Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello whipsmarties, friends,
Speaker 1: dear ones. I am beside myself. One of my favorite
Speaker 1: human beings in the world is on the podcast today
Speaker 1: to talk about life, love, personal evolution, becoming, curiosity, motherhood, martinis,
Speaker 1: what reality TV she watches, and what the next phase
Speaker 1: of life looks like. Today we are joined by my
Speaker 1: forever floatis Michelle Obama. That's such an insane thing to
Speaker 1: be saying. You know her as the forty fourth first
Speaker 1: Lady of the United States of America. She is an
Speaker 1: incredible advocate for women and girls education, democracy. She was
Speaker 1: raised on the South side of Chicago, graduated from Princeton
Speaker 1: University and Harvard Law School. Is married to none other
Speaker 1: than our favorite President, Barack Obama, and is basically the
Speaker 1: coolest mom any of us. Notes from her nonprofit work,
Speaker 1: her advocacy for girls around the world, her work to
Speaker 1: eradicate poverty. Her nonprofit and philanthropic work is something to behold.
Speaker 1: Whether she has advocated for poverty awareness, encouraged and helped
Speaker 1: to change the rules around girls' education, advocated for better
Speaker 1: nutrition policies and physical activity and healthy eating in our country,
Speaker 1: She has written three books, including her New York Times
Speaker 1: best selling memoir Becoming and The Light We Carry, and
Speaker 1: as if that weren't enough, runs an incredible production company
Speaker 1: at Netflix, making some of our favorite TV shows, including
Speaker 1: one of mine, The Later Daters, and Now when all
Speaker 1: her free time, she is starting a podcast with her brother,
Speaker 1: Imo In My Opinion is a gathering of Michelle Obama
Speaker 1: and her big brother, Craig Robinson, as they bring their
Speaker 1: unique experiences and candid perspectives to a range of listeners'
Speaker 1: personal dilemmas, from the everyday to the existential, and every
Speaker 1: week when they're answering your questions. They're also joined by
Speaker 1: special guests to tackle practical advice, relatable anecdotes, and plenty
Speaker 1: of laughs, from dating to relationships, parenting, and financial planning.
Speaker 1: Imo sees our iconic First Lady at her most relaxed
Speaker 1: and honest, and take it from me, this podcast will
Speaker 1: leave you laughing, reflecting, and feeling more prepared to tackle
Speaker 1: life's challenges. I can't wait to talk to her about
Speaker 1: what inspired her to do this, why she's still giving
Speaker 1: us so much of her incredible time, and what her
Speaker 1: dreams are for what comes next. Let's dig in with
Speaker 1: Michelle Obama. Hello, I am so just absolutely thrilled to
Speaker 1: see you today, Sophia.
Speaker 2: I'm beyond thrilled to be with you. Haven't seen you
Speaker 2: in person in a while, but I've been watching you
Speaker 2: and I'm so proud of the work that you're doing
Speaker 2: out there in the world, and I'm just delighted to
Speaker 2: be able to sit down and chat with.
Speaker 1: You likewise, and that means the world and I will
Speaker 1: always give people their flowers. A lot of people ask
Speaker 1: me at this stage, you know, it's crazy to think
Speaker 1: I signed up for my first presidential with you and
Speaker 1: President Obama almost twenty years ago, and people will say, well,
Speaker 1: where'd you get so into activism? Why do you care
Speaker 1: so much about politics? And I'm like, I had the
Speaker 1: best mentors in the game.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? But You're but but you know,
Speaker 2: as we see now, not everybody you know feels the
Speaker 2: compelled to to get involved in the at the level
Speaker 2: that you did. And that's not just because of us
Speaker 2: the campaign. That that's because of who you are. That
Speaker 2: you are putting your ideas, your thoughts, your passions, your
Speaker 2: disappointments into action, which is what we say that that's
Speaker 2: what makes a democracy. You can't sit on the sidelines,
Speaker 2: even if you don't if you're not thrilled with every
Speaker 2: choice you have on the ballot, and you you walk
Speaker 2: the walk, always, always have.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I can't tell you how much it
Speaker 1: means to me to hear that from you. I I
Speaker 1: was planning on beginning with a question not having to
Speaker 1: do with politics, but it's impossible not to ask you
Speaker 1: about a little bit, and I kind of feel like,
Speaker 1: let me ask you now. We'll get it out of
Speaker 1: the way and then we can just hang. When you
Speaker 1: talk about what a democracy means to you, it really
Speaker 1: is soothing, not just for the years, but for the soul.
