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Speaker 1: I took care of a young lieutenant and he was

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Speaker 1: shot in the head. You know, We're in a dusty

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Speaker 1: desert tent, you know, with lots of munitions being fired

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Speaker 1: around us, and he needed an operation. We didn't have drills,

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Speaker 1: so I used actually the black and decker drill that

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Speaker 1: we've been using to put up the tents and did

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Speaker 1: the operation on the back of his head in the

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Speaker 1: middle of this warzone.

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Speaker 2: Hello Loves, I'm Andrea Waters King. That was doctor Sanjay Gupta,

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Speaker 2: neurosurgeon and CNN's award winning Chief Medical correspondent, sharing one

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Speaker 2: of the most harrowing moments of his career. Sanjay and

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Speaker 2: his wife of over twenty years, Rebecca, joined us for

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Speaker 2: a rare joint interview, giving us an intimate look into

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Speaker 2: their lives. We'll hear what Sanjay is really like as

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Speaker 2: a husband and three time girl dad, the social media

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Speaker 2: rules in the Gupta household that I think every parent

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Speaker 2: will want to hear, and the incredible life changing stories

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Speaker 2: that have shaped America's favorite doctor. You do not want

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Speaker 2: to miss this conversation. This is My Legacy, a podcast

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Speaker 2: hosted by me and my husband, Martin Luther King. The

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Speaker 2: third eldest son of doctor Martin Luther King Junior and

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Speaker 2: Coretta Scott King. Together we're caring for their iconic legacy

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Speaker 2: of equality, peace and justice. Plus we're joined by our

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Speaker 2: good friends New York Times bestselling authors Mark and Cret Kilberger.

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Speaker 2: Let's dive in.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to My Legacy. Today, we're honored to sit down

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Speaker 3: with doctor Sanjay Gupta and his wife, Rebecca Gupta. Together,

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Speaker 3: they built a life of purpose, compassion, and connection, and

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Speaker 3: we hope that their journey will inspire you to create

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Speaker 3: a living legacy and to lead a more fulfilled life.

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Speaker 3: What makes this podcast unique is not just hearing from

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Speaker 3: brilliant people like Sonjay, but also getting insights from the

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Speaker 3: remarkable people who've walked beside them every step of the way.

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Speaker 3: Rebecca's love and partnership has been central to Sanji's extraordinary

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Speaker 3: and we're excited to have both of you here today.

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Speaker 3: And so, doctor Gupta, would you mind introducing your wife to.

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Speaker 1: A very nice that's very very well done. I like

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Speaker 1: that this is my lovely wife, Rebecca, who she probably

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Speaker 1: knows me better than I know myself, and we've been

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Speaker 1: married for twenty plus years now. So three lovely kids

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Speaker 1: together and as you said, made this beautiful life together.

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Speaker 1: She is an attorney here in Atlanta and does all

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Speaker 1: kinds of activities in the community to make the place

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Speaker 1: the world a better place.

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Speaker 2: I may we also add that there are neighbors exactly.

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Speaker 3: So let's go right back from the beginning, if we can. Sosanja,

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Speaker 3: your family came from India, grew up in Michigan with

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Speaker 3: your brother. Can you tell us how some of the

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Speaker 3: values that your parents helped raise you with influence how

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Speaker 3: you've sought to live your legacy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I don't I hadn't really

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Speaker 1: reflected on this very much until more recently after I

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Speaker 1: had my own kids. But my parents or immigrants, and

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Speaker 1: my mom in particular had a really really challenging upbringing

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Speaker 1: because she was part of the great partition of the

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Speaker 1: subcontinent of India. And this is nineteen forty seven timeframe.

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Speaker 1: She was five years old. So you, in the pursuit

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Speaker 1: of your religion, you give up everything you have, You

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Speaker 1: give up your home but also your way of life,

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Speaker 1: and flee to another place and live in refugee camps.

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Speaker 1: And I bring that all up to say that that

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Speaker 1: was my mom. So that's the woman who raised me.

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Speaker 1: And you know, when you have a mom like that,

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Speaker 1: saying I can't do something is not an acceptable answer.

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Speaker 1: You can't. I fled a country when I was five.

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Speaker 1: I lived in a refugee camps till I was twelve.

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Speaker 1: I was the only woman engineer at my college in India,

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Speaker 1: and I became the first woman engineer at the Ford

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Speaker 1: Motor Company in the United States. They never had an

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Speaker 1: engineer who was a woman before that. So that is

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Speaker 1: the house that I grew up with. And you know,

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Speaker 1: my dad also an immigrant, although it's a funny sort

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Speaker 1: of thing because in many ways he did not go

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Speaker 1: through it. My mom went through during the partition, and

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Speaker 1: he's almost always had a sense of this is her story,

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Speaker 1: even though I'm also Indian, this is her story, and

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Speaker 1: so both very focused on academics and this idea that

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Speaker 1: you know, I think if you're an immigrant, you you

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Speaker 1: chose to live in the United States. You feel privileged

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Speaker 1: to live in the United States, and you when I

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Speaker 1: was growing up, there was always a sense that maybe

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Speaker 1: we wouldn't live here anymore because it couldn't make it work,

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Speaker 1: and so that was sort.

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Speaker 2: Of the background were you born in the United States.

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Speaker 1: I was born in the United ste Okay.

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Speaker 2: And I know that you all have taken your daughters

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Speaker 2: back to Indy. You have three beautiful daughters. Thank you

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Speaker 2: fantastic and you all have traveled to India with them, correct,

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Speaker 2: And so I'm just really curious as to seeing India

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Speaker 2: through their eyes.

