000 you have to, you have to. 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:11.520 You're lighting for. 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:14.040 Me, pay for them. 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.320 Well, we're on our last yeason right now and they're 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:18.560 basically killing us off. 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.400 So so yeah. 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:23.960 She did make them pay for it, just with her attitude. 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:27.240 Okay, but I'm not even like that unless I'm in 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:29.719 my car universe, which we've established apparently. 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.640 Yeah, in the minivan. Nonetheless, she'll take you down. Do 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:35.480 you have a minivan? I do have a minivan. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.160 I have a minivan and a and my Mercedes. 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.360 So that's okay, that's a nice mom balance I have. 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.440 Yeah, I have my My My Mercedes was my treat 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:45.360 to myself. I had never bought I hadn't bought a 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.880 new car since I was since my well no, since 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:50.000 I was like nineteen. 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:51.640 Was the last time I bought a new car. 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:54.560 So this was this was a while coming, and I 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.520 finally was like, you know what, I'm going to treat 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:57.039 myself and. 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:00.120 Lease a new car. So I got that one and then. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.359 But I do also own the Chrysler Minivan, which I 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:04.520 actually love that car. 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:06.960 She drives it like a motherfucker I do. 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:09.640 I've actually gotten compliments at the school for how I 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:10.480 am able to. 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:14.480 My dad's and the parking. 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:17.480 Monitor and it was like, you swing that minivan around impressively. 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:21.320 I was f yeah, but you have three kids too. 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:23.400 I have two. Yeah, I just figured we have a 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:24.640 mini you have three. No. 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:29.479 Well, actually I was the super lucky that I was 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.720 fortunate to get the minivan. I did like this commercial 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:33.839 thing for Chrysler, and they gave me the fan. 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.560 For a year. Oh wow, yeah for free. 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:41.200 I'll I'll have a che And so I did this 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.919 so that I got the minivan for a year, and 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:44.159 then at the end of that year, I had the 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.400 option to either give it back or buy it outright 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.600 or you know whatever, traded in for a new one 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.400 to pit And so after a year of driving, I 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.120 think I was like, you are not taking this car 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:55.760 because I fucking love the Minivan. 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:58.760 I love that listening. I would totally do that for 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.000 you specific you know. 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:05.400 Yeah right, yeah right, just a caid. Yeah no, I wish, 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:07.960 but but no. The Chrysler Median. Everyone that gets in 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:09.880 it's like they're like, it's a spaceship. It's got the screen. 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:11.080 The kids. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:12.600 We've taken it on road trips. We drove that. 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:14.840 Think the mammoths of the kids, Like everybody's got a 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.599 row so that one can be in the very very 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:17.880 back and. 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:19.159 The other one can be in the middle. 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:21.680 When they don't go to each other kids, the older 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:23.880 ones go in the back and they gossip and talk 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:25.720 and right sort are little ones in front of them, 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:27.480 and the little ones have little their screens. 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:28.279 Right they watch. 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:31.960 And we've had we Celia and I have had many 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:33.239 mom adventures in anything. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.760 Tell our listeners college your kids are yeah, oh yeah, right, 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.679 you want to go first? Yeah. I have two daughters, 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.160 Zoe who is eleven years old. 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:45.680 And starting middle school. And I have Beatrix, who is 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:46.400 turning nine. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:48.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:50.000 I have Harper who is twelve. 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:54.359 She'll be thirteen in October. Hoof is it fucking showing? 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.520 Uh? And then I've got Luna, like you but I 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.040 call her Lulu and she. 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:02.400 Just turned You're the second person that we've had on 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:03.599 that has a child named Luna. 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.400 She was actually the first. Well for saying like there's 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:11.160 been different. Yeah, Luna is very popular. It's very popular popular. 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:16.120 Well it's yeah, exactly, you're late to the Luna plant 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:21.800 even other later you know what it's because John, Yeah, 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.920 and Luna is older than that. Luna. Yeah, yeah, that 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.800 was my great grandmother's name was Luna kid. Yeah, Zoe 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:32.880 was was like right at the beginning, but there weren't 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.720 a lot of Zoe's but her. But everyone now like 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.440 her age like twelve, ten. 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.440 Eleven, twelve, there's a ton of Harper, but nobody spells it. 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.160 The way she's z O I e. 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:47.040 Even Beatrix is like a very yeah, that one hasn't 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:50.440 caught up. Harper was the only Harper. There was no 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:52.760 other Harper when I named her Harper. But then uh 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.520 Neil Patrick Harris named his kid Herper, and then it. 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:59.800 Was like an exclusive Yes, OK, yeah's Harper. 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:06.960 Yeah right, I'm obsessed with his entire Instagram And as 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:10.560 she knows, and one's like, where's their shitty parenting moments? 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.000 They don't have anything just because. 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.840 They're gay, because I with that help, because I'm single 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.960 right now, that'll make me better parent. Their kids always 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:23.040 look so cute, pretty and put together, and I'm that 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:23.679 has nothing. 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:25.240 To do with the fact that they're gay. Probably the 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:26.760 fact to do that they can, they have a lot 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:28.640 of help. Yeah, I don't know that. 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:31.560 Yeah, my kids would look outstanding too if I didn't 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:35.040 have to have anything to do with it, right, But 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.760 they would look fantastically put together. Maybe their hair would 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:38.200 be combed. 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:38.600 I don't know. 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:43.600 You you have a boyfriend, I do you? 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:48.480 Are you dating? Now? Well, that's not. 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.640 I'm on I'm on a dating app. I'm on Tinder, 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:56.360 but I was, and I didn't like it it more 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:59.000 than Tender. I didn't have any luck on it. I honestly, 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:01.679 to be totally fair, I say on Tinder for the 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:09.240 most part, because things like like guys with fourteen dogs. 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:13.840 No, like guys that have dick pics as their profile. Really, yeah, 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:16.280 I didn't even say that. Yes, oh, I have a collection. 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:17.200 I'll send them to you later. 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:19.800 Oh she sends them to me like this is just 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:20.440 my entertainer. 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:20.720 Yeah. 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.600 Well, at Thanksgiving, my mom actually my friends were bitching 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.320 about Tinder about like what's out there, and my mom. 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:28.959 Was like, that can't be really what's out there? 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:32.400 So they handed over their phones to my mom on Thanksgiving, 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:36.440 showing her the Dick pics and also and also the 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.280 the profiles, and then my mom didn't know how it worked, 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:40.880 and so she was swiping on everybody. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.760 But I'm swiping right on everybody. 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:45.400 Oh no, not me and Emma. We matched with a 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:46.960 bunch of people we did not want to match with. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:49.040 Yeah, but I was like, I'm just getting to the 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.319 next picture, and I was like, I think I don't 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.240 know how to work it either, because I've never done. 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.160 On the wrong mom. 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.360 Yeah, I could have easily have done that too. 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:00.920 The funniest part with your mom though, she was like 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.160 I said something like I'm I was like, I'm going 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.120 to dialoge, like I'm giving up on this, and she's like, 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:06.400 you're being too hard on yourself. 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.280 No you're not. And then she was like, here's the thing, 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:08.880 I don't worry. 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.040 I don't worry about Emma as much because she goes 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:12.400 out and she works out of the house and you 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:13.920 work in your house, so you're not going to meet 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.240 me one So it's tender or nothing, and I was like, well, 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:17.800 look what I have to, you know, look work with 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:19.400 and she's like it can't be that bad. So she 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.200 looks for an hour and then just at one point 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:23.000 hands me back to my phone and we're watching her 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:26.000 and she's going, oh my god, no, no, no, what 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:28.000 is it? And she's starting her what is this? Why 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.560 I don't understand? That's how do I report it? She 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:33.400 was so bad, And then finally she just hands me 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:35.079 back my phone and she goes, you know what, you're right, 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.240 you might might dialogue. 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:38.360 And my boyfriend was there for. 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.280 Thanksgiving and she just turns to both of us she goes, 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:42.800 you guys better stick together because there's not a lot 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.040 out there. It's not And my boyfriend was like, I know, 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.439 I've I've had to do it. Oh it's yeah. She's like, 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:49.840 that's it, you guys. This is that you can't there's 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:50.760 nothing else out there. 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:51.400 I know. 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.360 I was at what point, are You're just like oh, 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:56.280 oh great, Like either stick with what you got. 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.400 Or wright buck it, because yeah, it's like the devil, 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:03.120 you know, like I don't know who's the guy I 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:06.240 dated that was like the least worst and all maybe 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:06.840 maybe we. 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:07.480 Should go out again. 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:08.240 I'm not sure. 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:10.400 So since you guys have a kids older than us, 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:12.880 and you know you have a boyfriend and you've been 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.040 dating or you're not dating, sure at some. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:16.360 Point didn't Oh, well no, I dated. 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:20.440 But how how did you introduce your daughters or your 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:24.280 kids to Well, it was for me. 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:26.679 You know, my boyfriend I have a long distance relationship. 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:30.679 He's in New York and I'm here and we've been 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.840 that our entire relationship, which we've been together almost two 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:38.520 years now, and so we had a lot of time before. 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.559 It was before we had to But. 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.120 Then when we did introduce him, it was because he 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.439 was coming out here to stay. So it was you know, 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.400 I think like the first night he came on a 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.679 weekend that the kids were their dads. But it's like 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:53.960 the first night or something. But my kids really love him, 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:57.200 like he's very sweet with them. He doesn't try and 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.559 force a relationship with them, like he just sort of 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:02.040 lets them come to him. And he also he raised, 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.480 helped like raise and was around his for He has 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:06.960 four god kids who are now in their thirties and 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.600 a little bit younger, so he really was involved in 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.800 their life. And you know, he and his brother grew 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:14.040 up and they were insane. 0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:14.840 So he's I'm. 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.800 Always like, right, I'm away. 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:18.480 Yeah, I'm always like stressed about the kids, and he's 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:21.880 like the kids are insane, Like it's fine. But introducing 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.959 them was it was a few months. It was like 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:30.360 probably five months in you know, on FaceTime first. 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:31.080 Yeah. 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:32.880 Yeah, they saw him on FaceTime a couple of times, 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:34.840 and I also talked to them and like I told him, I. 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:36.760 Was like, y know, I'm sorry, there's this boy, like, 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.959 especially my older one like because she was like, wait, 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:42.400 do you have a boyfriend? Is it? You know? 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:43.800 And so we were I was like yeah, you know, 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:45.840 and I really like him, and she was asking about 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:46.640 him and stuff, and. 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:49.800 She's the judgier of the two, like. 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.160 Bee has never met a stranger in her life, but 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:55.760 Zoe is like, I don't know, you like very much 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:59.360 like that, and so she like she really really likes 0:12:59.440 --> 0:12:59.720 him now. 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:03.840 But it's been great because they really they get so excited, 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:04.440 they get. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:05.280 So excited when he's coming. 