1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:01,400 Speaker 1: Music Saved Me. 2 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:04,680 Speaker 2: Hey there, amln Hoffman, host of the Music Saved Me podcast, 3 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 2: and from time to time we like to recommend and 4 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 2: share other podcasts we love with you. We really love 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 2: the great work of all the wonderful people at Home 6 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 2: Based Nation in Boston and all the great work they 7 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 2: do to support our heroes, the veterans and their families, 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 2: and we invite you to check out this episode of 9 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 2: Home Based Nation featuring a past guest that we had 10 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 2: on this podcast, the great singer songwriter Force of Nature 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: Mary Goshet. 12 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:39,880 Speaker 3: Revels and rules would be. 13 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,160 Speaker 1: Behold to. 14 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 4: Juney Wecord moreing Jeans revels Rules, it would be. 15 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 5: The song you're listening to is called Rifles and Rosary 16 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 5: Beats on the album with the same title that was 17 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 5: Grammy nominated for Best Folk Album in twenty eighteen. It 18 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 5: was written by two people, Mary Gosche and Iraq veteran 19 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 5: Joe Costello. Mary was introduced to co writing with veterans 20 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 5: through the organization's Songwriting with Soldiers. She says this type 21 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 5: of work is all about agency, creating a place for 22 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 5: the service member to transition from being the story to 23 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 5: becoming the storyteller, and she writes in her recent book, 24 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 5: Saved by a Song, this is what songs do best. 25 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 5: They show our insides on the outside. On Home Based 26 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 5: Nation Today, a conversation with songwriter, author, and military family 27 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 5: member Mary Gosche. I'm your host, Ron Hershberg, Thanks for 28 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 5: tuning in. A New Orleans native, Mary had a revelation 29 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 5: in July nineteen ninety while listening on her car radio 30 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 5: to the song Strange Fire by the Indigo Girls. The 31 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,240 Speaker 5: song ended, she clenched the steering wheel and cried, and 32 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 5: she tells me I was in pain, a pain of 33 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 5: living in unlived life. She may have been showing success 34 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 5: on paper at the time, a head chef and owner 35 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 5: of the thriving restaurant Dixie Kitchen in Boston, but her 36 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:28,959 Speaker 5: life was spiraling downward with addiction, alcohol, failed relationships mixed 37 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 5: with sadness. 38 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember banging my hands against the steering wheel 39 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: and crying. I was miserable. I was successful, but I 40 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: didn't I wasn't sober, and I wasn't happy. 41 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 5: A few months later, she was pulled over for drunk 42 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 5: driving and things started to change for the better, and 43 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 5: she has remained sober since for thirty two years. Through songs, 44 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 5: she discovered that she could express things that she was 45 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 5: not able to express in other ways. She gained confidence 46 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 5: in writing and performing. 47 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, I look at it as it's magic. You take 48 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: some of the darkest days of your life and write 49 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: about it in a song, and you make something beautiful 50 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: out of it. I mean, that's alchemy. And here's the catch. 51 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: You're not going to outrun it. You can't outrun it. 52 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: It's with you. It's in you, it's in your body, 53 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: it's in your brain, it's in your soul, it's in 54 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: your emotional makeup. You're not going to outrun it. And 55 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: so for me, the answer was to stop running and 56 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: start slowly walking towards it and trying to alchemize it 57 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 1: with music and song. I didn't know that's what I 58 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: was doing. Of course, this is all in retrospect. 59 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 5: She wrote about early childhood trauma and both the pain 60 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 5: and blessings of being adopted at eleven months of age. 61 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 5: She wrote about family alcoholism, and her three wars growing 62 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 5: up Vietnam, her parents war with each other, and the 63 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 5: war between she and her father. Mary's dad served in 64 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 5: the Korean War, and her cousin was killed in Vietnam 65 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 5: at the age of twenty three. So the military family 66 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 5: service runs deep and Mary and these days, she continues 67 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 5: to serve others through her songs. For veterans, they can 68 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 5: heal personal wounds and offer something simple but essential, being seen. 69 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: When I start to discuss what I've been able to 70 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: do with the veterans, what we've been able to do 71 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: with the veterans, the way I look at it is 72 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: we're giving agency. You go from being the story to 73 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: being the story teller. The storyteller has agency. The storyteller 74 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 1: is able to make choices and to decide how the 75 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: story ends. 76 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 5: When Mary talks about her sessions with songwriting with soldiers, 77 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 5: you can almost hear the phrase in the room, me too, brother, 78 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 5: me too, when she describes service members sharing each other's songs. 79 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,600 Speaker 1: They're all scared. They're scared of being rejected, but the 80 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: opposite happens. They are embraced and empathy occurs. Everyone in 81 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 1: the room empathizes, and in that moment they're no longer alone. 82 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,600 Speaker 5: Along with songwriter Beth Nielson Chapman, she wrote with a 83 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 5: group of spouses of EOD or Explosive Ordinance disposal officers 84 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 5: called the War after the War about the challenge of 85 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 5: family reintegration. It's opening line, who's going to care for 86 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 5: the ones who care for the ones who went to war? 87 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: Being married to bomb expert whose job every day is 88 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: to dismantle bombs built to kill them, that's just a 89 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: crazy marriage to me. That's just that's the most intensity 90 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: I've ever heard. It sounds like a pressure cooker every 91 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: single day. And they're young people and they have kids, 92 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: and their husbands come home different. They come home eventually, 93 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 1: and they come home different. And so that led to 94 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: this notion that there's a war after the war and 95 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: we don't really talk about it. 96 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 5: This song, incidentally, was named Song of the Year in 97 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 5: twenty eighteen on NPR by the New Yorkers Malcolm Gladwell. 98 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 5: And just the other day, Mary released her brand new 99 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 5: and eleventh album, Dark Enough to See the Stars, and 100 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 5: we are honored to share a little preview with you, 101 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 5: so stick around for that. Mary joined us from her 102 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,159 Speaker 5: Nashville home and on our wall hung two flags, one 103 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 5: for Ukraine and the other a large rainbow American flag, 104 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,159 Speaker 5: highlighted by sparkling lights, creating a glow in an interview 105 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 5: in twenty nineteen with the Love to All Project, Mary said, 106 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 5: I am the first openly queer person to play the 107 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,840 Speaker 5: Grand Old Opry. I work in a musical genre where 108 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 5: most often I am the only gay person. I don't 109 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 5: let that stop me. I am so much more than 110 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 5: just queer in my work. I focus on what connects 111 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 5: people and it works out well. It's Pride Month, and 112 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 5: this word pride has powerful meaning when having the privilege 113 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 5: of sitting with Mary Gachet. Mary shares with us the 114 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 5: pride of being a supporter of our veterans and military 115 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 5: families and the pride of being a savior of so 116 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 5: many with her songs. Thanks so much for joining us momb. 117 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 3: Down School homes kids in the street. 