Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, Welcome to the Vitamin D Podcast. I
Speaker 1: am your host, Dawn Day here to be. I'd like
Speaker 1: to say, a light worker, um, just here to shed
Speaker 1: some light intoe your life, ensure that you get excited
Speaker 1: about your life and understand the importance of living in
Speaker 1: life one purpose and for a purpose, because you know,
Speaker 1: Vitamin D is all about shed and light. And here's
Speaker 1: the thing with Vitamin D, Wow, it's all about motivating
Speaker 1: and inspiring. It's also about cutting the light on. And
Speaker 1: when you cut the light on, you realize you're gonna
Speaker 1: see some good stuff and the bad stuff. And this
Speaker 1: is not a podcast where we're just gonna focus on
Speaker 1: just all the good stuff. Everything that smells like roses
Speaker 1: um um, looks like butterflies. We want to get in
Speaker 1: the book because we talk about the light. If you
Speaker 1: think about it like a diamond, that the reason why
Speaker 1: that diamond is so beautiful and why it shines the
Speaker 1: way it does is because the light starts to reflect
Speaker 1: off of every cutting and every piece of it. And
Speaker 1: if we related to ourselves rather than hiding things that
Speaker 1: you know may not be picture perfect, but to be
Speaker 1: transparent with self, that light that shines in it will
Speaker 1: just keep reflecting and see. If we try to cover
Speaker 1: these things up, what happens is is that it gets
Speaker 1: swallowed in. It's just suffocates into a dark shadow. And
Speaker 1: I don't know about true, I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but I'm just trying to illuminate it. I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to shine. I'm just airing out. I'm clearing out in
Speaker 1: this season. What about you? What has been your mode
Speaker 1: for you know, it's February already, what's going on? And
Speaker 1: it's just the checkpoint, no pressure, but just something to
Speaker 1: think about, because that's what the light is. The light
Speaker 1: is to see. So I guess I'm looking in. I'm
Speaker 1: checking in with myself as we're going to the second month.
Speaker 1: And you know, this season is always a little iffy
Speaker 1: for me, and I usually I kind of forget until
Speaker 1: I realize that my body is remembering and it was
Speaker 1: this month. What is it? It was this month? What?
Speaker 1: Nine years ago? Then my mother died? Yeah, and the
Speaker 1: thing that, uh, you know, I've been working on trapping
Speaker 1: of what I want to talk about in the podcast
Speaker 1: as far as I mentioning my mom, you know, how
Speaker 1: I wanted to place it and I still don't know how,
Speaker 1: but I guess I had to remember a memory pop
Speaker 1: up on Facebook. It was a post I put up,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go to it right now. It was
Speaker 1: it popped up on Facebook as a memory way back,
Speaker 1: and it said twenty twelve, and the memory stated I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm excited about being the boys for Black
Speaker 1: History Month, you know what I'm saying. And so I
Speaker 1: think about that, and I just can't help but think
Speaker 1: about my mom because I remember when it was time
Speaker 1: for me to go back to Detroit, because the act
Speaker 1: just that said, Hey Dawn, you need to get out here.
Speaker 1: Hey Dawn, you know just whatever you need to do,
Speaker 1: make sure you get out here. And I was so
Speaker 1: excited um to tell her. So here here's the post
Speaker 1: from February seven. I just had a surreal moment. I
Speaker 1: just why I wanted the Beyonce Jinette I voiced for
Speaker 1: Music Choice. Yes, I am the network's voice for Black
Speaker 1: History Month hashtag humble and that's when I lived in
Speaker 1: New York. I saw that because I remember in that
Speaker 1: point of joy, I was so excited. And it wasn't
Speaker 1: until which every day this was ulve that following weekend,
Speaker 1: I was heading to Detroit to go see my mom,
Speaker 1: and you know, my body remembers it because it was
Speaker 1: so traumatic. Because we're about to do we're about to
Speaker 1: step into the whole season of Whidney's Anniversary, and um,
Speaker 1: you know, I guess my whole point of just mentioning
Speaker 1: this is that when we're doing check in and Self,
Speaker 1: it's always going to be something here in this moment
Speaker 1: in February seven, I had no idea that in a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks my mother was going to be that deceased.
Speaker 1: Going from the start year old on was not going
Speaker 1: to have her mother anymore. Didn't know that. So check
Speaker 1: in with yourself, living life on purpose and for purpose,
Speaker 1: and who knows, you know, this couple episodes this month,
Speaker 1: I might dive in and just really get into that
Speaker 1: story I'm still figuring out. But that's what my check
Speaker 1: in is that So if you just do it in
Speaker 1: the Vitamin D welcome, That's what the podcast is about.
Speaker 1: It's about shedding the light. And while oftentimes I'll come
Speaker 1: in with the guest, there are other times that you know,
Speaker 1: I'll read an advice letter and if you've been listening,
Speaker 1: you'll see that we've added some quick doses during the week,
Speaker 1: and quick doses are kind of like with vitamin D.
Speaker 1: First started out as it was like a minute splurge
Speaker 1: and I would use the lyrics of popular music and
Speaker 1: intertwined into a motivational message. Yeah that was vitamin D. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it still is vitamin D, but because I
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure I revived the spirit of vitamin
Speaker 1: D on on ahead and you can catch those on
Speaker 1: a Wednesday and Friday or whenever because it's it's accessible
Speaker 1: to see you whatever on whichever platform. You know, you
Speaker 1: can't contain the light because the light just shines. Okay,
Speaker 1: so make sure you check that out. And this episode
Speaker 1: is going to be about advice letters. So you guys
Speaker 1: have written in, we've solecited out to submit any advice letters,
Speaker 1: any questions or any inquiries about Vitamin D to Vitamin
Speaker 1: D at dawn day Speaks dot com. So on these
Speaker 1: advice letters, people right in about love, about relationships, about
Speaker 1: their career, about anything that's playing in them because they
Speaker 1: liked some advice for me. So that's what we do.
Speaker 1: And I want to say this, as I say on
Speaker 1: each advice letter episode, Okay, I'm gonna keep it red
Speaker 1: with you, okay. Just as though fire can keep you warm,
Speaker 1: it can burn you. I say all that to say
Speaker 1: is that all of it is meant for good. It
Speaker 1: may come out in a way that may seem harsh
Speaker 1: or not so kindly or quote unquote vitamin d airy
Speaker 1: soft lovely like, but I understand that just like a
Speaker 1: year and the young that's part of the vitamin D two.
Speaker 1: So I keep it real, unfiltered on curR and um.
Speaker 1: I had a chance to glance over the letters a
Speaker 1: little bit because I always like to familiarize myself and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I hope to share. Hopefully I can share
Speaker 1: some of the things that I've experienced in my life
Speaker 1: as I give this advice, because uh, we gotta keep
Speaker 1: it real. We gotta keep it real, yo. That that
Speaker 1: should be the deal from today moving forward, keeping it
Speaker 1: for real more importantly with yourself, because that's who you
Speaker 1: gotta live with onkur all right, So without further ado,
Speaker 1: it's time for your dose. Does a vitamin D right
Speaker 1: with me? And get excited? Alright, y'all? Um, here's the
Speaker 1: first letter A subject. How should I ask for a raise?
