1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: Coming up on You Need Therapy. Do you remember what 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: you felt before you went on your first date post divorce. 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,239 Speaker 2: Oh, I don't want to go do this, and I 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 2: was excited to see what it was like, but I 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 2: really thought about just like not going. I remember thinking, like, 6 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,600 Speaker 2: what am I doing? Am I really getting ready? 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,119 Speaker 1: I started to realize that not being an expert isn't 8 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: a liability, it's a real gift. 9 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 2: If we don't know something about ourselves at this point 10 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 2: in our life, it's probably because it's uncomfortable to know. 11 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: If you can die before you die, then you can 12 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: really live. There's a wisdom at death's door. 13 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 2: I thought I was insane. Yeah, and I didn't know 14 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 2: what to do because there was no internet. I don't know, man, 15 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, I feel like everything is hard. 16 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first 17 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting 18 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: you into conversations that I hope encourage you to become 19 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the 20 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 1: world around you. Welcome to You Need Therapy. Hi guys, 21 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: and welcome to a new episode of You Need Therapy Podcast. 22 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 1: My name is kat I am the host, and before 23 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: we get into today's episode, quick reminder that this podcast 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: does not serve as a replacement or a substitute for 25 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: any actual mental health services. However, we always hope that 26 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: it can help you in some way. And today we 27 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,919 Speaker 1: have a special guest. Her name is Amy. 28 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 2: Hi. 29 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: Most of you know her. She's the co host of 30 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: The Bobby Bones Show and she hosts her own podcast, 31 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: Four Things. And I'm very thankful for Amy doing this 32 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: because it's a vulnerable thing to do. Well. 33 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 2: I haven't talked about it too too too much, but yeah, 34 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 2: thank you for having me. 35 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: We're going to be talking about her journey moving from 36 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: married to getting divorced and now starting to date again. 37 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 2: We'll go back to when I last dated, which I 38 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 2: was twenty four, twenty five five years old. 39 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: Can I say what decade you're in now? 40 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 2: Oh I'm forty three, forty three and a half. 41 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: Okay, so yeah, so it's been some time. 42 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 2: Twenty years and I was married almost seventeen years. 43 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 1: So for the people that are new or don't know 44 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: some of your story, can you talk about how you 45 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: met your ex husband, like kind of give us the 46 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: laydown of what brought you to this place. 47 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 2: He's someone that I met early on in my life. 48 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 2: We met when I was nine years old, and he 49 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 2: was actually friends with my sister. My sister is a 50 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,919 Speaker 2: few years older than me, so they were in youth 51 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,520 Speaker 2: group together. Our families went to church together, and he 52 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 2: actually had a crush on my sister at some point 53 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 2: and flipped a coin for her, which this is weird. 54 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 2: He lost the coin toss to the other guy in 55 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: our youth group, and my sister ended up marrying him, 56 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: and they're still married and they have four kids. 57 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: So like, if he would have won the coin toss, 58 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: maybe you could be married to your sister's husband. 59 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 2: Maybe I don't really know what would happened. But that's 60 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 2: just how far we go back, and how intertwined our 61 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: families are and how close everyone was. I think he 62 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 2: left at eighteen to go to the Air Force Academy 63 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 2: and then joined the Air Force after graduation. I mean 64 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 2: he went to pilot training, and during pilot training, nine 65 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 2: to eleven happened, So his entire career in the Air 66 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 2: Force was at war, and he was gone a lot. 67 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: Like our families were friends, and of course I knew 68 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 2: of him and my sister was married to his best friend. 69 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 1: But you weren't really good friends. 70 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 2: Correct. So then when I graduated college and was single 71 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 2: and was starting my career, I was in sales at 72 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 2: the time. Actually about I worked for a wholesale company, 73 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 2: so I rarely met the end user s I was 74 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 2: working in what would eventually be a countertop What was 75 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: your major business development? But in the AG school, I 76 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 2: didn't really know what I wanted to do. That's a 77 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 2: whole nother podcast. 78 00:03:59,440 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: Okay. 79 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 2: So I was in sales about to transition into my 80 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 2: radio job. I found emails that I had sent been 81 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 2: my ex right around that time of like, hey, I 82 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 2: think I'm gonna maybe join this radio show, Like what 83 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 2: are your thoughts on that? And he was a very 84 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 2: private person, and so I think he thought, Okay, that 85 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,040 Speaker 2: might be fun for a little bit, but don't talk 86 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,799 Speaker 2: about me. So when I started dating him, I started 87 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:25,279 Speaker 2: that relationship right around the time that I started the 88 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 2: Bobby Bone Show. So he was known as Air Force Guy. 89 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 2: I didn't say much about him or his name, but 90 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 2: that was in June because we had How old were 91 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 2: you a mutual family friend getting married? I had just 92 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 2: turned twenty five, Okay, like a few months earlier. 93 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: We're texting. Why are you emailing him because he's in 94 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 1: the Air Force or yeah, because there's no texting? 95 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 2: Good question, Like I found these letters in a box. 96 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,719 Speaker 2: Valid I found emails because well, first of all, I 97 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 2: don't even know how to find texts from then there're gone, Yeah, 98 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 2: they're gone. But I did find some email communication, which 99 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 2: you're correct, that's the only form of communication that he had. 100 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 2: So we're at a wedding and he was living overseas. 101 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 2: Actually he came in because he was a groomsman, and 102 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 2: so at the wedding, a lot of people in our 103 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 2: family like their goal was, let's set up Amy and Ben, 104 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 2: and I was curious. So I thought it would be fun. 105 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 2: And my sister was all about it. She's like, how 106 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 2: cool is this? Like we'd be married to best friends 107 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 2: and this would be so awesome. There was somebody else 108 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 2: at the wedding that another person was like, hey, I 109 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 2: want to set you up another guy with Ben. No, no, no, 110 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 2: no girl competition Ben, there's competition, And I'm like the game, 111 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 2: Oh well, this just got a little more exciting. Not 112 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 2: that now I like him, right, but like I want 113 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: to be chosen which that might be a thing for 114 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 2: me to unpack. Yeah, my therapist right now is working 115 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 2: with me on not everything has to have a reason. 116 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 2: But I do think there is something behind that. I 117 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,159 Speaker 2: suddenly wanted to be chosen and. 118 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: He chose me so long short, I want. 119 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 2: I don't even know that the other girl was even competition, 120 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 2: because I think she was a lot younger, and I 121 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 2: think he would even say like, I don't know that 122 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 2: I want to date somebody like still in college or something. 123 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 2: And we swapped numbers or even email addresses. My sister 124 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 2: even at the hotel he carried around in his wallet 125 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 2: actually for most all of our marriage, but she wrote 126 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 2: all my stats down on a piece of hotel stationary. 127 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 2: When you say stats, like she put like brown hair, 128 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: five six hazel eyes. Cool sister, Oh that sort of thing. 129 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 2: And then I carried that around my phone number and 130 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 2: he kept it in his wallet. That's sweet, but that's 131 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 2: how it felt like. There was pressure from others to 132 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 2: be like this would be so cool. So I think 133 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 2: we both agreed this would be really cool. So we 134 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 2: start dating, and again, we have a lot of family history, 135 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 2: but we were not able to be together a lot 136 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 2: because he goes back, I'm the military, right, So he 137 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 2: goes back to England. Well then he had some pilot 138 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 2: training thing in Albuquerque, so he's what you would call 139 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 2: state side for a while. And I remember on the show. 140 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 2: I come back and I tell Lunchbox and Bobby, I'm like, 141 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 2: I met this guy at the wedding. We're start dating 142 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 2: Air Force guy. He's going to be in Albuquerque for 143 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 2: several weeks, so he's invited me to Albuquerque. So I 144 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 2: flew there to see Air Force guy, and of course 145 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: they were like, what this is crazy. I'm like, but 146 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 2: y'all don't understand. I've know him since I was a child. 147 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 2: But they liked the narrative that I just met this 148 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 2: guy at a wedding and now I'm going to Albuquerque. 149 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: So then we end up getting engaged in October. So 150 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 2: the wedding is in June, we get engaged in and 151 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 2: we get married in December. 152 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: I don't know if you can remember this, but in 153 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: that time in your life, are you like, oh my gosh, 154 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: this is so crazy and wild in a whirlwind of 155 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: romance or are you feeling this is rushed? Are you present? 156 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: Like what was it like for you? 157 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 2: I don't think I was really making choices for myself. 