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.840 But they've also they have really taken time to develop 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:13.000 a relationship. And it wasn't like I took you know, 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.160 it took a while before I even really brought him 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:17.319 up and then it's been it's been slow, which has 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:18.000 been awesome. 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:20.520 Do they know you love him? Absolutely? 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:20.600 Oh? 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.920 Yeah, they like, you know, he comes now and stays 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:24.240 at the house, but when the kids are there, we 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.040 take him to the beach. We walk and stuff and 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:29.719 you know, us together and yeah, they know, like they 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:31.679 hear me say I love you, and they see him. 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:33.079 Yeah, oh, they. 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.520 See me, send him him, send me presents and. 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:48.120 Flowers, yeah, yeah, send their hair, tell me right on right, Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:52.679 That's what I because that's yeah, they're gonna be real 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.480 savvy too, for sure. 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:54.800 Yeah. 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:56.319 I don't want to think about that. 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.320 Yeah, but yeah, no, they know. I mean they like, 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:01.000 my little one will be like, you guys are getting 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.520 make out. Yeah, I'm like yeah. 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:05.480 That's part of the reason that I don't date, by 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.160 the way, is I don't want to go through we're 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:07.960 I'll be sitting at. 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.200 Some on the couch and like and I will give 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:11.120 because she's like, you're making. 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.880 Out and like, yes, I'm sure my kids would do 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:16.120 that too. It's the introduction part is hard, like, and 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:17.760 it's part of the thing I don't. I don't date 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.320 honestly in part because of that, because like trying to 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:22.800 figure out how I can. 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:24.600 I don't want them to get hurt. 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:26.880 And they I was dating someone, as she knows, like 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.080 I was dating someone long distance for a while as well, 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.760 and they found out by accident because he and I 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:33.800 had been friends for a really really long time and 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.400 my older daughter would always like loved him. And of 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:40.080 course she's also really fucking nosy, and like was in. 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.680 My phone and like saw that we were like she. 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:43.880 Just knew something was up. 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:50.800 She saw she's broken my take it all up in 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.600 your place. Let me tell you, like three different times. 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:58.000 Yeah, I was like, let me. 0:14:58.040 --> 0:14:59.920 I shot her picture of Iri and then she started 0:14:59.920 --> 0:15:03.600 like swiping, like I like everything in my body tense. 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:06.840 And then she like there was like a screenshot of 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.040 like Freddy and Irene. And I didn't even realize I 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:12.360 took a screenshot. You don't even accidentally do. That was 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:14.960 outside and she was like, what's this? Why are you 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:15.760 picture Freddy? 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:16.840 My baby daddy? 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.160 Relax And I was giving my phone back and I'm like, 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:21.680 if you would just want two more, we're gonna pic 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.720 naked picture or something else? Not right, Yeah, yeah, like 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:26.960 calm down. I don't have to give my kid too. 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:28.960 Even she'll go through my phone to him, oh yeah, yeah, 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:30.040 and the Luna was scrolling. 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:32.920 I'm like, wait, hold on, yeah, I think at one point, 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:33.800 I don't know, yeah. 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:35.600 Because sometimes they're like can I plan your phone? You're like, yeah, sure, 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:37.600 And then they started doing and I'm like, I don't know. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:39.480 I literally didn't like come up on something recently. I 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:40.720 don't know if it was me or somebody else. I 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:43.600 was like, let me see that, right, yeah, oh yeah. 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.720 Harper used to take my phone and and like when 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:48.280 she'd see that I was texting with him when she 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.320 figured out we were dating, and then she was very excited. 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:52.640 She would grab it in the midst of me texting 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.880 him and then like run and start texting himself. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.000 I don't really have I don't have any have any 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:58.960 dudes on my phone. Oh my god, I don't talk 0:15:59.000 --> 0:15:59.760 any of you raise him. 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:01.960 I just don't really take it. She doesn't. You don't 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:04.840 really should because someone could attack your eye. Yeah, but 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:07.440 I don't. I don't, so I don't have anyone take four. 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.760 So yes. 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.560 Ever so often I'll just send a picture of my 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:13.960 boobs to my friend John. 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:14.600 Just because. 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:17.920 Because he's got all these health problems. 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:21.120 And so he'll joke and post things girlfriend, but I 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:22.960 always put her to too, and she doesn't give a ship. 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:24.880 So he'll be like, send news. I'm dying, and I'm like, 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:26.480 I'll wait like four hours, and then I'll just hit 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.160 him with a picture of just my boobs and he's 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:29.560 like he'll just run back and he's. 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.600 Like, I love you. Yeah, my friends like that. We 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:33.920 always able to send us nudes. Yeah, we have some 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.320 of our listeners son nudes. It's great whenever she's in 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:42.080 about Yeah, they get really into it. What angle now? 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:43.640 And then sometimes I won't stop. 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:48.640 And you're like, okay, yeah, you're working with a no. 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:52.400 It is, and so much so that that like some 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.120 of the guys will like just send them straight to 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:55.400 her account, like directly. 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:57.600 I'm like, what what are you over there? Like encouraging? 0:16:58.000 --> 0:16:59.880 Why only send them to you? 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:05.040 Somebody sent us a picture. Somebody sent a thing. It 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.040 was that like stupid X ray photo and it's just 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:08.240 a giant dick. 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.639 It was Tinder. It was me. It was Tinder. Oh 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:11.760 that's right, it was one of mine. 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.320 No no, no, but you screenshot it whatever it was, You 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:17.960 screenshoted it and sent it to like Shon's Facebook on 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.560 Shannon's Facebook, and you and I at the same time, 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.560 didn't read each other's comments, but we commented at the 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:25.840 same intact moment and posted it, and both of our 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:27.600 comments just said you were like, I'm worried. 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:28.919 About his knees, and I said it. 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.080 She said, I'm worried about his knees, and you and 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:32.640 I both posted like what mees? 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:37.520 It was just just just long down like this huge 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:39.960 It was somebody's tender profile picture. 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:42.520 I'm not joking, but I don't it wasn't It wasn't 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:43.440 him because I've seen that. 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:45.760 Right, it wasn't him, but that's what it was. Was 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:47.159 it was a picture of an X ray with like 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:50.359 a gigantic dick. Well you can't, of course not, but 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:53.359 it was like ridiculous, and so I, you know, posted 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.480 that can immediately, right, but. 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:57.880 You can see through the book. 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:59.679 I don't know, because you see the outline of like 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:02.560 when you do it, when you do it, they maybe 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:03.640 I think you can. 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:04.680 I don't know. 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.919 Anybody out there has ever taken an X ray that 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:08.960 shows that she was. 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:11.920 Yeah, doctors had let us nurse I could send them. 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:17.200 Yeah, I don't like, Oh, okay. 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:18.280 I just I was a very big and I want 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:18.520 to look. 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:20.359 I was like, I'm worried about the vagina. He's going 0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:22.040 to use that on that's a little. 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.880 I wasn't worried about that. I wouldn't look at I'm 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:25.600 not worried about. 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.800 The j there's too big. There's things that are too big. 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:32.679 I never come on, you haven't made it, not in 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:33.040 real life. 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:33.639 I have. 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:36.199 I mean no, I'm always right at that. Yeah, at 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:38.880 the pleasure chest. I watched him and like, whoa, whoa, 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.080 what is that? No one is sticking that anywhere. 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.240 I am for a challenge. 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.760 I never forget his name was Frank. His name is Frank, 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:53.399 and his frank was Frankly Frank. It was crazy. How 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:55.760 old were you? I was in college. But I just 0:18:55.800 --> 0:19:00.880 remember looking in the mirror and I was like like, yeah. 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:03.240 We tried. There's no everyone has that. 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.760 Everyone has the story of we're just instead of like 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:09.239 a baby arm, that's what it looks like. 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:13.159 That's Gary track, of course. 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.320 God, you two eyes are the worst. 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:17.920 No really does kill the fun. 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:23.399 It's yeahs killed. 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:24.720 Oh my god. 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:26.280 I had to say to my younger daughter this morning 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:28.480 because she was like, Mom, I'm out of underpants, probably 0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:30.440 because they were all in the laundry that she didn't. 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:31.720 Right, because right because they were She. 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.600 Goes, she goes, I'm wearing a pair of bikini bottoms 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.240 to school, and set I was like, the fuck you are, 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:39.800 so you've got a bunch of underpants, I'm gonna find 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:41.800 you a pair, And also like, do you just want. 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:42.440 A yeast infection? 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.960 Like you you walk around all day in the sweaty 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:46.760 bikini bottom at school? 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:48.080 The hell. 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.400 I was like, like, it's the same thing, mom, Yeah, 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:52.600 it's really not. I'm pretty sure I've done that, so 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:53.080 that's fine. 0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:54.240 I'm just on her side. 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:56.160 I'm sure I have to, but I'm not gonna tell 0:19:56.160 --> 0:19:59.560 her that, right, tell her a lot of things that 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:02.439 I tell them they can't just wear. I put her 0:20:02.480 --> 0:20:05.920 in a pair of exercise shorts that were breathaball and said, here, 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:06.600 just worthyse you want. 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:09.480 You'll find anywhere. You didn't find anything, No, and she 0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:12.240 was wearing to dressed. I said, just wear the because 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:14.080 they're all in the laundry right now. 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:19.600 Yeah, yeah, fucking assholes, tell you because you have girls? 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:22.639 What about on the other side, have your have your 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:26.159 baby daddies dated or remarried? And like you have to 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:28.720 deal with like the girls dealing with those women. 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.320 Mine is is recently engaged, okay, and do the girls 0:20:32.400 --> 0:20:34.320 like him, I mean her, or like, what's the deal? 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:35.960 I really hope they don't listen to this. 0:20:39.560 --> 0:20:42.520 They're not the biggest fan. I think the I think 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:44.840 that the little one likes her more than she. 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:47.120 Lets on a lot of the time. It's hard because 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:49.000 I have conversations with them. I'm like, you don't have 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:50.840 to do this for me, like I don't. 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:52.639 If he's happy, I'm happy, that's great. 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:55.639 Like, and I was with my ex husband for twenty 0:20:55.720 --> 0:20:57.439 years and so. 0:20:57.400 --> 0:20:59.080 Like, I you know, I love you. 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:02.200 Guys been off now five we've been divorced for about 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:06.600 five or four maybe it's four. And yeah, which, by 0:21:06.600 --> 0:21:08.520 the way, he knew the guy that I was dating, 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:12.160 so that was super awkward. And I don't think they're 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:15.479 friends anymore either, which is great. So we're all everything 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:15.840 flew up. 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:19.399 It was very awesome. But yeah, they bitch about her 0:21:19.440 --> 0:21:19.720 a lot. 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:22.920 I can't decide if I think that's because they think 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:25.920 they're being loyal to me, and so I have a 0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:27.280 lot of talks to them because I'm like, you know, 0:21:27.600 --> 0:21:29.680 if you think you're making me feel better. 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:30.320 By putting her down. 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:30.760 You're not. 0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:33.320 You actually make me feel worse because I want you 0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:35.680 to be happy when you're with them. And I think 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:37.960 she tries her best, and god knows, I do not 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:40.480 envy that position like at all. 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:42.119 And I have two step. 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:45.800 Parents who I really I mean, I'm close with my stepmother. 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:46.600 I think she's great. 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:47.720 She never tried to mom me. 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:49.399 She was just my friend, a dugger. 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:52.960 My stepdad raised me more than my dad did, and 0:21:53.160 --> 0:21:55.800 I always really loved him and he was great, So 0:21:55.880 --> 0:21:58.480 I don't really have a problem with that. And honestly, 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:01.800 my mom like really hated my father and really hated 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:04.200 my stepmother and pitted us against them all the time, 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:07.040 and that was that is a therapist, the most damaging 0:22:07.080 --> 0:22:08.000 thing you can do to a child. 