1 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,760 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and this is Samantha, and welcome 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: to stuff. I never told your protection of I Heart 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: Radio's house to works. In our continuing discussions around sexuality today, 4 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: we have one that Samantha and I we came up 5 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: with while we were having some drinks day every day, 6 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: every time ideas from adult beverages and or adult beverages. Um, 7 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: and it is daddy issues. Daddy issues because we were 8 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: talking about fetishes and we were trying to come up 9 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: with because we felt like there weren't that many female 10 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: fetishes in pop culture. Yeah, yeah, and um, somehow that 11 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: turned into what about daddy? Right? I think we were 12 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: just talking about, um, some ideas or some uh what 13 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: you would say, stereotypes for women and especially when it 14 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: comes to sexuality, in their sexuality or whatever or her 15 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: person who is female. So that's one of those Daddy 16 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: issues comes up a lot. I've seen it a lot 17 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 1: in men's columns, like in men's magazines super weird. Yes. 18 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: When I was researching this, most of the top results 19 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 1: were like questionable soil websites being like does your good 20 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: friend signs of daddy issues exactly? Do you need to 21 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 1: get out exactly? Um? When I say, daddy issues, what 22 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 1: do you think of Samantha? So when I think of 23 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: day issues, I'm actually just thinking in general, like people 24 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: who are seeking their father's approval essentially, and or seeking 25 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: a father figure because there was a lack of one 26 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: or a lack of males in their lives. And I 27 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: think that goes either way for males or females. I 28 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: think it inslates differently in each one. Um, when it 29 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: comes to stereotypes, I think of men being angry and resentful, 30 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: and then I think of women as being insecure and needy, 31 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: and these are just the stereotypes. Once again, sure, yes, 32 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: but that's what I think of. Um, I think of strippers, 33 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: and I know that's terrible. I know it's terrible, but 34 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: I think it is a running joke. It is, you know, 35 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: a lot of pop culture that I have consumed that 36 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: you know, if you see the stripper, daddy issues, like 37 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,359 Speaker 1: her dad wasn't there and that's why she became a stripper. 38 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: As I'm rewatching thirty Rock, that was literally one of 39 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: the scenes between Tracy Morgan's character who loves going to 40 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: strip clubs, and one of the things the stripper was like, 41 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: oh you have daddy issues or I think taking the 42 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: face character says something about, yeah, you with all these 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: daddy issues these women blah blah blah blah very yeah, 44 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: telling him that that's what the culture things. Yeah, and 45 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,919 Speaker 1: I feel like it was in Uh, um, what is 46 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: that called lampshaded? I don't know if that's character. It 47 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: means when it's like played on um, people know that 48 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: you think this and then they kind of reverse. I 49 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: feel like they did that Independence Day, but it's been 50 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: a long time since I've seen that. Um. Yes, because 51 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: Will Smith's wine is a stripper. Oh, they did that. 52 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: I think in um New Girl Gotta Watch Way to 53 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: Any Second, Um, but that they nick. The Nick character 54 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: dates a stripper who wants to be a stripper and 55 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: takes on the fact that she's a stripper. But of 56 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: course she's plays the bad girl, you know, like a 57 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: rebellious individual, hard girl. But yeah, it kind of flips 58 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: onto the fact that she's not doing it for a 59 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: bcas this is her job and she enjoys it, which 60 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: is you know what, Yeah, go for it. Yes, if 61 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: it's done legally with consent, go for it absolutely. Um. 62 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: When I do think about it a bit longer, I 63 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: think I have a similar kind of come more on 64 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: your track. Um I have used as a phrase joking 65 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: need to refer to anyone who has a public problematic 66 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: relationship with their father, and I often comes up again 67 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: with D and D D world um our entire everyone 68 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:18,119 Speaker 1: playing in our campaign has difficulties with their fathers. Shall 69 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: we say absent fathers, murderer fathers? One next step like 70 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: where will father? It's every single character has something going 71 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: on with their dead And this might be a podcast 72 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,799 Speaker 1: idea for later on, but I was just recently thinking 73 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: with all of them, I guess dramatizing and or romanticizing 74 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: of serial killers right now? Yeah, I wonder how this 75 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: affects the women in the serial killers lives, you know 76 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like what happens to them? How does 77 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: it follow them? Do they have to like change their identity? 