158 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 2: And I say that twofold. I was making it out 159 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 2: of the excitement of others, but also myself. I liked 160 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 2: that idea. So that's one fold. The second fold would 161 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 2: be I was making it for the part of me 162 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 2: that just desperately wanted to get married or thought that 163 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 2: was my next cueve, and I was behind and well, 164 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 2: that wasn't really for myself. It was for a part 165 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 2: of me, yeah, but it wasn't me tapping into what 166 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 2: I really wanted. And I do think that Ben was 167 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 2: a good partner for me, and I genuinely liked him, 168 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 2: loved him, wanted to marry him. But I think if 169 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 2: we were patient and had taken some time, you know, 170 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 2: we probably would have learned things about each other that 171 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 2: we could at least have worked through before before you 172 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 2: enter into a marriage. That then has the complexity of deployments, 173 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 2: and that's a whole emotional roller coaster of you're going 174 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 2: off to war. Okay, you're back for two months. Now, 175 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 2: you leave for two months, you're back for two months, 176 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 2: you leave, So there's this emotional roller coaster that's happening, 177 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 2: and there's a honeymoon phase two. So our honeymoon phase 178 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 2: lasted a lot longer because every time he would return, 179 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 2: it would be amazing, but then he would have to 180 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 2: go again, and then you get that feeling again when 181 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 2: they return and then they go. So us getting to 182 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 2: know each other took a long time. A long time. 183 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,959 Speaker 2: I don't know that I would say we really started 184 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 2: to get to know each other from seven years. 185 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 1: What's the longest amount of time you spent with him 186 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: without interruption before you guys got married? 187 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 2: Oh gosh, not that much time? 188 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: Like a weekend. 189 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe when I went to Alpher quirky. Yeah, but 190 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 2: everybody which that already loved the idea, yea together. 191 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: But I also will say my mom and dad they 192 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,320 Speaker 1: were long distance and they I might have this a 193 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: little bit wrong, but I do know they dated for 194 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: I think a year before they got engaged, and the 195 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: longest amount of time they've spent with each other without 196 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: interruption in that year was a week. I think they went, 197 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 1: like to the beach or something. So I don't necessarily 198 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,560 Speaker 1: think that has to mean that there's something wrong that 199 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: can be fine. It doesn't necessarily mean you rush into something. 200 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 1: I think maybe it was could have been different in 201 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: years past that relationships have like they've evolved, how we date, 202 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,199 Speaker 1: how we find partners. 203 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 2: I think for everybody, timeline is so different. 204 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. 205 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 2: You meet couples that dated for six weeks and got 206 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 2: married and they're still married thirty years later. 207 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 1: Yeah. 208 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 2: You meet couples that got married after six weeks of 209 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: knowing each other and they're divorced a week later. I 210 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 2: don't know, there's like a magic like you're supposed to 211 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 2: date this long. I think that we had a lot 212 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 2: of outside influence that we respected and that was honestly 213 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 2: exciting for us, and I think that we were meant 214 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 2: to be together. I'm sad that it didn't work out. 215 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 2: I do wish that I would have given us more time, though, 216 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: or we both would have. 217 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 1: How would you describe the version of you that was 218 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 1: in that marriage? 219 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 2: Oh not someone that was ready to get married at all. 220 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 2: I thought I was, but I didn't know myself. I 221 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 2: wasn't very healthy. 222 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: I what does that mean for you? What does it 223 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 1: mean to not know yourself or not be healthy? 224 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 2: Well, I didn't know how to listen to myself, so 225 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 2: I didn't know really what I wanted. 226 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 1: You wanted, what other people wanted for you, yes. 227 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 2: Or what I thought I wanted, but I never took 228 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 2: time to learn what that was. I didn't know how 229 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 2: to listen to my gut. I then turned to more 230 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: controlling type things, like even with myself but also with him, 231 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 2: of you know, what I thought we should be like, 232 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 2: and that was a coping mechanism. 233 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: Like what you guys looked like, or like how you 234 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: guys showed up together. 235 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 2: Well, a lot of it was my food issues, so 236 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 2: I carried that for myself but transferred it to him too, 237 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 2: like your. 238 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: Rules were rules? 239 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 2: Exactly? 240 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,559 Speaker 1: What was that like? Oh? 241 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: Probably exhausting for him. For him and for me, I 242 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 2: just thought, well, this is how we're gonna eat, So 243 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 2: I was controlling in that way, or this is what 244 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: we're gonna drink. 245 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: But I think these are the lifestyles we're gonna live. 246 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:38,719 Speaker 2: I think there were other things at play that are 247 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 2: personal to our relationship that I don't know when I'll 248 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 2: talk about, but I think things felt out of control 249 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 2: for a lot of reasons, and that was one thing 250 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 2: I could control. 251 00:12:50,440 --> 00:13:00,719 Speaker 1: Okay, so it was helpful in a sense. Yeah, I'm 252 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: going to fast forward. How did you know that it 253 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 1: was what you needed to get a divorce. Well, you 254 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: said you didn't know yourself, you couldn't trust your gut. Yeah. 255 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,320 Speaker 2: I think there are some things that forced us into 256 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 2: a lot of therapy and inner pealing. And I know 257 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 2: that it was said to me that I was a 258 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 2: sweet little martyr. And I won't ever forget that statement 259 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 2: because I said that to you a therapist of sorts 260 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 2: that was in our life during a really difficult season. 261 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,320 Speaker 2: I remember even where I was. I was walking in 262 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,719 Speaker 2: my backyard on the phone with her talking and I 263 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,680 Speaker 2: was like, well, I don't really know what I'm supposed 264 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 2: to do, but I can see myself just staying in 265 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 2: this forever. And she said, you sweet little martyr, and 266 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 2: I thought, oh gosh, that's exactly what I would be doing. 267 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 2: Not staying in it for yourself, right, staying in it 268 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 2: for others. And we had adopted kids, and I thought, 269 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 2: how can we bring these adopted children into our life 270 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 2: lives and then throw this into the mix. Now I 271 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 2: had encountered several other adoptive families that had been in 272 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 2: similar situations and had gotten divorced, and they seemed to 273 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 2: be functioning just fine. But for whatever reason, I didn't 274 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 2: think that was possible for me, and we did about 275 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 2: a year's worth of couples counseling after that moment, and 276 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 2: the ultimate conclusion even after that, was like, I'm not 277 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 2: going to be a martyr here, and I need to 278 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 2: speak up because it's not fair to him either. It's 279 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 2: not fair to either one of us or the kids 280 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 2: for someone to just lay down something that may be 281 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 2: better for them in order to keep everything intact. And 282 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 2: for what, Because I have this fear of letting other 283 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 2: people down and getting a divorce and hurting other people 284 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 2: when everyone's been very supportive. 285 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: You're kind of smiling when you say that, when you say, like, 286 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: sweet little martyr. 287 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 2: I guess I'm wondering why. But I think because it's 288 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 2: just such a comment, I won't ever forget. 289 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: It was important. 290 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: It was important, and she was someone that was no bs. 291 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: She didn't say something she didn't mean, and she was 292 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 2: very direct and she didn't care how it made you feel. 293 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 2: But I don't really know what you call her, because 294 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,239 Speaker 2: I don't think she's a licensed therapist, but she was helping. 295 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,720 Speaker 1: Us with like a coach of sorts. 296 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like she was someone that I was working with 297 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 2: through actually our therapist introduced me to her. She was 298 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 2: kind of there when you needed her, but she. 299 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: Also was like, I can't control you. 300 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 2: I can't I can't do this for you. 301 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 302 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 2: So, and I would often want her to just tell 303 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 2: me what to do, and of course she would offer advice, 304 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 2: and she was working with both of us, but there 305 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 2: were times where I was like, I don't think. I 306 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 2: think we're good. We don't need you, and then she'd 307 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 2: be like, okay. Well, I think in her mind she's like, 308 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 2: oh gosh, you made me. You need me more than 309 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 2: you know, like you need me so bad, but that's 310 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: not her role. So she would say, okay, well call 311 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 2: me when you're ready, but with like a tone that 312 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 2: wasn't like you're right, good job, you don't need me, 313 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 2: because she would say that too if that was what 314 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 2: was the case, but it would be more like, okay, 315 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 2: call me when you're ready. And then I think it 316 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 2: was like three weeks later, I was like, Hi, we're 317 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 2: we're back again. 