0:22:08.440 --> 0:22:10.520 And he actually asked me last night, so be got 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:13.760 a magic eight ball for herthday, So that's now making 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:15.400 all of her important life decisions. 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:18.040 Right, which I can't. I can't say that. 0:22:18.119 --> 0:22:20.760 I haven't that much of my twenties wasn't spent basically 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:23.040 shaking the magic eight ball and going like now what? 0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:31.280 So anyway, she had it last night determining I meant 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:34.560 it exactly how it sounded, so it was a double 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:35.360 on tandre there. 0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:39.240 Yeah. So anyway, she was sitting there. 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:41.359 Last night making you know, major life decisions by the 0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:44.280 magic eight ball, mainly would she shower or go brush 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:44.720 her teeth? 0:22:44.800 --> 0:22:47.280 And it's kept saying it is certainly not so or whatever. 0:22:47.720 --> 0:22:50.040 Great anyway, but she asked, she was like, I'm going 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:53.600 to ask if you and miss Galley are gonna get married, 0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:54.080 because that's. 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:55.960 What she calls him. His name is Miscal and she 0:22:56.080 --> 0:23:01.080 was I'm gonna ask. I was like, wait, yeah, m 0:23:01.240 --> 0:23:01.920 e s c a. 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:05.840 Yeah, Mescalito is from It's a character in a book 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:11.960 that his mom really loves. Anyways, So yeah, so anyway, 0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:13.520 so she was like, I'm gonna see if you know 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:15.440 you and miss Sally are gonna get married. It's like okay, fine, 0:23:15.440 --> 0:23:17.720 So she shook it and it said like, uh it is, 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:19.119 you know, decidedly so. 0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:20.360 And she was so excited. 0:23:20.880 --> 0:23:24.600 She like she really really likes that means it's true. 0:23:24.720 --> 0:23:25.760 But she was like, oh my god. 0:23:25.760 --> 0:23:27.560 But she they both asked like are you going to 0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:29.200 get you know, you guys gonna get married, But I'm 0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:29.639 like I don't know. 0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:31.840 I'm like waiting like I don't know, I don't know. 0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:34.800 I'm not against the idea, like, but I'm with like 0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:37.120 you know, and I mean to be honest, like I'm 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:38.440 probably more for it. 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:41.520 Yes, absolutely I want to, but I don't you know, 0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:42.560 I haven't been married before. 0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:43.359 Yes, several times? 0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:44.480 How many times? Three? 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:46.920 Yeah? 0:23:47.160 --> 0:23:51.800 Wait? Wait wait right? I mean they're like a modern day, 0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:52.119 wasn't it. 0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:57.040 That's one other time you're like, kim k sorry, I'm sorry, 0:23:57.080 --> 0:23:57.440 I'm sorry. 0:23:57.680 --> 0:23:59.879 Yeah, I'm done now, that's okay. No, no, no, it's not 0:24:00.560 --> 0:24:02.000 it's fine, it's fine. 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:04.040 No, I don't I don't feel And the thing is, 0:24:04.280 --> 0:24:05.880 I don't even I do. 0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:08.040 I am all. I am like a big wedding for 0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:11.119 every single one. No, no, I've had three different weddings. 0:24:11.160 --> 0:24:12.200 The next will be destination. 0:24:12.440 --> 0:24:12.520 No. 0:24:14.520 --> 0:24:16.240 But anyway, so she got very excited about that, and 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:18.119 she asked, she was like, is my daddy gonna get married? 0:24:18.200 --> 0:24:19.480 And she was like, I really hope so, and it 0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:21.600 said like yes. She was so happy about that. 0:24:21.480 --> 0:24:23.440 Too, And I told her, I was like, I hope 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:25.119 your daddy finds somebody that he really likes, because I 0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:27.760 don't think I don't know that he's dated anyone. I 0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:32.439 don't ask because it's none of my business, you know, 0:24:32.520 --> 0:24:35.840 I know he asks her a lot, and I figure 0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:41.719 about yeah, and I yeah, this is the youngest, so 0:24:41.840 --> 0:24:43.080 you know, and like at the end of I'm like, 0:24:43.400 --> 0:24:45.800 that's honestly, really all I want, Like I want them 0:24:45.840 --> 0:24:48.639 to have girlfriends or wives or whatever they want. Like 0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:51.720 I want them to be happy. I really, I really do. 0:24:51.760 --> 0:24:53.959 And I want like for the kids. And I told her, 0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:56.040 I said great, I said that many more people to 0:24:56.080 --> 0:24:57.720 love you, just like exactly. 0:24:57.760 --> 0:25:00.720 Like and that's what I try more, right, more people 0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:01.399 to love you. 0:25:01.320 --> 0:25:04.880 Like you know, it's well, my kids once the once 0:25:04.920 --> 0:25:07.240 their dad proposed and they knew they were getting a stepmom, 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:09.320 and then he told them, you know, when they were 0:25:09.320 --> 0:25:11.840 getting married and where whatever. Right away, my kids were like, 0:25:11.920 --> 0:25:15.680 are you gonna came? And I was like, no, nobody 0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:19.520 wants me there. I don't want to be there. And 0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:21.199 they were like, but there many times when you. 0:25:21.160 --> 0:25:25.040 Guys are all together. I was like, you that the 0:25:25.160 --> 0:25:27.400 last thing that this new bride. 0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:29.399 Needs who's also been divorced once before is to have 0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:33.480 the ex wife show up Like why is like yeah, 0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:35.800 hi like and they were like, but we don't want 0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:37.240 to go if you're not gonna trust me. 0:25:37.280 --> 0:25:40.160 It's awkward enough when you get married to have all 0:25:40.200 --> 0:25:42.800 of everyone there, right, Well, that was all. 0:25:42.640 --> 0:25:44.000 Other things, and they were like, well, are you ever 0:25:44.040 --> 0:25:45.399 going to be in the same place with all of 0:25:45.400 --> 0:25:47.800 our family, like meeting their grandparents everybody else. I said, yes, 0:25:47.840 --> 0:25:51.760 when it's neutral ground, I will be still speak to them, 0:25:52.040 --> 0:25:54.119 but I will be in the same room as you guys. 0:25:54.119 --> 0:25:55.520 I said, but that's not neutral ground. 0:25:55.560 --> 0:25:57.960 And I'm not that right, it's not I'm walking like 0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:02.200 wearing red being like right, but right, yeah, I mean 0:26:02.280 --> 0:26:04.200 it's that's not that's not good, but. 0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:04.520 But it is. 0:26:04.600 --> 0:26:06.520 I think it's I think it is hard though, like 0:26:06.560 --> 0:26:09.000 when you have kids and like introducing them to new. 0:26:08.880 --> 0:26:14.040 People and you know, and like I've you know, I 0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:15.440 like I said, I was engaged. 0:26:15.960 --> 0:26:18.320 I had an engagement that broke off and whatever, and 0:26:19.040 --> 0:26:21.800 it was a whole thing. And my kids didn't always 0:26:21.920 --> 0:26:27.199 love him very much and ye, but you know, but 0:26:27.240 --> 0:26:29.080 there were times that they did, and you know, and 0:26:29.119 --> 0:26:33.480 so it's always it is always hard to to balance 0:26:33.560 --> 0:26:36.359 out their opinions of it, like just because something didn't 0:26:36.359 --> 0:26:39.440 work out, like you know, whatever it's and the thing 0:26:39.680 --> 0:26:42.359 between going back and forth with both parents and being like, 0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:44.879 you don't have to hate the other person just because 0:26:44.920 --> 0:26:49.520 I do, and because I think sometimes like you know, 0:26:49.520 --> 0:26:51.640 I think sometimes my younger one feels like that because I, 0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:52.800 you know, I don't. 0:26:52.720 --> 0:26:56.480 Think her dad, I don't. I don't know anyway, you 0:26:56.560 --> 0:27:00.680 know what. Trying to be very diplomatic. It was really sad. 0:27:00.760 --> 0:27:04.200 Was was after the relationship I had, you know, after 0:27:04.240 --> 0:27:06.920 my marriage ended, that my. 0:27:07.000 --> 0:27:09.240 Kids took it really personally because. 0:27:09.080 --> 0:27:12.040 He had been my friend for so long, and especially 0:27:12.080 --> 0:27:14.040 again the older one like really had a relationship with 0:27:14.119 --> 0:27:17.359 him before, like she felt our connection with him, and 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:21.119 so once we broke up and then subsequently just stopped 0:27:21.160 --> 0:27:23.480 talking like we had a you know, knock down boat 0:27:23.560 --> 0:27:24.120 fight and was over. 0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:24.919 We hadn't spoken in a. 0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:25.440 Year and a half. 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:29.760 Like she took it so unbelievably personally that it was 0:27:29.800 --> 0:27:32.560 like some like she just really hurts her. And then 0:27:32.600 --> 0:27:34.119 I was going, I think, you know this, I was 0:27:34.160 --> 0:27:37.280 going through her stuff about like six months ago, and 0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:40.400 I found a journal that she was keeping to him. 0:27:40.920 --> 0:27:44.600 Oh no, like writing him how much she missed him 0:27:44.640 --> 0:27:48.000 and loved him, and how like she understood that he'd 0:27:48.000 --> 0:27:49.840 like made a mistake breaking up with me, and that 0:27:49.920 --> 0:27:52.359 you know, it was you know, something that he was 0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:54.680 going to come back and like all this stuff, and 0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:58.800 she to this day it's been almost I mean like right, 0:27:58.840 --> 0:28:00.560 it's been a year and a half, I almost since 0:28:00.560 --> 0:28:03.679 we've even spoken, and over two years since we broke up, 0:28:03.720 --> 0:28:07.360 and she believes without a doubt that like, where, yeah, 0:28:07.359 --> 0:28:08.760 it's gonna come back around. He's going to come back 0:28:08.760 --> 0:28:10.520 around somehow, this is gonna work out. And it's so 0:28:11.240 --> 0:28:13.320 hard to like sit down and have a conversation where 0:28:13.359 --> 0:28:16.760 I'm like, sometimes what you want to have happened doesn't. 0:28:16.440 --> 0:28:19.000 Happen and it had nothing to do with you. 0:28:19.320 --> 0:28:21.520 It wasn't And she's like, well maybe if you didn't 0:28:21.520 --> 0:28:22.960 have kids, you. 0:28:22.840 --> 0:28:26.400 Know, and I'm like, it was not. So she thinks 0:28:26.440 --> 0:28:30.040 that they're the problem. Yeah, yeah, she thinks they're the problems. 0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:33.439 She did something you know that they I was weighed 0:28:33.440 --> 0:28:36.800 more down because of them, maybe, Like it's like it 0:28:36.880 --> 0:28:39.920 was the most It's really why I stopped dating because 0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:42.600 I never would have introduced her to you know, them, 0:28:42.640 --> 0:28:45.040 to him really anyway. And it took a couple months 0:28:45.040 --> 0:28:46.520 for them to even know that it was a thing. 0:28:47.040 --> 0:28:51.920 But uh, just watching how it devastated they were when. 0:28:51.760 --> 0:28:54.440 He was gone. And I remember that as. 0:28:54.320 --> 0:28:56.200 A kid whose mom, you know, dated a lot before 0:28:56.240 --> 0:28:58.520 she got married, that we would get really attached to 0:28:58.520 --> 0:29:00.240 these boyfriends that she would bring into our life and 0:29:00.240 --> 0:29:01.000 then they break up with. 0:29:00.960 --> 0:29:01.720 Her, and that was that. 0:29:02.680 --> 0:29:04.680 It is, I mean, it is it is hard, Like 0:29:04.760 --> 0:29:06.840 I know, you know, when I broke up with my 0:29:06.840 --> 0:29:10.080 my most recent ex and it ended very poorly and 0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:13.560 very dramatically, and that you know, the kids it wasn't 0:29:13.600 --> 0:29:14.880 like they could say goodbye or. 0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:15.720 Ever talk to him again. 0:29:15.800 --> 0:29:20.080 Yeah, and you know, it is hard because it's like 0:29:20.120 --> 0:29:23.160 this was somebody you know, like yeah, he you know, 0:29:23.320 --> 0:29:25.200 had faults and whatever and all this stuff, but like 0:29:25.200 --> 0:29:26.480 at the state at the end of the day, like 0:29:27.200 --> 0:29:29.480 my kids didn't end, you know. And so it still 0:29:29.560 --> 0:29:32.600 is even though maybe they weren't his biggest thing. 0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:34.920 I didn't even probably know all his faults, so they 0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:37.840 they knew, right, and my older one knew more of them. 0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:40.000 She you know what I mean. She she's a little 0:29:40.000 --> 0:29:45.240 more aware. But it's still you do You're like you feel. 0:29:45.040 --> 0:29:47.000 Bad when you just suddenly have to remove somebody from 0:29:47.000 --> 0:29:48.640 their lives, and it is the thing where you like, 0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:50.520 oh my god, am I fucking everything up? Is this 0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:52.880 like the worst thing that's ever had? 0:29:53.000 --> 0:29:53.080 Like? 0:29:53.120 --> 0:29:55.400 Am I? You know? Am I? 0:29:55.480 --> 0:29:57.880 Am I screwing it all up because I'm being selfish 0:29:57.920 --> 0:29:59.880 and I want her relationship or whatever. 0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:01.800 Well that's how I felt though when I left my 0:30:02.680 --> 0:30:05.120 when I left my husband, honestly, like I was like, 0:30:05.200 --> 0:30:08.160 am I the worst parent ever? Am I ruining my 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:11.520 kids lives? But I think every feels like that, you. 0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:12.440 Know, but it wasn't working. 0:30:12.440 --> 0:30:14.200 And I listen, I work with clients all the time. 0:30:14.200 --> 0:30:17.400 It's like, actually, one of my my biggest clients, I think, 0:30:17.480 --> 0:30:20.280 you know, our biggest like category of clients is women 0:30:20.320 --> 0:30:22.000 getting out of bad relationships. 0:30:22.400 --> 0:30:25.480 Comes me, usually moms. 0:30:24.760 --> 0:30:27.280 And you know, I'm a friend of mine said it's 0:30:27.360 --> 0:30:29.600 me when I was getting divorced, And I say it's 0:30:29.640 --> 0:30:32.800 everyone else. Like it's a contract, any other contract that 0:30:32.840 --> 0:30:34.880 you enter into in your life, when you lease a car, 0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:36.959 when you buy a house. You know, if you go 0:30:36.960 --> 0:30:38.840 get a bank account, Like if you're not happy in 0:30:38.880 --> 0:30:40.680 that contract, no one's like, oh, just ride it out 0:30:40.720 --> 0:30:43.680 with the car that's not working. Oh your roof is leaking. No, no, no, 0:30:43.720 --> 0:30:45.680 you signed a mortgage, you got to stay in that house. 0:30:45.920 --> 0:30:48.800 They're like, get out and do something better for yourself. 0:30:48.800 --> 0:30:50.960 And for some reason in marriages, people are like, but 0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:54.479 you make it right, you have kids, kid And I 0:30:54.520 --> 0:30:57.320 was like, but I but I had to get out 0:30:57.320 --> 0:31:01.000 of that marriage for myself, for their sakes, Like it 0:31:01.040 --> 0:31:02.800 was not a healthy, good situation. 0:31:04.040 --> 0:31:05.280 So it is hard. 0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:07.120 But to your point about like not being able to 0:31:07.120 --> 0:31:08.920 say goodbye, that was like their issue with the ex. 0:31:08.920 --> 0:31:10.560 You know, at least with their dad they can see, 0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:13.280 but you know, him just him breaking up with me, 0:31:13.360 --> 0:31:16.520 and he did, and you know badly, Like it was 0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:18.840 you know a lot for them to take in. 0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:22.240 Well, but maybe he's breaking up with you because of us, right, 0:31:22.280 --> 0:31:23.640 And you know I was like, I assure you it 0:31:23.680 --> 0:31:25.280 was all me. I remember. 0:31:25.440 --> 0:31:27.560 I mean when my boyfriend and I first started dating, 0:31:27.640 --> 0:31:30.760 like you know, and I would have these meltdowns and 0:31:30.800 --> 0:31:34.120 he's so wonderful and so patient and kind and gentle 0:31:34.120 --> 0:31:36.520 with me because I would just start tripping out in 0:31:36.600 --> 0:31:38.760 my head and being like this isn't and. 0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:40.480 Like not going what's going there? 0:31:40.520 --> 0:31:43.120 And nothing's happened, like nothing was happening, and if anything, 0:31:43.160 --> 0:31:45.120 he was like being wonderful and like I love you 0:31:45.160 --> 0:31:47.160 and I'm like so excited for our future and this 0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:51.160 and that, and I'm like no, no, and so like, 0:31:51.240 --> 0:31:53.360 and I remember I was like, you know what I mean, 0:31:53.440 --> 0:31:53.960 like I'm. 0:31:53.960 --> 0:31:54.800 Crying this whole thing. 0:31:54.840 --> 0:31:56.120 I was like, you know, I'm just worried, like I 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:58.000 have kids and it's it's a lot, like I'm a 0:31:58.040 --> 0:32:00.959 single mom and and he was like nay, He's like, 0:32:01.040 --> 0:32:03.920 I've known you for years. He's like, part of the 0:32:03.960 --> 0:32:06.080 reason that I love you is because you're a mom. 0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:09.040 He's like, he goes, You're one of the biggest fighters 0:32:09.080 --> 0:32:11.760 I know because of your kids. He's like, and I 0:32:12.360 --> 0:32:14.880 it's a package deal, Like this is I get that. 0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:18.760 I wouldn't have gone into this thinking like, oh I 0:32:18.760 --> 0:32:20.640 really love her, but ah, the fact that she has 0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:23.040 kids instead of it. He's like, no, I I love that, 0:32:23.280 --> 0:32:25.480 Like that's actually something about you that I love. It's 0:32:25.520 --> 0:32:29.479 not it's not a detriment. It's actually a plus. And 0:32:29.520 --> 0:32:32.400 I was like, oh, yeah, I'm not. And it was 0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:35.280 the thing was like, not like I ever. I mean obviously, 0:32:35.280 --> 0:32:37.400 like my kids are my priority and they come first. 0:32:37.480 --> 0:32:40.600 It was just like, do how does this all work? 0:32:40.680 --> 0:32:41.760 How does this you know? 0:32:41.920 --> 0:32:44.080 And I think especially when you date someone who doesn't 0:32:44.120 --> 0:32:47.600 have kids, even being around like women that don't have 0:32:47.680 --> 0:32:49.160 kids are in settings. 