Speaker 1: Dear Dawn, I've been within my company for nearly five
Speaker 1: years and in my current role as a project manager
Speaker 1: for nearly one year. I live in the UK. By
Speaker 1: the way, After doing a lot of research on websites
Speaker 1: like last Door, I've come to realize my salary so
Speaker 1: far as less than average of my particular role in
Speaker 1: my region. I know I was underpaid anyway, as there
Speaker 1: seems to be a lot of secrecy around the subject
Speaker 1: and being unable to talk about salaries with my peers
Speaker 1: on the same level the offices have been opened throughout
Speaker 1: the whole pandemic. Anyway, I pulled my boss into a
Speaker 1: room and asked for a pay raise the best way
Speaker 1: I could. His response was that I've been in the
Speaker 1: company roll long enough and my work is good enough
Speaker 1: to start thinking about it. However, this was over two
Speaker 1: weeks ago and I have yet to hear anything from
Speaker 1: the conversation. I'm struggling to work out at what point
Speaker 1: I should ask send a reminder about it, and even
Speaker 1: what to say, or if I should say anything at all.
Speaker 1: My life is progressing quite rapidly as a mid twins man,
Speaker 1: and extra pay is verging on it needed rather than
Speaker 1: want it, And what can I do? Hello? You better
Speaker 1: know yourself and know your worth. That means you got
Speaker 1: to speak up, you know. Um, I remember years ago
Speaker 1: I came across this quote, this picture, and uh, it's
Speaker 1: an image of clothing and it says, get off the
Speaker 1: clearance rack and get behind the glass where the valuables are. Hello.
Speaker 1: Usually find the fine things in life behind the class
Speaker 1: because it kind of needs that protection. Nothing to block
Speaker 1: the view of it, but just to add an extra
Speaker 1: show of the protection. You know, always think of diamonds
Speaker 1: and you know we talk about vitamin D. Always think
Speaker 1: about the light and the diamonds. So that's what I
Speaker 1: say to you. Now here's the thing what I want.
Speaker 1: I want to appreciate you for for writing this in
Speaker 1: because there's some awakening going on. And you know, congratulations
Speaker 1: for you for even stepping forth and and confronting your
Speaker 1: boss or I shouldn't say confronting, but pulling your boss
Speaker 1: aside to say, hey, I need to be compensated for
Speaker 1: my worth. And and the thing that I really think
Speaker 1: this is promising is because your boss didn't say no.
Speaker 1: Your boss just said okay. But you have to do
Speaker 1: the follow ups. When we want things out of life,
Speaker 1: you can't ask or expect somebody to demand of you
Speaker 1: to want the best for yourself. You can't expect or
Speaker 1: ask or a demand that somebody wants you to have
Speaker 1: the best life. You have to walk in a situation
Speaker 1: of knowing your worth noring your value so people can
Speaker 1: treat you as as such, and you have to understand
Speaker 1: it and to keep it real with yourself. Here's the
Speaker 1: thing too. One of the first things that I would
Speaker 1: say is get your numbers in order, you know, because
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, I deserve this. But now it's
Speaker 1: time to use the business protocol and write it and
Speaker 1: make it plain were here biblically speaking, write the vision
Speaker 1: and blanket plan. You need to write your efforts, what
Speaker 1: you do and make your play. I myself have been
Speaker 1: in similar situations and going through that right now. It
Speaker 1: comes down to the point where you know your work
Speaker 1: and you can see that if you still been in
Speaker 1: your position and you're still getting accolades and praising for
Speaker 1: your work. Now it's time to get the numbers down,
Speaker 1: because either you're gonna get these numbers down for this
Speaker 1: job or you're gonna be preparing yourself with the next job.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. You gotta move and just like
Speaker 1: I talked about on Vitamin D, and just like we
Speaker 1: talk about life and being an energy source, you're not
Speaker 1: meant to just stay in the same position because that's functioning,
Speaker 1: and we're not about functioning here. I don't say function
Speaker 1: your best life. I say live your best life. And
Speaker 1: that's gonna cause you to have to get some things
Speaker 1: in order, you know, um, but it's gonna be about
Speaker 1: what you're ready. You're gonna have to get those pieces.
Speaker 1: But I don't think there's anything wrong with following up.
Speaker 1: I think you could definitely do a peek in, but
Speaker 1: I think one importantly get your ducks in order, even
Speaker 1: though ducks don't walk into orders day and three Brown
Speaker 1: told me. But I mean to say, is get down
Speaker 1: what you've done, how long you've been there, and what
Speaker 1: do you feel that you should be compensated for. Because
Speaker 1: if I'm looking at giving you my money, you can say, hey,
Speaker 1: I want some more money done, But show me what
Speaker 1: have you done so that I can see it. Because
Speaker 1: I imagine what your boss is probably over maybe a
Speaker 1: dozen or more other employees. It's not that they don't
Speaker 1: value that, they just might be busy. So I'd say
Speaker 1: you get everything written out. But um, don't sit there
Speaker 1: and be quiet about it because Drake said it. No yourself, No,
Speaker 1: you're you're on your worth. Get off the clearance where
Speaker 1: I can get behind the glass where the valuables are. Hello,
Speaker 1: clothes mouths, don't get fed. I don't know how many
Speaker 1: other ways. UM, I can say, get rich or die.
Speaker 1: Try in um scare money, don't make no money? Um
Speaker 1: hashtag get money, hashtag pick up for yourself and do
Speaker 1: what you gotta do. Okay, but good for you for
Speaker 1: sticking up and taking that first step. And look at you.
Speaker 1: If you're in your mid twenties now, Okay, if you're
Speaker 1: in your mid twenties now and you're able to fool
Speaker 1: your boss aside, imagine when you get to your late twenties,
Speaker 1: and then when you get to your thirties, the men thirties,
Speaker 1: and I know, oh what sounds scary with the age.
Speaker 1: But I say all that to say, it's the growth.
Speaker 1: Because now you may be negotiating what a three thousand,
Speaker 1: five thousand, ten thousand. The next time it's going to
Speaker 1: be more steaks on the line. It's gonna be more
Speaker 1: about more vacation days. What those bonuses are gonna look
Speaker 1: like start acting as if you already are you already
Speaker 1: said You're not in the whole. You know, you're in
Speaker 1: a situation of acquiring the life that you want. You know,
Speaker 1: so I want you to have the best, and I
Speaker 1: want that for yourself too. Okay, all right, let's go
Speaker 1: on to the second letter subject, feel too stressed to think?
Speaker 1: Dear Dawn. I am usually a very chill, laid back guy.
Speaker 1: Since last January, I slowly but truly became more toxic
Speaker 1: and stressed out over time. It began when my father
Speaker 1: was inches away from death due to kidney failure. I
Speaker 1: was devastated. They told me a transplant might be needed.
Speaker 1: He somehow miraculously got better in February, but I remained stressed.
Speaker 1: Then it all went downhill with the Corona Lockdown. During it,
Speaker 1: I was extremely stressed because it was my last year
Speaker 1: of medical school and no one knew what would happen
Speaker 1: or if we would need to go out into the field.