118 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: Long Mary go'she Hello, good to see you. 119 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 5: Great to see you. I am so happy to have 120 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 5: you on the zoom as they say together, gosh. We 121 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 5: met a few years ago at City Winery in the 122 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 5: back room, the green room, and we met with Mary Judd, 123 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 5: and there was a veteran that you that you had 124 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 5: co written with or was on the songwriting with Soldiers team, 125 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 5: and that was a great moment. I'll get to it 126 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 5: in a little bit. But to sort of see where 127 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 5: you were in your career at that moment, and then 128 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:49,239 Speaker 5: learning more about you and now listening to your book 129 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 5: this past couple of weeks, Wow, the journey was It 130 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 5: just started for me when I got to know you 131 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 5: like three years ago, four years ago. But knowing what 132 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 5: you've pomplished before that time, to me is just it's great. 133 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 5: It's great to talk with you now. 134 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: It's been a it's been a journey, you know, it's 135 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 1: been a journey. I really do believe that music and 136 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: song has been integral in my in my recovery, and 137 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: in my transformation from a human disaster area and a 138 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: functional being. 139 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 5: Into a functional being. Not only quite functional, but you 140 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 5: know someone who not only wrote this great book saved 141 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 5: by a song, and then went into the studio and 142 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 5: read it and spoke spoken word. So one of the 143 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 5: things you started off in the book, I think it 144 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 5: was near the beginning you said you like to go 145 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 5: for walks, and that's when you kind of breathe think 146 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 5: about ideas. 147 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I did that for a decade and it's 148 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: actually pivoted now. I swim, okay, I swim a mile 149 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: a day, but it's the same process. I'm in another zone. 150 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 1: Ideas come or I sort out stuff without consciously trying 151 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: to while I'm just counting my strokes. 152 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 5: In that sort of state of flow. You know. I 153 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 5: mentioned that, Mary, because I've been going on walks, uh, 154 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 5: and I've been actually doing some running, trying to get 155 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 5: back in shape, and I was I walked and ran 156 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 5: to your book over seven hours in the last couple 157 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 5: of weeks. 158 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: Oh wow, so we're we're we're acquainted now. 159 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 5: Yeah, so you've been hanging out. You didn't know it, Mary, 160 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 5: but you've been hanging out with me for a while, 161 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 5: and we've been like, you know, going down the block, 162 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 5: We've gone around the track. I've had some moments where 163 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 5: I've stopped in my tracks and need to pull over. 164 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,959 Speaker 5: And I know that's kind of what you One of 165 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 5: the one of the big parts of your journey was, uh, 166 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 5: was pulling over that pulling over when you heard that 167 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 5: Indigo Girls song Strange Fire. 168 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, there was some message in the bottle for me, 169 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,439 Speaker 1: but I didn't know what it was. I didn't know 170 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: what it was for quite a while, and it took 171 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: it took quite a while to make sense of that feeling. 172 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 1: It was more than just a song. It was there 173 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: was so much in that sound and I had no 174 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 1: idea what it was trying to tell me, but it was. 175 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 5: And you look back on that and I think you 176 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 5: told Amy Ray, who interviewed you, you had the pain 177 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 5: of an unlived life. Can you that's right? Can we 178 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 5: dive into that? 179 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 1: We can? It's hard to you know, we are really 180 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: complex beings and there's so much about that that's hard 181 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 1: to express in language. But I think that drugs and 182 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: alcohol blocked me from what I would have done otherwise. 183 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: Of course I didn't know that's what was going on. 184 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: So I ended up doing what I could, and I did, 185 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 1: you know, pretty well. I found investors. I was able 186 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: to be part owner of a couple of restaurants in Boston. 187 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: The first one was a little placed on the bottom 188 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: of Beacon Hill called Lunch Break across from Mesh General 189 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: and we did that successfully for years. And then opened 190 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 1: up Dixie, the Dixie Kitchen, which we did for over 191 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: a decade, the Louisiana style food in Boston. And I 192 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: had a little clamshack on the beach in Dorchester by 193 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: the Salvon Hill Yacht Club Salvn Hill, and I was 194 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: able to do that kind of work. But what my 195 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: soul was interested in was music and song. And I 196 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 1: hadn't even tried because I didn't think I could. And 197 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: when I heard the sound of the Indigo Girl voices, 198 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: that just opened a like a I called it a trapdoor, 199 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: and I just fell through it. And it was like, 200 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: oh my god, what is this feeling? It feels horrible. 201 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: I love the song, I loved the sound, but the 202 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: feeling felt horrible. 203 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 5: That's when you pulled over. 204 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember banging my hands against the steering wheel 205 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: and crying. I was miserable. I was successful, but I 206 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: didn't I wasn't sober, and I wasn't happy, and I 207 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: was going down the wrong road fast, like metaphorically, I 208 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: was sinking in addictions. And you know, not too long 209 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 1: after that, I got arrested for drunk driving. And that 210 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: was the best thing that ever happened to me, because 211 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: I got sober. That was July nineteen ninety And. 212 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 5: You're I think you're thirty two years Can I do 213 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 5: the math? 214 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 1: Thirty two years clean and sober? 215 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 5: Yeah, congratulations, my friend. 216 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: Thank you. 217 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. 218 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: And so my early recovery was about trying to make 219 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: sense of that feeling about wondering and asking what am 220 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 1: I supposed to be doing? What would I do if 221 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: I could do anything? And the answer slowly started to 222 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,959 Speaker 1: become you'd be a songwriter. 223 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:24,319 Speaker 5: It took getting pulled over by a cop and arrested 224 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,959 Speaker 5: for drunk driving. But then again, it sounds like when 225 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 5: you were sober was really when the magic happened. 226 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 1: Right right after I got sober, I started to develop 227 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: emotionally and spiritually. And you know, anybody addicted to drugs 228 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 1: and alcohol is not developing in any way completely stuck 229 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: as a human being in many ways developmentally, I was 230 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 1: fourteen when I got sober at twenty seven. 231 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 5: You were fourteen when you got sober at twenty seven. 