Speaker 1: It's such a reminder that we can both advance a
Speaker 1: nation because we care. That it requires telling the truth
Speaker 1: and that it might not always be pretty, but if
Speaker 1: we do the whole thing, you know, if we encompass
Speaker 1: all of what it takes, it will be beautiful. And
Speaker 1: you are a voice of reason for both the truth
Speaker 1: and the beauty. And so many people seem scared to
Speaker 1: talk about what's true, seems scared to acknowledge that our
Speaker 1: diversity makes us better, seems scared to fight, they're disheartened,
Speaker 1: and they're looking for hope. And the last thing I
Speaker 1: want to do is ask another powerful black woman why
Speaker 1: the rest of the world should be hopeful because you're
Speaker 1: like we told you, but you are such an icon
Speaker 1: to so many of us, and in this moment, is
Speaker 1: there something you say, not necessarily as one of the
Speaker 1: you know, former leaders of the free world, but just
Speaker 1: as as a mom and a friend that you want
Speaker 1: to say to the people you care about when they
Speaker 1: feel afraid.
Speaker 2: You know, I just want to remind people, first of all,
Speaker 2: fear is real, and it's rational, rational, and it's it's reasonable. Look,
Speaker 2: too many people in this country, I don't care what
Speaker 2: their race, their political party, they're struggling these it's it's
Speaker 2: it's hard to get ahead in this world these days.
Speaker 2: Too much, too many people have too much, you know,
Speaker 2: too few people have too much. Too many people don't
Speaker 2: have enough. And that is the basis of a lot
Speaker 2: of fear. You know, when when people can't, you know,
Speaker 2: they can't build a life that is reasonable with all
Speaker 2: the hard work that they put in. People are struggling
Speaker 2: to get ahead. They are working too many jobs and
Speaker 2: still not able to get ahead. And that that just
Speaker 2: predisposes people to be afraid. So I think first we
Speaker 2: have to acknowledge that we do need to create some
Speaker 2: balance economically, that if we don't find a way to
Speaker 2: really invest in the middle class, all of it right
Speaker 2: as we did when my parents were growing up.
Speaker 1: I mean, my.
Speaker 2: Father was a blue collar worker. He worked for the city.
Speaker 2: And let me stop there about how important city government
Speaker 2: workers are, federal government workers. Those are the jobs, those
Speaker 2: are the roles in our society that built America in
Speaker 2: so many ways. And on that single salary, my father
Speaker 2: could pay his bills, my mother could stay at home.
Speaker 2: He put two of us through college, and he had
Speaker 2: a little bit of savings and a pension. Right, that
Speaker 2: reality doesn't exist for enough people anymore. And when you
Speaker 2: don't have that, you are afraid, and you do look
Speaker 2: around for someone to blame. And that's where leadership comes in,
Speaker 2: because leadership can either lead buy fear. They can either
Speaker 2: fuel that fear and explain it away by saying, be
Speaker 2: afraid of other people, people who aren't like you, somebody
Speaker 2: else is to blame for this, Or you have leaders
Speaker 2: who leave lead with hope and remind us that we
Speaker 2: swim and sink together, and that we have to do
Speaker 2: our part to make sure that our neighbors have enough
Speaker 2: so that they feel like they have a stake in
Speaker 2: this democracy. That's why I think hope is important, you know,
Speaker 2: because it does control how we feel, and we cannot
Speaker 2: underestimate the role that negative, negative language does to our
Speaker 2: psyche and it makes us tired, and it makes us
Speaker 2: want to give up, and it taps into the worst
Speaker 2: of us. So I always say we owe it to
Speaker 2: the next generation to stay hopeful. We have to watch
Speaker 2: our language. We may say what we how we feel
Speaker 2: in the privacy of our own homes, but those of
Speaker 2: us with public platforms, I think we have a responsibility
Speaker 2: to keep moving us towards the light and encouraging everyone
Speaker 2: to stay educated, focused and engaged in this democracy. So,
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, there's no easy way to talk
Speaker 2: about it, but I think we first have to acknowledge
Speaker 2: that a lot of people don't feel like they have
Speaker 2: a fair shake in this country, and when they don't,
Speaker 2: they're easy pickings, you know, And it's easy for us
Speaker 2: to turn on one another when so many of us
Speaker 2: are struggling.
