Speaker 1: The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nikki.
Speaker 2: Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky
Speaker 2: Glazer Podcast. How are you out there? I'm in Saint Louis.
Speaker 1: Brian's with us, Noah's with us. How are you guys?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm fine, God same, I'm feeling fine.
Speaker 1: I just got a facial relaxing.
Speaker 2: It was no this this one is just it's like
Speaker 2: Paul just yeah, they can be well, laser facials are
Speaker 2: horrifying or can be, but like it was just a
Speaker 2: relaxing facial.
Speaker 1: It was awesome. I felt so good.
Speaker 2: A massage, yes, yes, And I'm thinking about like getting
Speaker 2: an actual body massage pretty soon, which I've sworn off because.
Speaker 1: I always regret them and.
Speaker 2: I always feel so like used and like slutty after it,
Speaker 2: like and not slutty, but I feel like a sense
Speaker 2: of shame whenever I leave a massage place because I
Speaker 2: just feel like a commodity.
Speaker 1: Not wait, they're the commodity, I guess.
Speaker 2: I feel like they don't like we had a thing,
Speaker 2: you know, and now it's over and yeah you're just
Speaker 2: like push, just like get out of here, and it's
Speaker 2: like it's never long enough. But then when it is
Speaker 2: too long, I e. Ninety minutes, you think you want that,
Speaker 2: you do not want that long. It feels too long,
Speaker 2: and I can never kind of guess what I want
Speaker 2: in the moment. Foot massages are the only thing that
Speaker 2: I can really reliably know the time limit limit, and
Speaker 2: you can keep adding to it. But a massage you'll
Speaker 2: book and you'll be like, I want an hour, and
Speaker 2: then when it's never long, fifty minutes is never long enough.
Speaker 1: And then when you book ninety minutes, it's too long, and.
Speaker 2: It if it's not good right away, you just spend
Speaker 2: the rest, like an hour and a half, being like
Speaker 2: I hate this.
Speaker 1: I hate that I like wasted my time and my money.
Speaker 2: I hate that I can't communicate properly, that I don't
Speaker 2: have the balls to just tell this guy.
Speaker 1: That this isn't how I like it done, and then
Speaker 1: you just like it just oh, and then.
Speaker 2: You're sticky afterwards, and you have to put back on
Speaker 2: your socks and your clothes that now feel like dirty.
Speaker 2: It's not good, but I think I just might need one.
Speaker 2: I'm just so sore, and I'm just thinking I'm just
Speaker 2: kind of craving it.
Speaker 3: I know I'll regret it if it's the worst. When
Speaker 3: you're getting a massage and you tell them, oh, that's
Speaker 3: not enough pressure, that's too much pressure, and then they go, oh okay,
Speaker 3: and then they change whatever they're doing and it's still
Speaker 3: not good enough.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, and then you feel bad like saying
Speaker 2: something like criticizing them twice?
Speaker 1: Which is it?
Speaker 2: Is it criticizing to say that I don't like what
Speaker 2: you're doing?
Speaker 1: Like is that mean? Is that?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Where's the line? I just don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, I just say, I just raise my hand and
Speaker 3: I say you're a bad masseuse.
Speaker 1: That probably isn't the perfect approach.
Speaker 3: Well, can I start waving or I start screaming to
Speaker 3: run out of the room.
Speaker 1: While you're naked?
Speaker 3: I go, you're a bad fasus that I wrote and scream?
Speaker 3: Is that? I? Yeah?
Speaker 1: More, I always want more pressure.
Speaker 2: And then I but I just feel bad because their
Speaker 2: hands hurt and I know they do, and so then
Speaker 2: I feel like if I don't get a man, I
Speaker 2: feel like the woman's hands are too fragile and I'm
Speaker 2: hurting her. And then if I get a man, I
Speaker 2: feel like he might rub his balls on me in
Speaker 2: some way, because like that is a thing that happens
Speaker 2: where they'll just surreptitiously like grace their penis across your hand,
Speaker 2: and it's not enough to be like that's assault, so
Speaker 2: you don't say anything. And then they do it again
Speaker 2: and you go, well, if he does it one more time,
Speaker 2: and then he does, but the massages almost over, you
Speaker 2: don't want to make a big thing of it, so
Speaker 2: then you've just been assaulted mildly. Yeah, And that is
Speaker 2: why I don't when I go get my foot massages
Speaker 2: at the place I go to, I do not go
Speaker 2: for a full body massage, even though I want one
Speaker 2: from them, because they have the best hands ever, and
Speaker 2: they don't take it personally when you tell them what
Speaker 2: you want. But because I've had my hand touched by
Speaker 2: a loose sack so many times that I can't convince
Speaker 2: myself it's like the lotion hanging off their belt or
Speaker 2: whatever it is that like just hit my hand.
Speaker 1: I just can't go back.
Speaker 3: It's interesting. I usually pay extra for the ball sack
Speaker 3: on the hand thing. It's like a ten dollars I
Speaker 3: probably do.
Speaker 1: They probably added on and I don't even notice.
Speaker 2: It's like a gloss when you go get your hair
Speaker 2: highlight and they go, you want a gloss and you
Speaker 2: go yeah, And you don't realize it's seventy dollars when
Speaker 2: you said yeah, you just thought it was like a
Speaker 2: new product they had to try and they wanted to
Speaker 2: test it out.
Speaker 1: They totally get you.
Speaker 3: I will say this the best massages I've ever had,
Speaker 3: I've had. I can recall three specific messuses that I've
Speaker 3: had massages from.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One of them was this athletic, gigantic man who would
Speaker 3: literally like put his knees on my hamstrings, like climb
Speaker 3: up on the table. Yes, and that was incredible. And
Speaker 3: then the other two were women, and I their hands
Speaker 3: were stronger than like ninety five percent of men's hands
Speaker 3: that have given me massages.
Speaker 1: I don't even mind.
Speaker 2: If you don't use your hand, use a tool. I
Speaker 2: watch ASMR videos of massage videos all the time. I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm well versed in, Like I watch massage
Speaker 2: tutorials that are made for other messuses, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: even to be watching these videos. They're like talking technically,
Speaker 2: and they constantly talk about different tools. There's like different
Speaker 2: little back knobber things that you can buy and use
Speaker 2: to save your hands, like the back number or stone therapy,
Speaker 2: like right, I think, just use your cell phone, use
Speaker 2: your cell phone case, the edge of your cell phone case.
Speaker 1: To jam into my buttocks.
Speaker 2: It's like if it's hurting your knuckle so much or
Speaker 2: turning your hand, I don't mind. If you use objects,
Speaker 2: it almost might take it out of it. It might
Speaker 2: not feel so personal and I might not feel so
Speaker 2: kind of violated at the end of it. I don't
Speaker 2: know how anyone who's been sexually assaulted ever gets a
Speaker 2: massage ever again. And I've heard from people who have
Speaker 2: been that They're like, no, I would never ever be
Speaker 2: like touched by a stranger naked.
Speaker 3: Messuss get sexually assaulted by men getting massages like that's
Speaker 3: what Deshaun Watson did, the quarterback for the Browns who's
Speaker 3: now benched for that. No, he was already like he
Speaker 3: used to be the quarterback of the Texans, and then
Speaker 3: he went through this whole uh scandal where he was
Speaker 3: sexually harassing messuses and then he was like a banned
Speaker 3: from the league for a year or two, and then
Speaker 3: he came back on the Browns and he wasn't good
Speaker 3: ever again.
Speaker 1: It's because and Colin Kaepernick, where is he.
Speaker 3: Now Colin Kaepernick. I think they had him decapitated because he.
Speaker 1: No but I mean he's not in the league anymore.
Speaker 3: Right, Oh, oh, you're not kidding. Oh yeah, he's not
Speaker 3: in the league anymore. He hasn't been.
Speaker 1: What did he do?
Speaker 3: I literally you're asking me or do you want to joke? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, I no, I'm joking.
Speaker 2: Answer, but like, what did he do to get kicked
Speaker 2: out the league forever? And then this guy who's assaulted
Speaker 2: I you said multiple massage at.
Speaker 3: Least nineteen or something some ridiculous Are you kidding me? No? Not.
Speaker 1: It was suspended for a year year.
Speaker 3: A year or two. Yeah, that off and then he
Speaker 3: came back and want it. And then he came back
Speaker 3: and he came back. But here's the here's the roup attended.