232 00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: Emotionally, spiritually, yeah, so. 233 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,959 Speaker 5: And when you look at that time, was it the 234 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 5: opportunity to get into music and explore You talk a 235 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 5: lot about your book, how you know, getting getting on 236 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 5: that stage, whether it's club passim or another writer's round 237 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 5: where it's terrifying. But was it the anticipation of the 238 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 5: music that that drove you or was were you actually 239 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 5: feeling that you could write songs and perform and thus 240 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 5: that gave you more drive? It was a chicken of 241 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 5: the egg. 242 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: I had no idea what I was doing. I just 243 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: knew that that it was compelling to me to do 244 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: it and to get better at it. And I was 245 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: like everyone in the very beginning, I wasn't good at it, 246 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: so I had to learn how to do it. I 247 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: remember for quite some time, maybe years, on stage, just praying, 248 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: please help me to be as good at this as 249 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 1: I am at making gumbo and jambalaya. You know, it's 250 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: just that's all I'm asking Lord, Just get me there. 251 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: As you know, as I learned to be in the kitchen, 252 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: I knew I could learn to be on stage, but 253 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: I had to. I had to go through it in 254 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: real time in front of people, and that's humbling. And 255 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: I don't know why I was willing to do that. 256 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: Awful lot of people are not. I think it's because 257 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: I was sober, and I knew that whatever happened after 258 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: I got sober, it was all just a gift, because really, 259 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: if there were justice and fairness, I should have been dead. 260 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: So this was all kind of bonus. I'm still I'm 261 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: living in this bonus time. I got these bonus rounds, 262 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: and so that kind of round freed me to do 263 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: crazy things like get on stage when I knew that 264 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: I was not good at it. 265 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 5: So you went into this new culture, build yourself up, 266 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 5: got some fans around you, got people to really raise 267 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 5: an eyebrow that you had something to say, but that 268 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 5: you were kind of ballsy enough to do it, frankly right. 269 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 5: And the book is called Saved by a Song, So 270 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 5: you know, you don't have to read the book to 271 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 5: make the assumption that you were saved by music and 272 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 5: that transition and that moment that you just talked about. 273 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: I honestly believe that to be true. 274 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 5: And how how how has it saved others? And I 275 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 5: think is a big question. I want to get into 276 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 5: that a little, Mary, because you know I was just 277 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 5: when I said I was stopping my track, I was 278 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 5: thinking about you and Saint Vincent's thinking about that. Really, 279 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 5: you know, when you went to search for where you were, 280 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 5: where your birth, where you're a biological mom had dropped 281 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 5: you off at Saint Vincent's. And then the time that 282 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 5: you know you were struck by when HIV took its 283 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 5: to and and you really were kind of speaking for 284 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 5: that community that was really really not only ostracized but 285 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 5: lost and like not having a lot. There wasn't people 286 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 5: wrapping their arms around them. There weren't people wrapping around 287 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 5: their arms around them. And then talking about alcoholism itself 288 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 5: in an addiction, not to mention what of course, through 289 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 5: home base, we'll talk about the veteran experience. So I'm 290 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 5: throwing a lot of these in. You know, these are 291 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 5: chapters in your book, but there are chapters in your life, 292 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 5: in your life, yeah, and they're part of you. 293 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 294 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 5: So I'm kind of wondering when you sort of sit 295 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 5: back and you think about this, what's the thread here? 296 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 5: What's the commonality between all of this? 297 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: I think it doesn't make sense while you're in it, 298 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: and then you start to make sense of it. It's 299 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: in retrospect. Here's what I think. I think I grabbed 300 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 1: on to music and songs because my soul somehow intrinsically 301 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: new that I had to express things that I couldn't 302 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,920 Speaker 1: express any other way, and those things had a lot 303 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: to do with my addiction. What caused me to be 304 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: an attic at age thirteen? How does that happen? How 305 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 1: what happens? How does a person end up that way? 306 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,159 Speaker 1: And the answer is is because they're in pain and 307 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,520 Speaker 1: they're playing doctor. They're medicating their own pain. Okay, why 308 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: was I in pain? And I had to start tracing 309 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,159 Speaker 1: it back, and for me, all roads led to Saint Vincent's. 310 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 1: The day I was born, my mother gave me up 311 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: for adoption, and I spent a year at Saint Vincent's 312 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,400 Speaker 1: before I was adopted, and in that time, my first 313 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: year on Earth, I didn't have parents and I was 314 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 1: not held enough. I was probably not fed enough, and 315 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 1: I ended up catatonic. And I didn't know any of 316 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: this until my almost late forties. Nobody told me that 317 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 1: I was catatonic when I was adopted. They didn't just sick, well, sorry, 318 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: go ahead and marriage. I didn't think it was something 319 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: I should be told, so I had to trace all 320 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 1: this myself, and using music and song as my springboard, 321 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 1: like I'm going to write songs about it, gave me 322 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 1: the courage to do it. 323 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 5: Your mom said that it took a couple of weeks, 324 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 5: but she reversed that. You say catatonia, So you weren't 325 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,719 Speaker 5: looking left right, weren't You weren't interacting with people at 326 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 5: eleven months old, which is obviously a tough thing. A 327 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,840 Speaker 5: tough pill to swallow to someone to tell you that 328 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 5: that was you. But look what your mom. Look at 329 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 5: the gift that she gave you. 330 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 1: Absolutely that is probably, you know, the story for so 331 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: many adoptive and children that you need to attach to someone, 332 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,400 Speaker 1: and without attachment, you you shrivel and and and die 333 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 1: as you would to live as a baby. Uh And 334 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: uh uh you know, the the gift of adoption uh 335 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: is one that uh uh Uh that that that I 336 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 1: don't take lightly and I'm always going to be grateful 337 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: for that. That said, trauma of that first year uh 338 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 1: and the attachment disorder it left me with uh were 339 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: something I had to contend with and those were mine 340 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: uh And I had to as an adult start making 341 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 1: sense of it right uh. And this is where music 342 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:46,239 Speaker 1: and song came in so handy, because that's where I 343 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: was driven to write about that kind of real stuff. Uh. 344 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: And as as I worked my way through it, I 345 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 1: started getting better, and uh the hole in my soul 346 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: started closing. And at some point I was asked to 347 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,159 Speaker 1: work with Darden and songwriting with Soldiers, and I had 348 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: already had a deep understanding of how transformative music and 349 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: song could be around trauma. Right from my personal story right. 