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Speaker 4: They were very young when we took him to India,

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Speaker 4: and it was an interesting because at their age they

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Speaker 4: kind of said what they thought, they didn't kind of

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Speaker 4: really hold back. I think one of the cutest conversations

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Speaker 4: we had was with our youngest. In India, there's you know,

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Speaker 4: a lot of cows around and my we were driving

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Speaker 4: around with a cousin and her daughter, and my youngest goes, well,

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Speaker 4: why do you have all the cows? Why are all

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Speaker 4: the cows all over and they're in the streets and

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Speaker 4: you know, and the auntie says, well, that's because you know,

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Speaker 4: we really love and respect and cherish them, and we

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Speaker 4: feel that, you know, they provide us milk and substance

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Speaker 4: are wonderful and we really care for them, and my daughter,

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Speaker 4: without missing it, beat goes, well, if you really loved them,

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Speaker 4: it seemed like you put them on a farm where

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Speaker 4: they couldn't get hit by a car. So everybody has

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Speaker 4: their own perspective.

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Speaker 2: And you all have been married for twenty years, yes,

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Speaker 2: So I'm just really curious, after twenty years of togetherness,

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Speaker 2: what are some things that you all have Not only

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Speaker 2: that you've seen Sanjay pass down that you've passed down

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Speaker 2: to your girls, but is there anything that you all

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Speaker 2: do in particular that with the girls out of your

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Speaker 2: own unique legacy?

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Speaker 4: You know, I think that that's a really large question

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Speaker 4: to try to unbundle, and you think about all the

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Speaker 4: little things that we do. But one of the big

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Speaker 4: things that I think really helped a lot of that

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Speaker 4: is our family dinners. We sit down and have dinner

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Speaker 4: almost every night, and when we do, even when we're

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Speaker 4: out in public, we're laughing hysterically. We are joking. I mean,

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Speaker 4: people come up to us and are like, while you're

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Speaker 4: making so much noise, you're laughing so much family. Like

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Speaker 4: my mom will come out to dinner with us and

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Speaker 4: she's like, are you guys always this like raw, just

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Speaker 4: and just loud and crazy, And we're like, yeah, we

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Speaker 4: we really are. But we don't hold back too. We

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Speaker 4: like love each other. We talk about things, we tease

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Speaker 4: each other, but really that's all because of Sunday. He

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Speaker 4: really makes it a fun, you know, activity that everybody

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Speaker 4: wants to be there for. They all show up for

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Speaker 4: dinner and they're like, they're like seven seventh and the

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Speaker 4: time really hit because of COVID, because he would get

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Speaker 4: this tiny little window to come and eat at a

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Speaker 4: certain time that he like told, you know, you know,

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Speaker 4: and I need to eat. So they're like, okay, we'll

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Speaker 4: give you like seventh, He's like seven thirty, give me

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Speaker 4: a break, and so we'd all go up and during

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Speaker 4: all that stress, we're still laughing and joking, and that

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Speaker 4: really I think even now they all talk about, well,

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Speaker 4: when when's dinner family dinner and we're all we go

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Speaker 4: out on vacation and we all want to have dinner together.

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Speaker 4: It's it's important to us.

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Speaker 5: Are there phones?

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Speaker 2: Are Are they allowed to bring their phones to dinner?

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Speaker 4: There's no phones on at dinner the hardest, but he knows,

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Speaker 4: he follows. Sometimes they're present for I want to show

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Speaker 4: you this picture of something to happen today, or sharing,

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Speaker 4: but not otherwise they're not visible or out or if

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Speaker 4: they aren't, you know, they're gone, but it's never been

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Speaker 4: a problem.

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Speaker 1: It's very interesting not to make this a data analytics thing,

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Speaker 1: but there was really good data on families that dine

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Speaker 1: together at night. You may have seen some of this data.

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Speaker 1: But the likelihood you were not going to suffer from

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Speaker 1: a mental illness, the likelihood you were going to go

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Speaker 1: to college, the likelihood you would not end up in prison,

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Speaker 1: likelihood you would not take drugs were so directly correlated

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Speaker 1: with having dinner with your family every night, or most

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Speaker 1: nights at least. It's not why we started doing it,

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Speaker 1: because we just really enjoy being together and you know,

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Speaker 1: to have that time to check in in a non

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Speaker 1: threatening way. You know, you don't have to make eye contact,

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Speaker 1: you can sort of ask questions like this. Uh, it's

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Speaker 1: just turned into a really nice thing.

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Speaker 4: For us, and we've learned over the years, like we're

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Speaker 4: not going to talk about one person's bad you know,

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Speaker 4: test score, We're not going to I mean, we keep

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Speaker 4: it sounds I get.

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Speaker 1: Kicked under the table.

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Speaker 6: I know that I appreciate it.

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Speaker 4: Yes, we're Bacca.

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Speaker 5: Could you share the story of how you all met

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Speaker 5: and in a twenty something Sanjay when he was in

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Speaker 5: medical school and you went in law school.

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Speaker 4: It's kind of funny. So, I mean it's a little embarrassing.

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Speaker 4: We met through a mutual friend at you know what,

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Speaker 4: you're in college and your social time is often spent

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Speaker 4: like at bars, and so we were at a bar

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Speaker 4: and somebody knew us. Both was like, hey, you know,

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Speaker 4: you got to meet and that's how we met, and

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Speaker 4: and it took a while from there. We were just friends.

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Speaker 4: It took a while from there before we started dating

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Speaker 4: and that kind of thing. But that's more typical to college,

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Speaker 4: I think, and more typical to a lot of relationships people.

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Speaker 4: Not everybody is like love at first sight. It's more

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Speaker 4: like you get to know each other and then maybe

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Speaker 4: we should.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I was just insulted.

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Speaker 2: You have some analytics, so are those who are friends

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Speaker 2: first they tend to what is the science?

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. In my anecdotal case of one,

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Speaker 1: it worked out all right. Site for you pretty high

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Speaker 1: on that scale. Yeah, so much higher.

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Speaker 5: Than hers to be.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I actually it's interesting. I mean I think I don't

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Speaker 4: have the like, the statistics or anything to back me

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Speaker 4: up on this, but I think men tend to have

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Speaker 4: more visual like when they're attracted and women are more intellectual.

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Speaker 2: So did you see them. They're shaking their hands eagerly

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Speaker 2: and take what do you think?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the way you interpret that COMMI we

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Speaker 1: are either smart nor good looking. It took a while

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Speaker 1: on the you know.