Speaker 3: He was worse because after it's like as if harassing
Speaker 3: those mescuses were the secret to him being good at football.
Speaker 1: Oh right, it's like the Tiger Woods thing.
Speaker 3: It's like the Tiger Woods thing. But I believe Colin
Speaker 3: Kaepernick like like looked at a flag the wrong way
Speaker 3: or something and then they decapitated him.
Speaker 1: But he's yeah, he's out of the league. It just doesn't.
Speaker 3: Seem that's a controversy.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything really.
Speaker 2: Is it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a huge controversy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, controversy the fact that he A lot.
Speaker 3: Of people say, well because he would like he would
Speaker 3: do all sorts of like things where he would show
Speaker 3: that he still has the skill and talent to be
Speaker 3: an NFL quarterback, at least a backup quarterback, but no
Speaker 3: team was willing to sign him, even though.
Speaker 2: Their brows were like, let's get this guy who's who
Speaker 2: was kicked out for a year. Maybe he needs a
Speaker 2: change of location and we don't have as many massage
Speaker 2: parlors in Cleveland.
Speaker 3: Well the yeah, the messuses aren't as hot in Cleveland,
Speaker 3: so they like he'd be fine because.
Speaker 1: The salt is about being hot too. It's all just
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense. But what does? What does?
Speaker 2: But Yeah, I have a thing I gotta tell you, Nikki,
Speaker 2: please because I'm at a loss so I won't.
Speaker 1: Have anything really constructive to say anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I went to Vegas this weekend for my
Speaker 3: mom's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom, Birthday. Mom. Number one thing
Speaker 3: is I think I'm out on Vegas. I really had
Speaker 3: an amazing time at the super Bowl because it was
Speaker 3: the Super Bowl. But now I've been back two other
Speaker 3: times this year, and I realized that Vegas is just
Speaker 3: a bunch of pigs getting shepherded from trough to trough.
Speaker 3: It's all scams, everyone's disgusting, and it's just a city
Speaker 3: of literal losers. Like I'm not saying like you're a
Speaker 3: loser in life. I'm saying everyone is literally a loser
Speaker 3: because everyone there has lost within the last ten minutes.
Speaker 1: Got it? Got it?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Like literally losers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're all losers. We're all this. I was
Speaker 3: a loser, I lost. We're all walking around a bunch
Speaker 3: of losers.
Speaker 1: Why were you there for your mom's birth? Is that
Speaker 1: where she wanted to go?
Speaker 3: Well, my mom has had a renaissance in her retirement
Speaker 3: where she has moved to Florida and made friends with
Speaker 3: all these people in her sixty five plus community, and
Speaker 3: who all moved to They all moved to the same
Speaker 3: sixty five plus community at the same time because it
Speaker 3: just started, and so it was like they were all
Speaker 3: freshmen going into the dorms together and they all made
Speaker 3: this friends group. And now my mom is more social
Speaker 3: than ever before. She lives in Port Saint Lucie where
Speaker 3: and so it was her birthday and they were like, well,
Speaker 3: we travel all the time, what do you want to
Speaker 3: do for your birthday, Karen?
Speaker 1: And they get shirts?
Speaker 3: They all got shirts that said Port Saint Lucy bitch
Speaker 3: on it.
Speaker 1: And they no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3: No shirts. Shirts Okay they but no, they were just like,
Speaker 3: let's go to Vegas and see. And then the two
Speaker 3: shows my mom picked were David Copperfield okay and which
Speaker 3: is at the MGM, Yeah, and then Billy Joel and
Speaker 3: Sting at the Allegiant Stadium.
Speaker 1: Amazing. So you went to Billy Joel again.
Speaker 3: I went to Billy Joel's the third time I've gone
Speaker 3: to Billy Joel. Now I'm like that he's my Taylor
Speaker 3: Swift basically truly. Yeah. So the thing I wanted to say,
Speaker 3: what happened at the Billy Joel concert?
Speaker 1: And I also went to them that we saw.
Speaker 3: The exactly Yes, and I stayed at the Mandalay Bay
Speaker 3: because it's easy to walk from the stadium. Had it
Speaker 3: all figured out, go to the Billy Joel concert. Sting
Speaker 3: was first, obviously, and he was fine. I just think
Speaker 3: that that type of music kind of bores me, Like
Speaker 3: it's like world pop or whatever, and it's just like,
Speaker 3: this is fine. I like it in the background, but
Speaker 3: I don't want to sit there for two hours listening
Speaker 3: to sting song after sting song.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like sting. I grew up listening to sing
Speaker 2: in my parents' Volvo. But yeah, I could see they're
Speaker 2: kind of like cold Play esque.
Speaker 3: Yeah or you Too. Even there were songs that I
Speaker 3: was like, is this you two? Billy Joel comes on
Speaker 3: and they he plays my favorite song first, which is
Speaker 3: my Life. And when I went to go see him,
Speaker 3: because they.
Speaker 1: Talk about standup comedian then that there's.
Speaker 3: A perfect line. It's like, yeah, now he goes to
Speaker 3: the West Coast and gives him the stand up routine
Speaker 3: in LA, which is a great thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always loved that. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: he named checks stand up comedians.
Speaker 3: It's so cool. I mean, he's so cool, he's so fair.
Speaker 1: Matthews also did in a song but anyway and go on.
Speaker 3: I went to go see Billy Joel into It Dome,
Speaker 3: where I said he was into it and then they
Speaker 3: played my favorite song there. But he brought his six
Speaker 3: year old daughter on stage and she sang the song
Speaker 3: instead of.
Speaker 1: Him, and I was pretty disappinted into it. Dome Yeah, okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: yeah I was.
Speaker 3: I felt like I missed out on my favorite song. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then he literally said after like, that's nepotism for you. Sorry,
Speaker 3: So I was like, all right.
Speaker 1: Oh, he's a self aware Okay.
Speaker 3: So he started off with that song at Allegiance and
Speaker 3: he was singing it. This thing didn't come out and
Speaker 3: sing it, his daughter didn't come out. He sang it,
Speaker 3: and I loved it, and me and Ali stood up.
Speaker 3: We're we're not We were on the floor. You're in
Speaker 3: like the stadium section where you Yeah, we stood up
Speaker 3: and we're dancing. Is there anything wrong with that? No?
Speaker 1: But I mean I haven't seen you dance really, so
Speaker 1: there could be.
Speaker 3: But you've seen me dance. You saw me dance house.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you got you had trained to dance. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you're fine.
Speaker 3: We were dancing, but you got told to sit down seats. Yes,
Speaker 3: we had seats in the in the stadium.
Speaker 1: Section where it's like in the yeah, where it goes up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's deaf stadium seating. We stand up and we're
Speaker 3: dancing and we're having a great time.
Speaker 1: Everyone's standing up, Billy Joel just came out like.
Speaker 3: Nobody, nobody is standing up.
Speaker 1: This is in an old crowd or something like what's
Speaker 1: And I looked.
Speaker 3: Around and it's like it's not It's like maybe half
Speaker 3: of them are like, you know, sixty plus but like
Speaker 3: you for like me or a little younger. So like
Speaker 3: nobody was standing up and everyone was sitting there just
Speaker 3: like listening to the music as if it was like
Speaker 3: we're at like the Met watching some orchestra play proused.
Speaker 1: So you guys got up and danced.
Speaker 3: Stars getting up dancing care that.
Speaker 2: You were the only ones you were like tearing sitting
Speaker 2: and you are just standing up dancing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're standing up, dancing.
Speaker 2: And music, letting it move through your body, being inspired
Speaker 2: by it, being without abandon or with the banding it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Me and Ali are looking at each other, singing and
Speaker 3: dancing together and then someone behind hold on.
Speaker 2: Before before we get to this, do you is there
Speaker 2: a thought in your head like, oh, we're blocking people's view,
Speaker 2: like this is a little awkward, We're the only ones
Speaker 2: dancing or were you just like this is just how
Speaker 2: we're going to because I've seen people like you before,
Speaker 2: where I'm like or not like you, but like people
Speaker 2: that like will bring uphos to the show and they
Speaker 2: hold it up and you go, wow, they're not even
Speaker 2: thinking about anyone behind them, Like I feel as if
Speaker 2: I would be a little self conscious about standing up
Speaker 2: in a section where everyone's sitting.
Speaker 1: Did it well?