Speaker 1: Do you think that part of that is because the
Speaker 1: power that we're up against is so hard to kind
Speaker 1: of quantify for the average person, And I say that
Speaker 1: including myself. You know the idea that in the last
Speaker 1: Trump presidency, twenty five percent of the entire United States
Speaker 1: debt was created because we'd rather give a trillion dollar
Speaker 1: tax cut to like sixty billionaires instead of just tax
Speaker 1: folks that allowed for the system that your dad and
Speaker 1: mom could flourish. And when you were a kid, it's
Speaker 1: so hard to fathom that what those numbers mean that
Speaker 1: it can be easier to think, well, there must be
Speaker 1: waste in the government, and why do we have so
Speaker 1: many federal employees. And now now that the federal employees
Speaker 1: are getting cut and the cancer research is getting cut
Speaker 1: and all these people are getting fired, they're like, wait.
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, Yeah.
Speaker 1: It almost seems to me like the reality that I
Speaker 1: think the leadership that you and your husband displayed, the
Speaker 1: leadership that so many of our great elders in the
Speaker 1: progressive parties have displayed that have tried to teach us
Speaker 1: that this doesn't work unless we acknowledge that it's a
Speaker 1: community project. It feels like the need for communities finally
Speaker 1: hitting people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope so I hope that we understand, as
Speaker 2: I said before, that we all sink or swim together.
Speaker 2: Is it's disappointing that we have to go through the
Speaker 2: fire in this way, but sometimes, you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: these issues are complicated, and we also have to remember
Speaker 2: we're dealing in different times now where people are very distracted,
Speaker 2: they're on their phones, they are tiktoking and thirty character writing,
Speaker 2: and know, we're dealing with communication that is totally new,
Speaker 2: and it's very hard to describe and explain very complicated
Speaker 2: issues in thirty two characters or less, right, And so
Speaker 2: I think it's difficult because people want their information in
Speaker 2: sound bites. You know, we also have social media that
Speaker 2: feeds people what they want, not necessarily the truth or
Speaker 2: what they need to hear. So again, not only are
Speaker 2: people struggling, but they're being confused. We don't have one
Speaker 2: clear source for truth. We don't have one clear source
Speaker 2: where we all sit around and gather the same kind
Speaker 2: of news and we hear the same kind of facts, right,
Speaker 2: And we've never experienced that in any time in our
Speaker 2: history as a nation. Because this technology that we're dealing with,
Speaker 2: we haven't quite figured it out yet. And just remember Sophia.
Speaker 2: When we entered the White House, we came in using blackberries. Right.
Speaker 2: There was no such thing as social media, right, we
Speaker 2: were learning about it. I mean there was meet Up
Speaker 2: if you remember that, that was a big organizing tool
Speaker 2: of the Obama campaign. There was no Zoom, there was
Speaker 2: no Insta, there was no you know, my kids. I
Speaker 2: was barely learning how to parent them with these new tools. Right.
Speaker 2: So we're also dealing with a new kind of information
Speaker 2: challenge and we haven't figured it out. I don't think
Speaker 2: either party has figured it out. Politically, I think people
Speaker 2: don't know who to trust. We don't get the same
Speaker 2: kinds of information, and therefore it is very hard to
Speaker 2: then explain what tariffs are, and you know, what the
Speaker 2: deficit is, and what certain spending cuts is and are,
Speaker 2: and what how the federal government actually does serve you. You know,
Speaker 2: there there are books out there, but people aren't reading books.
Speaker 2: You know. The Fifth Risk that talks about the role
Speaker 2: that the government plays and how much we depend on
Speaker 2: it for our weather and FEMA and you know, and
Speaker 2: I could go on and on and on, but you
Speaker 2: know the government doesn't have a pr campaign, right, right,
Speaker 2: I mean they don't have the resources of the technology
Speaker 2: technology giants to promote what government does. So it's very
Speaker 2: easy for people to say, yeah, this is the problem.
Speaker 2: You know, it exploded. What does the VA actually do?
Speaker 2: You know, Well, let's just WoT. Yeah, of the VIA
Speaker 2: does a lot. But if you're not getting that fit
Speaker 2: to you twenty four to seven, then the average American
Speaker 2: probably fully doesn't understand it.