78 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: What happens to the children that are involved? But like 79 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, talk about daddy issues right there? That's true 80 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 1: or no, you know what I mean? But I think 81 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:06,840 Speaker 1: it's something we should start. Yeah podcast either. Um My, 82 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: my father is not a serial killer. I'm going to 83 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,720 Speaker 1: put that out there, but I do have a problematic 84 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 1: relationship with him. And I think that probably some men 85 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: I have dated have secretly thought to themselves, right, why 86 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: do the children don't know? Samantha, I don't put that 87 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: idea in my head because I will I'll be trying 88 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: to sleep at night. I'll be like, where was the 89 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: night of this? I watched too many horribies? Well, you 90 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: know that's where it goes. It kind of comes down 91 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 1: with people don't know. Sometimes this is true. Anyway, I 92 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,839 Speaker 1: won't be able to stop thinking about it. For me, 93 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: I think, and for my own relationships. I have a 94 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: great relationship with my adoptive father. Um, I don't have 95 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: great relationships with men in general and trust. But I 96 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: don't think I've ever thought been thought of as having 97 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: daddy issues as much as being just a bit Is 98 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 1: that daddy issues? I think that it can be. I 99 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: think it can be. We'll get into some popular definitions 100 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: in a second. Um, it is in a lot of 101 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: our pop culture. It's the name of a movie. There's 102 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: so many. I think it's like two point. It was 103 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: not like avative name of a band a Lana del 104 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:33,160 Speaker 1: Ray song. Also apparently Lana del Rey has daddy issues herself. 105 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: I don't know, Um, DEMI Levado song a once popular 106 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: dance party in l a. Um. The title about two 107 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: thousand eleven episode of The Vampire Diaries, and I'm sure 108 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,359 Speaker 1: countless and counts so many other things. Um, and it 109 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: got me to thinking about this whole joke. That's really 110 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: really sad when you pause to think about it for 111 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: two seconds. But the whole thing of my dad left 112 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: for cigarettes and never came back. Dirty Rock. They have 113 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: this whole somewhat racist therapy sessions based off this. Um. Okay, okay, 114 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: but let's let's no with pop culture. Culture is always 115 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: welcome here, Dated pop culture especially welcome. Dictionary dot com 116 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: defines daddy issues as an informal phrase for the psychological 117 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: challenges resulting from an absent or abnormal relationship with one's father, 118 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: often manifesting in a distrust of or sexual desire for 119 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: men who act as father figures. Mhm. Indeed, according to 120 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: most things I saw on the internet, daddy issues refers 121 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: to a woman who is yeah, and usually as a 122 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: weird sexualized component because, of course, because women are involved, 123 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: yeah exactly. Most of these definitions come from men trying 124 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: to diagnose their girlfriends daddy issues. Like we were talking 125 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: about earlier, and according to them, the signs are sexual aggressiveness, 126 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 1: excessive flirting, clingingness, sometimes declusionally overly confident. I'm sorry, you're 127 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 1: not sorry? Is that just like another word for confidence, 128 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: same confidence that men have in general? Mediocre men have 129 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: probably totally confident if you actually like yourself, delusion? Really 130 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: so I don't like yourself. Yeah, And now that we're 131 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: going to talk a little bit about the popular definition, 132 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: here's the Urban Dictionary, because you know they've got some 133 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 1: good stuff. Um. Their definition is whenever a female has 134 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,680 Speaker 1: a relationship with her father or absence of a father 135 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: figure during her childhood, it tends to spill into any 136 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: adult relationship they embark on, and usually to the chigren 137 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: of any poor male in their life. So the sentence 138 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: comes with, geez, I came home one minute late and 139 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: my old lady wants me to sleep on the couch. 140 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 1: She has some serious addy issues. Okay, okay, I'm like, 141 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: that's cinis in itself is absurd, But here tin tin 142 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 1: warres related to the daddy issues. According to again Urban Dictionary, 143 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:16,079 Speaker 1: which includes slut, sluts, cougar, I didn't know that, douche. 144 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: That's interesting, sugar, daddy attention, whore bitch, modern women, you're 145 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: just gonna put all that out there? Ohms A meter. 