Speaker 3: This happens at football games all the time, where you know,
Speaker 3: people stand up, they sit down, and just whenever someone
Speaker 3: in the front front row stands up and the people
Speaker 3: behind stand up, and then it creates a cascade effect where.
Speaker 1: Everyone's standing up.
Speaker 3: And this was the first song. It's not like we
Speaker 3: were standing the entire time. We just stood up and
Speaker 3: started dancing to this song.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I can't believe what's about to happen.
Speaker 3: Someone behind us, some faceless person threw something at us,
Speaker 3: threw something at us.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and do you know what it was?
Speaker 1: And it wasn't even like what did it feel like?
Speaker 3: It was like, I don't know, I don't know, just
Speaker 3: hit its hit us. It didn't hurt like an empty
Speaker 3: water bottle something Okay, hit us?
Speaker 1: Well, is it like us?
Speaker 2: Did it feel like a penny or did it feel
Speaker 2: like a gum? Wrapper, like what food?
Speaker 3: Food of some kind.
Speaker 1: Something blunt, soft and blunt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was some kind of food. I think it
Speaker 3: could have been a bottle cap, bottle caps. It was
Speaker 3: multiple things.
Speaker 1: Okay, multiple wait, multiple things.
Speaker 3: Just yes, and we all because it hit me, then
Speaker 3: hit Ali, and then it hit the person next to
Speaker 3: us wasn't even dancing.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I turned around.
Speaker 1: And I was like, ear sort of bleeding.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my ear was bleeding a little bit. And I
Speaker 3: turned around. I put my fifth in the ear and
Speaker 3: I said, fucked.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you so you did you so you you
Speaker 2: felt something, but you go, that's probably nothing.
Speaker 1: And then Ali felt something that you both look at
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 3: I'm really upset because she, you know, she's a six,
Speaker 3: so she's an enneagram six, so she's all She was like,
Speaker 3: I need to be part of the what you know,
Speaker 3: I need to be part of the team here, and
Speaker 3: now people are throwing stuff that really like hit her
Speaker 3: in the core, Whereas I was like, well, now I'm
Speaker 3: never gonna sit there because you just threw something at me.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stand up the entire but I lamented to this,
Speaker 3: and I and I sat down and we after the
Speaker 3: song was over, except but first I turned around and
Speaker 3: I was like, it's a concert. You're allowed to dance
Speaker 3: at a concert. And also we were standing for two minutes,
Speaker 3: like we didn't even get to finish the first song
Speaker 3: before you chose to throw something at us.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would have we're gonna.
Speaker 3: Stand up for the whole concert. We weren't gonna stand
Speaker 3: up for you know, like Vienna and shitty songs.
Speaker 2: Like, but they don't know that, and they and people
Speaker 2: are angry and they just I know when I see
Speaker 2: people stand up right away at something that they're not
Speaker 2: supposed to and they're like blocking my view, I'm like,
Speaker 2: these motherfuckers are going to do this the whole time.
Speaker 1: Like that's where my mind goes.
Speaker 3: But the thing is, it's not that you're not supposed
Speaker 3: to situation. It's because then we're sitting there, we feel
Speaker 3: like the concerts and we feel restricted. We're just like
Speaker 3: dancing in our seats. But then throughout the concert, there
Speaker 3: are when a song comes up that somebody loves, there
Speaker 3: are pockets of people that stand up and they dance,
Speaker 3: and it was happening all throughout, but the majority of
Speaker 3: the audience was just sitting quietly. Nobody was singing, nobody
Speaker 3: was there. They were there are pockets of people, and
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: You know what, they're just kind of there. They're not
Speaker 1: like participating.
Speaker 3: That's right. That's why i'm That's another reason why I'm out.
Speaker 2: They're on a what's it called an assembly line, like
Speaker 2: they're just like being passed through different.
Speaker 3: The conveyor belt going from trough to trough. I even
Speaker 3: said it while we were talking, the conveyor belt going
Speaker 3: from New York, New York to ex Caliber. There's this long,
Speaker 3: single file conveyor belt where you can't even go around
Speaker 3: someone because it's a single file. And I was and
Speaker 3: I took a weed mint, so I was, uh, you know,
Speaker 3: you suggest yes, and I'm I'm on the conveyor belt,
Speaker 3: and I go, look at us pigs on this trough. Yes,
Speaker 3: welcome the pigs. Swe just just yelling that nobody cares.
Speaker 1: Best place to be we post selection. It was almost like.
Speaker 2: My my weekend of being in Dallas and then Iowa
Speaker 2: for two nights, even though I had the best time,
Speaker 2: but yeah, it's just like this week. Not to get
Speaker 2: into it, but it's just like I just anytime I
Speaker 2: had to be amongst a lot of people that I
Speaker 2: thought just don't have thou nations like that, I just
Speaker 2: felt like angry at I Like when I got into crowds,
Speaker 2: I felt I would forget about.
Speaker 1: It and I would be fine. I would have been
Speaker 1: having a great week and.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, let it go, like you
Speaker 2: can't control anything, and then I get in crowds and
Speaker 2: I just kind of lose my mind and I've got
Speaker 2: I just I'm having actually a really good time in
Speaker 2: this new America because I don't give up lock anymore.
Speaker 2: I've got nothing to lose except all of our rights.
Speaker 2: But I have those are it's gonna happen to already.
Speaker 1: And I just feel free, like I feel I can.
Speaker 2: It's it's nice because like I yeah, just just say
Speaker 2: one thing of it is like performing this weekend felt
Speaker 2: great because I think it was the elephant in the
Speaker 2: room before of like who's who's gonna vote, who's voting
Speaker 2: for him? And like not to say anything political because
Speaker 2: I just don't even want to know who did right,
Speaker 2: Like I'm just like my audience. I want to love everyone.
Speaker 2: I just want us to like not have to be divided.
Speaker 2: And I'm not gonna do anything political because I just
Speaker 2: don't want the audience. I don't want to feel anything
Speaker 2: up there that is like could even resemble resentment of
Speaker 2: people coming to my show. But this weekend they won,
Speaker 2: so like I they're out there. I know they are,
Speaker 2: Like I don't even have to guess if my audience
Speaker 2: voted for him.
Speaker 1: Of course they did, because everyone did, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's like now I feel free, like I'm like
Speaker 2: everything's out in the open, and now I can make
Speaker 2: fun of you because I'm not making fun of someone
Speaker 2: who's like embarrassed of what they're doing anymore.
Speaker 1: Like you guys are out about it.
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm making fun of Like you can
Speaker 2: make fun of people if they're if they're open, you know,
Speaker 2: and especially if they win, you get to make fun
Speaker 2: of them now because you're not punching down, you're punching up.
Speaker 1: And so anyone who goes I got no booze. And
Speaker 1: I was going hard and I was having so much fun.
Speaker 2: And I was just being you know, sarcastic and silly
Speaker 2: about it, and it wasn't like from a hateful place.
Speaker 2: It really was like me just like being as fun
Speaker 2: with it as possible, and it really made me like
Speaker 2: have a better attitude about everything. And I just sense
Speaker 2: that the people who voted for him, they couldn't really
Speaker 2: get mad. And I was like, if you want to leave, leave,
Speaker 2: but like you won, so just let me make fun
Speaker 2: of you now, Like now it's okay because before you
Speaker 2: all felt disenfranchised, like you were the ones that were
Speaker 2: the minority, I guess in this situation, and now you're
Speaker 2: not anymore. So now it's kind of like this freeing
Speaker 2: thing that we can make fun of them now and
Speaker 2: they have like a better I felt that they all
Speaker 2: have a better sense of humor about themselves than before
Speaker 2: the election because they're on top now, and I think
Speaker 2: that's great. I'm happy with that result. Comedically, I couldn't
Speaker 2: feel happier. Would I sacrifice that happiness for anything to
Speaker 2: have gone the other way? Of course I would, But
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to see the benefits of it. Of
Speaker 2: like it's helped me comedically a lot.
Speaker 3: I feel you feel now like they felt in twenty sixteen,
Speaker 3: when it was just like now we're free. We finally
Speaker 3: feel this freedom. I think when Trump was elected the
Speaker 3: first time, I felt like Trump voters felt finally free
Speaker 3: to say or do whatever they wanted, and now the
Speaker 3: reverse is happening in twenty twenty four, where it's like
Speaker 3: even though Trump won, it's like the Democrats feel free.