Speaker 1: We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a
Speaker 1: word from our sponsors speaking of social media. So a
Speaker 1: great meme this week that was like talking about how
Speaker 1: this sort of economic disaster that's done on purpose can
Speaker 1: only happen every hundred years because everybody who made it
Speaker 1: happen the last time has to be dead.
Speaker 2: Ye try to happen again. I saw, and I was like, that's.
Speaker 1: Part of it, because we lose sight of how it
Speaker 1: actually works. But something that feels important to say, including
Speaker 1: the book that you just referenced, which we will put
Speaker 1: in our show notes, because we do say the audience
Speaker 1: of this this podcast is whip smart. They like to
Speaker 1: learn things. Black women show up for democracy in record numbers,
Speaker 1: and we would be remiss not to say that as
Speaker 1: confusing as these silos can be, as toxic as these
Speaker 1: algorithms are, as much as this is an information kind
Speaker 1: of warfare. Now with social media, you still see black
Speaker 1: women show up at ninety two percent rates and vote
Speaker 1: for progress. And so what I would like to suggest
Speaker 1: to the folks listening to this show is not only
Speaker 1: to follow our esteemed guest, but to tailor your algorithm.
Speaker 1: Follow women like Brittany Pacnett Cunningham, follow social justice leaders
Speaker 1: in your communities. Tailor your algorithm to begin to expose
Speaker 1: you to the people who stand up for what America
Speaker 1: is supposed to be at her best, because you can
Speaker 1: change your algorithm. And that would be my first tip
Speaker 1: for the folks at home to do that.
Speaker 2: And I want to add that we need to get
Speaker 2: off our phones too and make sure that our real
Speaker 2: lives are filled with diverse voices and experiences. We cannot
Speaker 2: rely on somebody else telling us who our neighbors are.
Speaker 2: It is our responsibility to step outside of our comfort
Speaker 2: zone and meet some people who think differently, who look differently.
Speaker 2: You know, I always say this if you're sitting around
Speaker 2: a table, or if you're at a table of leadership
Speaker 2: and everybody looks like you, and everybody agrees with you
Speaker 2: something is wrong. That is at the core of why
Speaker 2: diversity is important, because we get to meet each other
Speaker 2: and share ideas and have real intellectual conversations. This is
Speaker 2: why your podcast is important. It's one of the reasons
Speaker 2: why I'm starting IMO. I mean IMO in my opinion
Speaker 2: are My new podcast with my brother is not a
Speaker 2: political podcast, because I think right now people shut their
Speaker 2: ears off to politics. But we do need to be
Speaker 2: in real conversations with each other, you know. We have
Speaker 2: to be having these kind of serious conversations but having
Speaker 2: some fun and learning how we think and and engaging
Speaker 2: face to face with people. So I want your listeners
Speaker 2: to say that there is no substitute for really knowing
Speaker 2: your neighbor, for having a conversation with the person on
Speaker 2: the train next to you, putting down your phone while
Speaker 2: you're standing in line at the checkout counter, maybe looking
Speaker 2: over at the doctor's office and saying hi to the
Speaker 2: person sitting next to you, especially if they don't look
Speaker 2: like you. We have to be mindful, vigilant and purposeful
Speaker 2: about creating diversity in our lives because social technology is
Speaker 2: pushing us in the opposite direction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I love that you mentioned the podcast
Speaker 1: because this is exactly where I wanted to go. As
Speaker 1: you know, sitting in your home studio in front of
Speaker 1: a micro is tracking the time, and I'm like, we've
Speaker 1: already spent twenty minutes on democracy, and I want to
Speaker 1: ask the questions.
Speaker 2: Because I'd be remiss not too.
Speaker 1: I really just want to hang out with you and
Speaker 1: like have a kiky And this that's what made me
Speaker 1: so excited when I read the announcement and I saw
Speaker 1: what you and your brother are doing, because you are
Speaker 1: just gathering people for a little bit of a of
Speaker 1: a respite and a laugh and maybe some learning. And
Speaker 1: to be clear, like, you don't owe us more. You
Speaker 1: don't need to do this podcast. So why didn't you
Speaker 1: decide that this was the thing you wanted to do,
Speaker 1: this was the way you wanted to do it.