0:32:49.080 --> 0:32:52.560 Right, you're constantly because kids are fucking annoying. Let's be real, right, Yeah, 0:32:52.600 --> 0:32:56.600 it's right. Are they annoying? Not touching him? 0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:58.640 Well, he would come to my house, right, he would 0:32:58.640 --> 0:33:00.320 come to my house, and I was like a. 0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:05.760 Lot person and he right, and they put on shows 0:33:05.800 --> 0:33:08.800 and the whole thing. And he's like, I love it. 0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:11.400 And he's like, I have three nephews that are exactly 0:33:11.480 --> 0:33:14.400 your kid's age, Like I love them. I love being 0:33:14.440 --> 0:33:17.480 around kids. They're all insane. My brother threw threw a 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:19.040 fork at me and it's stuck in my calf once, 0:33:19.160 --> 0:33:19.760 Like that's. 0:33:19.520 --> 0:33:23.280 Just what kids do. It's okay, don't He's like, I 0:33:23.360 --> 0:33:25.440 raised the four gud kid Like, yeah, it doesn't care. 0:33:25.560 --> 0:33:26.280 I will say. 0:33:26.280 --> 0:33:28.040 It was like I can sit on my phone while 0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:30.440 they're having their circus and it's fine. 0:33:30.600 --> 0:33:31.960 One of the funniest things, but it is. 0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:34.160 It's like a self like at thing, like I have 0:33:34.240 --> 0:33:35.840 to keep the kids happy, and I have to keep 0:33:35.880 --> 0:33:37.840 you happy, and I have to keep everyone is gonna be. 0:33:39.040 --> 0:33:41.760 Care and they usually look to you anyway. 0:33:41.920 --> 0:33:44.280 One of the funniest and meanwhile you're losing your fucking 0:33:44.360 --> 0:33:46.160 mind as you're trying to make everyone happy. 0:33:46.240 --> 0:33:46.440 Yeah. 0:33:46.520 --> 0:33:48.240 One of the funniest things that Harper ever did was 0:33:48.320 --> 0:33:50.440 when the very first time that we were all in 0:33:50.480 --> 0:33:53.040 the same place, me and the kids and him and 0:33:53.120 --> 0:33:55.239 he you know, had come over and she they were 0:33:55.240 --> 0:33:56.760 like getting ready for bed or whatever, and all of 0:33:56.800 --> 0:33:59.240 a sudden, she just like looks at him and she's like, 0:34:01.320 --> 0:34:03.000 I just want to know something, and he was like yeah, 0:34:03.040 --> 0:34:06.080 And she's like, are you sleeping over tonight? And he 0:34:06.360 --> 0:34:09.600 just was like uh. And she was like, and are 0:34:09.600 --> 0:34:12.040 you sleeping in my mom's room? And oh yeah, and 0:34:12.080 --> 0:34:14.359 he was. He was just got like totally like had 0:34:14.400 --> 0:34:15.960 a moment and like he just looks at me and 0:34:15.960 --> 0:34:17.600 like he was like, I mean and I'm like looking 0:34:17.640 --> 0:34:20.000 at him, like just answer, and he's like, I mean, yeah, 0:34:20.040 --> 0:34:21.440 I mean maybe I think so, I don't know, is 0:34:21.480 --> 0:34:26.000 that okay? And I was like, first rule of parents, 0:34:26.200 --> 0:34:29.120 don't ask the kid permission to like just be like 0:34:29.320 --> 0:34:31.719 ye huh, not that I expect you to parent, but 0:34:31.760 --> 0:34:32.920 like just be like yes, you know. 0:34:33.239 --> 0:34:34.400 And she was like, oh, I don't care. 0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:36.360 I was just wondering and like walked away like she 0:34:36.400 --> 0:34:38.120 didn't give a ship, but it was so funny to 0:34:38.120 --> 0:34:40.640 see that happen where I'm like, Oops, didn't factor that. 0:34:40.680 --> 0:34:44.240 And no, I think I think yeah, even though sometimes 0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:48.919 there's obviously like downs to the dating. Just like ship, 0:34:49.000 --> 0:34:51.000 there's downs to the dating with us. You gotta get 0:34:51.080 --> 0:34:53.680 rid of people, you gotta love them life. 0:34:54.560 --> 0:34:56.279 Yeah, do you guys date? That's what I was gonna ask. 0:34:56.400 --> 0:34:59.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I think I think overall though, 0:34:59.680 --> 0:35:02.520 I think I think we're doing less. I think we're 0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:06.000 doing less damage more good than damage, I think, especially 0:35:06.000 --> 0:35:08.720 if we all have daughters. I think, you know, that's 0:35:08.800 --> 0:35:10.920 the journal thing. It was like the sad the hardest 0:35:10.960 --> 0:35:13.080 thing I've ever heard, and but honestly, I don't think 0:35:13.080 --> 0:35:16.600 that should prevent you from ever dating in the future because. 0:35:16.360 --> 0:35:18.839 You're I think the kids need to understand that, like 0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:23.040 the relationships change things like Disney. 0:35:22.640 --> 0:35:25.240 You know we're not gonna make no dating has happened, 0:35:25.280 --> 0:35:28.080 and then Prince Charming comes with because you're sleep and everything. 0:35:29.080 --> 0:35:31.839 You know what we're like real, and then we would 0:35:31.880 --> 0:35:34.360 be doing our kids a big disservice. 0:35:35.080 --> 0:35:38.239 Women to y the service, letting them allowing them to 0:35:38.280 --> 0:35:40.239 think that that is what it is it's not. 0:35:40.440 --> 0:35:41.200 And that's why I try. 0:35:41.239 --> 0:35:43.399 I mean, obviously our kids are four, but I try 0:35:43.440 --> 0:35:44.960 to be really honest and I try to be like 0:35:45.040 --> 0:35:46.040 I mean, you know, oh. 0:35:45.880 --> 0:35:48.280 They saw me cry like I am really sad. 0:35:48.640 --> 0:35:50.160 I mean I was, I was. I was heartbroken. 0:35:50.960 --> 0:35:53.520 My heart is broken. I did, Yeah, I did. My 0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:54.319 feelings are hurt. 0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:56.480 I think those things are okay to say because and 0:35:56.520 --> 0:35:58.120 then you guess what, and then you guys your ship 0:35:58.520 --> 0:36:00.839 and you keep it fucking pushing because that's what we do, 0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:01.279 I think. 0:36:01.320 --> 0:36:04.200 And my kids have seen that, or you know, because 0:36:04.239 --> 0:36:05.280 my kids have seen. 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:08.880 Like me get divorced or me leave a relationship or whatever, 0:36:08.920 --> 0:36:11.640 and there is that thing of like, wow, I really 0:36:11.680 --> 0:36:13.480 like this is this the example I'm setting? I'm like, no, 0:36:13.520 --> 0:36:15.120 you know what it is the example I'm setting. The 0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:17.200 example I'm setting is I don't stay. I'm not gonna 0:36:17.200 --> 0:36:19.799 stay in something where I'm not happy and fulfilled and 0:36:19.880 --> 0:36:22.840 with a partner. So this is just not you know what, 0:36:23.000 --> 0:36:25.320 wasn't working. So you know what, mom is gonna go 0:36:25.400 --> 0:36:26.719 off and you and I tell them all the time, 0:36:26.719 --> 0:36:28.560 I go, you know what, moms fuck things up. I 0:36:28.600 --> 0:36:30.440 fuck things up all the time. I make a bunch 0:36:30.480 --> 0:36:33.439 of mistakes. I'm just doing my best, and I tell 0:36:33.520 --> 0:36:36.040 them that, I go, yeah, I fucked up, I blew 0:36:36.080 --> 0:36:38.000 it or this didn't work out or whatever, but like, 0:36:38.800 --> 0:36:41.040 you're gonna do these same things too. You're gonna make 0:36:41.080 --> 0:36:42.839 mistakes too, and I hope that you learn from them 0:36:42.920 --> 0:36:44.960 and like do a little better next time, and you 0:36:45.000 --> 0:36:45.719 might fuck it up. 0:36:45.680 --> 0:36:46.840 Again, that's okay. 0:36:46.920 --> 0:36:49.120 Well, I think it's actually more important for our daughters 0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:51.480 to see that, to see us make mistakes and keep 0:36:51.560 --> 0:36:55.399 going and own them than to either stay in something 0:36:55.400 --> 0:36:58.319 where we're not happy or pretend that we don't or 0:36:58.320 --> 0:37:00.480 deny a piece of ourselves and be like, oh, well, 0:37:00.480 --> 0:37:02.399 I'm not going to have a relationship because I don't 0:37:02.400 --> 0:37:04.279 want you to do well. No, because I don't want 0:37:04.280 --> 0:37:06.480 my kids also to think that I'm putting all of 0:37:06.520 --> 0:37:07.719 my emotional right. 0:37:07.800 --> 0:37:10.160 Yes, and I do tell them that too, like like 0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:13.400 I love you, but it needs something too, listen. I 0:37:13.520 --> 0:37:15.080 I mean, I'm sure if I met the right person, 0:37:15.080 --> 0:37:16.600 and I haven't, and that I'll go into our you know, 0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:18.759 when we were talking about our bad choices, I have 0:37:18.880 --> 0:37:20.840 some of them there, But I will also say I 0:37:20.920 --> 0:37:23.200 used not you know, with leaving my marriage. I think 0:37:23.200 --> 0:37:24.680 that was my you know thing for them, I had 0:37:24.719 --> 0:37:26.120 to get out and this is a strong. 0:37:25.880 --> 0:37:26.760 Thing with him. 0:37:27.320 --> 0:37:29.680 What I think I've been able to convey to them, 0:37:29.760 --> 0:37:32.400 and honestly, I did it as I learned it myself, 0:37:32.920 --> 0:37:36.480 was that just because someone hurts you deeply, which he did, 0:37:36.960 --> 0:37:39.440 doesn't mean that you don't get to love them anymore. 0:37:39.800 --> 0:37:42.600 I I love him unconditionally. I told him that the 0:37:42.719 --> 0:37:43.760 last time we ever spoke. 0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:46.160 I meant it. I'm not angry at him. 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:48.840 If just because someone breaks your heart doesn't mean that 0:37:48.880 --> 0:37:50.960 you have to turn into, you know, a bitter person 0:37:51.040 --> 0:37:53.080 and hate them because you didn't get what you wanted. 0:37:53.280 --> 0:37:55.840 I actually love him, and I don't expect her to 0:37:55.880 --> 0:37:59.319 hate him because I do, or anything like that. Like 0:37:59.400 --> 0:38:02.280 I'm not pine away for him. I wish him nothing 0:38:02.320 --> 0:38:04.960 but the best. I had to learn forgiveness in myself 0:38:05.360 --> 0:38:08.080 to let that go. And you know, understand that if 0:38:08.120 --> 0:38:10.359 I actually really love him, then what I really want 0:38:10.400 --> 0:38:12.160 is for him to be happy, And if he's not 0:38:12.200 --> 0:38:13.960 happy with me, then I want him to be happy 0:38:14.000 --> 0:38:17.439 with somebody else. And that's a lesson. I didn't ever 0:38:17.480 --> 0:38:21.080 think of giving my kids until that. So I look 0:38:21.080 --> 0:38:22.319 at that you know a way. 0:38:22.520 --> 0:38:23.520 Yeah, you know. 0:38:23.960 --> 0:38:26.319 So since you guys we all have girls, and your 0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:30.200 girls are a bit older than ours, so have you guys. 0:38:30.239 --> 0:38:33.440 Just I just was thinking about this because because your 0:38:33.520 --> 0:38:35.680 daughter is about to be thirteen, and how did your 0:38:35.719 --> 0:38:36.640 oldest eleven? 0:38:36.760 --> 0:38:41.040 Eleven? Okay, but she's know, I know, and I think 0:38:41.080 --> 0:38:43.960 about me terrifyingly developing. 0:38:44.560 --> 0:38:46.319 I think about me at eleven too. I started my 0:38:46.360 --> 0:38:50.200 period of eleven. Yeah, that was very much she's got. 0:38:50.960 --> 0:38:52.239 And I was already I. 0:38:52.239 --> 0:38:56.360 Was interested in like sex or like making out something. 0:38:56.440 --> 0:38:58.319 Yeah. And then I watched Euphoria. 0:38:58.960 --> 0:39:02.640 I've been watched it triggered I was like, fuck, yeah, 0:39:02.680 --> 0:39:04.200 I'm like, is this what's happening in school? 0:39:04.200 --> 0:39:05.320 I mean, I know when I was in high school, 0:39:05.320 --> 0:39:06.000 shit was going down. 0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:08.640 Like yeah, I watched I mean, for me, I watched it, 0:39:08.680 --> 0:39:10.759 and a lot of it was like I could watch 0:39:10.800 --> 0:39:12.880 about two episodes at a time just because it was 0:39:12.960 --> 0:39:15.920 so vivid and real for me as far as a 0:39:15.920 --> 0:39:17.840 lot of my experience in high school, college in my 0:39:17.880 --> 0:39:21.759 twenties of what that experience, you know, minus the cell 0:39:21.800 --> 0:39:25.240 phone cameras and all of that nonsense, but basically. 0:39:25.239 --> 0:39:28.359 The same behavior of right, right, But it was really 0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:34.440 because but still it was you know a lot exactly, 0:39:34.520 --> 0:39:37.440 but watching it and being like, yeah, this is what happens, 0:39:37.480 --> 0:39:39.480 this is this is actually pretty true. 0:39:39.760 --> 0:39:42.480 Like how do you how so when they go into 0:39:42.560 --> 0:39:47.319 high school or like confronted with drugs and because of 0:39:47.320 --> 0:39:49.239 your experience battling addiction, Like, how. 0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:50.120 Do you talk to them about that? 0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:50.319 Do you? 0:39:50.440 --> 0:39:52.399 I mean, how do you plan on talking? I mean 0:39:52.680 --> 0:39:54.520 before we recorded, you mentioned that you have a book 0:39:54.560 --> 0:39:56.000 and like, yeah, one day they'll read it. 0:39:56.239 --> 0:40:00.680 Yeah, I mean they've My younger one apparently had googled 0:40:00.719 --> 0:40:03.360 me while I was out of town. At one point, 0:40:03.880 --> 0:40:06.600 my kid at school somehow googled me or whatever and 0:40:06.600 --> 0:40:08.680 then was like talking about and then decided to tell 0:40:08.920 --> 0:40:10.840 this was here's a great example and talk about like 0:40:10.880 --> 0:40:14.319 that mom shaming stuff. She was like, my mommy has 0:40:14.360 --> 0:40:15.520 a lot of boyfriends. 0:40:15.080 --> 0:40:17.800 And she told her whole class, she told her little class. 0:40:18.360 --> 0:40:21.799 Then of course her dad finds this out, and it's like, 0:40:22.040 --> 0:40:23.000 I don't know why she's saying. 0:40:23.120 --> 0:40:25.680 I'm like, huh, thank you, thank you. Right, I'm like, yeah, 0:40:25.800 --> 0:40:28.120 because you know I had a lot, right, I'm like, oh. 0:40:27.960 --> 0:40:29.040 It's because I do I have. 0:40:29.760 --> 0:40:32.440 I'm like because I'm just getting all the dick and 0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:35.680 I'm telling I'm telling my kid about it all the time, right, 0:40:35.760 --> 0:40:37.279 and like, I don't know why she said that. I'm 0:40:37.280 --> 0:40:41.680 like because really after her dad, I had one boyfriend 0:40:42.040 --> 0:40:45.200 and now a second boyfriend and that's been six years, right, 0:40:45.360 --> 0:40:48.200 So like also the fact that he's like, you're fucking everyone, 0:40:48.200 --> 0:40:49.400 I'm like, no. 0:40:48.960 --> 0:40:52.319 No, be taking an eleven year old's advice. No, this 0:40:52.400 --> 0:40:54.520 was the nine year old nine right, right, That's what 0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:55.480 kills me taking mad. 0:40:55.560 --> 0:40:58.520 But then I was like, oh my god, because then 0:40:58.520 --> 0:40:59.960 it hit me of like, oh my god, my kids 0:41:00.080 --> 0:41:03.319 can google your fool me and everything about like my 0:41:03.440 --> 0:41:05.960 addiction and my book and everything I've talked about, which 0:41:05.960 --> 0:41:08.799 I'm not ashamed of. I'm very proud of where I 0:41:08.840 --> 0:41:12.120 am today, but it's i mean not something that I 0:41:12.200 --> 0:41:13.799 feel like they really need to know. 0:41:13.920 --> 0:41:15.480 And googled. What did she find? 0:41:15.680 --> 0:41:17.920 Well, she couldn't find much because it was at the 0:41:17.920 --> 0:41:19.920 school computer lab. So it was just like, you know, 0:41:19.960 --> 0:41:22.399 my mom's on full house and you know my that she. 0:41:22.480 --> 0:41:24.760 I was was engaged and broke it off and whatever. 0:41:25.440 --> 0:41:29.480 Nothing terrible. But I also am pretty open. I mean, 0:41:29.480 --> 0:41:31.160 my kids know that I'm sober. They know I go 0:41:31.239 --> 0:41:34.880 to you know that I I like, go and write 0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:37.680 recovery is important and all that stuff, but I don't. 0:41:37.840 --> 0:41:40.120 I mean, I haven't had the full on conversation with 0:41:40.160 --> 0:41:41.640 them yet, but I feel like now that my older 0:41:41.640 --> 0:41:43.880 one is starting middle school, it's definitely gonna be the like, 0:41:43.960 --> 0:41:46.799 look the been there well and. 0:41:46.719 --> 0:41:48.279 She but she does though I tell her all the time, 0:41:48.320 --> 0:41:49.400 I go, look, there's I go. 0:41:49.520 --> 0:41:52.239 Year. There's nothing that you're gonna tell me that I 0:41:52.400 --> 0:41:54.080 haven't done that's gonna surprise me. 0:41:54.200 --> 0:41:55.680 Literally nothing. 0:41:56.480 --> 0:41:59.080 So don't think you're ever gonna shock me or that 0:41:59.160 --> 0:42:03.399 I'm gonna be like I was like, if you can 0:42:03.400 --> 0:42:06.040 think about it, I've probably done it at least once 0:42:06.920 --> 0:42:10.480 and I and I said, and I'm really I said, 0:42:10.520 --> 0:42:12.800 I've learned some really hard, fucked up lessons. 0:42:12.840 --> 0:42:13.440 And I told her that. 0:42:13.520 --> 0:42:16.640 I was like, I've learned some really hard, painful lessons, uh, 0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:19.239 that I would love for you not to learn. I said, 0:42:19.239 --> 0:42:21.560 but I also know that my mom told me a 0:42:21.560 --> 0:42:24.320 lot of things that she tried to you know, impart 0:42:24.360 --> 0:42:26.919 her wisdom on me, and I didn't learn the lesson 0:42:27.000 --> 0:42:28.640 until I learned it myself. I said, So I also 0:42:28.719 --> 0:42:31.319 know you're going to have to do that too, and 0:42:31.600 --> 0:42:33.839 it's okay, Like it's okay, why am. 0:42:33.719 --> 0:42:37.200 I so sweating? Oh my god? Here, and I'm also 0:42:37.320 --> 0:42:38.600 just I sweat now that's what I do. 0:42:39.680 --> 0:42:40.160 I'm sorry. 0:42:40.200 --> 0:42:43.759 Actually also speaking here, I want to open this door. 0:42:44.120 --> 0:42:45.840 It's getting hotter by this second. 0:42:45.960 --> 0:42:51.680 Yeah, but anyway, I yeah, that's sort of. 0:42:52.680 --> 0:42:56.600 I mean because obviously, okay, we have a whole show 0:42:56.640 --> 0:43:00.480 called Good Mom's Bad Choices, so there's definitely some ship done. 0:43:00.600 --> 0:43:04.000 And I mean, like we'm got to talk about doing drugs. 0:43:04.040 --> 0:43:06.040 We've experimented, and I've done a lot of dumb shit. 0:43:06.040 --> 0:43:09.319 I got a lot of cars with strangers, right, oh yeah, 0:43:09.360 --> 0:43:11.640 oh yeah, yeah, I've just done a lot, like all 0:43:11.680 --> 0:43:13.080 the shit your parents, all this shit. 0:43:12.960 --> 0:43:15.040 That you're not supposed to do. Yeah, you do it. 0:43:15.120 --> 0:43:15.600 I've done. 0:43:15.719 --> 0:43:19.000 Yeah, And unluckily, like I'm alive because our parents did 0:43:19.120 --> 0:43:20.040 some dumb shit too. 0:43:20.200 --> 0:43:22.080 Well, I'm maybe not to the level I did, but 0:43:22.120 --> 0:43:22.760 my mom. 0:43:22.680 --> 0:43:25.600 Is like I my mom, there's a reason that like 0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:27.239 we are who we are, right See. 0:43:27.280 --> 0:43:29.240 My mom told me the other day at her fortieth 0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:31.440 wedding anniversary, She goes, oh, you saw the version of 0:43:31.440 --> 0:43:33.799 me I wanted you to see oh, she goes you 0:43:33.840 --> 0:43:38.080 saw the mom version. Trust me, I had a life 0:43:38.440 --> 0:43:40.600 before you, right, My mom was seven and I was like, 0:43:40.719 --> 0:43:44.960 she got married, so I like, and I think I. 0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:47.000 Think emotionally stayed right there at seventeen years. 0:43:48.080 --> 0:43:50.680 I mean, she just never but she didn't do like 0:43:50.760 --> 0:43:53.879 she literally just like never did anything. And because of that, 0:43:53.960 --> 0:43:55.759 everything was like taboo to talk. 0:43:55.880 --> 0:43:58.759 Well, I mean, my parents never Like my mom didn't 0:43:58.800 --> 0:43:59.640 do the things. 0:43:59.400 --> 0:44:01.160 That I did. For sure, my mom did nothing. But 0:44:01.200 --> 0:44:03.320 could you talk and my dad didn't either? Could you 0:44:03.360 --> 0:44:04.879 talk to your mom? I could talk to my mom 0:44:04.920 --> 0:44:05.399 about sex. 0:44:05.440 --> 0:44:08.840 My mom was actually really really opened to me about 0:44:09.160 --> 0:44:12.080 with me about sex, got me birth control when I 0:44:12.080 --> 0:44:15.920 started having sex like she was, which I appreciated because 0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:21.680 I was safe because you know what I mean, Like, 0:44:21.719 --> 0:44:24.160 I felt like I could talk to her. She knew 0:44:24.200 --> 0:44:26.800 about it. I was on birth like I was okay 0:44:26.880 --> 0:44:28.960 because of that, which I really appreciated. But then there were, 0:44:29.000 --> 0:44:31.520 of course tons of things that my mom didn't know. Yeah, 0:44:31.520 --> 0:44:33.440 which is and I tell my kids that all the time. 0:44:33.480 --> 0:44:35.000 I go, look, you're gonna do shit that you don't 0:44:35.040 --> 0:44:37.480 want me to know about Google. I get that, and I'm. 0:44:37.440 --> 0:44:39.439 Right, do you think there was anything your mom could 0:44:39.480 --> 0:44:44.239 have done from the path that decided to right. And 0:44:44.280 --> 0:44:49.040 do you think that your addiction or your whatever your 0:44:49.640 --> 0:44:51.400 experimentation did start in high school or. 0:44:51.400 --> 0:44:53.520 Did oh yeah, my no, my addiction starter. I mean 0:44:53.560 --> 0:44:55.120 I was like thirteen the first time I drank. I 0:44:55.160 --> 0:44:57.799 was totally a blackout drinker and that was just what 0:44:57.880 --> 0:45:02.840 I did. And then like through my you know, teenage years, 0:45:03.080 --> 0:45:05.160 and then I got sober the first time in college, 0:45:05.680 --> 0:45:07.480 and then I fucked up again, and then I went 0:45:07.520 --> 0:45:09.480 to treatment, and then like most of my twenties were 0:45:09.480 --> 0:45:10.480 spent fucking up. 0:45:10.440 --> 0:45:13.360 Like it was back and forth a lot. Did you 0:45:13.600 --> 0:45:16.279 get sober the last time before you had kids or. 0:45:16.600 --> 0:45:19.879 No, I, well, I quit drink sort of. I quit 0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:23.400 drinking and doing like hard drugs and everything when I 0:45:23.560 --> 0:45:28.439 shortly after I had Zoe, I got sober again, and 0:45:28.520 --> 0:45:33.080 then uh stayed sober until after B was born, and 0:45:33.120 --> 0:45:36.200 then was in a car accident and prescribed muscle relaxers 0:45:36.520 --> 0:45:39.560 and that was my last. So my last like harah 0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:42.000 was not It was like two weeks long and it 0:45:42.120 --> 0:45:43.360 was not anything creazy. 