318 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: But I love that kind of person because they allow 319 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: you to go, like they call it, go out and 320 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: doing more research. They allow you to figure things out 321 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: on your own in your own time, versus forcing you 322 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: to do something kind of like what you're talking about, 323 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,160 Speaker 1: Like you listen to other people and you followed what 324 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: other people wanted for you versus what you really knew 325 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: that you needed. And her doing that was in my opinion, 326 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: I hear you getting somebody's input and then allowing yourself 327 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: to figure it out on your own, so then you 328 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 1: can learn to trust yourself. That's how you learn to 329 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: trust yourself. Right, So it's your decision. 330 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 2: And I've I've needed and continue to need practice. It's 331 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 2: like reps at the gym. 332 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, right, number one. 333 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like Rep one, Rep two. And it was 334 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: very very, very very very and I say lots of 335 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,199 Speaker 2: veriies to emphasize how hard it was for me to 336 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 2: vocalize that that was my decision. Everybody's backstory in to 337 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,239 Speaker 2: you know, when their relationship started and what it is 338 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: like is different. And I think my encouragement to myself 339 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:40,160 Speaker 2: or anybody else in that situation is, Gosh, we're so young, 340 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 2: and that's just such an appropriate time to get married. 341 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 2: But I think, Gosh, take the time to really get 342 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 2: to know yourself. And so that's my advice myself now 343 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 2: in my forties, like as I approach dating. Do I 344 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 2: know myself? Do I know what I want? Can I 345 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: listen to myself? Can I trust myself? 346 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 1: I think about that all the time, and I like 347 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,400 Speaker 1: that you're saying, like everybody's story is different. But I 348 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: think about the pressure I felt at that same age 349 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: and I didn't get married. But if the person I 350 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 1: was dating would have asked me, I would have married them. 351 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: And I don't think it would have been because I 352 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: knew that was going to be a good relationship. I 353 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: think I would have done it one because I felt 354 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: like I was getting old. And two I thought that 355 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: people would be like, oh, good for her, Like I 356 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 1: was finally doing the thing in the right amount of 357 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,680 Speaker 1: time and you didn't have to feel bad for me anymore. 358 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: And I thought the person that I was with was 359 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: like cool, but they weren't nice, so they would be 360 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 1: nice and cool. 361 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, well Ben was nice and cool. 362 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: Okay, Well you have that going for you. But I 363 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 1: think I'm. 364 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 2: Thankful for our relationship and the kids we got out 365 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 2: of it too, and all that we learned, and we 366 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 2: experienced a lot of beautiful things together and a lot 367 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 2: of really really hard things together. 368 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: What you're also saying is important too that like this 369 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 1: relationship ended, it doesn't mean that it was wrong or 370 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,399 Speaker 1: it didn't need to happen, or I made a mistake. 371 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 1: It just just had an expiration date. 372 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 2: Correct, So it's the both and there is no really 373 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 2: but yeah, and I would never ever want to present 374 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 2: it that way. Sure, I think we could have spared 375 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 2: each other a lot of painful moments even if we 376 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,199 Speaker 2: had made the decision sooner that I do think it 377 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 2: all worked out in divine timing. 378 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: So I don't want to go into timeline here because 379 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: I do think one thing that people get hung up 380 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,919 Speaker 1: on is like when is the right time after an 381 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,439 Speaker 1: experience like you've had, like ending of a relationship, to 382 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: start again. And I don't think there is a right time. 383 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 1: There is a thought okay, I. 384 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 2: Don't think there's a time, okay, similar to all the year. Yes, 385 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 2: who knows who you encounter, where you are in your journey, 386 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 2: where you are with getting to know self, what you 387 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 2: maybe need to experience to learn more from them, Like, 388 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,400 Speaker 2: I don't know, there is no right answer. 389 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: So we're not going to talk about that part. But 390 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,880 Speaker 1: I do want to know what did you need from 391 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,199 Speaker 1: yourself or what did you need from other people in 392 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: order to know that it was it was the right 393 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 1: time for you to start dating again, because surprise, like 394 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,960 Speaker 1: you've ended that marriage and now you are in a 395 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: space where you're dating again. 396 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 2: I think it's some of those things that I touched 397 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 2: on a second ago of knowing yourself, listening to yourself, 398 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 2: trusting yourself, really sitting down and asking yourself, what do 399 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 2: you want in the next relationship? Do you even want 400 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 2: another marriage? That's a valid question because some people may 401 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,879 Speaker 2: not ever want to get married again. I think I 402 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 2: do I want that? For myself, I've determined I want 403 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,920 Speaker 2: a partner in that way, and first of all, I'm 404 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 2: not going to ask myself that question on the first date. 405 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 2: I think if I'm on a date with someone, obviously 406 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 2: they're fitting some sort of mold where I'm curious if 407 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 2: they might fit that. But the end goal in that 408 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 2: moment is not can I marry this person? 409 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: Well, this be my husband. 410 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 2: It's being more patient because in my twenties that was 411 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 2: my goal with anybody that I dated, Can I marry 412 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 2: this person? So now it's more of am I enjoying 413 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 2: this person in this present moment? So evaluate where you 414 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:12,159 Speaker 2: are in the desire to get married, like how eager 415 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,879 Speaker 2: are you? And can you sit with being single for 416 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 2: a little bit and in that single time assessing what 417 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,400 Speaker 2: kind of partner you want? Maybe what went wrong in 418 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 2: the last relationship, what you could have done better, what 419 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 2: you would have liked to have seen more of in 420 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,879 Speaker 2: your partner that was causing issues or have seen less of. 421 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: Can you answer that for yourself? What would you have 422 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: liked to see less of or more of in yourself 423 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: versus the partner. 424 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 2: I eventually let go of some of that controlling stuff, 425 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 2: but because of the dynamic which his stuff I'm not 426 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,919 Speaker 2: going to speak to because that's his story. But you 427 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 2: and I have talked about how complicated it is when 428 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 2: someone else has a big story and you're also a 429 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 2: part of it too, But it's such a journey that 430 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 2: it's like, gosh, maybe one day there's more to stay there, 431 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 2: and there will be, But in order to be respectful 432 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,240 Speaker 2: of the full story, I don't really get to talk 433 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,640 Speaker 2: about it. But it's hard because it's my story too, 434 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 2: and I went through a lot. But I think a 435 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 2: coping mechanism for me in a lot of that, as 436 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 2: I shared, was control in other ways and I wish 437 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 2: that I had developed healthier tools. Yeah, so that I 438 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 2: didn't cause extra friction with my control. 439 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: And maybe rather than finding more coping tools to cope 440 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: with whatever it is, it's identifying that I don't have 441 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 1: to be a martyr and I don't have to sacrifice 442 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: myself for other people. 443 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 2: There can be bound boundaries put in place sooner. Yeah, 444 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,359 Speaker 2: but I didn't know that was even an option. I 445 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 2: think I spent a lot of years. No, I don't think. 446 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 1: I know. 447 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 2: I spent a lot of years in denial too. So 448 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 2: that doesn't give you space to set a boundary. 449 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. So one thing you might want to 450 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: do is stay more rooted in reality, right, yeah, Okay, 451 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,159 Speaker 1: I want a backdrop. Did you enjoy being single or 452 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 1: do you enjoy being single? 453 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 2: What do you like now? I in my twenties, I 454 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 2: wanted to be married. Now I post having a partner, 455 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 2: but I don't mind it. I think I'm okay being. 456 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: I don't mind. It doesn't mean I enjoy it. 457 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 2: I think that on the weeks that I have my kids, 458 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 2: it can be really hard and be like having a 459 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 2: partner would be helpful. Okay, but I don't mind going 460 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 2: to bed alone at night, if that's what you mean, 461 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 2: or like watching the shows alone? 462 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: Okay, like I think you might alone. 463 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: I think I have to be careful because I know 464 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 2: my desire is not to be alone. But I think 465 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,240 Speaker 2: I could be really good at being alone. 466 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,800 Speaker 1: You could be really comfortable in it. 467 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 2: Right for me, it's sitting down and evaluating what you 468 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,120 Speaker 2: want and are you in a place to really know 469 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 2: what you want? If not, then you need to pause 470 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,199 Speaker 2: and take time to get to know yourself and what 471 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 2: you want. 472 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: What has helped you do that? 473 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 2: Continued therapy and journaling and reflection and the desire and 474 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 2: asking myself over and over to get to know myself. 