146 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: I don't know if that is. I think we need 147 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: to look that up. And slag, which is a British 148 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: English term. I said, hi hair often um, but yeah, 149 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: I don't know what owns the meter. It's an older 150 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: man who has high sexual attraction? Oh really? Yeah? Older? 151 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: Why don't is the gauge women measure in their own 152 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: mind when considering sleeping with and or admiring the sexual 153 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: hractness of an older man. Usually this gauge is called 154 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 1: the msameter, and his bud boosted by how much money 155 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: power of fame this older man has. Do not mistake 156 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: this for a sure day. Poor older men can possibly have. Hell, 157 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: do not mistake sure you fool, you fool? How dare you? Um? 158 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: When were the MSA originated from? Oh? I'm just going 159 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: on the whole other issue now. But okay, well also, well, 160 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put that in my pocket somewhere. I'm gonna 161 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 1: completely forget about it. The second we move found I'm 162 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 1: gonna remind you. Please, how about him? I'll be like, no, neither, 163 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: We need to go see how much money he makes, 164 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: so we need to go up and ask tell me 165 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: what's your yes, what plan? Do you own a home? 166 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:58,839 Speaker 1: And then be taking like studious notes, what is your 167 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 1: percentage rate in your eight um in your credit card 168 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 1: debt and your mortgage and the a p R. I'm sorry, 169 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: all very important, and then we'll be like you have 170 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: you're on the homes of meter. I guess the highter 171 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: the better, I guess. Well, and then they'll they'll wonder, 172 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: why is this these random women coming up to me 173 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: asking me very personal financial questions. I'll be like Urban Dictionary. 174 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: One guy got on here and said this is related. 175 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: So I wanted to know if the men were right. 176 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 1: But you're not, sugar Daddy. Well, that's why I'm like, 177 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: I have to categorize you could properly, because that's what 178 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: we need. Category. I'm gonna put name tags on people 179 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: with it the meter or sugar daddy. Oh my goodness, Okay, 180 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 1: oh that we all moving on, Moving on and the 181 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,320 Speaker 1: lgbt Q plus community. Daddy issues is sometimes applied to 182 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 1: gay men, and sometimes to refer to a man in 183 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: a relationship with an older man. And I know there's 184 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 1: a category for gay men daddies. Yes, you know, just 185 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: staid daddy's again. Why do I watch so much? For 186 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: thirty Rock Alec Baldwin, his character refers him selves as 187 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: a daddy. Oh no, oh yeah, because he's talking to 188 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: a gay man apparently, but like he's like, I'm a daddy, 189 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: a daddy bear. I like your Alec Baldwin impression he 190 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: gets because he got he has those piercing blue eyes 191 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 1: because real serious, I know how this works. Um, yeah, 192 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,959 Speaker 1: but I'm with all of that again. I've also related 193 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: it to men who are afraid of either turning out 194 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: to be like their fathers or terrified of being fathers. 195 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 1: So these are like actual daddy issues, like literal dad issues. 196 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: And I know it's often used to shame people who 197 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: are single parents, and specifically used as an argument of 198 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: having children outside of the marriage. Like I saw a 199 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: random um article written in a political blog, so an 200 00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: old school political blog, talking about how these daddy issues 201 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: these are these are not complete nuclear families and so 202 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: therefore we're creating chaos outside of the perfect family because 203 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: oh you know, if there's not a father in the figure, 204 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: causing more problems, and you're gonna have more issues and 205 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: these kids are bad kids or whatever. However it might 206 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 1: be noted. So daddy issues links to um problematic children 207 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: or problematic futures and this dissatisfied futures because there's no 208 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 1: true male figure in their lives. So I've seen that too, 209 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 1: which is weird in itself, I guess, because apparently there's 210 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: only one way to have a family. Aparently all said 211 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: with the sorc um it is a popular phrase in 212 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: the fetish arcing community. UM. A twenty eight team study 213 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,199 Speaker 1: found that women who grew up disappointed in their fathers 214 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,319 Speaker 1: are more likely to interpret interactions with men as sexual. 