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Speaker 4: Like to be honestly, Well, what.

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Speaker 3: Is the secret though? The two of you have been

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Speaker 3: happily married for twenty years and extraordinarily demending lives. Like,

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Speaker 3: let's just call it what it is. Like you're on television,

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Speaker 3: as you said, you're whisking back for dinner. You know,

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Speaker 3: America's doctor. You run your own law firm or back

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Speaker 3: up for goodness sakes, and raise three daughters between the

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Speaker 3: two of you, Like, how do you stay connected?

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Speaker 4: Which is very involved in the community as well.

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Speaker 3: So I'm asking this, like, not just for our listeners,

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Speaker 3: I'm asking this for Mike, myself, my wife who got

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Speaker 3: we got three kids. How do you stay connected as

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Speaker 3: a couple?

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Speaker 4: Well, one of the big things, and again I give

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Speaker 4: Senjay credit for this. We'd go for walks. Whenever we

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Speaker 4: had a chance, we go for a walk together. Sometimes

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Speaker 4: for a long time I was running, but even when

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Speaker 4: we would run, we spent part of that time walking.

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Speaker 4: And just talking and connecting. And and even if it's

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Speaker 4: not like we're not talking about really anything, like you know,

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Speaker 4: what do you think about that color that person was

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Speaker 4: wearing or something? I mean it is it just gives

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Speaker 4: you that time to connect. And and now we go

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Speaker 4: for a walks.

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Speaker 5: When you all.

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Speaker 2: Do spend time together, are you all able because with

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Speaker 2: your schedule, his schedule, the girls schedule, do you all

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Speaker 2: have a lot of one on one time with the

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Speaker 2: two of us or would you say you all have

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Speaker 2: more family time together.

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Speaker 4: What's a lovely thing about teenage girls is they don't

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Speaker 4: necessarily want to spend a lot of time with us,

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Speaker 4: like we want to be somewhere in our orbit.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, sometimes all of a sudden get an evening

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Speaker 1: free and we'll say, how did this happen?

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Speaker 7: Are you a romantic or like, what's what's your demeanor

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Speaker 7: when you guys want to have a chance to connect.

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Speaker 4: I'm probably more of the romantic.

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Speaker 3: I love wait for him to answer.

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Speaker 2: Look at Mark space.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm pretty romantic. I think definitely more procedural,

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Speaker 1: like in the sense that let's make a plan, you

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Speaker 1: know type of thing, and so, but I don't know,

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Speaker 1: does that is that at odds with romanticism. I don't know, question,

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Speaker 1: but one of the.

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Speaker 4: Things he does do that that's romantic, but I think

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Speaker 4: it's towards our whole family is in the mornings, when

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Speaker 4: he has to get up and go before the rest

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Speaker 4: of us, you always kind of will leave the lights

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Speaker 4: on and some music playing, and sometimes you know, he'll

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Speaker 4: turn the coffee pot on, or like if it's cold,

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Speaker 4: he'll turn the fireplace on, which is nice to come

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Speaker 4: down to in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Start cars for people. And when it's cold, you know.

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Speaker 4: He starts the girls cars because that's an old like

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Speaker 4: because we're from Michigan. That's an old Michigan like sing

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Speaker 4: and our kids are like, why are you starting? Used

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Speaker 4: to be really cold?

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Speaker 1: I love that, I think because I was thinking about this,

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Speaker 1: uh and and anticipation of this interview. By the way,

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Speaker 1: people don't get to have nice conversations like this enough.

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Speaker 1: I just I'll just throw that in there, like it's funny.

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Speaker 1: We talk all the time, Rebecca and I, and yet

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Speaker 1: we probably don't really have conversations like this. But I think, oh,

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Speaker 1: let me just say what. I think that the the

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Speaker 1: idea that there's a lot of mutual respect for each other.

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Speaker 1: Like I think that that that ingredient more than maybe

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Speaker 1: any other, the the love at first sight, the intellectualism,

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Speaker 1: all of that. Mutual respect, genuine respect, I think is

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Speaker 1: the key. And and also coupled with that is the

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Speaker 1: idea that I never question she has my best interests

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Speaker 1: in mind. I think when you have interactions with people

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Speaker 1: in your life, you do wonder they're competing interests, sometimes

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Speaker 1: with why they're telling you what they're telling you, or

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Speaker 1: and and and that's okay, that's it's not a criticism,

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Speaker 1: that's life. But I think when you have a partner

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Speaker 1: who who you don't ever question that they have your

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Speaker 1: best interest in mind, that's a really powerful thing. And

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Speaker 1: it's hard to find. It's hard to find, and if

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Speaker 1: you find it, you hang on to it for sure.

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Speaker 8: Sandia, of course you're known as America's doctor. But Rebecca

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Speaker 8: at home, does he try to give medical advice?

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Speaker 1: And or is he you know, normal? I know what

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Speaker 1: she's gonna say, and she's right. Even if I don't

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Speaker 1: like it, I agree with it.

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Speaker 4: We've you know, things happen, right you have kids, they fall,

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Speaker 4: they get you know, bruises or bangs or you know, cuts,

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Speaker 4: and frequently you got to run to the er and

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Speaker 4: you know, get stitches and stuff. Usually the decision of

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Speaker 4: whether or not to go to the er is on

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Speaker 4: my shoulders. I mean just last night was at the er.

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Speaker 4: And sometimes like, you know, stitches to him or like,

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Speaker 4: they'll be fine, It'll just be a little cut. And

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Speaker 4: they are girls, so they're gonna care more about whether

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Speaker 4: or not their chin that's cut, like that much is

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Speaker 4: sewn up or not. And he's like, it'll just be

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Speaker 4: a little scar. It's like a you know, show is

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Speaker 4: strength and I'm like god character. So every once in

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Speaker 4: a while we we have those those kind of conversations

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Speaker 4: and then things like rashes and I mean he'll be like,

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Speaker 4: I'm a neurosurgeon. I gotta like I gotta know when

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Speaker 4: to stick in his day of my lane. So but

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Speaker 4: he's also really really good at like the big things,

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Speaker 4: you know, which is which is really helpful because and

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Speaker 4: and it is wonderful because he's so kind of gracious there.

