Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from Al Salvador
Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy nom the United States
Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
Speaker 1: are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly
Speaker 1: one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will
Speaker 1: never return. But if you register using our CBP home
Speaker 1: app and leave now, you could be allowed to return legally.
Speaker 1: Do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws,
Speaker 1: border and families will be protected.
Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security.
Speaker 3: My question is this idea of like the Boss Chick
Speaker 3: and you know, independent black women, and has.
Speaker 4: That has it served us? Is that the question out?
Speaker 3: Or is it is it destroying the black family ecosystem.
Speaker 4: I think you have to say on some level it's
Speaker 4: destructive to a traditional black uh family ecosystem. I think
Speaker 4: just the facts bear that out right. So that's not feelings,
Speaker 4: that's not subjective, that's just the reality is. As you
Speaker 4: just pointed out, Uh, there is a huge numbers gap
Speaker 4: between Black women that are buying homes at almost twice
Speaker 4: the rate of single Black men that are graduating from
Speaker 4: undergrad and professional schools at sometimes six seven times the
Speaker 4: rate of our brothers. And by the way, if you
Speaker 4: ask most Black women, that's not something that we enjoy
Speaker 4: or appreciate, Like, it's not a situation. And I think
Speaker 4: that's another misconstruction and a and a miss assumption that
Speaker 4: black women are out here strategically competing against black men. No, sir,
Speaker 4: we most of us want to be in relationship with
Speaker 4: black men, and so it's in our interests, even selfishly,
Speaker 4: so not necessarily from this altruistic place of oh, we
Speaker 4: just want to see our brothers succeed. There's that for sure,
Speaker 4: but there's a self interested element of that right that says,
Speaker 4: if I'm a black woman and I want to have
Speaker 4: black children with a black man and live in a
Speaker 4: house with a black husband, and do and buy properties
Speaker 4: and travel the world and enjoy my life alongside a
Speaker 4: black man. I would like him to be similarly positioned
Speaker 4: to me socioeconomically, so that that partnership feels comfortable and
Speaker 4: feels safe from a fiscal place and maybe some other
Speaker 4: places too. So let me just spend a little time
Speaker 4: on that, because I was talking to a very good
Speaker 4: girlfriend of mine, who's one of your typical clients, as
Speaker 4: you describe, for early forties, making, you know, five hundred
Speaker 4: k plus single to death. And there's a lot of
Speaker 4: thought that women like her myself even of course, are materialistic.
Speaker 4: And that's why when we say we are attracted to
Speaker 4: this type of man, or we prefer to date this
Speaker 4: kind of man that has similarly Notice not hardly any
Speaker 4: of us are saying we need a man to make
Speaker 4: more than us, or we need a man to take
Speaker 4: care of us, or we need a man to pay
Speaker 4: our bills. No, no, really, truly, hand to God, we
Speaker 4: really just really would love to be partner with someone
Speaker 4: who is similarly positioned.
Speaker 3: Well, let me interject one thing, because this this is
Speaker 3: going to be controversial, but this is this is I
Speaker 3: think important. So The problem with this is that, all right,
Speaker 3: so a thirty five year old single woman who's making
Speaker 3: four hundred thousand dollars a year, right, and that they're
Speaker 3: looking for that equal counterpart, and that that makes sense, right,
Speaker 3: But it's like, the difficult part about that is that
Speaker 3: the equally yoked man who's thirty five that's making five
Speaker 3: hundred thousand dollars, he's probably already in relationship's probably married.
Speaker 3: The ones the ones that's not married, they're not necessarily
Speaker 3: looking for somebody that's thirty five the twenty eight year old.
Speaker 3: So now it's like, okay, you're either forced with a
Speaker 3: decision to just remain single or look down. Now there
Speaker 3: is the truck drive. Now is the ups man who's
Speaker 3: a great man, but who's making eighty thousand dollars a year, right,
Speaker 3: Because now it's equal, it's hard to find that equal counterpart. Men.
Speaker 3: You could be fifty years old and it's not The
Speaker 3: age doesn't really matter.
