WEBVTT - WHAT'S YOUR FANTASY? 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:04.120 Never weekend goes on the line, making your phone calls 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:04.760 every night. 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:07.040 Every week goes to inside. 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:20.280 I'm teaching your life. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:18.720 All from queen. 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:21.000 Queen. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.119 Awesome, Yeah, that's me. 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:25.639 How are you? 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:27.720 I'm good? How about you? 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:34.800 Oh? You know, what's your fantasy, queen? 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.320 Short term or long term? 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:40.159 Short term? 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.479 Short term? I'm actually my fantasy is stepping out of 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.959 my comfort zone and I have social anxiety. So I'm 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:53.880 stepping out and I wanted to just talk my long 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:57.160 term fantasy. That the hardt's start. 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:00.440 I want to let's start. Let's start, get the term, 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:02.800 and then we'll get into the long term. Uh, you 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:07.280 have a you have a social anxiety mm hm and 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:10.120 social anxiety? 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:10.480 You know? 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:10.920 Is it? 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:11.319 Is it? 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:11.560 Now? 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:17.120 This is a telephone conversation, yes, and do telephone conversations 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:19.400 typically make you anxious? 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.240 What makes me anxious is talking to people I don't 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:27.560 really know. And unfortunately everybody I grew up with moved 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.479 out of town, so I don't really have too much 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:31.760 of my stories nowadays. 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.320 So so the medium does not matter to you. You 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:40.959 would be equally as anxious or not anxious, you know, 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:45.240 phone or in person. All that matters is whether or 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.240 not you you know what matters is your level of 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:50.480 familiarity with the person that you were talking to. 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:54.360 I would say, yeah, mhm. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:59.200 Do you do you feel like? How long have you 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:00.000 been watching my stream? 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:04.240 For this is actually my first stream, but I've picked 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:08.280 you up on I think it's TikTok, I've picked you 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:09.040 up here and there. 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.320 Sure, do you do you feel familiar with me at all? 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.080 I feel familiar enough, if that makes sense. 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.720 Okay, familiar enough to not feel very anxious. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.000 Uh No, I mean I do still feel a little 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:27.240 bit anxious, but I'm not like too concerned. It's not 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.760 like overcoming my thoughts, if that makes sense. 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:35.360 Yes, how are you dealing with the variable of people 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.560 listening to this right now? It's that bother you or 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.920 or influence the way that you're feeling in any way. 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:42.200 Shape or form. 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:47.519 Honestly, it really doesn't bother me because it's the It's 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.400 like the concept of having a conversation with somebody at 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:53.560 the mall, like other people can hear you. You just 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.960 got to get it through your head that it's nobody's 0:02:57.000 --> 0:03:01.400 going to act on it. It's not necessara too much 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:02.560 to concern yourself with. 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:08.240 You're you're very confident that you know, I commend you. 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:09.160 Thank you. 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:11.040 My name is Queen. 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.560 Queen. I commend you because you know, you sort of 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:17.480 framed this conversation. Is you stepping out of your comfort zone. 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:20.680 And I know that the way that we uh you know, 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:22.920 project ourselves outwardly is not always the same as how 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:25.240 we feel on the inside. But uh, I mean owardly 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.200 you're projecting yourself. It's pretty comfortable. 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:29.640 Yeah. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.839 Well, like I said, my fantasy is stepping out of 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:35.960 my comfort zone into a place where I'm a lot 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:39.360 more comfortable with it. So this has been happening for 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:41.200 a few months now, so I would say that I'm 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:42.080 doing pretty well. 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:46.040 What is your long term pantasm? 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.880 My long term fantasy is not not like the get up, 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:52.720 get out of town type of thing, but uh, I 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:56.320 definitely want to go to a place where I feel 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:00.000 by myself and confident enough to live on my own, 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:01.040 if that makes sense. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.560 So you actively, this is interesting to me. 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:06.440 You know. 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:07.960 I like what you're doing. I like the way that 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:12.440 you are approaching your life. Because you have stated to 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:17.880 me that you are anxious talking to people that you 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:24.880 are unfamiliar with. I assume that anxiety extends to being 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:29.760 anxious in situations and places that you are unfamiliar with. 