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Speaker 4: I don't think there's anybody who's ever called him, he's

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Speaker 4: ever turned down or not helped or even if he's

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Speaker 4: like I look, I can't talk to him. But tell

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Speaker 4: him X, Y, and Z. He's always been very very

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Speaker 4: good about that.

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Speaker 1: The girls definitely go to mom.

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Speaker 5: Answer your question.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know.

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Speaker 1: You call me America's doctor, which is very gracious, but

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Speaker 1: not at home, not the home doctor.

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Speaker 2: When you all go into the yard, does the other

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Speaker 2: doctors and nurses eyes get big, like, oh, America's doctors here.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's funny. One of the guys throwing stitches into

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Speaker 1: the same daughter, same daughter, a different daughter when we

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Speaker 1: got to the ear. I went that time, and he

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Speaker 1: happened to be somebody that I had trained, and and

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Speaker 1: so right away he got super nervous. So I had

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Speaker 1: to walk out of the room. And then I and then,

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Speaker 1: as it turns out, she was more critical of him

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Speaker 1: than I would have ever been. She's like, you didn't

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Speaker 1: throw that stitch, right, you have.

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Speaker 4: To do that literally made the guy rethrow a stitch.

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Speaker 4: And he's going, oh my god, you didn't even have

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Speaker 4: you even even go to medical school and you're telling

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Speaker 4: you to rethrow a stitch. I'm like, that's not acceptable.

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Speaker 4: You're nervous.

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Speaker 3: Are you mess with doctor Bob? I love stay with

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Speaker 3: us because coming up we'll hear from Sanjay and Rebecca

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Speaker 3: about raising healthy daughters in our social media obsessed world.

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Speaker 3: We'll be right back after a word from our partners.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to my legacy. We have the privilege of

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Speaker 3: speaking with America's doctor, doctor Sanjay Gupta and his extraordinary wife,

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Speaker 3: Rebecca Gupta Andrea. Your turn to jump.

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Speaker 5: In, Sanjay.

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Speaker 2: Even with everything on your plate, you still make time

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Speaker 2: for patients and surgeries each week at Emory. Now, is

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Speaker 2: there any particular patient that has really impacted your life

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Speaker 2: that you still think about to this day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a lot of patience. You remember all your patients,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think the nature of things probably similar

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Speaker 1: in life, as you remember things that were harder, more

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Speaker 1: challenging in some ways. There have been times I think

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Speaker 1: when as a journalist you're in situation where all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden a neurosurgeon is needed, and that is an

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Speaker 1: unusual situation to be in. When you're in the middle

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Speaker 1: of a war zone and there's no other neurosurgeons there,

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Speaker 1: but someone's been injured and needs brain surgery in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the desert, or middle of a natural disaster,

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Speaker 1: or on the moving ship, whatever it may be. I

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Speaker 1: think those stories I remember the most just this confluence

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Speaker 1: of the world. I took care of a young lieutenant

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Speaker 1: in Iraq in two thousand and three named Jezus Vidania,

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Speaker 1: and he was shot in the head and it was,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're in a dusty desert tent, you know,

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Speaker 1: with lots of munitions being fired around us, and he

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Speaker 1: needed an operation and trying to operate on him, and

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Speaker 1: that's we all had our biochemical suits on, you know,

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Speaker 1: so just imagine the scenario. We didn't have drills, so

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Speaker 1: I used actually the black and deck or drill that

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Speaker 1: we've been using to put up the tents. I sterilized

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Speaker 1: that bit and did the operation on the back of

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Speaker 1: his head in the middle of this war zone. And

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Speaker 1: then a black Hawk helicopter came and picked him up

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Speaker 1: and took him off. And I didn't know anything about

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Speaker 1: him except his name is Vedagna.

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Speaker 4: And he's the macguy for of neurosurgery. He said, he's

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Speaker 4: not even giving himself enough credit. Like they took an

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Speaker 4: IVY bag and cut it open because they didn't have

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Speaker 4: any anything sterile, and that he knew the inside of

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Speaker 4: an IVY bag would be sterile so that he could

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Speaker 4: like help, you know, protect the wound. Because it's a

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Speaker 4: desert and there's dust and dirt everywhere, even inside the

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Speaker 4: operating theater. So yeah, he he doesn't really give himself

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Speaker 4: enough credit on that one. And there's others that, especially

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Speaker 4: during that time that he helped that nobody will ever

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Speaker 4: hear those stories, but they're incredible.

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Speaker 3: And if I may interrupt, because I actually know a

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Speaker 3: little bit how the story ends. He survived. He survived,

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Speaker 3: like you got to tell that part of it.

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Speaker 1: Also, Oh yeah, it's it's it's incredible. So I was

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Speaker 1: back home. I just tell you because you'll appreciate. And

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Speaker 1: I get a fun phone call one day in the

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Speaker 1: area code is six one nine, which I recognize as

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Speaker 1: San Diego. So I answered the phone. He's like, oh, hey,

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Speaker 1: is this doctor Gupta. I have an update on one

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Speaker 1: of your patients. First thing I thought is they got

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Speaker 1: the wrong doctor Gupta. So I said, I think he

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Speaker 1: got the wrong guys. It turns out there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of doctor Gupta's. He goes, no, I think, did you

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Speaker 1: remember operating on Jesus Vedanna over in a rock? And

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Speaker 1: I remember thinking to myself, yes, of course, how do

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Speaker 1: you forget operating on Jesus in the middle of the desert.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like this, this really sort of metaphorical thing.

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Speaker 1: And he said, he's doing pretty well. He's got a

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Speaker 1: little bit of left hand weakness and he's doing well.

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Speaker 1: You should visit him sometime.

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Speaker 4: And he's like, he's getting married and.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he had a girlfriend. He was getting married. He's

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Speaker 1: you know so, but i'll tell you. I'll just tell

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Speaker 1: you really quickly, because I did go visit him. And

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Speaker 1: he's this handsome guy, this handsome marine, and he's so young.