350 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 5: The theme really, so trauma is really kind of a 351 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 5: universal problem for kids, for adults, for civilians, for veterans, 352 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 5: and unleashing that opening that up is painful, but yet 353 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 5: what joy you can bring to somebody that goes through 354 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 5: that process. And actually, because you talk a lot about 355 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 5: how it's a translation, it's a way to talk about 356 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 5: things that you can't express. 357 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: Any other way. Yeah, yeah, I look at it as alchemy. 358 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,159 Speaker 1: It's magic. You take some of the darkest days of 359 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: your life and write about it in a song and 360 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: you make something beautiful out of it. I mean, that's alchemy. 361 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 1: And here's the You're not going to outrun it. You 362 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: can't outrun it. It's with you. It's in you, it's 363 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,240 Speaker 1: in your body, it's in your brain, it's in your soul, 364 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,719 Speaker 1: it's in your emotional makeup. You're not going to outrun it. 365 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 1: And so for me, the answer was to stop running 366 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: and start slowly walking towards it and trying to alchemize 367 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: it with music and song. I didn't know that's what 368 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: I was doing. Of course, this is all in retrospect, 369 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,440 Speaker 1: but when I start to discuss what I've been able 370 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 1: to do, with the veterans. What we've been able to 371 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,920 Speaker 1: do with the veterans. The way I look at it 372 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: is we're giving agency. You go from being the story 373 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 1: to being the story teller. The storyteller has agency. The 374 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:45,959 Speaker 1: storyteller is able to make choices and to decide how 375 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: the story ends. 376 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean you mentioned Darden Smith and Mary Judges 377 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 5: who started songwriting the Soldiers in twenty twelve. So now 378 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 5: we're looking at this is ten years ago, and that's 379 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 5: I met you know, I met Darden probably in twenty sixteen, 380 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 5: and like you and many, I was blown away by 381 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,239 Speaker 5: the concept. It sounded like you had the resume in 382 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 5: a sense, because you've been there, done that, You've you've 383 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:12,120 Speaker 5: been able to translate trauma. Now I'm going to read 384 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 5: your Rifles and Rosary Beads song if I may. Mirrors 385 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 5: frightened me. I don't recognize what I see. A stranger 386 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,840 Speaker 5: with blood on his hands. Brother, I'm not that man. 387 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 5: Rifles and rosary beats, you hold tight, You hold on tight, 388 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 5: you hold on to what you need. Vic it in 389 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 5: morphine dreams, Rifles and rosary beats, there's a lot in 390 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 5: that mm hmm. In that one Stanza you wrote that 391 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 5: with Joe Costello veteran, right, you remember sitting down? 392 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 1: I do. Yeah. Joe was withdrawn, gaunt. He wasn't interacting 393 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: with the group very much. He looked down a lot. 394 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 1: He clearly was in pain. And you know, he had 395 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 1: written a poem called Rifles and Rosary Beads, and we 396 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:13,719 Speaker 1: talked about it, and the imagery was so powerful, the visual, uh, 397 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,879 Speaker 1: you know, the idea of what are you holding on to? 398 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 1: Over there in Fallujah? You know, some guys are holding 399 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: their rifles, some guys are holding rosary beads, And so 400 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 1: I asked him, what were you holding on too? And 401 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: he got tears in his eyes and he said vicotin. 402 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: I said, well, I understand that we're we're on the 403 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: same page. There. I understand using medication, uh illegally to 404 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,800 Speaker 1: to to self medicate pain and fear and grief and 405 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:53,640 Speaker 1: sorrow and separation and loneliness. We understood each other. 406 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 5: Did that change the dynamic? 407 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: It did? We built trust right then and there, right 408 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: and then he told me he didn't look in the 409 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,399 Speaker 1: mirror anymore. And that's how that ended up in the song. 410 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 5: Now, talking about the mirror, it reminds me of the mask. 411 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 5: It reminds me of So we do some therapy at 412 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 5: home base where it's mass therapy. That's stuff they do 413 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 5: at well to read where you paint the inside and 414 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 5: you paint the outside, and the veteran can express how 415 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 5: they view themselves inside and how others view them outside. 416 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 5: And it really made me think of that when you 417 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,640 Speaker 5: when you said the following, you know, you said, songs 418 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 5: are what this is what songs do best. They show 419 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 5: our insides on the outside. 420 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 1: That's right. 421 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 5: Humans are all in the same boat. This new vulnerability 422 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 5: is being witnessed and what it does, it connects that 423 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 5: sense of self and also to each other, so that 424 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:57,120 Speaker 5: outside and inside. I was, you know, listening to you 425 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 5: talk about that. I'm hearing the songs on the album. 426 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,679 Speaker 5: I'm thinking about the lyrics. But to hear you describe 427 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,840 Speaker 5: what they do, I think pulls it all together and 428 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 5: tell me about how it was when they when you 429 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 5: perform that song for his comrades, for his family. 430 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: Right, that's part of the Songwrity. Missildio's program is we 431 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,919 Speaker 1: co write with the veteran and then we play the 432 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: song in front of the group in the early evening. 433 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: And when I started to play the song I'd written 434 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 1: with Joe. He was absolutely terrified because he was fixing 435 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: to be seen in a way he hadn't been seen before. 436 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:44,120 Speaker 1: He was shaken. About halfway in there, he was crying. 437 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,439 Speaker 1: It was all I could do not to cry. We 438 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,680 Speaker 1: almost always cry. It's part of it, you know. I'm 439 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,439 Speaker 1: not a therapist. I can cry if I want to, 440 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: and I cry because it's so moving and because I 441 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,359 Speaker 1: know that what's about to happen is he's going to 442 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: be embraced. The deepest fear is that he's going to 443 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: be rejected. Of course, that's why he's scared. They're all scared. 444 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 1: They're scared of being rejected. But the opposite happens. They 445 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:12,920 Speaker 1: they are embraced, and empathy occurs. Everyone in the room empathizes, 446 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: and in that moment they're no longer alone. Someone sees 447 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,719 Speaker 1: them on the inside and says the magic words, me too, brother, 448 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: me too. You know he got you know, people putting 449 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 1: their arms around him, patting him on the back, saying 450 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,199 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, thank you. I know, I know 451 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: that feeling. I know I know what you're talking about. 452 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: I feel that way. It takes someone from the edge 453 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 1: and brings them back into the middle. It's huge mirrors. 454 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: Me don't recognis what else? See the stranger with blue 455 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: on his hands, Brother, I'm no that man. Raffles and 456 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:19,199 Speaker 1: rolls bes. You hold on to ju need acan mo. 457 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:34,360 Speaker 3: Fien treat raffles and roll bes refels and rules, beats 458 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 3: you hold on to. 459 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: You need. 460 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 5: You continue to do that. Mm hmmm, yeah, you continue 461 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 5: to do the retreats. You mentioned also that that great 462 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 5: song with Beth Nielson Chapman where you sat around with 463 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 5: was it mostly wives? 