Speaker 1: Also was amplified by the past events with my father
Speaker 1: and the isolation of lockdown itself. Things ended up going
Speaker 1: smoothly and I'm not working on my residency, but I
Speaker 1: remained extremely stressed. I try to relax, but I just
Speaker 1: can't stop thinking about all the suffering that people are
Speaker 1: going through, and how my father is super high risk
Speaker 1: and how I'm unable to see him. So after months
Speaker 1: of this, it is taking a very big toll on
Speaker 1: my relationships. I've been snapping with my girlfriend, I haven't
Speaker 1: spoken to my friend some weeks. I rarely even call
Speaker 1: my dad. I just don't know how to stop the
Speaker 1: downward spout or find the light in my life. Is
Speaker 1: there anything you think I should try? Hello young man,
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, Thank you for reaching out, thank
Speaker 1: you for saying that I'm not okay, and I'm here
Speaker 1: to tell you that it's okay not to be okay,
Speaker 1: because oftentimes, you know, people get so used of not
Speaker 1: being okay that it becomes their norm and they start
Speaker 1: to observe everything that you said, but rather than saying, hey,
Speaker 1: is there something I can do or I should try,
Speaker 1: they kind of just wallow in it. So one of
Speaker 1: the first things I'd say, definitely put your feelers out there,
Speaker 1: open up your mind to see a therapist, because you
Speaker 1: can have, you know, friends, and you can listen to
Speaker 1: motivational tapes, you can meditate, you can listen to music,
Speaker 1: but I think sometimes it takes somebody skilled in that
Speaker 1: area that can really give you the advice and the
Speaker 1: viewpoint that you really can need. But in the instroim
Speaker 1: or not. Blood, let's go and because this is something
Speaker 1: in addition to right, keep asking yourself these questions, keep
Speaker 1: taking note of the times that you aren't feeling okay
Speaker 1: and when they're happening, and start to write, write it
Speaker 1: down because um, it's something different. You know. I've talked
Speaker 1: about this before. I've talked about how the importance of
Speaker 1: writing division and and making it plain. I talked about
Speaker 1: how you have to be sure to have the communication
Speaker 1: with your spirit mind and your physical mind. And the
Speaker 1: whole idea is is that you have to realize you're
Speaker 1: a physical being having a spiritual experience. And what that
Speaker 1: being said is that while you may have these feelings,
Speaker 1: but are you physically being aware? And sometimes it takes
Speaker 1: you to see it to catch it. So as you're
Speaker 1: going through these films, white down your feelings so you
Speaker 1: can see what it is, so you can see at
Speaker 1: what point you're feeling this, and therefore you're gonna start
Speaker 1: to have the dialogue with yourself. And then what is
Speaker 1: it that you wish you did have, because if you
Speaker 1: keep being in this dark situation, the very moment that
Speaker 1: got you in the shock about your dad could be
Speaker 1: the very results of you're not saying him. What do
Speaker 1: I mean by that, Well, you just said that back
Speaker 1: in February or January last year year you had a
Speaker 1: scary bout with your dad, right and you weren't necessarily
Speaker 1: um sure of how things are gonna turn out. Because
Speaker 1: if you're not careful right now, what you're gonna realize
Speaker 1: is that you're gonna miss all the moment with your
Speaker 1: dad and if anything anything, Because I can relate to this,
Speaker 1: my god, not having a parent there, so I know
Speaker 1: exactly what the trauma that you went through the fact
Speaker 1: the idea of not knowing. I mean, I live in California.
Speaker 1: We have earthquakes. Now. I'm cool with them now as
Speaker 1: far as like I'm not tripping, but it is literally
Speaker 1: the earth shaking beneath your feet and everything around you,
Speaker 1: which that's you know, you have control of nothing. So
Speaker 1: I can imagine when you said, like, hey, Dawn, my
Speaker 1: dad was inches away from death due to kidney failure.
Speaker 1: That is like your whole world is being rocked. And
Speaker 1: if you think that's not something to take serious, who
Speaker 1: do you think that you are? And how dare you
Speaker 1: not treat yourself with grace? Huh? Nobody's perfect. So when
Speaker 1: I say that, treat yourself with grace as such, because
Speaker 1: if you're in a situation, I think that's everything is
Speaker 1: supposed to be okay. When you almost lost the man
Speaker 1: that brought you into this world, one of the earliest
Speaker 1: representations of a man a figure in your life. And
Speaker 1: you know, there is the thing we get to itself,
Speaker 1: this whole part of sometimes functioning that goes back to
Speaker 1: the functioning thing when we start to ignore things and
Speaker 1: you just start to move about in life and this
Speaker 1: whole functioning you don't even realize all the rough bumps
Speaker 1: that you're hitting just because you've chosen not to get
Speaker 1: to the heart of the matter. But see, for you,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it because this God that's all children laid back.
Speaker 1: You're noticing the difference with how you feel. And here's
Speaker 1: the thing. If you don't say anything, if you don't
Speaker 1: get the help that you need, you can lose everything.
Speaker 1: When you're stressed out that attects your health. You know
Speaker 1: I mentioned this before on a podcast episode. But I
Speaker 1: remember when I was on Last Make a Deal and
Speaker 1: I talked to this nurse and um, we had made
Speaker 1: mention about cancer, and we were just talking about different
Speaker 1: diseases and what people die of, and I spoke about
Speaker 1: my mom and I was like, wow, you know my
Speaker 1: mom died of cancer. And then she said, hey, you
Speaker 1: know why a lot of people feel as though that
Speaker 1: it is um cancer or different diseases that people are cancer,
Speaker 1: I should say rather, she said, well, a lot of
Speaker 1: people think that cancer. She said, do you know the
Speaker 1: number one reason or the cause of death is stress.
Speaker 1: You can't afford the stress. And remember stress is the
Speaker 1: whole thing that blocks things. Stress is pressure. Now, there
Speaker 1: are some instances where pressure apply can make diamonds, right,
Speaker 1: but this ain't the time of pressure or stress that
Speaker 1: you need because you're not You don't have the ability
Speaker 1: to grow, you don't have the ability to move. So
Speaker 1: this stress is gonna knock you in your health, your sanity,
Speaker 1: everything that you built up to do the residency. You
Speaker 1: thought that the coronavirus gonna get in a way. How
Speaker 1: about you dealing with the anxiety virus getting in the way,
Speaker 1: the stress virus getting in a way. Then you're talking
Speaker 1: about how you're working on this residency. How are you
Speaker 1: going to be focused if you're playing your your your
Speaker 1: your mind is racked, and if that's happening at work.
Speaker 1: You're even saying that this is happening with your friends
Speaker 1: and even with your girlfriend. Don't let that mess up
Speaker 1: your home. And and then like I want to just
Speaker 1: circle back, you're saying you rarely even call your dad.
Speaker 1: You went from one moment a feeling with life would
Speaker 1: be shocked, and how your world will be locked up
Speaker 1: not having him in your life. He's still here right
Speaker 1: now and you're unable to call him. As someone who
Speaker 1: cannot call their mother or their father, I suggest that
Speaker 1: you would get the support that you need because if
Speaker 1: you think it's hard now, imagine when you can't pick
Speaker 1: up the phone. You can't because something is saying and
Speaker 1: you that you need to work through the pick up
Speaker 1: the phone to call. But what do I when you
Speaker 1: physically can't? So yes, get a therapist. Do not let
Speaker 1: your world go down. Do not feel like you've gotta
Speaker 1: be superman, that you got it all to have it
Speaker 1: all together. Remember their strength and vulnerability. You gotta let
Speaker 1: it flow. It's nothing different than the water. It's something
Speaker 1: that can give life and drown you. Do you hear
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Water can give you life and it
Speaker 1: can take it away. It doesn't take away the beauty
Speaker 1: of it. But I say to you, don't let this
Speaker 1: drown you. Take a simp of life by stepping into
Speaker 1: the light. Step into the life, by seeing a therapist,
Speaker 1: stepping into the light, by doing the journaling, step into
Speaker 1: the light, by raising your sin and say I'm not okay.
Speaker 1: And you started it with me, but make sure you
Speaker 1: do it at home to do what check in with
Speaker 1: So check in with self. You know, Vinamon did is
Speaker 1: about selves, as selfish as it might sound, might even
Speaker 1: died is about self because you realize that when you
Speaker 1: treat yourself with such that like that, you allowed the
Speaker 1: light to shine and you it, it shines out to others.