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Speaker 1: And you forget how young the people are who safeguard

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Speaker 1: our country. They're young. They're my kid's age now, you know,

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Speaker 1: and they're responsible for keeping our entry safe. It's a

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Speaker 1: monumental task. But anyways, I talking to him and he's

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Speaker 1: so he's such a nice guy, and you know, he

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Speaker 1: right away get into it. And he's living with his

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Speaker 1: mom and his dad. And his mom comes out a

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Speaker 1: little later and she's very sweet. She's like, are you

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Speaker 1: the guy that operated on my son? I said yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she's like taking my hands and you know, very nice.

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Speaker 1: Dad came out a few minutes later. Dad's are different, right,

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Speaker 1: he goes, you're the guy that operated on my son.

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Speaker 1: I said, yes, yes, sir, I am he goes and

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Speaker 1: you're a journalist. He never got the whole story.

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Speaker 4: I never got the whole story.

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Speaker 1: And I just thought that was so interesting that, you know,

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Speaker 1: I sat down and talked to them mother, father, and son,

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Speaker 1: and he had been shot in the head. He had

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Speaker 1: gone to Kuwait City, then he had gone to launchdul Germany,

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Speaker 1: then he'd gone to Walter Reed and then he'd gone

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Speaker 1: to San Diego. And as I was sitting there talking

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Speaker 1: to them, I realized they had never really talked about it.

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Speaker 7: Wow.

435
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: They he almost died in the desert and they never

436
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: life became procedural as opposed to reflective. Reflection is a

437
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: luxury for a lot of people, and they hadn't reflected.

438
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,120
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, I'm like, I'm enabling and

439
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 1: empowering a conversation between this family that otherwise I don't

440
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: think would have been had. And I'll be honest, and

441
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: I'm not just saying this. I think that was as

442
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: therapeutic for him as operating on him in the desert,

443
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 1: that type of connection and his family and his family, Yeah,

444
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 1: beca Can.

445
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 3: I ask you a question, So all of us here

446
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 3: have been in war zones and conflic zones. It's just

447
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 3: the nature of the work. And I remember, I sincerely

448
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 3: own personally when I got back, it played with my

449
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 3: head a little bit, like you sit with child soldiers

450
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 3: and some pretty horrific realities of like the mutilation of

451
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 3: the violence that takes place. And I remember coming back

452
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 3: and personally actually having nightmares from what I had experienced.

453
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 3: And my wife was the one who I just talked

454
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 3: through a lot of this with to try to make

455
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 3: sense of everything seeing. But I don't know if you

456
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 3: I found that you serve that role with your husband

457
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 3: because he comes back from these really tough realities.

458
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 4: Well, absolutely, I mean there's isn't any time, and sometimes

459
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 4: it takes, like probably with your wife, it takes she

460
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 4: takes responsibility of pulling it out of you, like you know,

461
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 4: let's talk, or I noticed this, or you know, there's

462
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 4: little things like when he came back from Smelia, I

463
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 4: think one of our daughters didn't want to eat something

464
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,239
Speaker 4: and he got really upset about it. But it was

465
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 4: just a reaction to like all that he had been through.

466
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 4: It was nothing unusual. I mean our daughter was little,

467
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 4: so it wasn't really anything unusual. For a kid, but

468
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 4: for him, after seeing what he had seen, it was

469
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 4: just too difficult for him to see somebody like turning

470
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 4: away food kind of thing. We give him the space

471
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 4: where he can say, I can say, well, you know

472
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 4: that's normal, so let's talk about this.

473
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 5: And.

474
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 4: It helps. And sometimes you never know when that comes out.

475
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 4: I mean there's little things sometimes that he'll do even

476
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: now that I can see that are because of experiences

477
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 4: that he's had that were so impactful. And I don't

478
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 4: think there's one thing he's ever done that hasn't impacted him.

479
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,880
Speaker 4: He's super empathetic, so it all hits him. I think

480
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 4: that's what makes him so good at what he does,

481
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 4: is because he does feel every single thing that he

482
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,719
Speaker 4: goes through, and then he can process it and explain

483
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 4: it to others in a way that they can feel

484
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 4: and understand what's going what's happening.

485
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 7: We did ask you a little bit of a different question,

486
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 7: and you've written and spoken extensively about longevity and aging,

487
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 7: and you've said something we love that if you could

488
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 7: go back and talk to your younger self, you would

489
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 7: talk about two really critical things. One is take time

490
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 7: to talk to people from older generations. Really cool and

491
00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 7: two attitude matters. So can you just explain to us

492
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 7: a little bit about why those two reflections are so important?

493
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think when it comes to talking to people

494
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: of older generations, you know, I think this is a

495
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 1: sense that you have to experience many of these things yourself,

496
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: and I think there's a lot of truth to that.

497
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: One of my favorite books is Sadartha by Hermann Hesse,

498
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 1: and I think to distill that message down, it's like

499
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 1: there are a lot of lessons to be learned in life,

500
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: but some of them you just have to learn yourself.

501
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 1: You have to go through the experience to learn it yourself.

502
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: People can tell you, but it can't really be taught.

503
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: You have to experience. But for a lot of other things,

504
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,719
Speaker 1: there are hacks. I feel like, you know, things that

505
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: my dad probably thought of at the exact same age

506
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: that I was thinking of, or my grandfather, and instead

507
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: of saying, hey, look, let me just you know, fumble

508
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 1: the ball and make the mistakes, Like, can I just

509
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: ask them what did you prioritize at this point in life?

510
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 1: When did you start to shift your priorities? How did

511
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: you save money? You know, just whatever it might be

512
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: from very practical things to to more philosophical things. I

513
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 1: think was really important. I also found that it made

514
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 1: me feel good to have those conversations with them, and

515
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: it made them feel good. This is this component of

516
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 1: reciprocal altruism. We have a lot of knowledge about our

517
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: own personal biology now, and I think the idea that

518
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: we think about affecting our biology through extraneous methods, through

519
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: pills that you take, medications, procedures, things like that. One

520
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: of the really interesting sort of revelations and science is

521
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,959
Speaker 1: that we can actively change our biology by our thinking.