0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:45.319 So I haven't like drank or used drugs in a 0:45:45.400 --> 0:45:46.279 really long time. 0:45:47.600 --> 0:45:50.120 So never had to like talk to your child about 0:45:50.360 --> 0:45:52.200 I'm just curious. I don't know, like, how do you 0:45:52.280 --> 0:45:56.160 navigate that space if your child is of age and understand? Right, wait, mom, 0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:57.640 he's acting different like you never had that. 0:45:57.840 --> 0:46:00.000 Right, I never had. No, I never had. My kids 0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:00.440 have never. 0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:02.520 I have never seen me loaded and and you know, 0:46:02.600 --> 0:46:06.239 God willing, I will never will because I still work 0:46:06.280 --> 0:46:09.640 on my recovery and everything, but you know it, I 0:46:09.680 --> 0:46:10.960 also want them to. 0:46:12.040 --> 0:46:14.399 It's it's it's Lena's dad. She he has to get 0:46:14.400 --> 0:46:16.839 the key to deny and it okay, should I pause? 0:46:17.160 --> 0:46:22.040 H I told her for him open the door. If 0:46:22.080 --> 0:46:25.359 your dad the key, then I gave to you. Now 0:46:25.360 --> 0:46:31.319 you're fucking hiding the figure it out. 0:46:32.280 --> 0:46:34.360 Never did I ever, never do I ever tell my 0:46:34.440 --> 0:46:35.359 daughter to open the front door. 0:46:35.360 --> 0:46:37.680 And hopefully this doesn't become like open the door, they 0:46:37.800 --> 0:46:38.400 go that face? 0:46:39.560 --> 0:46:40.000 What is. 0:46:41.760 --> 0:46:42.400 Oh my god? 0:46:44.480 --> 0:46:47.279 Because she's four, that's what they do. 0:46:49.840 --> 0:47:00.120 And then she just runs away. 0:47:00.800 --> 0:47:11.280 She's like, no, dad, right, thanks. 0:47:08.719 --> 0:47:12.440 Literally everything I said not, guy's gonna come give him 0:47:12.480 --> 0:47:13.760 this ga she runs. 0:47:15.400 --> 0:47:21.320 Okay, now she's back. I'm looking for her dad. 0:47:24.280 --> 0:47:24.520 Yeah. 0:47:24.719 --> 0:47:25.399 No, It's the thing. 0:47:26.120 --> 0:47:29.480 Even when I think about, like I started drinking when 0:47:29.520 --> 0:47:30.480 I was eleven. 0:47:30.719 --> 0:47:33.239 Yeah, like me and Danielle. Oh try I think, like 0:47:33.320 --> 0:47:35.600 I look at my daughter now and I'm like, have 0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:36.720 a party in a couple. 0:47:36.800 --> 0:47:38.799 The first time I got wasted wasille was eleven at 0:47:38.880 --> 0:47:40.360 Jim Carrey's house with his daughter. 0:47:40.520 --> 0:47:41.319 Really because I. 0:47:41.280 --> 0:47:44.040 Went to a super rich private school where there was 0:47:44.120 --> 0:47:46.600 just access and parents were leaving their kids alone. 0:47:46.680 --> 0:47:48.800 Right, But I didn't even I don't even think I saw. 0:47:48.680 --> 0:47:50.759 Him, Like I know he was there somewhere, but like 0:47:50.880 --> 0:47:53.840 the whole day we were alone, the night we were alone, 0:47:54.000 --> 0:47:56.200 and I was like, oh, let's try, let's try this, 0:47:56.440 --> 0:47:57.719 let's mix them because we don't. 0:47:58.280 --> 0:48:01.160 I remember doing that. Yeah, just makes it. Well, even 0:48:01.239 --> 0:48:03.040 pour a little bit out of out of the bottle. 0:48:03.280 --> 0:48:07.680 The bottles. Yeah, yeah, you can't kill it. Can't let 0:48:07.680 --> 0:48:08.360 them know you've. 0:48:08.200 --> 0:48:10.800 Been drinking, right, And then I just remember being blacked 0:48:10.800 --> 0:48:14.000 out in the shower, then washing my hair in the shower, 0:48:14.480 --> 0:48:15.680 and then my mom picked. 0:48:15.440 --> 0:48:17.279 Me up in the morning and was like, have you 0:48:17.360 --> 0:48:18.000 been drinking. 0:48:18.360 --> 0:48:21.680 I was like, you never trust me, right, yeah, I 0:48:21.719 --> 0:48:25.799 can't believe you. I remember, Oh my god. And that's 0:48:25.840 --> 0:48:27.799 the thing is like my poor mother, and I say 0:48:27.800 --> 0:48:30.319 this to her. Now, I'm like, I'm so sorry because like. 0:48:31.760 --> 0:48:34.680 The things that I just and that I held onto 0:48:35.360 --> 0:48:36.560 for the longest. 0:48:36.320 --> 0:48:38.440 Like I can't believe you did this to me, like 0:48:38.520 --> 0:48:41.000 now that I have because I'm like, oh, she should 0:48:41.040 --> 0:48:43.360 have done more sooner, you know what I mean, Like, 0:48:43.440 --> 0:48:45.640 I can't believe it took you till I was like 0:48:45.880 --> 0:48:48.960 fourteen to call me a bitch, Like I was well 0:48:49.000 --> 0:48:50.680 into acting bitchy before. 0:48:50.680 --> 0:48:52.680 I've beaten her now by calling my daughter a bitch, 0:48:52.800 --> 0:48:56.279 yeah last week, So you know, at twelve, it's just yeah, 0:48:56.320 --> 0:48:56.920 you guys. 0:48:56.680 --> 0:48:58.879 Have much better. Like drinking stories. I was like, oh, 0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:01.400 those are like fancy. My sister and I used to. 0:49:02.160 --> 0:49:04.799 My dad used to travel and so it was when 0:49:04.840 --> 0:49:06.120 the airlines would give you the. 0:49:06.040 --> 0:49:07.600 Free little yeah yeah yeah. 0:49:07.600 --> 0:49:09.840 And my dad doesn't drink, but I think it's because 0:49:09.840 --> 0:49:13.480 he's Jewish and it was free on boggeting this. So 0:49:13.520 --> 0:49:16.160 he had all these bottles of kgnac under like little 0:49:16.200 --> 0:49:18.399 air bottles of knak and my sister and I used 0:49:18.440 --> 0:49:20.000 to when you go to bed sit when we were 0:49:20.000 --> 0:49:23.560 there underneath like the sink where he put them, and 0:49:23.600 --> 0:49:24.680 we would drink them. 0:49:24.640 --> 0:49:29.319 And they would be like tail craft. It again, oh God. 0:49:29.480 --> 0:49:31.480 And then we'd fill him up with water and put 0:49:31.520 --> 0:49:33.480 him back and I don't think to this day he 0:49:33.600 --> 0:49:34.839 knows that that's what we did. 0:49:35.200 --> 0:49:37.719 And then my mother had a bottle of vodka that 0:49:37.760 --> 0:49:38.160 she can. 0:49:38.120 --> 0:49:40.640 Yeah, you know what you don't do though, with vodka 0:49:40.760 --> 0:49:42.600 is refill it with water and put it back in 0:49:42.600 --> 0:49:43.520 the freezer where you found it. 0:49:43.520 --> 0:49:45.320 Because I oh, yeah, because then it explodes. 0:49:45.640 --> 0:49:47.839 Well, my mom, but you don't know that when you're 0:49:47.880 --> 0:49:51.000 like twelve, thirteen or fourteen, vodka doesn't freeze. 0:49:51.120 --> 0:49:53.080 That's actually kind of fucking hilarious. 0:49:53.239 --> 0:49:55.680 My mom used to keep it underneath her sink because 0:49:56.320 --> 0:49:58.839 my grandfather, I guess, told her that you rinse your 0:49:58.840 --> 0:50:00.560 mouth of it because it's like really good your gumbs 0:50:00.640 --> 0:50:00.879 or something. 0:50:00.880 --> 0:50:03.320 Because my mouth, yeah, because alcohol is great for your guy, 0:50:03.760 --> 0:50:05.600 so good it Really. 0:50:06.239 --> 0:50:08.040 If she did drink, she'd be a nicer human being. 0:50:08.040 --> 0:50:11.080 But mouth with vodka gets some fucking listerine. 0:50:11.480 --> 0:50:13.920 Yeah, she did, And that's what I would That's what 0:50:14.000 --> 0:50:16.120 I would say if I were an alcoholic. 0:50:18.960 --> 0:50:21.520 She never checked it because like she never really drank, and. 0:50:21.400 --> 0:50:22.960 So when she got it, and it was like right 0:50:23.000 --> 0:50:25.480 before my stepfather really came into the picture, and my 0:50:25.560 --> 0:50:27.239 sister and I used to go into her bathroom and 0:50:27.280 --> 0:50:29.319 the shots and then like fill it up with the 0:50:29.320 --> 0:50:30.759 water and put it back out of the sink. And 0:50:30.800 --> 0:50:34.120 at some point after like Harvey moved in, right, he 0:50:34.280 --> 0:50:36.840 was like, why is this water? Yeah, he was like 0:50:36.840 --> 0:50:38.319 what do you have water under the sink? And she 0:50:38.400 --> 0:50:39.960 was in a vodka bottle and she was like, what 0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:41.319 are you talking about? It's vodka and he. 0:50:41.320 --> 0:50:45.040 Was like, no, it has not been vodka for quite 0:50:45.040 --> 0:50:45.560 some time. 0:50:45.840 --> 0:50:48.560 Right, maybe it smells a little like vodka on the cap, 0:50:49.120 --> 0:50:50.040 Like that's about it. 0:50:50.080 --> 0:50:52.600 Like those girls are drinking your mouth. 0:50:52.520 --> 0:50:54.800 Washed, like stop it. And then they put a padlock, 0:50:57.360 --> 0:50:59.120 that's what and then that you also can't drink and 0:50:59.160 --> 0:50:59.799 will probably get you. 0:50:59.840 --> 0:51:02.759 D I'm sure what they pad locked their door after that. 0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:05.520 But you know it's like do you tell like how 0:51:05.560 --> 0:51:06.279 much do you tell them? 0:51:06.280 --> 0:51:06.640 How much? 0:51:06.719 --> 0:51:07.120 You don't? 0:51:07.160 --> 0:51:09.000 Because my I could not talk to my parents about 0:51:09.040 --> 0:51:12.680 anything remotely, I mean either, and so like maybeye, like 0:51:12.719 --> 0:51:15.719 twelfth grade, I don't even know that, like eleven, twelve thirteen, 0:51:15.760 --> 0:51:18.040 I didn't talk about sex and I was fucking I 0:51:18.040 --> 0:51:18.920 didn't talk about them. 0:51:19.000 --> 0:51:21.680 I didn't talk about like drugs or alcohol, because I 0:51:21.800 --> 0:51:22.319 knew I was just. 0:51:22.239 --> 0:51:25.640 Gonna be shunned and put in punishment for life right right. 0:51:25.719 --> 0:51:28.279 But then on the like the flip side, I was 0:51:28.320 --> 0:51:31.480 thirteen and like hanging out like you're even born thirteen 0:51:31.480 --> 0:51:33.799 and reading like bad girl books right hung out with 0:51:33.800 --> 0:51:36.480 this bitchroom school who I don't even know why her 0:51:36.600 --> 0:51:39.080 old stepdad was picking her up from school. 0:51:39.719 --> 0:51:41.320 Wasn't even like her current stepdad. 0:51:42.000 --> 0:51:43.680 She was like she was like the ex step dad, 0:51:43.840 --> 0:51:46.120 and she had she was troubled, like she had gone 0:51:46.160 --> 0:51:46.879 from home to home. 0:51:47.200 --> 0:51:47.799 Anyway. 0:51:48.000 --> 0:51:51.280 Oh, my friend Ashley's dad's picking us up after school. 0:51:51.880 --> 0:51:56.560 This nigga picked us up, pulled over, had a cooler 0:51:56.600 --> 0:51:58.200 in the trunk with like wine coolers. 0:51:58.360 --> 0:52:00.719 I sort of know that I knew this was thirteen. 0:52:00.840 --> 0:52:04.640 Jesus Christ then took us to the beach, bought a cigarette, 0:52:06.040 --> 0:52:16.560 and took us to the third Street promenade to steal what. 0:52:12.840 --> 0:52:18.640 He what you're what do you mean? Wait? Was whose 0:52:18.960 --> 0:52:23.040 whose idea was the steel steal? And I guess it 0:52:23.080 --> 0:52:25.440 was ours or hers? I don't know. You like, yo, 0:52:25.560 --> 0:52:27.840 we're gonna steal some ship. He was like, Okay, we 0:52:27.880 --> 0:52:33.320 pull over, but he was away driver. She was literally troubled. 0:52:33.400 --> 0:52:35.520 He was obviously in some form of. 0:52:35.520 --> 0:52:39.200 A perf because yeah, will we pick up four thirteen 0:52:39.280 --> 0:52:40.680 year olds get them drunk? 0:52:40.800 --> 0:52:43.080 No, he like, pre had the cooler in there. 0:52:43.640 --> 0:52:47.040 That's so creepy, sexy, don't get murdered. 0:52:47.080 --> 0:52:52.120 That's thirteen. We're like what at thirteen? Yeah, you understand. No, 0:52:52.400 --> 0:52:54.520 he's trying to put his finger in your button. 0:52:56.200 --> 0:53:00.400 Yeah, if you're lucky what it was stealing, come out 0:53:00.440 --> 0:53:02.000 the store, give it to him so we have more 0:53:02.080 --> 0:53:02.760 room to steal. 0:53:03.040 --> 0:53:05.879 And then on another occasion, he took us to his apartment, which, no, 0:53:06.239 --> 0:53:07.400 this is actually really scary. 0:53:07.480 --> 0:53:08.880 I mean, yeah, I'm already scared. 0:53:09.040 --> 0:53:11.520 I'm scared too. I see. This is the thing. At thirteen, 0:53:12.480 --> 0:53:18.160 they're super cool and they know that and are like, thirteen, 0:53:18.280 --> 0:53:20.120 this is what's scary, is it? Not the other kids. 0:53:20.120 --> 0:53:22.080 Shit, it's when they're like, oh, I found a cool 0:53:22.080 --> 0:53:23.880 adult that I'm gonna hang out drunk. But he were 0:53:23.960 --> 0:53:26.399 like no, no, no, no, that's not what we were doing. 0:53:26.480 --> 0:53:28.960 And and oh yeah, we were drinking at his house. 0:53:29.280 --> 0:53:33.040 I think like in the shower. I wait, wait, he. 0:53:33.040 --> 0:53:35.960 Wasn't like in the bathroom, but he was in the house, 0:53:36.520 --> 0:53:38.560 and like I mean, the scary part is now that 0:53:38.600 --> 0:53:41.279 I was thirteen and drunk and a blackout, really right, 0:53:41.680 --> 0:53:44.240 and so who I mean, Like, I don't think anything happened, 0:53:44.280 --> 0:53:47.439 but obviously the fact that this grown ass, unmarried man 0:53:48.200 --> 0:53:52.799 was just thirteen year old giving us alcohol. We were 0:53:52.800 --> 0:53:55.960 probably running around the like name right, I'm sure I 0:53:55.960 --> 0:53:58.399 didn't have just as much I have now, not much. 0:53:58.440 --> 0:54:00.960 But the point is it's just like it's and so 0:54:01.000 --> 0:54:01.560 it's like, at. 0:54:01.400 --> 0:54:04.000 What point do we be Like I'm like, Okay, Luna, 0:54:04.239 --> 0:54:05.880 you want to have a drink, We're gonna do it 0:54:05.920 --> 0:54:06.879 here at this fucking house. 0:54:06.880 --> 0:54:09.200 Okay, no creepy step ex stepdads. 0:54:09.719 --> 0:54:11.719 But it's like, how do you deliver the messages like 0:54:11.719 --> 0:54:13.520 I've done this ship, I've been there, I've done that, 0:54:13.880 --> 0:54:14.960 and there's creepy people. 0:54:15.080 --> 0:54:17.520 But the thing is it doesn't oh my mom, goodness, dude, 0:54:17.560 --> 0:54:18.200 it's fine. 0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:21.800 The thing is this, it's well, it's a fine line. 0:54:21.840 --> 0:54:25.600 And also it doesn't matter. It doesn't because if they're 0:54:25.600 --> 0:54:29.920 gonna do it, they're gonna do it whether you approve 0:54:29.920 --> 0:54:31.839 of it or not. If you approve of it, then 0:54:31.880 --> 0:54:33.879 they might at least tell you, but they're still gonna 0:54:33.920 --> 0:54:36.160 do the shady ship you don't know about, and if 0:54:36.160 --> 0:54:37.880 you don't approve of it, then they're just gonna do 0:54:37.880 --> 0:54:40.600 the shady sheit you don't know about. Right. 0:54:40.920 --> 0:54:42.320 But here's the thing is they. 0:54:42.160 --> 0:54:44.239 Could even if you know about it, they could still 0:54:44.280 --> 0:54:47.480 be doing that. That's just what teenagers do. And that's 0:54:47.600 --> 0:54:50.040 like watching Euphoria. That's the thing is you go like, oh, 0:54:50.600 --> 0:54:52.480 you see everything on that show from the parents that 0:54:52.520 --> 0:54:54.320 are cool with it to the parents and there it's 0:54:54.480 --> 0:54:57.960 they're all doing because it's that's what teenagers do. It's 0:54:58.000 --> 0:55:00.520 and it's actually an important thing that they do, is 0:55:00.640 --> 0:55:03.799 make mistakes and push boundaries. That's what they're supposed to 0:55:03.800 --> 0:55:06.040 be doing. But the terrifying thing is is that they 0:55:06.080 --> 0:55:08.440 do it. There's serious consequen. 0:55:08.480 --> 0:55:13.440 Thankfully, like I didn't get raped or murdered, right, But 0:55:13.680 --> 0:55:16.080 the truth is those things do happen, and like, how 0:55:16.120 --> 0:55:20.120 do we navigate dumb You've got to talk. 0:55:19.960 --> 0:55:21.440 To them, my fa I mean, I don't you know, 0:55:21.600 --> 0:55:23.200 I think I talked to you guys about this, and 0:55:23.239 --> 0:55:27.120 you obviously know, like I came out publicly using cannabis 0:55:27.719 --> 0:55:30.600 for a PPD, and I you know, my kids know 0:55:30.719 --> 0:55:32.439 my kids will hand me my vape. They know where 0:55:32.480 --> 0:55:34.439 it is, like everything else is locked up. They can't 0:55:34.440 --> 0:55:37.200 get to it. And that's really more just for like 0:55:37.719 --> 0:55:39.520 because I don't know. I don't even know why I 0:55:39.520 --> 0:55:41.279 lock it up anymore. They would not touch it. 0:55:41.640 --> 0:55:42.520 My alcohol is out. 0:55:42.560 --> 0:55:47.399 They could definitely get into that way worse. But I mean, 0:55:47.440 --> 0:55:49.799 I've let Harper, you know, when she's like, I want 0:55:49.800 --> 0:55:51.640 to what does that drink taste like? Because my mom 0:55:51.760 --> 0:55:55.720 was so taboo about alcohol and all anything drugs or anything, 0:55:55.719 --> 0:55:57.319 and it's like all I want to do is get 0:55:57.320 --> 0:55:59.600 out of that house so they can try something, you know, 0:55:59.640 --> 0:56:01.120 And it's like I don't want to make that be 0:56:01.239 --> 0:56:04.040 the thing, so I you know, I'm like, well, here, 0:56:04.160 --> 0:56:05.719 you want to try a little civiline. You can have 0:56:05.920 --> 0:56:07.320 the wind, dip your finger into the whiskey. 0:56:07.360 --> 0:56:09.040 Let me know what you think. You know, you're the 0:56:09.040 --> 0:56:09.640 same kind of thing. 0:56:09.680 --> 0:56:10.000 She looks. 0:56:10.040 --> 0:56:14.600 She taught herself how to make martinis and old fashions. 0:56:14.440 --> 0:56:17.279 And find out I call her Sally Draper when she 0:56:17.280 --> 0:56:19.120 does that, I'm like, ah, ahead, a Sala Drapert me drink. 0:56:19.560 --> 0:56:21.560 I don't drink very much, but when I do, it's 0:56:21.640 --> 0:56:23.640 kind of like she'll want to know, like how. 0:56:23.520 --> 0:56:26.759 It all happens or whatever. I don't have a I 0:56:26.760 --> 0:56:27.040 don't have. 0:56:27.040 --> 0:56:27.520 An issue with that. 0:56:27.520 --> 0:56:29.040 And I also know it doesn't make a damn difference, 0:56:29.080 --> 0:56:30.759 like you said, because she's gonna do what she's going 0:56:30.840 --> 0:56:33.600 to do. And now she's in bought mitzvah season, you know, 0:56:33.640 --> 0:56:34.680 because she's almost thirteen. 0:56:35.239 --> 0:56:36.800 Well, I'm fucking Jewish. 0:56:36.880 --> 0:56:38.719 I remember what happens in bot mitsvuzz And I'll tell 0:56:38.719 --> 0:56:39.640 you because none of you are. 0:56:39.960 --> 0:56:42.800 Guess what at thirteen years old, when people throw gigantic 0:56:42.840 --> 0:56:46.040 bought mitzvahs, there's a bunch of people, older people drinking 0:56:46.280 --> 0:56:46.720 and they. 0:56:46.560 --> 0:56:48.480 Walk on around right and every and. 0:56:48.520 --> 0:56:50.960 Then they put there down and they got someplace else. 0:56:51.000 --> 0:56:54.680 And as a thirteen year old, you go and walk 0:56:54.719 --> 0:56:57.560 in the room and like the real quickly, and you 0:56:57.640 --> 0:56:59.200 write to your friends and then that you know and 0:56:59.280 --> 0:56:59.799 nobody else. 0:57:00.120 --> 0:57:02.360 So that's the first time that I remember like drinking 0:57:02.400 --> 0:57:02.719 at all. 0:57:03.160 --> 0:57:05.279 And so she came home from one batbits but I 0:57:05.360 --> 0:57:07.400 dropped her friend off and she came in the door, 0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:08.879 you know, and she was, you know, hanging out next 0:57:08.920 --> 0:57:10.880 to me, and I just like to her and I said, so, uh, 0:57:10.920 --> 0:57:11.919 what drinks did you try? 0:57:12.640 --> 0:57:16.880 And she went, what and I was like, what drinks. 0:57:16.600 --> 0:57:19.160 Did you try? And she goes, no, I didn't try anything, 0:57:19.280 --> 0:57:22.520 and I go, Jesus Christ Harper. I was like, you're 0:57:22.520 --> 0:57:24.040 gonna lie to me. You're really gonna lie to my 0:57:24.080 --> 0:57:26.000 face right now? What did you try? And she was like, 0:57:26.040 --> 0:57:26.720 am I in trouble? 0:57:27.000 --> 0:57:28.400 And I said, no, you're not trouble. 0:57:28.480 --> 0:57:30.080 Lest you lie to me, I said, just tell me 0:57:30.480 --> 0:57:32.680 and she was like, okay, well I try to look 0:57:32.840 --> 0:57:34.240 and Tonic and I like it and. 0:57:34.160 --> 0:57:36.480 She goes no, and I was like, yeah, that was rough. 0:57:36.480 --> 0:57:38.560 I was like, what else like? And she told me. 0:57:38.640 --> 0:57:40.080 She was like, we all took SIPs and then there 0:57:40.160 --> 0:57:41.520 was this one and I didn't know what it was. 0:57:41.600 --> 0:57:43.480 And I was like, oh, yeah, right, you know it 0:57:43.520 --> 0:57:44.440 was turned out. I was. 0:57:44.600 --> 0:57:46.200 I told my kids too about like lying. 0:57:46.200 --> 0:57:49.160 I go, look, tell me, don't I go, And I 0:57:49.680 --> 0:57:51.520 know you're afraid to do this. I go, but one, 0:57:51.800 --> 0:57:54.120 I know when you're lying, yep, I go. And two, 0:57:54.240 --> 0:57:55.720 if you tell me the truth, we can work with 0:57:55.760 --> 0:57:56.040 the truth. 0:57:56.400 --> 0:57:56.720 I was like. 0:57:56.760 --> 0:57:58.600 And I'm not gonna get mad if we've got truth 0:57:58.640 --> 0:58:00.040 to work with. I said, but if you lie to 0:57:59.920 --> 0:58:02.400 me and I know you're lying to me, and it's 0:58:02.400 --> 0:58:05.960 like something that I'm like, then then I've got nothing and. 0:58:05.560 --> 0:58:07.840 I can't help you. I can't get you out of it. 0:58:07.880 --> 0:58:09.680 I don't see right. 