Speaker 3: Now now it's the Democrats who are like, fuck all this,
Speaker 3: who cares anymore? Whereas in twenty seventeen when Trump got elected,
Speaker 3: it was like the Trump voters like, fuck yeah, we
Speaker 3: wont Now we can say or do whatever. Fuck you
Speaker 3: woke pieces of shit, and the Democrats were all like,
Speaker 3: we need to organize, we need to isolate, we need
Speaker 3: to figure out how to perform the resistance in March.
Speaker 3: And now twenty twenty four, Trump wins again and the
Speaker 3: Democrats are like, well, fuck it, we fucking this is crazy.
Speaker 2: Tired.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're tired, we hate this whatever, let's just accept
Speaker 3: part of it and fucking go.
Speaker 2: I will say that I let that feeling in occasionally
Speaker 2: where I'm like, fuck it, who cares?
Speaker 1: You know what? Let me get on board with this.
Speaker 2: Because what's the point and not but you can't you
Speaker 2: really like, you can let that in sometimes, but don't
Speaker 2: forget like I I'm feeling like I am. I'm starting
Speaker 2: to feel like a little less incensed about everything that
Speaker 2: I was on, you know, wednesday morning, and nothing's changed
Speaker 2: since Wednesday morning.
Speaker 1: I'm just being exposed. I'm just being beaten down.
Speaker 2: And that is not a reason to give up because
Speaker 2: you're being beaten down, Like, don't forget that. Maybe your
Speaker 2: complacency is because you're tired, so like just it's not
Speaker 2: because you. What he's doing is okay. Don't confuse yourself
Speaker 2: because I'm.
Speaker 1: Even being like is he that bad? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: of Nikki, nothing has changed since.
Speaker 2: You've got no new information, and now you're starting to empathize,
Speaker 2: like wake up, bitch, like this you don't even start
Speaker 2: to You can still make fun of it, and you
Speaker 2: can still you don't need to be as heavy about
Speaker 2: it and hate everyone.
Speaker 1: But don't think that this is a good idea.
Speaker 2: Don't think he is a good person, and don't think
Speaker 2: this is anything to be proud of or invested in.
Speaker 2: It's like it's a fucking nightmare, but it doesn't need
Speaker 2: to ruin your life. But do not do not do
Speaker 2: what I was doing about two days ago and being
Speaker 2: like maybe he's funny and this is like all for
Speaker 2: the best, like what it was starting to happen to me.
Speaker 2: The brainwashing that's happened to more than fifty percent of
Speaker 2: America was starting to happen to me, and I have
Speaker 2: to stay vigilant on it and be like, No, I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna be complacent. I'm not gonna just like accept it. Am.
Speaker 2: I gonna fight it and march on the streets. So No,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna organize anything. I'm not gonna storm Washington.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna There's not much I can do. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna rely on AOC to do that, and I'll repost
Speaker 2: what she says. I'm gonna fucking do nothing. But I'm
Speaker 2: still gonna be deep down, very disappointed and angry in
Speaker 2: my soul. And I'm not gonna like him until he
Speaker 2: comes from my head and then he's hot.
Speaker 1: He's hot. Did you see SNL did exactly what I
Speaker 1: was saying last week?
Speaker 3: No, I did not on the Cold Open.
Speaker 2: I mean I was not saying, like I think a
Speaker 2: lot of people took this route comedically of being like,
Speaker 2: we love you and you're cool and hot, and you've
Speaker 2: always been amazing and we've always trusted you as a leader.
Speaker 1: We all voted for you.
Speaker 2: Like they are, just like everyone's just like robot North
Speaker 2: Korea in like sarcastic.
Speaker 3: It's kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Well, it was really funny because.
Speaker 3: On the night of the election on CNN there's this
Speaker 3: Republican one of the Republican analysts or whatever they're called.
Speaker 3: He said a line that like low key to use
Speaker 3: that phrase low key was like very scary to hear.
Speaker 3: And he said a happy Trump is good for the country,
Speaker 3: which it's like the president doesn't need to be shouldn't
Speaker 3: need to be happy in order to do his job
Speaker 3: for the country. Well, because a mad Trump is vindictive.
Speaker 2: And when they said Hillary couldn't run because she's like
Speaker 2: would get her period or something and then she would
Speaker 2: poke some like that's right. I guess they were saying
Speaker 2: that even then, like we need her to be happy
Speaker 2: and her period might make her not. Yeah, when when
Speaker 2: they have a picture of Trump smiling, like we know
Speaker 2: when they were doing like the counts and there's a
Speaker 2: picture of Trump smiling, like was that made AI? Like
Speaker 2: I have never seen him like smile with teeth, Like
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: Understand now with teeth, I've seen it without teeth.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he'll have like moments of like like little like
Speaker 2: sneers like where he'll like smell shit and we go, oh,
Speaker 2: he smiled, but he's literally smelling shit. I loved Bill
Speaker 2: Burr's joke about the only time he's ever shown empathy
Speaker 2: was when he got He was like, whoever gets this
Speaker 2: fry is in for a treat?
Speaker 3: Did you see that part?
Speaker 2: He was like, did you see how happy Trump was
Speaker 2: at McDonald's during his monologue. Bill Burr on es Now
Speaker 2: he was like, it's the happiest I've ever seen that guy.
Speaker 2: And he's like, there's a moment and I'm paraphrasing, but
Speaker 2: he was like there's a really long French fry or something.
Speaker 1: He goes, oh, whoever gets this one is in for
Speaker 1: a treat. They're gonna be happy, and he goes, is
Speaker 1: that compassion? Was that empathy? It's Trump just like feel.
Speaker 2: It was the only time he could ever express it
Speaker 2: that we've ever seen it, and it was such a
Speaker 2: great astute observation.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we have a lot of show to get to.
Speaker 1: We'll be back after this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I was gone all weekend. I got back
Speaker 2: this morning at landed at seven am. Had a five
Speaker 2: to fifty flight out of Des Moines. There's only one
Speaker 2: direct flight out of Des Moines all day, so it
Speaker 2: was either getting at seven am or seven point fifty pm.
Speaker 2: And it's one of my only days off, so I
Speaker 2: had to get it back super early. And then Chris
Speaker 2: is here and I haven't seen him since i've been
Speaker 2: I realized in the past two months, I've been in
Speaker 2: a room with Taylor Swift more than I've been.
Speaker 1: In a room with Chris Convey.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, because I saw Tatus with three Sundays
Speaker 2: in a row for four hours each time, and that
Speaker 2: is way longer than I've been with my own boyfriend.
Speaker 2: And so this was my first Sunday not seeing Taylor
Speaker 2: and uh yeah, and so I Chris was here. I
Speaker 2: just crawled into bed and then we just barely could
Speaker 2: even talk to each other because we're so tired. And
Speaker 2: then we slept until twelve, and then I went and
Speaker 2: got facial and now here I am, and.
Speaker 1: You guys out a date anything.
Speaker 2: No, I can't even imagine doing anything like that, Like
Speaker 2: where did I did I watch something recently where it
Speaker 2: was someone? Oh, we were talking about I guess I
Speaker 2: can't really talk about this, but we're talking about like
Speaker 2: I don't if Chris and I went on a date.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Like I would rather just watch TV on
Speaker 2: the couch, like going to dinner and like sitting across
Speaker 2: the table from him and being like, let's get an
Speaker 2: appetizer and then oh, what are you gonna wear to
Speaker 2: our date? And pull out my chair and like banter
Speaker 2: with the waiter. Like that is not interesting to me
Speaker 2: at all. Like what is the point of a date.
Speaker 2: It's to like spend time together and eat good food, Like.
Speaker 1: Just get takeout and go on your couch. Like isn't that, well,
Speaker 1: that's a date.
Speaker 3: I would you can do a couch date?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well then we have dates every single night.
Speaker 1: We have a date every single night.
Speaker 2: But I think the idea of like getting dressed up
Speaker 2: and going out and.
Speaker 1: Like locking the car and walking in together and he kind.
Speaker 2: Of waits for you and puts puts his hand on
Speaker 2: the small of your back and you kind of walk
Speaker 2: in together.
Speaker 1: Oh, we're on a date tonight.
Speaker 2: We're a couple that have been together forever, but tonight
Speaker 2: we're hot and sexy for each other.
Speaker 1: No, you're not. This is an.
Speaker 3: Illusions and eating which.
Speaker 2: Love it, love it? I don't Here's Okay, here's my
Speaker 2: new thing.
Speaker 1: This might be controversial.