464 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: We sat around with w yes by spouses EOD wives 465 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 1: talking about what it's like to be married to a 466 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 1: bomb expert And. 467 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 5: Oh, I didn't know that they were all EOD. 468 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. 469 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 5: It's so kind of a specific world within a world. 470 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, the high risk. It's a very high risk job 471 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:21,880 Speaker 1: in all branches of the military explosive ordinance disposal. And 472 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 1: being married to bomb expert whose job every day is 473 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: to dismantle bombs built to kill them, that's just a 474 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 1: crazy marriage to me. That's just that's the most intensity 475 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: I've ever heard. It sounds like it sounds like a 476 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 1: pressure cooker every single day. And they're young people, and 477 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:44,960 Speaker 1: they have kids and oh my goodness, and their husbands 478 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 1: come home different. They come home eventually, and they come 479 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: home different. And so that led to this notion that 480 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,719 Speaker 1: there's a war after the war and we don't really 481 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 1: talk about it. And so that's the type the song. 482 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 1: I think you're referencing the war, the war. 483 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 5: The war after the war is something that everyone in 484 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 5: that room could identify with, right because the struggles of 485 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 5: transition back and how you reintegrate back to your life 486 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 5: and back to your kids and your wife or your 487 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 5: husband or your spouse and your work. How is that 488 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 5: taking back to some of your other travels. I mean, 489 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 5: you've traveled in so many countries marry and played in 490 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 5: every state and you connect with people, they connect with you, 491 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 5: they come to your shows. They also talk with you 492 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 5: and you talk with them and you listen, tell me 493 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 5: about some of the stuff with rifles and rosary beads, 494 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 5: specifically that veteran military spouse community. What comes to mind 495 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 5: when you think about playing those live and talking with 496 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 5: the military families during those gigs. 497 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I was in Texas last week. We 498 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: played outside of Wimberley, a little festival at a Texas 499 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: roadhouse on air condition ninety eight degrees, full on Texas 500 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 1: kind of thing, And after we played, women came up 501 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: to the table in tears and wanted to hug me 502 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 1: and she said, the war, after the war, that's me. 503 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 1: I get those almost every single night when I play 504 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: the songs from Rifles and Rosarypies. There's people in the 505 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: audience who have lived it. And what happens I think 506 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 1: is cathartic. On the surface, if you're standing there watching it, 507 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 1: it looks like there's sorrow, like it looks sad, But 508 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: I think it's catharsis. I think it helps people to 509 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 1: not feel alone, to help people to know that they're 510 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 1: going through something a lot of other people are going 511 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,720 Speaker 1: through and they're not singled out. It's not unique to them, 512 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 1: and they're not alone. They may feel alone and they 513 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 1: may not even have anybody to talk to, but they're 514 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 1: not alone. And all they got to do is start 515 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: talking about this stuff and they'll find their community of 516 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: other people. It's the secrecy, secrecy in silence that kills us. 517 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: So I think of it as a catharsis and aha, 518 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 1: and like, well, maybe I can talk about this. I 519 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: think there's hope in it. But if you were to 520 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: look at it and not know all that. It looks 521 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: like an interaction of sadness, but it's not. It's transformative. 522 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 5: That transformation can save lives. It sounds kind of a 523 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,320 Speaker 5: you know, it sounds out there, of course, to say 524 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 5: that a song saves a life. Okay here, I'm actually 525 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,640 Speaker 5: sitting in the intensive care unit right now. Is a 526 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 5: song going to save a life today? No, but it's 527 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 5: going to save and restore and bring hope and change 528 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 5: lives and save lives over time. What you've been able 529 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 5: to do with this collection, with your albums and with 530 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 5: your fans is really I was getting at before, not 531 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 5: only the veteran community, right, this all began years ago. 532 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 5: So that's a powerful thing. It is to save other lives. 533 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: It is, and I think it's connected to purpose. And 534 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 1: I honestly have a theory that the ancients knew this. 535 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 1: I think with the advent of the music business and 536 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,720 Speaker 1: the monetization of music as a product, we've collectively forgotten 537 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 1: what music is for. I think the gods gave us 538 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 1: music so we don't have to be alone. That's what 539 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 1: harmony is is in harmony together. And I think that 540 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 1: the ancient people's and not that long ago, knew that 541 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: we sing together to bring people home. And what are 542 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 1: soldiers struggling with? The inability to come all the way home? 543 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: They get here physically, but emotionally and spiritually, they can't 544 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,840 Speaker 1: find their way home. And this is something that music 545 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:51,520 Speaker 1: can expedite. And I've seen it in real time. And 546 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, listeners may not know this, 547 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: but we've lost more of our military to suicide than 548 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,240 Speaker 1: we did in the twenty odd years that they were 549 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: fighting in Afghanistan and in Iraq. And if we have 550 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: something that can help them come home and find peace, 551 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,960 Speaker 1: I think we should all be engaging in that and 552 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,279 Speaker 1: using that as a tool to help them come home. 553 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: They served us, We got to serve them. That's how 554 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:18,680 Speaker 1: I see it. 555 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:19,160 Speaker 5: You know. 556 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:22,960 Speaker 1: I was in Austin, like I said, outside of Wimberley, 557 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,800 Speaker 1: and we stayed in Austin last week and there's a 558 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 1: statue of a homeless veteran on the walk by the 559 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,359 Speaker 1: river and soldiers have put their dog tags on it. 560 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: So much homelessness and suffering and suicide and pain in 561 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,880 Speaker 1: the community that was of service. 562 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 5: Tell me, Mary, there's a lot of service going on 563 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 5: in your years of songwriting and connecting with people indirectly. Indirectly, 564 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,440 Speaker 5: you have been saving people along the way and really 565 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 5: giving them an opportunity to change or to heal, not 566 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:02,200 Speaker 5: just with this innovative, collaborative approach where you write with people, 567 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,280 Speaker 5: but obviously your your story that resonates. 568 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,399 Speaker 1: That's why I talk about it once. I talk about 569 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:13,200 Speaker 1: adoption as traumas. I talk about recovery from from alcohol 570 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,680 Speaker 1: and drug addiction and the possibilities that opens for people. 