522
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,959
Speaker 1: And we kind of thought that if you're optimistic, you're

523
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: going to feel better, you're gonna heal better, you're going

524
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: to recover more quickly from things. We kind of knew that,

525
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: but now we can measure it, and we can see

526
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 1: cells changing. We can see the increase in tumor necrosis

527
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,479
Speaker 1: factor cells that bust cancer, cells that boost your immune system,

528
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 1: purely by thinking about it. And so attitude matters. Attitude matters,

529
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 1: It matters when it comes to pain, when it comes

530
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: to recovery from things. Pain is a big one because

531
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 1: we can't really measure pain, and yet we know two

532
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: people who have the exact same injury, like bang your

533
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,959
Speaker 1: hand with a hammer. Two people that have the exact

534
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 1: same insult to their hand. If the more optimistic person,

535
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 1: person with the better attitude, is going to feel less

536
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 1: pain and recover more quickly. Wow, I mean we aren't

537
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: at the point yet as a human species to be

538
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 1: able to quantify this almost sixth sense of things, and

539
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 1: yet we know it exists. So attitude matters.

540
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 3: Sancha. Your work has touched countless people, millions are inspired

541
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 3: by your message. But I've heard you say when we

542
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 3: had dinner that at the heart of all you do,

543
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,479
Speaker 3: in the heart of your purpose, is your three daughters.

544
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 3: So how is being a dad affected how you think

545
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 3: of purpose and legacy?

546
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: Not only a dad, but a girl dad.

547
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: Dad.

548
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 4: It doesn't make reach out to boys a little bit

549
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: like hey.

550
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: Guys, No, it's a it's a it's a it's a

551
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: great question. And then again, I'll just say, this is

552
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: what's so nice about these conversations, because I think life

553
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 1: moves so fast you don't often reflect on on that

554
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: sort of thing. It's just my life. I'm a teenage

555
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 1: girl dad, and so the idea of how it changed me,

556
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what to compare it to.

557
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would have been like had

558
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: I not done this, but I will. I will say this.

559
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: It feels very natural. I feel like there's there's times

560
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: that I've said to Rebecca, I feel like I manifested

561
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: my destiny in a way that this was how it

562
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: was supposed to unfold. So that's a good feeling, as

563
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: opposed to feeling out of sorts or like something doesn't

564
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,719
Speaker 1: work or belong. I'll be honest. I think a lot

565
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: of people think about their legacy, and I think that's

566
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 1: important to the extent that it drives them to do

567
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: good things in the world. But to think about yourself

568
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: in retrospect generations down the line. Who knows. We live

569
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: in a really flimsy world and people's attitudes and belief

570
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: systems and all these things change. So all that to say,

571
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: we don't think about legacy in a conventional sense that way,

572
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: except when it comes to our girls. They are the legacy.

573
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: That's it.

574
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 7: What do you love most being a girl?

575
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: Dad? What?

576
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 7: What what gets you up in the morning? Having that

577
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 7: wonderful title?

578
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: They they challenge me in a in a tell Us

579
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: tell Us tell Us God. You know, I think I

580
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: think when you're when you're a neuroscientist, I think part

581
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: of what drives you is that you're you're consistently trying

582
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: to find logic in the world, and there are things

583
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: that are just they defy logic, and you have to

584
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: get comfortable with that. You know, you have to get

585
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: comfortable with the uncertainty. So you know, the idea of

586
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: walking down in the kitchen in the morning and never

587
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: really knowing for sure what you're going to get, it's

588
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: it's it's it's wonderful if you lean into it. Yes,

589
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: you know, if it scares you, then you know you

590
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: got to readjust but you get.

591
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 7: To about very personally. And we've got one amazing daughter

592
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 7: here among the family as well.

593
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 3: We'll be back shortly with more of this inspiring conversation.

594
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 3: We're back with doctor Sanche kuptad is amazing wife Rebecca

595
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 3: on my legacy.

596
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 2: Sonjay. On your podcast Chasing Life. You've explored the effects

597
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 2: of social media on kids, even going as far as

598
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 2: interviewing your daughters, who you call the real experts. How

599
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 2: do you and Rebecca help them navigate a healthy balance

600
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 2: between social media and real world connections?

601
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: I will tell you one thing that I found interesting

602
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: is that they did this camp over the summer where

603
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: there was no phones allowed, and it was a couple

604
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 1: of weeks.

605
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, they always did that every summer.

606
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: And they come back super happy, super happy from this.

607
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: And I made the observation that, hey, you know this

608
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: thing that you are using all the time, you didn't

609
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 1: use it at all, and you're super happy. And my youngest,

610
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 1: who's I think a very wise child, she said to me,

611
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: she said, you know, it's called social media. And I said,

612
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 1: I get it. She goes, I was totally social. I

613
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: had all these people in my own age. I was

614
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: with them all the time. I was interacting in a

615
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 1: social wad. That's what I'm really trying to do. But

616
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: in the United States many households have become more siloed off,

617
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,959
Speaker 1: and so having that type of village social interaction, all

618
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: the kids playing together in the in the street, you know,

619
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 1: or in the playground whatever, you know, that you don't

620
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: see that as much. So this is it is filled

621
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: a gap for them. It's there's problems, you know, and

622
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 1: I think you know the devices are designed to be

623
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: addictive in a way, but it does at the same

624
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 1: time serve a purpose that I think is very human evolutionarily,

625
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: Like they want to be together. If they can't be

626
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: together physically, then they want to be together virtually digitally, and.

627
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 2: That feels different to them, I think than to us.

628
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 2: I mean, since they were raised with it, and you know,

629
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 2: we're just like you all, like we're trying to balance

630
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 2: between the two because just taking it away, it's not

631
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 2: they won't be prepared. They're not prepared for digital world,

632
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 2: and they are using it also sometimes in a way

633
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 2: that is connection. And I do think for us connection

634
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 2: is all physical, but perhaps since our kids are being

635
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 2: you know, they're nurtured in a digital world. You know,

636
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:33,959
Speaker 2: part of their connection is social, like you know, like digitally.