Speaker 1: And that's what it's about, that synergy. So I would
Speaker 1: definitely recommend to go see a therapist. You know, um,
Speaker 1: you don't know how how much time we have left
Speaker 1: on this earth, and you want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you value each moment life. It's too short to be
Speaker 1: stressed out. Life is too short to be not be enjoyed,
Speaker 1: so make sure you you get that first and foremost. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's move on to the next letter subject. He's romantic,
Speaker 1: but confusing and Dear Dawn. I'm twenty six living in Fresno,
Speaker 1: and I met this guy through online dating. He's twenty
Speaker 1: five and has a decent job, So all the things considered,
Speaker 1: I figured why not. Who knows what could happen? On
Speaker 1: the first date about two months ago, we went to
Speaker 1: a cafe and it was pretty great. We talked a
Speaker 1: lot and really hit it off. He let me know
Speaker 1: he wasn't looking for anything serious and I wasn't really either,
Speaker 1: so I thought it was a good match. Because of
Speaker 1: the pandemic. The following dates were at my place, since
Speaker 1: he lives with his parents. He'd always come over, make
Speaker 1: some small talk, half sex, watch a movie, and then
Speaker 1: go for a second round. Sounds nice, right. The thing is,
Speaker 1: I've had some friends with benefits before, and none of
Speaker 1: them were so caring with the others. We were really
Speaker 1: friends in every sense of the word. The difference is
Speaker 1: that we added sex, but we didn't cuddle, kiss goodbye,
Speaker 1: or were romantic with each other, even if we spent
Speaker 1: the night together at one of our house us. This
Speaker 1: guy is different. He's always kissing me, cuddling me, feeding me,
Speaker 1: et cetera. At the same time, he's not much of
Speaker 1: a talker, since he doesn't treat me like a friends
Speaker 1: with benefit, but as a romantic relationship. My brain gets
Speaker 1: confused because when I try to share about my life,
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a follow up questions or sure much
Speaker 1: about his life. My issue is the mixed signals. I'm
Speaker 1: fine with it being what it is, but I also
Speaker 1: like to give it a chance. If I knew if
Speaker 1: he was interested. I can't seem to read him, and
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to catch feelings with all this romance. Should
Speaker 1: I ask him? Or as two months too early and
Speaker 1: I'm totally overthinking it. Girlfriend, you sound like you're getting digmatized.
Speaker 1: Now here's the thing. It's interesting. We have a lot
Speaker 1: of a couple of things I want to unpack in
Speaker 1: this letter. But first and foremost, you're saying, Hey, Dawn,
Speaker 1: I'm getting confused. I'm messing around with this dude. He's
Speaker 1: real more mad say oh, I'm looking for something more.
Speaker 1: But I'm looking at what you wrote and you said
Speaker 1: on the first date about two months ago, we went
Speaker 1: to a cafe. You talked, talked, and you really hit
Speaker 1: it off. And he said that he wasn't looking for
Speaker 1: anything serious. That is the answer right there. He told
Speaker 1: you from the get go, I'm not looking for anything serious.
Speaker 1: Now you said, okay, the pandemic happened then and now
Speaker 1: that you guys had to make it an indoor situation.
Speaker 1: Right so now, just as on the day, I guess
Speaker 1: maybe if y'all were to go out to a restaurant
Speaker 1: you had you a little small talk, then you know,
Speaker 1: go home, get it in, Bob, Bob. Not everything is
Speaker 1: happening at the house. So it's like small talk, Bob Bob.
Speaker 1: You know, let's rejuvenate. You know, it might get a snap,
Speaker 1: watch a movie, and then Bob pop again. But you're
Speaker 1: saying that things are different because he is romantic. You know,
Speaker 1: he might actually give you into the foreplane. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what you're the finding is like a relationship.
Speaker 1: But I imagine, ideally for a relationship that I'm looking for,
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a best friend that I can add
Speaker 1: on to the intimate aspect, and that best friend is
Speaker 1: somebody that I laugh with, somebody have fun with. Somebody
Speaker 1: I share my intimate, dark secrets with. Um, somebody that
Speaker 1: is checking from me, asking me what's going on, asking
Speaker 1: me what I want, want to attend to me. This
Speaker 1: brother is not doing that, and it's interesting that you're
Speaker 1: falling for him more when you've had the situation with
Speaker 1: your friends where you have the moment to chitty chat,
Speaker 1: when you have the moment to share those you know,
Speaker 1: the thing that makes a friendship special on top of
Speaker 1: being attracted to one another. I think what you first
Speaker 1: need to realize is that this brother said that he
Speaker 1: does not want that. And sometimes I think we can
Speaker 1: get in a situation of creating a world that we desire,
Speaker 1: and oftentimes it comes with a bit of a smoker mirrors,
Speaker 1: kind of like an illusion, uh um. And I think
Speaker 1: that may be going on because when you're telling me
Speaker 1: that he is not asking about you, he's not doing
Speaker 1: the follow up questions and he's not sharing. That sounds
Speaker 1: like that's a boundary. And I think, if anything, you
Speaker 1: need to do a check in with yourself to see
Speaker 1: what exactly did you sign up for, because again, on
Speaker 1: the first date, he said I'm not looking for anything serious.
Speaker 1: Another thing I'd say this, you might have to step
Speaker 1: away from this situation completely because life isn't just black
Speaker 1: and white. So it's not like you're gonna say, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't want anything more, and you're not gonna still
Speaker 1: slowly fall in love or you know, romanticize that by
Speaker 1: the idea of being with him. What do I mean
Speaker 1: by that? So he's gonna be cuddling with you and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be imagining a relationship needs saying no. Now.
Speaker 1: As far as with myself, I've had a similar situation
Speaker 1: like this, not necessarily just a friend with benefits. One
Speaker 1: of my best friends for years and we crossed the line.
Speaker 1: And as we've gotten older, you know, um, we spend
Speaker 1: time with one another and just hanging out as friends.
Speaker 1: And I'd say probably I've had more intimate moments as
Speaker 1: far as us cuddling, us chatting, us being with each
Speaker 1: other than I would imagine engaging in any type of
Speaker 1: physical relations with one another. So I think it's important
Speaker 1: to be clear on what it is that you're looking
Speaker 1: for when you're talking about a relationship, because you can
Speaker 1: get you a jigglow. You know, they can bring out
Speaker 1: the rolls, pedals, they can bring out the oil, they
Speaker 1: can bring out the sense that can loose all the
Speaker 1: smell goods, rub you down, cuddle on you, kiss you,
Speaker 1: and leave it the next day. And now I have
Speaker 1: to ask anything. You may even have to know their
Speaker 1: real name. So with this man, he's telling me, I'm
Speaker 1: not giving you that. So since the girl, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to see that you know, and and you know
Speaker 1: you came in there all frivolous. And I think that
Speaker 1: sometimes when we tell ourselves situations like this is what
Speaker 1: we want, but secretly you want something alternative. So if
Speaker 1: you're gonna ask me like what you should do, you
Speaker 1: need to totally step out of it, because are you
Speaker 1: overthinking it? I think so whole because he said that's
Speaker 1: not what he wants and your twenty six, you know,
Speaker 1: it's still an age of you're having fun. But I
Speaker 1: think you need to exercise on being clear what it
Speaker 1: is you want. And and I'm not even talking about
Speaker 1: being clear with him. I'm talking about me and clear
Speaker 1: with yourself because you're talking about this you don't want
Speaker 1: a relationship, but everything you're asking for us in this relationship,
Speaker 1: what do you want? Baby girl? But if you stay
Speaker 1: along with him, he's gonna be wearing you out, guy,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have to keep it real. And it
Speaker 1: might be uncomfortable because it may say, hey, you actually
Speaker 1: do want to a relationship whether they're just having fun,
Speaker 1: And I would say, and I'm not in a sense
Speaker 1: of judging, but just in a way of just keeping
Speaker 1: in mind, what do you want out of a relationship.