475 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,199 Speaker 1: I do want to say you are somebody who I 476 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: think more than most people. If you're doing therapy, you're 477 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 1: like doing therapy. If your therapist gives you assignment, you're 478 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: doing the assignment. If you put a make a goal 479 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 1: for yourself and you say I'm going to do I'm 480 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,239 Speaker 1: going to journal and do X y Z, You're going 481 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: to do it. And I think a lot of people 482 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,000 Speaker 1: myself included in that can like halfway do that stuff, 483 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 1: and that I feel like has been really cool to 484 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 1: watch you. 485 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,679 Speaker 2: I'm very grateful for the opportunities that I've had and 486 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 2: some of the intensives that I've had, And some of 487 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,440 Speaker 2: that stuff came about because of extreme pain and heartache 488 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 2: that was present in my life. So I'm thankful for 489 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 2: the people that have swooped in to be a part 490 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 2: of that. Even some therapies that have had to take 491 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 2: place because of our adopted children has been very therapeutic 492 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 2: for me. So being a parent will that will bring 493 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 2: out a lot of things, Like as you parent these 494 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 2: children and see things coming out in them, stuff within 495 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 2: you will get revealed. And so I think that in 496 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 2: those different therapies, I've had the opportunity to get to 497 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 2: know myself and I don't want to waste it because 498 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 2: I was doing these big, intense things. So therefore, if 499 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 2: they tell me to do all this, then well. 500 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to wait, I don't know, okay, even 501 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 1: will do things. You did it to me this morning 502 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: when I was I complaining about something and you're like, 503 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: let's be pos like you are really good at like 504 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 1: I'm going to try to reframe these things and so 505 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: do a really good job of that that I think 506 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,360 Speaker 1: a lot of people struggle with. They're like yeah, yeah, 507 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 1: that sounds good. I'll try to implement that. But you 508 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: really do try to implement those things, and I think 509 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,000 Speaker 1: that has probably been such a game changer for you, 510 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: getting to know yourself and you being in a different spaces. 511 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 1: When you say you worked really hard, you didn't just 512 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: go to the appointments, you did everything in between. 513 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 2: Yes, I try. And it doesn't mean that I have 514 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 2: it all figured out and have it down. No, yeah, 515 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 2: I'm definitely not. There's things I haven't handled well at 516 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:12,600 Speaker 2: all whatsoever, And that is okay because I did my 517 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 2: best and what I thought I needed to do. And 518 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,199 Speaker 2: then I think you asked what I'd need from other people, 519 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,439 Speaker 2: so that part would be I think it's great to 520 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:25,120 Speaker 2: have other people's input on your life, but don't make 521 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,720 Speaker 2: it your job to live for what they want. So 522 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 2: I think for me, that's what I was doing in 523 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 2: my twenties of what they thought was cool. I was like, yeah, 524 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 2: that would be cool, because it would, but I wasn't 525 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:42,719 Speaker 2: really taking time what I wanted right. And having friends 526 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 2: around you that will give you their advice or encourage you. 527 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,879 Speaker 2: I think encouragement is the big thing from other people, 528 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 2: like do you have a sister or a girlfriend or 529 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,320 Speaker 2: somebody in your life. It could even be a parent 530 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 2: at this point if you're on your second marriage, Like 531 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 2: if my mom was still around, I would be talking 532 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 2: to her about everything, and my sister gets that now, 533 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,680 Speaker 2: or my girlfriends, like you get it. But having girlfriends 534 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 2: that you can talk to about the dating and they're 535 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,919 Speaker 2: just gonna be genuinely happy for you or want to 536 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,159 Speaker 2: encourage you to do it, but they're going to not 537 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 2: try to impose or control it. Yeah, but that's also 538 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,840 Speaker 2: up to you of what you receive. But just having 539 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 2: safe people that will hear you out and offer you advice. 540 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,880 Speaker 2: But it's not like, oh, you you should be doing 541 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,399 Speaker 2: it this way because you need to be able to 542 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 2: figure it out for yourself. 543 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 1: Well, what has that looked like for you? So when 544 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: you see what has the encouragement look. 545 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 2: Like for you, you've encouraged me. I think I was 546 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 2: scared of a particular relationship, but I didn't know I 547 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 2: was scared of it. I think I was liking somebody, 548 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 2: but a little thrown off by the situation and maybe 549 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,160 Speaker 2: even just self sabotaging in a way of like, well 550 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 2: this probably isn't gonna work and he's this way, and 551 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,479 Speaker 2: I don't know if I really like that, but like 552 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 2: looking for the negative to just make it stop and. 553 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 1: Like the silliest the silliest negatives. 554 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,119 Speaker 2: And to have a friend say is that really that 555 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,720 Speaker 2: big of a deal. Yeah, a friendship like that is great. 556 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 2: But also if you decide that it's a big deal, 557 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 2: that friend is going to be like, okay, cool. They 558 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 2: don't have to like force. 559 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,119 Speaker 1: It, yeah, challenging you, but allowing you to make your 560 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:21,879 Speaker 1: own decision exactly okay. 561 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,239 Speaker 2: Because I think there are some friendships where it's like 562 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 2: what I told you that? Or like, why are you 563 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 2: not listening to me? I see it clear as day, 564 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 2: because you might see something clear as day, but you're 565 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 2: gonna let me figure it out. 566 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: Part of the way that I operate when I have 567 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: friends in those positions is I don't really know what 568 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: feelings you're actually having. So if you really don't like 569 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,000 Speaker 1: this person, I can't feel that or not feel that right, 570 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: but I can say, like, Okay, what you're saying is 571 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 1: X y Z, and those are really silly reasons not 572 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 1: to like somebody. So I just want to check in 573 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,240 Speaker 1: with you if you really don't like that, or if 574 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 1: there's something bigger that you don't like or that you're 575 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: scared of, or that's going on. 576 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you would say like I really like this, 577 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 2: versus like, are you sure you shouldn't just maybe reach 578 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,720 Speaker 2: out to give it another try. And in that pause 579 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 2: something that I learned about myself after I thought, oh, no, 580 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 2: this is not a person for me. I don't know 581 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 2: if who I've been dating is the person for me. 582 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 2: But that's okay because I'm also just in the present. 583 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 2: I'm not thinking too far ahead because there is not 584 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 2: a reason for me to do that right now. But 585 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,440 Speaker 2: I think what I was so used to for so long, 586 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 2: and even in some dating relationships that I had before marriage, 587 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:43,840 Speaker 2: was chaos and confusion. Even my high school boyfriend, a 588 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 2: lot of chaos, a lot of confusion. So that is 589 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 2: what my nervous system was used to. 590 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: And that's what you knew from your parents too. 591 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 2: Chaos and confusion. Yeah, I think even with being married 592 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 2: to someone that deploys, it's a lot of chaos. Like 593 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 2: I said, there's the roller coaster, and of course there 594 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 2: were other elements we were both bringing to the marriage 595 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 2: that were chaotic, but my nervous system was all over 596 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 2: the place, And so when you encounter a relationship that 597 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:19,240 Speaker 2: doesn't feel that way, it can seem boring or your 598 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,120 Speaker 2: brain will look for all these ways to create it. 599 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 2: And so I was either going to start creating some chaos, 600 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 2: which I think you kind of he would, but yeah, 601 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 2: but since he was healthy, he's like. 602 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like, I'm not picking this up by really 603 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: I'm good. 604 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 2: So I think that someone yeah, more secure, will come 605 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 2: off as not probably for me. But what I've realized is, oh, 606 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 2: what if that is for me? And I were to 607 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 2: lean into it more, And it's almost as if the 608 00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 2: veil was lifted or the you know, whatever filter was 609 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 2: on the glass as I was wearing, was removed, and 610 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 2: all these things that I thought were ridiculous, Like, well, 611 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 2: I don't think they're ridiculous. I thought they were valid, 612 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 2: but I guess you probably saw as ridiculous. Yeah, suddenly 613 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 2: are cool to me and funny like you or like 614 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 2: you can see it. I couldn't see it before. 615 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,840 Speaker 1: Well, because you didn't know this person. I think you're 616 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,800 Speaker 1: this is a beautiful example. 