Speaker 2: I don't like I don't like being one on one
Speaker 2: with someone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I get it.
Speaker 1: I think one on one sucks.
Speaker 2: I think three is the best, even if you're best
Speaker 2: friends with someone. Adding a third is always going to
Speaker 2: bring a bit like And trust me, I think my
Speaker 2: best talents include lip syncing to songs that I love
Speaker 2: and making it look really believable and fun. That's my
Speaker 2: number one talent and number two talent is putting together
Speaker 2: groups of people that are.
Speaker 1: Gonna have a good time together.
Speaker 2: And trust me when I say a couple is not
Speaker 2: the ideal group. It is a couple plus a third
Speaker 2: or two couples is well ideal. But I would say
Speaker 2: a fifth wheel is generally the best. To have two
Speaker 2: couples and then a single person that gets to kind
Speaker 2: of bounce, be kind of like the like, oh this
Speaker 2: is our single friend, and the couples feel like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're so sorry for them, and then the single person
Speaker 2: can see the couple dynamic and feel better about themselves
Speaker 2: and it's and it adds some spice to it. But
Speaker 2: I think three people is always the best for a dinner.
Speaker 2: I I don't like doing I don't like doing anything
Speaker 2: one on one anymore unless it's like an interview for
Speaker 2: a magazine.
Speaker 3: I just I can't carry a phone.
Speaker 1: I would I phone call. You had me at phone call,
Speaker 1: I'm out.
Speaker 3: I just don't.
Speaker 2: I just it's maybe it's this, maybe it's a lack
Speaker 2: of attention now, or like you know, I just want
Speaker 2: to be on my phone and when someone else is
Speaker 2: there carrying the conversation, I can look at my phone while.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: I just want to streamline my life to be like effort.
Speaker 2: And when I'm with three people, less effort. When I'm
Speaker 2: with five people, it's definitely less effort, and you can
Speaker 2: still interject or be like, what did you just say? Wait, wait,
Speaker 2: that's fun topic. Let's go there and you can kind
Speaker 2: of like figure out. Like in Dallas on Friday night,
Speaker 2: it was a huge room, sold out, crazy show. I
Speaker 2: sold out three shows in Des moin By the way
Speaker 2: things are popping off, it's pretty insane for me right now.
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful to people buying tickets. But Dallas was
Speaker 2: a three thousand and something seat room and it was
Speaker 2: fucking packed to the gills. And then after the show,
Speaker 2: I had a lot of different people coming backstage, just
Speaker 2: different people.
Speaker 1: In my life.
Speaker 2: Some of them were two girls and their husbands or boyfriends.
Speaker 2: Two girls that hosted Taylor Swift podcast and that I've
Speaker 2: like befriended on DMS and they came backstage and they
Speaker 2: were so sweet. And then my friend Laura who I
Speaker 2: went to high school with, who is also a Swiftie.
Speaker 2: And then this other guy who booked me on a
Speaker 2: corporate gig, which I have to tell this fucking story,
Speaker 2: this is what I should tell. So anyway, this guy
Speaker 2: that booked me on a corporate gig like years ago,
Speaker 2: two years ago.
Speaker 3: Thoughts story.
Speaker 2: I'm actually gonna make it for the stage because it's
Speaker 2: so insane what happened. Because I did this corporate gig
Speaker 2: for this guy, and I thought it went really well.
Speaker 2: And then he told me a lot of aftermath the
Speaker 2: other night that I didn't know about, great like fallout
Speaker 2: from jokes I made roasting these company or not this company,
Speaker 2: but these Wharton School graduates.
Speaker 3: Oh and I did this.
Speaker 1: I did this like roast of them two years ago.
Speaker 2: And anyway, so they were he was there with his wife,
Speaker 2: and then there was another comedian there, Bobby J.
Speaker 1: Cox, who's been on the show before.
Speaker 2: There was just like it was a ton of people
Speaker 2: in the green room, and then I didn't know I
Speaker 2: had a meet and greet, so all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: I was like plucked out, and I was kind of
Speaker 2: like managing the groups and like figuring out a way
Speaker 2: for everyone to talk to each other and get along.
Speaker 2: And then as I'm I'm like have to go to
Speaker 2: this meet and greet, I'm like, okay, uh, you and
Speaker 2: you talk. You both like she's a swiftie, they're swifties,
Speaker 2: talk about Taylor, this person, you guys a heat like.
Speaker 2: I just quickly had to like make sure everyone was
Speaker 2: grouped up right, and then I was like peace. And
Speaker 2: then I came back and everyone was friends and hanging
Speaker 2: out and having a good time.
Speaker 1: And I felt like really good.
Speaker 2: About how I left it because people were like you
Speaker 2: could tell it was. It held things up for me
Speaker 2: to be like, Okay, first of all, before I leave,
Speaker 2: you guys need to talk because you both like this.
Speaker 2: But it really helped the situation, sure, to give everyone
Speaker 2: a little basis of where to go to.
Speaker 3: But well, that's a great thing to do when you're
Speaker 3: introducing someone at a party. Instead of going like, this
Speaker 3: is my friend Dan, you go this is my friend Dan,
Speaker 3: and then say something interesting about them that the other
Speaker 3: person has in common, and that's how.
Speaker 1: You introduce Yes, yes, it's just it.
Speaker 2: You guys both went to Thailand last month, and after
Speaker 2: my show where I've been like really revealing, everyone's kind
Speaker 2: of just feels a little bit more open to be themselves.
Speaker 2: I think there's just like an a vibe in the
Speaker 2: air of like we can all like be more open
Speaker 2: and honest, and so it's just a little bit easier
Speaker 2: to mingle and have fun.
Speaker 3: And that's also a Nicki Glazer specific thing too, like
Speaker 3: just in general, you're a very accepting person. So and
Speaker 3: you also I don't care about going deep about things,
Speaker 3: and so that gives people permission structure to then say
Speaker 3: things like that to you, which is not true of
Speaker 3: everybody by any means.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do think I am a very You can't
Speaker 2: really shock me. And I just know what people want.
Speaker 2: I feel like is what I'm trying. Like, I try
Speaker 2: to give people what I would want if I had
Speaker 2: that thing going on to tell. And so if it's
Speaker 2: like I just got a divorce, I go, congratulations, that's
Speaker 2: really hard. Wait, tell me how long did you know
Speaker 2: before you divorce? Like how long was it good? How
Speaker 2: long was it bad? I know, like the questions to
Speaker 2: ask that will make that person not feel weird about
Speaker 2: it and actually be like, oh, that's not a big deal.
Speaker 2: But also whoa cool? Like spinning everything to make it like.
Speaker 2: I had a woman today telling me about how.
Speaker 1: She has a.
Speaker 2: Young child and it's like really difficult because she just
Speaker 2: had a baby, but she has this toddler also who's
Speaker 2: like really not easy. And I said, oh, boy, do
Speaker 2: I know what that's like? And I bet, I said,
Speaker 2: and I bet you're comparing. I bet it's very easy
Speaker 2: for you to see toddlers on TikTok and Instagram reels
Speaker 2: where they're.
Speaker 1: Like, mommy, here's a fresh blueberry. I love you. Are
Speaker 1: you crying? Mommy? I never want you to be sad?
Speaker 1: And then the baby hugs them.
Speaker 2: And that's why all women have babies, because they see
Speaker 2: this one video of a girl being.
Speaker 1: Like I want to stop baby. She's like what did
Speaker 1: you say that? Baby?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: What did you say that baby? And then you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's so cute.
Speaker 2: I want a little girl that doesn't want to say strawberry.
Speaker 1: And then when I tell her a it's strawberry, she
Speaker 1: goes yeah, and then we all go, oh, let's have babies.
Speaker 2: But this girl was like, I'm in hell, and I
Speaker 2: was like, she didn't say I'm in hell, but I go,
Speaker 2: I know someone else who's in hell to and let
Speaker 2: me tell you, she's an amazing mom and this is
Speaker 2: what's going on. And so I was able to give
Speaker 2: her a story of someone I love in my life
Speaker 2: who's dealing with the same thing to make her feel
Speaker 2: better about her situation. And I was like, and I
Speaker 2: bet you see those kids being so sweet and you're like,
Speaker 2: why can't my kid be like that. I'm like, let
Speaker 2: me just tell you they're none of them are like that.
Speaker 1: That is, don't compare yourself to those kids. And she
Speaker 1: I felt, she felt seen.