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:35.799 And I don't know if that suns correct. No, you're correct, 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:40.919 But here you are strong desire to go somewhere in 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:44.159 which you are familiar with no one. 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:49.000 Yeah, And I think that that's part of the journey 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.880 that I need to go through, is getting that comfortability 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:56.320 with myself to say, hey, yeah, I don't know anybody here, 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.800 I can still move on and I can still go 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:01.640 two places where I don't know anybody. 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:03.599 I like that. 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:07.640 I like that, you know, Yeah, I like that. It's 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:12.839 not about the it's not about having a a lack 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:18.119 of fear, queen. Yeah, it's not about a lack of fear, 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:24.000 but about the ability to overcome that fear to take 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:24.680 action on it. 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:33.760 Yeah that queen. Oh, where do I want to go? Honestly, 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:37.719 I haven't put too much thought into that, just because 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.719 right now I'm still in the journey of, you know, 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:47.000 getting myself comfortable with that. So yeah, I don't know 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.000 if I would want to go to like a big city, 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.320 but I'm currently on the East Coast. I don't think 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.560 I necessarily want to go like to the midwest or 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:55.680 West coast. 0:05:56.800 --> 0:05:57.960 So I think I'd probably. 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:00.039 Stay somewhere on the east coast. 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:01.720 Go to Russia. 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:05.000 Russia, to Russia. 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:06.720 Okay, why why. 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:07.279 Do you think that? 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.800 I mean, their alphabet is completely different from ours. You 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:14.240 don't know anyone in Russia. You're not even familiar with 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.160 the language that people speak there. I mean you'll just 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:23.720 be completely and utterly engulfed in unfamiliarity and and and terror. 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:25.480 And I think that could be read. 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:32.120 Yeah, okay, I'll put some I'll put some consideration into Russia. 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:33.440 Good. 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:34.359 Good. 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:37.680 I commend you on your journey, and I wish you good. 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.279 Luck queen, of course, and I hope you have a 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:40.720 great night. 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:43.800 Thank you so much, Thank you for calling, of course. 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:49.440 Bye Paul from who knows the second time? 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:51.480 Who know? 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:54.800 Hello? 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:56.040 How are you you know? 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:58.400 Oh ship, dude? I made it. 0:06:58.520 --> 0:06:59.680 I'm good you did. What's that? 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:00.200 What's up? 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:00.240 In? 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:02.520 What is up? 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.680 You say? 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:12.400 Yes, I'm sitting in my chair. Good, I'm on the 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:15.640 phone with a dude in a green suit on the internet. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:20.160 Yep. Perfect. You seem very grounded in reality. 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:24.000 I try to be, really, do you? 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:27.720 Is that an that's an intentional thing that you work 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:29.840 hard to be? Is in touch with reality? 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:33.800 I try to make it such that the things that 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:39.320 leave my mouth are never false. It's hard. It's hard work, 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.520 you know. It doesn't always go acquitting the plan. 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:53.800 What's your exact I cleat SI? See in that situation, 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:55.560 you wouldn't You didn't have to tell me your address. 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:57.280 You could just tell me that you don't want to 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:58.880 give me your address, which is the truth. 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.840 Honestly, I could have, but I chose. I went for 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:02.840 the humor. 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:06.360 For the humor, I'm pleading the fifth of a joke, 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.040 because that's a real thing that people do. 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:11.360 Yeah, it was supposed to me. That is another thing 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.560 that people do. 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:20.480 Do you consider yourself funny. 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:20.160 Sometimes? 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:21.760 Sometimes? 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:23.280 Yeah? 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:29.000 What does? Can you sort of describe what an ideal 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.880 situation for you to be funny would look like. 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.360 An ideal situation for me to be funny is one 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:44.000 where I'm trying to impress people and not be the 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:46.679 truthful one. You know, I feel like I'm either trying 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.120 to be speaking all the truth all the time or 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:52.040 trying to be likable. And when I'm trying to be likable, 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:57.240 I'm trying to make jokes. I'm trying to be charismatic, 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:58.240 you know. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:06.080 So the desire to have people like you is sort 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:09.600 of like lights a bit of a fire under you 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:17.520 your ass, and that propels you, that motivates you to 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:19.400 try to be funny. 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:22.640 Yeah, yeah, I would say so, but honestly, it's not 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:23.240 very fun. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.559 It's not very fun. Actually, give me one second check, 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:36.160 can you hear? Uno? Who know? Why is it not 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:36.720 very fun? 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:42.000 Because a lot of the times I'm making jokes and 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:46.800 it's just like the shit I'm saying isn't even fucking funny. 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.920 Bro a dude is just in pain, Like I'm laughing 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:56.680 as I say this, almost and not soon funny. This 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.600 is just me talking about how sometimes I'm hurting. It 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:00.600 makes you about it? 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:10.600 Do you do you think that so so is be 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:15.280 Let me ask you. Is being funny unnatural to you? 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.079 Is it something that, like you, you feel like you're 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.520 forcing yourself to do because you think other people might 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.040 like you better if you were funny, or do you 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:23.959 feel like I. 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:28.480 Think I think that's I think that's definitely how it 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:32.520 was when I was younger, and the more stressed I am, 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.920 the more that can sort of be what happens. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:38.520 But I don't know. 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.640 I guess if I'm more relaxed and I'm comfortable with 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.440 who I'm talking to. Usually I can be funny without 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:46.800 really intending to. Sometimes people will be like, oh my god, 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:48.680 you're so funny. I'll be like, I actually wasn't making 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:49.600 a joke, so thanks to you. 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.679 Thank you anyways, Absolutely right, you're funny. Or when you're 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:57.840 not trying to be Yeah, you know, you're more yourself 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:01.840 when you're not like trying to be things. Oh yeah, 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:06.560 any more yourself more comfortable, and then that makes you funny. 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:08.720 I wish I knew who this self guy was. 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.240 You wish you knew who this self guy was? 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:18.880 Yeah, man, I'm one of those ten quirky people on 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:20.520 the planet who don't know who they are. 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:25.280 You're one of ten quirky people on the planet who 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:28.680 don't know who they are. 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:35.760 You don't have an exaggeration, but yeah, I'm nineteen. I 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:37.680 turned nineteen today today. It's my birthday. 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.440 Happy, happy guy, damn birthday? Would you do for it? 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.640 You go? Did you drink some ek? 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:51.440 I got I got a couple of McDonald's sandwiches, I 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:55.920 got a good gosh darn three hours logged on TikTok, 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:04.080 and I got here, dude, I got here on your stream. 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:03.800 Okay, so you're nineteen, you don't know who you are? 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:05.480 Yeah? 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:07.199 Like what do I even mean by that? Like? I 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:07.760 don't even know? 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:08.080 Dude? 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.319 What what? Okay? And you say I don't know who 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.800 you are? Like what would you like to know about 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:17.120 yourself that you do not know? 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:21.640 I want to know first and foremost what is being 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.840 referred to by the word I. You know, when I 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:31.480 say I, what am I? What's asking? That's a name 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.240 so that people know which body they're referring to. 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:39.000 Sure, but it's like, are we talking spiritual? Like are 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.280 we talking about like the ego and the self and 0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:42.599 the soul and all that? Z? 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:48.800 WHOA I mean? Okay, Well, you're a person and I'm 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:54.040 a person, and we've each got bodies. You're a you 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:57.840 just got bodies, and we don't consider ourselves to be 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.199 the bodies. So it's like, if we don't consider ourselves 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.600 to be our bodies, and what do we consider ourselves 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:04.959 to be? And I don't know what I consider myself 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.480 to be? That's I think that's what I mean. Mm 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:09.520 hmm yeah. 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:17.880 Interesting. You don't consider yourself your body, You consider yourself 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.160 your mind. You you're you're you're putting a lot of 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.800 pressure on yourself right now, I think that's what I 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.000 would think. You know, I don't know, maybe maybe you 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:30.760 like these sort of explorent explorations of of of of 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:34.360 sort of spiritually like who am I? I'm I'm talking 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.960 more so a little more more grounded, like. 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:40.920 You know what. 