571 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: After you get sobered, you can live the life that 572 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,880 Speaker 1: you were put here to live. You don't have to 573 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,760 Speaker 1: suffer from an unlived life, your whole life. 574 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:29,799 Speaker 5: Yeah, back to that strange fire moment. Yeah, you're from 575 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 5: a military family. Yeah, and I don't think a lot 576 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 5: of people know that. 577 00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, my dad served in Korea, and in the last 578 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: days of his life, when when his brain was not 579 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,880 Speaker 1: functioning properly at all anymore, he kept thinking he was 580 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: testifying in some kind of military tribunal. He never talked 581 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:54,880 Speaker 1: about being in Korea. He was in intelligence and he 582 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,360 Speaker 1: just kept his in his you know, assisted living, saying 583 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 1: I need I need a yellow pad and a paper, 584 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: and you give it to him and he'd sir, No, sir, 585 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,520 Speaker 1: I cannot speak to that, sir like he was. He 586 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,520 Speaker 1: was a soldier. Again. It brought pears to my eyes. 587 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,080 Speaker 1: He never talked about it. The only thing I knew 588 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 1: about my father's military service was that he wouldn't allow 589 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: guns in our house. 590 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,960 Speaker 5: Your mom as a spouse, when you thought when you 591 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,879 Speaker 5: wrote that song with Beth, in a sense, your mom 592 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:26,040 Speaker 5: was one of those women. 593 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 1: And I didn't know it. Yeah, So much of this 594 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:36,319 Speaker 1: is mysterious, like you're doing something that has connections that 595 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: are real and you don't see him until after. It's 596 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:40,760 Speaker 1: so mysterious. 597 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,960 Speaker 5: Your dad, I mean, there's a I encourage please people 598 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 5: read this amazing book. You talk about alcoholism and you 599 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 5: talk about your dad, and this is a whole conversation 600 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,400 Speaker 5: in and of itself. But to what extent do you 601 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 5: if you look back, I mean, is there a connection 602 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,359 Speaker 5: there to his service? And I think so some of 603 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,840 Speaker 5: his own medication, I think so. 604 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 1: I think he experienced some kind of trauma, Yeah, and 605 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,120 Speaker 1: it damaged him. I do I believe that. 606 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, because Mary, I mean you mentioned something. I think 607 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,239 Speaker 5: this was earlier in the book. You talk about the 608 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 5: Vietnam War and you talk about your cousin Philip. 609 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, Philip died young in Vietnam. 610 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 5: He was twenty three Army KIA. You talk about the 611 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:30,360 Speaker 5: Vietnam War and I remember, you know, I'm a little 612 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 5: younger than you, but I remember Walter Cronkite, and he 613 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,640 Speaker 5: spanned a couple, you know, several decades, and I can 614 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 5: hear that as well. And then you talk about your parents' war, 615 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,320 Speaker 5: and then you talk about your own war with your dad. Yeah, 616 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 5: which is heavy stuff obviously, but that time in your life, 617 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,040 Speaker 5: even though it was so hard and you left home early, 618 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,640 Speaker 5: there was something really powerful that gave you the tools 619 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,160 Speaker 5: later in life. I always think back to that. I 620 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,359 Speaker 5: always wonder, you know, there's a power, There's something that 621 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 5: was in there that gave you the ability. It wasn't 622 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,560 Speaker 5: just being pulled over by that cop. 623 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 6: You know. 624 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,399 Speaker 1: I wish I could bottle it. I wish I could 625 00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 1: name it, even Like, why do some people get arrested 626 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,200 Speaker 1: for drunk driving and immediately when they get out of 627 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:23,160 Speaker 1: jail start drinking again. Why do some people get sober 628 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,560 Speaker 1: and some people just can't? You know? Why did some 629 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: people have this weird tenacity to go through being on 630 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,799 Speaker 1: stage and knowing you suck, and knowing there's no way 631 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 1: to get better at it. You can't get better in 632 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,479 Speaker 1: your living room. You got to do it in front 633 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: of people and work through the stage. Fright, Why would 634 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,480 Speaker 1: I stick with it and others be unable? I don't 635 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,640 Speaker 1: know what that is. I think it's constitutional. I think 636 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 1: I maybe have some just innate gifts that allowed me 637 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,760 Speaker 1: to keep going and to get sober. But I also 638 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,879 Speaker 1: think it's grace. I think there's some unmerited gift in 639 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 1: that that you don't deserve. That there's the notion of grace, 640 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,520 Speaker 1: amazing grace saved a wretch like me. I mean, I 641 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:20,080 Speaker 1: relate to that. I was a wretch. So it's ineffable 642 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: in so many ways. And there's no way to talk 643 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 1: about it without going into spiritual language, which becomes more 644 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:31,319 Speaker 1: and more ethereal and starts to sound like some sort 645 00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 1: of a religious pitch, and it's really not. It's quite practical, 646 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:39,800 Speaker 1: and there's no theology behind it. There's just there's mystery. 647 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,960 Speaker 5: There's nothing wrong with that, I know. Yeah. I mean, 648 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,920 Speaker 5: you mentioned to Amy Ray, who was gosh one of 649 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 5: my musical heroes. Me too. You said being terrified as 650 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:54,319 Speaker 5: part of the agreement, Amy, you know, and I just 651 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,880 Speaker 5: that hit me. I was actually what was I I 652 00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:00,200 Speaker 5: was doing the dishes the other day, you remember, or 653 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:04,720 Speaker 5: what you're doing sometimes when something somebody says something so prolific. Anyway, 654 00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 5: and then you went on to say that if going 655 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,840 Speaker 5: forward is the goal, fear is going to be the emotion. 656 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 5: So I think that connects to what you're saying, Mary, 657 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,879 Speaker 5: is that there's not without trepidation. There's fear here and 658 00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,160 Speaker 5: there's there's there's risks and it's not you know, I 659 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,239 Speaker 5: have to say, there's there's a lot that connects to 660 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 5: service our service members. You're serving in a different way 661 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:31,800 Speaker 5: and hats off. You know, behind you is that beautiful flag. 662 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,000 Speaker 5: I'm seeing two things right now. I'm seeing a proud 663 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,560 Speaker 5: military family member and a proud person that works with veterans. 664 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,880 Speaker 5: And I'm seeing pride because I know Pride Month is 665 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 5: coming up. Yeah, absolutely, happy early Pride. 666 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, that's another thing I need to talk 667 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:55,359 Speaker 1: about and not not not be in the shadows about it. 668 00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,480 Speaker 1: You know, I'm a I'm a i'm a i'm a 669 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,399 Speaker 1: gay woman, and i'm i'm i'm an advocate for LGBTQ. 670 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 1: People and all that I think we're asking for as 671 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:12,400 Speaker 1: respect and dignity. Uh and uh, you know, permission to 672 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:19,040 Speaker 1: live our lives without being assaulted or ridiculous laws being 673 00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:23,719 Speaker 1: passed against our personhood. And you see a Ukrainian flag too, 674 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm I'm definitely concerned what's going on over there in 675 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:35,000 Speaker 1: awe of the courage of those people, uh, and the 676 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 1: absolute tenacity and commitment to their democracy. I think Americans 677 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:46,040 Speaker 1: can learn a lot if we watch closely. What they're 678 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:50,880 Speaker 1: doing to save their democracy is astonishing. Uh and I 679 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:52,200 Speaker 1: fully support their effort. 