Speaker 3: And I've never introduced them at a party. You can go, oh,
Speaker 3: you guys are both in hell because of your horrible children.
Speaker 1: And I would. I would, I totally would do that
Speaker 1: and go like, you both.
Speaker 2: Have three and a half year olds who seem to
Speaker 2: might be turning into Jeffrey Dahmer, like showing signs of
Speaker 2: psychopathy at a young age, and you're you did it
Speaker 2: not google it?
Speaker 1: Whit does it show up?
Speaker 2: Like if you're a mom out there who's dealing with
Speaker 2: a kid that you're like, I think my kid might
Speaker 2: be a sociopath or a psychopath.
Speaker 1: You're not alone.
Speaker 2: I think most mothers are thinking that about their little sons,
Speaker 2: because it's.
Speaker 3: Just like you, it's never daughters. I mean, it's the
Speaker 3: sun's in the world. That's the problem.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just it's it's tough out there. It's
Speaker 2: tough out there, but I just I mean even today,
Speaker 2: I was pulling into my facial and it's a road
Speaker 2: and a woman, a car is stopped in front of me,
Speaker 2: and she is parallel to the parking space.
Speaker 1: I want to park next to right, Okay, do you
Speaker 1: picture what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: So she's right next to there's an empty spot, and
Speaker 2: her car is parallel to it, right next to it,
Speaker 2: so she's blocking it and I want that spot.
Speaker 3: Well, she's perpendicular, no parallel.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, so let's say the parking spot, I
Speaker 2: would just spot she's blocking the spot, but it's not
Speaker 2: for endicular, Like the spot is the same direction as
Speaker 2: her car is going, so it's like along the side
Speaker 2: of the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's just waiting, like.
Speaker 2: She's not parts, she's just like idling because there's a
Speaker 2: woman who's talking who's standing in the lane. Like if
Speaker 2: I were to go around this person, the woman talking
Speaker 2: to her on her driver's seat is standing in the
Speaker 2: middle of the road talking to her. So I wait
Speaker 2: because I'm just like they'll finish up their conversation. I
Speaker 2: know how this goes. And they see someone waiting behind them,
Speaker 2: and I wait probably fifteen seconds, which I think is
Speaker 2: enough to like even show a sign of like okay, honey, good,
Speaker 2: Like I just see a tap on the thing or
Speaker 2: just some kind of action that would body language that
Speaker 2: would describe these people are wrapping it up.
Speaker 1: There's nothing going on. So I lightly hunk. I'm not
Speaker 1: even kidding you, like the like let me do it.
Speaker 1: This is a.
Speaker 2: Perfect depression like that, like you know when you just
Speaker 2: like like you pat it like the time, like barely
Speaker 2: even makes a noise.
Speaker 1: And she goes drive around.
Speaker 2: She goes, ah, drive around, and I go, what I go,
Speaker 2: I want to park there, and she looks and she's
Speaker 2: like and then I so I pull around, which I
Speaker 2: have to go very around because she's blocking the street,
Speaker 2: and I go, I roll down my window and I
Speaker 2: get right up with next door because this is the
Speaker 2: I'm living in now, and this is the person I
Speaker 2: am now. Confrontational Nikki, and I said, you don't need
Speaker 2: to be nasty about it. I just want I was
Speaker 2: just wanting to park right there. You're being nasty, and
Speaker 2: I said, and you're blocking the road.
Speaker 1: You told me to drive past.
Speaker 2: I go, I said, you just don't need to be nasty,
Speaker 2: and then I drove away because I was scared. But
Speaker 2: then I parked, and then I have to walk past
Speaker 2: this woman, all right, and I can't wait to do it.
Speaker 2: This is the difference between me and old Nikki and
Speaker 2: new NICKI is I would have waited in my car
Speaker 2: for that woman to finish up her conversation because I
Speaker 2: can't walk past it. I couldn't fucking wait because I
Speaker 2: was gonna go up to it and go, I don't
Speaker 2: understand why you got mad at me, honking when I
Speaker 2: waited for.
Speaker 1: Your conversation to be over.
Speaker 2: Who do you think you are that you get to
Speaker 2: just have whatever conversation you want in the middle of
Speaker 2: the street, And I'm the one that's being an asshole.
Speaker 1: Who do you think you are? I was just gonna
Speaker 1: be like.
Speaker 2: And I was really nice about it when I go,
Speaker 2: you don't need to be nasty. I was just trying
Speaker 2: to park there.
Speaker 1: That was my tone. I remember it wo.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to be I wasn't like, you don't
Speaker 2: need to be nasty. I go, you don't need to
Speaker 2: be nasty. I just wanted to park there. And so
Speaker 2: I was already like felt like I didn't feel like
Speaker 2: I had lost my cool at all.
Speaker 1: I've been actually pretty nice about it. Yeah, so that
Speaker 1: but oh it was.
Speaker 2: I wasn't starting to shake yet, but I was about
Speaker 2: to go into a massage or like to a facial
Speaker 2: so I was like, do I want to like elevate this?
Speaker 1: And the answer is absolutely yes. Like I was so excited.
Speaker 2: So then I start recording on my phone because I
Speaker 2: wanted to send it to girl chat, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: So I just had a kind of altercation with this
Speaker 2: woman as I drove past, and now I'm about to
Speaker 2: walk past her and I can't wait for it to
Speaker 2: begin again. And so then I look up the place
Speaker 2: I'm going and it's the fucking other way.
Speaker 1: I don't get to walk past.
Speaker 2: So I walk past to do it, and then I
Speaker 2: was kind of going the wrong way. Then I had
Speaker 2: to turn around and go past her again, and I
Speaker 2: could tell she was nervous, and I turned around and
Speaker 2: took a fucking picture of her because that's what I
Speaker 2: do now, and I wanted her so bad to see
Speaker 2: me taking a picture so I could.
Speaker 1: Go, oh, what what?
Speaker 2: And then I was gonna say something shitty about how
Speaker 2: I know who she voted for, and then and she
Speaker 2: doesn't even know how to read that. I could be
Speaker 2: a trumpy like it doesn't even like who knows. I
Speaker 2: was just gonna say, based on what just happened, I
Speaker 2: think I know whose side you're on. And then I
Speaker 2: was gonna fucking walk away. And but I didn't do
Speaker 2: any of that. It was just all in my head.
Speaker 2: And then I went in sub sash and I or
Speaker 2: into the facial and I was like so relaxed because
Speaker 2: I didn't do that. So I'm glad I didn't. But
Speaker 2: it would have been a good story because but this
Speaker 2: woman looked a little trashy, like she would have thrown.
Speaker 3: Down and that is irreversible.
Speaker 2: Oh fucking key, my car, I don't give a fuck
Speaker 2: about objects. I don't care about stuff. I don't care
Speaker 2: about things. Attack my car show me what a weak
Speaker 2: piece of shit you are. Like if someone were to
Speaker 2: key my car, I would I would actually think it's
Speaker 2: hilarious because it just shows how pathetic you are. Like
Speaker 2: I think it's so interesting to me when yeah, when
Speaker 2: people behave unstably, something clicks in me where I win
Speaker 2: so hard, Like if I get you to do something crazy,
Speaker 2: I feel such calm and peace, and it's it's one
Speaker 2: of the greatest feelings I've ever felt in my life.
Speaker 2: When I see someone I'm kind of scared of be
Speaker 2: irrational and mean or oh my god, ah oh, I'll
Speaker 2: tell you what I get my from break.
Speaker 1: Okay this weekend. I do you.
Speaker 2: Ever Have you ever caught someone in a lie, like
Speaker 2: you know they lied, and they don't know that you
Speaker 2: know that they're lying. It's one of my favorite things
Speaker 2: that's ever happened, where you witness something and then the
Speaker 2: person lies about it and you and I don't even
Speaker 2: need to tell them that I know that they lied,
Speaker 2: but I know now. In this person I'm talking about,
Speaker 2: I've caught twice in bold face lies and I use
Speaker 2: this used to be someone I had like reverence for
Speaker 2: reverence reference. Yeah I was reverend. Yeah, yeah, it was
Speaker 2: reverence for and I. And I used to be kind
Speaker 2: of like scared of them, want them to like me.