Speaker 1: Do you want that friendship that you can build upon
Speaker 1: and start a foundation with or do you want to
Speaker 1: kiss kids, hit and quit? And I don't care what
Speaker 1: you're doing with your life or anything like that. I
Speaker 1: don't know if he has to spell it out for you.
Speaker 1: I think you just need to receive it. Okay. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be you know, shade you or anything
Speaker 1: like that. Um, I just want you to know what
Speaker 1: you signed up for. Okay, all right, let's go into
Speaker 1: the next letter please subject husband won't change relationship status?
Speaker 1: Should I get a divorce? Oh? Okay, Hey Dawn, So
Speaker 1: I need some advice on something that may seem small.
Speaker 1: After thirty eight years on this earth, I still can't
Speaker 1: tell if I'm making a big deal lot of things.
Speaker 1: Ha ha ha. Anyway, I want my husband to put
Speaker 1: married on his Facebook account instead of saying single. His
Speaker 1: Facebook always said married. We have been married for three
Speaker 1: years now, but then he lost his Facebook and made
Speaker 1: a different one. Well, I looked at this new one
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago and it didn't say his relationship
Speaker 1: status on there. I didn't say anything or make a
Speaker 1: big deal of it. That a sports earlier. This morning
Speaker 1: I checked again, and this time the relationship status is there,
Speaker 1: but it says single. When I confronted him about it,
Speaker 1: he raged at me, called me insecure, and told me
Speaker 1: to grow up. I walked out when he started yelling
Speaker 1: at me to diffuse the argument, which didn't help the situation.
Speaker 1: It's like every time I expressed my true, honest feelings,
Speaker 1: he gets angry at me and defensive. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: He's had a problem of talking sexually to all kinds
Speaker 1: of different women over the last few years behind my back,
Speaker 1: asking them for nudes, and has told females my wife
Speaker 1: doesn't mind, when in fact, I never said that. I
Speaker 1: made it pretty clear that I do mind, and I
Speaker 1: don't appreciate him speaking to females, especially sexually, behind my bag.
Speaker 1: So I'm really about done with this. Ask what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts? Though I can break out because I have
Speaker 1: my own money in business. But with everything going on,
Speaker 1: do I need to adk stress of a divorce to it.
Speaker 1: We live in a world Washington too, so it's a
Speaker 1: small town and I'm worried that it'd be hard to
Speaker 1: avoid him. Is this too small a thing to blow
Speaker 1: my life up Overcirl? Your life has already blown up?
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is that the spot
Speaker 1: is blown up. You know, only a hot cattle screams right.
Speaker 1: What I mean by that you hit a pressure point.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just with yourself, but I
Speaker 1: know it's dog on shore with your husband. And what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is that you attack something. That's the truth
Speaker 1: you're talking about some are you you uh making a
Speaker 1: big deal or is it something you should blow over?
Speaker 1: First of all, you're thirty eight, okay. You got into
Speaker 1: this relationship good and grown. Three years into this relationship,
Speaker 1: you steel good and grown. Your mommy raise no fool.
Speaker 1: Your dad ain't raised no fool. Your grandma aunt to
Speaker 1: your grandpa, whoever you grew up, they did not raise
Speaker 1: no fool. Now, your husband has a history of infidelity
Speaker 1: or entertain haying the idea of infidelity, You never said
Speaker 1: whether or not he slept around who knows. Hey, but
Speaker 1: you have idea and you have truth. You have prior
Speaker 1: history knowledge of him putting the debate out there. Now
Speaker 1: here we are in a similar situation, and you are
Speaker 1: saying you do not appreciate the fact that his status
Speaker 1: says single. Well, I don't know if I'm shriven put
Speaker 1: based on the past history and the fact that at
Speaker 1: one point he did say Mary, that never stopped him
Speaker 1: from dipping out. So what show? What are we really
Speaker 1: concerned about were concerned about with this um status says?
Speaker 1: Or are we concerned about the lack of trust that
Speaker 1: you may have in your marriage? Because say, if he
Speaker 1: does change the status, what does that change the underlying
Speaker 1: because it sounds like that's that's the real route of
Speaker 1: everything underneath because it never stopped before. Right, So when
Speaker 1: you are writing in and I'm reading this utter, I
Speaker 1: need to know what is the argument that you're placing.
Speaker 1: Now you said like, hey, Dawn, I'm good, I got money,
Speaker 1: I can get out, you know, and I get it.
Speaker 1: It's a small town, but there's plenty of fishing to see.
Speaker 1: Even Baskin Robbins got thirty one flavor so what is it.
Speaker 1: Are you in a situation where you don't think that
Speaker 1: you can find somebody else? But just like I said
Speaker 1: on the earlier the very first letter, get off the
Speaker 1: Clarence rack and get behind the glass where the value
Speaker 1: bozarre because right now, since I'm not sure that you
Speaker 1: value in yourself, because now you're in a situation where
Speaker 1: you think that this may be something that's too small.
Speaker 1: About the comfortability of home. Now, they say home is
Speaker 1: what the heart is. Home is what you feel safe,
Speaker 1: even possibly when you were younger or your parents and
Speaker 1: your grandparents could tell you when the street lights came
Speaker 1: on that means you have to go home because you
Speaker 1: were coverting you're safe. You're telling me right now that
Speaker 1: I'm not sure you feel safe in your marriage because
Speaker 1: you're concerned about the fact of the status on the Facebook,
Speaker 1: which is underlining or which is covering the underlying concern
Speaker 1: as to whether or not your husband is faithful. Now,
Speaker 1: I said earlier on only I had Cattle screams, now
Speaker 1: you're your your husband kind of didn't outlash like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, you're tripping. I'm not changing the status. I
Speaker 1: don't think that there should be uh a situation, because
Speaker 1: I can imagine this could be like a gas lighting situation,
Speaker 1: like you're tripping because I haven't changed the status and
Speaker 1: this something this small, and it's like, well, brother man,
Speaker 1: based on the history of it, you've been known around
Speaker 1: a step around, but with boils down. Underneath it all says,
Speaker 1: underneath it all is that you don't trust your husband.
Speaker 1: How do you have a relationship without trust? Because where
Speaker 1: there's trust, there's communication. Where there's communication, there's understanding. Where
Speaker 1: there's understanding, there is a mode of receiving one another.
Speaker 1: And uh, it sounds like you guys have a situation
Speaker 1: of because and not receiving us causing a lot of
Speaker 1: insecurity and you know, him getting on rage. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure that's showing a lot of growth. And and here's
Speaker 1: another thing, let's be clear. You know he got all
Speaker 1: hyped up like the pie yelling bye bye bye bone
Speaker 1: bone and you walked out to quote unquote diffuse the situation.
Speaker 1: I kind of said this quite a few times before.
Speaker 1: How you do anything is how you'll do everything. So
Speaker 1: what you're gonna get into habit to keep walking out
Speaker 1: situations when it gets too high, when the volume gets
Speaker 1: turned up too much. No, because you gotta learn how
Speaker 1: to communicate. Remember, this is a two way street. And
Speaker 1: if you imagine what's this is a Facebook sattus. Right,
Speaker 1: So what happens if he gets a trainer and start
Speaker 1: working out. What happens if he's working he wants to
Speaker 1: go get a drink with the buddies or before this coworkers.
Speaker 1: What happens? Remember this is a building a block effect.