617 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 2: This being me, this this version of me. 618 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 1: Oh yes, and you didn't really know the person you 619 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 1: were talking to either, So like I'm judging them based 620 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: on one these very simple outward things that have nothing 621 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: to do with like the wholeness of who this person is. 622 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: But also you're judging them based on how your disregulated 623 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 1: nervous system feels. So where you're like sitting there in 624 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: the like calmness kind of freaks you out. So you 625 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 1: try to like dig up some I want to say drama, 626 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 1: but it wasn't drama. You just tried to like dig 627 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,239 Speaker 1: issues up. And I'm saying this in a confusing way. 628 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: It's not like you were like you're cheating on me, 629 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: Like it's not, no, It's just was like, oh, your 630 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 1: hair was parted that way, and like silly stuff like that. 631 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 1: That's not an example of what you said, but stuff 632 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: that in the long run doesn't matter, correct, and also 633 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 1: stuff that can be changed too. 634 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 2: And I think once I had the aha moment and 635 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 2: I felt comfortable even saying that to him, which again 636 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 2: I don't think I would have reached out yeah if 637 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 2: it wasn't for you. And so that's where the encouragement 638 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 2: comes in of a friend being a safe space of like, hey, yeah, 639 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,239 Speaker 2: like let's revisit that. 640 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 1: When then those things that you're what you're saying is 641 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: that things that bothered me now are almost like redeeming 642 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: qualities of this person. Like I will say for myself, 643 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 1: I'm not going to speak for your situation, but like 644 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 1: with my husband Patrick, he doesn't have like this is 645 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: not the word that I want to use, but it's 646 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: what's coming into my head. He doesn't have like swag 647 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 1: or like this like crazy style. He doesn't really care 648 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: about clothes. 649 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 2: Riz. 650 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: Yeah you have, Riz, but that also is something that 651 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 1: is actually so redeeming. One of my favorite things about 652 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: him is he does not care about that stuff. And 653 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,080 Speaker 1: that's not something I put really really high on my 654 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,320 Speaker 1: When I get to the inside of me, the inside, 655 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,080 Speaker 1: not the outside that I'm trying to please people, but 656 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,400 Speaker 1: I actually I'm talking about the things that matter to me. 657 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 1: That's not one of them. And so that's why I 658 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: love that about him. He couldn't care less. 659 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 2: Well, but you've also been in a very serious relationship 660 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 2: with someone that did care about that, so you've experienced 661 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,600 Speaker 2: it and you know what that's like. And you're like, oh, well, 662 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 2: this is exhausting. 663 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, And I can actually be myself with this person, 664 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: and I love that about them, and so that allowed 665 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: you in some of those situations, it's like, oh, this 666 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: thing that I didn't like actually is amazing. 667 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 2: And I think when I reached back out and I 668 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 2: was able to honestly even say to him, look, this 669 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 2: is this revelation that I've had and he heard it out, 670 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 2: and I thought that that was really kind of him 671 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 2: to listen to. And then he was curious. But then 672 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,959 Speaker 2: also it was just cool with it, like it's not 673 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,480 Speaker 2: like it had to be this like big thing. He 674 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 2: just heard me. And then I remember after we said it, 675 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 2: and we were in a parking lot we said it. 676 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,600 Speaker 2: I said it, and he listened. We were about to 677 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,319 Speaker 2: leave and my car was there and his car was there, 678 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 2: and I gave him a hug. But I guess I 679 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:20,080 Speaker 2: probably seemed a little bit nervous, and you know, I 680 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 2: think he said something like, don't worry, I'm not gonna 681 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,200 Speaker 2: try to kiss you or anything, because I think I 682 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:32,800 Speaker 2: months back had freaked out about that. And I said, oh, 683 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 2: I didn't think that you were. I said, I'm just 684 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 2: because my head was kind of down and there was 685 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 2: a hug happening, and I said, oh no, I'm just 686 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 2: practicing being comfortable, like. 687 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 1: I'm learning how to hug somebody that cares about me. 688 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 2: I'm awkwardly trying to take in this moment and be 689 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,399 Speaker 2: present and not make it anymore than it actually is. 690 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,719 Speaker 2: But like, so, let me just see what this feels like. 691 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:08,319 Speaker 2: And so he was like, okay. 692 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,840 Speaker 1: What have you say? But then it goes back to 693 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 1: like he listened to you, and he heard you, and 694 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,439 Speaker 1: he didn't try to make something of that that it wasn't. 695 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: I love how simple that conversation was able to be 696 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 1: versus some like huge, drawn out piece of drama. It 697 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 1: just was like, this is where I am, this is 698 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,799 Speaker 1: what I would like to do. Are you interested? And 699 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,800 Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, sure, let's go. Yes. 700 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 2: That's been the vibe ever since of being in the 701 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 2: present and knowing that there's a lot of variables at 702 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,399 Speaker 2: play here and we're just gonna do our best with 703 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:46,720 Speaker 2: what time we have when we have it. 704 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: Has it been easy to stay in the present for 705 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:49,719 Speaker 1: you in this new era? 706 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:54,440 Speaker 2: Sometimes I catch my brain going future what I'm thankful for, 707 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,959 Speaker 2: and I'll pause and even recognize and thank my brain 708 00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 2: for it. This is one of my little exercises that 709 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 2: I do is Okay, you know, thank you I have awareness, 710 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 2: and I may even need to vent to you about 711 00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:07,839 Speaker 2: something sometimes, but in that I'll be like, but at 712 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:12,359 Speaker 2: least I'm aware. I'm aware, I'm aware, and then I'm 713 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 2: not going to do it. And that's that's building new neuropathways. 714 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,320 Speaker 2: Every time I have awareness and I stop the thought 715 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 2: and replace it with another thought, that's the rep at 716 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,359 Speaker 2: the gym. So I don't know how many reps I'm 717 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:30,840 Speaker 2: gonna have to do before some of those thoughts stop, 718 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,799 Speaker 2: But I'll just continue doing on this path. You keep 719 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 2: doing it and it gets easier and easier, And that 720 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,360 Speaker 2: makes me think back to eating disorder recovery thoughts like 721 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:45,880 Speaker 2: that was very similar to the process with binge thoughts, 722 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,319 Speaker 2: like of going to the pantry, having awareness, stopping and 723 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 2: turning around, going to the pantry, having awareness, stopping and 724 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 2: turning around, being aware, I am not hungry, stop turn around, 725 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,719 Speaker 2: stop turn around? And how many times did I have 726 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,480 Speaker 2: to turn around till I built that new neuropathway. So 727 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 2: what's similar to that too is you know when you're 728 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 2: in a cycle of something and how draining it is 729 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 2: in those moments. And so for me, that's why it's 730 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,080 Speaker 2: an easy comparison or analogy is because I know how 731 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:20,840 Speaker 2: miserable I was in the throes of a neating disorder, 732 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 2: but I also saw what it was like to watch 733 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 2: my brain mold into something different, to new thoughts, and 734 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,759 Speaker 2: so similar to this, I don't want to end up 735 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,359 Speaker 2: in another miserable situation. I want to end up with 736 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,719 Speaker 2: new thoughts and a new pattern and a new way 737 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 2: of being so that I don't repeat the same situation 738 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:46,360 Speaker 2: and I can truly enjoy the present. So that's what 739 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,080 Speaker 2: I'm doing. I'm just building those new pathways. 740 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 1: You know what was very helpful in my experience after 741 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: ending a relationship that I thought was going to last 742 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,000 Speaker 1: forever was when I finally had feelings for somebody else again. 743 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,920 Speaker 1: And I remember thinking to myself, I didn't know if 744 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,239 Speaker 1: this was ever going to happen again, And now I 745 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,800 Speaker 1: know it's possible, because you know, you hear people say 746 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 1: all the things, but you don't really know something until 747 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 1: you experience it yourself. And so it was me learning, oh, 748 00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,360 Speaker 1: I can have feelings like that, and I can have 749 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,839 Speaker 1: a relationship like that with more than one person. And 750 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,280 Speaker 1: I wonder if you had a similar experience when going 751 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,280 Speaker 1: from I never knew that dating somebody can be fun 752 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 1: or calm or easy, like you heard about it and 753 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,160 Speaker 1: people say it can be this way, but you're like, 754 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,359 Speaker 1: I'll believe it when I see it. And then has 755 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,080 Speaker 1: it been helpful or have you seen that? Yeah? 756 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 2: I experienced the calm now, even in when you're assessing 757 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 2: what you may look for in your partner. In our relationship, 758 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 2: time was very important and time should be important and respecting. 759 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,400 Speaker 1: Time like quality time or time on time. 760 00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,440 Speaker 2: You're looking at me like and white, Yes, Now, there 761 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,759 Speaker 2: are circumstances in which time does matter. If you say 762 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 2: you're going to be there, be there, but if there 763 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,240 Speaker 2: was a situation in which it may not have mattered. 