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Speaker 1: What's that time? Here? She is my free and Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Shirley Stibby, Shirley Strawberry was his strawberry left? Did you

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Speaker 1: say strawberry Shirley? Yeah, well you know who. It's just funny.

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Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, all right? Subject can

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Speaker 1: of cheater ever change? Here's Stephen Shirley. I've been in

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Speaker 1: a relationship for nineteen years, but we are not married.

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Speaker 1: I stayed in this relationship because I do really love

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Speaker 1: my guy and we have five kids together. Since day one.

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Speaker 1: He is cheated on me, and I was young, so

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Speaker 1: I let him get away with it and hopes that

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Speaker 1: he would get it out of his system. While things

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Speaker 1: got worse over the years, and now he has four

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Speaker 1: outside kids with four other women. His family knew about

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Speaker 1: the other children, but nobody ever told me about them

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Speaker 1: until recently. He swears he has stopped the cheating, but

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Speaker 1: he is still up to his childish games. And I

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Speaker 1: heard he to another woman to his mom's house around

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Speaker 1: his family over the holidays. When I asked him about it,

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Speaker 1: he told me that I don't have the right to

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Speaker 1: question him about what he does when he's not with me. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Then he blames his behavior on my wrong doings over

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Speaker 1: the years. He found out that in the past I

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Speaker 1: would talk to other guys on the phone whenever he

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Speaker 1: and I were going through a bad spell, but I

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Speaker 1: never cheated on him. He says that I'm not a cheater.

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Speaker 1: He knows that I'm not a cheater, but he likes

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Speaker 1: to throw that up in my face. I still want

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Speaker 1: to marry this man so our children can have both

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Speaker 1: of their parents in the home. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be with anyone else, and I have nothing left to

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Speaker 1: give anyone new. Whenever I mentioned leaving him, he acts

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Speaker 1: up and goes crazy, but he doesn't do anything to

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Speaker 1: show me that he cares. Steve, this man is thirty

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Speaker 1: seven years old now, so do you think he will

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Speaker 1: ever change and get it together. I am willing to

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Speaker 1: accept his other children and make it all work. Am

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Speaker 1: I being foolish? I need your honest advice. Wow? The

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Speaker 1: disrespect that is in this letter. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's just you know, a couple of ways to look

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Speaker 1: at this. One of the ways is the way you

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Speaker 1: want things to be, you know, the way you imagine

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Speaker 1: things to be. But this is not the relationship you're

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Speaker 1: in the relationship you're in is how things really are.

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Speaker 1: You've been with a man for nineteen years. You're not

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Speaker 1: married to this man. This man is cheated on you

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Speaker 1: for nineteen years. You have four outside children this man

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Speaker 1: does with four other women that you know about. And

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Speaker 1: then the disrespect. He's just disrespecting you. His family knew

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Speaker 1: about the other children. They disrespect you. He's taking the

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Speaker 1: children and other women around his family. That's more disrespect.

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Speaker 1: But you're still staying there nineteen years. You love this man.

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Speaker 1: You wanted to work out so your children can have

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Speaker 1: both the parents in the home. For what, he doesn't

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Speaker 1: respect you. He even told you you don't even have

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Speaker 1: a right to question him about what he does when

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Speaker 1: he's not with you. What you've been with this man

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Speaker 1: for nineteen years. Come on, come on, this is so

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Speaker 1: crazy to me. I mean, this man is thirty seven years.

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Speaker 1: Do you think he'll ever change? No, No, he's not

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Speaker 1: gonna change. Why should he? Well, what's the incentive to

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Speaker 1: change When he can do whatever he wants to do

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Speaker 1: with whom he wants to do it and still come

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Speaker 1: back to you and you'll take him back. You're willing

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Speaker 1: to accept his other children and make it all work.

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Speaker 1: What incentive does he have to change and be a

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Speaker 1: better man. You're certainly not giving it to him. I mean, really,

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Speaker 1: this is a case of low self esteem here and

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Speaker 1: all of that. I mean we talk about that a

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Speaker 1: lot on this show. You're allowing him to do it,

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Speaker 1: and you have for nineteen years, So why change now, Steve.