0:58:09.760 --> 0:58:12.560 I was like, I might help you figure some ship out, right, No, 0:58:12.760 --> 0:58:14.360 like I'll help you hide the body, but you got 0:58:14.360 --> 0:58:16.920 to be honest that there's a body, right. 0:58:17.880 --> 0:58:19.840 That's awesome because then Harper said at one point, she 0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:20.360 was like, well, I. 0:58:20.280 --> 0:58:21.640 Didn't, but if you lie to me about it, I 0:58:21.720 --> 0:58:24.160 get that ship out of the drunk right, was like, 0:58:24.200 --> 0:58:25.520 I didn't really want to do it at first, and 0:58:25.520 --> 0:58:27.320 everyone was like daring, and I felt like I had to. 0:58:27.400 --> 0:58:30.720 And I was like, okay, well, hold on, I don't 0:58:30.760 --> 0:58:32.520 care that you wanted to try a drink. If you 0:58:32.560 --> 0:58:34.640 want to try a drink. Although I'm surprised because you 0:58:34.640 --> 0:58:36.200 could have asked me and I probably would have let 0:58:36.200 --> 0:58:38.040 you take your finger in something. I said, what I 0:58:38.080 --> 0:58:40.240 don't You don't ever need to feel like you need 0:58:40.280 --> 0:58:41.000 to drink or do. 0:58:41.160 --> 0:58:43.000 Anything because your friends are doing it. 0:58:43.320 --> 0:58:45.280 They're just trying to get you to go along with 0:58:45.320 --> 0:58:48.120 it so they feel right and they'll do it too. 0:58:48.200 --> 0:58:50.640 Like you can say no, it doesn't matter, like whatever, 0:58:51.040 --> 0:58:53.560 that's fine, and she you know, and she gets a 0:58:53.640 --> 0:58:55.240 weed as No, I mean, that's like nothing. 0:58:55.280 --> 0:58:57.600 I don't care. Do you don't care if she starts. 0:58:57.280 --> 0:59:00.480 To do you think that would you encourage her to 0:59:00.600 --> 0:59:01.960 smoke for the first time with you? 0:59:02.120 --> 0:59:03.280 Or I hope she does? 0:59:03.400 --> 0:59:05.160 Okay, Yeah, I hope she does. And if you're an 0:59:05.200 --> 0:59:06.440 age limit in your mind, of like. 0:59:06.480 --> 0:59:08.200 I mean, I wish it was legal now because I'm 0:59:08.280 --> 0:59:11.440 much rather she's got anxiety and I'd much rather like 0:59:11.560 --> 0:59:13.920 be able to help her with that than put her 0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:16.360 on whatever medication some doctor's going to tell me that 0:59:16.400 --> 0:59:18.760 she probably should be on because she's got panic attacks. 0:59:18.760 --> 0:59:21.320 I'd much rather prefer that. But I mean, right now, 0:59:21.320 --> 0:59:22.480 I would go with the legal. 0:59:22.280 --> 0:59:24.480 Limit of what that is in our state, which you 0:59:24.480 --> 0:59:27.160 know is still having twenty one and you know, unless 0:59:27.160 --> 0:59:30.040 you get a med card, which I honestly looked into 0:59:30.280 --> 0:59:31.480 trying to get her a med card. 0:59:32.200 --> 0:59:34.120 Her dad is vehemently opposed to that. 0:59:34.280 --> 0:59:37.400 He's sober, and I understand that that's something that he 0:59:37.440 --> 0:59:40.800 doesn't get, although I also know that I have sober. 0:59:40.440 --> 0:59:42.440 Friends that don't feel that cannabis should. 0:59:42.240 --> 0:59:44.400 Be in that category. So I have a hard. 0:59:44.160 --> 0:59:47.280 Time with it because you smoke it. No, no, no, no. 0:59:47.520 --> 0:59:49.360 But you're but you know what, I know what you're 0:59:50.240 --> 0:59:52.000 again of me, and I appreciate that. I mean that 0:59:52.080 --> 0:59:54.600 you're you know. I will turn to to Jody and 0:59:54.640 --> 0:59:56.720 ask her, you know, questions around like what is you know? 0:59:56.800 --> 0:59:59.200 And I know that, you know, we talked about opioid 0:59:59.200 --> 1:00:02.520 addiction and studies, so I'll bombard her with studies and 1:00:02.600 --> 1:00:03.040 she's like, I. 1:00:03.040 --> 1:00:03.800 Support whatever you do. 1:00:03.920 --> 1:00:05.439 Yeah, I mean, I know one of the first times 1:00:05.480 --> 1:00:08.000 that we were we were starting to do never thought 1:00:08.000 --> 1:00:09.640 I had and you sets me right away or like 1:00:09.720 --> 1:00:12.760 I already told you know my manager that you're cannabis 1:00:12.720 --> 1:00:14.360 adocate and you don't have to take that out. 1:00:14.360 --> 1:00:15.000 You don't have to put it. 1:00:15.680 --> 1:00:18.000 No, I'm actually like I've already even though I'm sober, 1:00:18.000 --> 1:00:20.120 I'm a big cannabis advocate. I think it's I think 1:00:20.120 --> 1:00:25.120 it's actually much healthier in a lot of ways than anything, 1:00:25.280 --> 1:00:27.439 you know, a lot of medications. I think it's better 1:00:27.480 --> 1:00:29.120 for you than alcohol. I think, you know, there's a 1:00:29.240 --> 1:00:30.840 there's a lot of things. I think it's a huge 1:00:30.880 --> 1:00:35.440 yar for years, Cannabis is a gateway drug. No, I well, 1:00:35.440 --> 1:00:38.640 I'm always trauma is a gateway drug. Trauma is a 1:00:38.640 --> 1:00:44.160 gateway drug and trauma. Resolutely, trauma, trauma is the underlying root. 1:00:44.040 --> 1:00:48.480 Cause of all addiction. It has nothing to do with 1:00:48.520 --> 1:00:49.680 what substance you use. 1:00:50.360 --> 1:00:53.240 You you can use food, you can use food, you 1:00:53.240 --> 1:00:55.560 can use sex, you can use, shopping, you can you 1:00:55.600 --> 1:00:56.240 can use. 1:00:56.120 --> 1:00:59.880 Anything to do with trauma. Trauma is the gateway. But 1:01:00.040 --> 1:01:02.600 if you don't have that underlying trauma that is leading 1:01:02.600 --> 1:01:04.640 you to search for something to make you feel whole, 1:01:05.040 --> 1:01:06.680 then it's not gonna be a problem. 1:01:06.840 --> 1:01:07.240 Yeah. 1:01:07.320 --> 1:01:09.520 If that, if you don't have the genetic makeup that 1:01:09.600 --> 1:01:12.120 makes you an addict, it's not gonna be a problem. 1:01:12.360 --> 1:01:16.720 Yeah. Pharmaceuticals aren't addictive, but they certainly are things that 1:01:16.800 --> 1:01:21.040 people can you know, develop as a crutch as well. 1:01:21.040 --> 1:01:24.320 Opioids are, yes, for sure, but I meant like SSRIs 1:01:24.320 --> 1:01:24.680 but you. 1:01:24.640 --> 1:01:26.200 Know, I mean those aren't addictive. 1:01:26.240 --> 1:01:30.800 But certainly, the the the the attention that one can 1:01:30.840 --> 1:01:34.480 get from having any sort of you know, mental disorder 1:01:35.200 --> 1:01:36.600 is And if you're like I'm gonna try this new 1:01:36.600 --> 1:01:38.080 met and the I'm gonna do this new meta or whatever, 1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:41.560 like you can pile on sr SSRIs to different things 1:01:41.840 --> 1:01:44.560 all the time trying to do, you know, control your mood. 1:01:44.600 --> 1:01:46.960 And that's not to take away from any mood disorder, 1:01:47.000 --> 1:01:49.680 because of course I have an anxiety disorder. To meet 1:01:49.680 --> 1:01:53.520 the band, but like I don't feel like for me, 1:01:54.240 --> 1:01:58.320 for me personally, I would rather use something natural that 1:01:58.440 --> 1:02:01.120 I now know is not only not a gateway drug, 1:02:01.440 --> 1:02:04.040 but is non addictive. I know where it comes from, 1:02:04.120 --> 1:02:06.000 I know what's in it. I don't know what you're 1:02:06.120 --> 1:02:07.720 I get a bottle of something, I don't know what's 1:02:07.760 --> 1:02:08.040 in that. 1:02:08.160 --> 1:02:10.800 I don't know what. I don't know if it's really 1:02:10.880 --> 1:02:11.400 not addictive. 1:02:11.400 --> 1:02:13.320 You're telling me it's not well and like they always 1:02:13.320 --> 1:02:15.640 say too, like you know, five drunk guys will start 1:02:15.640 --> 1:02:17.680 a fight, five stone guys will start a band. 1:02:17.800 --> 1:02:22.240 Yeah yeah, I mean if she comes to me before 1:02:22.280 --> 1:02:24.040 the legal limit, I mean I I you know, I 1:02:24.080 --> 1:02:25.880 just don't want to lose my kids, so I wouldn't 1:02:25.880 --> 1:02:27.800 want to do that. Well, she probably do it behind 1:02:27.840 --> 1:02:30.880 my back and then tell me maybe I prefer if I. 1:02:30.880 --> 1:02:34.240 Was there, I would I smoked weed. I think I 1:02:34.240 --> 1:02:36.919 saw you like thirteen, Like I don't get really at high. 1:02:36.920 --> 1:02:39.640 But when I me and my best friend went to Mexico, 1:02:40.360 --> 1:02:43.680 her mom rolled this little joints. You know, Rappini contest 1:02:43.880 --> 1:02:46.800 in the morning for Easter Sunday. She rolled his little joints, 1:02:46.920 --> 1:02:48.000 put our winnings. 1:02:47.600 --> 1:02:50.440 Out and gave us each Easter baskets and we chilled, 1:02:50.480 --> 1:02:54.320 you know. And I really didn't really start smoking weed 1:02:54.400 --> 1:02:54.680 until I. 1:02:54.680 --> 1:02:58.280 Got to college, right, we were like sixteen, well high school. Yeah, 1:02:58.280 --> 1:03:00.920 and even then, yeah, like it was because you know whatever, 1:03:00.920 --> 1:03:02.160 it was like baass weed. 1:03:02.240 --> 1:03:04.080 It was in Georgia. 1:03:04.200 --> 1:03:06.200 It was brick weed, like what. 1:03:06.200 --> 1:03:07.840 They call reggie, which is like stress. 1:03:08.120 --> 1:03:10.400 Right, And then as an adult, you know, and then 1:03:10.400 --> 1:03:13.360 I'm like, I need way kill everybody. 1:03:14.400 --> 1:03:16.320 But you know, I just I agree. 1:03:16.360 --> 1:03:19.080 I think I think we're in a place where like 1:03:19.320 --> 1:03:23.680 doctors and parents are fucking bogus, and like little little 1:03:23.800 --> 1:03:26.920 Jojo has has anxiety, Little jojes depast. 1:03:27.720 --> 1:03:29.160 Let him give him merry. 1:03:29.040 --> 1:03:31.360 Just because he's not behaving for their going through cmonal 1:03:31.440 --> 1:03:33.480 changes that's actually normal. 1:03:33.280 --> 1:03:35.480 Or trauma or in the household. 1:03:35.720 --> 1:03:37.600 But people are so quick to give your kids some 1:03:37.640 --> 1:03:42.360 fucking pharmaceutical drugs. Like everybody's up in arms when the 1:03:42.400 --> 1:03:44.280 mom's getting high and totally fine. 1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:46.760 And I also, you can use cannabis and not get 1:03:46.800 --> 1:03:51.000 high either way. Well you can just microdose. I'm micro 1:03:51.040 --> 1:03:53.240 dose and I'm not high like, I'm. 1:03:53.040 --> 1:03:57.000 Just normal like and I'm just not stabbing. I don't 1:03:57.000 --> 1:03:57.760 want to kill them. 1:03:58.400 --> 1:03:59.120 So I think there's that. 1:03:59.160 --> 1:04:01.200 I mean, listen and then like women that get you, 1:04:01.200 --> 1:04:04.160 guys should talk to Kelly Osborn Bruce by the way, 1:04:04.200 --> 1:04:04.920 the Kanamammie. 1:04:05.200 --> 1:04:08.120 Her story is, I mean, God, what she's gone through, 1:04:08.200 --> 1:04:08.960 she's amazing. 1:04:09.360 --> 1:04:12.760 People get their kids taken away for using you know, 1:04:12.880 --> 1:04:16.200 cannabis that's insane, nursing or using it while you're pregnant. 1:04:16.400 --> 1:04:18.880 I get that there are studies that people are unclear on, 1:04:19.240 --> 1:04:19.840 well how are. 1:04:19.760 --> 1:04:21.640 These people like hey, because I know that's a possibility, 1:04:21.680 --> 1:04:25.960 and obviously we're talking candidly about being moms that medicate. 1:04:28.920 --> 1:04:31.120 How what happened, so we can avoid that. 1:04:31.320 --> 1:04:34.280 Well, she would tell you, but I think with her 1:04:34.880 --> 1:04:37.280 at least the first time, I want to say, she 1:04:37.360 --> 1:04:41.040 was pregnant and you know, her doctor decided to test 1:04:41.080 --> 1:04:42.360 for it when she went in. 1:04:42.280 --> 1:04:43.320 For like regular tests. 1:04:44.080 --> 1:04:46.760 I'm pretty sure, and I'm pretty sure that's how she 1:04:46.960 --> 1:04:48.320 ended up trading things around. 1:04:48.320 --> 1:04:48.800 You have to ask her. 1:04:48.840 --> 1:04:50.200 I don't want to put words in her mouth, but 1:04:50.240 --> 1:04:53.120 and I'll connect you guys because she's amazing. But that 1:04:53.360 --> 1:04:55.120 here's the other thing, and people have come at me. 1:04:55.160 --> 1:04:57.640 I've I mean, I was remember last year they asked 1:04:57.640 --> 1:05:00.200 me to do a PBS show about this and I 1:05:00.200 --> 1:05:01.960 did it with the doctor and the doctor screamed in 1:05:02.040 --> 1:05:04.440 my face and told me I was fucking dangerous. 1:05:04.720 --> 1:05:06.360 It was so bad that they couldn't air the show 1:05:06.520 --> 1:05:07.320 because he came. 1:05:07.160 --> 1:05:08.160 At me so hard. 1:05:08.240 --> 1:05:11.160 And he was a like maybe eighty five year old 1:05:11.160 --> 1:05:14.680 white dude with no kids, and it obviously never been 1:05:14.680 --> 1:05:17.640 fucking pregnant. And when I said, and I cited, you know, 1:05:17.680 --> 1:05:20.640 there's a huge study in Jamaica that they they did 1:05:20.720 --> 1:05:24.560 with women who smoked while they were nursing, maybe while 1:05:24.560 --> 1:05:26.560 they were pregnant, but definitely while they were nursing. And 1:05:26.600 --> 1:05:29.640 then on and they followed these kids for ten eleven years. 1:05:29.840 --> 1:05:32.400 Not only did these kids not end up, you know, 1:05:32.480 --> 1:05:35.640 behind everyone else, they were fucking advanced, every single one 1:05:35.640 --> 1:05:37.800 of them. And so they were like, yeah, there's not 1:05:37.840 --> 1:05:39.720 really a correlation here. And I brought it up and 1:05:39.760 --> 1:05:42.240 he was like, well, was that done by somebody in Jamaica? 1:05:42.320 --> 1:05:44.440 Like he like was all xenophobic, and I was like, 1:05:44.440 --> 1:05:46.160 it was done by an American Actually, and. 1:05:46.200 --> 1:05:51.000 Wait study Yep, they were probably high too. Yeah, yeah, 1:05:51.840 --> 1:05:52.120 right there. 1:05:52.360 --> 1:05:53.600 I was like, fuck you, dude. 1:05:53.640 --> 1:05:55.240 But I always say that people and they're like, is 1:05:55.240 --> 1:05:57.520 it what about women that use it when they're pregnant 1:05:57.560 --> 1:05:58.000 or nursing. 1:05:58.040 --> 1:05:59.920 My mom asked me that once and I was like. 1:06:00.000 --> 1:06:02.120 I don't see a lot of like really big issues 1:06:02.160 --> 1:06:04.840 with low birth weight and a lot of mental you know, 1:06:04.880 --> 1:06:08.600 retardation in Jamaica and amstercamp And I assure you, right, 1:06:08.960 --> 1:06:11.880 they're doing that, like it's the same as you know 1:06:12.000 --> 1:06:12.560 in Spain. 1:06:13.400 --> 1:06:15.720 It's very normal in Italy for that matter of brands. 1:06:15.800 --> 1:06:17.959 To have a glass of wine once a week, even 1:06:18.000 --> 1:06:20.160 at once a night at dinner when you're pregnant is 1:06:20.200 --> 1:06:21.720 not that big a goddamn fucking deal. 1:06:21.960 --> 1:06:22.680 They also have. 1:06:22.640 --> 1:06:27.560 Raw cheese and japan sushi, right, Like, that's ship. 1:06:28.920 --> 1:06:33.440 It's only because America makes everything super scary about money. 1:06:33.800 --> 1:06:36.920 Well that and also our food is terrible. Yes, it's 1:06:36.960 --> 1:06:38.800 not the same. No, we should be scared. 1:06:38.840 --> 1:06:40.800 We should. I'm more scared. 1:06:40.880 --> 1:06:43.360 I'm more scared of all the high fruitos corn syrup 1:06:43.440 --> 1:06:45.440 in my kids food than GMO. 1:06:46.120 --> 1:06:50.439 Right than in two years from now, when the when 1:06:50.680 --> 1:06:54.560 big Pharma and Philip Morris have a steak in cannabis. 1:06:54.600 --> 1:06:59.000 I garn fucking ty Well. 1:06:58.880 --> 1:07:00.000 Love it writing out scared. 1:07:00.560 --> 1:07:02.480 It's gonna put down every everyone that's been in this 1:07:02.480 --> 1:07:04.440 business for goddamn years. It's gonna go out of business 1:07:04.480 --> 1:07:06.880 like and it's gonna be like, no big deal and 1:07:06.920 --> 1:07:07.240 it's all. 1:07:07.280 --> 1:07:09.000 It's gonna be like when doctors used told people to 1:07:09.000 --> 1:07:10.480 smoke because it was. 1:07:10.480 --> 1:07:13.080 Healthy, I mean, in the sixties. But is we're drinking 1:07:13.200 --> 1:07:16.920 solon martinis while no one saw fucking hairspray. I mean, 1:07:18.960 --> 1:07:21.040 my grandma. I mean, and I hate to use this 1:07:21.120 --> 1:07:22.120 as a reference, but. 1:07:22.160 --> 1:07:25.480 I was watching a documentary and they're talking. 1:07:25.240 --> 1:07:28.400 About the crack era and they're talking about and the 1:07:28.440 --> 1:07:31.040 truth is, the research on crack babies was like, oh 1:07:31.040 --> 1:07:33.960 my god, we can't believe that there's this little There was. 1:07:34.840 --> 1:07:35.600 The d R. 1:07:35.760 --> 1:07:36.400 It's the ambitu. 1:07:36.480 --> 1:07:39.360 Well it's the same, you know, it's the immediate uh 1:07:39.720 --> 1:07:42.400 detox and really what you see more of. Because I 1:07:42.640 --> 1:07:45.720 work with a place called the PICK, which is pediatric 1:07:45.800 --> 1:07:49.480 Interim Care center up in Washington State, and it's run 1:07:49.520 --> 1:07:52.680 by this nurse and this team of amazing women who 1:07:52.800 --> 1:07:56.120 she's she opened this house and they take in infants 1:07:56.120 --> 1:08:01.560 affected by drug addiction and fetal not fetal alcohosimm but well, 1:08:01.880 --> 1:08:04.240 it's anything that affects the fetus with it. When they're born. 1:08:04.760 --> 1:08:06.720 They are having to go through withdrawal synms, and the 1:08:06.760 --> 1:08:09.280 thing that they see most often is opioids and it 1:08:09.360 --> 1:08:13.120 is the heart like watching these babies go through opioid 1:08:13.120 --> 1:08:19.519 detox from legitimately prescribed drugs and some of them, some 1:08:19.560 --> 1:08:22.559 of them are heroin obviously, but a lot of them. 1:08:22.760 --> 1:08:26.960 They said, the opioid epidemic and the methemphenomine epidemic are 1:08:27.040 --> 1:08:30.160 the two worst things that they've seen for that. Like, 1:08:30.400 --> 1:08:34.000 it's not you don't see you know, cannabis babies can 1:08:34.040 --> 1:08:37.400 be you don't see, it's you see it from prescribed pharmaceuticals. 1:08:37.479 --> 1:08:39.559 Yeah. Well, there's also never been a legal study, which 1:08:39.560 --> 1:08:41.559 I constantly have to remind people where they're like, well, 1:08:41.680 --> 1:08:44.599 studies have shown no, they have those studies because it's 1:08:44.640 --> 1:08:48.719 not legal, so you actually can't do an actual, real 1:08:48.760 --> 1:08:51.320 study that would give you any sort of actual information. 1:08:51.439 --> 1:08:53.760 So that's a load of shit, So stop throwing those 1:08:53.800 --> 1:08:56.599 numbers at me. And it's so rare when they're looking 1:08:56.640 --> 1:08:59.120 at low birth weight and whatever else they're trying to 1:08:59.120 --> 1:09:01.320 like chalk up to cannabis. But I just saw there 1:09:01.400 --> 1:09:03.080 was something yesterday and I almost went to read it, 1:09:03.080 --> 1:09:03.519 and I was like. 1:09:03.479 --> 1:09:06.040 I'm gonna be fucking mad. I'm not gonna about something 1:09:06.080 --> 1:09:08.080 about like the kids don't learn. 1:09:07.920 --> 1:09:10.040 As well when they're but when they start smoking at 1:09:10.080 --> 1:09:11.960 early ages, which I was like, also, bullshit, how are 1:09:12.000 --> 1:09:16.120 you testing this? But they very very rarely here, They 1:09:16.120 --> 1:09:20.479 have never because you can't isolate just cannabis. It could 1:09:20.479 --> 1:09:24.120 be cannabis and cigarettes and alcohol and meth and cocaine 1:09:24.200 --> 1:09:26.519 and opioids and who the fuck else knows it could 1:09:26.560 --> 1:09:29.320 be you could be on antidepressants, which also, by the way, 1:09:29.520 --> 1:09:32.080 have been linked to low birth weights, and we get 1:09:32.120 --> 1:09:33.280 prescribed those when we're fight and. 1:09:33.280 --> 1:09:35.599 Then they're totally and they and they allow women to 1:09:35.640 --> 1:09:36.919 be on intipid depressants. 1:09:37.160 --> 1:09:39.840 Well, there's two that they've approved in the last couple 1:09:39.840 --> 1:09:41.960 of years. They were super old Baby Daddy, and. 1:09:43.680 --> 1:09:44.639 But then I know. 1:09:44.640 --> 1:09:46.479 That one of them was it didn't used to be approved. 1:09:46.520 --> 1:09:49.280 And then like I remember, I had PPD so bad 1:09:49.400 --> 1:09:51.799 with my first which is when I wish I'd actually 1:09:51.800 --> 1:09:53.760 realized I should use cannabis. I used it with my 1:09:54.080 --> 1:09:59.080 second because then somebody told me to and and that 1:09:59.120 --> 1:10:01.920 was very helpful. But like I remember asking can I 1:10:02.080 --> 1:10:04.360 use Gaba pin In because I had been on Gaba 1:10:04.400 --> 1:10:08.040 pint In for anxiety earlier in my twenties and it 1:10:08.120 --> 1:10:08.519 was great. 1:10:08.600 --> 1:10:10.360 Also, yeah, Neurontin worked so well. 1:10:10.400 --> 1:10:12.479 It's actually one of the few pharma suits I really 1:10:12.479 --> 1:10:14.200 really like. I use it for that. 1:10:14.320 --> 1:10:16.080 I will still sometimes use it for that. 1:10:17.720 --> 1:10:22.320 Can she for fruits? Now? Yeah? Also, why did we 1:10:22.320 --> 1:10:23.120 not wear our two teothes? 1:10:23.200 --> 1:10:26.160 I know, I mean they're in matching twutuos and could 1:10:26.160 --> 1:10:28.200 not be I love it and you'd be in the 1:10:28.200 --> 1:10:29.080 pink guy being the black. 1:10:29.840 --> 1:10:31.840 I was just whatever, Yeah, it's fine. 1:10:32.240 --> 1:10:34.360 But anyway, I asked, can I use that when I'm 1:10:34.400 --> 1:10:36.760 nursing Gaba pintent and they were like, no, you have 1:10:36.840 --> 1:10:39.479 to use either Prozac or zoloft, and they because it's 1:10:39.479 --> 1:10:40.360 not approved for nursing. 