Speaker 4: And I've said this and this is controversial, right, that
Speaker 4: because of the way society values gender roles, right, So
Speaker 4: the way in which we find a woman attractive, what
Speaker 4: are we really talking about under that? And it doesn't
Speaker 4: hurt my feelings. Let's just say it people across the
Speaker 4: spectrum culturally, but we're talking about black people. So let's
Speaker 4: let's center that Black women are assessed around our beauty,
Speaker 4: our esthetic, physical beauty, and there's biological reasons for that,
Speaker 4: and our fertility and our youth. Those are the main
Speaker 4: things that a man is going to be assessing when
Speaker 4: deciding if you are for him. And then it's going
Speaker 4: to be the quote soft skills. It's gonna be do
Speaker 4: you make him feel loved, you know, cater to loyal,
Speaker 4: Are you relatively non confrontational, not too much pushback or
Speaker 4: challenges around ideas and decisions, And those are the things
Speaker 4: that would really make you just highly desirable in the
Speaker 4: dating market as a woman. Now let's go to men.
Speaker 4: What makes a man highly desirable in a dating market.
Speaker 4: It is going to be financials. It's going to be
Speaker 4: your ability to provide financially and fiscally. It's also going
Speaker 4: to be your physical is kind of your stature, Like
Speaker 4: there's a reason why you know this six sixty sixth thing.
Speaker 4: I think that's really corny, but whatever, But there's a
Speaker 4: reason why a lot of women will swipe right on
Speaker 4: men that are at least five ten six feet. You know,
Speaker 4: they want to feel there's some physical dominance coming from
Speaker 4: a man. Then you've got, you know, just kind of age.
Speaker 4: There's a reason why older men like you just said,
Speaker 4: bro like fifty plus, that's not a deterrent for most
Speaker 4: women because that presumes more stability. That presumes you've lived
Speaker 4: life longer, and you can probably protect and know and
Speaker 4: help and navigate these spaces better and more effectively than
Speaker 4: I can in my youth. So you're right. Kind of
Speaker 4: the way in which we assess and evaluate value as
Speaker 4: men versus women create and inherent conflict. I will add
Speaker 4: one little caveat though, to the scenario you laid out
Speaker 4: where you've got these thirty four.
Speaker 5: This episode is brought to you by P and C Bank.
Speaker 5: A lot of people think podcasts about work are boring,
Speaker 5: and sure they definitely can be, but understanding a professionals
Speaker 5: routine shows us how they achieve their success little by little,
Speaker 5: day after day. It's like banking with P and C Bank.
Speaker 5: It might seem boring to safe plan and make calculated
Speaker 5: decisions with your bank, but keeping your money boring is
Speaker 5: what helps you live or more happily fulfilled. Life, p
Speaker 5: and C Bank Brilliantly Boring since eighteen sixty five. Brilliantly
Speaker 5: Boring since eighteen sixty five is a service mark of
Speaker 5: the PNC Financial Service Group, Inc. P and C Bank
Speaker 5: National Association Member fdiic Erners.
Speaker 2: What's Up?
Speaker 5: You ever walk into a small business and everything just
Speaker 5: works like The checkout is fast, the receipts are digital,
Speaker 5: tipping is a breeze, and you're out the door before
Speaker 5: the line even builds Odds are they're using Square. We
Speaker 5: love supporting businesses that run on Square because it just
Speaker 5: feels seamless. Whether it's a local coffee shop, a vendor
Speaker 5: at a pop up market, or even one.
Speaker 2: Of our merch partners.
Speaker 5: Square makes it easy for them to take payments, manage inventory,
Speaker 5: and run their business with confidence, all from one simple system.
Speaker 5: If you're a business owner or even just thinking about
Speaker 5: launching something soon, Square is hands down one of the
Speaker 5: best tools out there to help you start, run and grow.
Speaker 5: It's not just about payments, it's about giving you time
Speaker 5: back you can focus on what matters most ready. To
Speaker 5: see how Square can transform your business, visit Square dot com, backslash, go,
Speaker 5: backslash eyl to learn more that Square dot com backslash, go,
Speaker 5: backslash eyl, don't wait, don't hesitate. Let's square handle the
Speaker 5: back end so you can keep pushing your vision forward.
Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from El Salvador
Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy Nohm, the United States
Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
Speaker 1: were here illegally, your next be fine nearly one thousand
Speaker 1: dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported, you will never return.
Speaker 1: But if you register using our CBP home app and
Speaker 1: leave now, you could be allowed to return legally. Do
Speaker 1: what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws, border
Speaker 1: and families will be protected.
Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security.
Speaker 4: Five and up. Women who've got these big incomes and
Speaker 4: degrees and all this stuff, but we're not necessarily as
Speaker 4: desirable to the men that are our age and financial equal.
Speaker 4: Which is why personally I enjoy dating older men because
Speaker 4: at forty, if I'm dating a man who's fifty six,
Speaker 4: there's more likelihood that he will appreciate some aspect of
Speaker 4: youth around me. That same fifty six year old get
Speaker 4: a twenty eight year old. It's possible, But this is
Speaker 4: I'm living this. I'm not just talking and writing about it, guys.
Speaker 4: I'm out here living this, and I have been for
Speaker 4: the last five or so fourish years since ended my engagement.
Speaker 4: I do find that that that can be a sweet
Speaker 4: spot for some women that are in that like thirty
Speaker 4: eight to forty five year old range, you know, dating
Speaker 4: older men can kind of give you back some of
Speaker 4: that advantage you.
Speaker 5: When I'm listening to it, I'm trying to figure out
Speaker 5: there's plenty of women who are in that scenario right
Speaker 5: now when we're talking about socio economic factors. Is that
Speaker 5: the compromise, or even I only want to use the
Speaker 5: word of compromise, is that I think you better think
Speaker 5: about it.
Speaker 4: I think you damn sure, because I got girlfriends that
Speaker 4: and sorority sisters that don't like to date those men.
Speaker 4: There is exactly what you said. They want their forty
Speaker 4: they want a date a forty year old they want
Speaker 4: they don't have kids. They don't want him to have kids. Right.
Speaker 4: So one of the reasons I'm sure we'll get into this.
Speaker 4: You guys know, I've been very public that I am
Speaker 4: deep into my single motherhood by choice journey. I'm having
Speaker 4: my child as we speak, like that process is well underway.
Speaker 4: And one of the reasons I'm doing that is because
Speaker 4: I date older men. And you know what older what
Speaker 4: the situation of older men are. They've had their child,
Speaker 4: their children are grown, their children might even be in
Speaker 4: college or beyond. So a fifty six year old man,
Speaker 4: even a fifty eight year old man, is not inclined
Speaker 4: to want to change Pampers and warm bottles. Okay, he's
Speaker 4: still right. So I'm not gonna say because I was
Speaker 4: doing that, Like before I decided to do this journey,
Speaker 4: I was like thirty seven, thirty eight, and I was
Speaker 4: dating these like fifty two fifty three year old guys,
Speaker 4: a lot of them in finance, a lot of them,
Speaker 4: you know, having businesses, and they were like, love you,
Speaker 4: definitely would be with you, would even marry you, but baby,
Speaker 4: oh no, no no. So I kept running into that
Speaker 4: like there were like three guys in a row if
Speaker 4: that was the scenario. So it's like, now I got
Speaker 4: a decision to make. How bad do I want to
Speaker 4: be a mother? I had to assess that because if
Speaker 4: that's kind of optional, then what he's proposing is a
Speaker 4: good scenario. You know, let's go live life and I
Speaker 4: still boss out and be this great career woman and
Speaker 4: we travel and go to the Saint Bart's and say
Speaker 4: tape and live a great life. But if I really
Speaker 4: want to be mother, and I do, I had to
Speaker 4: make a different decision, which is, let me go have
Speaker 4: my child and then we can come. We could have
Speaker 4: more of a companion relationship with these older guys that
Speaker 4: have already raised their children and lived their lives. And
Speaker 4: that's probably the path I'm on. But yes, to the
Speaker 4: front end of your question, what do we do as
Speaker 4: relative middle aged Let's say that, let's just own it, right,
Speaker 4: middle aged black women who are highly educated with these
Speaker 4: high incomes based on societal averages, we've essentially priced ourselves
Speaker 4: out of the market. And when I say, I mean
Speaker 4: in a lot of ways, we priced ourselves out of
Speaker 4: the market in terms of our incomes many of the time,
Speaker 4: because think about it, like, let's just talk. You guys
Speaker 4: are numbers guys for real, Right, When you're talking about
Speaker 4: making five to seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars a
Speaker 4: year in some cities, you're talking about being in the
Speaker 4: one to two percent of income earners of the whole
Speaker 4: society as period, not just as black women, like period.