215 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: Other studies have linked a daughter's poor relationship with fathers 216 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: to higher instances of unplanned pregnancy and divorce. And then 217 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: you gotta think about this. When we say disappointed and 218 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: their fathers, there's some things that were not completely noting, 219 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: such as like abuse within relationships, abuse between like stepfather 220 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: or you know, an uncle, those strong male figures, which 221 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 1: probably made the statistics higher. And I'm thinking that's probably 222 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: who they kind of get the research based on, mainly 223 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: because they're more accessible, like based on police reporting and 224 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. Um. So I think that 225 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: that needs to be noted as well, because this is 226 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: not just a number random amounts. I don't think. I 227 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: think you have to look at the background of what 228 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: disappointment means right well. And also as always, so you 229 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: got you can't causality and correlation or different things and 230 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: so many different factors going into people. People are complex, 231 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: um so always you know, for got mine. Another study 232 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: found no link at all between daddy issues in quotes 233 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: and attachment styles. In regards to women dating older men. 234 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: They found no difference between women and significant age gap relationship, 235 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: which means men who are ten years older at least 236 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: and those not in significant age gap relationships. In fact, 237 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: sevent of women in significant age gap relationships were securely 238 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: attached according to the study. UM note these were all 239 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: heterosexual relationships. I believe. Thanks you're about uture man. I 240 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: guess my parents were eleven years apart. But we have 241 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: some history about this phrase. But first we're gonna pause 242 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: for a quick break for word from our sponsor, and 243 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: we're back, Thank you sponsor, and we're back with some history. 244 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: Some history, um addy issues goes back to Carl Young's 245 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: idea of the electric complex, which is the flip side 246 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: of the coin of the Oedipus complex, suggesting women compete 247 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 1: with their mothers for the attention of their fathers. It's 248 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: a young woman's subconscious attraction to her father, if you're wondering, 249 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: because I kind of got to wondering. The sexualized context 250 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: of daddy came about into the twentieth century, especially in 251 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: the B D, S, M, gay and prison communities. Yes, um, 252 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: the related phrase daddy's girl goes back to nineteen twenties. 253 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: It is a fairly recent term. Um entering the records 254 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: in the nineteen nineties and Charles Skulls book Fathers, Sons 255 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: and Daughters discussed it. Quote, power and authority are daddy 256 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: issues inside the bedroom as well as out. The first 257 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: man a girl flirts with is her father. Is her daddy? 258 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: Girls girls. I'm sorry, this is some like freud nonsense 259 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: that he's trying to put back in the well. I 260 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: guess when nineties, But that's absurd. What was his research 261 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,880 Speaker 1: based on. I don't know. I don't know that there 262 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:15,640 Speaker 1: was research. No. Oh no, The more acceptable psychological term 263 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,880 Speaker 1: is father complex, which both women and men can have. 264 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: Some psychotherapists say that in hetero relationships. A daughter's observance 265 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: and understanding of how a father treats her mother is 266 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: one of the most formed of things, or it can 267 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 1: be in the daughter's future. Relationships can impact self esteem 268 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: as well. If the mother puts up with a less 269 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 1: than ideal situation or less than ideal treatment, a daughter 270 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: can internalize this as how women behave and what they're 271 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: expected to take in relationships. Sons will experience the same 272 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 1: thing in this case, UM that men treat women less 273 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,399 Speaker 1: than ideally and that's normal. And I think we've said before, 274 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,360 Speaker 1: like the tools you get, um, the tools you learn 275 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: from your parents are often you find yourself using those 276 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: tools in your relations and ships. It just makes sense. 277 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 1: It's observing early. And that's the idea that is cyclical 278 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: when it comes to abuse. So women who are involved 279 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: in domestic violence, who allow that children expect this is 280 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: the rest of their life and this is normal. This 281 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 1: is normalized behavior. So it becomes a cyclical thing where 282 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 1: children after children, generation after generation, it goes through the 283 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 1: same process that they go to the same types of relationships. 