1:10:40.439 --> 1:10:41.880 I said, all right. One of my. 1:10:42.000 --> 1:10:45.680 Clients just went through all this crap was nursing and 1:10:46.160 --> 1:10:47.920 had to get back surgery at the same time. It 1:10:47.960 --> 1:10:50.160 was a shit show, and she was like, they just 1:10:50.160 --> 1:10:51.880 put me on Gaba pintent. I said, do they know 1:10:51.920 --> 1:10:53.600 that you're nursing and she said, yeah, I said, and 1:10:53.640 --> 1:10:57.160 they said that's okay. She's like, yeah, all right, that 1:10:57.320 --> 1:11:01.240 is a what twelve year difference that you decided in 1:11:01.280 --> 1:11:03.840 that time? No, no, no, now it's fine right in 1:11:03.920 --> 1:11:05.880 fact that medication didn't change. 1:11:06.320 --> 1:11:08.800 You don't know what you're talking about and at and 1:11:08.800 --> 1:11:10.920 a lot of people don't realize that's so much misinformation. 1:11:10.960 --> 1:11:13.479 There's not a lot of long term research. No, they 1:11:13.479 --> 1:11:15.679 don't have to have a lot of long term research 1:11:15.800 --> 1:11:17.160 to put to approve. 1:11:17.240 --> 1:11:17.439 Shit. 1:11:17.560 --> 1:11:19.519 It's not about the money. It could be like two years. 1:11:19.560 --> 1:11:21.360 And that's why so many drugs will go for a 1:11:21.400 --> 1:11:22.759 long time and then they'll see. 1:11:22.560 --> 1:11:25.000 The long term effects and they're like, oh shit, that's 1:11:25.360 --> 1:11:29.160 babies are getting born with mermaid fins, right right? Do that? 1:11:29.200 --> 1:11:29.360 Oh? 1:11:29.400 --> 1:11:32.160 They won't think because they don't do any testing. Well, 1:11:32.200 --> 1:11:34.559 I just watched the whole thing. Here's an amazing fact 1:11:34.600 --> 1:11:39.479 that we don't know a lot of testing and studies 1:11:39.560 --> 1:11:43.519 done on women and pregnant women are done on male 1:11:43.600 --> 1:11:44.560 test subjects. 1:11:45.760 --> 1:11:49.400 There. It was just the whole thing, I believe. 1:11:49.840 --> 1:11:51.559 I can't remember if it was Vice news I saw them, 1:11:51.600 --> 1:11:54.000 but it was a news source of legitimate news sources. 1:11:54.080 --> 1:11:56.439 Was not fucking Facebook or something like that. This was 1:11:56.439 --> 1:12:00.479 I actually was watching it and it was talking about how, uh, 1:12:00.920 --> 1:12:03.680 they don't know how There was one study that they 1:12:03.720 --> 1:12:08.920 were doing on the effect of some sort of like 1:12:09.840 --> 1:12:15.640 like hormonal treatment therapy or whatever, and they tested it 1:12:15.680 --> 1:12:19.160 on men, but it was for post menopausal whatever. And 1:12:19.280 --> 1:12:22.400 because they this doctor actually in an interview said, well, 1:12:22.560 --> 1:12:24.640 we tested on men because they don't have a lot 1:12:24.680 --> 1:12:27.000 of those pesky hormone changes that women. 1:12:26.800 --> 1:12:29.160 Do, and the ones that we need to test, the 1:12:29.240 --> 1:12:30.240 ones that we need to test on. 1:12:30.600 --> 1:12:32.439 And that was and that was the things like, so 1:12:32.520 --> 1:12:35.479 you're testing and this is still this is still happens 1:12:35.479 --> 1:12:39.519 that you're testing things on men that are supposed to 1:12:39.520 --> 1:12:41.000 be for women because they don't want to do They 1:12:41.080 --> 1:12:44.760 want a bait quote unquote baseline that isn't affected by 1:12:44.760 --> 1:12:47.559 monthly hormonal changes. But the problem is is you can't 1:12:48.880 --> 1:12:52.080 untake that into account. So a lot of things get 1:12:52.160 --> 1:12:55.040 tested and approved for women that have never actually been 1:12:55.080 --> 1:12:58.400 tested on women because they haven't they didn't want to 1:12:58.479 --> 1:13:00.000 get interfered with monthly hormonal tis. 1:13:00.360 --> 1:13:02.519 But that has a huge effect on the efficacy and 1:13:02.560 --> 1:13:06.559 the nature of the house. Believe believe. 1:13:06.800 --> 1:13:09.519 So just so you know, like a lot of research 1:13:09.600 --> 1:13:13.519 on medical devices, implanted medical devices, all of that kind 1:13:13.520 --> 1:13:15.800 of stuff does not go through anything because you can 1:13:15.840 --> 1:13:18.400 actually there's a law that says that you can base 1:13:18.439 --> 1:13:21.400 it on previous models, but there's no limit to how 1:13:21.400 --> 1:13:24.040 many previous models it can be, how old those models were, 1:13:24.080 --> 1:13:26.360 and those models were, so you can actually say like, oh, 1:13:26.400 --> 1:13:28.519 we don't need to do any testing or any approval 1:13:28.600 --> 1:13:33.120 by the FDA on this IUD or this. There was 1:13:33.160 --> 1:13:35.519 one there was an IUD that actually screwed into the 1:13:35.560 --> 1:13:38.960 Philippian tubes and they didn't have to do any testing 1:13:39.000 --> 1:13:43.360 on it because it was based on previous IUD models, 1:13:43.800 --> 1:13:46.440 And so that went back decades and decades and decades, 1:13:46.520 --> 1:13:50.360 and then what happened was is women started having problems 1:13:50.400 --> 1:13:53.160 because so much scar tissue was being developed by these 1:13:53.160 --> 1:13:57.240 particular IUDs that you know, had dug into the Filippian 1:13:57.280 --> 1:14:00.000 tubes and the uterus. Women had to have their unses removed. 1:14:00.600 --> 1:14:02.519 His directed me, He's like, all of this really gnarly 1:14:02.520 --> 1:14:03.200 stuff because it. 1:14:03.120 --> 1:14:04.240 Was just never tested on women. 1:14:04.800 --> 1:14:07.559 Wow, that's so crazy as America. 1:14:07.760 --> 1:14:10.080 I don't trust shit they. 1:14:09.920 --> 1:14:14.639 Tell me, you know, I actually I love my physician 1:14:14.680 --> 1:14:16.680 who's amazing and he's worked in the field of like 1:14:16.680 --> 1:14:19.160 addiction treatment for a long time, and he's he's one 1:14:19.160 --> 1:14:20.479 of those people that like will go and I'm like 1:14:20.560 --> 1:14:22.920 this is you know, this is happening, and he's like, okay, great, 1:14:22.960 --> 1:14:24.760 He's like, I'm not going to put you on this. 1:14:24.840 --> 1:14:26.040 A lot of doctors would do it. 1:14:26.080 --> 1:14:27.920 I'm not going to do this because it's not you know, 1:14:28.000 --> 1:14:30.840 it hasn't been tested or here's the latest study on that, 1:14:30.880 --> 1:14:33.960 and I don't think it's effective, or this is not 1:14:34.080 --> 1:14:34.360 you know. 1:14:34.360 --> 1:14:35.160 Like, way didn't you tell me? 1:14:35.240 --> 1:14:36.559 He was the one that was like, I didn't have 1:14:36.600 --> 1:14:38.280 you ask him something about cannabis and he was like, oh, 1:14:38.320 --> 1:14:39.160 I'd always rather. 1:14:39.240 --> 1:14:43.160 Like yes, but yeah, yeah, because you know, he was like, 1:14:43.760 --> 1:14:45.080 what is normally prescribed? 1:14:45.120 --> 1:14:46.400 You know, he's like, I'm never going to. 1:14:46.439 --> 1:14:50.000 Put you on an adavan or any sort of xanax 1:14:50.120 --> 1:14:50.439 or anything. 1:14:50.479 --> 1:14:51.680 He's like because for someone. 1:14:51.439 --> 1:14:54.200 With addiction, he goes, that's the worst thing you can do, 1:14:54.240 --> 1:14:57.360 because and right, and you know, when I was prescribed 1:14:57.400 --> 1:14:59.360 musclele axs for the car accident, he was like, I 1:14:59.439 --> 1:15:01.240 would have never put you on those. He said, soma's 1:15:01.240 --> 1:15:04.320 are actually one of the hardest and most dangerous things 1:15:04.320 --> 1:15:07.160 to detox from immediately said, even after like a month's use. 1:15:07.520 --> 1:15:09.320 If you're using Soma's. 1:15:08.840 --> 1:15:11.400 You know, several times a day, the detox from them 1:15:11.560 --> 1:15:14.920 often causes really terrible seizures, even after you've only been 1:15:14.960 --> 1:15:16.280 using it for a month. But people don't know that 1:15:16.280 --> 1:15:18.439 because they're just prescribed must or relaxers like they're candy. 1:15:18.560 --> 1:15:18.800 Right. 1:15:18.920 --> 1:15:20.800 Well, that's because big farmer makes a lot of money. 1:15:20.880 --> 1:15:22.800 It also gives to our politicians and so on and 1:15:22.840 --> 1:15:25.800 so forth, and we're off like that's what it comes out. 1:15:25.880 --> 1:15:27.960 Yeah, it just takes like but I think all the 1:15:27.960 --> 1:15:29.559 most important thing to remember, Like. 1:15:31.360 --> 1:15:33.040 But you know, because if we were joking about bad 1:15:33.320 --> 1:15:36.080 good moms and bad choices, you know, like that's I 1:15:36.120 --> 1:15:40.200 think there's so much shame put on what are supposedly 1:15:40.320 --> 1:15:41.799 bad choice like bad. 1:15:41.920 --> 1:15:43.240 Women and for women. 1:15:43.439 --> 1:15:45.720 That's what I mean, for women and for moms like 1:15:45.840 --> 1:15:48.400 men men can get. No one's ever gonna say to 1:15:48.439 --> 1:15:50.479 a guy like, oh, you know, like oh you drink, 1:15:50.640 --> 1:15:52.920 you know, or like when you had. 1:15:52.760 --> 1:15:55.200 A baby, like you had anything. I'm like, has any god, 1:15:55.280 --> 1:15:58.000 has any dad, any single dad ever lost their kids 1:15:58.040 --> 1:16:01.000 because they spoke I curious about that. 1:16:01.400 --> 1:16:03.519 I'm going to go look it up, like I doubt to, 1:16:03.840 --> 1:16:05.760 probably right, And because. 1:16:05.439 --> 1:16:08.559 It's somehow when you become a mother, you're supposed to 1:16:08.680 --> 1:16:11.679 now be well And it ties back into the dating stuff. 1:16:12.280 --> 1:16:15.760 Now that you're a mom, you're you're a non sexual being. 1:16:16.439 --> 1:16:19.559 You're not a lot, You're you're not supposed to prioritize yourself, 1:16:19.760 --> 1:16:23.360 your fun, your enjoyment, your sexuality, your health. 1:16:23.240 --> 1:16:26.400 You have but not too sexy, anything that you partook 1:16:26.439 --> 1:16:28.839 in before right now now you're a mom, and everything's 1:16:28.880 --> 1:16:37.040 different at the window. Just bring them over here. And 1:16:37.080 --> 1:16:38.519 that's why it's just like all the time. 1:16:38.880 --> 1:16:40.840 When when we first started this podcast, it took us 1:16:40.840 --> 1:16:42.600 like two weeks to figure out the name, and I 1:16:42.600 --> 1:16:44.840 don't love it. Who I told and they're like, I 1:16:44.880 --> 1:16:47.960 wouldn't go with bad choices because like what's bad? 1:16:48.080 --> 1:16:49.960 I was like, you know, well, that's why I apologize. 1:16:50.880 --> 1:16:54.439 Literally, I don't think you're understanding like the context of bad, 1:16:54.479 --> 1:16:56.040 and like the whole thing is like all things that 1:16:56.040 --> 1:16:58.640 are supposed to be bad just aren't right, you know. 1:16:58.720 --> 1:17:03.360 And then you have the bad choices, Well some of 1:17:03.360 --> 1:17:04.960 them could have done it out, but most of my 1:17:05.000 --> 1:17:07.000 bad choices, have good lessons good. 1:17:07.040 --> 1:17:12.400 Absolutely, why for sure? No, But I'm and I'm the 1:17:12.439 --> 1:17:15.720 same way. But I think it's neat wally now. 1:17:15.840 --> 1:17:19.000 But I think as moms, we we do feel so 1:17:19.080 --> 1:17:21.679 much shame, and we're taught to shame ourselves. Like there's 1:17:21.720 --> 1:17:24.840 times when I'm like, oh, I'm you know, like we 1:17:24.920 --> 1:17:26.840 gonna know how my kids or something. I'm like, oh, 1:17:26.880 --> 1:17:29.000 I'm excited to go see my boyfriend have some time, 1:17:29.120 --> 1:17:32.400 like to be a woman and to be like you know, 1:17:32.479 --> 1:17:35.320 and that's right, and that's a great and that's super healthy. 1:17:35.400 --> 1:17:38.479 Like I am a healthier person because I have sides 1:17:38.520 --> 1:17:42.320 of me that aren't just parent focused. And you know, 1:17:42.400 --> 1:17:45.640 I feel it probably from my baby's dads, from my 1:17:45.920 --> 1:17:48.760 you know, my mom. Like that people look at you like, oh, 1:17:48.800 --> 1:17:51.559 you're gonna make Oh that's the choice you're making, and 1:17:51.560 --> 1:17:54.679 you're like yeah, god, yeah, God damn it, I am 1:17:54.840 --> 1:17:57.280 because you know what I can. I can be a 1:17:57.280 --> 1:18:00.000 really great mom and prioritize my kids and also say, 1:18:00.080 --> 1:18:01.839 you know what I need. I need some things for myself, 1:18:01.920 --> 1:18:08.200 Like sometimes I need to get laid sometimes, but that's 1:18:08.240 --> 1:18:10.240 the thing, like to be especially to be a single 1:18:10.240 --> 1:18:12.640 mom and talk about like, Hey, I really enjoyed the 1:18:12.680 --> 1:18:13.960 next with my man, Like that's great. 1:18:13.960 --> 1:18:17.200 Like people like I know, oh, you know you're using 1:18:17.240 --> 1:18:19.960 that right, like oh you're like you had kids, right, 1:18:20.000 --> 1:18:21.400 and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but 1:18:21.479 --> 1:18:24.880 like my vagina was so short after I had kids because. 1:18:24.800 --> 1:18:26.280 You know, But can I also say, and in the 1:18:26.439 --> 1:18:30.160 time I've known you that that's new for you, And that's. 1:18:29.960 --> 1:18:32.280 What I'm just looking over your shoulder at the dog shitting. 1:18:32.080 --> 1:18:40.519 Okay very seriously and then like it was just turns 1:18:40.720 --> 1:18:42.360 uh yeah, no, I that's. 1:18:42.240 --> 1:18:42.680 New for you. 1:18:42.800 --> 1:18:45.120 I will say, just knowing you as long as I have, 1:18:45.240 --> 1:18:47.760 like you didn't used to put yourself first. You and 1:18:47.800 --> 1:18:49.719 we talk about this a lot because you've turned around, 1:18:49.760 --> 1:18:51.880 and that's that was I was gonna say, my bad 1:18:52.040 --> 1:18:53.000 choice because I didn't. 1:18:53.360 --> 1:18:55.799 I didn't make some of the choices you did earlier 1:18:55.800 --> 1:18:56.280 on in life. 1:18:56.320 --> 1:18:56.439 Right. 1:18:56.439 --> 1:18:59.120 Oh yeah, we talked the terrible choices. But they but 1:18:59.160 --> 1:19:01.080 you know what they like you said, they weren't they 1:19:01.080 --> 1:19:02.360 were terrible, they weren't great. 1:19:02.560 --> 1:19:05.360 Learn but I learned and I wouldn't change him because 1:19:05.439 --> 1:19:06.080 I had. 1:19:05.880 --> 1:19:08.599 I had to really go there to be they are. 1:19:08.840 --> 1:19:10.640 Yeah, but we talked about this music because we were 1:19:10.640 --> 1:19:13.360 talking about addiction and uh, and I said, you know, 1:19:13.439 --> 1:19:16.960 I feel very lucky that I've never been addicted to 1:19:17.200 --> 1:19:19.920 any sort of substance. I've certainly come I've walked a 1:19:19.920 --> 1:19:22.280 line on things for sure. Ope, it's being one of them. 1:19:22.960 --> 1:19:25.120 And then realized like, okay, I got that's actually not 1:19:25.200 --> 1:19:28.200 something I can ever do again. And uh, but I 1:19:28.240 --> 1:19:29.559 said to you the other day, I was like, it 1:19:29.640 --> 1:19:32.120 was people for me. It's always been people, and specifically 1:19:32.200 --> 1:19:35.040 and you were like, yeah, you are the perfect codependent, 1:19:35.200 --> 1:19:40.680 which is true. I've and I've always dulled my myself 1:19:40.840 --> 1:19:43.760 down to for a man. It was like I always 1:19:43.800 --> 1:19:47.400 put a guy before everything, honestly right, and I chased 1:19:47.400 --> 1:19:49.320 my ex husband around and you know, he was like 1:19:49.360 --> 1:19:51.120 the one that I had to have, and then I 1:19:51.160 --> 1:19:52.760 got him and I was like, well, wait, I'm not 1:19:52.760 --> 1:19:54.640 even really sure it was even great, none of it, 1:19:54.720 --> 1:19:56.519 but I said I wanted it so and then I 1:19:56.520 --> 1:19:59.640 spent fourteen years making my entire life about him and 1:19:59.680 --> 1:20:02.360 his and his everything. And I was like, no, I 1:20:02.160 --> 1:20:04.519 I'll give up being an actress and you know, no, 1:20:04.600 --> 1:20:05.719 I don't need a private practice. 1:20:05.720 --> 1:20:08.200 When I finally got my you know, therapy license and everything. 1:20:08.200 --> 1:20:11.439 It was like, you, you know whatever you need, well, 1:20:11.439 --> 1:20:12.759 I've never doing that again. 1:20:12.840 --> 1:20:15.240 And you went through parts of that absolutely well. And 1:20:15.320 --> 1:20:16.880 I think too, because. 1:20:16.840 --> 1:20:18.960 So seeing you with him has made me so happy 1:20:19.000 --> 1:20:22.240 and like she and her boyfriend give me hope because 1:20:22.280 --> 1:20:25.479 he just is so happy to let her be yes, 1:20:25.720 --> 1:20:26.280 yeh and not. 1:20:26.560 --> 1:20:28.240 But I think right, And I think a lot of 1:20:28.240 --> 1:20:28.599 that too. 1:20:28.760 --> 1:20:34.840 Growing in that direction came from realizing that my previous 1:20:34.960 --> 1:20:39.879 bad decisions don't mean that I'm currently making. 1:20:39.680 --> 1:20:40.880 Bad decisions. 1:20:42.080 --> 1:20:42.200 Right. 1:20:42.280 --> 1:20:44.439 But I think I was constantly trying to prove to 1:20:44.560 --> 1:20:48.400 my daughter's dads, to my mom, look at okay, it's 1:20:48.400 --> 1:20:50.519 just okay, am I doing better? I'm doing better now, 1:20:50.520 --> 1:20:51.720 I'm doing like yeah, give me. 1:20:55.320 --> 1:20:58.400 And now I realized like, oh wait, I'm not making 1:20:58.400 --> 1:21:01.800 I'm not making terrible. I'm actually fine, and like you, 1:21:01.880 --> 1:21:06.320 I don't have to like a right, like everybody's good. 1:21:06.479 --> 1:21:08.960 I'm working, I'm paying the bills, the kids are taking 1:21:08.960 --> 1:21:11.800 care of. Everybody's all good, like you. 1:21:12.560 --> 1:21:15.960 She was with you and you she had to get 1:21:15.960 --> 1:21:17.680 me out of a bad date and she was with 1:21:17.800 --> 1:21:19.640 Mescal at the time, and I called me from New 1:21:19.680 --> 1:21:20.640 York to get me out of a bad date. 1:21:20.680 --> 1:21:21.800 It was terrible lest day. 1:21:21.840 --> 1:21:23.720 I went and uh and I. 1:21:25.640 --> 1:21:26.439 Believe yes. 1:21:26.479 --> 1:21:28.960 The guy cried at the bar, Oh so bad, you guys. 1:21:29.000 --> 1:21:29.840 He was so bad. 1:21:29.880 --> 1:21:31.880 I can't even that's like, and asked if you'd be 1:21:31.920 --> 1:21:35.679 h therapist was taking client new clients because he would 1:21:35.680 --> 1:21:36.240 totally hear me. 1:21:36.280 --> 1:21:39.439 I was like, I fuck this, and she I should 1:21:39.439 --> 1:21:41.360 have just run out of the bathroom, but she called 1:21:41.360 --> 1:21:42.680 me to get me out, and then I called her 1:21:42.680 --> 1:21:43.840 and her boyfriend on speaker. 1:21:43.880 --> 1:21:46.719 I was hysterically laughing, and I said to. 1:21:46.640 --> 1:21:48.280 Them at one point like I was like, you guys, 1:21:48.320 --> 1:21:50.559 if it wasn't for your relationship, I would have already 1:21:50.560 --> 1:21:56.200 turned my vagina into a coin purse. And so just 1:21:56.920 --> 1:21:59.320 and and Miscal's response was. 1:21:59.360 --> 1:22:01.120 It doesn't need to be mutually exclusive. I think you 1:22:01.120 --> 1:22:06.200 could use it for both. 1:22:04.080 --> 1:22:05.360 Right, He was like, you could be both. And then 1:22:05.400 --> 1:22:07.960 and then I think shortly follow that was was could 1:22:07.960 --> 1:22:08.799 you take your speaker? 1:22:10.400 --> 1:22:10.519 Right? 1:22:10.600 --> 1:22:11.800 He was like, I don't need to be a part 1:22:11.840 --> 1:22:12.280 of this now. 1:22:12.320 --> 1:22:15.080 And then now he's just like jokingly says to me 1:22:15.640 --> 1:22:16.559 the whole weekend. 1:22:16.640 --> 1:22:19.280 He was like, you're a liar. I was like, I 1:22:19.320 --> 1:22:23.560 am not. He's like I watched you lie. I was like, 1:22:24.240 --> 1:22:26.040 right now, this is just really funny because he was like, 1:22:26.120 --> 1:22:27.120 now I know the. 1:22:27.160 --> 1:22:29.799 Bar after he told me that this girl had grabbed 1:22:29.800 --> 1:22:31.640 his testicles. 1:22:31.240 --> 1:22:32.120 I want to let them go. 1:22:32.240 --> 1:22:33.559 So she he punched her. 1:22:33.479 --> 1:22:34.080 In the face. 1:22:35.200 --> 1:22:36.759 That was like the love of his life. 1:22:36.840 --> 1:22:38.760 I'm not kidding, it was. 1:22:39.479 --> 1:22:40.800 It was so I'm done. 1:22:41.160 --> 1:22:42.960 This is why. But you need to say something. When 1:22:42.960 --> 1:22:45.519 I started gimming your light, when I was like, you know, 1:22:45.680 --> 1:22:49.640 I'm not doing that. Sorry, no, sorry, but you know. 1:22:51.680 --> 1:22:55.000 I think it's really great that you have like the 1:22:55.200 --> 1:22:57.760 aware self awareness to be like, for a long time, 1:22:57.840 --> 1:22:59.720 I put a lot of men before me and. 1:22:59.640 --> 1:23:02.960 Every yeah, and I did. I did do absolutely. I 1:23:03.000 --> 1:23:04.920 think a lot of women or a lot of people 1:23:05.120 --> 1:23:05.879 listen closely. 1:23:07.360 --> 1:23:09.320 It's easy to be like, oh that bit smokes weed. 1:23:09.400 --> 1:23:12.400 She she drinks and turks. Those are bad moms. But 1:23:12.560 --> 1:23:13.439 people don't recommenc. 1:23:13.439 --> 1:23:14.759 I wish I could. I wish I had. 1:23:18.360 --> 1:23:20.360 It's not that I couldn't do physically do it. It's 1:23:20.400 --> 1:23:21.960 just nobody wants that. I don't have to ask to 1:23:22.000 --> 1:23:23.840 do it. I don't even as all. 1:23:25.280 --> 1:23:32.080 Okay, But I think people people like to categorize levels 1:23:32.080 --> 1:23:33.719 of their bad choices. 1:23:34.320 --> 1:23:35.599 There's quote unquote addictions. 1:23:35.600 --> 1:23:37.719 And if it's not like some hard drug or some 1:23:37.720 --> 1:23:41.240 some like you know us who are very like, uh, 1:23:41.360 --> 1:23:44.000 this is the ship we've done. Then if it's easy 1:23:44.040 --> 1:23:48.280 to like turn your nose up at these clear spaces. 1:23:47.840 --> 1:23:48.920 That right. 1:23:49.120 --> 1:23:51.559 But a lot of women prioritize men. 1:23:51.600 --> 1:23:54.360 A lot of women put men before them and let 1:23:54.439 --> 1:23:58.040 them outshine them and over their children. I mean that's 1:23:58.080 --> 1:24:01.360 like women. I mean everybody Loki has a dick addiction, 1:24:01.720 --> 1:24:05.360 right well, And I think we love companionship, we love 1:24:05.479 --> 1:24:10.160 right that, we love romance, you know what, that's our 1:24:10.200 --> 1:24:12.559 pred you know, thanks God. 1:24:13.080 --> 1:24:14.240 But but I think. 