Speaker 2: What is what? The honest answer is, I don't know
Speaker 2: what was right. But the truth is, I, you know,
Speaker 2: I feel like I I want to offer something in
Speaker 2: these times. I you know why, I don't owe anybody
Speaker 2: anything When you have the opportunity to have a platform
Speaker 2: and to share stories and to you know, engage. For
Speaker 2: me personally, it's a little selfish because I love people.
Speaker 2: I love engaging with the American public, you know, I
Speaker 2: really I am curious about what they are struggling with
Speaker 2: and how they're talking about things, and if I would
Speaker 2: be the kind of person who would be talking to
Speaker 2: you on the grocery line, if I was allowed to
Speaker 2: go into a grocery store like a normal person without
Speaker 2: secret service, right. I mean, my life is as it
Speaker 2: stands now, is not the usual life I'm used to living.
Speaker 2: I'm not connecting with people in the way that I
Speaker 2: like to, you know, So the podcast vehicle allows for that.
Speaker 2: It allows me with my brother outside of my husband,
Speaker 2: the person that I love most, who knows me best.
Speaker 2: So it's also kind of a cool thing for me
Speaker 2: to be working on a project with my big brother.
Speaker 2: We have never worked together in a way. We've never
Speaker 2: done any work project together. So I just like the
Speaker 2: fact that once a week I get to be in
Speaker 2: conversation with our listeners. I get to hear what's going
Speaker 2: on in their lives. We get to pull in some friends,
Speaker 2: some celebrities, some experts. I get to learn, continue to
Speaker 2: learn and grow, and we're not talking about you know,
Speaker 2: I don't have to be right about everything because we're
Speaker 2: you know, I'm not coming in as the expert. It's
Speaker 2: just our opinion, you know, and we all have them,
Speaker 2: and so I think it's a really fun and exciting
Speaker 2: way for me to continue to stay engaged with the
Speaker 2: American people and the people who have come to know
Speaker 2: and trust and look for me. I don't want anyone
Speaker 2: to feel like, while I'm never going to go into politics,
Speaker 2: I care about what happens in this country, and I
Speaker 2: care about how people are managing through it. And if
Speaker 2: I can offer a little bit of light once a
Speaker 2: week to somebody, you know, why not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So a little bit of joy.
Speaker 2: I hope it's a little bit of joy and a
Speaker 2: little bit of support as well.
Speaker 1: And now a word from our sponsors that I really
Speaker 1: enjoy and I think you will too. I love hearing
Speaker 1: you talk about the why, because every once in a
Speaker 1: while someone will ask me why I do this, and
Speaker 1: I'll lean he in, go Kamere. You realize I made
Speaker 1: it my job to ask really cool people a bunch
Speaker 1: of questions and hanging out for an hour. It's like
Speaker 1: it feels like I won the career lottery. You talking
Speaker 1: about your relationship with Craig is a segue into what
Speaker 1: is normally my first question for people, but I feel
Speaker 1: like people really do know a lot about your life.
Speaker 1: I usually like to sit down with people and ask
Speaker 1: them that if from this this moment, you could like
Speaker 1: bend space time go back and meet your nine year
Speaker 1: old self, would you see yourself in her? Would you go, oh,
Speaker 1: I see how I became this? And I'm really curious
Speaker 1: about what you think it would be like to sit
Speaker 1: down at nine with you and your brother. Would you
Speaker 1: go like, oh, yeah, it makes sense that these two
Speaker 1: are doing this funny, quirky job together.
Speaker 2: You know, that's a great question, and I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: it as you ask it, and I think there are
Speaker 2: parts of it that are like, yes, you know, there
Speaker 2: are parts of my nine year old self, you know,
Speaker 2: my kind of overly confident, bossy kind of self at nine,
Speaker 2: the person who you know, could get my brother to
Speaker 2: do anything for me. You know. My mother always said,
Speaker 2: you know, I stopped raising you when you were ten
Speaker 2: because you seem to know what you were doing, right.