284 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: And it's the same way for men where they see 285 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 1: this and even if they're very very protective, like I've 286 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 1: seen that a lot where the boys want to be 287 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: protective at the mother, but because they don't understand exactly 288 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: what's happening, they internalize anger and we act that way 289 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: because that's what they learned. Like we saw that with 290 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: Chris Brown. He came from a very abusive relationship, talked 291 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: about it on Oprah, cried about it, and now we 292 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,879 Speaker 1: see all of these really disturbing behaviors from him because 293 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: not completely obviously, but there are some ideas like this 294 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: is a linkage and then you can't ignore that, and 295 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: how to how to break that cycle because that that 296 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 1: is an important point emphasize that can be broken. Um. 297 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: In interview, playwright Tony Kushner said, my anger maybe edible 298 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 1: mommy and daddy issues, but it's politically and dramatallurgically useful 299 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: and we've seen it in pop culture several times. One 300 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,240 Speaker 1: of the most notable instances was in the poem Daddy 301 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,919 Speaker 1: by Sylvia Plath, and the poem she declares she is 302 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,359 Speaker 1: over her daddy issues after she kills them. At the 303 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: end of the poem, I guess spoiler alert, I'm so sorry. 304 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 1: I do love some Sylvia Plath look. I was like 305 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: emo girl feeling my feeling not really emotionally because I 306 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: was I was about to be like I was dark. 307 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: I had a lot like if you looked at my 308 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 1: poems in the past, they're all about death. Oh man, 309 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,880 Speaker 1: we should bring in our poem. My mother literally read 310 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: one and she got really concerned. She's like, are you okay? 311 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: What's wrong with you? I'm like, this is how I think. 312 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: I remember I was crying because she was really worried. 313 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, this is how I 314 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 1: expressed things. And when I'm sad, this is what I 315 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,960 Speaker 1: have to do nothing And I'm like, nothing's really good 316 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 1: in here. I do have some god ones in there. 317 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: I think from my religious days, I'm a bad poet. 318 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: After I looked back, I was like, oh, that's what 319 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 1: makes them fun. Now I'm just saying we should have 320 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: a poetry a place, though my phase is already turning 321 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: red with that. You if we're gonna do speed dating, 322 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,920 Speaker 1: then we're going to do poetry. Now that's going down. 323 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: Don't what can we do it while we're speed dating? Oh, 324 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 1: that's that's gonna get all. Everybody is going to want 325 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,920 Speaker 1: to datas after that, everybody. I'm gonna just do dramatic reading, 326 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: sit down, and I'll be like, I kind of want 327 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: you to take your fan fiction too. At the same time, 328 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 1: I have a real witness. Just put all of that 329 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: to them and just stare at them intently in the eyes. 330 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: You're reading this out loud, yes, And every time they 331 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 1: try to interrupt, I'm like, ah, not done, not done, rude, rude. 332 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: I am a catchy you are. In the show How 333 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 1: I Met Your Mother, Barney describes the perfect one night 334 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: stand as a woman with daddy issues. And it's meant 335 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 1: to be kind of a joke, right, um, And we 336 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: wanted to touch on briefly here. Um, the Mama's Boy 337 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: the male equivalent, although really anyone can have daddy issues, 338 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: it's just generally assumed to be a woman. Um. Compared 339 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 1: to daddy issues, Mama's Boy doesn't necessarily have to be 340 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 1: a bad thing, right, But it does emasculate a man 341 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,639 Speaker 1: as where other sexual like highly sexual terms. This is 342 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 1: now a pansy essentially, right. I don't believe that I'm 343 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 1: just saying that, right right, right? Um? Yeah, I feel like, 344 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: you know, in our in our culture than being more feminine, 345 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: being emasculated is bad. But I do think that, um, 346 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 1: it can have kind of aspects of it can be good, 347 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,199 Speaker 1: like oh, he's just you know, but you know what, 348 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,399 Speaker 1: I even see that turned on women as well, because 349 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: the mom, the mom is the one that was overly 350 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: protected and didn't want to share him with anyone and 351 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 1: make sure that no other woman is as good as her. 352 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,159 Speaker 1: That's true, and that's used in like the mother in 353 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 1: law context as well. UM. But yeah, even with this, 354 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: even though it's supposed to be about a boy and 355 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: it's still not awful, the mom, the female, the mother 356 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: figures the one that still comes out as a monster. 