680 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:53,320 Speaker 5: Yeah. 681 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:58,080 Speaker 1: So yeah, flags are powerful symbols, and yeah, you can 682 00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 1: you can definitely make a statement with the flag. 683 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,600 Speaker 5: You know, my daughter actually is fourteen and she I 684 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,920 Speaker 5: didn't know that the Pride flag was. I think it 685 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,839 Speaker 5: was in the seventies that it started to be more 686 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,840 Speaker 5: of a part of our culture. But things have really 687 00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,839 Speaker 5: changed since that time. Is over fifty years, Oh my god, 688 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,000 Speaker 5: so much. So. You're right, there's been some really amazing 689 00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:25,759 Speaker 5: advancements in the openness and the understanding is probably light 690 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,280 Speaker 5: years than it was when you started coming of age. 691 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:29,239 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah. 692 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,000 Speaker 5: But at the same time, it's not going away, and 693 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,239 Speaker 5: we know that there's a lot of lack of understanding. 694 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,560 Speaker 5: How does that connect to your writing? If anything. 695 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,400 Speaker 1: What's interesting to me is that when you go into 696 00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,319 Speaker 1: music and you start to take it seriously, and then 697 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,840 Speaker 1: you take the stage and you start building a career, 698 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: you don't choose your fans, they choose you. And I figured, 699 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,919 Speaker 1: you know, I probably would have a fan base that 700 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:57,520 Speaker 1: was more or less predominantly gay lesbian, and that's just 701 00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 1: not true. It's not my base at all. I connect 702 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,400 Speaker 1: deeply with heterosexual men who are a lot like me. 703 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,000 Speaker 1: My fan base looks more like a Guy Clark fan 704 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,319 Speaker 1: base or townsman Zant fan base, or you know, Chris 705 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:16,200 Speaker 1: Christofferson or the John Prime. 706 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,560 Speaker 5: It's those guys. 707 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's those guys. Those guys. I'm kindred with them, 708 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:30,840 Speaker 1: and my musical development was deeply influenced by them. And 709 00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,279 Speaker 1: the people who come to see me are people who 710 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:39,360 Speaker 1: would go to those shows. So it really, weirdly doesn't 711 00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,400 Speaker 1: have a lot to do with music for me. 712 00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:47,520 Speaker 5: I don't There shouldn't be an expectation that it does. 713 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,040 Speaker 1: You know, I'm the one who had it. Actually, I 714 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,399 Speaker 1: thought that's what it would be, but it's not. And 715 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:59,080 Speaker 1: I'm just grateful that I have people that come. Everybody's welcome, 716 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,680 Speaker 1: you know, if you can relate to what I'm doing, 717 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,239 Speaker 1: I'm so happy to have you there. Uh And and 718 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:11,480 Speaker 1: it's really a uh, a diverse group of people that 719 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: that come in. Uh And I don't you know, I 720 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: don't hide who I am. But I also that's that's 721 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,399 Speaker 1: not the nature of my songs. I don't. I don't 722 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,680 Speaker 1: sing about being gay. I don't. I don't know how 723 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:28,719 Speaker 1: to write songs about that. I write songs about being 724 00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:29,080 Speaker 1: a human. 725 00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, so so beautifully said, and so and so real. 726 00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:36,440 Speaker 5: I mean, you know what's interesting is that in a sense, 727 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,440 Speaker 5: you become an allies or you not an ally. You 728 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:44,000 Speaker 5: become a conduit for all types to really, you know, 729 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,359 Speaker 5: if there was ever a connection. It's really, like you said, 730 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,560 Speaker 5: those guys that may normally, you know, they may listen 731 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,799 Speaker 5: to Guy Clark and others and John Prian, but now 732 00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,239 Speaker 5: they're you know, part of the whole family. And it's 733 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:56,839 Speaker 5: a great thing. 734 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 6: You know. 735 00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,520 Speaker 5: It's interesting. Like I don't have a question here, but 736 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,960 Speaker 5: I when I was in college, it was nineteen eighty 737 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,600 Speaker 5: nine and I was in Burlington, Vermont. I remember seeing 738 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,719 Speaker 5: the Indigo Girls. We went, we heard about there's such 739 00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,680 Speaker 5: a buzz around that time, obviously, right, and here I am, 740 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:16,720 Speaker 5: you know, straight dude, you know, eighteen years old. Mostly women. 741 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,440 Speaker 5: I think there was probably like eighty percent women in 742 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,480 Speaker 5: the audience. I'm a songwriter as well, I'm a musician. 743 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,680 Speaker 5: That was transformative for me. I mean, I I I'm 744 00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:26,640 Speaker 5: scredible time. 745 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,040 Speaker 1: It was incredible time. 746 00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,200 Speaker 5: I play it for my kids. You know, it's I 747 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,880 Speaker 5: just the other day I was like, you know the 748 00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:35,319 Speaker 5: song secure Yourself to Heaven, Secure Yourself. I think I 749 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,399 Speaker 5: was actually when I was on the one of those 750 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,480 Speaker 5: walks when I was listening to your book. It probably 751 00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,960 Speaker 5: triggered because you know, the Indego girls you talked about. 752 00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:43,880 Speaker 5: So I put it on Spotify and I was just 753 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:44,359 Speaker 5: sat there. 754 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,839 Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, so great. 755 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,920 Speaker 5: And there are harmonies and just so what they you 756 00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,880 Speaker 5: know what they did, as you said, I think to 757 00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:56,360 Speaker 5: Amy in your interview something about like blasting open the 758 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,280 Speaker 5: door for other people. 759 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,520 Speaker 1: They did. They kicked there was a cultural moment. Their 760 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:07,319 Speaker 1: music came ahead of the changes that that we were 761 00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:11,759 Speaker 1: about to go through. They blasted down the door. And 762 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,360 Speaker 1: Amy shocked me when she said, but we hated ourselves 763 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,600 Speaker 1: and we were in the closet. Like it didn't matter, 764 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:23,319 Speaker 1: did it. It happened anyway because the music, again is 765 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,800 Speaker 1: always a music and song is always ahead of the songwriter. 766 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,480 Speaker 1: There's a wisdom in the art form that transcends the individuals. 767 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,200 Speaker 1: And so when you know, when when like when you 768 00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:41,080 Speaker 1: reference that I've saved lives with this practice, I would 769 00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,399 Speaker 1: push back a little and say, well, I was a 770 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:49,400 Speaker 1: midwife in the process of salvation, but music and song 771 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:50,480 Speaker 1: saved the lives. 772 00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:56,600 Speaker 5: Yeah, a midwife, You were the mid songwriter? 773 00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:00,560 Speaker 1: Yes, that like that because it's not you to me. 774 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,239 Speaker 1: Anybody who understands the art firm can do it, can 775 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:07,680 Speaker 1: bear witness and help expedite that kind of experience that 776 00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:09,919 Speaker 1: pulls somebody from the edge back in. 777 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,719 Speaker 5: Well you, what did you say? Don't leave music and 778 00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,359 Speaker 5: songwriting up to the professionals, right? I love that? 779 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,200 Speaker 1: Well, And what I'm saying there is that if all 780 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,160 Speaker 1: we focus on is monetization and bottom line and turn 781 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:29,719 Speaker 1: it into McDonald's where everybody's having McNuggets, the experience that 782 00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:33,520 Speaker 1: I describe in the book doesn't happen because it's a 783 00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:38,800 Speaker 1: product to be sold more than more than the mystery 784 00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,000 Speaker 1: to be approached. 