637
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 4: And you'll notice a big difference when they start driving

638
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 4: because then they can go and be social where that

639
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 4: is such a huge difference in our society too, Like

640
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 4: it's when it becomes the parent's responsibility to get them

641
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 4: here and get them there, they spend less time. It's

642
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 4: we're controlling it too much, and so they spend less time,

643
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 4: like I said, having those study groups or doing those things.

644
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 4: And when they do have that autonomy to like go

645
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 4: out meet a front for coffee and go over you know,

646
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 4: history or something. They start doing it, and the and

647
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 4: the phone and the social media becomes less and less

648
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 4: and less.

649
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 2: I'm smiling at my husband across the table.

650
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, you do notice it, and suddenly you're like, wow, Well,

651
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 4: I mean because we have all this technology that tells

652
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 4: us how much time our kids are off social media,

653
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 4: and we look at our daughter who's in college and

654
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 4: now she's living with her sorority sisters that kind of stuff,

655
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 4: and she's rarely ever on it, and she used to

656
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 4: be our biggest person on it. So it's a social thing.

657
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: I'll tell you three quick things that she came up with.

658
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,279
Speaker 1: Rebecca came up with as far as if people are

659
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 1: thinking about social media for their kids. One is that

660
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,720
Speaker 1: we made an agreement that we actually could have access

661
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 1: to their accounts, so kind of the ability to lurk. Now,

662
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: we didn't really do it much, but they knew that

663
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 1: we could. Number two was and we every now and

664
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: then we would peek in to see what was going on.

665
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: Number two was that no friends online that you couldn't

666
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: touch in the real world. I want to be able

667
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: to touch that person physically, like or is this somebody

668
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: who's totally made up right. And the third thing, which

669
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: Rebecca mentioned is that your technology allows you to monitor

670
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 1: screen time, so you can get indicators that there's too

671
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: much screen time being used on Snapchat or Instagram, and

672
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 1: it can even cut off after a certain amount of time.

673
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: So you know those three things. Again, it's a brave

674
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 1: new world for everybody when it comes to this. But

675
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: I think they've worked well for our three teenage girls.

676
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, we did have a cut off at a certain

677
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 4: time at night and turn back on at a certain

678
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 4: time in the morning because sleep is really important, exactly,

679
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 4: and it is hard when they're up studying or need

680
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 4: to get the you know, lost that paper or something

681
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 4: that they want to reach out. I think technology and

682
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 4: social media is not going to go away. It's learning

683
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 4: how to make it work for you and thinking about

684
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 4: what is the main reason that it is in our lives,

685
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 4: and then how do you work around that.

686
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 8: So in a culture that is so focused on, you know,

687
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 8: chasing happiness, we often overlook what truly makes life for feeling. So,

688
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 8: in your view, what creates a life of real fulfillment.

689
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: I'll make my answer very simple. I feel like I

690
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: got really lucky in life, and I don't know that

691
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: I deserved it, but I got lucky. I have a

692
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 1: great life, and I think my fulfillment is to constantly

693
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: be a source of good energy for people, to just

694
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:50,240
Speaker 1: walk into every situation, every interaction, and sharing good energy

695
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: is a really powerful thing.

696
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 5: You know.

697
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 1: It's not as objective as money or something like that,

698
00:36:56,239 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 1: but just to bring good energy to someone's life because

699
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: I was blessed with it and so I want to

700
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 1: give it away. I also think, as I talked about

701
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 1: in the book, that there's a component of reciprocal altruism there.

702
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: It feels good to do good. This seems almost an anti

703
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: evolutionary in a way, because it was always the survival

704
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: of the fittest and everything, so we've got to keep

705
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 1: mine and you know, but yet we evolved as humans

706
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 1: to feel good when we did good, Like where did

707
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: that come from? And it's true. I think everybody would

708
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,240
Speaker 1: agree anybody that if you do something nice for somebody,

709
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 1: you actually feel really good about it. And so that's

710
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 1: it for me. I don't think a lot again about legacy,

711
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 1: but the idea that genuinely bring good energy into every situation,

712
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,280
Speaker 1: make people feel good around you take the time to listen.

713
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: Empathy is not a weakness. Empathy is sometimes seen as

714
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 1: a weakness nowadays. When did that happen? It was always

715
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: a strength when I was growing up, you know, but

716
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: now it's almost seen as a weakness. So change that narrative.

717
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 2: Well said, because we talk about legacy a lot here.

718
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 2: You all focus your legacy globally, you know, nationally and locally.

719
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 2: What are some things that you all We talked about

720
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: your family, which certainly is your legacy, but also how

721
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,280
Speaker 2: do you spend you all's time. Are there any particular

722
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 2: projects that you want to talk about or share?

723
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think the issue of childhood hunger

724
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: is something that viscerally affected us. I think the hardest

725
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: story I ever covered was the famine and Somalia, and

726
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: there's one hundred thousand children who starve to death, and

727
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: you think, and this is twenty eleven, I think timeframe

728
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:48,800
Speaker 1: around then. So in this day and age that happened,

729
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: and you think, we know how to do drought resistant agriculture.

730
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 1: We can send Amazon packages to anywhere in the globe

731
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: within a minute, and yet children are dying of starvation.

732
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: So that was that was quite striking I think for

733
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: me and I had a really hard that was harder

734
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: on me than conflicts and natural disasters because it seems

735
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: so preventable. And then you came home and you realize

736
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: that about twelve percent of children in the United States

737
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: go to bed food and secure, so they don't know

738
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: when or if they're going to get another meal. And

739
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: at the same time, we waste forty percent of our

740
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: food in this country. This is a math problem. And

741
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: how did how do we not pay more attention to

742
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: this math problem? Because kids are dying of starvation. We

743
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: got nuclear fission to figure out, The Middle East is

744
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: falling apart, political election cycles around the world are in turmoil.