764 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 2: But for whatever reason, we came up with a set time. 765 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,680 Speaker 1: Like we're going to go to target at four twenty five, right, 766 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,760 Speaker 1: doesn't really matter when you go to target, though, Well. 767 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,120 Speaker 2: Then we go to target at four twenty five, right, 768 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,440 Speaker 2: Or we said we'd be down in the lobby in 769 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 2: five minutes, now it's seven, it would derail the entire day. 770 00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,520 Speaker 2: And that's something that you know, he probably found incredibly 771 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 2: frustrating about me. But then I found it incredibly frustrating that, like, 772 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,560 Speaker 2: really over two minutes this is derailing our day. But 773 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 2: him is like, really, you said four to twenty five, 774 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,080 Speaker 2: so why the heck can't you make it four twenty five? 775 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 2: So both of us can be living in these two 776 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 2: realities that are very true. My reality is like, it 777 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,280 Speaker 2: doesn't matter right when it doesn't matter, are we losing 778 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,680 Speaker 2: our minds over two minutes? And in his reality, it's 779 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 2: why in the world if you say four to twenty five, 780 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,960 Speaker 2: can't you make it four twenty five? So I can 781 00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 2: see both sides. For me, I'm not going to be 782 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,839 Speaker 2: with a black and white time person again because that 783 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,319 Speaker 2: is exhausting for someone like me that doesn't feel that 784 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 2: way about time again. If someone's getting married and there's 785 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,000 Speaker 2: a wedding or we're going to church, which even it 786 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:20,319 Speaker 2: could be late to that, but do you know if 787 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 2: someone like if there's a baptism, you miss the important 788 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,600 Speaker 2: part if there's I'm trying to think of the things 789 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 2: that really just matter about time. It's like, okay, reservations, 790 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,000 Speaker 2: you want to respect that, a funeral, you want to 791 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,839 Speaker 2: respect that work, show up on time if you say 792 00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:35,520 Speaker 2: you're going to be there. 793 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,359 Speaker 1: If you're how died to a friend's house and you're 794 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 1: fifteen minutes late, like that's okay. 795 00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,759 Speaker 2: Yeah, Or if you're meeting friends in the lobby and 796 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,080 Speaker 2: you're two minutes late, like it's okay. 797 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 1: And you've learned that there are people out there that 798 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,840 Speaker 1: don't think like that, and so you're right, Oh, I 799 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:47,359 Speaker 1: can have that. 800 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 2: This was mind blowing to me because it had been 801 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 2: so long I shared a life with someone for a 802 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,839 Speaker 2: very long time, Like I'm trying to even think of 803 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:55,840 Speaker 2: like what my college boyfriends were like on time, but 804 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 2: it was college, like where did we live? Like we're like, okay, 805 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,280 Speaker 2: that's what I mean by also assessing when you're journaling 806 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,680 Speaker 2: or writing down what wasn't working for you, and he 807 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,640 Speaker 2: might be like, I will never be with someone again 808 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,000 Speaker 2: that tries to tell me what kind of meat to eat, 809 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,799 Speaker 2: which I wouldn't do that to him anymore, by the 810 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,080 Speaker 2: way I have had healing from that, and I wouldn't 811 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,400 Speaker 2: try to control in that way. But that was me 812 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,200 Speaker 2: projecting my own stuff onto him, but then also trying 813 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,839 Speaker 2: to gain some control in our relationship that felt very 814 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,000 Speaker 2: out of control. So well, I think that is perfect here, right, 815 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,279 Speaker 2: I'm not just picking out his time thing, but that 816 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,680 Speaker 2: is an example I think a safe example because some 817 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 2: people are just sticklers about time and some aren't. So 818 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,640 Speaker 2: that feels like a very safe example to share where 819 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,760 Speaker 2: I will not get in that type of relationship again. 820 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:47,080 Speaker 1: Ever, I also appreciate acknowledging that two people can have 821 00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,319 Speaker 1: these different opinions about things, and it doesn't mean that 822 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 1: one person is right in one person that's wrong. It 823 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,719 Speaker 1: means that maybe they're not compatible. And that's part of 824 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,359 Speaker 1: you finding a compatible partner, somebody that you can go 825 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 1: and do things and have the levity and the ability 826 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 1: to be flexible. You need more flexibility in that grace. 827 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,640 Speaker 2: I am gray. I love gray, yeah, and he loves 828 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:08,280 Speaker 2: black and white. 829 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,719 Speaker 1: So it doesn't mean that there will be somebody that 830 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,839 Speaker 1: loves love black and white, yes, versus trying to make 831 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,080 Speaker 1: somebody be gray that's black and white. 832 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,880 Speaker 2: Or in coparing with him, I do think he sees 833 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,719 Speaker 2: more gray now, and I think that's parts of him 834 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 2: that have evolved, and there are parts of me that 835 00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 2: have evaulved, which is great. But I think in finding 836 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:34,279 Speaker 2: a partner, I want gray, I want flexibility, I want understanding. 837 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,040 Speaker 2: So I'm curious I might be two minutes late. 838 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,719 Speaker 1: Anybody out there listening who you might be dating, she 839 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,360 Speaker 1: might be two minutes late. I want to transition to 840 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 1: something a little bit more fun. How did you start dating? 841 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,279 Speaker 1: This is also like helpful for anybody listening who's like, 842 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:49,560 Speaker 1: this is where I am, and I don't even know 843 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,759 Speaker 1: how to date anymore. It's been twenty years. Like you 844 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,680 Speaker 1: just go stand outside and say, hey. 845 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 2: There, no, I got on hinge because okay, you found 846 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 2: Patrick Hinge. 847 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,520 Speaker 1: That's exactly why you did it. 848 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,560 Speaker 2: Well, I think that that's just how it is these days. 849 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,280 Speaker 2: Like I was either going to get bumble or hinge 850 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 2: or did you just have a hinge? Rya was potentially 851 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,320 Speaker 2: an option, but I've only done hinge. 852 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:18,560 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, did you or do you enjoy that experience 853 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:19,360 Speaker 1: of the dating apps? 854 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,160 Speaker 2: I didn't. This is where your group comes in, like 855 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 2: your friends. Yeah, so I had friends help me with 856 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:32,160 Speaker 2: my profile. I had friends look at the guys that 857 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,640 Speaker 2: were coming in. I never personally could reach out to 858 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,600 Speaker 2: a guy first, which I know as women were progressing 859 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:40,479 Speaker 2: and I should do that, but I just couldn't bring 860 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,040 Speaker 2: myself to do it. That's okay, I'm fine with it, Okay, 861 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,680 Speaker 2: I feel good about it, but I just and letting 862 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,399 Speaker 2: you know that I didn't progress to that part. Maybe 863 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:50,680 Speaker 2: I will one day, but I think I had a 864 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:55,200 Speaker 2: situation where a friend introduced me to somebody, So I 865 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,440 Speaker 2: think that those are the options these days. I'm not 866 00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:00,120 Speaker 2: going to go to a bar and like meet. 867 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,520 Speaker 1: You were if we were out to eat or something, 868 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,360 Speaker 1: or we were like somewhere and somebody was like strikes 869 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:06,919 Speaker 1: up a conversation and then is like, hey, I really 870 00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,080 Speaker 1: enjoyed talking to me. Yeah, you would be open to that. 871 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,480 Speaker 2: I could see that happening, and it hasn't happened to me. Okay, 872 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,840 Speaker 2: I guess by bar, I mean I'm not like going 873 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,239 Speaker 2: out to the club on the weekends like trying to 874 00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,799 Speaker 2: meet guys. But if I were to be sitting at 875 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,560 Speaker 2: a bar and a guy came up and talked to me, yes. 876 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where Stacy, who worked for three Quod Therapy, 877 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,360 Speaker 1: she loves going to bars and journals. 878 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160 Speaker 2: Yeah. I've talked about her multiple times, even on my podcast, 879 00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,920 Speaker 2: about how she takes a book or a journal and 880 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,279 Speaker 2: gets a drink and sits at the bar, and she said, 881 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:36,640 Speaker 2: so many people come and talk to you. 882 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,759 Speaker 1: That's how she met the person she's dating right now. 883 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, what good for you, and she goes to 884 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,760 Speaker 1: like cute fancy bars and does that, like takes herself 885 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,640 Speaker 1: on a date. She could take yourself on a date 886 00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:48,359 Speaker 1: and then meet another date while you're there. 887 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,919 Speaker 2: I've thought about doing that, but when it comes down 888 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:52,919 Speaker 2: to it, that's not where I am yet, so I don't. 889 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:58,160 Speaker 2: It's a lot of work for kids. Oh, last Friday, 890 00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,319 Speaker 2: I had something that I had to do and I 891 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,600 Speaker 2: was like, oh, I'm already ready, So I'm like we 892 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:06,759 Speaker 2: should go, Like I had a work thing and so 893 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:10,640 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, like sure, let's do something because I'm 894 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:11,400 Speaker 2: already dressed. 895 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,120 Speaker 1: Do you remember what you felt before you went on 896 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,320 Speaker 1: your first date post divorce? 897 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,319 Speaker 2: Oh, I don't want to go do this, and I 898 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,880 Speaker 2: was excited to see what it was like, but I 899 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,759 Speaker 2: really thought about just like not going. I remember thinking 900 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,680 Speaker 2: like what am I doing? Am I really getting ready? 901 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,879 Speaker 2: So there was two. That was the second one where 902 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,080 Speaker 2: I had those feelings, but I knew it was only 903 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,480 Speaker 2: going to be an hour because we both had an out. 904 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,239 Speaker 1: So wait was your first one? 905 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,520 Speaker 2: It was somebody else? 906 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,720 Speaker 1: Is that the person that responded like way later, Okay, 907 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:51,920 Speaker 1: I want you to tell the cabin that's funny is 908 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,719 Speaker 1: that the person that responded like, way later, Okay, I 909 00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,040 Speaker 1: want you to tell the cabin that's funny. 910 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,919 Speaker 2: I tacked that onto another work event, so I had something. 911 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,520 Speaker 2: I had to be downtown force, which is. 912 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,680 Speaker 1: A great idea. I'm nervous. Then I have to be 913 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:08,400 Speaker 1: somewhere else, so I say much this in so if 914 00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:09,920 Speaker 1: this isn't going well, I can just like, hey, it's 915 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:10,799 Speaker 1: time for me to go. Yeah. 916 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:11,920 Speaker 2: So we met at four thirty. 