357 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: Isn't that interesting? M I've never heard mommy issues used 358 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: in conversation to my recollection, but it does exist and 359 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: refers to emotionally unavailable men without the sexualized connotation of 360 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 1: daddy issues exactly exactly. I have also heard this as 361 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 1: an excuse of the failing of the nuclear family once again. Yeah, 362 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: this whole idea that without a father and the family 363 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,959 Speaker 1: just it fails somehow to teach the daughter or son 364 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: how to be normal and well to well adjusted. Um. 365 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: And we can argue how accurate normal is in the 366 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,439 Speaker 1: ideation of adjusted, A balance yeah, so I think this 367 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: is why, um, they use this as an argument in 368 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: the lgbt Q not being allowed to adopt, saying that 369 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: this is not a Christian family, which we're seeing a 370 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 1: turn right now um with Trump trying to allow adoption 371 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:23,359 Speaker 1: agencies to deny uh gay and lesbians of the l 372 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: g b t Q will to allow to be adopted children, 373 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 1: which is which against ironic in comparison with the whole 374 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 1: fetus life idea in taking care of children, because I 375 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,679 Speaker 1: will say from the d years of working um in 376 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:46,240 Speaker 1: this field, that is seriously sad um. But anyway, yeah, so, 377 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: I think a lot of that has to do with 378 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: this whole idea of Okay, if there's no mother figure 379 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: to balance this out or a father figure to balance 380 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,239 Speaker 1: this out, this is not going to be healthy for 381 00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: this child. And they're gonna turn Gay's other favorite dumbass argument. 382 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: But I hear, which I am passionate about advocating for 383 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: those because as a person who has adopted myself, and 384 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: as a person who sees so many kids in the 385 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: foster home that needs someone just to care, it's so 386 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: it makes me really angry that we would deny the 387 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 1: children to have a saving happy home. Absolutely, And I 388 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: think that when we hear the phrase daddy issues, and 389 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,640 Speaker 1: we see it thrown about in our pop cultures so much, 390 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: it is easy to kind of dismiss it as though 391 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: this is just you know, a silly, silly thing, but 392 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:47,239 Speaker 1: it it touches on things undercurrents in our belief systems, right, 393 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: what what our society is built on that point to 394 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 1: very real problems that are impacting that people that literally 395 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: deny people happiness and deny people some rights essentially because 396 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 1: of an idea that's not really proven. Yeah. Yeah, so 397 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: it's it is important, um, more important than perhaps I 398 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 1: would think or you would think at first hearing daddy issues. 399 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 1: It's kind of it's a joke to a certain extent, 400 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: and apparently men truly believe this, I guess. So, Like 401 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,040 Speaker 1: I said, all the first page of Google search results 402 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: was Yeah, I think that's all. Like g Q and 403 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: the Little Muscle magazines or whatever. Just like Cosmo has 404 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: ten tips to have great sex, it's like ten tips 405 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 1: to see if you're daddy issues, y'all. Uh, we do 406 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: have a little bit more touching on that, but first 407 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: we have one more quick break for word from our sponsor, 408 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: and we're back, Thank you, sponsor. So we have some 409 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 1: concluding thoughts on thought, yes, clearly on daddy issues. And 410 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,959 Speaker 1: I feel like we were talking about um a bit earlier. 411 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: It's another way of putting men's failings on women, blaming women. 412 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: They're all crazy men exactly, um or. I mean I've 413 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,879 Speaker 1: even heard and I know we've seen this in our 414 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,479 Speaker 1: pop culture too, but like the wife in this very 415 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 1: nuclear family UM context, she's the reason that the father 416 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,719 Speaker 1: figure cheated or left or the daughter is the right 417 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: and like it's not his father as in fact, you 418 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 1: paint these women as being h oh like essentially this 419 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: hearty type of um nag essentially, and they're always that way, 420 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: Like even when you know that this is not you 421 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 1: still have this feeling of I don't like you, you 422 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, um, what is the old 423 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:14,360 Speaker 1: school show Raymond? Yeah, the wife was portrayed that way, 424 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: and I think that was like the thing they end 425 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 1: up bed with a good relationship, but it was still 426 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: was like, uh yeah, I got really turned off from 427 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 1: sitcoms like that for a while because I noticed, like 428 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: it was always a husband who chimblin wasn't that attractive? Right, 429 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,359 Speaker 1: always that was the formula, the super particulously hot wife 430 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 1: that that doesn't make sense, and he is like screwing 431 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: up and never around right and painting her as being 432 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,640 Speaker 1: shrill or annoying. She's like, you need to come home 433 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:47,560 Speaker 1: and take care of the kids. How dare you be late? 434 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 1: And he's like, I'm just having my fun being nice 435 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 1: or that same trope of men being forgetful but being forgiven, 436 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,400 Speaker 1: and she's being overly thoughtful but at the same time demanding. 