785 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,080 Speaker 5: With respect and more than the process. 786 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:44,760 Speaker 1: M h. Yeah. 787 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,719 Speaker 5: And that gets to the collaborative model, because you know 788 00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:51,040 Speaker 5: with Dardin Smith and others, we've you know, work with 789 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,760 Speaker 5: You did this amazing job with us with the Frontline 790 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,640 Speaker 5: songs and and and all the stuff you do with 791 00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,919 Speaker 5: with with veterans. It's you can write one on one 792 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,000 Speaker 5: with somebody which is beautiful, like you did with Joe right, 793 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,560 Speaker 5: Joe Costello and others, And there's a to me, there's 794 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:11,680 Speaker 5: a certain there's a bond there that you can create 795 00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,759 Speaker 5: and you can well, let me ask you, what's the 796 00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:20,320 Speaker 5: difference Mary, when you are one to one with anybody, 797 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,080 Speaker 5: whether they're you know, going through any type of trauma 798 00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,600 Speaker 5: and you versus that group and that cohesion. 799 00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:31,160 Speaker 1: You know, the group is there to witness what happened 800 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:35,160 Speaker 1: one on one in the workshops. So one on one 801 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,400 Speaker 1: you create trust and you bear witness in non judgment, 802 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,680 Speaker 1: and you take their story and turn it into their song, 803 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:45,480 Speaker 1: and the group then is the witness and the writing 804 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,600 Speaker 1: of the song is only fifty percent of the deal 805 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,719 Speaker 1: that causes transformation. Then you have to bring it to 806 00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:56,080 Speaker 1: a group of witnesses who then bear witness and see 807 00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,799 Speaker 1: the inside of that person that you've written with, and 808 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:05,640 Speaker 1: the witnesses then experience empathy and embrace that person, and 809 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,799 Speaker 1: they are brought to a new place of self acceptance, 810 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:13,840 Speaker 1: an understanding of their own humanity, that that that that 811 00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,080 Speaker 1: that they're not different than everyone else. 812 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,360 Speaker 5: I'm like you, brother, Yeah, me too, man you sister, 813 00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:21,040 Speaker 5: me too? 814 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:21,560 Speaker 1: Man? 815 00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:25,719 Speaker 5: Yeah. Mary, You've been so gracious. You're on the road, 816 00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:27,480 Speaker 5: You're doing a lot of things. What's next for you? 817 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,440 Speaker 5: What's what's uh? What's hot on Mary's mind? Now? 818 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, we're hitting the road. I got a new record 819 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:36,000 Speaker 1: coming out June third, and so I've got tour dates 820 00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,000 Speaker 1: and tour dates and tour dates, and it's an exciting time. 821 00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,840 Speaker 1: Here we go again. Record number eleven is going eleven 822 00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:43,560 Speaker 1: to the world. 823 00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:47,000 Speaker 5: Yes, I will not make a spinal tap reference, I promise, 824 00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:51,320 Speaker 5: but eleven beautiful. So we heard some of the music, 825 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,200 Speaker 5: it's great. What do you excite? Is there a theme 826 00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,080 Speaker 5: to any of this album or is it sort of 827 00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,720 Speaker 5: purely old school a bunch of great songs. 828 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:02,799 Speaker 1: Well, what what we've been through in the pandemic has 829 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:07,680 Speaker 1: made its appearance there for sure. Yea, and love the 830 00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:12,719 Speaker 1: importance of love and the intensity of what we've all 831 00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,919 Speaker 1: been through. You know, we we've all lost a lot 832 00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:21,040 Speaker 1: of people. The numbers are staggering, and so there's grief 833 00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:25,160 Speaker 1: and there's loss and there's love, and so that's the 834 00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:25,920 Speaker 1: nature of it. 835 00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,360 Speaker 5: And how can how can how can we all really 836 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:33,840 Speaker 5: identify as an understatement and how can we heal with 837 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,279 Speaker 5: some of that? As you're you know, you're the spiritual leader, Mary, 838 00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,759 Speaker 5: You're you're sort of helping us get through that every day. 839 00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,800 Speaker 5: So we can't wait to hear the all the whole album. 840 00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,359 Speaker 5: Thank you, Mary, Thank you so much for your time 841 00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,239 Speaker 5: and for all you do and for your you know 842 00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,840 Speaker 5: you're serving those who served and many others. 843 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,120 Speaker 1: So thank you, Thank you, Ron, thank you, Lucy. Appreciate 844 00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:54,800 Speaker 1: y'all doing this. Take care of y'all. 845 00:50:55,239 --> 00:51:04,120 Speaker 6: It's dug enough to see dogging enough to sease s. 846 00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,880 Speaker 1: That ig love, to see the. 847 00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:16,120 Speaker 6: Light in an ocean black, indeed. 848 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,320 Speaker 1: In the middle of the night. 849 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:31,520 Speaker 4: As a hold on till you're love, like those lights 850 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:32,680 Speaker 4: from up a block. 851 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:43,960 Speaker 6: I've drifted out, so fall it's talking enought to see 852 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:54,600 Speaker 6: the sun. I've been carried out, so fall it's talking 853 00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 6: enough to see. 854 00:51:56,719 --> 00:52:03,640 Speaker 5: Sum Thank you to our guest Mary Gachet, for your talents, 855 00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,720 Speaker 5: your support and service over the years. For so many 856 00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:10,160 Speaker 5: Mary's books, Saved by a Song is one you should 857 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:13,040 Speaker 5: really read or listen to on Audible. I listened to 858 00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,120 Speaker 5: Mary's book and was entrance with not only the storyteller 859 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,880 Speaker 5: coming from her own voice, but the fact that each 860 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:22,480 Speaker 5: chapter is punctuated by a unique song. These songs are 861 00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,200 Speaker 5: really chapters of her life with a common thread of 862 00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:28,080 Speaker 5: resilience and recovery. And of course check out the new 863 00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,760 Speaker 5: album dark Enough to See the Stars, which is available 864 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:34,200 Speaker 5: right now. Speaking of songwriting with Soldiers, if you've not 865 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,880 Speaker 5: listened already, we have an episode called Warrior Healer that 866 00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,359 Speaker 5: was released February seventeenth, twenty twenty, that highlights a song 867 00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,360 Speaker 5: co written by one of our veteran alumni at Homebase 868 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:48,560 Speaker 5: Air Force veteran Blair Morin and James House. So lastly, 869 00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,480 Speaker 5: I have two podcasts to recommend with Mary Gachet we 870 00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:54,160 Speaker 5: met in twenty eighteen on a podcast I was co 871 00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:57,200 Speaker 5: hosting called Above the Basement. If you're interested in a 872 00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,439 Speaker 5: show that covers the lives and stories of musicians, check 873 00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,240 Speaker 5: out the show, produced and hosted by my Friend Chuck Clow, 874 00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,920 Speaker 5: which has over two hundred episodes in the vault. The 875 00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,640 Speaker 5: episode we refer to in today's conversation is number eighty 876 00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,960 Speaker 5: one in February twenty eighteen. Also be sure to check 877 00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:17,040 Speaker 5: out Mary's conversation on the November twenty twenty one episode 878 00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:21,640 Speaker 5: of Rick Rubin and Malcolm Gladwell's podcast Broken Record. Home 879 00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,120 Speaker 5: Based Nation is the official podcast for the Home Based 880 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,359 Speaker 5: Program for veterans and military families. Follow Home Based on 881 00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:30,840 Speaker 5: social media. At Home Based Program, please listen and follow 882 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:34,839 Speaker 5: us on Apple, iHeart, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. 883 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:38,840 Speaker 5: This episode was produced, edited and engineered by Lucy Little. 884 00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,960 Speaker 5: I'm Ron Hirschberg. Thanks so much for listening. We'll see 885 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:42,560 Speaker 5: you next time.