917 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,000 Speaker 1: He's like, do you want to go for a drink tonight. 918 00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:18,080 Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I'm free at twelve thirty. 919 00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,040 Speaker 2: Well, to be fair, it's four thirty is happy hour. 920 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,399 Speaker 1: Okay, you're right, you're right. 921 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,719 Speaker 2: We met for a happy hour four thirty to like 922 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,680 Speaker 2: five point fifteen five thirty. I did get there on time, 923 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,120 Speaker 2: and I probably knew it like four thirty two. This 924 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,720 Speaker 2: is not oh really, but again you're on an app. 925 00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,600 Speaker 2: We didn't have that much communication, like I saw him, 926 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,239 Speaker 2: liked his responses. We messaged a little bit, and then 927 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,480 Speaker 2: I decided to just give it a go. Yeah, and 928 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,520 Speaker 2: it was just not going to work. So then I 929 00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,120 Speaker 2: went and did my work thing and then got a 930 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,120 Speaker 2: message later of like, hey, I had a good time, 931 00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:51,839 Speaker 2: like like to do. 932 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:52,920 Speaker 1: Something else, I'm dang it? 933 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,719 Speaker 2: And I thought, well, what do I do? I don't 934 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,680 Speaker 2: want to do this, but I want to practice being honest, 935 00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 2: So I sent an honest reply of I don't think 936 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:05,080 Speaker 2: this is going to work. I wish you the best whatever. 937 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:08,000 Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I even like what to say. 938 00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:11,200 Speaker 1: Chat GPT how to end a relationship when you went 939 00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:11,680 Speaker 1: on one date? 940 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, and probably two or three months later, I get 941 00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:20,920 Speaker 2: a response to something like cool, thanks, and I was. 942 00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:25,239 Speaker 1: Like, this is bizarre, or like sounds good, thanks for 943 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:26,960 Speaker 1: letting me know, or something like that, and you're like, 944 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,880 Speaker 1: I thought we've both moved on. But I think sometimes 945 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,719 Speaker 1: people do that in order to spark something up again. 946 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,279 Speaker 1: Obviously he did not need to send that message all 947 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,560 Speaker 1: that time has gone by. I think some people do that. 948 00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:39,359 Speaker 1: So then you'd be like, oh, how have you been 949 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,799 Speaker 1: hoping that you've changed your mind? I don't know that's 950 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:42,560 Speaker 1: what he did, but I. 951 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:43,880 Speaker 2: Just didn't even respond to that. 952 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:47,080 Speaker 1: This is weird. So then after that one you go 953 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,480 Speaker 1: on the second day with a different person. Are you 954 00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,320 Speaker 1: changing how you feel about going? Do you are you 955 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:52,880 Speaker 1: dreading it more? Are you more excited? 956 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,919 Speaker 2: This is the one where I think I'm a little 957 00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,239 Speaker 2: more like, oh, I don't want to do this because 958 00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:58,440 Speaker 2: I saw how the last one went. 959 00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,359 Speaker 1: What encouraged you to keep going? 960 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,200 Speaker 2: I just was like, well, I already committed, so I 961 00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,600 Speaker 2: just should go. And I was like, okay, he's nice enough. 962 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:09,200 Speaker 2: And then you had your rehearsal dinner coming up and 963 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,279 Speaker 2: y'all met on Hinge, and I thought, well, I should 964 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:15,279 Speaker 2: take a date. Maybe he'll go, So I asked him 965 00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,840 Speaker 2: because I met him on Hinge, and I thought that 966 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,520 Speaker 2: would be fun. And that was our second. 967 00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,400 Speaker 1: Date and it was so funny. I feel like even. 968 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,600 Speaker 2: When I stood up there and gave a little speech, 969 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,560 Speaker 2: I just because kat Patrick met on Hinge, I decided 970 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,239 Speaker 2: to bring a guy that I met on Hinge and 971 00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,880 Speaker 2: then I said, this is our second date. And I 972 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:34,839 Speaker 2: was like, he's over there at the table, say hi, 973 00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,480 Speaker 2: And he rolled with it. He thought it was funny, 974 00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,279 Speaker 2: like it wasn't easy to see each other, but also 975 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,080 Speaker 2: when we were together, it was just easy and go 976 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,799 Speaker 2: with the flow. And I'm not used to go with 977 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:45,400 Speaker 2: the flow and easy. So I'm like, wait a second, 978 00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:51,160 Speaker 2: where's the crazy, complicated, confusing chaos, because that's what I 979 00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:55,640 Speaker 2: want and it wasn't there, No, it was just chill. 980 00:48:55,960 --> 00:49:00,480 Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, see ya peace. I think I 981 00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:04,800 Speaker 2: just like just go sit him, just quite respond ghost him. 982 00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, which is really interesting because a lot of people 983 00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,840 Speaker 1: won't respond to somebody after a first date that it 984 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,920 Speaker 1: doesn't go well. That's so common for people to just 985 00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,600 Speaker 1: like ghost them. That's how it happens. And you were like, no, 986 00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:15,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this the right way. I'm going to 987 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,319 Speaker 1: tell this guy I wasn't interested. But then with this 988 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,000 Speaker 1: guy that you actually did go on more dates with, 989 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:24,640 Speaker 1: you just eventually ghosted. You just did not answer. 990 00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,080 Speaker 2: Right because look what happened the last time I tried 991 00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,560 Speaker 2: to send a thoughtful response, they just ignored it. So 992 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,840 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, okay, well I guess it doesn't matter. Yeah, 993 00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:36,440 Speaker 2: And that's how that went. And then with your encouragement again, 994 00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,680 Speaker 2: back to like having friends that will encourage you in 995 00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,359 Speaker 2: a loving, non judgmental way. It's not like you were like, 996 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,279 Speaker 2: what's wrong with you? You weirdo? I'm sure you could 997 00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,839 Speaker 2: see from afar like why are you being ridiculous about this? 998 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,040 Speaker 2: But you were like, I'm like, what so and so's 999 00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,279 Speaker 2: up too? And I'm like, hmm, and of course you 1000 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,359 Speaker 2: made me a gimlet, so we're out of my back 1001 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,480 Speaker 2: porch with a gimlet and then just the best drink. 1002 00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,840 Speaker 2: You kind of had your whole moment with him, and 1003 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:07,400 Speaker 2: that circled back to us reconnecting. And on the first 1004 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,720 Speaker 2: reconnection I kind of shared with him my revelation of 1005 00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,520 Speaker 2: being used to chaos, and he was like, huh, okay, 1006 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,640 Speaker 2: he couldn't relate to it at all whatsoever. 1007 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,279 Speaker 1: But he wasn't judging you. 1008 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,120 Speaker 2: For judging me for it, right, It didn't scare him. 1009 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're in this place now. I think this 1010 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,919 Speaker 1: is what I hear you saying. Where you're having fun. 1011 00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:33,520 Speaker 1: You're enjoying what's happening, but there's no pressure for you 1012 00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,360 Speaker 1: to make something something. 1013 00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,920 Speaker 2: Sometimes I have awareness that I'm trying to force that 1014 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:42,400 Speaker 2: in my brain, but then I back up to what 1015 00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:44,600 Speaker 2: I really want, because that's me being in tune with 1016 00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:46,759 Speaker 2: I know what I really want and I really want 1017 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:50,040 Speaker 2: to practice being in the present, so I have to 1018 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:52,640 Speaker 2: dial it back. So that's where you are now, That's 1019 00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:53,160 Speaker 2: where I am. 1020 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:58,160 Speaker 1: What encouragement would you give somebody who is post divorce, 1021 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,400 Speaker 1: who maybe has had some of those thoughts of I 1022 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,239 Speaker 1: really don't want to go out and do this. It's 1023 00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 1: a lot of energy to go on a first date, 1024 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,319 Speaker 1: especially after you've been married for seventeen years. 1025 00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,920 Speaker 2: Yes, and when you're working full time and you have kids. 1026 00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,080 Speaker 2: But then you have your moments where you don't have 1027 00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,080 Speaker 2: the kids and you're like, well, what am I going 1028 00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,600 Speaker 2: to do? And if you're comfortable being at home alone 1029 00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:22,880 Speaker 2: like I am, then you may just do that for 1030 00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:24,799 Speaker 2: the rest of your life, and then you may look 1031 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,279 Speaker 2: back and regret it. And I don't want to regret it. 1032 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,759 Speaker 2: I think that my mom probably does. I can't ask 1033 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,600 Speaker 2: her because she passed away, but my mom never dated 1034 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:40,160 Speaker 2: after my dad and she was alone for gosh twenty 1035 00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:46,040 Speaker 2: five years, so and I don't want that for myself. 1036 00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:51,160 Speaker 2: But I recognize a lot of her in me, and I. 1037 00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:52,759 Speaker 1: Could do that. You can do. 1038 00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,719 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean I could do you want exactly, so 1039 00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:57,880 Speaker 2: I would encourage you to again, so that's what you 1040 00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,000 Speaker 2: really want, and then you just have to put yourself 1041 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,359 Speaker 2: out there. It's not fun to do the whole app thing, 1042 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,480 Speaker 2: but at times it is fun because you get to 1043 00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:08,560 Speaker 2: share things back and forth, like I went through my 1044 00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:12,400 Speaker 2: phone the other day and was looking at different screen 1045 00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:15,799 Speaker 2: recordings that I took of my Hinge account that I 1046 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,560 Speaker 2: was sending off to friends, because when you screen record, 1047 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,200 Speaker 2: you can scroll through and show someone the whole profile. 1048 00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,359 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my gosh, I sent you 1049 00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,840 Speaker 2: this guy's profile. I was actually on the phone with 1050 00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,279 Speaker 2: our friend Chase the other day. You know, when you're 1051 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,120 Speaker 2: in someone's text message, you can go through links or 1052 00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,560 Speaker 2: photos they've shared, and we were looking for something else, 1053 00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,080 Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my gosh, back in February, 1054 00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:41,200 Speaker 2: I sent you a screen recording of him. That part's fun, Like, 1055 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,360 Speaker 2: it's fun, allow yourself to have fun, allow other people 1056 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:48,920 Speaker 2: in if you're comfortable with that, because it's scary to 1057 00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:53,440 Speaker 2: do alone. But when you have people then it's more entertainment. 