1:24:14.040 --> 1:24:18.360 It's important to be like I am addicted to fucking 1:24:18.560 --> 1:24:21.439 and sometimes I over fuck because I want I'm feeling 1:24:21.479 --> 1:24:24.280 a void, right, and and and acknowledging that it's like 1:24:24.360 --> 1:24:26.720 just because you're not like hungover every more, every afterwards, 1:24:27.080 --> 1:24:29.680 you feel it's still empty. You know, you're feeling you're 1:24:29.680 --> 1:24:32.280 not feeling that void, right, It's just important that we 1:24:32.680 --> 1:24:34.200 stop putting. 1:24:33.840 --> 1:24:35.120 One above the other. Right. 1:24:35.200 --> 1:24:37.320 And also to sit and I think because I you know, 1:24:37.360 --> 1:24:40.400 I've heard this a lot too, like you know, especially 1:24:40.479 --> 1:24:43.559 if you have baby daddies and you know custody shared 1:24:43.600 --> 1:24:45.880 and this and that. Like even on times that you 1:24:45.920 --> 1:24:47.720 have your kids, something comes up where it's like, oh, 1:24:47.760 --> 1:24:50.840 it's our anniversary or it's a thing, or did we 1:24:50.880 --> 1:24:52.639 have a dinner plan or whatever, and like, okay, well 1:24:52.720 --> 1:24:54.679 kids are with the citter that night. That doesn't mean 1:24:54.720 --> 1:24:59.120 you're prioritizing your relationship over your kids. That means to 1:24:59.160 --> 1:25:01.559 do so. Sometimes you got ship to do. Sometimes you 1:25:01.560 --> 1:25:03.320 have ship you want to do. Sometimes you're like, you 1:25:03.320 --> 1:25:04.840 know what, this is the thing that's coming up that 1:25:04.880 --> 1:25:07.240 I want to go with my boyfriends, you or whatever, 1:25:07.320 --> 1:25:09.240 and like we're gonna do it. It doesn't mean that 1:25:09.280 --> 1:25:12.080 I'm that I am not making my children a priority 1:25:12.160 --> 1:25:14.719 or that they're not important because I see other people 1:25:14.800 --> 1:25:16.320 be like, oh, oh you have your kids. 1:25:16.320 --> 1:25:17.880 Maybe right. 1:25:18.160 --> 1:25:20.360 I went to that cannabis thing yesterday. I had my kids. 1:25:20.400 --> 1:25:22.080 I left them for two and a half hours to 1:25:22.080 --> 1:25:24.280 go to this cannabis thing and post like, what are 1:25:24.280 --> 1:25:24.960 we supposed to do? 1:25:25.760 --> 1:25:29.000 I don't have you know what the first will put 1:25:29.000 --> 1:25:30.920 posted stuff in my stories and in my stories. 1:25:31.280 --> 1:25:33.080 Right away I saw that my ex husband had watched 1:25:33.080 --> 1:25:33.760 the story and. 1:25:33.720 --> 1:25:36.040 I had an anxiety attack and I was like fuck, 1:25:36.400 --> 1:25:37.880 Like is he gonna say something to me, or is 1:25:37.920 --> 1:25:39.400 he gonna think I took the kids or whatever? 1:25:39.479 --> 1:25:43.360 You know, I went there, and then you wait, like 1:25:43.479 --> 1:25:45.400 I was responsible about it. Of course I did not 1:25:45.479 --> 1:25:49.000 take them. But you don't have to explain yourself. We 1:25:49.240 --> 1:25:50.400 don't have to explain yourself. 1:25:52.040 --> 1:25:55.839 Half the battle is accepting that it's okay yourself. 1:25:56.439 --> 1:26:00.559 Right, Yeah, that's what I mean. It's it's oh, for sure. 1:26:00.600 --> 1:26:01.360 There's literally no. 1:26:01.320 --> 1:26:04.599 Point on rearranging the babysitter, going on the date, going 1:26:04.640 --> 1:26:07.160 to the Canada's party, when the whole time you're like, 1:26:07.280 --> 1:26:08.280 why the fuck did I do this? 1:26:08.439 --> 1:26:08.599 Right? 1:26:08.600 --> 1:26:10.400 Alright, the kid I dropped her off. 1:26:10.920 --> 1:26:12.360 I told Lid I was gonna come back and get 1:26:12.360 --> 1:26:16.360 her the other day, and I just got drunk. Yeah 1:26:17.120 --> 1:26:18.920 on Adam, I thought I'm gonna go back to them, 1:26:18.960 --> 1:26:20.640 but like after like two martinis, I'm like, I'm not 1:26:20.680 --> 1:26:22.680 going back for shit. Yeah, And then like at some 1:26:22.720 --> 1:26:24.599 point I was like, what they go back and get 1:26:24.640 --> 1:26:27.160 my kid, because that was like another back decisions after 1:26:27.240 --> 1:26:28.680 the fifteen martinis. 1:26:28.720 --> 1:26:31.679 But but the ultimate thing was like she's. 1:26:31.520 --> 1:26:35.280 Fine, fucking fine, she even remembers right and the kids. 1:26:35.320 --> 1:26:37.760 But I'm saying, like, be in the moment, do what 1:26:37.800 --> 1:26:40.760 the fuck you do, be happy about it, and let 1:26:40.800 --> 1:26:43.280 it's all okay, right, Like everything's gonna be okay. 1:26:43.320 --> 1:26:45.080 It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. 1:26:45.120 --> 1:26:48.080 And we all because, like you know, there's times that 1:26:48.120 --> 1:26:50.160 we there's a lot of times most of the time 1:26:50.200 --> 1:26:51.599 I'm like, no, I got my kids, I can't do 1:26:51.600 --> 1:26:52.680 this or that, or I do you know, I re 1:26:52.800 --> 1:26:55.600 arrange stuff. But like you know, sometimes when you're in 1:26:55.600 --> 1:26:58.320 a long distance relationship and he works and I work, 1:26:58.320 --> 1:26:59.960 and I work crazy hours and this and that happens. 1:27:00.080 --> 1:27:02.200 Like sometimes you're like, okay, I can't come back till 1:27:02.200 --> 1:27:03.600 the day after it Like okay, well you got to 1:27:03.600 --> 1:27:04.439 figure some stuff out. 1:27:04.840 --> 1:27:08.840 That's okay, I think, like you you at least for me, 1:27:08.960 --> 1:27:12.599 Like I like, I was dating someone earlier this year, 1:27:12.640 --> 1:27:14.920 and I was spending a lot of my time with him, 1:27:15.800 --> 1:27:18.639 so much so that I felt like I was neglecting 1:27:18.640 --> 1:27:22.360 my daughter because it was something new, and I was like, well, 1:27:22.400 --> 1:27:22.920 I need this. 1:27:23.040 --> 1:27:23.519 I wanted to. 1:27:23.680 --> 1:27:28.280 Explore this, like and it's it's exciting, but but there's 1:27:28.320 --> 1:27:29.840 also a time where you know when. 1:27:29.720 --> 1:27:30.720 You're not right, you know. 1:27:32.760 --> 1:27:34.599 Too much, you know what I mean, And I had 1:27:34.600 --> 1:27:36.240 to have that conversation with myself. 1:27:36.280 --> 1:27:38.719 But also I think for you that triggered you because 1:27:38.760 --> 1:27:42.639 that you didn't pair those people like he didn't come 1:27:42.720 --> 1:27:43.400 this way a lot. 1:27:43.439 --> 1:27:45.720 It wasn't like something you could put you didn't feel like. 1:27:45.800 --> 1:27:48.200 It was like it wasn't even no, like I was 1:27:48.240 --> 1:27:49.920 going going out there all the time. 1:27:50.000 --> 1:27:51.920 That was what I've been with my long distance too. 1:27:52.040 --> 1:27:55.280 Yeah, And it was like, but but that was my choice, 1:27:55.600 --> 1:27:57.599 you know what I mean. It was like and so 1:27:58.040 --> 1:28:00.880 but I had to at some point come back and 1:28:00.920 --> 1:28:03.160 be like, you know what I'm doing too much? 1:28:03.240 --> 1:28:05.400 Yeah, right, let me sit my ass down. 1:28:05.439 --> 1:28:07.880 And and but there's there's a there's I feel like 1:28:07.880 --> 1:28:09.360 there's not it's not a fine line, you know. 1:28:09.520 --> 1:28:12.040 Yeah, you know when you're like when you need this care, 1:28:12.200 --> 1:28:13.160 you need that, and then you. 1:28:13.040 --> 1:28:15.160 Know when you're like, okay, yeah, now I'm just distracted 1:28:15.160 --> 1:28:16.800 from my kid and I'm not present even when I'm 1:28:16.800 --> 1:28:19.120 with them. Right, there is a difference, right, And that's 1:28:19.160 --> 1:28:21.320 what I meant also about bad choices where it's like 1:28:21.840 --> 1:28:24.000 I'm not going to be that person ever again. I 1:28:24.040 --> 1:28:27.040 don't want to be that person ever again. And and 1:28:27.120 --> 1:28:30.200 sometimes I've done that to myself just you know, look, 1:28:30.360 --> 1:28:32.760 I want to find somebody. And I will give my 1:28:33.280 --> 1:28:35.240 last ex credit for the in the sense that I 1:28:35.280 --> 1:28:37.000 give him credit for a lot of things, but certainly 1:28:37.040 --> 1:28:38.760 that you know, he was like the first guy that 1:28:38.800 --> 1:28:40.360 I was with that was like, go do your thing, 1:28:40.400 --> 1:28:41.760 like you got your kids, you got this, like do 1:28:41.800 --> 1:28:44.280 you think I'm never gonna and was very always very 1:28:44.280 --> 1:28:46.960 supportive of my career and everything I was doing, like 1:28:47.400 --> 1:28:51.960 really very like complimentary and great in that way. It 1:28:52.040 --> 1:28:54.679 was me that went down the rabbit hole of like, well, 1:28:55.080 --> 1:28:56.800 you know, but I had a he's I have to 1:28:56.840 --> 1:28:58.720 make sure that I'm here and I'm good and I'm 1:28:58.720 --> 1:28:59.280 this and I'm that. 1:28:59.479 --> 1:29:00.880 Like that was not him. 1:29:00.920 --> 1:29:01.360 That was on me. 1:29:01.800 --> 1:29:04.800 But also I think it's also important, like you could 1:29:04.840 --> 1:29:07.479 also do that in the relationship with your kid's father. 1:29:07.760 --> 1:29:10.519 Oh yeah, you know what, it's not. It's not exempted 1:29:10.640 --> 1:29:11.400 just single moms. 1:29:11.560 --> 1:29:16.040 No, absolutely married women people in your partnerships with their 1:29:16.080 --> 1:29:16.679 parents their kids. 1:29:16.680 --> 1:29:18.840 You neglect your kid for your partner and it be 1:29:18.920 --> 1:29:19.400 their dad. 1:29:19.760 --> 1:29:22.439 I feel like my mom, like I would I went 1:29:22.479 --> 1:29:29.040 to therapy, haven't we all? Yeah the first time, my god, yeah, 1:29:31.000 --> 1:29:32.439 all the way I'm like, am I wasting my money 1:29:32.479 --> 1:29:34.920 and I'm pretty I'm pretty rational. I need to be 1:29:34.960 --> 1:29:36.559 going here, but whatever, and then you get in there 1:29:36.600 --> 1:29:38.719 and you're like, wait, this is weird but it's cool, 1:29:40.800 --> 1:29:42.439 but are we talking about Oh? 1:29:44.040 --> 1:29:45.640 So of course that she comes up and I just 1:29:45.800 --> 1:29:47.679 and she's asked about my relationships my mom. 1:29:47.600 --> 1:29:53.080 My dad, and I was just saying right, but I 1:29:53.240 --> 1:29:57.240 was just thinking, like my mom is and was absess 1:29:57.479 --> 1:29:59.720 with my father where he was at who waits with 1:29:59.760 --> 1:30:01.240 when you my mom was my stepdad? 1:30:01.280 --> 1:30:03.280 And if he was leaving, where the fuck are you going? 1:30:03.360 --> 1:30:05.840 And it's to the point where, like when my dad 1:30:05.920 --> 1:30:07.960 leaves till this day is like a grown ass woman. 1:30:07.840 --> 1:30:10.320 I get like like anxiety about it, like why are 1:30:10.320 --> 1:30:12.680 you leaving? And I'm like, okay, I'll acting like a psychopath. 1:30:13.080 --> 1:30:15.720 But I adopted those feelings, you know, of like him 1:30:15.760 --> 1:30:17.920 not coming back, like I don't know what the fuck, 1:30:17.920 --> 1:30:18.360 I don't care. 1:30:18.400 --> 1:30:22.680 It's not my nigga, you know, right, But I just 1:30:22.840 --> 1:30:25.880 I like I realized I lost respect for her growing 1:30:25.960 --> 1:30:28.200 up because I felt like she couldn't be alone. 1:30:28.400 --> 1:30:30.840 Yeah, and I'm like my mom and even like when 1:30:30.880 --> 1:30:34.320 you said, like your mom someone being seventeen, still my mom. Yeah, 1:30:34.479 --> 1:30:36.479 my mom. They were together since my mom was like fourteen, 1:30:36.520 --> 1:30:37.360 my dad was seventeen. 1:30:37.600 --> 1:30:39.680 And sometimes I see her now like as in her 1:30:39.920 --> 1:30:42.120 and like as a child, right like when she needs 1:30:42.160 --> 1:30:44.320 to make decisions at the supermarket and she's calling. 1:30:44.160 --> 1:30:47.240 My dad yes, and my mom does this to my stepdad. 1:30:47.280 --> 1:30:48.479 But my mom got married and my dad when she 1:30:48.560 --> 1:30:52.040 was seventeen, but still her first. And she's the same 1:30:52.080 --> 1:30:54.360 with my sof she cannot be apart, she was not. 1:30:54.640 --> 1:30:59.080 She never gave herself the ability to developed. There was 1:30:59.160 --> 1:31:03.040 no there was no autonomy that was ever developed in 1:31:03.120 --> 1:31:04.960 them because they just had a man man the entire 1:31:05.040 --> 1:31:07.120 time and the informative. 1:31:06.680 --> 1:31:08.439 You definitely, I mean I was like that for a 1:31:08.520 --> 1:31:10.960 long time. And honestly, I've Marie the first time I 1:31:11.000 --> 1:31:13.400 was twenty yeah, and I you know, I've struggled a 1:31:13.439 --> 1:31:15.519 lot with making men. 1:31:15.600 --> 1:31:17.519 The priority and you know, and doing all that. 1:31:19.080 --> 1:31:21.559 But I will say, like the healthiest thing I think 1:31:22.280 --> 1:31:24.280 for me now has actually been having a long distance 1:31:24.320 --> 1:31:28.280 relationship and having and also having a long distance relationship 1:31:28.320 --> 1:31:32.280 with someone who's absolutely amazing and who allows me the 1:31:32.360 --> 1:31:35.360 space to just be like we're not constantly up each 1:31:35.360 --> 1:31:37.639 other's ass on the phone all the time, Like it's 1:31:37.720 --> 1:31:41.080 like you do you, but you trust each other. We're 1:31:41.200 --> 1:31:44.519 completely committed and solid. But it's like I don't need 1:31:44.600 --> 1:31:46.080 to be up his ass, he doesn't need to know 1:31:46.160 --> 1:31:48.559 what I'm doing. All this like it's not panicked. It's 1:31:48.760 --> 1:31:53.400 very secure and I have found relationships like I have 1:31:53.560 --> 1:31:56.240 found the freedom to figure out my own life and 1:31:56.320 --> 1:31:59.040 have my own time and space and friendships and relationships 1:31:59.080 --> 1:32:01.720 and you know, put my kids first and do all 1:32:01.760 --> 1:32:04.560 that stuff well. Also having this really secure relationship that 1:32:04.720 --> 1:32:06.439 like I know is only going to be better when 1:32:06.479 --> 1:32:08.960 we're closer together, you know what I mean. But it 1:32:09.640 --> 1:32:14.080 was amazing for me to have that space space because 1:32:14.080 --> 1:32:15.679 I never had that space before. 1:32:16.360 --> 1:32:18.479 You guys, being always been my maybe did you guys 1:32:18.520 --> 1:32:21.640 watch that? It's Ali Wong's Netflix rom com? 1:32:22.800 --> 1:32:25.439 All right? So do I And I can't recommend it enough. 1:32:25.560 --> 1:32:26.960 And now I don't want to give too much away, 1:32:27.040 --> 1:32:27.479 but it's. 1:32:27.439 --> 1:32:29.360 Not going to be it won't blow your mind or anything, 1:32:29.400 --> 1:32:32.080 but I will say that it was you know, it's 1:32:32.120 --> 1:32:33.880 a rom comm and it's about like, you know, got 1:32:34.040 --> 1:32:36.720 friends that were you know, boy boy and girlfriends that 1:32:36.920 --> 1:32:39.080 you know had a thing and then they go their 1:32:39.120 --> 1:32:41.479 separate ways, and when they become adults, they kind of 1:32:41.479 --> 1:32:43.200 find their way back to each other. And she is 1:32:43.320 --> 1:32:48.000 like the super successful person in the relationship public figure. 1:32:48.000 --> 1:32:50.679 And he is like kind of still like farting around, 1:32:51.280 --> 1:32:54.960 and she basically like it's really good. 1:32:55.120 --> 1:32:57.080 And and at one point, you know, like they're like 1:32:57.200 --> 1:32:59.920 on the verge of breaking up, and because he's a key, 1:33:00.200 --> 1:33:01.760 keeps having to like be on the red carpet and 1:33:01.840 --> 1:33:03.960 like holding her purse, and he's like, I don't want 1:33:03.960 --> 1:33:05.519 to be in the recruitula holding your purse and she 1:33:05.960 --> 1:33:08.280 and I was like thinking to myself as I'm watching it, like, yeah, 1:33:08.280 --> 1:33:09.640 don't make him do that, like, don't let him leave. 1:33:09.640 --> 1:33:11.559 Don't let him leave. And then I'm so mad at myself. 1:33:11.600 --> 1:33:12.839 I think I texted you yeah. 1:33:12.720 --> 1:33:14.240 And I was like, oh my god, why am I 1:33:14.439 --> 1:33:16.880 rooting for the wrong thing? Is like, what the fuck 1:33:16.960 --> 1:33:19.519 is wrong with me? That's how conditioned we are to. 1:33:19.560 --> 1:33:20.840 Be, Like you have to give in, you have to 1:33:20.920 --> 1:33:21.760 change yourself, lady. 1:33:21.840 --> 1:33:24.439 And then she doesn't and they break up, and I 1:33:24.560 --> 1:33:26.439 kept thinking at the end of the movie it was 1:33:26.560 --> 1:33:29.280 like not gonna be you know that, So whatever, I 1:33:29.360 --> 1:33:30.560 Am going to fucking run the movie you, but you 1:33:30.760 --> 1:33:31.360 watch it anyway. 1:33:31.360 --> 1:33:33.920 But she's like, no, my boyfriend's amazing. He's like, but 1:33:34.040 --> 1:33:36.200 he's like, I'm so so. He's so supportive of me, 1:33:36.280 --> 1:33:38.439 loves everything. But he's like, please don't make me go Yeah, please, 1:33:38.479 --> 1:33:40.120 I don't want to do it, but he I don't want. 1:33:40.040 --> 1:33:42.400 You, but he like the publicity, Like he can stand 1:33:42.520 --> 1:33:44.679 and holds your purse. He would, and he would prefer 1:33:44.880 --> 1:33:46.760 to like not go right, you know what I mean 1:33:46.880 --> 1:33:48.599 that he does so cool about that movie. 1:33:48.640 --> 1:33:50.760 It was the very first wrong com I remember seeing 1:33:51.000 --> 1:33:53.080 where she was like at the end, she doesn't change it. 1:33:53.160 --> 1:33:54.400 She's like, fine, you're not down with this? 1:33:54.680 --> 1:33:55.000 Fuck it? 1:33:55.520 --> 1:33:55.680 You know. 1:33:55.840 --> 1:33:58.439 She makes certain changes, like she listens to his advice 1:33:58.479 --> 1:33:59.880 and puts them into her career. 1:34:00.479 --> 1:34:03.240 But she's like, I'm not. I'm not dimming down for 1:34:03.320 --> 1:34:03.760 you either. 1:34:03.880 --> 1:34:06.600 You're fool with hanging on to my purse because this 1:34:06.680 --> 1:34:08.000 is who I am and this is what I do, 1:34:08.080 --> 1:34:09.800 and you're gonna love me no matter what the fuck 1:34:09.880 --> 1:34:13.040 I do, unconditionally or fuck it. 1:34:13.439 --> 1:34:16.400 I'm better off alone and that is where I think 1:34:16.479 --> 1:34:16.920 I'm at. 1:34:17.439 --> 1:34:19.680 Min don't dim your life for anyone, right. I want 1:34:19.720 --> 1:34:22.280 to have the relationship that she has with mescal or 1:34:22.360 --> 1:34:23.599 I don't not with you too. 1:34:23.760 --> 1:34:25.760 You know, I'm good. I'll find something else, but I 1:34:25.800 --> 1:34:26.919 don't want to join your relationship. 1:34:26.960 --> 1:34:27.439 So we're clear. 1:34:27.720 --> 1:34:33.800 But I mean, but yeah, I I just want that, 1:34:34.040 --> 1:34:36.600 like if women should have what you know, what what 1:34:36.760 --> 1:34:38.479 she has and what I think other people, Well. 1:34:38.400 --> 1:34:41.160 You know what, it took me long. I'm not going 1:34:41.240 --> 1:34:43.439 to long time to figure it out too. So it's 1:34:44.320 --> 1:34:48.360 it did not It was not easily earned. Ladies. 1:34:48.360 --> 1:34:50.679 I'm telling you, I'm seeing the happy. 1:34:50.920 --> 1:34:52.200 You too can be a complete. 1:34:51.920 --> 1:34:57.200 Disaster because somehow figure out how to make bad choices and. 1:34:57.320 --> 1:34:58.000 Be a good mom. 1:34:58.160 --> 1:35:05.600 Yeah, we wrapped back around true podcasters, we're human, we 1:35:05.720 --> 1:35:06.840 are well. 1:35:06.920 --> 1:35:11.559 Thank you guys, thank you and talking about I feel 1:35:11.600 --> 1:35:13.639 like this is five episodes that we just didn't want 1:35:14.800 --> 1:35:17.639 west around. Welcome to our show. 1:35:18.680 --> 1:35:19.080 I love it. 1:35:20.680 --> 1:35:23.000 Can you let our listeners know where they can find you. 1:35:23.840 --> 1:35:24.760 You're on all right? 1:35:25.479 --> 1:35:27.240 I see I don't remember it, and so I put 1:35:27.280 --> 1:35:28.920 it all in her, but then she fus it up. Yeah, 1:35:28.920 --> 1:35:32.160 then I fuck it up on Facebook and Instagram. It's 1:35:32.200 --> 1:35:34.840 at never thought i'd say this on Twitter. I don't 1:35:34.840 --> 1:35:42.600 even know anymore Twitter. We've given up like, I'm just 1:35:42.760 --> 1:35:43.080 over it. 1:35:43.200 --> 1:35:43.760 I can't do it. 1:35:44.040 --> 1:35:46.599 So Instagram and Facebook is where we're activity and active, 1:35:46.640 --> 1:35:49.840 and then our email. You can email us at never 1:35:50.000 --> 1:35:52.559 thought I'd at ProtonMail dot com. 1:35:52.760 --> 1:35:54.760 Yeah yeah, and then you can follow each of us. 1:35:55.200 --> 1:35:57.280 And listen to the pod. It comes out on Wednesdays. 1:35:58.200 --> 1:36:00.760 All kinds of inappropriate ship. 1:36:01.040 --> 1:36:01.280 Yeah. 1:36:01.479 --> 1:36:05.679 So happy to have you, and make sure you follow 1:36:05.760 --> 1:36:10.040 us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices, and come 1:36:10.160 --> 1:36:12.200 to our website Go moms by choices dot com. 1:36:13.000 --> 1:36:15.599 Sign up for the newsletter. We have all cool types 1:36:15.640 --> 1:36:17.600 of lead ups. We have a live show coming up 1:36:17.720 --> 1:36:22.080 in Atlanta on October thirteen. That's a Sunday, and we'll 1:36:22.080 --> 1:36:26.120 see you next week. Bride Night ju on the best 1:36:26.240 --> 1:36:28.800 you never had, On the best you never had? Ye aye, 1:36:29.880 --> 1:36:30.479 my little. 1:36:30.320 --> 1:36:37.200 Baby, change your break start don't know much done, yill 1:36:37.800 --> 1:36:40.839 work if you won't dis. 1:36:40.720 --> 1:36:46.479 Your rope supercise come my little bank, change your life 1:36:47.520 --> 1:36:47.920 desert 1:36:49.280 --> 1:36:55.280 Oh yeah I oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah 1:36:56.479 --> 1:36:56.639 yeah