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Speaker 1: Great answer, Shirley, really really great answer. I feel the

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Speaker 1: same way. The problem system as that. Look, I've been

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Speaker 1: in a relationship for nineteen years, not married, so he's

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Speaker 1: never planned on committing to you. You stayed in the

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Speaker 1: relationship because you really do love this guy. We have

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Speaker 1: five kids together. Since day one. He's cheated on me

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Speaker 1: day one. He's cheated on you through the five kids. Now,

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Speaker 1: I let him get away with it in hopes that

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Speaker 1: he would get it out of his system. That ain't

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Speaker 1: high man, get it out of his system. He get

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Speaker 1: it out of his system. When you stop letting him

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Speaker 1: get away with it, it further ingrains in his system.

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Speaker 1: When you allow him to get away with it, you've

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Speaker 1: accepted bad behavior from him, and since he knows you's accepted,

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Speaker 1: he just continues to bad behavior. But you were young,

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Speaker 1: you didn't know how to do it, So I'm not

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Speaker 1: mad at I'm just telling you what happened. Well, things

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Speaker 1: got worse over the years. Of course they got worse

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Speaker 1: over the years because he's had no check and balance.

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Speaker 1: Ain't been no consequences or repercussions for none of his actions. Well,

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Speaker 1: you've got worse over the years. And now he has

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Speaker 1: four outside kids with four other women. Wait a minute, man, dude,

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Speaker 1: you haven't made nine babies. No, no, no, huh no,

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Speaker 1: four outside kids with four different women. Oh but you

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Speaker 1: mean with his other with his five children? He got

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Speaker 1: five with huh? He got four outside children with four

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Speaker 1: other women. You haven't made nine babies with five women.

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Speaker 1: Come on, dog, dog, what's what's wrong with you? What

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Speaker 1: is wrong with you? And you? And you thirty seven

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Speaker 1: years old and this day and age condom ain't never what? Man?

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Speaker 1: You're just an idiot. He's an idiot. Yeah. Now his

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Speaker 1: family knew about the other children, but nobody ever told

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Speaker 1: me about them until recently. Now he swears he stopped

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Speaker 1: the cheating. What after nine kids? I mean, how much child?

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Speaker 1: Suppoach what I'm at making? Though? He stopped the cheating,

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Speaker 1: but he's still up to his childish games. Wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: he swears he stopped the cheating, but he's still up

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Speaker 1: to his childish game. I already took another woman to

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Speaker 1: his mom's house around his family over the holidays. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is woman number five. She gonna have a baby too,

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Speaker 1: because that's what he do. He didn't have four other women,

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Speaker 1: and far four of them got kids. Man, it's something

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Speaker 1: wrong with this dude. I'm back. When I asked him

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Speaker 1: about it, he told me I don't have the right

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Speaker 1: to question him about what he does when he's not

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Speaker 1: with me. Well, no, you can't question him, because when

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Speaker 1: he ain't with you, he making babies. This lady'd been

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Speaker 1: with this man nineteen years. They never got married. He

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Speaker 1: hadn't stayed in the relationship because she really loved the man,

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Speaker 1: and they got five kids together. But since day one,

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Speaker 1: he didn't cheat it on them. You let him get

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Speaker 1: away with it and hopes he get it out of

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Speaker 1: his system. That ain't how we get it out of

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Speaker 1: our system. We get stuff out of our system a

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Speaker 1: lot quicker when there's consequences. Checks and balances, Well, things

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Speaker 1: got worse over the years. I knew it because he

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Speaker 1: ain't got no checks in. Now he's got four outside

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Speaker 1: kids with four other women. His family knew about everything.

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Speaker 1: Blah blah, blah blah. He swears he stopped his cheating,

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Speaker 1: but he's up to his childish games. I heard he

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Speaker 1: took another woman over to his mama's house around the

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Speaker 1: family and the holidays, And when I asked him bout

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Speaker 1: he told me you don't have the right to question

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Speaker 1: him when he would you do when he's not with you,

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Speaker 1: you can't. You ain't got to question him what he's doing.

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Speaker 1: You already know they're walking around, they need pampas, they

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Speaker 1: need to ride to school, they need lunch money. You

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Speaker 1: ain't got to question him about what he's doing. He

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Speaker 1: got proof of what he doing. Now he got a

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Speaker 1: fifth woman he didn't take over to the house. Told him,

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Speaker 1: you ain't got to write the question. Then he blames

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Speaker 1: with my behavior wrongdoings over the years, said, you talk

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Speaker 1: to other guys whenever you're always going through a bad spell,

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Speaker 1: but you never cheated on it. He knows I'm not

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Speaker 1: a cheater, but he likes to throw that up in

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Speaker 1: my face. Here is the kicker. I still want to

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Speaker 1: marry this man so our children can have both their

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Speaker 1: parents in the home. He's never home. And let me

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Speaker 1: ask you something, little girl, because I really feel badly

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Speaker 1: for you. What do you want to marry him for?