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:47.160 Type when you're in like a social situation and you 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.760 are being yourself, you know what does that look like 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:53.080 versus like, you know, do you find yourself in situations 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:54.880 where like you make a joke or you say something 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.440 and then right afterwards you're like, you know, I just 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.120 said that because I wanted people to like me or 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:03.040 because I wanted to come That's not how I actually am. 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:13.120 Yeah, Okay, as far as no, no, when I make jokes, 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.200 I usually don't have to stray too far from my 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:19.520 own values or beliefs to you know, try and make 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:24.360 somebody laugh, even when it feels like I'm tryharding. But 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:30.520 as far as my personality, yeah, I feel like I'm 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:34.920 I get around people and I'm trying to not be 0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:38.960 a bad person. I feel like like every moment, like 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.600 I struggle to not be a bad person on the 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.400 one head, and I feel like one way that I 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:48.520 do that is to try and be likable and nice 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:49.200 and funny. 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:55.160 You know, right, But does that the idea of trying 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:59.320 to be likable and nice and funny sounds exhausting. 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.960 It is. It is very exhausting. 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.720 So don't do that. Don't try to be likable and 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:10.040 nice and funny, just just be. 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.120 My fear is that if I don't try to be 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:20.280 a person that people like, well, i'll I might stand 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:23.120 still in the room full of people and not say anything. 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:25.720 I might leave the room of people. 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:33.640 Is there anything wrong with you, Ruth, just existing in 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.800 the room of people and not saying anything. 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:42.720 I did it once while on drugs, and people people 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:43.760 started making fun of me. 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:48.960 Is it important that people don't make fun of you? 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:53.520 I think it is to me? 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:59.320 Why is it important that people don't make funny? 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:05.120 I think my worth might be connected to how people 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.920 see me. I don't. Yeah, I don't feel good about 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:10.400 myself when people are making claim of me. 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.520 And you know, look, that's a problem. You know, you're 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.280 early nineteen. You know that says a problem that a 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:20.720 lot of people have. And I think if you recognize 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:25.160 that as a problem and you make it sort of 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:35.320 a quest, a mission to you know, avoid that and 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:40.760 to shift where your sense of worth comes from from 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:45.640 other people to a knowledge of yourself as a likable 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:50.840 and funny person that needs not be validated by other people. 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.880 You'll be happier. And that does not happen overnight by 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:58.600 any means. But if you look at that as a goal, 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.680 I think you'll be able to walk the path. 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:09.320 You know, it's so funny you're saying this, and like 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.199 halfway through your you saying it, I'm thinking, like, I 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.359 wonder what the people in chat are saying about me 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:15.840 right now? I should go in there and look and 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.199 see what they're saying about me. And yeah, I know 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:20.800 I'm not going to do that. That wouldn't be a 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:25.639 good idea. Thanks. 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:27.600 And by the way, I'm still doing this right now. 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.000 I you know, I throughout this, uh, like the stream, 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:34.000 I've made the decision not to like look at how 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.800 many people are watching, or like look up a chat says, 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.200 you know, because you know, again, it's just something that 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:45.119 everyone has. Everyone like, you know, at least it's interested in, 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:48.719 you know, in some way, shape or form, like how 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:54.080 other people are viewing them. But like the and you know, 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:55.840 when I'm not like looking at the chat, and I'm 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.280 just focusing on this conversation that I'm having with you, 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.000 and I'm not thinking about how it's coming off to 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:04.280 anyone a lot here, and I'm lot more engaged in 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:08.840 the conversation because I'm not like simultaneously trying to talk 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:12.359 to you while engaging with the bullshit thoughts of how 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:15.240 I'm coming off, how you're coming off, how anything else 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.960 is coming off. I'm just talking to you. I'm just being. 