1058 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,840 Speaker 2: But then it's also you got to take it serious. 1059 00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,319 Speaker 2: But then it's both. 1060 00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:59,120 Speaker 1: It's there can be levity in it and it can 1061 00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:02,040 Speaker 1: be really serious. I think that's the way I was 1062 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,160 Speaker 1: able to hand Yeah, that we have that s only 1063 00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:05,040 Speaker 1: way I could survive. 1064 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,239 Speaker 2: I didn't let myself get too deep in it, because 1065 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,440 Speaker 2: I also realized I probably still had some stuff to 1066 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,040 Speaker 2: work through, which I'm glad I did this summer, and 1067 00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:17,440 Speaker 2: I think I'm now to a point where I'm like, okay, 1068 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,560 Speaker 2: but I'm not on the app. Like I've deleted Hinge 1069 00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,680 Speaker 2: from my phone, I think my profile may still be up. 1070 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:24,319 Speaker 2: Like I think if we downloaded Hinge onto my phone 1071 00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,840 Speaker 2: right now so we can still access the profile. 1072 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,799 Speaker 1: Well, we do need to make sure that eventually that 1073 00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:33,359 Speaker 1: gets deleted if if we dr yeah, because a lot 1074 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:35,239 Speaker 1: of people, I think a lot of guys don't know 1075 00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,440 Speaker 1: that if you just delete the app, your profile is 1076 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,080 Speaker 1: still active, and then it looks like you're like on 1077 00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:40,400 Speaker 1: Hinge while you're like married. 1078 00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,600 Speaker 2: Oh gosh, yeah, that would be bad. But it's funny 1079 00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:46,880 Speaker 2: now to not even thinking about marriage yet unless sometimes naturally, 1080 00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:48,799 Speaker 2: my brain will go there, but I redirect it back 1081 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,440 Speaker 2: to the present because before I was dating in my twenties, 1082 00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:56,480 Speaker 2: that's what I thought about all the time. Marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, kids, kids' kids. 1083 00:53:56,719 --> 00:53:58,280 Speaker 2: But now it's like, Okay, I already have the kids 1084 00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,439 Speaker 2: and I've already been married, so. 1085 00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,680 Speaker 1: I'm allowed to just have fun and enjoying myself. 1086 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,799 Speaker 2: I'm allowed to figure out what I want, and that 1087 00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:08,160 Speaker 2: might mean you need to go out with multiple other people, 1088 00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,319 Speaker 2: and I may need to do that too, Like, I 1089 00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:13,359 Speaker 2: may meet somebody else at some point, I may have 1090 00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:16,640 Speaker 2: a friend set me up with someone. Then I might 1091 00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:19,359 Speaker 2: be blown away. I don't know, but right now I'm 1092 00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:20,719 Speaker 2: enjoying Raym. I'm not looking for that. 1093 00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,879 Speaker 1: You're very close to your sister, So what has she 1094 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:27,279 Speaker 1: been like in this process, especially because she did know 1095 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,120 Speaker 1: your ex husband, maybe even longer than you. 1096 00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,720 Speaker 2: She's very supportive and was very supportive during the divorce 1097 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,960 Speaker 2: process too. In fact, she was one of the first 1098 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:39,799 Speaker 2: people that even said to me, if you want to 1099 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,160 Speaker 2: file for some sort of separation, like, I support you, 1100 00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:47,760 Speaker 2: and I thought, really I needed to hear that. Yeah, 1101 00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:50,160 Speaker 2: thank you for saying that, because again back to the 1102 00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,200 Speaker 2: first part of this podcast, sharing that story, like I 1103 00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,040 Speaker 2: almost feel like parts of me got married for her 1104 00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:59,640 Speaker 2: and others, so then to have that permission, But also 1105 00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,719 Speaker 2: I can't put that on them, like I didn't. I 1106 00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,759 Speaker 2: need a choice, and I'm glad that I chose it, 1107 00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:07,799 Speaker 2: and I did want to. I just think that, you know, 1108 00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:09,640 Speaker 2: if I had sat with it longer, or we got 1109 00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,560 Speaker 2: to know each other longer, we could have figured some 1110 00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:13,920 Speaker 2: other things out, and who knows, maybe we'd have both 1111 00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,040 Speaker 2: gotten some healing early on, and then our marriage would 1112 00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,400 Speaker 2: have been more fruitful. I know that my sister always 1113 00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,920 Speaker 2: wanted it to be this huge redemption story because she 1114 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:26,319 Speaker 2: loves that, but she also was supportive that it didn't 1115 00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:28,360 Speaker 2: end up going that way. But she would present that 1116 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:28,560 Speaker 2: to me. 1117 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 1: She's like, what if. 1118 00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,480 Speaker 2: There's this beautiful story of redemption? And I think that 1119 00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,080 Speaker 2: there still is a beautiful story here. It's just not 1120 00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:39,400 Speaker 2: fully out there, or maybe it never will be fully told, 1121 00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:43,120 Speaker 2: but within our circle it is and I think there's 1122 00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:45,040 Speaker 2: a lot of beautiful pieces to it. But it's been 1123 00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,759 Speaker 2: fun to talk to her about the dating since I 1124 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,040 Speaker 2: don't have our parents are not here to kind of 1125 00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:53,800 Speaker 2: I would obviously want their advice or their thoughts, but 1126 00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:54,920 Speaker 2: it's good to have hers. 1127 00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:58,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and with it's fun. Thank you for sharing 1128 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,600 Speaker 1: all this lot. It might not feel like a lot, 1129 00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:02,120 Speaker 1: but it's a lot. 1130 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,640 Speaker 2: I feel like there was anything helpful, not in a 1131 00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:10,120 Speaker 2: bad way. You don't have to say I believe Okay, okay, 1132 00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:11,880 Speaker 2: I'm saying right now, I'll say it, and then you 1133 00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,279 Speaker 2: say what you're gonna say, because I'm gonna say and 1134 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,000 Speaker 2: see if it's similar. But like, there doesn't always have 1135 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,799 Speaker 2: to be a reason for everything. It's just sharing. Yeah, 1136 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,399 Speaker 2: storytelling is see, that's you. 1137 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,960 Speaker 1: Practice what you're trying to learn. Yeah, I don't believe 1138 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:28,080 Speaker 1: there has to always be this aha, juicy, crazy factoid 1139 00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,640 Speaker 1: thing for something to be helpful. Somebody just might want 1140 00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:33,799 Speaker 1: to hear somebody else talk about their story that they 1141 00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,759 Speaker 1: can relate to in some way. That's all it might 1142 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,480 Speaker 1: need to be. So somebody talking about the ins and 1143 00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:42,879 Speaker 1: outs of their experience can be all somebody else needs 1144 00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,320 Speaker 1: to be encouraged or to feel less alone, or to 1145 00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:48,239 Speaker 1: feel like, oh, there's not something like massively wrong with 1146 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:51,160 Speaker 1: me because I've gone through this. So yes, I think 1147 00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,600 Speaker 1: it was helpful. People sharing the insides of their outsides 1148 00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:55,200 Speaker 1: is helpful. 1149 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:58,040 Speaker 2: I think that too, if you've got kids in the mix, 1150 00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:02,520 Speaker 2: being incredibly patient that and introducing like I don't know 1151 00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:05,880 Speaker 2: when we'll do that, but we already experienced it. On 1152 00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,960 Speaker 2: Bin's side, because he's been dating someone for a long 1153 00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:13,239 Speaker 2: time and they've met, and I think he waited a 1154 00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:16,080 Speaker 2: good amount of time. But that's the question I've gotten before, 1155 00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:19,160 Speaker 2: is like how long? And I don't know that there's 1156 00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:23,200 Speaker 2: an answer, but I wouldn't do it right away because 1157 00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:27,520 Speaker 2: that's just introducing your kids to someone that they could 1158 00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,280 Speaker 2: potentially get attached to, or just adding another layer that 1159 00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,280 Speaker 2: doesn't allow you to be fully present, because it's like why. 1160 00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,400 Speaker 1: When the ages of your kids probably matter in that 1161 00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:38,680 Speaker 1: as well, Absolutely be present with it too, continue to 1162 00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:40,760 Speaker 1: assess it, like I will have to be. 1163 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:42,240 Speaker 2: Like and why do I feel like I want to 1164 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:43,160 Speaker 2: do this so quickly? 1165 00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:47,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? The same with like defining relationships. I think that 1166 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,280 Speaker 1: a lot of times there can be a rush to 1167 00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:52,120 Speaker 1: do that because it's so exciting or because there's so 1168 00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,240 Speaker 1: much anxiety around it in the control aspect, But there's 1169 00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,960 Speaker 1: not a right time to do that either. It can 1170 00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:00,920 Speaker 1: be different based on different people. All Right, we'll end 1171 00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,959 Speaker 1: with that. Thank you, And like I said, Amy hosts 1172 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,360 Speaker 1: the Four Things podcasts, and like she said, I co 1173 00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:09,000 Speaker 1: host it with her on Tuesday, So if you want 1174 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,400 Speaker 1: to hear more conversations with us, you can listen to 1175 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:14,320 Speaker 1: that Four Things with Amy Brown. Any final thoughts. 1176 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,640 Speaker 2: Thanks for having me, and just thanks for being a 1177 00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,640 Speaker 2: good friend during this time. And that encouragement that I 1178 00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,280 Speaker 2: was speaking about, You've been a really good example of 1179 00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:27,200 Speaker 2: what that encouragement looks like. And I know not everybody 1180 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,560 Speaker 2: has that, so My hope would be if someone's going 1181 00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:31,120 Speaker 2: through this that they can find that. 1182 00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's been fun. That hasn't been always fun. 1183 00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,240 Speaker 1: The dark times were not fun, but it's been fun 1184 00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:37,400 Speaker 1: to watch you in this last season. 1185 00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:37,960 Speaker 2: Thanks. 1186 00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,200 Speaker 1: You can follow the podcast at You Need Therapy Podcast, 1187 00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:44,360 Speaker 1: and you can email us any questions, feedback, or anything 1188 00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:47,960 Speaker 1: you have Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. 1189 00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,880 Speaker 1: Until Wednesday. I hope you guys have the day you 1190 00:58:50,920 --> 00:59:00,120 Speaker 1: need to have. Bye bye m