437 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: It's kind of just the or the top. You're like, 438 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 1: why is it always that the mom has to be 439 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: the bad guy? Yes, the same thing with um. This 440 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 1: is doubtfire the perfect example. Sally feels is painted as 441 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: and she says it, I am always a bad guy 442 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,120 Speaker 1: because I have to be responsible. And he's doing all 443 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,880 Speaker 1: these things without talking to her, and he seemed like 444 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: the victim. You have the sad picture of him the 445 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: entire time, as if he's being persecuted. Yes, she's asking 446 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 1: me to do with the dishes, right, true? Right, I 447 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: can't keep a job. How dare you be that demanding 448 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,960 Speaker 1: and you have the better job that takes your time, 449 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: because I don't have a job. Yeah, man, I die 450 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: hard too, And it's a lot, a lot anyway, pop 451 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: culture time, culture time, all all the references in this 452 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: episodeces specifically, that's what we're here for. If a woman 453 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 1: has issues because of their father, it is somehow their false. 454 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: Excusing bad fathers and turning it around with the daughters 455 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 1: is kind of the gist I would say of daddy issues. 456 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: If that is also or the mother's fault. Yeah, it's 457 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: one of the female's faults, drove them away, right, It's 458 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: kind of an equivalent to shutting down women for being 459 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: hysterical or emotional. Kind of a way of gas lighting. Um. Also, 460 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 1: the narrative of absent fathers creating daddy issues suggest a 461 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 1: father is necessary to grow up without such issues ignores 462 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: non hetero couples, single mothers, so many others, so many 463 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,719 Speaker 1: other experiences, and again single parents all at rock stars. 464 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 1: That's all I have to say. When you keep that 465 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 1: money going and keep the house going, and keep the 466 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 1: kids saying wonderful. Um. I. Also, I do feel like 467 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: daddy issues is frequently used to shut down kinks and 468 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: sexual interest a woman might have. The daddy fetish is 469 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,719 Speaker 1: more about authority and power play. Just if y are 470 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: right and the need to be UM watched over, Yes, 471 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 1: then we're gonna touch on that a bit. Sure episodes, 472 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: you have some good stuff coming we do. If you 473 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: think you do have a father complex, experts recommend therapy 474 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: if possible, and if not, taking time alone to do 475 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: some introspection, take stock of any relationship patterns, and learning 476 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: to be okay with yourself in general. I think that's 477 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,040 Speaker 1: good advice. I mean, I don't think I have daddy issues, 478 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 1: but I definitely have parent issues, you know what I mean. 479 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,280 Speaker 1: We were talking about one of the big things for 480 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: me as my families political opinions and mine are very extremes, 481 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: and sometimes it is a little difficult, especially I am 482 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 1: adopted careeran girl, so therefore I'm a brown girl in 483 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: a white family. UM, and it becomes problematic because of 484 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 1: the way I see the world and the way they 485 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 1: see the world are two different perspectives. And that has 486 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: nothing to do with the fact that I had daddy issues. 487 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 1: It's just parent issues. That's most people. Yeah, And I 488 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: say this as you don't have to say you have 489 00:30:58,040 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: a father complex. If you say you have issues with 490 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 1: your parents, with your father, with your mother whatever, you 491 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,960 Speaker 1: need to get therapy, because therapy is wonderful, so we 492 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 1: all need amen, hallelujah. We don't get any sponsorship for 493 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: don't get any referral fees mysterious therapy, a counsel that's 494 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 1: paying us to say this it does not exist, it doesn't. 495 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 1: Or counsel yourself with your friends. Yeah. Yeah, And I 496 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 1: do think that you can have a lot of growth 497 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:39,320 Speaker 1: by especially if you've ever had a relationship that lasted 498 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 1: for a while, and like, and I'm just a nerd, 499 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 1: but like I would suggest to look at what why 500 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:52,160 Speaker 1: it failed it didn't work out right, um, and then 501 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 1: just see. I think a lot of for me is 502 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 1: watching other people's relationships as well, and and talking to 503 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 1: other people because I get general confused about how it works. 