Speaker 2: They're in a position of power. But I caught them
Speaker 2: two times lying about stuff that is so lame to
Speaker 2: make themselves look cool. Wow that I was just so
Speaker 2: fucking excited because I felt like I grew two inches,
Speaker 2: Like there's just something in it that I go, oh
Speaker 2: my god, it was all an illusion all along, that
Speaker 2: I ever put this person on a pestl or ever
Speaker 2: like cowtow to them in any way because they are
Speaker 2: such a loser, not the veguus kind, like a figurative loser,
Speaker 2: like or a yeah, a figurative loser. They they they
Speaker 2: had to like you lied, like you're so lame if
Speaker 2: you lie, Like I love catching people lying because I
Speaker 2: just think it's or keying a car or doing something
Speaker 2: that just like makes them loser.
Speaker 1: Cool like you you lose.
Speaker 2: When you lose, you're cool, You absolutely doe.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No one's been impressed by someone who like starts screaming
Speaker 2: or is the first to like say the weird wild thing.
Speaker 1: And I've been that person before.
Speaker 2: I mean, I was almost at the Taylor Swift concert
Speaker 2: and confronting that lady and stuff like. But it's a
Speaker 2: nice reminder that as soon as someone I find someone
Speaker 2: has lied or has manipulated something or done something to
Speaker 2: look cool, I just am like I there's no amount
Speaker 2: of them like they could be the most important person
Speaker 2: in the world to me. They're off their pedestal. They
Speaker 2: can still be a genius, but they like they I'm
Speaker 2: really grateful I had this response to it, but it
Speaker 2: just it makes me not scared of them at all anymore.
Speaker 1: There used to be someone hair fight.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm trying to say it without like saying it.
Speaker 2: It was someone, Okay, it was someone who I witnessed
Speaker 2: have a lot of help from people to do something.
Speaker 2: This person didn't know that I had witnessed this help
Speaker 2: being given, okay, because I was on the other side
Speaker 2: of the camera, but I witnessed they didn't know I
Speaker 2: was in the room while they were getting assistance for something.
Speaker 2: And then I because I had also gotten the same
Speaker 2: assistance and was so happy with this assistance I got
Speaker 2: from those same things. I'm not even talking about people.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna keep this as vague as possible.
Speaker 3: Debate.
Speaker 2: I talked to this person afterwards without any I was
Speaker 2: not trying to debate this person into lying.
Speaker 1: I literally wanted to be like it would it's It's as.
Speaker 2: If I was to say, oh my god, oh it's
Speaker 2: like it's it's okay, this is exactly what happened, but
Speaker 2: I'm not giving details. Okay, Let's say that I've witnessed someone.
Speaker 2: Let's say I witnessed someone buying a pie from a bakery.
Speaker 2: I I'm in my car, and I see them inside
Speaker 2: the bakery picking out the pie, paying for it, and
Speaker 2: walking out with it.
Speaker 1: Okay, And then I get to.
Speaker 2: I see them and they have the pie with them,
Speaker 2: and I go, oh my god, are you excited about
Speaker 2: that pie? And they said, yes, I made it right.
Speaker 2: That yeah is the lie that I witnessed. And guess what,
Speaker 2: I didn't even need to I wasn't even trying. All
Speaker 2: I was trying to do was eventually be like, how
Speaker 2: great is this bakery? How great are we that we
Speaker 2: get pies from this bakery?
Speaker 1: But instead I.
Speaker 2: Couldn't go anywhere with it because I was like, what
Speaker 2: I saw you in the bakery.
Speaker 1: What are you telling me what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: And it was so unnecessary and it was just a
Speaker 2: beautiful moment that I got to be like, oh, all
Speaker 2: of this is bullshit, Like I can't trust anyone anymore
Speaker 2: for taking credit for anything they do.
Speaker 1: Like it was just it was it was that kind
Speaker 1: of lie.
Speaker 2: But it was so fun to watch because it was
Speaker 2: like I instantly went from being like, Oh, I really
Speaker 2: want this person to like me to be like, I
Speaker 2: don't give a fuck what this person thinks about me
Speaker 2: because they're a liar. And I don't respect liars, especially
Speaker 2: liars that are lying so that I think they're cool
Speaker 2: that they baked a cake.
Speaker 1: This is Instagram Poe.
Speaker 2: This is people who edit their photos and put festers
Speaker 2: and stuff on Instagram. Oh when I see editing, I
Speaker 2: lose respect for you, girls. I'm sorry. Like when I
Speaker 2: see girls make their waist look tinier or put like
Speaker 2: filters on their face that are obvious, I get where
Speaker 2: it comes from much more so than I do the
Speaker 2: pie thing, but I just go, oh, my god, she's
Speaker 2: she doesn't like herself, like and she's she's like this.
Speaker 2: This is also happy couples on Instagram, Like when you're
Speaker 2: constantly posting stuff about your relationship that well, let me
Speaker 2: just make a little distinction, because I do feel like
Speaker 2: you can.
Speaker 1: I guess this person. Maybe this person.
Speaker 2: Added chocolate chips on top of the pie, and I
Speaker 2: guess they can say I made it.
Speaker 3: Sounds disgusting chocolate chips on top.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't bake and I don't eat pie. And I
Speaker 2: just think I would like that. I think because it's
Speaker 2: just a who doesn't like to add chocolate to literally anything.
Speaker 3: So maybe different kind of British BASI.
Speaker 2: Final thought, I just think that Instagram, we turn it
Speaker 2: up right like it's it's lies, but it's like you
Speaker 2: can find some truth and just like turn it up. Okay,
Speaker 2: I have a tiny waist, I'm gonna make it tinier.
Speaker 2: I have clear skin. I'm gonna make it clear. I
Speaker 2: I look tan in this picture, but let me take
Speaker 2: the saturation up so I look even oranger like, Okay,
Speaker 2: there's a hint of truth. But when you are blatantly
Speaker 2: lying and also like not giving credit when credit is
Speaker 2: due in your lying, that's gross to me. And and
Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to tell the bakery and I did.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to this and you know who
Speaker 1: you are. They know you lied about it too, and
Speaker 1: we all.
Speaker 3: Know I'm not selling any more pies to that person.
Speaker 2: I understand if you have an agreement with the bakery
Speaker 2: where you pay them to be like, hey, I'm going
Speaker 2: to say I baked this, and you know that I'm
Speaker 2: going to pay you extra to be able to say
Speaker 2: that I bake this because it's embarrassing. Like, I get it.
Speaker 2: That is that is a thing that people do do
Speaker 2: I I've paid people to bake pies for me before.
Speaker 2: But I I maybe the general public doesn't know I
Speaker 2: bake this pies, but I will never say I bake
Speaker 2: them myself if asked. But I don't not say it right,
Speaker 2: but if someone asks, I'll tell the truth.
Speaker 1: That's the difference.
Speaker 2: I asked, I didn't ask, but I didn't certainly didn't
Speaker 2: say didn't like it was just well And also it
Speaker 2: shows it's so fun to witness. I was like, this
Speaker 2: is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, is
Speaker 2: that I witnessed you at the bakery last night and
Speaker 2: now you're telling me you baked it.
Speaker 1: It was so fun.
Speaker 3: Motivation for the lie is to make you think that
Speaker 3: they're better at baking pies, and that's just that makes
Speaker 3: it even worse because it's like you're risking getting called
Speaker 3: out in a lie so that I think slightly higher
Speaker 3: of you.
Speaker 2: Yes, oh, you're right, Like it shows like they need
Speaker 2: to like demonstrate some sort of value to me. I
Speaker 2: don't even think of that part of it now. I
Speaker 2: feel cooler. It just was so sad to me because
Speaker 2: I know that when I have in the past, and
Speaker 2: I am not immune to doing these things. Myself, like
Speaker 2: the best version of myself would never do anything like this,
Speaker 2: but I'm sure that I could probably conjure some kind
Speaker 2: of example where I took credit where credit was due
Speaker 2: to someone else.
Speaker 1: I try not to ever do that.
Speaker 2: I would I really don't think I have recently, but
Speaker 2: when I do in my life, when I have lied,
Speaker 2: I I feel fucking horrible for like, oh it really
Speaker 2: hurts me. Do you think these liars like feel it?
Speaker 2: And do you think that person went to bed feeling
Speaker 2: like I baked the cake or.
Speaker 1: Do that or whatever the pie?
Speaker 3: Yes? Yes, absolutely?
Speaker 1: Do I think they hate themselves at the end.
Speaker 3: Of no, yeah, yes they do, but because of the lie.