745
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: Those are challenging problems. This one is not as hard,

746
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: and so you know, we said, let's let's focus our

747
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 1: attention in a place that really needs it and where

748
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 1: we think we could objectively make a difference. So that's

749
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: that's how we do it.

750
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 4: I think I have been involved a long time with

751
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 4: UNI Seth because they do do a really good job

752
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 4: at getting things in those really hard regions or helping

753
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 4: people when they have been hit with something like a

754
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 4: natural disaster, war. But it's still a problem that even

755
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 4: they can't totally get their arms around.

756
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: One of the things we talked about at dinner too,

757
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:20,439
Speaker 2: which is is you also get not only is it

758
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 2: it feels good to do good, it feels good to

759
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 2: receive good. It also you get dopamine rushed by witnessing

760
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 2: someone just witnessing someone doing good. So which is what

761
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 2: excites us too, so much about the Realize the Dream initiative,

762
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 2: just America coming together to serve. So it's helping whomever

763
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 2: you're serving, it's helping the person that's serving. But even

764
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: just witnessing service, witnessing a good act and helps the

765
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 2: person as a witness.

766
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 4: Here's another opportunity for your social media is to put

767
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:53,240
Speaker 4: those out there so people can see people doing good

768
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 4: instead of so much social media out there people doing

769
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 4: bad things to each other or competing or yeah, judge.

770
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 7: So guys, we're so grateful for our time today. This

771
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 7: has been in such an enlightening conversation, from love to relationships,

772
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 7: to social media to raising teenagers. My last question is

773
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:15,320
Speaker 7: to you. Your work emphasizes the importance of small, intentional

774
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 7: actions to create a healthy and more meaningful life. We're

775
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 7: hoping that you could give one, two, maybe even three

776
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 7: suggestions backed by science for our listeners on what they

777
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 7: can do to live their best lives possible.

778
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: There's this one thing that I write about in my

779
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: book Keep Sharp, which is you know, it's classic because

780
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: I write an entire book about this topic of brain health.

781
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:38,800
Speaker 1: And then I talked to my mom about it and

782
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 1: she says, can you can you explain it in a

783
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: couple sentences? You write an entire book, But she like,

784
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,720
Speaker 1: what should I do? And the thing I told her,

785
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: and I mean this is that you should take a

786
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: brisk walk with a close friend and talk about your problems.

787
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 1: Do that on a regular basis. The brisk walk is

788
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: important because it's the best way to actually grow new

789
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: brain cells. That has the greatest evidence behind it. There's

790
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: obviously benefits to the way you nourish yourselves and the

791
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 1: activities you pursue how much rest, but movement in particular,

792
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: and brisk movement, not intense movement, is the best for

793
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 1: actually what they call neurogenesis human connection. Again, this is

794
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: one of those things that we've known to be powerful,

795
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 1: and now we have data to show that you make

796
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 1: more oxytocin, the hormone that actually draws people together when

797
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 1: you're spending time with people you love, friends and family.

798
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 1: But the last one was a bit of a revelation

799
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: for me, which is to talk about your problems, because

800
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: we have long been told it's not the number of

801
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: friends you have, it's the quality of those friendships. And

802
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: what makes a quality friend someone you can be vulnerable around.

803
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: It's a hack. If you can be vulnerable around that person,

804
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: you know that they're a quality friend. So talk about

805
00:42:56,080 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: your problems and it really works. Something that we we

806
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 1: do on a regular basis, as Rebecca mentioned, to have

807
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 1: that brisk walk close person talk about the problems and

808
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: and I think the second thing I would just say

809
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: is is the idea to constantly put out good energy.

810
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't even feel like it, just do it.

811
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: Do it anyway, because you'll feel better if you didn't

812
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 1: have good energy going into that situation. By pushing it out,

813
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: you'll actually grow your own reservoir. It's it's a it's

814
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 1: a biological hack.

815
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: One of my favorite things about this conversation today is

816
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 2: that because people are our listeners are listening and they

817
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:39,760
Speaker 2: can't see us, is that every time Rebecca is talking, Sanjay,

818
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 2: you're just like looking at her and like just like

819
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 2: n say, like you're just like lighting up and.

820
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: All every time that that is panic.

821
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 5: She said that.

822
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 4: I like to keep him on his toe.

823
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 7: Well, you guys have been just such an incredible force

824
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 7: of nature today. You know, when we see you, we

825
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 7: all see you on TV, you do it with such

826
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,800
Speaker 7: poison empathy and you do it with such genuine desire

827
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 7: to communicate clearly to people who you obviously care about.

828
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 7: And it's a real gift.

829
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 5: It really really is you.

830
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:19,479
Speaker 1: Mark.

831
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 7: So I just on all our behalf. Thank you very much,

832
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 7: appreciate that.

833
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,919
Speaker 3: So grateful to both of you for being here today,

834
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 3: ensure sharing your story, but how we can leave fulfilled

835
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 3: lives and create our legacy every day.

836
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 4: Thank you both.

837
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 5: Thank you, thank you.

838
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 1: Honored and humbled that you would have us. Thank you,

839
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,280
Speaker 1: thank you very much, thank.

840
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 2: You, thank you for joining us. We are so grateful

841
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 2: to have you as part of this journey. For more

842
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 2: information on Realize the Dream, visit realizethdream dot org. If

843
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 2: you enjoy today's conversation, subscribe and share the podcast with friends, family,

844
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 2: and loved ones, and follow us on social media. You

845
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 2: can find us on Facebook, install Graham and TikTok at

846
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,760
Speaker 2: My Legacy Movement. You can also subscribe to our YouTube

847
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 2: channel at my Legacy Movement. At the heart of this

848
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 2: podcast is doctor King's vision of the beloved community and

849
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: the power of connection. Produced by Legacy Plus Studio in

850
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 2: partnership with iHeartRadio creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward, co

851
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 2: executive producer Lisa Lyle, editing an av by Guarcia Creative.

852
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 2: My Legacy podcast is available on the iHeartRadio app or

853
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 2: wherever you get your podcasts. Until next time, may you

854
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 2: find connection and inspiration to live your most fulfilled life.