Speaker 4: Like when you make seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars
Speaker 4: a year or more in New York City, you're earning
Speaker 4: in the top one percent of New York City even
Speaker 4: compared to white men, compared to black men, compared to anybody.
Speaker 4: So now that's a small pool anyway. And now you're
Speaker 4: telling me that I want somebody that's earning in the
Speaker 4: top one percent alongside me, and I want him to,
Speaker 4: you know, potentially not have children and want to have
Speaker 4: more children than it's too much. So, yes, we do
Speaker 4: have to start making strategic whether you want to call
Speaker 4: it compromises or settling or mister good enough or I
Speaker 4: don't give a dad what you call it, but we
Speaker 4: have to start deciding what's important. So for me, being
Speaker 4: a mother is important for me, maintaining a high income
Speaker 4: so that I can maintain autonomy and the ability to
Speaker 4: say no to any shit I don't want to tolerate.
Speaker 4: Is it just I don't give a damn who feel
Speaker 4: away about it? It's important to me. Money is power,
Speaker 4: no matter who has it. You better know that. Okay.
Speaker 4: How many women right now or men are in domestically
Speaker 4: violent situations because they don't have the capacity financially to
Speaker 4: leave and go anywhere else. They you know, would love
Speaker 4: to leave an unfulfilling relationship because I love how people
Speaker 4: always act like people that you know are in that
Speaker 4: middle to low income range. They're all good people. They
Speaker 4: all love their mamas, and they're all perfect partners. Right,
Speaker 4: get the fuck out of here. No unhappy, right, Let's
Speaker 4: stop that Tyler Perry bullshit. What the reality is a
Speaker 4: lot of them are unhappy in those relationships, just stuck together.
Speaker 2: We just woke about this.
Speaker 4: Literally, they fiscally. Look at these interest rates, Look at
Speaker 4: these rental rates New York. Because I was paying six
Speaker 4: thousand dollars a month rent for a one bedroom apartment.
Speaker 4: Get the hell out of here, So let me go
Speaker 4: ahead and get this mortgage situation going. So you know,
Speaker 4: those are some of the things. So you can't have
Speaker 4: it all. I don't care who you are, man or woman,
Speaker 4: but you can have a lot of what you want
Speaker 4: if you're willing to tell the truth about what that
Speaker 4: is and what that looks like.
Speaker 1: An illegal alien from Guatemala charged with raping a child
Speaker 1: in Massachusetts. An MS thirteen gang member from El Salvador
Speaker 1: accused of murdering a Texas man of Venezuelan charged with
Speaker 1: filming and selling child pornography in Michigan. These are just
Speaker 1: some of the heinous migrant criminals caught because of President
Speaker 1: Donald J. Trump's leadership. I'm Christy Noman, the United States
Speaker 1: Secretary of Homeland Security. Under President Trump, attempted illegal border
Speaker 1: crossings are at the lowest levels ever recorded, and over
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand illegal aliens have been arrested. If you
Speaker 1: are here illegally, your next you will be fined nearly
Speaker 1: one thousand dollars a day, imprisoned, and deported. You will
Speaker 1: never return. But if you register using our CBP home
Speaker 1: app and leave now, you could be allowed to return legally.
Speaker 1: Do what's right. Leave now. Under President Trump, America's laws,
Speaker 1: border and families will be protected.
Speaker 2: Sponsored by the United States Department of Homeland Security,