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Speaker 1: Listen to me, the whole eighteen years has been horrible

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Speaker 1: for you. Nineteen years, nine kids that you know about

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Speaker 1: five years, four other kids by four different women. But

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Speaker 1: you still want to marry him? Why so your children

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Speaker 1: can have both parents in the home. He not home

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Speaker 1: no how, And I don't want to be with anyone else.

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Speaker 1: I have nothing left to give anyone new. Whenever I

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Speaker 1: mentioned leaving him, he acts up and go crazy. Okay,

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Speaker 1: stop mentioning it. Yeah now, But he doesn't do anything

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Speaker 1: to show me that he cares. He doesn't. The reason

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Speaker 1: he doesn't show you that he cares is because he doesn't.

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Speaker 1: This is a self senate, ego, tistical bad person, Steve.

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Speaker 1: This man is thirty seven years old. Do you think

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Speaker 1: we will ever change and get it together? No? Why

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Speaker 1: should he listen to me? There's been no consequences. If

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Speaker 1: all these kids ain't got him to straighten up yet,

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Speaker 1: these nine babies that he really supposed to be paying for,

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Speaker 1: If that ain't got him to straighten up, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what you can do. I'm willing to accept his

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Speaker 1: other children and make it all work. Why you already

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Speaker 1: got five of your own? Wait a minute, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: accept his other children? What about the other mothers? It's

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Speaker 1: just for more people. They ain't just kids. These other

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Speaker 1: people got money. These kids ain't all sitting around at

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Speaker 1: the day, can't waiting on him and pick them up.

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Speaker 1: It's for other women you got to bring into your life.

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Speaker 1: And I'm willing to accept his other chiefs to make

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Speaker 1: it Am I being foolish? I think so? I don't

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Speaker 1: think he's going to change. I need your n he

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Speaker 1: when he told you he wasn't through cheating you. Right

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Speaker 1: after that, your next sentence was, but he's up to

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Speaker 1: his childish ways because he's a child. This man posedly

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Speaker 1: grown man. Keep acting like a child. You can be

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Speaker 1: a little boy and become a father. Being a father

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Speaker 1: don't make you a man. He's out there fathering children.

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Speaker 1: He ain't a daddy to know anybody can be a father.

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Speaker 1: It takes a real special man to be a daddy.

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Speaker 1: That's the answer. Can a cheatah ever change? Yes? This

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Speaker 1: one's not one of them, and she can't change him.

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Speaker 1: He enjoys cheating, he enjoys unprotected sex. He must kids.

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Speaker 1: He got nine of He thirty seven years old. He

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Speaker 1: got nine kids. Let me show you something. Y'all been

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Speaker 1: dating nineteen years? He thirty seven? How long? What was

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Speaker 1: he twenty two? Like like eighteen eighteen and nineteen Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're right shore So he was eighteen years old. This

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Speaker 1: boarding made a baby every other year. That's ridiculous of

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Speaker 1: his adult life. Every other's year he's produced to child.

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Speaker 1: So he's gotten a woman pregnant every year since and

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Speaker 1: every nine months coming around. This dude then produced a child. Wow,

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Speaker 1: but he takes him around his family. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know him. He probably got the stage any man,

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Speaker 1: they got her. He gotta have a winner bag stock,

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Speaker 1: you gotta have kitchen in there everything. Yeah, he ain't

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Speaker 1: got that little minute man, there ain't enough people there.

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Speaker 1: You got that. He didn't probably bought an old school

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Speaker 1: bus or something. You gotta have room. Guys. Look, lady,

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Speaker 1: your self esteem is is in the crapper, Like Shirley said,

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Speaker 1: You've got to pick yourself up somehow. You need some

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Speaker 1: prayer and some counseling, and you need to find yourself

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Speaker 1: and find the good in you, because there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of good in you, and you could be miserable by yourself,

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Speaker 1: you probably would be happier because you wouldn't have to

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Speaker 1: worry about him, worried about somebody said something one time.

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Speaker 1: Life is too short for me to be waiting on

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Speaker 1: you to act, right, Yeah, Yeah, that's too bad, man.

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Speaker 1: That's really she's sitting around waiting on him. Yeah, all right,

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Speaker 1: Please email us your intus, your hots on today's Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: It's Steve Harvey f M. You're listening to the Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.