Speaker 2: From and I don't think they can ever really admit
Speaker 2: to themselves that they hate themselves?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: I just feel like dirty when I lie, and especially
Speaker 2: like I used to. This is incendiary, but I will
Speaker 2: say it I and I probably said it on the
Speaker 2: podcast before because I'm not really ashamed to admit it.
Speaker 1: I used to have.
Speaker 2: I had relations in the past when I was very
Speaker 2: young with men who were in relationships at the time
Speaker 2: when we had a thing. Okay, I'm not proud of it,
Speaker 2: just the thing I went through. It was a phase
Speaker 2: in my twenties, not who I am anymore. And those
Speaker 2: men I never thought like I always assumed like they
Speaker 2: they're we're gonna break up eventually, Like this is they're
Speaker 2: doing this to act out to get out of this relationship.
Speaker 2: And some of those men fucking married those people that
Speaker 2: they cheated on, yeh. And I just can't imagine going
Speaker 2: the rest of your life knowing that you have this
Speaker 2: like secret lie that would if your partner found out,
Speaker 2: would ruin everything. I think that would be really hard.
Speaker 2: And I think it would give you cancer. So if
Speaker 2: your husband gets cancer out of nowhere he cheated on you,
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. Oh my god, that's the worst thing
Speaker 2: I've ever said.
Speaker 1: I'm totally kidding, but uh no, I I just can't.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that I'm not someone who's prone to
Speaker 2: being a bad person, because I think I would the
Speaker 2: lying would like really hurt me and destroy me.
Speaker 3: From the poison you on the inside. Yeah, but no,
Speaker 3: the people that lie, like the pie guy, they do not.
Speaker 3: The lies are all that's keeping them together because there
Speaker 3: is nothing in there to poison. They're just a blanket
Speaker 3: of lies with a face mask on that's walking around
Speaker 3: pretending to be a real person when in fact they
Speaker 3: are nothing. So can not feel bad, No, they can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it was just it was the best thing
Speaker 2: of my weekend, and I just couldn't wait to tell everyone,
Speaker 2: which is caddy of me, because gossip is like is
Speaker 2: poison in and of itself. Like that's another thing that
Speaker 2: I would I can't wait till five years from now
Speaker 2: to be like if I was somee new gossip, I
Speaker 2: would hate myself and it would poison me. That's not
Speaker 2: where I'm at today. I told everyone that wanted to
Speaker 2: listen who about this, including on my podcast. If you
Speaker 2: trace the analogy, I think you could probably figure out
Speaker 2: in my world what this all meant, but I would
Speaker 2: never ever, don't even write me in DMS about who
Speaker 2: it could be. I'll literally never tell because I do
Speaker 2: still kind of fear this person, but I on a
Speaker 2: cellular level, I.
Speaker 1: Don't respect them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's another person I used to really fear
Speaker 2: so much, the most intimidated I've ever felt in my
Speaker 2: life about someone, maybe someone that was like my parents,
Speaker 2: like really like we grew up like kind of worshiping
Speaker 2: in a way interesting. And then I got to meet
Speaker 2: her and she was shitty to me, real shitty, like
Speaker 2: blatantly shitty evidence in writing shitty. And I was so like,
Speaker 2: I couldn't have been more intimidated to meet this person.
Speaker 2: And then after they were shitty and kind of flew
Speaker 2: off the handle at me over nothing, I was like, bring,
Speaker 2: I could do anything with you now, I don't care.
Speaker 2: Let's let's go. I'm not scared to meet you. I'm
Speaker 2: not scared to do a like a shoot with you,
Speaker 2: Like let's hang out all the time. And it made
Speaker 2: it so easy to go do this thing that I
Speaker 2: was so nervous about.
Speaker 1: It just made me going into that day, I was
Speaker 1: just like, I don't even care anymore. Yes, she's she
Speaker 1: is not a good person.
Speaker 2: She's like she's it's not that she's not a good person,
Speaker 2: she just isn't well.
Speaker 1: And I don't need to be scared of someone who's unwell.
Speaker 1: I mean I can't be. And like, it's just I
Speaker 1: saw through it.
Speaker 2: There's like a weakness to it, and not that I'm
Speaker 2: like I'm going to use this to my advantage.
Speaker 1: I just didn't have to go in there being.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, I'm so happy to be here thinking for
Speaker 2: like nervous. It just was it changes everything. So I
Speaker 2: hope I can some listeners. If you see your shitty
Speaker 2: boss being shitty, know that they're shitty, and like, let
Speaker 2: that allow you to like relax a little bit and
Speaker 2: not fear them as much because they're you know, they're miserable,
Speaker 2: and almost have empathy for them.
Speaker 3: M hmm, yeah, I mean it's a good place to
Speaker 3: be no matter what, even if they're not miserable. You
Speaker 3: should never put someone on a pedestal for any reason,
Speaker 3: like you're You're just it's it doesn't benefit you to
Speaker 3: put them on unless they're the Queen of England and
Speaker 3: it's like there's like a requirement for you to bow
Speaker 3: or whatever, even that even then, like there's never a
Speaker 3: reason why you should bow to anybody. You should just
Speaker 3: talk to them like a person. And it benefits you
Speaker 3: to talk to people like you're a normal person. If
Speaker 3: there's nothing worse than someone coming up things smarter than me,
Speaker 3: well yeah, I mean why say that's something that?
Speaker 2: But but I've learned no now that if I do
Speaker 2: meet Sam Harris and he has to like talk to me,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my god, odd I, He's probably
Speaker 2: like she's so dumb. Like I'm thinking that he thinks
Speaker 2: that he's smart enough to know that he's smarter than
Speaker 2: most people, and he's not gonna let it ruin his
Speaker 2: day constantly, you know, like he he's constantly he's the
Speaker 2: smartest man I've ever heard. So like everyone he meets
Speaker 2: isn't as smart as him, So me is not gonna
Speaker 2: be any different.
Speaker 1: He's not gonna like.
Speaker 3: Be like a truly smart person would realize that they're
Speaker 3: that different. People have different values and fact people have
Speaker 3: super intelligence not care right, and you have to you
Speaker 3: have to be smart enough to see, well this person
Speaker 3: is pretty dumb, but they have these strengths. Yes, everyone's
Speaker 3: got some strength.
Speaker 2: That is that that is a good point, Like I
Speaker 2: I like being intimidated by smart people because when you
Speaker 2: think about it, you go, oh, if they're really smart,
Speaker 2: they're probably empathetic and understanding and realize that most people
Speaker 2: are dumb, and they don't.
Speaker 1: They're not like angry about.
Speaker 3: It or they're not empathetic at all. They just intellectualize
Speaker 3: the idea of empathy and then they yes.
Speaker 2: PreTect and then then you're also off the hook because
Speaker 2: they don't see it as like a moral failing. They're
Speaker 2: just like, this is science. She got less brain power
Speaker 2: than me. I'm not going to like judge it.
Speaker 3: But you can jump higher.
Speaker 2: But if you if you worship people who are like
Speaker 2: great athletes are things that aren't intelligence, they literally could
Speaker 2: look down upon you because you're less then but smart
Speaker 2: people can can let it go. I feel like it's
Speaker 2: it's it's a if that makes any sense, because I've
Speaker 2: just met my whole life being terrified of intelligent people,
Speaker 2: or at least my adult life, Like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I can't ever, I'm not gonna meet Sam Harris, like
Speaker 2: I don't want him to like waste his time talking
Speaker 2: to someone like me who doesn't have the same vocabulary,
Speaker 2: and it's like, no, he would be fine with it because.
Speaker 1: He is smart.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And also like even if you're smart, doesn't mean
Speaker 3: you know everything, and everybody has something to offer. You
Speaker 3: can learn something from anybody, even if they're dumbest person
Speaker 3: on the porte.
Speaker 1: You want to know the lore behind Tortured Poets Department.
Speaker 2: Because that's really all I've got for him that he
Speaker 2: doesn't already know what.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he has more to standard than me. All Right,
Speaker 1: we gotta go. Thank you so much for listening to
Speaker 1: the show.
Speaker 2: We're going to be back tomorrow, busties uh with more podcasts.
Speaker 2: We'll see you then, don't be good bye. The Nicki
Speaker 2: Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Speaker 2: Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer,
Speaker 2: co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell,
Speaker 2: Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited it engineered by Lean
Speaker 2: and Loaf, video production Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina.
Speaker 2: You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer
Speaker 2: Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer pod and subscribe
Speaker 2: to our channel