Speaker 1: You know, It's like Jinger, don't expect the foundation to
Speaker 1: only have one block and not expect things to be wobbly,
Speaker 1: because in a minute, you're gonna be yelling. Comber says,
Speaker 1: don't be talking about some of you're gonna have something
Speaker 1: blowing up. Girl, it's already blown up. And here's another thing,
Speaker 1: your thing. It's talking about blowing your life over. About
Speaker 1: the fact of avoiding him throughout the city or the
Speaker 1: state of Washington. How are you gonna avoid him in
Speaker 1: your own home? Why don't you? Well, let's get home together,
Speaker 1: because it's more than just this Facebook status. So let's
Speaker 1: just be honest and let's be real with that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So is it too small? No? I think that there
Speaker 1: probably needs to be some therapy. And I say that
Speaker 1: as some communication and UM, I can't judge how your
Speaker 1: relationship to go, but I can say, from Dawn's point
Speaker 1: of view, I would not feel comfortable being in a
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody that I one cannot um communicate with
Speaker 1: about things that make me feel uncomfortable and too if
Speaker 1: I constantly feel like I have to deal with the
Speaker 1: fact of whether or not you're stepping out on me
Speaker 1: without dealing with it. I'm not saying that you can't
Speaker 1: work through it. I'm saying you're gonna have to deal
Speaker 1: with it, and that's why I suggest you accounting on this. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you for writing in though, and uh, get home
Speaker 1: in order? Okay, love you buy Okay. Next one subject,
Speaker 1: young and with a good job, but something's missing, Dear Dawn. So,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty nine years old, currently doing some industrial work
Speaker 1: that I started at right out of high school that
Speaker 1: has a lot of perks. I make twenty one an
Speaker 1: hour with room to advance, get two weeks time off
Speaker 1: every year, along with sick time, a generous retirement plan,
Speaker 1: and dental, medical, and optical insurance. Thing is, I don't
Speaker 1: like my job, I don't like where I live. I
Speaker 1: feel like I have an unsatisfactory life. I've been debating
Speaker 1: where to go, what to do, but I always get
Speaker 1: caught up in the fear of doing so. I've already
Speaker 1: got a year's worth of college credits under my belt
Speaker 1: and a fair bit of savings. I've thrown around the
Speaker 1: idea of getting my degree. I've got friends in other
Speaker 1: states who have offered me jobs. I'm scared, but I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what. I'm confident in my work ethic and
Speaker 1: my ability to keep a job. Maybe it's arrogance, but
Speaker 1: I believe wherever I'll go, I'll be able to make
Speaker 1: a life for myself. But I keep finding myself hesitant
Speaker 1: to make a decision. I don't want to jeopardize my
Speaker 1: future someday. I want a family, and I desire to
Speaker 1: provide for the amenities I never had, and I actually
Speaker 1: have a secret dream to get into voice acting. One
Speaker 1: of my friends, who works in the audio recording told
Speaker 1: me I have a good voice, and while I never
Speaker 1: want to be in front of the camera, I could
Speaker 1: put my voice to something. But that's such a crapshot.
Speaker 1: Is it worth risking my other desires to pursue that
Speaker 1: even part time? I don't know. Considering that you're kind
Speaker 1: of doing the same thing. I wanted to know your
Speaker 1: thoughts on my situation. Thanks, hello, young man. Okay, get
Speaker 1: your vitam and do you right here with me and
Speaker 1: get excited about your lie and get excited about your life.
Speaker 1: I said, and get excited about your life. Huh oh okay.
Speaker 1: First of all, thank you so much, Thank you for
Speaker 1: so much for writing in. I appreciate you. You lost
Speaker 1: me when you said I don't like my job. You
Speaker 1: lost me when you said I don't like where I lie.
Speaker 1: You lost me when you said I feel like I
Speaker 1: have an unsatisfactory life. You lost me because I'm waiting
Speaker 1: on you to find you. M hmm. The piece that's
Speaker 1: missing is you, young and with a good job. But
Speaker 1: something's missing. The piece that's missing is you. You gotta
Speaker 1: find your way back. It's easy, I get it. You
Speaker 1: got in a situation and I'm sure working you know
Speaker 1: out there in this industrial job. You know, imagine it's
Speaker 1: full of labor. You got, you got your money. Everything
Speaker 1: looks good, right, But when something is not working. Braced
Speaker 1: on the life that you've envisioned for yourself, it's time
Speaker 1: to make an adjustment. It's time to make a pivot. Okay,
Speaker 1: now here is a prime example when I'm like, Wow,
Speaker 1: you're not being honest with yourself. Here's the thing. If
Speaker 1: you're not gonna keep it work with yourself, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to keep it work with you because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You said, you're confident in your skill set as far
Speaker 1: as you're worth ethic and the ability to do That's
Speaker 1: a lie. And I know that sound hard. I don't
Speaker 1: mean that to sound ours, but I'm just saying you're
Speaker 1: not being honest. You can't say that you're confident and
Speaker 1: you're worth ethic and your ability to keep a job,
Speaker 1: because if you were, you would go out there and
Speaker 1: take a chance on yourself. Can you imagine a bird
Speaker 1: being afraid to fly because it thinks it can fall.
Speaker 1: It was designed to fly. You are designed to pursue
Speaker 1: your dreams, to live your best life, not by accident,
Speaker 1: but on purpose, not for a reason, but for a purpose,
Speaker 1: not for a season before purpose. Live life on purpose
Speaker 1: and for a purpose. And just like I said with
Speaker 1: Vitamin D, it's about shutting light, cutting on the life
Speaker 1: for the good and the bad. Let's cut on the
Speaker 1: lights about the situation, talking about you got oh, ability
Speaker 1: to keep a job, and oh, you know your work
Speaker 1: ethic is what you got confident because you don't. And
Speaker 1: I appreciate the fact that you're admitting that you are scared,
Speaker 1: and I think it's beautiful of not knowing because of
Speaker 1: what Because if you think about it, I've talked about
Speaker 1: it before, fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear is
Speaker 1: false evidence appearing real. This illusion it's like being in
Speaker 1: a dark wilderness like the valiate death and you can't see.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. We have our valley of death
Speaker 1: all around us and the only way that we can
Speaker 1: see is following our intuition. Your intuition is speaking out
Speaker 1: to you to say that there's more. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I believe in God, but their signals, there's energies
Speaker 1: that are put out to you. There are sides that
Speaker 1: you have somebody saying, hey, you got something you didn't say,
Speaker 1: somebody random off the street. You said, your homie that
Speaker 1: works in the voice recording realm. You even said that
Speaker 1: you've expressed interests of even entertaining the idea. Why not
Speaker 1: go after it? Why not because you're scared? But why
Speaker 1: you should it is because live a life that you
Speaker 1: can get up and get excited about take a chance
Speaker 1: on yourself. One thing about this life right now, you
Speaker 1: know you're gonna die. But the thing that's so interesting,
Speaker 1: even with a verdict a life sentence as such, you
Speaker 1: know how many people still choose not to live because
Speaker 1: they procrastinate, because they make excuses, because they like to
Speaker 1: be comfortable, because it's easy, because their parents told them,
Speaker 1: because their spouse wouldn't allow him to, because they didn't
Speaker 1: want to apply themselves. Come on, take a chance. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you right now, everything that I have been able
Speaker 1: to achieve, accomplish, experience has been based on the whole
Speaker 1: notion that Dawn took a chance on herself, even when
Speaker 1: it came down to going to Howard Universe City. You know,
Speaker 1: I took a chance on myself because when I applied
Speaker 1: I did not get in. Didn't mean that I wasn't smart.