Speaker 2: I mean, she she would say that, But I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 2: you know, half of the stuff I do is you
Speaker 2: in my head. So you were there. But I think
Speaker 2: that was her way of saying that I was kind
Speaker 2: of beyond my years, you know, and kind of independent
Speaker 2: in a way. But on the flip side, I'd also say,
Speaker 2: as a little girl growing up working class black girl
Speaker 2: on the South Side of Chicago, there's absolutely no way
Speaker 2: I could have imagined the life that I have now
Speaker 2: that wasn't a life that was routinely available to kids
Speaker 2: that came from where I came from, you know. So
Speaker 2: the notion that me and my brother would you know,
Speaker 2: capture audiences and that are back and forth banter, and
Speaker 2: the lessons that we learned under the roof of Marion
Speaker 2: and Fraser Robinson would be would provide a base of
Speaker 2: wisdom for other people. Nah, I wouldn't have imagined in that.
Speaker 2: And I think that's also part of why I, you
Speaker 2: know now that I think about why I'm doing this,
Speaker 2: because at nine and at nine, at twenty, at thirty,
Speaker 2: at fifty, because I am a woman period, I didn't
Speaker 2: own my wisdom until now, right. I mean, as women were,
Speaker 2: we so question what we know. You know, we we're like, well,
Speaker 2: maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, So let
Speaker 2: me not raise my hand in class, and let me
Speaker 2: not you know, while our counterparts as early as twenty
Speaker 2: are like, I know the answer, I know how to
Speaker 2: fix this, I know what I'm doing. I've noticed that women,
Speaker 2: we don't own our wisdom until we have tested and
Speaker 2: proven and gone through the fire and won a bunch
Speaker 2: that we can say I kind of think I know
Speaker 2: something now. I think I have I think I've gotten
Speaker 2: enough things right in this world that maybe, now it's
Speaker 2: sixty one, I have confidence that the lessons I've learned,
Speaker 2: the trials and tribulations that I've gone through, actually have
Speaker 2: given me some insight. Yes.
Speaker 1: And then if you own your wisdom, someone will say, wow, well,
Speaker 1: don't you think you've had enough?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: You need to celebrate it too, no matter what, you're
Speaker 1: going to get criticized. And I love that you're willing
Speaker 1: to share that and name that is from this moment
Speaker 1: at sixty one saying, oh, I get to own this.
Speaker 1: I think I have some valuable lessons to share. Are
Speaker 1: there is there a big Robinson House lesson that you
Speaker 1: see now as such wisdom that you didn't see them?
Speaker 2: There's so many Robinson House lessons. I will say that
Speaker 2: looking back now, my parents were beyond their years, you know,
Speaker 2: just beyond their experiences. I mean they did not They
Speaker 2: were not college educated, but my parents majored in common sense.
Speaker 2: They had PIA, both of them had PhDs, and just
Speaker 2: some common sense ways of thinking about life. And one
Speaker 2: of them was I share this all the time. My
Speaker 2: mother's view to child rearing was and I shared this
Speaker 2: in the light. She was like, I'm not raising babies,
Speaker 2: I'm raising adults. Yes, And so she said she thinks
Speaker 2: that one of the big mistakes that parents make that
Speaker 2: she would see, is that you're raising your child to
Speaker 2: continue to be dependent on you, as if they will
Speaker 2: never grow up and have to go out into the big,
Speaker 2: bad world. She saw it in in her family, you know,
Speaker 2: of how some of her older brothers and sisters, her
Speaker 2: father was still waking them up and you know, making
Speaker 2: sure they got to school on time. My mother, being
Speaker 2: the middle child, always thought, well, why can't you Why
Speaker 2: didn't you teach my older sister how to set an
Speaker 2: alarm and get up? Why would you continue to wake
Speaker 2: up a child to go to school to get their
Speaker 2: own education, right, Because if you got to wake them
Speaker 2: up for school, you're not going to be able to
Speaker 2: wake them up to get to class. At college or
Speaker 2: to have a job when they're thirty. Yeah, to play
Speaker 2: out that wisdom. My brother and I we had alarm
Speaker 2: clocks in kindergarten. She gave us both alarm clocks when
Speaker 2: we reached kindergarten. He was first, and she was like,
Speaker 2: this is how it works. You are now responsible for
Speaker 2: your education. I got mine. You should go to school,
Speaker 2: and you have to wake up up, you know. And
Speaker 2: it wasn't like my mother wasn't up. She just wasn't
Speaker 2: going to wake us up. She was up making breakfast.