504 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: Anything anything long term doesn't seem real to me anyway, 505 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: one of my many issues. So but talk, being able 506 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: to talk to friends who have experienced good relationships or 507 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: even bad relationships really helpful. You started like understanding a 508 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: little more about the individual tracks and like watching from 509 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: the outside of the different perspectives and voices. I think 510 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 1: it's important too. Yeah, yeah, So, and I feel we 511 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: all reached that point when we get older where we 512 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 1: do see ourselves making the mistakes that our parents made 513 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: and we just didn't realize it right. Maybe I'm over generalizing, 514 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 1: but I feel like me and a lot of my 515 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: friends experienced that. Um So instead of thinking, oh, I've 516 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,520 Speaker 1: got daddy issues, yeah, you just I mean, honestly, my 517 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 1: sister used to get um whatever. She used to get 518 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: flak for the fact that she had a really great 519 00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 1: relationship with our father, and therefore she wanted to have 520 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: a relationship like her mom and dad. Like her mom 521 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,880 Speaker 1: and dad, because they're very as a couple. They're amazing, 522 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 1: And I think, is that a daddy issue? I guess 523 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,400 Speaker 1: so you can't win for losing because they have a 524 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 1: healthy relationship. They really do, and they're really close. And 525 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,120 Speaker 1: I said, I have a good relationship with my dad 526 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: as well. We may not agree on things, but he's 527 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: very understanding to a certain degree. At least we talked 528 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: things through. That's what we can do. And for my 529 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: my mother, for my father and my sister, they really 530 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: really close. He's a cuddler. He will always hug you. 531 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 1: He makes you to tell you I'll love you every 532 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: time he sees you like he's one of those like 533 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,920 Speaker 1: I went away. This is really dorky. I went away 534 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: across the country for two years. And he would be like, Okay, 535 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: when you see the moon, No, I'm looking at the 536 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: same moon too, and I'm thinking how much I love 537 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 1: you and how proud of you I am. That's my dad, 538 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But the fact is she 539 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: got flat for being too healthy in that relationship and 540 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,480 Speaker 1: actually caring about our father's opinions and or going to 541 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:03,560 Speaker 1: our father for opinions and and for um encouragement and love. 542 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 1: So even though you can't win, yeah, you really can't win. 543 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: I I personally feel like it's just another kind of misogyny, 544 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 1: generally misogyny rearing its ugly ahead and shutting down women 545 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,400 Speaker 1: for what X y Z whatever reason exactly. Yeah, I 546 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: can't connect with you till that means you have daddy issues. 547 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,759 Speaker 1: Those are our thoughts. But we would love to hear 548 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 1: your thoughts. Listener, Please, I does your thoughts because we're 549 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 1: gonna be in our own heads are talking on the 550 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: mic about it. Yes, we keep put some facts in 551 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:38,359 Speaker 1: here though we did, We did, and we would. Yeah, 552 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 1: we would love to hear anybody what your take on 553 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: daddy issues is. We would love to hear from you. 554 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,520 Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at 555 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 1: I heart media dot com. Anything sent to the multitudes 556 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 1: multiple old email address as I cannot keep track, it 557 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 1: should all arrive to this final destination, so don't worry 558 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: about that. Um. You can so find us on Twitter 559 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff Podcasts and on Instagram at Stuff I've 560 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: Never told you, And I do have a quick announcement 561 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 1: quick announcement. Yes some of you know. I am also 562 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: on the podcast saver all about food and drink and 563 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,040 Speaker 1: we are going to Hawaii for not one but two weeks. 564 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 1: Yes that's okay. I don't get to go, so I'm 565 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:24,279 Speaker 1: really better. She is very strong cup of tea over there. 566 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,879 Speaker 1: I So I just want to put that out there because, um, 567 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 1: there's a rush to get a lot of stuff done 568 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,919 Speaker 1: before I go, and I think we'll manage it. But 569 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,919 Speaker 1: if there are a couple more classics, then you'll know why. 570 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 1: You'll know why. Because I am in Hawaii. I refused 571 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 1: to work while she's on the beach. Yes, you're just 572 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,919 Speaker 1: gonna protests at my desk even though I'm not there. 573 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna start putting like random fishes on your desk. 574 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 1: I told you the plan. Oh no, you're always doing that. 575 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,240 Speaker 1: You're always telling me to plan, but it somehow still works. 576 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,600 Speaker 1: So I guess you're you're doing something right. I'm just 577 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: a little bitter. Thanks, as always to our super producer 578 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,800 Speaker 1: Andrew Howard was also leading me. Yes like you either. 579 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: Thanks to you for listening. Thank you, guys. Stuff Mom 580 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 1: Never Told You's a production of I Heart Radios How 581 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,879 Speaker 1: Stuff Works. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit 582 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 583 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite show.