Speaker 1: I just didn't test well. So I had to show
Speaker 1: them my credits. Got in, got accepted, graduate with honors,
Speaker 1: hosted the graduation, went out to New York. Took a
Speaker 1: chance on myself on a fellowship that was only guaranteed
Speaker 1: three months. Those three months turned into five years of
Speaker 1: getting back to radio. Took a chance on myself to
Speaker 1: come to Los Angeles, California, with no job, starting from
Speaker 1: the bottom of not knowing anything or having anything. Digital
Speaker 1: content producer for a nationally syndicated radio show and which
Speaker 1: I have a week end segment, and which I have
Speaker 1: a podcast featured on the show's website. So when you
Speaker 1: asked me about taking a chance on self, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you every time you bet a bit on yourself,
Speaker 1: because you take a chance every time you walk up
Speaker 1: this house, get in your car, get on the bus,
Speaker 1: getting know over, takeing care, get on the train, and
Speaker 1: get on the bike, get on the scooter, that somebody
Speaker 1: else may not hit you. You take a chance every
Speaker 1: day that that may not be your last breath. So
Speaker 1: with these forty eight thousand, six hundred seconds, what you're
Speaker 1: gonna do, Boo, You're gonna take a chance on you.
Speaker 1: You are in a situation afraid to use your voice
Speaker 1: for money, but not realizing at one point in your
Speaker 1: life your voice will cease to exist. Now, I am
Speaker 1: a firm believer, a speak of life over self. I
Speaker 1: told you I got life time in my mouth. You've
Speaker 1: probably seen on some of the episodes I showed some
Speaker 1: guests and they've been like, wow, because you gotta speak
Speaker 1: it over yourself and here's a way of exchange and
Speaker 1: energy of your life and what you you describe it
Speaker 1: as a crap shot. I'm a little insulted by that,
Speaker 1: because nothing is a crap shot. When you're talking about
Speaker 1: your dreams, I don't care how many people out there.
Speaker 1: Do you think that a snow flake, with how small
Speaker 1: it is, with all the intricate details, I think that
Speaker 1: there it's a crap shot that will getting noticed because
Speaker 1: collectively they come together and they create mountains of snow,
Speaker 1: create joy for people. So what I'm saying that to you,
Speaker 1: don't diminish the ability of your snowflakeness, the ability of
Speaker 1: your beauty, your ability to build, to grow, to become more,
Speaker 1: to live life where you wake up and being excited
Speaker 1: about it. You said you have a good voice, and
Speaker 1: that's fine. Everybody does not have to be in front
Speaker 1: of the camera. Go out there and take a chance.
Speaker 1: And you're talking about your future family. This is what
Speaker 1: I want to say to How you do anything is
Speaker 1: how you'll do everything right. You can't imagine to do
Speaker 1: a life, whether that life and we're talking about a
Speaker 1: life of a career, doing a life like that, and
Speaker 1: then having a family and being able to do that
Speaker 1: life to your best ability when you got this other
Speaker 1: aspect of your life that you do not like. You know,
Speaker 1: when I talk about vitamin D and I talk about AY,
Speaker 1: when I talk about life, i'd say, we always want
Speaker 1: to give them a place of overflow. You're gonna be
Speaker 1: in a situation if you decide to stay in this job,
Speaker 1: and I'm already speaking it over you that you're not
Speaker 1: gonna stay in this job because this is not where
Speaker 1: you want to be. And we're all about growing and changing.
Speaker 1: But even if you want, do you realize that you
Speaker 1: won't have the overflow to get to your family to
Speaker 1: provide those amenities because you won't have the joy to
Speaker 1: keep going wing. You won't have the momentum to keep
Speaker 1: orbiting at the speed that you can, with the accuracy,
Speaker 1: with the creativity, with the energy. I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to be with somebody that's not
Speaker 1: enjoying their life. You know, I have to have this
Speaker 1: realization with myself. It's been coming to me here as
Speaker 1: a lame, you know, stepping this realm of being in
Speaker 1: a relationship. I was like, I gotta be somebody that
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship with. And if
Speaker 1: you are not enjoying your job, who wants to be
Speaker 1: with somebody who don't enjoy the job. So you can
Speaker 1: come home every day complaining about what you don't want,
Speaker 1: what you don't like, how crampy you are, and how
Speaker 1: annoyed you are. So what happens when you want to
Speaker 1: have a family, we have children? What you're gonna be
Speaker 1: all crime? Not not wanting to play with the kids,
Speaker 1: not want to go on the family I don't need
Speaker 1: too tired to lethargic boys, Stop on your situation, start
Speaker 1: to explore other realms of employment. You said that you've
Speaker 1: got some knowledge on your belt. Go ahead, you said
Speaker 1: your worth as it can get you there, Go and
Speaker 1: get that degree and see what else is possible. You know,
Speaker 1: maybe at one point you were forced into this because
Speaker 1: it seemed like that was the only way out. But
Speaker 1: now you've got some sense you don't lived a little
Speaker 1: bit more. Let me back up. I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: you got some sense you've lived a little bit more
Speaker 1: to know what it is that you don't want so,
Speaker 1: and since you got a sense of what it is
Speaker 1: that you want out of life. And guess what this
Speaker 1: ain't it. You're twenty nine years old. You got so
Speaker 1: much life ahead of you. You better live like you're
Speaker 1: still alive. Yeah, take a chance in the voice overs.
Speaker 1: You can make a lot of money. Take note. All right,
Speaker 1: So let's go on to this next letter and the
Speaker 1: last letter um subject how to be a good friend
Speaker 1: in trying times. Dear Dawn, my best friend was just
Speaker 1: diagnosed with cancer. We both are twenty seven. I found
Speaker 1: out today the prognosis is good so far, and he
Speaker 1: finds out more in the next few days. We had
Speaker 1: a short phone conversation just acknowledging how bad the situation is,
Speaker 1: and had a sad laugh about how typical it was
Speaker 1: for him to get cancer during a pandemic. Looking back,
Speaker 1: it was probably quite glib, but we've been through bad
Speaker 1: times together before and we definitely deal with it through humor.
Speaker 1: A mutual friend and I want to send him something,
Speaker 1: but I just don't know where to start. What's an
Speaker 1: appropriate gift in this instance? How can I be the
Speaker 1: best friend possible in this situation. I've gone back and
Speaker 1: listened to several episodes that touch on the subject, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you based on your personal experiences,
Speaker 1: any help is appreciated. I love that. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm all my age even more. We just came to mind.
Speaker 1: I can't hear it the soundtrack, waiting to exhale. Count
Speaker 1: on me. I will be there, a friend shooting up
Speaker 1: and never wait. Are you okay? Um? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: I appreciate your friendship with your friend. I've been on
Speaker 1: the instance of the friend that needed the support now
Speaker 1: with my mother being diagnosed and having cancer, and what
Speaker 1: that was like is you really don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1: I haven't been this situation, thank God, God willing um
Speaker 1: receiving news on my own bill of health. But I
Speaker 1: will say that I've had friends or I have a
Speaker 1: friend that's dealing with this situation with another friend. I'm
Speaker 1: a best friend in the same situation of dealing with cancer,
Speaker 1: and I think the most important thing is to show up.
Speaker 1: And sometimes showing up is just being there, doesn't mean
Speaker 1: showing up presenting something you know, I heard you know.
Speaker 1: On both sides, Sometimes people want to acknowledge and make
Speaker 1: it a finger about the situation or sometimes people want
Speaker 1: to use it escape where I don't have to think
Speaker 1: about life for that one moment, let me forget that
Speaker 1: I have this disease and let's just go back to
Speaker 1: what it was. So do I need you to send
Speaker 1: me a gift to remind me that I'm in this state?