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.640 Yeah, I think I think you're doing good stuff here 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.800 now now that I've I've spoken to you. I found 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:30.080 your stream, like your your tiktoks a couple of weeks ago, 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:32.879 and I saw one of them and I was I 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.120 wanted to check it out. When I got on here 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:37.080 and I saw you talking to people, and I started 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:40.119 getting bad vies. I was thinking, this just seems like 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:44.320 a superiority context contest, some type of a place where 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:47.320 we just judge everybody's personalities. Like dude on there was 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:49.919 trying to tell you he's broken you down, you know, 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.280 he's figured out or whatever, and I didn't think gross 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:55.840 get involved with But it feels more now like this 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:58.480 is like you say, you're not an actual therapist. But 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:01.480 I think that you just therapy me pretty well, and 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:03.919 all it took was you asking good questions and me 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.439 being able to answer them truthfully. 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.120 So I think, how do you feel about the things 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.280 that we've talked about? 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.840 I feel good. I felt nice to express myself. You know, 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:18.520 I don't know. I don't always have someone interested enough 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:22.320 in me to give me a reason to talk about 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.760 like why I do things or how I feel. 0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:30.199 Sure, you know, I I understand the impulse of like 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.040 being afraid of people make fun of you, or being 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:35.760 you know, super conscious of what other people think of you, 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.520 because a it's something that everyone has, and you know, 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:40.679 be it's something that you especially have when you're younger. 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.680 But dude, I really think if you know, you start 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:50.320 making an omission to not care what other people think 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:55.680 of you, and uh sort of what begin begin the 0:19:55.920 --> 0:20:03.080 eternal journey of you know, it's placing, placing, finding worth 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:07.560 within yourself and not from other people. I think you'll 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:11.080 see some improvements, you know, especially as you get older. 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:16.160 I hope you do that. You know, don't don't don't 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:17.800 don't try to be funny and try to be likable 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:21.920 or try to be anything. Just just be yourself. It's 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:24.040 so funny to me because we learned that in kindergarten, 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:28.840 like be yourself, and like, that's not what you know, 0:20:29.520 --> 0:20:31.440 it's it's one of those like cliche things that everyone 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.840 always says. But the older I get, the more I 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:41.480 think about it, it's like a really kind of important, 0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:43.200 important idea. 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:46.360 Yeah, it's just much easier to look like that way, 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.800 you know, not worrying about how you are, but just being. 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:57.000 Listen. Thank you for sharing with us, and I hope 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:58.000 you have a good rest of the night. 0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:03.960 And I hope that you uh don't check the twitch 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:05.760 chat in the next five minutes. 0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:08.240 Yeah, I mean too beautiful. 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:10.480 Good night. 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:16.400 Oh how from Lamar. 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:18.359 Yack? 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.440 Hey, Hey, how's it going on? 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:26.399 What's your fantasy? Lamar? 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:31.440 Oh? 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:35.720 Uh, probably being an astronaut? 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:39.000 Why being an astronaut? 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:41.720 I think the. 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:49.760 Whole concept of like exploring, going somewhere and other people 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:54.560 have never gone before. I think that's a cool, cool 0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:56.560 fantasy like space. 0:21:57.520 --> 0:22:01.000 Yeah, yeah, all the people have gone to space before. 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:09.240 I mean people have gone this is true. I mean 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:11.200 very few people though. 0:22:12.760 --> 0:22:15.480 So it doesn't matter that a lot of it doesn't 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:17.720 matter that literally nobody has gone there before. It just 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:29.560 matters that it is not a lot of people have gone. 0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:29.600 Sure, sure, yeah, I think so that'd be fine. You 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:32.760 know something, explore something that you know someone has said, 0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:38.119 uh no, this is what I think it is, and 0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:40.520 then you know someone else is still have an opinion 0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:41.000 about it. 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:52.080 Now, behind all this stuff, I'm curious about the fact 0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:57.159 that your desire to go to a place is not 0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:02.480 founded upon anything really having to do with the place itself, 0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:09.880 but primarily upon the place in relation to other people 0:23:10.480 --> 0:23:13.119 in the world and the fact that they have not 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:13.679 gone to it. 0:23:16.520 --> 0:23:20.840 Yeah, I mean, I think it has a little bit 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:28.080 of both. I mean, I'm truly interested in space, truly 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:33.800 interested in the universe, you know, and and it's it's 0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:39.400 infinite expanse what it's out there. But I've also think 0:23:39.480 --> 0:23:43.920 that it's important to be. 0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:46.159 Self find the most interesting about space. 0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:53.560