Speaker 2: But she wanted us to own our lives. So I
Speaker 2: think that piece of wisdom has helped me tremendously, and
Speaker 2: not only as a human being, but it's helped me
Speaker 2: as a mother. Yeah, because she handed me and my
Speaker 2: brother our lives, not leaving us out in the cold.
Speaker 2: But she said, this is your life, these are your choices,
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna let you practice making those choices really early.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to wait until you're sixteen to have
Speaker 2: you make your first decisions about a set of things.
Speaker 1: Well, it sounds like she was putting your agency in
Speaker 1: your hands in perhaps ahead of the curve, but appropriate
Speaker 1: ways exactly. And I find it really interesting. You know,
Speaker 1: my friends and I talk a lot about the difference
Speaker 1: for us at forty is our and didn't have access
Speaker 1: to any of the tools we have access to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, we we can go to therapy, we can
Speaker 1: read about therapy, we can listen to as you know,
Speaker 1: Mel Robbins, whatever it is. And and that debate about
Speaker 1: how you are your child's safest place, how you can
Speaker 1: nurture them through things, but also how you have to
Speaker 1: teach them to be resilient, because if you just baby
Speaker 1: them through everything, you're just gonna, to your point, raise babies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and when we confuse being that safe sometimes we
Speaker 2: confuse being that safe place because sometimes we're trying to
Speaker 2: make ourselves safe, right, I mean, because a lot of
Speaker 2: the stuff that we do in the name of protecting
Speaker 2: our kids is sometimes protecting us from our fears about them,
Speaker 2: from letting them go. It's a scary thing to have.
Speaker 2: The first of all, you're shocked by how much you
Speaker 2: love your kids. No one can prepare you for how
Speaker 2: this little person you've adopted or carried around inside of you,
Speaker 2: however you were blessed to have that child in your life,
Speaker 2: how they would just take over your heart, you know,
Speaker 2: and make you feel so helpless and so you know,
Speaker 2: desperate not to mess it up. Right, So if you're
Speaker 2: not prepared for that, you don't recognize that most of
Speaker 2: us parent out of straight up fear. It's like, I
Speaker 2: just want to keep you alive, right, I just and
Speaker 2: I don't want you to hurt because it hurts me
Speaker 2: to have you hurt.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: And so then instead of parenting, we start protecting. And
Speaker 2: we're not just protecting our children, we're protecting our own hearts.
Speaker 2: And I think we got we gotta kind of really
Speaker 2: be mindful about some of the decisions that we may
Speaker 2: out of the well intentioned love that we feel for
Speaker 2: our children. Yeah, and we can accidentally handycap them. We
Speaker 2: can make them believe that we don't believe in them
Speaker 2: because we're protecting them. I mean, one of the best
Speaker 2: things my mother had us do. And we lived in
Speaker 2: a time in a neighborhood where you could walk to school,
Speaker 2: right and in kindergarten, after a couple of days of
Speaker 2: walking me to school, my mom was like, you can
Speaker 2: do this. You know, there are crossing guards at the corner.
Speaker 2: You know. The school was literally down the block around
Speaker 2: the corner and there was a one big major street
Speaker 2: with a crossing guard. And then I was at the
Speaker 2: school yard, but of course in kinderar and I thought
Speaker 2: my mother was crazy. I was like, I, you know,
Speaker 2: why do you trust me out here in the world.
Speaker 2: Isn't it bad out here? But she sent me off,
Speaker 2: and there was a level of pride that I developed
Speaker 2: a sense of confidence in myself that I actually accomplished it. Right,
Speaker 2: So when I write and the light that you know,
Speaker 2: when we deprive our kids of that independence, we're also
Speaker 2: depriving of the feeling of confidence that they can master
Speaker 2: like really small things. So my current Michelle Obama confidence,
Speaker 2: if I were to pinpoint, it started with that decision,
Speaker 2: those small decisions that my mom made to give me
Speaker 2: my life and watched me succeed at it and be
Speaker 2: okay when I failed, right, Yeah, And so that kind
Speaker 2: of wisdom, for example, has helped me. I think it's
Speaker 2: uncommon in parenting today, but it's something we should talk about, right,
Speaker 2: We should talk about why we parent the way we parent.
Speaker 2: Are we operating with a philosophy or are we just
Speaker 2: are we just winging it? You know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, isn't this just the best, let's continue this conversation.
Speaker 1: We'll be back with Part two with Obama