Speaker 1: Maybe not. I love how you said that you guys
Speaker 1: have a good humor. So maybe it's just you being
Speaker 1: you and doing the same things that were. Because here's
Speaker 1: the thing. When we talk about the life that we want,
Speaker 1: we gotta act as if we already are. It doesn't
Speaker 1: mean being foolish in it, but it means, you know,
Speaker 1: the function to live, to exercise thought, words and action,
Speaker 1: and the life that we live. So do I want
Speaker 1: necessarily what I suggest? You know, coddling your friends they're
Speaker 1: being sick. Maybe not, but perhaps just showing up and
Speaker 1: being there, you know, finding something to laugh about and
Speaker 1: depending on what your friends love languages. Um, I have
Speaker 1: a friend now, uh, whose friend is baling cancer and
Speaker 1: his friend is all about you know, really loves to
Speaker 1: have that shout out of love and support. So consisting
Speaker 1: on social media constantly sending words and encouragement, posting up pictures, Um,
Speaker 1: so I don't know if there's anything that you gotta
Speaker 1: get to give other than yourself. And while it is
Speaker 1: a moment, if this makes sense, don't make it such
Speaker 1: a moment. You know, to start is just to be
Speaker 1: what you've always been. I mean, you said that you
Speaker 1: guys have been best friends, and um, you said the
Speaker 1: prognosis is good. So do we need to you know,
Speaker 1: harp on the bad. Give your friend time to talk
Speaker 1: about it. And that means allowing room and giving space.
Speaker 1: I'm learning that, you know, because sometimes we can have
Speaker 1: the best intentions of trying to show up, but um,
Speaker 1: and we sign up for things that sometimes people didn't
Speaker 1: ask us to sign up for. So give some space
Speaker 1: and be present, whether it be for a call to
Speaker 1: check in, just as if you usually would. Definitely having
Speaker 1: sensitivity towards if um your friend is having a move
Speaker 1: swing or going through a situation of agitation and having
Speaker 1: grace in that situation. But just give space to be present.
Speaker 1: Don't make the thing the thing, if you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Okay, keep laughing and keep smiling like y'all
Speaker 1: usually do. If anything, get some pictureots, pictures, tell some jokes.
Speaker 1: Make it like it's like old times. Do something that
Speaker 1: makes it feel like old times, it feels good. Do
Speaker 1: something that will give your friend a reason to want
Speaker 1: to feel that again, because that's what the fight is. Right,
Speaker 1: Not for you to give me some flowers or a
Speaker 1: teddy because oh what was me and what I'm going through?
Speaker 1: But give me something to fight for. You know, the
Speaker 1: sun gets up every day to rise. Okay, all right, well, jeez,
Speaker 1: I guess we finished with that. I enjoyed these letters
Speaker 1: and I consistently enjoy them. Um. I hope that it
Speaker 1: was a value of what I said. And if anything,
Speaker 1: you know, you take away about being your authentic self
Speaker 1: and being true with self. And that's what I want
Speaker 1: to say. Shout out to every person that has written
Speaker 1: and each person that wrote a letter that I read today,
Speaker 1: Thank you for showing up for yourself. Thank you for
Speaker 1: reaching out. I said this, Oh episode ago, I was
Speaker 1: talking about how it's not always about being the smartest,
Speaker 1: the best, the fastest, but necessarily having the resources to
Speaker 1: acquire that. And you know, one of the resources that
Speaker 1: you can use now if you need an advice, whine
Speaker 1: me a letter Vitamin D at dawn day Speaks dot com.
Speaker 1: Because we all can use a little support. We all
Speaker 1: can use another health we all can use another second thought. Emplus,
Speaker 1: I could always use somebody to talk too. And that's
Speaker 1: why I enjoy you. So I hope that this was
Speaker 1: a good example of just some good advice about loving
Speaker 1: on self, showing your value of self, being real with self,
Speaker 1: being true with self. Remember time aways for no one,
Speaker 1: So you better get out there and live your life.
Speaker 1: You know, this is the one day with the Vitamin
Speaker 1: D podcast. You know, we come every week, We'll have
Speaker 1: a new episode and we have some sprinkling, some doses
Speaker 1: throughout the way. Let me speak to some of my life.
Speaker 1: I told you one is going to be a one season.
Speaker 1: I'm expecting expansion. I'm speaking this right now. Vitamin D
Speaker 1: is going to be a global movement. Um, Vitamin D
Speaker 1: is will be how the world would know my name,
Speaker 1: mark it down. We're taking this place is And yes,
Speaker 1: I can say this right now as I sit in
Speaker 1: my dining room in my place in Los Angeles, California,
Speaker 1: with this podcast to tell you what's about to happen.
Speaker 1: And I'm walking in gratitude and I'm thinking it. And
Speaker 1: let me just say that I came across this post
Speaker 1: on I G Live and this young lady was talking
Speaker 1: about being optimistic and owing up and in um excitement,
Speaker 1: and she said, not going from a place of needing
Speaker 1: something or wanting, because that shows that you are lacking,
Speaker 1: but more so walking in the stance of just saying
Speaker 1: thank you, because gratitude about it already is. And when
Speaker 1: you walk in an expectancy, you don't walk because you
Speaker 1: don't have it. You walk because you've acquired it. And
Speaker 1: expectancy you mean is you don't have it necessarily yet,
Speaker 1: but you're expecting to expect great things over your life.
Speaker 1: That's how you get it. You gotta if you can
Speaker 1: attract everything right, if you're expecting to live your best life,
Speaker 1: if you're expecting to have the dream job, the beautiful home,
Speaker 1: the family, the spouse, the career expected, so you can
Speaker 1: attract it. If they say like attracts, like why isn't
Speaker 1: your mind liking the things that you desire? Why aren't
Speaker 1: you thinking about that? Why aren't you imagining what it
Speaker 1: feels like that even from the inside out. Implore you
Speaker 1: to do that on this journey of living your best
Speaker 1: life and realizing, like I said, on this journey, it's
Speaker 1: about the experience because guess what, there's rain in every rainball. Okay,
Speaker 1: and just guess what, Sometimes you need that rain to
Speaker 1: give you life. Remember that, but don't wallow so much
Speaker 1: that you drown and it takes it away. That's the
Speaker 1: word for the day. All right, y'all know I can
Speaker 1: keep going, but I gotta go. So make sure you
Speaker 1: tell somebody to tell somebody else. To tell somebody else
Speaker 1: about vitamin D. Tell them it's a mosti vitamin not
Speaker 1: just for your mind, but for your body and soul.
Speaker 1: Tell them that this podcast is designed to get you
Speaker 1: excited about your life. Tell them about this podcast because
Speaker 1: you're listening, you feel a little bit better about yourself.
Speaker 1: Tell them about this podcast because you know what all
Speaker 1: it is like going around. Somebody can deserve to get
Speaker 1: a little bit more. Okay, Well that's it. I'm Dawn Day.
Speaker 1: If if you could use some Vitamin D even after
Speaker 1: this podcast, I want to implore that you follow me
Speaker 1: on social media at Dawn Day Speaks. I want to
Speaker 1: hear from you. Um. Also, if you would like to
Speaker 1: get some advice on a one on one I want
Speaker 1: you to hit me up. Show me an email in
Speaker 1: Vitamin D at dawn day speaks dot com. I'm offering
Speaker 1: ten thirty minutes sessions for free. The only requirement is
Speaker 1: that you have to write a review. Okay, so yes,
Speaker 1: you and I can talk one on one. Send the
Speaker 1: email to Vitamin D at dawn day speaks dot com.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you guys. Um that's
Speaker 1: it for this uh dose and until next time, Always
Speaker 1: remember you are your greatest asset.